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    FAQ/Walkthrough by Evil Sponge

    Version: 1.0 | Updated: 05/21/01 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

                              The Secret of Monkey Island
    
    
                          This FAQ/Walkthrough by Evil Sponge
                              Version 1.0 May 21, 2001
    
    Table of Contents:
      I. Introduction
      II. Version History
      III. Characters
      IV. Walkthrough
      V. Insult List
      VI. Secret Stuff
      VII. Legal Stuff
    
    
           PART I: INTRODUCTION
    
            "I didn't mean to call you Cannonball-Head.  I meant Chrome Dome."
    
         Lines like that, a blind lookout, and Spiffy the dog are just a few of the
    great things about The Secret of Monkey Island.  I mean, who can honestly say
    that you can't remember the Fettuccini Brothers?  Well, if you can't, I suppose
    that's why you're here...
         Well then, let's get right down to helping you out, shall we?  I've done
    and seen everything in this game by now, so I believe I'm qualified to help ya
    out.  Besides, who wouldn't trust an Evil Sponge?  So whether you're lost on
    Monkey Island, can't find the SCUMM Bar, can't beat the Sword Master, or are
    just confused in general, you've certainly come to the right place!
         That's enough out of me, on with the adventure!!
    
    
    
           PART II: VERSION HISTORY
    
    Version 1.0: first version, added everything.
    
    
    
           PART III: CHARACTERS
    
        Guybrush Threepwood: The protagonist of this story.  A semi-mighty pirate
    wannabe.  This is the man whose misadventures you follow throughout the course
    of this adventure.
    
        Elaine Marley: Governor of Melee Island, and romantic interest of the
    mighty Mr. Threepwood.
    
        Ghost Pirate LeChuck: The antagonist of our story.  This undead pirate
    pines for Elaine Marley's affection, and has hatched a plot to marry her.
    
        Herman Toothrot: The hermit of Monkey Island.  After being marooned on the
    mystical voodoo island, Herman seems to have lost most of his senses and talks
    to someone known as the "player."
    
        Stan: Owner of Stan's Previously Owned Ships, and slippery salesman.
    
        Carla: The Sword Master of Melee Island.  So far, she is undefeated in
    sword fighting.  But what's up with her and the shopkeeper?
    
        Otis: Prisoner in the Melee jail, albeit a victim of society.
    
        Meethook: Proprietor of Hook Island and all the attractions therein.
    
        Voodoo Lady: She gives Guybrush advice, though sometimes eerily cryptic,
    throughout the game to aid him in his quest.
    
        Monkey Island Cannibals: The cannibals of Monkey Island.  They have
    recently noticed the high cholesterol content in human flesh, and are
    considering undergoing a complete paradigm shift in their belief system.
    
    
           PART IV: WALKTHROUGH
    
    
                          --------------------------
                         |PART ONE: THE THREE TRIALS|
                          --------------------------
    
    "You must master Swordplay, Thievery, and...er...Treasure Huntery"
    
         Introducing Guybrush Threepwood, pirate extraordinaire!  Well, pirate
    wannabe at any rate.  You are now Guybrush, so don't try and look for stuff or
    bug people when I say that "you" should.
         Anywho, the blind look-out tells you to head to the SCUMM Bar and find the
    pirate leaders.  Once you regain control of the hero, do just that.  You can
    check out the Governor's election poster if you want, but otherwise just head
    to the Bar.  The Grog House can be found by walking to the right.  Open the
    door and step in.
         Quite the jumpin' place...especially that guy on the chandelier.  There
    are three people in this area that you can talk to.  The first, Mancomb
    Sheepgood, can be found right by the door.  The second is the one raising and
    lowering his Grog mug, he tells you about LeChuck.  The third is the one at the
    last table with the small hat, who shamelessly promotes LOOM.  For any/all of
    them, talk about all the options in whatever order suits you.  When you're
    done, talk to the dog (no real reason, but it's amusing).  Now walk to the
    curtain.
         You should see three Important Looking Pirates sitting behind a table. 
    Talk to them.  You can greet them anyway you choose, so pick what you feel is
    the funniest one.  Now ask about becoming a pirate (or the other one's, but
    then you have to start over), and ask about each one.  The Grog ingredients are
    funny, and you can insult them if you want, but otherwise you're done here.  On
    with the game!
         Ok, here's how this is going to work.  You can complete the trials in any
    order, but for the purposes of this walkthrough I'll do them in the order given
    by the Important Looking Pirates.  When I play through the game, I usually have
    everything I need by the time I Master the Sword, so that's how I'll take you
    through.  So you may need to look back there if you don't have an item for a
    later trial.  We'll see how well that works out.
    
