Review by PUhler

"I feel hurt"

Holy Jesus, someone at Capcom deserves a flogging for this! Final Fight 3 is one of the worst pieces of software ever released for a video game console, and is a complete and utter insult to the stellar Final Fight, which may very well be the best game ever made (that's the arcade rev of Final Fight I'm talking about, folks). I tried pretty hard to give this game a chance, hoping that the famous Final Fight spirit would get a chance to shine through. No dice. Instead, the more leeway I gave FF3, the more I hated it. I actually forced myself to play through this piece of trash, just so I could review the son of a bitch as well as I possibly could, if just out of respect for the immortal Final Fight.

''Let's cut right to the chase''

Final Fight 3 is a redundant piece of garbage. Beat 'em ups are repetitive by nature -- which is basically undeniable universal fact -- but FF3 pushes it to some kind of unforseen level. I never thought that beating up thugs in a trashy city could be so appallingly uninteresting. Well, actually, the Streets of Rage series did a good job at that, but I'll go into more detail about that abomination another time. Anywho, here's a fairly comprehensive list about what I think is so awful in FF3: Very long, very boring levels, very poorly done character designs (for the good and bad guys), completely uninteresting locales, an extremely bad fighting engine, and sloppy controls which leave much to be desired. This is one of those games where there are no good points; it's all in the bad. It's very rare for me to play a game this terrible, so I'm going to go into detail about every one of the points I mentioned, if only for the children.

Overly long, sleep-inducing levels: Okay, what's the deal, Capcom? Why on earth they made the levels longer than your average Stephen King novel is positively baffling. The least Cap could have done is make these monstrosities at least somewhat interesting, but I guess that would've required a bit of effort on their part, which is too much to ask, I guess. Too long, too boring, too uninspired looking; it's just too bad.

Horrid character designs: Christ almighty, what in the hell have they done to you Haggar? Capcom took the manliest character in video games history, and they savagely dismembered him. In Final Fight he looks like Mad Bull; in Final Fight 3 he looks like an effeminate aerobics leader ... With a huge pony tail. I think that pretty much says it all about Haggar. The other characters are designed just as bad (even the immortal Guy), except for maybe the girl in the game (her name escapes me), who has nice, bouncy boobs, and an attractive, interesting design. The enemy designs are just plain horrible, especially a few of the bosses (one being a French sailor ( shoot me now)). Bastards.

Crap fighting engine, screwy controls: Part of the beauty of Final Fight was its simplicity in gameplay and controls, and the amount of technique that you could incorporate in the games 'limited' set-up. Final Fight 3 mucks up the whole formula by including multiple special moves, and supers. Well that's just great. Perhaps this would have been a refreshing change of pace, had Capcom gave you intuitive controls. Once again, they screw up, and instead you get loose, sloppy controls, and an annoying physics engine (way too floaty). Thanks again, Capcom. You usually come through with at least the gameplay, but I guess you created Final Fight 3 while you were experimenting with incredibly dangerous psychedelic drugs. That is the only explanation I can think of as to why FF3 came out so ridiculously tattered and ragged.

''Just say no''

Don't play Final Fight 3, even if you're a huge Capcom fan just looking to see if you can derive any enjoyment from it at all. It's simply not worth the physical and mental pain you'll have to endure. And just in case you're wondering, I purposedly did not elucidate on the graphics, sound, story, or actual concept of the game. I'm sorry, but I refuse to delve into details about the graphics and sound when the actual game is this bad, and I couldn't understand the story, thanks to the fact it's in Japanese (as if I pay attention to the stories in beat 'em ups anyway ...). Why I didn't explain about how the game works is simple: There's no chance that you'll be reading this review unless you have knowledge about how beat 'em ups play, especially how the Final Fight series plays. No reason to waste my time and the readers.

I'm out.

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Dynamite defused!


Reviewer's Score: 1/10 | Originally Posted: 10/31/01, Updated 10/31/01


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