"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""~"""

Leisure Suit

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                                     III

           Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals!

FAQ/Walkthrough
PC 1989

Version:        1.0     released on the 27th of April 2005
Author:         odino   http://www.gamefaqs.com/features/recognition/47976.html
This guide is EXCLUSIVELY available to GameFAQs.

.============================================================================.
| .========================================================================. |
| |                           TABLE OF CONTENTS                            | |
| '========================================================================' |
|============================================================================|
| 01.) Introduction                                              |   G0100   |
| 02.) Basics                                                    |   G0200   |
|----------------------------------------------------------------+-----------|
| 03.) Walkthrough                                               |   G0300   |
|      Larry                                                     |   G0310   |
|      Patti                                                     |   G0320   |
|----------------------------------------------------------------+-----------|
| 04.) Point List                                                |   G0400   |
| 05.) Maps                                                      |   G0500   |
| 06.) Items                                                     |   G0600   |
| 07.) Questions                                                 |   G0700   |
| 08.) Jokes                                                     |   G0800   |
|----------------------------------------------------------------+-----------|
| YY.) Version History                                           |   GYY00   |
| ZZ.) Credits & Thanks                                          |   GZZ00   |
'=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-'

===============================================================================
01.)                    INTRODUCTION                                 G0100
===============================================================================

Welcome to 'Leisure Suit Larry III' for the PC, released by Sierra in 1989. It
was also released on the Mac and Atari ST. This guide was written with the PC
version in mind.

Larry 3 is, of course, the third game in the long-running adventure series. The
story follows the events of the second game and also includes several
references to the first. If you have no played them you can still enjoy this
game, but you may miss out on several jokes.

Suggestions, comments or errors - tell me about it. Enjoy!


===============================================================================
02.)                    BASICS                                       G0200
===============================================================================

Move Larry with the arrow buttons and go diagonally with the PageUp/Down, Home
and End keys. Alternatively use the NumPad to move around. Type the text and
press Enter to use it. Make sure you are close to the object/character you wish
to interact with. You should set the speed to something faster than the
default.

Save      = F5
Load      = F7
Quit      = CTRL+Q
+         = Increase Speed
-         = Decrease Speed
ReType    = F3
Inventory = TAB

This game is not very picky about grammar and you can usually forget about
typing "the" or "a". Also the text input is quite advanced so the game is
paused while you type. Neat.

All commands in the guide are in CAPS. You might notice sometimes the guide
also lacks grammar. This is intentional because the commands are also lacking
them and it is easier to come across if ignored.

Save often and use different slots, you can get stuck at many points in the
game without prior warning. This is not like modern LucasArts adventures
(i.e. Monkey Island) where you cannot die.

There are several glitches in the game, for example animations that go on for
way too long and the well known work-out bug. Before you play, have a look at
http://www.allowe.com/Larry/troubleshooting.htm (27th April 2005)
for the bug fix. Unzip the files into the LSL3 directory and you should be
fine. Amazing they did not include those files on the Collector's Edition
of the game when it was re-released on CD.

The number in the ()s is the amount of points you get during the game. They
are listed again in the point list for a quick overview. 


===============================================================================
03.)                    WALKTHROUGH                                  G0300
===============================================================================

The age verification sets the filth level of the game from 1-5. These vary the
game scenes so you see more pixel nudity. To bypass the questions just press
CTRL-ALT-X and set it to the level you like.

There are no left/right/east/west instructions for many parts, use the maps
provided to guide you it is so much easier.


###############
#.,( Larry ),.#                                                      G0310
###############

You start out on the outlook over the island. USE BINOCULARS (2) to get a
lovely introduction of what to expect in this game. READ PLAQUE (2) and then
EXIT. Leave this area and go left to your home. The hand pointer will help you
find the way too.

Kalalau has left you for another woman. Too bad. Exit to the second jungle
area to pay a little homage to Superman. Larry's Back! Go to the office,
following the hand pointer. Now Larry's truly back.

Go to the first jungle and TAKE WOOD (2) in the middle of the path. Take the
bottom left path to the Park and TAKE NEWSPAPER. STAND and go back to
Kalalau's Home and OPEN MAILBOX. TAKE CARD (20) and go the Cabanas. DRINK (2)
at the sink and TAKE SOAP (12). Go to the beach and LOOK GIRL. TALK and GIVE
CARD (50) to get a knife (40). Exit left, SHARPEN KNIFE ON STEPS (50) and CUT
WOOD (50). In front of the Chip'n'Dale CUT GRASS WITH KNIFE (20) and WEAVE
GRASS (30). Go inside the Comedy Hut and TALK AL (5) to say something funny.
Then SIT and watch the entire show (100). STAND and go to the cabanas again.
WEAR SKIRT (10) inside the left cabin and go to the beach (35). After the
scene, return to the cabin to WEAR SUIT in the cabin. At the beach again, TAKE
TOWEL (10), USE TOWEL (20) then STAND. Go inside the resort.

Go up to one of the casino mirrors and LOOK YOURSELF (2). Go to the Show's
entrance and SHOW TICKET. Use the chart below to enter the current ticket
number:

.--------------.
| Page | Code  |
|--------------|
|   3  | 00741 |
|   5  | 55811 |
|   6  | 30004 |
|   8  | 18608 |
|  11  | 32841 |
|  12  | 00993 |
|  15  | 09170 |
|  18  | 49114 |
|  19  | 33794 |
|  22  | 54482 |
'--------------'

GIVE MONEY to the man to watch the show (50). If you didn't use the bug fix
the show can take several minutes so just wait and don't thing the computer
has frozen. Afterwards walk around in the lobby until Cherri shows up and
LOOK GIRL (5). Talk about LAND (25) and she'll wait for you backstage. Leave
the casino and go to the Lawyer. Ask the receptionist about LAND (10) and
SIT inside her office. Talk about LAND (30) and STAND. Leave the lawyer's
office and go back inside. Ask the receptionist about the DEED (30) and bring
it to Cherri by knocking at the backstage door. After some scenes (25) you'll
end up on stage. DANCE (43). This might also take a while if you did not
install the bug fix. 

Leave the resort and go back to the lawyers and ask about GIVE 500 DOLLARS.
(10) After the scenes (100) go outside and back in to ask about your DIVORCE
(20). Go all the way to the backstage room at the resort to WEAR SUIT (25).

