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    Walkthrough by Catz

    Updated: 01/01/70 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

                    Leisure Suit Larry VII Walkthrough
    This walkthrough was personally made by Catz (catz@freedomnet.com) and
    he is to be blamed
    for all mistakes, spelling errors, and all the such.  Anyone can
    download this and put it on their
    web page, provided I at least get credit for writing the damn thing.
    This walkthrough is the first
    one on the net (so far), and only gives you about 987 points, and only
    finding 29 Where's
    Dildo's?  The other dildo's are there, I just overlooked them.  Please
    excuse errors on this
    walkthrough, as it was made very quickly.  This walkthrough will be
    revised on a web format,
    with pictures and diagrams and crap.  Any ideas and the such should go
    to catz@freedomnet.com
    Beginning Tips
    I have personally found that turning on "Closed Captioning" by
    choosing the "Game" menu from
    the top pull-down menus, and selecting the bottom option, "Closed
    Captioning", or by pressing
    Ctrl-T helps a LOT.  Typed sentences may contain clues by capitalizing
    key words, but you don't
    hear any emphasis on the word when the narrator says it.
    You can't die, or become trapped for any reason at all.  Therefore,
    try ANYTHING you like,
    without fear of consequences.
    Love for Sail! Is a game of exploration.  So don't miss anything!
    Look at each new scene
    carefully.  Click on anything that causes your cursor to highlight.
    Try all the menu choices.  Talk
    to everyone you see.  Take notes.  Remember what they say, as it may
    come in handy later as
    something to talk about with one of your new friends.
    Things change during the course of the game.  New characters may
    appear.  Keep looking
    Think creatively.  When you get "stuck", leave and explore other
    areas.  You never know where
    you might find just what you need.  Above all, relax, let your
    imagination run wild, and have fun!
    Complete Walkthrough
    La Costa Lotta
    In the beginning, you and Shamara are finishing up what you both
    started in Leisure Suit Larry
    VI.  After a bit, she suggests doing something new.  So, she shackles
    your hands to the headboard
    with "Sisters of Steel" brand handcuffs.  You might think this kinky
    new fantasy might be nice,
    but it doesn't last long.  As soon as you're shackled, she takes your
    wallet and leaves the hotel
    room, but not without stuffing her cigarette in your mouth first.  Of
    course, you don't smoke, so
    you do the stupidest thing possible: spit out the cigarette on the
    bed, and catch the bed sheet on
    fire.  The first thing you want to do, is take the Lil' Hair Weave Kit
    on the dresser to the right of
    Larry.  Then, take the Vice Grips from the dresser to the left of
    Larry.  Access your inventory, by
    pressing Ctrl-I, or right clicking anywhere, and choosing "Inventory".
    Left click once on the Lil'
    Hair Weave Kit, and choose "Open".  Then, left click on the Vice
    Grips, and choose "Use" and
    choose "Needle".  This bends the needle for you, in a zig-zag shape,
    perfect for picking locks.  As
    soon as Larry calms down, and stays still, left click on the handcuffs
    on his hand, and choose Use. 
    Choose to use the bent needle in the handcuffs.  This gets you out of
    the burning bed, thankfully,
    but gets you in a dead end, with the fire inching closer to you,
    unthankfully.  The Fire Chief tells
    you to jump.  No problem, right?  Only because you're on the fortieth
    floor, that shouldn't make
    any difference.  However, there's a tiny problem; a glass sliding
    door.  Did I mention the fire
    heated the frame, so that you can't open it, either?  Didn't think so.
    Well, looks like you're going
    to have to break it with something.  The lamp is too heavy for you to
    live (20 pounds is waaay
    too heavy for Larry) and the chair crumbles as you smash it against
    the door.  Guess we'll have to
    try some Larry-force.  Left click on the glass sliding door, and
    choose "Other..."  Type in
    "Break", and you'll throw yourself through the glass door, painfully,
    might I add.  You make it to
    the balcony, which is where you find a small picture of a cruise ship,
    which you pocket.  Then, the
    moment of truth comes: you have to leap forty floors to your safety,
    or to your death.  Pretty fun,
    eh?  Unfortunately, Larry doesn't have a choice, because the force of
    the explosion pushes him off
    the balcony.  He DOES land on the net, however.  And then he proceeds
    to bounce off numerous
    things on, and off screen, landing on a nice, soft, cactus.  "Leisure
    Suit Larry, you've just leapt
    from the 40th floor of a burning building!  What are you going to do
    next?"  Take a cruise, of
    The PMS Bouncy (Boarding the ship and first activities)
    Larry arrives at the docks, and meets the beautiful Captain Thygh, and
    gets slapped within the
    first two sentences he utters.  He boards the ship, and is then given
    his room keycard by the
    purser, but of course, there was a problem with his original room, and
    he's been moved to a much
    BIGGER room.  (If you've played previous Leisure Suit Larry games, you
    know what to expect).
    Anyway, just look around the main lobby a bit, and soon, an
    announcement comes on, to anyway
    wishing to hump the Captain for the next week, they should report to
    the Lounge.  Well, needless
    to say, you run straight for the Lounge first.  After you get the
    announcement, right click
    anywhere on the screen, and choose "Map".  This gives you a map of the
    ship, and if you hold
    your cursor over an area, and the area gets highlighted, you can
    travel to that area.  In the lower
    right, it shows you a screenshot of the room you'd enter if you click
    on that area.  Look at the
    second to the top floor of the ship, and hold your cursor over the red
    area in the middle of the
    deck.  It shows in the lower right corner, that it is the "Proud Lil'
    Seaman Lounge".  This is
    exactly where you want to go.  Click on the red area, and you get
    "magically" transported there. 
