Williams Arcade Classics

"A disgrace to retro gaming..."

---WILLIAM'S ARCADE CLASSICS for Tiger Game.Com---

For many people, nothing is better than retro gaming fun. Reliving joys of the past, is always something welcome. But there are certain cases when an original should remain buried in the tides of time.

So, let's be honest. Which classic game made a decent come back, whether an enhanced port or a direct port, or in the form of a complete new game? Let's not lie ourselves. Pac Man Adventure, Frogger 3D, Robotron 64, Space Invaders 3D, Paperboy 64, Tetris 3D, were all brand new sequels to classics that sold millions in their day. How did they fair? They were average at best. And their sales were not impressive either. History, if anything, has taught us that it takes a high level of mastery to repeat something and get away with it. And to remain on topic, direct ports managed to play worse than the originals most of the time.

But what about watered down, light years behind, jerky and unresponsive ports of once upon a time enjoyed games? If that is not a travesty, then what is? Tiger tried to recapture the joy of playing some of the most important arcade games of all times. But there was simply so little effort put in this compilation, that you will soon feel sorry for the humiliation to the original games, that this collection offers.

Let's get specific...

---GRAPHICS:

What do you get if you combine the power (or absence) of the Game.Com with 25 year old games? Well, I think that you already expect the answer. You get a few tiny sprites, moving on screen, with a background resembling something barely recognizable as earth. There is absolutely nothing more to it. It's basic graphics to the core of minimalism. So, at least you would think that everything runs smoothly and coherently. Right? No.. not even close. As soon as anything moves, your handheld console will have a hard time moving everything. Tons of slowdown and motion blur (a common Game.Com problem) are the result of even the tiniest move. In a matter of seconds you will feel dizzy, and ultimately turn of your console, and return to the miles ahead for it's time Game Boy. The graphics are simply unacceptable, under any circumstance.

GRAPHICS SCORE: 0.5/10

---SOUND:

The Game.Com's sound capabilities come close to match these of a Atari 2600, the console which hosted some of the games featured in this compilation. Sadly, it does not even cope in performing the simplest of sound effects while moving anything at the same time. Sound effects are skipped to improve frame rate (which always remains near to zero), and those that are actually heard, sound like pale imitations of a computer internal sound chip. You only get bleep bleeps, and even them are sub par. And slowdown? Well, that's unacceptable. Oh wait.. I think I am getting repetitive...

SOUND SCORE: 0.5/10

---CONTROLS:

The D-pad manages to work most of the time, but this cannot be said for the Game.Com's buttons. Most of these games, because of their arcade nature, require using more than one button to play. It's literally a hardship to survive on even the simplest of courses, because of the total lack of response in the controls. Especially in games like Robotron, where you have to make use of each and every button of your handheld console, it becomes a pain to play. At least, it is easy to find the OFF button, and use it so that you can play something better. On a different console off course...

CONTROLS SCORE: 2.0/10

---STORY:

Well, due to the nature of this game, there is no story.

STORY SCORE: N/A

---GAMEPLAY:

What you are offered here, is 5 awfully ported versions of once upon a time classics. The games are Joust, Robotron, Defender I-II, SiniStar and none of them is fun, not even remotely. You will not tolerate to play any of this games past the second level, and even that is not guaranteed. So what can we actually say about the gameplay of this Arcade Classics compilation? It's more or less non-existent, and this opinion is absolutely not dependant on if you like the original games or not. The problem lies in the fact that everything that is on show here, is millions of times worse than it's ancestor. This game is not only a strain to see or hear, but is also a strain to actually play.

GAMEPLAY SCORE: 1.0/10

---OVERALL:

William's Arcade Classics, is the kind of game, that you have to destroy upon sight. If you ever discover a copy, drop gasoline on it, and then set it alight. If you find more, blow up the whole place. It's a disgrace to the gaming industry, and to your own self. Avoid.

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PROS: Not a single one.

CONS: The whole game is a disgrace to the industry!

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FOR: Masochists.

NOT FOR: Everyone else.

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OVERALL SCORE: 1.0/10

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 01/24/04, Updated 05/30/04