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2 : G O I N G C O M M A N D O / L O C K E D A N D L O A D E D
FAQ: Ratchet and Clank 2: Going Commando (NA) / Locked and Loaded (PAL)
for Playstation 2 - transcript
Last Update: 30th of August 2006
01 - Introduction and Copyright.
02 - Version History.
03 - Game Script.
03.01 - Intro movie (Behind the Hero, Part I).
03.02 - Arrival on Aranos.
03.03 - Ratchet finds the experiment.
03.04 - Meet the thugs (Thief hires Thugs-4-Less).
03.05 - Leaving Aranos, heading to Oozla (Shopping Spree).
03.06 - Oozla - Tractor Beam.
03.07 - Oozla - Megacorp Store (Megacorp Arena Comercial).
03.08 - Meanwhile... (Clank is Abducted).
03.09 - Maktar - arena, threat (This will happen to you...).
03.10 - Maktar - jamming array (Desert Riders Ad).
03.11 - Megapolis - rescue Clank.
03.12 - Megapolis - Clank's apartment.
03.13 - Megapolis - weapon mods.
03.14 - Barlow - Inventor.
03.15 - Barlow - Vendor, Desert Riders (Thugs-4-Less Employee Meeting).
03.16 - Feltzin System (The Company Picnic).
03.17 - Headed to, ariving on Notak (Behind the Hero, Part II).
03.18 - Notak - (Ad for Slim's Illegal Ship Mods).
03.19 - Notak - chemicals and thieves (And I need it Delivered...).
03.20 - Siberius, Tabora - Mission Complete?(Megacorp's History of Tabora).
03.21 - Tabora - Unmasked (Megacorp Testing Infomercial).
03.22 - Tabora - Mystic.
03.23 - On the Way to Dobbo (Behind the Hero, Part III).
03.24 - Dobbo - Oh, the moon (Mega Mega Megacorp Games).
03.25 - Dobbo - Experiment video (If you are watching this you're fired..).
03.26 - (Thugs-4-Less Gets a New Employer).
03.27 - Joba - Biker2.
03.28 - Joba - The Megacorp Games.
03.29 - Deep Space Disposal (Welcome to the Megacorp Weapons Facility).
03.30 - Todano - Facility tour.
03.31 - Todano - Qwark fan's trade proposition.
03.32 - Todano - Angela reveals Protopet (Why is Billy Sad?).
03.33 - Thugs for Megacorp (A Free Pizza Party to the Squad who Bags Him).
03.34 - Boldan - Incarcerated (Thugs-4-Less Prison Video Brochure).
03.35 - Aranos - Escaped.
03.36 - Aranos - Trouble elsewhere (Meow).
03.37 - Aranos, Todano - "Look, The Plumber's back".
03.38 - Gorn (Thug Leader goes off on Ratchet and Clank).
03.39 - Snivelak - Giant Mech battle (A shipment of... paperweights).
03.40 - On the Way to Smolg (Behind the Hero, Part IV).
03.41 - Smolg - bomb (A Galactic Greeting).
03.42 - Smolg - mutant crab (Darla Gratch Reporting).
03.43 - Grelbin - Hypnomatic part.
03.44 - Damosel - Hypnotist.
03.45 - Grelbin - Angela's house (Mummy where do Protopets come from?).
03.46 - Yeedil (Remember, you bought it from Steve...).
03.47 - After final boss (Qwark Starts a new Job, Qwark gets to Test...).
04 - Contact.
05 - Notes.
06 - Credits.
Use [Ctrl]+F (most browsers) with section number for quick access.
In Firefox [Ctrl]+F with section number and if necessary [Ctrl]+G to view
01 - Introduction and Copyright:
Ratchet and Clank 2: Going Commando / Locked and Loaded (from this point on
'RC2') was developed by Insomniac Games and published by Sony Computer
Entertainment. It was released as the second in a series (currently consisting
of four) in 2003.
The purposes of this FAQ are A) to help people who accidentally skip a cut
scene and B) to help anyone who came into the series late to catch up what
happened on games in the series they missed. Obviously due to this FAQ's
nature there are spoilers for this game and the previous one.
This FAQ is for private and personal use and is to be displayed only on
GameFAQs and its affiliates. The FAQ author is "Quolnok", other contributors
are listed in section 06. The PAL version was used to write this FAQ.
02 - Version History:
0 7th of January 2006
Basic FAQ layout and details created.
0.4 12th of January 2006
Intro through to the start of planet Notak.
1.0 22nd of January 2006
1.01 30th of August 2006
Minor adjustments to Thief's dialogue in two places.
03 - Game Script:
Before reading this; remember that this is a series, you may wish to play the
previous game or read the script available on GameFAQs first. Those cutscenes
available for playing anytime through the Specials-Movies-Cinematics menu have
the name of the clip in brackets. Many of the sections below actually contain
multiple cutscenes, these will have menu playable sections indicated in the
03.01 - Intro movie (Behind the Hero, Part I):
[logo of "Behind the Hero" shown then panning into Ratchet's shed on planet
Veldin where he and Clank are seated, during this segment a pink infobot is
seen sneaking around]
Presenter: Welcome back to "Behind the Hero", tonight's heroes are the duo who
recently restored peace and order to our galaxy: Ratchet & Clank. So gentlemen
tell us about your latest incredible adventures.
Ratchet: Well as you can image, we've been pretty busy: After Drek's defeat
there were parades, press conferences, fancy dress balls...
Clank: ...and the wiener roast at Al's.
Ratchet: Oh yeah that, and then things started to slow down a bit. After that
Clank: There was the grand opening at "Groovy Lube".
Ratchet: Right. I think that was, last week.
Clank: Six months ago.
Ratchet: We're still pretty busy, but in a more, uh, domestic sense.
Clank: Yesterday I flushed out my radiator core.
Ratchet: I guess... no one needs a hero right now.
[Caption "Meanwhile in the distant Bogon Galaxy..."
A man is seen watching the Ratchet & Clank episode of "Behind the Hero"]
Man [pressing intercom]: Mrs Bluebottom, I've found our man.
[not 100% sure that's the secretary's name, but its not very important]
[Caption "Seconds later..."
Cut back to Ratchet's shed in time to see Ratchet & Clank (and their chairs)
teleported away to a space transport where a hologram of the man is waiting]
Ratchet: What the...?
Man: I'm Abercrombie Fizzwidget; founder of the Megacorp company in the Bogon
Fizzwidget: I'm sorry to incapacitate you, but our entire galaxy is in a very
precocious situation. I must humbly request your sustenance, on a mission of
dire urgitude. A mission of superfluous peril. A mission of unequizical
Clank: Did that make any sense?
Ratchet: So. You need me to go on a dangerous mission, in another galaxy.
Fizzwidget: Indubitably. A few days ago this, top secret, biological
experiment was stolen from our testing lavatory, by this duplitheros criminal
mastermind and I need you to get the experiment back.
[as "this" is said a picture of a small blue creature is shown on a screen the
picture is replaced then by that of a tall person with a mask and cape
covering all identifying features]
Ratchet: We'll do it.
Clank: "We" will?
Fizzwidget [accompanied by images on the nearby screen]: Prank I have
precipitated your incalcitrance and made special improvisations for you.
We're prepared to give you a job as the head accountant for Megacorp, plus a
penthouse suite in lovely Megapolis, and our state of the art robotic
masseuse. [The last bit causes Clanks antenna to flash brightly]
Fizzwidget [again accompanied by images on the nearby screen]: As for you
Ratchet I'll need you in superfitory shape. While in transit to the Bogon
galaxy, you'll undergo heavy training and conditioning including: martial
arts, heavy weaponry, survival skills, stealth, macrame, ballroom dance and
[Caption "Two weeks later..." shot of the transport followed by another back
inside with Ratchet now in his commando suit]
Fizzwidget: We've used bi-polar vector regurgitation to track the thief's
location to a flying base in sector seven, infiltribulate the base and
retrieve the experiment.
Ratchet: Sir, ready for launch.
03.02 - Arrival on Aranos:
[Ratchet launches his Star Explorer and flies towards the thief's Flying Base
on planet Aranos]
Ratchet: Ratchet reporting. I'm on final approach to co-ordinates
Fizzwidget [via ships holovid-phone]: Good luck, I'm counting on you.
Ratchet: Affirmative, beginning radio silence.
[he exits his ship and enters the lab]
03.03 - Ratchet finds the experiment:
[Ratchet silently enters the room where the experiment is being held, as he is
about to grab it; the back wall of the room disappears revealing the thief
(and some MSRs), who takes the experiment, while keeping a gun aimed at
Thief: I see its time to update my security forces.
Ratchet: Woa-hoho, no, hey, no, no, look, I just here to fix the... trans...
Thief: Nice try. Give my regards to Megacorp.
[A hatch opens and the thief heads towards it but hits his head on the door of
the hatch. The experiment and the MSRs laugh but are silenced by the thief
pointing his gun at them. The thief leaves with the experiment and Ratchet has
to fight his way out]
03.04 - Meet the thugs (Thief hires Thugs-4-Less):
[The thief's ship; he's making a phone call]
Thug Leader: Thugs-4-less, if it aint broke, we'll break it.
Thief: Riiight. I'm in the market for some security.