    Peter the Purser explains the TMT (Thygh Man Trophy) contest.  After
    he is done talking, feel
    free to look around, and look at the cannons, or chests.  You want to
    pay special attention to the
    left row of chests, about 3 chests back.  You should see a speck of
    red and white striped,
    something.  Go ahead and click on it.  Welcome to "Where's Dildo?",
    which is a fun game making
    fun of "Where's Waldo?".  Just find 32 of these little suckers, and
    you get something special.  1
    down, 31 to go.  After you're done with that, click on the door at the
    bottom of the stage, to
    leave the lounge.  This leads you out to a top deck.  As you might
    notice by sight and hearing, in
    the lower right, you see a flashing "1" picture.  This tells you to
    whip out your "CyberSniff 2000"! 
    Find the number 1 square on your CyberSniff 2000, and scratch it
    lightly.  Then, sniff the number
    1 square.  Get a big old whiff of sea air.  It's just like you're
    there.  You can examine the many
    interesting topiaries that the PMS Bouncy has on exhibit.  Hidden in
    the "Where's Dildo" topiary,
    you should she another Where's Dildo?.  Go ahead and click him.  2
    down, 30 to go.     Go ahead
    and move your cursor to the far left, until you get a left arrow icon.
    Click, and go left.  Here, you
    can see a fire hose case, and you probably see a fat woman pirate,
    too.  (If not, don't worry,
    you'll see her soon enough!)  Go ahead and click on the fire hose
    case, and choose "Open". 
    Then, click on the fire hose itself, and take it.  If you see the
    pirate woman, click on her, and
    choose Talk.  Now, you see a menu of options that you can click on,
    and Larry will discuss that
    topic with Peggy.  Choose "Your Name", and you tell her you can tell
    where she got her name
    from, and she returns your friendly ice breakers with a half dozen
    expletives.  After you have
    chosen all the options, you should have learned a couple things.  One,
    mixing KZ Sexual
    Lubricant, and Deodorant will cause an explosion.  Two, Peggy swears
    an awful lot.  Now, if you
    like, you can choose "Other.." from the conversation menu, and you get
    to choose the topic. 
    Type in "Captain" to get a colorful description of Captain Thygh.
    After you've heard enough,
    choose Goodbye.  Continue on your way left.  Now, do you see the
    sneaky Where's Dildo? in this
    screen?  Well, he's behind the sheep topiary pot.  3 down, 29 to go.
    Go ahead and look at the
    topiary sheep, and take some kumquats.  You'll be glad you did later.
    (Although from the
    particular kumquats you picked, the sheep isn't too happy).  Now, you
    see another character in
    this screen.  Go ahead and talk to him.  His name is Rod.  His job is
    entertaining the non-existent
    children on this cruise.  And I must say, he's doing a bang-up job.
    Talk to him again, and he'll
    make you a balloon animal.  Keep talking, and he'll make you a huge
    range of different balloon
    animals.  (Yeah, right).  At this time, bring up your inventory, and
    let's take a look at what we
    have.  You can left click on any item, and look at it, and see what it
    is.  Look at your TMT Card,
    and you see what competitions you have to participate in.  The
    competitions are: Poop Deck
    Horseshoes, Craps Tournament, Tail Deck Bowling, LoveMaster 2000,
    Captain's Cook-Off, and
    Best-Dressed Man.  Oh yeah, you'll have no problem with this.  Sheesh
    Larry, good luck...you're
    gonna need it.
    The LoveMaster 2000 Contest
    Get the ship map on screen, and look at the available rooms, until you
    get to "Library".  Go there. 
    By the grandfather clock, is yet another Where's Dildo?.  4 down, 28
    to go.  Feel free to look at
    all the different books in the bookcases.  After you're done, go
    right.  Here, you meet Victorian
    Principles.  A submissive librarian with an extreme nymphomaniacal,
    darker side of her, hidden
    away.  You consider it your job to release that inner beast.  Go ahead
    and talk with her.  From the
    topics, you learn that she dislikes "spicy" literature, but you're
    sure she would love it, if she was
    just exposed to some.  In this conversation, "Other..." as the topic
    is very important.  No matter
    what you type, she turns around to her computer, and doesn't see you
    for about 10 seconds.  Go
    ahead and take the mucilage in front of the pile of books.  That's all
    you can do in here for now,
    so split.  Say goodbye to her, and go south.  Now, take a look at the
    champagne waterfall.  Right
    next to it, is a column, and peeking out of it, is a little Where's
    Dildo?.  Go ahead and let him
    loose.  5 down, 27 to go.  Our next stop is the Clothing Optional
    Pool, so whip out your ship
    map, and click on the pool.  In the changing cabana, you can see
    people come and go, and there's
    a little Where's Dildo? in the bushes toward the left.  6 down, 26 to
    go.  Continue on your way
    right, and you'll be stopped by Dick.  Apparantely, you can't wear
    you're leisure suit out in the
    sun, for fear of igniting.  You can understand that, so you get a
    loaner bathing suit.  And what a
    normal looking bathing suit it is. At least you can have a towel to
    cover it up.  When you get past
    Dick, the CyberSniff 2000 shows a 2.  So, grab your sheet, and scratch
    and sniff number 2.  It's
    suntan lotion!  Well anyway, this nude woman on a chaise lounge gets
    sunscreen in her eyes, and
    asks for a towel, groping blindly in the air.  Sure enough, you walk
    right in the path, and your
    cover is shot, and your bathing suit shown.  How humiliating.    Well,
    anyway, you get in a
    conversation with this woman, and learn her name is Drew Baringmore.