Go to the Fat City spa. LOOK DIVORCE (100) for a keycard. USE CARD (3) on the
left door to enter the locker room. TURN CARD (65) to find the three ads
written on the back of the card. The are the codes to the locker. Use the list
below for the combination:

.-----------------------------------------.
|  2 | Pink Flamingo                      |
|  8 | Comedy Hut                         |
|  9 | Nontoonyt Community Center         |
| 10 | Island Computer Center             |
| 10 | Bippi's Island Liquors             |
| 12 | Freddi's Feral Bar-B-Q             |
| 12 | Panti of the Month Club            |
| 12 | Chip 'n' Dale’s                    |
| 13 | Island Office and Voodoo Supply    |
| 16 | Dewey, Cheatem and Howe            |
| 17 | Witch Doctor Appearance Center     |
| 18 | Piggi's Coffee Shop                |
| 19 | Nontoonyt Nectarine Advisory Board |        
| 23 | Fat City                           |
| 24 | Hurtz Rent-A-Bike                  |
'-----------------------------------------'

Your locker is on the top left where you can't see it. It points north. OPEN
LOCKER (100), WEAR SWEATS (4) and CLOSE LOCKER. Go into the gym and work out
(USE MACHINE - STAND) on all four machines until the message appears each
time. Afterwards you'll have lost all that fat (100).

Bug Note: If you haven't used the bug fix then the amount of repetition you
need to do on the machines depends on your CPU speed. When this game was
released the CPU speed was around 25/33 MHz so you had to do very little
exercise. If you have a new computer then the number of exercises is
insanely high and often can't be reached even. Unless you slow down your
machine with a tool, use an emulator like DosBox or actually run this on an
old machine you should get the fix. The fix only works on save games BEFORE 
the gym, not while you are in the gym already.

Back at your locker, OPEN LOCKER, UNDRESS, CLOSE LOCKER. Go to the showers and
SHOWER while you USE SOAP (60). TURN OFF SHOWER and return to your locker.
OPEN LOCKER and USE TOWEL (22) and TAKE SPRAY (27). WEAR SUIT and CLOSE
LOCKER. Go back to the Lobby and USE CARD (3) on the northern door. LOOK GIRL
and HELP WITH VIDEO (102). Exit Fat City.

Go to the Cave near the Chip'n'Dale and TAKE FLOWER (25) near the entrance.
WEAVE FLOWER (50) to make a lei. Go to the Bar in the Resort and SIT at the
piano. LOOK GIRL (5) and SHOW DIVORCE (100), then GIVE LEI and ask her to GO
PENTHOUSE (125). Go over to the Comedy Club and TAKE BOTTLE (15). At the Hotel
Lobby, PUSH BUTTON and go to the PENTHOUSE (4). If you didn't use the bug fix
the elevator might take some time to arrive, just wait for it until it does.
It could be a long time. POUR WINE (500) and watch the scene (or skip it with
F8). This concludes Larry's part of the walkthrough.


###############
#.,( Patti ),.#                                                      G0320
###############

First get dressed. Go behind the room separator so you can't be seen and WEAR
PANTIES (20), WEAR BRA (20), WEAR PANTYHOSE (20) and WEAR DRESS (10). TAKE
BOTTLE (25) and go into the elevator. Press 1 to go downstairs. In the Bar,
TAKE PEN (50) and TAKE MONEY (25). Go to the cabana and FILL BOTTLE (37). At
the Chip'n'Dales, PAY MAN (43), SIT and THROW PANTIES ON STAGE (100) during
the performance. When Dale comes by later, TALK MAN and he'll sit with you.
LOOK MAN (1) and EXIT. Leave this joint and go to the Bamboo Maze to say
goodbye to this place once and for all.

In the Bamboo Maze, follow the directions NNEENWNENNN. USE BOTTLE (20) and
continue WWSWWNNWN to get through (100). DRINK (42) the water near the river
and continue on. REMOVE PANTYHOSE (15) and TIE AROUND ROCK (40) to get down.
CLIMB TREE and TAKE COCONUT (25), then CLIMB DOWN. TAKE WEED (10) near the
bottom of the screen. (For fun, Save and SMOKE WEED, you even lose points)
WEAVE WEED (10) into a rope and THROW ROPE to the other side of the chasm.
Then TIE ROPE TO TREE (20). RIP DRESS (50) and CLIMB ROPE to the other side.
Walk left to the next screen. REMOVE BRA (5) and PUT COCONUTS IN BRA (45). As
you reach the middle of the screen a wild boar will pop up on the right. If
you walk to far it will jump you but there is a spot where you can stay and
it will just walk around on the right side of the screen. You also have plenty
of time to THROW BRA (100) at the pig. Go to the next screen and into the
water. MOVE LOG (10) and GET ON LOG (20). You can skip the next part with F8
but you'll only get points for finishing the arcade section. You can save and
load during but make a separate save naturally, and be quick in saving because
you might be stuck in a no-win situation on the log. Anyway, if you make it
you'll arrive downstream (150). When you awake in the cage, USE PEN (500) to
leave the sane part of this game.

When you gain control again, leave the Police Quest set and go up to the props
storage. Go right to the Space Quest set and float to the magnet and UNPLUG
MACHINE (40). Go right to the King's Quest set and watch the ending.


===============================================================================
04.)                    POINT LIST                                   G0400
===============================================================================