                           ****Master the Sword****
    
       Before you leave the bar, hang out near the kitchen door and wait for the
    cook to come out.  When he does, enter the kitchen.  The table on the back wall
    has a hunk of meat on top and a pot underneath.  Pick up both.  Dunk the meat
    in the cauldron of boiling water, then pick it up again.  Now walk out the door
    to the left.  Walk to the end of the dock and onto the bottom plank.  Do that
    twice more and then quickly pick up the fish.  Now leave the bar.
        Now I know you're anxious to explore the vast town of Melee, but first you
    need to head left and up the cliff face.  Head past the Lookout post to enter
    the overhead view.  Near where you stand (you are now two pixels) is a purple
    dot.  Go to the purple dot, grasshopper.  Good job, now walk left and enter the
    circus tent.  When you get a chance to, interrupt the Fettuccini Brothers. 
    They try to get you into the cannon, and I know you want to go into the cannon,
    but you have no money.  So, ask what they pay when you can.  Tell them that you
    have a helmet (it's the pot), and you waltz into the cannon.
         Ow.  Well, now you have money.  Head back to town, and pass the SCUMM Bar
    and walk to the archway.  Talk to the shifty guy on the corner, and respond
    however you wish to his inquiry.  Buy the map, and say "Yowza!"  No, that isn't
    a game option, I just want to see how many people will actually yell "Yowza!" 
    To the left are some Men of Low Moral Fiber (pirates).  Talk to them.  The only
    important thing to do is ask about the shady guy on the corner.  Now tell them
    that you'll take the minutes from them if they pay you 2 pieces 'o eight.  The
    rest that they have to say is amusing, but that's up to you.
         Now, past the map seller are some doors.  Go into the first one on the
    right (open it first, you darn fool).  Pick up the Rubber Chicken With A Pully
    In The Middle from the chest.  Walk all the way to the right and you'll
    encounter the Voodoo Lady.  Talk to her about everything, then head back out. 
    Walk under the clock (which always says 10:00) to encounter the next section of
    town.
         Some mysterious words are appearing out of the alley, you should go check
    them out.  In there you meet up with Fester Shinetop, the sheriff of Melee. 
    Say whatever you want, then exit the alley.
         The building immediately to the right of the alley is the shop, and that
    should be your next stop.  Inside is a crabby storekeeper.  Find the sword and
    shovel inside the shop and talk to the shopkeeper.  Say you want to buy one,
    then the other.  Now, ask about the Sword Master of Melee Island.  He leaves to
    go talk to her, and you follow.
         Once on the overhead view, walk to the fork in the path (where the 2-pixel
    shopkeeper goes) to enter the forest.  You must now follow the old grouch
    through the woods, taking the exact path that he takes.  On the way, pick some
    yellow flowers.  Eventually, he pulls on a sign that raises a bridge...follow. 
    Now you hang back and listen in on grumpy's conversation with Carla, a.k.a. the
    Sword Master.  Hmmm...interesting.  You can't possible win now, so exit the
    forest from whence you came.
         On the map, head to the dot on the lower right portion of the map.  On the
    way, you are stopped at the bridge by a troll.  Offer a dialog choice or two,
    then, when you can access your inventory, give him the fish.  You automatically
    leave, and discover that George Lucas is the troll (I'm not kidding.  That's
    who it's supposed to be).  Now, onward to the dot-on-the-lower-right.
         This is the home of a sword teacher, Cap'n Smirk.  To convince him to
    train you, you need to do a classic "do so/do not" argument with him.  Just pay
    him and you're in!  This humorous training sequence is one of the better parts
    of this game.  Pick any choices in there, then exit the area when your lesson
    is over.
         Now to fight!  See the Insult List if you have a bad memory or don't ever
    write things down.  Remember, if you haven't heard the insults/rebuttles from a
    pirate yet, you can't use it.  When you have them all (or hear "Wow, you're
    good enough to fight the Sword Master" after victory) go fight the Sword
    Master.  She is the only one who insults during the battle, and responses can
    be found in the Insult List.  Collect your prize and move on!
    
