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                            ZELDA SERIES CHARACTER GUIDE


by Jacob Rothenburger


=~=TABLE OF CONTENTS=~=
Introduction               [INT]
Version History            [VER]
Zelda Series Overview      [SUM]
The Meat of the Guide      [MEA]
Races Compendium           [RAC]
Ladies’ Man                [LAD]
Thanks                     [THA]
Legal Garbage              [LEG]
Contact Information        [CON]
In Closing                 [INC]

Those numbers in [ ] are to allow you to quickly access the part of the guide
you want to view. Use your Ctrl+F function (on John Hodgemans, I’m not sure
what it is for Jason Longs) to jump to where you need to be. For example, if
you wanted to see the Billy Bob section, whose code was [BIL], you would press
Ctrl+F, then type in ‘[BIL]’, then click ‘Find Next’ twice. Boom! There you
are! It saves on scrolling through the whole document to find what you need.

=~=INTRODUCTION=~=

[INT]

The Legend of Zelda is my favourite video game series, bar none. I am a FAQs
author. It follows that I would want to write a Legend of Zelda FAQs.

Unfortunately for me, I’m far from the only one who subscribes to this way of
thinking. Quite a few other people like Zelda, too. And I'm not up to doing a
walkthrough. These two factors combined mean that any walkthrough I were to
write just wouldn’t be able to compete.

So in a way, I guess this guide is my way around that. Because I’m pro at NPCs.
I actually consider myself a walking encyclopaedia of the Zelda universe – I’m
a real ‘ask me anything’ kind of guy when we’re talking Zelda. That’s not
arrogance, it’s just the truth. Well ok, it’s also arrogance.

So, inspired by various other Nintendo-franchise character and ending guides
(props to them), I composed this one. Snazzy, isn’t it? Of course, I’m not
nearly as talented as some of those authors, but I hope you enjoy my work as
much as I've enjoyed theirs. And when you're done, check out their stuff as
well.

The very first version of this guide contained 69 entries. Obviously, that is
far, far fewer than the number of characters in the series. But most of them
are just not important enough to merit lengthening the guide; if I actually
went over every single one, we’d have a document 1,000 gigs long, and it would
be mostly uninteresting and redundant.

Speaking of redundancy, some characters have been culled to keep the thing from
growing too long. But back to what I was saying, initially I viewed various
resources to find lists of characters. Characters were considered for inclusion
if they met one of the following criteria:

(1) It played a significant role in the storyline of at least one Zelda game
(2) It played multiple roles of moderate importance (storyline or otherwise)
(3) It intrigues me personally

This method held up very well for the first few versions, at which point I
unconsciously changed the rule to 'any named character' (and with entries like
Flute Boy’s, even that boundary is starting to fray). And if I didn’t happen to
know what it was, it’s not in the guide. On top of that, my new method only
applies to games from Twilight Princess onward (at which point I started
playing new games consciously thinking about which characters would go in and
what I might write about them while still playing through.)

As you can see, the basis for selection is painfully arbitrary. If you take a
look and you see that this guide lacks a character you believe should be
included, please let me know.

That about wraps it up. Onward, and enjoy.


=~=Version History=~=

[VER]

:-Version 1.0 (11.13.06)-:
The initial version of this guide; the state it was in when first posted on
GameFAQs.

:-Version 1.1 (12.17.06)-:
I’m never rushing another guide. Trying to get this one out left large gaps, an
inability to edit for errors before posting and some entertaining but
scandalous silliness, such as my having accidentally left the placeholder ‘DATE
GOES HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’ for the date index for Version 1.0. So I’ve
fixed most of those.
-Created a few new character entries (Grog, Zephos and Cyclos, and some
characters from Tingle RPG), edited some others and created a whole new
section, the Races Compendium.
-Some other information has been added as well, mostly little things.

:-Version 1.2 (02.09.07)-:
Finally added all the information for Twilight Princess, added some profiles I
neglected to put in from before, and fixed some errors.

:-Version 1.3 (05.03.10)—:
Didn’t manage to get it out in time for Spirit Tracks, but everything’s in
there now. Edited for accuracy and readability. Changed ‘Boss Bokoblin’ to
‘King Bulblin.’ Added information for Phantom Hourglass and some Mogitate
Chinkuru characters; about freaking time. A ton more profiles from other games
went in as well, including some I can’t believe I forgot.

:-Version 1.4 (xx.yy.12)-:
A few characters went in who should have already been there, but more
significantly I've finally (finally!) added the information for Mogitate
Chinkuru, Irodzuki Chinkuru and Skyward Sword. This is my biggest update yet.


=~=Zelda Series Overview=~=

[SUM]

Before we get to the character section itself, I thought I’d give you a brief
look at the Zelda series as a whole. New players might have trouble keeping up,
and returning ones might like a recap, so hopefully this section will help you
avoid confusion. If you’re a seasoned Hyrulean veteran, you can feel free to
skip right over this section, or read it for posterity. It’s probably worth a
skim.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind here. Mainly, there is NO one
definitive timeline for the Zelda series. Certainly, there was one published on
zelda.com years back, in 2011 Aonuma's team released the completely nonsensical
one they've been using internally, and you can devise innumerable fan timelines
if you apply certain rules to the universe (Kirby021591’s is one of the best;
check out any of his Zelda walkthroughs to find it), but really, it’s all
guesswork. Aonuma Eiji, the dude currently in charge of the Zelda franchise,
has stated he eventually intends to solidify the overarching story, but I’ll
believe it when I see it. It’s probably most convenient to think of each game
as self-contained, except in instances where the events of one game explicitly
reference others (for example, Majora’s Mask is irrefutably a direct sequel to
Ocarina of Time) to make a pair.

I could say a lot more on the subject, but I’ll contain myself.

The next issue is caused by the first. Many weapons, items and
–characters-recur from one game to the next. Sometimes it’s possible they’re
the same thing (for instance, How many Mirror Shields can there possibly be?
one must ask oneself) whereas others are cosmetically different but
functionally identical items, like certain bows. Others, like the Hookshot, may
just be variations on the same design. It’s impossible to know.

As for characters, many of them appear in multiple time periods. Some just live
a really long time (Impa, the Great Deku Tree, Jr), some apparently time-travel
(Tingle) and still others have no explanation for their presence (Beedle,
Zill.) Oh yeah, and of course some have alternate-universe, ancient ancestor,
or reincarnation versions.

Sifting through endless layers of ambiguity is fun, no?

The years of release are for the North American versions. Actually, I guess
just about all the information in this guide comes from the North American
versions, but anyway other regions may be different.

The Legend of Zelda
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu
Nintendo Entertainment System
Released: 1986
Since there’s no clear storyline, let’s look at them one-by-one, in the order
that they emerged in the real world. That means we kick-start the section with
the original Legend of Zelda. Being that it’s the first one in the series, it’s
hard to write about, because if you look at it from an industry standpoint,
everything’s an innovation, and if you look at it from a series standpoint,
everything’s a franchise standard. But look! I just took up a whole paragraph
talking about the paragraph itself! Well played, self. *congratulates self*

I might as well say SOMETHING, though, so let’s do a brief overview. Ganon,
evil pig lord and main villain of the series, possesses the Triforce of Power,
and seeks to earn the Triforce of Wisdom as well. (No Triforce of Courage, that
came later.) But it was Princess Zelda who had Wisdom, and when he tried to
take it from her, she magically broke it into eight pieces and hid the shards
in a collection of dangerous catacombs throughout Hyrule. On a chance
encounter, Zelda’s handmaiden Impa apprised a lad named Link of the situation,
and he took charge, recovered the pieces after many harrowing adventures, and
finally gained the power to face Ganon head-on. In the process, he introduced
many elements that would later become Zelda staples, like the acquisition of
tools, inevitable confrontations with bosses and the magic number eight (in
regards to the number of dungeons a game contains, plus the final level.)
Hmm...on second thought, I guess that wasn’t so hard to write about, after all.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Rinku no Bouken
Nintendo Entertainment System
Released: 1988
Man, I hate this game so much. I finally got a copy almost four years ago, and
I’m still stuck on the fourth level. (Edit: I did eventually beat it.) If I
wanted Castlevania-style gameplay, I would play Castlevania. If you don’t know
what I’m talking about, Zelda II is completely different from others in the
series. Others have a top-down or 3D perspective, but Zelda II has a top-down
overworld view, then switches to an action side-scroller for random battle and
dungeon sequences. This is because it wasn’t an adventure game, but an
action-RPG – and I myself was skilled in neither the action nor the RPG genre.
For me, this game is frickin’ HARD (while I laughed out loud when I read that
someone had tried over twenty times to beat Ganon in Ocarina of Time – I did it
one try and only took about ten hearts of damage, and I know that’s a lot worse
than some people. It all depends on your personal skills, eh?) But on the
bright side, Zelda II (stupid, stupid title) introduced magic spells to Link’s
arsenal, some of which are VERY cool, to say nothing of the exceptionally
well-done finale.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Kamigami no Toraifousu
Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Released: 1992
Ha ha, get it? Get it?? A Link to the Past is the second of three Zelda games
with irritating English titles. It was renamed because Triforce of the Gods
sounded too religious. But let’s move on, before my trend of failing to talk
about the game itself gets out of hand. Past is one of the games that many
consider to be the best in the series. The pak made the important contribution
of the Master Sword, which has stood long since – the first Zelda had a Magical
Sword, but who knows what the story is there. Though not in terms of hours,
it’s also the longest to date: There was an introductory dungeon, then a set of
three, then a set of seven and THEN the final boss dungeon. But what really set
it apart was its Light World/Dark World feature. You see, the Golden Land of
the Triforce was originally a mirror image of Hyrule (the Light World), with
minor differences. Ganon’s evil transformed it into the Dark World. You
eventually gained the ability to travel between the two, and navigating the
world suddenly became insanely fun. Use the Rooster to fly to Death
Mountain...plumb the depths of the caves...come out on a ledge near a portal to
the Dark World...jump down a ways...use the Magic Mirror to return to the Light
World...then go left a ways and you’re there at last. True story.

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yume wo Miru Shima
Gameboy
Released: 1993
Apparently as a result of player demand, the Big N finally cranked out some
portable Moblin-bashing. By some interpretations, Link’s Awakening is a direct
sequel to A Link to the Past. Either way, on a voyage to condition his body and
mind in preparation for possible future catastrophes, Link is shipwrecked and
wakes up on Koholint Island. I don’t know what a Koholint is, but the Japanese
title seems to literally be ‘island that sees a dream,’ or Dreaming Island (I’m
a learner of Japanese.) Anyway, Koholint Island is quite an interesting place,
from the giant egg that sits on its tallest mountain to the village populated
entirely by talking animals. Link quested to enter the egg with the eight
Instruments of the Sirens, and find a way back home. I like this game a lot.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Toki no Okarina
Nintendo 64
Released: 1998
Probably the most popular Zelda title. I can see why, but...amazing graphics
aren’t everything, guys. (And you young ones snickering at them? Shut up. They
were stupendous at the time.) At any rate, the level design is more than
competent and the mix of old and new is commendable. Ocarina of Time built on
some of the core elements of A Link to the Past, including its 3/5 dungeon
dichotomy, the method by which the Master Sword is gained, and the dual-world
scheme – though in this case, it’s the present and future of the same world
rather than two separate worlds, and your ability to switch between the two is
severely limited. Anyway, a fine entry indeed.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Majora no Kamen
Nintendo 64
Released: 2000
Ocarina of Time was so well received, they decided to release a direct sequel
to it, utilising the same engine and resources. To me, this makes Ocarina that
much less special, but once I got into it (Majora’s Mask takes a while to get
moving) I ended up liking it even better. This one is set in a parallel version
of Hyrule, called Termina. They have a somewhat similar world. You’ll meet many
of the same characters, this time with names, but Termina is more tribal than
civic. Oh yeah, and the game’s main antagonist has set the moon on a collision
course that will obliterate the planet, plus Hyrule. The three-day time limit
can be reset again and again, but this also resets events – all you’ll keep is
the items you’ve collected, which is enough. The jury’s out on this one; you’ll
find the three-day system either brilliant, or annoying as hell.

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Ko no Mi Daichi no Shou
Gameboy Colour
Released: 2001
During development, Oracle of Seasons and Ages were originally called ‘gaiden,’
meaning side-stories. That’s not entirely inaccurate. You could even go as far
as to say they were just to keep players going between console entries, but
even if that’s true they are still excellent standalone adventures. Nut of the
Mysterious Tree: Chapter of Earth is the easier and less interesting of the
two. This one tracked Link as he used the Rod of Seasons, a magical device that
he could use to change the seasons at will, to deny General Onox his dream of
conquering Holodrum.

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Ko no Mi Jikuu no Shou
Gameboy Colour
Released: 2001
Released concurrently with Oracle of Seasons, Nut of the Mysterious Tree:
Chapter of Time and Space is more puzzle-oriented, and probably the superior
game overall. We were a little squeamish when we found out that Zelda had been
handed out to Capcom, but it all turned out all right. Link gained the Harp of
Ages, another time-travelling instrument – as well as one that allowed another
dual-world system, this one being the present and 400 years in the past. Link
used it to fight the Sorceress Veran as she strove to conquer Labrynna. The
biggest feature of the Oracle games was that when you completed one, you got a
password. This password could be entered into the other game when you started a
new file, allowing you to start off with the Wooden Sword (instead of looking
for it) and an extra Heart Container. It also unlocked additional content and
many special items unavailable the first time through.

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yottsu no Tsurugi
Gameboy Advance
Released: 2002
When A Link to the Past was re-released for GBA, it also included a small,
multiplayer-only game on the same pak. It introduced a new villain, Vaati, and
had the players attempt madcap challenges as they cooperated to complete a
level, yet competed to collect the most Rupees. While it got even more fun as
more players were added, most people who bought the re-release probably didn’t
have the hardware needed for Four Swords.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Kaze no Takuto
Nintendo GameCube
Released: 2003
Despite its obvious flaws, The Wind Waker is my favourite Zelda game. Some
people will blanch at that statement, but I love it, and I’m letting you know,
even though you don’t need to. Although that name...Waker is not technically a
word. (Neither is GameCube, of course...) Anyway, for some reason which I won’t
spoil, the game does not take place in our usual Hyrule, but on the high seas.
As a result, your adventure involves a fair bit of searching for sunken
treasure, firing cannon and exploring small islands in a cel-shaded,
superlively world that really irked a lot of people. But if you wanted realism,
boy, did you ever pick the wrong series. Another area of complaint was that
travelling across the ocean was too boring. I thought it was neat, myself.
Fortunately this isn’t a critical review, or we’d be here forever as I argued
my case.

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yottsu no Tsurugi Purasu
Nintendo GameCube
Released: 2004
Not only did Four Swords+ expand on the original and bring it to a console, it
also offered the option of a single-player mode that didn’t require a GBA or
the GCN-GBA cable. Pretty sweet. The story is quite similar, but the game is
much, much, much longer, and will probably take about 20 hours to complete
rather than an hour and a half. Each stage takes about twenty minutes, I’d say.
There’s also a shallow yet intense battle mode.

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Boushi
Gameboy Advance
Released: 2005
The title’s Mysterious Hat is Ezlo, who has a great plot that you can read
about in the guide itself if you want it spoiled for you. When we meet him,
Ezlo finds Link in the forest, latches onto his head just like a Metroid, and
gives him access to yet another dual-world system. This time, our boy can go
‘twixt the Hylian-sized world and that of the inch-high Minish people. From
this unique vantage point, Hyrule doubles in size as you explore huge dungeons
stretching almost a metre in any direction. This innovative use of the
diminutive form gets a thumbs-up from me, but like The Wind Waker, whose
general style it follows, it is so short I have to wonder if development was
rushed.

