****************************
                       THE CURSE OF MONKEY ISLAND
                        Mega Monkey Walkthrough
                      ****************************

By TSC
E-mail: oddball990@hotmail.com

Version 1.0

This game was produced by LucasArts for the Windows(tm) PC

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***********
Legal Stuff
***********

No Plagiarizing:
This walkthrough is intended for private and personal use ONLY. This 
walkthrough, in whole or in part, can only be reproduced or distributed 
with the permission of (me) the author. (TSC). This walkthrough has 
been designed to aid you in the game [The Curse of Monkey Island] and 
not to be used for profitable purposes. Anyone who wants my walkthrough 
on his/her website will have to write and ask (me) unless I offer to 
let them use it. Violation of this agreement is prohibited and 
punishable by law.

Copyrights/Trademarks:
"The Curse of Monkey Island" (c) 1997 LucasArts Entertainment Company 
LLC.
"The Curse of Monkey Island" and "iMuse" are trademarks of, and iMuse 
is a registered patent of, LucasArts Entertainment Company LLC. 
Copyright ((c)) 1997 LucasArts.
"Windows(tm)" is a registered trademark of the Microsoft Corporation.
"The Curse of Monkey Island Mega Monkey Walkthrough" Copyright ((c)) 2002 
TSC
All copyrights and trademarks of things in this walkthrough that have 
not been specifically mentioned in this section are acknowledged.
All Rights Reserved (r) 

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********
Contents
********

+ Introduction
+ Game Basics
 + Controls
 + The Story
 + Characters
+ Walkthrough
+ FAQ
+ Version History
+ Credits

*****************
E-mail Guidelines
*****************

1. Check the ENTIRE walkthrough before sending a question. Chances are 
the answer is in there somewhere.

2. Be sure to put 'Monkey Island Question' or something similar as the 
subject. I don't want to mistake your message for spam.

3. The only mail I will respond to is pointing out an error in the FAQ, 
sending in a question, or telling me an alternate strategy or secret.

4. If I am sent threats, spam, insincere stuff, spam, bogus stuff, 
spam, insults, or spam, it will be deleted and all further messages 
from that author will be blocked.

5. I need to be able to understand your message. If I get a note like 
"hey dud yur faq totaly rocks and fyi yu missd somethin..." I will ignore 
it.

************
Introduction
************

Hi! I'm TSC and this is my fourth FAQ. I am working on a couple of 
others, and have released three total. All can be found at 
GameFAQs.com:

+ CTR: Crash Team Racing (PSX)
+ Dr. Brain: IQ Adventure (PC)
+ Wario Land 4 (Game Boy Advance)

Just a little reminder: This walkthrough covers ONLY Mega Monkey Mode, 
not the easy mode.

********
Controls
********

--Mouse Controls--

Click where the cursor is a white X: Walk to the spot you clicked.

Click where the cursor is a red arrow: Walk to a new room or area or, 
on the overworld, enter a certain section of the island.

Click and hold where the cursor is a red X: Bring up the 'Interaction 
Coin'

Click the Skull on the Interaction Coin: Examine/Look Through/Look 
At/Read

Click the Hand on the Interaction Coin: Pick Up/Use/Push/Pull/Open

Click the Parrot on the Interaction Coin: Talk To/Eat/Blow/Bite/Taste

Move mouse while controlling the cannon: Move the cannon

Click while controlling the cannon or during Ship Combat: Fire

Right Click Anywhere: Bring Up Inventory

Click item in inventory, then drag over something else and click: Use 
With/Combine With/Give To

--Keyboard Controls--

Space Bar: Pause Game

F1: Bring up Pause Menu

Tab or I: Open/Close Inventory

C: Put Inventory Object Under the Cursor on the Cursor

T: Equivalent of the Parrot on Interaction Coin

U: Equivalent of the Hand on Interaction Coin

E: Equivalent of the Skull on Interaction Coin

D: Check what level of difficulty you are playing, Easy or Mega Monkey

Escape: Skip a Cutscene or Lengthy Dialogue

Tab: Fire Cannon

Left/Right Arrow Keys: Steer Ship in Ship Combat

*********
The Story
*********

When we last left our hero, Guybrush Threepwood, he had just escaped 
the evil Carnival of the Damned. After days at sea, floating in a 
bumper car, Guybrush drifts to Plunder Island, where his nemesis the 
Zombie Pirate LeChuck and his girlfriend Elaine Marley were engaged in 
naval battle. LeChuck's ship captured Guybrush, and he found himself in 
the hold of the Ship of the Living Dead...

**********
Characters
**********

There are tons and tons of characters on this game, so I will only list 
the key ones.

GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD - Our hero. He has been on two adventures before: 
one to save Elaine Marley from the dread pirate LeChuck, and one to 
find the fabled Big Whoop. He is quite inept, but he has survived two 
adventures before. Oh, and he HATES porcelain.