    Talk to her on all the
    options, and learn quite a few things.  One, Drew has had her cabin
    boy lock up her clothes in a
    place where she can never get them.  Two, a Gigantic Erection is a
    cocktail, that takes an awful
    long time to prepare.   Three, the book you want for Victorian, "The
    Erotic Adventures of
    Hercules", is in Drew's hands, and she's not done with it.  Also, on
    your way out, take a look at
    "Peoples" magazine to learn about the Juggs.  Well, it's about time
    you checked out your new
    digs, so go ahead and get out your ship map, and choose Cabin 0.  The
    first thing you should
    notice is the Where's Dildo? directly in front of you, behind the
    bucket.  7 down, 25 to go.  The
    second thing you should notice, is the CyberSniff 2000 flashing the
    number 6.  Take a big ol'
    whiff of number 6 on your card, and you should smell a dank pit like
    smell.  Feel free to look
    around, sleep on the cot.  Also, check out the toilet pipe, and unclog
    it by taking out the can of
    Silicone Lubricant.  Also, on the opposite side of the toilet, is some
    nice toilet paper.  Go ahead
    and take it.  Go back to the clothing optional pool, and go left, to
    Drew's deck.  Dick will stop
    you again, but in a couple sentences, you've got your elephant, and
    ready for action.  Talk to
    Drew, and ask her about her book again.  She'll give it to you this
    time.  Great, something to give
    Victorian!  Go on back to the library, and prepare to swap some books.
    Once you've gotten the
    talking bar up, choose "Other.." and then type anything you want.
    This will make Vicki turn
    around, and type on the computer for 10 seconds.  Now, take your time,
    you can make Vicki turn
    and type as much as you want, so you have tons of chances to do this.
    First off, take the book
    with the yellow cover.  It's the top book on the stack.  Once you have
    it in your inventory, go in
    your inventory, and click on it.  Choose Remove Jacket.  Then, click
    on the book jacket, and use
    it with the dirty book.  Now you have the dirty book with the Prudish
    And Proud cover.  Exit
    your inventory, and click the book stack, and use it with the Erotic
    book with the Prudish cover. 
    Now, you're all set.  Whip out your map, and go back to your cabin.
    Now, hiding beside the
    toilet is another Where's Dildo?.  Go ahead and click him.  8 down, 24
    to go.  Now, whip out
    your map again, and choose the Sexual Prowess competition area.  It's
    in the purple rectangle of
    blocks. Where's Dildo? time again!  This time he's sticking out of the
    fourth booth.  Click him.  9
    down, 23 to go. Now, the CyberSniff 2000 also tells you smell a very
    strong number 7 smell. 
    Take a little sniff, and it smells like fish.  Go figure.  Next, click
    on the lips on the left wall, and
    use your TMT card in the lips/cardreader.  Next, watch poor Larry's
    attempt to win.  You gotta
    feel sorry for the guy.  On your way out, push the green button beside
    the fourth booth.  After
    you're done in there, take out the map, and take another walk to your
    cabin.  You should notice
    another Where's Dildo? hiding out behind the pipes in the lower left
    hand corner.  10 down, 22 to
    go.  Vicki should be just about done now, so go ahead and use your map
    to travel to the library. 
    You should notice a change in music, telling you what to expect up
    ahead.  You'll also notice a
    bigger Where's Dildo? on the screen towards the right, behind the
    pineapple.  11 down, 21 to go. 
    Well, might as well talk to the new, improved Vicki.  After you ask
    about the weather, it'll turn
    her on so much, that she actually has sex with you.  (Not having her
    glasses on made you look a
    lot better) Well, having absolutely no clothes, you try to make it to
    your cabin without being
    noticed.  However, an old lady sees you just as you near your room.
    So much for secrecy.  As
    you get dressed in your room, you should notice that since you've
    "interacted" with Vicki, there
    is now a bitmap saved in your LSL7 directory called "vicky.bmp".  I
    suggest you take a look at it. 
    Well, after that experience, you just can't wait for more.  Get your
    ship map out, and go to the
    Library, again.  Now, finish your conversation with Victorian.  After
    asking about Sex, Larry
    challenges Vicki to prove that she's the most sexually- competent
    person on the ship.  He tells
    her to take his scorecard, and beat the LoveMaster 2000.  Well,
    needless to say, she passes with
    flying colors.  You didn't win the bet, but you got a record high
    score on the LoveMaster 2000. 
    One competition down.
    The Best Dressed Man Contest
    Now that you're done with the LoveMaster, onto the Best Dressed
    Competition.  Get out the
    ship map, and choose the Best Dressed Competition area, in the purple
    rectangle of blocks. 
    Aww, isn't that cute?  A Where's Dildo? right next to the computer,
    beside you.  Pick him up.  12
    down, 20 to go.  Now, let's see you blow this contest out of the
    water.  Unzip the mannequin's
    fly (Yes, I'm serious) and discover the cleverly hidden cardreader.
