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Checking the margins, checking the margins, blah, blah, blah...

Forelli_Boy presents:
The UNCENSORED Guide to Flash FM!

Were you expecting some distracting ASCII art?
Let's just get to the good stuff already! :3

But first, a word our sponsor, the virtual attorney.

+            +
  Disclaimer
+            +

Like the title says, this is the UNCENSORED guide to Flash FM, as played in
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories. While the songs may not contain explicit
(albeit some implied) lyrics, the stuff the DJs talk about may irritate younger
readers. So if you haven't already listened to the banter yourself, you might
not want to scroll down if there's a parent nearby. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Grand Theft Auto, Flash FM and so on are registered trademarks of Rockstar
Games, and their use here is solely for information and entertainment purposes.
NO PART OF THIS GUIDE may be reproduced on any other website or publication
apart from GameFAQs, NeoSeeker, and Super Cheats without the author's express
written permission.

I will also NOT provide free links to these songs as you can easily get them for
free on P2P. Though if you really like an artist you'll do the right-right thing
and use cash to get it.

==================================================0o0=

+==============+
| Introduction |
+==============+

"God, if I hear any more of that Wave 103 I'm going to fucking kill myself!"
              - Teri, Flash FM

"It's the EIGHTIES! And your only moral purpose is your own happiness,
              no matter what the cost to others!" - Dwayne Thorn, VCPR


We're supposed to remember the 80s for the wild hair, synthesizers, sexual
ambiguity and unprotected promiscuity. You know, the stuff of that -other-
station (this means you, and you know who you are that created -that- other
guide.) But music society is still dominated by those Top 40 and Billboard
Top 100. And the unprotected promiscuity... and the sexual ambiguity.

Anyway, THESE were the songs that birthed the MTV generation and played pre-
natal for the teens on YouTube. THESE were the artifical-corporate-sugar-cola-
pop tunes that spread like wildfire among aspiring teeny boppers and helped
plant the roots of our generation's lust for indulgence of every kind, be it
self-absorbed expression through everything from internet-posted video to what
Fernando Martinez would call "passion," or a combination of both, thanks to pop
icons Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and Gerard Way and the list goes on.
Today these hits are the retribution of the illegitimate child of new-wave
and metal that is punk and emo, but they're still the mainstream, and THAT's
what matters.

THIS is but a small selection of the eclectic array of one-hit wonders and '80s
legends that anybody can listen to without having to question their own
sexuality. There are also commercials that parody many of the things we loved
about the '80s that we can still find today, from senseless action movies to
xenophobic patriotic tirades.

After all, it's just a blast from a past that people born just too late to catch
can still enjoy and learn from its influence in a society that's starting to
succumb to Red values now that there aren't any real Reds to show it too. (China
doesn't count because they also happened to be the first capitalists, and
they've merged the two ideologies nicely. Cuba and North Korea?
Don't make me laugh.

THIS was true freedom, 1980s style.

THIS...was FLASH FM. Sit back, relax, and enjoy it.
And yourself, but that's to your discretion, not mine.

==================================================0o0=

+==========+
| Contents |
+==========+

See a section that you like? Just type in the four-letter string corresponding
to the song or commercial you want into your browser's search function, and
press the Find button to discover or re-discover that pleasure you missed!

I.   Version Information						[VEIN]
II.  Guide to the Guide							[G2TG]

III. The Script & Lyrics                                                [TSLY]
    01. Laura Branigan - Gloria                                         [LBGL]
    02. Rick Springfield - Human Touch                                  [RSHT]
	C1. Fast Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio                              [FFVA]

    03. INXS - The One Thing                                            [IN1T]
    04. Philip Bailey & Phil Collins - Easy Lover*                      [PCEL]
	C2. Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2                         [IIX2]

    05. Scandal - The Warrior                                           [SCTW]
    06. Alison Moyet - Love Resurrection*                               [AMLR]
    07. Alan Parsons Project - Games People Play*                       [APGP]
	C3. The Barfs™                                                  [THBA]

    08. Hall & Oates - Family Man                                       [HOFM]
    09. Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield*                            [PBLB]
	C4. Evacuator                                                   [EVAC]

    10. Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't it be Good                               [NKWG]
    11. Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder - Together in Electric Dreams*   [GMED]
	C5. Little Lacy Surprise™                                       [LLSU]

    12. Talk Talk - It's My Life					[TTML]
    13. Missing Persons - Destination Unknown				[MPDU]
    14. Wang Chung - Don't Let Go					[WCDL]
    15. Gino Vannelli - Appaloosa*					[GVAP]
    16. Genesis - Turn it on Again*					[GETA]
	C6. Mallet to a Maibatsu					[M2AM]

    17. Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling*				[BLLC]
    18. Paul Young - Come Back and Stay*				[PYCB]

    *(Lyrics transcribed entirely or almost entirely by me. :) I did check some
      sites though, just to get one or two lines per song that I didn't
      understand the first time around.)

IV. Email Policy                                                        [EMAP]
V.  Special Thanks To                                                   [SPTT]

==================================================0o0=

+========================+
| I. Version Information | [VEIN]
+========================+
One - 31 Dec 2006 - The First Release! Happy New Year!
One.1 - 08 Jan 2006 - Corrected the Impanté commercial.
One.2 - 16 Mar 2006 - More Trivia for "Easy Lover."
One.3 - 31 Mar 2006 - Couple of corrections, courtesy of Allan Mills.
                      Djen Kuje!

+========================+
| II. Guide to the Guide | [G2TG]
+========================+

Spoken lines are
FORMATTED: Like This,

While lines sung in commercials by different people are
(Formatted)
like this!

However, parentheses are also used in lyrics to
denote that someone else's lyrics (are being sung) as part of the same verse.

Actions during radio and commercialsare also
(bordered in parentheses), but don't have anything starting directly underneath.

Actions by the radio station that interrupt the song are
((bordered with double parentheses.)) On the contrary, (Begin Music)
marks the points where the following song begins during gaps in the dialogue.

You'll also see a divider such as this:
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
which technically marks the end of a song's lyrics or commercial's script.
This is not to confusedly mix in too much dialogue with the part of the song
you will not hear in-game anyway.

((RD)) in particular stands for "Resume Dialogue," marking the point
where the DJs or other voices take over.

[Trivia and commentary are provided in single brackets.]

+==========================+
| III. The Script & Lyrics | [TSLY]
+==========================+

[Here we goooooooo!]


(Begin Music)

Male Imaging - MI: This is Flash FM!

TERI: Hello, America! Wake up and go to bed with Teri and Toni!