/--------------------------------------------------------------------\
|                                      Points:             Total:    |
|                                      ~~~~~~~             ~~~~~~    |
| LARRY:                                                             |
| ~~~~~~                                                             |
| Use Binoculars                           2                   2     |
| Read Plaque                              2                   4     |
| Take Wood                                2                   6     |
| Take Credit Card                        20                  26     |
| Drink                                    2                  28     |
| Take Soap                               12                  40     |
| Give Card to Tawni                      50                  90     |
| Receive Knife                           40                 130     |
| Sharpen Knife                           50                 180     |
| Cut Wood                                50                 230     |
| Cut Grass                               20                 250     |
| Weave Grass                             30                 280     |
| Talk to Al                               5                 285     |
| Watch Comedy Show                      100                 385     |
| Wear Skirt                              10                 395     |
| Sell Sculpture                          35                 430     |
| Take towel                               2                 432     |
| Use towel                               30                 462     |
| Look in Mirror                           2                 464     |
| Watch Cherri's Show                     50                 514     |
| Look at Cherri                           5                 519     |
| Ask Cherri about Land                   25                 544     |
| Ask Receptionist about Land             10                 554     |
| Ask Lawyer about Land                   30                 584     |
| Ask Receptionist about Deed             20                 604     |
| Give Deed to Cherri                     25                 629     |
| Dance                                   43                 672     |
| Give Receptionist 500 Dollars           10                 682     |
| Do Lawyer                              100                 782     |
| Get Divorced                            20                 802     |
| Wear Suit                               25                 827     |
| Get Spa Key                            100                 927     |
| Enter Locker                             3                 930     |
| Find Locker Combination                 65                 995     |
| Open Locker                            100                1095     |
| Wear Sweats                              4                1099     |
| Work Out                               100                1199     |
| Use Soap                                60                1259     |
| Use Towel                               22                1281     |
| Use Spray                               27                1308     |
| Enter Aerobics Studio                    3                1311     |
| Help Bambi                             102                1413     |
| Take Flower                             25                1438     |
| Weaver Flower                           50                1488     |
| Look at Patti                            5                1493     |
| Show Divorce Papers to Patti           100                1593     |
| Give Lei to Patti                      100                1693     |
| Recommend Penthouse to Patti           125                1818     |
| Get Bottle                              15                1833     |
| Enter Penthouse                          4                1837     |        
| Pour Wine                              500                2337     |
|                                                                    |
| PATTI:                                                             |
| ~~~~~~                                                             |
| Wear Panties                            20                2357     |
| Wear Bra                                20                2377     |
| Wear Pantyhose                          20                2397     |
| Wear Dress                              10                2407     |
| Take the Bottle                         25                2432     |
| Take the Pen                            50                2482     |
| Take Money                              25                2507     |
| Fill the Bottle                         37                2544     |
| Pay Bouncer                             43                2587     |
| Throw panties on stage                 100                2687     |
| Look at Dale                             1                2688     |
| Use Bottle                              20                2708     |
| Exit Bamboo Maze                       100                2808     |
| Drink Water                             42                2850     |
| Remove Pantyhose                        15                2865     |
| Tie Pantyhose around rock               40                2905     |
| Take Coconut                            25                2930     |
| Take Weed                               10                2940     |
| Weave Weed                             100                3040     |
| Throw the Rope                          20                3060     |
| Tie Rope around tree                    20                3080     |
| Rip Dress                               50                3130     |
| Remove Bra                               5                3135     |
| Put Coconuts in Bra                     45                3180     |
| Throw Bra at wild boar                 100                3280     |
| Move Log                                10                3290     |
| Get on Log                              20                3310     |
| Finish Arcade Game                     150                3460     |
| Use Pen                                500                3960     |
| Unplug Machine                          40                4000     |
|                                                                    |
\--------------------------------------------------------------------/


==============================================================================
05.)                         MAPS                        G0500
==============================================================================

ISLAND:
```````
                                          ------------   ----------
                                      -  |Chip'N'Dales| |Comedy Hut|  Maze
                                     |C|  ------------   ----------     ^
     -----------             ------  |a|       |             |          |
    |Vista Point|           |Legal | |v|  ------------   ----------   -----
     -----------            |Office| |e|-|Chip'N'Dales| |Comedy Hut|-|Cliff|
 -------------- \ --------   ------   -  |  Exterior  |-| Exterior |  -----
|Kalalau's Home|-|Jungle 1|     |       / ------------   ----------
 -------------- / -------- \ -------- /            -------
           ----   --------  |Jungle 2|            |Cabanas|
          |Park| |Fat City|/ -------- \ -------- / -------
           ----   --------             |Fountain|
                       -------------- / --------  -> Hotel Resort
                      |Kenneth Office|      |
                       --------------   ---------
                                       |  Beach  |
                                        ---------


HOTEL RESORT:
`````````````
               -----
              |Stage|
               -----
                 |
 ---------     -----     ------     ---------     ------     ---------
|Backstage| - |Lobby| - |Casino| - |Staircase| - |Casino| - |Piano Bar|
 ---------     -----     ------     ---------     ------     ---------
                                        |
                                        |           ---------
                                        |          |Penthouse|
                                        |           ---------
                                        |                |
                                     --------     -----------
                                    |Entrance| - |Hotel Lobby|
                                     --------     -----------
                                        |
                                        v
                                     Fountain


FAT CITY:
`````````
              ------    ---   ---------------
             |Shower|  |Gym| |Aerobics Studio|
              ------    ---   ---------------
                |     |         |
              -----------     -----     -------------
             |Locker Room| - |Lobby| - |Tanning Booth|
              -----------     -----     -------------
                                |
                                v
                            Entrance


WILD:
`````
           ---------
          | Village |
           ---------
                     \
 -------     -----     -------
| River | - | Log | - | River |
 -------     -----     -------
    |
  -----
 | Pig |
  -----
    |
 -------
| Cliff |
 -------
    |
 -------     -------
| Cliff | - | Cliff |
 -------     -------
    |
 -------
| River |
 -------
    |
    v
  Maze


