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    FAQ by Flux Wildly

    Updated: 10/16/01 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

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        Copyright 2001 by JH (Flux Wildly)
    1.0  Review of game and Introduction
    2.0  Controls
    3.0  Staff
    4.0  Diseases
    5.0  Treatment
    6.0  Misc rooms
    7.0  Misc objects
    8.0  Events
    9.0  Tips
    1.0	Introduction and review
    I'm JH and I play games. That seems obvious enough. I play almost anything but
    I'm particularly fond of the RPG, strategy and Sim genre. Which explains why I
    love this game. I love it enough to write an FAQ about it. This is my second
    FAQ so far, my first being one on RC Stunt Copter on the PS. If anything looks
    weird from hereon, it's because it's late at night and I'm half asleep.
    A quick review of Theme Hospital:
    The graphics are nothing to brag about but they're sufficient for a
    Sim/Strategy game. Fancy graphics with lousy gameplay won't last you through
    the game. Sound and music are the strong points in the game. This is why you
    should buy the game rather than to download it from one of those abandonware
    sites. The sound bites add to the atmosphere of the hospital environment.
    Really. And you can play your own MIDI files with the game. Another reason why
    you should buy the game. It's available as an EA classic as well as the box
    form which costs 2,3 times more. Gameplay is great and you'll be stuck on it
    for years to come until you complete it. It's an addiction. I've been playing
    this game since 1997 or 98 so you get my point. End of review. See? Told you
    it's a quick review!
    Oh yeah, last thing. Do not attempt to place this FAQ on any other site or cut
    and paste content from this document. I usually solve problems like this using
    the Monkey Island method: Voodoo.
    2.0	Controls
    The controls in the game are easy to pick up. You'll need the mouse and common
    sense. Move your mouse cursor over any icon and you'll see a text box appear
    above the icon. Everything's easy to understand so I'll skip explaining them.
    The Town Map icon is for the purchase of more land as well as to adjust the
    heat emission of your radiators. To buy land, click on any of the red pieces
    you see. The $ icon is the bank manager. If you run out of money, you can loan
    some from there. On the bank manager screen, click + or - to loan and return
    money respectively. Of course, there is an interest rate so....
    When you attempt to build a room, click on the spot you want the room to be and
    drag til you reach the size you want. There is a minimum size for each room and
    you'll know the room can be built when the area turns blue. Right clicking when
    your cursor is an object rotates the object. When you wish to reposition
    furniture, move your cursor on the object and right click. The icon on the
    right with test tubes on it brings up the research screen. You may want to
    concentrate your research on Cure equipment and Diagnosis first. The rest of
    the icons seem self explanatory so I'll skip that.
    3.0	Staff listing
    3.1	Doctors
    Doctors in the game come with 3 different ranks, different level of detail,
    different capability, different salary and most importantly, different
    The ranks are Junior, Doctor and Consultant, Consultant being the highest paid
    and Junior being the lowest. In the higher levels, it is possible for Juniors
    and Doctors to attain higher skill levels by training them. That'd be covered
    in detail under 6.0 Misc rooms
    The below are the different qualification of doctors in the game:
    Skilless: Doctors with no particular Qualifications. They can work in any room
    except those that require a doctor with a particular skill.
    Researcher: This doctor works in the research department (when it is available)
    and also, in later levels, the DNA fixer, in addition to the areas open to the
    Skilless. A researcher is essential to your work force as he discovers the
    various diseases, equipment and its cure as well as improvising the treatment
    administered. The improvising of drugs will increase your reputation for that
    particular disease.
    Psychiatrist: He works in the Psychiatry room as well as any room open to the
    Skilless. You'll need a psychiatrist to cure people who are sick in the
    head...well, in a way.
    Surgeon: Surgeons work in pairs. A lone surgeon is as useless as a hospital
    without a receptionist. Surgeons roam areas open to Skilless Docs as well as
    the Operating theatre. They cure diseases by cutting people up.
    Doctors in the game will go crazy if they're overworked. I forgot to construct
    a staff room once and ended up with loads of crazy Docs. You can differentiate
    crazy Docs from the sane ones by their hair. Their hair looks like they've
    stuffed their fingers into an electric socket.