+---------------------------+
| Laura Branigan - "Gloria" | [LBGL]
+---------------------------+
[Laura Branigan released "Gloria" in 1982, on her debut album Branigan. This
 brash, dynamic, sassy hit was originally written as a softer, sweeter Italian
 love ballad in the late 70s, but Branigan and her producers were able to give
 this song an "American kick" (and English lyrics) that turned it into one of
 the 1980s most memorable hits and her signature song.

 The song reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100, peaked at #6 in Britain and even
 stayed at #1 for seven weeks in Australia. It also won Branigan a Grammy
 nomination. The song was also featured in the critically-panned 80s box-office
 hit "Flashdance," whose score was produced by Giorgio Moroder.

 Branigan re-recorded the song in 2004 shortly before her death, and the 
 resulting "Gloria 2004" became a hit in dance clubs.]

Gloria, you're always on the run now
Runnin' after somebody,
You've gotta get him somehow,
I think you've got to slow down,
Before you start to blow it,
I think you're headin' for a breakdown,
So be careful not to show it...
You really don't remember,
Was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!

Gloria!
Don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you,
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer,
Leave them hanging on the line,
Calling Gloria!

Gloria! (Gloria!)
I think they got your number (Gloria!)
I think they got the alias (Gloria!)
That you've been living under... (Gloria!)
But you really don't remember,
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!

Gloria!
How's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line?
Or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money?
Take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away,
Don't believe it's coming back soon...
And you really don't remember,
Was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!

Gloria!
Don't you think you're falling? 
If everybody wants you,
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer,
Leave them hanging on the line, oh,
Calling Gloria!

Gloria! ((RD)) (Gloria!)
I think they got your number, (Gloria!)
I think they got the alias, (Gloria!)
That you've been living under... (Gloria!)
But you really don't remember,
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: Flash FM, the hits don't pop or stop. You can win money just by listening
      to this station or servicing a bouncer...you know how much ASS I get in
      snakeskin pants-

[Correction pointed out by Allan Mills. Thanks!]

TERI: You're gonna short circuit...calm down over there! Anyway, thanks to you
      we are Vice City's TOP POP STATION, baby!

TONI: (canned applause) WOO HOOO! Party ou-t in the studio-!

TERI: A lot of calls for that tune, especially from the record rep who just
      bought me three grams of snort. I'd jump his bones just because it's NOW,
      baby! It's here! I've got SCABS on my knees!

TONI: Toni and Teri is a Flash Morning Zoo! But it like, lasts all day?
      And don't feed Teri, she's a baboon, or an elephant.

TERI: That's right, whore, we're so crazy. I'm crazy, are you crazy Toni-

TONI: (panicking) I'm so crazy I need a water fountain...or an Indian to throw
      around. Ring your bell, rock your boat, send a self-addressed Morse code
      message to your slacks! This is Flash™ taking you through the day AND
      night. Here's another great tune.

+----------------------------------+
| Rick Springfield - "Human Touch" | [RSHT]
+----------------------------------+
[Rick Springfield released "Human Touch" as part of his 1983 album Living In Oz.
 The song made #18 on the Billboard Hot 100, and was the album's second most
 popular hit after "Affair of the Heart." Springfield is best known for his
 Grammy-award-winning smash hit "Jessie's Girl," from his 1981 album Working
 Class Dog.]

Everybody's talking to computers,
They're all dancing to a drum machine,
I know I'm living on the outside,
Scared of getting caught between,
I'm so cool and calculated, alone in the modern world, uh huh,

But Sally has a hard time holding back,
The alley to her heart is a beaten track,
She's got the love monkey riding on her back...
You want love, I want it!

We all need... the human touch!
We all need... the human touch!
I need it, the human touch!
We all need... the human touch!
We all need it, and I need it too...

You know I've got my walls, Sally calls them prison cells
Sometimes I need protection,
I've got the chains, I got the warning bells
I sit so snug and isolated alone in the modern world, uh huh,

But Sally has a hard time holding back,
The alley to her heart is a beaten track,
She's never out of love, yet she's gotten that act,
You've got love, I want it, come on girl!

We all need... the human touch!
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch!
We all need... the human touch
We all need it... and I need it too...

Human touch!
Human touch!
Human touch!
Human touch!

(Instrumental)

I'm so scared and isolated in the modern world,

We all need...
We all need... ((RD)) the human touch
We all need... the human touch
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch
We all need it, and I need it too...

Human touch!

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: Flash FM! Some Rick Springfield, "Human Touch," Toni wouldn't know
      anything about that, she's only slept with things that take batteries!

TONI: I wish I COULD put in some batteries so my mouth didn't get so tired!
      That tour bus is a chore. But it's the price of fame I think!

TERI: That thing on your lip looks infected, Toni.

(Stop music)

FEMALE IMAGING - FI: Pop music young girls hot pants (laser effect),
                     inappropriate thoughts! (laser impact) It's Flash FM!

[Note: All of the FI lines are sung.]

TERI: Hold your breath, blow a kazoo, it's time for a commercial breakdown!

TONI: Which is better than a mental breakdown, Teri's had three of those.

TERI: You're a witch.

TONI: You're a bitch!

+             -o0o-              +
  Fast-Forward In-Vehicle Audio    [FFVA]
+             -o0o-              +
[Note: If there's only one voice speaking, I won't even bother to name it.]

 Here at Fast-Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio we're taking in-car music to the future!

 For some time now sophisticated music-loving drivers have understood that the 
                   future of music is the AUDIO CASSETTE!

                                   (lasers)

   Fast forward, rewind time and time again, (whoosh) it's the Fast-Forward™
 promise and it's available today, no money down, full credit, just 3.55% APR!

   In particular, for people who like to make superior quality mixtapes that
     really have a message, we were the first company in the state to offer
                 Super Hi-Fious Chrome Metallic cassettes!

             Take your music anywhere, it never skips or scratches,
                          just rips, tears or melts!
           Our unique low financing offer gives you the future, today!

                                   (whoosh)

            Fast-Forward™! The future is yours if you can handle it!
                 Stop by Fast-Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio today!

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

(Begin Music)

MI: Flash FM, Vice City.

TERI: The only one to listen to while you're at work...unless you're unemployed
      or laid off at your job as an air traffic controller in which case,
      GO SCREW!

TONI: This is Flash FM!

      +------------------------+
TERI: | INXS - "The One Thing" | [IN1T]
      +------------------------+

["The One Thing" was the first single off INXS' 1983 album "Shabooh Shoobah."
 The album was their third and the first to be released worldwide, and "The One
 Thing" was their first Top 30 hit, marking their breakthrough into the American
 music scene. Their song "Kiss the Dirt (Falling Down the Mountain)"
 from their 1985 album Listen Like Thieves is featured in the original
 Vice City.]

Well you know just what you do to me,
The way you move soft, and slippery,
Cut the night just like a razor,
Rarely talk and that's the dan-ger...

