Review by Braben
"I don`t know if the devil cried, but I almost puked."
Devil May Cry is, together with Vagrant Story, the most overrated video game in history SO FAR, yes, because while there are games that can be considered even more overrated, like Metal Gear Solid 2, or Ocarina of Time, at least those are still excellent games, something that certainly can`t be said about these two infamous monstrosities.
Devil May Cry is one of the nastiest monstrosities ever conceived but the mankind, this game may start catchy and nice, but after an hour playing you will be beginning for mercy. No matter how much I tried (and I swear I tried), I just can`t understand how something so tedious and boring can be so glorified, wait a minute, glorified?, glorified is not enough, this game has been praised as the best PlayStation 2 game or the best Capcom game of all time, or even, oh! holy Elvis, as the best game ever!, in the name of, I mean, how is it possible to say that?, and the funny thing is that these are just a few of the nonsenses people says, which is just crap, this game not only is not worthy of such a great game developer as Capcom, in fact, I wouldn`t hesitate to say that this is one of the worst PlayStation 2 game to date. Among all the PlayStatioin 2 games I have played, Unlimited SaGa is probably going to take this one`s throne as the worst, but as I haven`t finished that game yet, and as I have fortunately finished playing this game (don`t get me wrong, I haven`t finished the entire game, I don`t have such a strong stomach) this one is the worst.
And I repeat, I swear I tried to like this game, I mean, if so many people says it is so incredibly good at least there has to be something good about it, because something similar happened to me with Civilization, the first time I played I thought it was the biggest crap ever, but I keep playing and in the end it turned out to be one of the best I have ever played, but this is not the case, and if there is something worthy in this game, I couldn`t find it.
The truth is that, for casual gamers and ten year old kids this game may be a blast, but for veteran games like me, who grew playing ``true`` video games during the good old Nes and Snes times, this is just a tedious and monotonous experience from the beginning to the end, you can`t expect for someone who has been playing video games for such a long time to be amazed with something so simple like this.
You are Dante, a white haired kind of super zombie demon who acts as a private investigator of the supernatural. One day, like it always happens in movies and video games, a goddess level mega babe appears and tells you that there is trouble somewhere and that you are the only one capable of saving the day because you have superpowers that no one has and all that things.
I never rate plots in 99% games that are not rpgs, so I am not going to rate this one`s, but tell me something, is not this the kind of plot you see in a Z grade no budget underground movie of the 80`s?, not that this is a bad thing in any case, but it is true.
Splendid, sure, I am not going to deny that, in my opinion rendered backgrounds like the ones Onimusha had could have been much better, but well, the 3D engine is very solid, everything looks good with lots of flashy lights and fancy effects. Even the cut scenes, made entirely with the game`s engine, look decent enough, excepting maybe for that part where Dante gets stabbed by a giant sword at the beginning of the game. Another good thing is that we can`t move the camera even if the game is entirely in 3D, that is a relief.
Music?, where?, oh you mean the footsteps....no?, damn. Why people loves the music in this game, do I have some problem in my ears and I haven`t noticed?, I don`t think so, what I think is that that guys that made this game`s soundtrack sure had a lot fun doing everything excepting their work. There is music ONLY when we are fighting, if we are not doing that, then we simply can`t hear anything because there is nothing to hear. But hey!, I don`t know why I am surprised, it would be easier to find gold in a swimming pool than a video game with real music nowadays.
The voice acting is good in the other hand, there aren`t that many voices, which is obvious in an action game, but when there is, it is very well done.
Ah the pain the pain!, in the name of all that is holy!, oh Elvis please come back and save us!, playing this game is like worse than seeing all the Adam Sandler movies in one ride just to start with Tom Arnold`s once those are finished.
In essence, this is simply a beat em-upish version of Resident Evil in 3D where you are able to jump higher than Goku as a Super Saiya Jin, you go there annihilating enemies that grow like if they were mushrooms after a ten day deluge while collecting some items to open doors and things like that, and there is nothing wrong with this right?, right. But then, why do I consider this game so utterly bad?, simple, because it incredibly, so unbelievably boring and monotonous that I would prefer to go to the church every single Sunday from this day on until I die (hmm, well, I would have to think that very carefully).
The game is made by short missions in which we ALWAYS have splendid and highly imaginative objectives such as finding some kind of coloured emblems or any other items alike that need to be placed in some kind of altar, wow right?, that is what I call a deep and interesting puzzle, yeah!, but this is only the beginning, you will see. The altar (or whatever) is normally at the beginning of the stage, and the emblem you are looking for is deep in side the stage and normally being kept by a huge boss, boy, that is even more incredibly and original.
