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Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 Game Script
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Created July 29, 2005
Name: Mike Seifert
The following is the script for the game "Tony Hawk's Underground 2".
5a. Australia 1
b. Australia 2
6. New Orleans
*You crash into van and two guys hop out*
Masked Guy: "Come on, let's get this jerk in the van"
*They throw you in*
Masked Guy: "Get in there!"
"Where are we?"
"What is going on?"
"If I find out who did this they're dead."
Masked Man: "Hey. You Scumbags are going down now!"
Masked Man: "Did you ever think the last words you were gonna hear would be..."
*Bam Takes off mask*
Bam: "....Hello, butt nuggets!
Tony: "What's happenin' fellas? In case you're wondering why Bam and I
'invited' you here tonight, let us enlighten you..."
Bam: "WORLD DESTRUCTION TOUR...A round the world sick as hell skating
competition the Tony and I threw together and you jag-offs are gonna compete
Sparrow: "Ah Yeah that's what I'm talking about."
Mike V: "Whatever."
Tony: "We're splitting into two teams. I'll be the captain of one team..."
Bam: "...and the captain of my team will be..." (*bam opens van door*)
Phil: "Damn it, Bam the tire jack's rammed right up my..."
*Bam slams door*
Bam: "We're going global baby! Racking up points for some balls to the wall
Tony: "And some ridiculous stunts and challenges."
Bam: "Like that. 50 points if you get someone to hose their pants!"
Sparrow: "Come on, that's sweat."
Bam: "Wooo. And 20 bonus points if you think there's luggage in the trunk."
Sparrow: "What? I just had a fruit salad, alright?"
Tony: There's gonna be no camera, no press, and no crazed fans. Just us
embarking on a round the world party. Oh yeah, one more thing. The losing team
pays for the entire trip.
Tony: "So if everyone's down with the program, I say it's choosin' time.
Mike V, you're with me."
Mike V: "Good choice birdman."
Tony: "Only two left, you gotta pick one."
Bam: "Hmmmm, do I want the noob? Or do I want paulie 'WHEELS OF FURY' Ryan?
The 10 year old skating madman! No more grinding on wood chippers huh,
Paulie: "That's right baby."
Tony: "Come on Bam, make up your mind."
Paulie: "What's there to decide?"
You: "Are you serious? You can't decide between me and a kid in a bodycast?"
Paulie: "You want some of me?" *rams you with wheelchair* "Bring it on BITCH!"
Bam: "I like that! He's fired up! This kid's got game, I take Paulie!"
Paulie: (*Flipping you off*) "You're number one!"
Tony: "Come on kid, these guys suck! You're with me!"
Bam: "Ladies, let the first anual WORLD DESTRUCTION TOUR begin!
Paulie: "Wooo yeah, looks like my sister!"
Guy: "Donna, your rack is wicked awesome!"
Donna: "Stop it, you're retarded."
Guy: "No, you are...AHH!"
*Gets hit in head with tennis ball*
Bam: "Nice catch dumbass! Yes, I'm just doin' that chick a favor! Aaahahaha!"
Tony: "Yo, check it out. The first stage of the competition is over and
leading by 50 points is...my team!"
Bam: "Holy crap, it's Paulie!"
Paulie: "Oh yeah, look out! Pooper coming through! Please keep your hands
inside the porter potty while you TAKE A DRINK, BITCH!
Bam: "That was awesome! Gimme that pad! Launch a local...that's a hundred
points, slackers. And that's a win for us! Which also means it's time for you
losers to face the 'wheel of loogies'! Phil, why don't you do the honors, fat
*Wheel gets spun and Bam Haucks loogie*
Phil: "Cut one loose!"
Tony: "Ouch. That means one of us is goin' home."
Bam: "Tony's team, circle up around me and let's see who's gettin' the boot!
If I could leave our soon to be departed skater with just one final word, it
would be...'FIRE IN THE HOLE!!"
*Spins tennis ball launcher and Bob B. Gets hit in balls*
Rodney: "That sucks."
Bam: "Later Burnquist, everyone else let's hit it! We're goin' to Spain!"
Tony: "With the killer session you had here, that puts us back in the lead!"
Sparrow: "You mean that puts US back in the lead, bro. Since you and I are the
newest pros, we're gettin' traded! Thanks for the points, Homie."
Bam: "No biggie, man. Our team is solid now. You, me, Koston, Paulie."
Paulie talking to Spanish Girl: "Me grande chorizo es el jefe mamacita."
(I tranlated this twice and it means Me great garlic sausage is
the mamacita head)
*Girl slaps Paulie*
Bam: "Next stop, Berlin. You just knock it out there and we're chillin'."
Mike V: "Hey yo, check it out we're on T.V."
Hugh Jass: "Some are calling it the biggest Underground sporting event
in history. The world's top skaters are goin head to head in an unprecedented
competition. European World News obtained this video earlier today..."
Bam: Come on, come on, come on.
Koston: "This bull's hung like a bull!"
Bam: "Shhhhh. Dont be so loud you'll wake the fat boy up! Oh, man this is
going to be so good."
*Snaps Bull in balls with rubber band*
Bam: "How'd you like that fat boy?"
Mike V: Looks like the words out boys. This thing is no longer just between
Tony: "We have any chance of shakin' this buzz, we best be Germany bound."
Sparrow: "Hey guys, check me out! I'm goin' big! Ooh sh**!!"
*Drops in off of 3 story ledge and crashes into weiner cart*
Mike V: "Dude, could he suck any more?"
Muska: "Yo, it's kind of ironic man, him nailing a wiener cart...get it?"
Tony: "Well he's not our problem anymore. The hock a loogie hit rookie swap
again and we got our old teammate back!"
Mike V: "Welcome back rookie."