    You should also note what their bio says about the doctor when you're hiring. A
    lazy doctor moves slower than a hardworking one and consultants move faster
    than a Junior. This is essential information if you're planning to increase
    3.2	Receptionists
    Receptionists are the ugly bunch of people. They have different level of detail
    and skill. The capable ones with a relatively high level of detail cost
    slightly above $100. Secretaries are weird creatures and they don't get tired
    ever. They work at the reception desk and don't bother you with threats of
    quitting because apparently, they can't feel. They're perpetually stuck to
    their reception desk and you can't move the reception desk without first moving
    the receptionist. And being the magnet that she is, she'll move towards the
    desk the moment you place her. Oh yeah, you can't start a hospital without her.
    No one will come.
    3.4	Nurses
    Nurses work at the Pharmacy, the Ward as well as the Fracture Clinic. Without
    them, you cannot administer drugs to cure people. I'm not sure if she'll go
    crazy if she's overworked but she still gets tired unlike the inhuman
    3.5	Handymen
    The handymen are the crux of the game. Hire enough and your hospital will be
    nice and neat with no nasty explosions. Don't hire them and you'll probably
    lose the game before long. Hire handymen with a high skill level because they
    move faster, thus working faster. They get angry faster than anyone else in the
    game and ask for pay rises constantly. You can set their priorities by clicking
    on them and then clicking on the icon for the task you want them to concentrate
    on. Handymen wander all over the place so you may wish to buy land only when
    you really need it. Otherwise, they'll wander there and do nothing. They
    mop/sweep/clean the floors, water the plants as well as repair machines. They
    also need to rest regularly...too regularly if you ask me..darn these handymen.
    4.0	Diseases
    Golf Stones
     Cause - Exposure to poison gas inside golf-balls
     Symptoms - Delirium and advanced shame
     Cure -These must be removed by an operation requiring two Surgeons
     Unexpected Swelling
     Cause - Anything unexpected
     Symptom - Swelling
     Cure - The swelling can only be reduced by lancing during an operation
            requiring two Surgeons
     Spare Ribs
     Cause - Sitting on cold stone floors
     Symptoms - Unpleasant feeling of chestiness
     Cure - These must be taken out by two Surgeons, and given to the
    	patient in a doggy bag
     Pregnancy (downloadable add-on that is not in the game)
     Cause - Power cuts in urban areas
     Symptoms - Faddish eating with consequent beer gut.
     Cure - Baby is removed in Operating Theatre, washed and presented to
     Kidney Beans
     Cause - Crunching up ice cubes in drinks
     Symptoms - Pain and frequent trips to the toilet
     Cure - Two Surgeons must remove the beans without touching the sides
            of the kidney
     Broken Heart
     Cause - Someone richer, younger and thinner than the patient
     Symptoms - Weeping and RSI caused by hours of tearing up holiday
     Cure - Two Surgeons open the chest and gently mend the heart whilst
            holding their breath
     Ruptured Nodules
     Cause - Bungee jumping in cold weather
     Symptoms - Inability to sit down in comfort
     Cure - Two qualified Surgeons must removed the nodules using steady
     Iron Lungs
     Cause - Inner-city smog mixed with kebab remains
     Symptoms - Ability to breathe fire and shout loudly underwater
     Cure - Two Surgeons operate to remove the cast solid lungs in the
     Heaped Piles
     Cause - Standing around by water coolers
     Symptoms - Patient feels like he/she is sitting on a bag of marbles
     Cure - A pleasant, yet powerfully acidic drink dissolves the piles
    	from the inside
     Gut Rot
     Cause - Mrs. O'Malley's Good Time Whisky Cough Mixture
     Symptoms - No cough but no stomach-wall lining either
     Cure - A Nurse can administer a selection of dissolved chemicals to
    	coat the tum
     Gastric Ejections
     Cause - Spicy Mexican or Indian food
     Symptoms - Half-digested food is emitted from the patient in random
     Cure - Drinking a special binding solution prevents anything being
     The Squits
     Cause - Eating pizza found under the cooker
     Symptoms - Ugh. Surely you can guess
     Cure - A glutinous mix of stringy pharmaceutical chemicals solidify
            the patients innards
     Sleeping Illness
     Cause - Overactive sleep gland in the roof of the mouth
     Symptoms - Overwhelming desire to crash out everywhere
     Cure - A high dosage of powerful stimulant is administered by a Nurse
     Cause - Licking the yogurt from the foil tops of opened pots