STUDIO:
```````
    -----------     -----------------     ------------------
   | Prop Room | - | Space Quest Set | - | King's Quest Set |
    -----------     -----------------     ------------------
         |
 ------------------
| Police Quest Set |
 ------------------


===============================================================================
06.)                    ITEMS                                        G0600
===============================================================================

Larry:
``````
ITEM:              DESCRIPTION:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
500 Dollar Bills   Pays the legal bills. You earn these backstage of the show
		   after giving Cherri the land deed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Quick Lei        A gift for Patti, woven orchids.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Twenty Dollar    Your entry "ticket" to the hotel's show. It is earned by 
Bill               selling the erotic sculpture to Tawni at the beach.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beach Towel        Left behind by Tawni at the beach when she moves on, but she
		   only moves on after you have sold her the statue. A towel is
		   required to shower at Fat City.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bottle Of Wine     No date is complete without some wine, and Patty wants you
		   to find some before showing up at the penthouse. You can
		   find some at the Comedy Hut when she asks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Credit Card        This is your credit card and it is the last thing you will
		   ever get from your home with Kalalau. Tawni loves a credit
		   card and she will reward you with something else in return.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Divorce Decree     Finally, you are single again. The legal office will handle
		   this case and it includes a key to Fat City as well. Patti
		   wants you to get this decree as she will not be involved
		   with a married man.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Erotic Sculpture   A naughty-looking statue you have carved with the sharp
		   knife. Tawni will buy this off you for twenty dollars.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ginsu Knife        You get a crappy knife while you are getting busy with Tawny
		   at the beach. This can be sharpened at the hotel steps to
		   make it more useful.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granadilla Wood    Found in the jungle, used to carv the erotic sculpture with
                   the sharp knife.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grass Skirt        Cut some native grass and Larry will weave it into a skirt
		   to give him the look of a local souvenir salesmen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Land Deed          Received at the legal office, given to Cherri.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Native Grass       Grows wild outside the Chip 'N' Dales Club.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Penthouse Key      This is the key to to penthouse in the hotel, where Patti
		   lives. She will only give you this after you have met all
		   her demands. This is it, your big date awaits!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharp Knife        The lousy Ginsu knife can actually be sharped on the steps
		   leading up to the hotel. With a sharp knife you can carve a
		   sculpture out of the granadilla wood you found, and sell it
		   to Tawni.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soap-On-A-Rope     A shower would not be complete with at least some soap. You
		   can find this soap near the changing cabanas and the only
		   shower you will be taking is at Fat City.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some Orchids       They grow wild in a cave near Chip 'N' Dales. Weave them for
                   a lei for Patti.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spa Keycard        Comes free with your divorce decree and you will definitely
		   want to check out Fat City.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patti:
``````
ITEM:              DESCRIPTION:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bottle Of Water    You start with an empty bottle and you can fill it with
		   water at the changing cabanas. Without it you will never
		   make it through the bamboo maze.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bra                One of patti's clothing items from the penthouse. If you put
		   some coconuts in the bra you can throw it at the pig trying
		   to jump you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coconuts           Grows on trees near a cliff. Used with the bra for some pig
                   beating.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dress              One of Patti's clothing items from the penthouse. Ripped off
		   to get across the rope at the cliffs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Empty Bottle       Lying around in the penthouse. Fill it up with water to get
                   through the maze.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hemp Rope          Apparently hemp has many uses, like making rope. The rope is
		   used to climb over the canyon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Magic Marker       Inside the piano bar at the hotel. Used later in the game
		   for the strangest reasons.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marijuana          Found near the cliffs. You can smoke it but it will have
		   some bad consequences. Instead you should weave it to make a
		   rope which you can use to climb the canyon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Panties            One of Patti's clothing items from the penthouse. Throw them
		   on stage during the show at Chip 'N' Dales to get in contact
		   with Dale himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pantyhose          One of Patti's clothing items from the penthouse. Used to
		   jump around the canyons.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tips               Some cash found in the piano bar jar. This is the entry fee
		   to Chip 'N' Dales.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your Key           The key to the penthouse but you do not actually need it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


===============================================================================
07.)                    QUESTIONS                                    G0700
===============================================================================

The game will ask you five questions at the beginning of the game. Getting more
correct will increase your the filth level, which in turn gives you more
naughty cutscenes among other things.

All the correct answers start have an UPPER CASE letter. The questions will
