Date: 17.07.2001

                 -_-_-____________________________-_-_-

                  Alone In The Dark: The New Nightmare
                   -_-____________________________-_-

                          A Speed Walkthrough
                              by VMerken



00  Intro
---------

What a marvelous game. AITD: TNN is a fun little survival horror title,
which'll keep your adrenaline flowing like a river rapid while it lasts. This
game is SCARY, and I'm talking Silent Hill scary. Is it even scarier than that
title? Well, I'm inclined to say yes, although some of you might disagree.

Why I think it's scarier? Well, the scary moments are cleverer, for one, the
script and dialogue is much more atmospheric, but what pulls the weight in my
opinion, is the background. The prerendered backdrops are dark, detailed and
really eery. Furthermore, the lighting effects are sublime, much more so than
Silent Hill.

Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this FAQ is because of the nonexistant
replayability of AITD:TNN. There are no bonus items or scenes to be unlocked,
after you've finished both scenarios you're pretty much done with the game...
or so you think. See, this guide right here will give you a new goal to
accomplish, namely finishing the game (both scenarios) in the fastest possible
time.

Let me warn you in advance: this guide is purely focused on time. I won't talk
about weapons/items you don't need and rooms you don't have to visit.
Therefore, finish both scenarios at least once before attempting the runs
described below. Besides, you'll miss out on a lot of cool dialogues and
cutscenes should you choose to play the game with this guide only (especially
the radio dialogues - press that Radio button a lot, gringo!).

One last thing before we get busy: the walkthrough is totally unoptimized as I
played the game for two days only. I'll leave the tweaking and optimizing to
you and wish you lots of fun while doing it. Estimated optimums would be a 1:15
for Aline and 1:30 for Edward. I'm currently superceding those optimum by about
10-15 minutes.

By the way, finishing any scenario within 2 hours, no saves, no health items,
does NOT unlock any secrets. A speed walkthrough's just for fun, nothing more
(unfortunately).



01  Table of Contents
---------------------

00  Intro
01  Table of Contents
02  Preliminaries
03  Cedrac
04  Carnby
05  Disclaimer
06  Personals



02  Preliminaries
-----------------

A good survival horror player's never unprepared.

[1] Weapons

Cedrac:

There are only three useful weapons in the game, namely the triple-barreled
Shotgun, the grenade Launcher and the lightning Gun and of these three, you'll
be using the Shotgun the first 70% of the time, only changing to the Launcher
during the Library boss fight. The remaining 30% of the game is fought with the
lightning Gun. You won't have to pick up energy crystals while using it, the
single charger is sufficient to complete the game.

Carnby:

Same rules apply, except that you need to replace the word 'grenade' with
'rocket' in Cedrac's text, and you'll be forced to use Carnby's double-barreled
Handgun at the start. Apart from that, it's all the same.

[2] Items

Cedrac:

Aline doesn't have a weapon at the start, but you'll be swarming in First Aid
Kits (FAKs), which are much more valuable to a speed player. With a clean run,
you'll need about 10-15 FAKs to complete the game, so you won't have to pick up
every FAK you see.

For the rest, concentrate on seeking out Phosphorous Cartridges (Ph C) for your
Shotgun (you'll need about 5 cases) and of course, the needed key items.

Carnby:

Carnby has his trusty double-barreled Handgun from the start (a very cool
Characteristic, if you ask me :), but he'll have trouble finding First Aid Kits
(FAKs) initially. Don't worry, he'll survive and things get better later on.

Focus on Phosphorous Cartridges (Ph C) and try to get as much of them as you
can until you meet the Library boss. Try to maintain a small supply of Ph C
afterwards as you'll need it in the underground laboratory on the second Disc.
Needed key items would be a good idea, as well ;).

[3]  Basic layout

Here's how the game is played in a nutshell (both scenarios):

Explore Manor -> Fight boss in Library -> Leave Manor ->
Explore Fort (Cedrac) or underground Laboratory (Carnby) ->
World of Darkness -> Fight the Morton Bros -> the End

[4]  Speed tips

RUN. Always.

Hone your controller skills to avoid bumping into walls or getting stuck at
corners (a typical Resident Evil sickness. Many complain. True masters don't.
They know it works. Thus whenever a Master sees a professional journalist
complain about the RE control scheme, he smiles warily and forgives the poor
sap. Don't try discussing it - the blind can't see and never will.)

Apart from the boss fights and one particular monster type, all monsters are
SLOW. This means you don't have to fight them (and waste ammo and time), but
rather ignore/avoid them.

Beware monsters that 'warp' in; even though they can't move whilst beaming in,
they *can* perform an attack if you get too close. This is particularly true
for the large centipede monsters mostly appearing in the World of Darkness.

Do not dabble too long when in the menu screen. The clock never stops ticking.

You're such a badass, that you don't need to enter the menu to reload your
guns. You do it manually. Oh yeah.

Press the X button (PAL version) to skip dialogues during a cutscene, but watch
out for a horrible bug (see further below) should the cutscene contain running
animations. I won't be mentioning cutscenes a lot during the walkthrough. Hey,
this game is 'M' rated, so you're a big kid, right?

Finally, there's no need to use light switches unless stated otherwise. Don't
tell me you're scared in the dark now...

[5] Why Aline's so much faster than Edward:

* She gets free 'time warps' to Lucy Morton's kip, and then some!
* She doesn't have to unlock the entire manor, Edward's doing that for
  her. Isn't he sweet?
* She gets easier boss fights, too.
* She receives way too many First Aid Kits (FAKs). In speed play,
  Health = Power.

[6] Why you should save at regular intervals:

AITD:TNN is bugged. I wanted to do a clean run without saving (to see whether
or not that unlocked a secret, alas no cigar), but the game punished me
horribly for this by crashing several times. Therefore, save.

Here's a list of the bugs I encountered:

* Rather trivial, but it happened: the game didn't want to load a new area
  and hung up. This happened on both my PSOne and PS2.
* The game refuses to change camera perspective, and your character
  runs to infinity and beyond. If the screen contains an exit, you can
  bring him/her back to the locked screen, and exit/reenter to save the
  day. If not, you're screwed.
* You should be careful while skipping dialogues in cutscenes
  containing running animations: with some bad luck, the running
  character gets stuck in an infinite loop, leaving you with no option
  but to reset.
* Terrible bug: you cannot use/pick up a key switch/item. This happened
  a lot, unfortunately. Exit/reenter won't work, and since they're key
  switches/items, you can't finish the game. How inconvenient.



03  Cedrac
----------

1] Exploring the Manor

Stranded on the rooftops, guide Aline into Lucy Morton's bedroom via the open
window (the gate at the back is locked and will stay that way for the entire
game). Talk to the old lady.

  Receive: Small Gilded Key [Lucy] (SGK[Lucy])
  Pick up: First Aid Kit (FAK)
  Use    : FAK (recommended as Aline is in Caution mode from the fall)

Use the Flashlight to scare off the Carpetsnake. Only a few rays of light are
needed to make it fade and save the day.