    Wow, record high score,
    right?  I mean, isn't two just a wonderful score?  Ok, looks like you
    need to cheat on this contest
    as well.  Take out your map, and travel to Captain Queeg's Ballroom.
    Since the main doors are
    open, go on through.  Now, besides the nude swimmers at the top, you
    should notice a Where's
    Dildo? on stage.  Go ahead and punch him with the mouse cursor.  13
    down, 19 to go.  Now, talk
    to the woman behind the drawing table.  You find out she's the
    infamous Jamie Lee Coitus.  By
    talking to her, you learn that Calvin Klone pirated her spring line,
    and sold it as his.  It's obvious
    she needs your help.  Click "Other..." and type in leisure suits.  All
    right!  Now she'll show leisure
    suits, and then retro will be in again, and you can win the contest!
    But where will you get a bunch
    of polyester from?  I'll tell you where.  Pop up your map, and click
    on the El Replicant Sculpture
    Garden.  Wow.  A really big David made of playing cards, and an almost
    finished Venus de Milo
    of casino dice.  If you look carefully beside David's foot, you can
    see another Where's Dildo?. 14
    down, 18 to go.  You gotta some of these dice as a souvenir.  Click on
    Venus' foot, and her big
    toe, and take a couple souvenir dice.  Next, go down, and you're back
    in the main room.  You
    should see yet another Where's Dildo? beside the giant books at the
    entrance leading to the
    library.  15 down, 17 to go.  After you've clicked him, move right,
    back into the Sculpture
    Garden.  The sculptor is gone, and you can climb the ladder of the
    scaffolding to the Venus O'
    Dice.  Check out Bob Bitt's toolbox.  On the top is a very handy
    screwdriver.  Go ahead and
    pocket it.  Go to your map again, and this time, head for the
    Employees Only area.  It's close to
    the Sculpture Garden.  On it, you see the many faces of past TMT
    contest winners, and a big
    picture of Captain Thygh herself, in a bathing suit.  And also, you
    might notice a big security door
    with a bunch of testing equipment to gain access to.  And of course,
    there are those lasers in front
    of you.  Well, Larry Laffer was never one to back away from a
    challenge.  Since you can't die,
    just walk right up to the security door, ignoring those large painful
    weapons that pop out of
    everywhere as you pass the lasers.  Click on the security door, and
    choose "Other..." and type in
    "Push".  I guess someone left it open just enough for you to get in.
    Once you get inside, you can
    see a little Where's Dildo? hiding behind one of the chairs to the
    right.  Click him.  16 down, 16 to
    go.  Now, go ahead and check out the counter.  There you can take a
    tube of KZ Sexual
    Lubricant, beside the coffee maker; and a jackpot preventer jumper
    wire above the microwave and
    the shaved dice bowl.  Take both of these items, and check out the
    view of Captain Thygh on the
    fridge (naked), and the wall (barely clothed), and also check out the
    lockers on the wall.  After
    you've taken in all the scenery, take out your map, and go to the top
    of the ship; the bridge.  The
    first thing you see, is a ladder, so you might as well climb it.  This
    takes you up to the sails, take a
    look at them, and you find out they are made of 100% pure polyester.
    Now if you could only
    raise the sails.  There's gotta be controls in the bridge, right?
    Climb down the pole, and go into
    the bridge.  Aww, you see another Where's Dildo? in there.  17 down,
    15 to go.  Well, the
    controls you want to access are there, but there's a big killer dog
    guarding them.  Hmm, nothing
    we can do about him now.  Go back outside, and; wait!  That control
    box under the life preserver
    looks like it could be the controls that we couldn't get to inside!
    Take out your trusty
    screwdriver, and unscrew the cover.  Hmm, the speaker fuse, and the
    sail fuse.  Since there are so
    many announcements, let's rig it up so that the sails raise every time
    an announcement is made. 
    You are truly a genius, Larry.  Take out your jumper wire, and use it
    on either of the fuses. 
    Things should happen now.  Ok, climb back up the ladder, and wait for
    an announcement.  Wow,
    you actually made it work!  All right!  Now if you only had something
    to cut it with.  Looks like
    you need to take a trip to the dining room, Larry.  That's the most
    logical place that a knife would
    be found.  Take out the map, and go to The Heaving Ho'.  First you
    thing you notice is the
    wonderful ice carving of Captain Thygh, which looks very realistic.
    Go ahead and lick it. 
    Scanning the room, you also see the door at the far side of the room,
    with various signs reading
    "18 and older Only!" "Closed to the Public!" and other various
    messages.  Holding your ear up to
    the door and listening, you hear that they seem to be having a great
    time!  You want in, but the
    door is locked.  Oh well.  As you continue to scan the dining room,
    you see a nice big bowl of
    bean dip.  You just can't resist.  Go ahead and eat some.  Oopsies!
    Looks like the dip gave us a
    problem.  Go ahead and click yourself, and find out you have a new
    option, "Fart".  Try it out. 
    Uh oh!  CyberSniff 2000 time!!  And no matter how much you don't want
    to, scratch number 5
    on your card, and take a huge whiff.  It's like you were just beside
    Larry.  Well, looks like on the
    buffet table near the middle, at the bottom is your friend, Where's
    Dildo?.  Go ahead and kick him
    off the table.  18 down, 14 to go.  Next, you see the meat carver, at
    the right.  Go ahead and talk
    to him.  He'll give you a nice serving of s'Pork, that great stuff.
