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    FAQ/Walkthrough by Yuka Takeuchi Fan

    Version: 1.0 | Updated: 09/19/10 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

    Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World: The Game
    System: Playstation 3 (and I don't see any reason why this won't work on an 
    XBOX 360)
    Yet another guide from the Yuka Takeuchi Fan
    Phase 1: Versions
    Phase 2: Story behind the author
    Phase 3: Story behind the FAQ
    Phase 4: Storyline of the game
    Phase 5: Basic in-game controls
    Phase 6: Basic information
    Phase 7: Characters
    Phase 8: Useful tips
    Phase 9: The art of fighting
    Phase 10: Walkthrough
    Phase 11: Frequently Asked Questions
    Phase 12: Thanks, Links
    Phase 13: Closing
    Phase 14: End
      Use Control-F and type in "Phase (whatever)" to zip around a bit.
    Phase 1:
     -1.0 (August 20, 2010)
    First version of this guide submitted to GameFAQs. You, as always, may feel 
    free to contribute, especially with any information pertinent to things I've 
    missed or skipped on for the time being, but the guide is at a point where you 
    will at least know how to beat the game without having to wait for the 1.1 
    Phase 2:
    Story behind the author
      Still an anime geek, still a sarcastic bastard, still an oblivious dumbass. 
    Nothing much has changed regarding me, your neighborhood-indifferent Yuka 
    Takeuchi Fan, since I've hopefully been of use to you in Dead Rising. I'm still 
    the longtime runner (if not exactly a longtime maintainer) of the website "Yuka 
    Takeuchi Fan's Severe Waste of Time", and I'm still a big fan of both writing 
    and video games. So here I am again with another FAQ!
      Fair warning, I'm still far from an eloquent speaker, my grasp on my own 
    first language remains shaky, and you'd better believe that I still talk way 
    too much when I know my audience is captive. However, for many, this doesn't 
    seem to have been a problem thus far so it shouldn't be a problem for you now.
    Phase 3:
    Story behind the FAQ
      Believe it or not, and no, I can hardly believe it myself, I somehow have 
    managed to find people that I am able to call friends. Even more incredulously, 
    my site has been in some capacity the means I've used to do so for all cases.
      One of these friends, a rather longtime one at that, is a fan of the Scott 
    Pilgrim comic series, and it was around the time that the movie adaptation was 
    announced that he decided to let me know about this, ultimately suggesting I 
    give it a read if I got a chance. Well, during my sadly brief period of living 
    in Florida, a comic book store gave me the opportunity to do exactly that. I 
    was never able to pick up more than the first two books (work on that as I 
    shall try if I get ever get a job at my new home), but I liked what I saw. It 
    was a strange hybrid of American and Japanese style and yet didn't really 
    resemble anything I'd ever seen prior, and the story is an equally bizarre mix 
    of realism and video game logic. And thanks to its oddball nature, I actually 
    quite liked it and would suggest you look into it yourself.
      Assuming you haven't already seen both the books and the movie given you're 
    reading THIS. I recommend the movie too, by the way. There's really nothing 
    else quite like it that I've ever seen.
      Anyway, moving forward. Around the time that the movie was announced, it was 
    also announced that there would be a video game adaptation to roughly tie in 
    with the movie's release date. And when I heard that it'd be a 2D beat-em-up 
    that'd play like a cross between River City Ransom and Final Fight, all in SD 
    and with a soundtrack that's a bitchin' cross between chiptune and rock? How 
    could I NOT play that?
      And sure enough, the game doesn't fall into many of the traps that licensed 
    games tend to fall into. Not only is the game quite well-designed (though not 
    without a few annoying bits) and an excellent throwback to the SNES/arcade 
    golden era of beat-em-ups, the creator of the comic series was involved heavily 
    in the game's design, and it shows. And on top of everything else, it may very 
    well be the only beat-em-up I've ever played where you are constantly coming 
    across enemies you haven't fought before, all the way up to the final area of 
    the game!
      So if you're willing to read, I'm willing to get you through the game. Sure, 
    it's not all THAT hard if you know what you're doing, but hey, what's it gonna 
    hurt, right?
    Phase 4:
    Storyline of the game
      Scott Pilgrim is in love with Ramona Flowers.
      Ramona has seven evil exes.
      To win her heart (or at least continue dating her without the lingering 
    threat of randomly getting his face smashed in while going out, not conductive 
    to a romantic atmosphere, let me tell you), Scott must defeat all seven, led by 
    Gideon Gordon Graves.
      And hey, since this is a video game, Scott decides that this time around, 
    he'll just be proactive and chase 'em down. Hey, anything to limit the chance 
    of a surprise attack, right?
      Anyway, it's up to him, the other two members of the band "Sex Bob-Omb", and 
    amusingly enough, Ramona herself to destroy the League of Evil Exes. Don't let 
    them down.
    Phase 5:
    Basic in-game controls
      I am going to assume you'll be playing this on a Playstation 3, and since I'm 
    not a big fan of buying a game twice, I'm not going to be posting XBOX 360 
    controls until I know what they actually are. Just assume that the buttons 
    roughly match up when the time comes. If all else fails, you can always refer 
    to the game itself- just go into the menu and select "Help & Options".
    D-pad or Left control stick:
      Move around. You can double-tap the D-pad left or right to run, and you can 
    choose yourself whether a quick-tap or double-tap of the Left control stick 
    will do the same. In addition to that, you may also hop to the side by doing 
    the same thing, but with either up or down.
    Square button:
      Fast attack. Repeatedly tap it for a flurry of combo hits that will 
    ultimately lead to a knockdown attack. You can also pick up and use weapons 
    (including the bodies of downed enemies) this way.
      You can also taunt by holding this down for a couple of seconds but it 
    doesn't really seem to affect anything unless you're playing the game 
    multiplayer- which I don't and may or may not discuss later. I use it after 
    defeating bosses.
    Triangle button:
      Strong attack. While more easily blocked, it usually sends your enemy 
    straight into its "send my ass flying with your next hit" stun pose. Repeatedly 
    tap it for a much shorter combo that will ultimately lead to a knockdown 
    attack. If you have a weapon, use this button to throw it- and if you have high 
    Strength, watch out and make sure it doesn't come back and hit you in the face!
    X button:
      Jump. Assuming you're at level 1, you can only attack while jumping by 
    hitting the Square button. If you're in a shop, you can use this to talk to 
    shopkeepers and buy goods.
    Circle button:
      Block. You won't be using it too much but it's extremely helpful in certain 
    situations. It also cancels out of menus.
    R1 button:
      Super attack. Attempts to knock down everyone on both sides of you at the 
    cost of Willpower or if you don't have enough Willpower, HP. You won't be using 
    it too often for reasons I'll get into later.
    L1 button:
      Call Striker. At the start of the game, this calls Scott's fake high school 
    girlfriend Knives in to act in a character-specific manner. There's another one 
    that you can get but I'll explain that when the time comes.
      Brings up the main menu and pauses the game if you're in combat.
    Phase 6:
    Basic information
      Being that the game is a mixture of Final Fight and River City Ransom, it 
    shouldn't come as a surprise to you that the game allows you to stat-build. 
    Allow me to explain that and some of the game basics.
    -Welcome to the world of Scott Pilgrim, ya damn noob.
      Every character you can play as starts out at level 1, with no experience or 
    money to his or her name. You don't carry any experience, money, stats, or 
    ANYTHING between characters, so don't build Scott to level 16 and expect to see 
    the rest of your group at the same level. Each character has slightly different 
    starting stats for HP and Willpower, which I'll get into later, but other than 
    that, they have a flat zero in all four of the main stats, which I'm about to 
    get into. You start the game with three lives, and since this game also counts 
    'zero' as a life, that means that you can be taken out a total of four times 
    before it's the 'Continue?' screen for your horrifically beaten ass.
    -$1 for one game? I laugh in your face, arcade cabinet.
      A word of warning- whenever you save, the game keeps track of how many lives 
    you have; it won't reset to three when you quit and come back, nor will it when 
    you go to a new stage. The same goes for your HP and Willpower values. Keep 
    that in mind when you feel like trying to beat a new stage so you don't make it 
    halfway through and realize with annoyance that victory would have come so much 
    easier if you had two more lives. That being said, being forced to continue is 
    a slap on the wrist that does nothing but throw you out of the stage- you're 
    allowed to keep any money, experience, and stats you may have gained, and as 
    far as I can tell, you're allowed to continue as many times as you want.
    -Stats. What do they do for you?
      In addition to the main four, I'll explain the other things you'll be getting 
    familiar with over the course of the game. Before anything else, this is a good 
    time to tell you that NONE of this carries over between characters. If you 
    level Scott up to his absolute maximum and only him, your other characters will 
    all be level-1 pansies who require assistance to punch through paper bags, even 
    while holding ice picks and the bag is on fire.
      Leveling up does not make you more powerful in and of itself, and your max 
    level is 16. However, with the exception of your basic arsenal of moves, your 
    entire move list is locked until you level up; you get one new move per level. 
    However, there is one move per character that you cannot obtain through 
    leveling-up and I'll explain how you get it in the walkthrough.
      Your experience points. You get some whenever you hit or defeat an enemy. I'd 
    give you an experience table, but you really don't need it; you'll probably 
    want to money-grind a bit before you beat the game (this isn't a challenge 
    guide and I'll be suggesting it myself), ESPECIALLY so if you're playing higher 
    difficulties- you will hit level 16 long, long before you're done with that. 
    You can continue gaining XP long after that but it's just for bragging rights. 
    Though if you're attempting to max out the XP counter for even one character, 
    you need to consider finding a hobby even more than I need to. Trust me when I 
    say that's saying a whole lot. Oh, and when you level-up, your HP and GP refill 
    to their maximum levels.
      Your cash on hand. You can earn a little by air-juggling enemies, and can 
    earn some through certain in-game events, but the vast majority of your money 
    will come from you mercilessly slaying everything in your path and stealing 
    whatever they had on hand. You're going to need a lot of it, for buying stuff 
    from in-game shops is the ONLY reliable way you can restore HP or Willpower, 
    and even more importantly, your main stats will stay at zero if you buy nothing 
    throughout the game. Again, this isn't a challenge guide, so having them at 
    0/0/0/0 kind of goes against my goal of helping the average player beat this 
    game. If that upsets you, go play a few more Touhou games one-handed while 
    gasping suggestively at the still shots of 'I Wanna Be The Guy' you printed 
    out, freak.
      Heart Points. Your health is stated numerically in this game, and when it 
    hits zero, it takes a toll on your...
      Gut Points, though I'll probably goof more than once and call it 'Willpower' 
    despite that term sharing a name with the main stat. You'll see why. This 
    allows you to use Super Attacks and call your Striker though its main use 
    involves what happens to you when your HP drops to zero. If you take damage 
    past that would drop your HP to zero, the rest is unceremoniously taken from 
    your GP. When you're next knocked down, if you have any GP remaining, up to 100 
    are then converted into up to 50 HP and you're allowed to continue fighting 
    without losing a life. The higher your Willpower stat is, the higher your max 
    GP gets, and the less GP you lose and the better the GP-to-HP ratio you get 
    when this happens.
      Obviously, when THIS hits zero and you're out of HP, sucks to be you! Bye-
    bye, life.
      Now for your main stats. They all serve more than one purpose.
      Purpose 1 is quite cut and dry; the higher this stat goes, the harder your 
    attacks hit. Purpose 2 is a little more luck-based- as you send the Strength 
    stat higher, you also get a higher chance of landing random critical hits, 
    which as far as I can tell do five times the damage of normal hits. If you just 
    started in on an enemy, this can shorten their lifespan drastically. For 
    Purpose 3, the higher this stat goes, the farther items go when you hit or 
    throw them, and the farther and higher your enemies go flying when you knock 
    them down... or up. Uppercuts are such a lovely way of telling your foe that 
    you care.
      Overall, Strength keeps your fights shorter by making you require fewer hits 
    to kill the same enemies. Remember, the faster you take your enemies down 
    (assuming you're not being reckless), the fewer the chances they get to kill 
      Purpose 1 is also quite simple. The higher this goes, the less damage you 
    take when you're hit by attacks. Purpose 2 is also pretty simple- for each 
    point of Defense you have, you get an extra point of maximum HP on top of the 
    character's natural maximum. Purpose 3 cancels out the effect of a high-
    Strength enemy somewhat by reducing knockback when you're sent flying. Remember 
    that when you're flying through the air like you missed out on auditions for 
    The Low-Budget Matrix, you can still get hit by enemies with good aim- or 
    simply pingponged back and forth between two enemies for more damage than 
    you'll care to take.
      Overall, Defense is what keeps you alive when your enemies score hits. And 
    you WILL take hits no matter how hard you try, I assure you. The higher it 
    goes, the more effort enemies have to put into killing you.
      Purpose 1 is, again, pretty simple. For each point of Willpower you have, you 
    get an extra point of maximum Willpower on top of the character's natural 
    maximum. Purpose 2, as I mentioned, causes you to get more HP for the GP when 
    the enemies take you down to zero HP, assuming you've got GP to spare (though 
    the ratio seems to top out at just a little more than 1-to-1). As for Purpose 
    3, the higher this stat goes, the stronger your Super Attacks get and the less 
    they cost- ditto for your Striker of choice.
      Overall, Willpower is mostly about giving you a second chance to stay in the 
    game when your Defense ultimately fails you; consider it your second lifebar- 
    and don't neglect a second lifebar that can be made to basically double your 
      Purpose 1 is, not surprisingly, simple once again. Higher Speed makes you 
    move faster in every way, and lets you get up faster as well. Purpose 2 
    involves a very, VERY important fact- the higher your Speed, the faster your 
    attacks come out. Nothing sucks more than having your combo interrupted because 
    the guy behind you hit you out of it... except for having THE GUY YOU WERE 
    HITTING hit you out of it because he remembered that his kung fu is faster than 
      Overall, Speed is all about making sure you hit the enemy before they hit 
    you- IF they hit you, instead of the spot you were at a split-second ago. And 
    in a beat-em-up where you can be fast AND not require 500 combos to take out a 
    paraplegic child with osteoporosis who is having a high-level seizure, suddenly 
    it's not so much of a dump stat.
    Phase 7:
      Allow me to mention before anything else that your characters have roughly 
    the same move lists and will unlock their moves in the same order. However, 
    each character's moves are not created equal, ESPECIALLY when we get around to 
    discussing Tech Attacks, so I'll be discussing some of the finer points of most 
    of them as we go.
    Level 4: Counter (Tap Circle right when the opponent would hit you)
      If you land a Counter, you will negate any damage your opponent would cause, 
    and you immediately hit THEM for heavy damage and knockback (assuming the 
    hitbox on your counterstrike hits, obviously). Use it wisely.
    Level 6: Judo Throw (Left/Right + Triangle near enemy [can grab them first])
      Throws your opponent. It's best to wait until you can hold enemies (which 
    happens at level 8) before you try to use this too much. While flying enemies 
    can hit other enemies, the throw is arced too high to hit nearby foes.
    Level 7: Missile Throw (Run with object, press Triangle)
      Throws items in your hands MUCH harder. MUCH MUCH more painful if you're 
    jumping while you do this, though it's a stone bitch to directly hit things 
    Level 10: Evade ('Run' while blocking)
      A dodging maneuver that leaves you invincible during the animation and gives 
    you a chance to reposition yourself.
    Level 11: Head Stomp (Jump, press Triangle)
      And screw you too, M. Bison. This sends you downward to try to stomp on your 
    opponent's head, and this alone does more damage if you did a running jump. If 
    you hit your opponent, you'll bounce upward and can either do another Head 
    Stomp or another jumping move of your choice. The Head Stomp will inexplicably 
    send those you hit flying, and no, you can't use this to plant your feet into a 
    downed enemy.
    Level 13: Spin Attack (Jump while jumping)
      You double-jump. The 'double' part of the jump making you cannonball into 
    enemies, damaging them.
    Level 14: Grand Slam (Attack with a weapon)
      Turns your weapon swing into a much faster three-swing affair, and makes 
    using weapons all the better a choice for you to take when you can. You cannot 
    go back to single swings, not that you would really care if you could.
    Level 15: Air Recovery (Hit any button while falling)
      Air Recovery lets you turn being knocked down into an opportunity to land a 
    kick or something as you fall, rather than falling helplessly while enemies 
    still get a chance to air-juggle you. Be careful; you 'brake' for a second when 
    you use this, and it you use this low to the ground, you may give enemies a 
    chance to hit you again.
     23 Years Old
     Rating: Awesome!
    Starting Stats:
    HP: 100
    GP: 100
      Scott is, of course, the main character of the story. Though he has the 
    lowest starting stats out of the entire group, it's not that glaring starting 
    out and it's even less glaring once you begin maxing out your characters. 
    Besides, how can you not pick him, he's the main character! His name is in the 
    title! And remember, it's not self-discovery if you just make your friends do 
    it for you.
    Super Attack:
      It's a spinning kick that has decent range on both sides and deals fair 
    damage. It's probably the best of the Super Attacks, to be honest, though I 
    still don't recommend you use it much for reasons I'll get into later.
    Striker (Knives):
      Hits everybody on-screen for very little damage- but it also stuns everybody 
    on-screen. Capitalize quickly, as the stun doesn't last for very long.
    Striker (Mr. Chau):
       Either Mr. Chau will slash all the enemies on-screen for horrifying damage, 
    or Mrs. Chau shout at one of the enemies, distracting them for a moment. Guess 
    which one's the useful one. Now guess whether you choose which you get, though 
    luckily the game will send out Mr. Chau quite more often than not.
    Level 2: Dash attacks (Run, press Square or Triangle)
      Square: A sliding kick that goes through enemies. Won't necessarily knock 
    enemies down, setting them up for combos.
      Triangle: A shoulder-tackle that doesn't go very far, but deals more damage 
    than the sliding kick and throws enemies backward from the impact.
    Level 3: Back attack (Attack while an enemy is close and behind you)
      A backwards elbow strike that does respectable damage and can be used as a 
    combo attack.
    Level 5: Low attack (Down + Square)
      A crouching kick that does about as much damage as a Fast attack. Hits downed 
    Level 8: Grapple Combo (Left/Right + Square near enemy [can combo into throw])
      Scott punches the opponent in the stomach. Rapidly tap the button to do more 
    Level 9: Double Attack (Press Square then quickly press Triangle)
      Scott interrupts a Fast Attack combo to kidney-punch the enemy. Good at 
    catching enemies off-guard.
    Level 12: Ground and Pound (Down + Triangle near downed enemies)
      Scott will bend down a bit and sock a downed foe. Stronger than the Low 
    attack, and I think it's the fastest of the Ground and Pound moves.
    Level 16: Tech Attack 1 (Up + Triangle)
      Ultimate Boob Punch (It makes sense if you've seen Scott's first encounter 
    with Roxanne in other media.)- Scott, while standing still, punches straight 
    upward with a fiery burst that sends enemies flying. This is basically a free 
    Super Attack that you can use whenever you damn well please, albeit with 
    shorter range, and is AMAZING against anything that's trying to leap at you. 