  Pick up: Charm of Saving (CS)

Do not leave the room without pÓcking up the CS first, or you'll have to endure
a bonus cutscene. Time to enter the 3rd Floor east corridor, which is haunted
by two giant plants.

Plants are very easy to evade, and you really don't have to worry if they hit
you with their lash attack; it drains only a modest amount of HP.

Take a left and hit the first door you see. You'll be greeted by to incoming
plants, so turn to the left (Aline's viewpoint) and escape through the nearby
door. You're one corridor away from the 3rd floor storeroom. Here, you'll see a
blinking object.

Pick up: Gilded Key [3rd Floor east] (GK[3F e])

Backtrack to the 3rd Floor east corridor and find the door next to a
lightswitch. You could use the switch to scare away the plants, but why bother?

  Use    : GK[3F e]

Go down the spiral staircase for a little eavesdroppin' halfway, then continue
down. In the adjacent corridor, only one door's open, giving way to the Smoke
Room.

  Pick up: FAK(3x)

You could use the SGK[Lucy] on the luminescent statue pedestal (lights off) to
receive a Handgun, but it's not worth the hassle. Continue through the other
door and get ready for our first minimission (Aline has quite a few
minimissions to do. Edward, as he has to unlock the entire manor, is freed from
such enterprises).

-_-Minimission: The Hunt for Obed

It's quite simple, really, just follow Obed's track (all other doors are locked
anyway) until you catch up with our revered professor. He'll then drug Aline
and take her to Alan Morton's bedroom (a common thing at frat parties, but
quite unusual in a haunted manor).

  Pick up: Allen Wrench (search commode), FAK

For now, there's little else to do but to go down to the cellar levels (enter
the mirrored door). On the way to a new cutscene featuring a friendly brotherly
talk,

  Pick up: Shotgun, FAK
  Equip  : Shotgun

Return to Alan's bedroom, where Carnby manages to meet up with you. He'll push
you up a trapdoor, and the second minimission may commence. In what follows,
please take note that Aline's still quite drugged.

-_-Minimission: DeCerto's Mirror

After DeCerto tells you what to do, exit the little attic room, to find
yourself on familiar grounds. Go to the spiral staircase and exit through the
first door you see. DeCerto will cast a spell on Aline, so that she warps
into... the room you were going to enter anyway.

Although it's dark, there's a door nearby leading to Alan Morton's study.

  Pick up: FAK, DeCerto's Mirror

Leave and continue down the hallway. There'll be a small cutscene, resulting in
Aline being attacked by two small beetles. Ignore these, they're harmless, and
turn around. Run down the corridor, past the double doors and enter the next
door you see (it's the only one you can enter, anyway). Once you're in this
'bedroom', you can't get out, courtesy of either DeCerto's ominous powers or
the shrooms Obed shot into Aline. Ruin until you see a bed, then go to the left
of it.

  Pick up: Phosphorous Cartridges (Ph C)

Now go to the right of the bed to find a 'hidden' compartment containing a
mirror. DeCerto will make his appearance, and you may enter the mirror (btw, if
you run into the mirror fast enough, you'll see Aline's mirror image run out of
the mirror, which is pretty cool :). Now...

Do NOT give DeCerto's Mirror to DeCerto, or you'll be in the deadbook soon
enough.

  Receive: Statue of Anticoalt

A few cutscenes later, the minimission is over. After all this, you'll find
that Carnby hasn't been watching cartoons either; almost all exits in the manor
are now unlocked. Thanks, Ed. Anyway, let's go to Obed's study, which is
quickly reached if you return to the Smoke Room (via the spiral staircase
again), and cross the ensuing hallway. This route ensures that you stay clear
from the large Zombies that have claimed the mansion.

Large Zombies are slow. Really slow. Even when turning around, so take
advantage of this and you shouldn't get bitten once. They take only 9 Ph C (3
shots) to drop, but you shouldn't be wasting your ammo on them unless
absolutely necessary.

After crossing the corridor, you're inside Obed's study. Turn on the lights
here and run around until the viewpoint changes to a closeup of Aline with a
cracked mirror in the background. Shoot it with your shotgun to claim the
Abkanis Tablet translations. Aline will bring up Lucy Morton, so run to the
other exit of this room and unlock it (don't pay attention to the warping
creatures or the banging cabinet doors).

You'll now be timewarped to Lucy Morton's room, so start talking to her.

  Receive: Glass Prism

Exit and use the spiral staircase to reach Alan's study again, and run up to
the desk. The lights should be off.

  Pick up: Grenade Launcher
  Use    : Glass Prism (inside projector), Flashlight (on projector)

Activate the projector. This'll give you a nice cut-scene and, after a little
fanfare, a peculiar object...

  Receive: Engraved Cube


2] Fighting Howard Morton in the Library

The Library should now be open to public, courtesy of Edward Carnby. Go there
via the spiral staircase and hit the large double doors to enter the Library.

  Pick up: Grenade Shells (near Morton chronicles)

Normally, you would have to use the Cube to figure out what to do, but hey,
this is a speed guide. From the main perspective (the one you see when entering
the Library), proceed to the bookcases on the left. Bump into top shelves and
start examining them. You should hit a secret control panel soon enough.

Enter [1991] to open up a secret compartment and enter.

  Pick up: Abkanis Tablets, FAK, CS
  Equip  : Grenade Launcher

Pull the lever inside the compartment. A hexagonal cage will rise at the center
of the library, containing Howard Morton, who is now a mere shadow of his
former self. Time to fight. Exit the compartment and stand your ground.
Howard'll sniff you down soon enough, which is a signal to let rip. Blow him to
smithereens (takes about 5 shots) and don't worry if you get hit, you're
swimming in FAKs by now.

  Use: FAK

Once Howard's history, search the cage.

  Pick up: Half Medallion [A]

Exit the Library for a second time warp to Lucy's kip. Talk to her one last
time.

  Receive: Half Medallion [B]

Once you're done talking, retreat to the spiral staircase and hit the 2nd floor
exit door. There, run to the double doors to enter the Main Hall. Shoot the
critter haunting it (takes 6 shells = 2 shots).

  Pick up: Ph C (hidden behind chair, near clock)
  Combine: Half Medallion [A] + Half Medallion [B] = Sun Medallion
  Use    : Sun Medallion (on mirror)


3] Outside the Manor

Enter the mirror (no deCerto this time) to reach the basement. Climb the ladder
- the game will automatically use the Allen Wrench to unlatch the hatch. Leave
the greenhouse immediately after having talked to Edenshaw.

-_-Minimission: Howard Morton Chase.

Outside the greenhouse, you'll see a fence in the distance, so run for it. In
the back, Howard'll come crashing the party a la Nemesis in Resident Evil 3.
Just keep going and going until you reach the graveyard. Here, shoot the two
oncoming zombie Dogs. These annoying critters have a bite attack which eats
precious seconds, so shoot in time. Keep to Aline's right and you should be
okay... until Howard returns from under an archway.

Evade him to the left and follow the path (there's a loop to the right you'll
never get to see) until you see a crypt which, conveniently, has an entrance.
Enter it. Sure, ol' Howard followed you around, but the bugger never gets to
hit you 'cause he's... right, slow.