    Talk to him again, and you get
    even more s'Pork!  All right!  The good news is, he's gone, and you
    can take whatever you want. 
    And that's the last you'll ever see of Wang.  He never comes back.
    Well, that strange hanging
    meat has certainly caught your eye.  And one of them is striped!
    Click on it, and you find out it's
    your good buddy, Where's Dildo?.  19 down, 13 to go.  Also, that knife
    is just what you were
    looking for, so pocket it.  And that heat lamp looks nice too, so take
    the heat bulb.  Now, you're
    all ready for the sails again.  Using your map, head back to the
    bridge, and climb the ladder.  If the
    sails aren't up, wait for an announcement.  When they're up, climb on
    the pole, and use the knife
    to cut some polyster.  And, of course, shortly after there is an
    announcement, and the sails come
    down; with you in them.  Ironically enough, that's the last
    announcement of the evening, and you
    spend all night in a sail.  Morning comes, and the morning
    announcement is made, and the sails go
    up, and you fall down on the bridge.  Ouch.  Well, at least you have
    the cloth.  Go back to
    Captain Queeg's Ballroom, and talk to Jamie Lee.  Use the polyster on
    her.  Well, you end up
    naked...again.  This time you know you can get back to your room
    unseen.  Well, that's what you
    thought, until Peggy showed up.  Ech.  Well, Larry, Jamie Lee had to
    leave you something at the
    Ballroom, right?  Go on back.  Ah, a note!  It tells you to meet Jamie
    backstage.  All right!!!  Get
    on backstage, and prepare yourself.  Well, you end up ONstage, but you
    make the best of it, and
    start showing off your fashion.  Well, I think they loved it, after
    all, they ripped your suit to
    shreds.  Okay, once again, you stumble back to your room with nothing
    on, and know you aren't
    going to meet anyone on the way.  Instead, you meet a reporter from
    Inside Edition.  Oh well. 
    Now that you've "interacted" with Jamie Lee, a bitmap has been saved
    in your LSL7 directory,
    called "jamielee.bmp".  I suggest you take a look at it.  You won't
    regret it.  Well, now that the
    "Larry" fashion is in, go back to the Best Dressed contest, and take
    another stab at it.  All right, a
    win!  Congrats!  Two contests down.
    The Craps Tournament
    Ok, you feel like gambling now, right?  Get out your map, and go to
    the Pair O' Dice Casino. 
    What do you see on the blackjack seats below?  Why, it's Where's
    Dildo?!  20 down, 12 to go. 
    Well, it looks like you can't even lose at craps, because the table is
    too full.  But, you did notice
    how the people reacted to your "problem" with the bean dip.  Maybe
    it'll work here.  Go back to
    the dining room, eat some bean dip, and come back to the casino.
    Then, go ahead and fart.  Sure,
    it's socially unacceptable, but now the craps table is empty!  Talk to
    the "Croupier", and get a feel
    for his attitude.  Then, go ahead, and play.  And lose, too.  Hmm, it
    looks like those souvenir dice
    with the glue would help right now.  Nuts!  Looks like Jacques won't
    let you use those dice.  Use
    the souvenir dice with the toilet paper, to get the new, improved
    completely illegal, but Jacques
    doesn't know, dice.  Now that you got your shaved dice, nothing can
    stop you.  Bet again, and
    once Jacques gives you the casino dice, use your shaved dice on the
    table instead.  Once you start
    winning, a woman named Dewmi Moore (Nice name, eh?) takes notice of
    you, and offers you a
    game of Strip Liar's Dice.  You accept, of course, (The game has the
    word "strip" in it) and you
    go to her cabin.  The rules are relatively easy, you can view them by
    clicking on "How to Play". 
    It takes a lot of saving, and restoring, but you'll win.  The first
    few times you win, she pays for
    new dice by paying up some money, but after she runs out of money,
    things start getting
    interesting.  After your fifth win, she starts taking off clothes.
    First to go are the shoes, then her
    blouse, then her skirt, and then she buys a die from the excess money
    she made off the skirt. 
    After that, she takes off an earring, and then the other earring.
    Then, off the excess money she
    made off both earrings, she buys another die.  After that, things
    start getting serious.  She then
    takes off her panties, but after that, she doesn't buy any more die,
    she waits until all her die are
    gone, so you have to win 5 more times.  Then, she starts taking off
    her bra, when she offers you a
    drink to loosen up.  You decline at first, but then accept.  And just
    as she's taking off her bra, you
    slip into this deep dream like phycadelic sex-oriented state of mind,
    with 60's music playing in the
    background.  She's drugged ya!  Well, you wake up naked, in her pool,
    and once again have to
    walk to your room.  Once again, someone sees you, this time a nun.
    Egads!  Once you're
    dressed, I suggest you save your game, load up a picture viewer, and
    view "dewmi.bmp" in your
    LSL7 directory.  It'll be worth the time and effort.  And then, you
    get the announcement that you
    won the craps tournament.  Good job!  Three contests down.
    Poop Deck Horseshoes
    After your encounter with Dewmi, go back to her room using your map.
