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    FAQ/Walkthrough by WallsOfEryx

    Version: 1.0 | Updated: 10/15/13 | Printable Version | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

                            The Curse Of Monkey Island
                               Complete Walkthrough
                          By: Felipe ''WallsOfEryx'' Gaboardi
                       E-mail:  felipecamposgaboardi@gmail.com
                                Twitter: @GriloGabo
                                    Version: 1.0
                                  15/10/2013 20:49
    
    Legal Stuff:
    This may be not be reproduced under any circumstances except for personal,
    private use. It may not be placed on any web site or otherwise distributed
    publicly without advance written permission. Use of this guide on any other
    web site or as a part of any public display is strictly prohibited, and a
    violation of copyright.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *         CONTENT         *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    1-0 - Introduction
      -1- Interface
      -2- General Tips
    2-0 - Walkthrough
      -1- Part I: The Demise Of The Zombie Pirate LeChuck
      -2- Part II: The Curse Gets Worse
      -3- Part III: Three Sheets To The Wind
      -4- Part IV: The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt, And Her Lover
      -5- Part V: Kiss Of The Spider Monkey
      -6- Part VI: Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again
    3-0 - Walkthrough Ultra-Redux
      -1- Part I
      -2- Part II
      -3- Part III
      -4- Part IV
      -5- Part V
      -6- Part VI
    4-  - Credits
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    * 1-0 -- INTRODUCTION --  *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    Gosh, it's been ever so long since I last wrote a FAQ... It's been, what, two
    years since I wrote my Monkey Island 2 guide? Lots of things happened since 
    then... had a Youtube account where I posted playthroughs littered with stupid
    comments, then took it down because I got fed up with it, changed my nick from
    Grayknife to WallsOfEryx, a much more interesting, Lovecraftian nick replacing
    some silly old name that I came up by combining a random object and color... or
    at least that's what I'd like if changing Username didn't have so bureocracy.
    Well, but now I'll try to get back in the game, and what better way to start
    other than writing a guide on the very first Monkey Island game I've ever 
    played?
    Curse Of Monkey Island represents a big change in the series. Not only because
    of the new art design, or the addition of voice-over, specially the always
    automatically hilarious voice of Dominic Armato as Guybrush, but also because
    it did not have the involvement of adventure game design legend Ron Gilbert, 
    who has stated multiple times that the Monkey Island 3 he's ever had in his 
    mind is radically different from Curse, and, as of the writing of this guide,
    he's willing to talk to Disney, now owner of LucasArts, about giving him the
    rights for the franchise, so he can make the proper Monkey Island 3b with 
    Double Fine Productions, owned by fellow Monkey Island co-designer Tim Schafer.
    But enough talk about the MI3 that could or will be, let's dig into the MI3 
    that is!
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   1-1 -- INTERFACE --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    There's a bit of interface change this time around. Don't get me wrong, it's
    still the good old point-n-click. What changes this time around is that there's
    no more verb boxes and inventory taking a third of the screen. Instead, you'll
    get the gold doubloon! It actually has a name, but I can't be bothered to look
    it up right now. How it works is as it follows: you move your cursor over an 
    object on the screen and click and hold the left button, which will make a gold
    doubloon pop up. From there, you can choose either skull (Look At), hand (Pick 
    Up, Use, Push, etc.) or parrot (Talk To, Inhale, Eat, etc.). If you've ever
    played Full Throttle, it works exactly the same way. To open your inventory,
    simply right-click. To take an item from your inventory, simply left-click it
    once and drag it out of the chest. Press F1 to open your log book so you can
    save or load the game or set the options. Oh, and the 3D acceleration option is
    there just as a novelty, by the way. :)
    There's also some naval battle commands you should know for Part III, but I'll
    leave it for when the time is right. Heavens forbid me from forcing you to come
    all the way back up here just to read how to play that one part.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   1-2 -- GENERAL TIPS --    *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    -If you have the original game CD and are playing on ScummVM, you'll probably
    have issues when reaching disc swapping points. To fix that, just copy all the
    files from the disc to a local folder and run the game from there. It works for
    me.
    
    - Talk to everyone about all topics, look at everything and try to pick up 
    every item.
    
    - Unlike the last two games, the ammount of money you get here at certain parts
    is virtually unlimited (wooden nickels included), so you don't have to worry
    about making the game unwinnable because you spent everything on a broken Grog
    machine.
    
    - If you get stuck, rubbing every item on every person and/or object might be
    effective, but it's so frustrating and dull you'll stop having fun. Just check
    this guide to be able to keep going. There's no reason to be ashamed about it.
    Sometimes adventure games have a really weird line of logic.
    
    - After playing this game, play all of it's sequels! (Well... if you're not 
    able to get your hands on a copy of Escape From Monkey Island, the 4th of the
    series, it doesn't really matter... it's rather weak compared to the others.)
    
    -Save the game before picking dialogue choices. Every single line in this game
    is pure gold, and you should try to listen to most of them.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   2-0 -- WALKTHROUGH --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    SPOILER ALERT!!! - I'm warning you people right away, throughout the guide I'll
    write all plot details, and considering there are no big plot twists at any
    point in the game, it's very unlikely I'll place spoiler tags at any point of
    the walkthrough, so read with care and keep your hands inside the cart at all 
    times!
    
    Disclaimer: This game actually has two modes: Regular, and Mega-Monkey, the 
    difference being that Mega-Monkey mode has more puzzles. This guide covers only
    the Mega-Monkey mode, for two simple reasons: 1) Aside from a couple of itens, 
    both modes are exactly the same, except Mega-Monkey has puzzles that regular
    mode has not. Making a whole walkthrough for each would be a waste of time; 
    2) The Mega-Monkey mode is a lot more fulfilling and 'complete' than the 
    regular mode. I strongely advise you to play on Mega-Monkey, even if you have
    next to no experience on adventure games. Also, some lines of dialogue (like
    Murray saying his arm is all sticky) only make sense on this harder mode.
    
    Finally, let's get to the game. *ahem*.
    
    ------------------------------
     PREVIOUSLY, ON MONKEY ISLAND
    ------------------------------
    
    In the end of MI2: LeChuck's Revenge, Guybrush found out that the legendary
    treasure of Big Whoop is nothing more than an E Ticket, good for a ride on the
    Pirates of the Caribbean ride, and faced his nemesis, the zombie pirate LeChuck
    who revealed to be our hero's older brother. Guybrush managed to subdue the
    villain by crafting a voodoo doll, but, apparently, that wasn't enough to stop
    the zombie pirate from casting a horrible spell that shrunk Guybrush and
    convinced him to be nothing more than a lost child in an amusement park. As he
    went on to ride the Madly Rotating Buccaneer with who he thought to be his 
    parents and brother, his former love Elaine wondered what had happened to him.
    
    ----------
     PROLOGUE
    ----------
    
    We see Guybrush drifting around on open sea, apparently with the child curse
    already lifted from him. How did he escape from Monkey Island, you may ask? 
    Well, my friend... that's a very good question. What happens between MI2 and 3
    is never explained or mentioned, and it remains one of the biggest mysteries of
    the series, along with the actual secret of Monkey Island. Seriously, no one
    knows how the hell he managed to get off the island, and with nothing but a
    bumpercar, a corndog, a pair of balloons, a pencil and a log book at that. I'm 
    assuming it's either too awesome to be made into a game, or all games from
    Curse onward are actually coma dellusions and he'll come around on Monkey 
    Island 3b when (if) Ron Gilbert makes it.
    
    Ok, depressing comments aside, Guybrush is spending his time recapping what
    happened in the last game and pointing out how his burning love for Elaine is
    the only thing keeping him going, considering he has no food, water or way to
    navigate. As he teases himself with the idea of finding land and food, he
    wishes to see Elaine one last time before sinking down to Davy Jone's Locker...
    And then he reaches an island during a battle, with food and bottles of water
    floating everywhere. Oh, goodie!
    
    Roll credits...
    
    As luck has it, the ones fighting are none other than LeChuck and Elaine! Oh,
    that's the sort of stuff that powers up that spaceship from Hitchiker's Guide
    to the Galaxy... Anyway, as the battle continues, Elaine declares her hate for
    LeChuck for many reasons, including him taking the only man she ever loved: our
    stud Guybrush Threepwood! Not much later, one of the undead pirates spots our
    hero and they take him onboard. As LeChuck raises his sword to finish him off,
    Elaine manages to shoot his cutlass out of his hand, proving that she's the 
    mother of all sharpshooters for being able to hit such small target from such a
    distance with one of those horrible rifles from the 17th century. But I digress
    They throw Guybrush down into the hold and start preparing the FLAMMING VOODOO
    CANNONBALL!
    
    
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    *   2-1 -- Part I: The Demise Of The Zombie Pirate LeChuck --   *
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    ++++++++++++++++++
    + LeChuck's Ship +
    ++++++++++++++++++
    
    ------
     Hold
    ------
    
    So, your archnemesis is trying to kill your love and you're trapped in his hold
    with a really small pirate. What a way to start the game, huh? Now you have 
    full control of Guybrush, so let's get started on the puzzle solving.
    
    You may look around as much as you like. The grate above you is out of reach,
    you can't get past the cannon to your left, and the door to the right is locked
    and has no doorknob. So you're in quite a pickle. Talk to the small pirate, who
    has lightning reflexes and points a gun at you right away. The dialogue tree
    doesn't really matter here, so pick whatever lines strike you fancy. As it 
    turns out, the small pirate is actually Wally, the cartographer from the last
    game! Looks like he survived LeChuck's Fortress' explosion and got recruited.
    He'll even give you some leaflets on becoming a vicious pirate, even if you 
    don't really want them. From there, you can talk to him about many things, but
    if you want to get it over with, say he's a failure as a pirate. No matter how
    much he threatens you, he won't shoot. He's just not pirate material. In the 
    end he'll toss his plastic hook aside and start crying. Aw.
    