always be asked in sets of five, thus if you search for the first one you will
also know the remaining ones straight away.


Q: Henry "Hank" Aaron is best known for
  A.  his prowess with a stick.
  b.  his ability to talk to animals.
  c.  his skill at lifting weights.
  d.  "Hank who?"

Q: Acupuncture is
  a.  the ability to accurately puncture anything.
  b.  extremely painful.
  c.  a style of kinky sex.
  D.  an ancient form of Chinese medicine.

Q: If you inhaled Agent Orange you were probably
  A.  in Vietnam.
  b.  stoned.
  c.  loaded with Vitamin   c.
  d.  able to talk like Donald Duck.

Q: An abacus is
  a.  another name for a chalkboard.
  B.  a technique for counting.
  c.  an insignificant Roman god.
  d.  something dirty.

Q: Your abdomen is located
  a.  inside your bank.
  b.  inside your Audi.
  C.  beneath your chest.
  d.  best after dark.



Q: A W-4 is
  a.  the best all-around motor oil.
  B.  a tax form.
  c.  a fighter plane.
  d.  Leisure Suit Larry's draft rating.


Q: The Electoral College is
  a.  in upstate Vermont.
  b.  Ronald Reagan's alma mater.
  c.  a system of direct representation.
  D.  ridiculous.


Q: The Presidency of Gerald Ford is remembered for
  a.  the escalation of the Vietnam War.
  b.  the beginning of the Watergate scandal.
  c.  the decline of inflation.
  D.  nothing much.


Q: OPEC is
  a.  America's first line of defense.
  b.  a government agency.
  C.  the coalition of oil producing countries.
  d.  a computer language.


Q: "The Andy Griffith Show" was a spinoff of
  a.  "Make Room For Daddy."
  b.  "Mayberry R.F. d."
  c.  "Matlock."
  D.  none of the above



Q: An aneurysm is
  a.  a swamp-dwelling marsupial.
  b.  quite enjoyable.
  C.  an enlargement in an artery.
  d.  usually caused by frog urine.


Q: In 1979, the Vice-President of the U.S. was nicknamed
  a.  "Poppy."
  B.  "Fritz."
  c.  "Hans."
  d.  "Dutch."


Q: A balloon mortgage is
  a.  an early type of aircraft
  b.  a kind of French torture device
  C.  a type of home loan
  d.  a cross-country hot air balloon race


Q: Who played Patty Duke's cousin on "The Patty Duke Show?"
  A.  Patty Duke
  b.  Pia Zadora
  c.  Patty O'Rourke
  d.  Patty Melt


Q: Krakatoa is actually ___ of Java.
  A.  West
  b.  East
  c.  Northeast
  d.  Southeast



Q: Jack Benny's chauffer was
  a.  Westchester.
  b.  Portsmouth.
  C.  Rochester.
  d.  underpaid.


Q: "Who threw the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's
  a.  laundry?"
  b.  merkin?"
  c.  mukluks?"
  D.  chowder?"


Q: "You won't have ___ to kick around any more."
  A.  Richard Nixon
  b.  Charles Atlas
  c.  Al Lowe
  d.  Pele


Q: "Candy is dandy, but"
  a.  "who ordered candy?"
  b.  "booze is badder."
  c.  "cheddar is better."
  D.  "liquor is quicker."


Q: Abbie Hoffman wrote
  a.  "The Grapes of Wrath."
  b.  "The Wrath of Khan."
  c.  "Take My Wife... Please!"
  D.  "Steal This Book."



Q: Who died in "Love Story?"
  A.  Ali McGraw
  b.  Ryan O'Neal
  c.  Brian Piccolo
  d.  the audience


Q: A philatelist is
  a.  a humanitarian.
  b.  a barbarian.
  c.  one who licks and tells.
  D.  a stamp collector.


Q: Comedians often play in
  a.  the Bible Belt.
  b.  the Corn Belt.
  C.  the Borscht Belt.
  d.  their food.


Q: "Ask any mermaid you happen to see,"
  a.  What's the finest caviar?
  B.  What's the best tuna?
  c.  What is Tom Hanks really like?
  d.  Are you Shirley McClaine?


Q: Charles Dickens wrote
  a.  "Tails From Two Cities."
  B.  "David Copperfield."
  c.  "Magic Made Easy."
  d.  "Doug Henning."



Q: Lizzy Borden gave her mother
  a.  a poem lovely as a tree.
  b.  a cherry that had no stone.
  c.  gray hair.
  D.  forty whacks.


Q: The five Marx brothers were Groucho, Harpo, Chico,
  a.  Bobo and Rollo.
  B.  Zeppo and Gummo.
  c.  Karl and Freddy.
  d.  Scooter and Skido.


Q: Pesticide is
  a.  a legal term for the murder of a younger sibling.
  b.  a slang term for the harassing of nerds.
  C.  a bug killer.
  d.  taking sides with obnoxious people.


Q: An oil glut is
  a.  the latest tanker spill.
  b.  how doctors describe cholesterol in arteries.
  c.  a typical fast-food meal.
  D.  an overabundance of the commodity in the world markets.


Q: A philanthropist is
  A.  a humanitarian.
  b.  a stamp collector.
  c.  a frivolous lover
  d.  the lasso-slinging ability of Phil's aunt.



Q: "The Munster's" pet dragon was called
  A.  Spot.
  b.  Fred.
  c.  Igor.
  d.  Smokey.


Q: Cat Stevens is
  a.  a famous cat food promoter.
  b.  a beatnick politician of the 50's.
  C.  a singer/songwriter who "got religion."
  d.  Austrian.


Q: In the TV show "Rawhide," Rowdy Yates was played by
  a.  Harry Carey
  B.  Clint Eastwood
  c.  Harry Palm
  d.  Clint Walker


Q: The "Women's Suffrage" movement was run by
  A.  Susan B. Anthony.
  b.  Jacqueline Susann.
  c.  Gloria Steinem.
  d.  Paula Abdul.

Q: Two famous sex researchers were
  a.  Olsen and Johnson.
  B.  Masters and Johnson.
  c.  Johnson and Johnson.
  d.  Hall and Oates.



Q: What is a "Brainfour?"
  A.  a thinking device
  b.  a quadralateral circle
  c.  an operation to remove blood clots
  d.  a memory chip holding four times more information


Q: The fastest speed you would reach if you jumped off a 40-story building is
  a.  400 MPH (40x10.0).
  b.  40.4 MPH (40+4/10).
  c.  4 MPH (40/10).
  D.  irrelevant to you at the time.


Q: Are you a kid?
  a.  Yes, but I wanna play anyway.
  b.  Yes.
  C.  No.
  d.  No, I are a grown up.


Q: Social Security is
  a.  for people afraid to be alone in public.
  b.  an underarm deodorant.
  c.  a contract signed when you get married.
  D.  some sort of governmental thing.


Q: "All Along the Watchtower" is a
  a.  religious publication.
  B.  song by Bob Dylan.
  c.  nickname for guard duty during WW II.
  d.  "Great Wall of China" fight song.



Q: In the 60's television show, U.N.C.L.E. stood for
  a.  Underground National Council for Large Earlobes.
  B.  United Network Command for Law Enforcement.
  c.  United Naval Commission for Leaders of Europe.
  d.  "truth, justice, and the American way."


Q: Vertigo is
  a.  a balance disorder of the inner ear.
  b.  an Alfred Hitchcock film.
  c.  any sudden vertical movement.
  D.  both A and b.


Q: Watergate is
  A.  a hotel.
  b.  a large, water-driven power station.
  c.  a valve used to stop leaks in water pipes.
  d.  German for "your father's heart."


Q: A "condominium" is
  a.  a prophylactic for midgets.
  b.  a small supermarket.
  C.  an apartment you can purchase.
  d.  the smallest size.


Q: Which was not a '60s rock group?
  a.  The Who
  b.  The Stones
  c.  The Beatles
  D.  The Bangles



Q: Spiro Agnew was
  a.  a linebacker for Green Bay.
  b.  a billionaire Greek shipping tycoon.
  C.  an ex-con.
  d.  pardoned.


Q: In 1980, Americans supported the Iranian hostages by
  a.  not buying gasoline.
  b.  taking out a contract on the Ayatollah.
  c.  holding mass rallies.