    On the table near the
    left wall, you see what she drugged you with: Orgasmic Powder!  Well,
    no big deal.  Now to win
    that Cook Off.  First stop, go back to the Promenade Deck, and talk to
    Peggy.  Talk to her about
    a Cabin Boy, and then the break room.  And if you looked at the
    lockers, and tried to open them,
    then tell her about the lockers, and she'll give you the locker to
    look in.  If not, go back and try to
    open the lockers.    Go back to the lockers, and open the second one
    from the left, on the bottom
    row.  Then, go back to Peggy and ask her the combonation.  She tells
    you the combo, 38-24-36. 
    Go back to the lockers and punch it in.  And you get smashed by the
    locker bay.  Go in, and talk
    to Xqwzts, and talk to him about the dirty pictures.  Then ask how he
    did it, and finally buy the
    pictures from him.  Next, get out of Xqwzts's room.  Then, go to the
    main room, with the
    waterfall of champagne a.k.a.  Das Grande Atriumo.  Talk to Peter the
    Purser about everything. 
    Then, use the white courtesy phone on the column next to the main
    desk.  Call pranks.  Then,
    walk away from the phone, and look at the roofs above you.  On the
    second one, is your good pal
    and mine, Where's Dildo?  Get him.  21 down, 11 to go.  Then, go back
    to the Promenade Deck,
    and ask Peggy about Xqwzts.  You find out that Xqwzts wants a passport
    very badly.  Go to the
    purser again, and ask him about obtaining your passport.  You find out
    you need a Photo I.D. 
    Well, we got our dirty pictures, we got mucilage, and we got a
    keycard.  Put the mucilage on the
    dirty pictures, and paste them on the keycard.  Bingo!  Our Photo I.D.
    Show it to the Purser to
    get your passport, and then go back to Xqwzts.  Show him the passport,
    and he runs off with it. 
    But, he leaves his custodial key.  Go ahead and take it.  You've just
    gained access to three new
    areas.  Now, let's take a look at the credits, to thank the wonderful
    people who made this game. 
    Go to the pull down menus at the top, choose Help, and choose About...
    Wow!!  Look!!  It's
    Where's Dildo?!  22 down, 10 to go.  Now, go ahead and thank each
    member of the Larry team. 
    After you're done, get out your map and go to the Ballroom.  Read the
    note that Jamie Lee left
    you.  Oh well, Larry.  Things will get better.  Now, let's go to your
    room again.  Try to flush your
    toilet, and learn it's out of water.  No problem!  Hook up your fire
    hose to the water pipe behind
    the staircase, and flush the toilet again.  There we go!  Now, head on
    over to the Poop Deck. 
    Talk to those large-breasted woman in the hot tub.  So these are the
    Juggs we read about.  From
    talking to them, you'll learn that by mixing Spandex, Silicone
    Lubricant, and heat, you get a nice
    little chemical reaction that'll provide some neat effects with the
    Juggs.  Maybe you should try
    that out?  Now, go on to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge, and head
    southeast.  You'll run into a
    bar.  Talk to the bartender, and order some Lime Juice.  While he's
    making it, check out the
    Where's Dildo? near the west side of the window.  23 down, 9 to go.
    After he's done with your
    lime juice, order a Gigantic Erection, like Drew did.  He'll tell you
    it'll take a while.  Now, when
    he's gone, exit the bar, and go into the room to the left of the bar
    window.  This is the Juggs'
    dressing room.  Hmm, your silicone lubricant looks a lot like the
    deodorant on their dressing
    table.  Make a swap.  And now you have KZ Lubricant, and Deodorant,
    you can make a nice little
    show.  And can you see the little Where's Dildo? behind those hay
    stacks?  24 down, 8 to go. 
    Also, you can check out their Karaoke system as well.  Don't forget to
    push the red button next
    to the records on your way out!  Leave the dressing room, and notice
    that the lighting system has
    come down!  Take a look at the lamp, take out the current bulb, and
    replace it with the heat lamp
    bulb.  That should do it!  Now, order another Gigantic Erection, go
    back in the dressing room,
    and hit the button again to raise the lighting trusses.  And one of
    the times you go in the dressing
    room, if you're lucky, you just might see the Juggs in there.  And
    believe me, it's something you
    want to see.  Leave, and go anywhere, and prompty return to the
    lounge.  You should see the
    Juggs performance, and I must say, it's pretty damn good.  You get to
    even take part in it!  After
    you're wonderful experience, you once again leave for your room
    exposed.  And a bunch of
    Japanese photographers are there to greet you.  At this point, open
    juggs.bmp in your LSL7
    directory.  You'll be glad you did!  Once again, leave for the Lounge,
    and go up on stage via the
    new stairway to the right.  Grab those chase lights on stage, and head
    left.  Grab the remote on
    the switchboard, and play with Mr. Karaoke, if you like.  Once you've
    gotten everything, get your
    map out, and go to the horseshoes competition.  Do you see Where's
    Dildo? to the right of the
    champagne waterfall on the opposite court?  25 down, 7 to go.  Now,
    take your TMT Scorecard,
    and shove it up the Centaur's ass.  No, I'm not joking.  You get some
    spiffy horseshoes.  Now
    play, and lose.  Then, take out your card from the horse's ass, and go
    to the Sculpture Garden. 
    Climb the ladder of the Venus O' Dice, and wrap the Battery Powered
    Chase Lights on the spike. 