    Good to use while surrounded.
    Unlock: Tech Attack 2 (Down + Triangle)
      Charging punch. Despite the fact that it blows enemies backward when it hits, 
    the Ultimate Boob Punch does it better, to more enemies, and for around twice 
    the damage to boot. It's easily the lamest of the unlockable Tech Attacks and 
    not worth buying unless you really need to fill that attack list.
     American Ninja Delivery Girl
     Drop the hammer, Haruko!
    Starting Stats:
    HP: 100
    GP: 105
      I love the fact that you are completely allowed to pick Ramona as a player 
    character, and assuming you're playing single player, basically tell her to 
    take care of her own damn problems in doing so. Well, Ramona is certainly no 
    damsel-in-distress and is quite capable of defending herself. Must have 
    something to do with... well... Let's just say that even though she's 2D in 
    both the comic and the game, 2D has more than one meaning in the game. Ramona 
    seems- in a rather surprising turn for a beat-em-up- to deal slightly more 
    damage than Scott, all stats being equal.
    Super Attack:
      Ramona spins with her bag outstretched. Does respectable damage. Save your 
    Striker (Knives):
      Knives pops up with a big-ass cup of coffee. When she disappears, Ramona will 
    heal a (VERY) small amount of HP, and immediately be given the Glow, without 
    having to flawlessly kill five enemies in a row.
    Striker (Mr. Chau):
      Either Mr. Chau will slash all the enemies on-screen for horrifying damage, 
    or Mrs. Chau shout at one of the enemies, distracting them for a moment. Guess 
    which one's the useful one. Now guess whether you choose which you get, though 
    luckily the game will send out Mr. Chau quite more often than not.
    Level 2: Dash attacks (Run, press Square or Triangle)
      Square: Slide. Hits enemies low, including those currently knocked down. Goes 
    through enemies without knocking anyone down.
      Triangle: Hammer thrust. DOESN'T hit downed enemies, though it's a little 
    more powerful to compensate. Goes through enemies.
    Level 3: Back attack (Attack while an enemy is close and behind you)
      Ramona kicks upward in what I'm pretty sure lands in the crotch. Sadly, there 
    is no special animation in regards to the effect. It's also rather short-range, 
    though it can combo into itself.
    Level 5: Low attack (Down + Square)
      A low swing with Ramona's hammer that does about as much damage as a Fast 
    Attack. Hits downed enemies.
    Level 8: Grapple Combo (Left/Right + Square near enemy [can combo into throw])
      Either she's punching them or bitchslapping them in the face, I can't tell 
    which, but keep tapping that button to do more of whatever it is.
    Level 9: Double Attack (Press Square then quickly press Triangle)
      Ramona interrupts her Fast Attack combo to kick the opponent in the side. 
    Good for catching opponents off-guard.
    Level 12: Ground and Pound (Down + Triangle near downed enemies)
      Ramona punches her hammer into her opponent. Stronger than the Low attack.
    Level 16: Tech Attack 1 (Up + Triangle)
      Flying Split-kick. Ramona flips forward and lands in a split-kick that 
    inexplicably sends enemies flying. It's hard to aim and doesn't have a lot of 
    range, though enemies flying through the air ARE currently off your back...
    Unlock: Tech Attack 2 (Down + Triangle)
      Fiery Palm Thrust. Does heavy damage and sends those unfortunate enough to be 
    hit by it flying. It's a little on the short-ranged side, but it's not a bad 
     The Talent
     He's getting tingles.
    Starting Stats:
    HP: 110
    GP: 100
      Stills, as the game refers to him, is the only known character that starts 
    with an HP count of over 100. And to be honest, it's appropriate, I mean, look 
    at him smash things in a blind rage! They say there's a pro wrestler in all of 
    us, and with an elbow drop in place of a non-running jump kick, turns out it 
    applies to guitarist/vocalists desperate to make a name for themselves. He does 
    the most damage out of the four starting characters, assuming the stats are 
    Super Attack:
      Stills sends out a shockwave that has a rather surprisingly short range, but 
    knocks enemies quite far away if it hits (for decent damage). I wouldn't bother 
    with it; it seems like it doesn't hit enemies it looks like it should.
    Striker (Knives):
      Knives will hang in the air and throw really large knives down in a straight 
    line in front of her, dealing horrifying damage to anyone it hits. He's the 
    only one of the four starters who uses Knives for pure damage, so you know.
    Striker (Mr. Chau):
      Either Mr. Chau will slash all the enemies on-screen for horrifying damage, 
    or Mrs. Chau shout at one of the enemies, distracting them for a moment. Guess 
    which one's the useful one. Now guess whether you choose which you get, though 
    luckily the game will send out Mr. Chau quite more often than not.
    Level 2: Dash attacks (Run, press Square or Triangle)
      Square: A charging elbow punch that goes through enemies and leaves 'em 
    standing and stunned, but totally misses enemies that are already downed.
      Triangle: A running knee-kick that does more damage than the elbow punch and 
    sends enemies flying. It too doesn't hit downed enemies, so keep in mind that 
    Stills is the ONLY character with no running attacks that can hurt downed 
    Level 3: Back attack (Attack while an enemy is close and behind you)
      A backhand punch that has fair range compared to the others' back attacks, 
    does a fair amount of damage and can be comboed.
    Level 5: Low attack (Down + Square)
      A crouching punch, about as strong as a standing Fast Attack, that can hit 
    downed enemies.
    Level 8: Grapple Combo (Left/Right + Square near enemy [can combo into throw])
      Stills headbutts the enemy and can do it a lot more if you keep pressing 
    Level 9: Double Attack (Press Square then quickly press Triangle)
      Stills interrupts his Fast Attack combo to clap the enemy's head between his 
    hands. While this isn't "Riki-Oh" and thus he won't smash the enemy's head into 
    gooey paste in the process, he'll likely catch 'em off-guard.
    Level 12: Ground and Pound (Down + Triangle near downed enemies)
      Stills kneels down and slams his fist into the enemy. It doesn't seem as 
    quick as the other Ground and Pound moves, but still does more damage than the 
    Low attack.
    Level 16: Tech Attack 1 (Up + Triangle)
      A quick haymaker-to-uppercut combo that'll send the enemies flying if the 
    uppercut connects. It's quick and about twice as powerful as a Strong Attack if 
    both connect, so you may want to try using it to end a combo sometime.
    Unlock: Tech Attack 2 (Down + Triangle)
      Stills quickly rolls forward and comes out of the roll while throwing a hook 
    that sends enemies across the room if it hits. Both the roll itself and the 
    hook do damage (though obviously the hook does more), and the roll can hit 
    around four times. DEFINITELY one of the better buyable Tech Attacks- be sure 
    to nab it.
     The Drummer
     She's just not into you.
    Starting Stats:
    HP: 100
    GP: 110
      Kim is awesome. I love how her sarcastic, who-gives-a-damn attitude 
    translates to a nigh-perpetual eyes-half-open frown with at least one hand on 
    her hip, until and unless she's got something in her hands. Tell me you can't 
    crack a smile along with her while she swings a baseball bat into the face of 
    some mook who didn't see her bitchslap the last ten clones into 
    Super Attack:
      Kim spins with her drumsticks out for respectable damage, but save your GP.
    Striker (Knives):
      Knives and Kim share a kiss, both pissing off moral guardians and restoring a 
    small amount of HP. While the raw heal amount is low, it's still a better GP-
    to-HP tradeoff than you'll normally get.
    Striker (Mr. Chau):
      Either Mr. Chau will slash all the enemies on-screen for horrifying damage, 
    or Mrs. Chau shout at one of the enemies, distracting them for a moment. Guess 
    which one's the useful one. Now guess whether you choose which you get, though 
    luckily the game will send out Mr. Chau quite more often than not.
    Level 2: Dash attacks (Run, press Square or Triangle)
      Square: A sliding kick that goes through enemies. Doesn't knock anyone down, 
    though it hits enemies that already ARE down.
      Triangle: Peach Bomber, AKA "Flying Ass Bash". It doesn't go very far and 
    doesn't hit downed enemies, but it does more damage than the slide and usually 
    knocks enemies down.
    Level 3: Back attack (Attack while an enemy is close and behind you)
      Kim does the same thing as Ramona to similar effect. Or lack thereof for 
    crotch-kick reactions.
    Level 5: Low attack (Down + Square)
      Kim quickly lies on her side and kicks the opponent. It hits downed enemies 
    and looks pretty funny to watch, if you ask me.
    Level 8: Grapple Combo (Left/Right + Square near enemy [can combo into throw])
      Kim will rapidly shove her knee into the opponent. Or at least she'll do it 
    as long as you keep hitting Square.
    Level 9: Double Attack (Press Square then quickly press Triangle)
      Kim interrupts her Fast Attack combo to deliver a quick bitchslap. Nobody 
    expects the bitchslap.
    Level 12: Ground and Pound (Down + Triangle near downed enemies)
      Kim stomps the enemy below her with a vicious-looking smile. It's stronger 
    than the Low Attack.
    Level 16: Tech Attack 1 (Rapidly attack)
      Hundred-Hand Bitchslap. An extremely rapid slapping attack that's faster than 
    the Fast Attack combo and deals a little more damage per hit. However, it's 
    easier to activate on accident than on purpose, which can get annoying.
    Unlock: Tech Attack 2 (Down + Triangle)
      Mouthy Hadoken. Kim spits a huge fireball out of her mouth, which goes across 
    the screen until it hits someone for fairly low damage. It's blockable, but you 
    can throw these out as your Speed stat lets you- seriously, Kim can practically 
    machine-gun these things.
    -NEGASCOTT (requires you to beat the game with Scott, Ramona, Stills and Kim)
     Rating: Negative Awesome!
     Causing paradoxes against sixth bosses everywhere.
    Starting Stats:
    HP: 100
    GP: 50
      Several things in life are inevitable and unchanging. Everyone WILL die, it's 
    always easier to make enemies than friends, Tohru Nishimaki's protagonists will 
    always look exactly like Tatsuya Hibino with minor modifications at MOST, and 
    the boss that's now on your side is never as powerful as he was while he was 
    still a boss. And with the lowest GP score of the known characters by a 
    friggin' LANDSLIDE (and even at 100 Willpower, his GP maxes out at 100!) and a 
    moveset that initially seems to be an exact copy of Regular Scott, Negascott 
    seems like he fits straight into that trend.
      Then you begin leveling him up and find that, despite all I imply and all 
    evidence that would imply he's just not the dangerous foe he is as a boss, it's 
    actually entirely true. Negascott's moveset is, with a VERY few exceptions that 
    don't really make him any better for it, exactly the same as Scott's but with a 
    huge GP gimp. Oddly enough, though most of his moves are slightly stronger than 
    Stills', he has the weakest Fast Attack combo for no adequately explained 
    reason. Though you can certainly beat the game as Negascott, overall, you're at 
    a disadvantage trying to do so.
      Now if you'll excuse me, I feel like daydreaming about Negascott beating the 
    shit out of Tatsuya. Those who know me well enough to even get the reference, 
    ignore the whinnying noises that are coming from the ghost of the dead horse.
    Super Attack:
      Exactly like Scott's.
    Striker (Knives):
      A rather demonic-looking Knives (Negaknives? Forks?) zooms down with two very 
    large knives and does very high damage to those unfortunate enough to be in her 
    Striker (Mr. Chau):
      Either Mr. Chau will slash all the enemies on-screen for horrifying damage, 
    or Mrs. Chau shout at one of the enemies, distracting them for a moment. Guess 
    which one's the useful one. Now guess whether you choose which you get, though 
    luckily the game will send out Mr. Chau quite more often than not.
    Level 2: Dash attacks (Run, press Square or Triangle)
      Square: A sliding kick that goes through enemies. Won't necessarily knock 
    enemies down, setting them up for combos.
      Triangle: A shoulder-tackle that doesn't go very far, but deals more damage 
    than the sliding kick and throws enemies backward from the impact.
    Level 3: Back attack (Attack while an enemy is close and behind you)
      A backwards elbow strike that does respectable damage and can be used as a 
    combo attack.
    Level 5: Low attack (Down + Square)
      A handstand sweep-kick with good range. It's slower than the other Low 
    Attacks but it's hard to tell once your Speed gets higher.
    Level 8: Grapple Combo (Left/Right + Square near enemy [can combo into throw])
      Scott punches the opponent in the stomach. Rapidly tap the button to do more 
    Level 9: Double Attack (Press Square then quickly press Triangle)
      Scott interrupts a Fast Attack combo to kidney-punch the enemy. Good at 
    catching enemies off-guard.
    Level 12: Ground and Pound (Down + Triangle near downed enemies)
      Scott will bend down a bit and sock a downed foe. Stronger than the Low 
    attack, and I think it's the fastest of the Ground and Pound moves.
    Level 16: Tech Attack 1 (Down + Triangle)
      Flying Double Knee Bash. This attack is the bane of your existence as long as 
    Negascott's a boss, but in your hands, while still capable of dealing AMAZING 
    damage, it's kind of clumsy to aim and the odd angle of attack makes it hard to 
    hit enemies more than a few steps away... not to mention that little part where 
    the attack ends and you fall to the ground, unable to attack during that fall 
    if you whiffed...
    Unlock: Tech Attack 2 (Hold Triangle for 2 seconds, then release)
      Evil Hadoken. This would be one of the best attacks in the game- it goes 
    through anything it hits, does a good deal of damage, and sends enemies flying 
    on fire. It also takes two seconds to charge up that enemies will usually 
    happily use to interrupt the charge, and is slow enough for enemies to dodge 
    out of the way of, intentionally or otherwise. Ask yourself this- when you saw 
    this coming, did YOU ever fall for it?
    Phase 8:
    Useful tips
    -Eating on the job.
      Some items, when you attempt to purchase them in shops, say "To go?" If you 
    say 'yes', you'll buy the item as a snack, and instead of using them then and 
    there, you'll use them automatically once your HP are dropped to zero, 
    restoring HP (and possibly GP) rather than being forced to trade HP for GP like 
    you normally do. Obviously, this process consumes the item, and you can only 
    carry one at a time, so it's best to try to keep the best one readily available 
    in your possession if you can manage it- that extra few HP/GP may be what gets 
    you through a tough fight alive. Someday, I'll tell you what you can do this 
    with and when.
    -Hey there, how you doin'? I think you need to feel worse.
      Enemies don't have HP bars at all, and neither do bosses, but there are ways 
    to tell how hurt most of them are. Enemies (and bosses!) that are close to 
    death will stop and catch their breath for a moment, typically leaving 
    themselves completely open for you to finish the job, and bosses will begin to 
    flash as you damage them more and more- the quicker they flash, the closer they 
    are to becoming your funding for stats. You can also tell when enemies (as well 
    as yourself) are down for the count; a "KPOW" will pop up next to whoever's 
    just been finished off, at which point you are free to stop hitting them 
    without worrying about retaliation.
      Bosses kind of make it obvious when they're down. Trust me on that.
      Oh, and in case you're wondering why your deathblows don't always seem to do 
    a lot of damage, it's because if, say, your enemy has 4 HP remaining and you 
    deal 20 damage, it'll only show a damage count of 4 for some reason- the final 
    hit you land only shows the amount of damage that was necessary to defeat your 
    foe. Don't worry, you did all the damage you needed to.
    -The Glow.
      If you're able to kill five enemies in a row without getting hit, good things 
    happen. Before I explain what, I'd better mention, you don't have to wear five 
    enemies down from full HP to get credit- you can get hit 20 times from each of 
    them, and as long as you remove the last of their HP without taking a hit 
    between the kills, that counts as 'without getting hit'.
      Anyway, once you do that, your character will flash. Until either a certain 
    amount of time passes or your character is knocked down, your Speed temporarily 
    increases by an amount you WILL notice. In addition, if you can stun an enemy, 
    you can attack again and go into a combo attack that, as long as you keep 
    pressing the proper attack button (it'll be the same one you just used), lasts 
    until either 64 hits have landed (assuming other enemies don't wander into it, 
    which adds to that total, but you can only land 64 attacks), or you get hit out 
    of it. You can keep attacking LONG after the sap you're beating the hell out of 
    dies, by the way. Whatever the case, once you either reach 64 hits or stop the 
    attack, your character will launch one final hit that sends the enemy reeling, 
    and if they SOMEHOW weren't dead before, they will be then, or will be very 
    very close to it.
      No, I'm pretty sure you can't use that combo on bosses, no matter what the 
    book or movie says.
    -Pahmping Ahp:
      I've stated that this isn't a challenge guide. I stand by that claim. And 
    because I stand by that claim, I'm going to tell you that you can never have 
    high enough stats. Well, at least until you hit 100, then the game intervenes 
    on that decision for you. Even though I'm going to have stat recommendations at 
    the start of each stage regarding what's REASONABLE to beat a stage with, I'm 
    not going to give you hard numbers, and if you're still having trouble with the 
    stats I give, the game isn't stopping you from going out and building even 
    higher. In fact, I encourage you to grind and build to your heart's content. 
    It's your game, squeeze some time out of it!
    -Tactical retreats.
      Assuming that you aren't currently stuck on a screen (which is normally, but 
    not always, the case while you're fighting a group of enemies), you can- rather 
    unusually for a beat-em-up- actually go back in the stage and either pick up 
    stuff you didn't before, or more importantly, go back to shops in the section 
    of the stage you're in and power up as needed. Be forewarned that for some 
    reason, some stages won't let you go all the way back despite your not having 
    really left the part of the stage you're on (And here I speak specifically of 
    stage 1-2, even though this puts you right AT the shops). Still, in long 
    sections that are made to wear you down, having a shop available to you is a 
    huge help... assuming you can afford the items inside, of course.
      Bear in mind that if you have not yet beaten the entire stage, you have to 
    start from the beginning of it if your progress is terminated for any reason, 
    be it the loss of your last life or manually exiting the stage.
    -I don't think this is how spending money to make money works...
      In your not-so-endless quest to power your characters up through anything 
    short of the Major League Method not cutting it for you? Well, the world map 
    pretty much gives it away, but now's as good a time as any to remind you that 
    the game lets you re-visit any stage you've already beaten, and beaten stages 
    allow you to pick what section you start on... to a degree, anyway, though one 
    that usually drops you exactly where you need to go. So if during the process 
    of building yourself up, you run out of cash and don't like the prospect of 
    trying to slug cash out of the enemies you're having trouble beating on your 
    current stage, go back to an earlier stage and show them what a difference a 
    few stages makes in regards to kicking their asses where it was once your ass 
    with the prints from the size elevens.
    -Where are good places to go to build myself up?
      Step 1: To build yourself up, you'll need money, and to do that, I suggest 
    that (once you've unlocked it, of course) you hit up Stage 4 or 5. Both stages 
    (especially stage 4) are long enough to throw enough enemies at you to ensure a 
    high return.
