"Wow, this machine makes your eyes, ears and senses knocked out... Ultimate gaming experience? Not quite..."

I love Nintendo for life, they gave me the NES, that made me love videogames. They contributed with the SNES, from which I saw the very art of videogames, and they gave me the N64, from which I got the best game in the world...

But Virtual Boy... Boy oh boy... I'm trying my best right now to find anything good about it, but it just ends with me having a migraine, and I'm afraid that if I try harder to think about its good sides, I'll get a brain tumour...

The Virtual Boy is nothing short, but Nintendo's worst failure and their so far only flop in the videogame market. It quickly dropped in price... I know no one, but myself who has this console... Wow, that's pretty bad, don't you think?

It was originally intended to replace the SNES in the 32bit war between the Playstation and the Sega Saturn... But that's what the N64 had to do after the VB flop...

Graphical capabilities 1/10

Atrocious graphics...

I'm pretty certain when I'm saying that this is perhaps the only console that is physically hazardous... It'll either make you go blind or it will force you to wear glasses...

Now why is that, you might think? The answer, my friend, is that this console only shows it's visuals in black and red. BLACK'N'FRIGGIN'RED!!! It tries to show 3D graphics in low-res black and red graphics, and the result really depends on you, and how much time and how much of your life you are willing to risk...

Sound processing 1/10

I really try not to bash anything... but the sound is horrendous... It's like the friggin' NES hardware, only squares, sine waves and triangles are emulated in its soundchannels... And it's supposed to be one of the more modern machines... How was this machine supposed to beat the PSX CD quality sound? Good question, no one answered that one yet. It was too damn obvious...

Controller 5/10

The only plus in the ratings here is also a big question itself. While the controller design is unique and ergonomic in comfort, I can't help whining about the controllers button layout... In some games the layout works quite good, but in other games, I realize that the Virtual Boy isn't only hazardous to the eyes and the neck... Your hands and fingers will take quite some damage too if you play some games...

Console Design and ergonomics 1/10

WTF! The Virtual Boy claims to be a portable machine, yet the system is mounted on a metal thing that forces you to either sit and look into the scope with a stiff neck, or to lie down on your stomach with a stiff neck. Yeah it's portable alright! What the hell did those designers at Nintendo smoke at that night? Ganja? Heroin? Whatever it was, it really made them think about something controversial, as the Virtual Boy...

Game Library 1/10

With about 20 games in the game library, it's also no wonder why the system is dead and buried deeply... Most of the games were poorly developed, but that couldn't really be the programmers' fault... No, when having a very limited system to work on, the quality is sure as hell bound to be minimal...

To Rent Or To Buy?

(For the ordinary layman...)

No! Don't! If you see it, then destroy it! You will benefit mankind!

(For the videogame collector)

This one is RARE, and it's very rare! If you find it, go ahead and buy it, but it's nothing that I would recommend... Besides, who rents things like this...

Final Words: Well, if you are bold enough to play with the Virtual Boy... Then firstly, make sure you have a good health insurance policy, or else you'll pay for medical treatment for arms, hands, neck, ears, eyes or perhaps even a brain tumour. Secondly, go to a pharmacy, buy yourself eyedrops and a bottle of Tylenol for self treatment. Thirdly, if you value your life, don't play for more than 15 minutes or you will regret it...

~Fin~

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 11/13/03