    That oughtta fix your losing streak at horseshoes, as soon as you turn
    on the belt.  That spike is
    the horseshoe spike from the above deck, if you hadn't noticed.  Head
    back to the horseshoe area,
    stuff your card in the cardreader in the horse, and turn on the
    remote.  Now, play some
    horseshoes and win!  Take your keycard, and listen to the wonderful
    announcement of you
    winning yet another competition.  Four contests down.
    Tail Deck Bowling
    Ok, go to the bowling competition, and let's see how well you do at
    this.  Well, look what's
    hiding behind that little rhino butt!  It's Where's Dildo?!  26 down,
    6 to go.  Insert your TMT
    scorecard in between the walrus teeth, and get your bowling ball.
    Now, play, and...lose.  Oh well. 
    Go back to the Employees Only lounge, and go into Xqwzts's room.  Now,
    using your
    screwdriver, open up the vent, and crawl in.  Ah, looks like you're
    behind the door of that locked
    room in the dining room!  Aha!  Well, just jump right in!  Click on
    yourself (you're near the right
    wall, kinda at the top), and click Undress.  Well, that was certainly
    interesting.  Again, you trudge
    to your room naked, and Peter gets ya this time.  Eep!  While you walk
    down the stairs, you
    notice the woman in black at the Dessert Eating, is sitting on your
    bed.  You both get into a
    discussion, and the Larry and the woman completely misunderstand one
    another.  She gives him a
    "sample" of what to expect, and also drops her hanky.  Once you get
    dressed, pick up the hankie,
    and go to the dining room, and go up, into the dessert eating room.
    Take a look around, sniff the
    CyberSniff 2000, and take a look at the chair in the lower left corner
    of the table.  You smell the
    same perfume that you had smelled previously on that woman in black,
    and you find a life
    insurance policy under the chair.  Now to find out who this woman is.
    Take a look at the policy,
    read it, and find out who she is.  Now, go to Peter Purser, and ask
    him about her.  Hmm, no luck. 
    Go to the white courtesy phone, and call Boning a couple times.  Once
    you've called him twice,
    talk to Peter again, and ask him about your account.  When he's gone,
    look at his phone, and
    push the red LND button to find out Annette Boning's cabin number.
    Now, to pay her a visit. 
    Go to her cabin, and open the door.  Now, you're in the dark with a
    bed, and a person in the bed
    who appears to be Annette.  Hop in!  Well, you learn a whole lot of
    crap, including you were
    "boning" Mr. Boning!  Yipes!  A whole lot of mass miscommunication
    happens between Annette
    and Larry, and he winds up naked going to his room again.  This time
    he couldn't care less if
    someone saw him, but then a little girl and her mommy come.  Eek,
    again!  Once you get dressed,
    take a look at annette.bmp, it's pretty good!  Well, you don't give up
    easy, so head back to the
    Boning cabin, ring the doorbell, and talk to Mrs. Boning.  Well, Ms.
    now.  Give her the life
    insurance, and she'll give ya half a billion dollars in stock.  But
    you wanted to get laid!  Oh well,
    now at least you can win the bowling competition.  How, might you ask?
    Simple.  Whip out Mr.
    Ship Map, and choose to go to the Aft Hold.  Use the custodial key in
    the handle.  So this is
    where they make bowling pins, eh?  I bet you could win the contest
    using that cool little
    deodorant-on-the-KZ-jelly-things-go-boom trick.  Open up the bowling
    pin hopper that's right
    next to you, and spray your deodorant on the pins.  Now, go in your
    inventory, and put the KZ
    jelly on the hanky you got from Annette.  Go back to the bowling
    alleys, and insert your keycard
    in the walrus teeth, take your ball, and use it with the treated
    hanky.  Now, bowl, and win!  All
    right, that was quite a show!  And now you've won the bowling.  5
    contests down.
    Captain's Cook Off
    Get out your map, and travel to the kitchen.  Can you see Where's
    Dildo? in the meats?  27 down,
    5 to go.  Go ahead and take the fish in newspaper on the center table,
    and the pot and salt on the
    southwest table.  Also, use the CaviarMaster 2000 on the west table.
    Then, read the magazine
    you just got.  It tells you a neat little recipe you can make
    yourself.  All you need is beaver milk,
    lime juice, salt, mold, and kumquats.  You have 3 out of 5 things, the
    others shouldn't be that
    hard to get.  Using your map, go to the Lower Aft Hold, and use the
    key in the door.  Now, click
    on any beaver, and choose Other, and type in milk.  What a show! And
    now you have beaver
    milk!  Next, travel to the Forward Hold.  Use the key in the handle,
    and check out the Where's
    Dildo? hidden behind some luggage to your left.  28 down, 4 to go.
    Now, all you need is mold. 
    Go to the Captain's Quarters, and take a look at the scoreboard.
    Sheesh, you're close!  Only one
    more contest to go.  Knock on the Captain's room, and you get a little
    taste of what it's like to be
    a TMT winner.  Go on back to the Optional Clothing Pool, and look at
    the bush to the right.  Do
    I see a little Where's Dildo??  29 down, 3 to go.  Now, go back and
    talk to Drew, and get her to
    go to your cabin.  After she tells you that she has no clothes, and
    her suitcase is locked up, go into
    the Forward Hold, and Drew's suitcase will be thrown at you.  Get the
    suitcase, and travel back
    to Drew.  Tell her about the suitcase, and she'll go to your cabin.