And that is all, this is how everything works, you enter a place, kill a bunch of stupid morons, then you go a corner where there is a door with an inscription that reads: ``find the Lion Emblem and bring me a coffee``, then two rooms away that place you find the Lion Emblem, you return to that door and now it is open, end of the stage, and the stage ends, why?, anyway, to the next one, you begin in a ladder, at the top there is a picture that says: ``find this other item whose name I can`t remember``, oh my god another emblem?, shesh, then in the room next to the picture you kill an enemy and the emblem appears, and after using the emblem on the picture, to the next stage. Then you think, this is kinda boring you know?, but well, I have been playing for just half an hour, so maybe it gets better after a while......(one hour later)..... I can`t believe this!, I have been doing the same thing and then this giant spider comes, kills me, and I have to start this stupid mission again, mphf......(another hour later)..... damn!!!, I got killed by that damned spider another ten times, so I had to find and place emblems another ten times in the same mission, I can`t stand this, I`m off to play Tetris Attack.
There is no sense of adventure in this game, exactly the opposite than in Onimusha, where everything is well made and what you do make sense, not to mention that game is far from begin something next to monotonous, that is a hundred times more entertaining, that looks better, and that, overall, is a million times better no matter from where you look at it. These short missions stink because not only they are stupid and boring, they just make no sense at all.
The combats are more or less like in a beat em-up, you against ten enemies at the same time, ten enemies that you can blow away at the same time with a single combo. I am not going to say they are bad because they aren`t, in fact sometimes they are truly cool, we have some really badass movements that are going to make our enemies literally explode, something sadly can`t be said about the battles with the bosses, which are a nightmare, they are extremely hard and slow to kill, and if we die we have to start again and beat the entire stage again because we have to take good care of our precious lives and there is no point on wasting all of them in one stupid boss, a nightmare. Sure the bosses are cool and sometime really imposing, but they are as cool and imposing as hard and boring to kill.
In short, the combats, aside from being repetitive because the enemies resist A LOT of impacts and because there is not too munch variety when it comes to different enemies, are ok, but the important thing here are the scenarios, which are simply too ridiculously boring and badly done to be tolerable.
Something weird and sometimes very annoying about the controls is that they get really messy when the camera changes or we enter a new area, if we go down and then the camera angle switches, if you are still holding down with your pad (something that no matter what you will be doing), instead of going down you will go up until you stop and try to adjust the pad again. This is something Final Fantasy X also had, but here it happens every time and you will get tired of that.
Dead enemies will give us some kind of spheres that depending on its colours are going to be useful to buy new equipment or to replenish our energy. Sometimes during some stages we are going g to find places where we can upgrade our weapons or even buy new ones with those red spheres most enemies drop, as well as the possibility to acquire items such as lives, continues, special techniques, and some other things.
To fight we have swords and guns, the guns are like our secondary weapons because we can only use them while jumping (normally) and they are not too powerful, they are useful to kill annoying airborne enemies. We also have techniques, controls combinations that let us make supermovements and special combos. Finally we can go `devil` for a while, this means Dante becomes ultra powerful and if I can remember well invincible for while, exactly like in Onimusha by the way.
But I just can`t repeat it enough, above everything, the reason why this game is so bad is that it is just too boring, too tedious, and once the tedium of finding all those stupid items is over, a hard as hell boss comes, kills, and you have to start again, I can`t stand that.
Look, I haven`t finished the game, I have not even reached the middle of it probably, but wouldn`t try to play this game again not even if I were in jail for the rest of my life, in fact, to like this game I went on vacations with my PlayStation 2 and this game only, and guess what, believe it or not, I couldn`t play for more than five minutes, I tried many times, but it was futile, so I couldn`t play during the whole vacation, my parents were happy, but I certainly wasn`t, you bet about that.
As a result:
I am going to repeat it again, for me this is one of the worst PlayStation 2 game to date, and while it is true that I haven`t played too many games for this system, it is the same, that doesn`t make this one better, just stay away from this garbage and pick Onimusha instead, that is what I call a game and not this shameful piece of infernal garbage.
If I were Mr. Mikami (this thing`s creator), I would change the game`s title for something like ``I am sure you are going to cry after an hour playing - Shinji Miakami``.
Reviewer's Rating: 1.5 - Bad
Originally Posted: 06/07/04, Updated 06/27/04
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