Thug Leader: You bring the cash, We'll bring the thrash.
Thief: Good. I need your best men to meet me at these co-ordinates!
03.05 - Leaving Aranos, heading to Oozla - includes (Shopping Spree):
[Ratchet walks towards a door to the outside of the flying lab, he's startled
by some MSRs and takes a running jump off the edge, then presses a button on
his wrist and is grabbed by his ship. Meanwhile the two MSRs look over the
edge of the flying lab, one knocks the other off, shrugs, then heads inside.]
[Back at Ratchet's ship, now far away.]
Ratchet: Ratchet checking in sir.
Fizzwidget [via phone]: Incredulous. I didn't expect to hear from you again...
uh, so soon.
Ratchet: There was a slight problem, the thief escaped with the experiment and
I have no idea where he was headed.
Fizzwidget: Not to worry, I just received an emission which may il-lubricate
[The thief is seen on security camera footage from the Megacorp Outlet on
planet Oozla, accompanied by two Thugs]
Thief: Do you have any maps for this quadrant of the galaxy?
Salesman [creating a pile]: You bet, Mister! We've got galactic maps, 3D maps,
fold-outs, cut-outs, maps to the stars & their homes...
[Thief takes bottom item causing the rest to fall]
Thief: Sorry about that.
[Salesman gives angry look]
Thief: Ah, I've forgot my wallet. [to Thugs] Could you... take care of this?
[A thug grabs the Salesman and throws him at a large button on the wall]
Computer: Perimeter defences - deactivated.
Salesman [raising hand into view from behind the counter]: You forgot your
[Cut back to Ratchet]
I'm on my way.
03.06 - Oozla - Tractor Beam:
[Ratchet slides down a tube and lands on a disc in front of a Salesman with a
Salesman: Welcome, welcome, if everyone could take their seats we can proceed
with todays demonstration. [Ratchet sees that he is the only one there] First
I'll need a volunteer. Anyone? [Ratchet reluctantly raises a hand] Excellent.
Your name sir?
Ratchet: Ratchet. [The Salesman uses the gadget to move the disc from under
Ratchet] Hey! [he falls to the ground]
Salesman: And there you have it, the Megacorp Tractor Beam in action. [to
imaginary audience] Lets give it up for our volunteer. [to Ratchet] Sir! How
about taking advantage of our show special?
[Ratchet buys it]
Salesman: Thankyou sir you won't be disappointed.
03.07 - Oozla - Megacorp Store (Megacorp Arena Comercial):
[Along the way to the store a number of Megacorp staff are seen being attacked
by creatures, a boss battle occurs and Ratchet finds the Dynamo]
[Ratchet makes it through the store]
Fizzwidget: Ratchet? Come in. Are you there?
Ratchet: Copy Mr Fizzwidget.
Fizzwidget: Listen, I have some new inflammation on our experiment's
wherewithal, the thief was indemnified at Megacorp's Maktar Resort, also the
Thugs have towed a moon-sized jamming array into Maktar Resort orbit.
Ratchet: Should I take it out?
Fizzwidget: Affirmulas. Its disconfrabulating our annual "Galactic Gladiators"
broadcast. See for yourself.
[Cut to "Galactic Gladiators" ad]
Narrator: Ask yourself, are you man enough, hero enough, insane enough to step
into the ring with two of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy? If you answered
'yes' you're a big fat liar.
[During the above section the picture shows a man, hero, then insane person,
and surrounds the insane person with monsters on either side]
Narrator: But that's okay because Megacorp is bringing "Galactic Gladiators"
into your home for a special Mega-View event. First, its survival of the
fittest in our bio-competition. Be there as Chainblade. CHAINBLADE. Unleashes
his furry on our gladiator guest contestants. Chainblade has been undefeated
in 500 straight matches.
[Above shows Chainblade flexing in the arena, swords in hands]
Narrator: But if the bio division doesn't do it for you our robotics division
will. Chase the adrenaline as contestants face off against our four-armed
bandit, the B2-Brawler, Brawler. BRAWLER. No living creature is a match for
this machine. Watch 6 tonnes of Carbonox alloy hunt for its prey, there's no
consolation prize cause this bad-boy's programmed to show no mercy. So what
are you waiting for? Call now to bring Chainblade and the B2-Brawler into
your living room, but put away the fine china. [laughs] the "Galactic
Gladiators". Only on Mega-View. Call your provider now.
[B2-Brawler posing, followed by the pair in front of the show's logo]
[Cut back to Ratchet]
Ratchet: Chainblade huh? I've got the co-ordinates, Ratchet out.
03.08 - Meanwhile... (Clank is Abducted):
[Meanwhile At Clank's apartment in Megapolis: the pink infobot is seen
knocking on the door with flowers in her hand]
Clank [from inside]: Yes, may I help you?
[Thief scares infobot away then knocks on the door. Clank opens the door
wearing a towel]
Clank: I said... [is grabbed by the Thief]
03.09 - Maktar - arena, threat (This will happen to you...):
[cheering is heard from the crowd in the arena as the camera pans at distance
Announcer: Is everyone ready for tonight's Mega-battle? Introducing, from
nowhere in particular, This Guy. [rapid zoom in on Ratchet who is looking
somewhat unsure what is happening]. If he can make it past all of our
gladiators; [cut to show some enemies] he'll take home this brand new
Electrolyzer. [audience disapproves as it is shown on a screen] If he can't
make it past our gladiators; he'll receive a consolation prize [audience
approves as other screen shows tombstone] let the games begin. [Ratchet
glances at the screens and battle starts]
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the first and, uh, well, only, winner of the
Gladiator Games; This Guy. [an Electrolyzer falls into Ratchet's non-waving
hand] You're now eligible for our championship series, come back and fight
again for big cash prizes.
[On the way out of the arena, Ratchet spots a photo machine]
Ratchet: Hey, this would make a nice souvenir for Clank. [poses] Yeah. [The
photo is displayed but changes to one of the Thief] Hey!
[Zoom to photo, and play video. The Thief has strapped Clank to a machine]
Thief: You have no idea what you're involved in. Return to your own galaxy
immediately, or this will happen to you! [he presses a button on the machine,
nothing happens] ...or, this, will happen to you. [he presses the other
button, electrocuting Clank] Fairwell.
[Cut back to Ratchet]
Ratchet: [growls, then hears the photos have printed] Oh! [looks at them
03.10 - Maktar - jamming array (Desert Riders Ad):
[Ratchet has disabled the jamming array and is headed back to the resort]
Fizzwidget [via phone]: Good work my boy, you're proving to be invaluable in
this underwear. Any who, it appears the Thief is now under the protection of
"Thugs-4-Less", but I may have found a way for you to insinuate their
Ratchet: Is it... dangerous?
Fizzwidget: No, no, no, er, well, ah, actually yes it is.
Fizzwidget: Take a look at this.
Narrator: The wind in your hair, the sun on your skin, the bugs in your teeth,
we are the Desert Riders.
[clip shows Rider1 in photos matching]
[Rider1 is in a desert with his bike]
Rider1: Before I became a Desert Rider, I didn't fit in anywheres. I had low
self-esteem, bad breath, [whispering] a thing for laddies under garments. But
these guys understand me. They really do.
[Rider2 is also in a desert with his bike]
Rider2: Yeah I'm just here for the bake sales. [burps] oh, yah-yeah I also
make these cute gloves for all the guys [holding some up].
Narrator: So if you've got what it takes; use this temporary membership to
enter the most gruelling hover-bike race in the galaxy, win it and become one
of us. Desert Riders; number one leisure choice of Thugs-4-Less.
[Back to Ratchet]
Fizzwidget: Desert Riders all use Megacorp bikes, so I just had to pull a few
strings. Contract me as soon as you get more indignation, Fizzwidget out.
03.11 - Megapolis - rescue Clank:
[Ratchet finds where clank was deactivated, he's in a small room with one
locked door and one ledge too tall to climb]
Ratchet: Clank? Okay Clank, don't move. I'm coming down [is pushed over ledge
by Thief] Wah? Oomph. Son of a Qwark! Alright buddy let's get you up and
[Ratchet repairs Clank]
Clank: ...Final digit of Pi is...
Ratchet: Clank. Clank can you hear me?
Clank: Ratchet? Where are we? Hmm, I must have dozed off.
Ratchet: Don't sweat it. Lets, just find a way out of here.
Clank: I believe that air duct may offer our only way out.
[Clank goes out the vent and unlocks the door, freeing Ratchet]
Ratchet: Way to go Clank.
Clank: [laughs] Nothing to it.
Ratchet: You did great. Now lets go get that experiment back.
03.12 - Megapolis - Clank's apartment:
[On the way to Clank's apartment we see the Thug Leader in a helicopter twice,
then later Ratchet (and Clank) enter a clearing when the Thug Leader again
comes into view]
Thug Leader: Greetin's morons. Since my employees did such a lousy job a
takin' care a use, I thought I'd come and take care a things myself.
[Ratchet fights and defeats the Thug Leader]
[shortly after, in Clank's apartment, Ratchet spots somethings]
Ratchet: Hey, my old Swingshot and Grind Boots.
03.13 - Megapolis - weapon mods:
[Following a less obvious path; Ratchet finds and presses a button and a ship
Mod Vendor [with eyes poking out a hole in the ship]: Put it in the slot.