    Now that Wally is done with the cannon, it's your turn to toy around with it.
    Use it and shoot every single boat out there. You can shoot the fort too, but 
    it won't make much difference. After you're done, you'll be back to the hold.
    TRIVIA: Type LAPOSTAL and you'll get a message saying you've got unlimited
    cannonballs! It won't really do anything, it's just a cute easter egg.
    
    Pick up Wally's plastic hook off the floor and the ramrod from the wall. Look
    through the window to the left and prepare yourself to meet none other than
    Murray, one of the single funniest characters in the whole series! He's an evil
    skull who wants to rule the world. You may (and should) talk to him, but it's
    not really necessary. Combine the hook and the ramrod to improvise a hoist and
    use it to grab Murray's arm to the right. You can also use it to knock Murray
    off the plank he's on, in case you're feeling mean.
    
    The arm comes with a free cutlass! Use it to cut off the rope restraining the
    cannon and fire it! This will cause it to propel backwards against Guybrush,
    into the treasure hold's door to the right. The impact will also cause LeChuck
    to drop the FLAMMING VOODOO CANNONBALL above, making it explode, killing the
    zombie pirate in a green flamming skull of death and capsizing the ship!
    
    ---------------
     Treasure Hold
    ---------------
    
    You'll lose your cutlass, but on the bright side, there's gold everywhere!GOLD!
    Too bad you can't carry any of that with you, since gold is kinda heavy. What
    you can actually carry is a small bag containing wooden nickels. It's right
    next to the broken music box, so pick it up. Underneath the bag is a huge
    diamond ring! Pick that up too! Now, how do you get out of here? Well, you need
    to reach that hole up there, and the only way to do so is by letting some water
    enter the ship! Use the diamond ring to cut open the porthole to the right and
    you'll be out!
    
    As Guybrush swims to the shore, he meets up with Elaine, the love of his life
    and yadda-yadda-yadda. After half of a heart-filled speech, our hero at last
    asks Elaine's hand in marriage, slipping in the ring he had found in the hold.
    Aww how romantic. Oh, and Wally will suddenly show up (seriously, where did he
    come from?) and congratulate the couple. Oh, and he'll also mention that the
    diamond ring looks a lot like that one horribly cursed ring from LeChuck's 
    treasure hold... Uh-oh. Wally takes his leave and Elaine, as she's getting 
    ready to punch the living daylights out of Guybrush, turns into a gold statue.
    Uhh. Oops, I guess?
    
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    *   2-2 -- Part II: The Curse Gets Worse --   *
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    ++++++++++++++++++
    + Plunder Island +
    ++++++++++++++++++
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    Ok, ok... do not panic. You've dealt with worse before, haven't you? All you 
    need to do is find someone who knows how to handle voodoo. There's not much you
    can do at the beach right now, just pick up some ember off the ground. You'll
    never be able to reach the fort, so leave the beach. Go either right or left,
    you'll reach the island's overview either way. Go to the swamp with the half
    capsized ship.
    
    -------
     Swamp
    -------
    
    Here, you'll meet our old pal Murray! It's not necessary to talk to him, but 
    again, his dialogue is priceless, so I strongly advise you to do so. When you
    are done, enter the ship.
    
    Inside, you'll find some paper voodoo dolls lying on the floor. You can take 
    a pin that's stuck on one of them, so do so. Also pick up the glue (present 
    only in Mega-Monkey mode). To your left is a gum machine. Insert one of your
    wooden nickels in it and you'll get a whole pack of yummy, meat flavored gum!
    This will only work once, though. When you're done, pull the stuffed gator's
    tongue.
    
    Why, lookie here! It's our old friend Voodoo Lady! And we just happen to have
    a voodoo related mess to fix right now! How convenient! Keep talking to her and
    she'll be willing to help you with your gold fiancee, but there's one small 
    issue... you see, she's kinda made of gold, and gold is worth a lot of money...
    So, yeah, leaving her out in the open wasn't a good idea. Guybrush rushes back
    to the beach, but it's too late. She's been stolen. Fortunately, whoever took
    her is still here, on Plunder Island, anchored in Danjer Cove, so getting her
    back is one more thing on the to-do list. Back to the curse, in order to lift
    it, you'll need to replace the cursed ring with a non-cursed one of higher or
    equal value. You know, same value as that huge diamond the cursed one has. So,
    where can you get one? To quote the Voodoo Lady, legend speaks of such a ring
    on an island called Blood Island. Oh, and apparently Guybrush will die there.
    Well, that's reassuring. Regardless of that, in order to reach Blood Island, 
    you'll need three things: a map to get there, a reliable ship and a reliable
    crew. Well, after you're done, leave the swamp and enter the small town of
    Puerto Pollo. Oh, and give Murray some gum on your way out. Just for the lulz.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    If you came in through the lower entrance, the first thing you'll come across
    is a lemonade stand. If you ask for one, you'll straight out get scammed. The 
    kid, Kenny Falmouth, will tell you about a bottomless mug policy. What he fails
    to mention, however, is that it's quite literal. The lemonade will simply go 
    through the mug, and there are no refunds! So, the brat will just scam you out
    of your wooden nickles, that bastard!
    
    Moving on to the right, you'll find a path that you can't follow yet because 
    the jungle is too thick. Right next to it, is a door that serves as a shortcut
    of sorts to the other side of town. You might as well take it. The only place
    you'll come across if you don't is the restaurant, and you can't go in because
    you don't have a reservation. On the other side of town, enter through the 
    theater's back door, on its left.
    
    ---------
     Theater
    ---------
    
    Inside the theater, there's plenty of stuff to steal. Take a look at the pirate
    coat hanging next to the door and take the dandruff, which will turn out to be
    head lice, ew. Also, open the coat's pocket and take the glove inside. Take the
    magic wand from the table and, as obvious as this may seem to be, use it on the
    magic hat to summon a book out of thin air! Take the book and have a look at it
    to learn it's about ventriloquism. 
    
    After you're done being a thief, play close attention to the trunk next to the 
    door and you'll probably notice one of its stickers is from, wait for it, Blood
    Island! Look at that sticker so you can bring it up on your next conversation.
    Go to the stage to your right and talk to the actor. You can talk about 
    anything you want, but to get it over with, just ask him about Blood Island. 
    He'll tell you to talk to his agent, Palido Domingo, at Brimstone Beach Club. 
    With that done, leave the theater and enter the barbershop by the wharf.
    
    ---------------
     Barbery Coast
    ---------------
    
    Welcome, patron, to the Barbery Coast! Where every haircut is literally an 
    adventure! Seriously, look at all the blood on the floor and that pair of 
    scissors stuck on the ceiling. Seeing as Guybrush immediatly spews most details
    of his quest to get a ridiculously expensive ring in order to save his for now
    ridiculously valuable girlfriend, you'll have to make the guys here join your
    crew! Well, except for Captain Rottingham. He's just a douchebag. By the way,
    you need the scissors that are up there, so you'll need to kick captain jerk 
    out of here. Every once in a while, Haggis (the barber pirate), will lay his
    comb on the small table next to the barber chair. Take this opportunity to put
    those head lice on it! Seeing as this is the 1600s, the only way to remedy head
    lice is good old head shaving! HAH! And seeing as a (recently) bald person has
    no business in a barbershop, Rottingham will be kicked out of the place. Now 
    that he's out of the way, use the chair to ask for a haircut. While you're 
    sitting there, use the lever once and steal the paperweight holding the book's
    page. Haggis will run off to find another one, so take that chance and keep
    using the lever until you can reach the scissors and pick them up!
    
    So, about recruiting these guys. Each one will have a different condition for
    it. Haggis will join you if you beat him in the traditional sport of... caber
    toss. And yes, it's as stupid as it sounds, and no, Guybrush has no way of 
    winning this without cheating, considering his spaghetti arms. Next, we have
    Cutthroat Bill, the guy trying to wash off the blood stains. He'll want 
    treasure, anything made of gold will do, and no, you won't be able to drag 
    Elaine all the way down here. You'll have to find gold elsewhere. As for Van
    Helgen, the guy sharpening that murder weapon, you can recruit right now. He'll
    join you if you beat him in a duel, but to call him out, you'll need the proper
    insult. The worst, most offensive insult you can give him is... slapping him
    with the glove you got at the theater! Do it, and he'll call you out.
    
    ----------------
     Field of Honor
    ----------------
    
    Snugglecakes here will ask you to choose a weapon, but don't even bother 
    picking a pistol. You'll always lose, no matter what you do. Now, I know what
    you're thinking: ''If I'm going to lose if I pick a pistol, what should I do?''
    Simple. Don't pick a pistol. Close the case in the middle and pick...THE BANJO!
    So, it's a banjo duel! It's pretty simple, really. Van Helgen will play, and,
    occasionally, he'll stop the draft in order to play a single note. Your job 
    here is to copy the note he plays. Guybrush will copy the rest of the jamming
    on his own. After three segments, Van Helgen will solo the living crap out of
    that banjo, pretty much annihilating Guybrush's chances. Now, the next step is
    take one of the guns from his set and... shot his banjo! Believe it or not, he
    will actually be impressed, because you won the duel the pirate way: by being
    a cheating douche. Van Helgen has now officially joined your crew.
    
    ---------------
     Barbery Coast
    ---------------
    
    Before you leave the place, pat Bill on the back. He'll start choking on the
    jawbreaker he was eating, but you don't have to hurry to save him, though, you
    can take a stroll around the island and he'll still be alive and choking by the
    time you get back. Give him another pat and he'll spit it out. Pick up the jaw
    breaker, and, finally, leave the barbershop.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    Unless you've hit your head not too long ago, you should remember there's a
    path next to Kenny's lemonade stand that you can't go through because of the
    thick vegetation. Well, go there, you're going to clear it out with the uber
    sharp scissors you have! As soon as you use your scissors on the vines, though,
    Guybrush will cut down one of the flowers and read the little sign saying they
    are used to make syrup to induce vomiting. Ew. But, believe it or not, this is
    relevant information. If you've read the sing before cutting, he'll just grap
    the flower and be done with it.
    
