"The Lesser of Two Evils"

This is the third time I've tried to write this review. The last two were disastrous... instead of actually *reviewing* the game, I wasted no less than four pages per attempt (mind you, this is written down) going on about how much better Super Metroid was, and how Nintendo's current efforts at capturing the former glory that was Metroid... and there I go again... No exaggerations or humor there, that was stream of consciousness - I started, and there I went. Suffice to say, I'm putting some restrictions on myself. Before I get into the review, I'd like to give a special thanks to Jane Reynolds (aka Janey), who not only inspired me to write another review (she sent me a very nice e-mail after I posted my MegaMan Zero 2 review, and we've been corresponding ever since), but also helped edit this one. Also before I get into the review, I just want to let everyone know that, in my opinion, Super Metroid was the greatest game ever made (actually, to be honest, I like Chrono Trigger just as much, but CT is in a completely different genre, so, there you go). Before I go off on another tangent, I'll just jump right in to the reviewing, before I develop another manifesto. Or novella...

Gameplay - 5/10

This is where Metroid: Zero Mission falls apart - Nintendo tried too hard. Keeping myself within my anti-ranting restrictions, here are the three biggest problems I had with M:ZM as a game:

Level design - AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGG!!!! If I wanted to be *really* concise, I'd leave it at that, but this is the single biggest problem I have with the game, so I'll elaborate. Traveling through Zebes is nothing short of a chore. If you are on one part of the... well... world, and you want to be at another part, you, for the most part, only have one path you can take. More often than not, this path involves mainly long drops, and long tunnels - and they are r-e-p-e-t-a-t-i-v-e. In Super Metroid, if you wanted to go somewhere, you had quite a few options. If you found one particular path slower, or more importantly, less fun, you could take a new one. On top of that, it added a certain sense of exploration, because *you* were the one finding what paths worked best, instead of the game telling you which one it wanted you to take. It's not nearly as bad as it was in Metroid Fusion, but it still irks me that the exploration, or, for that matter, the adventure aspect of Metroid has been dropped in order to keep a storyline. And I do mean it when I say that the paths are either vertical or horizontal. There are very few angles, and the areas of Zebes are pretty much big, condensed rectangles - and that is bland. In addition, I counted every map square from Super Metroid, and from Metroid: Zero Mission, simply to prove that SM was a larger game, but mainly it was because I'm insane. Anyway, the final total I got was SM - 1207 blocks, and M:ZM - 1093 blocks. This may not seem like a big difference, until you take into account that a fair chunk of M:ZM (almost a third of the map space) constitutes a part of the game where you lose all (and I do mean ALL) of your abilities. In other words, a dull, purposeless part of the game that would have been better left out. By the way, counting the blocks gave me new love for the late Gumpei Yokoi. I'm not sure how much of the level design was his doing, but after comparing the two maps, it's easy to see just one of the bits of magic that was lost after the passing of Metroid's creator.

Big Brother - Nintendo has recently decided that the average gamer cannot figure out how to play a game on their own. At the age of 8, I figured out how to play Super Metroid manual-free. The same went for most of the Final Fantasy series. I'll keep this short - We do not need to be told where to go - most of the fun is figuring these things out on our own!

Uninspiring Items - With almost 20 years of Metroid, you'd figure that Nintendo could include more upgrades. Instead of adding new items that are used to explore new areas, Nintendo included fluff like an image gallery, and the fourth copy of the original Metroid that I've been duped into buying (one for the NES, another for the NES when they released new packaging - which I thought was a new game, the one bundled with Metroid Prime - great game, and now this one for GBA. Did I NEED another copy*?). There are plenty of gems from the Metroids of the past, in fact, quite a few good ones from Metroid Fusion (I was hoping, and even expecting the Spider Ball from Return of Samus). What we're left with are the old basics - the High Jump Boots, the Varia Suit, the Speed Booster (in its disappointing, stripped down, Metroid Fusion form), and ooh! Wow! The Long Beam... I also resent that I can't de-equip items, as one could in Super Metroid. On many an occasion, the Ice Beam, and even the Screw Attack became nuscences. Finally, the "Unknown Items" (which are fairly obvious to us Metroid fanatics, but I won't spoil it) are a stupid, stupid idea - by the time you actually get to use them, it's so late in the game that they are basically useless.

*No, I did not.