[Ratchet is confused]
Mod Vendor: The weapon you want modified; put it in the slot.
Ratchet: Oh, I get it, you make weapon modifications.
Mod Vendor: Yup, I can take your puny little weapon and with a few, uh, tweaks
I can turn it into a powerful piece of equipment. [Ratchet scratches his head]
look, you want me to hook you up or what? I can't hang around here all day.
03.14 - Barlow - Inventor:
[Ratchet finds a man frozen in a block of ice and breaks the ice]
Inventor: It works! My invention works!
Inventor: It's called the Thermanator. It fires charged thermal pellets that
can thaw an ice block or freeze a body of water. Gadgetron will pay me
Ratchet: Hey I don't know how long you've been frozen, but I don't think
Gadgetron's operated in this galaxy for years. Everyone buys Megacorp products
Inventor: [confused laughter] Hey, maybe you'd like to buy it.
[Ratchet buys it, the inventor hands it over]
Inventor: Hey, maybe Megacorp is hiring. [he walks away]
03.15 - Barlow - Vendor, Desert Riders (Thugs-4-Less Employee Meeting):
[Ratchet discovers a room with a Gadgetron vendor robot. She noisily emits
Vendor: Excuse me. I think I just blew another vacuum tube.
Ratchet: Should I have a look?
Vendor: My word! You young people are so fresh these days! [Ratchet is
embarrassed] Oh don't feel bad, I guess I'm just old fashion about that sort
of thing. Did you know that I've that been with Gadgetron from the beginning?
Ratchet: So you sell these gadgets?
Vendor: Darling, they sell themselves.
[Ratchet and Clank find one of the Desert Riders]
Rider1: Hey, who let you in here! Get lost 'fore I flatten your robot into a
Ratchet [with his wrench raised to attack]: Touch him and it's a plasma city!
Rider1: Oh gosh, [sniff] you didn't have to yell. [more quietly and starting
to cry] Why did he have to yell?
Ratchet: Uh... Hey man...
Rider1: I can't hear you, la-la-la-la. Only the little guy.
Clank: Sir, it is okay, we are your fellow Desert Riders.
Rider1: Ya are? [sniff] So you understand my... sensitivities?
Clank: Absolutely sir, we just came here to race.
Rider1: Well, you can borrow my Bluebell, so long as you're gentle, she just
needs a few repairs.
Rider1: Hang in there, my brother, Bluebell is in good hands.
[Ratchet repairs the hover bike; the heroes get on, race, and win]
Rider1: Great racing buddy. [placing a Ratchet sized helmet on Clank's head]
Here take this helmet so the guys know you're one of us.
Clank [slightly muffled by helmet]: Thankyou sir.
Rider1[on hearing his phone ring]: O-oh, incoming message from the boss.
[pulls it from his pocket and watches]
[Thug Leader is sitting in the dark]
Thug Leader: Attention all Thugs-4-Less employees. First of all whatever
slug-brain's been eating all the choochy bars in the break room [increasing
volume] better quit stuffing his face or I'll... [someone turns on the lights
and he looks around] Hey turn those lights off! [they do] Its bad feng-shui
[pronounced phonetically]. Ahem. Next our space ron-days-vous point has been
moved to, and listen up knuckle heads, the Feltzin System sector 1-2-3-4-5. If
you're no good with numbers find a buddy to help ya. Lastly, the company
picnic is this Sunday, and don't forget to bring your own juice this time...
[lights are turned on again] Hey! I saw that Cletus! You just earned yourself
a write up. [the lights go off again]
[Back to Ratchet, Clank & Rider1]
Rider1: Don't worry, the boss only yells 'cause he loves us.
Clank [slightly muffled by helmet]: Yes sir I do feel his affection.
Ratchet [whispered to Clank]: Did you see that broadcast.
Clank [slightly muffled by helmet]: Not really. [springs his neck causing the
helmet to come off, Ratchet catches it]
Ratchet [whispered]: We should scope out that rendezvous point.
Clank [whispered]: Yes, we might intercept some stray transmissions.
03.16 - Feltzin System (The Company Picnic):
[Ratchet and Clank arrive in the Feltzin System, the ship is being shot at]
Clank: We are under attack.
Ratchet: Can't outrun 'em. Lets hope these weapons work.
[Ratchet beats the Thug ships]
Ratchet: Woo yeah, I've got mad skills! Mad sk...! Uh, hmm. A difficult
challenge, but one that a trained commando...
Clank: Hold on, I'm intercepting a transmission.
[Split screen showing a phone operator on the left and Thug Leader on right]
Operator: For the fifth time I have a collect call to Thugs-4-Less from a Mr
"you are gonna die". Will you accept the charges?
Thug Leader: Ah? "You are gonna die"
Operator: I'll take that as a yes. Thank you.
[Left side of screen fades through static to the Thief]
Thief: You idiot!
Thug Leader: [gasp] O-oh.
Thief: I'm paying top dollar for your protection, and your moron employees are
off at some picnic!
Thug Leader: Hey, that was a bonding exercise.
Thief: Enough! I'm at the pickup point now, if your men aren't here pronto;
you can kiss this contract goodbye. [Thief hangs up, left half of screen to
static then right side expands over it]
Thug Leader: Uh, oh yeah? Well you can kiss your, uh, uh, your, your uh you
know what I mean, uh dang it. [hangs up, static]
[Back with R&C]
Ratchet: Did you trace that?
Clank: Co-ordinates locked in, we are headed there now.
03.17 - Headed to, arriving on Notak (Behind the Hero, Part II):
[Ratchet and Clank are somewhere in space headed to Notak]
Ratchet: So, how's the reception out here?
Clank: We have sprots, the weather, ooh the science channel. [the Holovision
can be heard in the background]
Ratchet: Keep going. Whoa, what's that.
[Zoom to the ships HV display, "Behind the Hero" music plays, pictures of
Qwark are shown]
Narrator: The man, the myth, the legend, the loser. Captain Qwark, once the
idol of everyone in the galaxy has finally hit rock bottom. After his
humiliation at the hands of Ratchet and Clank, Qwark sold bogus merchandise he
claimed were Gadgetron products. But a key defect in this product, the
Personal Hygienator, caused severe irritation in sensitive body areas and
alerted authorities to Qwark's scam. "Behind the Hero" will return after these
messages. ["Behind the Hero" logo shown]
[Back to R&C]
Ratchet: Well that explains a lot.
Clank: Yes I suppose it...
Ratchet: ...all this time my Personal Hygienator must have been causing that
Clank [disturbed]: Anyway... We should be at our destination shortly.
[The heroes arrive on Notak in time to see the Thief fly away]
Ratchet: Too late again.
Clank: We always seem to be a bit late. Why is that?
[They both look blankly at the camera]
Ratchet: Well, lets check this place out and find out where he's headed.
03.18 - Notak - (Ad for Slim's Illegal Ship Mods):
[Ratchet and Clank find a Holovision monitor in the middle of nowhere; it
plays a video of Slim Cognito, actually just his eyes, with a black
Slim: Psst. Got a ship that needs, uh, improvements? Worried about getting
caught? At Slim Cognito's your secret is safe, with us. Whether it's weapons,
shielding or a new hyperspace module. We'll hook you up, quickly, cheaply and,
most importantly, quietly. So next time you're in the market for some, uh,
legally ambiguous refashioning: remember the name - Slim Cognito's. The only
inspections we pass are yours.
[Back to Ratchet and Clank]
Ratchet: [impressed] Starship mods. Hmm, well, a quick visit to Slim's won't
cost us much time [receives a look from Clank]. Or, maybe we should check out
that chemical factory; someone inside might know where the thief was headed.
03.19 - Notak - chemicals and thieves (And I need it Delivered...):
[Ratchet and Clank come across a trio of science robots (who look suspiciously
like the agents from RC1's Glove of Doom)]
Clank: Perhaps these robots can assist us.
Ratchet [speaking slowly and with gesturing]: Excuse me, have you seen any
Robots: [something in robot language]
Clank: I think I had better do the talking. [something in robot language]
Robots: [something in robot language]
Clank: A masked customer picked up an order not long ago. Recently they
received a new transmission from him, and they are willing to show it to us,
for a small price.
[They pay up, one of the robots extends a pole from its head to turn on the
HV. The Thief is seen in what could be a supply closet with the experiment
resting on his outstretched arm, like you would with a bird of prey]
Thief: Hello, yes... [experiment attacks] Hey! No, no, no, not! [glass bottles
break] Yes I need to order two more containers of Sulphuric Acid...
[experiment attacks, more glass bottles break] ...oops, ah, better make that
five containers, and, uh, fout containers of liquid Nitrog... [experiment
attacks, more glass bottles break] ...woops, ah, better write six crates of
Nitro Glycerine and... [experiment attacks, more glass bottles break,
screaming is heard] ...Look, just give me double the last order... [experiment
attacks, more glass bottles break, screaming is heard, experiment now has
Thief's head in mouth, eye's where Thief's would be] ...and I need it
[video ends, cut back to a shot of the robots]
Robots: [something in robot language followed by laughter]
Ratchet: Hey! What? What?
Clank [Laughing]: Oh, nothing, just some robot humour.