Freshly-Picked! Tingle’s Rosy Rupee Land
Japanese: Mogitate Chinkuru no Barairo Rupiirando
Nintendo DS
Released: 2006
Personally I prefer the more literal translation of ‘rose-coloured’ over
‘rosy,’ but, even though they place a hyphen where there shouldn’t be one,
we’ll go with what the PAL version says – for the rest of the guide I’ve been
going NTSC, that being my region (points to own username), but we in NA never
got a version to call our own, evidently due to a lack of demand. I finally
found a copy while on exchange, though I used the PAL translation to write the
appropriate profiles. The game is a fascinating departure from the mainline
series, focussing on Tingle and the lunacy that tends to follow him around. The
DS's various features are put to hitherto unseen uses that are, more
importantly, both creative and fun, as Tingle scours the land for
ever-increasing amounts of Rupees in order to pay the toll to enter the magical
Rupee Land. The plot is surprisingly robust, and the boss battles are par
excellence.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Towairaito Purinsesu
Nintendo GameCube/Wii
Released: 2006
This game broke ground in several ways: It was the first game to receive an
ESRB evaluation more dangerous than E (it got a T rating), for example, and it
was the first to be released on two consoles concurrently. I won’t get into all
the reasons why the game irked me, because we’d be here for a year, but they
are definitely there. Despite this, the game is still really good. It marks a
return to the inexplicably popular 'realistic' style, a much darker tone, a
heavier emphasis on storytelling, a Hyrule under siege by another plane of
existence, and a cool new mechanic in the shape of Link’s ability to assume
wolf form.

Tingle’s Balloon Fight
Japanese: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
Nintendo DS
Released: 2007
Club Nintendo is Nintendo of Japan’s consumer incentive programme, offering a
certain number of ‘points’ with each purchase, which can then be redeemed for
sweet merchandise. I guess it’s ok that they come up with really cool stuff to
give out to dedicated customers as a little thank-you for their patronage, but
it’s really hard to actually earn any kind of significant number of points, and
they’re always coming out with wicked must-have items that nearly all of us can
never have. And in particular, I’d vaguely feel like my Zelda collection was
somehow incomplete without this little...thing...even though it’s pretty much
just a retread of a mildly popular 80’s NES game with Tingle cast as the new
main character. Luckily, I am armed with a fan’s grave dedication and an eBay
account. It’s the second NTSC-J game to make its way into my hoard, being that
it’s JP-only. The plastic it was wrapped in said 'SECOND SALE' on it, so I
think its previous owner must himself have bought it at Book-Off or something.
Oh, incidentally, let’s say a few words about the game itself. Fly around, pop
balloons, send your opponent hurtling towards the ground to their death, strike
globophobia into the hearts of your enemies.

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Mugen no Sunadokei
Nintendo DS
Released: 2007
Series creator Miyamoto expressed a desire to create a fully touch-driven Zelda
game, and he delivered. The system was certainly far from perfect; I think if
the title had come farther along in the system’s life, once Nintendo had had
more of a chance to test total touch control with other properties, it would
have been a lot better. As it is, despite a few grating issues, the overall
result is not bad at all. It’s kinda cool, moving Link around with the stylus,
and some of his tools and weapons are implemented very cleverly. The game is
ridiculously easy, though, and despite being a direct sequel to The Wind Waker,
it draws next to no reference to that game, instead focussing on the
shenanigans of Link and new companions Ciela and Linebeck as they search for
truth and money, respectively. The titular object of significance holds the
sand that slowly sifts away but allows Link to venture into the deep Temple of
the Ocean King, the supposed ‘one big dungeon’ we’d heard so much about but
turned out to be kind of unimpressive. Whatever; like Metroid II for GameBoy,
it’s not a fantastic entry in the series, but is still one of the better games
for the system.

Link’s Crossbow Training
Japanese: Rinku no Bougan Toreiningu
Wii
Released: 2008
Less a game and more a tech demo, Link’s Crossbow Training was packaged with
the Wii Zapper peripheral to entice people to buy it. The boys and girls in
Marketing were right about me wanting the game, but wrong about me being
willing to shell out for a Zapper to get it...or so I thought! Tragically, my
desire for a new copy eventually came to outweigh my patience. Since it’s a
side-game, it’s fairly simplistic: In a world based on the Twilight Princess
aesthetic (GameCube version), we help Link brush up on his skills with the ol’
repeating crossbow, in various galleries and even some brief dungeons, where he
must vanquish his enemies not through skilful swordsmanship, but by shooting
them in the face. Going for all Platinum medals is really, really fun.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Daichi no Kiteki
DS
Released: 2009
I may have had my misgivings with Phantom Hourglass, but Train Whistle of the
Earth addresses nearly all of them. What’s more, it’s quite simply just a much
more well-rounded game. If uniqueness were quantifiable, which it grammatically
isn’t, Spirit Tracks would be one of the most unique games in the series. Its
central mechanic revolves around operating a steam engine, which is not only a
huge jump in technology but something totally unlike anything we’ve ever done
in a Zelda game before. I just hope this doesn’t mean we’re taking the
FFVI-VIII route with the series...although I guess that could work out. Spirit
Tracks may also connect the earlier games, storyline-wise, with the more
‘modern’ ones, as it concerns the fate of the country that the Link and Zelda
of the Great Sea founded.

Ripening Tingle’s Balloon Trip of Romantic Love
Japanese: Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
DS
Released: 2009
If this game has any relation to the first Tingle-centric outing, it is perhaps
a prequel. Whereas the last one had the whole RPG schwerve going, this one had
the ‘old-school point-and-click adventure game’ formula that fans of the late
90s are always complaining there aren’t enough of anymore. It’s a loose
take-off of The Wizard of Oz, which really turns me off of it, but if it’s even
tangentially Zelda you know I’m going to enjoy it on principle. This time we're
on a road trip, making it, I guess, Zelda's answer to Grim Fandango; the 'love'
of the title refers to Tingle's quest to get some, by giving the ladies in his
life thousands' of Rupees worth of stupid trinkets. Study up. More
interestingly, he is eventually accompanied by three companions, who provide
both interesting dialogue and their personal skills and abilities.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Sukaiwaado Soudo
Wii
Released: 2011

The fascinating lovechild of The Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime
3: Corruption, and Super Mario Galaxy, the Zelda game with the most euphemistic
title is also riddled with a host of technical issues and design choices that
mar an otherwise happy adventure, delightful adventure. (And that's not just me
complaining about Nintendo changing stuff. Some of the changes are actually
just legitimately bad.) It makes up for it, though, with beautiful visuals and
an engaging plot, focussing on how the Master Sword originally came to be.
Although it completely contradicts everything we knew about Master Sword lore
up to that point, it really is a fun story. Spoils are back, and adventuring is
even less lonely than ever thanks to a spirit companion who, while kind of a
moron, is well-intentioned and helpful. The most interesting development to the
Zelda formula is in the structure: Getting there is now well over half the fun,
with the preceding environments providing much of what we used to get from
dungeons, while the dungeons themselves are now much shorter and sweeter. I
have to say I'm curious to see what else Nintendo will try, and if it will
continue with this adjusted ratio or if Skyward Sword will stand out as a
one-time experiment.

--A Note on Main Series versus Side Series--

Here’s a mildly interesting story about how a minor FAQs-writing problem led me
to an observation about Zelda games that will be interesting to only the
hardest of hardcore fans, and maybe not even them, so you may want to skip this
section altogether. I won’t be mad.

The classification between main games and side games was nonexistent until
Nintendo released a handful of the latter. Specifically, I’m talking about the
Zapper game and Tingle’s three games. Two are gaiden (side stories), but the
other two are plotless extras.

This presented a problem that took me some time to figure out. Every character
has a chronological list of all the games they’ve made an appearance in. I
obviously can’t just ignore these games, but I really didn’t want to uglify the
lists by shoving them in there haphazardly. It really didn’t feel right putting
‘Freshly Picked Tingle’s Rose-Coloured Rupeeland’ up next to the likes of
‘Twilight Princess.’

I came up with the solution when the other two games came out. These three, I
realise, don’t begin with the phrase ‘Zeruda no Densetsu.’ This strongly
reminded me of the Kirby series, another Nintendo favourite. In Japan, the
titles of all main-series Kirby games begin with ‘Hoshi no Kaabii,’ Kirby of
the Stars. The ‘side games,’ ones that see Kirby playing puyo or engaging in
competitive cartoon star-racing, don’t have the ‘Hoshi no Kaabii.’

The rule doesn’t work perfectly with the English titles, but I figured out I
could apply a similar rule to Zelda. Tingle’s game doesn’t start with ‘Zeruda
no Densetsu.’ It’s not a main game; neither is its sequel, such as it is. The
other two don’t even have plots. I now have grounds to remove them from the
main list, and make a separate list. This serves the additional purpose of
preserving certain claims of mine, such as that Princess Zelda has appeared in
every Zelda game. Every LEGEND OF Zelda game.

Wikipedia, separately, picked up on this too, and made the same classification.
Great minds. For me, this was an interesting adventure in FAQs-writing, and a
fascinating development in Zelda as a brand.


=~=The Meat of the Guide=~=

[MEA]

Okay, we’ve finally arrived! This is the reason you came here. Below is a list
of every character profiled in this guide. There’s quite a few of them, eh?

To jump to a specific character, use the Find function, and type the first
three or so letters of their name with a space between them. So to find Mario’s
entry (to be clear, Mario doesn’t actually have an entry, this is just an
example), you would hit Ctrl+F, search for ‘M A R’, and click Find. Teleport!
*Twilight Zone three-tone theme plays*

Some characters share lots of letters with others, so you may need to do more
than three, or maybe they use rare letters and a mere two will do the trick.
Until I come up with a way to give characters a code that doesn’t have to be
changed every time I add new entries, this is all I got for you. I apologize
for the inconvenience.

If you think there’s a notable absence, just search for the name normally and
you may find that rather than take up space with their own gratuitous profile,
a character has been incorporated into somebody else’s.

By the way, need I actually say that this guide contains huge spoilers for
basically every game in the series?


???
Agahnim
Agitha
Alfonzo
Anjean
Anju and Kafei
Ankle
Anouki
Aroo
Astrid
Azusa
Bagu
Balloon Fighter
Barkle
Barnes
Baron
Batreaux
Beaver Brothers
Beedle
Belari
Bellum
Bertie and Luv
Biggoron and Medigoron
Bipin and Blossom
Blade Brothers
Blaino
Blind the Thief
Bodyguards
Bosom Oak
Bridge-builders
Bridge Worker
Brocco and Pina
Bronzi
Bombers Gang
Bug-Catching Kid
Buriki
Byrne
Cannon
Captain Keeta
Captain Stalfos
Carlov and Borlov
Carpenters
Cawlin and Strich
Chancellor Cole
Charlo
Chef Bear
Chris Houlihan
Christine
Chudley
Ciela
Cobal
Composer Brothers
Coro
Crazy Tracy
Croo
Cubus Sisters
Cucco Lady
Daltus
Dampe
Dan and Jon
Dark Link
Darmani
Darunia
David Jr.
Dazzle Lyphos
Dekadin
Deku Royal Family
Demise
Demon Train
Din, Nayru and Farore
Doc Bandam
Dodoh
Dokutaa Jii
Don Gero
Dovos
Dr Bean
Eagus
Ederuwaisu
Emera
Engineer
Epona
Error
Explorers
Ezlo
Facade
Fado
Fanadi
Ferrus
Fi
First Mate
Fledge
Florence
Flute Boy
Four Sisters and their Otentou
Freedle
Fuzo
Fyer and Falbi
Gabora and Zubora
Gaepora
Ganon
General Onox
Gestari
Ghirahim
Ghost Ringleader
Golden Chief Cylos
Golo
Gondo
Gongoron
Good Bee
Gorko the Goron
Goron Elder
Gortram
Gossack
Grand Fairy and her Retainers
Great Deku Tree
Great Fairy
Grog
Groose
Guld
Gully
Gureeto
Guru-Guru
Gustaf, Royal Spirit
Hanch
Happy Mask Salesman
Helmaroc King
Hena
Henya
Hero’s Spirit
Higemonban
Honcho
Honey and Darling
Hot Rodder Goron
Hylia
Igos du Ikana
Iiguru
Iijima
Ilia
Impa
Indigo-Gos
Ingo
Instructor Horwell
Instructor Owlan
Iona Nattsubaiyaa
Iris
Ishideesu
Iza
Jabu-Jabu
Jakamar
Jalhalla, Protector of the Seal
Jiichan and Baachan
Jijii
Jinmenjuu
Joanne
Jolene
Jovani
Junglo
Kagoron
Kaepora Gaebora
Kakashi
Kamaro
Kamo
Karane
Keaton
Kiki
Kili, Hanna, and Misha
Killer Bees
Kina
King Bulblin
King Moblin
King Mutoh and his Knights
King of Red Lions
King Zora
Know-it-All Brothers
Knuckle
Kokkosan
Komali
Kortz
Koume and Kotake
Koun Bouya
Kukiel
Laruto
Ledd
Lenzo
Levias
Librari
Light Spirits
Linda
Linebeck
Linebeck III
Link
Link’s relatives
Link-goro
Lokomos
Madame Aroma
Madame MeowMeow
Madamu Yokuriiba
Mad Batter
Malladus
Majora’s Mask
Makar
Maku Trees
Malladus
Malon and Talon
Mama
Mamamu Yan
Mamba and the Yamatani King
Manbo
Man of Smiles
Map Kid
Maple and Syrup
Masaru
Master Eddo
Master Stalfos
Mayor Bo
Mayor Dotour
Mayor Hagen
Mayor Plen
Mayor Ruul
Medli
Melari
Merco
Merman
Mia
Midna
Mido
Mikau
Mila and Maggie
Minister Potho
Miss Marie
Monpe
Moonlight Merchant
Mr Akindo
Mr. Write
Nackle
Nabooru
Naked Salona
Navi
Netabare
Nightmares
Nimimamu Nimisutoppu
Nyave and Nyeve
Obli and Willi
Ocean King (Oshus)
Oinker Couple
Oinker King
Old Man and Old Woman
Old Man Ho Ho
Old Man Ulrira and Grandma Ulrira
Old Wayfarer
Oocoo
Ook
Oousotsukisama
Ordon Village Kids
Orielle (and Parrow)
Pamela
Papahl
Parts
Patch
Peatrice and Peater
Pergie and Jaggle
Phantom Guide
Photographer
Pierre and Bonooru
Piita
Pinkle
Piper
Pipit
Plats
Port Town Adults
Port Town Kids
Postman
Professor Shikashi
Pumm
Purdy
Purlo
Queen Ambi
Queen Bee
Quill
Rabbit Rescuer
Rabu-ya
Rafton
Raia
Raion
Ralis
Ralph
Rauru
Rem
Renado
Richard
Ricky, Moosh and Dimitri
River Devil
River Man
Romanos
Ronny
Rosa
Rosa Sisters
Rupin
Russel
Rusl
Rusta
Ruto
Sahasrahla
Sale
Salvage Corp.
Salvatore
Saria
Scervo
Schule Donavitch
Scrapper
Segaare
Sera
Shigumasento
Shiro
Silva
Simon
Skipper
Skull Kid and Friends
Soal
Sokra
Sorceress Veran
Sparrot
Spirits of Good
Spirits of Power, Wisdom, and Courage
Stockwell
Sturgeon and Orca
Sweetie
Sue-Belle
Teacher
Teddy Todo
Telma
Tetra’s Crew
Three Dragons
Tingle
Tingle's Uncle
Tomato Scarecrow
Torimushi
Tott
Trill
Tubert
Tyto
Uli
Uncle Rupee
Vaati
Valoo
Vasu
Viscen
Wannappuchan
Wheaton and Pita
Wind Fish
Wyrna
Yamori
Yeto and Yeta
Zant
Zanc
Zauz
Zelda
Zill
Zephos and Cyclos
Zonmi
Zora
Zunari

=============================================================================

? ? ?
The Hand that Rocks the Toilet
Race: ???
Appearances: Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages
             Skyward Sword

Wow, what a way to start off the guide. So what we have here is...a hand, that
appears out of the Stock Pot Inn’s toilet. But only at night. And whatever it’s
attached to is never revealed, although personally I like to think it’s just a
hand and no more. Or maybe there’s a Dead Hand skulking down there, man, I
don’t know.