ELAINE MARLEY - The governor of the tri-island area of Melee, Booty and 
Plunder. She is Guybrush's girlfriend, and the almost-victim of several 
evil plots of LeChuck. She is a lot smarter than Guybrush, but is oddly 
drawn to his ineptitude. She is the love interest of LeChuck.

THE DREAD EVIL ZOMBIE GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK - Boy, long name. He is the 
slimiest slug to ever plunder the seas, and arch-nemesis of Guybrush. 
He has been killed twice, and is currently a zombie. He wants to marry 
Elaine and has concocted several ill-fated plots to marry her. Owns the 
Carnival of the Damned on Monkey Island.

VOODOO LADY - Guybrush's friend has given him advice the past two 
games. She has also helped him cook up a voodoo doll and some Ash-2-
Life. She is always either hidden in some secluded outpost or must be 
summoned somehow.

MURRAY - The demonically evil talking skull. In my opinion, the most 
hilarious character in the game. He loves to scare people.

HAGGIS MCMUTTON - This Scottish pirate works at the Barbary Coast. 
Haggis will be one of Guybrush's recruits. Likes to settle disputes 
with a caber toss, and can't work without a paperweight for his book.

CUTTHROAT BILL - He is also a Barbary Coast pirate and part of 
Guybrush's crew. Guybrush will have to show him some gold to convince 
him to join.

EDWARD VAN HELGEN - The third crew member. You must defeat him in a 
duel before he joins you. While you sail, he swings on ropes a lot.

CAPTAIN RENEE ROTTINGHAM - He wants your map to Blood Island so he can 
get the Goodsoup Diamond to use as a paperweight. You'll have to beat 
him at Insult Sword Fighting before he'll give it back.

CAPTAIN BLONDBEARD - He owns the unnamed restaurant in Puerto Pollo. He 
once stabbed a patron who complained about his chicken. He has a gold 
tooth and lives in fear of El Pollo Diablo.

MISTER FOSSEY - First mate on the Sea Cucumber. The captain of this 
ship is an ape called LeChimp, the crew is all monkeys and Mister 
Fossey is, frankly, insane.

PALIDO DOMINGO - Apparently the only travel agent on Plunder Island. He 
has been on Brimstone Beach for seven months and still is very pale. 
Has a map to Blood Island tattooed on his back.

KENNY FALMOUTH - This kid owns a lemonade stand in Puerto Pollo. He has 
a 'bottomless mug policy', which he takes quite literally. Later you 
meet him again, selling cannons with no strings attached.

GRISWOLD GOODSOUP - He owns the Goodsoup Resort on blood island which 
has no customers except for a freaky fortune teller. He has an awful 
hangover.

STAN - Stan is an obsessed businessman. He has previously tried selling 
used ships and used coffins, but after being locked in a coffin for 
months, now sells life insurance.

LEMONHEAD - Making a reappearance from The Secret of Monkey Island, he 
makes it clear he would like to eat Guybrush (he's a cannibal) but he 
can't because the cannibals have undergone a paradigm shift.

MINNIE GOODSOUP - Minnie is Griswold's aunt. She is a ghost in the 
Goodsoup Crypt. Died of a broken heart after LeChuck stole her diamond. 
She has the Engagement Band you need for the Uncursed Diamond Ring.

THE LOST WELSHMAN - Ferryman between Blood and Skull Island, he was 
lost at sea but reappears after Guybrush lights the lighthouse. He's 
dead, so he tries to act scary all the time.

KING ANDRE - Lives in the Skull Island Smuggler's Cave. He will sell 
you pretty much anything - except the Goodsoup Diamond, which he owns.

DINGHY DOG - He reminds me of Barney *insert shudders* the Dinosaur. He 
has a goofy exterior, but works for LeChuck. He runs the Guess Your Age 
and Weight booth in the Carnival of the Damned.

-------------------------------------------------------
Now for the walkthrough. Just a couple of reminders: This guide covers 
MEGA MONKEY mode, not regular. Also, if I say 'Interaction Coin' it 
means the coin that appears when you click on an interactive object.

Let's get started!

***********
!!!!!!!!!!!
WALKTHROUGH
!!!!!!!!!!!
***********

***************************************
Act One
The Demise of the Zombie Pirate LeChuck
***************************************

When you gain control, talk to the Small Pirate. When he responds, say 
'You don't scare me, you mangy pirate!'. Then say 'Are you wearing a 
fake beard?'. You will then discover that he is your friend Wally from 
Monkey Island: LeChuck's Revenge. Say 'I'm not in the mood for sales 
hype.' He will give you the PIRATE LITERATURE anyway. Now, say 'You're 
a failure as a pirate.' Now you can pick any line from here on. 
Eventually Wally will break down in tears. Pick up the PLASTIC HOOK he 
drops, then get the RAMROD from the wall. Now in the inventory combine 
the two to get the GAFF. Now use Wally's cannon. Using the mouse to 
move the cannon and clicking to fire you must destroy all the boats.

