"This is a good DSI game. Seriously. Oink!"

We've all heard the story of the three little pigs: a trio of enterprising anthropomorphic swines that inexplicably erected straw, stick and brick houses. It is an utterly preposterous fairy tale. But the kids love it.

Barnyard Blast: Swine of the Night takes this kind of Porky Pig absurdity one step further. Your son, Cliffy Belmart, has strayed far from home into the depths of a perilous haunted castle. Your wife, Julia Belmart, has her housekeeping duties to fulfil. Thus. the responsibility of rescuing young Cliffy rests with you, Robert Belmart - the only dude bad enough to rescue his own son. Steel thy soul and pack your pistol, shotgun, whip and dynamite - it's going to be a rough journey across turbid swamps, volatile volcanoes and the ancient castle itself.

I don't know about you, but the idea of a pig dressed up as a cowboy and packing heat is as ridiculous as a lame parody of Castlevania, Ghosts 'N Goblins, Mega Man, Contra and Metal Slug would be. Funnily enough, this is exactly what Barnyard Blast is all about.

Level progression is akin to the classic Castlevania games, each stage seamlessly blended into one another. Difficulty is (nearly) as heinous and cheap as Ghosts 'N Goblins with enemies overwhelming you in numbers and swooping in with difficult-to-attack motions (you can even take hits as you transition between screens!) Controls are smooth to the point where Robert Belmart could be considered to be a palette swap of the original Mega Man, with his semi-automatic pistol effectively being the equivalent of the plasma blaster. The weapon selection and reliance on the right tool for the right situation is derived from the Contra series. And just like in Metal Slug, the bulk of the monsters - pumpkin-headed zombies, old-school-annoying bats, trident-wielding mermen etc. - are bullet absorbent sponges.

Barnyard Blast is a Jack of all trades, master of none. The action is thick and heavy, but highly repetitive, and it all really boils down to how fast you can hammer the Y button and shoot your pistol. The shotgun's range is pathetic (as in barely-ten-pixels pathetic), compensated only by its relatively large spread. The slayer whip needs to be charged up with blue hearts before it becomes remotely powerful. The dynamite can only be thrown out whilst stationary (or airborne - but I don't recommend doing this), leaving you vulnerable to the legions of undead. You really do need to make the most of your weapons (only the pistol has infinite ammo), but the weapon switching process - either scrolling between the four of them with the R button or tapping the icons on the touch screen - is too cumbersome in the midst of battle.

There were a lot of things I enjoyed about Barnyard Blast - the parodying nature, the brutal old-school platforming, and the frequent boss encounters were a particular treat - but it is all overshadowed by its overwhelming simplicity. Each stage is looks decent, but the level design is virtually non-existent: most of the time you are just moving from left to right, with a few deadly jumps and too many respawning enemies spacing things unevenly. At least the music isn't as repetitive, but the game isn't long enough to make it so, and there's no reason to replay it unless you want to tackle the stupidly difficult whip-only mode.

Overall, I feel that Barnyard Blast is an 8-bit game in an HD era. Many of the gameplay "flaws" would have been considered gameplay "quirks" some two decades ago, but repetitiveness, cheapness and questionable longevity should no longer tolerated. That said, if you still enjoy old-school platformers and/or shooters and have somehow exhausted the supply of retro classics available to us, by all means, pig out.

VERDICT - 6.0/10

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 02/25/08

Game Release: Barnyard Blast: Swine of the Night (US, 02/15/08)