It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...

You know your voice is a love song,
It's a cat call from the past,
There's no ice in your lovers' walk,
You don't look twice cause you move so...fast...

It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...

You've got a dozen men behind you
You've got dead flowers on the floor
You're too pretty in the daylight
It keeps them coming back for more
(Because you know I love you)

It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...

It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...

((RD))

It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: So I was sleeping with this married guy, and he was so, hot. I couldn't
      even believe it, like we were going and going and going for hours and 
      hours.

TERI: Figures, you skank.

TONI: At least I have some energy.

TERI: Uh, excuse me-

TONI: You deadbeat hag!

TERI: Uh, at least I got the best coke in the world.

TONI: Yeah, and you're so cracked out on it you can't even get it up. (pause)
      Wait a minute...

(Previous Song Ends, Begin Music)

PHIL COLLINS: Hi, this is Phil Collins 'ere. When I'm in Vice City I only listen
              to Flash FM - Where Pop Meets Payola.

+---------------------------------------------+
| Philip Bailey & Phil Collins - "Easy Lover" | [PCEL]
+---------------------------------------------+
[Interestingly, this song was released in 1985, one year AFTER VCS's date.
 The song was written by Bailey and Collins and produced by the latter,
 but Bailey is credited first as the song first appeared on his 1985 album 
 Chinese Wall. One of the most successful (chart-wise) songs on the list,
 this song topped the UK charts and came in second in the Billboard 100.
 The song would later be included on Collins' 1990 live album 
 Serious Hits...Live!, and Hits, a 1998 compilation album. The song is also 
 popular at Collins' live shows.

 "Easy Lover" is featured as the music on the second trailer to VCS,
 and was also the theme song to the very first WrestleMania.

 This song is one of THREE Phil Collins hits in Vice City Stories. Philip Bailey
 is also a vocalist for Earth, Wind & Fire, who have their hit "Fantasy" on
 VCFL.

 Jeffrey Fong wrote in and added that Easy Lover debuted on the Billboard Charts
 on November 24, 1984, and then cracked the top 40 the following month but
 didn't peak until 1985. Thanks for the heads up!]

(Chorus, Bailey & Collins)
She's an easy lover, she'll get a hold on you, believe it
Like no other, Before you know it you'll be on your knees
She's an easy lover, she'll take your heart but you won't feel it
She's like no other, and I'm just tryin' to make you see!

(Bailey)
She's the kind of girl you dream of
Dream of keepin' hold of
Better forget it, you'll never get it
She will play around and leave you
Leave you and deceive you
Better forget it, Ho-oh, you'll regret it

(Collins)
No you'll never change it so leave it, leave it
Get out quick 'cause seein' is believin'
It's the only way, you'll ever know

(Chorus)

(Bailey)
You're the one that wants to hold her
Hold her and control her
Better forget it, you'll never get it
Who should say that there's no other
'Till she finds another
Better forget it, ho-oh, you'll regret it

(Collins)
And don't try to change it, just leave it, leave it,
You're not the only one who seein' is believin'
It's the only way (B&C) you'll never know, oh...aaah...

(Instrumental) ((RD))

(Collins)
Now don't try to change it, just leave it, leave it,
You're not the only one who seein' is believin'
It's the only way (B&C) you'll never know...

(Repeat Chorus to Fade)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

MI: This is Flash™!

FI: Fla-fla-fla-fla-fla-Flash FM™!

TONI: I'm an easy lover!

TERI: Did we screw last night? I was so, wasted!

TONI: I don't know but if we did, you SUCKED 'cause I TOTALLY don't remember it.

TERI: This is Flash FM and if you know how ugly Toni is you'll be glad you're
      listening to radio, NOT watching television-

TONI: Shut up, ya hag!

+                                     +
  Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2   [IIX2]
+                                     +
[Auto buffs like me should remember Ford's obscure yet critically-acclaimed 
 Merkur XR4Ti, that is currently featured in a certain webcomic which, much like
 that -other- station, also deals with sexual ambiguity in a most unusual way.
 But back to the car, one can see the reference through:
 1) the "exotic" yet pronounceable brand name,
 2) the unusually long and confusing trim line, and
 3) the fact that it  was marketed as a man's performance car.

 Special thanks to Mio for pointing out some omitted lines!]

  Leisure. Rebellion. Insubordination. Shift into the awesome reality with the
                     Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.

               For men more interested in 0-to-60 than 9-to-5.

           Feel the pulse of the streets in this ultra turbo coupe.
                 It's a world-class turbocharged touring car,
 where you're surrounded by the very latest in high-tech technological wizardry.

            Like an overhead digital clock, remote control mirrors,
              and electronic ashing device for your cigarette. 

               Plus, a genuine pleather-wrapped steering wheel,
                      so you know what you're gripping.

            Visit the new definition of freedom and luxury with the
                    Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.

         Take out the T-tops, put them in the trunk, step on the gas,
                         and hear the throaty roar of
                       the V-8 screaming under the hood.

                                   (revving)

             Yeah. Give it to her. She wants it. (exhaust burst)

                  The Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.
        Isn't it time you outperformed the competition, and came first?

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

(Begin Music)

TERI: Totally radical Two for Tuesdays or Tips on Tuesdays, ugh, TITS!

TONI: You're running out of steam, let me take over. On the move, flyin' and
      hittin', shittin' and quittin'! Flash FM, ALWAYS something loony!

+-------------------------+
| Scandal - "The Warrior" | [SCTW]
+-------------------------+
[This 1984 single marked the end of mainstream success of this rock band from
 the early 1980s. "The Warrior" was their highest-charting hit, making #7 on the
 Hot 100. However, struggles between individual group members and their record
 company slowly dissolved the group until only two original members started
 their 1984 tour, named after this song. The band, however, reunited for a few
 nostalgia tours in 2005-6, which garnered critical acclaim.]

You run, run, run away,
It's your heart that you betray,
Feeding on your hungry eyes,
I bet you're not so civilized,

Well isn't love primitive,
A wild gift that you wanna give,
Break out of captivity,
And follow me stereo jungle child,
Love is the kill, your heart's still wild!

(Chorus)
Shooting at the walls of heartache, Bang, Bang!
I am the warrior...
Well I am the warrior,
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive...
the warrior, the warrior!

You talk, talk, you talk too me,
Your eyes touch me physically,
Stay with me, we'll take the night,
As passion takes another bite, oh,

Who's the hunter, who's the game,
I feel the beat, call your name,
I hold you close, in victory,
I don't wanna tame your animal style,
You won't be caged, in the call of the wild!

(Repeat Chorus)

I am the warrior...

(Instrumental) ((RD))

(Repeat Chorus)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

(Fade Music)

FI: Flash, FM!