                      ****Master the Art of Thievery****
    
         Head back to town, and go to the area where the shop is located.  The
    structure on the far left is your next destination.  Head inside and talk to
    Otis, the prisoner.  Ewww...he needs to freshen up his breath a little first. 
    Go to the shop and buy some mints, then return and give them to Otis.  Talk to
    him about whatever you please.  If you talk about Shinetop, he'll come in and
    act all threatening.  Finish talking to him, the exit.
         Head under the arch to the left and walk to the mansion.  Gasp!  Piranna
    Poodles!  Use the flower petal with the cooked meat, then use the meat with
    condiment with the poodles.  Open the door to the mansion and head on in.
         The door to the right of the...door (that you came in) opens the single
    funniest moment in the game (technically, it's a tie...).  What are waiting
    for?  Open the door!  You are treated to an automatic, hilarious sequence.  At
    the end you find the idol but you can't get past the lock without a file.  Head
    back to Otis.
         Talk to him if you want, but you need to give him the "gopher repellant"
    that you just picked up in the mansion to get rid of the rats.  In exchange you
    get his Aunt Tilly's carrot cake.  Use the cake, and you uncover a file!  Head
    back into the mansion, and go into the gaping hole where the painting used to
    be.
         When you're confronted by the sheriff, choose any option.  Governor Marley
    comes to your rescue.  "Talk" to her, then try to leave the mansion.  Fester
    Shinetop stops you, then ties the idol to you and dumps you in the water.  You
    can do one of two things here.  First, you can pick up the idol then
    automatically leave.  Second, you can wait around for more than ten minutes and
    drown, which is quite a bit funnier than it sounds.
         Back on the dock, if you didn't do this trial last, you talk to Elaine.  I
    highly recommend not doing this last so you can see this!  The most bizzare
    soap opera ever unfolds on the dock of Melee Island.
    
                           ****Master the Quest****
    
         Quite the short trial indeed.  Assuming that you already have the map and
    shovel all you need to do is go to the fork, and enter the woods.  Look at the
    map, and you see dancing lessons...peculiar.  Use these lessons to get through
    the woods.  Back is the entrance at the top of the screen, and left and right
    are obvious.  The past three times my directions have been "Back Left Right;
    Left Right Back; Right Left Back".  If those don't work for you, just look at
    the map.
         Once at the end, use the shovel on the "X", and claim some of the
    treasure.  You automatically fill the hole back in (and paint a new X), so all
    you have to do is go back to town.
    
                    ****How to save your Plunder Bunny****
    
         Like the Trials, obtaining the ship and three crew members can be done in
    any order, and you can even do some whilst completing another.  So, I'll just
    have them listed here without getting the items necessary for the others.
    
                             **Getting a Ship**
    
         In the lower section of the map, between Capt. Smirk's and the toll bridge
    is a section with a plethora of lights.  Go there.  You are greeted by Stan, of
    Stan's Previously Owned Vessels.  When he asks what kind of ship you're looking
    for say that you "really don't have that much to spend" and you are taken to
    the Sea Monkey.  After being asked how much you're willing to pay, tell him
    that you were hoping to get one on credit.  Back your way out of the
    conversation and leave the area.  Stan will appear at the exit and give you a
    compass and a business card.  Joy.  Now, head back to town.
         Go to the Store and talk to the Shopkeeper.  Ask him about procuring a
    note of credit, and tell him that you do indeed have a job.  Pay attention to
    how he opens the safe, then pick any job description you want.  In case you
    didn't write down, or remember, the safe combo watch it again.  This is random,
    so I can't give you anything definite, I can tell you that you pull # times,
    push # times, pull # times, then push # times.  Anywho, ask him about the Sword
    Master and he'll leave again.  After he's gone open the safe.  Now go back to
    Stan's.
         Ask to see "that cheap one again", then tell him about your credit slip,
    and then you can start haggling.  First talk about extras.  Say no to every one
    of them.  You can stop talking about extras once Stan gets back to the
    "Porthole Defoggers."  Now make an offer.  The note of credit in your
    possession is for 5,000 pieces of eight, which is less than the ship is worth
    so you need to make that seem like a lot.  So, start the offers a 2,000 and
    work your way up to 5,000 at increments of 1,000.  The final offer of 5,000
    will seem good to Stan, and you get the ship.  Leave the shipyard, and you're
    now ready to get a crew.
    