Once they are gone, look out the window. You will see Murray the 
talking skull. You can talk to him if you like, but if you find him 
annoying you can use the GAFF to knock him in the water. Anyway, use 
the GAFF with the debris to get the SKELETON ARM and the CUTLASS. Now 
go back in. Use the CUTLASS with the cannon restraint rope, then use 
the cannon again.

Once the cutscene ends, you'll be in the treasure hold. Pick up the 
WOODEN NICKELS. Then pick up the DIAMOND RING underneath.  Use the 
DIAMOND RING with the porthole and watch the scene.

********************
Act Two
The Curse Gets Worse
********************

In case you had your eyes closed for that cutscene, Elaine is now a 
gold statue. You'll have to find a way to reverse the curse. Just a 
note: on Plunder Island there are several areas. This is how I will 
refer to them: Fort is the beach you start on. Puerto Pollo is the town 
north of the fort. The Swamp is where the Voodoo Lady lives. Danjer 
Cove is the dark cove in the north where the Sea Cucumber is anchored. 
Cabana is the Cabana Boy's place, and Brimstone Beach is where you find 
Palido.

When you regain control, leave the Fort and head to the Swamp. You'll 
meet up with Murray again. Talk to him for a while, then enter the 
wrecked ship. Pick up the PIN and the PASTE, then use the WOODEN 
NICKELS with the gum machine to get a PACK OF GUM. Now pull the 
Alligator Tongue. The Voodoo Lady will appear. Talk to her, and you 
will eventually discover Elaine has been stolen. Keep talking until she 
tells you that you have to get the Uncursed Diamond Ring from Blood 
Island. Ask 'How do I get to Blood Island?' then after she answers back 
out of the conversation and leave.

First on your agenda is to get three crew members, so head to Puerto 
Pollo. Go to the Barbery Coast (the building in the lower right). The 
three barbers here will be your crew members, but you must convince 
them all to join. First talk to the one giving the haircut. He'll say 
he won't talk to you until he's finished on Captain Rottingham. 
Rottingham's haircut appears to be infinitely long, so you'll have to 
get him out somehow. Head to the side door of the Theater (the large 
building). Examine the Pirate Coat and you'll notice some 'dandruff'. 
Pick it up and it turns out to be LICE. Now return to the Barbery 
Coast. When the barber sets the comb down, put the lice on it. After a 
funny scene, talk to the barber. You'll find out his name is Haggis 
McMutton. Ask for a haircut. When he looks away, use the handle on the 
chair. Keep doing this whenever he looks away and eventually you'll 
kick his PAPERWEIGHT into your pocket. He leaves to find another. Now 
keep using the handle until you're high enough to grab the SCISSORS. 
Haggis returns and you automatically leave. Now go to the left, past 
Captain Blondbeard's restaurant. Use the SCISSORS with the strange 
flowers. You will automatically get the FLOWER OF IPECAC. Now use the 
SCISSORS with the undergrowth.

Guybrush will arrive at a snake crossing. Examine the sign and a snake 
will eat you. While inside the snake, pick up the FABERGE EGG, then the 
VACUUM CLEANER ATTACHMENTS (??) then the LOTS O' STUFF. Among the LOTS 
O' STUFF is some PANCAKE SYRUP, so use that with the FLOWER OF IPECAC 
with it to get SYRUP OF IPECAC. Use this with the snake's head, and 
you'll be spit out...

...into quicksand. A funny thing to do here is look at the plaque near 
the thorny plant. If you do this everyone in the game will say 
'Papapissu' instead of 'Ouch'. Pick up the THORNY PLANT (Papapissu!) 
and then a HOLLOW REED. Combine the two in your inventory to make a 
PEASHOOTER. Now combine the HELIUM BALLOONS that were in your inventory 
at the beginning of the game with Haggis's PAPERWEIGHT. Blow the 
BALLOON N' PAPERWEIGHT until it's floating right over the Life-Saving 
Vine. Then shoot your PEASHOOTER at it.

You'll end up in Danjer Cove. You don't need anything here yet, so 
leave and return to Puerto Pollo. You have a RESERVATION SLIP now (it 
was part of the LOTS O' STUFF)so enter Captain Blondbeard's restaurant. 
Push the Quiet Patron in the corner, then pick up the SERRATED BREAD 
KNIFE sticking out of his back. Now leave and go to the Dueling Fields 
(they're through the arch in Puerto Pollo) and get up on the Grassy 
Knoll. Use the SERRATED BREAD KNIFE with the sawhorse. Now, go to the 
Fort. Pick up the GLOWING EMBER on the beach, then return to the 
Dueling Fields. Using the GLOWING EMBER on the trail of rum, and watch 
the scene.

Go to the Barbery Coast again. Talk to Haggis and ask him to join your 
crew. He says you'll have to beat him at a test of strength first. When 
you ask what, he'll tell you it's a caber toss. Agree to it, and you 
will throw the rubber tree you just blew up and win. You just got ONE 
CREW MEMBER!

