"We have a code blue on the Larry King Live set..."

We now return to Larry King Live, with your fill-in host, Vegita.

Vegita: All right, our final guest of the night is none other than the Virtual Boy itself.

::The Virtual Boy, a child the age of 5, walks out.::

Vegita: Welcome, sir.
V. Boy: Always a pleasure, Larry.
Vegita: I'm not Larry.
V. Boy: And it's not always a pleasure.

::Vegita looks to the front camera with a scowl::

Vegita: That's odd, we already have a first caller! Bruplex from Boulder, you're on the air.
Bruplex: Yes. Mr. Boy-
V. Boy: I'm not a boy, darn it! That's just what I'm called! You think the ''Game Boy'' likes being called Boy either? Don't call me that!
Vegita: Thank you, caller!
Bruplex: But I didn't ask my question-(click)

::Vegita turns back::

Vegita: So, Virtual, what was life like for you?
V. Boy: Well, you know how the media tends to overhype some things, right?
Vegita: Yes, I certainly do.
V. Boy: Well, for my opening appearance I didn't exactly appreciate the fact that the entire world had its eyes on me (literally). From day one, people were constantly seeing what I do, and, of course, not all of the reviews I got were good.
Vegita: Funny you should say ''Eyes on Me'' (no references to Final Fantasy VIII, thank you). What exactly was your job?
V. Boy: I was put out there by Nintendo to be the first commercial Virtual Reality video game system. I was going to be a system, like the Game Boy or Game Gear, that could be taken along with you on road trips, yet I would be a system capable of 32-bit Graphics.
Vegita: All this was in 1995, correct?
V. Boy: Yes.
Vegita: So you are a 32-bit Virtual Reality machine?
V. Boy: That I am, Larry.
Vegita: I'm not Larry.
V. Boy: Whatever.
Vegita: Ok, how do you work? Anywhere I'd seen Virtual Reality at before, it was in huge machines with goggles and gloves and controllers and such...
V. Boy: What I am, as you can see, is a headset much like the ones you've seen. I also come with the controller, and from the controller goes either the battery pack or the power plug.
Vegita: Right.
V. Boy: I can be set up on a tripod, so you can use me by sitting in front of a table. The way the virtual reality part comes in is that there is a screen inside of the machine, with 2 angled-lenses you peer through. The angled lenses give the slighted degree for each eye, so when your eyes focus on the one screen it appears in 3D.
Vegita: Ingenious. So, where's the sound?
V. Boy: The Virtual boy utilizes 2 sound speakers, on each side of the headset. These can be used to incorporate surround sound, giving an added feel of 3 dimensions to the game.
Vegita: Very nice. I don't see how people could have possibly panned you. Let's take another caller.

::Vegita turns to the front camera::

Vegita: Hello caller-
Bruplex: Can I ask my question now?
Vegita: Yes. That was your question, so...
Bruplex: Hey! (click)
Vegita: Next caller, Kelley from Rhode Island, what is your question?
Kelley: Hello, V.B.
V. Boy: Hi, Kelley.
Kelley: What kind of a lineup did you have to offer at your release? I mean, what did you have to showcase your talents?
V. Boy: Good question. The primary games to show off my abilities were Mario Tennis and Mario Clash. In Tennis, you played on a tennis court, and the court scrolled as you ran back and forth on it.
Vegita: So that was where the 3D came into play?
V. Boy: Correct. Mario Clash was an update of Mario Bros., the original arcade game, where you had to jump from platform to platform, clearing all the enemies off of the level. This game had you also going to a seperate area in the background, which, thanks to the 3D, really looked like it was far away.
Vegita: Thank you, Kelley.

::Vegita turns back::

