Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"Dear Cloud: Get off my screen for at least one second."

It's Here!

After two years of long waiting, Final Fantasy: Advent Children has finally been released. Naturally it took me a while to get to watch it, but that's besides the point.

There were lots of things hyping up this new movie. A high-res, extremely good-looking CG movie, practically a 3D anime film, if you will, based on one of the most popular games ever, Final Fantasy VII, and starring two of the most popular fictional characters in recent history.

Not only that, but it was also going to provide a sequel-style storyline to the events of the game it's based on! You can see you favourite characters two years after that big...thing that happened in the game, and all that.

Anyway, let's get this show on the road, shall we?

(Warning: Spoilers Within)

STORY

First off, you really, really need to play FFVII to understand any of this stuff, unless you have a friend besides to explain it to you.

Basically, two years after FFVII, there's now this big...virus thing that's come from the Lifestream (a sort of spirit bond beneath the planet, a kind of Afterlife, if you will) and it's infecting people, oh no! Cloud Strife, leader of an orphanage/delivery service, steps in with his perfect blonde hair and says...well, not much.

Tifa and Barret are the only ones he's truly in touch with now, from the original party, that is. Anyway, Cloud goes cruising in his mega-cool bike thing, with a super sword stash, and then, oh no, three idiots, one who looks like a girl, attack poor Cloud and nearly knock him off his bikey. Still didn't mess his hair up.

The three men are looking for their mother, who is placed in a box, a box I say. Using the box, Sephiroth can come back and his screaming fangirls can be happy once again.

Cloud then does loads of things and gets into fights. Rest of FFVII cast, the guys who he shared his adventure with, meanwhile...

...get around 20 measly minutes of screen time fighting a big ugly dragon thing that the Three Idiots summon. That said, they do some cool kooky combos.

Add in some more gene-things and that box with mummy dearest in, and Cloud ends up fighting the terrible three on his own for around half an hour, because he's so cool. Then Sephiroth comes. Then Cloud slaps him. Then Sephiroth goes, and Cloud gets to see his dead friends again. The End.

...I was left quite confused by the movie. I know it's an action flick, but seriously, most of the things that the characters do are just excuses for fights. The three silver-haired girl-men are the worst. It's like some sort of habit for them to pick a fight with someone.

Ah well, at least Reno and Rude provide comedy antics for all the family.

If you enjoyed FFVII's story, though, prepare to be disappointed.

GRAPHICS

Absolutely stellar in this department, although the characters look a little 'fake' despite all the detail. Cloud's hair doesn't even wet when he covers it in water, plus it looks like he's wearing more make-up than Tifa. It's hard to connect with characters that look 'too' pretty or 'too' cool.

Also, Cloud has become a fashion victim, as he does indeed wear a dress. That's right, a dress. Big Ugly Dragon Thing looks tre cool, on the flipside, as do the environments (to say that technically there's only two or three).

SOUND

No complaints. Lovely renditions of classic tracks, plus new ones. Nice voice acting over-all. Well, if only we could hear the actual FFVII cast speak a little bit more.

CRITICISM

The main meat of the review is where I discuss the good and bad points. Get ready folks, it's going to be a rather bumptacular ride.

Firstly, Cloud is a total screen-hog. I mean seriously, he needs some time off. They should have just called this movie "Cloud VS Man-girl" because that's what's happening in most of the feature. He has his classic friends come, and they...fight the dragon, then SIT IN AN AIRSHIP. Naturally there's a reason for them to do this, Cloud must fight Sephiroth alone, because then it's more dramatic! Yawn.

Aeris was a ghostie. Tifa did have a nice little sub-plot, but it was very boring. Cid threw his spear and drove his new airship. Vincent leapt about and shot things. Cait Sith did nothing. Red XIII pranced about. Yuffie held onto those glowing ball things. Barrett had some condiderable action, so he got his fair share of Laffy Taffy. Sephiroth stabbed Cloud, then Cloud did his super duper mega move from nowhere and killed Sephiroth (again).

But when COMIC RELIEF CHARACTERS get more screen-time than characters that could have fleshed out the plot much more, as well as spiced-up the action scenes, that's when you know something's gone a little bit off.
Cloud fans rejoice, fans of variety and the other characters, not so.

Second point, this is a good point, this one, the action scenes and choreography were amazing. I mean, your eyes will pop out if you've not seen too much of this movie before. Seriously, wow. They're kind of repetitive, but still quite amazing nontheless.

The downside is, all the characters seem way too overpowered, it was the same with the Matrix films. Cloud can technically fly and seems to defend any attack his enemies throw at him. Sure, it's cool-looking, but it takes away all tension and drama. It's obvious everyone's going to be okay from the offset, just to please fans.

I thought the three girly-men villians were kind of boring, too. Not even very suitable for Final Fantasy. Plus, the leader was a total idiot who didn't seem to know what he was doing. It's like he just knew that he hates Cloud, and he wants his box with mummy in it. One of the villians hardly had any lines, and hardly did nothing. The dragon was much, much more exciting than these dorks.

OVERALL

Overall, this isn't a bad film, a good flick to get pumped up with some popcorn. The graphics are amazing, and the action is plentiful. However, it just doesn't really cut it for me. Overdrawn fight scenes, horribly wasted opportunities regarding characters, and a boring story make this kind of a disappointment.

5/10

Don't be afraid to give it a try, though.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 03/20/06