Jurassic Park III: Island Attack

"Stay away."

When I think of Jurassic Park, I think of dinosaurs mercilessly slaughtering people and people, inevitably, fighting back. And when they counter the prehistoric reptiles, they don't fire air guns at them, do they? No, no they don't. As I got into the fourth mission in this game (out of a measly 8), I quickly realized that the good intentions tank this title offered wasn't going to be filled. I was already bored, feeling ripped off 'cause I was wasting my time, and unchallenged by the artificial intelligence. It felt like I was being pecked repeatedly by a swarm of angry pterodactyl, bent on making my time playing this game miserable. Thanks, you naked overgrown pigeons, but I don't need any help with that. Island Attack is bad enough without any outside assistance.

The title of this waste of cartridge material gives away the entire "storyline." Well, almost. You're not part of any military force sent to practice genocide with things that should have stayed extinct, and that becomes all too apparent early. On something of a flyover, Dr. Alan Grant has yet again ended up on Isla Sorna via plane crash caused by a PMS-suffering bony rat with wings. Surrounded by trees, some pissed off natives, and more trees, Grant sets off in search of a way to get his butt of the dangerous island. Ooooo.

Just because Alan resembles Indiana Jones doesn't mean he acts like him. No whip, no guns, no ability to be fatally violent whatsoever. The first way to combat dinosaurs is by use of the Flare Gun, which stuns a dino for a grand total of one second. My, oh my. With that knowledge, how does this poor excuse for a main character expect to live long enough to escape the lethal island? Why, the magical placement of objects that go boom, of course! A gas can here, an oil barrel there - instant dino dinner, right? Well, not quite. The dinosaurs tend to stay down, but they seem to be made of space metal. They don't fashionably explode, or anything special at all. They merely jerk one way and then fall down with a small roar. Amazingly shublah. The second way to eliminate an opponent is to electrocute it. If it stands in water, chances are there are wires dropping into it. In most cases, there is something around that you can shoot that'll send an electric shock to the liquid. Yippee. The third way to execution is to outsmart the enemy (which ain't saying much) by luring it to the edge of a drop-off, and then jumping over it whatever was after you. Believe me, it works... every time. As you progress through this craptastic wannabe adventure, you'll acquire a Tranquilizer Gun that, when contact is made, produces a small area of gas that holds dinosaurs still for a few seconds. This small window is enough to get you out of harm's way. But heck, most of the time you can just run right through these beasts...

A sad example of intellect, or lack thereof, that the normal enemy has is this: A velociraptor just jumped on top of an oil barrel. An explodable object that my Flare Gun was aiming at even before the raptor appeared on screen. What's up with that? I thought the raptor was one of the smarter dinosaurs, vicious and calculating, but according to this game, I was wrong. And so weren't all the bone-digger dude/ttes and various researchers. Sorry Konami, but I think you're knowing of late cretaceous reptiles is... lack, to say the least.

Other than raptors, there are other dinosaurs to worry about, and I will not bother to name them because they are your commonplace dinosaur-romp game creatures. None of which are hard to "destroy," as they're all so freakin' stupid. The one enemy you have to worry about is the... well, just take a guess. What dinosaur is commonly looked upon as Daddy Fear? Yeah, that one... [T-Rex, people]. The problem is, how can something so mindlessly impotent be fearsome? It can't be. It's kinda like Island Attack attempted mating Survival Horror with Action and ended up with some severe birth defects. Perhaps the rush-job wasn't necessary, eh Konami?

The ironic thing is: The game is simple, yet you'll be dying. A lot. There is only one reason for this, too, and that is controls. I've not played anything this sloppy and slow for a long while. The format is fine, really. It's a simple set-up with B as the action button (you'll come across doors/boxes that have a targeting reticule around them; you must then tap B continuously till the bar that appears fills up, where the object will then be activated), A to jump, L/R to switch between items, and Start/Select to open up a screen telling you how long you've played. All you have to do to run is tap the D-Pad in the same direction twice, and that ends up being harder than it has to be. When being chased by dinosaurs, you'll find yourself having to turn around and try to jump over them instead of outrun them, which you can do if you actually get to sprinting. Sometimes, everything turns unresponsive on you and you're left with nothing to do but die. But the beast aren't the only problem - some of the levels are designed like trap dungeons where Grant will slide right off the edge of a seemingly safe place. Every jump has to be timed almost perfectly to land where you want to, and if you've not got the patience, than you are much better off without this game. The most unique level, and what Island Attack deems "fun," is Stage 3. Here, you'll be driving a dirt bike in side-scrolling fashion, kicking any dinosaurs that get in your way as you maneuver the vehicle around big, gaping holes and jump huge hills. Still, it's easy to die.

There is an incredible lack of depth in this game that will gnaw away at you through the entire thing.You can't level up, you can't pump dinosaurs full of lead, you can't find any kind of armor; nothing. Wait, I take that back - you'll gain use of the Wire, which shoots at and attaches to ledges or bars so you can swing across to another area. That, however, also proves to be somewhat of an inaccurate experience, because jumping off the Wire (with the A button) will most likely end with you falling down yet another hole. That could be a water hole, too... Dr. Grant can't swim, at all. When he slips into water, he plummets like he's got five hundred pound weights attached to his ankles. It's pathetic.

Another sad aspect of IA would be the repetitive sound effects. There are only about 10 different ones excluding those found in the main menu. Even then, they're barely scratching the surface of decent quality and that, my friends, isn't good. Turning the volume off and listening to other music would be the best idea, but even bothering would be a waste of time, 'cause this game shouldn't be in your Game Boy Advance in the first place.

Your eyes will be pleased, though. It's the most positive attribute this upsetting game has to offer, so at least Konami delivered something. Island Attack brings to the table detailed environments and an isometric perspective that works. The pseudo-3D quality is great, but even so it is not enough for you to take this game off the shelf for a rent, much less a purchase. It's tempting, but the gameplay ruins what could have been a decent title and that's all there is to it.

There are only two modes to start out with, and they are Story and Stage Select. Story mode is what you do to unlock the same exact areas in Stage Select, which is kinda dumb. Why go through the game twice when going through it once is enough torture? Once you complete Story mode, you unlock the Survival option. In the latter, you get one life to go as far as you can. That won't be all too far, either, so there goes more wasted cartridge space.

When it gets down to it, Jurassic Park III: Island Attack is just one of many games that were released in succession with the movie. Konami was wrong in rushing it, and seeing so they did, the developers ended up creating a boring walk through an island infested with dinosaurs, accompanied by a sucky story line and controls too slippy to handle. After the fourth cheap death in a row, you too will find yourself taking this game back to wherever it came from without an ounce of regret. The only fun thing about dino-games is killing the creatures, not them killing you as you shuffle your little feet. Island Attack is an easy game plagued with very bad ideas that blow everything way off course. The recommended course of action is to avoid this game at all costs - finding something better will not be challenging.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 10/09/06