Now push the Salty Pirate. Keep doing it until he spits out the 
JAWBREAKER he was choking on. Pick it up, then speak to him. You'll 
discover his name is Cutthroat Bill. Talk to him and ask him to join 
your crew. He'll say that you have to show him some gold first.

Go to Captain Blondbeard's. Talk to him, and you'll find out he has a 
craving for something crunchy. Give him the JAWBREAKER, then after he's 
done with it give him the GUM. Now take out the PIN. When he blows a 
bubble, pop it. Now pick up his GOLD TOOTH.

He won't let you leave with it, so chew some gum. Then use the GOLD 
TOOTH with the CHEWED GUM. Inhale the other HELIUM BALLOON, then chew 
the TOOTH IN GUM. You'll blow a bubble that will float out the window. 
Now, pick up the PIE PAN. Go outside and use the PIE PAN with the muddy 
puddle. You'll find the GOLD TOOTH. Go show it to Cutthroat Bill. You 
now have TWO CREW MEMBERS!

Go to the Theater again. Open the pocket of the Pirate Coat, then get 
the GLOVE. Return to the Barbery Coast and slap the Dapper Pirate with 
the GLOVE. You'll find out his name is Edward Van Helgen. He thinks you 
just challenged him, and you will both go to the Dueling Fields. When 
Edward says 'Choose your weapon' close the center gun case and open the 
banjo case.

Now you must banjo duel with Edward. Remember the long, separated notes 
he plays, and when it is your turn, Guybrush will remember the music 
but you must choose the long notes. They get increasingly hard until 
Edward goes nuts and starts playing something hard. So examine the gun 
pile. Pick up one of the GUNS and then shoot it at Edward's banjo. 
He'll say that was a lowdown trick, and you are a pirate after all! You 
now have your ENTIRE CREW!

Now, you must get a map to Blood Island. Go to the Theater, and walk to 
the stage. Talk to Slappy Cromwell (the actor) and he will tell you 
that his travel agent has a map and he is on Brimstone Beach. Go to the 
Cabana (the Beach won't be open yet). Try to go in, and the Cabana Boy 
will stop you and say you need a membership. So, go to Captain 
Blondbeard's. Pick up a TASTY BUTTERY BISCUIT then eat it. You will 
find MAGGOTS! Use the MAGGOTS with the Quiet Patron's chicken, and they 
will eat it. Pick up the CLUB CARD in the bones. Now go to the Cabana 
again. Show the card to the Cabana Boy, and he'll grudgingly let you 
in. But the sand is too hot for Guybrush. Pick up three TOWELS from the 
hamper, and dunk all three in the ice bucket. Then hit the Cabana Boy 
with one. He'll run off, so pick up the COOKING OIL.

Now, go on the beach. Use a towel with the hot sand, then step on it 
and use another, step on that and use another. You'll reach Palido 
Domingo. The towels will burn up, so open the gate near Palido and you 
will be able to come directly to Brimstone Beach. Talk to Palido, and 
keep insulting him by telling him how pale he is. Eventually he should 
say, 'I hate you. Get me a drink.' Pick up the MUG on his chest, then 
leave and go to Puerto Pollo. Head for the restaurant, but don't go in. 
Instead walk left, past the Ipecac bushes, and talk to Kenny Falmouth 
(the short pirate). Order some lemonade, and Kenny will tell you about 
the Bottomless Mug Policy. He then pours you some. It goes through the 
mug and back into the jug. That cheater!

Get out Palido's MUG. Use it with the BOTTOMLESS MUG and Guybrush will 
swap them. Now order more lemonade. Kenny will say you put him out of 
business...when he leaves, pick up the PITCHER and use it with the vat of 
red dye. Now go back to the beach. Put the BOTTOMLESS MUG on Palido's 
chest, then use the PITCHER with it. Palido thinks he's burning and 
turns over. Use the COOKING OIL with the map on his back, then peel it 
off. You got the MAP!

Next on your list is a ship. Go to the Theater and pick up the MAGIC 
WAND. Use it with the magic hat, then pick up the VENTRILOQUISM BOOK. 
Go to Captain Blondbeard's and pick up the BISCUIT CUTTER. Now go to 
the Dueling Fields, and using the BISCUIT CUTTER with another rubber 
tree. Now use the PASTE with the RUBBER PLUG from the tree. Go to 
Danjer Cove. (If you're doing things in a different order, and don't 
have the SERRATED BREAD KNIFE yet, see above for how to get it.) Now 
use the STICKY RUBBER PLUG with the gaping hole in the rowboat. Now use 
the boat and row to the pirate ship. Climb up onto the deck. You'll be 
caught by Mister Fossey, who asks you to choose a punishment. Say you 
will walk the plank. You'll land in the boat, so use the SERRATED BREAD 
KNIFE with the plank. Now climb up again. You will be tarred and 
feathered.