TERI: Flash FM, only the rules get busted, not Toni or Teri.

TONI: That's right, I've blown every policeman who's ever pulled me over.

TERI: Slut, I've only blown the hot ones. The ugly guys get a handjob.

(laser sounds)


FI: (musical) We hate singing this shit, but our record deal fell through,
              it's Flash FM!

(start up ambience)

TERI: Ah, yes. Flash FM, Vice City, I'm TERI. The great thing about music
      before videos was you didn't have to see naked purple midgets crawling out
      of bathtubs. You MADE your own video. Radio will always rule and these new
      videos are CRAP!

TONI: I'm going to be in the video for this next song, I think. It's going to be
      about how I always get past the bouncers at the hottest clubs.

TERI: Right, sliding past the bouncer on your knees, you skank.

TONI: (mutter)You have crabs...bitch.(/mutter) And I get to dance-off with an
      angry pimp, and make out with an artist who likes to paint on a fire
      escape during thunderstorms. Man, I love my life. I love myself!

TERI: SOMEONE has to. This is Flash FM, Vice City.

FI: Another song we're paid to play!

+------------------------------------+
| Alison Moyet - "Love Resurrection" | [AMLR]
+------------------------------------+
[Undoubtedly the better of the Alison Moyet songs on the VCS soundtrack, the
 other being her song as a member of Yazoo on that -other- station. In fact,
 this song was the first single off of Alf, her first album after Yazoo 
 disbanded in 1983. (HAH!) The album, named after her punk-era nickname, would
 be the first in a line of successful Moyet works in the UK. Another single from
 the album, "Invisible," made the Top 40 in the US.]

What can I do to make light of this dull, dull day?
What switch can I pull to illuminate the way?

Show me one direction, I will not question again...
For a warm injection is all I need to calm the pain!

We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection)
Just a little divine (intervention)

What seed must I sow to replenish this barren land?
Teach me to harvest, I want you to grow in my hand,

Let's be optimistic, let's say that we won't toil in vain...
If we pull together, we'll never fall apart again!

We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection)
Just a little divine (intervention)

We need a love!...resurrection (We need a love...)
Just a little divine (intervention)

(Instrumental)

Show me one direction, I will not question again, no no,
For a warm injection is all I need to calm the pain!

We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection,) ((RD))
Just a little divine (intervention)

We need a love...resurrection
Hey...Ooh...

We need a love...(wee need a love resurrection,
(Just a little divine intervention)

We need a love, resurrection...

(Fade Out)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: Hey there baby, I LOVE pop music! I can tell you, it reminds me that
      everything is young, and disposable. Teri wouldn't know that.

TERI: Ugh, I'm 25-

TONI: And 25 is like the new 40, like "Oh my God, you might die ANY MOMENT!"
      ...You're going grey.


MI: Flash FM!

FI: Vice, City!

TERI: Totally awesome, that song makes me wanna go back to therapy,
      as long as we keep it purely Freudian. Playing trumpet is very
      therapeutic.

[According to Allan Mills, the word was Freudian, as in "the psychiatrist
 Sigmund Freud and his theories about certain normal actions being linked to
 sexual activities. Teri in this case is saying she'd like to go back to therapy
 as long as she doesn't have to have perform sexual acts in the process. She
 mentions "playing trumpet" which is a reference to oral sex, but she's saying
 she just wants to play an actual trumpet."

 So she WAS talking about the brass band instrument. Thanks for the heads-up!]

TONI: (heavy sniff) Flash FM, reminding you that gasoline and alcohol don't mix
      so...don't drink any gasoline. I tried it once when I was REALLY desperate
      for a buzz!

(Begin Music)
                                      
TERI: Ugh, Pop music, Top 40 forever, Alan Parsons Project, right here,
      "Games People Play," The hot one with hot fun...Flash™ me!
      Ugh, not you, Toni!

TONI: The girls are out! 

+--------------------------------------------+
| Alan Parsons Project - "Games People Play" | [APGP]
+--------------------------------------------+
["La-ser." There, that joke's out of the way. This song was included on the
 Project's 1980 progressive rock album The Turn of a Friendly Card, and was a
 relatively moderate hit. The album itself, like other Alan Parsons Project
 albums, had a theme to it, and this one's theme was related to gambling.]

Where do we go from here, ((TONI: Flashy flashy!))
now that all other children have grown up,
And how do we spend our lives,
If there's no one to lend us a hand...

I don't wanna live here no more,
I don't wanna stay,
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life,
Quietly fading away, oh

Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Think what they say, honor bright
If I promise you the moon and the stars would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...

Where do we go from here, ((TONI: Flashy flashy!))
now that all other children have grown up,
And how do we spend our time,
Knowin' nobody gives us a damn...

I don't wanna live here no more,
I don't wanna stay,
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life,
Quietly fading away, oh


Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Things what they say just don't make it right
If I'm telling you the truth right now, would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...

(Instrumental) ((RD))

Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Think what they say, honor bright,
If I promise you the moon and the stars would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...

Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Things what they say just don't make it right,
If I'm telling you the truth right now, do you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night!

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: Vice City I love you, I love you! My left and right nipples LOVE YOU!

TERI: She'd screw each and every one of you, if she could!

TONI: Twice! (music picks up) Flash FM!

TERI: Man, I like dig this place. Like, the T-shirt says "I HEART Vice City,"
      man, I like SO "Heart" this place! It's pretty bitchin'. I get laid a lot.

TONI: No you don't, it means "I Love Vice City." It's symbolic as in,
      "I'd Heart Your Ugly Face Getting Run Over By An 18-Wheeler, You Tramp?"
      Let's take a break.

(Stop Music)

MI: (echoed) Flash FM.

FI: Vice City!

+            +
  The Barfs™   [THBA]
+            +
[These fetish-lovable cartoon characters were the very antithesis of the
 European-created Smurfs, chanting for gun ownership and hatred of foreigners
 and sharing. And who the hell dresses up a network television cartoon character
 in a GIMP SUIT!? If you listen to the Radio Espantoso version of the commercial
 you can even hear the Barfs laying the beatdown on a more direct Smurfs parody.
 Thankfully, you probably never had to do all that to get the merchandise thanks
 to the invention of the Happy Meal.]

(Marching Music)

(Barfs)
We're the Barfs™!
We're never Red!
We hate anything foreign!

We live in a tree,
Separately!
We swing like a rabbit warren!

We're the Barfs™!
We each have a gun!
Firearms is for protection and fun!

Most of all, Barfs hate sharing!
We keep the national anthem blaring!

Big Major Barf!
Lady Barf!
Chunky Barf, too!

Smokey Barf! (barfs, literally)
Tiny Barf!
Fruity Barf, how do you do!

