"Must see to believe."

FIFA Soccer is the worst sports game as well as one of the worst games ever because it is nearly unplayable. It is unplayable for one single reason, once you have gotten possession of the ball, the only, and I repeat, the ONLY thing you can do is shot. That’s it, believe it or not, you can’t move or guide the ball or pass or anything, just shot, where?, I haven’t got the slightest idea.
How can that be your are wondering?, simple, because if you get the ball and try to move you will move yes, but without the damned ball, it is unbelievable, no!, it is an insult. Ok, I am a little wrong here, because you actually CAN move with the ball, but only in one direction, forwards, if you try to move to the right of left or if you want to go in the wrong direction just because it is your game, you have paid for it, and you want to, you’ll start to run and the ball will be left behind. It is really hard to believe at first, you think, my cartridge is broken, or, there’s something wrong with me today, but NO, H-E-L-L N-O, the only wrong thing here is the game itself.

The controls are TOUGH, trying to move your players is nearly impossible, it is like trying to move an elephant with one finger. I am not exaggerating, they are slower than president Bush trying to figure out what time is it.
The goalkeeper can be controlled, but that is the same like saying you can control the weather. The, I don’t know how to say, let’s say the “option” that lets you control your players is awful, it almost never works, the game’s AI will take control of your players for no reason all the time.

There are only two ways of scoring, they are funny and hard to believe (not to mean unbelievably stupid), but if you don’t believe just try the game. This is the first way: the match starts, and you won’t understand if you are on a baseball or a tennis match, but that’s not the point, the important thing is, if you “luckily” (that’s the key, luck) catch the ball next to your adversary area a little bit to the right or to the left (what I mean is that you can’t be in the center of the field), then hurry and shot because you’ll probably score. The second way is in the corners, again, if you are lucky enough to be in the right time in the right position if you hit the ball with your head the chances to score are very high.

The are tons or more flaws but I don’t want to waste more time with this junk.

The graphics are ok, simple but ok, and the music is as non-existent as the gameplay, excepting on the menus, that’s it.

I can’t gave it the worst rating possible because I have to admit that I enjoyed the game for a while, I mean, I bought it, so before using it to feed my dog and crying desperately because I had lost 30 bucks (well, my father lost them, but it was the same) I tried to play a little more and sometimes I even liked it because it was a challenge to try to win a tournament without being basically able to play at all.

I am not completely sure but I think FIFA’s sequels for Game Boy were better because at least it was possible to move the players (I am not completely sure because it was one of my friends who had the game and the bastard rejected to let me play).

Remember children, never, and I mean NEVER buy EA games, they are like Bill Gates and Tom Cruise, garbage, don’t forget that.

”My lack of vocabulary and grammatical errors (if there’s any) are because I’m not from an English speaking country, sorry about.”

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 11/24/03, Updated 12/27/03