Ratchet: Okay, funny guy, lets just head to those co-ordinates.
03.20 - Siberius, Tabora - Mission Complete? (Megacorp's History of Tabora):
[Ratchet and Clank find their way to the Thief's base on Siberius in time to
see the experiment tied to a rocket]
Thief: Ha! You've lost Megacorp! Take your imperialistic eco-fascism to
another dimension! Say goodbye to your frightening pest.
Ratchet: Come on Clank! [lunges toward the Thief who was about to launch the
Thief: Too slow, corporate lackey! [presses the button to prepare the launch]
[Ratchet growls and a boss battle begins]
[After Ratchet wins, the Thief falls from his hoverboard and Ratchet uses his
Lancer to free the experiment, who falls into Clank's hands]
Clank [to experiment]: You had us worried for a moment.
[Thief gets onto hoverboard and starts escaping]
Clank: Do you suppose, we should stop him?
Ratchet: Not worth it. We got what we came for. Lets just get that little guy
back to Mr Fizzwidget. [experiment now has Clank's hand in its mouth]
[Back at the ship]
Fizzwidget [on phone]: Ratchet, Spank is that you?
Ratchet: We've accomplished our mission sir, the experiment is safe and in our
Fizzwidget: [Gasps] Why that's stutaneous. Absolutely munificent. You two are
a goluptious team.
Clank: We were glad to assist sir.
Ratchet: We just need co-ordinates to our next rendezvous point.
Fizzwidget: Of course, I'm on my way to give a tour of Megacorp's historical
mining site. Here's a little backtalk on the vergility.
[Cut to miscellaneous grainy black and white images]
Narrator: Megacorp manufacturing and mining a tireless drum major leading the
galaxy on its march of progress. Come tour our desert mining facility and see
why our most precious product is our history. [Picture of happy rabbit and a
butterfly in forest] When we first arrived we found a planet completely
overrun by rainforests. To better accommodate the local wildlife; we
transformed this impassable jungle into an easily navigable desert [change to
picture of skeletons in desert]. Ever the technological pioneer Megacorp
invented the automated management team thereby eliminating costly upward
mobility and all the while; making your life richer. Megacorp manufacturing
and mining, our march continues to the tune of progress and profitability.
Call Investa Relations today.
[Return view to R&C]
Clank: Is that facility still... [pulls experiment off his hand] operational,
Fizzwidget: Alas no. But its deep in hysterics. [the experiment bites Clank's
head so it looks like he has a turban] I've offloaded the condiments to your
Ratchet: We'll see you there.
[Ratchet & Clank are waiting on Tabora for Fizzwidget]
Ratchet: Hey, there's Mr Fizzwidget.
[Fizzwidget hums along to music playing in his ship and lands on top of
Ratchet's ship, crushing it and knocking the heroes over with the shockwave]
Ratchet: Uh, what happened?
Fizzwidget: Everything's fine, there was just a bit of debris on the landing
Clank: That was our ship!
Fizzwidget: Don't worry about it little fella, its insured.
[Ratchet & Clank exchange looks of confusion]
Fizzwidget: So, do you have the, uh, delivery? [Clank grabs the experiment
which was on his back] Terrifulous. Come gentlemen there is precious little
[Ratchet, Clank, Fizzwidget and the experiment are in Fizzwidget's ship, R&C
in the back seats, flying]
Fizzwidget: Just sit back and relax boys, how 'bout a little flying music?
[presses the ejection button for the back row]
[Ratchet and Clank fall through a small opening in the top of a cave]
Clank: He did that on purpose!
Ratchet: Nah, he's just easily distracted.
Clank: Yeah, well, well.
Ratchet: Heh heh, come on, lets see if we can find a way out of here.
03.21 - Tabora - Unmasked (Megacorp Testing Infomercial):
[Ratchet and Clank come across a pair of pedestals covered by glass domes,
The first contains a higher quality wrench, the second contains a rock each
has an inscription in binary]
Clank [reading the first one]: It says: "In case of emergency, break glass
[Ratchet readies himself to break the glass with his old wrench]
Clank: Hold on. This one says: "Use rock to break glass to get wrench to break
glass to get rock." Ooh, I love logic puzzles. Lets see, if you break the
[Ratchet breaks the glass around the new wrench with his old wrench and
discards the old one]
Ratchet: Solved it.
[Ratchet and Clank get outside, the Thief lands nearby]
Thief: Hand over the experiment now!
Ratchet: I can't do that.
Thief: [now on top of his ship] You have three seconds, one, two, thr... ahh!
[falls to ground loosing mask and revealing identity to be a Lombax (like
Ratchet) plus some height and a ponytail, but no actual tail (Thief will stay
this way for the rest of the game). Oh and more importantly...]
Ratchet: Whoa! He's, a she!
Thief [in her actual voice]: This changes nothing! Where is the experiment?
Clank: We have returned it to Mr Fizzwidget.
Thief: Ugh. You've just put the whole galaxy in imminent danger.
Thief: I don't have time, to stand around explaining it to you. If you have
any intention of fixing the mess you've made, watch this. [She plays a video
on the monitor that just happened to be there]
[A test-bot uses a toaster and it explodes, blowing his head off]
Narrator: Oh, no! Good thing that wasn't little Susie. [switch to Megacorp
logo, then images of products] Here at the Megacorp Testing Facility we make
sure the products you buy are safe for you and your family. These are just a
few of the products we've rejected to help keep you safe: The Tiny-Tot
Slingshot, the Nuclear Mousetrap, Self-Wedgifying Underwear and the Lawn
Ninjas. [Another test-bot uses a toaster] So the next time your toaster,
doesn't explode in your face, say a little thank you to the Megacorp Testing
[The video ends and the Thief flies away]
Ratchet: Wow, she's got a few bolts loose. What does a testing facility have
to do with galactic danger?
Clank: I am unsure, however I believe we should investigate that location.
Ratchet: Well, we're gonna need a new ship.
03.22 - Tabora - Mystic:
[Ratchet and Clank see a mystic near the (moved) wreckage of their ship]
Mystic: Ohm, ohm.
Clank: Hello, sir?
Ratchet: Hey! That's my ship!
Mystic: Possession is an illusion. Do not all thangs belong to the cosmos?
Ratchet: Ah, no, that's definitely mine.
Mystic: This vessel suffers from wounded chi, only the power of the crystals
can hope to heal it.
Clank: Crystals, sir?
Mystic: Crystals! Like those found in the desert, beyond. Ohm, ohm...
Ratchet: Well we don't have any better ideas. Lets go grab a few crystals.
[Having found enough crystals, and also a glider, they return]
Mystic: Yes, the crystals are spayking to may with a sangle voice. Ohm, ohm,
ohm. [the ship raises into the air, rotates and is suddenly fixed]
Ratchet: That, was pretty impressive.
Mystic: Bring me more crystals and I'll pay you cold hard bolts.
03.23 - On the Way to Dobbo (Behind the Hero, Part III):
[on the way to Dobbo]
Ratchet: Hey, see if you can find anything worth watching.
[Clank presses a few buttons and a video starts]
[Zoom to the ships HV display, "Behind the Hero" music plays, pictures of
Qwark are shown]
Narrator: Welcome back to "Behind the Hero". In yet another setback for the
embattled Captain Qwark: the galactic court ordered him to play six billion
bolts in damages to citizens suffering from Personal Hygienator syndrome.
Only two days later Qwark was arrested trying to flee to Pokitaru. The one
time hero, now full time zero, was placed in custody awaiting trial. But the
next day it was discovered that he had escaped: flushing himself to freedom.
We will return to "Behind the Hero" after these messages.
[Ratchet and Clank are still in flight]
Ratchet: [laughs] What a nut. I almost miss that guy sometimes.
[Clank makes an expression equivalent to raising an eyebrow]
03.24 - Dobbo - Oh, the moon (Mega Mega Megacorp Games):
[Ratchet & Clank come across a wrestler wearing and carrying mathematics
Mathematician: Nobody, I mean nobody! ...gets by the Mathematician.
Ratchet [whispered]: I guess all the good names were taken.
Mathematician: Watch your mouth zero, before the Mathematician subtracts your
head from your shoulders!
Clank: Sir, as a fellow number cruncher, could I please ask what this is all
Mathematician: [gesturing] That moon's where we divide losers from winners,
before adding 'em to the Megacorp Games, there's a challenger up there ready
to reduce you to nothing!
Clank [after looking around]: Hmm. This technology looks familiar; perhaps I
could... [transforms into Giant Clank]
Ratchet: Sweet. Think you can get us to that moon?
[On the moon, the challenger is the Thug Leader in a mech about Giant Clank's
size, Ratchet is on Giant Clank's back]
Ratchet [to Thug Leader]: Hey! Remember us?
[Clank wins and they return to Dobbo, where Clank returns to normal]
Mathematician: Divide and conquer huh? Hey, guess you guys were prime after
all. You're going to the Megacorp Games!
[Megacorp Games ad plays]
Narrator: Welcome to Megacorp Games! Sponsored by: Megacorp! Okay Megacorp
contestants, get ready to grapple with the Megacorp gladiator team and if you
survive that, enter the Megacorp battle arena with our mega spiderbot in our
mega death-defying mega cage match. Then open the throttle for the all
Megacorp hover bike race. Brought to you by team Megacorp racing.