    However, she takes a shower,
    and never comes out.  But there's something you can do to get her to
    come out.  Flush the toilet,
    and listen to her screams.  Well, it didn't work out as you expected,
    you thought she could take a
    little joke.  Now, you might wanna check out drew.bmp, you'll like it.
    Leave your cabin, and
    come back, and mold should have grown in the safety shower.  Take
    some.  Now, travel to the
    kitchen, and use the milk with the CyberCheese 2000.  Now, you've got
    some Beaver cheese. 
    Use the kumquats with the cheese, and you'll whip up some quiche.  But
    it still won't win the
    taste contest.  I know!  Put some of that orgasmic powder on it.  That
    oughtta get a reaction out
    of those judges.  Go to the Cook-Off, and give them your quiche.  And,
    of course, you win.  All
    contests are done!  Congratulate yourself, Larry.
    Captain Thygh, One on One
    Finally, you win the contest!  Some good luck, for a change.  Go up to
    the Captain's Quarters,
    and politely knock on the door.  Uh oh.  Out comes last week's winner,
    who gives you a warning
    not to enter.  To hell with him, you've gotten this far, right?  As
    you enter the door, you see a
    wonderful land, with green grass and blue skies.  You, of course,
    sensing the opera music, get
    dressed for the occasion, and after only one fall in the water, race
    up the stairs to meet the
    wonderful Captain Thygh.  How you wish she was as taken with you as
    you are with her. 
    However, she turns her head in disgust, and it crushes you.  (Kind
    of).  But, as I said before, you
    never give up!  After a short conversation with the captain, you learn
    that she's always wanted to
    operate a huge crude oil tanker.  Well, don't you have those stocks?
    Go on and give them to her,
    and happily watch the epilogue.  Congratulations on a job well done,
    Larry.  Don't forget to look
    at thygh.bmp!
    Items List
    Name of Item             Place Gotten             How used
    Lil' Hair Weave Kit      Shamara's Room           To open and get
    Vice Grips               Shamara's Room           To bend needle
    Needle              	 Lil' Hair Weave Kit      To bend
    Bent Needle              Lil' Hair Weave Kit      To unlock handcuffs
    Your Cabin Keycard       Peter the Purser         To unlock your
    cabin; to serve as photo i.d.
    Ship's Map               Peter the Purser         To navigate the ship
    TMT Scorecard            Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge To keep track of
    events; scoring
    Firehose                 Promenade Deck           In your cabin to
    hook up toilet and water pipe
    Kumquats                 Fo'c's'le                Used in quiche
    Mucilage                 Library                  Used to paste photo
    to keycard
    Silicone Lubricant       Your Cabin               To replace with
    deodorant in the Juggs dressing room
    Toilet Paper             Your Cabin               To shave the
    souvenir dice
    "The Erotic...Hercules"  Clothing Optional Pool   Used to make
    Victorian loose
    "Prudish..." Sans Jacket Anywhere                 No use
    "Prudish..." Book Jacket Anywhere                 Used on "Erotic..."
    and given to Victorian
    Souvenir Dice            Sculpture Garden         To get shaved and
    win at craps
    Screwdriver              Sculpture Garden         To unscrew the cover
    to the PA system and sails, and also to unscrew the grate in Xqwzts's
    KZ Sexual Lubricant      Employee Lounge          To be wiped on the
    bowling ball with hanky to win Bowling contest
    Jumper Wire              Employee Lounge          Used on PA system
    and sail controls outside Bridge
    Carving Knife            The Heaving Ho'          Used to cut
    polyester from the ship's sails
    Heat Lamp Bulb           The Heaving Ho'          Used on the lighting
    trusses to make the Juggs "overheat"
    Polyser Cloth            Above the Bridge         Used on Jamie Lee
    Coitus to win Best Dressed Contest
    Orgasmic Powder          Cabin 510 (Dewmi's Room) Used on quiche to
    win Cook-Off
    Dirty Pictures           Xqwzts's Room            Used with mucilage
    and keycard to make photo i.d.
    Sticky Dirty Pictures    Anywhere                 Used on keycard to
    make photo i.d.
    Photo I.D.               Anywhere                 Used with Peter the
    Purser to gain Passport
    Passport                 Peter the Purser         Given to Xqwzts
    Custodial Key            Xqwzts's Room            Used to open the
    ship holds
    Magazine Page            Kitchen                  Used to get quiche
    Pot                      Kitchen                  Used to hold beaver
    Salt                     Kitchen                  Used in quiche
    Venezuelan Beaver Milk   Lower Aft Hold           Used in quiche
    Lime Juice               Lounge                   Used in quiche
    Deodorant Spray          The Juggs Dress Room     Used on bowling pins
    in Aft Hold
    Chase Lights             Lounge                   Used on spike in
    Sculpture Garden
    Remote Control           Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge Used to turn on
    Chase Lights, and magnetize horseshoe stake
    Woman's Handkerchief     Your Room after Annette  Used to apply KZ
    jelly to bowling ball to win Bowling
    Life Insurance Policy    Dessert Tasting Room     Given to Annette to
    get stocks
    Stock Certificate        Owner's Suite (Annette)  Given to Captain
    Thygh to get laid
    Treated Handkerchief     Anywhere                 Used to put on
    bowling ball to win Bowling Contest
    Mold                     Your Room (Drew)         Used in quiche
    Lee Thompson                     shadow@nwlink.com
    "It was the end of history"       
    - Babylon 5 Season 4 (2261)     
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