In all three of its appearances, ??? requires some kind of paper from you.
Yeah. This can be anything, from any any type of Title Deed to a note for Kafei
from his mother. In the case of Oracle of Ages, Link offers up some
Postman-brand Stationery. Here, though, ??? lives in a hole in a house in Lynna
City, so it may not be a toilet. On the other hand (so to speak), he gives Link
the Stink Bag in return. That was a little less welcome of a reward than the
Heart Piece he’d previously rolled out. Oh and by the way, ??? is actually
listed as such in the Bombers Notebook. I mean, I find it kind of interesting
that he even HAS an entry in the Bombers Notebook.

??? also makes a reappearance out of absolutely nowhere, figuring into a
Skyward Sword sidequest. Midway through the game, reports will surface of a
woman wailing in the Academy dormitories at nighttime. As it turns out, what is
thought to be a terrifying spectre is just ???, a disembodied female hand (...)
in need of, as always, some paper. After Link discovers this, Cawlin gives him
a Love Letter intended for Karane, his crush, in hopes that he'll deliver it
for him. Link then has a choice: He can either deliver it as intended, in which
case ??? will disappear, forlorn; or he can provide her with the paper she
needs, at which point she will read the letter, think it's for her, and spend
every night thereafter caressing Cawlin's ear in his sleep, to his obvious
discomfort. As a reward for helping her find love, Link gets a bunch of five
Gratitude Crystals.

Come to think of it, this is probably one of the more mysterious characters in
the Zelda universe. Wonderful.

=============================================================================

A g a h n i m
Sorcerer-puppet
Race: Hylian
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Link’s Awakening
             Oracle of Seasons

Shortly before the beginning of A Link to the Past, perhaps a year, an endless
chain of catastrophic natural disasters befell Hyrule. Typhoons, earthquakes
and floods wracked the land, causing massive collateral damage and killing many
people. Their origin could not be discerned, and they were so large even the
best magicians failed to end the threat. The King of Hyrule could only watch in
despair as his kingdom was slowly worn down.

Just when it seemed Hyrule was ready to give out, a wizard from a faraway land
appeared and, with some effort, put a stop to everything that was happening. He
was greeted as a hero and the King gratefully took him on as advisor. With his
suggestions taken into account, Hyrule prospered once again.

But in reality, well...Ganon is many things, but an idiot is not one of them.
After a previous duel with Link, he was imprisoned in the Golden Land, where he
stayed for hundreds of years. All this time, he plotted a means of escape,
transforming it into the sinister Dark World over time. Agahnim actually was a
kind wizard to begin with, so how he got to be under Ganon’s dominion is
unclear. At any rate, Ganon possesses the poor old man to use as his puppet,
then begins to exert his growing magical power on the Light World. When the
people of Hyrule are at their most desperate, he sends a false saviour to them.
Through Agahnim, Ganon is able to manipulate the Light World to his ends.
Agahnim begins sacrificing maidens late at night in Hyrule Castle’s tallest
tower, in the hopes of breaking the barrier between the worlds.

After Link collects the Pendants of Power, Courage, and Wisdom, he is able to
draw the Master Sword from its pedestal in the Lost Woods. When he re-emerges,
Agahnim has kidnapped Zelda from the Sanctuary, a place she thought was safe
and unknown to him. Link ascends Hyrule Castle and duels with Agahnim. In this
fight, Agahnim’s main attack is to throw coloured balls of magical energy at
Link, but they can easily be deflected with the Master Sword. The idea is to
smack it back into Agahnim’s body, damaging him with his own magic. He also has
a very powerful attack where he shoots lightning out of his hands, but it’s so
predictable and easy to avoid (just head for one of the room’s corners) that it
isn’t much of a threat.

After he’s beaten, he falls down dead, but Ganon uses the last of his presence
in the Light World to warp Link to the Dark World, where things are looking
bleak, both literally and figuratively. Agahnim reappears later in the game, as
the boss of the final dungeon, Ganon’s Tower. Here, he gains the ability to
briefly become invisible, and some of his magical orb attacks can’t be
deflected. He can also create two shadow clones of himself, which can distract
Link with potentially fatal consequences if he doesn’t know which ones are
which, but their attacks pass right through him. Other than that, his attack
pattern is the same.

At the end of Link’s Awakening, the final boss is a collection of foes from
previous games, and Agahnim is one of them. As with A Link to the Past, to
defeat him you have to deflect his only attack back at him. This form is
pathetically easy. Some people say that it’s easier to deflect his attacks with
the Shovel rather than the Sword, which is not true.

Agahnim also made one final appearance in Oracle of Seasons as the mini-boss of
Level 3, Poison Moth’s Lair. This one works a little differently. The room
starts off dark, with Agahnim and two clones. There are two torches in the
middle of the room, around which the three hover. Link must light the torches
with Ember Seeds from his Seed Satchel, then quickly examine all three
assailants before the light goes out again. The one who casts a shadow is the
real Agahnim, and the only one who can be hurt, by being repeatedly bashed with
a sword. All three can damage Link, however, and it can be tricky to get a hit
in while trying to avoid attacks. It’s never explained how what was once a
powerful figure became relegated to a forgettable mini-boss, but I’d guess this
incarnation was an invention of Ganon.

=============================================================================

A g i t h a
Probably doesn’t deserve to be third on the list
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Agitha is a very strange girl who loves bugs. Specifically, she’s looking for
24 golden members of the phylum arthropoda, which she asks Link to seek out so
that she can hold Agitha’s Ball at her house, called Agitha’s Castle. She makes
funny little noises, and the way she talks (in third person, for one thing) and
the way she acts have caused some to question her sanity. She even sends Link a
letter telling him about a fairly...interesting dream she has. Also, she has a
peeping tom.

=============================================================================

A l f o n z o
Comfortingly familiar
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Although he bears an uncanny resemblance to Gonzo in both name and body,
possibly an indication of direct lineage, you’ll quickly realise that Alfonzo
is a totally new character with a personal history of his own. Long before the
game opens, he was a legendary swordsman in the ranks of the Royal Guard, sworn
to protect his liege and homeland with all the might within him. He was
generally regarded as the single strongest warrior in the country’s short
history, with the possible exception of Link. However, for one reason or
another he eventually left the order to pursue a career as a train conductor
(mid-life crisis?), which is why we find him a Royal Engineer and our own
mentor as we begin the game.

After reminding Link of the basics of train operation, Alfonzo lauds his
natural talent for the task but waits by the vehicle while Link heads for the
castle to receive his engineering certificate from Princess Zelda. When, to his
surprise, Link actually brings the girl back with him when he returns, he hears
her out and immediately decides to help her reach the Tower of Spirits, like
the hero he really is. When the trio finds themselves ambushed at the hands of
Chancellor Cole and his lackey, Byrne, only minutes later, Alfonzo steps in to
fend them off but is roundly defeated. He spends the next segment of the game
in bed at the Castle, recovering from his injuries, but is well enough to
travel by the time Link vanquishes the Forest Temple, and asks the young ‘un to
deliver him back to Aboda Village, their mutual hometown. Once here, he
assembles a cannon for the Spirit Train and links it up, finally allowing Link
to fight back when assaulted by the monsters and Bokoblins who harry him at
every frickin’ turn in this game. This act signals Alfonzo’s departure from
anything of very great importance, but from here on in he provides the service
of switching out your train cars for you as you please, in order to attain
maximum coolness and Heart Bonus and whatnot, free of charge even.

=============================================================================

A n j e a n
Lokomo leader
Race: Lokomo
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

At 100 years old, Anjean was present when Tetra, Link and whoever else finally
made landfall as their years-long sojourn finally came to an end. By her own
testimony, she knew the erstwhile Princess of Hyrule rather well, and entrusted
her with the Spirit Flute that she would later pass down to the Zelda of Spirit
Tracks. As a member of the tribe sworn to protect humanity on behalf of the
spirits, Anjean was also likely a participant in the first battle to chain the
evil demon king Malladus.

Some people like to point out that Anjean and Tetra have a similar hairstyle,
as if that means something. Her name is a pun on the word ‘engine,’ the train
part.

The Link of Zelda of the Spirit Tracks era encounter her early on at the Tower
of Spirits, and she immediately becomes the quest-dealer, dishing out both
storyline and objectives. Eventually, she starts to ride around with them on
the Spirit Train, and is present for the final battle. She and Byrne seem to
have some history; it seems to be she who saves his life after his apparent
death at the hands of Malladus.

=============================================================================

A n j u  a n d  K a f e i
Star-cross’d lovers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

The Skull Kid, under the influence of Majora’s Mask, commits all manner of
deeds which he apparently views as mere mischief, but which are really quite
taxing on their recipients. As the game begins, Anju and Kafei are set to be
married in three days. However, the Skull Kid has transformed Kafei into a
child!

Kafei can’t bear to show his face in this state, so he spends most of his time
hanging around the back room of the Curiosity Shop. He goes to great lengths to
ensure nobody finds out who he is. He arranges for the postman to give a
special signal when he delivers any mail to Kafei, and when the man-boy does
venture out, he wears a Keaton’s Mask and refuses to talk to anyone.

Through the longest and most complicated side-quest in the game, you can
reunite them:

FIRST DAY
-The mayor, the Captain of the Guard and the chief carpenter are arguing in the
mayor’s office. Talk to the mayor’s wife, Madame Aroma. She’ll give you Kafei’s
Mask, which allows you to interrogate people as to whether or not they’ve seen
her son.
-Listen to Anju’s and the postman’s conversation at the Stock Pot Inn – Anju is
the innkeeper. The postman knows where Kafei is, but won’t tell. He would never
sell out a friend, I guess.
-Talk to Anju. She’ll screw up and give away somebody else’s room to you. Talk
to her again to arrange a midnight meeting.
-At midnight, meet Anju in the Stock Pot Inn’s kitchen. She’ll ask you to
deliver a letter, even though she could have just done it herself with much
less effort. Put it in any mailbox.

SECOND DAY
-Witness the postman delivering the letter. Talk to Kafei in the Curiosity
Shop’s back room. He’ll give you the Pendant of Memories.
-Return a little later. The owner will be there now. He has the Keaton’s Mask
and the Express Mail to Mama. Deliver the latter to Madame Aroma to receive an
empty Bottle. Alternately, give it the postman to get the Postman’s Hat later
on.
-Sakon, a local malcontent, stole Kafei’s Sun’s Mask, which is basically an
engagement ring. (Sakon steals other junk too.) Break into his hideout in Ikana
Canyon, accidentally activate the security system, and work through it, finally
recovering the mask.

This marks the first time in Zelda history that players were able to control
someone other than Link. The focus shifted between Link fighting Deku Babas on
one half of the security system and Kafei solving block puzzles on the other.

With this complete, Link went to see them in the Employees Only room of the
Stock Pot Inn. Kafei finally showed up, but not until the last hour before the
moon hit home. Kafei still looks like a child O_o but they marry each other in
a private and hasty ceremony in which they exchange the Sun’s and Moon’s Masks,
respectively. This forms the Couple’s Mask, which they give to Link in thanks.

This is truly one of the most emotional scenes in the series, I think. They
hold each other, crying, and say they will greet the coming morning, together.
This is kind of sad, because they know that the instant dawn arrives, the moon
will make planetfall and they’ll both die.

It’s even sadder if you make a mistake and are unable to recover the Sun’s
Mask; if you screw up, you don’t have another shot until you reset the three
day timer and do everything over. If this happens, Anju will still go to the
Employees Only room to wait for Kafei, but he doesn’t show up, no matter how
long you wait. Anju dies alone in extreme grief. Depressing, isn’t it?

But wait! For every side-quest you complete that yields a Happy Mask as its
reward, you get to watch an additional segment of the ending cutscene when you
beat the game. If you do manage to complete this complicated quest, you’ll see
that Anju and Kafei later had a much more elaborate marriage ceremony just
outside the South Entrance, with many attendees and a white dress and excessive
confetti. Ah, it brings a smile to one’s face, unless one resents happy people.
Or has no mouth.

Anju’s poly is reused from Ocarina of Time. In that game, she was called the
Cucco Lady. She lived in Kakariko Village and raised Cuccos (if you aren’t
aware, those are Zeldafied chickens) even though she was allergic to them. She
later bred a special Cucco she wasn’t allergic to, and which played a part in
the Trading Game to get Biggoron’s Sword.

=============================================================================

A n k l e
Footwrist
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

One of Tingle’s younger brothers, Ankle appeared in two of the three Zelda
games whose subtitles begin with ‘The.’ Along with Knuckle and David Jr, Ankle
slaved away at spinning Tingle Tower, that it might smile on all corners of the
world. Ankle is much more temperate than his fellows, neither wondering about
his work nor going insane because of it. Like the others, Ankle wears a Tingle
suit, this one pink.

In The Minish Cap, he sits atop a plateau and offers to fuse Kinstone pieces.
Doing so enough times with all four members of the party (what, were we
foreshadowing Tingle RPG or something?) will unbar caves, cause Golden Monsters
to appear and do other unnecessary but worthwhile things.

=============================================================================

A n o u k i
Accurate portrayal of Inuit culture
Race: Anouki
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
             Spirit Tracks

The various Anouki of Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks present a unique
problem in that my rule of trying to include all named characters would
stipulate that I put them in here somewhere, but almost none of them do
anything worthwhile. So whatever, here are all the Anouki who have names but
not their own entries, all in one easy-to-digest directory.

The Anouki of PH inhabit the Isle of Frost, but one of the residents of Anouki
Estates is actually a Yook in disguise. How he managed that feat I don’t know,
because Yooks are about twice the size of Anouki. Anyway, Aroo turns out to be
the culprit; Link resuces the real Aroo later. For the record, these are they:

Aroo
Bulu
Gumo
Kumu
Mazo

There is also another named Anouki, Noabode, who is homeless (get it? Homeless?
No abode?) and just stands at the edge of a cliff, which is apparently a sign
of enjoyment rather than a call for swift intervention.

The Anouki of ST are apparently descendants of the originals, making their home
in a second Anouki Village, this one located in the southwest corner of the
Snow Realm. The problem this time is that their leader, Honcho, wishes to
organize them into patrol pairs, but they’re all stupidly choosy about who they
will or won’t work with. It is therefore Link’s task to figure this stuff out
for them, based on their preferences regarding antler size, presence of facial
hair, colour of parka, etc. He could make a killing as a matchmaker.

Dobo
Fofo
Kofu
Yefu
Yeko

There’s also a little guy called Noko who manufactures and sells Mega Ice, a
type of freight. When first encountered, he’s in a bind as an Ice Chuchu fell
into the pool he uses for making Mega Ice, but Link takes him to Wellspring
Station and fixes that right up. Noko is extremely protective of his ice-making
techniques, and won’t allow Link to witness them.

