Review by Shirow
"N'kktaaa'r D'dtoog Ftk'zzar K'tregge! OK!?"
Klingon Honor Guard is a Quake-like and like most Quake-likes (wow, I've put 'like' three time in 10 words), fails miserably to be as good. And while others had at least managed to be fun, it isn't even able to do that. The reasons behind this are a poor graphical representation and weird controls. But let's get on with the game as you try to save the Klingons without giving a damn about your own life !
Klingons have only a couple of interests in life : wars and wars ! Note : these two wars are not the same thing. Don't forget, there are wars and (star) wars. So, being one of the best and ugliest Klingons, you have nothing better to do than kicking other people around and laughing like a little kid who's just received a toy when you see you enemies' blood all around you. At first, you have only a little knife which is pretty much useless and you can only use it to cut your hair when you're bored. But you receive more powerful and hence bigger weapons as you progress but I'm still wondering if you will have the guts to play the game for more than an hour…
Klingon Honor Guard is the typical Quake-like clone where the developers have just put a game out for the sake of…putting a game out. In Klingon, that means that the game cannot compare to its grand predecessor and it barely manages to be fun. As usual in these types of games, you don't need brains here unless you're still hesitating which of your weapons will draw more blood from your enemies or you want to take a whole bunch of enemies alone and you're not sure which part of you they'll want to eat first ! The graphics are extremely poor and some of these make me think too much of Half-life, like when you're in the ships with 3 doors before you. Might as well go back ! The ennemis look a lot like the guys from Star Trek and one of them is actually one of those guy's clone with this oval face and grim look. There aren't even details to set you drooling over and for mysterious reasons, the game needs 64 Mo !! For what ??
And please don't ask me to talk about the sound ! OK, if you're insisting but don't come complaining afterward !! 'Krooz ! Hgaak Kuuld druhgll !' This is just a small example of the sound effects in the game and I don't feel any more can be said about the music and anything audio in the game ! Ghgaak Frooook'kl R'greekz, Piou-Piou, Miaou-Miaou and the first one who tells me the opposite, I will Ktf'ghhg him before Rt'fakh him with my D'karkt !
One of the biggest flaws in the game is the difficulty level. Low difficulty level, low replay value, low gameplay, angry Orochi K. Besides, the controls are very inappropriate for a FPS and will get on your nerves throughout the game. The enemies' AI is as big as that of Rantanplan. Why, just by moving forward all the time without a second thought about those around you and you'll beat the game, hands down ! It's no MGS but c'mon, it could have been better ! Where's the fun if the enemies come jumping on your weapon as if they're fed up with the lives ? If you can answer the question, please mail me…
Overall, Klingon Honor Guard is a very poor Quake-like and it will have a lot of difficulty to keep even the most die-hard fans even in front of their computer. The Star Trek looks are cool but unfortunately, the good points stop just here and you might as well bump your head against a wall or flush your head in the toilets ! N'g'k't'raag !
Reviewer's Score: 2/10 | Originally Posted: 08/12/01, Updated 11/09/02
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