It's fun here to go into the various locations on Plunder Island and 
see the reactions of the people, all of whom think you are El Pollo 
Diablo. Now go to Captain Blondbeard's. Pick any line, and he'll hit 
you with a frying pan. 

You'll wake up in the cabin of the Sea Cucumber (the ship you just 
left)and with CHICKEN GREASE in your inventory. If you examine the 
porcelain vases, you can see Guybrush's reaction (hee hee). Use the 
VENTRILOQUISM BOOK with LeChimp (LeChimp??) and after a short scene, 
Mister Fossey leaves. You have obtained a SHIP!

The last thing you must do is get Elaine. First you must follow the 
instructions for getting a SHIP. After Mister Fossey leaves, you'll 
have the TREASURE MAP in your inventory. Open the porthole and jump 
out. You will land on the plank you cut off earlier, and paddle to 
shore.

Head to the Theater again. This time, from the side room, walk up the 
stairs. You will come to a control panel. Now examine the TREASURE MAP. 
The directions here correspond to the buttons you need to push. For 
example, 'East' means the button on the right, 'North West' means the 
button on the upper left, and 'Two Paces North East' means push the 
button on the upper right twice. But before you follow this, you must 
pull the lever. If you did it right, an X will appear over the fake 
grave.

Now Slappy Cromwell's amazing juggling act begins. Go down and use the 
CHICKEN GREASE with the cannonballs. After a funny scene ends, go on 
the stage. Pick up the shovel, and Guybrush automatically digs up 
ELAINE.

Now that all six objectives are accomplished, the Sea Cucumber leaves 
Danjer Cove.

***************************
Act Three
Three Sheets to the Wind!!!
***************************

While you sail on the high seas, Captain Rottingham comes aboard and 
steals your map. Then Haggis, Bill and Edward sing a song. You can pick 
any lines, but when you want to end the song pick 'We'll surely avoid 
scurvy if we all eat an orange.' They can't find a rhyme and the song 
ends. Haggis then asks if you are a man of action or if you want help. 
If you pick 'help' then all ships, even Captain Rottingham's are beaten 
in one hit.

SHIP COMBAT: Examine the Navigational Chart. There should be three 
ships, 'Guybrush' 'Captain Rottingham' and '?'. You must face ? by 
clicking it on the chart. These are the controls:

Steer Left: Left arrow key or click the mouse while it's on the left of 
the ship.

Steer Right: Right arrow key or click the mouse while it's on the right 
of the ship.

Fire: Tab key or click the mouse.

Once the ship is defeated, Guybrush boards and it's on to:

INSULT SWORDFIGHTING: You might remember this from the Secret of Monkey 
Island. It is the same in that you need to hear insults and responses 
to be able to use them, but it's different in that insults must rhyme. 
If you haven't played the Secret of Monkey Island, then here's how it 
works: One of the duelists says an insult. You must reply with a 
response that is not only appropriate to the insult, but rhymes. An 
example is:

I: Every enemy I've met I annihilated!
R: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.

Every time you hear an insult or response, you 'learn' it. A good 
strategy is to start by using insults you don't know the responses to - 
that way, if it doesn't work, at least you learned a response. If the 
responder does not know the response, or does not say the correct one, 
they get hit. If they do know the correct one, you get hit. Three hits 
and you lose. If you win, you get some booty. If you lose, you lose any 
booty from previous battles.

UPGRADING CANNONS: Once you have booty, head to Plunder Town Harbor. 
Kenny is there, selling cannons now with no strings attached. There are 
several levels of cannon:

Level 1: Weak Cannon
Level 2: Buccaneer's Buddy
Level 3: Ouchmaster
Level 4: Holemaker Deluxe
Level 5: Paingiver 2000
Level 6: Mr. Massacre
Maximum Firepower: Destructomatic T-47

All cannons are the same price, and if you just beat Level 1 pirates 
you still can buy a higher cannon. However it's wise, before taking on 
higher pirates, to learn more insults.

Once you have Maximum Firepower, you can take on Rottingham. Make sure 
you know plenty of insults. When it comes time to sword fight him, only 
he can insult, and only you can respond. This is good because he has 
totally different insults. When you win, you get your map back.

--INSULT LIST--

(Thanks to Evil Sponge for helping me out a bit with this.)

Insult: Every enemy I've met I annihilated!
Response: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.

Insult: You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee.
Response: I look THAT much like your fiancee?

Insult: Would you like to be buried or cremated?
Response: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.

Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
Response: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.

Insult: I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet.
Response: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.

Insult: Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
Response: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.

Insult: En garde! Touche! 
Response: Oh, that is so cliche.

Insult: Throughout the Caribbean my great deeds are celebrated!
Response: Too bad they're fabricated.

Insult: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified.
Response: At least mine can be identified.