=============================================================================

A n t o n
Exercise freak
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

In his capacity as Windfall Island’s beret-wearing heartthrob and most
inquisitve explorer, Anton helps Link out in a couple of ways when he pulls
through. The first is to accidentally impart some critical knowledge that
allows Link to perform a crime. This is owing to his strong desire for
kickboxing cross-training, which leads him to power-walk up, down and across
the vast majority of the island at all hours of the daylight, resultantly
giving him intimate knowledge of all the island’s details, including secret
routes. The other is his direct participation in Link’s receiving a Heart
Piece, which he does when Link sets him up with Linda. He’s almost like one of
Windfall’s mascots.

=============================================================================

A r o o
Kidnapped
Race: Anouki
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

A docile member of Anouki Village on the Isle of Frost, Aroo is kidnapped by an
anomymous Yook who attempts to infiltrate Anouki society by setting up shop
within the belly of the beast, taking his place in day-to-day affairs. However,
despite taking the utmost of care in his clandestine pursuits, the impostor
just can’t sneak anything past the village Chief. Upon meeting Link, the Chief
commissions Link to head to Anouki Estates and determine which of its occupants
is the Yook in disguise by talking to each one of them in turn and playing a
simple logic game in which he combines their statements with the knowledge that
all Yook are compulsive liars. When he finds the contradiction, Link pins Aroo
as the fake. Cornered, the Yook jettisons Link from the hovel with frigid
breath and makes good his escape back to the eastern, Yook-controlled side of
the island. In exchange for the promise of an eventual Pure Metal, Link gives
chase, storms the Temple of Ice, defeats its master Gleeok, and ends up
rescuing Aroo in the process, returning him to his rightful home.

=============================================================================

A s t r i d
Ostrich
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real genius on our hands here. Astrid is
the fortune-teller residing on the Isle of Ember, but she’s kind of useless.
First of all, when you meet her she’s hiding from monsters, and has locked
herself away in a room she doesn’t know how to unlock, even though it’s in her
own house. To open the door, you have to track down the remains of her dead
assistant Kayo and talk to his ghost, since he’s the only one who knows the
secret. Eventually Link frees her from her storage room, after which she helps
him enter the Temple of Fire.

She displays further uselessness after he blazes through it, however, stating
that she’s really not too sure what’s going on exactly. Come on, lady, you
should really be up on this sort of thing. Of course she can predict the future
and let Link know where he needs to head off to next, but Linebeck’s planning
skills serve that same purpose, as do the powers of every other fortune teller
in any Legend of Zelda game ever. That’s all she’s good for, too – I mean the
Twilight Princess seer could show Link the exact location of Pieces of Heart.
I’m not impressed. -.-

Later on, she reveals herself to be a distant descendant of the bygone Cobble
Kingdom, which may be where she came into her farsight.

=============================================================================

A v e i l
Linear Motor Girl
Race: Gerudo
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Aveil makes her appearance for the span of one line of dialogue in Majora’s
Mask in which we learn she’s the commander and ‘elder sister’ figure of the
Gerudo living at Pirates’ Fortress. But although this may be her crowning
achievement, we can infer a few things from it. First of all, she was probably
responsible for the theft of Lulu’s eggs, meaning she’s either ruthless or
vindictive or both. Because honestly, the pirates have no use for them, they
aren’t even sure what they are. Wisdom aside, we also know that she must be a
charismatic and inspiring leader if she’s managed to rally that taciturn group
of reclusive warrior-women under her banner. Her station furthermore suggests a
few things about her skills: The girl with whom she shares a poly, the captain
of Ocarina of Time’s Gerudo Fortress, was known to be expert in the furious art
of the Gerudo scimitar, so it stands to reason that Aveil’s mastery would be on
a similar level. This may not necessarily be the case, however, since the two
are obviously not direct analogues; apart from the basic differences of thieves
versus pirates, Aveil is clearly more knowledgeable in the employment of
mechanical technology - in fact, maybe moreso than anybody else in the entire
Zelda universe - as evidenced by the complex workings of her outfit’s
stronghold. I mean, just look at the outer garrison. The sentries are piloting
MOTORBOATS. Where else do we see anything even approaching that level of
technology? There’s Aveil’s actual crowning achievement right there. I’ll bet
she’s an impressive pilot, too.

=============================================================================

A z u s a
Trainspotter
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Between Azusa and Raia, it's hard to say who constitutes the more horrifying
prospect as a girlfriend. Certainly, Raia is monstrous, but the fact that Azusa
is even vaguely humanoid ends up plunging her into the uncanny valley.
Fortunately you'll have some time to decide whether or not that's a burden you
wish to shoulder, as you'll meet her well in advance in of actually being able
to court her. She is first discovered outside the garage on Page 4, trying to
find a way in. As with all the main love interests, despite Tingle's immediate
infatuation with her, she screams and runs away. You can see how he has trouble
getting a lady when stuff like this keeps happening, although some dialogue
seems to suggest that his newfound skintight suit is part of the problem.
Pursuit isn't initially possible, but after gaining the power to travel back in
time the group can return to the garage, whose door they opened and whose liner
they made off with. In the machine's absence, they find a secret door that
leads to Azusa's hideout, filled to bursting with all manner of train-related
research and collectibles. With a conductor's uniform, crazy blonde hair, huge
spectacles, and few teeth, well, I did mention it before, but Azusa is
definitely one of your less attractive potentials, but you'll need to win her
over if you want to get the good ending.

The secret is to give her a section of the Model Train whose pieces she's
looking for, at which point she'll immediately reconsider her opinion of
Tingle, unbar her first heart and become available to Love Push. Once that
threshold has been crossed, she'll move on to the maze of maintenance tracks
on, I believe, Page 8. She's inside the tunnel on which the labourers worked so
hard before melting in the sun, and will become receptive to a further Love
Push if given the next piece of the model, conveniently located in the pile of
refuse and documents just outside. She will then ask Tingle for one final,
massive favour: Finding the final piece of the model, which she suspects is
somewhere in the maze but is too afraid to look for personally. Since Tingle's
train is much farther along down the path (wherever that may be when you decide
to make the detour), you get to borrow Azusa's for the duration of the
side-quest. It's functionally identical but based on a 19th Century steam
engine, in contrast to the futuristic liner we've been piloting up until now.
When you do get the last part back to her, as well as the Trainforce, Azusa can
FINALLY be Love Pushed into intentionally meeting Tingle at the dance party
(instead of just by coincidence, which is what happens otherwise). Yes, after
all that, you STILL have to give her a metric tonne of useless garbage before
she'll agree to go out with you. Yeah, putting money together is going to
represent a fair chunk of your time spent with this game if you play it, so get
used to it. When you fill her final heart, she goes out to the plateau on which
Jijii was lately stranded, and begins to march around in a circle pretending to
be a train. As she does, she sings a song that she makes up on the spot,
basically saying that it's their new couple song. Like the other girls, Azusa
is the prize in a dance-off between Tingle and Nimidanshaku, and is also a
possible choice as the love of his life in the final sequence. Well, hey, have
at it if you take a liking to her.

=============================================================================

B a g u
Blip on the radar
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Adventure of Link

A blacksmith-looking guy who lives in a secluded house in the woods, Bagu gives
Link a note allowing him access to the bridge leading to the Water Town of
Mido. Though this solution may be somewhat non-obvious, the hint that indicates
it is even more obscure, as a friendly Zol will apprise you of the man's
purpose and whereabouts.

=============================================================================

B a l l o o n  F i g h t e r
99 Red Barons
Race: Human
Appearances: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito

Balloon Fighter, the protagonist of the original Balloon Fight for NES, makes a
tiny cameo in the opening movie (if you can call it that) of Tingle's Balloon
Fight. Tingle, limping over the sea on the power of only his red balloon, spots
some Rupees floating up above, and struggles to gain altitude in order to reach
them. Just as he's about to make the acquisition, however, Balloon Fighter
cruises onto the scene, casually snags both, and passes right on through. What
a dick. Then some flying enemies appear and pop Tingle's remaining balloon,
sending him plummeting into the water below, where he is eaten by a giant fish.

=============================================================================

B a r k l e
Tingle's best friend
Race: Dog
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
             Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Dogs, I'm not a fan. Tingle first encounters his new pet in the depths of
Pirate's Hideout. The place is overrun with problems, but the most troublesome
by far is a fearsome monster...which turns out to be a cute (if for some reason
you like dogs) little puppy. Of course, being made entirely of bones, the
skeletal pirates are terrified to 'death' of being nommed on. Barkle
accompanies Tingle until the segment's completion, after which he trots off to
his house and starts living there. Its purpose is mainly to add to the scenery,
which remains fairly drab until you fill it up with Rupee Goods and a hologram,
but if you feed it a bunch of Bones it'll sometimes bring back a random item.
You're better off holding onto them in case you need them for a Recipe, because
it doesn't come up with anything very exciting. For reasons that are never
explained, Barkle wears a Tingle suit.

It appears briefly in the beginning and ending of Balloon Trip, that is to say,
the parts that take place in the real world, except of course not wearing a
Tingle suit. If Tingle elects to remain in his fantasy world when presented
with the option of going home, Barkle will be shown urinating on the book
Tingle now lives in. That's fantastic.

=============================================================================

B a r n e s
& Noble
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Barnes the bomb man is a manufacturer of all fine products that explode after
being partially lit on fire. Unlike most purveyors of such merchandise, Barnes
has developed a couple of unique products not found anywhere else in the
series. The first is the Water Bomb, which can be operated even underwater, a
utilitarian and often critical feature (they can, of course, also be used
elsewhere if the bearer’s equipment is running short.) The second is the
Bombling, which is just plain awesome. Much like the Bombchu, once deployed the
Bombling rushes forward on its own propulsion, though in this case it teeters
around on spindly legs rather than rocket off on a slick of mystery. Also
unlike Bombchu, which move in a straight line, Bomblings home in on the nearest
threatening body. These brilliant inventions have led to great success for
Barnes’ Bombs, a shop greatly resembling a garage (Barnes even wears a welder’s
mask while he works) located off lower Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. Or maybe
partway up the cliffs that form the Kakariko Village gorge, you decide.

When Zant brought Twilight down on Eldin Province, Barnes was one of the
handful of survivors who managed to take shelter in Renado’s dugout. Of those
few, Barnes is clearly one of the calmer and more level-headed, racking his
brains for solutions rather than freaking out when beasts come knocking at
their makeshift barrier. He does, however, reasonably stay within its
boundaries since he’d be destroyed instantaneously if he tried to put up any
kind of fight, but if we purposely go to lengths to look at it from a
glass-half-full perspective, it means that Link doesn’t have to waste any
energy protecting him. After Kakariko’s liberation, Barnes gets to work on a
few new projects, namely the aforementioned Water Bombs and Bomblings, the
former of which allow Link to access Lakebed Temple and the Goron stuck in the
meteor at Zora’s Domain.

=============================================================================

B a r o n
Bonus boss
Race: Lesser Deity
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
             Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Though he features one of the less intimidating names among Zelda bosses, Baron
is one of the most powerful entities in the entirety of Tingle's homeland. The
very God of War himself, Baron, once known as Bamo, bears a grudge against all
living things, having killed many men in battle and holed up in a cave near the
summit of Mt Desma when their families gathered to return the favour. He
challenges you to fight him before a single fight-cloud has elapsed, and if you
engage, you will absolutely fail unless accompanied by one of the Drifter
Bodyguards. You're best to do it with Teddy Todo. As it turns out, Baron slew
Teddy Todo's father in battle many years ago, and said progeny has vowed to
avenge his father by killing Baron. This is what led to him becoming a
bodyguard and continually seeking to increase his strength, and he will be
eternally grateful if you give him the opportunity to accomplish his lifelong
goal. He leaves behind a flower in memoriam. Baron, meanwhile, leaves behind
the Demon Mask, which can be sold to any of the Drifter Bodyguards; Teddy Todo
gives the least, perhaps because he doesn't want to be reminded, while Ronny
gives the most, perhaps respecting Baron's commitment to living all-out.

Surprisingly, Baron resurges in the sequel-of-sorts, Irdozuki Chinkuru no Koi
no Baruun Torippu. Returning to Usotami Village after having already cleared
it, Tingle's party learns that a terrifying monsters has been roaming around
the nearby desert, attacking anyone who gets too close. Thus they set out to
search for it, with a view toward making the area safer for its inhabitants.
The entire Usotami Desert section of the game is amazing, as it basically
spoofs turn-based RPGS, SNES-era Final Fantasy in particular. Tingle, Buriki
and Raion are each able to use their respective abilities to combat the
monsters they encounter in random battles, earning rewards such as Rupees and
the Water necessary to endure the harsh conditions without losing
consciousness. Oftentimes Raion or Buriki is able to vanquish opponents through
irresistible force (and sometimes a Mario RPG-style quicktime event), but the
trick is finding exactly the right move for the situation at hand. Tingle's
combat abilities are weak, which should surprise no one, but he's capable of
using the various tools he's acquired over the course of his journey; one
particularly clever fight involves him removing the screws from a sarcophagus
in order to assault its contents. Anyway, the mystical medicine capable of
reviving both Princess Emera and Tingle's parental units proves the key to
easing Baron's pain as well. It is then revealed that he has undergone
veritable torture for hundreds of years, and has merely been in search of
someone to help him with it. Baron is healed, the Usotami are safe, Tingle gets
a Secret, and a good time is had by all.

=============================================================================

B a t r e a u x
What a horrible night to have a curse.
Race: Initially Demon, later Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Though born a demon somewhat resembling a Dragon Quest character, Batreaux's
deepest desire is to be human. He and Tingle would get along great, for a
number of reasons really. A seven-foot-tall robed individual with yellow bat
wings and shades, Batreaux cuts an intimidating figure, and at first seems to
have abducted Kukiel. If Link hears a scream and rushes in prepared to attack,
Batreaux will move to defend himself but then beg for mercy after taking only a
single hit. It's not what it looks like, he pleads: It's not that Kukiel is in
distress, but rather they are playing the Scream as Loud as You Can Game.
Kukiel confirms. We never find out who wins.

Kukiel, it turns out, was the only person on Skyloft who was willing to give
him a chance, and as a result has become his only friend. Due to his fearsome
appearance, whenever Batreaux would wander amongst the locals at night they
would mistake him for someone of ill intent and run screaming; this is
particularly true of the old man at Pumpkin Landing, though no one believes
him. This lifestyle has worn on Batreaux, and now he only wants to walk
shoulder to shoulder with Skylofters as one of them. Fortunately, he has
discovered a way to literally transform himself. All he requires is 80
Gratitude Crystals, small shining objects that look like Star Bits from Super
Mario Galaxy, and predictably he would be thoroughly in your debt if you were
to gather some for him.

He's a pretty hard guy to say no to, and the lengthy sidequest that results is
reminiscent of Majora's Mask's Happy Mask sideqests in that they all involve
encountering someone with a (sometimes extremely trivial) problem and doing
what you can to solve it, sometimes in unexpected ways, such as when Owlan
wants to study a new plant and you bring him back a Kikwi. And since it starts
early and can't be completed until quite late, it feels like a continuing
endeavour rather than a series of disconnected fetch quests. Additionally,
there are 15 Gratitude Crystals merely sitting around in Skyloft that only
appear at night. The most interesting of these are the one in Zelda's room,
which can only be accessed by breaking into it, and on Beedle's Island, which
can only be accessed by falling asleep in the bed in his flying store.