                              **Recruiting Carla**
    
         Go to the Sword Master's hideout.  Talk to Carla, and tell her that "The
    Governor's been KIDNAPPED!"  You'll automatically show her the note and she'll
    join you.  Easy, huh?
    
                            **Recruiting Meathook**
    
         Go to the Island on the upper left portion of the map.  Climb up the
    ladder and use the Chicken with the cable.  Open the door on the 'ouse and 'ead
    in.  Talk to Meathook.  If you haven't been here already, I recommend you talk
    to him about everything else before you tell him about the governor.  Just
    cause it's funny.  When your ready, tell Meathook about Elaine's abduction. 
    Before he'll join your crew, you must first prove yourself.  Once you regain
    control, open the little box door.  Do whatever you want to the Beast, and then
    Meathook will join you.
         Climb the ladder, use the chicken, and then head back to the island
    overview.
    
                             **Recruiting Otis**
    
         To the town of Melee!!  Stop at the SCUMM Bar.  Grab all three mugs and
    then go into the kitchen, talking to the cook on the way there if you want. 
    Fill one of the mugs with Grog from the barrel.  The Grog begins melting
    through the mug instantly, so you must quickly make your way to the jail.  On
    the way, if your mug status becomes "mug near death," immediatly use it with
    one of the other mugs.  Repeat process if necessary.  Once in the cell, use the
    mug with the lock on Otis's cell.  You'll tell him (if you haven't already)
    that Elaine has been kidnapped, and he'll run off.
    
                          ***Leaving Melee Island***
    
         Go to the docks when all above has been acomplished.  Any response to Otis
    and Carla will do, then you're ready to set sail!
    
                             ---------------------
                            |PART TWO: THE JOURNEY|
                             ---------------------
    
    "We had to return to the ship because Herman forgot to use the bathroom."
    
         Oh, great, a mutiny.  Well, nothing left to do now but go to your cabin.
                      ****Preparing the Voodoo Soup****
    
         On the desk in the back, pick up the feather pen and the ink.  Open the
    left-hand drawer of the desk and look inside.  Read the old book you just
    picked up.  Leave the cabin.
         Climb up the mast, grab the flag, and climb back down.  Now go down the
    hatch.  Climb down the next hatch, and look around.  On the wall nearest to the
    monitor is a long piece of rope that you need to get.  On the left are some
    kegs.  Look at them, then "pick them up" to obtain some gunpowder.  Finally,
    open the chest in the lower right section.  Look inside to get some VERY fine
    wine.
         Head back up the hatch and through the door.  Open the cupboard on the
    left to reveal some cereal.  Pick up a box and open it.  Look at the prize
    inside to realize that it's a key!  Go back the the cabin and use the key on
    the cabinet on the right.  Open the chest inside and get some cinnamon sticks
    and a piece of paper.  Head back to the kitchen.
         Throw almost everything you own into the pot!  Well, except for the money,
    anything that's paper, compass, the rope, and the gunpowder.  Everything in? 
    Good.  Now toss in the gunpowder.  You pass out, but the ship steers itself to
    Monkey Island.
    
                             ****Getting Ashore****
    
         Click somewhere to get back up, the pick up the small pot on the shelf. 
    Leave the kitchen, then go down the hatch to get some more gunpowder.  Make
    your merry way up to the deck.  Use the rope with the cannon, and use the
    gunpowder with the cannon nozzle.  Go back to the kitchen and use the map with
    the red hot fire under the couldron, then run up to the deck and use the
    flamming mass with the fuse.  Finally, "Use Pot"!
    
