Tony Hawk's American Sk8land

"Has everything old versions have, and more!"

American Sk8land is yet another Tony Hawk game. That isn't really a bad thing, as the series has always been fun and refreshing. Especially on portables, where Hawk and the crew felt right at home. Well, the next gen of portables are now in our hands, but how does Hawk feel on this new system?

Very good, excellent even.

Activision has really been smart in designing this game. They have a new story mode, and even include a classic mode which has everything from the older games. Not much to complain about here, but read on and you will find that I can, in fact, whine and complain about quite alot.

GRAPHICS
As soon as you see the game case, you will see that the graphics are different from other TH games. The games dubs it as a "fresh 'toon style yo." I think, from a publisher's stand point, this is an excellent way to sell this game. It's vague and doesn't help at all! Thus, the consumer is left to either buy this game on a impulse, with no real indication on what the graphics are like. Or they pass this game all together.

But since the target consumer for this game are 11 year olds with the smarts of a mentally challenged worm, dying in a puddle of it's own, it works! The morons buy it because it has "funky fresh", "yo", "black people like this game", plaster all over the freaking box! You can't even tell what the game is! To tell you the truth, I thought that I was buying Oblivion for the Xbox, but instead got this because I couldn't see the title! The back is no better. It is the same as if a hand pulled you into some shadow world, where it then raped you for all of eternity with it's thumb. Basically, the back is that bad. I know I experience that much pain when I look at the back.

Fortunately, the game is better than the box, gameplay wise. Because this funky fresh toon style translates into a great thing for the game. Instead of trying to look realistic on the DS, and failing, they realized up front that they couldn't do that. So they went with this cell-shading-esque design, and I have to tell you, it looks great. After playing it for a while, you don't even notice. So, if you are holding back on this game because the graphics look odd, don't. It really works out great.

9/10

STORY
They tried to include some story here, and to some degree it works. But to some degree, it's like trying to be friends with the hyperactive child from down the street that eats cat litter and INSISTS on showing everyone it's genitalia.

The main story really isn't about you. It's about this hoe-bag named Mindy. She's trying to get published her steaming pile of cow dung that is her comic book. She has your character, an autistic 13 year old, get famous by doing some meaningless tasks for famous skaters that are unfortunate enough to stumble into your presence. She also involves Tony Hawk into her scheme by black mailing him.

The story moves along well, but at a fast pace, with extreme ease. The tasks are simple and easy, and because you are immortal with no grasp of the concept of pain or reality, if you do happen to fail one, you just get up, wipe the alarming amount of blood off your shoulder and try again.

The story really is the only thing that fails here, it is chaotic and disorganized . There is one good thing about it, it is short so you don't have to suffer long.

3/10

GAMEPLAY
While you are suffering thru the story, you will notice one thing, the gameplay great. If you have played a Tony Hawk game before, you can pick it up and start playing. True to TH style, it's all about the tricks. Not much to say here other that it plays well. Really well is fact.

But not everything's good is Slappy Town, Activision insisted on including the gangsta, street crap in the gameplay. Shoving it right in your face. It's sickening. Constant reminders that you should be "street" and "off the hook" is maddening. Listen, Activision, I don't care about "street cred" and "home dog skillets," I just want to play a normal game with out the reminder as to why society is doomed.

But, in classic mode, all is forgiven(for the most part), no more hoods and crap, just pure skating. And it's at it's best too, that's always a nice addition.

9/10- redeemed by classic mode

CONTROLS
They haven't changed much here, and that's probably for the best. TH will always be best enjoyed with buttons and a d-pad. That's why I'm glad they didn't do much with the touch screen here. If they were to include much more, it would feel tacked on, and just not work right. They do include some touch screen controls, but not enough for the game to depend on them.

Much like the gameplay, not a lot has been changed here, and that's good. The controls have always worked, excellently too. And they still do. A< to kickflip, A^ to nollie, and A> to christ air, pure, simple, excellent.

10/10

SOUND
First, I will speak about the gameplay music. The sound effects are great. They really couldn't be more realistic, and I couldn't expect any more. Great Job, 10/10 sound.

The "music," ahh, the "music." You may have noticed that I called it "music." Why? Because it's not really music. The game calls it music, but in reality, the reality that everyone but activision lives in, music shouldn't make that aforementioned hand-raping-shadow-world seem like a much better option.

The "music" is bad. Really really bad. It includes such winners as Green Day's "Holiday." It also includes smash hits such as "I like to eat dirt" by some band that has never reached the ears of humans, until now. This song would be a great song to listen to if you had to suffer the fate of torture. The torture all starts off with chopping your limbs off, then running you over a bunch with a car. The they pull your eyes out and make you eat them. Then you have to eat a 2.4 mile high pile of roadkill followed by having worms burrow into your brain and slowly eat away at it. Then you are lit on fire and drowned in elephant urine. Then some how they bring you back to life and inflict the pain as if you were you were to be exposed to a thousand burning suns at the same time. At the end, you end up being a sexslave for a headless spider.

By the end of the song, the torture will seem like such a wonderful escape from the music that you help your captors torture yourself, you will pray to god to bless these people with the blessings of a thousand saints for rescuing you from such a circumstance.
-10/10

In the end, the game really does deliver. Just turn the music off, and ignore the story and you will find yourself actually enjoying this marketed dung-roll.

8/10

Reviewer's Score: 8/10, Originally Posted: 02/27/07