Vegita: So you had games that were fine 3 dimensional games, and you worked - obviously you worked, didn't you - so why did the public dislike you so much? What do you think was your major downfall?
V. Boy: To put it blunt, not only was I underprepared for the public, but I was underprepared as a game system. The people thought they'd be getting a system that would have games like Doom or Dactyl Nightmare, when instead they got me, the system that was uncomfortable to use, had a wierd controller, and merely applied 3D graphics to otherwise 2D games.
Vegita: Could you explain?
V. Boy: First of all, I was uncomfortable. If the tripod that I came with could be extended to, say, anywhere from 3 to 6 feet, then people wouldn't have complained. Instead, I came with a 6-inch tripod. In fact, why am I calling it a tripod? It only had 2 legs! It was BI-pod.
Vegita: I see.
V. Boy: What people wanted was easy use. They weren't getting it with that, so the next logical alternative would be to make a headset, correct?
Vegita: Makes sense. You mean like what the arcades have?
V. Boy: Exactly. A simple elastic band would have been fine, aside from the fact that I'm a tad heavy (but I'm not here to talk about weight matters, thank you). They could have rigged up a special band with a weighting system on the back, so it would be balanced on your head. Did they? No dice.
Vegita: I'm sorry to hear it. Now, about the controller?
V. Boy: Imagine the original Nintendo controller, only add 2 handles for gripping, and buttons on the back, used by the forefingers.
Vegita: It doesn't sound that bad.
V. Boy: No, it doesn't. It doesn't until you realize that there are games that rely primarily on those back buttons, and developing motor skills that are pretty much the antithesis of what we've been using for YEARS was not a good idea.
Vegita: So you're saying they should have just gone with buttons on the front, right?
V. Boy: It's like making a game for the Super Nintendo that relies strictly on the L and R buttons. It's nuts!
Vegita: Ok, how about the graphics?
V. Boy: Yes, I am a 32-bit system. Yes, I am capable of 3D graphics. The problem is, the games developed had the same graphical abilities of the Game Boy, only with an addition of the 3D element.

::Vegita turns to the front camera::

Vegita: Ok, caller! Mr....Slipnotted (???) from Melbourne, you're on the air.
Slippy: So, why did you fail so quickly? (click)
V. Boy: It's not MY fault! I did my job just fine! I didn't make the games, I just played them for everyone!
Vegita: Next caller, Mr. Squall Strife from North Carolina, your question?
Squall: Why do you claim to be 3D and just have red Game Boy graphics that made everyones' eyes ache?
Vegita: What's with the harsh questions?
V. Boy: It's ok, I'm used to it. People just don't like me.
Squall: Well?
V. Boy: I could claim that I was a rush job, but I wasn't. I just wasn't planned properly. As for the red graphics, I believe that was the ultimate downfall for me.
Vegita: Care to elaborate?
V. Boy: Well, you know how the Game Boy has graphics that are primarily black and white, with shades of grey?
Vegita: I think it's gray.
V. Boy: Whatever. Well, my graphics are red and black, with shades of red.
Vegita: How is that bad?
V. Boy: Red, while physiologically proven to be the least damaging to the eyes, became too harsh a color for a for people, since I required your eyes to defocus to a certain point, then be put into near-complete darkness.
Vegita: I guess...
V. Boy: Here, look for yourself.

::Vegita looks into the Virtual Boy for a few seconds, then recoils in horror::

Vegita: It's like staring at a Red Light in the middle of the night!
V. Boy: That's how all my games are.
Vegita: And the music is far from good...
V. Boy: And the games made for me didn't take advantage of my capabilities hardly...
Squall: And you suck as a system.
Vegita: Thank you, caller! (click)
Bruplex: And I still haven't asked a question...
Vegita: Fine! Ask away!
Bruplex: Didn't you have some sort of game with a Dragon being made, but was never released?
V. Boy: Yes. Dragon Hopper.
Bruplex: Thanks. (click)
Vegita: So you didn't do well because of bad graphics and sound, an odd set-up for a system, poor games, bad marketing...
V. Boy: The world wasn't ready for me. That's all there is to it.
Vegita: I honestly think that you were not ready for the world.
V. Boy: Hey!
Vegita: Seriously! I this day and age, when we've got all these amazing video game consoles, we are given one that truly only had 1 gimmick - 3D graphics. Now, this gimmick was pulled off, but it was like applying it to the Nintendo or Master System - what it all boils down to is that you are a gimmick on top of another system. This WOULD have been fine, but then you have that glaring red color, poor sound, and a controller that confuses more than controls!
V. Boy: So what are you saying?
Vegita: I'm saying that you should have had better graphics or sound at LEAST, let alone better working capabilities.
V. Boy: That's not very nice.
Vegita: You hurt people's eyes rather than entertained them. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

::Vegita radios for security. 2 large men enter and escort the Virtual Boy out::

Vegita: That's all the time we have for today, folks! Stay tuned for-
L. King: Not so fast, Vegita.

::Larry King enters the studio::

L. King: I'm here to take my show back!
Vegita: You can have it. I'm through here, anyways.
L. King: Good! I'm still going to have security throw you out, though.
Vegita: Fair enough.

::Vegita is escorted to the door by security, then thrown through it::

L. King: Good night all.

Blackout.