Cutthroat Island

"A movie game by Acclaim. But even that warning does not prepare you for the tortures to come..."

OPENING STATEMENT
Cutthroat Island is the absolute worst game on the Game Gear. And the Game Gear had a lot of crappy games made for it. Acclaim has made another movie game that will go down in history as the worst on its console.

GAMEPLAY--3
This could have been really cool. A sword fighting game. It was just poorly executed. It plays like a cross between Gauntlet Legends and Streets of Rage. Which results in an interesting concept, that makes you hurl all over that three button system.

The gameplay consists of you slashing an enemy, one at a time, until they all are done flailing aimlessly at you, as you are with them. Then, you hit them once, and they instantly die. After repeating this pointless pattern through a few enemies, you move on to a boss, who is equipped with some cheap way for you to instantly die. How fun! Plus, the game play is not deep at all due to the fact that the Game Gear only has two buttons and a Control Pad.

GRAPHICS--7
Once you get beyond the horridity of the gameplay, you will find that the graphics are actually quite nice. I think this was the early 90s equivalent of putting some of those PlayStation 2 graphics on a really bad game, cause they prevent this game from getting low scores all around.

The graphics are colorful, and they show up nicely. The enemies are nicely drawn, as is the hero, but they do not look really realistic, due to the lack of contour lines in their clothing, and due to the fact that they are in a Game Gear game. But, some detail to their clothing especially would have been nice. What I am thoroughly disgusted with is the size of the characters. They are all really tiny, even on the Game Gear’s screen. Some of the environments are huge, and they tend to get lost in them.

MUSIC--7
SOUND--5
The other part of the game that is actually decent, the music and sound seem to fit the game like a glove. Granted it is like a queen’s glove on a peasant, but if the glove fits, then wear it. The music fits the game very nicely, and it has surprising quality for a fairly old cartridge game. It kind of gives of a tropical feel (the game begins in Jamaica) while keeping the fact that Morgan is a pirate all of the while present.

The sound effects are nothing spectacular (well, in this game they are), but they get the job done. You can clearly hear the clangs when your sword collides with another, but when you actually kill an enemy, it sounds like an arrow piercing a target. I do not know how that works. The menu noises can get a little on the annoying side, but you are on the menu so little it usually does not matter. Plus the music drowns them out.

CONTROL--2
Every time I pressed a button, the game seemed to respond a split second too late for what I needed it to do. This resulted in many lost lives, and long tedious battles that should have been over in seconds. This also resulted in my wanting to give this game less than a one, but I could not do that. Since there are only two buttons, you would think the control would be simple, but not this simple. There are two basic sword attacks, plus the obligatory jump. And that is the extent of what you do in this horrible, horrible game.

FUN--1
Never has a game so deserved a negative number in a category, than this here. The point of the game is pointless, which results in no point in your playing, since the game is also funless. You will die of boredom after you face the repetitiveness of two enemies. After that, if by some miracle you do not shut the game off, you will face the mundane task of facing more enemies exactly like before. Plus the added fun of numerous repetitive levels. Plus the added fun of nothing! That is right! The fun in Cutthroat Island is absolutely nonexistent! And all of this lack of fun comes for the low, low price of this overpriced cartridge!

CHALLENGE--LOW TO MEDIUM
Why is this game’s challenge so low you ask? Well, I will tell you. Once you have faced one enemy, you have faced them all. Once you have determined a way to kill them, it works again and again. The only adequately difficult break in the mind numbing action is the bosses, some of which can present a small challenge.

REPLAY VALUE--NONE TO LOW
Never did I think I would be giving a game a ‘None to Low’ in Replay Value, but here it is. The first ‘None’ I have ever given out. And I sincerely hope this is the last. If any of you have any inkling to play this game you are one of two people. You have been brainwashed by this horrible game, or you are a member of Acclaims Public Relations Department. There is no bonus for playing the game again, certainly nothing different. There is nothing different if you beat the first level, why would there be when you beat the game.

PROS
*Music best feature.
*Graphics surprisingly good.
*It’s on the Game Gear so there is sort of an excuse for its horribleness.

CONS
*Gameplay is one dimensional.
*Control lags.
*Not enough variety.

CLOSING STATEMENT
This is one of the worst games ever made. I suffered so you do not have to. In other words, I played this sorry excuse for a game, I reviewed it to warn you all about it, and do not come crying to me if you still play it.

OVERALL--1

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 02/12/01, Updated 07/18/01