      Step 2: And to use that money, you'll need a good place to use it. Note that 
    I am not going to bother giving you a huge list of shops and what to buy. This 
    is because YOU DO NOT NEED IT WHATSOEVER. There are two areas that I believe to 
    be the very best places in the game to build stats, which you should use 
    exclusively- The first is the Shopping District in stage 1 (which is also a 
    reasonable place to earn money if you either haven't made it to stage 4 or 
    really don't feel like going through a whole stage), which has the best shops 
    in the game, most notably Shock Wave (the music store), and Flatirons Books 
    (the obvious River City Ransom reference). I recommend this stage if you're 
    trying to build up your Strength and Speed (I'll explain what to buy in the 
    actual walkthrough). However, the items in both of those shops only build one 
    stat at a time, so... The other is Leo's Shop in stage 3, which sells the best 
    item in the game for BOTH Defense and Willpower, the Concert T-shirt, which 
    boost both stats by 8.
      There are two places that people will tell you about where you can build your 
    stats as well, but for reasons I will get into later, don't bother with them- 
    considering the amount of money grinding you need to do to make use of either 
    of them, if you're able to build THAT much money at low stats, you really don't 
    need to buy higher ones.
    -I'm getting a life.
      Three lives is plenty to take you through any given stage, but hey, sometimes 
    things just don't go your way, and I hardly think less of you for wanting a 
    little insurance policy if you're not so confident about your abilities. And to 
    do that, you're gonna want you some 1-ups. 1-ups are not common by any means, 
    but there are three ways to get them. One is to go to Wallace's Mystery Shop 
    and buy a Tlaloc's Feast, which gives you one life at the cost of $49.95. You 
    can also go to the No-Accounts video store and pay off Scott's late fees 
    ($504.25, and feel free to spend a moment to let your pupils stop dilating), 
    where you can then buy "The Mystical Head" for an extra life- which costs you 
    only $4.95. To be honest, though this is the cheaper option and paying off the 
    late fee allows you to pick up the best stat-boosters in the game for the same 
    $4.95, by the time you've grinded yourself up enough to pay that late fee, you 
    either no longer need the boosts, don't need the boosts in the first place, or 
    are way past the point where you need extra lives that badly.
      The other way, and it's actually one of the quicker ones if you feel like 
    grinding specifically for that purpose, is to head over to stage 3-2. Todd, the 
    level's boss, drops one every single time you beat him, and if you start from 
    stage 3-2, you only need to fight your way through Envy and Lynette to make it 
    to him. To be honest, it's my preferred way of building 1-ups unless I've got a 
    lot of money and not a lot of places to use it.
    Phase 9:
    The art of fighting
      Yes folks, it's not just a middle-of-the-road SNK series. It's also my 
    attempt at explaining to you some tips for actually fighting your enemies.
      Combos will be your basic way of dealing damage; know them well. And keep in 
    mind that you can mix up the Square and Triangle attacks if you want to vary 
    the combo up, or most likely, use Square to get a few quick attacks in before 
    you hit 'em hard with the Triangle button. Just remember that you're not 
    obligated to finish a combo attack once it's begun; if enemies are trying to 
    creep up behind you, just stop attacking and get away before they repay the 
    -Running attacks
      Running attacks are quite useful. Whether enemies block them or not, you can 
    still carve a little path through them and the enemies behind them. In 
    addition, as enemies will show you themselves if they get a chance, it's a good 
    way to quickly close the gap and catch your enemies off-guard.
    -Jumping attacks
      Jump-kicks (Jump + Square) are your friend and I suggest you make good use of 
    them. They're very good at catching enemies off guard, and if you don't knock 
    the enemy down outright with them, they're typically stunned for a follow-up 
    knockdown. If you're running while you're performing ANY jumping attack, you'll 
    also deal quite a bit more damage. It's a great way to greet a group of fresh 
    meat, and to give them a nice tenderizing.
    -Downed enemies
      You have two dedicated attacks for giving downed enemies a little more 
    punishment while they're down, the Low Attack and the Ground and Pound. 
    However, you can also pick up MOST human mooks and heft them over your head 
    (You can't do this on the human mooks that are notably taller than your 
    character, specifically Malcolm, Rex and Brad). You can then either throw them 
    with Triangle, or what I suggest, use them as an improvised weapon with the 
    Square button.
      If you don't feel like using them as a weapon (or if they're the only enemy 
    on-screen), you can also use running attacks to hurt 'em further, as discussed 
    previously, though again, certain characters can do this better than others.
      Be careful, as there ARE certain mooks that can hit you on the way up if you 
    try to hit 'em while they're down, and ALL of the bosses will do so as well.
      Blocking in and of itself isn't all that useful and you won't be doing it 
    much- the fact that you can't start blocking in the middle of an enemy's combo 
    really curtails its usefulness. However, if you've leveled-up enough to have 
    the ability to counter, you can really mess single enemies up by making them 
    come to you and blocking at just the right moment... It's REALLY effective 
    against bosses if you want to give it a go.
      Oh, and blocking isn't TOTALLY useless; there's a point or two where it's 
    absolutely vital to survival. To be discussed as you get there, of course.
      Once you hit level 8, you're able to grab human (or close enough to human) 
    opponents and hold them in place while you either hit them a whole bunch or 
    toss them across the room. It's worth knowing that you can't hold enemies 
    forever and you can grapple-attack enemies as much as you please until either 
    they escape the grab, or until you throw them- the higher your Speed, the more 
    grapple attacks you'll be able to get off. Keep in mind that not all enemies 
    can be grabbed; in addition to most non-human opponents, you also can't grab 
    flying enemies or the myriad of opponents you'll fight that have 1 HP each (and 
    you usually can't grab them for good reason). If you're fighting an enemy who 
    blocks too much for your taste, try grabbing them; blocking doesn't save them 
    from that.
      You will find MANY weapons on the ground or in enemy hands over the course of 
    the game. If an enemy picked up a weapon from the ground, they'll automatically 
    drop it when they get knocked down, and some foes drop their weapons when 
    they're killed (most notably the ninjas on stage 4). Weapons each have their 
    own range and power behind them (it's basically up to your character's Speed 
    stat and whether or not they have the Grand Slam yet to determine how fast they 
    swing), and in addition, most weapons will break after a certain amount of use, 
    though again, it varies quite widely between weapons. Try everything you see 
    out; if nothing else, you can throw weapons you don't like at foes with the 
    Triangle button.
    -Your environment
      Try to keep enemies on the same height as you; there are stages where you can 
    fight on different elevations and it's basically your chance to see enemies 
    abuse that to kick your ass.
      Of course, if you see a much lower height around you in the form of a pit, 
    you can throw or knock enemies into it to instantly kill them. And in several 
    situations, it's the best way to defeat the enemies around you. Keep in mind- 
    when you hit an enemy that's blocking, they get pushed back just a little each 
    time... To make things all the sweeter, falling into such hazards yourself 
    doesn't kill you- it does a little damage, but nothing major, and you just pop 
    back out a moment later to continue the fight!
      In addition to that, there are occasionally environmental hazards that you're 
    (normally) warned about with a "!!!" pop-up in the middle of the screen. 
    They'll be mentioned in the walkthrough, just be ready for 'em when they come.
    -Against crowds
      NEVER let your enemies surround you if at all possible. If enemies attack 
    from both sides of the screen, try to get them all to one side of you if you 
    have any means to do so- a good running jump-kick is one of the best ways to do 
    it in my experience, just to ensure that nobody tries to punch you out of the 
    air. Remember, if you get surrounded, you're completely defenseless on one 
    side, and the moment an enemy punches you in the back of the head, you get 
    stunned long enough to become completely defenseless on the other one as well- 
    it's one of the quickest ways to die in this game.
      What's that? You've played beat-em-ups before? You can just tap a button that 
    busts out a special move that clears out everything around you at the cost of 
    an insignificant amount of health?
      ...ha... Hahahaha. Read on.
    -Super Attacks/Strikers
      Super Attacks have two very, VERY fatal flaws that make them nigh-useless for 
    what they're normally used for in a game like this. One, enemies can block it, 
    and often do. And two, YOU CAN'T USE IT TO BREAK OUT OF AN ENEMY'S COMBO, the 
    typical purpose of such a move in a beat-em-up. To be honest, I wouldn't even 
    bother with it, and instead just save your GP for not dying when you reach 0 
      Strikers are kind of odd. You can't choose whether Knives or Mr. Chau appears 
    should you have unlocked the latter, and Knives has WILDLY different uses 
    depending on your selected character- some combinations are quite more useful 
    than others, and Knives can sometimes do things for you BESIDES hurt enemies. 
    Check out the move lists for more details. Keep in mind, you can't use either 
    of them to break out of combos. Also, a nice note is that unlike your Super 
    Attack, if Knives or Mr. Chau doesn't attack anyone, you don't lose any GP.
    Phase 10:
    NOTE!!!: This guide assumes you're playing on 'Rough & Tough' (basically 
    'Normal') though all that really changes between difficulties are the enemies' 
    stats, most notably their Strength and HP. It also assumes you started the game 
    with a 'fresh', level 1 character with a flat zero in all stats. Above all 
    else, I assume you're playing alone.
    Another NOTE!!: While I can at least tell you how many HP the enemies have to 
    the best of my knowledge, none-too-keen eye, and math skills (and keeping in 
    mind that occasionally an enemy will have more HP than usual; I only list the 
    typical value), bear in mind that I don't have exact Strength stats for enemies 
    on any level and never will. Forget about me trying to provide anything but 
    estimates on most bosses, too, since some of these bastards refuse to die and I 
    can't do 500 calculations in my head per minute whilst trying not to get 
    Scott's face punched in. All listed HP values are for 'Rough & Tough'; enemies 
    have about 66% of the listed HP values on 'Average Joe' and 133% of the listed 
    HP values on 'Supreme Master'.
    Lesser NOTE!: Any enemies not named in the credit sequence to the game, I named 
    myself. Unless Bryan Lee O'Malley says otherwise, they'll have to suffice 
    unless more info pops up.
    STAGE 1:
    Level Recommendations: This is the first stage. I think you're good to go 
    without preparation.
    Stage 1-1: Frozen Suburbs
    MIKE (sunglasses, white hat and jacket)
    HP: 30
    Drops: $0.40
      Mike is the weakest enemy in the game (Lee isn't exactly that much better) 
    and later in the game he'll show up in large groups. He's weak, slow, and isn't 
    capable of doing much to you unless he surprise-attacks you, or unless he shows 
    up in said large groups, and even then, he's a wuss.
    LEE (glasses, brown hair, black jacket)
    HP: 33
    Drops: $0.50
      He's basically a different-looking Mike, nothing much to say about him, 
    though he does love his jump-kick. He sometimes goes for a weapon, but doesn't 
    really go out of his way to do so, and usually isn't around wherever many fine 
    weapons can be found at low, low prices (in other words, free on the ground).
    LUKE (black hair, brown jacket)
    HP: 39
    Drops: $0.50
      While not much more resilient than Mike or Lee, Luke tends to go get a weapon 
    if one's available and use it against you, he's a little smarter about 
    blocking, and he moves around more quickly. In regards to his tendency to go 
    for weapons, you can either try to prevent it as best as possible or simply 
    crack him in the face while he's taken away his ability to block due to having 
    something in his hands. He's also got a tendency to actually try to combo his 
    attacks on you, making him quite a bit more dangerous than his predecessors.
    RICHARD (blonde hair, blue jacket)
    HP: 36
    Drops: $1.50
      I hate this bastard. He blocks almost everything you throw at him, and he'll 
    go for a weapon the moment he sees one, assuming he doesn't run off with THAT 
    and throw it at your head. Short of simply catching him off-guard, he can't 
    block while he's carrying a weapon, which as I've stated, he's almost ALWAYS 
    going to try to do, and he'll turn his back to you to get them if he has to, 
    and the spinal column was recently voted one of the ten worst things to use as 
    an improvised shield. At least once you DO kick his turtling ass, he drops more 
    money than damn near any non-boss enemy in the game.
    MALCOLM (A very large man with a trilby hat, vest, and gray pants)
    HP: 66
    Drops: $1.10
      What do you get when you combine Richard's high defense with his inability to 
    use weapons, AND a much more aggressive fighting style with stats to match? The 
    first few times you fight him, an ass-kicking. Malcolm isn't afraid to get in 
    your face, attacks quite quickly, can't be grabbed (he'll even shove you back 
    if you get close enough to try it), and he'll kick you in the face if you try 
    to go after him on the ground. He's best greeted with a flying boot to the face 
    or a charging punch in the stomach, and capitalized upon from there.
    DOBERMAN (What do you friggin' think he looks like?)
    HP: 48
    Drops: $0.90
      Dobermans hit hard and move fast, though they seem to be a little toned down 
    for this stage. Make very good use of the fact that they can't block at all to 
    get them before they get you, and try not to knock them off-screen, since they 
    do have a fair bit of range on that bite. They also like to hang back and do 
    nothing, then suddenly charge and attack without warning. You should make the 
    first charge.
    JESSE (Purple hair over one eye, black shirt, indeterminate gender)
    HP: 54
    Drops: $0.95
      Watch me try to skirt the issue of what gender Jesse is because I seriously 
    can't tell. Jesse is a bit of a pain to bring down because h...sh... um, Jesse 
    tries to play keep-away with you, trying to stay out of your attack range and 
    waits for you to get distracted, either leaping at you with a flip-kick or 
    attempting a sliding kick. Jesse deserves your full attention whenever Jesse 
    appears for that reason.
    WILLIAM (Fat guy with a hat, gray shirt, and tie)
    HP: 66
    Drops: $0.95
      William can't be hurt with a standing Square attack unless it's the very end 
    of a combo, which you have to have set up through some other means- however, 
    he's not hugely aggressive otherwise and he's slow as hell, so feel free to use 
    pretty much any other attack in your arsenal to nail him. Don't hesitate, 
    though, because when he DOES hit you, like Malcolm, it really hurts.
      The stage starts simply enough. Simply head right and quickly run into your 
    first enemies- two MIKEs and a LEE. They may be the weakest enemies in the 
    game, but at this point in the game, your stats suck and you lack most of your 
    moves, so they'll take a few combos to whittle down. Luckily, they're not 
    hugely aggressive as long as you don't just stand there and wait for them to 
    feed you their fists. Still, if you want to keep at least one of the three out 
    of commission, try to knock one of them down and pick them up as a weapon. The 
    range boost won't hurt you, and it does respectable damage. Proceed when you've 
    defeated enough enemies.
      Next up is a MIKE and a LEE, and LUKE joins the roster here, too. Watch out; 
    they're likely to try to pick up the garbage bag or trash can and proceed to 
    use a rather offbeat way to reuse refuse, and Luke is more aggressive than the 
    others, so try to keep him down if you can. Consider grabbing the trash can 
    yourself; it does fair damage for this point and you may want to keep Luke away 
    from you.
      Beat all of them down, then proceed forward and get ready for the avatar of 
    annoyance that is RICHARD. At this point in the game, you're not equipped to 
    deal with his ability to block; it's a good idea to try to goad him into 
    picking something up and cranking him in the face while he realizes with abject 
    horror that he cannot block while holding a weapon. I'd pick up the baseball 
    bat if you want a good combo of power, range and speed, in addition to keeping 
    the most dangerous weapon on the screen away from Richard and his identical 
      Once they're both down, head to the right. The two LUKEs in the background 
    will hop out and attack you, and two MIKEs will run in. Try to get in the 
    middle of the screen to avoid surprises. You SHOULD reach level 2 around this 
    point, which is a good thing as your Dash Attacks are- with the notable 
    exception of Stills- a great way to hit opponents that are on the ground. I 
    might get rid of my weapon at this point so that I could demonstrate this upon 
    the masses. You might as well.
      Watch out, because around the time you've knocked out all four of them, 
    MALCOLM will show up and at this point in the game, he outclasses you in a big 
    way- he'll likely do about 20-30 points of damage to you with EVERY HIT and 
    he's happy to combo them together, though mercifully you'll probably get 
    knocked down in two hits. I'd get a weapon and keep the pressure on him; if 
    he's getting hit, he's not maiming you. You can try to knock him into the pit, 
    but setting it up isn't as easy as it looks (you don't have anything at this 
    point that causes any major knockback) and it robs you of money that you 
    currently are in great need of. And once you take him down, watch out for a 
    LUKE that'll jump out of a blue garbage can without warning. Punish him with 
    violence. Feel free to kick him into the pit whilst screaming overused 
    catchphrases, his life is barely worth fifty cents.
      Moving on, stay on the bottom of the screen; a bus will soon drive by- when 
    you see '!!!' on the screen, you'd better take my advice unless you enjoy being 
    run over. WILLIAM pops out behind the bus- he's alone, so this is a good chance 
    to practice fighting fat guys- remember, anyone sharing his general body shape 
    can't be hit with a Fast combo.
      You'll come across a park fence, along with MIKE and LUKE. There's only two 
    of them and they don't respond to your presence with any sort of speed. Punish 
    their inattentiveness with your fist. Proceed into the park, and quickly grab 
    your weapon of choice (I'd choose the baseball bat if you take any of the 
    weapons), because you're about to be attacked on both sides. LUKE and RICHARD 
    come in from the right, MIKE and another Richard come in from the left- I'd 
    suggest taking the guys on the right first; Luke is more dangerous than Mike 
    and you don't want to bother dealing with either Richard's defenses while you 
    take him out if you can swing it. As you kick the asses of all around you, 
    another LUKE and another RICHARD will both come in- focus on Luke and try to 
    dodge the hail of weapons that Richard loves to throw.
      Once everyone besides you is on the ground and staining the snow a nice 
    crimson red (you'll have to use your imagination as the game is rated E), move 
    on, but use caution as JESSE will appear from the right. It's never fun to be 
    introduced to a new enemy by means of offscreen flying kick. Another one will 
    soon follow, and they're really quick, so try taking to the air and giving them 
    the old aerial Size Thirteen Facial Upheaval- they've got enough of a speed 
    advantage at this point to simply dart forward and give you a painful three-hit 
    combo out of nowhere if you just try to approach them normally. You might reach 
    level 3 around this point, so from here on, you aren't TOTALLY screwed if an 
    enemy wanders behind you while you're in the middle of something else.
      MALCOLM is standing around immediately after this, and it's a good idea to 
    get the jump on him before he commences with the overpowered beatdown. Be 
    careful if you try to use your dash attacks on him while he's down; if he 
    thinks you're too close, he'll punish you greatly with a low kick that's liable 
    to do about 20 damage at this point. There's an ice block in the ground near 
    where he is- it's a great throwing weapon that slides around on the ground for 
    a long time (watch out because, like all weapons, it doesn't discriminate 
    between friend or foe once it's thrown), but I'd wait for the next paragraph 
    before you use it.
      Once the screen stops moving and two DOBERMANs appear, throw it right at them 
    and be prepared to get out of the ice block's way- as long as the screen is 
    locked in place, thrown items bounce off the boundaries of the impromptu arena. 
    If you're careful, you can manipulate the dogs into staying right into its path 
    and getting hit several times. Those bites of theirs hurt, so shortening the 
    fight is a good idea. MIKE and LUKE come in when both of them are down, but you 
    know how to take those two out by now.
