Gauntlet Dark Legacy

"If someone offers you this game for free, punch them and run away."

You remember that great old fighting game Gauntlet, and how much fun it was? They then made it into an arcade game, plus conversions onto all the next gen systems! Ever wonder what they did with the bugged coding that doesn’t work? Here it is, in an all new GBA advance game! Crapticity has a new name, and it’s Gauntlet: Dark Legacy!

STORY: 1
Oh yeah, -this- is well explained. You start the game. A yellow blob (presumably, some form of badly drawn human) tells you that all who have tried this quest have failed (from boredom, I suspect), and you will be next. So, you have to go through levels, kill monsters, and level up enough to beat the Evil Guy of Doom, who’s up to the standard take over the world crap. Lame, lame story – the characters don’t even have names, if that tells you anything.

GRAPHICS: 4
These graphics are good… when compared, perhaps, with the first video games ever created. You get your fuzzy little figure (now in FOUR different colours – will the fun EVER end?). Basically, you can just tell that the characters are human, and that they look different. The scorpion enemies do actually look like scorpions, but what are the rest of the enemies? It’s up to you to have a wild guess. These graphics would be sub-par on a standard colour Gameboy. On a GBA – completely unacceptable.

SOUND: 1
I’m sure right now some government agency has patented the music from this game to be used as a torture device. There is literally around 20 seconds of crap, crap, instrumental, and then it loops again and repeats. And even then the sound quality is poor? What, the 20 seconds wouldn’t fit properly?
The sound effects are another disaster – they come in two forms, “Argh”, and “Grunt”. Poor.

GAMEPLAY: 2
Initially has some redeeming value. Essentially, it’s a side-scrolling beat-em-up. Hell, it could have worked – remember how much fun a series like Streets of Rage or Final Fight was?
Well, none of that here. You have exactly one move. There is no jump button, no run button, no dodge – you just have hit. If the enemy is at a distance, you automatically shoot an arrow, throw magic, or whatever it is your character does. If the enemy is close, you automatically hit them with a close range weapon.
It really falls down once you realise (in about 10 seconds of play) how limited the combat really is. Holding down the hit button is essentially the entire game. You hold down the button, and occasionally tap the directions to re-adjust your fire, until the screen is clear of enemies. Then you move on, and do it again on the screen. Re-adjusting the fire is pretty hit and miss, since the arrows etc fly off into your enemies irregardless of how badly you aim.
The gameplay hits a new point of intensity when you come across hordes of fireballing throwing enemies. It changes from holding down the A button to holding it down for a minute, moving slightly to dodge the pitifully inept fireballs, then holding down A again. Mere words can’t get across the excitement.

REPLAY VALUE: 0, unless you count crushing the cartridge under a steamroller as “replay value”.
You have four characters. All of whom play EXACTLY the same way. All the levels play exactly the same way – and there are around 25-50 of them. Playing it through once is for the nightmarishly bored. Playing it through again is for the criminally insane. Every character is the exact same thing – their stats don’t make a damn of difference to the gameplay.

OVERALL: 0
This game is an abomination. It’s the reason fire was invented – so things like this could be destroyed to spare humanity the pain. Essentially, it’s a game where you hold down A for hours, move occasionally, and try not to fall asleep and drop your Gameboy Advance. It’s scarily bad. It is the dregs of gaming. Absolutely, utterly, NEVER play this game. NEVER part with money for it. If someone offers it to you for free, you can bet they hate you. I would recommend dropping all copies of this game into vats of acid, but then you might have to touch the game. This game is a dark and evil legacy to leave to gamers everywhere.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 11/30/02, Updated 11/30/02