Vampire: Master of Darkness

"I vant to suck your..."

Castlevania was an awesome game. What am I saying?! It still is! Placing you in the boots of a barbaric vampire killer out to mutilate the creatures of the night with a strapping leather whip – now that's what legends are made of! The brutal, yet rewarding platforming action didn't hurt either. But Simon Belmont isn't the focus of my attention here; you will have to wait another day for my truly horrific account of his monster-slaying, stair-traipsing ordeals. Instead, meet Dr. Ferdinand Social. He's an Englishman dressed up in a blue satin suit, and looking mighty pimp at that. Strange occurrences of the death-by-bloodletting variety have led him to consult his Ouija board (lord knows why he has one) and with a bit of luck, he learns that something evil this way comes. And it's coming from just a few blocks down over by the Thames River!

So, he heads down there armed with just a pocket knife and his really, really ridiculously good-looking formal attire. And what do you know? The Thames is overridden with the living dead, a few sexually-repressed canines and some oversized bats that must be feeding on growth hormone, or something. This is definitely going to be the most exciting night our virgin doctor has ever had. It seems a few well-placed thrusts with his sharp, pointy instrument are enough to incapacitate any un-dead being who would like to get jiggy with him. There are also floating blank faces scattered around the place and when he jams his doodad into their mouths, they crack open to reveal assorted illegal substances (that replenish health) and more masochistic weapons that he can use in while he's riding the circuit.

It's not all as simple as it sounds, though. Along the way there are many staircases to ascend – yes, even outside. Dr. Social will need to cautiously approach each one at their first step to ensure he doesn't trip and fall into the mud, subsequently ruining his pristine garment. For the player, this is just plain annoying; having to take things so slow when we all know that Social is fully capable of making great leaps and bounds all over the place, especially in the bedroom. At least he doesn't suffer the same hit-recoil as the Belmonts (of Castlevania fame) do. And with the abundance of floating heads with mouths wide open, there are plenty of health-restoring aids available throughout. What this means, though, is that while Vampire: Master of Darkness (I had to eventually mention the title somewhere) has downright ripped off Castlevania in nearly every way possible (minus whip, plus pimp suit), it lacks the same challenging difficulty. I know it doesn't sound like a real big knock, but when you don't have to think much to shut up the moaning of your opponents, it just isn't as satisfying.

Let's see – I've already mentioned the whole “evil vampire” thing and the numerous, albeit inappropriately placed stairs that are clear nods towards the classic Castlevania titles. The enemies you encounter are also very similar in both structure and function. Bats will swoop down in annoying arcs, zombies will walk straight into you with arms held up high, and ghostly maidens will constantly pester you as they levitate haphazardly about the place (they are the equivalent to those vexing Medusa heads). There's a sense of “been there, done that”, or more precisely, ”been there, done that better”. Although they approach Dr. Pimp-blue in relentless waves, occasionally surprising him by moving suddenly out of the background (such is the case with the flying furniture and creepy wax statues), every one of them lack any real strategy to bring down apart from furiously mashing the jump and attack buttons. It's a shame. Along the way, Dr. Social will pick up stronger arms (rapiers and hand-axes) and a few sub-weapons too (yet another tribute- err, knock-off; the hurled bombs are essentially Castlevania's swinging axe in disguise!). With a myriad of ways to please himself, it's disappointing to see that you don't really need much apart from his bare starting essentials.

This game is rated R... for rip-off. Poor GameGear got no love from Konami and as such, Sims (the developer, not the overrated game of life) brought some vampire-busting action to Sega's little dongle. They thought they could get away with mirroring nearly all of the elements that made the seminal Castlevania games so great: enemy design, sub-weapon system, brooding atmosphere, and to a lesser extent, the staircases and even the hidden goodies within breakable walls! Dr. Ferdinand Social's exploits are in all honesty, pretty decent, but no-one goes to bed with someone who's just “decent”, right? He's got a stupid name, a tiny pointy bit of a weapon (it's not whip length, for sure) and an aversion to running up stairs. But dressed in sparkling blue, he clearly draws the attention of an endless crowd of energetic creatures that are just dying for a piece of him. A fatal attraction.

VERDICT – 6.5 Copycat Castlevania

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 10/12/07

Game Release: Vampire: Master of Darkness (US, 11/04/93)