"Nintendo, what have you DONE??"

This was set up to be the game of the decade. There were several iconic Mario games that are the most incredible gaming experiences ever—Super Mario World, with it's solid and responsive gaming, great sound and fantastic power ups. Mario Brothers 3, Which has sold 17 million copies, (and that isn't counting the millions who bought it as Super Mario All Stars), with powerful gaming, huge levels and dozens of power ups. So I picked up the game from the local store, and started playing. At the one hour mark, I was getting a little bored because I thought it was a little easy, but I kept saying to myself "the next level will be better...". 3 hours later, I found and grabbed the last star coin. I was devastated. Nintendo somehow took the work of art that was Mario and dumbed it down looking for a younger audience. Over the next few weeks I saw some of the reviews in game magazines and sites, and it was just pathetic seeing how many people WORSHIPPED this game, saying it was his best adventure yet. Seriously, have these guys even played a Mario game before?

Story: 8/10

It's an old story, but functional—the Princess is stolen away as soon as Mario takes his attention off her for a millisecond, and he needs to head to final castle to get her back. Simple, and it works, as it has for several years.

Gameplay: 7 for the first hour, then 3/10

I don't really know why this game falls so flat after a while, but, well, it does. They added things on the basis that they could, not on the basis that they should. They added some utterly pointless moves—a Mario 64 Triple jump that, not only do you have to run at full speed and have lots of room that you never have, it adds about 2 blocks of height to your jump, so is never necessary. They also added a generic Wall Jump, which is used only once and badly. It also makes the game easier, because you can just ping yourself out of those death—inducing pits that you didn't have the skill to get over on your first try (and there's only one pit that I had to take more than one attempt to cross anyway.)

Also, they added some new power—ups , only one of which is any good without being imbalanced. The good one is a mushroom that makes you tiny, making your jumps huge and floaty, but this also makes you vulnerable to attack. Believe it or not, this is what makes it so fun to use—it makes the game more challenging, and you can also access cool little areas that have tiny entrances. But It's a little rare. However, they can easily be acquired if you revisit a certain stage over and over. So if you need it, you can have one stashed away in your reserves for when you need it. The new item that is semi-good is a wearable Koopa shell, and when you run quickly enough you duck into the shell and spin, acting like a normal shell, only changing direction when you hit something (Several people on the Gamefaqs forums attempt to complete whole levels in this manner...Not an easy task.) But it's too fiddly to use efficiently, and you never have the space to get enough speed. And again, It's very rare. The one item that is utterly stupid, and to be honest, screws up the entire game, is a giant mushroom which makes you the same size as the screen, allowing you to bulldoze your way through a level. This may sound cool, and it is...The first time you use it. Then it becomes pointless and makes an easy game even easier. The worst thing is, you can actually get one in a SMW-esqe reserve box, allowing you to use it whenever you want, even on bosses, making them easier than they already are. And also, they removed all the good power—ups from the other games! This game would be actually be great if it kept some variety in the power—ups, but NO, out with the good, in with the same old fire flowers. Whoopee.

To try and keep the completists happy, they put in some Big coins to try and get. But they aren't exactly difficult to get. And if you can't get some of them, you can always bring in the good old Mega mushroom to clear the way...yay.

Finally, WHAT IS UP WITH THE SAVE FEATURE?? You can only save after completing a castle or unlocking a path with your coins, so you can't save if you need to go somewhere or play something else. WHAT. This indirectly shortens the game, because it means you HAVE to power through the game, not taking it one level at a time. This can really cut down the (already short) time. However, you get to save it at any time once you've completed the game.

Sound: 7/10

Ehh, what can I say? It's Mario, so it has good music and classic sounds. The castle music is particularly good... But some proper classic tunes would have been really good for anyone playing the game for a nostalgia trip of the old (read good) Mario games.

Graphics: 9/10

Hmm. bit odd to describe this. It's like "2 and a half—D" . That is to say, the backgrounds are 2D, but everything else is fully rendered 3D. Think of Yoshi's Story and Sonic Rush, and it's like that. The sprites are crisp and colourful, there's good animation, and no graphic glitches as far as I could see. It really is incredible, and is undoubtedly one of the biggest assets of the game. It would be much better if the rest of the game actually lived up to this, but this is the biggest problem in games today—great graphics, bad Gameplay.

Difficulty: 2/10

This is where the game goes downhill. Most of the other problems are just about forgivable, but this is going too far. Mario games are meant to be about Ninja skillz, pinging from platform to platform using only your own skills. NOT CHEATING YOUR WAY THROUGH USING FIREBALLS. Seriously, you get LOADS of them. And they go into your reserves, so whenever you get hit (which is not often) , another fire flower floats down gracefully from the sky. If, in the unlikely event you lose a life, you probably have several dozen spare, because you're showered with those too, Hidden in blocks, rewarded for getting coins, hitting the top of the flagpole, hitting stuff with the Mega Cheating Mushroom until you fill a large gauge, and several other quite random reasons.
The levels are also extremely short, taking only minutes to complete, without having to learn the layout like in other Mario games.

Even the bosses are too easy, being utterly unimaginative, having to just jump on them to defeat them. How very unoriginal. And don't get me started on the final boss—just two bosses mixed together, with no new patterns. at all. And of course, if you took a mega mushroom with you, it becomes EVEN easier! What the hell? This is a shame, because the last dungeon is very imaginative, twisting the levels around, and for once one of the star coins is very hard to get to, let alone collect! Even getting through the dungeon (and the other dungeons, actually), is a very fun experience on the first time through. Compared to this, the bosses are an utter joke.

Overall: 3/10

Overall, this is a game that gets very tiring very quickly. But there's one last thing that I feel utterly DISGUSTED about. If anyone reads the Official Nintendo Magazine, they will know what it says, but for those who don't, allow me to enlighten you—they gave it 96%. And it has a good/bad points system, and they put NO bad points, and one of the good points was "Best Game on DS"...after playing the game (and selling it soon after), I read their article again, and I felt utterly speechless about their blatant purism. Because COME ON, Sonic Rush is twice the game this could ever be, and it can actually be played again properly because it has replay value, and yet ONM gave it a 92%. I ignored this, and got this game, and I still play it daily. But I KNOW that people will ignore this review and get NSMB anyway, because they think anything with Mario's face on it is pure gold. Be my guest, but it'll rot in the bottom of your game drawer for months and months. Get Sonic Rush, It's a REAL DS platform game, full of excitement and surprises (Really!). This Mario "game" is a twisted mockery of what Mario games really are, and if this was anyone's first Mario game, they would be anti—Mario for the rest of their entire lives. Fission Mailed, Nintendo.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 01/26/07