                         -------------------------------
                        |PART THREE: UNDER MONKEY ISLAND|
                         -------------------------------
    
                        "What happened to your pants?"
                                 "What pants?"
    
         After listening to Herman Toothrot talk to you, click somewhere to get up
    and put your flaming pants out.  You can read the note on the tree, but you
    must pick up the banana from the ground.  Your main objective at this point is
    to get the oars for that rowboat.  So, into the jungle!
    
                          ****Getting the Rowboat****
    
         Head north onto the next screen.  Now, go off the left hand side of the
    screen.  There should be a volcano in view.  On the northern part of the rim is
    some foliage.  Click on that and your pixel stack will walk to it, and enter
    Herman Toothrot's Fort.  Pick up the first rope piece and the spyglass.  Now
    push the cannon, and it'll spill.  Herman will enter and talk for a little. 
    Talk about whatever you can before he stops, then pick up the spilt gunpowder
    and the cannonball.  Exit to the overview.
         Walk off the right hand side, then go to the <u>river fork</u>.  Look at
    the "note under rock" and you'll get both.  When you look at the rock, you note
    by its conchoidal fractures that it is a piece of flint.  Before you get
    destructive, walk to the footholds on the upper part of the screen.  Read the
    note, and ponder its meaning.  Now push the art form twice, and climb up the
    footholds.  Once at the top, push the rock that's on the upper part of the
    ledge, and it'll be catapulted into the banana tree.  M. Toothrot arrives and
    talks some more, so indulge him.
                                 Fun Break!!!
         That's right, there's two more wacky things to do here.  The first is to
    walk to the far right of the ledge, and the ground crumbles beneath you.  A
    funny scene ensues.
         The second is to pull the catapult twice, head back up and pick a rock up
    from the pile to the right, then push it off.  This sinks your ship!  Sinking
    your ship changes a cut-scene later, and the ending!
         Now, head back down the cliff to the very bottom.  Use the handful of
    gunpowder on the dam.  Now use the flint with the cannonball.  You're washed
    downstream aways ere you get back onto the shore line.  Walk to the pond, talk
    to Herman, then pick up the rope near the hapless corpse.
         Go downward to the next screen and walk to the large crack.  Use a rope
    with the strong branch, use the other one with the sturdy stump, and pick up
    the oars.  Now exit the screen and head to the near-by beach.
    
    ****Entering the Giant Monkey Head****
    
         Once on the beach, pick up the fallen bananas and use the oars with the
    rowboat.  You need to row yourself to the northern most section of the island,
    and dock on the beach on the eastern section.  There's another memo on the
    beach, but nothing else of note.  Enter the jungle/overview and walk to the
    village in the northwestern section.
         The huts are all empty.  Walk all the way to the left and pick up the
    bananas in the fruit basket.  Walk back to the right and you're confronted by
    the Monkey Island Cannibals.  Any choice is fine, but "Look out behind you,
    it's a three headed monkey!" twice is funny.  You can offer whatever you want,
    when given the option, but you currently have nothing that they want.  Once in
    the hut you see Herman's lost banana pickers!  But, alas, you can't leave with
    them.  Pick up the skull on the floor, then follow suit with the loose plank
    underneath.  Exit through the new hole.
         Note: if you keep coming back and getting thrown into the hut, the
    cannibals will use more elaborate means to keep the door shut.
         Back to the beach that the cannon fired you onto.  From there go into the
    jungle and walk toward the moving grey square simply titled "monkey".  Give
    said monkey all of your bananas, and then leave.  The monkey is now following
    you!  Boo-yah.  Walk up, then right.  Now go across the beach and into the
    clearing in the middle of the round forest area.  Walk through the monkey
    grounds with your pal in tow ("look at" the bodies, hehe) and pull on the nose
    of the totem pole.  Walk away and the monkey will jump up and grab the nose. 
    Now walk to the Gigantic Monkey Head.
         Find the wimpy idol and take it all the way back to the cannibal's
    village.  After saying, "Please don't eat me!  I'll give you anything!" give
    them the wimpy idol.  They are now appeased, and in your debt.  Head left and
    go into the hut.  Pick up the banana pickers, and then leave.  Head right and
    you'll encounter Toothrot ranting funnily.  Give him his banana pickers in
    exchange for the key to the Great Monkey Head.   Leave the village...
         ...and</a> go right back in.  The Monkey Island Cannibals will great you,
    and ask if they can repay you.  Say that they can, and pretty much choose any
    option from then on.  To get the special navigator head, give them the leaflet
    (which is roughly titled "How to get ahead in navigation").  Now, to the Monkey
    Head!
         Walk past the impaled bodies and to the Monkey Head.  Use the key in the
    Gigantic Monkey Ear.  Holy earwax-problem, Batman!  Anywho, enter the newly
    opened mouth.  Walk to the right (I figured there'd be mushrooms in Hell too)
    and into the cave.  Use the Navigator Head, and follow its nose to froot loops,
    uh...no.  The correct path.  Keep going until you reach the ghost ship.
         In order to walk around on the ship, you need to be invisible to ghosts. 
    To be invisible you need the necklace on the navigator head.  So, talk to the
    head.  Use any greeting, then be mean until you threaten to drop kick the head
    into the lava.  Congrats, the necklace is yours!  Use said necklace and enter
    the ship.
    
