Army Men Advance

"No Words Can Describe This Game..."

Wait, there can. This game sucks, plain and simple. This review will be hard for me to write 400 words for because of the lack of game play in this game.

Story Line 1/10: You pick Sarge or Vicky (only difference is one has a nicer butt) and you go and stop the evil tan army. This is exactly the same as the others, except for the graphics and A.I. which I'll get to later.

Concept 4/10: This game could've been really good, or remotely good...to bad it ain't! I like the ''Army Men'' franchise, but 3D0 let some other company handle this and it shows. There is no concept to this game, it has a 3/4 top down view and you shoot baddies. I'm not lying at all when I say that this is it. No saving either, your stuck with crappy passwords, I thought we were past that now.

Graphics 2/10: Compared to the other army men games this is a Saturday morning cartoon, no a Sunday morning cartoon because those suck and so does this. The characters have big head and giant noses, other than that though the game has crisp clear pictures and plenty of colors to please the eyes. Your character moves a little slow too, I'm not sure if that's because of the frame rate of it it's just because he moves slow; everything else in the game (besides other enemies) moves absolutely fine.

Sound 2/10: Has a nice army sounding tune going on in the background which starts over every 5 seconds. You shoot your weapon and it makes a weird noise which I can't describe, I honestly hope you didn't buy this cart for it's beautiful sounds.

Difficulty 0/10: This is what makes this game so horrible, how easy it is. To open a door you just shoot the button on the wall next to it to open it, which I think makes the whole process useless. Sometimes you'll have to go into another room and hit the button to open the door ahead, but that seems like a cheap idea by the developers to make the game seem like a thinker. This is what really takes the cake though guys so get ready for this. (I'm telling the truth here too, I gotta keep saying this because I know most of you will think I'm exaggerating) The enemy A.I. is zero, you don't even need to shoot them, you can walk right past and they won't even look at you. I tried to get a reaction from one by shooting him only once, he didn't even turn around. I ran through a small room with at least 4 guys and not one even took a shot at me, yes folks the enemies are that lazy. This is what puts the icing (the big glob of cheap icing) on the cake, there's no way to change the difficulty at all. I looked and saw none, so you're stuck with non caring enemies. This must be why the tan army always fails.

Conclusion: This game is just plain bad, there's nothing good about it at all. If you see this for five bucks in K-Mart...steal it or something just don't buy this. K-Mart will probably thank you any ways.

Pro: If you like the army men franchise maybe you can find some joy in this.

Con: Everything else

Rent or Buy: Don't buy, rent if you feel brave.

Rating: 1/10
(not an average)

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 07/03/01, Updated 07/03/01