[Speaking quietly and quickly] Hostile indigenous life is not owned, endorsed,
sponsored, supplied, abdicated or even liked by Megacorp. Approach at your own
risk. [normal voice] The Megacorp Games. Keep it mega.
03.25 - Dobbo - Experiment video (If you are watching this you're fired...):
[Ratchet and Clank find a computer in the testing facility]
Ratchet: Okay, this must be the core terminal. Lets see what we can get from
it. [presses button]
Clank: The power appears to be out in this entire area.
Ratchet: You're right, I'd better call a maintenance bot. [presses other
[Maintenance bot arrives and malfunctions, then starts to leave]
Ratchet: Lets just follow him and fix it ourselves.
[They fix it and return]
Ratchet: Now, lets get the goods on that experiment. [presses button, the
display changes to "$10,000"] What the...?
Clank [gesturing towards a bolt shaped slot in the terminal]: I think I see
Ratchet: What?! Now even the COMPUTERS are charging us? That's it, this galaxy
[They pay up and a video plays, it shows scientists testing the experiment]
Voice over: Dr James D. Fullbladder reporting on Megacorp experiment number
13. This update is strictly classified, if you are watching this, you're
fired. Early thinking held that the specimen was entirely docile in nature.
Even overt provocation failed to incite it. But the late Dr Putridson observed
that the natural levels of monsterpropolis in the experiment's bloodstream
were truly some remarkable changes. Attempts at neutralising the specimen's
violent tendencies were met with limited success. Our surviving staff
recommend that the experiment be destroyed imediately at Megacorp's deep
space disposal facility.
[Back to the heroes]
Clank: The computer's log indicates that we were first to view that recording.
Ratchet: So Fizzwidget must not know. We've go to warn him.
[They call him up]
Ratchet: Mr Fizzwidget! You're safe! Sir, brace yourself. We just saw a video
of your experiment eating its handlers. I repeat, it eats its handlers.
Fizzwidget [to someone offscreen of the phone]: Ah, yes. No fat, extra foam,
Ratchet: Mr Fizzwidget, do you copy? Anyone handling the experiment must
exercise the utmost caution.
Fizzwidget: No, no, decafitated. What? Oh, yes, yes: exercise my front-most
Clank: Sir, your experts recommend that the experiment be liquidated, we will
meet you at your deep space disposal facility.
Fizzwidget: Ah, yes: my cheap date proposal facsimile. Its heavily guarded so
be sure to use the password. Which is, ah, oh, ah, Qwarktastic, yes. Toodleoo.
03.26 - (Thugs-4-Less Gets a New Employer):
[At Thugs-4-Less headquarters the Thug Leader has just answered his mobile
Thug Leader: Thugs-4-Less, pay for six hits and the seventh is free.
[Something from other end] You want us to what? [Something from other end]
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. That'd be, uh, an unethical conflict of interest.
[Something from other end] What kind of scum do you think we are? [Something
from other end] say that is a lot of bolts. Ahem, well since you put it that
way, I suppose we could, uh, undo our previous obligation. [Something from
other end] Excellent sir. Thank you for choosing Thugs-4-Less. [Hangs up,
clears throat, then over loudspeaker] Attention all Thugs-4-Less personnel,
we now have, a new employer.
03.27 - Joba - Biker2:
[The heroes, now on Joba, come across one of the Desert Riders]
Biker2: [Picking up Clank] Nice finish on that chrome. [to Ratchet] Ah, you
buff this out yourself?
Clank: I handle my own buffing sir.
Biker2: Oh, sorry little man, I thought you was a crankshaft. Heh, Can't see
my own hand in front of my face with out these. [Puts on some effeminate
Ratchet: [stops himself from laughing] No problem. So, how do I enter the big
Biker2: Well, you got the helmet, you're in. Easy-peasy! The prize this time
is some kind of special boots. I could use those myself, [more quietly]
they'd go real nice with my leather chaps.
[Ratchet wins, Biker2 hands over the Charge Boots]
Biker2: Dang, I wanted these boots myself, but they'll go real nice with your
outfit. You can race again you know. Now the prize is a bunch of bolts.
03.28 - Joba - The Megacorp Games:
[On the way to the Megacorp Games, Ratchet and Clank come across the Shady
Salesman (aka RC1's RYNO salesman)]
Shady Salesman: Hey, youse two goin' to the games?
Ratchet: Yeah. What's it to ya?
Shady Salesman: Whoa, take it easy chief. I ain't lookin' for no trouble, just
an honest man lookin' to make an honest buck.
Clank: I sincerely doubt that.
Shady Salesman: Hey, I ain't the one trying to get in to a sold out arena.
You're gonna need this Levitator to get in there.
[They buy it]
Shady Salesman: Nice doin' business wit' cha again. [Hands it and installation
instructions over] Time for me to, ah, relocate.
Ratchet: Hmm. The instructions are in... Blargian.
Clank: [slightly afraid] Goodbye.
Ratchet: [stops clankwith end of Levitator] Says here: "Tab A goes into slot
B" [both go off screen, construction is heard] okay and then magnetise the
graviton matrix, remove your left arm...
Ratchet: ...and done!
Clank: [after inspecting his new add-on] You do have skills.
Ratchet: You know it.
[The heroes arrive in the arena]
Announcer: Are you ready for the main event? Introducing one of the fiercest
gladiators in the galaxy: Ratchet [he is impressed by the picture of himself
on the screen, Clank starts posing] and... some... metal... guy [Clank looks
slightly upset]. They'll be lucky to survive against the toughest gladiators
in the galaxy. Let's get it on!
[They proceed to win Gravity Boots and the Infiltrator]
03.29 - Deep Space Disposal (Welcome to the Megacorp Weapons Facility).
[They have just flown into the Deep Space Disposal Facility]
Ratchet: Alright, input the password... now.
Clank: Check. Here goes. [enters the code, sounds of attack heard]
Ratchet: Um, you'd better check that code.
Clank: I am sure it was correct.
Ratchet: The defences are attacking us! We gotta hold them off until
Fizzwidget gets here.
[They destroy the defences]
Fizzwidget [via phone]: Come in gentlemen. Can you here me?
Clank: Sir, you gave us an erroneous password.
Fizzwidget: Implausible! Unless, uh, is this Tuesday or Wednesday? [reaction
shots of R&C] Anyway, sorry to have missed our meeting but I was called away
to film a commercial for our weapons facilitory.
Ratchet: B-b-but sir! What about the...
Fizzwidget: Commercial? I was great! Here watch this.
[Cut to commercial, Fizzwidget is initially in the foreground, a
Fizzwidget-bot is giving a tour to three robots]
Fizzwidget: Megacorp keeps you warm, keeps you healthy, and now keeps you
safe. Hello I'm Abercrombie Fizzwidget and I'd like to welcome you to the new
Megacorp weapons facility. We offer guided tours to show you how our weapons
are made. Our highly trained experts spend their day creating the latest
heavy-duty weaponry to protect you, and your whole family. [An expert
accidentally kills one robot, then another robot taps the tip of a missile and
explodes] So stop by today, and bring the kids. Our tours are both informative
and fun. [The remaining robot receives a ballon, which blows them up] And who
knows, you just might learn something.
[Back to the ship]
Fizzwidget: That was one handsome fellow aye boys? [laughs] Fizzwidget out.
Ratchet: Sir, wait! Mr Fizzwidget, come in.
Clank: Perhaps we can still find him at the weapons facility.
03.30 - Todano - Facility tour:
[During gameplay: a Fizzwidget-bot and groups of tourists take an infinite
number of tours of the facility, we start at the first bus stop where the
tourists arrive and the Fizzwidget-bot teleports in]
Fizzwidget-bot: Welcome to the Megacorp Armoury, I'm here to give you a guided
tour of Megacorp's magnificent achievements in missile technology.
[Move to first missile]
Fizzwidget-bot: Megacorp manufactures everthing! From hair products to pet
toys and even intergalactic missiles with facial recognition technology, like
this one here.
[Move to second missile]
Fizzwidget-bot: I advise that you reframe from feeding the local wildlife,
they can get quite testy! Here's another missile, and I forget the name of,
but its really big and goes really far.
[Move to third missile]
Fizzwidget-bot: This is the ZX9 galaxy cruise rocket, used to transport our
first test squirrel, Bobo, into a black hole. Sadly, Bobo never returned, but
he'll always be remembered as one of Megacorp's furry pioneers.
[Move to fourth missile]
Fizzwidget-bot: Finally, we have the Triple-B for Big Baah Bomb [laughs]. This
popular product was instrumental in defeating our competitors and making
Megacorp the one and only choice.
[At second bus stop]
Fizzwidget-bot: Thank you for visiting the Megacorp Armoury, are there any
questions? No? Well have a safe trip, and don't forget to visit our souvenir
[bus leaves, Fizzwidget-bot enters a room and teleports away, a new bus comes
to the first bus stop and the loop continues]
03.31 - Todano - Qwark fan's trade proposition:
[Taking a slight detour from a path that gets them a free weapon, the heroes
find a Qwark Fan who is behind a stall with a hammer and something else]
Qwark Fan: [to self] Captain Qwark completing quality control on super
electro-gadget. Hammer of Power detecting no defects. [notices Ratchet and
gasps loudly] Ratchet of Veldin, I knew this day would come. Draw your last,
enemy mine, for I smite you in the name of Captain Qwark! [jumps over stall
in an attempt to attack Ratchet, but falls on his face] Sweet death, [gags]
at last we meet. Nobly, I fall on the field of battle. FINISH ME LOMBAX!