    ---------------------------
     The Wilderness, I suppose
    ---------------------------
    
    Guybrush will stop by a place with a lot of junk littering the flor and an odd
    looking sign. If you walk a little bit forward, he'll look at the sign and 
    conclude it's a snake crossing one. Then he'll be swallowed whole by a giant 
    anaconda. Oh, goody. This will remind you a lot of the first game where you 
    were tied to the Idol of Many Hands with lots of sharp objects around you could
    not reach, except this time around you won't get away simply by picking up the
    snake and leaving. You can't reach any of the so useful objects outside, but 
    there's plenty of stuff inside the snake you can work with! Right next to you
    is a lump, which is formed by all the junk this snake's been eating. First, 
    pick up the Faberge egg, then pick up the vacuum cleaner attachments, then grap
    everything else, which will consist of: Plunder Island's yellow pages, a half
    digested volume C encyclopedia, top secret plans, a stuffed Dingy Dog, a 
    reservation slip for Blond Beard's Chicken, a spare tire, the remains of one of
    the local naturalists, maple syrup, pancakes, sausage patties, a pair of fried
    eggs and a cup of coffe with LucasArts logo. Mix the flower with the syrup to 
    make some magical vomit elixir and use it on the snake's head to make it throw
    you up. Well, wasn't that pleasant?
    
    Well, you got out of the snake, but, as luck has it, you're stuck in quicksand
    now. Oh, and this quicksand in particular has some sort of magic vortex that 
    will suck nearly every item you got in the snake, except the encyclopedia and
    the reservation slip. Now, to get out of here, you'll need to grab the bamboo
    to your right and one of the thorns from the bush to your left (quick easter 
    egg: If you read the sign by the bush, nearly every instance of 'ouch' in the 
    game will be replaced by 'Pappapisshu'). Tie one of your balloons to that paper
    weight you took from Haggis and it'll be floating right in front of you! Neat!
    Blow it so it moves towards the vine. Don't worry, the winds of good fortune
    will keep it on the right spot. Combine the thorn and the bamboo to make a pea
    shooter and use it on the balloon, dropping the rock on the stick and throwing
    the life saving vine to you. Horrah, you're free!
    
    -------------
     Danjer Cove
    -------------
    
    At last, Danjer Cove! in case you're wondering, you've completely opened the 
    path connecting here and the rest of the island, so you don't have to go 
    through all that again. So. You see a ship in the distance. Those surely are 
    the thugs who took Elaine! What are you going to do now? Storm their ship? 
    Bargain? Sneak on it? Actually, none of these, because the row boat has a huge
    hole in it (well... in Mega-Monkey it does) and the water is filled with man
    eating sharks. To tell you the truth, the only reason you went bushwacking was
    to get your hands on that reservation slip, so you can enter Blond Beard's grub
    house. So... back to Puerto Pollo, into the restaurant!
    
    -----------------------
     Blond Beard's Chicken
    -----------------------
    
    First thing that'll happen in the restaurant is that Blonde Beard will ask for
    your reservation slip. You've got that one from inside the snake, so just say
    you do have one and he'll let you in. It's not necessary, but you may talk to
    the guy if you like. You'll learn three vital pieces of information: he misses
    crunchy food, he needs to make a delivery to the folks at Danjer Cove, and he's
    scared of El Pollo Diablo, which can be described simply as the Devil Chicken! 
    THE DEVIL CHICKEEEEEEN! Anyway, after you're done, grab the pie pan and the 
    cookie cutter on the counter to the left (neither one is available if you're
    playing regular mode). Grab a biscuit from the barrel to the right and take a
    nice, tasty bite from it. To find out it's full of maggots. That's what gives 
    them that special flavor, I guess. Use the maggots on the kitchen on the table
    and they'll eat the living crap out of it. Considering maggots tend to eat 
    stuff that's in advanced states of composition, I guess it's a better option 
    than making Guybrush eat it. Inside the chicken, you'll find a Brimstone Club
    membership card, which Blonde Beard somehow dropped inside the chicken just by
    sneezing. Now, give a pat on the back of the real quite patron to find out he's
    Manny Calavera! I mean, one of LeChuck's men! And he's dead! Take the knife 
    stuck on his back.
    
    Now, you've probably noticed Blonde Beard has a gold tooth. You actually want
    that, so give him the jawbreaker so he'll chew on it and loosen the tooth up a 
    bit. Then give him some gum. He'll start blowing bubbles, which, of course, 
    will countain his gold tooth that got loose. Pop it with the pin and pick up 
    the tooth when it falls off. Now, if this was regular mode, you could just walk
    away from the restaurant and be on your way, but this is Mega-Monkey mode! 
    Where boys become men! I think... Anyway, on Mega-Monkey mode, the cook over 
    there will notice his tooth is not on him and will stop Guybrush and take it 
    back if he tries to leave. In order to dodge that, do the following: Chew some
    gum, then inhale some helium from your balloon. Put the tooth on the gum and 
    then chew it! The helium filled bubble will float off the window, pop outside
    and drop the tooth somewhere! You're free to leave this place now.
    
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    Now you'll have to mine for the gold tooth. Kinda. Sorta. Use the pie pan on 
    the puddle of mud next to the restaurant's door and you'll find it. Next step 
    is going to the field of honor. It's through the archway right next to the 
    theater.
    
    ----------------
     Field of Honor
    ----------------
    
    First things first, to the far right is a pair of rubber trees. Use the cookie
    cutter on the right one to improvise a rubber plug. Now, about that tree on the
    left. It's actually a very rare breed of rubber tree that was given as a gift
    by Vacavilla to Puerto Pollo as a sign of friendship. So of course you're going
    to obliterate the living crap out of it! Go up to the grassy knoll, where the
    keg of rum is. Use the bread knife on it's support, making it roll down to the
    tree. Use the amber on the trail of rum and watch the fireworks! When all is 
    done, go to the barber shop. Time to finish gathering your crew.
    
    ---------------
     Barbery Coast
    ---------------
    
    Show Bill the gold tooth and he'll join you. Simple as that. Now, the only one
    who's left is Haggis. Challenge him for another caber toss competition! Since
    rubber trees have the tendency to defy all laws of physics in cartoons, you'll
    win with ease (Haggis won't notice anything wrong with the bouncing log). Now
    you have a crew! All that's left are a ship and a map! Go back to Danjer Cove.
    
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    + Meanwhile, far away from Plunder Island's Coast +
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    
    You'll see a pair of pirates gathering the remains of the battle off the coast
    of Plunder. As they talk about selling the loot, one of them finds LeChuck's 
    still steamy boots. He grabs and throws them into the hold. And then, hell is
    unleashed...
    
    ++++++++++++++++++
    + Plunder Island +
    ++++++++++++++++++
    
    -------------
     Danjer Cove
    -------------
    
    Now you've got the perfect plug for the rowboat, but alas, it won't stay put.
    Just use some paste on it and it'll stick to the hole. Now use the boat and row
    all the way over to the ship.
    
    Now, you could just climb aboard the ship, but that'll eventually result in you
    being made to walk the plank by Mr. Fossey, the ship's first mate, and the crew
    that consists entirely of monkeys. Fear not, though, he's stupid and won't 
    notice that Guybrush safely jumps onto the rowboat. Anyway, in order to avoid
    walking the plank, the best course of action is, of course, cutting it off with
    the bread knife before boarding the ship! With no other means of punishing you,
    the only solution they think of is to cover you in tar and feathers. Oh, great.
    Now that you look like an anthropomorphized chicken, head back to Puerto Pollo.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    You can walk into all sorts of places and check people's reaction when they
    think you are El Pollo Diablo. It's a lot of fun! When you're done, just go to
    the restaurant. Captain Blonde Beard will immediately mistake you for THE DEVIL
    CHICKEN and knock you out into a huge, greasy pot.
    
    -------------
     Danjer Cove
    -------------
    
    And now comes the hugest plot twist in the entire series! (spoiler alert) The
    fearsome captain of the Sea Cucumber is... LeChimp, the ape? Yeah, it turns out
    Mr. Fossey is bats**t insane. What you're going to do here, in order to seize 
    the ship, is use your ventriloquist book (don't forget to look at it first, to
    learn it is about ventriloquism). You can use it on Mr. Fossey several times 
    just for fun, but if you want to get it over with, use it on LeChimp. Guybrush
    will manage to convince the insane first mate to give up piracy and disband the
    crew. Mr. Fossey will leave the room, then Guybrush will grab the map to where
    they've buried Elaine. Also, congrats! The Sea Cucumber is yours! Now, how to
    leave this place? Don't forget you didn't use the rowboat to get here. Well, 
    simply open one of the windows and leave through there. You'll manage to reach
    the shore on the plank that you cut off. Next step is getting Elaine back. She
    is buried... in the theater. Seriously, go there.
    
    ---------
     Theater
    ---------
    
    Go upstairs. You'll be in the control booth for the lights. Pull the lever to
    reset them. Now, you've probably figured out how to read that map by now. Each
    direction refers to a button. North is the top middle button, southeast is the
    bottom right button, and so on. Follow the map's directions and you'll figure 
    out that Elaine's buried underneath Yorik's prop grave on the stage. To dig her
    up, you'll need to get Cromwell off the stage. By now, he'll start his juggling
    routine, so all you'll have to do is use some chicken grease (or cooking oil, 
    in case you've already got it) on the cannon balls in the trunk to the left.
    He'll drop them and do some huge damage, pretty much ending the show. Get on 
    the stage and use the shove to dig Elaine up. Guybrush will stash her on the 
    ship's crow's nest (don't ask me how he managed to get her up there). With that 
    issue out of the way, all that's left is find a map to Blood Island! Go to the
    beach on the far right side of the island.
    
