"Dedicated to all the muggles at EA"

“Not Slytherin! Not Slytherin!” thought Harry Potter, as the Sorting Hat lay on his head. “Better make it . . . GRYFFINDOR!” it roared, and in a flash Harry stood in the fabulous corridors of Hogwarts as the newest member of House Gryffindor. A red-haired kid walks up to Harry and quickly says something along the lines of, “Oh hey I'm Ron Weasley we're both in Gryffindor but so is that Hermione oh I dislike her because she's a know-it-all hey let's be friends for life whoop!”

This isn't how Ron and Harry are supposed to become best buds!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is an unbelievably charming children's novel. Detailing young Harry Potter's journey from abused stepchild of his fiendish Aunt and Uncle (and their portly son) to infamous first-year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it's a must read for the kid in everyone. As expected, the EA-produced GBA retelling is anything but charming.

EA has done a poor cut and paste job on the plot making it a confusing mess only understandable by those who already know it. Huge chunks have been completely removed and replaced with a series of fetch quests, labeled as homework for Severus Snape's Potions Class. Important plot points, such as why the kids suspect Snape of wanting to steal the titular stone, are completely glossed over. In fact, most of the characters are devoid of any of their original personality and just utter generic phrases like, “Shouldn't you be studying?”

Even Ron barfs up this crap. Ron Weasley wanting to study? Never!

Surprisingly the game isn't a tired action-platformer among the many based on popular licenses but rather an overhead adventure in The Legend of Zelda vein. But Harry is a far cry from Link. For one, the boy wizard moves like his shoes weigh 50 lbs each. And if you thought the kid who thwarted the most fearsome warlock in the land – You-Know-Who – should fight better than an elf with a sword, well then you thought wrong. Harry has a mere one spell, a booger-green projectile of hurt called Flipendo, to dispatch the likes of ugly gnomes that resemble nude aliens, fire-breathing turtles, and snails that leave trails of acidic goo. Sadly that's about every enemy in the game sans indestructible pixies, which can only be felled by leading them into belching man-eating plants.

Repetition isn't the only problem. Combat is frustrating because Harry wastes too much time jerking around his wand. During the lengthy casting animation, it's usual for adversaries to either move out of the way completely or begin attacking Harry (thus stopping his spell from being cast). Fortunately the rest of his spell book is strictly for puzzles in the title's small dungeons. For example, Alohomora is used to unlock chests and doors, while Wingardium Leviosa allows Harry to levitate statues and drop them on pressure plates.

At first flicking switches, creating makeshift bridges, and luring Flobberworms to Hagrid with a flute is fun, but it never evolves. Once a spell is learned, its puzzles are added to the later dungeons, but otherwise it's always just more of the same and nothing particularly harder than before. Dungeons are also littered with many bottomless pits too. Falling into one kicks Harry to start of the entire dungeon and even resets its puzzles.

Sorcerer's Stone tries to mix things up a bit with the occasional mandatory mini-game, but they're about as boring as trying to read Eragon. Learning spells requires a participation in a memory game, where Harry mirrors his professors' wand movements. There are also a several matches of wizard arena sport Quidditch, but it boils down to flying into blue rings and wildly mashing the B button to catch the Golden Snitch. There's also sneaking around the school's halls at night for some sub-Metal Gear action. The patrolling Prefects and Hogwarts staff, however, need to be right in Harry's face to spot him. Standing right next to their sides won't even alert them to his obvious presence.

Exploration elements are sadly marred too thanks to the game being extremely linear. There are a variety of Harry Potter items to find, including Chocolate Frogs (with free collectable wizard cards!), Pumpkin Pasties (to increase maximum health), and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (flavors ranging from cinnamon to lotion). But Harry can only find these items at specific times. Usually doors will be locked and chained (no magic will open them) or stairs will be blocked by Prefects, who stop Harry and say, “Shouldn't you be studying?” The only option will be to press on to the next area in hopes the greenhouses, Hagrid's Hut, or wherever that hidden item is will be on the way to the next dungeon.

Sorcerer's Stone is ambitious for a portable licensed game, but unfortunately it pales in comparison to most adventures. It has Wizard's Chess, Quidditch, and the troll in the girl's bathroom, but does it have any entertainment? Not really. Just reread the book or watch the film instead of wasting the 3-4 hours it takes to finish the game.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 08/28/07