Review by _____Cait
"Gather 'round, for we shall mourn the death of Megaman X..."
We gather here today, to mourn the loss of our dear friend, Megaman X. At one point in time, he filled our hearts with joy, a long-lasting feeling of excitement and fun. But now, sadly, those days are at an end, because, our dear, dear friend, Megaman X, has passed away, into what we like to call, ''The 'Unfortunate Sequel' Realm''...
X was a simple man... He didn't ask for much of a story in his series... A little intro scene, and maybe 5 lines of dialogue the whole game would please him. But his parents, Capcom, decided to push their child into the way of the ''Storyline''. Thus, X became closer to Zero, and as this happened, Zero basically took over the series, since he had a ''mysterious past'', which just craves attention for storyline buffs... After Zero ''died'' in X5, the world has been in turmoil. The Space Colony that crashed on Earth polluted everything, to the point where only Reploids and other robots could live. A virus breaks out, code-named Zero. X, feeling heroic, decided to try to beat the competition to find his friend, but, unfortunately, injured himself with a lackluster storyline which really didn't need to try and be so... ''Deep''...
I believe, in X's younger, more youthful days, he looked better. He looked cute, while having that fierce warrior sense about him. Now, as our friend has aged, he seems to have been crippled with Reploid-Arthritis. Yes, crowd, you heard me right. X's animations seem choppy, and rigid. It pains me to see a friend age and hurt like this, and even his enemies caught the horrible disease, and gained the Arthritis. The environments X wandered through were bland, making him apparently blind, and only giving us a view of ugly, one-colored, and at the most, four-colored bosses... Poor X... Nobody stays youthful forever...
Since X has aged, his parents, or Capcom, decided his old buster was out of style. So, they gave him his old pal Zero's sword. X, not used to this new weapon, could hardly control it by pressing the oddly decided triangle button, to activate it. Not only that, but the delay X took to pull this trick off caused him many injuries, and lost lives. Jumping is still a strong point of X, though, as he can easily glide through the air. Surprising, how he can fly, when he can't hold a sword properly.
X's parents, Capcom, must have wanted him away for good. They abused him until his gameplay abilities were destroyed. He told his enemies about it, and they felt so bad for him, that they started busting their gameplay level down as well. But there were a few enemies that wouldn't take this. They had to take full advantage of our crippled friend, and ramped THEIR difficulty up 5 notches. These enemies were called the ''Nightmare Virus''.
The Nightmare took plenty of shots to defeat, and moved way faster than X. So fast, in fact, that they reached the bosses before X, and told them to act as difficult and unfair as possible when they fought him. Fortunatly, most bosses were too preoccupied with their unoriginal dialogue, that they focused more on what they'd say to X when they met him, rather than how they'd fight. One boss, Infinity M., we'll call him, managed to forget his dialogue, and fight with millions of clones of himself, causing X to lose all his lives. But X didn't worry, for he had infinite continues, and got to restart from practically 5 feet from the LAST save position.
X's levels that he progressed through were ugly, and boring. Once again, X goes through what looks like a volcano. X has ventured through many volcanoes, hasn't he? And jungles, too. His parents also decided to send him through a garbage facility, which took at least 6 lives away from him, as the difficulty of moving through crushing machines was too difficult. Poor X never stood a chance.
X, being a smart boy, remembered to bring along his great musical score. Some of the themes seemed rather boring to the boy, as it is impossible, even in the future, to find a CD with more than four decent tracks. But those four were great. But alas, X's poor Arthritis stricken body meant doomed sound effects coming from him. ''Zoom. Pink. Ploop''. Drove the poor kid insane.
Rent or Buy
X would love it if you bought this. You really need to feel the pain that he felt. Seriously, folks. This is one of the worst Megaman games there are. Capcom, bad parents. Very bad.
After X went though all these trials, he eventually became obsolete. The 2-d world of gaming received a slap in the face award thanks to Capcom, who though only a cool story and a Z-Sabre could save their child. They apparently ditched their child after this, and went onto their new baby, Megaman EXE. Poor X. He didn't get to say a decent goodbye either. But there is always a silver lining. X seems to have seen the light, and will return in a hopefully better title, Megaman X7! Let us hope for the best, my friends! And now, I call this service to an end. Refreshments are to your left.
Reviewer's Rating: 2.0 - Poor
Originally Posted: 07/10/03, Updated 07/10/03
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