Metroid: Zero Mission

"The Metroid series--a slow, dying animal."

Yet another Metroid disappointment finds its way onto the GBA. This time now it's not in the form of a new Metroid game that tries something new but fails. In fact, this game is a bomb because it tries absolutely nothing new. That's right—this time we have an unnecessary remake of the first game…was it a good choice that cared about us that sent nostalgia tumbling into the hearts of many of us? Or what it a desperate attempt to try to make the series live longer because they're simply out of ideas? The Metroid series went downhill with 2002's short lived Metroid Fusion, and while Nintendo tries to bring back the good ol' days with the original Metroid with some Super Metroid elements, it's hard to not feel that this remake simply was not needed.

What's wrong with this winning Metroid formula? Simple: it's no longer winning, and even if it was, it would still be presented pretty badly. We've been seeing this gameplay over and over, albeit not as watered down, but all of the rest of the flaws other than the familiarity are due to carelessness of the formula or being a port of Metroid, in which case they didn't want to make it too different. Every Metroid game, from Metroid to Metroid Prime: Hunters, has brought something new into the series. But where's the innovation from our beloved GBA? Screw that, I lost faith in the GBA, but I expect a lot from Metroid considering the legacy it has. Making a remake only proves that you're running out of ideas so you decide to repeat the series. What's next? Metroid II remake?

The game starts out just as the original did. Samus Aran, famous bounty hunter, born on Planet Zebes, revisits her home planet to destroy the space pirates that have taken over. Now think about this for just a second: if we paid money for a remake of the game, and it's supposed to retell Samus's first mission, why doesn't it actually give plot development? The original game's excuse was 8-bit. Zero Mission has no excuse to just hash out a game with no focus and tell you to go destroy the space pirates, then send you on your way. And I don't just mean those little blurbs of dialogue at the beginning and end and the cutscenes, which shouldn't be there in the first place. I mean actual content in the game that physically changed the direction of the story or at least describes it more, not just “go collect stuff”. What motive do you have there? Other than the final part of the game, if you've played the original, expect to be disappointed that you'll know exactly what happens from beginning to…well, almost the end. If we got a story as good as Fusion but had it not interfere with gameplay, this would definitely be a winner here. Right now, we have “a planet and just a planet.”

As of the main gameplay, expect watered down Metroid gameplay due to it not feeling at all like an adventure as nothing new happens. Basically, you're dumped in the middle of a planet and told to collect items such as the Morph Ball and Ice Beam in a nonlinear fashion, exploring the hidden depths and crevices of Zebes along with it creatures, and using your acquired items to find energy expansions and missile tanks by backtracking or by finding it on the go. You'll see many sights rehashed such as the classical Norfair and Tourian along the way, although not as fun or special. Block breaking is essential to finding hidden areas all the time, and sadly one of the main excuses for puzzles in this game.

One of the problems I found with the exploring of this planet is that there is no feeling to it. Rooms are small, claustrophobic, and generally empty, not only encouraging but sometimes forcing you to go fast. There is no meat or depth to the exploration, and aside from a few fun and cool instances, it feels like you're just going from room to room. This is actually probably the thing I hate about this game the most. Not enough care has gone to make the sights of Zebes a fun and extremely cool place that makes you want t explore. All you do in this game is platform jump and destroy blocks If you get a power-up, don't expect to do anything amazing with it other than keep running through rooms. The only fun the planet has is apparently breakings parts of the area, which is done all the time.

Speaking of power-ups, once again they've slacked off in created new ones. We're left with a stripped down collection of items: Missiles, Morph ball, Bombs, Hi-Jump, Speed Booster, Space Jump, Screw Attack, and the like. Nothing is wrong with them, for sure—they're all classical—but can't we get something a little cooler? Each game besides Fusion threw tons of new power-ups at your direction and opened up new possibilities for old ones. Where's the Spider Ball from Metroid II? Oh wait, I guess that would make the game slow paced, which is obviously not the focus of the Metroid games anymore. As if matters can't get worse, not only are they all (again) copied from Super Metroid in their current form, but they're not as useful. SM was ambitious with its power-ups, MZM often feels like the developers put it just to make fans happy. Among the most obvious is the Gravity Suit, used but a mere few times through the entire course of the game in one or two acid or water filled crevices.