Now you know our Barfy song,
Grab a gun and sing along!
'Cause before we're through,
you'll be barfing too! Bleagh!

ANNOUNCER: Every Barf™ is unique, just like you and me! That's right,
           even though some Barfs™ look alike, every Barf™ has a unique serial
           number hidden on his foot, so no two Barfs™ are the same!

BOY: I love my Barf™! He's unique, and he's never Red! Even though he lives in a
     tree! Mom, I want more Barfs!

ANNOUNCER: Now it's easy to get more Barfs™! Just stop by any Pizza Stack™ 
           location, buy 2 large pizzas, a pitcher of Sprunk™, and the Barfs'™
           Drinking Glass of the Day is yours for only $15!

KIDS: The Barfs! Yay!

ANNOUNCER: Available while supplies last.

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: You're listening to Flash FM, coming up next, Hall & Oates - "Family Man!"

TONI: It's about sluts picking up married men at hotel bars...
      God, it's the story of my LIFE!

+-----------------------------+
| Hall & Oates - "Family Man" | [HOFM]
+-----------------------------+
[This song comes hot off the duo's most successful album H2O, released in 1982.
 H2O would make #3 on the Billboard 200 album chart. In 1984 they would release
 "Out Of Touch" from their album Big Bam Boom, which would become another of 
 their #1 hits and end up on Flash FM's playlist in 1986.]

She had sulky smile, she took her standard pose and she presented herself
She had sultry eyes, 
She made it perfectly plain that she was his for a price,
but he said...

Leave me alone, I'm a family man
And my bark is much worse than my bite
He said "Leave me alone, I'm a family man
But if you push me too far I just might..."

She wore a hurt surprise as she rechecked her make-up to protect herself
Dropped her price and pride,
She made it totally clear that she was his for a night,
but he said...

(Repeat Chorus)

She gave him her look, it would have worked on any other man around
He looked her up and down,
She knew he couldn't decide if he should hold his ground, 
but he said...

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

She turned, tossed her head unlike her opening move, her final exit line,
He waited much too long,
But by the time he got his courage up she was gone,
Then he screamed...

(Repeat Chorus to fade)

But he said leave me alone, I'm a family man
And I don't think I don't want tonight... ((RD))
He said "Leave me alone, I'm a family man
But if you push me too far I just might..."


--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: All the stations, up and down the dial, Flash is what you're listening to!
      Have a good time, ready to party, that one goes out to Bart, calling from
      his yacht! I am SO partied out from last night.

TERI: You were a space-case even BEFORE you went to rehab. Even when you're on
      the radio you're lip-synching, cokehead.

TONI: (heavy sniff)

+---------------------------------------+
| Pat Benatar - "Love is a Battlefield" | [PBLB]
+---------------------------------------+
[The Single version off of this singer's 1983 album Live from Earth made it to
  #5 on the Hot 100 and topped the US Mainstream Rock charts. The only other
  Benatar song to match the success of this song was the rock ballad 
  "We Belong," which can be found on the playlist for Emotion 98.3.]

(Chorus)
We are young,
Heartache to heartache, we stare,
No promises, no demands,
Love is a battlefield,

We are stars!
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing...
Love is a battlefield.

((FI: Flash!))

((MI: Vice City.))

(Verse)
You're making me go, then makin' me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad...
It would help me to know, do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you've had,

Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
But I'm trapped by your love,
And I'm chained to your side

(Chorus)

((RD))

(Verse)
We're losin' control, will you turn me away
Or touch me deep inside?
And when all this gets old, will it still feel the same?
There's no way this will die...

But if we get much closer I could lose control,
And if your heart surrenders, you need me to hold...

(Chorus x2)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: I just love Pat Benatar. She really speaks to me as a woman -
      as an attractive young woman whom other girls hate, 'cause I'm 
      better-looking!

TONI: Better looking than who?

TERI: YOU, you dog!

+           +
  Evacuator   [EVAC]
+           +
[You know what kind of movies the Evacuator trilogy parodies, they're still
 making them today. Personally, I found Commando better than Rambo, because at
 least Arnold already had experience as a trigger-happy eliminator of sorts.
 And it's really cool when the hero dispatches the villains
 with more "creativity" and one-liners than a Duke Nukem game.]


ANNOUNCER: Tim gave everything he had to our country. Now, he's having
           flashbacks, and someone's going to pay. (Explosion)
           Howitzer is back. Evacuator.

[Commando's tagline: "Somewhere, somehow, someone's going to pay."]

TIM: DIE YOU SCUM!

A: One man's search for peace.

T: GOOD NIGHT, BITCHES! I'LL KILL HIM BEFORE HE SCREAMS!

A: One man's search for hope.

T: Let's do some killing. Let's kill for the kids!

A: One man's search...for the truth.

T: After I torched those villages, and raped all those schoolgirls,
     I just can't seem to get those images out of my head!

A: He gave everything...then the liberals turned their backs on
           our hero. And now, he's out for the truth.

(Native American chant)


T: What do you smell, Wandering Hands?

WANDERING HANDS (WH): Mmm, me smell...fear.

T: Good, let's arm wrestle!

WH: That be different film.

[Different film be 1987's Over The Top, starring Sylvester Stallone.]

T: Okay, let's KILL SOME COMMIES!

WH: Mmm, me find Vietnamese squaw!

(missile firing to explosion, sound of helicopter)

RUSSIAN: He's wres-l-eeng de chopper down! Shoot him! (gunfire)

T: I'm an American, and you're not! SO FUCKIN' DIE!

R: Aaay, he's too strong! (explosion)

A: Evacuator.

T: Let's evacuate these bitches!

A: Rated RP for Really Patriotic.

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

+-------------------------------------+
| Nik Kershaw - "Wouldn't it be Good" | [NKWG]
+-------------------------------------+
[This song was Kershaw's breakthrough hit from his 1984 debut album Human
 Racing. The song reached #4 in the UK. Like Alison Moyet and Paul Young,
 Kershaw also performed at Live Aid, after which he began to fade into
 obscurity until the recent 80s nostalgia trend. The song was included on
 Kershaw's greatest hits album Then and Now in 2005.]

I got it bad, You don't know how bad I got it
You got it easy, you don't know when you got it good
It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together
I'm sick of fighting, even though I know I should

The cold is biting, through each and every nerve and fibre
My broken spirit is frozen to the core,
Don't wanna be here no more,

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day,
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away...
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side,
The grass is always greener over there,
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care...

You must be joking, you don't know a thing about it
You've got no problem, I'd stay right there if I were you
I got it harder, you couldn't dream how hard I got it
Stay out of my shoes, if you know what's good for you

The heat is stifling, burning me up from the inside
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
I Don't wanna be here no more (x3, fade)

(Instrumental) ((RD))

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was just for one day
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
And wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

MI: Flash FM, Vice City!

