"Back To The Pit From Whence Thee Came, Abomination!"

In the world of hack and slash games, none is as renowned and revered as Diablo 2. After setting the bar with the original game, Blizzard then went on to raise it several notches with the follow up, yet again redefining the standard by which all others of its ilk would be measured. There is a surprising link between Hellgate and Diablo; the creators of that most storied of hack and slashers are apparently the minds behind this game (at least that's what the box art proclaims). Rationale would indicate that this would only bode well for Hellgate, and the question would not be whether Hellgate was any good but rather how good it would be. But that's not the case. In fact, it seemed like the developers set out with the intent of seeing how awful of a game they could make.

The story of Hellgate is instantly familiar but intriguing nonetheless. London has been invaded by hordes of bloodthirsty demons through an interdimensional portal known as a Hellgate. Human weaponry proved ineffective against the demons, and the city was quickly overwhelmed. Those who survived the subsequent slaughter retreated to the Underground, hoping to find a way to combat the demons and drive them back.

Though this synopsis makes it sound as if Hellgate is all gloom and doom, the plot cannot be taken seriously. Most of the writing is atrocious and so off the wall it is completely at odds with the atmosphere, which is seriously off-putting to say the least. Characters often have pages and pages of nonsensical rambling to slog through before players can even get to the point.

As ridiculous as the writing is, it pales in comparison to the audio that accompanies it. While other games might have a voice actor reading the text, Hellgate opts to have voice actors spout continuous incoherencies that range in topic from the never-ending hordes of undead to the best way to prepare a casserole. On top of that, the dialog is voiced in a mad-cap fashion that has the actors sounding as if they're about to suffer a catastrophic nervous breakdown at any moment, either screaming or sobbing their lines at breakneck pace. When you aren't forced to endure these types of voiceovers, it will be because some character sounding like an incompetent yokel is speaking.

The rambling lunacy builds and builds until it finally reaches critical mass, and culminates in one of the most ridiculous scenarios I believe I've ever been witness to in a video game. After hunting down the scattered body parts of a demon, a local madman revives it at which point the thing latches onto the fact of a technician and spends the rest of the game attached to his face. I'm not sure if this is what passes for comedy at Flagship Studios, but it ends up feeling like something you'd see on a really bad episode of Family Guy. In the end, I'm forced to conclude that either the studio was suffering from some sort of blanket insanity or that these people are a bunch of half-wits.

Thankfully these problems can all be avoided by muting the volume and skipping over any quest dialog, in order to get to the meat of the game. Before starting, players will choose one of six characters based on the three typical fantasy archetypes; warrior, sorceress and rogue. Though the classes mostly have atypical names, RPG veterans will be able to easily recognize each for what they really are. In essence, these classes all boil down to tank, berserker, summoner, mage or scout. Naturally, this decision will have a dramatic impact on how the game is played, but not always in the ways you might expect.

Hellgate can be played in two perspectives, first person or third person. Melee characters are bound to a third person view, but the rest are free to switch among the two at will. Both modes work but neither of them is outstanding. The third person viewpoint is good when the hero is being mobbed or simply when admiring a fancy new set of armor. In the end, most players will gravitate towards the first person mode, simply because it's easier pick up items and interact with the environment.

Like any other hack and slash game, the entire gameplay experience comes down to a few things – Killing enemies, gathering the loot they drop, gaining experience and acquiring skills. At a glance, these elements work just as you'd expect (because even the most incompetent of developers would have a hard time screwing these things up), but the details are where things get messy.

As all veteran hackers and slashers will expect, killing enemies is largely an issue of moving from area to area, clicking on anything that moves until it dies. As I've mentioned, this can be done through melee with a sword or ranged combat with one of the games many types of guns. This all works well enough and mowing through demon hordes with a machine gun in one hand and a pistol that shoots rockets in the other (yes, all characters can dual wield) is actually fun. But there are a few, not unforeseeable problems, that put a serious damper on the entire affair.

Each character has their own skill tree, usually with totally unique skills and spells tailored for that character's abilities. For instance, the Summoner has spells that summon demons and the Guardian, the tank, has skills that dish out lots of physical damage and raise his defense. However, the majority of these skills are nearly worthless as they don't do enough damage or their use is too specific. It also doesn't help that what a skill does isn't always explained coherently, and many skills affect some arcane and unseen modifier that isn't explained in the game or the manual.