      Do so and make a decision- would you prefer to make the next part of this 
    stage a lot shorter AND get a lot of money that you currently need? If so, 
    quickly get into the garage door with a star mark above it, and enter one of 
    many Subspace Highways that you'll see throughout the game. Subspace Highways 
    are- on most occasions- warps that are filled with blue bricks (destroy them 
    with several punches and you MIGHT get 25 cents out of it), '?' blocks that 
    hold multiple 25-cent coins (Let Mario be your guide), and flying piggy banks 
    (I shall call them Capitalist Pigs) that, if destroyed before they fly past the 
    starting point, drop $1.65 each. In addition, when you're done, you're 
    typically warped past several fights (though you can usually go back and fight 
    what you skipped if you really want to). There are a couple that don't fit this 
    mold or are missing some of the things mentioned above (for example, this one 
    lacks blocks of any kind), but for the most part, Subspace Highways are major 
    breathers that only make your life easier.
      Those of you who take this option- a good idea considering you'll skip some 
    tough fights this way- skip on down until I say 'fuzzy pickles'. Even if you 
    DON'T take this option, at least come back here when you're done with the next 
    two battles; you can get a LOT of money here for almost no effort.
      If you DIDN'T go into the Subspace Highway, prepare for a tough fight; 
    MALCOLM, WILLIAM and LEE are going to run out to greet you, and the first two 
    become quite a bit more dangerous with backup around. Yes, Malcolm was bad 
    enough already at this point; this is the game pointing and laughing at you. 
    Try to see if you can get Lee to be stupid and throw things into his friends' 
    backs while you try to keep the other two at bay; it's not easy at this point 
    to grab William and use him as a bludgeon but it's not a bad idea to try if 
    he's open. Just don't accidentally position yourself so that Malcolm can kick 
    you while he's down, it's easy to do. The fight becomes much easier when he's 
    down and out.
      Next up is a gimmick battle, a snowball fight. See those white patches of 
    snow all over the ground? Anyone can pick them up and use them as a weapon- 
    swing or throw, it's used up in one hit. You've seen them earlier. I didn't 
    tell you to pick them up. Take a wild guess why. However, in this battle, 
    there's enough snow lying around for enemies to annoy you quite a bit with 
    flung frozen fallout, and since said enemies are composed of four RICHARDs, the 
    snow shall sail. Try to take them out before the snow's all gone; time they 
    spend going for weapons is time not spend aggravating you with their blocking. 
    I know I bring their defense up a lot, but they really are THAT DAMN ANNOYING. 
    Two more come once you've sent the others to sleep with the snow angels.
      Fuzzy pickles. By the way, if you skipped the Subspace Highway, you can go 
    back to the door and use it, it puts you right at the fight I'm about to 
      JESSE, LUKE and LEE rush in; I'd use the same trick you used on the Dobermans 
    earlier regarding the ice block on the ground. Jesse might occasionally tuck 
    and roll through it to avoid the attack, but not always, and you'll probably at 
    least destroy Jesse's backup.
      There's no transition between this and the next part of the stage, but 
    everything before this point is locked off to you if, in the future, you decide 
    to just go straight to 1-2...
    Stage 1-2a: Shopping District
    ENEMIES: Mike, Lee, Luke, Richard, Malcolm, Doberman, William
      You don't have anything new coming your way in this section, but it's your 
    introduction to shops. The game makes it pretty self-explanatory how they work, 
    so I won't bore you with the details. I WILL point out shops of interest when 
    we clear out the appropriate enemies, but I will ONLY elaborate on the shops of 
    interest- I'm trying to give you the best value for your blood money, and 
    telling you about the many things that are simply not worth buying is a 
    colossal waste of both my finger strength and your time.
      For now, though, take down the single MIKE who at this point you will point 
    and laugh at for being dumb enough to fight you alone. Respect his bravery. 
    Pity his stupidity. Poke the body with a stick.
      Now that he's out of the way, take notice of No-Account Video. As in the 
    comic, Scott has a $504.25 late fee. You can actually pay it off and be treated 
    to both $4.95 one-ups and $4.95 stat boosters that work ridiculously well.
      If you do this because you earnestly want those things, you are a colossal 
    idiot that should start bashing your head against the wall as many times as 
    possible until you have turned your skull into powder and your brain into a 
    remarkably unpalatable jelly, because you are wasting a bitch-ton of time 
    getting them. There are FAR better ways to earn extra lives and bonus stats 
    that in the long run will cost you far, far less. Racking up over $500 is no 
    small feat that is not worth the pain and misery spent trying to grind out at 
    the stats that would justify you even attempting to build your stats this way.
      Moving on.
      MIKE and LUKE are waiting in front of Delicious Cup. Since they're not too 
    hard to beat, the store in question sells coffee and whatnot that is mostly 
    your introduction to Snacks. The Iced Latte in particular can be used to give 
    you 56 HP and 16 GP when you're dropped to 0 HP, but not far from here is a 
    better store for a snack. Don't bother with this store unless you really need 
    the health back (and at this point in the game, you might).
      MALCOLM stands in front of Dee's Tex Mex. He's still pretty dangerous, so be 
    careful. You might reach level 4 and get the Counter technique around now, but 
    it's kind of dangerous to use unless you really get the hang of timing your 
    blocks, especially at this point in the game.
      Dee's Tex Mex is there to fill up your HP and GP by insane amounts- even the 
    $7.75 Nachos restore 80 of both values, and most stores don't give you a good 
    value on GP restoration. Keep this store in mind if you need to top off your HP 
    and GP after completing a stage; eventually the route to get here will be of no 
    threat to you whatsoever anyway.
      The next store is a Mini-Marts (hey, I call 'em like I read 'em), and of 
    particular interest is the Energy Drink; for $2.95 you can get 64 HP, 16 GP, 
    and The Glow on-demand. You can even carry them with you as Snacks and I highly 
    suggest you do so; they don't come much better than this.
      Right next to that is LUKE and a Sushi Bar. It's basically Dee's Tex Mex but 
    cheaper and more than a fair deal worse. The Rainbow Maki does boost all of 
    your stats by 1, but it's not worth it compared to what's coming up. Don't 
    bother with this place.
      Before I introduce you to two of the best stores in the game, watch out for 
    the LUKE in the trash can, and the MIKE standing in the street. By this point, 
    you're probably back to prime fighting condition and these two will pose no 
    threat. Or at least no threat you can't cure.
      Now as for the STORES...
      "Shock Wave" sells music CDs that give you both a large GP boost (64 points!) 
    and, with one exception, boost one stat by 8 along with a fair XP boost (64 
    points again!). This place actually can use a list as to what boosts what, so 
    here you go.
      Clash at Demonhead: Willpower
      Smashing Turnips: Strength
      Crash and the Boys: Speed
      Winifred Hailey: Defense
      Kupek: This one is the odd man out; it adds 2 points to ALL stats, but also 
    only restores 40 GP and gives you only 40 XP.
      Right next to that is Flatirons Books, of which all but one book boosts a 
    single stat by 10 and gives you a bigger XP boost than the stuff from Shock 
    Wave (230 each, to be exact). The cost per stat point is a little worse than 
    Shock Wave, but the XP boost may make it up to you if you're more concerned 
    about unlocking your moves quickly (it's a reasonable trade-off). Again, here's 
    a list for you.
      Lost at Sea: This one's the oddball- it's a pure boost of 350 XP and you 
    should never need it.
      Vegan Cookbook: Defense
      Get Rich Now!: Speed
      How to Study Hard: Willpower
      101 Push-Ups: Strength
      It is probably worth mentioning that by this point, I will no longer make 
    assumptions about what level you are. I highly suggest that if you boost stats, 
    make them Speed and Strength, since at this point you'll probably only be able 
    to boost two- at most.
      There's one more shop in the level but I'll get to it when you get to it. 
    Just watch for the LUKE in front of Mechafetus Toys (sadly inaccessible) and 
    the WILLIAM staring into space behind him.
      Another bus is coming, and LUKE and MIKE will run straight through the side 
    of the bus to come after you, so watch out. Luke ESPECIALLY loves to use that 
    cover to hit you without warning.
      Go down into the tunnel, and as soon as you can whilst minding LUKE, get to 
    the road's shoulder (the top of the screen, past the line). If you go too far, 
    a huge line of traffic will barrel down the road (and after about four cars 
    pass, two LUKEs will jump down from the walkway above you by way of the step in 
    the middle of the screen), and you're entirely safe on the shoulder. Be quick, 
    not long after the cars stop coming, two MIKEs and a LEE run in as well, and at 
    this point in the game, five is very much a crowd.
      I should point out that star on the tunnel wall is actually the door to 
    Wallace's Mystery Shop. It's true that the bottom three items here give you 
    insane stat boosts... but your stats cap at 100 and they are by no means good 
    value for the money compared to the two stores I mentioned earlier- you will 
    either waste most of the bonus or will be waiting far longer than you should to 
    make use of it. Ambrosia is the ultimate snack, giving you 200 HP/GP when it's 
    used, but it's $59.95 and the way the snacks work, you won't get to make 
    anywhere near the full use of the GP bonus, so it's not worth it. However, if 
    you have a lot of money and little to use it on, Tlaloc's Feast is a simple 
    trade- $49.95 for a single one-up. You can buy as many as you like, as long as 
    you don't already have the maximum of nine. While it's probably better to just 
    beat the third boss over and over for extra lives, again, it's not a bad trade 
    if you're getting bored of beating the same guy over and over.
      Anyway, after you've had your fun, lure LEE and MALCOLM out so you don't get 
    jumped by another LEE, as well as LUKE and a DOBERMAN during the battle. Again, 
    a group of five is not something you want to fight this early in the game, 
    especially with Malcolm being among them.
      The last two mooks in this stage are MIKE (who runs at you with a shovel, so 
    react quickly) and WILLIAM. They shouldn't give you any trouble. In fact, you 
    can actually ignore them entirely and simply run straight into the doorway to 
    the Subspace Highway if you give sufficiently low levels of damning.
      After the Subspace Highway, you enter the next part of the stage, and your 
    first boss battle.
    Stage 1-2b: The Rocket
    Ramona's FIRST Evil Ex-Boyfriend!
    Powers: Mystical.
    HP: 270
    Drops: $2.10. Let's hope you don't need to ride the bus home.
      Matthew is, as you'd expect, not too hard of a fight, but keep in mind that 
    you're still not that strong, quick or resilient at this point and he DOES have 
    a few tricks up his sleeve. Most importantly, don't approach him directly from 
    the front; he can and will combo you, and he loves to try to hit you up to ten 
    or so times- this adds up to nearly lethal amounts of damage at this point, so 
    don't get careless! He'll also rear back and fire a mystically-charged punch at 
    you that will send you REELING from time to time, which is your cue to do what 
    I described to HIM instead, so watch for it.
      Once you've taken about a quarter of his health away, he'll jump to the 
    middle of the screen at the first opportunity and surround himself in a pillar 
    of light- as well as four Demon Hipster Chicks that fly in a circle around 
    Matthew and knock the stuff in the bar around if they happen to fly into it. 
    Stay just outside the circle and keep jump-kicking the DHCs until they all pop 
    out of existence (each one will probably require two hits at this point); 
    Matthew can't be hurt until they're all gone.
      When you get Matthew to around a third of his health, he'll summon two more 
    DHCs to pop in and out of existence at the sides of the screen and throw 
    fireballs downward at you- and this time, he'll keep attacking you while they 
    attempt to burn you alive. Make it your top priority to take the DHCs out (this 
    time they'll probably require three hits); Matthew can wait- those fireballs 
    are liable to keep interrupting your combos otherwise. Once they're down, 
    Matthew poses little threat- take him down!
    STAGE 2:
    Level Recommendations: It's probably a good idea to have at least boosted your 
    Strength and Speed slightly, but there's no need to go out of your way to do so 
    more than once. Try to get your Strength up to 15 or so, so that you can take 
    out certain enemies in one go, and so that you have an easier time against the 
    Stage 2-1a: Casa Loma's Film Set
    PAPARAZZI (Some jagoff with a camera.)
    HP: 48
    Drops: $0.75
      Paparazzi are no real threat in and of themselves, but in groups of anything, 
    they're annoying as hell and constantly interrupt your attacks with a 
    lightning-fast, long-range flash that does no damage, but stuns you for a 
    distressingly long time and sets you up for anyone else who wants a piece of 
    JOHN (A guy in a jacket and wild hair.)
    HP: 1
    Drops: $0.75
      John runs in from the side of the screen, jumps, and blows himself up. If you 
    make contact with him in any way besides an attack, you get hurt. Otherwise, he 
    simply dies then and there. Just be ready for him when the Director shows up, a 
    squad of Johns won't be far behind!
    ALIEN (Totally not a Blue Mars People with the cuteness cranked up.)
    HP: 84
    Drops: $1.00
      They're really no less annoying than the Paparazzi with the added 'perk' 
    that, although you can see their shots coming, they're hard to sidestep in time 
    to dodge them and they actually do damage. They're also quite fast, to go along 
    with their habit of waiting to attack until you're occupied with something 
    RAXZILLA (Ever wanted to punch out an amusement park mascot? This'll have to 
    HP: 63
    Drops: $1.00
      Raxzilla does not fly back when knocked down, and he tends to randomly decide 
    when you've knocked him down. Just to be on the safe side, make sure you're 
    either out of the way he's facing of, or have sidestepped, because he may take 
    the opportunity to get pissed, flash red, and decide to charge forward in an 
    attempt to take your ass to the ground. Oh, and he can breathe fire at juuuust 
    out of your non-weapon range to fry you for quite decent damage. Or he'll tail-
    swipe at you. Really, he's got a way to hurt you at any range.
    CAMERON (Guys in green motion capture suits.)
    HP: 1
    Drops: $0.25
      They don't do anything but charge slowly at you, but they'll line up to do so 
    from both sides (you'll only fight them in groups) and if one of them hits you, 
    you'll be stuck in a combo. And if you jump and fail to hit them, prepare to 
    play ping-pong with them. You're the ball and they're the paddles. In less 
    esoteric terms, they'll probably juggle your ass between them until they run 
    offscreen. Just know to dodge out of the way when you see them; they won't 
    correct their course.
      This stage starts with you immediately being attacked by three PAPARAZZI. 
    Unlike in real life, here you are encouraged- nay, REQUIRED- to smash their 
    faces it at the earliest possible opportunity. Ah, the stories we'd see in the 
    news if real-life celebrities were allowed to do the same; I just might pay 
    attention to entertainment news again. Wishful thinking aside, this stage is 
    all about giving enemies little gimmicks to watch for, and 'unblockable, 
    lightning-fast stuns in groups' is this guy's deal. Try to keep them together 
    as much as you can so that you don't have one sneaking off to stun you from 
    just out of range.
      Immediately after them is the Fancy Chip Wagon, and everything in here is a 
    ripoff compared to the stuff you can get in stage 1-2. Only buy anything if the 
    Paparazzi somehow managed to maul the hell out of you, or if you need the 
    healing before you go into Stage 2-1b (remember, you can always go back as far 
    as you like in most stages, as long as you haven't transitioned to a new area 
      Past that, you'll notice a small movie set- be ready, as when the director 
    leaves the screen, two JOHNs will try to jump you, followed by RAXZILLA and two 
    ALIENs- stick to the middle of the screen so you can best tell where to avoid 
    being blown up by either of the Johns, then make your move on the Aliens so 
    they can't pick you off with their guns from across the screen- but don't 
    neglect Raxzilla, because he's got some good range on that fire breath if you 
    aren't able to get the three of them on one side of you. If you want to even 
    the odds a bit, grab one of the tripods scattered around; it helps you close 
    that little range disadvantage with some nice damage to boot. Once they're all 
    in need of an understudy, get to the lower part of the screen; three CAMERONs 
    will appear from the background on the set, one to one side, two to the other, 
    and they act as quite the avatars of unstoppability if they run into you and 
    start knocking you back and forth between them for titanic damage. Terminate 
    them quickly and carefully. The director will throw a hissy fit and leave 
    afterward, and no, you can't do anything that would require the studio to have 
    to bring a new director to prominence.
      After this is a short, timed section- all you have to do is beat the hell out 
    of the bomb in the middle of the screen before the timer runs out. While it 
    does do quite a bit of damage if time runs out and it explodes, it really 
    shouldn't- you're strong enough to smash the hell out of it even if you haven't 
    boosted your Strength at all, and nothing's getting in your way that would make 
    it harder to destroy the bomb.
      Two PAPARAZZI await you after that little diversion, and after they're 
    defeated, simply pick up the key and either throw it at the door or simply hit 
    the door with it. Either way, the door will open and you may proceed to the 
    next area. Don't worry; I'm pretty sure the key respawns if you're being 
    particularly careless and you knock it into the pit.
    Stage 2-1b: The Movie Setpiece
    G.D.BAT (They're bats.)
    HP: 6
    Drops: $0.25
      Go read TVTropes and fill in the blanks yourself on that name. Anyway, 
    G.D.Bats pop up in the most inconvenient places possible and suddenly fly into 
    you. And yes, unless you know they're coming, they're GOING to fly into and hit 
    you. Take 'em out of the air with a jump-kick.
    OLD ENEMIES: Raxzilla
      This section is all about environmental gimmicks. All you need to do for the 
    first one is to run past the rolling ball traps- they don't try to mix things 
    up, so simply time your run through each of the traps and you'll get through 
    them easily. Be careful because a small swarm of G.D.BATs will suddenly appear 
    almost immediately after you pass the last of the four traps, so stay high up 
    on the screen and flying-kick past the fourth trap so that you can probably 
    kick one in the face without flinging yourself into the pit of lava with a loud 
    battlecry, Shadowgate Suicide Style (give or take an actual battlecry). Keep 
    moving forward, and for now, ignore the key (though watch for three more 
    G.D.Bats as you walk past it), and instead concentrate on beating down the 
    RAXZILLA guarding the door. After you've done that, go back and get the key, 
    and open the door.
      For the next section, you have two options- either run to the back of the 
    arena, break the statue, and simply escape the area (you have to do this to 
    leave this section no matter what, anyway), OR, slap the hell out of the three 
    RAXZILLAs, take the key, and shove it into the chest for an easy $14. Be 
    forewarned that once the chest is open, a spiked wall will close in from behind 
    and hit you for horrible, HORRIBLE damage- quite probably an instant kill at 
    this point in the game- if you are unable to leave the area quickly enough (and 
    really, it shouldn't come anywhere near you unless you let it do so). Get the 
    money and get gone!
    Stage 2-2: Casa Loma's Parking Lot
    RAYMOND (Guys in skateboarding gear.)
    HP: 51
    Drops: $0.65
      Raymond's sole purpose is to show up in pairs and make it much harder for you 
    to fight Lucas at the end of the stage; you will never see him before or since 
    the fight in question. Think of him like Cameron, except Raymond is MUCH faster 
    than he was, and once you knock him off that skateboard, he's not afraid to 
    continue the fight (although amusingly, he'll only use skateboards as weapons 
    afterward- perhaps he feels that they have failed him). Luckily, once he's off 
    the skateboard, he's a lot less of a pain in the neck.
