" This aint no great ball!"

Throughout the years, Nintendo's created Pokemon game, after Pokemon game with the intentions of making one of the most involving RPGs ever. In a way, they've succeeded. Then comes Pokemon Dash, sharp around the corner, as narrow as a Spearow in flight. It hit the DS market leaving no impact whatsoever, other than that childish grin that Nintendo's been trying to shake for the past few years. Dash is a welcoming to gamers of the smaller size (not midgets, necessarily) to link up with their buddies and introduce the concept of having Pokemon on the DS. Like the five dollar movie ticket, Dash was out in a hurry, forgotten by everyone weeks after its release.

Do you simply want to rub your stylus on the screen, and pretend like your having fun? Then play Pictochat. There's no excuse for being in the possession of Pokemon Dash, but if you come across it by your own misfortunes, there's always EBay. What's lost in transition from RPG to “on-feet racer” is nearly everything the games had going for them. It's not fun to play a game that requires stroking the screen in risk of scratching it, only to watch Pikachu wobble around. That's not entertainment value. That's stupid.

What's worse is the notion that Nintendo can do no wrong. They've most certainly disproved this theory for me, if it was not already broken at the starting line. Exhaustive as it is on your hands, if there was some variety beyond “be Pikachu, and love it”, then perhaps I could recommend this to the most hardcore of Pokemon fans. But as it stands, Dash feels broken, and disconnected from what our standards used to be for what a “finished game” looked like. It would've been a breath of fresh air to have gotten the opportunity to at the very least do something other than pointless racing!

It's apparent that this series may be on its way to becoming stale. Nothing's new, there aren't any inventive features to speak of. In fact, once the game had finally been released, no positive press aside from Nintendo's own promotional commercial was released. Sure, there's a “Pokemaniac” (dull title) here and there who may think it's the best thing since sliced bread, and I guess they do have a few things to be thankful for. Those fortunate few who bought Dash have the opportunity to upload their Pokemon from Ruby, Sapphire, or Emerald, and the tracks will take shape of their Pokemon. While this feature's pretty cool in itself, I feel no need to whip out a game I've already beaten multiple times in order to injure my hand.

Gameplay is pretty limited. You're a single Pokemon running around abnormally large tracks in order to compete with five other Pokemon. You can either slowly struggle through tough terrain, or if you can't, then you can take an air-balloon to the skies and pop the balloons to watch Pikachu fall to his doom. What's best is watching him as he's stunned upon impact with the hard track. Stroking the stylus at whatever speed you want Pikachu to run at is what the actual controls consist of. Beyond that, Dash is an empty promise.

So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that there's no point to Dash's existence. As exciting as it is to lose race after race to several other Pokemon over and over again until your hands can't take it anymore and your screen's scratched to hell, you've got to pass on this one. As we await Pokemon Diamond's release, a fluke such as this should be expected in between every reputable “real” Pokemon game. Feeling more like a cute mini-game appropriate for an upcoming game, PD just doesn't feel very complete. It won't take terribly long for you to beat this game, and once you have, there's still no reason to play it. Mindless racing does nothing for me!

What Nintendo has to offer is a straight-up on-foot racer that really does nothing to “evolve” the genre, or do anything for that matter. I can't even imagine Nintendo believing the game would sell. What's most surprising for me is the lack of content. How could they have accidentally released this mini-game so early? In small doses, Pokemon Dash can be mildly entertaining. As long as you don't expect anything in the form of quality, this is the game for you.

Want to kill a few hours? Buy a better game. Want to kill a few brain cells? Start sniffing.

2/10

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 07/18/05