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    + Meanwhile, far away from Plunder Island's Coast +
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    
    Back to our unlucky pirate pair, LeChuck has killed and turned them both into 
    his subordinates. Oh, and now he's a MOTHERFLIPPIN' DEMON MADE OF FIRE AND 
    STUFF! Needless to say, he still wants Elaine, and now he'll be heading back to
    Monkey Island to unleash his undead army!
    
    ++++++++++++++++++
    + Plunder Island +
    ++++++++++++++++++
    
    -------
     Kiosk
    -------
    
    The cabana boy won't let you neither enter the beach, nor pick up some towels
    because you're not a club member. Just show him the membership card you've 
    found inside that chicken and he'll let you do whatever you please. Talk to him
    first, though, the dialogue is one of the best. Anyway, before heading to the
    beach, grab some towels. Three of them. Dip all of them into the bucket of ice
    and use them on the cabana boy to slap him silly out of there! This way, you 
    can pick up the bottle of cooking oil by the grill. Now, head to the beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    Try to go to where the sunbather is and Guybrush will jump back because of how
    incredibly hot the sand is. Use the wet towels to make a safe path all the way
    over there. Remember, they have to be wet, or else they'll just combust
    instantaneously.
    
    When you reach the other side, talk to the guy lying there, who'll turn out to
    be Palido Domingo. As you speak with him, you'll learn that, yes, he knows 
    where Blood Island is. In fact, he's been there so often that he tattooed a map
    to get there on his back. Unfortunately, he'll only roll over whene he's done
    sunbathing his front, which will take a very, VERY, long time. Not much else 
    you can do here now. Grab his mug and open the gate next to you, this will open
    a shortcut so you don't have to walk on towels anymore. Head to Puerto Pollo.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    Remember that lemonade stand? Time to give Kenny a lesson. Use the mug you've
    got on the bottomless mug to switch them. Now, ask for some more lemonade! 
    Seeing as you managed to drink it all, Kenny runs off because you've broken his
    scam. Grab the pitcher he leaves behind and fill it with some of the dye from
    the vats right next to his house. Now head back to the beach!
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    Put the bottomless mug on Palido's belly and then use the dye on it. He'll 
    think he's getting sunburn and roll over! You'll see the map, but, sadly, it's
    far too complex for Guybrush to memorize. So... you'll have to take it. How,
    you may ask? Well... pour the cooking oil on it so Palido's skin burns. Peel 
    the map away now... ew. That sure was unpleasant. With all necessary things
    done, as soon as you leave the beach, you'll set sail.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   2-3 -- Part III: Three Sheets To The Wind --  *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    ++++++++++++
    + High Sea +
    ++++++++++++
    
    So, yeah, you're just off the coast of Plunder, your crew is enjoying the sea,
    making your way to Blood Island. When you least expect it, though, the now bald
    jerk from the barber shop boards your ship, willing to take your map and get 
    the huge diamond for himself! Your crew, too distracted by a whale, fail to 
    help, and your map is taken away. And then they sing a really cool song! Yay!
    
    Anyway, after the song, Haggis will ask if you want easy or hard ship to ship
    combat. Just pick whatever you prefer. Telling him you'd like your crew's help
    is at par with Indiana Jones And The Fate Of Atlantis' sucker punch. If your
    cannons are at the same level as the enemy ship's, you'll defeat them in one,
    two hits tops. And that take's me to explaining how this chapter works. It is
    very similar to the sword fighting trial from MI1, with two exceptions: 1) The
    insults have to rhyme. Why? I dunno, but it makes easier to figure out the 
    right comebacks; 2) Before engaging in sword combat, there's ship to ship 
    combat, which works rather similarly to the system from Sid Meyer's Pirates!,
    except it's simpler here. Just left-click to turn the ship in the direction you
    want, then right-click to fire the cannons. Every time you defeat someone, you
    get their booty. Before facing the next opponents, go back to Puerto Pollo. 
    There, you'll see that Kenny has given up his lemonade stand to the much more
    lucrative business of SELLING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. Use your booty to
    upgrate your cannons, and then you're ready for the next fight. Keep this going
    until you get the best cannon, the Destructomatic T-47, and go chase after
    Cpt. Rottingham. When facing him, it'll be exactly like fighting Carla: you'll
    only give comebacks, but not insults, and his insults will be different from 
    the others. Therefore, your main focus here is to learn the most comebacks, so
    always try insults you don't have the answer to. When you defeat Rottingham, 
    you'll go to the next chapter. Good luck!
    
    --------------------------------
     Pirate's Insults and Comebacks
    --------------------------------
    
    Insult: Every enemy I've met, I've annihilated!
    Comeback: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
    
    Insult: You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
    Comeback: I look that much like your fiancee?
    
    Insult: Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
    Comeback: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
    
    Insult: You're the ugliest monster ever created!
    Comeback: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
    
    Insult: I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!
    Comeback: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.
    
    Insult: Would you like to be buried, or cremated?
    Comeback: With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
    
    Insult: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
    Comeback: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
    
    Insult: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!
    Comeback: At least mine can be identified.
    
    Insult: You can't match my witty repartee!
    Comeback: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
    
    Insult: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
    Comeback: You would have, but you were always running away.
    
    Insult: En Garde! Touche!
    Comeback: Oh, that is so cliche.
    
    Insult: Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!
    Comeback: Too bad they're all fabricated.
    
    Insult: I can't rest 'til you've been exterminated!
    Comeback: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
    
    Insult: I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perfurated!
    Comeback: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.
    
    Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
    Comeback: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
    
    Insult: I'll hound you night and day!
    Comeback: Then be a good dog, sit! Stay!
    
    ------------------------------------
     Rottingham's Insults and Comebacks
    ------------------------------------
    
    Insult: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
    Comeback: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
    
    Insult: You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei!
    Comeback: I look that much like your fiancee?
    
    Insult: When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
    Comeback: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
    
    Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated!
    Comeback: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
    
    Insult: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
    Comeback: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.	
    
    Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
    Comeback: With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
    
    Insult: Never before have I faced someone so sissified!
    Comeback: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
    
    Insult: You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
    Comeback: At least mine can be identified.
    
    Insult: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
    Comeback: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
    
    Insult:	I have never lost a melee!
    Comeback: You would have, but you were always running away.
    
    Insult: Your mother wears a toupee!
    Comeback: Oh, that is so cliche.
    
    Insult: My skills with a sword are highly venerated!
    Comeback: Too bad they're all fabricated.
    
    Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
    Comeback: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
     
    Insult: I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated!
    Comeback: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.
    
    Insult: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
    Comeback: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
    
    Insult: You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
    Comeback: Then be a good dog, sit! Stay! 
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   2-4 -- Part IV: The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt, And Her Lover --  *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    You'll see a cutscene where our heroes face a fierce storm, until the Sea 
    Cucumber crashes into an island...
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    -----------
     Shipwreck
    -----------
    
    Well, the ship is wrecked and Elaine was flung into the wilderness, but we've
    reached Blood Island at last! Now it's time for you to look for that diamond,
    and I do mean only you. Your crew's ditched you. Don't take it personally,
    though, they just want to go back home and settle on being barbers again. With
    that set, grab the bottle of shaving soap lying on the sand. You've probably
    noticed there's a bottle of hand lotion next to Haggis. He won't let you have
    it, because, hey, even pirates care for their skins. Talk to Haggis about it 
    and he'll say he'll let you have it if you bring some sort of sticky, thick
    substance to be used as tar to fix the ship, considering the previous crew was
    stupid enough to tar-and-feather some poor sap and went out of the stuff. 
    Anyway, you won't actually need the loation until way later in the chapter, but
    you actually need to talk to Haggis about it, so you might as well do it so you
    can avoid a little backtracking.
    
    Leave the beach. Elaine is in a small clearing right next to the shipwreck. You
    can check her if you want, but it's not really necessary. Also, this island 
    does not have as many pirates as Pluder, so you don't have to worry about her
    being stolen again. With all done, head to the building by the center of the
    island.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    Well, those tiki lanterns sure make the place lively. Enter the hotel. Inside,
    you'll find two people: the bartender, Griswold, and Madam Xima, a fortune 
    teller. Try talking to Xima, first. She has a deck of tarot cards, so you might
    as well ask her to tell you your fortune! And, of course, the card she draws is
    DEATH! If you remember clearly, the Voodoo Lady did say you'd die here. Ask her
    to draw a card four more times and, lo and behold, all of them will be Death 
    cards, so she'll stop talking to you because you're a bad omen. Take the five
    Death cards from the table.
    
    You won't be able to talk to Griswold yet, he has the mother of all hangovers.
    Grab the recipe book that's on the counter and take a look at it. Among mock
    recepies and adorable references to MI2, you'll find how to make a hangover 
    medicine. You'll need an egg, pepper and... uh, hair from a dog that bit you.
    Also, mixing it with alcohol makes you really, really, really, really, really,
    really, really sleepy, so take note on that. Grab the loose cushion from the
    bar stool to the left. You can grab a leaflet for Big Whoop if you feel like it
    but you won't need it. Griswold won't let you take the jar yet, so just leave
    the hotel and go to the graveyard right next to it.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    Follow the path to the left. You'll find a chisel and a mallet on a bench. Grab
    both of them. Now, you've probably noticed the stinky dog here (called Old 
    Blind Pew for some cute Treasure Island reference). You'll need to make it bite
    you, so give him one of those delicious maggot infested biscuits, then take 
    some of his hair. Leave the graveyard and head to the beach just southeast of 
    the hotel.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    One of the trees has a nest with an egg in it. You have to safely get it down
    from there. Lay the cushion on the jagged rocks beneath it and use the mallet 
    on the tree. Against all odds, the egg will safely land square on the cushion 
    and Guybrush will pick it up. Next step, go to the windmill on the left side of
    the island.
    