(Fade Music)

FI: Playing nothing but the hits, irrelevant of the quality!

(Begin Music)

TONI: Music is what makes Vice City great. This IS the city of the future.
      And the home of the fathers of all of Teri's illegitimate babies. SKANK.

+----------------------------------------------------------------+
| Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder - "Together in Electric Dreams" | [GMED]
+----------------------------------------------------------------+
[This song was the most notable hit off the 1985 album named after the two
 collaborating artists, though with respect to VCS it was included as the title
 track for the 1984 movie Electric Dreams, which described a love triangle
 between a boy, a girl, and a computer come to life. Extended and
 Instrumental versions were included on the album's reissue in 2003.

 Philip Oakey was the lead singer of The Human League, a synthpop band that was
 popular in the 80s and even made a comeback in 1994 with their single
 "Tell Me When". In 2001, the band released Secrets, which garnered critical
 acclaim but whose sales were marred by the unfortunate bankruptcy
 of their record label. "Together In Electric Dreams" was also included on their
 Very Best of the Human League album in 2003.

 Giorgio Moroder should already be familiar to many GTA fans as the man who
 provided the entire content of the Flashback 95.6 stations in GTAIII and
 Liberty City Stories, the former game containing much of the soundtrack to the
 movie Scarface. Moroder also produced the score for other famous 80s movies
 such as Flashdance, Top Gun, and Electric Dreams, and won an Oscar for
 producing the score to Midnight Express. Befitting of the year VCS is set in,
 Moroder even wrote the theme song "Hand In Hand" for the 1984
 Los Angeles Olympics.]

I only knew you for a while, I never saw your smile,
'Till it was time to go, time to go away, (time to go away)

Sometimes it's hard to recognize, It comes as a surprise
And it's too late, it's just too late to stay, too late to stay...

We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!

Because the friendship that you gave has taught me to be brave,
No matter where I go, I'll never find a better prize, (find a better prize)

Though you're miles and miles away, I see you everyday
I don't have to try, I just close my eyes, I close my eyes...

We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!

We'll always be together, ((RD)) however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!

(Instrumental)

We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: This is Flash FM, the home of Pop Music in Vice City! Let's give a
      commercial- no, let's take a quick break!

TERI: You dumb whore, you can't even read.

+                       +
  Little Lacy Surprise™   [LLSU]
+                       +
[Remember when people used to wear clothes and accessories with superhero logos
 on them? Remember those My Little Pony lunchboxes and Disney bedroom gear you
 got for your kids? Hell, one of my favorite shirts has Captain America's shield
 logo on it. But after hearing this commercial you'll be glad that your tightie-
 whities are just plain white.]

ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™! It's themed fashion underwear for kids, 
           featuring the Barfs™!

(Girl - all of her lines are sung)
Do you like my Barfs™ panties too?
(Boy)
I sure do!

(Girl)
Fashion underwear is not taboo...
(Boy)
Take 'em off!

(Girl)
Some girls take it up a notch,
(Boy)
Yeah!

(Girl)
Put a superhero on your crotch!

ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™, featuring Saturday morning cartoon heroes,
           like the Barfs™! With Big Fruity Barf!

FRUITY BARF: I'm in your pants, kids!

KID: I love you, Big Fruity Barf™!

ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™, available in boys, girls and unisex sizes!
           Not available in all states.

(Girl)
I've got a Little Lacy Surprise™! Oh daddy, please close your eyes...

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

+----------------------------+
| Talk Talk - "It's My Life" | [TTML]
+----------------------------+
["It's My Life" is a synthpop song off of Talk Talk's 1984 album of the same
 name. It penetrated the top 40 in America and several European countries,
 peaking at #7 in Italy. Two versions of the music video were made, both poking
 fun at lip-synching. The song was covered by No Doubt in 2003. That version 
 reached #10 on the Billboard Hot 100 and stayed on the chart for well over 6
 months. Its video was nominated for several MTV Video Music Awards,
 winning Best Pop Video and Best Group Video.]

Funny how I find myself, in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose,
One half won't do...
I've asked myself,
How much do you commit yourself?

It's my life,
Don't you forget,
It's my life,
It never ends...

Funny how I blind myself,
I never knew...if I was sometimes played upon,
Afraid to lose,
I'd tell myself, what good you do...
Convince myself...

It's my life,
Don't you forget,
It's my life,
It never ends,

I've asked myself...
How much do you commit yourself?

It's my life,
Don't you forget,
Caught in the crowd,
It never ends,

((RD))

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: How 'bout another double-hot-fresh twin-spin sound sandwich from your
      good ol' friend, Toni? Synthesizers is like teen boys, you just wanna play
      with 'em late at night, and then go back to sleep on the bus next morning.

TERI: What are you talking about, Toni?

(Begin Music)

TONI: I'm talking about music and infidelity and smoking cigarettes while riding
      on the back of a motorcycle, something you wouldn't know anything about.
      I'm talking about life, pop music, narcotics, oh GOD! I'm like, sweating
      now...I feel like this is really my time in the universe, and I'll never
      stop chasing those dreams.

+-----------------------------------------+
| Missing Persons - "Destination Unknown" | [MPDU]
+-----------------------------------------+
[Released on Missing Persons' 1982 album Spring Session M, this smash hit single
 became one of the band's defining songs as well as one of the songs that
 introduced L.A. Glam to New Wave music (eat THAT, Wave!). The music video of
 another song from that album, "Words," became a regular on the early years of
 MTV. But like the station's title, Missing Persons was a Flash in the pan in
 the 1980s, as the band would split up in 1986. They have sometimes reunited to
 play a few shows, but the most notable "comeback" was when vocalist Dale Bozzio
 created her own version of the band in 2005, called "Missing Persons featuring
 Dale Bozzio."]

Life is so strange, when you don't know
How can you tell...where you're going to?
You can't be sure of any situation
Something could change, and then you won't know

(Ask yourself) Where do we go from here?
It seems so all too near
Just as far beyond as I can see
I still don't know what this all means to me

(Tell yourself) I don't know where to go,
I don't know what to do,
And I don't even know the time of day,
I guess it doesn't matter anyway,

(Chorus)
(Life is so strange,) Destination unknown
(When you don't know...) your destination
(Something could change) It's unknown
(and then you won't know,) Destination Unknown

(Repeat Chorus)


(Ask yourself) When will my time come?
Has it all been said and done?
(Tell yourself) I know i'll leave when it's my time to go
Til then i'll carry on with what i know

(Repeat Chorus x2)

(Life is so strange) ((RD)) Life is so strange 
(Life is so strange) Life is so strange
(Life is so strange) Life is so strange

(Repeat to Fade)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: Missing Persons - "Destination Unknown!"