We're inside the crypt, now. Look for Jeremy's tomb and enter it. It's a
veritable treasure vault.

Pick up: FAK, Metal Cover (you don't need the rocket launcher)
Combine: Flashlight + Metal Cover = Flashlight with Metal Cover

Exit the tomb and run up to the black grid at the back of the area. The grid
looks like this:

x       x       x

    x       x

x       x       x

    x       x

x       x       x

Now press L1+R1 to enter aiming mode and use the enhanced Flashlight (smaller
light cone) to light up the grid according to following pattern. Enter the
pattern in sequence as shown by the numbers:

3       x       7

    4       6

2       5       8

    x       x

1       x       9

So you start at 1 and follow the sequence until you hit the 9. This forms a
nice, bright, shiny 'M', how appropriate. Targetting the light cone of the
flashlight is tricky without a Dual Shock controller, but you'll get there with
practice. I did.

If you got it right, Richard Morton's tomb will be unlocked. Enter it and run
through the ensuing cave, which is guarded by 3 innocent plants. Jump into the
outcrop to end the first CD. Phew, that was quite an effort, which should've
cost you about 30-40 minutes. Onto the second CD.


4] Holding the Fort

Proceed to the south rampart and get close to the vines near the right of the
entrance gate. Aline will express her desire to climb the vines, so let her do
it (long way up btw!). Once you're up, proceed down the stairs (don't mind the
little Hellhound) and take a mental note of the still-locked door you come
across (leads to the workshop, which we'll have to visit soon enough).

Once you're down the stairs, you'll see the entrance gate in the back, and even
more stairs leading down. You're taking the stairs.

  Pick up: FAK

You're now in a little courtyard split up by a wall. You can climb the wall
thanks to some well-positioned debris and reach the other side, which is
populated by a couple of plants.

  Pick up: Ph C
  Equip  : Triple barreled Shotgun

Ignore the plants to reach the interior cells and take out the Zombies that
haunt it. Run UP the stairs to enter Obed Morton's cell, who'll talk a lot of
gibberish before finally settling down.

  Pick up: Black Metallic Card, CS

From there, go to the Oubliettes and run all the way down the stairs, then turn
left to find a lifeless digging machine along with some tools. Your entire
purpose inside the fort will be to rejuvenate this digging machine, and it'll
take you a sweet 30 minutes or so.

  Pick up: Pliers, Tripod Support

Three Hellhounds will surprise you, but if you stay inside the tiny cubicle
behind the digging unit, they won't be able to reach you, giving you all the
time for an easy -and fast- kill. Near the digging machine is a stairway. It
leads to a small alcove holding a metal box. Some Hellhounds will try to stop
you, but Aline's near-invincible by now.

  Pick up: Mold

Quickly retreat to the south rampart. Go over the wall and enter the alcove to
Aline's left (the one place we haven't looked at yet in this area). You'll spot
another metal box.

  Use    : Pliers
  Pick up: Ornate Rusty Key, Steel ingot

It's time to return to the locked Workshop door.

  Use    : Ornate Rusty Key

We're inside the Workshop now.

  Pick up: FAK(2x), Orange Accelerator, Butt, Barrel

Yay, lots of goodies to play with. By the way, there's a ladder (which we
aren't climbing yet) in this room, an odd machine in its neighbourhood. Go to
that machine.

  Use    : Mold
  Use    : Steel Ingot
  Receive: Perforator Barrel

Exit to the north rampart, and keep running until the walkway crumbles under
Aline's feet, ending up in the cold depths of the underground reservoir. Wade
through the water and try to reach the other side. Of course, there are some
giant snakes to up the ante a little bit, but they're exterminated with a
single shot.

Caution! Some snakes do a fast attack, pulling you underwater with quite some
damage sustained. The only way around this is to walk slowly towards the exit
then make a run for it. To be honest, I never got it quite right... sometimes I
would get through without problems, other times I was forced to use a FAK. Not
that that matters while playing Aline... the alternative is simply wait and
shoot snakes until they're all gone, but we don't have the time for that.

Anyway, make your way up to the service well and pick up the abundant goodies.

  Pick up: Ph C, FAK, Golden Metallic Card, Red Metallic Card,
           Silver Metallic Card

You can now return to the cell interior and unlock the barred door using the
metallic cards you collected. For the orientationally challenged, this door is
right next to the Oubliettes entrance door. Use following code with the
metallic cards to gain access:

  Unlock Observatory: Silver Flash, Golden Star, Red Sun, Black Moon

Inside the observatory, run up the spiral stairway and enter the date

  [10 - 31 - 2001]

to unlock a small hatch downstairs (as well as giving a few pointers to
Edward). Go back down and collect lots of stuff.

  Pick up: FAK, Metallic Half-ring A, Statue of Gilamesh, Small Padlock Key,
           Large Bronze Key, Alan Morton's Seal
  Use    : Large Bronze Key

This leads you outside. Run up to the large rock formation and let Aline
examine it. She'll say that there's room for a Stone Stele... an item she
hasn't got. Lucky for her, Carnby calls in and tells her that he found the
Stele in question, and is willing to trade it for Alan Morton's Seal.

Thus, you'll have to return to the outcrop, to the same spot you started CD 2
with. By doing so, you'll get to see Howard again, but never mind him, just go
to Carnby already. By the way, you can gain direct access to the south rampart
through a third door inside the Observatory. Use it to circumvent Hellhounds,
and save time.

  Receive: Stone Stele
  Lose item: Alan Morton's Seal

After this, you'll get a free time warp to the rock formation site outside the
fort. Nice.

  Use    : Stone Stele
  Receive: Abkanis Energy Stone, Statue of Heliopaner

You have all the components needed for our digging machine, so head back to the
Workshop. It's Tooltime (this is gonna cost me my fingers, but here goes):

  Split  : Tripod Support
  Receive: Tripod Support, Metallic Half-ring B

  Combine: Metallic Half-ring A + Metallic Half-ring B = Metallic Ring
  Combine: Metallic Ring + Abkanis Energy Stone = Metallic Ring with Abkanis
           Energy Stone

  Combine: Tripod Support + Perforator Barrel = Tripod Support with Perforator
           Barrel

  Combine: Butt + Orange Accelerator = Photoelectric Pulsar without Barrel with
           Orange Accelerator
  Combine: Photoelectric Pulsar without Barrel with Orange Accelerator + Barrel
=
           Photoelectric Pulsar with Orange Accelerator

  Combine: Photoelectric Pulsar with Orange Accelerator + Tripod Support with
           Perforator Barrel = Perforator without Abkanis Energy Stone
  Combine: Perforator without Abkanis Energy Stone + Metallic Ring with
           Abkanis Energy Stone = Perforator with Abkanis Energy Stone

  ...

Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the game. I didn't choose the names
for these components. Luckily for you, this is easier done than said. Anyway.
What?! I told you I didn't make the game already! Yeah, well, boo-hoo to you
too!

Anyway, go up the ladder inside this Workshop. Now go up a second ladder, after
which there's just one more ladder to reach the rooftops.