    EASTER EGG: If you try using the ocean 25 times in a row, Guybrush will give in
    and dive in. Down there, you'll see some poor guy who had to stay underwater 
    for longer than 10 minutes and drowned :)
    
    ----------
     Windmill
    ----------
    
    There's a pepperplant right next to the windmill. Just grab one of the peppers
    and head back to the hotel. Yes, really, it's just that easy.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    Give Griswold the egg, the pepper and the hair. He'll make the medicine and 
    will instantly get better! Also, he'll give you some of the leftover medicine.
    Now that his hangover is over, talk to him about everything. You'll learn many,
    many things, including that the hotel's been doing really poorly ever since the 
    volcano went inactive (the eruptions and cooking with lava were a real party, 
    it seems), the ring you're looking for belonged to his heart-broken great-aunt,
    the diamond was broken off the ring and sold to smugglers on Skull Island, that
    woman is currently buried in the Goodsoup family tomb, apparently to get there 
    you have to...hmm... die and the ferryman that used to take people to Skull 
    Island went missing after the lighthouse on Blood Island went out. Did you get
    all that? Well, when you're done, ask him for a drink, specifically, the one
    cocktail that comes with a tiny umbrella. Griswold doesn't have a tiny one, so
    he'll give you a regular sized one instead. Grab the tip jar next to the Big
    Whoop leaflets while you're here.
    
    Now, it's time to do something you should never, ever do in real life. Use the
    chisel to crack open the Head-B-Clear (the hangover medicine) bottle and pour
    it into the drink you've ordered. Now drink it up! Guybrush will pass out so
    hard, Griswold and Mort, the gravedigger, will think he's dead and break the
    crap out of the 4th wall.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    Well, it's game over. What, did you expect that you'd turn alright after mixing
    medicine and alcohol? Nah, just kidding. You'll be in a communal crypt, trapped
    inside the wood box to the bottom right of the screen, not inside the coffin 
    right in the middle of the room as one might expect. Use your chisel on your
    coffin and Guybrush will break out free. Not long after, some very creepy 
    knocking will start coming from the middle coffin. And you can't leave the 
    crypt, since the gate is locked. Before dealing with the undead, grab the nails
    from your coffin. Now, prepare your soul. Use the chisel on the middle conffin
    to reveal the horror! THE HORROR! It's... STAN! Sweet Jesus, how did he get in
    this armpit of an island all the way from Booty? Anyway, he doesn't really have
    any hard feelings on you nailing him inside that box for several months, but he
    did change his business: now he's selling life insurance! He'll even give you
    a business card (don't ask) and show you the way out (turns out the door has
    a mechanism to open it without a key) as he sets his office inside this crypt
    in the middle of nowhere. Go back to the hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    Back inside, the guys here won't be that thrilled with you returning from the
    dead. Ask Griswold why weren't you buried with his aunt and he'll point out the
    obvious flaw with that plan: You're not really a member of the Goodsoup family.
    It's time to try talking him into believing you're one of his relatives. Pick
    any fake name you like. I, personally, think Vegetable is pretty cute. If you
    mention you look like a Goodsoup, he'll deny it, saying he always look at the
    family's portraits upstairs. We'll fix that. Go upstairs.
    
    On the second floor, there'll be a couple of portraits. Enter the door to the
    left. On the wall is a big nail popping out. Use the mallet on it and the 
    portrait in the hall will fall down. Leave the room and pick up both the nail
    and the portrait. Guybrush will get rid of the frame himself in a very flashy
    way. Use the scissors on the portrait to cut the face out of it and put it on
    the door. Enter the room again and look through the porthole. Griswold will 
    come and think you're his great-grandfather Lambert. Horray! You're not done 
    yet, though. You'll still have to prove you have knowledge of the family's 
    history. There's another door upstairs, which, if you asked Griswold about it,
    is locked. Use Stan's business card to unlock it and go inside.
    
    Inside the moldy room is one of those beds that slam against the wall. Open it
    to find a book. Being held by a skeleton. Wow, someone should double-check the
    springs from this bed. Use the coffin nails on the bed to keep it open. You'll
    need to use the single nail you got from the portrait, too. Pick up the book to
    learn it's about the Goodsoup family's history and go back downstairs. Talk to
    Griswold about Goodsoup history and he'll be fully convinced you're a member of
    the family! Now ask for another drink, put some medicine in it and ''kill'' 
    yourself again. You'll be buried in the right crypt this time.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    Isn't the Goodsoup crypt just comfy? Keep heading left until you come across
    Minnie Goodsoup's coffin. You'll know it's the right one because there'll be a
    ghost bride right in front of it. How's that for some creepiness? She's mostly
    harmless, though, so go ahead and talk to her about everything you can. So, she
    has the ring you're looking for. Kinda. As you know, the diamond is missing.
    She'll tell you the sad story of how she met a pirate, fell in love, and of 
    course the guy snatched her huge diamond and she died of a broken heart. Also,
    did I mention this guy was none other than LeChuck? Because it totally was him.
    Unlikely coincidences aside, here's the deal: she won't give you the ring.
    It'll remain bonded to her as long as she's haunting this place, and she'll 
    carry on haunting this place until she finds her true love. Now, I know that
    finding a guy for a dead woman may seem hard, but you're in luck. She'll 
    mention one dude called Charles DeGoulash, who misteriously disappeared one 
    time he stayed at the Goodsoup Hotel. That's right, he's that very very dead
    guy that passed away from bed-slamming-against-wall injuries! I'd tell you to
    go back there now, but alas, the crypt's door is locked, and since the Goodsoup
    is filthy rich, don't expect this to be one of Stan's very low quality crypts
    with easy to unlock gates. You'll have to go deeper here, so keep going left.
    
    You'll hit a dead end here, with nothing but a crack in the wall and an open
    casket with a crowbar propping out of it. Take the crowbar and head near the
    crack. Somehow, don't ask me how, Murray made it here, up to the crypt's
    ceiling and tries to jump you, Made the guy really does have evil powers! After
    your quick reunion, pick him up from the floor and lock through the crack. 
    You'll see Mort's shack. You can try talking to him, but he won't be convinced
    you actually are trapped in there and need help. You'll have to scare the hell
    out of him if you want to be set free! Use the glue on Murray's arm and use the
    arm on Mort's lamp to steal it. Place the lamp on the casket and use Murray,
    the master of scaring people on it. After a hilarious shadow theater, Mort'll
    open the door. The lamp will run out of oil, and you'll never ever be able to
    find any more, so don't bother with it and leave the crypt.
    
    EASTER EGG: Look through the hole in the ceiling near the coffin you got out of
    to watch a really awesome scene back from MI1, referencing the stump joke you'd
    get from the floppy disk version. Cool!
    
    Outside, you'll see that the Mutual of Stan is up and running, so go inside! If
    you've got Murray on you, he'll beg for Guybrush to set him on one of the 
    skeletons, making him leave the place. Shortly after, Murray will go missing...
    somehow, so head back inside. You actually want a life insurance, believe it or
    not. You don't really have any money, but you can affor one by giving Stan your
    gold tooth. If you die, the holder of the insurance will get A LOT of money! 
    But, hey, you've ''died'' already! Twice, in fact! You just need a way to prove
    it. Go back to the hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    You've probably noticed the door on the back, next to the Grog neon sign. Open
    it and go inside. You'll find a file gabinet with your very own death 
    certificate! Pick it up! While you're here, you might as well grab the magnet
    from the fridge and use your chisel to cut a huge chunk from that wheel of 
    cheese. Now, before going upstairs, I think you should know we're fixing the
    island's lighthouse and we'll need the mirror next to Griswold. He won't really
    let you have it, so use the face you cut off from the portrait on it to fool
    the guy into thinking it's still there. Now go to the room with the skeleton.
    
    Use the crowbar on the planks covering the hole on the wall, then use it again
    on the bed, and off goes Charles!
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    You'll watch a quite touching scene portraing Minnie and Charles getting 
    together at last! With their souls finally put at rest, both will disappear,
    leaving the wedding ring behind. Guybrush will show up, so just take the ring
    and leave. Now, off to find that diamond! Leave the crypt.
    
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    + Meanwhile, on Monkey Island +
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    
    It seems like LeChuck's got his business back up and running. He's even set his
    man-dressed-as-a-furry Dinghy Dog to, somehow discreetly, look for Elaine. And
    now he knows she left Plunder Island to unknown waters and sets Dinghy to go
    looking for her. Also, he's out of coleslaw. That's what you get by ordering
    KFC, I guess.
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    Before doing anything else, you'll want to drop by Stan's to collect your life
    insurance money, because, hey, you've got proof you've died at least once,
    right? Show him your death certificate and he'll give you A LOT of money.
    Now, in order to get that diamond, you have to get to Skull Island, and to get
    to Skull Island, you'll need the ferryman, which has gone missing since the
    lighthouse broke down, so you'll have to fix it! It has a broken mirror and no
    light source. You've already got a replacement mirror you nabbed at the hotel.
    As for the light sorce, well, I've already said it, but seeing as this question
    pops up all the time in forums, I think I should say it again: Do not bother 
    with the lamp oil you left back at the Goodsoup crypt, it's done its purpose 
    and you'll never find more oil for it. You'll have to improvise. First, go to
    the Windmill
    
    ----------
     Windmill
    ----------
    
    You're interested in the barrel that's up there. Don't bother trying to get the
    door unlocked, you'll have to do it in a more entertaining way. Use your
    umbrella on one of the says and up you go! The barrel is filled with sugar 
    water, so use the tip jar to get a little of it. Now, you might as well drop by
    the Strange Lights by the volcano's mouth, there's an item there you'll need in
    a little bit.
    