Insult: You can't match my witty repartee!
Response: I could, if you would use some breath spray.

Insult: I can't rest until you've been exterminated!
Response: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.

Insult: You're the ugliest monster ever created!
Response: If you don't count all the one you've dated.

Insult: I'll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated.
Response: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.

Insult: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified.
Response: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.

Insult: I'll hound you night and day!
Response: Then be a good boy. Sit. Stay! 

Insult: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
Response: You would have, but you're always running away.

When you face Captain Rottingham, only he can insult and only you can 
respond. This is good, because he uses different insults:

Insult: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
Response: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.

Insult: You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei.
Response: I look THAT much like your fiancee?

Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
Response: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.

Insult: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
Response: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.

Insult: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
Response: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.

Insult: When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
Response: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.

Insult: Your mother wears a toupee!
Response: Oh, that is so cliche.

Insult: My skills with a sword are highly venerated.
Response: Too bad they're fabricated.

Insult: You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
Response: At least mine can be identified.

Insult: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
Response: I could, if you would use some breath spray.

Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
Response: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.

Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated.
Response: If you don't count all the one you've dated.

Insult: I can't tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated.
Response: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.

Insult: Never before have I faced someone so sissified.
Response: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.

Insult: Sometimes I am dogged and relentless to my prey!
Response: Then be a good boy. Sit. Stay! 

Insult: I have never lost a melee!
Response: You would have, but you're always running away.

**************************************************
Act Four 
The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt and Her Lover
**************************************************

After Guybrush retrieves the map from Captain Rottingham, the crew of 
the Sea Cucumber winds up in a terrible storm. They land on Blood 
Island (finally) but the ship is wrecked. Haggis says that as soon as 
the Sea Cucumber is repaired, they're going back to Plunder Island.

There are three objectives in Act Four, similar to the six in Act Two. 
On Blood Island, you must obtain some SLIPPERY GREASY HAND LOTION to 
get the Cursed Diamond Ring off Elaine's finger; and you must get the 
ENGAGEMENT BAND. On Skull Island, you must get the GOODSOUP DIAMOND to 
combine with the ENGAGEMENT BAND and make an UNCURSED DIAMOND RING. 

There are eight areas on Blood Island. This is what they are:

SHIPWRECK: This is where the act starts. Haggis, Edward and Bill are 
repairing the Sea Cucumber.
BEACH: A small rocky beach on the south of the island,
CLEARING: The statue of Elaine flew into this clearing when the ship 
crashed.
LIGHTHOUSE: You must light this if you want to get to Skull Island.
HOTEL: One of two areas where you'll spend much of your time. Griswold 
Goodsoup lives here.
CEMETERY: The other place you'll often be. The two crypts are here, and 
a dog called Old Blind Pew.
WINDMILL: A large windmill. Need I say more?
VILLAGE: The Monkey Island ex-Cannibals live here, and perform frequent 
sacrifices to their lactose-intolerant volcano god.

When you regain control, head to the hotel. Try to talk to the 
bartender, but he has a terrible hangover and can't hear you. So pick 
up the RECIPE BOOK near him and examine it. Look through it to find the 
Hangover Cure. The first ingredient is PEPPER. This is easy. Head to 
the windmill and pick a PEPPER from the plant growing there. The second 
ingredient is HAIR OF THE DOG THAT BIT YA. So go to the cemetery. Walk 
left, and offer the old dog your MAGGOTY BISCUIT. He'll bite you, so 
pick up the SMELLY DOG HAIR. The final ingredient is the EGG. Pick up 
the MALLET and the CHISEL in the old dog's area, then go to the hotel 
and pick up the CUSHION on the barstool. Now go to the beach. Use the 
CUSION with the rocks, then use the MALLET with the rubber tree. Pick 
up the EGG. Now go back to the bar. Give the EGG, PEPPER and SMELLY DOG 
HAIR to the bartender. Now order a drink. (Guybrush will complain that 
there is no umbrella, so you get a full size UMBRELLA). Use the CHISEL 
with the bottle of HEAD B CLEAR (which should be in your inventory), 
then use the HEAD B CLEAR with the drink. Now use the spiked drink! 
Guybrush will 'die'.

When you regain control, you'll be in the crypt- but not the Goodsoup 
crypt. Drat! Use the CHISEL with the coffin in the lower right to get 
out, then pick up the COFFIN NAILS. Use the CHISEL with the coffin in 
the center, and Stan (from the previous games) pops out. He has 
forgiven you for nailing him in. He will give you a business card, and 
you automatically leave. Go back to the hotel. Nobody seems to care 
that you're miraculously back from the dead, so order another drink. 
Talk to Griswold. Ask about the ring, and he'll tell you that his dead 
aunt has the engagement band and the diamond is on Skull Island. Double 
drat! Ask why you weren't buried in the Goodsoup family crypt. He'll 
say it's because you aren't a Goodsoup.