    OLD ENEMIES: John, Alien, Raxzilla, Cameron, Paparazzi
      There's another stage here, and things play out exactly as before, except 
    this time, you're up against four JOHNs, two RAXZILLAs and two ALIENs, then 
    four CAMERONs, in that order. Be careful, since it's not easy to stay out of 
    the way of that many Johns unless you're able to hit one out of the air. Try to 
    bring a tripod with you after the battle is over, it'll come in handy for the 
    next section.
      See, the next section is another of those 'destroy something before getting 
    blown up' deals, and this time, two PAPARAZZI will be coming by to make the 
    going harder than it needs to be with their stuntastic cameras, and the 
    resulting explosion for failure works much like the bomb from earlier. Try not 
    to let the Paparazzi distract you for too long, though it may be tricky at this 
    point in your character's life. I find they tend to get on your case less if 
    you hide out behind the car's back bumper. Straight ahead of this little 
    diversion is the boss.
    Ramona's SECOND Evil Ex-boyfriend!
    Powers: Look him up on the Web...
    HP: 348
    Drops: $13.95, Mithril Skateboard (Too bad you don't have the rank in 
    Skateboard Proficiency to use it.)
      Lucas isn't all that much harder than Matthew was, but his backup can be a 
    lot more tenacious, dangerous and unpredictable than the Demon Hipster Chicks 
    were. Luckily, if you are fast enough in defeating Lucas and keep the pressure 
    on him, you won't ever see them.
      You really want to do as much damage as possible before the RAYMONDs start 
    showing up in pairs, because at this point, the fight gets a lot more 
    difficult. Lucas doesn't exactly creampuff his hits as it is, but he's a lot 
    faster to smash your teeth in with one of the skateboards you'll liberate from 
    the Raymonds- and the Raymonds themselves cause a LOT of damage when they crash 
    into you with their skateboards. Lucas ALSO gets a move where, when he has a 
    skateboard, he'll run to one corner of the screen, and charge across the arena 
    in an obvious Z-shaped pattern. If you're careful, you can hit him while he's 
    doing the diagonal part of that pattern because he WILL NOT adjust his movement 
    at all during that time. If you're NOT careful, Lucas will mess you the hell up 
    when he runs your ass over. Try to keep skateboards out of his hands by any 
    means and knock them out at the earliest opportunity.
      Once Lucas is defeated, he'll try to make a run for it. Unfortunately, he 
    didn't wear the proper safety equipment and thus does doesn't survive the 
    ensuing bail. Gotta think survival, Lucas.
    STAGE 3:
    Level Recommendations: Get your Strength up to around 30 and your Speed not 
    much lower. I'd also have started putting some points into Defense by now. See, 
    Todd is, compared to the bosses you've fought thus far, built like a brick 
    wall. You'll need every to be able to capitalize on the few opportunities 
    you'll get to deal serious damage. The fact that the enemies are numerous and 
    getting increasingly nasty means that you'll also have a hard time living to 
    fight Todd otherwise.
    Stage 3-1: Leo's Place
    REX (A huge, gray-haired guy in a blue suit.)
    HP: 96
    Drops: $1.30
      The good news is that you know how to take him out; he's a body swap of 
    Malcolm. The bad news is that he- with exactly two exceptions- ALWAYS appears 
    with Brad, and they're a lot more powerful than Malcolm- bad news considering 
    that Malcolm was a badass by himself. If you get caught between them, you are 
    in serious trouble.
    BRAD (Ving Rhames with sunglasses in a blue suit.)
    HP: 108
    Drops: $1.30
      See REX; he's an exact copy of him aside from his appearance and slightly 
    boosted health. I don't think I NEED to tell you that all that in mind, he's 
    one tough bastard.
    RYAN (A brown-haired guy in all red, and wears a baseball cap.)
    HP: 102
    Drops: $1.25
      Remember Luke? Yeah, he's still around, so I'm sure you do. Okay, take him, 
    put him on Super Crack and in a cooler outfit, and you have a pretty good idea 
    of how Ryan fights. He's EXTREMELY dangerous and does heavy, heavy damage with 
    his combos, IF he doesn't get lucky and score a HP-shattering critical hit or 
    two on your ass during them (while he's not the first enemy who's capable of 
    scoring critical hits, he's the first who seems capable of getting them more 
    than once in a bad moon). And yes, you'd better believe that he WILL try to 
    combo you every chance he gets. The moment you see him, move to take him out as 
    fast as you can, because if he catches you unaware, you are going to pay the 
    price. Try to get him to pick up a weapon, it gimps his ability to combo you to 
    death. Did I mention he'll happily shoulder-tackle you for heavy damage as 
    well? He does. It really sucks.
    OLD ENEMIES: Mike, Luke, Lee, Richard, Jesse, William
      This stage marks the point where the game has stopped fooling around with 
    you, as implied earlier. Remember when I told you that having to fight four or 
    five enemies at a time can lead to a lot of problems very quickly?
      You can and will fight upward of ten or twelve in this level. Several times.
      Did I mention that it's a really good idea to have bolstered your stats by 
      You're soon set upon by a huge crowd that runs to the right. What isn't 
    obvious (they look like complete NPCs) is that you can simply face the left and 
    punch like crazy, knocking as many of them out as you can in one hit each, for 
    10 cents each. Life is cheap, right?
      Don't go too far forward after the crowd clears; you can lure out the three 
    MIKEs and three LUKEs in small amounts, and you won't be so lucky later on- you 
    need to conserve that HP while you can, because you'll notice that the enemies 
    are starting to hit harder than they used to. Luckily, they have the same 
    amount of HP as they used to. Having a higher Strength ensures that you'll get 
    to find this out the hard way far less often.
      Life starts getting really difficult in short order- the next enemies are 
    REX, BRAD, two LUKEs, and two MIKEs, with a RICHARD soon to follow. Rex and 
    Brad would be huge pains in the ass on their own- you are fighting them at the 
    same time, in a small crowd. Another Richard pops in when you're done with 
    everybody else. Note that Rex and Brad seem annoyed more than anything else, 
    and that they're still on the ground- yes, that IS a bad sign. If you can, try 
    to hit Rex and Brad with a thrown weapon so you don't have to fight the entire 
    crowd at once. It REALLY helps.
      LEE, RICHARD, JESSE, and three LUKEs follow this battle. Try to concentrate 
    on Jesse before that tricky fighting style takes you out.
      See Leo's Shop? Good news- inside is the single best item in the game for 
    boosting both Defense AND Willpower- the Concert T-Shirt, which boosts BOTH 
    stats by EIGHT POINTS for only $19.95. The two food items here completely suck, 
    but at least they're cheap, can act as snacks, and can be bought over and over 
    against until the mid-boss battle. I will not think less of you for going back 
    to this place repeatedly to fix up your health during this stage. Keep this 
    place in mind, it even kicks the hell out of the Shopping District for pure 
    value for your stat-boosting dollar... but only for the two mentioned stats.
      If you're very careful, you can lure out the next set of enemies- RICHARD, 
    WILLIAM, and LEE- one at a time. Just don't get too close, and punch each of 
    them one time- then run backward to draw them away from the crowd. Around the 
    space you need to be at to activate LEE, JESSE and another Richard will join 
    the fight, as well. Once you take them all out, WATCH OUT. RYAN will join the 
    fight and he is a complete son of a bitch. Put your full focus on him and 
    forget the MIKE.
      Once they're down, REX, BRAD, and six MIKEs will appear. If you beat Rex and 
    Brad, the Mikes still standing will flee. WILLIAM follows, and don't go too far 
    forward unless you want to activate LEE, JESSE, and RICHARD, quickly followed 
    by another Lee, LUKE, and RYAN again. As before, don't EVER let up on Ryan 
    unless you absolutely have to.
      There's another RICHARD just past that battle, and do NOT advance forward 
    beyond where he stands, or else you'll run straight into a crowd of two LUKEs 
    and TEN MIKES, to be quickly followed by another Luke. Once that crowd is down, 
    LEE, RICHARD, and RYAN appear, followed by another Lee and Richard once all 
    three of THEM are lying face-down in your growing Mosh Pit O Doom.
      The final battle of this section is you versus REX, BRAD, RICHARD, LEE, LUKE, 
    and three MIKES. Again, if Rex and Brad are defeated, everyone else flees in 
    terror. And yes, this time, Rex and Brad are defeated for real and will finally 
    drop their money. I would heal up and buy Concert T-Shirts at this point; the 
    rest of the stage is just you and three bosses, and you can't go back once the 
    mini-rush starts.
    Stage 3-2a: The Main Stage
    LYNETTE (The one in the black)
    HP: 204
    Drops: $2.50
      You only have to defeat one of the two mid-bosses to win the fight, and 
    Lynette's much easier to beat than Envy- I suggest you take her out. Keep close 
    to Lynette and don't approach her head-on from long distance; she'll use that 
    bionic arm of hers to either stab you through the floor if you stop moving at 
    long range, or throw it across the room to nail you, also at long range. Both 
    hurt a bit, but we're not talking Death-in-a-red-hat Ryan damage levels. She's 
    pretty passive and once you've scored enough damage (it's not a high amount), 
    she'll stop attacking and instead keep trying to teleport around until she gets 
    dizzy. Before or after her teleport frenzy is the best time to hit her, but 
    watch out- once she's dizzy, Envy's going to tag in and take her place. Get far 
    away when this happens.
    ENVY (The expressive one with the ponytail)
    HP: 174
    Drops: $2.50
      If you're feeling brave or stupid- perhaps both- you can instead defeat Envy 
    and the fight will end all the same. However, while Lynette was spending most 
    of her time trying to avoid you, Envy is much more aggressive and she's fast 
    enough to bust through your combos if you try to launch one, at least until 
    you've built up some serious speed- and she's not exactly a soft touch. Also 
    watch out for her off-the-wall flying kick. Luckily for you, she's a lazy bitch 
    and doesn't stick around long before telling Lynette to tag back in.
    Stage 3-2b: Backstage Maze
      The goal is simple- stay ahead of Todd, who will soon pop into the area with 
    a wave of psychic energy behind him. If he catches up to you, he will fling you 
    forward, likely through several walls. Both the energy wave and EVERY wall you 
    hit during this knockback hurt you. Your job is to run forward, smashing down 
    every door in your way (running jump-kicks speed the process up a lot and may 
    be able to take down doors in one hit if your Strength is high enough). Be 
    quick about it because Todd has the potential to soften you up a whole lot for 
    his boss battle if you're not.
      The Bass Battle is a joke, literally. Just hit X when prompted and learn 
    exactly how pissed a man can get when you wreck his combo in Not Guitar Hero.
    Stage 3-2c: Let's Take It Outside...
    Ramona's THIRD Evil Ex-Boyfriend!
    DATING: Envy Adams. Cheating on her, too!
    HP: 270
    Drops: $15.95 as well as a free 1-up (Must be one of them Vegan things.)
      Todd is rather dangerous and nothing like the first two boss fights in terms 
    of how you have to beat him- though once you DO know how to beat him, he's 
    really not that hard to beat. However, this doesn't change the fact that Todd's 
    defense is sky-high, and you quite unfortunately have to deal enough damage to 
    him to force him to use a certain attack before you can actually deal serious 
    damage to him. I will explain that in a moment.
      Don't stand in front of him; he'll lift you up with a psychic stranglehold 
    that you'll have to break out of by mashing Square. It deals little damage, but 
    he's not shy about using it while you try to close in on him. His main attack 
    is to rear his head back and throw it forward into an electrical headbutt that 
    he'll hold out for a while- during which time you can't get close. He is VERY 
    not shy about doing this whenever you try to hit him, so you'd better be ready 
    to cut your combo short when he rears back! If you stay far away, he'll 
    psychically lift every weapon in the arena and fling it.
      I do have some good news for you, though. With the exception of the choke, 
    you can block all of those moves and he makes it very clear when he's going to 
    use them.
      Once you deal enough damage to piss him off, he'll leap to one side of the 
    screen, and flash a screen-filling WARNING screen. He'll proceed to do his best 
    Tetsuo impression and shoot a huge beam made of vegetables across the entire 
    screen, which is not blockable, but fortunately only does as much damage as the 
    electrical headbutt if you wander into it. You can, however, face him and block 
    the flying veggies that will go across the screen during this time.
      And it's when that attack concludes that you've got your chance. Run forward 
    and hit him as many times as you can; from that point until the Vegan Police 
    leave the screen (it makes sense in the context of the comics and film), Todd's 
    rock-hard defense crumbles and you can do full damage to him. From that point 
    on, simply keep doing what you've been doing until Todd is defeated, keeping in 
    mind that he'll play Veggie Tetsuo one more time than before every time he 
    decides to use that attack. He should be dead shortly after the time he uses it 
    three times in a row. DO NOT MISS THE ONE-UP HE DROPS. And yes... as I've said 
    in the past, he will drop it every single time you beat him. If you're able to 
    beat 3-2 without dying- it's not very hard, especially later in the game- you 
    come out of it one life richer than before every time.
      By the way, you can't hurt Todd at all with thrown items if he's not in the 
    middle of attacking. Just something to know.
    STAGE 4:
    Level Recommendations: Get all of your stats to 40 or higher, possibly even 50 
    for Strength and Speed. Stage 3 was all about throwing one or two tough enemies 
    into a huge crowd of weaklings. This stage is mostly about throwing one or two 
    weaklings into huge crowds of angry ninjas. You really, REALLY want to be level 
    14 before you start fighting the ninjas, because the Grand Slam makes dealing 
    with them so much easier.
    Stage 4-1a: Transit
    STELLA (A black-hatted girl on rollerskates)
    HP: 1
    Drops: $0.75
      Stella will charge across the screen one time, try to flying knee-kick you if 
    you're in the way, and she doesn't come back for a second pass. Your jump-kicks 
    have higher priority than her charge. Teach her to be flighty.
    RICK (A blonde guy in sunglasses and a dark coat)
    HP: 126
    Drops: $1.60
      As a kid, I played a game called Brawl Brothers. One variant of an enemy 
    called "Phantom" had a really annoying shoulder-tackle that wasn't easy to 
    avoid, and he did it constantly. Rick has evidently studied his tactics well, 
    because he ALSO has a really annoying shoulder-tackle that isn't easy to avoid, 
    AND knocks fifty cents out of you if it hits (though you can get it back). No 
    other enemy in the game has an attack with that property.
    DAVID (A guy with a gray beanie and a dark coat)
    HP: 102
    Drops: $1.25
      Remember what an aggressive, hard-hitting bastard Ryan was? David is that 
    except somehow even worse.
    OLD ENEMIES: Luke, Lee, Richard
      This stage is a huge step up from the third. The enemies are even tougher 
    than before, and problem enemies are either hard to isolate or are the only 
    enemies you'll find!
      The first part is RELATIVELY easy, but it's still damn hard if you're not 
    careful. You're immediately attacked by two groups of three STELLAs each, but 
    they don't come back should you fail to hit them. The first group comes from 
    the left, the other from the right.
      Three LUKEs and RICK await you; don't go too far forward so you avoid 
    triggering backup in the form of the next group of three STELLAs (they'll come 
    in from both sides!), LUKE, and DAVID, to be soon joined by LEE and RICK, then 
    RICHARD. Watch David, he is a BASTARD. And grab the metal baseball bat; DAVID 
    will immediately come back to life to meet you at the back of the bus with 
    Stage 4-1b: Tramway Roof
    HANZO (He's a ninja. He wears black.)
    HP: 66
    Drops: $0.65, a katana (usually)
      In a stage that's already filled with new enemies that are very capable of 
    smashing your teeth in, Hanzo is another such enemy. He stands out a bit for 
    one major reason- he's the most common enemy in the level starting from the 
    moment you see him. Hanzo drops a katana when he dies, and you very much want 
    to pick it up. It's a very powerful weapon that has a very long range. You'll 
    want it because it does unto you exactly what it does unto enemies- Hanzo is 
    fast as hell, extremely powerful and VERY capable of scoring critical hits, and 
    he will happily combo the hell out of your HP even when you're overleveled if 
    you're not careful. You NEED a weapon to take them on reliably; they outrange 
    you, overpower you, and outnumber you- and they KNOW it. Do not let them 
    surround you; the Law of Conservation of Ninjitsu has been repealed with a 
    vengeance in Toronto and they will mess you up FAST. Oh, and he's capable of 
    attacking you if you're standing too close while he's getting up.
    OLD ENEMIES: David, Lee, Richard, Rick
      You're immediately met by DAVID and two LEEs when you start the stage, 
    hopefully you still have your bat. You can knock them off the back of the tram 
    if you want, but it's not easy to get David to cooperate with that cunning 
    plan. I suppose that jumping to one's certain doom always raises a red flag in 
    the cognitive process. Two RICHARDs and another DAVID await just afterward. 
    Again, make David your priority target; he hits the hardest and is very happy 
    to wreck your shit at every opportunity.
      You're probably guessing that those hatches are some sort of enemy dispersal 
    device. You guess correctly. Three RICKs pop out of the hatch, and try to keep 
    them together so they're less likely to hit you with the Shoulders of Poverty 
    more than zero times. It's very possible for money to fall off the train. Oh, 
    and speaking of which, so can you and the enemies- don't go too far up or down! 
    LEE and RICHARD will join for flavor shortly into the battle. The next hatch 
    houses DAVID, and only him. Defeat him before trying to move on.
      Okay, the good news is, that's the last you'll see of David for this stage, 
    and you won't be seeing Ryan either. The bad news is, you're about to be set 
    upon by two badass HANZOs and the rest of the stage focuses almost entirely on 
    fighting him and his army of clones. A third will promptly join for now, and if 
    you don't have a weapon, beat one out of them QUICKLY. You need the range; 
    unarmed, the Hanzos WILL stay back and slash the maple syrup out of you with 
    their swords at every opportunity. You almost NEED the Grand Slam because the 
    added weapon attack speed and combo potential is vital for you to actually KEEP 
    the assload of swords you will be picking up constantly, as well as dispatching 
    ninjas QUICKLY.
      Yeah. The rest of this stage is going to suck for you.
    Stage 4-2: The Frying Tengu
    FUUMA (He's a ninja. He wears a white hood and a lighter outfit.)
    HP: 57
    Drops: $1.60
      Fuuma is a prick. Rather than attack at close range, he shoots fireballs that 
    go all the way across the screen, and you'd better believe he'll run away from 
    you just so you have to concentrate on other enemies while he shoots fire at 
    you like an asshole. At least he does a lot less damage than Hanzo.
    FRANK (He's a ninja in red.)
    HP: 1
    Drops: $0.25
      Frank runs in packs, jumps across the screen, and throws several shuriken 
    down at the ground. Considering the pack mentality they fight with, there's 
    going to be a curtain of shuriken that's hard to entirely avoid unless you're 
    well out of range when he appears with no warning.