  Use    : Small Padlock Key (on the Padlock)

Go down one ladder and pull the switch there to open the rooftop hatch. Down
the other ladder you go. Here, you find another switchboard. Press it.

-_-Minimission: Race against the clock

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre's HOWARD (yet again)!!! After pressing the
switchboard, you'll see Howard, a timer and a whole lot of lightning bolts.
Once the timer expires, the lightning bolts stop, but Howard's still there. Oh,
did I mention that you can't escape this room while Howard's around? (you may
still be able to go up after the lightning innuendo, but there's not much to do
up there)

So, first priority is to kill Howard, and kill him permanently. Conventional
weapons won't work, but that doesn't matter; those lightning bolts look pretty
powerful. Simply lure Howard into jumping over the center crevace right BEFORE
a lightning bolt comes down, and he'll be fried hard. Repeat two more times to
finish him off. Permanently.

Once you're done with that, the REAL minimission begins. Turn the switchboard
off, then on again to start with a fresh timer, then make a break for the
Oubliettes. Ignore any creatures along your path, and be sure to use the
Observatory shortcut. Run to the digging machine, and stand inside the cubicle.

  Use    : Perforator with Abkanis Energy Stone

After a small FMV, enter the tunnel you blasted open whilst avoiding the large
centipede monster. Tip: remain inside the cubicle for a split second, the
centipede will completely lose orientation, clearing your path.


5] The World of Darkness

From this point forward, everything gets pwetty easy. First, meet up with
Carnby. Have some light conversation about literature and poetry, then lead
both Edward and Aline to Alan Morton. Along the way, you'll find a hatch. This
is a little treasure box, so by all means, open it.

  Pick up: FAK(5x), Lightning Gun, Battery Charger, CS(5x)
  Equip  : Lightning Gun

The Lightning Gun will be your pet for some time to come. Don't worry about
Energy Crystals; the Battery Charger provides sufficient charge for your
exploits to come. Anyway, onto Alan. A small cutscene and FMV later, you'll
find Aline at the entrance of the World of Darkness. Now run, run, run (don't
forget NOT to shoot anything, or as little as possible) (also, take note of the
large Grotto) until you reach the Abkanis Fort. Aline will be most interested
and climbs up.

Go up the looong stairway to enter the Fort's sanctum, but do take a mental
note of the small house and its ladder before going in. After that, keep going
until you're inside an Alcove with a rotating pillar at the center - along the
way, you'll meet a pyramidal pedestal, remember that one.

There are seven tablets - to rotate the pillar, go to a tablet and activate it.

Now, the best way to tackle this area is to work your way around clockwise
(starting from the tablet left of the bottom tablet. Activate the tablet, then
search for a hole in the walls. This hole contains a Seal and some prose. If
you repeat this procedure for the six remaining tablets, you'll end up with six
Seals and the way out.

Go to the small house and climb its ladder to get inside. There, place the six
Seals into the statues to gain access to the back of the house.

  Pick up: Pyramid Cone

There's an Indian Skin Flask in here, but we don't need it... just go back to
the pyramidal pedestal...

  Use    : Pyramid Cone
  Receive: Head of Statue (after some blabla)

Once you get this, Aline will be able to leave the Fort. Do so and keep going
through the World of Darkness, avoiding obstacles and so on until you see a
cutscene featuring Alan Morton going down a rope. You'll just have to go back
to where he went down and use the rope yourself... no biggie, right?


6] Obed Morton

As you climb down, you'll get a little get-together with Alan, Aline and
Carnby. Alan holds the final statue, but isn't too eager to give it away, so
thank Obed Morton for interveining at the right time (even though Obed is now a
little... different). Aline will collect the final statue, after which the game
is basically done.

Return to the large Grotto fairly at the start of the World of Darkness.
There'll be a small earthquake, resulting in a new pathway for Aline. However,
as she tries to cross the newfound bridge, 'Obed' surprises her and won't allow
her to move on.

No problem, grasshoppers. As you cannot shoot neo-Obed, it might be a better
idea to run past him. As soon as Aline's under your control, sprint past a
surprised 'Obed' to the exit. There, you'll find a table with one Head of
Statue in place, and two missing.


7] The End

  Use    : Head of Statue

Edward'll join you and place his Head of Statue, after which an exit opens up.
Lead him and yourself to freedom, then enjoy the final FMV. Voila, about 1:30
played, congrats! Care to try the Edward scenario now?



04  Carnby
----------

0] Alone... in the dark.

Start running, you'll reach a left-right fork soon enough (relative to Edward).
Take a left and proceed until Edward notices bloodstains leading to a small
shed. You'll find a wounded man inside and after a little dialogue, you're able
to explore the shed.

  Pick up: Small Bronze Key

Leave the shed and proceed further down the road until you reach a locked gate.
You'll hear a couple of gun shots in the shed, fired by the one-armed survivor,
but unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to save him. Enfin, back to
business. To unlock the gate,

  Use    : Small Bronze Key

Go through to reach the East Garden. There's some ammo right in front of you.

  Pick up: Magnesium Bullets (Mg B)

After the pickup, move on. Ignore the unlockable gate you come across - none of
the items there are needed. Go up the stairway, and turn left. A whole set of
Dogs will beam in from just about anywhere. This, of course, disturbs you in
the least, so continue down the road until you reach a new flight of stairs.

Run dead ahead - you'll see a Hellhound devouring one of the guard dogs. He'll
teleport out once you get there, and teleport back in once you turn left to
open the gate you'll reach soon enough. Ignore him. Beyond the gate lies a
waterhole, which you can drain by turning the valve in the back. Do so, then
proceed down the drained waterhole whilst being chased by yet another
Hellhound.

Wade through the sewer area, and have some fun shooting the reptiles lurking
down under - one shot suffices. You'll get to dry ground sooner or later,
eventually leading to the manor's basement. Notice the goodies lying in this
area.

  Pick up: Triple Barreled Shotgun, Phosphorous Cartridges (Ph C),
           First Aik Kit (FAK)
  Equip  : Triple Barreled Shotgun

There's a casket near a gate. Open it for a hallucinating sequence, probably
courtesy of one Judas DeCerto.

  Pick up: Gilded Key[B Cellar] (GK[B Cellar])
  Use    : GK[B Cellar] (on gate)

You're one corridor away from the Manor's first floor.


1] Exploring the Manor

You end up next to a bust of Howard Morton. Examine the bust to find a codelock
- hack it by entering a [HM]. This will do something to one of four paintings
found up the stairs in the same room. Go to that painting and examine it, right
after Aline contacts you; she's kinda locked in for the moment.

  Pick up: Small Rusty Key[3F w]

Near the painting you examined is a large dresser. Push it aside and enter the
room behind it to free Aline and a cutscene begins. Once it's over, search the
commode to the left of the single mirror/door inside the room.

  Pick up: Acrobat Statue, Dictaphone

Do NOT play the dictaphone as it will cost you precious time. Anyway, return to
the 'four paintings room', descend the stairway, turn right and enter the
double doors. After a little talk to Edenshaw in the 1F corridor, turn right
and go through the door at the end of the hallway. A couple of Zombies guard
the area, but they're pathetic as usual. Enter the first door you meet to get
inside the 1F Study room.

  Pick up: Crowbar, Ph C, Archibald Morton's Flask, FAK
  Use    : Archibal Morton's Flask (on Amphora filled with water)

You'll be attacked after taking the Flask, but simply running to the amphora or
turning on the lights will cancel it. Now run to the other door in this room
and unlock it. Go through and continue to the 1F corridor. Take a left and
enter the first to last door you see. At the end of this 1F west corridor are
some items of intrest and they're guarded by Zombies, so it's easy to obtain
them. Note the single door you're bound to pass.

  Pick up: Ph C, FAK

Enter the door you ran past a few moments ago. Inside, you'll see a broken
display case.

  Use    : Archibald Morton's Flask (on broken display case)

This unlocks a second painting in the 'four paintings room'.

  Pick up: Ph C

There are some beetles pestering you here, but they don't do a lot of damage.
Forget them and return to the 1F corridor. Take the door on Carnby's left,
leading to a spiral staircase. Go up to reach the 3F west attic... at the end
of this small corridor is a locked door, but not for long.

  Use    : Small Rusty Key[3F w]

The next room holds a few interesting items, but they're guarded by two plants.

  Pick up: Ph C,  Lighter

Exit through a second door, leading to a small corridor. Go through to the next
room, where you should pay particular attention to the floorboards... at a
certain camera angle, you'll see a set of differently colored boards, and they
sound hollow as you run over them.

  Use    : Crowbar
  Pick up: Small Key[Desk], SGK[3F e]

There's another door in this room you can enter. Do so, and proceed to the end
of the little attic storage area, avoiding the sleeping Beetles. Here, you'll
see a candle which is an excellent testing device for a certain object you
picked up earlier.

  Use    : Lighter

Carnby will feel a nearby draft, coming from the back wall.

  Use    : Crowbar

This opens up a new area, in which you'll find a locked door and one rather
useful item.

  Pick up: FAK
  Use    : SGK[3F e]

Whoohoo, a spiral staircase. Go down and hit the first door out. In the dark 2F
corridor, turn on the Flashlight and seek out a nearby door, leading to the 2F
Office.

  Pick up: FAK

Go up to the desk and examine the left drawer, which is locked.

  Use    : Small Key[Desk]
  Pick up: Large Ornate Key[Library], Half of Photo

You're done here, so get back to the 2F corridor. Run along the corridor and
turn right. Keep running, pass the double doors (which lead to the 'four
paintings room'), then enter the single door up next. There's a bed here,
guarded by a tentacle creature. Unfortunately, there's also an oil lamp
hovering above it and a single shot suffices to kill it off. Show no mercy, and
collect the goodies lying on the desk left of the bed.

  Pick up: Rocket Launcher, Ph C

Return to the 'four paintings room' via the 2F corridor, then go down to the 1F
corridor. Turn right and locate the double doors nearby.

  Use    : Large Ornate Key[Library]

It is time for the toughest fight of the game.


2] The Library: Silent Hill revisited

Run up the stairs.

  Pick up: Box of Rockets

Keep on going, you should hit a small control panel pretty soon. Access the
panel and enter the magic code [3926] to unlock a secret entrance. Enter the
tiny alcove.

  Use    : Acrobat Statue (on panel with other Acrobat Statues)

Placing the statue correctly will open up a small compartment.

  Pick up: Abkanis Statue of Anticoalt

Apart from the treasure, the compartment contains a switchboard with yet
another code to enter. Try [1692] for enlightening results - it unlocks a third
of the four paintings. Now exit the alcove and proceed to the very end of the
walkway. We're going to discover the final mystery of the Library.

Examine the bookcase at the end of the walkway to find a book standing out from
the rest. Push it, then go all the way down. There's a second book to push in
near the (very) old Indian statue, and a third one right before the stairway.
Now run up again, as the fourth and final book to push is at the top floor of
the Library...

...unfortunately, a large flying Pterodactyl is out for supper and he just so
happens to spot you right after you hit the first Library floor. Ouch.

[Ed. note: I, too, didn't find the right tactic straight away and thus got
cooked far too often. For those trying to take the easy way out, the exits are
locked during this fight - I guess Carnby's just too darn scared to turn a
doorknob. Anyway, one learns from their mistakes and after a while, the pattern
became clear. Either way, practice this one before attempting the speed guide.]

Here's the deal:

  Equip  : Rocket Launcher


Step 1

Fire a warning shot - the Pterodactyl retreats to a defensive stance (wings
contract).

Step 2

The Ptero will slowly detract its wings. When they're fully spread, your foe's
briefly vulnerable, so plug in one of them major destruction dealers...


Repeat Step 1 and 2 about 5 times to finish the battle. Timing's crucial: too
soon and your rocket'll be useless, too late and you'll be roasted.

  Equip  : Triple Barreled Shotgun

Once victory's yours, push the fourth book (unlocks the final painting) and
exit the library. Return to the four paintings room and loot everything inside
the remaining three paintings. Of all the things you find, only the Small
Bronze Key (inside first painting) and the Engraved Metallic Plate will be
important.

Once you got everything, the metal plates below the paintings will change,
allowing you to enter a four-digit number for each painting. What to enter, you
ask? Well, simply enter following codes from left to right:

  [1852] [1874] [1899] [1931]

These numbers, coincidentally, happen to be the birthdates of the different
Mortons depicted on the paintings. How unusual. Anyway, once you've entered all
four codes correctly, the small clock below will open up. Time to examine this
otherwise "ordinary" clock.

  Pick up: Ornate Bronze Key

Finally! You may use the Ornate Bronze Key to exit the manor (use it on the
locked double doors right here in the four paintings room)... however, the
nightmare's still far from over... 45 minutes played, one hour remaining.


3] Outside the Manor

Run dead ahead until Carnby bumps into the manor's entrance gate.

  Use    : Small Bronze Key

Now run all the way back from where you started... a truckload of Zombies will
block you everywhere, but you're skillfully evading them. Remember that
left-right fork at the very beginning? There, go straight ahead until you reach
yet another code-locked gate. Because you got the Engraved Metallic Plate, you
know how to unlock it - the code's right there on the Plate.

Once you're clear, go in. The game'll ask you for the second CD. Give the man
what he wants, I always say.

There is a little corpse close-up, which means it might hold something
interesting and in fact, it does... remember how I moaned about Carnby lacking
FAKs wrt Aline? Well, Edward's about to play catch-up.

  Pick up: FAK(2x), Gas Cartridge

Now keep running until you see a small junction, then go left to reach the
Stele graveyard while chased by loads of pesky bugs. Here, you'll have to
banter a lot with Aline over the radio, but first, locate the North Stele (it's
the Big One right in front of Edward, behind the altar).