Go upstairs now. Open the door on the left, and go in. Use the MALLET 
with the NAIL. Leave again, and pick up the NAIL and the PORTRAIT. 
Guybrush disposes of the evidence. Use the SCISSORS with the PORTRAIT, 
then use the PORTRAIT WITH THE FACE MISSING with the door you just 
left. Go in and look through the peephole. After a short cutscene, go 
downstairs. Talk to Griswold and say 'Look at me! Don't I look just 
like a Goodsoup?' He'll say yes, but then he'll quiz you on family 
history. Guybrush doesn't have a clue. Go upstairs again, and use the 
BUSINESS CARD with the door on the right. Go in and pull the bed down. 
Ugghhh... Use the COFFIN NAILS with the bed, then the solitary NAIL. The 
bed should be securely nailed down now, so pick up the BOOK. Talk to 
Griswold again and say 'I could talk about Goodsoup family history all 
day.' You will use the book automatically. He says that now he believes 
you are a Goodsoup. Use the HEAD B CLEAR with the drink (which should 
still be there) and drink up!

This time you'll be in the Goodsoup crypt. Head left and talk to Minnie 
Goodsoup about everything, then walk left some more. Murray will fall 
through the ceiling. When he's done talking, pick him up. Now look 
through the crack in the wall. Use the PASTE from the swamp on Plunder 
Island with the SKELETON ARM from LeChuck's ship, and use the STICKY 
SKELETON ARM with the LANTERN. Now use the LANTERN with the coffin lid, 
and use Murray with the lantern. After, in my opinion, the funniest 
scene in the game, Mort unlocks the door. Before you go, though, pick 
up the CROWBAR. Go back to the hotel, and enter the skeleton's room. 
Use the crowbar with the boards, then with the nails on the bed. The 
skeleton will go flying into the crypt. After a long scene, Guybrush 
automatically returns to the crypt. Pick up the ENGAGEMENT BAND.   

Your next step is to get the DIAMOND. Go to the Cemetery. In, say, five 
minutes, Stan has made an office out of a crypt. Go talk to him, and 
take out a life insurance policy. Pay for it with the Blondbeard's GOLD 
TOOTH, then visit the bar. Open the door in the back. In the back room, 
pick up the DEATH CERTIFICATE. Go to Stan's and show it to him. Faced 
with undeniable proof that you died, he'll give you A LOT OF MONEY.

Back at the hotel, talk to the fortune teller, Madame Xima, and ask to 
get your fortune read. Every time she does it, pick up the TAROT CARD. 
Keep doing this until you have five DEATH CARDS. Um...not good. 

Pick up the MIRROR near Griswold. Put the CUT-OUT FACE in the mirror 
frame. Griswold accuses you of stealing the mirror, but the face fools 
him. Take the MIRROR to the Lighthouse and use it with the mirror 
stand. Then go back, and pick up the TIP JAR. Go to the Windmill, and 
use the UMBRELLA with the windmill blades to get to the top. Use the 
TIP JAR with the BARREL, then use the CHISEL with the JAR LID to poke 
air holes in it. Now go to the Clearing. Use the JAR with the stump, 
and the fireflies will be captured in the JAR. Then take the glowing 
JAR to the LIGHTHOUSE and put it on the lantern post. The lighthouse 
will light again, so go to the Beach and talk to the Mysterious Figure. 
His name is the Lost Welshman, and he is dead (surprise, surprise). He 
says he won't take you to Skull Island without a compass. So go to the 
Village. Get the MEASURING CUP from the small table, then go to the 
beach and use it with the seawater. Then go to the Shipwreck. Pick up 
the bottle and bite it to get the CORK. Use the PIN (from Plunder 
Island's Swamp) with the CORK. Then go to the back room of the hotel, 
and get the FRIDGE MAGNET. Use the MAGNET with the PIN N' CORK, then 
use the MAGNETIZED PIN N'CORK in the MEASURING CUP. Show this COMPASS 
to the Lost Welshman and it's off to Skull Island!

After another funny scene, you'll be up on the cliff. Talk to the winch 
operator, LaFoot. He'll lower you down, but he lets go of the winch. As 
you are falling, use the UMBRELLA. You'll land in the Cave of the 
Thieves. Say 'I have got sooooo much money, it's almost embarrassing.' 
Then ask King Andre if you can have the Diamond. Keep pestering him 
until he agrees to play you at poker for it. Use the DEATH CARDS with 
the WEAK HAND. Your five of a kind wins. They now try to kill you, but 
Guybrush escapes. Back on Blood Island, use the GOODSOUP DIAMOND with 
the ENGAGEMENT BAND for the UNCURSED DIAMOND RING. 