Ratchet: Come on Clank, lets get going.
Qwark Fan: W-w-wait, you shamed the greatest superhero who ever lived! You owe
Clank: What do you want from us sir?
Qwark Fan: Hmm. Ooh, ooh, how about some cool Qwark stuff from your galaxy.
Trade ya for this Armour Magnetiser.
Clank [to Ratchet]: I believe that devise is designed to attract bolts.
[Unfortunately they have no Qwark stuff, so they leave for now]
03.32 - Todano - Angela reveals Protopet (Why is Billy Sad?):
[Ratchet and Clank find another videophone, the Thief appears on screen]
Thief: Angela Cross, calling Ratchet, on secure band seven-echo-foxtrot.
Ratchet: Ratchet here. Uh, Angela? Is that your name?
Clank: Ratchet was calling you something quite different.
Angela: Oh was he now? [Ratchet gives Clank a look and he shrugs] Anyway I'm
just calling to warn you that Thugs-4-Less have taken over my flying lab.
Clank: But were the Thugs not working for you?
Angela: Not anymore. Apparently someone's made them a better offer. [sigh] I
tell ya, between the Thugs and the Protopet this whole galaxy's heading for...
Ratchet: Wait, say again: Protopet?
Angela: Oh, ya, its what they're calling "the experiment" now. Here, watch
[The video plays, a little boy (I'm guessing 8-ish years old) is almost crying
and is mumbling something]
Narrator: Why is Billy sad? Is he cold? Hungry? Or maybe just...
Billy: Oh no. [Protopet comes onscreen, for the rest of video Billy is afraid]
No no take it away!
Narrator: Introducing the Megacorp Protopet. Your child will shriek with joy
when he meets our adorable friend. Wanna play ball?[Billy throws his ball at
the Protopet who spits it at him knocking him backward] So does the Protopet.
Need a partner for tag? Go find the Protopet. [Protopet chases Billy] Up for
some cops and robbers? [Protopet knocks down and jumps onto Billy]
Billy: Help! Police!
Narrator: [Protopet starts spinning Billy around] So is you-know-who. Just ask
Billy. [Billy screams as he is thrown] The Megacorp Protopet, [picture of
Fizzwidget and Protopet shown] stop by planet Boldan and get yours free from
Abercrombie Fizzwidget himself.
[Return to heroes]
Ratchet: You mean that thing is going to be a pet?
Clank: Megacorp plans to market a killer. That is simply unconscionable.
Angela: Which is exactly what I've been trying to tell you. There will be
disastrous consequences for the entire galaxy if that monster is distributed.
Clank: We must get through to Mr Fizzwidget.
Angela: [sigh] If you still think he'll listen, you should try to catch him on
the planet Boldan. I'll upload the co-ordinates.
Ratchet: This could be our last chance.
03.33 - Thugs for Megacorp (A Free Pizza Party to the Squad who Bags Him)
[The Thug Leader sends a message to his staff]
Thug Leader: Listen up Thugs-4-Less, we got a big job ahead so pay attention.
Uh. Megacorp has hired us to protect their CEO Mr Fizzwidget. They feel that
he's getting a little, ah, you know, coo-coo, in his old age and are concerned
for his safety. Now Fizzwidget's kind of old fashioned, so I want everything
handled with, ah, [clears throat and spits] pride and curtesy people have come
to expect form us. Also, be on the lookout for these two characters, I have a
personal interest in seeing them rubbed out: so, I'm offering a free pizza
party to the squad who bags 'em, and remember: that includes drinks and
desserts. Over and out.
03.34 - Boldan - Incarcerated (Thugs-4-Less Prison Video Brochure):
[Ratchet and Clank come across a Fizzwidget-bot on planet Boldan]
Ratchet: What the...? This isn't Fizzwidget!
Fizzwidget-bot: Would you like a free Protopet sample? Available today only.
Ratchet [raising wrench threateningly, Fizzwidget-bot raises hands]: Where is
[Thug Leader enters flanked by two other thugs]
Thug Leader: Freeze knuckleheads!
Clank: Oh no!
Thug Leader: The two a youse are under arrest for attempting to bump off Mr
Fizzwidget. [Fizzwidget-bot nods]
Ratchet: But this isn't...
Thug Leader: Save it fuzzy, you're not foolin' anyone. You and your metal
buddy just earned yourselves a trip to our new prison. [laughs] Watch this.
[video brochure for Thug's prison plays, narrated by a relaxed female voice]
Narrator: [image of flying lab] Thugs-4-Less Prison would like to wish you a
happy incarceration. After a poolside orientation, all new inmates will meet
with the galactic nutritionist [pictre of The Mathematician]. This
professional will ensure that you're eating a species appropriate diet for
your entire stay. Next, come check out our fitness spa with your personal
trainer [picture of Helga, Qwark's trainer from RC1], remember, a prison term
can feel twice as long if you're not in proper shape. And for those times when
you're just feeling blue [picture of Mystic], come talk it out with one of our
ten full time life coaches. They'll help you find your smile again.
Thugs-4-Less Prison, experience the maximum in security.
[End of video, thugs & Leader laugh]
Thug Leader: Wha'd ya think a that?
Ratchet: That didn't seem so bad.
Clank: I assume you have provisions for vegetarians.
Thug Leader: Of course! Vegan or frut... Wait a minute! [to thug] You, take
'em away, [thug grunts agreement] and impound their ship too.
03.35 - Aranos - Escaped:
[Ratchet awakens in the Thug's prison to the sound of Clank scraping a cup
along the bars]
Ratchet [weakly]: Hey!
Clank: Sorry. [drops cup] I have thoroughly analysed our surroundings, and I
am afraid that there is absolutely no means of escape.
[the pink infobot enters their cell from a ventilation shaft]
Clank: ...except that.
Pink Infobot: Shh. [exits through vent]
Ratchet: Someone's got a girlfriend. [laughs]
Clank: I will be right back.
Ratchet: Don't, ah, stop for anything along the way.
[Clank looks at Ratchet briefly then heads through the vent]
[Taking separate paths out to the ship Ratchet finds something]
Ratchet [to camera(?)]: Hey, check this out, another wrench!
[discards old one]
[The duo are again reunited]
Ratchet: So, did you run into your little friend out there?
Clank: I do not know what you mean. [Ratchet looks at him sideways]
03.36 - Aranos - Trouble elsewhere (Meow):
[Ratchet and Clank, while attempting to release their ship, discover a video
message from Angela, she's in a dark hallway, talking quietly and constantly
Angela: Ratchet, Clank. I hope this gets through to you. I'm transmitting from
the Thugs-4-Less fleet. [she hides as a thug walks past behind her] This ship
just returned from a Megacorp distribution centre and I think I've found the
answer to... [hides as Thug Leader walks past behind her, but sneezes and he
Thug Leader: Hey! Who's there?
Thug Leader: Aww. Wait a minute [Angela returns into view], what are you doin'
here? [notices camera] Ah-ha-ha! Sendin' a message to ya little pals, uh. Well
say goodbye boys. [to a thug] Take her to headquaters!
[Back to R&C]
Ratchet: Whoa! Did you see that?
Clank: Yes, Angela knows how to defeat the Protopet.
Clank: ...and she does a terrible cat impression?
Ratchet: ...and we have to rescue here from the Thugs!
Clank: Agreed, we need that answer.
Ratchet: And we have to protect her!
Clank: Ookaay, I will upload the co-ordinates.
03.37 - Aranos, Todano - "Look, The Plumber's back":
[During further exploration of the prison/flying lab Ratchet and Clank meet
an old friend]
Ratchet: Hey I know those pants.
Plumber: Con sarn it! Here's the problem!
Clank: Excuse us sir, what are you doing here, in this galaxy?
Plumber: I can't control where things break, I just fix 'em.
Clank: Surely someone in this galaxy coul...
Plumber: Shh! I know that, but they don't. I get triple time, and travel
expenses. [pulls an object from the pipe he'd been working on]
Ratchet: Eew, what's that?
Plumber: Some dad burn fool flushed this perfectly good Qwark action figure.
Sure it's a little ripe, but look at that craftsmanship. You wanna buy it?
[Oddly they do want to buy it, and so they do]
Plumber: There you go pal. See you in another year or so.
Clank [to Ratchet]: What did he mean by that?
[Taking a slight detour from the mission, the heroes pay another visit to the
Qwark Fan on Todano, where they exchange the Qwark Doll for the Armour
Qwark Fan: Kewla. [kisses Qwark Doll] I'm taking the Captain home before the
humidity gets to him. [throws the Magnetiser to Ratchet]
03.38 - Gorn (Thug Leader goes off on Ratchet and Clank):
[Arriving on Gorn, the Thugs' fleet's location, the ship is attacked]
Clank [neck grows in fear]: I detect Thugs-4-Less ships at one o'clock.