    ---------
     Village
    ---------
    
    Don't worry, the place is deserted, so no awkward conversation with the locals.
    For now, at least. What you are looking for is a measure cup. It's to the right
    on a bamboo table. Pick it up. There's also a huge block of tofu and an auger
    around that you can pick up if you like, but you don't have to, since you don't
    need the former right now and the latter is useless given that you've already
    got a chisel. Either way, head to the clearing Elaine's at.
    
    ----------
     Clearing
    ----------
    
    You've probably noticed the fireflies flying around. Yes, you guessed right,
    those are going to be our light source. Use the jar with sugar water on the
    stump so the little bastards are drawn into it, then close it with the lid! Do
    not forget to poke some holes on the lid so they can breathe! Now you can go
    to the lighthouse.
    
    ------------
     Lighthouse
    ------------
    
    Use the mirror on the broken one, then use the jar with fireflies on the light
    socket. That's all there is to it. Go to the beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    A mysterious figure will be around here now. He's the ferryman that used to 
    take people to the fabled Skull Island. Talk to him, and he'll say he won't 
    dare sailing out of the island without a compass. If you've bothered reading 
    the encyclopedia you got inside the snake, and are still carrying with you for
    some reason, you'll know just how to make one! Fill the measuring cup with sea
    water, then remove the cork from the shaving soap bottle, you'll need to use 
    your teeth to do it. Use the magnet on the pin to magnetize it, pierce it 
    through the cork, and then put the cork on the water filled measuring cup! Here
    we go, a really crappy compass! Well, it works anyway, so give it to the guy 
    and ask for a ride to Skull Island.
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Skull Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    ---------
     Outside
    ---------
    
    Behold! The terror of SKULL ISLAND! Seriously, that image alone gave me
    nightmares for years. Anyway, you'll need to find a way to get to Smuggler's
    Cave up there, it's where you'll find your diamond, so make your way up the 
    cliff. Up there, you'll meet LaFoot, a really short pirate who seems to be in
    his 40s. It looks like someone thought it'd be a good idea to leave him to
    operate that old dumbwaiter. Talk to him so he lowers you. Eventually, he'll 
    lose grip of the handle, of course. You'll have plenty of time to decide your 
    next course of action as you fall the cliff, though! Use the umbrella to 
    parachute yourself down to the cave. Don't do this at home kids, you'll have a
    bad time. Also, if you let Guybrush hit the ground, later when you're leaving 
    the island he'll toss LaFoot from up there for good measure!
    
    -----------------
     Smuggler's Cave
    -----------------
    
    Inside you'll find heaps of treasure and King Andre, notorious smuggler. Talk
    to him as much as you like. I mean it, the dialogue here is hilarious! When the
    diamond is mentioned, he'll say he's not willing to part from it for less than
    an AWFUL lot of money, but unfortunately, you only have a LOT of money. Andre
    will try to be a... hmmm... 'fair' person and bid the diamond in a poker game.
    It is totally unnecessary, but you can refuse and talk to him again to get a 
    LeChuckie doll. It's a useless item, but it's so adorable I just had to mention
    it! As soon as you are done dicking around, take on the poker challenge. You'll
    actually need to pay a little money in order to play, hence the insurance scam
    you pulled on Stan. If you are expecting some sort of minigame here, then I'm 
    sorry to disappoint you. All that'll happen is that you'll lose. And I do mean
    lose every single hand you play. Hey, you didn't think it'd be that easy, did 
    you? The only way to beat these guys is to cheat even harder than they are! Use
    the five death cards you've got on your weak hand! Five-of-a-kind! That ought
    to beat those two! Obviously, they don't take that too kindly and prepare to
    straight murder you. Luckly, though, LaFoot will open the door, blowing out the
    lights. Guybrush will manage to escape with the diamond during the commotion!
    
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    Say goodbye to the ferryman, he's leaving to Scabb Island to take that cook 
    position you got fire from ages ago in the last game, so do not expect to be
    able to return to Skull Island anymore. Now, you've got the diamond! It is time
    to break that curse, right? WRONG! The cursed ring is stuck on Elaine's finger,
    so you'll need something slippery to take it out. Haggis hand lotion will do,
    so your next step is finding a way to get it. Go to the village.
    
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    + Meanwhile, on Monkey Island +
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    
    We watch as a handful of entertained pirates ride a rollercoaster, filled with
    joy and excitement... until they plummet into a lake of lava and come out as
    fresh new undead recruits for LeChuck. Should've stuck to Space Mountain, I 
    suppose. Anyway, Dinghy Dog shows up and informs his boss that he's found out
    that both you and Elaine are on Blood Island and LeChuck commands his men to go
    pick you up. Better get a move on!
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    ---------
     Village
    ---------
    
    Grab the huge block of tofu if you haven't already and go through the passage 
    to the right. By the mouth of the volcano, you'll meet Lemonhead, our friendly
    cannibal back from Monkey Island! Talk to him. As it turns out, they did carry
    on with their path to healthier eating and now they've gone vegetarian. His 
    tribe left Monkey Island when LeChuck set up that amusement park and they came
    around Blood Island, back when the volcano erupted all the time. They tried
    offering everything to the volcano god in order to appease him, and not only 
    it didn't work, but also they've found out this god is lactose intolerant, 
    which led these guys here to keep him on a strict died of fruits and vegetables
    instead of, you know, people. There's a ceremony tonight, but they can't start
    yet because they're waiting for a representative of another tribe to come over.
    Oh, and he also needs to be vegetarian. Guybrush isn't allowed in, so you'll 
    have to impersonate this guy. Use either the chisel or the auger on the block
    of tofu to make a mask out of it and wear it! Lemonhead will let you in.
    
    You'll watch the fun sacrifice of the vegetable-made man and then will be free
    to move. Throw some cheese into the vocano and watch the fireworks! Don't worry
    the cannibals won't try to kill you for that (because they totally should). Go
    to the hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    Do not enter the hotel, what you want is not in there. What you want is to use
    that cool lava powered grill to the right (Pro tip: If you were this close to
    lava without any sort of protection, you'd be dead)! On the grill is an iron
    cooking pot. Put all of your cheese in it and watch it melt. There you go! A
    perfect tar substitute! Kinda. Sorta. Yeah. Pick up the pot and Guybrush will
    automatically drag it over to Haggis. If he refuses to do so, you've not talked
    to him about the hand lotion yet.
    
    -----------
     Shipwreck
    -----------
    
    Haggis will be more than happy with the cheese you've brought and will let you
    have the lotion. You know, this could've been a lot easier if you, I dunno, 
    just told him exactly what you needed the lotion for and just asked to borrow 
    it for a sec? It's not like you need the whole bottle. Grab the bottle and head
    to Elaine.
    
    ----------
     Clearing
    ----------
    
    At last! We can get this over with! Use the lotion on the cursed ring and pull
    it off. It'll explode, but, thankfully, it won't take away any of Guybrush's
    fingers. Put the ring and the diamond together and slip the ring on Elaine's
    finger!
    
    At last, the curse is broken! As your fiancee is done punching the living day
    lights out of you, she realizes you're not on Plunder anymore. Guybrush hugs
    and conforts her, saying it's all right now, that everything is gonna be fine.
    Then you're captured by LeChuck's men. Oh, bother.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   2-5 -- Part V: Kiss Of The Spider Monkey --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    +++++++++++++++++
    + Monkey Island +
    +++++++++++++++++
    
    --------------------
     Big Whoop Carnival
    --------------------
    
    Yeah, LeChuck's got you in his hand, now. You're in the Carnival of the Damned, 
    or Big Whoop , I dunno, I'm still kinda confused on how this place is actually 
    called. Guybrush's trapped in a gondola rigged with explosives, and LeChuck's 
    starting to get ready to talk a lot. There are no dialogue puzzles here, but I 
    strongly suggest to talk to LeChuck anyway, as he'll explain a lot of stuff 
    from the Monkey Island lore, like: how he turned into a ghost pirate, what the
    treasure of Big Whoop really is, how he met Minnie Goodsoup, how he killed off 
    each and every member of Cpt. Marley's crew, what's the point of the the whole
    carnival and how it came to be, all the stuff. When he runs out of stuff to say
    Guybrush will cover his ears and pretend not to listen. LeChuck decides that, 
    if he's going to act like a child, he might as well turn him into one again. 
    And so he does, and leaves with Elaine. Fortunately for you, the gondola is not
    locked, so just open the door to leave!
      
    So, here's the deal. LeChuck took Elaine to the roller coaster of death and you
    need to get there. But seeing as you're a child now, you're not tall enough to
    go in. Also, apparently Guybrush has some extreme headache. You know what that
    means, right?? Ok, probably not. You need to make some Head-B-Clear, of course!
    You remember the ingredients, right? Egg, pepper and hair from a dog that bit
    you. The pepper is easy. To the right is a snowcone shack, and on the counter 
    is a pepper grinder. Just pick that up. For the dog hair, push Dinghy Dog six
    times. He'll get so annoyed he'll bit the crap out of Guybrush, who will snatch
    some of his hair in the process. Getting the egg is going to be a bit more 
    complicated. You've probably noticed there's a filthy rat operating a cannon
    that fires meringue pies. Meringue contains eggs, so you'll need one, but it
    won't be that easy, the rat guy won't let you have any. Here's what you have to
    do: Talk to Dinghy Dog and dares him to figure out your age. Seeing as you are
    a 20-year-old guy trapped in a 7-year-old, he'll guess wrong, granting you a
    prize. Now, I know you really, really want Murray, but what you actually need
    is the anchor, so pick it up. Use the anchor on the pie pan and cover it with
    shaving soap. Now lay the ''pie'' on the pie pile. The rat guy with fire it and
    knock out the mime on the other side. With the creepy mute out of the way, open
    the gate next to attraction and look through the hole. You'll get shot on the
    face with one of the pies! Now, you can't really just gobble down all that 
    stuff. Ask the snowcone guy for a plain snowcone and put all the ingredients on
    it. You can also put the tofu mask and glue on your nightmare cone, but there's
    no real point. Now just eat it, and watch as doing so will miraculously break
    the curse!
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   2-6 -- Part VI: Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    ----------------
     Roller Coaster
    ----------------
    