Now go to the Shipwreck. Talk to Haggis and say 'My, that's a big 
bottle of lotion you have there.' Then say 'Can't I have just a drop of 
lotion.' He says that if you find a substitute for tar, you can have 
the entire bottle. Go to the Hotel. In the back room, use the CHISEL 
with the CHEESE WHEEL to get the UNMELTED HUNK OF NACHO CHEESE. Go to 
the Village, and head up the path. Talk to the islander and you'll find 
out he is Lemonhead from the Secret of Monkey Island. He won't let you 
through, so return to the Village. Pick up the AUGER and the BLOCK OF 
TOFU. Use the AUGER with the TOFU, then use the TOFU MASK. Lemonhead 
thinks you are a guest for the ceremony.

When the ceremony ends, use the UNMELTED HUNK OF NACHO CHEESE with the 
massive, seething caldera. The volcano erupts (it's the Divine 
Dysentery!!!) and lava flows under the barbecue again. Go to the Hotel, 
but don't go in. Instead, use the remaining CHEESE with the cooking 
pot. Pick it up, and Guybrush automatically takes it to Haggis. 

Pick up the SLIPPERY GREASY HAND LOTION now, and revisit the clearing. 
Use the SLIPPERY GREASY HAND LOTION with the CURSED DIAMOND RING, then 
pick up the RING. It will explode, so use the UNCURSED DIAMOND RING 
with Elaine's left ring finger. She will return to normal (at last!) 
and after she completes the punch that she started back on Plunder 
Island, Guybrush and Elaine hug each other. Awwwww... But instantly, they 
are surrounded by a horde of skeleton pirates...

**************************
Act Five
Kiss of the Spider Monkey!
**************************

You can talk to LeChuck if you want, but when you are done say 'I've 
had enough of your stories! Let's get this over with!' or whatever it 
was. Then pick any line and you get blasted with a voodoo curse...

Open the door of the cable car. You have been turned into a child (and 
boyyyy do you look stupid) and you will automatically walk to the 
carnival...

You have a terrible hangover. Remember that hangover cure? Time to use 
it again. Getting the pepper is easy enough. Just walk right and pick 
up the PEPPER MILL. To get the HAIR, go to Dinghy Dog. Push him six 
times and he'll bite you. You automatically grab a handful of DINGHY 
DOH HAIR. Now to get the EGG, talk to Dinghy Dog. Ask him to guess your 
age. He says you are seven but you are really 20, so pick the ANCHOR as 
a prize. Then, use the BOTTLE from the shipwreck with the PIE PAN from 
Captain Blondbeard's. Then use the ANCHOR with the FAKE PIE, and use 
the FAKE PIE with the stack. Wharf Rat fires the cannon and knocks the 
mime out. Open the gate, then look through the window. You tease Wharf 
Rat and get hit with some MERINGUE, which contains egg. Now talk to the 
snow cone guy and order a snow cone. Use the PEPPER MILL, DINGHY DOG 
HAIR and MERINGUE with the SNOW CONE, then eat the DISGUSTING SNOW 
CONE. Guybrush turns back into his regular self. 

******************************
Act Six
Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again
******************************

If you listened to LeChuck's rambling earlier, then you'll know where 
you are: the Roller Coaster of Doom! To get off at a diorama, point the 
cursor at it and click BEFORE the coaster reaches it, or you won't make 
it.

Get off at the Ship Diorama and pick up the KEG OF RUM. Then, get off 
at the Torture Chamber Diorama. Open the lantern, then blow out the OIL 
FLASK and pick it up. Ignore the Snow Monkey Diorama and get off at the 
Monkey Island Diorama. Pick up the FALLEN ROPE. Now use the FALLEN ROPE 
with the OIL FLASK, and use the OILY ROPE with the KEG OF RUM for an 
EXPLOSIVE KEG. Now skip the next two dioramas and get off at the Snow 
Monkey Diorama. Go up and use the EXPLOSIVE KEG with the Dyno-
Monkelectric Snow Monkey Arm. Now go to the bottom and wait for 
LeChuck. When he comes, use the PEPPER MILL with him and enjoy the 
ending!

*******************************
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
*******************************

Q. Can I use your guide, or part of it, on my website?

A. Feel free to. Be sure to write and ask me first though, and if you 
want to borrow part of it, say the Insult List, to use in a guide of 
your own, fine. But if you use that Insult List, don't give credit to 
me; give it to Evil Sponge, who let me use his.

***************
Version History
***************

Version 1.0 - Completed October 25, 2002

This is the first version of the walkthrough. Nothing much to say here.

*******
Credits
*******

TSC - He is a great guy, who slaved away making this walkthrough what 
it is. Oh and by the way, he's me. ;)

(Check out my Contribution Page at 
http://www.gamefaqs.com/features/recognition/8667.html)

LucasArts - For producing the game.

CJayC - For setting up as cool a website as GameFAQs.com BY HIMSELF, 
and posting my other guides.

Lagunathemoron - His Curse of Monkey Island walkthrough helped me in 
some tight corners.

Evil Sponge - For letting me use his Insult List

You - For reading my guide.

-------------------------------------------------------

"I didn't realize it was happy, hopping moron day."