As you progress, he will further motivate you with progressively higher (and
less interesting) rewards, including a Heart Piece, pointlessly large Wallet
upgrades, Rupees to go with them, and a Cursed Medal. The last one he begs you
not to accept, as it confers a sharply increased Treasure drop rate at the
horrifying cost of not being able to open your Adventure Pouch. Obviously it's
not quite as awful a fate as it's made out to be, but but it's certainly not
worth it. When you eventually do collect 80 Crystals, he'll be overjoyed,
transform into a human, declare that he can now live among the Skylofters as
one of them, and immediately continue to stand exactly where he is for the rest
of the game.

=============================================================================

B e a v e r  B r o t h e r s
Nickel Phelps
Race: Beavers
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Back when Mikau was still alive and the Terminan waters were still vibrant and
inviting, the Beaver Brothers loved nothing better than to taunt him
ceaselessly about his inability to beat them at the little game they had set up
in a tiny out-of-the-way inlet off the beach at Zora Cape. Fortunately, he was
able to get his revenge post-mortem when Link assumed his form and finally
wiped the smug smiles off their stupid faces. Fooled by Link’s disguise, the
brothers immediately challenge ‘Mikau’ to one of the coolest mini-games ever,
on par with Pokemon Stadium’s legendary Sushi-go-Round. As it turns out, in
spite of Mikau’s previous difficulties Beaver Brothers isn’t even that
difficult. All it asks of you is subtle manipulations of your fish as you swim
at top speed through a series of progressively more difficult lifeguard rings.
The second part, hosted by the older brother, is marginally more difficult than
the younger brother’s portion, and you might even fail a few times, but mostly
it’s just the sheer exhilaration of trying to keep up with your target as you
hurtle through neckbreakingly tight curves and he merrily bobs along with the
current. Incidentally, the whole setup was so well-received that a very similar
event appeared in Super Mario Galaxy, more than once in fact. After being
beaten, the slack-jawed Beaver Brothers admit that Mikau is a much more skilled
swimmer than they thought, and yield a Heart Piece.

=============================================================================

B e e d l e
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             Phantom Hourglass
             Spirit Tracks
             Beedle

I can’t believe I managed to forget Beedle through two revisions O_o

I can’t believe it because he’s iconic to The Wind Waker, and The Wind Waker is
my favourite Zelda. Beedle really showed what the society of TWW was all about.
Like Marin and Tarin from Link’s Awakening, Beedle was always moving around the
world. Wherever you went, you could find him not too far off. Later on he gave
you a map that would actually point out precisely where you could find him,
completely ruining the illusion that he was constantly on the move, but
personally I try to keep the idea alive in my mind.

Actually, the mask he wears in that one map section and his appearance in other
games open up the floor for clones or Nurse Joy Syndrome or chrono-impairment
or something. I like my version better though.

Beedle could be found all over the place because he lived on what Nintendo
Power ticklingly called his ‘floating shop ship.’ Like many businessmen in
Zelda, he doesn’t quite understand the concept of location, joining the ranks
of such luminaries as the guy who peddled his wares from a magic carpet
floating over a perilous sand pit in the middle of the nearly uninhabited
Gerudo Desert. Somehow, Beedle seems to make ends meet, though I kind of wonder
where he gets his supplies...maybe he puts in to port from time to time. Yeah,
that would be supported by his being docked at the opening of TWW.

Beedle mainly sells Bait Bags, All-Purpose Bait and Hyoi Pears, and, rarely,
Treasure Maps. Not exactly the most compelling merchandise, but he did trick me
into buying a ton of it through his supposed rewards programme. This takes the
form of a points card like you can find at any damn business anywhere these
days, but whose main reward is a slight reduction in price on all products.
Thing is, the stuff he’s selling is only marginally useful in the first place,
and by the time you work up that many points you’re probably at the end of the
game, meaning their usefulness has dropped to exactly zero – since at that
point you’ve probably filled in your map and uncovered all the secrets you’re
going to bother to uncover.

The reward for I believe the Silver Membership, however, was kind of novel. It
was a coupon you could present to Beedle at any time, at which point he would
stand up and yell to high heaven about what a great person you were. His
explanation? Everybody can use encouragement from time to time. Which is great,
even if I was sort of expecting something with an in-game benefit of some sort.

After the end of The Wind Waker, Beedle apparently follows Link, Tetra and the
crew thousands of miles into uncharted waters, suggesting he is some kind of
stalker. He’s basically unchanged in his PH appearance, though as I recall his
rewards this time take the form of coupons that can be used for actual
discounts.

Spirit Tracks is where it gets weird. Given the dearth of open water found in
most of that game’s setting, Beedle has switched from seaborne to airborne
retailer, and has taken to selling Treasures at twice their value in addition
to his usual assortment of Bombs and sub-standard Potions. Later on, you can
take a kid from Aboda Village, Link’s hometown, to live with Beedle in his
ship, to which the merchant protests profusely; he stays there for the
remainder of the game. But none of this is weird, what’s weird is that ST takes
place ONE HUNDRED YEARS after PH, and yet Beedle doesn’t look a day older than
he did then! Admittedly, he’s likely just a descendant of that game’s Beedle,
since Zelda and Link and others have shown up looking just as they did and they
are verifiably not the same people, and on top of that, characters reappear
outside of their own direct continuities a lot, as with various minor
characters in The Minish Cap. However, Beedle is neither confirmed to be a
different person nor is he in a different continuity, so isn’t it way more
interesting to believe he’s the same guy? I mean seriously, who actually
expected him to appear in ST?

He makes an unexpected, but awesome, return in Skyward Sword, likely cementing
him as a series mainstay from here on in. He once again runs a shop, but it's a
little flying buggy that circles the Skyloft Bazaar all day, its rotors powered
by Beedle frantically pedalling on an 80s-style exercise bike with matching
electronic display. It's hard work, and so he angrily ejects you if you add
your weight to the contraption but try to leave without buying anything. At
night, the shop returns to Beedle's humble island, upon which he casts off his
typical mannerisms in favour of an unnecessarily refine speech pattern intended
to convey his intellectual prowess...you know, I was trying to mimic it just
there, as a joke, but that's kind of just how I write, isn't it. Anyway, you
can experience this dramatic shift in character by falling asleep in his shop's
bed, as he will then 'decline to wake you' and spirit you off to his island,
where you can have a heart-to-heart. There are a few items here than you can
only get at night, but more importantly, towards the end of the game he will
reveal that he has lost his prize pet, the incredibly rare Horned Colossus
Beetle. As it turns out, Strich has come across it, but refuses to hand it over
unless Link can prove himself worthy of it. This manifests in the form of a
bug-catching challenge, in which Link must collect ten particular bugs (as
randomly mandated by Strich) in under three minutes. When Link finally returns
the Beetle, Beedle spits out a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.

Beedle has a bowl cut, an enormous pink nose that conceals his mouth, and a
somewhat too-happy demeanour. Also, he wears nothing but blue shorts with a
white skull printed on the crotch.

=============================================================================

B e l a r i
Drops hardcore bombs
Race: Minish
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Bearing a similar name to quest-critical Melari, Belari is an older Minish
living in Minish Village in Minish Woods. How happy. While most of his kind
embrace the Minish spirit of helping the Big Folk by performing thankless good
deeds and hiding nice things for them to find, Belari puts his efforts towards
inventing and making things, specifically Bombs. He bequeaths Link with the
Bomb Bag early in the game, and later on offers the option of swapping between
regular Bombs and Remote Bombs, an invention of his own devising, which don’t
explode until commanded to do so by the user. Those things are just plain neat.

=============================================================================

B e l l u m
Creature straight out of a nightmare
Race: Lesser Deity?
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Although Bellum is a constant veiled presence even throughout the early game
and acted to both directly and indirectly set the game’s events into motion,
his existence isn’t revealed until over halfway through the game. Failing to
clue Link in on the nature of the evil he’s fighting against is a little
irresponsible of the Ocean King, but at least he knows enough about his
assailant to devise a counterattack. Briefly prior to the beginning of the
game, Bellum appeared out of nowhere, beat up the Ocean King, jacked almost all
of his power including that of the Phantom Hourglass, and took up residence in
his Temple’s inner sanctum. Bellum captured Leaf and Neri, the Spirits of
Courage and Wisdom, and sent them across the sea to dungeons to be guarded by
hideous Hourglass-born monsters. The Ocean King and Ciela, Spirit of Courage,
barely escape, the latter without even her memories, and bide their time in
disguise as the Ocean King tries to devise a plan of action. After a long
journey all around the four corners of Bellum’s newfound territory, Link
acquires the Phantom Sword, possibly the only weapon capable of defeating his
monstrous foe. He then finally takes the plunge and delves into the deepest
depths of the Temple of the Ocean King to confront the usurper, and we are
treated to perhaps the third-coolest final boss battle in the entire Zelda
series.

The first phase of the battle is his longest and least interesting, but I’m
still struck by the sheer creepiness of ugly’s manifestation. It doesn’t look
like much on DS, but its weirdness can’t be denied. Bellum takes the form of
what seems to be essentially a squirming, bloated grub with a slack-jawed
orifice from which springs a single orange-red eye that stares at Link with
insane obsession. This misshapen mass is suspended from the walkways that ring
the cylindrical chamber by a system of eyed, clawed tentacles that whip at Link
with lightning speed as miniature minions harry his flight, necessitating
guerrilla-style dodge-and-counterattack tactics with the Bow and other weapons.
After taking a beating, a tentacle’s eye changes colour and Bellum withdraws it
temporarily, perhaps feeling it’s a little too sore and tender to risk further
harm for the time being. Once every tentacle (there’s like ten) has been
bested, Bellum retreats to a higher position and regroups himself as Link
scrambles up a staircase to the next level up.

Once Bellum has ascended to the ceiling and been defeated for a third time, he
says screw this noise and starts FLYING around the place trying to run Link
down. Thinking quickly, Ciela enhances Link’s Hour power with the ability to
momentarily stop time, giving him a brief window of opportunity in which to
whale on Bellum’s eye.

After the already beaten and ragged creature receives the brunt of several such
deadly assaults, he flees to the Ghost Ship and takes off as fast as he
possibly can. Link and and Linebeck leap aboard their vessel and give chase,
shooting down the volleys of strange, organic projectiles that the enemy craft
lobs at them while mounting an offensive of their own, firing a barrage of
bombs into the many turbulent eyes plastered across the Ghost Ship. I totally
saw this coming, too. I just knew that after spending half the game on the S.S.
Linebeck, there had to be at least one seaborne boss battle, and it was really
gratifying to see it here considering its sad absence in The Wind Waker.

Upon disabling the Ghost Ship, the duo marries and boards it...only to have
Linebeck immediately possessed. Bellum’s phantomile and Linebeck’s humanity
converge to form a tall, armoured, broadsword-wielding soldier. Compared to the
Metroidness of his previous form, the shape he takes on now more closely
resembles a traditional Zelda character, but it’s not entirely what you’d call
a typical Zelda battle. Sword vs. sword combats always turn out interesting for
some reason. Though his defences seem impregnable, Link once again uses a
show-stopping performance to get behind him and attack his only apparent
weakness, the still-gaping eye on his back (that thing is ever present, isn’t
it). Unfortunately, all this accomplishes is some futile attacks on the closed
ocular organ and the capture of Ciela, so that sort of backfired. In spite of
her situation, the resourceful fairy is still able to use her potent powers to
Link’s benefit, though she is considerably restrained due to her position atop
Bellum’s head. From here, Link’s task is to cross swords with Bellum until
their weapons clash in a mighty Power Struggle that upon Link’s victory yields
a moment of confusion on Bellum’s part. Ciela takes advantage of this lapse in
concentration to reimbue the Hourglass with one full charge, giving Link the
opportunity he needs. On top of this, since the eye is only open periodically,
Ciela displays it on the top screen so that Link will know when make his move.
After being hacked to hell by the Phantom Sword, Bellum explodes, his armour
coughs up Linebeck, the Ghost Ship dissipates, and all evil lifts from the
Ocean King’s domain.

There are a number of mysteries surrounding Bellum and his nature. First of
all, though he obviously has some sort of connection to the Phantom Hourglass,
we can’t be certain of exactly what (unless this was explained and I missed it,
which is entirely possible.) The Phantom Hourglass is obviously his weakness,
though whether it’s simply his magical antithesis or for some other reason, I
don’t know. This combined with the fact that he turns into sand upon his defeat
and is absorbed into the Hourglass, I’m inclined to believe that he was
originally sand that was corrupted or otherwise went rogue on its master, the
Ocean King. On top of that, since Bellum was responsible for the Phantoms (who
are also not explained...) that have taken up residence in the Temple of the
Ocean King, simple naming conventions would lead us to conclude that Bellum is
himself a Phantom-family creature. It’s definitely a theory worthy of
consideration.

We also know that he created the Ghost Ship, which would immediately make us
wonder if it’s the same Ghost Ship from The Wind Waker. If not, then there are
probably more out there somewhere, which is kind of an interesting idea; if
not, then they’re the same one, which is a very interesting idea. It means that
Bellum sacked the Temple of the Ocean King and sent the Ghost Ship on a long
voyage to the previous site of Hyrule. That alone opens up a huge number of
possibilities, because, critically, we really have no solid idea of what the
Ghost Ship was created for, besides being Bellum’s representative on the high
seas.

=============================================================================

B e r t i e  a n d  L u v
Everly and Ann-Margret
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Although Bertie's name comes first when the two are mentioned together, his
wife is clearly the one who runs the show. Not only does this robust woman
singlehandedly invent and produce all of the Potions they sell, but she handles
the 'storefront' portion of the operation as well. Their offerings range from
the indispensable to the mostly useless; actually, they kind of gather towards
the latter end of that scale. The only one that I ever particularly had a use
for was the Heart Potion, which restores eight hearts. Other options include
one that restores four hearts as well as your shield gauge, one that makes you
invincible for one minute, and one that temporarily confers infinite Stamina,
all of which are some combination of too weak and too situational to ever be
practical.

However, they can at least be made mildly more effective by infusing them with
the right combination of insects, a process of which Bertie is a master.
Setting aside your personal feelings on drinking insects, this can transform
the Heart Potion into the Heart Potion+, which restores ALL missing hearts, and
then the Heart Potion++, which does the same thing but contains two servings.
For some reason he doesn't have much confidence in his own abilities, but the
resulting brew always turns out great. Besides that useful service, Bertie is
also responsible for raising the couple's baby, which can't be much fun
considering how much time the thing spends crying, but then again, that's his
own mistake for having a kid. When you return to Skyloft after completing a
certain dungeon, he begins acting narcoleptic, and it transpires that the
baby's favourite rattle has gone missing. Since that's the only thing that will
compel it to sleep through the night, it's indispensable. Thus, in one of the
game's stupider sidequests, Link must climb to the Skyloft fountainhead, pitch
himself off it, and skydive into the nest of the Klepto who snatched it.
Finally able to get some rest, Bertie forms a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.

=============================================================================

B i g g o r o n  a n d  M e d i g o r o n
Titanic swordsmiths
Race: Goron
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             The Minish Cap
             Phantom Hourglass

The Gorons are a people whose bodies appear to be made of solid rock. This lack
of carbon growth seems to have some very strange side effects, as evidenced by
dudes like the Goron Elder and Biggoron. They can apparently live for a very
long time...and at least a few of them never stop growing, ever. Biggoron is
huge. Massive. Ten stories tall, perhaps.

Despite his size, he is quite skilled with fine tools. He is one of the finest
weapon-makers in the whole series (though there aren’t that many.)