    Ok, here's how things work in this part: you'll be in the carnival's roller 
    coaster. Yes, the same where people plummet to their death, but do not worry,
    you never do reach that part, you'll be fine. Anyway, there are four dioramas
    here: one from Monkey Island, with Herman and that hanged friend of his, one of
    Cpt. Marley and his men, one of LeChuck's dungeon, and one with an abominable
    snow ape. I think. You'll be on the ride, and will have to get on and off the
    car in order to reach different dioramas. If you stick around a diorama for too
    long, LeChuck will show up! He'll try to burn Guybrush to a crisp, but he'll
    manage to escape. So, here are the steps you need to follow in order to kick
    LeChuck's butt once again:
    
    As soon as the chapter starts, leave the car on to Monkey Island's diorama. 
    Grab the rope lying on the floor next to Herman and ride the first car that 
    comes up to the next diorama. Leave the car on Cpt. Marley's diorama and grab 
    one of the rum kegs next to Rum Rogers. LeChuck will usually show up before you
    get the chance to ride the next car. In the diorama for LeChuck's dungeon, open
    the lamp blow the kerosene vial to put it out, then pick it up! Also, if you 
    look closely at the Wally hanging around, you'll notice it is the REAL Wally!
    Talk to him if you want, it's your last moment with him, considering he won't
    show up ever again in the series.
    
    In the next and final diorama, go up the frosty hill. Pour kerosene on the rope
    and then connect the flammable rope to the rum keg. Put the keg under the giant
    snowy ape's arm, get down and wait for LeChuck. When he shows up and starts 
    warming up to make some Guybrush toast, use the pepper shaker on him. This will
    make him sneeze some fire, lighting the fuse for the keg. Guybrush will escape,
    and the keg will explode, resulting in a cave-in that'll bury LeChuck under a
    mountain of ice!
    
    Later, we see as Guybrush and Elaine sail off after just getting married and 
    live happily ever after... until they have to endure the subpar, continuity
    error that is Escape From Monkey Island. Well, that was a lame ending. Well, 
    anyway, congratulations! You've just beaten Curse Of Monkey Island!
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-0 -- WALKTHROUGH ULTRA-REDUX --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    As I wrote this guide, I came to notice that I write quite a lot. To make life
    easier for those who want only what they are looking for and don't really care
    about my awesome, witty comments on the plot, here's a simpler version of the 
    guide, saying just what you need and what to do.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-1 -- Part I --    *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    ------
     Hold
    ------
    
    - Talk to Wally. Say he's a failure as a pirate.
    
    - Man the cannon and shoot all the boats.
    
    - Pick up the PLASTIC HOOK and the RAMROD.
    
    - Combine both itens to make a HOIST.
    
    - Look through the window to the left and use the HOIST on the SKELETON ARM.
    
    - Use the CUTLASS on the cannon's rope.
    
    - Fire the cannon.
    
    ---------------
     Treasure Hold
    ---------------
    
    - Pick up the BAG OF WOODEN NICKELS.
    
    - Pick up the DIAMOND RING.
    
    - Use the DIAMOND RING on the porthole.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-2 -- Part II --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - Pick up the AMBER.
    
    - Leave the beach and go to the swamp.
    
    -------
     Swamp
    -------
    
    - Enter the capsized ship.
    
    - Use the BAG OF WOODEN NICKLES on the gum machine and pick up the GUM.
    
    - Pick up the PIN and the BOTTLE OF PASTE.
    
    - Pull the stuffed alligator's tongue.
    
    - Talk to the Voodoo Lady about everything.
    
    - Leave the Swamp and go to Puerto Pollo.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    - Enter the theater.
    
    - Look at the coat.
    
    - Grab the HEAD LICE.
    
    - Open the coat's pocket and grab the GLOVE.
    
    - Look at the Blood Island sticker on the trunk.
    
    - Pick up the MAGIC WAND.
    
    - Use the MAGIC WAND on the hat and pick up the BOOK.
    
    - Inspect the BOOK to learn it's about ventriloquism.
    
    - Go right to the stage.
    
    - Talk to Slappy Crownwell about Blood Island.
    
    - Leave the theater and go to the Barber Shop.
    
    - Use the LICE on the comb when Haggis lays it down.
    
    - Sit on the barber chair.
    
    - Pull the lever once and grab the PAPERWEIGHT.
    
    - Keep pulling the lever and yank the SCISSORS out of the ceiling.
    
    - Talk to all pirates about joining your crew.
    
    - Pat Bill on the back, then pat again.
    
    - Pick up the JAWBREAKER he spits out.
    
    - Use the GLOVE on Van Helgen.
    
    - Close the box in the middle and choose the banjo.
    
    - Copy each one of Van Helgen's movements.
    
    - Pick up one of his GUNS and shoot his banjo.
    
    - Leave the Barber Shop.
    
    - Use the SCISSORS on the jungle behind the restaurant. You'll get a FLOWER.
    
    - Use the SCISSORS on the jungle again to open a path.
    
    - Pick up everything inside the snake.
    
    - Combine the FLOWER with the SYRUP and use the resulting item on the snake.
    
    - Pick up the BAMBOO and the THORN from the thorn bush.
    
    - Combine the BALLOON with the PAPERWEIGHT.
    
    - Blow the BALLOON that is floating next to you.
    
    - Combine the THORN and the BAMBOO to make a PEASHOOTER.
    
    - Use the PEASHOOTER on the BALLOON.
    
    -------------
     Danjer Cove
    -------------
    
    - Go back to Puerto Pollo
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    - Enter the Restaurant and show Cpt. Blond Beard the slip you got in the snake.
    
    - Pick up the PIE PAN, the COOKIE CUTTER and the BISCUIT.
    
    - Eat the BISCUIT and use the MAGGOTS on the chicken on the table.
    
    - Take the MEMBERSHIP CARD inside the chicken.
    
    - Push the really quiet customer and take the BREAD KNIFE from his back.
    
    - Give Blond Beard the JAWBREAKER, and then the GUM.
    
    - Use the PIN to pop his bubble and take the GOLD TOOTH.
    
    - Chew some GUM and combine the CHEWED GUM with the GOLD TOOTH.
    
    - Inhale helium from the BALLOON and chew the GUM WITH TOOTH.
    
    - Leave the restaurant. Outside, use the PIE PAN on the puddle of mud.
    
    - Go to the Field of Honor, right next to theater.
    
    - Use the COOKIE CUTTER on the rubber tree to make a plug.
    
    - Go to the grassy knoll and use the BREAD KNIFE on the keg's support.
    
    - Use the AMBER on the trail of rum.
    
    - Go to the barber shop.
    
    - Talk to Haggis about joining your crew. If you blew up the tree, you'll win.
    
    - Show the GOLD TOOTH to Bill and he'll also join you.
    
    - Go to Danjer Cove.
    
    -------------
     Danjer Cove
    -------------
    
    - Combine the PLUG with the PASTE and use it to plug the rowboat's hole.
    
    - Row over to the ship. Before boarding, use the BREAD KNIFE on the plank.
    
    - Climb the ship. You'll be tared and feathered.
    
    - Go to the restaurant. Blond Beard will knock you out.
    
    - Look at the VENTRILOQUIST BOOK if you haven't already. Use it on LeChimp.
    
    - Guybrush'll take the map to Elaine. Leave through the window.
    
    - Go to the theater.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    - Go upstairs. Pull the lever and push the corresponding buttons following the
      order written in the map.
    
    - Back downstairs, use the CHICKEN GREASE on the cannonballs.
    
    - Enter the stage and use the shovel to dig Elaine up.
    
    - Head to the beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - Show the cabana boy the MEMBERSHIP CARD.
    
    - Take three TOWELS and soak them in the bucket of water.
    
    - Use the WET TOWELS on the cabana boy and take the COOKING OIL.
    
    - Head to the beach. Try walking on the sand. Use the TOWELS to make a path.
    
    - Talk to the sunbather about everything, but mostly importantly about Blood
      Island.
    
    - Take his MUG and open the gate to the right to make a shortcut.
    
    - Go back to Puerto Pollo.
    
    --------------
     Puerto Pollo
    --------------
    
    - Head to Kenny's lemonade stand. Switch his BOTTOMLESS MUG with yours.
    
    - Ask for a lemonade and he'll run off. Take the PITCHER and fill it with the
      red dye next to the stand.
    
    - Go back to the beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - Give Palido the BOTTOMLESS MUG. Use the RED DYE on the mug and he'll turn 
      over.
    
    - Use the COOKING OIL on his back and take the MAP.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-3 -- Part III --  *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    ++++++++++++
    + High Sea +
    ++++++++++++
    
    - Not much to talk about here. It's the insult sword-fighting routine.
    
    --------------------------------
     Pirate's Insults and Comebacks
    --------------------------------
    
    Insult: Every enemy I've met, I've annihilated!
    Comeback: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
    
    Insult: You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
    Comeback: I look that much like your fiancee?
    
    Insult: Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
    Comeback: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
    
    Insult: You're the ugliest monster ever created!
    Comeback: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
    
    Insult: I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!
    Comeback: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.
    
    Insult: Would you like to be buried, or cremated?
    Comeback: With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
    
    Insult: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
    Comeback: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
    
    Insult: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!
    Comeback: At least mine can be identified.
    
    Insult: You can't match my witty repartee!
    Comeback: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
    
    Insult: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
    Comeback: You would have, but you were always running away.
    
    Insult: En Garde! Touche!
    Comeback: Oh, that is so cliche.
    
    Insult: Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!
    Comeback: Too bad they're all fabricated.
    