    BUTA (A fat female ninja with a ponytail.)
    HP: 120
    Drops: $1.60
      Buta is a rather passive enemy with those knives of hers, though considering 
    what a pain in the ass the Hanzos are, you should probably just consider her an 
    example of the game showing mercy on you. She does a pretty good amount of 
    damage when she bothers to attack, but she rarely does so. She DOES completely 
    ignore standing Fast combos, though, so keep that in mind.
    DENZEL (He's a man on fire.)
    HP: 1
    Drops: $0.75
      Denzel runs diagonally across the screen, trying to ram you and set you on 
    fire. He will keep doing this until either you hit him once, or until he 
    manages to set himself on double fire in a process involving the lit grills. 
    He's pretty damn fast and he moves erratically, so keep your distance.
    OLD ENEMIES: Stella, Rick
      This is where things become really difficult. I wasn't kidding when I said 
    you'd mostly be fighting ninjas that have severe range advantages over you; in 
    fact, you're about to be set upon by two HANZOs and a FUUMA just offscreen, and 
    the game decided that you don't need to keep that sword you were holding before 
    the tram crash. Get a sword. NOW. Try not to let enemies knock it out of your 
      Once you're past the grill (if you need to be told why not to jump on the 
    flames, jump in a bonfire and see why for yourself), be prepared to dodge two 
    STELLAs (one from both sides), and do battle with two HANZOs. A third and 
    fourth will join very shortly.
      Moving on, when you see a knife on the ground, look out, a STELLA will soon 
    come up on you from behind. Punish her for her transgressions. And for looking 
    vaguely like a redheaded Tifa with a ponytail. Cosplay with more passion! And 
    while you're at it, do the same to the two who then approach from the right. 
    Watch out when you pass a set of doors with statues on both sides, not only 
    will HANZO bust out of them, three STELLAs will charge in from the right to use 
    the element of surprise while you're busy preparing for Ninja Justice. Oh, and 
    BUTA will show up from the left, with another HANZO showing up when she's taken 
      I told you that there would be a lot of ninjas on this stage. We are only 
    getting started.
      BUTA, three HANZOs, and two RICKs come at you in roughly that order the 
    moment you pass BUTA between the grills. Work quickly, Rick's shoulder tackles 
    will distract you heavily from the ninja menace. With any luck, they'll jump on 
    the grills like idiots and burn their asses off.
      Speaking of which, meet DENZEL and his pals! You'll fight one, then three, 
    then a few more- they come at you pretty quickly and they have a tendency to 
    commit suicide via double fire on the grills, so it's hard to tell exactly how 
    many come in all. Just watch their movement patterns.
      See that gong not far from the bunch of dead people on fire? It's a bonus 
    section. Just destroy the eleven totems that come down before time runs out and 
    you get a free $10. It's easy, especially if you have a sword. And you really 
    want to have one.
      Two HANZOs and two FUUMAs make their appearance soon after, and three FRANKs 
    jump in out of nowhere almost immediately after. TRY not to get hit, but 
    there's no way I can guarantee your safety on this one. Two more HANZOs will 
    show up once everyone else is down.
      Three HANZOs will pop out of discolored spots in the floor that then become 
    pits, followed by two BUTAs. Don't get too close to the discolored spots you'll 
    soon see a lot of; they will likewise become pits- with you likely to fall 
    right in them in the process of 'uncovering' them. That in mind, do pay 
    attention to the three HANZOs that are hanging around once you start seeing 
    more of the spots. It's probably also not going to hurt by this point to enter 
    that store in the back and pick up a few things to eat- the Kuchiyaki Moriawase 
    will restore 100 HP/GP, and give you a couple of minor stat boosts as well. 
    Keep the place in mind if you're hurting and haven't left the Frying Tengu yet.
      There's a door with a star-shaped hole in it that you can enter to reach 
    another Subspace Highway. If you have any sense, you'll just skip the rest of 
    the stage (there's not much left to go) and head straight to the Tengu Gardens. 
    If you do this, just scroll down until I say 'I have a chip in my brain'. But 
    if you're like me and don't have any sense, prepare to dodge a bunch of slow 
    iron balls rolling in from the right. As punishment for your perseverance, you 
    will also be forced to fight two HANZOs and three FUUMAs. Seriously, there is 
    no reason to not use the Subspace Highway for bonuses. Just go inside of it.
    Stage 4-3a: Chengdu Gardens
    OLD ENEMIES: Hanzo, Buta, Fuuma, Frank
      You just don't listen to me, do you? You get to fight two HANZOs and a BUTA 
    because you just HAD to do things the hard way, and now you can't get your 
    bonus. I hope you're proud of yourself. You won't even get to keep your sword 
    from earlier.
      I have a chip in my brain. Not really. Though it would probably explain a 
    lot. So now you fight four HANZOs, straight out of the gate. If you came here 
    from the Subspace Highway, you won't have a sword, so be sure you get one 
    quickly. Two FUUMAs are ready to surprise you with a fireball to the face the 
    moment you move on from the battle, so keep your eyes open.
      By the way, for now until I say otherwise, stay on the left side of the 
    bridge. If you go too far beyond it, the game- however occasionally- may 
    occasionally trap an enemy behind the river and bridge, where you will not be 
    able to reach it, thus killing your stage progress, and you will have to return 
    to the map. This sucks and at this point in the stage you really don't want 
    that. Just stay where you are and kick HANZO's ass yet again, along with BUTA 
    and her twin, as well as three more FUUMAs (the third will come in from the 
    left after a few moments. Consider knocking a few of them into the river if 
    they're really being bitches to you. At this point, you're justified. And while 
    you're at it, do it to the fourth FUUMA that will probably wait until you try 
    to cross the bridge to attack. How dare he take advantage of the occasional 
    bug. I decree that you are to dunk him into the river for his shenanigans!
      Over the bridge are four HANZOs and three FRANKs. Again, watch out for the 
    sudden appearance of the Franks; they do not know the concept of the warning 
    shuriken. Another HANZO will sneak up from the left, but after all of them are 
    done, you are finally done with this meat grinder of a stage. Just go straight 
    into the star door and go through the Subspace Highway.
    Stage 4-3b: Ramona's Backyard
    Ramona's FOURTH Evil Ex-Boyfriend!
    Gender: Female.
    HP: 470
    Drops: $24.95 in cuddly animals
      You can make this battle a LOT easier by picking up one of the bamboo swords 
    lying around and I seriously implore you to do so- Roxanne's fighting style is 
    basically Ultra-Hanzo and you know how well the normal ones can fight. Don't 
    stand in front of her at any distance; short range will see you getting ninja'd 
    hardcore, and long range will cause her to do her best Ivy Valentine 
    impression- yes, that's a whip sword in her hand! And indeed, if she gets lucky 
    and crit-hits you- and she's one of the few bosses that seems to be capable of 
    doing so, at least at her level of frequency- well, it's gonna hurt a LOT.
      You are REALLY better off just getting a bamboo sword and swinging it at 
    Roxanne repeatedly, not giving her the chance to attack- this is remarkably 
    easy to do and will end the fight in a hurry, quite possibly without taking any 
    damage in the process.
      If she decides to split into four, quickly get to the side of the screen and 
    hide on the lighter part of the grass; during the series of attacks she'll do, 
    she can't hit you as long as you're there- and I'm not sure you can hurt her at 
    any point during this attack.
      Again- get a weapon, and don't let up on her. You REALLY don't want to go 
    through the entirety of the stage again.
    STAGE 5:
    Stage 5-1: Halloween Party
    Level Recommendation: You actually don't need to do any special leveling for 
    this stage; though the third section can be a bit of a pain, overall this is 
    far easier than the previous two stages. The stage is a bit long so you may 
    want to consider getting around 50 Defense, though... just in case. Really, 
    considering how much money you earned from the last stage, what excuse do you 
    have for not doing so? Hell, while you're at it, send your Speed as high as you 
    can get it with whatever remains.
    PINATA (A giant pi¤ata with a sombrero.)
    HP: N/A
    Drops: $3.40
      Just a little bonus that drops from the ceiling in specific places- slap it 
    around a bit to knock it down for some easy money.
    RETURN OF RAXZILLA (Looks exactly like before.)
    HP: 63
    Drops: $1.00
      The only reason I'm bothering to mention him up here- not the least of the 
    reasons being that you fight him exactly once- is because his attacks are far 
    more powerful than before. Watch out.
    ROBOT CHUCK (He's wearing a blue suit, his (robot) head IBM.)
    HP: 84
    Drops: $0.80
      Robot Chuck is mostly about annoying you. He loves to jump up and perform a 
    diving punch, and he tries to grab weapons when he can, but he's slow as hell 
    and doesn't do much damage. Not a threat aside from how occasionally he refuses 
    to stop blocking.
    LINUS (Get the pumpkin off your head.)
    HP: 24
    Drops: $0.40
      Linus is a complete wimp. If at this point you're NOT taking him out before 
    the end of your Fast combo, I'm impressed at how you've gotten this far without 
    boosting your stats- and stop reading this guide, as you clearly have no need 
    for it. He shares Robot Chuck's love of not attacking you as often as he 
    HARLEY (If William and Linus had a kid that aged very quickly.)
    HP: 132
    Drops: $1.75
      Harley is basically William, but with better stats. Despite his high health, 
    he's really not much to be worried about. However, if he starts bothering to 
    hit you, it does a lot of damage, so don't ignore them. Not that you really can 
    with beat-em-up rules.
    TOM (Google "Tom Guycot". Otherwise, he's Skullhead Dude.)
    HP: 69, sometimes 99
    Drops: $0.95
      Tom is probably the only enemy in this area that poses any sort of real 
    threat. Remember Jesse from a few stages back? Tom acts much like... Jesse, but 
    with stats much more appropriate to the area. Despite the fact that he usually 
    doesn't hit hard, he scores critical hits fairly often, so don't let him combo 
    you; he'll try to do so at every opportunity. Keep in mind that he's actually 
    immune to most Strong attacks (he'll simply step out of their way), and he's 
    fast enough to stay out of range if you just walk at him.
    OLD ENEMIES: Alien
      You can skip the vast majority of this stage through the star door RIGHT AT 
    THE BEGINNING OF THE STAGE- just go left and up. Hai Subspace Highway! If 
    you're an idiot like me, refrain from scrolling down until you hear me say 'I 
    don't like snow'.
      It's fair enough because most of the enemies here are no real threat. You 
    start off fighting the RETURN OF RAXZILLA and ROBOT CHUCK, and a PINATA will 
    drop from the ceiling. You don't need to destroy pi¤atas but it's a good idea 
    to do so. Watch out because Raxzilla is way, WAY more powerful than before- at 
    33 Defense, he can deal 40 damage. Once you've ensured that Toho will have no 
    competition, move on and kick the ass of the three ROBOT CHUCKs that appear 
    from the conspicuous door. Another Robot Chuck and two LINUSes will show up 
    once you've run the Fist Virus into their heads enough times.
      You'll soon come to another door, which houses another ROBOT CHUCK and three 
    LINUSes. This is little more of a threat than the last battle; Linus is 
    possibly even more of a wuss than Mike. The extra LINUS that will then appear 
    is, by that definition, just the game wasting your time.
      Move forward- when the screen starts to shake, just hang out at the bottom of 
    the screen. The rolling disco ball will never so much as touch you, but mind 
    the two HARLEYs and ALIEN that very much want to touch you, with closed fists, 
    on the face, at high velocity. TOM will join the battle shortly, so try to 
    defeat the Harleys quickly, because their weaknesses and immunities are polar 
    opposites. If you can take them all down, another PINATA will soon drop as a 
      I hate the cold. So not looking forward to winter on this end of the 
    internet. Anyway, TOM stands around not long after that, and LINUS will hop by 
    to say 'hi and suck my fist' as you battle him. If you decide to go forward, 
    step between the two rolling disco balls that again come from the left, and get 
    ready for the two ROBOT CHUCKs and three HARLEYs. Then you've got something 
    Invented by the Twins!
    Size: Small.
    HP: 210
    Drops: Dead and little else.
      Threat: Even less.
      Despite the build-up, and the first time you'll see the boss introduction 
    anywhere besides an actual boss fight, Robot-01 should be ashamed to consider 
    itself a boss. You have fought enemies on this stage that hit harder than this 
    guy, have more tricks to their fighting style, and are overall smarter.
      Robot-01 has slightly less HP than two enemies on the next stage.
      Why am I bothering to continue this section?
      I guess he can kick you while he's down, but really... he's a breeze.
    Stage 5-2: Fire Escape
    OLD ENEMIES: Tom, Harley, Linus, Robot Chuck
      TOM will jump out of a window to come after you, and a HARLEY will come from 
    both sides of the screen. Mind their opposing weaknesses, as before. After 
    they're all lying dead in a rainstorm, proceed forward to fight another TOM, 
    two LINUSes, and a ROBOT CHUCK. Wait before you jump over the railing; there's 
    a welcome mat that is the ONLY clue you have as to there being a shop right 
    there. Go in the door and recharge yourself, courtesy of Scott's parents. Keep 
    a Tropical Drink around as a 40 HP/15 GP snack, and a Filet Mignon will bump 
    you up to full HP/GP (assuming you're not Stills and happen to have 9 or less 
    HP on a maxed Defense).
      NOW you can jump over the railing. IGNORE the enemies or jump-kick through 
    them, just get them out of your way because huge robot hands are punching the 
    fire escape out, and well, you need to get up to the roof before the whole 
    thing collapses underneath you! Luckily, it doesn't do a lot to you if you 
    actually DO fall down, but really, why trouble yourself? Just prepare yourself 
    to get some revenge...
    Invented by the Twins!
    Size: Maximum!!!
    HP (per hand): 152
    Drops: From the sky and explodes into uselessness.
      Your targets are the hands, and you want to take one out as soon as possible. 
    The hands will try to pound down on top of you, grab you (you can wiggle out, 
    and if you're fast, it shouldn't hurt you at all), or try to clap you between 
    them if both of them remain intact. They WILL try to knock you between them, 
    and you really don't want that.
      The Super Fighting Robot can retreat into the background, as well- if both 
    hands are intact, it will fire a huge volley of missiles that are a bitch and a 
    half to successfully dodge, simply because there are so many of them. If only 
    one is intact, the robot will fire a strangely weak laser that fires directly 
    in front of it- get to the upper corners of the screen to avoid being hurt.
      Again, if you can take one hand out, the fight becomes a lot easier- you 
    can't block either the missiles or the beam, but at least avoiding the beam is 
    easier than Tina Foster after three beers.
    Stage 5-3a: Dragons' Den
    DOBERMAN X (They look the same as before, but they're more dangerous now.)
    HP: 108
    Drops: $0.90
      They're the same Dobermans you fought back in Stage 1, except on steroids. 
    Their bites do MUCH more damage and they have much more health as well. Be very 
    DONNIE (A fat Asian guy.)
    HP: 168
    Drops: $0.95
      Donnie is yet another Fat Guy with the same immunity to Fast combos. In fact, 
    he's the last such new enemy you'll meet, and definitely the most dangerous of 
    the bunch- he hits the hardest, is quick to attack (if slow to move), and he's 
    got the HP to ensure that he'll stick around for a while. Even so, he's got 
    nothing on his friend...
    SAMMO (A smaller Asian guy with glasses.)
    HP: 156
    Drops: $1.60
      Sammo is one of the most dangerous enemies in the game, if not THE most 
    dangerous. He hits damn hard, is very fast on his feet, has a bitchton of 
    health, and he's riding the block button like he's Richard. Your best bet for 
    fighting him is to either attack him in ways he can't block (for best results, 
    either wait for him to perform a diving punch, or try to get him to pick up a 
    weapon), or by using running attacks to at least try to hit him HARD should he 
    screw up and drop his guard. Do not take this guy lightly.
    OLD ENEMIES: Rex, G.D.Bat, Brad
      Be careful as you move to the right; three DOBERMAN Xs will quickly rush onto 
    the screen with REX tagging behind, and you don't need a demonstration of the 
    dogs' newfound strength. Something must be in that Iams. Stay aggressive, 
    because if you aren't, they will be. After you've committed your share of 
    animal cruelty for the day (everyone knows that Rex is a disguised gorilla), 
    walk forward onto the pipe and flying-kick so that you're the one who catches 
    the G.D.BATs off-guard.
      DONNIE and SAMMO approach you for the first time not far beyond it- be ready 
    for them, and don't allow either of them a chance to attack if you can avoid 
    it. Try to take out Donnie first, or at least get him away from Sammo so you 
    can grab and beat down the blocky one.
      I know what you're thinking in regards to that pipe. Don't do it. Just walk 
    across the path it takes around the spikes (which, by the way, count as a pit), 
    and jump-kick when you get to the uppermost part, which will spawn another wave 
    of G.D.BATs that are best greeted in advance with violence. The same thing will 
    happen when you walk on the lowermost part, and when you're off the pipe 
    altogether, another swarm will attack the same general area- just get to the 
    upper part of the screen if you don't want to chance it. Time your passing 
    between the dragon statues' breath attacks (they alternate), and stay high up 
    so the bats don't hit you as they pass yet again.
      After your short platforming segment, REX, BRAD, and SAMMO will come after 
    you. This time, SAMMO has a club in his hands that you'd do well to grab, and 
    while you're at it, try to send one or more of them into the spikes if you can. 
    It shouldn't be hard to take them down; you've got the advantage here. Just 
    move on, and watch the snakes. Their pattern is obvious (first third, second 
    third, third... third, GOTO 10), so just walk past them and be careful on the 
    following platforms. G.D.BATs will attack you on the first, another dragon 
    statue will try to fry you on the second, and past the third is a gauntlet of 
    iron balls that zoom in from the right that you should NOT try to jump over or 
    get fancy with- simply sidestep out of the way of anything that looks like it's 
    gonna hit you.
      Afterwards, you'll be ambushed in the most obvious way possible short of a 
    huge sign saying 'ENEMIES HERE' by three SAMMOs, all with clubs. It's a good 
    idea to capitalize on their current inability to block, they tend to not go 
    back for their weapons once you forcibly disarm them. After they're all down in 
    the name of Project A, BRAD and a SAMMO will run in from the left, immediately 
    followed by REX and another SAMMO from the right. That's the last fight of this 
    section; just bash the statue halves ahead until they sink into the ground, and 
    get ready for the boss.
      You may want to grab a club- the bosses are much easier with one in your 
    Stage 5-3b: The Twins' Lair
    Ramona's FIFTH and SIXTH evil ex-boyfriends!
    Powers: Being Japanese...
    (The game slips and calls Ken 'Kevin' for some reason.)
    HP (either twin): 216
    Drops (total): $34.90, knowledge that there's no way to NOT get the PS Trophy 
    for defeating them at the same time.