After this, Aline will send you on a witch hunt, asking you to talk about the
markings on several Steles. Once that's over, she'll inform you where to
perform an ancient Abkanis ritual - the East Stele is where it's at. Thus,
position Carnby in front of said East Stele and cite the incantation as
mentioned on the Dictaphone. However, as you're doing a speed run, there's no
time to listen to silly Dictaphones... here's the quick fix:

Abkanis Incantation: [O Goul'ai] [Hypor] [Harnis] [Korma]

  Receive: Stone Stele, Abkanis Statue of Hemicles

Aline really needs that Stele, so move on to find here - there might be
something in it for you. Wade through the swamp and try to reach the western
exit housing a little surprise... seems that the plane Edward and Aline took
ended up here. Enter the plane (ignore the rising Zombie).

  Pick up: Wire Cutters, FAK(3x)

Before you may leave the planewreck, there's a small cutscene. Apparently, the
pilot's still alive and he has a few interesting plot-related things to tell.
Once the beans are spilt, get out of the plane before the (short) timer
expires. It's time for some more swamp-wadin' until you reach a nice,
Centipede-infested, grassy area. Straight ahead is a small Chapel, but you need
to go turn right and see Aline.

  Lose   : Stone Stele
  Receive: Seal[Obed Morton]

Return to the Chapel. Ooh, seems it's locked up with a chain.

  Use    : Wire Cutters

Enter the Chapel and activate the switchboard near the entrance. You need to
press three arcane symbols: the Pentagram, the Trident (greek psi) and the
Inverted Cross... this will open up... you guessed it, yet another secret
entrance. What's it with haunted manors, sick aristocrats and secret entrances
anyway?


4] Alan Morton, Mad Scientist(tm), World of Darkness philosopher, part-time
catering

You'll hit a brick wall pretty soon in the Chapel's underground passageway - no
wait, actually, it's a revolving steel door.

  Use    : Seal[Obed Morton]

Using the Seal grants you you passage but note that another corridor has been
shut off. We'll be returning here in a while but for now, head on down the
aisle. Soon enough, you'll hear a monstrous howl of a dying creature...
apparently, they too can suffer.

After the howl, you're free to enter Alan's Monster Lab(tm). Keep track of the
various switches you'll encounter while exploring this place of the damned, and
note how good it is that everything is well-lit. It would be scary as hell
wandering down here with the lights on (hint)...

Sooner or later, you'll ramp into Alan Morton, who's busy disecting/analysing
one of the creatures of Darkness. After noticing Edward and a little dialogue,
he flees, locking up our hero inside the lab. As a tiny bonus, he turns the
lights out, and you're all alone... in the dark. What's a lone private eye to
do in this situation?

Working in tandem with Aline, of course. Seems our pretty heroine has the Lab's
blueprints, so she'll guide Edward out via the radio - she waffled for aeons at
the stone slabs, now here... this girl just won't stop talking now, won't she?
Simply follow her directions and pull the switches you saw earlier to get out.
There are some zombies crawling about, but they're pathetically weak.

Once all the switches are pulled, take the door Alan fled through and go down
the corridor... there's an option to go left (radio room), but I'd rather let
Edward take the door ahead of him. You'll find yourself back at the manor's
basement, which contains one exit you haven't taken yet (up the ladder).

This exit will lead you to the Greenhouse. Ignore the greenery that's haunting
the place and try to locate a ladder. Climb it to find a statue, which can be
pushed. You're gonna push it all right, and drop it hard. I feel sorry for the
statue, but we need the items it contains.

  Pick up: Abkanis Statue of... ehm... Something-atl, Seal[Alan Morton]

With these in Edward's pockets, return to the revolving steel door met earlier.

  Use    : Seal[Alan Morton]

Go through the passageway for a nice get-toghether with Aline, compliment her
on today's make-up, then move on. Somewhere along the way, you'll find a trap
door filled to the brim with major excellence.

  Pick up: FAK(5x), CS(5x), Lightning Gun, Battery Charger
  Equip  : Lightning Gun

Venturing any further will ultimately result in a cutscene involving our
heroes, Alan Morton, Edenshaw and a whole lot of trouble for Edward, as he gets
sucked into...


5] The World of Darkness

You'll have to endure a looong monologue before being able to venture further,
although 'venturing further' is an overstatement.
'Run-from-one-exit-to-the-other' is more appropriate, as Carnby doesn't have to
explore ancient Abkanis forts as Aline had to do.

Anyway, at the end of your little run, you'll find a rope horizontally attached
to the grotto walls. Go ahead and use it, but you won't be able to stop Alan
from severing the rope, as he was told to in the script. Edward'll fall... onto
a handy ledge (conveniently put there by the developers.. if only we had such
luck in real life ;).

The rope, miraculously, now allows you to catch up with Alan (all very
realistic), so continue on down and chase your current nemesis up the stairs,
where Aline will be waiting for him. Trapped! Before you can effectively say a
thing or two to the guy, though, the new and noteworthy Obed Morton decides to
'drop by' and have a word with his big brother in private - the nearby
convenient gorge would be a good location.

You'll have to play catch-up again... Aline'll go down the gorge, you have to
find another rope somewhere (attached to a rock). Once you find it, go down and
hack away some more. Eventually, you'll reach a large chasm, where a well-timed
earthquake enables you to cross it. Do so, and enter the tunnel on the other
side.


6] Following the Warrior's path

This burial chamber houses the exit doors (behind the Head of Statue table) and
a rope ladder exit. Take the latter and have a nice reunion with Alan, who
became the creature of Darkness he so much desired to be. Now that's cute and
all, but he's also stopping you from getting the one object you need to get
outta here: the awesome Head of Statue.

Thus, unfortunately for Alan, you're going to deprive him from his new-found
powers. Run around a little first, and try to locate a spear sticking in the
ground (it's inside on of the alcoves, you'll see it from a backward
perspective). Once you found it, let Alan attack you, using his patented
overhead throw (picked it up from the WWW somewhere, I'm sure).

"You crazy?", you might wonder... why let Alan hurt you with his prime attack?
Well, you see, Alan will throw you against one of the invisible walls of the
game, and then proceed to move towards Edward. Let him, and be amazed as he
will completely ignore you! He'll just keep on walking, without doing a single
attack, even if you shoot him. And that, of course, is a bug to be appreciated.

Shoot away (your remaining rockets should do the trick, otherwise, empty the
Shotgun) until he drops on his knees, then proceed to take the spear to end the
battle.


7] The End

Collect the Head of Statue and return to the burial chamber. There, position
Carnby behind the Head of Statue table.

  Use    : Head of Statue

Once the Head of Statue is placed (as you can see, I'm pretty fond of the Head
of Statue :), Aline'll place her Head of Statue. Guide her through the unlocked
double doors behind the table of Heads of Statue and enjoy the ending
sequence... congratulations, hero! Carnby's speed session is over! Now put down
the controller and relax, unless you're itching to get to Aline's mission...



05  Disclaimer
--------------

In a nutshell: This text, apart from the FIQ excerpt written by Thomas Wilde
(wanderer@game-place.com), is (c)2001 Vincent Merken (e-mail: vip@padua.org).
You are not allowed to duplicate and/or alter this text, or any part of it,
without prior consent of the involved authors.

