Spider-Man 2

"Me no likey."

As I write this review, it is nearing autumn of 2005. Come this November, we will celebrate the one-year anniversary of Nintendo's innovative, daring new handheld, the DS. And over the course of the past year, I've had decidedly mixed reactions about the DS system itself. It's certainly a unique device, and its touch screen allows for types of gameplay never seen before – such recent hits as Kirby: Canvas Curse and Pac Pix have proven that some truly amazing new gameplay concepts can come out of the hardware. At this point, DS has proven itself to me. But it was not always like that. DS had an incredibly weak launch lineup (especially when compared to the PSP's excellent launch library), with not much first-party or third-party support. As a result, we got a couple of decent games (Super Mario 64 DS and Feel the Magic come to mind) and a whole lot of really crappy ones. Spider-man 2 is one of them.

I unfortunately never played any of the critically acclaimed console versions of Spider-man 2, which had you freely roaming the big city of New York as you please. I can tell you without confirmation, though, that the DS version is nothing like its console big brothers. Spider-man 2 for DS is a flat, boring, irritating mess of a game that offers no exceptional concept to get it going and no motivation to keep the player going. Whereas the console versions were almost Grand Theft Auto-like in their design, the DS game is extremely linear and contains little to no variety throughout. It's a side-scrolling game with 3D graphics that builds on the lowest of gameplay design choices, with huge levels filled with maze-like layouts and absolutely nothing interesting. It's frustrating, repetitive, unimaginative, boring, tedious, clunky, and mind-numbingly braindead all at once and comes off as one of the weakest games in the DS library (if you count out the atrocity that is Ping Pals, and possibly Sprung).

Okay, it may seem like I'm relentlessly bashing the game, but the truth of the matter is that Spider-man 2 really deserves it – it's just not a fun game, and in that regard it breaks the number-one rule of all videogames. Spider-man 2 at least does an okay job of following the story of the movie while offering some plot elements that weren't in the film – you know, to “keep things interesting.” The central conflict of the plot is between that of Spider-man (a.k.a. Peter Parker) and Doc Ock, a mad scientist who accidentally welded four mechanical arms onto his spine. If you don't know the story, that means you haven't seen the film, in which case, stop reading this review RIGHT NOW and go see it. It's a terrific movie that's certainly much more interesting than the DS game (or a review for it, in that case).

Don't be fooled by Spider-man 2's stunning and beautifully animated graphics – the game is a disaster in most areas. The idea is that you're placed in a side-scrolling city environment, and you're given a list of primary objectives and secondary objective. You know how that works. Primary objectives must be completed to clear the mission, while completing secondary ones will reward you with special bonuses. What the instruction manual (and back of the box) won't tell you is that the level design completely kills any potential the game originally had. Spider-man 2's level layouts are atrocious because they're too vast and too confusing. It can literally take several minutes just to move across a level – and that's assuming you've already beaten all of the enemies and know the layout of the level well. They're also filled with far too many little corridors and side passages. It's simply too easy to miss a vital hallway simply because you went a different way or didn't see it because the camera was too zoomed-in. And consider that many levels force you to find a certain number of items or kill a certain number of enemies, WITHIN A TIME LIMIT, scouring levels for fifteen or twenty minutes isn't in your favor.

Adding to this are the vile controls that seem to want you to lose. Although the basic movements (running in either direction, ducking, jumping, etc.) are all easily performed, they're very loose and unresponsive. Spider-man himself seems to want to stick to every surface he can find, which hampers the gameplay especially in levels when you've got a time limit and can't be slowed down by unintentional wall-crawling. When you are scaling walls, the controls are even stickier. Moving up and down a wall is simple, but going over a diagonal or curve in a building will have the d-pad controls accidentally moving you in the wrong direction, and all over the place. It's truly grating. The only interesting control feature is the unique “web-zip” function activated with the X button. By using this ability, Spider-man can shoot a web at a wall and then pull himself forward until he hits it, then hangs on. And even then, you'll be fiddling around with this scheme for a while until you get used to it.

The combat isn't much better – in fact, it's shallow as hell. Combat generally consists of a two-button fighting system, with the A button for punches and Y for kicks. It sounds interesting, but it really gets old, especially considering how many basic grunt enemies you'll be facing throughout the journey (escape convicts, thugs, robots, etc.). The inclusion of a “Spidey Sense” ability is interesting but, like everything else in Spider-man 2, lacks the execution to make it an effective addition. The idea is that whenever the game flashes you the “Spidey signal” you can hit the L button to go into temporary slow-motion. This is not as cool as you might think. Slowing down time doesn't enable you to dodge attacks or such, but simply magnifies damage – the slow-mo effect is just for show. And you can only activate it when an enemy is about to hit you, so most of the time you'll just get to see Spidey getting knocked down in slow-motion. How exciting. The boss battles, on the other hand, are decent and provide the only meaningful use of the touch screen in the entire game, when you'll briefly be using the stylus to do such things as attack the target enemy or deflect projectiles.

At least the game does a decent job of providing some replay value for those few people out there that actually enjoyed playing this game. You get a grade at the end of every level, and the only way to get an A score for a level is to beat it in a significant amount of time and complete all secondary objectives, some of which are a big pain in the ass. There are also secret unlockables sprinkled throughout the levels, and some of them are deathly difficult to find. Many of them are special moves that Spider-man can use in combat or elsewhere and can eventually come in handy. You can select which move you want to use, and then activate it with the R button. Speaking of which, throughout most of the game that's all that's displayed in the bottom screen – a move select screen. How unbelievably imaginative. That pretty much sums up the whole game right there.

Pros

+ Follows the central story of the excellent film.
+ Some pretty good occasional CG movies.
+ Gorgeous graphics – this is the DS's best-looking launch game.
+ Plenty of unlockables.

Cons

- Horrible level design has you trotting all over the place for long periods of time.
- Sticky, unresponsive controls are so tough to manage.
- Boring use of the touch screen.
- Combat is uninteresting and repetitive.
- Terrible soundtrack.
- The secondary objectives are a big pain in the ass.

Overall: 3/10

Spider-man 2 is a pretty game, but since when are looks so important? I think that if the developer had been able to mix graphics like these with gameplay that doesn't completely suck, they'd have a real knockout. And just earlier this week, Ultimate Spider-man, the DS version of the console games of the same name, was released. And it's supposed to be pretty good… At least, much better than this. But I was so damaged by my experience with Spider-man 2 that I won't even try Ultimate Spider-man until it's in the bargain bin. Speaking of which, what exactly convinced me to pay forty bucks for this game? It's a meaningless, pointless exercise in tedium that offers no fun whatsoever after it draws the player in with its good looks. Please listen to me, and do not buy this game. There are much better DS titles available. Get those instead.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 09/30/05