  D.  tying up innocent trees in yellow ribbons.


Q: In the mid-70's, you had the "dry look" if you
  a.  had too many dry martinis for lunch.
  B.  used a blow dryer.
  c.  had too many dry beers after work.
  d.  wore desert boots.


Q: A square root is a
  A.  mathematical term.
  b.  nerd cheer.
  c.  path with no diagonal movement.
  d.  painful condition.


Q: Senile people
  a.  have been to Egypt.
  b.  study rivers professionally.
  c.  live in pyramids.
  D.  (I forget the fourth answer.)



Q: "Brown vs Board of Education" concerned
  a.  corporal punishment.
  B.  desegregation.
  c.  forced busing.
  d.  declaring catsup a vegetable.


Q: Canasta is
  a.  the capital of Haiti.
  b.  a Cuban dance.
  C.  a card game.
  d.  Madonna's last name.


Q: If someone called you a thespian, he would probably be
  A.  referring to your dramatic skills.
  b.  referring to your ethnic background.
  c.  insulting your sexual preferences.
  d.  punched out!


Q: ARVN stands for the
  a.  "American Recreational Vehicle Network."
  B.  "Army of the Republic of Viet Nam."
  c.  "American Rock Video Network."
  d.  "Automatic Recovery Vehicle--Nuclear."


Q: "The Naked Lunch" is
  a.  served at only your more sophisticated restaurants.
  b.  live at CBGB's.
  c.  available in VHS.
  D.  a beatnik novel.



Q: The Gestapo was a
  a.  now-defunct chain of Quiki-Marts in the Deep South.
  b.  tribe of headhunters.
  C.  WWII German police force.
  d.  popular 60's dance.


Q: "LSD" is 
  a.  used to slow the spread of cancer.
  B.  able to really mess up your head.
  c.  any "Large Screen Display."
  d.  a "Large Stomach Disorder."


Q: Analgesics are used to
  A.  control pain.
  b.  enhance rectal pleasure.
  c.  prevent pregnancy.
  d.  kill fleas.


Q: The term "Baby Boom" refers to the
  a.  now-defunct practice of exploding ugly offspring.
  b.  noise a baby's bottom makes.
  C.  increased birthrate following WWII.
  d.  sound a baby makes when dropped from a high building.


Q: Someone interested in animal husbandry
  a.  is married to a sheep.
  b.  petitions for animal rights.
  c.  would be arrested in Michigan.
  D.  breeds livestock.



Q: A Bar Mitzvah is a
  a.  famous Manhattan gay bar.
  B.  Jewish religious ceremony.
  c.  Yiddish granola bar.
  d.  special kind of cracker.


Q: The Big Bang is
  a.  the title of a hit porno movie.
  b.  Bernard Goetz's favorite sound.
  C.  how the universe got its start.
  d.  a 27-car pileup.


Q: The U.S. Vice-President elected in 1988 was
  a.  J. Danforth Quayle.
  b.  not ready for prime time.
  c.  "No Jack Kennedy."
  D.  All of the above.


Q: What is interface protocol?
  a.  a required course in "The Famous Beauticians School"
  b.  Chapter Three of "How to Earn Big Bucks as an Ambassador"
  C.  foreplay between consenting computers
  d.  when the eyes and the nose cast their "Ayes" and "Nos"


Q: Josephine the ___
  a.  Bonaparte
  b.  Manicurist
  c.  Eighth
  D.  Plumber



Q: Who had a rabbit and a talking grandfather clock?
  A.  Captain Kangaroo
  b.  Glenn Close
  c.  Jimmy Stewart
  d.  Pee Wee Herman


Q: What band was Paul McCartney in before Wings?
  a.  Menudo
  B.  The Beatles
  c.  The Monkees
  d.  The Traveling Wilburys


Q: If they could just stay little until their ___ wear out.
  A.  Carters
  b.  undies
  c.  kidneys
  d.  Legos


Q: What was the first TV show with the sound of a flushing toilet?
  a.  "Maude"
  b.  "The Jeffersons"
  c.  "American Top 40"
  D.  "All in the Family"


Q: What TV show featured an appearance by Richard Nixon?
  a.  "Hello, Larry."
  b.  "Mr. President."
  C.  "Laugh-In."
  d.  A special 2-hour "Love Boat."



Q: The phrase "Cutting the cheese" refers to
  a.  hors d'oeuvres preparation.
  b.  topping another French chef.
  c.  leaving a warm climate.
  D.  flatulence.


Q: Which of the following was NOT a carbonated drink?
  A.  "Nik-L-Nip"
  b.  "Vita-Cola"
  c.  "Moxie"
  d.  "Mr. Pibb"


Q: The "Domino Theory" refers to
  a.  "30 minutes! Guaranteed!!"
  B.  Southeast Asia.
  c.  the speed of collapsing rows of vertical dominoes.
  d.  the non-Latin Mass.


Q: "Supercalifragilisticexpiali- docious" is
  a.  a typo.
  b.  misspelled.
  C.  an adjective.
  d.  a palindrome.


Q: In "The Wizard of Oz," Dorothy's last name was
  a.  Parker.
  B.  Gale.
  c.  Gumm.
  d.  Minelli.



Q: Who fought the Battle of the Bulge?
  a.  General Ullyses S. Grant
  b.  Colonel Tom Parker
  C.  General MacAuliffe
  d.  Elizabeth Taylor


Q: Muhammad Ali was originally known as
  A.  Cassius Clay.
  b.  Titus Andronicus.
  c.  Sonny Liston.
  d.  Wally Cox.


Q: Marijuana has never been called
  a.  pot.
  b.  grass.
  c.  reefer.
  D.  off.


Q: Who never won the Nobel Peace Prize?
  a.  Teddy Roosevelt
  b.  Henry Kissinger
  C.  Linus Pauling
  d.  Pope John XXIII


Q: In the Spanish Civil War, the Fascists defeated the
  a.  Democrats.
  b.  Republicans.
  C.  Libertarians.
  d.  Armada.



Q: Ronald Reagan was never a
  a.  sportscaster.
  B.  professional football player.
  c.  governor.
  d.  napper.


Q: The Mason-Dixon Line is a
  a.  betting spread.
  b.  geometry problem.
  C.  surveying boundary.
  d.  type of fishing gear.


Q: Muhammed Ali was known for
  a.  his skill as a poet.
  b.  missing the draft.
  c.  boxing.
  D.  All of the above.


Q: Which of the following is not a Woody Allen film?
  A.  "Exteriors"
  b.  "Manhattan"
  c.  "Annie Hall"
  d.  "Bananas"


Q: People discussing arms control are
  a.  involved in the prosthetics industry.
  B.  mitigating the destructiveness of war.
  c.  preparing for short arms inspection.
  d.  practicing cheerleading.



Q: Artificial insemination is the
  a.  study of plastic plants.
  b.  study of sex among the insemians.
  C.  technique widely used to breed animals.
  d.  safest form of sex.


Q: Artificial intelligence is
  A.  computers pretending to be human.
  b.  humans pretending to be computers.
  c.  an oxy-moron.
  d.  a blow-up doll.


Q: The author of this game likes to wear his hair
  a.  parted on the left.
  b.  parted on the right.
  c.  long.
  D.  on the inside.


Q: Mikhail Baryshnikov is famous for?
  a.  being an ex-Commie
  b.  wearing tight underwear
  c.  performing while on tip-toes
  D.  All of the above.


Q: What occurred at the Bay of Pigs?
  a.  Many ugly women took a bath.
  B.  A big mistake.
  c.  The first bacon factory was established.
  d.  Columbus arrived in America.



Q: Which was not a Beatles song?
  a.  "Please, Please Me"
  b.  "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da"
  C.  "Put This In Your Mouth"
  d.  "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill"


Q: Pearl Harbor is best known for
  a.  being a great place to shop for necklaces.
  b.  her five years as a Washington D.C. madam.
  C.  being bombed during World War II.
  d.  her singing voice.


Q: Macadamia nuts are
  a.  caused by infrequent bathing.
  b.  extremely painful.