Using some of said items, you break blocks. Lots and lots of blocks. Yes, from the missiles to the bombs to the screw attack to the speed booster, you're breaking lots of blocks. Maybe its' time for a serious update, because breaking blocks takes up 90% of your time in this game. It's yet another issue that seriously needs to be addressed because it hampers fun severely. It's about the only content you'll find in this game. And not good and occasionally original block breaking like in Fusion. Boring block breaking that serves only to stretch out seconds for the game.

So now that we know that Nintendo didn't work on the content aspect of the game, they must have at least created decent challenges. Right? If “make the most basic enemies you can and present it in the most repetitive way” was correct, ZM would pass with flying colors. I realize this is a remake, but c'mon. Do they think we should still find those hedgehogs that crawl along the ground or those moths that fly up and down constantly fun? They're used all over the place as Nintendo paints over their skins. There is no excuse for this. 8-bit nostalgia my ass, it's annoying when I see Zoomers on Brinstar but ugly snail-like Zoomers in Kraid's Lair. But wait, it gets better: there are little balls that bounce everywhere as one of the enemies. Seriously, they should have added dozens more enemies. The same with the whopping 6 or so bosses. Ridely (for the third time)? A big worm with a huge eye? Not only original, but its weak point just might take huge amounts of brainwork.

If I were to describe the graphics of Zebes with only 4 words, they would be: squarish, bulky, colorful, and repetitive. Every world is consistently made with blocky backgrounds, so the game feels almost like it was created on a grid. The bulky “compliment” comes from the environments and how they're drawn. They always show themselves everywhere, and the rock environments are just a mess by trying to employ some 3D. Colorful might sound cool but it destroys the atmosphere. Remember the original and how it had a dark mood? Here, there are such vibrant uses of colors that the dark and mysterious games of old used are ruined. The most annoying is that the background repeats itself so often, with absolutely no texture to the planet parts and a boring, generic, sci-fi looking walls in the lairs of Kraid and Ridley. Such simple graphics. A huge step down from even Fusion.

It doesn't stop there. The music, again, is just as vibrant and colorful as the graphics. Tourian is the only remix that sounds appropriate; Brinstar has an annoying triumphant remix to it; Norfair tries to sound intimidating but like Kraid's lair, it destroys the original's mysteriousness that it had. The latter was the most frustrating especially because Kraid's theme was always a mysterious repetition of low beats. Here, there are multiple remixes onto Kraid's Lair, completely killing the atmosphere, not that the graphics wouldn't have finished the job anyways.

Imagine if I wrote this review so long that it took you 3 hours to read and to comprehend, but then imagine that's extremely short for a review. Now that you've comprehended it, to make the review last longer, I tell you to reread it over and over until you can comprehend each and every last word as fast as possible, and your reward is a picture of a girl in a bikini. Replace the “review” with “MZM” and replace the “reading” with “playing”, and also replace “comprehend” with “found its secrets”. You have the replay value in a nutshell. Yes, that's right; there's only 3 hours of gameplay. But don't fret. If you actually manage to beat this game in a time limit 100%--something I found extremely hard—you'll get pictures of Samus partially undressed. Totally worth 30 dollars.

I wrote this review not just to warn you about this game, but also to show you some flaws of the game that might not be easy to see, and they may be the reason you are probably wondering why you're not enjoying the game as much as you could. My point is, Zero Mission may seem fun at first, but then, it could be so much better if it crawled out of its “rehash Super Metroid' shell and tried to go for evolution. It's an okay game if not pretty bad, but again, there is nothing showing Nintendo tried to make this good, nothing showing Nintendo cares about anything except for Mario spin-offs, and certainly nothing showing it can outdo its 3D games. It looks to me that the only way to get the series on track is to get those creative juices flowing, but it's the Nintendo of today. Rehashes and nostalgia are the only things they are capable of doing, and MZM represents this the most.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 08/24/07