                    ****Recovering the Voodoo Anti-root****
    
         Yessss...it's the Bucket Mouse!   Oops...wrong game...  Anywho, head left
    and open the door.  That's right, now you can enter.  Use the compass with the
    key on the wall, then leave.  Now head right and go down the hatch.  Walk
    straight and through the door.  Pick up the ghost feather by the chickens and
    return to the sleeping crew member.  Use the ghost feather on him (his feet
    actually) twice and he'll drop his mug 'o grog.  Return to the ghost chickens
    and pigs, and use the key in the hatch.
         After going through the hatch, use the grog on the dish.  The rat will
    drink the grog and fall over.  Pick up the grease and return to the deck.  Use
    the grease with the door on the right and open it, then enter.  Pick up the
    ghost tools, and return to the pig screen.  Use the tools on the glowing crate,
    then look inside.
    
                         ****Leaving Monkey Island****
    
         You automatically return to the village and get the magic seltzer bottle. 
    Leave the village, and you automatically return to ship.  Except the ship's not
    there!!  Talk to the head-juggling spectre and ask where the ship is.  Now,
    basically choose any option, and eventually say that you have to stop the
    wedding.  One of two things will happen here.  Either your crew will show up
    and you leave with them, or (if you sunk the ship) Herman Toothrot will arrive
    and you'll all leave on his ship.  What?  He can't leave on the ship unless
    he's rescued, cause he's stranded.  Otherwise it would be against the rules.
    ...What?
    
                           ------------------------------
                          |LAST PART: GUYBRUSH KICKS BUTT|
                           ------------------------------
    
                         "With my spear and magic helmet."
    
         After landing, whatever crew you arrived with deserts you.  Try to leave
    the docks and you'll get attacked by a ghost.  Pick any choice, and you'll
    spray him with the magic brew of the root. Leave the docks.  Spray the grim
    spectre with the bottle of seltzer-ness and continue to the church.  Now, enter
    the church.
    Yell whichever you feel appropriate to stop the wedding.  Now, say something to
    LeChuck and the governor will slide down from a rope.  Make another comment and
    the "bride" turns out to be two monkeys with some root beer in a similar
    seltzer bottle.  Guybrush chases them off, though, and Elaine follows them. 
    Say what ever you want to LeChuck (though the "I can't believe your..." lines
    are pretty good), then he pounds you.
         After you get smacked around a few more times, you land in the Grog
    machine at Stan's.  Stan soon gets pounded and LeChuck shakes you out of the
    machine.  Get up, then use the small green bottle of Root Beer on LeChuck. 
    Ta-Dah!!  Enjoy the ending!
    
    
    
           PART V: INSULT LIST
    
    Regular Pirates:
    
    Insult: My handkerchief will wipe up your blood.
    Witty Comeback: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
    
    Insult: Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
    Witty Comeback: First you'd better stop waving it like a
                    feather-duster.
    
    Insult: I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.
    Witty Comeback: He must have taught everything you know.
    