MI: Flash FM.

TERI: The twin temptresses of pop on Flash FM, talking really fast about the
      Top 40 way, so you don't have time to ponder your shallow existence or the
      fact that Toni has herpes. (Toni gasps) Let's have another hit.

TONI: I got 'em from your dad...(whispers) bitch.

FI: Stupid disk jockeys and same dance songs, it's Flash FM!

+-----------------------------+
| Wang Chung - "Don't Let Go" | [WCLG]
+-----------------------------+
[This song was released on the same 1984 album - Points on the Curve - as
 "Dance Hall Days," which was featured on Flash FM in the original Vice City.
 "Don't Let Go" breached the mainstream Top 40 while "Dance Hall Days" became a
 number 1 dance single. The album itself made #30 in 1984.]

I got your letter, I felt so scared to,
Pick up the paper knife and read within...
I read the contents, I got what you meant,
I know its hard for you but don't give in,
Maybe, maybe, slow things go fast
Maybe, maybe, its all in the past

(Chorus)
Oh oh if you need me don't let go - oh (You know I won't give up on you)
Oh oh if you need me don't let go - oh (You know I won't give up on you)
oo oo - oo oo oo - oo
You know I'll never give up on you....

I phoned the station, for information,
To try and get the times of trains to York,
And on the platform, I saw your hat form,
A kind of halo in the crowd-crush talk,
But baby, baby, don't run away,
Maybe, maybe, it's just today...

(Repeat Chorus)

Don't let go...

You know I won't ever give up on you...

You dropped your suitcase, I saw your sad face
And I appreciate the state you're in,
You mustn't worry, you mustn't hurry,
I know it's hard on you but don't give in,
Maybe, maybe, slow things go fast,
Maybe, maybe, its all in the past....

(Repeat Chorus)

Don't let go... ((RD))

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: Music is like friends that come in and out of our lives like busboys in a
      restaurant. And busboys tend to be illegal immigrants, and HOT. That's
      what I'M talkin' about. If it's illegal and hot, bring it on! What's a
      girl to do?

TONI: (heavy sniff) If you weren't bleeding out your nose, maybe you'd actually
                    get laid.

FI: Go fuck your mother!

TERI: You're on Flash FM like, playing the most important records of our time-

TONI: (surprised) What? Those made by guys I've slept with?

TERI: (sarcastic) No, those that have SOLD a lot, dumbass.

FI: Music to get accidentally pregnant to!

(Begin Music)

MI: It's a 70's Flashback, on Flash™!

TONI: Gino Vanelli! Woooo!

TERI: Fl-ash!

+----------------------------+
| Gino Vanelli - "Appaloosa" | [GVAP]
+----------------------------+
[This song was one of Vanelli's first (Canadian) hit singles, from his 1978
 album Brother to Brother. It was also included on his 2000 compilation album
 Ultimate Collection. Not much else is known apart from the lyrics.]

Appaloosa, runnin' wild in the dead of the night,
Appaloosa, you're the message of love and light!

Apparitions, they grow wild in the plains of my mind,
I get visions, of the mountain that I must climb!

Freedom ain't no delusion,
Truth no money can buy,
With your sweet absolution,
I will follow my star...for the rest of my life...
Goes on and on!

Appaloosa, runnin' high in the heavens above,
Appaloosa, you're the angel of God and love!

Freedom ain't no deception,
Truth no man can deny,
With your love and direction,
I will follow my star...for the rest of my life...
Goes on and on!

Appaloosa, appaloosa... ((RD))
Appaloosa, appaloosa...

(Instrumental)

Appaloosa, runnin' wild in the wake of the dawn,
Appaloosa, you're the spirit that turns me on!

Appaloosa, appaloosa...
Appaloosa, appaloosa...

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: Do these stores make me look like a whore?

TONI: Um...(pause) YES?

(Stop Music)

FI: Flash, FM!

TERI: God, if I hear any more of that Wave 103 I'm going to fucking kill myself.

(Begin Music)

TONI: I'm ready for weed, speed, black beauties and What You Need,
      let's fire up a hot, Flashy hit!

["What You Need" was another INXS hit, released on the 1985 album mentioned
 above.]

+------------------------------+
| Genesis - "Turn It On Again" | [GETA]
+------------------------------+
[This was originally a "standby" track off Genesis' 1980 album Duke, but
 "Turn It On Again" would  become synonymous with the band and its lead singer,
 leading to their greatest hits album named after this song. And the lead singer
 of Genesis during this period? Phil Collins. Really. This song failed
 to make the US Top 40 but peaked at #8 in the UK. A reunion tour also bearing
 the song's name will kick off in Europe in 2007, followed by one in the
 United States.

 This song makes Phil Collins the first artist after Giorgio Moroder to have
 more than two songs featured in a single GTA game. He is also the fourth artist
 in VCS to have songs on more than one radio station, the others being 
 Pat Benatar, Alison Moyet (as part of Yazoo) and The Art of Noise.]

All I need is a TV show,
That and the radio,
Down on my luck again, down on my luck again,

I can show you, I can show you,
Some of the people in my life...
I can show, you I can show you,
Some of the people in my life...

It's driving me mad,
Just another way of passing the day,

I, I, get so lonely when she's not there
I, I, I...

You're just another face, that I know from a TV show,
I have known you for so very long, feel like a friend,
'Cause you'd do anything for me, can I touch you for a while again,
Can I meet you another day and we can fly away?

I can show you, I can show you
Some of the people in my life
I can show you, I can show you
Some of the people in my life

It's driving me mad,
It's Just another way of passing the day

I, I, get so lonely when she's not there
I, I, I...

((RD during Instrumental))

Turn it on...turn it on, turn it on again...
Turn it on...turn it on, turn it on again...
(repeat to fade)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TERI: Genesis, turn it on again! Coming to theaters and drive-ins near you,
      is "Push-Up!" Flash FM has your tickets, all you need to do is
      (sweet voice) push up till you puke! (/sweet)

TONI: (excited) I'm sleeping with a married guy, and I make his little guy do
      that ALL the time!

TERI: Uh, yeah-

FI: Flash, FM!

TONI: Teri, don't puke on the mike.

+                      +
  Mallet to a Maibatsu   [M2AM]
+                      +
[I recognize the latter's voice as "Dr. Chank" from that "Space Monkey VII"
 commercial from LCS, and I imagine it attached to the Yes Man from Kappa Mikey.
 And in an interesting piece of trivia, there really was a car company named
 American Motors suffering from labor troubles in the 1980s. The company was
 eventually absorbed into Chrysler, and its only familiar vestige today is the
 Jeep brand. Today, AMC is also remembered for their Gremlin, the Pacer compact
 (i.e. the Mirthmobile) and their Matador muscle car.]