To summarize, Nintendo dropped the ball. There aren't very many redeeming factors in the game, gameplay-wise. However, Nintendo did bring back bomb jumping, and made the wall jumping system more like it was in SM (Very much appreciated). Not to mention that it's still pretty fun to play, and that's what really matters, right?

Plot - 1/10
The story line isn't *that* bad, but we all know the saying "If it ain't broke - don't fix it". Nintendo tried to fix the Metroid story by attaching a detonator to it. What I mean to say is - the story turns disastrous. Nintendo tried to tie up a few loose ends that weren't necessarily untied in the first place. Take, for example, the Wrecked Ship in SM. Nintendo tries to explain where it comes from, and they do a horrible job of it (For the sake of spoilers, I'll just say that locations/interiors/inhabitants just don't fit). Not to mention - I DIDN'T CARE WHERE IT CAME FROM! You're not SUPPOSED to understand everything about an alien planet... That was part of the beauty and mystique of SM. Oh well... There are other parts of the game which I won't go into, I'll just say that in an effort to fill plot holes, they just punch new ones. And what's the deal with the Chozo becoming ancient Egypt? The Chozo always seemed to be this mysterious, almost god-like entity that graced planets with their technology and left. Kinda like the Deist system of beliefs (or at least my understanding of the Deist beliefs). Adding in things like the Chozo Ruins, and... *sigh* Chozodia... (terrible name) makes the Chozo seem, I dunno, secular, which kills the mystery behind them that I loved so much. The story interferes with the gameplay too. For example, the Unknown Items I griped about before are part of the problem (Which I won't go into, for the sake of spoilers, just that they are very closely tied in with the story - and I didn't like it). Super Metroid told a great story, with no FMVs, nor cut scenes, nor even text (aside from the opening intro, which was a back-story). Cut scenes make me feel like I'm playing a movie, which is an unwelcome addition in the Metroid series. I hope that Nintendo drops them - and fast. What I mean to say is - the story isn't that bad, but it's too heavily integrated into the game, and it KILLS the gameplay.

Sights 'n Sounds 4/10

Yet another disappointment. I know that the GBA has its sound limitations, but it certainly had no problem playing the tunes from Zelda: A Link to the Past. I know this was supposed to be like Metroid, but they could have at least taken some songs from Super Metroid, which had some great, not to mention beautiful, tracks. The sound effects are nothing special. I don't know why Nintendo decided that the Ice Beam should sound like someone sucking on a lollipop, but they should change it back to the sharp, icy (the operative word...) sound that it used to have. Even compared to Metroid Fusion (which you may have gathered that I'm not particularly fond of), the songs seem bland and quickly slapped together. The best thing I think I heard was in Ridley's Lair. One of the songs has a note that bends and trails off, which adds a nice, ominous tone that I liked. Aside from that, like I said: there's nothing special. Graphically, it's also pretty disappointing. In my Mega Man Zero 2 review, I said how I'm a sucker for 16-bit sprites. M:ZM is making me rethink that... Just about every sprite, tile, and background looks rushed. It almost reminds me of the cel-shading minimalism, only without the cel-shading. In fact, most of the game seemed rushed, not just the graphics. It's like Nintendo was baking us a cake, and took it out about fifteen minutes too soon. The graphics are the biggest tip-off. In general, things look and feel as if you're playing the beta-version of the game.

Challenge 6/10

Like most Metroid games, the first time you play through, the game is fairly challenging. Without the experience with the controls, you die a lot. Once you get used to things, the challenge lies in the players hands. What I mean by that, is that you can set whatever kind of challenge you want. There's quite a few good ones - the No Boss/Mini Boss (NBMB) runs are always fun. And the low percentage runs are not only do-able this time around, but they're quite fun as well. However, Metroid games were never big in the challenge department - the focus was mainly on exploration, not combat skills (Something that I appreciated very much in Metroid Prime).

The Bottom Line - 5/10

I'm being generous. Overall, Metroid:Zero Mission is a mediocre game, which deserves a mediocre score. It's not bad, but it's not great either. I'd rather play it than Metroid Fusion any day - hence the "Lesser of Two Evils". Like I was leading
at before, everything just seems half done. Another few months - maybe some graphics changes, some additional, *worthwhile* content, and this would have been a great game. The game doesn't stay very well with the Metroid remake idea that Nintendo advertised, which makes me think that a remake of Super Metroid would have been better. Heck, they have the Super Missiles and Power Bombs - it's a start...

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 05/31/04