      The Twins hit rather hard and they have some VERY nasty team-up attacks that, 
    thankfully, they telegraph- trust me, you'll know it when they're setting them 
    up. However, if you're carrying a club like I told you to, they're kind of like 
    Roxanne in terms of what you can do to them... and less like Roxanne in that 
    you outrange them and they can do little about it when you start attacking them 
    from your maximum range. And funnily enough, if their team-up attacks hit you, 
    they usually send you flying so hard that THEY get hit. This is quite funny if 
    and when this hit manages to critical on them. I only speak entirely from 
    personal experience.
      If either of the Twins goes down, the remaining Twin will immediately stop 
    what he's doing and run over to revive the other. Don't panic too much; the 
    heal is minimal and the healer is left WIDE open while he does his thing, which 
    takes several seconds.
      Much like the rest of the stage, they're really not difficult at all. Enjoy 
    the drops!
    STAGE 6:
    (There's no intro text for this stage. Sometimes you have to improvise.)
    Level Recommendations: If you've yet to build your Speed up to around the 
    maximum, do so, it won't hurt you- and if you really don't want to go that far, 
    shoot for around 70 or so. If you can manage it (you should), none of your 
    other stats should be below 60, either. The enemies in this stage can get 
    really nasty really quickly- in addition, the game is done throwing you 
    breather bosses, and is all too happy to show it with one of the nastiest 
    bosses in the game.
    Stage 6-1: The Park
    HP: 7
    Drops: $0.90
      Much like all bird enemies in video games, these guys are quite the pests to 
    take down despite their low HP (you can count on taking them out in one hit by 
    now if you haven't been dragging your feet in regards to your stats). The 
    problem is LANDING that one hit you need to take them down; they're high in the 
    air, love to surround you, and if you miss them with your jump-kick, they'll 
    likely send you dive-bomb you straight into their friends for heavy damage. 
    Once they leave the screen, they'll come back for another divebombing run, so 
    stay near the middle of the screen to give yourself the best chance of reacting 
    to their reappearance.
    WOLVERINE (Looks more like a rabid badger to me.)
    HP: 108
    Drops: $0.90
      I'm convinced these things are bipolar because, while hardly slow to begin 
    with, they'll seem to randomly and VERY suddenly get a huge burst of speed 
    while they're moving around. All the better to almost immediately lunge at you 
    with a claw swipe with a HUGE attack range, and boy does it hurt. Luckily, 
    despite their low profile, MOST of your characters you can hit them just fine 
    without having to resort to low attacks- and when I say that, I mean to say 
    that for some reason, Scott (and Negascott) is the only one who can't hit them 
    with standing Fast combos, though he CAN hit them with standing Strong combos 
    among many other options.
    HERMEY (An elf.)
    HP: N/A
    Drops: $1.00 every time you hit him.
      These guys don't attack you and serve no purpose aside from allowing you to 
    VERY briefly punch the crap out of them for extra money. Be quick to do so when 
    you see them!
    OLD ENEMIES: Ryan, David, Doberman X, G.D.Bat
      This stage isn't very long, but a fair deal of the enemies are rather nasty 
    to make up for that. Indeed, DAVID and RYAN immediately set upon you and I'm 
    sure you remember them quite well. The good news is that at least with your 
    stats being beefed up, they aren't nearly the nightmares they were when you 
    first met them, but they still hit hard. Just to drive the point home further, 
    the next battle in the snow is another DAVID, with two DOBERMAN Xs. The 
    forested area just beyond the apparent rain shadow effect is home to another 
    DOBERMAN X, as well as a rather nasty little section.
      When you see the key in a rock, quickly change your vertical position so two 
    OWLs from opposite sides of the screen don't just dive-bomb you. Ignore them 
    until you break the rock because they'll just respawn otherwise, and the fewer 
    of those things you have to kill, the better- they really hurt and are annoying 
    as hell. Ignore the key for now; the gate you need to use it on is after 
    several more fights and you can simply go back and get it later.
      HERMEY should pop up just in front of a house in the background. Pummel him 
    for extra cash but be ready for the two FURIOUS BADG- er, WOLVERINEs that will 
    come in from the right- possibly very quickly with claws drawn if you're too 
    close. Be careful, these guys hit REALLY hard and as I've mentioned, Scott has 
    a lot of attacks that don't hit them if you're playing as him.
      The game leaves you a few clues as to a hidden shop- there's a star-like 
    pattern in the foliage, with two people to both sides of it. Go inside and go 
    to the right; there's some rather nice things in the shop- the Special Training 
    unlocks your Tech Attack 2, whatever it is, and the Ginkgo Biloba is a snack-
    type item that restores 90 HP/GP- among the best in the game for just $9.95! I 
    don't think I need to tell you to come back here if you're left hurting by 
    future battles.
      And you may need it because just past here is a WOLVERINE and four OWLs- 
    oddly enough, three from the left and only one from the right. They're kind of 
    a pain.
      Once you're on the steps, stay on the top step so the four WOLVERINEs can't 
    catch you with their terrain trickery- they can usually hit you that way while 
    you can't do the same in return, though of course if THEY go down a step for 
    whatever reason, follow, for the same reasons.
      Past the stairwell, wait for the signal that you should probably move, and 
    stay out of the way of the shadows- they don't seem to ever change position, so 
    stay in the lower-left to avoid being clobbered by morbid debris. Then punch 
    the hell out of two HERMEYs that appear. They'll so need dentists. And don't 
    rush too far forward too quickly unless you want to run straight into a pack of 
    G.D.BATs, though just beyond them is the gate you need that key for. Go back 
    and get it; I'll wait for you in stage 6-2.
    Stage 6-2: Eerie Forest
    ZOMBIE JERRY (A male zombie with what I'm pretty sure is a worm in his eye.)
    HP: 216
    Drops: $0.60
      Zombie Jerry is very slow. Zombie Jerry takes forever to get up when knocked 
    down. Zombie Jerry absorbs more damage than John McClane after a chromium 
    overdose and if you give him enough opportunity to do so, his decomposing ass 
    can hit you rather hard, especially if you give him the opportunity to do so 
    more than once.
    ZOMBIE LUCY (I don't think zombies are supposed to jiggle like that.)
    HP: 224
    Drops: $0.70
      The oddly busty distaff counterpart to Zombie Jerry, she shares many traits 
    with him. Slow as hell, and even at max Strength she's not going down quickly. 
    She's also a LITTLE faster to the draw when it comes to attacking, and that 
    bony arm swipe she can do comes out much faster than it has any right for her 
    brain-and-body-dead self to be able to do.
    OLD ENEMIES: Doberman X, G.D.Bat, Tom
      Four of those wonderfully hard-hitting (well, wonderful for THOSE bastards) 
    DOBERMAN Xs rush you from the right as you start this section. Be quick and 
    stay out of their way.
      You'll start seeing open graves, and if you spent the enemy list singing 
    irritating songs while covering your eyes, you'd probably assume that's not a 
    good sign. Well, not so much the two G.D.BATs that fly over the open grave, but 
    the ZOMBIE JERRY that comes by a little more so. Alone, he is a complete 
    pushover- you may beat him down or simply throw him into the grave, it's up to 
      Not so simply are the four ZOMBIE JERRYs and the five ZOMBIE LUCYs just past 
    him. This time around, try to just throw them into the graves; they have a TON 
    of HP and aren't really worth the effort it takes to beat them down normally. 
    If you go forward a bit, two TOMs will appear, and if you defeat them, you can 
    simply flee past the zombies. Just watch out for the G.D.BATs that fly above 
    regardless of whichever option sends you past this little skirmish.
      Five ZOMBIE JERRYs and five ZOMBIE LUCYs await you once Negascott does his 
    little laugh, and the game kind of implies that you really want to just make 
    things easy on yourself and throw everything down the two open graves. I kind 
    of imply the same. TOM and two ZOMBIE LUCYs will eventually wander in, but this 
    time around, there's no way to cut the fight short. Just give the province a 
    reason to dig a few more graves.
    Scott Pilgrim's Evil Twin!
    Rating: Negative Awesome!
    HP: 678
    Drops: $18.95. The hardest bosses drop the measliest rewards.
      Negascott is your notice that from this point forward, the bosses are done 
    screwing with you. He hits very hard, is fast as hell, and is one of the only 
    bosses that can semi-reliably interrupt your attacks if you beat on him for too 
    long. He is VERY happy to use his Tech Attack 2 (the same one you get when you 
    use him) to suddenly bash you in the face and send you flying, seemingly 
    whenever he thinks it would be funny- if your Speed isn't VERY high, it just 
    means he'll do it more and more often. And on top of all that, he throws Evil 
    Hadokens if you get too far away.
      There actually isn't a lot of strategy I can give; you're basically fighting 
    a superpowered Scott as controlled by the computer. NEVER attack him directly 
    from the front, and don't try to use Strong combos unless you like sucking 
    Negascott's flying knees. In fact, try to make him wander into your punches if 
    at all possible; Negascott's only real flaw is that MOST of his attacks are 
    short-ranged (he IS a clone of Scott... an EVIL clone), so there's actually a 
    chance that he'll do so.
    STAGE 7:
    Level Recommendation: If you plan on fighting the second boss (Gigadeon) here 
    WITHOUT the aid of the superweapon I'll point out, you NEED to be maxed out or 
    very close to it in every stat and even then it's going to be hard as hell to 
    not only beat him, but to ALSO finish the stage without having the last of your 
    shattered stock of lives leave you (assuming you don't want to bring more than 
    your typical amount of lives into the stage). If you ARE going to use the 
    superweapon, it's still a good idea to at least clear 70 in all of your stats; 
    Gigadeon doesn't suddenly become completely harmless, and there are two long, 
    difficult stages that bookend the battle- both of which have bosses at the end.
    Stage 7-1a: Chaos Theatre Elevator
    ENEMIES: Sammo, Rex, Doberman X, Donnie, David, Ryan, Brad
      See that timer on the top of the screen? If it reaches zero, the elevator 
    blows up, causes far less damage than you'd expect, and throws you straight to 
    the fight with Super Gideon.
      As the stage title clearly states, this is one of those elevator stages 
    common to most beat-em-ups, so I'll break up this section by the fights you'll 
    see; they very obviously come in waves.
      I don't think I need to tell you of two ways to cut most of the fights short, 
    one on each side of the elevator.
      BEFORE STOP 1: Two SAMMOs. Just heave them off the elevator.
      STOP 1: So you know, for every stop you make, you'll have to break the four 
    gadgets that hold the elevator in place before you can move on- though you'll 
    have to beat everyone in the current wave before the elevator actually does so. 
    That said, REX and two DOBERMAN Xs must be defeated to advance. The Dobermans 
    are all too happy to charge at you and straight into the pit if they miss. I 
    would share with you my opinions on dogs but there's a good chance I'd piss you 
    off; suffice to say that these video game versions are pretty close to what I'd 
    have to say.
      BEFORE STOP 2: Three DONNIEs. Just heave them off the elevator. Consider the 
    extra weight exercise. If you don't want to throw them, note that Fast combos- 
    while they still don't hurt them- do knock them back a bit.
      STOP 2: DAVID and RYAN. If you haven't defeated the Donnies yet, this is a 
    bit of a pain, so act quickly.
      BEFORE STOP 3: Two SAMMOs and DONNIE. Another fight best taken care of the 
    Leonidas way.
      STOP 3: SAMMO, DONNIE, REX and BRAD. Try to huck the first two into the 
    remaining pit if you can.
      BEFORE STOP 4: SAMMO and DONNIE. Wild guess what I want you to do.
      STOP 4: DAVID, and two RYANs with baseball bats. David is your priority until 
    the Ryans lose their weapons; once they do, just go nuts.
      BEFORE STOP 5: Two DAVIDs and another RYAN. Knock them off the sides. Trust 
    me, it's quicker and safer.
      STOP 5: Iron balls zoom in from the door; stay on the bottom of the screen so 
    they just roll harmlessly down the pit.
      BEFORE STOP 6: Five SAMMOs, some with clubs. Throw them down the pit as 
    quickly as possible and get your hands on one of those clubs!
      STOP 6: A crowd just like the one on stage 3 appears. If you haven't beaten 
    the SAMMOs yet, forget them and get to the bottom of the screen. Once all four 
    of the elevator stoppers are destroyed, the section ends regardless of whether 
    there are any remaining enemies, so if you need to get a club, make sure you 
    take the opportunity before you've lost it.
      Assuming you made it through all the fights, in case of need to destroy seven 
    evil exes, break glass.
    Stage 7-1b: Pleasure Palace
    Ramona's SEVENTH Evil Ex-boyfriend?!
    Powers: Just look at him!
    HP: 931
    Drops: Your ass into his own Subspace Highway
      Super Gideon is a tricky opponent, but not unmanageable if you know what 
    you're doing... and especially if you've got one of Sammo's clubs. It becomes 
    much more obvious that he hits very hard and very quickly at a nice range if 
    you don't. If you see him pose similarly to Negascott, quickly get out of the 
    way of a one-winged shoulder-tackle that goes across a fair bit of the screen.
      Super Gideon reacts... not like many other enemies when you knock him down. 
    He'll occasionally jump off-screen and rain meteors down on your head (avoid 
    the shadows)- or possibly just one big one when he's down to his last few 
    hundred HP. I've seen him get annoyed and do the meteor drops without having 
    first been knocked down though- unlike his tendency to do that same Negascott 
    pose and suddenly start flashing as if he's invincible. Appropriate, really, 
    because he IS invincible until he stops flashing. Just stay far away from him 
    until he knocks it off. If he does the meteor drop, at least he lands exactly 
    where he left the screen...
      Stay on top of things during this battle; Super Gideon is no joke and he's 
    VERY capable of kicking your ass. Unfortunately, video game law is in effect, 
    and the final boss never dies just once. As if the two substages after this 
    weren't already an indication.
    Stage 7-2: Subspace Highway?
    MEDUSA HEAD (You know what they are, imagine them the Bryan Lee O'Malley way.)
    HP: 6
    Drops: $0.25
      Ah, the days of Castlevania, where these things would do just enough damage 
    to annoy you while throwing you off of every platform in the game while you 
    fought snarling undead horrors, monsters from every regional lore you could 
    think of, and the most dreaded foe of all, horrible jumping physics. These 
    cartoony equivalents exist solely to float quickly down the Subspace Highway 
    and catch you off guard a couple of times while you're trying to make your way 
    to Gideon so you can speak to him in your native tone of Bitchslap.
      This is the one Subspace Highway that is not like the others- it is not a 
    bonus stage, you can actually be hurt here, and it's topped off with the 
    biggest pain-in-the-ass boss in the game. What the game wants you to do is 
    carefully walk through, avoiding pits and falling blood droplets that do a lot 
    of damage if you fail to dodge them, in addition to fighting a couple of MEDUSA 
    HEADs at the very end.
      What I want you to do is run as fast as you can straight down the middle of 
    the stage, jumping over pits, failing to jump over some of the later pits, and 
    ignoring everything until you have to jump-kick a couple of MEDUSA HEADs at 
    best. Trust me, in the long run, you will take FAR less damage this way, and 
    you will need every HP you have for the rest of the game.
      Once you see Gideon again, there's a sword in a cloud. If you're not familiar 
    with Scott Pilgrim, that's the Sword of Love. Grab it and keep it, it makes the 
    following fight easier by a value that should not be, it is so high in 
      If you are like me and do not grab it because you weren't that familiar with 
    the series when you bought the game and you thought it was just an odd 
    background element, the next fight is hell and will almost require you to stock 
    up on extra lives if you want to get through the rest of the game with more 
    than a few HP.
      I didn't figure the sword out until after I beat Supreme Master.
      I am an idiot.
    Ramona dated this guy?!
    Powers: Undefeatable!!
    HP (Part 1): Slightly over 1000
    HP (Part 2): At LEAST 2500
    Drops: Dead after far, far too long a fight, geez!
      Is it just me or does Gideon resemble Kazunori Shimoda when he does the shiny 
    glasses thing? By the way, if you're not 18 or older, don't Google that so you 
    can try to answer me.
      With the sword, this is a short, but very difficult battle. Without it, it 
    will take you about thirty minutes, and make the Stop Having Fun Guys do 
    biologically questionable things in pleasure due to the horrifying difficulty 
    of the fight.
      I will not assume for a second that you don't have the Sword of Love.
      Phase 1 is simple, but annoying as hell if you don't attack from the farthest 
    possible range you can still hit Gigadeon's bottom half with. The six heads of 
    the evil exes (amusingly, Roxanne still has her boobs) spit lightning balls at 
    you, one at a time, and if you get too close, Gigadeon emits a massive 
    electroshock that has even more evil range than your Sword of Love- he loves to 
    counter your hits with it as well, so again, stay well out of range. If you can 
    do that, you shouldn't take a single hit- Gigadeon might not be able to attack 
    at all aside from the constant countering-that-won't-hit.
      Phase 2 is not nearly so simple, though the sword will at least cut the fight 
    down to a manageable time period. Gigadeon's fist reaches across most of the 
    screen and does heavy, heavy damage- NEVER stand directly in front of his 
    horrible death fist; though it's somehow blockable, you're carrying a weapon, 
    and thus can't block. Be careful if he moves backward; he'll either shoot 
    bloody skulls out of his mouth that'll bounce off the platform, or call down 
    lightning from above (you can tell where it's coming from; this ain't Lightning 
    Look-out). Be VERY careful if he gets mad and slams both fists into the 
    platform; it removes part of the playing field (only to an extent, though if he 
    does it too many times, you will indeed have nowhere behind you to run), and 
    he'll soon shoot three massive skulls from his heart that scream across the 
    screen. Stay low on the screen to ensure you're not in its vertical range.
      I've actually heard that his heart is the actual target and that all you're 
    doing by attacking his arms is forcing that last attack to occur so you can 
    actually hit it. That may be so, and I could buy that since it makes sense- and 
    I've got my suspicions that the theory is entirely true. But it's kind of hard 
    to tell if it's true since his arms ALWAYS flash when he's hit, and only his 
    arms, no matter whether the heart's open to attack or not, I'm still going to 
    guess that you'll need to ultimately deal around the value I brought up in 
    damage to bring him down.
      If you have the Sword of Love, this is still a tough fight, but it's actually 
    on par with the first and last forms Gideon takes... without it, Gigadeon is 
    the most difficult boss in the game by a landslide. However, whichever path you 
    take to victory, the game is not over, and Gideon still has some tricks up his 
    Stage 7-3: Final Stage: Techno Base
    ROBOT-01 (Can we say, "Degraded Boss"?)
    HP: 210
    Drops: Nothing
      Robot-01 is EXACTLY the same as his 'boss' variant. He's still next to no 
    threat; the only difference is that this time, he can show up in packs.
    MUSCLEBOMBER (A big, dark gray robot with huge 'hands'.)
    HP: 150
    Drops: A nasty surprise if you're too close!
      These guys are a pain in the ass. They're basically a robotic version of 
    Malcolm, Rex and Brad- they block a lot and they don't let you do much to get 
    around it (you can't grab them and they're REALLY hard to knock down). They may 
    not do as much damage as their meatbag counterparts, but it's not a whole lot 
    less, and if you're standing too close to them once they're defeated, they're 
    wired to blow. It hurts.