Ratchet: It's payback time!
[Having defeated the thugs]
Ratchet: Well it looks like the Thugs moved Angela out of this quadrant, see
if you can pick up any transmissions on the deep space channels. [Clank
presses a button]
[A video of the Thug Leader plays, in the background a monitor displays his
Thug Leader: What is your problem? I'm trying to make a living here and you to
loosers keep lousing it up! Ratchet and Clank isn't it? Deh, look if you two
don't high tail it back to your own galaxy I'm gonna blast you into so many
pieces you'll need a...um, ah, well there's gonna be a lot of 'em, I can tell
ya that. And don't bother trying to find me 'cause I've got wind. I mean I'm
like the wind, you never know when I might show up next, and I blow hard, and
I can be cooling on a warm summer day, and uh, well you get the idea, goodbye
[return to ship]
Clank: Does he realise he's just transmitted his exact location?
Ratchet: If not, he's about to find out.
03.39 - Snivelak - Giant Mech battle (A shipment of... paperweights):
[On Snivelak, R&C discover that the Thug Leader is holding Angela captive in
the belly of a giant mech, the Leader himself is on top of the mech and laughs
as R&C approach]
Ratchet: What's so funny?
Thug Leader: Ah, nothin' I guess. Prepare to die! [enters the mech and starts
[After the Thug Leader is again defeated]
Ratchet: Whew, you okay Clank? [he nods] Great, lets go. [they turn and start
to walk away]
Angela: Hello! Aren't you forgetting someone?
Ratchet: Oops, I meant: After we free Angela. [Fires his Lancer to break the
Angela: [climbing down] Thanks. Now before you run off, take a look at this.
I picked it out of lizard-boy's pocket.
[Video plays, Thug Leader is shown]
Thug Leader: Log entry 47-92. Returning from Megacorp's distribution centre.
Am beginning to suspect Megacorp has lied to me. [shows distribution centre]
The extra large decorative paperweights being stored there might actually be
an enormous supply of Protopets, which might explain why the whole place is
guarded by ravenous mutant creatures [shows creatures]. Their warehouse ship
may hold as many as ten million crates [shown], and with 100 Protopets per
crate that could be as many as, um... [view returns to him, mumbles] ...carry
the two... three point five zillion Protopets! A secret shipment that large
can only mean one thing: Megacorp is up to no good. I will confront them, and
demand, a bigger cut of the action.
[Back to heroes]
Ratchet: Are they insane?!
Clank: The galaxy is in far more danger than I had imagined. Do you suppose Mr
Angela: We've wasted enough time on Fizzwidget already. [quieter] I swear that
crazy old man is not the same person I used to work for.
Ratchet: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You used to work for Megacorp?!
Angela: Yes, in the genetics division.
Ratchet: ...on the Protopet?!
Angela: ...on fixing the Protopet's flaws! And I was this close [holding
fingers around a centimetre apart] to succeeding when Fizzwidget suddenly
pushed up the release date. Ugh.
Clank: Is it worth disrupting the Protopet shipments?
Angela: It's a start. But to stop them for good, we're gonna need to break in
to Megacorp headquarters.
Ratchet: Break in? How?
Angela: I have an old Megacorp ID on my home planet.
Ratchet: We'll split up then. Clank and I will go to the distribution
facility, [to Angela] you go grab the ID.
03.40 - On the Way to Smolg (Behind the Hero, Part IV):
[Ratchet and Clank are in the ship]
Ratchet: See if you can find any more news on the Protopet. [Clank nods and
turns on the monitor]
["Behind the Hero" contines]
Narrator: And now, "Behind the Hero" brings you the conclusion of our series
on Captain Qwark. As of this airing, [pic of Billy having breakfast, Qwark on
milk carton] the fugitive superhero has been missing for almost six weeks.
[Qwark's legs protruding from a creature] Did he die heroically? [Qwark Fan
holding Qwark Doll] Was he the victim of an over zealous fan? Or is he still
out there somewhere? The galaxy may never know. But stay tuned for more
baseless speculation and crackpot theories on: "Behind the Hero".
[returns to R&C]
Ratchet: Well, no more Qwark.
Clank: Good, it is almost time for "Robochef" [Turns it on and lies back in
03.41 - Smolg - bomb (A Galactic Greeting):
[Whilst exploring the distribution facility, R&C are taken off guard by a
Ratchet: Incoming! Get down! [the duo fall to the ground, the "bomb" lands and
a screen is revealed] What the...?
[a video plays, it shows a draw happy face]
Angela: Ratchet and Clank.
Voice: You lucky devil!
Angela: Angela Cross
Voice: Has just sent you: a galactic greeting!
Angela: Guys! If you get this message, please meet me on my home world. Just
so you know, I've found my old ID badge [holds it up, sees some Protopets on
the roof nearby and reaches down, returning with a snowball], I'm pretty sure
we can still use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ, but your gonna have to hurry
[knocks down a Protopet with the snowball], before the Protopets completely
overrun us! Oh, and sorry for the ballon-a-gram, it was the only thing I could
get of this b...[is cut off]
Voice: We hope you enjoyed your galactic greeting!
[Screen closes, "bomb" releases balloons and flies away]
Clank: That Angela is quite resourceful
Ratchet: Yeah, she thinks of everything, doesn't she?
Clank: She also appears to be in great danger.
[further along this path Ratchet finds a Hypnomatic part]
03.42 - Smolg - mutant crab (Darla Gratch Reporting):
[In the other end of the facility, Ratchet is about to kill yet another enemy]
Mutant Crab: Go ahead! You'd be doing me a favour. [annoyed noise]
Ratchet: Oh! Sorry. It's just, I thought you were one of... [gestures towards
Mutant Crab: Them? Dear, dear. What I'd give for even an ounce of their feral
Clank: A burden often accompanies self-awareness, sir.
Mutant Crab: Living with the abject savagery of one's own kith and kin is
quite more than one can bare sometimes. Oh, the torment, oh it's awful.
Clank: I understand. I too am of a series designed to destroy.
Mutant Crab: Oh. In that case, I have something that may interest you. But may
I first humbly request a meagre few bolts for food?
[He takes the bolts]
Mutant Crab: Lovely, long time since I've eaten. [eats some bolts then shows a
[Darla Gratch (from RC1) is seem standing in front of a violent scene where
generic Bogon Galaxy robots are being attacked/killed by Protopets]
Darla: This is Darla Gratch reporting live from Allgon City, where Protopet
mania is in full swing. For those who've spent the past week in hyper-sleep,
the Protopet is Megacorp's wildly popular bio-engineered pet. Adorable,
non-allergenic and [pan down to see her shake one off her foot] house broken,
fans of the creature have dubbed it: "the perfect companion". Between the
Protopet's surprisingly low price tag, and it's lightning fast breeding cycle,
there may soon be more than enough Protopets for everyone. Darla Gratch,
Channel 64 news.
[Return view to R&C, Mutant Crab leaves]
Clank: The entire population of that planet will be devoured.
Ratchet: Unless we get there in time. [Heroic pose]
03.43 - Grelbin - Hypnomatic part:
[Ratchet and Clank are on Grelbin, there are two paths, the second requires a
gadget they don't have. They find a boulder lodged in the doorway, near the
Ratchet[after straining to push boulder through door]: ...man, it won't budge.
Mystic: Violence is not the answer.
Clank: Can you move this rock sir?
Mystic: I am able.
Mystic: Patience young, one for the rock to move, the forces of the universe
Ratchet So can we make these "forces" align a little faster?
Mystic: AaAah yes, the holistic resonance of moonstones may yet guide these
[They collect enough stones, the Mystic is now seated a few metres from the
Mystic: Ohm. Yes, your arrival with the moonstones is most fortuitus, for it
is in this very moment I that able to move the rock. [moves it]
Ratchet: [laughs] Gee, what a coincidence.
Clank: Thank you sir, that was most helpful.
Mystic: Your gratitude is comforting child. I have also found a piece of
something called a Hypnomatic, you may have it in exchange for more
Ratchet: Wait, I thought you had no need for "material possessions".
Mystic: Please, do not lay your burdens on me now. I am weary from the rock,
and I must rest.
[Ratchet & Clank follow the opened path, it unlocks access to the rest of the
moonstones, they grab enough and return to the Mystic, who has his eyes closed
Ratchet: Uh, hello. We've got more moonstones!
Mystic: No, you have not.
Mystic: Existence is a lie, [Ratchet rubs his head and Clank shrugs]
sensations are illusions, possessions are merely visions.
Ratchet [annoyed]: Alright. I've got an illusion of some moonstones, I'll
trade it for a vision of that Hypnomatic part.
Mystic: You have learned much young one. [hands over part] Now bring me more
moonstones, and riches shall be your reward.
03.44 - Damosel - Hypnotist:
[On planet Damosel, R&C first head along some side paths, in the first Giant
Clank fights a boss to win an item, in the second Ratchet rides a grind rail
to find the final Hypnomatic part, when they find it the heroes imitate one of
"Jak and Daxter: the Precursor Legacy"'s we-got-a-precursor-orb cutscenes,
with Clank dancing. When he is done dancing Ratchet stares and shakes his
Clank: Sorry. [laughs weakly]
[Completing the walk along the main path, they come across a Hypnotist /
Sock Puppet: You're getting sleepy, very sleepy.