     Symptoms - Flesh is rendered see-through and horrible
     Cure - A Pharmacy drink of specially cooled and coloured water cures
            this disease
     Cause - Being bitten by a radioactive (and invisible) ant
     Symptoms - Patients suffer no discomfort. Indeed, many use the
    	    condition to play practical jokes on their families
     Cure - A colourful liquid drunk in the Pharmacy soon restores the
    	patient to full observability
     Discrete Itching
     Cause - Tiny insects with sharp teeth
     Symptoms - Scratching, leading to body-part inflammation
     Cure - Patient drinks a pharmaceutical gluey syrup to prevent the skin
            from itching
     Uncommon Cold
     Cause - Small particles of snot in the air
     Symptoms - Runny nose, sneezing and discoloured lungs
     Cure - A big swig of uncommon cough medicine made from special
    	ingredients in the Pharmacy will cure this
     Broken Wind
     Cause - Using a gymnasium treadmill after a meal
     Symptoms - Upsetting the people directly behind the patient
     Cure - A heavy mixture of special watery atoms is drunk rapidly in the
     Corrugated Ankles
     Cause - Driving over traffic calming measures in road
     Symptoms - Footwear does not fit snugly
     Cure - A slightly toxic blend of herbs and spices is drunk to
    	straighten out the ankles
     Chronic Nosehair
     Cause - Sniffing disdainfully at those worse off than the patient
     Symptoms - Nosebeard a badger could make a nest in
     Cure - A disgusting hair-removal potion is taken orally, prepared by
            a Nurse in the Pharmacy
    Bloaty Head
     Cause - Sniffing cheese and drinking unpurified rainwater
     Symptoms - Very uncomfortable for the sufferer
     Cure - The swollen head is popped, then reinflated to the correct PSI
            using a clever machine
     Serious Radiation
     Cause - Mistaking plutonium isotopes for chewing gum
     Symptoms - Patients with this condition feel very, very unwell
     Cure - The patient must be placed in a Decontamination Shower and
            cleansed properly
     Slack Tongue
     Cause - Chronic overdiscussion of soap operas
     Symptoms - Tongue swells to five times its original length
     Cure - The tongue is placed in the Slicer Machine, and removed
    	quickly, efficiently and painfully
     Alien DNA
     Cause - Face huggers equipped with intelligent alien blood
     Symptoms - Gradual alien metamorphosis and desire to destroy our
     Cure - The DNA is mechanically removed, cleaned of alien elements and
            replaced quickly
     Fractured Bones
     Cause - Falling off high things onto concrete
     Symptoms - Loud crack and inability to use afflicted limbs
     Cure - The cast is set then removed using a laser-driven removing
     Cause - Telling lies and making up stories to be popular
     Symptoms - Shiny-headedness and embarrassment
     Cure - Hair is seamlessly melded onto the patient's head using a
    	painful machine
     Cause - Gelatin-rich diet and too much exercise
     Symptoms - Excessive wobbliness and falling down a lot
     Cure - The patient is immersed in the Jelly Vat in a special room for
            a bit
     Cause - Prolonged exposure to the moon
     Symptoms - Sufferers experience enhanced sense of smell
     Cure - An electrolysis machine removes the hair and seals up the pores
     King Complex
     Caused by the spirit of the King entering the patient's mind and taking over
     Symptoms - Donning of colourful suede footwear and eating
     Cure - A Psychiatrist tells the patient how ridiculous he or she looks
     TV Personalities
     Cause - Daytime television
     Symptoms - Delusions of being able to present a cookery show
     Cure - A trained Psychiatrist must convince the patient to sell their
            TV and buy a radio
     Infectious Laughter
     Cause - Classic situation comedy
     Symptoms - Helpless chortling and repetition of unfunny catchphrases
     Cure - A qualified Psychiatrist must remind the patient how serious
            this condition is
     3rd Degree Sideburns
     Cause - Wistful longing for the 1970S
     Symptoms - Big hair, flares, platforms and glitter make-up
     Cure - The Psychiatry staff must, using up-to-date techniques,
    	convince the patient that these hairy accoutrements are rubbish
     Fake Blood
     Cause - Patient usually subject of practical joke
     Symptoms - Red fluid in veins which evaporates on contact with
     Cure - Psychiatric calming is the only way to deal with this problem
     Sweaty Palms
     Cause - Fear of job interviews
     Symptoms - Handshakes with patient are like grabbing a recently
    	    submerged sponge
     Cure - A Psychiatrist must talk the patient out of this made-up
    The diseases need to be discovered by the research department first before they
    can be cured so remember to hire researchers!
    5.0	Treatment
    There are various types of treatment rooms in the game. Patients need to visit
    them to either get their diseases diagnosed or cured. They are,
    GP's office
    You need at least one of this. It's the first step in the diagnosis process.
    Patients will be referred to this room by the receptionist first before being
    further directed to other rooms
    General Diagnosis
    This is as vital in the diagnosis process as the GP's office. It serves almost
    the same purpose as the rest of the diagnosis rooms.
    This room will be available later in the game. The cardiogram is a machine and
    requires constant attention by the handymen. Like the rest of the machines, it
    will need to be replaced when its strength falls dangerously low. Otherwise,
    the machine would explode and kill the patient in it and perhaps the doctor as
    well. I'm not sure about that but it seems that my staff disappear after an
    This room will be available after your researchers discover it. The scanner
    requires maintenance like the Cardio.
    This is the coolest machine in the neighbourhood. You get to see your patients
    skeletal form... at least the ribcage. This requires regular fixing by your
    friendly (or not so friendly) handymen.
    Blood machine
    This machine sucks blood out from your patients to test for their diseases.
    It's not as gross as it sounds and looks cute too. This too requires
    The holy grail of diagnosis equipment, this baby is capable of seeking out
    every disease that plagues your patients. Though it costs a bomb, you'd earn
    much more from your patients.
    Patients visit this place to get their dosage of medicine from your nurse.
    Patients with mental disorder head here. They'd lie on the couch while a
    psychiatrist speaks to them. Then they'd get well.
    Operating theatre
    Surgeons remove bits and pieces of the patients here. Pretty self explanatory.
    The operating table is a piece of equipment and requires regular attention from
    the handyman.
    I figure this is in a class of its own as it is both a part of the diagnosis
    process as well as a place to rest before an operation. This place requires a
    Big headed patients head (pun unintended) here to get their heads popped. Then
    the inflator pumps air back into their heads so they regain their original
    shapes. Cool.
    Slack Tongue Clinic
    Long tongued patients get their tongue sliced off here. The machine looks like
    a giant black iron and needs maintenance.
    Fracture Clinic
    You might notice many patients with plaster casts all over their bodies. These
    people have a disease called Fractured bones and need to visit the fracture
    clinic to get their casts off. The cast remover requires maintenance and would
    be made available without the need for research later in the game. A nurse
    operates the machine.
    Hair restoration
    Bald people need this room. Obviously. It also requires maintenance.
    Patients who look like werewolves are sent here to get their hair removed.
    These hairytitis patients are electrocuted til all hair growing in the wrong
    places fall off. The machine requires maintenance.
    Patients with a greenish hue have a disease called radioactivity. They shower
    in this machine and regain their normal color. The machine requires
    Jelly Vat
    People infected with Jellyitis (wobbly people) are poured into this machine
    that solidifies them. The machine requires maintenance.
    DNA Fixer
    People with Alien DNA are sent here. They are easily identified because they
    are the only patients around with only one eye and tentacles. Plus, they're
    green. Like your average everyday alien. The only good thing about these people
    is that they don't need benches to sit on. The DNA fixer does not need
    maintenance for some unknown reason and only researchers can work the machine.
    6.0	Misc rooms
    Staff rooms
    These are needed to rest your tired staff. All staff (with the exception of the
    receptionist) tire and need to rest. Otherwise, they either go crazy or demand
    pay rises. You can purchase various objects, like TVs and pool tables among
    others, for the enjoyment of the staff.
    For obvious reasons, toilets are needed by the patients to er...do their
    business. This way, they feel happier about the hospital. More cubicles and
    sinks can be purchased. Strangely enough, your staff need not visit this sacred
    Research Department
    Researchers occupy this room. They discover diseases and their cure as well as
    the equipment needed for this. As the game progresses, your researchers will
    develop new equipment for use in this room. Do purchase them as they'll help in
    your researchers' work.
    Doctors with no qualifications or a low skill level are sitted in this room. A
    consultant with a qualification you wish to impart to these ignorant doctors
    need to be hired to teach them. They would either inherit the qualification of
    the consultant or have their skill level increased. I don't think you can
    decide on that but it does get irritating when your average doctor becomes a
    consultant and leaves the room without the qualification you desire. And no,
    consultants can't be trained.
    7.0	Misc Objects
    Reception Desk
    A receptionist works here so you need at least one of these.
    These are for your patients to sit on. With sufficient benches, patients are
    less likely to puke and they are happier. You should always buy enough of
    Drinks Machine
    For some reason, drinks machines have 'KitKat' written on them. Not Mountain
    Dew or Coca Cola but KitKat. Placing enough of these around adds to your
    revenue and makes your patients unthirsty and happy. But they do add to the
    amount of litter around as well as the number of times your patients need to
    visit the loo.
    Patients and staff are likely to stay happy and warm if you have enough of
    these. You can adjust the intensity of the heat by clicking on the Town Map
    icon. The red dots should cover the whole of the area of your hospital.
    Plants require watering by your handymen. They add to the environment of the
    hospital and makes your patients happier. But I'd suggest you skip them as your
    handymen probably have enough trouble with machinery and rubbish.
    Fire Extinguisher
    Fire Extinguishers can be placed in rooms to lower the risk of your machinery
    going Kaboom. I'm not sure about the effect it has when placed in the corridoor
    8.0	Events
    Occasionally, an icon pops out from the left hand corner of the screen just
    above the $ icon. This is an event. The various events are described below.
    When the icon shows a tophat, it signifies a VIP visit. Click on it to bring up
    the fax machine window. Unless you have a serious litter problem in your
    hospital, you should allow their visit. They'd take a tour around your hospital
    and after they leave, fax you with a message telling you how much they love or
    hate your hospital. Hate faxes are rare and normally, you'd receive a
    reputation boost as well as a cash reward.
    Staff Demands
    This is represented by a red icon with a doctor's face on it. Clicking on it
    brings up a window that shows the staff concerned's demands. It is normally a
    demand for a pay rise or, in extreme cases, a threat to quit. For pay rises,
    increasing the pay of that staff member (the + icon) would prevent him or her
    from quitting and denying that request (the door icon) may or may not cause
    that staff member to quit. Sometimes, it is just an empty threat.
    An icon with a DNA strand brings up the fax window when clicked on. It informs
    you of the discovery of a new condition. Pretty much self explanatory.
    Sometimes, a patient with an undiscovered disease or a disease that your
    hospital cannot cure yet seeks treatment. An icon with a question mark appears
    and when clicked on, brings up the fax window. The icon also appears when there
    are patients who are not completely diagnosed. You can make a decision to take
    the risk and cure them, send them home, send them to the research department or
    to make them wait in the hospital. The choice is yours.
    This is an icon with a blue light (those fixed on police cars..I forgot what
    they're called). It informs you of a emergency where a number of patients with
    a certain disease need to be cured in a time limit. You can choose to take up
    the challenge or to refuse it. You might wish to refuse it if the number of
    patients is larger than the number you can handle. There is a cash reward if
    you successfully complete the challenge and your reputation will take a beating
    if you don't.
    An icon with a certificate appears after a visit by a VIP or after an
    emergency. It tells you of how you have done.
    9.0	Tips
    The object of the game is to meet the requirements of each level. There are
    many ways to go about this and the below are my tips and strategies.
    It is preferable to build 2 or more GP's offices as your hospital's reputation
    grows. This way, more patients can be cured in a shorter time and also, it
    shortens the queue at the GP's office.
    Benches should be placed near the entrance to the rooms so the patients take a
    shorter time to walk to the room. This saves time. Space should be left near
    the entrance of the hospital so you can place a reception desk there. Also,
    rooms should not be too congested as this would increase the tendency of your
    patients littering (I'm not sure why too). The diagnosis rooms should be placed
    nearer to the entrance so that the flow of traffic is smoother. You'll need to
    scatter drink machines around the hospital. You don't have to buy a lot of
    radiators because you can adjust the heat level from the Town Map. Repair your
    machines every 3 uses so they don't break down or explode in the occasion of
    earthquakes. In the later levels you'd need to purchase land to expand your
    hospital empire. I would save my game before purchasing the land so I can check
    it out first before wasting my money on a piece of land that can't contain many
    rooms. Some pieces of land is in such a way that you can only build one space
    consuming room. If you see tiny black dots scampering from one end of your
    hospital to the other, those are rats. Position your mouse cursor on one til
    the arrow turns into a crosshair, then click. This will kill the rat and leave
    a blood stain on the floor. Kill enough rats and you get a bonus level after
    your current level. Do make your handyman clean up the blood stains though,
    because patients tend to vomit upon seeing them. And that makes your hospital
    That seems all I have to say here. Good luck and enjoy the game!
    For queries or anything other than junk mail, email me at flixflux@hotmail.com

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