Orcs & Elves

"Handheld Oblivion: not as fun as you might expect"

According to a friend of mine, the DS dungeon-crawler Orcs & Elves began life as a cell phone game. And everyone knows that 99% of cell phone games out there suck, right? Well, embarrassingly enough, a game that was originally a cell phone game is now a DS game. And yes, it's about as bad as it sounds. In just about every way possible, Orcs & Elves really does feel like a cell phone game that got a straight port to the DS. To begin with, it's a really simple, generally unimpressive game. The plot is nearly nonexistent: you're some half-elf character with a magical talking staff who explores a huge mountain in search of a missing Dwarf king. Dialogue is terribly clichéd, unoriginal, and uninteresting.

The gameplay mechanic, while it shows some potential, falls flat on its face. It's a dungeon crawler and you'll control your character with a first-person perspective. One problem that becomes apparent very early on is how incredibly awkward it is just to move around. You can only move forward and backward, so you have to turn your character physically when you want to change direction. This is fairly awkward, but other games have used it and had little trouble with the mechanic (Etrian Odyssey, for example). The big problem comes with moving forward: you can't just hold forward and watch your character run along. Instead, there's an invisible grid system at work and you have to press forward again each time you want to move that way. It's incredibly annoying and awkward, and having to continually mash the forward button to proceed through a long hallway devoid of enemies is really frustrating.

This problem of movement comes, as I see it, from two major sources. The first is the embarrassing fact that we've already discussed: that the DS received a port of a freaking cell phone game The buttons on a cell phone are harder to hold down and so tapping them over and over again doesn‘t seem so stupid after all. And the second is the way in which Orcs & Elves is set up with a turn-based combat system. I suppose the developers don't want players accidentally wasting a turn moving, and as a result made it more difficult to move. Still, this is a really annoying problem and one that I wish could have somehow been fixed.

Combat itself is fairly simple but also surprisingly ambitious: think along the lines of Oblivion sans the real time element. You'll see enemies wandering around in the dungeon, and once they see you coming they'll make an advance. You and the enemies on the field take turns (they'll all move at once, however, so there are no long stretches of time spent waiting for a room full of enemies to move toward you) moving, and then once you're close enough, attacking. It's really quite boring, because 90% of the time you'll probably just be using the basic attack -- so if mashing the A button over and over and over again to defeat hordes of enemies sounds fun to you, then maybe Orcs & Elves is a good title for you.

Of course, in typical RPG fashion, there are a ton of items, weapons, and equipment to collect. Scattered throughout the dungeon you'll find treasure chests which hold these items. The variety of different weapons and magic is pretty impressive, and there are various different potions that cover all sorts of status conditions. Additionally, there's a floor of the mountain containing your stereotypical treasure-hoarding dragon who's willing to part with it only for a price. Buying treasure, interestingly enough, is one of the more fun parts of this game. You'll engage in a haggling minigame where you name a price for the item based off what she asks for. You might be able to scrape a deal, but at the same time the dragon will be put in a bad mood if it thinks it's been ripped off. As a result, getting a good deal could be harder. It's a neat set-up of trade-offs and on the whole it's a mechanic that was handled well.

Beyond basic combat and item collection, however, there's really not much to this game. Sure, there are some mediocre boss fights that will test your ability to tap the A button and use healing items at the right time. There are also some really pathetic puzzles that involve unlocking doors; you're given a door with a nearby device with colored symbols on it, and a correct input of said symbols will open the door. Random guessing is discourage by the fact that you'll take damage when you guess incorrectly. And there's always a dwarf hidden just around the corner waiting to hand you the answer. Aside from little scenarios like this, puzzle solving is nonexistent. Exploration is pretty fun and you've got a helpful map. Thankfully, you're able to enable the map screen for the entire game (knowing where to go next is far preferable to the lame alternative -- essentially touch-screen hotkeys for all the actions that are more easily performed with the DS' buttons).

Matters get even worse, however: specifically, the game's graphics are absolutely horrendous. I'm not usually one to complain about a title's visuals, but in this case I really can't help it. Orcs & Elves looks downright horrendous, and this is one of the clearest suggestions that very little work was done changing the cell phone version of this game into a DS title. Textures are incredibly grainy and blocky, even from far away, and the numerous enemies that you'll encounter on your trek through the mountain look even worse. Possibly the worst graphical item in the game is when you encounter a friendly dwarf who, rather than standing firmly on the ground, randomly bobs up and down like he's floating. He's nearly transparent, as well. This would be a great design for a ghost, but not a living, breathing…humanoid. I can say confidently that Orcs & Elves is a serious contender for title of “worst graphics on the DS”.

The game is also really difficult, which is probably the game's only “love it or hate it” facet (all the other aspects of the game are very hard to love). Enemies are tough and numerous, and after trading blows with a tough foe you could be fairly low on health. In some ways, however, the game's difficult seems cheap; for example, two enemies will gang up on you, attacking simultaneously. But because the battle indicators and music are so bad, you might not realize there's a foe hitting you from behind until too late. Still, hard-core gamers who can put up with the many flaws of this title are going to appreciate the challenge offered by Orcs & Elves.

Orcs & Elves is an unforgettable gaming experience, but it's unforgettable in the worse way possible. In every face available, this first person dungeon crawler just absolutely fails to impress. The gameplay is mindlessly simple and repetitive, the story is nearly nonexistent, dialogue is laughably bad, and the graphics are among the worst on the system. If you're looking for a dungeon crawler, I'd highly recommend Etrian Odyssey II, which takes the premise of Orcs & Elves and actually makes a fun game out of it. This title is painfully short, so even if you do find something to enjoy you're definitely not going to be getting your money's worth. If you feel that you just have to play Orcs & Elves, save yourself some money and a huge disappointment and just find it on your cell phone.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 07/23/08

Game Release: Orcs & Elves (US, 11/13/07)