Hypnotist: [almost drifts off] Huh, ah, you are getting sleepy.
Sock Puppet: Ah, a customer. You, sir, look like someone who could use a
Hypnomatic! [Hypnotist nods]
Hypnotist: Just bring us the parts and we'll make it for free.
Sock Puppet: [sends Hypnotist to sleep] ...ah, for a fee, a very small fee
[They make it]
Sock Puppet: [throws it over] Use it wisely! [runs off with Hypnotist still
[Ratchet looks at Clank while holding the new gadget]
Clank: Do not even think about it.
03.45 - Grelbin - Angela's house (Mummy where do Protopets come from?):
[Ratchet & Clank make it to Angela's house, Ratchet knocks and Angela pokes
her head out before coming out]
Ratchet: Hey, nice digs.
Angela: [laughs] Yeah, a little remnant from my previous life.
Clank: You were reincarnated?
Angela: No, no. My Megacorp days. They've got a very generous bonus package.
Ratchet: Uh right, so now that you've got your ID badge, how do we take out
Angela: Watch this.
[A video starts with a small robot family]
Daughter: Mummy, where do Protopets come from?
Mother: Why, they come from Megacorp dear.
Narrator: That's right Missus Robot! [cut to Megacorp building] All the
Protopets in the galaxy come from right here, in our factory. Your little
friend is lovingly extracted from the original Protopet [shows it being
electrocuted and burping out a new one]. Each Protopet is given a name and
birth certificate that is unique [branding iron used]. Our training system
helps mold your pet into a wonderful friend that you'll cherish forever [looks
like a torture device]. So next time your child asks:
[Cut back to opening]
Daughter: Mummy, where do Protopets come from?
Narrator: You can answer with confidence, they come from Megacorp!
[Return to heroes]
Clank: That factory is using the original Prtotopet to produce all the others!
Angela: Exactly. If we can take out the original Protopet, that'll shut 'em
down, permanently. [hands something to Clank]
Clank: "20% of a complete service at Groovy Lube"?
Angela: Oops, [embarrassed laugh] wrong one. [hands over ID] This will
deactivate the door to the Protopet duplication area. I'll meet you there.
Ratchet: Sure you want to split up?
Angela: Well, Megacorp's orbital defences are nasty. With two ships there's a
good chance at least one of us will get through.
Ratchet: Good thinking. Just be careful.
[Angela trips and falls while heading back inside]
03.46 - Yeedil (Remember, you bought it from Steve...):
[Ratchet and Clank make it through to the door to the Protopet]
Clank: This is it! The Protopet duplication room.
Angela: [Runs over, out of breath] I'm sorry I'm late, I had some trouble with
Ratchet: No problem, your just in time. [Angela nods] Okay, lets see if this
[The pink infobot enters panicking, and waving her arms around]
Clank: She is trying to tell us something.
[Pink infobot expands her display screen, a video plays, Captain Qwark is in
a store with Personal Hygienators on the shelves, he is wearing a large purple
Qwark: Bye now. Enjoy the Hygienator! [laughs] Remember, you bought it from
"Steve"! [laughs] "Steve McQwark", [removes moustache] indeed. Now that I've
sold my one millionth Hygienator, I can finance the comeback of the greatest
super hero who ever lived, [jumps onto counter] Captain Qwark! [jumps back
behind counter] All I need now is a new galaxy, with a new fan base, so I can
rescue them, from a new disaster! [reveals a poster of the Protopet, evil
laugh, zoom to poster]
[Pink info bot closes her screen, Fizzwidget, accompanied by two robot guards,
shoots her down. Angela gasps]
Clank: Sir, I do not understand.
Angela: Mr Fizzwidget?!
[He begins unzipping his fly, Clank and Angela shield their eyes and Ratchet
screams, the zip actually zips up past his head and the _Fizzwidget costume_
falls off revealing Qwark, who laughs]
Clank: This is bad.
Angela: Alright, just what the [censored by hooter and black bar] is going
Qwark: [laughs] Allow me to explain, I'm about to save the galaxy from the
Protopets and you are about to be come public enemy number one! Oh, and two
and three. Guards! Seize them!
[Scene changes to Qwark in front of Protopet and the heroes held by guards,
infront of a camera]
Qwark: Smile, it's show time! Ahem. Citizens of Bogon, I am Captain Qwark. I
come to you, in this your darkest of hours, to shine the flashlight of justice
on your galaxy.
Ratchet [laughing]: Flashlight of justice? [is poked by guard with gun] Oomph.
Qwark: As you know, a living menace called the Protopet has been set loose in
your galaxy. But fear not Bogonites for I, Captain Qwark, have caught the
perpetrators. [pan to R,C&A] Yes good citizens, these are the masterminds
behind Megacorp's experiment with death! And now, with this super
electro-gadget, I invented, I will end the Protopet threat once and for all.
Angela: That's my Helix-o-morph, I invented... [poked with gun] Oomph!
Qwark: Ahem. Stay tuned, dear viewers, as I amplify the signal from this
Helix-o-thingy and render every Protopet in the galaxy completely harmless.
Allow me to demonstrate. [uses gadget on Protopet, mutating it into a giant
purple version of itself, Mutant Protopet eats Qwark] Mummy!
[Mutant Protopet runs off, the guards run the other direction]
Ratchet: Does that Helix-o-morph actually work?
Angela: It used to. I can probably fix it.
Ratchet: come on Clank, lets get it back.
03.47 - After final boss (Qwark Starts a new Job, Qwark gets to Test...):
[The Mutant Protopet is defeated and falls to the floor, Angela walks in]
Angela: You did it! [kisses Clank and Ratchet]
[Fizzwidget walks in and Ratchet screams]
Angela: It's okay, this is the real Fizzwidget. Qwark had him tied up in a
supply closet all this time.
Fizzwidget: Gentlemen, you have my most profound gratitude.
Ratchet: It was nothing sir, I'm just sorry we couldn't get the Helix-o-morph
[Sounds are heard from inside the Mutant Protopet, Qwark climbs out its mouth,
then he burps up the Helix-o-morph]
Ratchet: Right. What do you suppose is wrong with it?
Angela [examining it]: I don't know, it could take months of research and...
Clank [from below]: The battery is in backwards.
Fizzwidget: Imbecilic to the very last.
[Mutant Protopet wakes up and moves to eat Fizzwidget, but Angela uses the
Helix-o-morph to transform it to normal and also make it friendly, it rubs
itself against Fizzwidget]
Fizzwidget: [laughs] Down boy.
Angela: I just have to amplify the device with Megacorp's TV transponders,
that should cure the other Protopets.
Ratchet [looking around]: Clank? [Finds him a short distance away with the
broken pink infobot] It's okay, I can fix her, I promise.
[Roll first half of credits]
[Later in Clank's apartment with Ratchet, Clank, Angela and pink infobot]
Clank [to pink infobot]: So, what do you like to do for fun?
[pink expands her screen to show Clank something, his neck grows drastically
and head spins around]
Clank: Oh, my, goodness. [laughs]
Ratchet: [overlapped awkward laugh] [to Angela] So... What ever happened to
Angela: I heard he was working at Megacorp.
[Cut to a kitchen with Qwark, holding a large mug, and some test-bots]
Qwark: So, you fellas new here? You guys should sign up for the prob-o-matic
that little baby cleans ya something fierce. I just got done testing the
full-body-waxinator, I am personally sportin' a smooth chassis, and there are
no tags on my luggage. [test-bots leave, one waves] Alright then, catch ya
Loudspeaker: Subject 23-A, please report immediately for Crotchitizer testing.
Qwark: Well, duty calls. [puts mug in sink and walks off]
[Qwark is tied to a wall, test-bots are nearby, a machine with a claw
Qwark: Alright fellas, nice and tight now. So you've tested this right? Oh
wait, that's why I'm here [laughs, notices test-bots have left]. Oh, one more
thing... [Crotchitizer's claw reaches towards Qwark's pants, impact is heard,
[End of game, unless you count the sequels]
04 - Contact:
If you have questions, see something missing that should be added or incorrect
spelling/grammar you can e-mail Quolnok[at]hotmail[dot]com with "RC2 Script"
in the subject line. (Spelling is checked using Australian English with
Microsoft Word. Unfortunately some of the words spoken by Fizzwidget are
either gibberish or very uncommon, in these cases Google helped slightly.
Be aware that such words are usually clarified or aren't important).
05 - Notes:
After making a FAQ for Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal, I was planing on
writing a FAQ for Deadlocked / Gladiator. I later changed my mind and was
going to just map the new museum (there wasn't one)... then I just decided to
fill some gaps in the FAQ libraries of earlier games. After doing this script
there is a slight chance I'll do one for UYA, but if I do it won't be started
until the end of the year (2006), I just figured it was best to start here.
This is the first transcript I have done.
I've noticed that there's now a transcript for UYA, that pretty much
guarantees I won't be doing it.
06 - Credits:
ASCII "Ratchet & Clank":
IDEO ASCII TYPESETTER V1.0 http://www.ideo.com/typesetter.html
(Some of) Fizzwidget's odd words:
Google/Misc online dictionaries/websites.
A few corrections to Theif's dialogue: