Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"Dude looks like a lady!"

Being a non-Final Fantasy fan is tricky business. The series has been released on multiple systems and handhelds for over a decade, and yet I've never played any from the main numerical series. Maybe it's lack of interest in the type of game; RPGs have never really been my forte. Maybe I've just never had the opportunity to actively seek out a Final Fantasy game, sit back in my chair and start playing. Or maybe I just don't give a damn. Regardless of the reason, I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm missing out on gaming greatness, that I'm an utterly inexperienced and deprived gamer, or that I'm simply an idiot. So when Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children reared its sleek head, it looked the perfect opportunity to get myself to casually follow not only the series, but understand why Final Fantasy VII is so highly regarded. But after watching this, the appeal of the game has dwindled from disinterest into distaste.

Welcome to Midgard! At least, what's left of it. The city and its surrounding areas were utterly decimated in the wake of the events of Final Fantasy VII two years ago, when a young man named Cloud and his friends stopped the world from being destroyed by a psychotic pretty boy named Sephiroth. In the aftermath of the epic confrontation, much of the city was reduced to rubble, leaving countless people homeless, jobless, and just plain sad. Also, many of the inhabitants were infected by some kind of cancer that turns their skin into splotches of dark matter and saps their energy away. In the midst of this bleak existence, a group of super-powered thugs is attempting to finish what Sephiroth started by trying to find their “Mother”. Kind of depressing, isn't it? However, not even this horribly crappy situation is as depressing as Cloud. Ever since his fateful adventure, he's been stuck in a state pure, seemingly endless angst. Of course, seeing your would-be girlfriend getting murdered by your arch-nemesis can have that kind of effect.

Having such an irritatingly bitter hero for a movie is bad enough. What really kills the movie is how much time is spent on Cloud. There were so many chances to develop the story more, have more scenes involving other characters, explaining more of the background, and anything else that would vaguely work for the plot. But instead of a decently developed story, we're presented with plenty of scenes of Cloud expressing his self-doubt, wooden emotions, and overall bitterness. These are mingled with plenty of references and flashbacks to scenes from Final Fantasy VII, which will probably seem confusing and random to viewers who haven't played the game. Some of these not-so heartfelt scenes will include emotional support from Cloud's lady friend Tifa, whose own personality seems more robot than human. Vincent, Barrett, and all of the characters from the previous game make cameos, which ought to be a delight for fans everywhere. Too bad that they never get any real screentime or development; this movie comes off as nothing more than a soap opera with Cloud playing all the important parts.

While Advent Children lacks in the plot department, it tries to make up for it by presenting tons of over-the-top battle sequences between the heroes and the three punks held bent on the world's destruction. The combat in this movie is like a blend of The Matrix, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, with just a bit Mission Impossible thrown in for spice. Clouds first scene has him clashing swords two goons while riding at full speed on his motorcycle while a bunch of randomly spawning beasts try to tackle him. The combat continues to escalate, featuring Tifa go mano a mano with a muscular baddie, the entire crew taking down a giant flying…thingy, and the inevitable clash with an evil that Final Fantasy VII veterans know all too well. You'll get to see flying, walking up skyscrapers, chopping buildings in half, motorcycle chases, and plenty of other inhuman stunts. To their credit, these scenes are executed and presented fairly well; the fast-paced swordplay will leave you reeling and begging for more. Sadly, too much emphasis was placed on Cloud's seemingly godly abilities; aside from Tifa's single action sequence, none of the other characters got nearly enough time to show off their stuff.

However, you probably won't give a damn about who kills what; You'll probably be too busy drooling over the movie's awesome CGI quality to notice. Though Advent Children utterly lacks a few things, it's got some of the best graphics out there. Everything practically glows with computerized images. You can see the individual strands of Cloud's hair, the detailed gears and machinery in Barrett's gun arm, or the way that Vincent's red cloak drifts to and fro in the wind. You'll get to see the desolate urban sprawl of Midgar's remains, or the way that the water, rain, dust, light, shadow and everything else seems to look so realistic. It's balanced out with some fairly decent audio quality as well. The music is a mixed bag, ranging from dramatic scores to heavy metal to simple piano melodies. For the most part, the characters have great voice actors, even if Tifa's most memorable (and utterly ridiculous) line is “Dilly dally, shilly shally!” The sound effects are right on key, be it the revving of Cloud's motorcycle, the clang of swords clashing against one another, or even simple things like raindrops falling or footsteps on the pavement. Needless to say, CGI doesn't get much better than this.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children wasn't necessarily a bad idea. At least, for the fans of the game. There's nothing wrong with treating seasoned followers to some good old-fashioned fanservice. However, such fanservice should not come at the expense of the quality of the movie itself. All things aside, this is still a feature length film we're talking about here; it should not be judged simply on its nostalgic qualities, but its overall attributes as an at best semi-serious attempt at a movie. The plot is mediocre at best, and the characters are horribly underdeveloped. Simply put, it's a classic case of having too much style with far too little substance. But hey, you get to see Cloud and his crew fully revamped with state of the art graphics, incredibly fast paced action, and fighting with some mighty fine style. This is indeed a fan's dream come true. But for those of us that haven't taken the time to become familiar with the game, the movie comes nothing more than an epic action movie utterly devoid of anything else. Sorry.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 05/17/06