    Insult: This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
    Witty Comeback: And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?
    
    Insult: Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will!
    Witty Comeback: You run THAT fast?
    
    Insult: People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
    Witty Comeback: Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
    
    Insult: You make me want to puke.
    Witty Comeback: You make me think somebody already did.
    
    Insult: I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
    Witty Comeback: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
    
    Insult: I've spoken with apes more polite than you.
    Witty Comeback: I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
    
    Insult: Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
    Witty Comeback: Why, did you want to borrow one?
    
    Insult: You have the manners of a beggar.
    Witty Comeback: I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.
    
    Insult: There are no words for how disgusting you are.
    Witty Comeback: Yes there are. You just never learned them.
    
    Insult: You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.
    Witty Comeback: I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.
    
    Insult: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
    Witty Comeback: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
    
    Insult: I've heard you were a contemptible sneak.
    Witty Comeback: Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.
    
    Insult: You fight like a dairy farmer.
    Witty Comeback: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
    
    
    Next, the Sword Master Insults:
    
    Swordmaster: My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!
    Witty Comeback: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
    
    Swordmaster: My tongue is sharper than any sword!
    Witty Comeback: First you'd better stop waving it like a
                    feather-duster.
    
    Swordmaster: Only once I have met such a coward!
    Witty Comeback: He must have taught everything you know.
    
    Swordmaster: I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today.
    Witty Comeback: And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?
    
    Swordmaster: No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.
    Witty Comeback: You run THAT fast?
    
    Swordmaster: My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me!
    Witty Comeback: Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
    
    Swordmaster: If your brother is like you, better to marry a pig.
    Witty Comeback: You make me think somebody already did.
    
    Swordmaster: My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood.
    Witty Comeback: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
    
    Swordmaster: Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.
    Witty Comeback: I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
    
    Swordmaster: I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape.
    Witty Comeback: Why, did you want to borrow one?
    
    Swordmaster: Every word you say to me is stupid.
    Witty Comeback: I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.
    
    Swordmaster: There are no clever moves that can help you now.
    Witty Comeback: Yes there are. You just never learned them.
    
    Swordmaster: I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman!
    Witty Comeback: I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.
    
    Swordmaster: You are a pain in the backside, sir!
    Witty Comeback: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
    
    Swordmaster: My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!
    Witty Comeback: Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.
    
    Swordmaster: I will milk every drop of blood from your body!
    Witty Comeback: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
    
    Swordmaster: I usually see people like you passed-out on tavern floors.
    Witty Comeback: Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
    
    
    
           PART VI: SECRET STUFF
    
    Kill Guybrush!
      After you retrieve the Idol of Hands and Fester Shinetop throws you into the
    water, just wait for 10 minutes.  Since Guybrush can only hold his breath that
    long, he'll drown!
      On Monkey Island, climb up the foothills above the catapult and walk all the
    way to the right.  You fall!  But then you bounce off a rubber tree and back up
    to the top, but its still funny.
    
    Alternate way to blow up the dam:
      Put the gunpowder on the dam, then open up the spyglass.  Use the lens from
    that on the gunpowder.
    
    Futuristic door:
      If you keep coming back and getting thrown into the hut, the cannibals will
    use more elaborate means to keep the door shut.
    
    Different Endings:
      Don't move the catapult on Monkey Island at all, or just move it back, and
    push a rock off the edge.  This sinks your ship!  Sinking your ship changes a
    cut-scene later, and the ending!
    
    Winning the game:
      At any point in the game, press CTRL+SHIFT+W and you are asked if you want to
    win.  Just say yes!
    
    
    
           PART VII: LEGAL STUFF
    
         This is usually the section where I thank all the people who helped me out
    with the game.  However, I got through all by my self so I can't really thank
    anyone for that.  However, a big thank you goes out to LucasArts and Ron
    Gilbert for creating this game.  Also, thanks to GameFAQs for posting all my
    stuff.
    
    Want a more interactive version of this FAQ?  Just head to the Video Games
    section of:
                         http://www.evilsponge.com
    
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                           Webmaster@evilsponge.com
    
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    document, or any part therein, without the permission of Evil Sponge.  If you
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