  c.  usually supplied with batteries.
  D.  common in Hawaii.


Q: Mace is
  A.  liquid tear gas.
  b.  a mild aphrodisiac.
  c.  best applied as a topical lubricant.
  d.  a brand of underarm deodorant.


Q: If "the rabbit died," what really happened is
  a.  its ears went limp.
  B.  somebody's been doing something to someone.
  c.  you need a different brand of rabbit chow.
  d.  there'll be no more rabbit poop around the house.



Q: What can you get in a "red light" district?
  A.  in many cases, trouble
  b.  the Blue Plate Special
  c.  outdoor lighting fixtures
  d.  lingerie


Q: To impress your date, you should
  a.  sing (loudly) Barry Manilow's greatest hits.
  b.  casually mention how you flunked your last blood test.
  C.  not bring up the vast quantities of ear hair they have.
  d.  discuss your plans to continue living at home with Mom.


Q: According to men, women think foreplay should last
  a.  longer.
  b.  much longer.
  c.  much much longer.
  D.  All of the above.


Q: I am easily offended by
  a.  nudity.
  b.  racial humor.
  c.  foul language.
  D.  None of the above.


Q: The rhythm method is
  a.  how drummers do it.
  B.  a popular form of birth control.
  c.  percussive in nature.
  d.  a way to fool around while listening to music.



Q: Eleven inches is
  a.  a foot.
  b.  a yard.
  c.  .70 meters
  D.  more than I have.


Q: Who should be on top, the male or the female?
  a.  On top of what?
  b.  the male
  c.  the female
  D.  What species?


Q: Which of the following does not belong?
  A.  walking the dog
  b.  hunting beaver
  c.  chasing tail
  d.  trolling


Q: How many virgin cheerleaders are there?
  a.  Five million.
  b.  Two thousand.
  c.  One hundred.
  D.  Too many.


Q: Which of the following does not belong?
  a.  Safe
  b.  Raincoat
  D.  Tire iron
  d.  Condom



Q: Who comes on New Year's Eve?
  a.  Santa Claus
  b.  The Easter Bunny
  c.  Jason
  D.  Sometimes, me


Q: A conundrum is
  a.  used to prevent disease.
  B.  a riddle.
  c.  a yuppie habitat (sometimes known as a "condo").
  d.  a musical instrument of the percussion family.


Q: What lies on the back of a Playboy centerfold?
  A.  several jokes
  b.  a tattoo
  c.  her boyfriend
  d.  a hairy wart


Q: What celebrity was the first Ronald McDonald?
  A.  Willard Scott
  b.  Larry Laffer
  c.  Ronald Reagan
  d.  Bert Parks


Q: A homophone is
  a.  opposed to the gay lifestyle.
  b.  in favor of the gay lifestyle.
  C.  a word that sounds like another word.
  d.  a communication device.



Q: What is "Where the Rubber hits the Road?"
  a.  Trojan
  B.  Firestone
  c.  The Hollywood Drive-In Theatre
  d.  Galoshes, Inc.


Q: Who does not belong?
  a.  Marilyn Monroe
  B.  Phyllis Diller
  c.  Jayne Mansfield
  d.  Bo Derek


Q: A reefer is
  a.  to give to or assign to someone.
  b.  a good place to store beer.
  c.  where ships often crash.
  D.  sometimes smoked illegally.


Q: TM is most often associated with
  A.  the Bahgwan Shree Rajneesh.
  b.  Shirley MacLaine.
  c.  the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
  d.  Yogi Bear.


Q: Buddy Holly died
  a.  on stage.
  b.  in the saddle.
  C.  in an airplane crash.
  d.  in the "Blue Ball Saloon" when he bent to tie his shoelace.



Q: What did Gomer Pyle say when he was excited?
  A.  Shazam!
  b.  Wanna buy a duck?
  c.  Yes, sir!
  d.  Yabba Dabba Doo!


Q: A loop is
  a.  often used in family planning.
  b.  repeated instructions in a computer program.
  c.  in downtown Chicago.
  D.  All of the above.


Q: Decalcomania is
  a.  an obsession with decimals.
  b.  an obsession with Californians.
  C.  sticky.
  d.  a mental disease involving decalcos.


Q: STD is
  a.  an automotive lubricant.
  B.  something to avoid.
  c.  commonly associated with celibacy.
  d.  a West German political party.


Q: Who does not belong?
  a.  Peter Lawford
  b.  Sammy Davis
  C.  Stevie Wonder
  d.  Dean Martin



Q: Who invented "The Twist?"
  A.  Chubby Checker
  b.  Michael Jackson
  c.  The American Chiropractic Society
  d.  Milton Bradley


Q: CP/M is
  a.  a first aid technique.
  b.  a type of accountant.
  c.  a female problem.
  D.  an operating system.


Q: Chlamydia is
  a.  a baroque musical instrument.
  B.  often "gotten off a toilet seat."
  c.  a flower with purple petals.
  d.  the fifth wife of Emperor Nero.


Q: Who was not in the original "Saturday Night Live" cast?
  a.  Chevy Chase
  b.  Gilda Radner
  C.  Eddie Murphy
  d.  John Belushi


Q: Which of these do you consider most offensive?
  A.  Abstinence
  b.  Graphic sex
  c.  Gratuitous promiscuity
  d.  Racial slurs



Q: An IUD is
  a.  a promissory note.
  b.  an international organization.
  c.  used to increase fertility.
  D.  supposed to limit reproduction.


Q: Which of these is out of place?
  a.  cathouse
  b.  house of ill repute
  C.  bridge club
  d.  the Chicken Ranch


Q: Which of these is not related to fowls.
  a.  laying an egg
  B.  getting laid
  c.  telling a yolk
  d.  "finger-lickin' good"


Q: What country produces the Mercedes Benz?
  A.  The same folks that brought you sauerkraut
  b.  Atlantis
  c.  Sweden
  d.  Japan


Q: What does the "F" stand for in JFK?
  a.  Forest
  B.  Fitzgerald
  c.  Franklin
  d.  Fitzpatrick




===============================================================================
08.)                    JOKES                                        G0800
===============================================================================

When you visit the Comedy Club you are asked to provide three ethnic groups the
jokes will make you use. Those three are used within the jokes when the
brackets (1), (2) and (3). Replace them with the ethnic group, or profession,
or standard joke patron, of your choice.


A (1) man walked into a bar with a pig under his arm. The bartender said, "Did
you win him in a raffle?" And the pig replied, "Yep."

These three guys were stranded together on a desert island. The (1) guy finds
Aladdin's lamp buried in the sand. He says "I wish I were home" and poof -- he
vanishes into midair. Well, the (2) man grabs the lamp and says "I wish I were
home, too." Poof, he too vanishes, leaving the (3) man holding the lamp. The
(3) guy says, "Gee, now it's lonely here. I wish they hadn't left me..."

Did you hear about the unlucky (1) guy? He filed for divorce because he lived
in a two-story house. One story was "I'm not in the mood" and the other was
"I've got a headache!"

A (2) man was talking with a (3) man, "I'm so unlucky!" The (3) man asks,
"Really? Why do you say that?" "Why, just last night that beautiful hunchback
girl stood me up. And after I bought her flowers, dug the hole, and
everything!"

Did I tell you the one about the (3) guy who was messing around with his
sister-in-law? He really had it in for his brother!

Do you know how to recognize the bride at a (2) wedding? She's the one with the
braided armpit hair!