WOMAN: My name is Betty Feely. I worked as a manager at American Motors for 18
       years. Now I'm on welfare, turning tricks! All because you bought a
       FOREIGN CAR, you sum-a-ma-bitch!

(patriotic music)

ANNOUNCER: This month, celebrate American diplomacy, and take a mallet to a
           Maibatsu. It's a campaign that dates back to colonial times, when we
           told the Brits to shove their tea up their limey asses, and show them
           the American spirit - by drinking moonshine, and killing natives
           instead. Stop the invasion of foreign goods...

           (music changes to ominous)
           ...or you'll wake up speaking a different language, working for a
           foreign boss, while your wife takes a foreign lover!

JAP: (stereotypical accent) I fuck your fat American wife! HA HA HA HA!

(return to patriotic drum march)

ANNOUNCER: Stay free. Buy American goods. It's a trade war.
           We nuked these bastards.
           Now let's give it to 'em economically as well.
           Brought to you by the Buy American Coalition.

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

MI: Flash FM, Vice City.

+--------------------------------------+
| Blancmange - "Living on the Ceiling" | [BLLC]
+--------------------------------------+
["Living on the Ceiling" was the highest-charting song for this 80s synthpop-fad
 band named after the strange almond-flavored milk-based dessert, reaching #7 in
 the United Kingdom. The song was also included on the 1990 compilation album
 Second Helpings: The Best of Blancmange. Blancmange split up in 1986 but have
 recently reformed and are currently writing material for a new album.]

You keep me runnin' 'round and 'round,
well that's all right with me...

Up and down, I'm up the wall,
I'm up the bloody tree,

That's all right with me,
Yeah, that's all right with me,
Well, it feels all right to me,
Yeah, it looks all right to me,

(Chorus)
And I'm so tall, I'm so tall,
You raise me and then you let me fall,
And I'm so small, I'm so small,
Wrap me 'round your finger, see me fall!

(...followed by Instrumental String)

You keep me runnin' round and round,
Well that's all right with me...
Nothin', nothin', nothin's gonna slip in my way,

Living on the ceiling, no more room down there,
Things fall into place, you've got the job fall into place!

(Chorus + IS)

You keep me runnin' 'round and 'round,
Well that's all right with me...
Up and down, I'm up the wall,
I'm up the bloody tree,

Hidin' from your questions, questions you won't ask,
"Why're you up the tree," you say,
"Why're you down there," I say,

Well I'm so tall, I'm so tall,
You raise me and then you let me fall,
And I'm so small, I'm so small,
Wrap me 'round your finger, see me fall!

(Repeat first half of IS to fade.) ((RD))

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

TONI: This is Flash FM! It's bitchin'!

TERI: I'm sleeping with the station manager.

TONI: I'm sleeping with this microphone.

(Begin Music)

      +-----------------------------------+
TERI: | Paul Young - "Come Back and Stay" | [PYCB]
      +-----------------------------------+
[The 1984 release of this hit made #4 in the UK and neared the #20 in the United
 States. Paul Young would even meet his wife Stacey Smith while filming the
 music video for this song. Unfortunately, it was during that year that the
 artist known for not being 80s chic would come down with a throat condition
 affecting his voice, dramatically altering his style. However, this did not
 stop him from releasing his version of Daryl Hall's "Everytime You Go Away" in
 1985, which would become his most successful hit, and singing the opening line
 to the Live Aid theme song "Do They Know It's Christmas?"]

Since you've been gone,
I shut my eyes and I fantasize that you're here with me
Will you ever return?
I won't be satisfied till you're by my side, don't wait any longer...
Why don't you come back...

Why don't you come back, please hurry,
Why don't you come back, please hurry,

Come back and stay for good this time...
Come back and stay for good this time...

You said goodbye,
I was trying to hide, but I felt inside
Till you passed me by...you said you'd return...
You'd said that you'd be mine till the end of time, but don't wait any longer,
Why don't you come back!

Why don't you come back, please hurry

Come back and stay for good this time...
Come back and stay for good this time...

(Instrumental)

Oh, since you've been gone...
Open my eyes, and I realize what we had together...
Will you ever return?
I had you change your mind, if you want to stay just love me forever,

Why don't you come back, please hurry
Why don't you come back, please hurry
Why don't you come back, please hurry
Why don't you come back, please hurry

Just come back and stay for good this time...
Come back and stay for good this time... ((RD))

(repeat to fade)

--------------------------------------------------o0o-

FI: Flash, FM!

[Aaaaaaaaaand, that's a wrap! Thanks for listening and
 we hope to see you soon, for more GTA Radio guides!]

==================================================0o0=

+===================+
| IV. E-mail Policy | [EMAP]
+===================+
E-mail me if...AND ONLY IF...
- You have facts and information on the artists and songs played on this station
  that I haven't already found or can be found on Wikipedia.
- You can correct some of the lyrics, and I will also check those.
- If I typoed or messed up in grammar, which is highly unlikely. :D
- I'm missing something from the disclaimer, as this is my first guide.
- You have a sensible suggestion as to how to improve/add on to the guide.
- You want to publish, link to or copy this FAQ to a 
  CREDIBLE publication or website.

If I can understand your spelling, punctuation, and grammar, 
AND believe what you claim, I will be sure to credit you. (:

No flames or I will block you on the first strike, beyotch. Geeyeah!

That being said...

forelli_boy@myway.com

==================================================0o0=

+=========================+
| V. Special Thanks To... | [SPTT]
+=========================+
Me, for bothering to make this and transcribing the lyrics for many of the
    featured songs.
The lyrics sites I checked, to correct and confirm the lyrics I transcribed and
                            get others for songs I didn't like as much.
VampireHorde, for making the guide to that -other- station that inspired me to
              write this guide.

              But like the Maibatsu Monstrosity, MINE'S BIGGER. <:

Everyone who's e-mailed me so far, because I haven't received any flames yet.
GameFAQs and all other sites, for generously hosting such a 80s-self-indulgent
                              guide.
Rockstar Games, for the Grand Theft Auto series, especially the Vice City games.
                Can't wait for Number 4 and San Andreas Stories, guys,
                do us proud!
Phil Collins, because he's Phil Collins, dammit.

==================================================0o0=

+========================+
| BONUS: No Thanks To... |
+========================+
The people who think I could be out there improving the world instead of
           wasting fossil fuels by writing this guide.
Jack Thompson, your secret influence behind that one Coke commercial is
               the reason I'm also a Pepsi man.
The list goes on, but I'm already digressing.

==================================================0o0=

+                          +
  FLASH ME AGAIN, BABY! :D
+                          +

End of Guide. This guide © 2006 Francis Santos-Viola.