    ABSYMBEL (Totally not the Opa-Opa. Nopers.)
    HP: 108
    Drops: Nothing
      This Fantasy Zone reject can shoot you, and will take every opportunity to do 
    so. You're lucky that it doesn't do a whole lot of damage, because once it gets 
    on a roll, it'll do everything it can to get into its attack range and stay 
    there. They can also be an asshole and aim their shots upward to shoot you out 
    of the air if you leap at them, so watch out.
    BEE-O (Baxter Stockman called. Stop modifying his Mousers.)
    HP: 1
    Drops: Nothing
      Take these guys out FAST! They only take one hit to kill, but they're 
    extremely aggressive until you land that hit, and what with them typically 
    showing up in packs, their surprising damage output can add up very, very 
    quickly with all their spinning and jumping around!
    FLYING BEE-O (Now they fly.)
    HP: 36
    Drops: Nothing
      A few too many Red Bolts have given these guys the means to take you on from 
    the air, acting much like a cross between and Owl and Absymbel, with the pack 
    mentality of the Owls. Take them down as fast as you can with your best jumping 
    attack; they'll never come down to eye level if you don't, and you'll get 
    caught up in their gunfire very quickly otherwise.
    ALBERTA (Blue-haired Cyborg Robot Android girls.)
    HP: 156
    Drops: $1.45
      If they blocked attacks more often than they actually did, they'd probably be 
    on par with Sammo regarding how dangerous they are. They almost always travel 
    in packs, they hit HARD, are extremely aggressive, and they have the speed to 
    keep pace with you if you try to get away! Don't underestimate their 
    appearances, and try to get one of their shock rods if you can pry it from 
    their unfeeling cybernetic hands- assuming you don't mind the fact that it's 
    instant-knockdown on anything it hits (it does truncate your combos...).
    WRIGHT (Dudes with jetpacks.)
    HP: 120
    Drops: $1.25
      These guys are kind of like the flying Bee-Os if they stayed on-screen at all 
    times, were a lot more resilient, and shot way bigger bullets. You're lucky 
    that they're not nearly so trigger-happy; keep the pressure on them with flying 
    kicks so they don't get a chance to attack. Interestingly enough, sometimes you 
    don't have to jump to be able to hit them, but don't play "Find That Hitbox" 
    with them- just hit 'em high.
      One of the things I like about this game is the variety of enemies. Sure, 
    some are clearly based on others, but not all of them, and as this stage 
    proves, new enemies are constantly entering the game up until the very end- 
    indeed, everything in this section that isn't Robot-01, you have never seen 
      First of all, however, grab that wrench and don't ever lose it; it's a really 
    handy weapon and you can even bring it to the final boss. You can start by 
    teaching the two ROBOT-01s in front of the laser gate how effective it is. 
    Another one runs in after they're defeated, evidently wanting a similar lesson. 
    Lessons are free.
      Don't move far enough right to let the 'R' door reach the middle of the 
    screen, because it leads to a fight with a MUSCLEBOMBER and two ROBOT-01s. Hey, 
    have you ever played the NES Double Dragon? Remember the first battle with 
    Abobo? Aren't you remembering something that was always good for a laugh?
      Two ABSYMBELs are waiting for you just past the pit o' robodoom and it's a 
    good idea to trick them into attacking, then hitting them during the cooldown 
    between shots. Don't let them surround you or else things are going to get 
    painful. Just after them are two MUSCLEBOMBERs and bad memories of the double 
    Abobos in stage 3 of Double Dragon NES. How was I supposed to know that I was 
    supposed to enter the holes they made, Technos?
      Avoid the lasers just beyond them- running and jumping would be useful- and 
    be prepared for five BEE-Os. They attack quickly, and this is one of the few 
    times I'd suggest a Super Attack, on the off-chance that they'll be close 
    enough to you to knock most of them down in one hit. Beyond them and another 
    laser are four FLYING BEE-Os, two from both sides, and they're kind of royal 
    pains in the ass, so expect to take damage.
      After them are three sentry guns that you'd better take down to two very 
    quickly as two ABSYMBELs and a ROBOT-01 are on the way from the left, and you 
    really don't want to give them a chance to break their tight formation. Feel 
    free to destroy the remaining sentry guns from behind after you've scrapped 
    everything else; they deserve it for that move.
      Get on the conveyor and try to jump to one side of the two ROBOT-01s that 
    come in, one from the left, one from the right. I'd jump to the left so the 
    conveyor belt doesn't pull you away from them.
      Past the laser is another 'R' door, housing one MUSCLEBOMBER and three BEE-
    Os, assuming that the ceiling technically counts as a door for the latter. 
    Behind the other laser is another conveyor belt, flanked by a sentry gun on 
    each side. Destroy one of the sentry guns to save yourself the hassle of the 
    conveyor belt while you fight the two FLYING BEE-Os.
      The obvious human-holding tanks in the background hold one ALBERTA each for a 
    total of four, so quickly get to the side and don't give them a chance to 
    surround you; cyborgs ain't ladylike. Two WRIGHTs follow their defeat. Do them 
    wrong from above, and don't get careless because two more ALBERTAs attack 
    shortly after that.
      Inside that 'F' door is a shop. Do not let it out of your mind, because 
    inside is something very useful- an Energy Tank that functions as a snack and 
    restores 100 HP. It's not the best snack in the game, but right now, you can't 
    ask for much more, and that's still a respectable boost. The Fighting Software 
    boosts all of your stats by 4, but if you haven't been boosting your stats 
    equally, it's not that great compared to the stuff in 1-2 and 3-1, and unlike 
    those two stages, it's not possible to earn money to buy much more with here.
      Past the door is the last fight in the game that isn't a boss: two ALBERTA 
    tanks, two WRIGHTs, and a MUSCLEBOMBER. Stick and move; this group's got 
    something for EVERY range and you don't want to stop dead in your tracks- the 
    five of them will happily stop you deader on your back.
      Enter the glowing pink door at the end and prepare to fight the final boss. I 
    hope you didn't lose that wrench.
    Is this the real Gideon?!
    Powers: Unknown...
    HP: 1,992
    Drops: Nothing
      Unlike Gigadeon, the wrench you should be carrying doesn't turn the fight 
    entirely in your favor through a single weapon. Like Gigadeon, it still makes 
    the fight a lot easier, since Gideon outranges you handily with that sword of 
    his and a nice, strong way to deal fast damage outside of your typical fist 
    range is very helpful. He's also prone to walking in front of the wrench while 
    trying to attack you, which really helps, especially if you didn't do so well 
    against Gigadeon and the rest of 7-3.
      Gideon is no slouch. He attacks at warp speed with his digitana, and he has a 
    way to hit you from any range with his huge variety of attacks. Needless to 
    say, he also hits very hard and can slash you to ribbons without trying if you 
    give him the opportunity- he LOVES to combo his slashes in ways that will cut 
    your HP to hell in mere moments.
      So the best way to fight him? Don't EVER give him an opportunity! Stay close 
    to him as often as you can, but not quite on the same vertical plane, and 
    attack rapidly- again, the wrench REALLY makes this easier on you. If you knock 
    him down, step to the sides to ensure that he doesn't land a quick hit on you 
    when he gets up.
      As I've pointed out, he has a TON of health, but don't give up- just hammer 
    away at him and eventually he'll... explode...?
    The real deal!
    Powers: Who can say?
    HP: 1
    Drops: $39.95
      Hit the prone human form of Gideon Gordon Graves once. He's not wily enough 
    to stand up to your skill and determination, and you'll win instantly. Enjoy 
    the ending.
      Congratulations, by the way, for you have beaten Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World: 
    The Game. Excellent work- go get yourself a soft drink, and if you want, beat 
    the game with the other characters, play the bonus modes, or try a higher 
    difficulty. Doing the first of those things gets you different shorts for the 
    ending, and doing the third will make life more difficult on you without 
    rewarding you very much!
    Phase 11:
    Frequently Asked Questions
    -"How do I get Mr. Chau as a striker?"
      Simply put, you have to fight him. He is not fought as part of the main game; 
    he randomly shows up somewhere on the world map and will stay there until you 
    either walk into his map location or go into a different stage. Walking into 
    his personal space brings you straight to an optional fight- be forewarned, and 
    I'll type this in caps since it's pretty damn important to know: IF YOU LOSE A 
    Oh, and while he can be fought more than once, you don't get anything special 
    for doing so. I'd suggest trying to have stats all above 50 or more before you 
    try to take him on seriously; he's a tough fight.
    MR. CHAU
    HP: 816
    Drops: His unwillingness to help you and becomes your second striker.
      That 'you only have one life' bit is a dirty trick- especially when you're 
    not guaranteed to have full health when you fight him- but really, assuming 
    he's not using his more gimmicky attacks, this fight is actually good practice 
    for your eventual fight with Gideon- he similarly hits hard and fast with a 
    sword that greatly outranges you, and you should also never stay in front of 
    him unless you are currently beating him senseless.
      His gimmick is that occasionally he'll jump off-screen and black lines will 
    appear on the screen. Stay between them because he'll soon pick lines at random 
    to come down or across, and you can't block any of the slashes that come at you 
    this way. As you damage him more and more, he'll come down more of the lines 
    before the attack ends, and eventually he'll even crisscross the lines and come 
    across one of them and down the other at the same time!
      Again, he's a tough fight that you can only swing in your favor through 
    leveling, but he's quite beatable. You've just got to be better than he is.
    -"What stats should I focus on?"
      If you've ever seen me play a beat-em-up, prepare to be surprised by my 
    statement- Prioritize Speed above all else. If enemies are moving faster than 
    you and constantly interrupting your attacks, you're not going to do much 
    damage and you're not going to survive very long, completely regardless of your 
    other stats- this is one of the very few beat-em-ups where speed only kills 
    your foe. However, you also want to keep a high priority on Strength, because 
    the fewer the times you have to hit your foes to kill them, the better, 
    especially on late-game bosses that will only wreck you more and more the 
    longer the fight goes. Defense is worth putting points into because let's face 
    it, you can never COMPLETELY avoid damage, but if you have enough points in the 
    first two stats you shouldn't be getting hit as often. Willpower is a dump 
    stat. It does little that a high Defense can't do better.
      This said, don't ever just IGNORE any given stat. Let's face it, the best way 
    to increase your Defense increases your Willpower by that exact amount as well, 
    and actively going out of your way to ignore it is just stupid- and really, 
    though some stats are more obviously useful than others, the best results 
    really do come from putting something in every stat. That said, if you don't 
    want to grind too much or you're early enough in the game to where building up 
    everything isn't an option, hey, there you go.
    -"I want some information on the 'Survival Horror' mode."
      Sure thing. By putting in the code "Down, Up, Right, Down, Up, Right, Down, 
    Up, Right, Right, Right" on the game's title screen, you'll unlock the Survival 
    Horror mode.
      Your goal in this mode is to pick your character, who will then be forced to 
    survive for 30 minutes against an endless stream of Zombie Jerrys and Zombie 
    Lucys. You will keep your stats and start with full HP/GP but you'll only get 
    one life- if you lose it, you're sunk, and the game ends.
      What this mode doesn't make obvious is that the more enemies you kill, the 
    more enemies the game will allow on-screen at once- you start with six and can 
    go up to crowds of over 30 once you've killed about 200 zombies, and 
    considering that both Zombie Jerry and Zombie Lucy are exactly as powerful and 
    resilient as they are in the main game, you're really going to need to be 
    careful once things advance that far. Just to get you in the mood, 6 minutes 
    in, the game plays a lead-up to Negascott's boss theme, which kicks in at 7 
    minutes and plays for the rest of the round.
      If you want to survive for the whole thirty minutes, I actually suggest you 
    AVOID attacking the enemies for as long as you can (Ten minutes should be 
    adequate)- the number of zombies allowed onscreen will ramp up VERY quickly as 
    you get to killin', and things WILL get out of control to the point where it's 
    very hard to avoid getting hurt. I STRONGLY suggest that you do whatever it 
    takes to knock enemies down and use them as weapons, as well, as you need SOME 
    sort of range advantage to really do well in this mode and it's the only way 
    you've got to really do so. And I REALLY shouldn't need to tell you that with 
    the odds as overwhelmingly against you as they are, you really want to have 
    maxed-out stats in everything before you make a serious attempt at winning.
      If you lose, you are awarded $0.05 X the number of enemies you killed.
      If you win, you are awarded $0.50 X the number of enemies you killed. 
    Considering what it takes to do well and actually survive for 30 minutes, this 
    is purely for bragging rights, since you will be far beyond the point where you 
    actually need money. Just have some fun!
    -"How about the Boss Rush?"
      First of all, to unlock it, put in this code- "Right, Right, Circle, R1, 
    Right, Right, Circle, R1".
      Much like the Survival Horror mode, you are given one life at full HP/GP to 
    defeat every boss in the game. Again, you're allowed to carry your stats over, 
    and I suggest that you make sure they're very high. You'll defeat, in order, 
    Matthew Patel, Lucas Lee, Lynette/Envy (you still only have to beat one of them 
    to win), Todd Ingram, Roxanne Richter, Robot-01, Super Fighting Robot, The 
    Katayanagi Twins, Negascott, Super Gideon Graves, Gigadeon Graves, and Gideon 
    Gordon Graves.
      There are subtle differences between the main game and several of these 
    fights- you're not given a weapon to use against Lucas, Roxanne, the Katayanagi 
    Twins, or Super Gideon- and in the last three cases, those fights are probably 
    going to be a lot more difficult than they usually are. However, you're given 
    the Sword of Love in a much more immediately obvious fashion for Gigadeon 
    (which is good because without it, there is no way in hell you'd survive the 
    battle), and interestingly enough, you're allowed to bring it into the battle 
    with Gideon, making the fight more than a bit of an anticlimax (though by the 
    time you get there, you'll be glad that the game is showing you some form of 
    mercy), but otherwise, the fights play out exactly as they did in the main 
    game. You're also awarded the normal amount of money each boss usually drops 
    when you beat each one, though not only are you not guaranteed to have enough 
    time to pick it all up, the game is also wise to your tricks involving getting 
    1-ups, and Todd won't be dropping one.
      If you lose, you're awarded $1 for every boss you defeat.
      If you win, you're awarded a bonus of... $12, what the heck? That's the same 
    per-boss rate as failure. As well, at least it was fun.
    -"Who the heck is the sixth character supposed to be? How do I unlock him?"
      I believe it's supposed to be Knives. I also believe that there currently 
    ISN'T a way to unlock her; she's supposed to come out as promotional DLC when 
    the movie comes out on DVD, though I don't know if it'll be tied to the movie 
    itself or if she'll just be tossed onto PSN. Once she's available- assuming I 
    can afford to pick her up since I'm REALLY in a bind as far as money goes- I'll 
    update with her move list.
      And if I'm entirely wrong and it's NOT Knives, well, fool me once, right?
    -"I really like the game's music. Is there any way I can listen to it in-game 
    without having to actually play?"
      Sure is. On the map screen, put in the code "L1, L1, L1, R1, R1, R1, L1, R1". 
    The map will extend a new path to what looks like a radio mast. Go there and 
    enter- that's the Sound Test. If you don't save the game in some fashion, 
    you'll have to put the code in again the next time you play, though.
      Did you like the theme to 4-1 too? That's my personal favorite. =3
    Phase 12:
    Thanks and Links
      This time around, the work done on this FAQ was entirely my own, tested 
    entirely by myself, but I'd still like to think my friend Keenon- without him, 
    I never would have known about this series at all and may well have skipped out 
    on not only this game itself, but also what's really an enjoyable series, and 
    what turned out to make one of the better films I've seen in recent years (damn 
    shame it didn't do so well at the box office).
      In addition, I'd like to thank you guys once again for being nice enough to 
    provide feedback on my guides, always taking a positive, constructive attitude 
    in the process. It's at the point where I don't really think I NEED to put in 
    the snarky comments about people who would e-mail me with useless flames, but 
    I'll do it anyway, just 'cause you guys seem to get a kick out of my tone when 
    I make 'em.
    Phase 13:
      I believe that's everything! Here's to hoping that either you've learned what 
    you need to beat Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (hey, there haven't been a lot of 
    beat-em-ups out there in recent years and I expect more than a few people to be 
    out of practice), or that you at least enjoyed reading the guide. In the 
    future, with possible help from my friend or anyone else (I'd rather not know 
    TOO much about what happens in the comics until I'm able to buy the last four 
    volumes), I may add in some notes about the comic and film, and differences 
    between them and the game, just to give you something extra to read.
      I've still got my site at http://yukatakeuchifan.bakunyuu.com (note that the 
    URL has changed; I've had a few site hiccups so I just moved EVERYTHING to that 
    server), though it hasn't been TRULY updated in a while and it's still mostly 
    tuned toward the anime female form, in addition to my wiseass attitude that 
    only shows in more recent sections.
      May your day be pleasant!
      As always, if you have anything to say about my guide, I can be reached at 
    "yukatakeuchifan (Press Caps Lock, then realize that doesn't work and hold 
    Shift and press 2) gmail (One-third of an ellipsis) com". Also as always, I 
    really do have better things to do than read flames that are destined to end up 
    in e-Hell with about a billion offers for questionable pharmaceuticals. Those 
    who wish to contact me with all the tact and grace of your typical probably-
    pre-teenage thug-wannabe that is typing exclusively via headbutt will be met 
    with a much more flippant attitude than those who tell me their problems in a 
    cool, coherent manner with passable grammar and spelling. Be professional (or 
    at least NICE) and I'll extend you the same courtesy, in addition to being much 
    more likely to listen to you and take you seriously.
      Those who act like the kind of idiots that make me fear the younger 
    generation (and I'm only 24) would do best to climb to the top of the nearest 
    multi-story building and jump off of it headfirst while screaming a random 
    name. I won't assume responsibility for the idiots who actually do it, but I 
    rest assure you I'll approve of your inability to pollute the gene pool even 
    more than your continued existence already does on its own.
    Phase 14:
      This guide for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World was written by me, the Yuka 
    Takeuchi Fan (and if you NEED a real name, I've grown partial to "Andy 
    Kurland"). If you want to post this guide somewhere else, all you need to do is 
    ask me, and assuming I remember to get back to you on it, I'll probably say 
    'yes' unless extenuating circumstances occur. Or I'm lazy. Or I hate you. 
    Probably "I'm lazy" because I'm lazy. Obviously, I want my name left in the 
    document, because FAQ writing is rather rewarding compared to my lame-ass 
      Though I'd GRANDLY prefer you not sell this document for money, if you're 
    actually able to find someone unaware enough of GameFAQs to actually fall for 
    your blatant scam, you are a true capitalist (though you'll need some work and 
    a gas mask to become a mysterious capitalist) and have given us both something 
    to laugh at very hard. Thanks!
    Phase 15:
    Obligatory 'Stop Reading' Joke
      I'm glad you enjoy my writing enough to have kept scrolling downward, but 
    there's really nothing else to be said here. I decree in the name of the 
    teacher from Eiken that you are to go do other, more productive things right 

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