Do you know why the (1) guys have been stealing all those police cars lately?
They saw the "911" and thought they were Porsches!

Do you know who won the (2) beauty pageant? No one!

A (3) woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck when a drunk
staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The (3) woman
replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said,
"Quiet, (3), I was talking to the duck!"

Do you know how they take a census in a (2) neighborhood? Easy. Flood the
basements!

Do you know the most dangerous job in a (1) neighborhood? Riding shotgun on the
garbage truck!

Do you know how to tell the groom at a (2) wedding? He's the one with the clean
bowling shirt!

Once the (1) football team played the (2) football team. At the end of three
quarters the score was tied: nothing to nothing. Just then a train went by. The
(1) team heard the whistle, thought the game was over, and went home. Six plays
later, the (2) team scored.

Do you know where a (2) family hides its money? Under the soap!

Do you know why (3) stadiums all have artificial grass? To keep the
cheerleaders from grazing during halftime!

I just learned the difference between oral sex and sushi! It's the rice!

What is two hours of begging? (1) foreplay!

A 70-year-old man was in his doctor's office, sobbing uncontrollably. "Doc,
you've got to help me! I just recently married a 21-year old, gorgeous girl,
built like a brick shipyard, and all she wants to do all day long is have sex
with me!" The doctor replies, "Some problem! So why do you need my help?" "I
can't remember where I live!"

Have you tried that new Jewish-Japanese restaurant yet? It's called "Sosumi."

A young lumberjack had a terrible accident with his chain saw and went to the
doctor's office for stitches. As the doctor began to apply an anesthetic the
lumberjack just laughed, "Doc, I won't be needin' any pain-killer for a little
ol" wound like this." The doctor replied, "Son, this is going to hurt a lot.
Are you sure?" "Of course, I'm sure," said the lumberjack. "Why, in my entire
life I've only felt pain twice: once when I squatted down to relieve myself in
the woods and got my testicles caught in a bear trap!" The doctor cried, "My
gawd, that's terrible! But when was the second time?" "When I reached the end
of that chain!!"

An elderly couple were just finishing their annual physical exam. Their doctor
proclaimed them in perfect health. The wife said, "But, Doctor, what can we do?
I'm afraid we're going to catch this AIDS virus!" The doctor responded, "Don't
worry; there's no way you could be in a high-risk group." "But, Doctor," she
replied, "remember: we DO have annual sex!!"

My wife is so ugly... a peeping tom threw up on our window ledge!

My wife bought us a new waterbed. I call it "The Dead Sea!"

Once when I was a teenager I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those
"necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got
a hot date tonight with the school tramp!" When I got to her house, her mother
insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and
prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why,
Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist!"

A man complained to his doctor, "Doc, my wife has lost her interest in sex!"
The doctor replied, "Say no more, old friend, I've got just what you need. Just
slip her one of these little pills and stand back!" That night, as the man
dropped a couple of pills into his wife's glass of wine he thought, "If these
pills are so great, maybe I should take a couple myself!" Nothing happened. The
evening passed uneventfully and they both went off to bed. Then, about one
o'clock, his wife suddenly sat up in bed and announced, "I want a man!" And the
man woke up and said,"Me, too!"

A (2) man called his wife and said, "Honey, I'm at the doctor's office; he just
finished my exam and says I've only got 12 hours to live!" His wife replies,
"Oh, sweetheart, that's terrible news! What will we do?" The (2) man said, "I
thought tonight we should have one great, last fling: fancy dinner, a show,
dancing, everything. Then we'll check into a hotel and make love all night! And
the wife replied, "Easy for you to say; you don't have to get up in the
morning!"

Do you know how to recognize a (3) virgin? She's the one that can run faster
than her brothers!

Once I had a great thing going with this Eskimo girl... unfortunately, she
broke it off!

Did you hear about the (2) man who was so lazy... he married a pregnant woman!

A (3) man was so stupid... he studied all weekend for his urine test!

Do you know how to break a (1) man's finger? Punch him in the nose!

How do you sink a (2) battleship? Put it in water!

Do you know how to get 25 (3) guys in a phone booth? Throw in a dollar!

Did you hear about the (1) guy who won a gold medal in the last Olympics? He
had it bronzed!

How can you tell the (2) pirate? He wears an eye patch on both eyes!

Six months ago, my wife had her credit card stolen. Tonight I learned this (3)
guy took it. But I'm not going to turn him in. He spends a lot less per month
than she did!

Yesterday I went to the meat department in that new cannibal supermarket down
in the beautiful downtown Nontoonyt Mall. They were running a special on human
brains! (1) brains were $4.99 per pound; (2) brains were $6.99 per pound; and
(3) brains were $39.00 per pound. I asked the butcher, "If (1) brains are $4.99
a pound and (2) brains are $6.99 per pound, how could (3) brains be $39.00?" He
replied, "Do you know how many (3) guys you've got to go through to get a pound
of brains?!"

How do you tell the difference between a dead dog and a dead (1) lying in the
middle of a highway? There's skid marks in front of the dog!

Why did the (1) pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck to the back of the
chicken!

What's the difference between two terrorists and two (1) women with PMS? You
could negotiate with the terrorists!

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the referee was
blowing fouls.

Do you know the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to talk to
when you're having an orgasm!

Do you know the best thing about sleeping alone? You can have sex anytime you
want it!


===============================================================================
YY.)                    VERSION HISTORY                              GYY00
===============================================================================

v1.0     First release, complete (27th of April 2005)


===============================================================================
ZZ.)                    CREDITS & THANKS                             GZZ00
===============================================================================

GameFAQs for hosting this.

Sierra and for the game.

Al Lowe for this website
http://www.allowe.com
(viewed April 2005)

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