The real problem is the near total lack of area effect skills. For those not in the know, these skills are the ones that affect a large area, thereby damaging many enemies at once. To say that they are an integral component of a hack and slash game would be understating their importance. Enemies are most often encountered in hordes and they don't think twice about surrounding the hero and putting a quick end to his life. Since most characters don't even have access to an area effect spell, this means enemies will be engaged on a one to one basis, even though a dozen demons are eating you while trying to kill it.

While the skills leave a lot to be desired, skill usage is handled just like it was in Titan Quest. Instead of the D2 set up where skills could be hot-keyed and would then appear on one of the mouse buttons, here they are assigned a number. Hitting that number will activate the skill. It's also important because most skills have a cool down timer, making them unavailable for use for several seconds, which is an eternity in the midst of a fight. This all means that, unlike D2, the game encourages players to use more than a couple of their available skills to engage the enemy.

Another important aspect of all hack and slash games is the enemy variety. Slogging through the same enemy types quickly puts a damper on any fun, so it's odd to note that simultaneously is and isn't a problem in Hellgate. There are plenty of enemy types in the game, but it doesn't mix things up enough. Basically, each area has only two or three enemy types, but when entering a new area those will be swapped out for something new. However, at a certain point the passe “change the color and make it stronger” trick comes into play. Speaking strictly of enemy design, it's all over the place. To the D2 hardcore, some will be instantly familiar. Others, such as the zombie, have been used in every game ever made and some are just stupid, such as the goofy oversized skeletons. However, there are plenty of unusual designs that look pretty cool and some that even border on being truly scary.

Though Hellgate seems beyond redemption at this point, there was one thing that could have saved it; interesting quests. But you'll notice I said “could”. The overwhelming majority of the quests (I'm talking the ninety-ninth percentile) are of the most basic variety that could possibly be in a hack and slash game. These typically involve going to a new location, killing a monster or, for the truly bottom of the barrel side quests, killing a certain number of a monster type and bringing back an item they drop. In a genre where killing monsters is the primary gameplay element, you'd think quests could be a little more inventive.

So gameplay is an irredeemable wreck, and there's little good to be found with the games graphics and audio. However, Hellgate can be a remarkably good looking game, provided you have a system with the power to really crank it. If so, the game has really impressive textures, flashy weapons and armor and even the stupid looking enemies get a bit more wicked looking. But at the medium range, the game is quite ugly with flat textures and lousy effects. Regardless of the settings, I encountered ridiculous amounts of slowdown, and at one point the framerate dropped so low it felt as if I was playing the game in stop-motion, single frames.

But even if you have a good system, the graphics will still be at the mercy of the atrocious and repetitive level design. Throughout the game there are really only a handful of tile sets – maintenance tunnels, subways, and ruined city streets. Among these three main tile sets, levels of the same type usually do very little to differentiate themselves and even use the exact same set pieces. Special areas, such as Hellgates, are briefly interesting until realizing that each and every one shares the exact same layout.

As far as audio goes, I've already mentioned the utterly deplorable voice acting, but it's worth saying again. They are without a doubt the worst group of actors I've ever been subjected to. Music isn't much better, though it crops up less frequently. I suspect that it was supposed to come on during heated battles, but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the battle was over before it even came on. When it did, I was immediately wishing for it to go off, as it is a nasty sort of orchestrated butt metal.

THE VERDICT
The box of Hellgate claims that it was created by the same minds behind Diablo. It's a dubious claim, and I'm more inclined to believe that these “minds” were just ancillary staff members who had little to no input on the actual game. Regardless, it's just a marketing scheme to boost sales, because Hellgate has little in common with that storied franchise. In fact, you'd probably be better off if you just went and played the original Diablo. It's certainly more fun than this train wreck. Obscenely bad voice acting, weak combat, useless skills, and a schizophrenic story all combine to create a game that is quite possibly more torturous than Hell itself. Hellgate is a terrible game that fully deserved the critical and commercial failure it received.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 07/07/09, Updated 07/06/10

Game Release: Hellgate: London (US, 10/31/07)