He has a younger brother named Medigoron, who is noticeably smaller – but still
so big he takes up a whole room – and noticeably less skilled. He makes Link a
sword that takes seven years to finish, called the Giant’s Knife.
Unfortunately, though powerful, it was so large it took two hands to wield, and
was so fragile it broke after only a few strokes. Biggoron was suffering from
blindness after the eruption of Death Mountain, whose summit he was right next
to; if Link completed the Trading Game and got some rare eye-drops for him, he
offered to fix the sword. It took him three days to come up with the most
powerful sword in the game, the Biggoron’s Sword, which he could conceivably
have used as a toothpick.

In Majora’s Mask, the Gorons all live at Snowhead, where they are slowly
freezing to death. Biggoron was the only one who was unaffected, probably
because of his massive size. He guarded the entrance to Snowhead Temple,
refusing to let anyone in. However, Link put him to sleep with the Goron’s
Lullaby and was able to enter. In this game, Medigoron has found something he’s
good at: making Powder Kegs. These are gigantic bombs that Link can only handle
safely in Darmani form, and which he needs in order to gather several important
items.

In Oracle of Seasons, the Gorons again live in a snowy climate, and again not
by choice. The ravages of Onox having sunk the Temple of Seasons have forced
their home into winter. Unfortunately, Biggoron is too big to fit into their
cave home, so he has to sit outside and be cold. Part of the Trading Game
involves giving him a pot of soul-warming Lava Soup. In a linked game, he again
contributes the most powerful blade, the Biggoron’s Sword.

Additionally, you can talk to him in The Minish Cap after you’ve beaten the
game and allow him to eat your tasty shield – the Goron diet is chiefly rock
sirloin, if you’ll recall, so tempered iron must be a delectable treat. If you
visit again after a while, he’ll offer up the shiny new Mirror Shield to
replace the one he ate.

The Phantom Hourglass iteration presides over the citizens of Goron Island, but
I think the name is treated as more of a title here; he’s really not that much
bigger than a normal Goron. I guess he was considered too young to be a Goron
Elder; here’s where the term Big Brother could really have been used to good
effect. Nomenclatural kvetching aside, like other Goron leaders, Biggoron
challenged Link to see if he was worthy of being accepted as a de facto member
of the tribe, in this case by asking him a series of questions about the island
and its inhabitants. Each question yields an increasing Rupee reward (off an
ante of 20 Rupees per attempt), culminating in total winnings of 146 Rupees.
Upon Link’s success, Biggoron charges him initiation fees, which happen to be
146 Rupees. It’s worth it, though, as Biggoron then opens up the way to Goron
Temple, and offers the services of his son Gongoron as guide and assistant.
After Link rids the place of its troubles, Biggoron even has the grace to
return his initiation fees, with a nice little bonus, proffering a 200-Rupee
parting gift. He was an ok guy.

=============================================================================

B i p i n  a n d  B l o s s o m
New parents
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons and Ages

In both halves of the Oracle saga, Bipin and Blossom are a happy couple who
live in the main village, be it Horon Village or Lynna City. She’s a housewife,
and he tends Gasha plants. They’re both very excited about their newborn son,
to the point that Bipin runs back and forth around their house like a psycho.

Over the course of a regular game and then a main-linked one, you can watch
their son grow. Over time, you will have various opportunities to influence his
career choice. Depending on how you handle these decisions, he can become a
swordsman like Link, an arborist like his father, a musician like Sokra, or
somebody with no purpose in life.

=============================================================================

B l a d e  B r o t h e r s
Sword siblings
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Hyrule Castle Town in The Minish Cap plays host to a sword duelling contest
every year. Some famous competitors include the likes of Link’s uncle, the King
of Hyrule and Vaati himself. But at one point or another, each of the so-called
Blade Brothers won the contest, then departed on a journey of enlightenment to
hone their techniques to perfection.

Swiftblade – He now runs Swiftblade’s Dojo in the southwest part of town, where
he teaches worthy students the basics of sword combat via his patented method
of instruction, the Swiftblade Possession Technique. I didn’t really think of
this until later on, but the fact that he actually has the magical ability to
possess someone’s body is quite remarkable, elsewhere seen only in exceptional
magicians (e.g. Ganon possessing Agahnim.) He claims to have invented it, but
all the other Blade Brothers use it as well, so it’s unlikely.

Anyway, he teaches the Spin Attack, the Dash Attack, the Rock Breaker and the
Down Thrust. Almost all of these should be familiar to fans, especially the
Spin Attack. The Dash Attack is simply a charge while using the Pegasus Boots,
the Rock Breaker opens up the world by allowing Link to smash rocks with his
sword, and the Down Thrust allows him to do a stabby hip-drop once he’s jumped
into the air.

Grimblade – He hangs out under Hyrule Castle. If Link finds him, he teaches the
Sword Beam.

Waveblade – This Lake Hylia denizen teaches the Peril Beam, a move new to
Zelda. This one is kind of the opposite of the Sword Beam, in that you can use
it when you have one heart or less (instead of the full hearts needed for the
Sword Beam.)

Greyblade – If Link can find him on Death Mountain, he teaches the patently
useless Roll Attack, which allows Link to strike powerfully with his sword if
he slashes as he rises out of a normal roll.

Swiftblade the First – By the time Link meets him in Castor Wilds, he’s a
ghost, but he has a very useful technique. Normally, the Spin Attack is one
revolution, but the Great Spin Attack allows for several. In a couple of other
games, there was a similar move called the Hurricane Spin Attack. Maybe it’s
the same attack but with a name change, like how the Whirling Blade Attack
became simply the Spin Attack.

Greatblade – He holed up in North Hyrule Field to dedicate himself to improving
the Great Spin Attack, giving it even more revolutions per execution.

Scarblade – Found in Castor Wilds, he improves the speed at which a Spin Attack
is charged.

Splitblade – When Link steps on certain panels, he can create copies of himself
in order to solve puzzles. Some of these involve combat, so Splitblade, hiding
in Veil Falls, improves the speed at which the Split Gauge fills.

=============================================================================

B l a i n o
ADRIAAAAAAAAAN!!
Race: Uh.
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Oracle of Seasons

RANK: Major Circuit #2
RECORD: 18-9 (18 KO)
HEIGHT: ?’??”
WEIGHT: ?? lbs.
AGE: ??
FROM: Koholint Island, Hylian Sea

Let’s go, Mac baby, let’s go! This guy’s fast and strong. One hit from those
gloves of his will send you straight back to the beginning of the circuit.
Dodge his punch then counter punch! Make him see Stars!

Blaino made his debut as a mini-boss but subsequently fell to the station of
key quest adversary. His initial appearance is in the eighth and final level of
Link’s Awakening, Turtle Rock, where he guards the prized Magic Rod. Come to
think of it, this is actually a pretty important position, the Magic Rod being
the single most powerful weapon in the entire Zelda series excluding swords.
Blaino’s stamina is also quite high, as he is able to withstand an almost
bosslike number of blows before conceding the match. That’s fine, of course,
since we all love destroying bad guys and all. Slightly more threatening is his
frighteningly powerful jab, which, like the grasp of a Wallmaster, can
instantly return Link to the entrance of the dungeon.

And so it was for the passage of two more games, until Blaino’s unexpected
return in Oracle of Seasons. As Link runs around looking for the Floodgate Key
to open the way to Level 3, Poison Moth’s Lair, he learns that Ricky the
Kangaroo has had his boxing gloves taken as spoils by a wicked little fiend,
and without them he’s too depressed and powerless to do anything but sit alone
in his house. Link agrees to help Ricky out, rising up to the challenge of
their rival. As it turns out, Blaino’s Gym is located a short walk north of
Horon Village, though dude’s personality doesn’t seem to be attracting a lot of
customers. Link challenges Blaino for the Boxing Gloves he stole, and the
ensuing encounter plays out more like a sumo match than a boxing one, with the
goal being to force the opponent to step outside the ring, but that’s fine.
Blaino dutifully returns the item upon his defeat (winning Link the support of
his new animal friend, who isn’t a hamster), but challenges Link to a rematch
if he ever feels up to it. Subsequent bouts will net you Rupees. One of the
more fun ways to fight him is to equip the Expert’s Ring, which allows Link to
throw down his weapons in favour of a clenched fist, making for a real
throwdown contest.

=============================================================================

B l i n d  t h e  T h i e f
When I was little I thought his name was instructions
Race: Hylian
Appearances: A Link to the Past

A young man, perhaps 19, who once plagued Kakariko Village with his mischievous
ways and gang of 40 thieves who ransacked its homes and terrorized its
populace. For some reason he was still able to maintain a legal residence in
the town, and, equally mysteriously, left several hundred Rupees when he left
for parts unknown that its new owner never bothered to even see if he might be
able to get at them despite realising full well that they were there. The
aforementioned parts unknown are in fact known to be Thieves’ Town, the Dark
World equivalent to Kakriko Village, which Blind apparently established upon
travelling there, in search of the Triforce no doubt.

Thieves’ Town is a totally rundown and depressing little place where nobody
seems to live anymore except monsters and the surviving thieves in their
transformed states. It also houses Blind’s Hideout, raising the question of why
he would need a hideout when he controls the whole town, hidden beneath a giant
statue of a gargoyle (analagous to the Light World’s weathervane.) This hideout
is a massive underground labyrinth, filled with not only traps but a wide
variety of monsters, making it somewhat impractical as a home base. Deep
inside, Link finds Blind in the form of a cute girl, and a very commanding one
at that. Go find the key, no don’t go this way. Know what darling, you don’t
have to stick around you know. Of course, this is all just a ruse to lure Link
into a more amenable arena to have a little brawl, which is convenient because
you need Blind to get through and Hyrule would have been in serious trouble if
the boss had happened not to have felt like bothering with Link. Luckily he
does, and when he accidentally steps into the light, the extreme
photosensitivity for which he earned his name asserts itself, and all of a
sudden he transforms. This is interesting in and of itself, because this new
form is probably the reflection of his heart that the Dark World forced him to
take on, and yet somehow he possesses magic powerful enough to (even
temporarily) override the prerogatives of the Triforce itself. That’s fairly
impressive!

As for the new form itself, well it’s a sort of...kind of like one of those
bedsheet ghosts that are the bane of foot fetishists everywhere, but then a
hideous cyclopean red goblin ripped its way out the top, with some gnarled,
clawed hands added to help out. The battle itself is pretty simple, however,
mostly consisting of dodging Blind’s body and projectiles while attacking with
whichever of your many weapons strikes your mood.

=============================================================================

B o d y g u a r d s
Purse protectors
Race: Various
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Much like Taloon of Dragon Quest IV, Tingle finds his talents more in his money
management abilities than in his combat ones. As such, he can often be found
employing a variety of skilled and multifarious bodyguards to keep him from
dying as he proceeds through the untamed wilderness. Found and hired at the
various Bodyguard Salons located throughout the land, these yojinbou will
accompany him until he leaves the continent; at this point they will loyally
wait for his return, unless he hires another Bodyguard elsewhere, as he can
only maintain a single contract at a time. Perhaps they both sign a
non-compete? In a neat touch, however, you can freely hire and dismiss
Bodyguards as much as you want, as they are consummate professionals and will
never hold a grudge.

Bodyguards have a number of utilities that make them invaluable investments.
Their most obvious purpose is assisting in battle, lending a great deal of
needed muscle to Tingle's side, both conserving his Rupees and helping to
ensure a higher item payout when the two emerge victorious. A crafty player can
also manoeuvre an intelligent and responsive Bodyguard around the immediate
area to discover hidden pitfalls or to engage a slippery enemy, as there are
those that run from Tingle but, for some reason, not his Bodyguards. They are
also capable of deflecting projectiles, and will even rush to Tingle's side to
dispel ice or fire should he find himself so entrapped.

Each Bodyguard also has a unique Tingle Chance move, which triggers based
purely on luck and successfully goes off based mostly on luck. If it's
successful, a quick cinematic sequence goes off and all onscreen enemies are
defeated instantly, offering a sizable Rupee yield. These are so rare that I
haven't experienced all of them, but they're nothing amazing anyway.

While their stats determine their effectiveness (as well as their overall hire
cost), their behaviour is determined by their personality. Dunces flatly refuse
to respond to movement commands and practically need to have a fight forced
down their throat before they'll enter it; aggressive Bodyguards will
enthusiastically engage every enemy they spot, which prevents the problem of
having them stand around doing nothing while their employer scraps, but tends
to waste time and damages their long-term survivability. Wise Bodyguards are
the best by far, never attacking an enemy of their own accord unless instructed
to, snappily responding to commands that can dance them all around the screen,
and immediately entering the fray should Tingle find enemies bearing down on
him. Bodyguards' physical size plays a part as well, with larger Bodyguards
generally having better stats, but commanding a price to match. Additionally,
diminutive small Bodyguards can squeeze into tight spaces, adroit medium
Bodyguards can pick locks, and muscly large Bodyguards can toss aside
obstructive barriers, and you'll require all three services to 100% the game.
Taking into account every possible combination of size and personality, there
are nine basic Bodyguard templates, each of which appears once per continent,
giving us a total of 27 possible travelling companions (on top of storyline
encounters and the Drifters.)

Let's take a look at them! Yes, all of them.

Zuzu – I always these guys were supposed to be marionettes without strings, and
I was right, but apparently they're also small children. And martial artists of
some description, at that.

Titch – Another toddler, this one is part of a secret society of preschoolers
with suitable ambitions of world domination. No joke. His personal pleasure in
life is annoying adults.

Cano – The dogs might only be here because there was already a dog sprite with
animations made for Barkle. It does make sense, though, since guard-dogs are
real things. This one has an eyepatch.

Chuckles – Appropriately named, and very forgetful. As you might guess, he's a
Clown. His title is even 'Clowning Around.'

Zonma – A somewhat barbarous babe with green hair and skimpy armour. These
Amazon-like women fight with swords, but personally I don't like them much, as
their aggressive dispositions and low health tend to get them killed quickly.

Mike – The Agents are a fairly clear homage to the Agents of The Matrix
trilogy, which is fine by me, because The Matrix is my favourite film. Even
their Tingle Chance references their origins, as Tingle flies in like Neo as
his buddy dispatches their foes with a series of swift sword swipes.

Generalissimo – Sort of makes me think of Castro, although the terminology
isn't quite appropriate. I think these guys are supposed to be puppets as well,
but in any case they play the drums constantly, even, I suspect, mid-battle.
Which would make sense, given the historical role of military drummers. Kind of.

Bosco – Bozos be bashed by burly bruiser's bat. Baseball bonanza!

Mighty Muscles – With possibly the worst name of any bodyguard, Mighty Muscles
is the first of the Superhero bodyguards. He's blue, and like his cousins, so
to speak, he bears an image of the Tetraforce on his chest, a roll of
impeccable blonde hair, and 'arms of steel.' Apparently also a master of bad
jokes.

Tonpei – Founder of the marionette martial arts school to which Zuzu
subscribes. Reportedly has bad footwork. You'll notice a deprecating theme
throughout much of the bodyguard profiles; most of it comes from the game, not
me.

Chiro – Elite Member of the same secret society to which Titch claims
membership. Seems to have a chip on his shoulder, too, since his profile
specifically claims that he is 'much better than that yellow kid,' i.e. Titch.

Gnash – Put his preternaturally sharp teeth to use and graduated from the same
guard-dog school as as Cano. Seriously, why would anyone voluntarily own a dog?
I've never understood this.