Thus, if you're interested in using the excerpt FIQ in some way or the other,
talk to Thomas. Interested in the walkthrough? Talk to me. Interested in the
full text? Talk to us both. ALso, the altering bit is pretty important... for
example, I don't wanna see a copy of this guide (with a few alterations here
and there) lying in some gameshop, because you may be sure that I'll go to
court with you and trust me, you won't have much to defend yourself with.

Okay, that kinda comprises everything. Me like short disclaimers :)


06  Personals
-------------

This paragraph, as can be derived from the above title, is about me. I'm a late
twen, living in good'ol Belgium, where the food is good (our waffle technology
eats more of the national budget than defense :) and life is great. I'm
currently without a loving girlfriend to take care of, but this'll change
somewhere in the future, I guess. For now, I prefer spending some quality time
with some fun game rentals.

Unfortunately, Belgium's a PAL country, and we are, worldwide, the *last* to
receive any video games coming from the US or Japan. Still, I enjoy playing
these games, even though they appear with considerable lag. As you can see from
the kind of FAQs I write, I prefer to complete games the fast way and
generally, take a great game and play it hardcore. Normal gameplay is too
trivial imo.

This is also the reason why I took up FAQ writing: I wanted to share my
hardcore experiences with the rest of the gaming community. I didn't regret
taking this step -  there are many cool, experienced players out there who I
got to communicate with over the years.

Unfortunately, there also were the (literally) hundreds of e-mails I wish I had
never received. But see below for a FIQ about that, written by my highly
esteemed colleague Thomas Wilde. He wrote this for a rpg website and with his
permission, I'm going to reproduce this text here, unabridged. I think it
reflects the general consensus of FAQ writers towards a certain group of people
(to which you don't belong, I'm sure), but judge for yourself.

Anyway, if you enjoyed reading this guide, and wanna discuss a bit about life,
survival horror games, Vagrant Story or the Final Fantasies, if you have
questions not answered in this guide or comments, mail me at:

   vip@padua.org

Here's my current curriculum:

  Resident Evil   - 1:30 speed guide
  Resident Evil 2 - 1:35 unoptimized speed guide
  Resident Evil 3 - 1:35 speed handgun guide
  Silent Hill     - 1:00 speed guide
  Resident Evil Code: Veronica - 2:30 unoptimized speed guide
  Parasite Eve 2  - 1:00 speed guide
  Alone in the Dark - 1:15/1:30 unoptimized speed guide

Future projects:

  Final Fantasy 7 - 6:00 speed guide (!) :)
  Diablo 2 xpack  - Asassin guide (LOVE this class!)
  Resident Evil 3 - complete Knife guide (finally!)

Okay, no more. Have fun reading TWilde's FIQ, I'm off for a shot off sunlight
and vodka orange at our local swimming pool. Maybe even tag up a few chicks,
who knows...


Frequently Irritating Questions

Like most things I've done in my life, I got into my newest pastime without
meaning to, and then found that I was somehow unable to stop. I speak, of
course, of the strange and self-flagellating hobby of writing FAQs.

I've not written a lot of them, mind. I've got about seven or eight of them as
of right now. It's a fairly impressive body of work, mind you, but I'm no Kao
Megura (and if you don't know the name, let me assure you that when
shoryuken.com drove the man out of the FAQ-writing game, they deprived us all
of the immense talent, drive, intelligence, and humor the man brought to a
community that is traditionally lacking in those qualities, and if any strategy
guide companies--Brady, Versus, Prima--are paying any attention whatsoever,
they should find and hire the man as fast as is feasible). I do what I do
fairly well, but I don't do it fairly often, and I don't have much of a problem
with that. I have, after all, exciting columns to write. Hi-ho.

However, FAQ writers all have a lot of the same problems. I know I have, and
I've lurked enough on the right forums and written enough letters to enough
people to find that my problems aren't unique.

The problem with being a FAQ writer, of any type, stripe, or genre, is that
you're basically hanging your balls out in front of the world (or, if you
prefer, ma'am, your ovaries), and human nature being what it is, someone's
going to come along sooner or later and give 'em a good kick. Sooner or later,
someone's going to read your FAQ, and out of boredom or spite or 3133t|\|355 or
stupidity, he's going to send you a letter that'll irritate you past the point
of realistic endurance, to where you begin to plot his painful death.

Now, to be fair, there are good readers, just as there are good writers. I've
received any number of nice compliments, constructive criticisms, offers for
sexual gratification (thanks, Monica! thanks, Ashley!), deifications, and
genuinely helpful comments from people, vis-a-vis one or more of my FAQs.
However, the way I'm wired, one irritating moron with a half-legible flame has
more impact than a half-dozen polite people. The latter are ordinary people,
saying nice things, which is good, but it's what you expect on some level as
due payment for your labors; the former are living testaments to the ongoing
and terrifying power of human stupidity.

This is a gamer's website, so I'm assuming I'm writing for gamers. Consider
this a manifesto, a guideline, a rough map to the unexplored country of
civilized discourse. FAQ writers--most of us, anyway--work pretty goddamn hard
to give you the walkthroughs I'm sure you use from time to time, and all we ask
in return is a little civility. Our only rewards, most of the time, are the
e-mails that thank us for the help, and that's okay. We knew what we were doing
when we started, and we weren't expecting much of anything else. However, do us
all a favor and, the next time you're thinking of firing off a flame or some
half-literate, "clever" insult, think first. Think first, and listen:


don't rip us off.
An obvious point, and a good place to start off at. Granted, I haven't heard
any real horror stories about plagarism lately (with the glaring exception of
Kao Megura's reasons for quitting, as mentioned in passing, above), but it used
to be a real problem.

Write your own FAQs. Don't steal from others. Sooner or later, there will be
consequences that you aren't prepared to deal with.


be literate and precise.
It's always been my contention that in a forum made entirely of words, all
participants should be going out of their way to be as clear and concise as
possible. It's a sad commentary on people's idiocy that I've actually met
argument on this point before, and I've met it from people who I'd previously
thought to be quite intelligent. The point, of course, is that when you're
receiving e-mail from outright strangers, you've got better than even chances
of not being able to understand it.

FAQ writers regularly have to deal with a barrage of e-mail that's outright
insane. I routinely have to translate my feedback letters into something
resembling English before I have any idea what they're about; many of you,
"you" being a general term to indicate the Internet's users as a whole, appear
to think that you can bang out random strings of letters and numbers and have
them be accepted by all who see them as the English language. (I'm still
reeling from the guy on the gamefaqs.com message boards who claimed, with a
":)", that he "spells things his own way." To this, I respond, in the only way
I know how: you, sir, are a douchebag. Do me a great favor, gentle stranger,
and fatally injure yourself with common household objects. Thank you.)

But a lack of spelling ability is not the only problem facing us, oh no no no.
A lack of ability to read for comprehension is also sweeping across the
Internet like wildfire, and quite frankly, I find that disturbing. On the FAQ
writers' fora on gamefaqs.com, people have complained of readers who've sent
them e-mail, asking for advice on a game--but not mentioning which game it is,
or clearly asking questions about games they've never written FAQs for (the
correspondent apparently operating upon the theory that one FAQ writer is just
as good as any other, as everyone knows we all share a communal hive mind); one
or two FAQ writers have actually gotten letters from people who thought that
they were the games' developers. I've received similar e-mails, a
disproportionate number of which come from AOL users, thus providing me with
all the motivation I could ever need to burn AOL to the ground and sow the
ground with salt.