    Insult: I can't rest 'til you've been exterminated!
    Comeback: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
    
    Insult: I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perfurated!
    Comeback: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.
    
    Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
    Comeback: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
    
    Insult: I'll hound you night and day!
    Comeback: Then be a good dog, sit! Stay!
    
    ------------------------------------
     Rottingham's Insults and Comebacks
    ------------------------------------
    
    Insult: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
    Comeback: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
    
    Insult: You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei!
    Comeback: I look that much like your fiancee?
    
    Insult: When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
    Comeback: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
    
    Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated!
    Comeback: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
    
    Insult: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
    Comeback: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.	
    
    Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
    Comeback: With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
    
    Insult: Never before have I faced someone so sissified!
    Comeback: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
    
    Insult: You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
    Comeback: At least mine can be identified.
    
    Insult: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
    Comeback: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
    
    Insult:	I have never lost a melee!
    Comeback: You would have, but you were always running away.
    
    Insult: Your mother wears a toupee!
    Comeback: Oh, that is so cliche.
    
    Insult: My skills with a sword are highly venerated!
    Comeback: Too bad they're all fabricated.
    
    Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
    Comeback: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
     
    Insult: I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated!
    Comeback: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.
    
    Insult: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
    Comeback: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
    
    Insult: You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
    Comeback: Then be a good dog, sit! Stay! 
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-4 -- Part IV --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    -----------
     Shipwreck
    -----------
    
    - Pick up the BOTTLE OF SHAVING SOAP.
    
    - Talk to Haggis about the BOTTLE OF LOTION.
    
    - Go to the Hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    - Go inside.
    
    - Talk to Madam Xima and ask her to read the cards five times. Take the stack
      of DEATH CARDS.
    
    - Pick up the RECIPE BOOK and the loose CUSHION from the bar stool to the left.
    
    - Leave the Hotel and go to the Graveyard.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    - Follow the path to the left.
    
    - Take the MALLET and the CHISEL.
    
    - Give the dog the BISCUIT and take some of his HAIR.
    
    - Leave the Graveyard and go to the Beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - Lay the CUSHION on the rocks beneath the tree and use the MALLET to make the
      EGG fall over. Pick it up.
    
    - Go to the Windmill.
    
    ----------
     Windmill
    ----------
    
    - Take the CHILI PEPPER.
    
    - Go back to the Hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    - Give Griswold the EGG, the PEPPER and the HAIR. He'll give you the rest of 
      the MEDICINE.
    
    - Pick up the JAR.
    
    - Talk to Griswold about everything; then order a fruit cocktail. You'll get an
      UMBRELLA.
    
    - Open the BOTTLE OF MEDICINE with the CHISEL and pour it into the drink and
      gulp it down.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    - Use the CHISEL on the coffin you're in (it's the bottom one) to set yourself
      free.
    
    - Take the NAILS from the coffin.
    
    - Use the CHISEL on the coffin in the middle. You'll get a BUSINESS CARD.
    
    - Go back to the Hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    - Talk to Griswold about being buried in his family tomb.
    
    - Go upstairs. Enter the room to the left.
    
    - Use the MALLET on the nail coming out of the wall. Leave the room.
    
    - Take the PORTRAIT and the NAIL off the floor.
    
    - Cut the PORTRAIT with the SCISSORS and use the CUT-OUT on the left door.
    
    - Enter the room and look through the porthole.
    
    - Use the BUSINESS CARD on the other door and enter.
    
    - Pull down the bed and use the NAILS to hold it down. Use one more NAIL, next.
    
    - Take the BOOK and look at it to learn it's Goodsoup's History.
    
    - Go downstairs and talk to Griswold about you being a Goodsoup, both in looks
      and in family history knowledge.
    
    - Order a drink and pour MEDICINE into it. Drink it.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard
    -----------
    
    - Go left. Talk to the ghost of Minnie Goodsoup about everything. Keep going
      left.
    
    - Take the CROWBAR. Head next to the crack on the wall and grab MURRAY when he
      tries to scare you.
    
    - Look through the crack. Combine the SKELETON ARM with the PASTE and use it to
      steal the LAMP.
    
    - Use the LAMP on the coffin lid behind you and use MURRAY on the LAMP.
    
    - You'll be able to leave the crypt now. Drop by Stan's and give him the GOLD
      TOOTH to get a LIFE INSURANCE. MURRAY will leave your inventory.
    
    - Go to the Hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    - Inside, enter the room next to the Grog neon sign.
    
    - Use the CHISEL on the CHEESE to get some. Also pick up the MAGNET and the
      DEATH CERTIFICATE.
    
    - Use the FACE CUT-OUT on the MIRROR next to Griswold to pick it up.
    
    - Go upstairs and enter the room with the skeleton.
    
    - Use the CROWBAR on the wood boards covering the hole.
    
    - Use the CROWBAR on the bed.
    
    -----------
     Graveyard 
    -----------
    
    - Take the RING that fell on the floor.
    
    - Leave the crypt and go to Stan's.
    
    - Show Stan the DEATH CERTIFICATE and you'll get a lot of MONEY.
    
    - Go to the village next to the volcano.
    
    ---------
     Village
    ---------
    
    - Take the MEASURE CUP to the right of the village.
    
    - Go to the Windmill.
    
    ----------
     Windmill
    ----------
    
    - Use the UMBRELLA on one of the says to go up. Use the JAR on the barrel to 
      fill it with sugar water.
    
    - Go to the Clearing
    
    ----------
     Clearing
    ----------
    
    - Lay the JAR on the stump and watch and the fireflies go inside.
    
    - Poke some holes on the LID with the CHISEL and use it on the JAR.
    
    - Go to the Lighthouse.
    
    ------------
     Lighthouse
    ------------
    
    - Use the MIRROR you've got on the broken mirror and the JAR on the light
      socket.
    
    - Go to the Beach.
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - The ferryman should be here. Fill the CUP with seawater. 
    
    - Open the SHAVING SOAP BOTTLE with your mouth.
    
    - Use the PIN with the MAGNET.
    
    - Combine the PIN with the CORK, then combine them with the CUP to make a 
      makeshift COMPASS.
    
    - Give the COMPASS to the ferryman and ask him to take you to Skull Island.
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Skull Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    - Climb the hill.
    
    - Ask LaFoot to take you down. Use the UMBRELLA from your inventory when he
      loses grip of the handle.
    
    - Inside, talk to King Andre about everything. Eventually, you'll manage to try
      to negotiate the diamond. He'll bet it in a game of poker, and you'll need
      the MONEY to join.
    
    - In the poker game, you'll always be dealt bad hands. Use the DEATH CARDS on
      your WEAK HAND and you'll get the DIAMOND.
    
    ++++++++++++++++
    + Blood Island +
    ++++++++++++++++
    
    -------
     Beach
    -------
    
    - Head to the village.
    
    ---------
     Village
    ---------
    
    - Take the TOFU BLOCK if you have't already and carve it with the CHISEL.
    
    - Go right, following the path. 
    
    - Talk to Lemonhead if you want, then use the TOFU MASK.
    
    - In the volcano, drop some CHEESE into it when you get the chance.
    
    - Go back to the hotel.
    
    -------
     Hotel
    -------
    
    - Outside, use the CHEESE on the pot and take the pot to Haggis. If Guybrush
      refuses to do so, you need to talk to Haggis about his hand lotion.
    
    -----------
     Shipwreck
    -----------
    
    - Take the HAND LOTION and go to the clearing where Elaine is.
    
    ----------
     Clearing
    ----------
    
    - Use the lotion on the cursed ring and pull it off. It'll explode.
    
    - Combine the DIAMOND with the WEDDING RING if you haven't already and use it
      on Elaine.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *  3-5 -- Part V --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    +++++++++++++++++
    + Monkey Island +
    +++++++++++++++++
    
    --------------------
     Big Whoop Carnival
    --------------------
    
    - Talk to LeChuck as much as you want until he leaves.
    
    - Open the door to leave the gondola.
    
    - Take the PEPPER SHAKER off the stand to the right.
    
    - Talk to Dinghy Dog and dare him to guess your age. Take the ANCHOR as prize.
    
    - Combine the PIE PAN, the ANCHOR and the SHAVING CREAM.
    
    - Use the FAKE PIE on the pile of pies next to the Rat Guy.
    
    - Go to where the mime is and look through the hole to get MERINGUE.
    
    - Push Dinghy Dog six times to get DOG HAIR.
    
    - Ask the guy at the snowcone stand for a plain SNOWCONE.
    
    - Combine the SNOWCONE, the MERINGUE, the PEPPER and the DOG HAIR and eat it.
    
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    *   3-5 -- Part VI --   *
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
    
    - On the first diorama, take the ROPE.
    
    - On the second diorama, take the RUM KEG.
    
    - On the third diorama, open the lamb, blow it and take the OIL.
    
    - On the fourth diorama, combine the OIL, the ROP and the RUM KEG.
    
    - Climb the hill and use the KEG on the giant snowy ape.
    
    - Climb down and wait for LeChuck to show up. Use the PEPPER on him.
    
    - You win. The end. Man, this ''Ultra-redux'' thing is really underwhelming. I
      think I'll stick to writing a crap ton of text.
    
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
    *   4   --CREDITS--    +
    +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
    
    Thanks for all the FAQs writers out there for  inspiring me. Thank YOU for
    reading it, or else there wouldn't be any point on writing it in the first 
    place. Very special thanks for the three-headed monkey. I'd also like to say 
    that I'm not a natural English speaker, so I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes. 
    Peace to you  all. And, just to remember, if you have any doubts, problems or 
    comments just send me an e-mail (felipecamposgaboardi@gmail.com).
    Any questions on any of my guides or LucasArts adventure games in general, with
    the exception of Zak Mckraken, I hate that game, you can tweet me @GriloGabo. I
    never use it for anything anyway.