Scarper – The second Clown, Scarper has a bit of a contradictory profile. It
first says that he's only PLAYING the Fool, but then goes on to say that while
he always appears to be in deep thought, he really isn't thinking much of
anything. So which is it? Looks like he's managed to obfuscate the truth,
suggesting there's a little more going on behind those blank eyes than he'd
like you to think. His steadfast refusal to lock horns with an enemy further
indicates a man who likes to bide his time from the shadows, or at least has an
unusually strong sense of self-preservation for someone in his profession. It
also mentions that he is always cheerful, which is good too.

Victoria – Victoria became an Amazon bodyguard in order to escape the tedium of
life as a housewife, which is actually kind of heavy if you think about it for
a minute.

Johnny – A Wise Agent in practice, and specifically described as being
extremely intelligent, which should tell you something. My second-favourite
film is Battle Royale.

Ernesto – Ernesto 'Che' Guevara reportedly uses his enemies' heads for drumming
practise because he gets a good sound out of them. Not like Rock Band, which
just sounds like wood slapping rubber, because that's what it is.

Cargo – Crunch, crack. Careful, Cargo creates chaos!

Steroido – His name, of course, simply comes from the Japanization of the word
'steroid,' those being what he uses to maintain his physique. It does work to
your advantage, though, as this red-clad Superhero is quite powerful.

Domingo – An instructor of the marionette arts who is actually stronger than
its founder. Possibly offset by his short attention span, as his mind wanders
even DURING BATTLE.

Dante – I thought the preschoolers were going to introduce us to the Lucius
DeBeers of their secret society on the Third Continent, but instead we only get
Morgan Everett. Smart.

Gixx – A guard-dog, Gixx pulled a Nyaasu and taught himself to speak at night
school. Ugh, dogs.

Tumble – Description is so funny I'm just going to copy it verbatim.
'Everything he does is wrong, which in a sense makes him a genius among his
fellow clowns...'

Reddy-Steddy – Let's get started, Reddy-Steddy, go! This Amazon developed the
patented Battle Diet to keep herself in shape following the end of her
modelling career. I gather it's less of a diet and more of a diet-and-exercise
programme. I'm probably right – ah please, trust me!

Smith – My personal favourite bodyguard, and not just because of the name, but
also because he's Wise, and because the suit-and-sunglasses-with-sword look
makes for a really visually interesting juxtaposition. Sadly, Smith is not
capable of physically transforming into the multiple personalities that inhabit
his mind. By the way, not only do Agents look the most professional, but they
also frequently glance from side to side, as a real bodyguard might.
Third-favourite is a tie between Casablanca and Toukyou Drift; quite a gap in
quality, I realise.

Roland – Roland's original Japanese name was Raul, so there you have it. Or
maybe I'm lying.

Arizona – Armed, armoured, and aggressive, Arizona attacks aggressively. Ahhh!

Mr Energy – Again with the idiotic names for Superheroes, though I'm not
exactly complaining since they're funny. Objectively, this guy is pretty much
the best normal bodyguard in the game: Large, Wise, and with beefy stats, and
for a fair price to boot.

All in all, a pretty eclectic and entertaining bunch. In addition to these,
there are also three Drifter Bodyguards. After encountering them and satisfying
certain conditions, you may then meet them randomly in your travels, where you
can then hire them for exorbitant amounts of Rupees. It's not quite worth it,
but they do offer more frequent Tingle Chances and have very, very impressive
stats. However, you can't feed them Tingly or sign a fresh contract with them,
and once they run out of health or are otherwise compelled to leave, you won't
be able to re-hire them until you stumble across them again. Each – Teddy Todo,
Yamori, and Ronny – gets his own profile, because their storylines are slightly
more involved than 'met him at a bar, offered him a job.'

=============================================================================

B o m b e r s  G a n g
Elitist kindergartners
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

The Bombers are a gang of rowdy little kids in Majora’s Mask. Four of the five
members wear blue bandanas; Jim, their leader, distinguishes himself by wearing
a red one. When Link first approaches them, he’s in Deku Scrub form, so they
refuse to let him join the gang. However, he agrees to a game of hide and seek
where the Bombers hide all over Clock Town. When he succeeds (before dawn of
the Second Day, or else he loses) Jim gives him the password to their ‘secret
hideout.’ They’re cheaters, too; they run away when Link finds them. Come to
think of it, Super Mario Galaxy repeats this one as well, with its rabbits.

Their hideout is really an underground tunnel that travels beneath the walls of
the town and up into the Astral Observatory, where Professor Shikashi can be
found gazing up at the stars at night. During the day, you can zoom in on the
top of the Clock Tower to cause a Moon’s Tear to fall to the ground outside the
Observatory, which not only plays a part in your first three-day runthrough but
also kicks off that game’s Trading Game. In Ocarina, Shikashi’s poly was some
old guy who lived in Kakariko. Bonooru the Scarecrow can be found here, where
he indirectly teaches the Inverted Song of Time and Song of Double Time.

The Bombers also give Link the Bombers’ Notebook, since they all have a copy.
It’s used to keep track of all the people they have helped out in the past, or
whose troubles they are currently attempting to solve. Mostly, it’s used for
the player to keep track of the schedules of the multitudinous NPCs who, at
some point or another, give Link a Happy Mask (and also a handful who don’t.)

The Bombers had a pseudorenaissance in The Wind Waker, where a gang called the
Killer Bees hung out in the village square of Windfall Island. They were Ivan,
the leader, Jin, the advisor, Jan, the thug, and Jun-Roberto, the scheming,
would-be usurper. They play a minor role in the story, terrorize their teacher,
and follow Link around whenever he’s in the vicinity. LEAVE ME ALONE, STUPID
KIDS!

=============================================================================

B o s o m  O a k
Never seen or heard
Race: Tree
Appearances: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito

This is one of the only characters whose information I cannot personally verify
because I just don't have the motivation to master Tingle's Balloon Fight.
Apparently, though, the whole reason Tingle is balloon fighting is as a
challenge to the Bosom Oak. Who or what the hell that is seems not to be
elaborated upon, though I did complete the game and can confirm that no such
entity makes an onscreen appearance unless it's in unlockable portrait form.
Kind of makes me wonder why they bothered with a tenuous backstory at all if
they're not going to follow through on it. It's not like the game really needed
or benefits from one.

=============================================================================

B r i d g e – b u i l d e r s
Flaming family
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeeland

Tingle RPG is quite clever in the subtle homages it pays to memorable aspects
of earlier games in the Zelda series, including the Carpenters that originated
in Ocarina of Time and played a role in several subsequent games. They featured
a small family business headed by a fatherly foreman who can never convince his
sons to get any work done, prompting Link to kick them into gear for the two's
mutual benefit. This can be quite a complex task in the mainline titles, but
all Tingle has to do is locate an absent bridge, locate the nearby builder, and
motivate him with increasingly exorbitant amounts of Rupees; you'll be seeing
numbers well into the thousands by the time you're done. The worker will then
restore the crossing-place in a matter of seconds, then proceed to bend over
backwards and thrust his hips into the air in celebration while saying 'boom!
Boom, boom!'

Following this, he'll head off in search of another bridge to fix. You might
begin to realise that is a fairly substantial waste of money, given your
ability to fly between entire continents makes footbridges somewhat redundant.
And it should be fairly clear that the three siblings, each of whom tackles a
different continent, are in it for all the wrong reasons, though they claim to
be searching for their father, and impressing him with their bridge-reparation
abilities.

Each of the brothers wears overalls, shoes, a hardhat, sunglasses, and nothing
else, and also carries a pickaxe, which seems like an extraordinarily
inappropriate tool for carpentry. In order of the continent they man, they are
as follows:

Duke – With blue overalls and a glorious moustache, Duke might remind you of a
certain someone else.

Judge – Bears the coolest name, white overalls, and a striking resemblance to
Japanese comedian Haado Gei.

Duko – Wears pink overalls and actually claims to be a girl.

After you build the final bridge – from Auros Ruins to Fairy Garden – Duko
announces that all bridges in the world have been repaired, and that he's off
to search for the trio's father, whom they address as Gaffer, much to his
annoyance. Pursuing a rumour that he was sighted on 'another continent,' Duko
(and Tingle) find him on a hitherto inaccessible mini-island just off Sunshine
Coast. All three of the young'uns have gathered, and, working together, quickly
build their way over to him. It turns out that they take after him, as he is
practically their mirror image but for his yellow overalls and dignified beard.
Though happy to be reunited with his progeny, he is powerfully cross with them
for having the audacity to charge Rupees for their services, rather than doing
it for self-improvement and love of the game. He orders them to pay back all
the Rupees they took from Tingle and add in a little extra for his trouble; he
can canvass 9,999, 22,222, and 55,555 Rupees from them, respectively. Gaffer
also offers penance in the form of his Pickaxe (called his Pecker in the
original Japanese; do with that information what you will), a Rupee Good. The
four then offer a few more parting hip-thrusts before marching off to their
next project.

=============================================================================

B r i d g e  W o r k e r
Bridge worker
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

A skilled carpenter who possesses his own solitary house, rippling muscles, a
bandana and hammer, a very flat nose and considerable assets in the form of
debts to him, he is not business-savvy in any special way but certainly doesn’t
take anything from anybody. That includes the ultra-shrewd and morals-devoid
Linebeck III. After receiving repayment/payment in the form of a Regal Ring,
the Bridge Worker fixes the bridge leading from the Forest Realm to the Ocean
Realm, which is quest-critical. Later he can also be brought to Anouki Village
to build them a fence to keep out monsters, a project which he undertakes with
such great care that he makes no progress whatsoever for the entire rest of the
game.

=============================================================================

B r o c c o  a n d  P i n a
Farmer’s marketers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Brocco and Pina each set up opposing vendor stands in Hyrule Castle Town’s
market square. They consider each other fierce rivals in spite of the fact that
they sell completely different products, for precisely the reason that they’re
carrying on a long-standing argument over whether vegetables or fruits are
superior. (Hint: You need both to not die). Brocco, the man whose hair looks
like a head of cabbage, subscribes to the former, while Pina, the blonde
topknot-sporting gal, is a slave to the latter, to the point that ‘she won't
even sell tomatoes even though they technically ARE fruits. Freak.’ Brocco buys
the best of Eenie and Meenie’s crops, but Pina’s supplier is unknown. Both are
viable Kinstone candidates. Late in the game, when the Picori Festival ends,
they both go away.

‘Food’ for thought: In case it wasn’t obvious, Brocco’s name comes from the
vegetable broccoli, whereas Pina takes hers from the highly fruit pineapple,
specifically the Italian word for such, just like Pinna Park from Super Mario
Sunshine.

=============================================================================

B r o n z i
Tanuki (Cu + Tn)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Link finds Bronzi in the Fire Sanctuary suspended over a pool of lava. When
rescued, Bronzi initially refuses to reward him, but acquiesces when he hears
of the assistance he earlier rendered unto his older brother Silva, handing
over the Dungeon Map. Bronzi is distinguished by his unusually large sack.
According to Fi, he takes great pride in his grill. Like all Mogma, he later
appears in their home at the foot of the Eldin area. Also like all Mogma, he is
named after a metal, in this case bronze.

=============================================================================

B u g – C a t c h i n g  K i d
Pokeball, go! ... ... You caught Beedrill!
Race: Hylian
Appearances: A Link to the Past

A surprisingly mature anklebiter who contracts some kind of mysterious disease,
likely somehow related to the recent dark doings casting a pall over the
country, the Bug-Catching Kid gives Link a butterfly net, which he uses to
catch Bees. Well, to be fair, I guess it is just addressed by the catch-all
‘Bug-Catching Net,’ so maybe we’re in the clear. In the epilogue, there’s a
particular ‘Bug-Catching Kid’ segment that shows him happily frolicking amongst
the Kakariko Village bugs once again. And the Pokemon series has a Trainer Type
called Bug Catcher, just thought that needed pointing out.

=============================================================================

B u r i k i
Friend of Descartes
Race: Robot
Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Buriki is Tingle's second companion on his journey and the least fun to be
around. He and Kakashi find her on Page 3, where her vehicle, which bears a
suspicious similarity to a Saiyajin space pod, has crashed in the middle of a
corn field, trapping Piitaa's tractor. Her body has been flung several yards
away, where the duo replaces her battery and wakes her up inside, bringing her
to life. She is, however, less than cooperative at first, as she wishes to
leave for the City as soon as possible, and has no interest in lollygagging
around with them in the meantime. Her attempts to resume her journey by air
fail, however, and they all catch a ride to the edge of the nearby woods. It
quickly becomes clear that it better serves all their interests if she simply
cooperates, and they agree to travel together. Like the others, she comes with
two abilities, but in her case neither comes in handy very often. The first,
'tanomu' (request or entrust) is simply a strong kick or series of kicks, which
is kind of boring and redundant given its functional similarity to Raion's
kairiki ability. The second, 'bunseki' (analysis) yields information on the
target, which figures into a handful of puzzles but mostly just for your own
interest.

Ever the voice of reason, Buriki is called upon several times to bring the
feckless Raion to his senses, most notably in Page 8's Gasoringo plant boss
battle, where she kicks him in his cowering head so that the group can fight
on. While the other three remain within the liner while riding it, Buriki
stands on its nose, ever looking stoically ahead and surveying the road before
them. As Page 9 begins and she observes that Segaare has diverted them off the
main tracks, she crouches spider-like, sounds a siren, lights the orb on her
cranium and begins spinning her head around and around; it's simultaneously
comical and creepy, much to Raion's consternation. Seconds later, Tingle hits
the brakes, bringing the engine to a stop right in front of a pile of garbage,
into which Buriki's momentum lodges her. Raion and his colossal strength drag
most of her out, but her head snaps off, scaring the hell out of him;
fortunately, it easily reattaches. In order to obtain a passport (sorry,
Pasupo), all require a shigotoshoumeisho (proof of work certificate); Buriki
receives her by scanning a ton of newborn chicks and informing their caretaker
of each's gender.

Being, after all, no more than a 'tinplate,' Buriki is not at her best when it
comes to matters of the heart or force of will. When Raion falls off a cliff on
Page 4 and Tingle and Kakashi are desperately trying to drag him up, she does
not even act until specifically instructed to. Like all of them, however, she
gradually learns over the course of the journey, until finally, on Page 13, she
independently and of her own free will decides to use her own body as a conduit
between the two sides of a broken power cable. Tingle and Kakashi take the
repowered elevator up, and she staggers away...only to automatically start
projecting a hologram of the final message from Dr G, who announces that this
means she has finally gained feelings. She recovers in time for the final
battle, rolling in like a Morph Ball to the tune of 'Samus Appears.' I mostly
forget what we're shown of her in the credits, but I recall that it involves
her using her bunseki powers for the forces of good.

=============================================================================

B y r n e
Double-dealing defector
Race: Lokomo/Demon
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Surprisingly, Byrne isn’t introduced as a bait-and-switch baddie to be replaced
by Cole; that would be predictable, right? This goddamn wraith, casting an evil
aura, possessing a mechanized hand and looking like a Dark Elf Shade from the
tabletop battle game Warhammer, could sensibly be presented as the game’s main
antagonist (in addition to Malladus) with the unassuming Chancellor showing his
true colours at just the right moment. Instead, Zelda wises up immediately,
Cole makes his move twenty minutes into the game, and Byrne ultimately betrays
his ostensible master in order to try and snatch Malladus’s power for himself,
all of which is much more interesting.

