"An Apple and an Indy Car. Put them together and you get F-1 Race."

Racing has just been one of those things that always seemed to captivate me. And no not the redneck, going around in circles, my ass is stuck in the seat NASCAR, but stuff like Formula One, CART, the guys who race 24 hours at a time, and even Motocross. Out of that bunch, I always liked Formula One the best. It was a fun thing to watch and I never really could stop enjoying it. Everything was fun about when I was younger. The high speeds, the action, and even the wrecks (The best part. I was a very violent person as a kid. I still am). Recently I was able to get my hands on a Player’s Choice copy of F-1 Race for the Gameboy. I was expecting an excellent game that centered around one of the things I loved in my children. But I was wrong. I was really wrong. I was so wrong, that I never eat, drank, or slept for almost three days. My mama said to me, “Boy, get off your ass. It’s time .to start acting like your normal, slightly crazy self…”

And that did not really happen but I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. I was still horribly wrong about the game. F-1 Race reminded me too much of the evil Pole Position. It may be a classic in somebody’s books, but it was one of Namco’s early mistakes, along with Pac-man and Dig-Dug. I didn’t play Namco games for about 3 years after playing those games and thinking that they were the satanic equivalents of Bill Clinton. But anyway…, Pole Position was game that I could never really grasp and was never able to be good at it. F-1 Race was just like it. It played too much like Pole Position. Fast speeds, hard corners, and even the billboards on the side of the road that when you hit it you crash and explode it to several pieces. It plays just like it with the exception of the fact it has more tracks and two different cars to choose from. That’s right kids, two cars. It was made in 1990. What the hell do you want? A code that enables you to become on fire or play as an ice cream truck? You aren’t going to get it but you do get a track that runs in the U.S.S.R. That’s how old and pathetic this game is. It mentions Joseph Stalin’s and V.I. Lenin’s former country. Nintendo, you should have been smart enough not to include a track as the Soviet Union track. I’m surprised that whoever controlled Nintendo back then wasn’t shot and killed right out for this little thing. But, that takes a lot of guts during the time we were in back then. Other tracks include the U.S., Canada, and Australia; much more modest choices for back then.

F-1 Race provides a few modest mode choices that don’t really effect the overall outcome in of the game. There is a Link Cable mode. It’s merely just tow people taking each other on in a regular race. You thought it was something impressive like the crap that they show on Ripley’s Believe it or not? Get a life. It’s just Pole Position with a dosage of marijuana and Gameboy flavor. There’s a Grand Prix mode that’s like every other circuit, Grand Prix, or Championship Mode out there. Racing on a series of circuits either collecting points or having to place in a certain place. In this case, it’s placing in a certain place which can be hard to an extent at a beginning and it takes a lot of time to master. A crap of load time. I didn’t have the time to invest. And there’s a single race mode which takes a lot of self explanation to what it is. I’m not serious you know. I just like to be dumbass at times that takes a look guts.

F-1 Race has horrible control for a Gameboy game. It’s hard to grasp at first and when you do grasp it, the control still can be fairly hard. It does play like any other racing game, with the accelerator, brakes, turning controls, etc. The game’s like a lesbian. She can work magic with a woman but doesn’t know what to do with a man. That made no sense at all, but hey, it works. X.x;;

The game when it comes to graphics is actually fairly good for the system at the time the game was supposedly released. (1990.) The cars do look like actually Indy Cars. They capture several of the features of a real Indy Car. The front, the tires, the spoiler, and even the dancing Tiki Girl on the dashboard are all captured with some degree of superiority. And I wish the Tiki Girl was there. But I can’t help it. I’m a red-blooded American teenager. I like that kind of stuff And the backdrops in the game do look like actual scenery. Course layout and design is excellent. Some tracks have a lot of sweeping turns while others may have gigantic straight-aways that may serve no purpose but they are fun to race, catch the simulated breeze going over your helmet, and risk having an accident that can possibly hurt the virtual car you are controlling. The game overall graphically is excellent for a Gameboy game, but suck horribly by today’s standards. Best GB graphics I’ve seen on a game released at this time. Nintendo, you did do something right with the game. But I’d rather it be the gameplay. You did botch it a bit, but you saved it from being entirely abysmal.

Audio-wise, F-1 Race is an excellent game as well. It doesn’t lack anything really major except in-game music, which is all right. The little theme that plays at the beginning of the game is catchy and addictive. It sounds like it can get repetitive but that’s not going to be a problem considering it only plays at the main menu. (THANK GOD!) There is also a theme that plays when you selecting options that is similar but different. The sound effects in the game are fairly nice, and they sound like they are from that time period. Your wheels screech when you turn and you can hear your car jumping when you go off the track. F-1 Race provides the sound effects that are good. I just hope my woman provides like this game does with its sound. And I don’t mean helping. ::evil snigger:: God I am screwed up.

Replay Value is decent considering how horrible the gameplay is. It’s worth playing a few times, but if you buy it, God will smite your ass. He will also consider your actions a sin, and not give you a woman for life.

In short, F-1 Race is a bad game but not horrible. It was one of the few mistakes that Nintendo has done on it’s way to the domination that it had back then. I still regret buying it though. X.x;; Don’t hurt me, please!

Overall- 5/10- It just lacks the decent gameplay. I wish my women aren’t like this game. My life would be hell if that were true. Oh well, there are other games that are worth playing. Mario Kart would be an alternative

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 05/02/03, Updated 07/26/03