Review by meepcheese

"NOW I'm deflecting balls coming at me at mach 7 on a flying saucer!"

I have honestly never seen this game in an advertisment, not even heard another living human (besides my brother) mention it. I mean, either it was so terrible that the advertisers pulled out before it even hit the shelves, or they figured it was so great, it didn't need advertising. Or maybe they're secretly in cahoots with NO-AD sunblock.

Whatever the reason, my brother thought it was a 'me' sort of game, and got it for me for Christmas. And that wasn't a mistake, don't get me wrong. I love this game, although after a while, you can tell that it's pretty much one minigame a thousand times over.

I've never actually played a party game before, and a game consisting entirely of minigames was beyond me. But it works, and I'm not going to question it.

The minigames are essentially all the same thing. In one, you deflect balls from your goal in a moving hovercar of sorts, and generally after five minutes they're moving so fast your just rolling your cart back and forth and hoping the balls don't get in. It's really a manner of luck, and if you're me, this game is not going to be won anytime soon...the only thing that changes about this game is that the background changes and in one N. Gin pops up and chucks balls at you at mach 10. And the game actually expects you to block these. YEAHRIGHT.

The other games consist of you sitting on a polar bear and trying to push everyone else off. This is one of the more 'skill requiring' games, and probably the most varied. This is one of my brothers favorites; he likes the one where you throw bombs at each other, but that's because he's a simple minded creature that drinks out of juice boxes he finds in ditches. Moving on...

The ones where you have to throw boxes at each other and blow chunks out of them is my favorite. (It's different, okay!?) There is one version where you have to blow apart the floor and try and push your enemies in the holes, another you have to throw stuff around in a sewer, and you get 'mystery boxes', with one of four special weapons inside! You can collect them all! Well, not all at once, you'd have to get one, use it, then get the next one, and then use it, and there's always the chance that you'll get duplicates...

The tank level is depressing. I don't know how you expect me to focus long enough to roll around on a little tank and kick the crap out of those other guys, because I SWEAR they get faster tanks! And the constant shifting of the layout is even more depressing. I can never get a good shot at those stupid other tanks, because they always outrun my spiked doom ball thingys, and they get these massive laser light speed shots of doom. Okay, I made that up, but it's still annoying.

The last and final game (to my knowledge) is a...painting game, or something. You hop around and try to make boxes of your color, but some levels, you have to make a complete box for it to count, (and trust me, that never happens, because those other dudes always hop on it before you can finish it, and if you've got brothers with single digit IQs, they'll hop on it too) and others, you have to just hop around and cover a lot of ground, then break a box and all your colored squares will go away and count for points. The one with Ripper Roo (apparently he's Mexican, I thought he was from Brooklyn for some reason...) is beyond frustrating, he'll leave boxes of TNT (he's always done this, but that still doesn't change the fact that I want to strangle him) and if you aren't paying attention or are just rolling your thumb around the D-pad (which I know after a while you will do) you're undoubtedly going to hit one of those. And apparently he hid crazy glue inside there, you know, that stuff that glues together dinosaurs or whatever, because you stick to the place where you exploded for about twenty minutes. Long enough for all your colored squares to have been run over, anyway.

The boss battles are enough to make you want to kill someone. The boss, preferrably, you're thinking, BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON, IS IT? The first forty hits are easy enough, the problem is, the boss always unleashes his most deadly arsenal when he only has one hit left. I mean logically, you'd do that too, wouldn't you? If you were one missile away from death (well technically, we all are, but let's think video games) wouldn't you just unleash everything you have? Because it's not going to do you a lot of good when your dead.

So yeah, there's a lot to do in this game, and I'm pretty sure you'll never wear it. Unless you break it or something. But it doesn't get old, and the whole 'winning' thing doesn't really matter when you're playing with friends; it's more of a matter of "if I don't stop laughing, I'm going to pee myself and really embarrass myself."

And they told me being antisocial was a bad thing. HA!


Reviewer's Score: 8/10 | Originally Posted: 02/19/08

Game Release: Crash Bash (US, 11/06/00)


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