*Nigel Beaverhausen pulls up in van*
Nigel: "Mates! Nigel beaverhausen. Writer...producer...director. Today, I'm
here to chat you up about skateboarding! When I did my first skate video,
'Crotch crackers and Grape Splitters 7' The kids went nuts for it! No pun
intended. The Contest you Blokes are doing is tubular! Mega Righteous! Dude's
I'm talking rad to the mizzax! That is why I must capture it on video for you!
It'll be huge! Worldwide! And with a name like Nigel Beaverhausen, you can't
go wrong! So homies, what do you say?"
*Looking at picture of beaverhausen duct-taped to the back of his truck*
Bam: "I guess he got his answer, huh?"
Muska: "Hey yo if Australia is our next stop, isn't bangkok on the way?"
Bam: "Once again the wheel of loogies has spoken. Since you were the last
one to get your points, it's bye bye time. Do you have any final words?"
You: "Well, I guess I'd just like to say..."
*Bam launches mouse traps at you*
Rodney: "Wait a minute Phil, you didn't add this right! We didn't lose it's a
Phil: "Oh yeah. Guess I shoulda carried the one. AAAOOOH!"
*Bam snaps Phil's ear with mousetrap*
Bam: "Nice math, fat boy!"
Sparrow: "What? What does this mean? I finished last for our team, but I'm
not goin' home! C...cause we tied! Huh, right guys?"
Muska: "Hey yo man, I think these two cats right here need to go have a little
Kid: "Tony Hawk! Bam! Yanks!"
Tony: "Hey kid."
Kid: "I can't believe it! I just bought your video! Can you put a pen to
it for me?
*Kid hands Tony Video*
Mike V: "Is this for real?"
Tony: "What the hell...Where did you get this?"
Kid: "From the yabbo on the back! He's round the corner sellin' them things!"
Mike V: "That guy's dead."
Tony: "Now let's see, we want to nail this guy. And we need to figure out who's
getting sent home today. Anyone think the challenge for these two should be
who can reck beaverhausen the most? You have your mission. Now go get him."
*You do a wallride on Beaverhausen's Trailer*
Nigel: "What is the bloody noise? Nigel Beaverhausen is trying to create..."
*Angry Mob Approaches Beaverhausen*
Nigel: "GAhh! Can I help you?"
*Crane picks up Nigel by his overalls*
Nigel: "Help me! HELP! AAHHHHA!"
Tony: "Awesome! Way to take care of that tool!"
Mike V: "Now you get to roll with us to New Orleans! Mardi Gras Baby!"
Sparrow: "Wait! What about me? Oh no no no no no. This can't be it. This can't
be. Come on gimme another chance! Guys! GUYS! I don't have a ticket home!"
*Beaverhausen's Trousers snap and he lands on Sparrow*
6. New Orleans
*Bam comes in skitching two guys*
Bam: "Move it drunks! Can't this sumbitch go faster? Look out! New ride coming
through! You like it? It's my BMW. My boozed up moron wagon."
Nigel: "YES! That's Bloody rich! Look, I want to make you dudes another offer.
I've captured your entire competition on video. Including everything here in
Mike V: "Let's kill him!"
Nigel: "Wait, wait, wait! Word is that your next stop is skatopia. An outsider
like me would get strung up by me willes trying to bust in there!"
Bam: "Hey, I'm startin' to like this deal!"
Nigel: "If you can get me footage of the final stage of the tour, I will pay
for this entire event! EVERYTHING!"
Tony: "What do you guys think?"
Phil: "Here, this might help you decide."
*Phil hands tony list of expenses*
Tony and Bam: "You got a deal."
Nigel: "Bloody Brilliant! Cheers than gents."
Paulie: "See ya later butt trumpet."
Tony: "Woah woah, we got business to take care of first."
Bam: "What's the point? You guys are so far behind now! There's no way you
can win! But hey, if that's what you want then...
*Drunk guy hocks loogie*
Bam: "The Equalizer?! Ah man, we're screwed."
Bam: "It's beautiful. So beautiful. My life finally has a meaning!
*You bust out of skatopia*
Tony: "What?! Holy moly! That was ridiculous! I've never seen anything
like that before! 'World Destruction Tour Champs'. I love the sound of that!"
Nigel: "Yes, yes. Bonkers, madcap, the mutt's nuts. Now, where's my tape?"
Tony: "Tape? What tape?"
Nigel: "Come on, come on, come on. I've managed us a live international
broadcast! The whole world is about to see me! I mean...us."
Bam: "Hey, it's the old beaverbanger. I bet you're looking for this!"
*Bam hands Beaverhausen the tape*
Guy: "We're live in 3...2..."
Nigel: "Anarchy...Destruction...Utter chaos! Images captured by the only man
bold enough to bring them to the big...er, small screen, Me! Nigel
Beaverhausen! Writer, producer, director. I am speaking of course, of the now
famous World Destruction Tour! For weeks I've trekked the earth with the
world's top skaters, becoming so close with them we've practically shared
the same breath! So, without further ado, I bring you the compelling, neh...
gripping story of the world destruction tour! Brought to you by Nigel
*Video of Phil taking a dump*
Phil: "Ape, we're outta toilet paper I need some toilet paper up here!"
Tony: "Thank you world for tuning in, and before we go we'd just like to
leave you with one little thing..."
*Bam pulls down Beaverhausen's pants*
This script may be not be reproduced under any circumstances except for
personal, private use. It may not be placed on any web site other than
gamefaqs.com or otherwise distributed publicly without advance permission from
me. Use of this guide without my permission on any other web site or
as a part of any public display is strictly prohibited, and a violation
If You need to contact me, my Email is email@example.com and my sn for
aim is pizzamanopenup.
Copyright 2005 Mike Seifert