In short: we do not have psychic abilities. Ask us well-written,
correctly-spelled questions about games which we actually wrote FAQs for, and
we will usually answer to the best of our ability. Otherwise, all you're doing
is wasting both your time and ours.


don't be "clever."
It amazes me that sometimes, I'll receive a letter from someone I've never met
before that's little more than a long string of insults. When I answer this
letter--if I answer this letter--with the response it deserves, with the
vitrolic hate that kind of thing inspires in me, with elaborate death threats
and insults more carefully crafted than the finest Russian scrimshaw, topped
off with an unshakable guarantee that if I ever meet the correspondent, I will
destroy them in ways that were not possible a scant twenty years ago, the
response is invariably something along the lines of, "Hey, I was only kidding."

Guess what, assclown; I'm not kidding.

I don't know you, jackhole, and even if I did, odds are pretty good that I
wouldn't tolerate that kind of thing from you without snap-, jump-, and
mule-kicking you in the lungs (collect the set!). If that sort of thing is the
accepted form of social interaction in whatever backwater hellhole you live in,
fuck you and good luck, but don't think that I, a stranger to you, will
appreciate your wit when it's directed at me. Jokes are never as funny from the
receiving end, and if you had the imagination and forethought of a
seven-year-old child, you'd understand that.

What many of you forget is that the FAQ writer is, at the core of things, doing
you an enormous favor. We are uncompensated, save by your praise and the
occasional human connection. We are doing this out of love for the games,
because we think people might be able to benefit from what we write,
occasionally from boredom, and occasionally for the attention. Whenever you
flame one of us for whatever reason, you are basically committing an act of
enormous ingratitude. We don't ask much of you, and if you can't even give us
that little for which we ask, then shut the fuck up.


don't try to fool me, boy.
I cannot comprehend why someone would deliberately try to spread rumors about a
video game. Maybe it's to try to make a FAQ writer look like an idiot (in that
event, see the above guideline), or maybe someone really wants to see their
name or handle in print. In either event, that's a sad, sorry, and pathetic
thing to do (particularly on the Internet, where anyone who wants to can get a
Geocities account and see his name in print all he likes), and it's sadly
frequent.

My personal favorite bit of feedback on this issue was the guy who was
attempting to convince me that he was an employee of Capcom of Japan and as
such was on the inside track concerning the next Resident Evil game. He was
doing so from an AOL account, giving me information I knew to be false (i.e.
the wrong release date), and had only responded to me because I'd found myself
forced to insult his equally stupid and probably fictional "daughter," who'd
asked a number of impossibly stupid questions. (Second favorite: the guy using
the ffonline.com account who claimed to be Hideo Kojima.)

I can understand that maybe, some of these are people passing on genuine
rumors, hoping for refutation or to tell me something they didn't think I knew.
Okay, then. That, I can appreciate, and thanks for the thought. But if you've
nothing better to do than try to fool someone you don't even know, for whatever
reason, over something as fundamentally and realistically irrelevant as a video
game, then you might want to reevaluate the direction in which your life is
going.


if you can do better, do it, and stop bothering me.
I've only gotten one of these letters, about a year ago, but it still irritates
me to think of it. In short, it's the flame that dismisses the FAQ as "lame" or
"stupid." It's not even a flame; it's a complete denial that the FAQ has any
shred of merit.

Once again, I find that I can only respond to this sort of thing with the use
of crowd-pleasing profanity; fuck you twice, with a rock drill for preference,
if you've ever, ever written that sort of letter. Anyone can heckle, and anyone
can have an opinion, but if you think that your mad skills, or whatever, are
that much better than mine, then I'll expect to be seeing your FAQ forthwith.
If you think my FAQ sucks, and you cannot or will not offer constructive
comments on how to make it better, then write your own. Show me up. Change my
mind. Otherwise, shut your goddamn mouth, and sit back down.


if you're better at the game than I am, the same applies.
I am not the most skilled gamer to walk the Earth. Sure, I can pummel the CPU
with the best of 'em, and I take a certain amount of pride in making Vs. game
scrubs cry using only the unstoppable power of Dan Hibiki and Sakura Kasugano,
but I am by no means anywhere near the best.

The same applies as above. If you're better at the game than I am, then go
ahead and prove it. Write a FAQ that will banish mine to the dustbin.
Otherwise, you're an ungracious little bastard who should sit back down and
remain blissfully silent. I've no need for your idiocy; I've plenty of my own.


read the whole thing before you e-mail me.
You're a gamer. The very exalted state of being a gamer, or being on the
Internet to begin with, connotates that you have a certain degree of free time
at your disposal. Furthermore, FAQs are usually quite long, particularly if
they're written for RPGs, adventure games, or survival horror, because they're
a plain text medium. A good complete walkthrough for a moderately complex game,
even without such things as tables, minigame walkthroughs, side-quests, or
monster listings, will probably be no less than 100K, and that's a conservative
estimate.

In short, don't e-mail me, claiming that you don't have time to read my FAQ,
and ask me stupid questions. You do. If you have the time to play a game, you
have the time to take a few minutes and search my FAQ for the solution to your
dilemma, especially if you save it to your hard drive. I have no sympathy for
anyone who e-mails me, asking a question that five minutes' worth of looking
through my FAQ would have answered. I am not your goddamn research assistant.


read the disclaimers with particular care.
There is usually a good reason why a given FAQ writer would include a
disclaimer in his FAQ. Usually, it's just copyright information; that sort of
thing is sadly necessary due to the laziness and dishonesty of certain writers,
magazines, and organizations. However, there will be occasions when it isn't.
Read, respect, and follow those disclaimers. They're there for a reason.


stop circling like vultures.
Almost every time I send something to gamefaqs.com, a flurry of requests to use
that FAQ on various other sites follows hard upon. I don't mind that; it's a
compliment, in its way. Great. Spiffy.

However, I don't much care for it when I'm expected to update your site for
you, and I really have to wonder what the hell is wrong with you and your site
that to get new FAQs, you have to watch gameFAQs' "What's New?" page and look
to swipe submissions, like a pack of hyenas following a pride.

(Oh, yeah, and on behalf of every contributor on GameFAQs, folks, do us all a
favor and don't visit Fresh Baked Games. They used a 'bot and scanned every FAQ
on gamefaqs.com, looking for e-mail addresses, and were basically looking to
steal all of the content they could. Into the bargain, they've been spamming me
on a semi-regular basis since then, and they want me to upload my FAQs to their
site for them--I can only conclude that they're too lazy to do what CJayC does
every day. Fuck 'em.)

These are my gripes; I'm sure others have others. If you've got some issues
you'd like to raise, my door is open. FAQ writers, send me some mail, and I'll
use any decent guidelines I've not covered here in a future column.


Signed:   Thomas Wilde
          wanderer@game-place.com
          Vincent Merken
          vip@padua.org