Byrne was born a Lokomo, making him one of the custodians of the new Hyrule. In
fact, he was reportedly one of the most prodigious Lokomo around, being
Anjean’s star pupil and a consummate master of nearly all Lokomo skills and
magics. Unfortunately, the reason for his being only a master of ‘nearly’ all
Lokomo arcana is that he exhibited a fairly obvious lust for power, which soon
enough saw him turning his back on the Lokomo path of goodness and transforming
himself into a Demon. Tempering his newfound demonic faculties with the Lokomo
techniques of yesteryear, Byrne became one of the more fearsome forces in the
region. At some point before the start of the game, he fell in with Cole, who
was working on a scheme to resurrect a dark god and receive some of his power
in gratitude. Given Byrne’s general attitude towards and lack of respect for
Cole, it’s safe to say that he intended to betray him from the beginning.

We first encounter him as part of Zelda’s ill-fated escape attempt, as she
flees the castle with Link and Alfonzo, bound for the Tower of Spirits, only to
have the tracks beneath their train dissolve into nothingness, crashing the
machine irreparably and leading to Zelda being kicked out of her own body.
You’ll notice that Byrne is definitely along for the intimidation factor here.

Our intrepid heroes encounter Byrne again in the Tower of Spirits as part of
the quest to recover the Fire Realm rail map, but Anjean teleports everybody to
safety before he can do anything problematic. The trick only works once,
however, as Byrne eventually does force the issue and get the battle he desires
(and ends up humiliated, of course). One of the most interesting and engaging
boss battles in the entire Zelda series ensues, as the player must coordinate
the actions of both Link and the Phantom-possessing Zelda to be successful.
After unleashing a fusillade of fireballs punctuated with the occasional
physical attack, Byrne will launch his mechanized gauntlet at Link, who must
sidestep. The evildoer will be momentarily vulnerable to Zelda’s quick hands,
which will seize his in a touching display of tenderness, which is to say she
drags him down from his perch atop the cage in which they’re fighting so that
Link can run up to him and start attacking him with a bladed weapon. Zelda is
invincible as always in her ten-ton suit of armour, but I recall that Byrne
does have a few tricks that she needs to be aware of; maybe he summons mice or
something. Actually, I think he can stun her for a few seconds. After a few
rounds of this, Byrne will descend to ground level and start going to town with
his claws. The trick this time is to interpose Zelda between Byrne and Link,
initiating a stylus-driven ‘clash’ event which will leave Byrne off-balance if
won; again, it’s time for some Lokomo Sword action, and after taking so much
punishment, Byrne eventually falls. This is a really great and fun battle that
tests your ability to control two characters at once – two characters with not
only very different features but completely different methods of control as
well. Very original, although actually it does kind of recall Subarashiki Kono
Sekai (The World Ends with You). After the battle, there’s a humorous moment as
Link and Zelda congratulate each other in typical shounen manga style,
extolling the virtues of their cooperation and trust, only to realise that
Byrne isn’t even listening and is quickly getting away.

They aren’t quick enough to catch him before Cole finally succeeds in
resurrecting Malladus, and as a result, the imp’s gleeful cries are interrupted
by Byrne violently shoving him out of the way and trying to preempt his power.
Malladus just laughs and zaps him, which only renews Cole’s amusement as he
explains that Malladus could never accept anybody who once served the Spirits
of Light. They’ve been tainted. Cole and Malladus depart on the Demon Train
while Link, Zelda and Anjean take off in the Spirit Train, dragging Byrne with
them. He starts to brood over not being good enough for the living embodiment
of evil to take on as a vassal, and the fact that he’s been taken in by his
enemies isn't exactly helping his ego. He does impart the information, however,
that the Demon Train (and thus Cole and Malladus) can be tracked using the
Compass of Light, which, if you think about it, is generally a nautical device
and thus something of a throwback to Phantom Hourglass (and The Wind Waker).
Using this information, the good guys, now plus one, track their foes to the
Dark Realm, one of the most irritating areas in the entire game, for the final
showdown.

Byrne earns his final redemption halfway through the battle with the
transformed Malladus, blocking the demon king from repossessing Zelda, who has
regained her body in the course of the fighting. He manages to fend him off
long enough for Link and Zelda to regroup, but is killed in the process,
leading to the boss’s final phase. Afterward, it turns out that Byrne wasn’t so
much killed as he lost his body; he may be just a soul, but no afterlife for
him just yet. Instead, Anjean uses some more of her ever-handy magic to ensure
that he’ll walk the earth again someday, though he may not remember of the
events of his previous life, the whole thing of which is possible foreshadowing
for a future title (though I somewhat doubt it.) So there you have it, just
about the only character in the entire Zelda series with an actual character
arc.

=============================================================================

C a n n o n
Subtle, guys
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

If Link explores the world’s one and only specialty Bomb Shop after washing up
on Windfall Island, he’ll find the going rate set at 10,000 Rupees per Bomb.
Although they would be a nice little addition to his inventory, he’s slightly
short, and forced to leave empty-handed, with Cannon’s jeers ringing behind
him. Both are sound evidence suggesting that Cannon is a really lousy
businessman, as not only does he charge so much he can’t move any product, but
he openly insults his would-be patrons as well. Guess he considers himself some
kind of high-roller. Part of this is somewhat legitimate, as he is the only
known individual across the Great Sea capable of making Bombs. This cavalier
attitude, however, is exactly what gets him into trouble with the pirates
towards the end of the game’s first act, as the brigands, unwilling to pay his
downright stupid prices, break into his store, tie him up into a squirming
bundle of flesh and rope, and make off with half his stock. Following this
encounter, he starts to sell at a more reasonable price and cleans up a bit,
and even his customer service improves massively.

=============================================================================

C a p t a i n  S t a l f o s
And Tenneal
Race: Stalfos
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

When you're the baddest crew around and feared throughout the world, with
bone-chewing dogs the only creatures capable of striking fear into where your
hearts used to be, it is, it is a glorious thing. Unfortunately, it's not all
sunshine coasts and rosy rupeelands for this pirate king. His First Mate
invites Tingle, an untested stranger, right into the Pirate Hideout in order to
help them with their business of the day and recover some lost Pirate Items. In
thanks, Captain Stalfos offers to make him a full-fledged member of the
pirates...but for that, he first has to be dead! The Captain then tries to kill
him, thinking he's being helpful, and sallies forth to seek his prey. Tingle
isn't about to have any of that, obviously, and thus ensues an amusing
pattern-based, dodge-and-counterattack boss battle that pays homage to the
original Punch-Out!! for arcade. Even the top screen gets in on the act,
displaying a hits counter and character portraits that accurately ape the
grotesque graphics of the source material.

Following this, the Captain is very apologetic and the ship departs for the
high seas, and a little later on we encounter the merry band again. Things are
just getting worse for them, as now genuine monsters have invaded the ship and
the Captain has gone outright insane, having been possessed by evil or
something, as people in the Zelda universe are prone to having happen to them.
After fighting his way through, Tingle must confront the Captain once again;
this second battle is very annoying and frustrating. It does, however, offer
him the Bone Ocarina, which allows him to uncover buried pirate treasure and
summon the pirate ship to any port so that he can do business with Mr Akindo.

=============================================================================

C a p t a i n  K e e t a
Almost alliterative
Race: Stalchild
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Captain of the Guard and loyal friend of Igos du Ikana in life, Captain Keeta
takes on the form of what seems to be a giant Stalchild in death. Then again,
maybe that’s just how big he was back in the day, and he’s merely been worn
down to bones-only is all. Either way, he doesn’t even need to be exhumed, his
remains lying right out in the open on the courtyard wall of Termina’s only
cemetery. Although quite firmly cemented in and centuries gone, Captain Keeta
responds favourably to a rousing rendition of the Song of Healing; he awakens,
casts off his shackles (that is, destroys half the wall and connected bridge),
postures angrily, and then starts walking off in the general direction of
Ancient Castle of Ikana. If he gets too far he’ll say something to Igos and
then disappear, meaning you’ll have to go back in time and try again, always a
pain. Your job is to chase him down the path, fending off the Stalchildren who
crop up behind him, making use of the occasional Arrow to thwart his progress
temporarily. (He spins in a circle, looks at you disapprovingly, spins back,
and continues on his way.) When you do catch up, a chain of blue fire will trap
the two of you together in your impromptu arena, at which point it’s a simple
matter of avoiding his Stalfos-like jumping game and responding with sword
strikes. This is a bit of a trick if you only have the L-1 Sword, which is not
only quite weak but, more importantly, has a severe lack of reach. Your reward
for felling the custodian is his Captain’s Hat, allowing you to adopt your
erstwhile enemy’s phizog.

Ikana’s varied undead denizens have quite a number of unique, interesting and
sometimes bizarre reactions to Link when he dons the Captain’s Hat.
Stalchildren willingly obey the orders of their commander, allowing Link to
desecrate the grave of his choice once per night, giving access to a number of
underground grottos with some decent prizes. The Gibdos will ask for various
bottled items, providing vague and sometimes outright wrong hints as to what
they’re after, offering some of their own belongings in return. Igos du Ikana
himself will even be fooled into thinking he’s been reunited with his old
friend, but only momentarily; he quickly sees through the ploy and states he
was much too close to Keeta to be so easily bamboozled. I don’t remember what
Pamela or her father did, but I’ll bet it was interesting. But my personal
favourite is the ReDeads, who stop moaning, crank up some music, and break out
some spontaneous dancing. Specifically, pirhouettes.

=============================================================================

C a r l o v  a n d  B o r l o v
Figure-loving brothers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

Only Carlov appeared in The Wind Waker. Forest Haven, located in the southeast
of the Great Sea, is composed of one large island and several smaller ones. One
of the smaller ones is accessible by standing in your boat, using a Hyoi Pear
to take control of a seagull, and flying up to hit a switch near the top of the
main island; this drops a ladder that gives you access to a steel hatch like
you might find on the surface of a submarine.

Inside is the Nintendo Gallery, though the only displays are of characters and
creatures from The Wind Waker. If Link obtains the Deluxe Pictograph – which is
an entire side-quest of its own – he can take colour photos, which he can then
present to Carlov. If it’s taken with the subject in the middle, is well
balanced, and isn’t too blurry, Carlov will spend the next three days sculpting
a fabulously detailed figurine of whatever the subject was. All figurines he
makes will be put on display in one of several rooms in the Nintendo Gallery.
There are 133 figurines, so getting them all is quite a feat, and one that
doesn’t serve any purpose, so completing it is more a matter of pride, like
collecting all 120 Stars in Super Mario 64.

Strangely, if you present Carlov with a picture of himself, he doesn’t
recognize the subject, and will marvel at his own fashionable (?) hairstyle and
waxen skin. ...But each figurine comes with a description, and Carlov’s
figurine’s description references him by name, but was clearly not written by
Carlov. Umm...

Carlov serves a similar role in The Minish Cap, but his place is much easier to
access – it’s in town, and Link can enter it easily once he’s grabbed a certain
dungeon item. This time, however, you collect figurines by random lottery,
though you can only get figurines whose real-life models you’ve already come
into contact with. There are 136 of these.

Carlov’s younger brother Borlov, who looks exactly like him, has opened a shop
in The Minish Cap (though he wasn’t anywhere in Waker.) This is sort of a
retread of Old Man’s money making game from the first Zelda, though he doesn’t
sell his product very well, dissuading you from attempting it several times
throughout its explanation.

=============================================================================

C a r p e n t e r s
Lumberjacks’ raison d’etre
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages
             The Minish Cap

For minor characters, they sure got a lot of exposure. Characters who debuted
in Ocarina of Time have all the luck.

We’ve got Mutoh, Ichiro, Jiro, Sabooru and Shiro.

Speaking of Ocarina, their activities in that game vary depending on which
timeframe you’re in. As child Link, Kakariko Village is still under
construction, and you can see them working on a few buildings. By the time
you’re an adult, they’re complete; they all become houses, I believe.

By the time you’re in adult form, the bridge connecting Gerudo Valley to Hyrule
Field has been smashed to splinters. The carpenters were contracted to repair
it, but made the mistake of trying to join the Gerudo tribe. Even Jim Caruk
knows better than to bother the neighbours. This prompted the Gerudo to capture
them and toss them in various cells throughout the fortress, guarded by the
orange-clad Gerudo elites. The foreman, Mutoh, asked Link to rescue them, after
which they were able to rebuild the bridge.

In Majora’s Mask, they spent most of their time in South Clock Town, crawling
around the scaffolding and hitting things with their hammers. (That’s what the
weird tap-tap-tap-tap-tap noise is. It took me a while to figure that one out.)
They are in the midst of an argument with the Town Watch, whose captain asserts
that it is smartest to flee, while Mutoh the Foreman maintains that this kind
of thinking is pure cowardice and foolishness. In the end, the other carpenters
take off, and the Foreman is left standing in front of the Clock Tower yelling
defiantly at the Moon. He fully believes that everything will be fine when it
impacts.

They are once again slacking off in Oracle of Ages’ prelude to Level 4, Skull
Dungeon. Link finds the Foreman and he explains that his workers haven’t shown
up. Link has to search them out and lay down the law. The terrain will be
different depending on whether he has Ricky, Moosh or Dimitri as his animal
partner. After Link puts them all back to work, they finish the bridge that
leads to Symmetry City.

No such disciplinary problems exist in The Minish Cap, where they do whatever
their boss tells them. They complain about it a lot, though. Their main purpose
is to block off parts of the world with refuse for the first part of the game,
blocking off areas the game’s developers didn’t want Link to visit too early.
They slowly clear it away, build two houses in Hyrule Castle Town, and then
take some time off.

=============================================================================

C a w l i n  a n d  S t r i c h
Gratitude facilitators
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Second-tier bullies with secretly kind hearts, Cawlin and Strich are completely
loyal to their leader, Groose. Not only do they follow his every command
unquestioningly, but when Groose falls into a depression following Zelda's
disappearance they seem genuinely concerned. Although they do some jerkish
things and tend to talk down to Link even after he is promoted above them, as
we will see they are not really bad people.

Cawlin – Haha, oh Cawlin. Short, fat, hair as black as his Loftwing, Cawlin has
a crush on Karane, but can't work up the courage to deliver his Love Letter to
her. Instead, he tries to get Link to do it for him, and if he properly
delivers it she does consider it. However, Karane ultimately decides to confess
her mutual feelings for Pipit, a fellow Knight Academy student, and despite his
initial cowardice Cawlin bursts in and declares his love for Karane. Though
she's flattered, she still goes for Pipit, and Cawlin leaves crying, spending
the rest of the game heartbroken. If, on the other hand, you ignore his
specific instructions not to give the Love Letter to ???, the disembodied hand
who lives in the Academy toilet and needs some paper, she will think the letter
was meant for her and begin spending each night caressing Cawlin's ear while he
sleeps, a fate that will torture him for the rest of his days, as he sleeps
poorly and awakens each morning with a distinct sense of unease whose source he
cannot discern. Either way you'll get a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals,
either from ??? or from Karane. Also, no matter who wins at love, Cawlin loses,
a position with which I can somewhat sympathize.

Strich – Astride his green loftwing, Strich patrols Skyloft in search of
interesting bugs. Collecting and displaying them is his hobby, which is
actually really morbid. For most of the game he hangs around the Lumpy Pumpkin
by day, but by night he is found in his room and is willing to buy certain bugs
Link may have collected in his travels. However, the meagre profits don't
justify the inconvenience of having to search for a specific bug if you need it
for a Potion and run out because you sold some of them (for that reason, don't
ever sell him a Sand Cicada.) Once the Thunderhead becomes a little safer, he
founds Bug Island, a fairly large playground-type area where he runs a
bug-collecting minigame. You don't get to keep any bugs, but can win Rupees. He
also comes across Beedle's rare Horned Colossus Beetle, which he'll give to you
(so that you can return it) if you earn his respect as a fellow bug-collector
by beating a special version of his game. For some reason, he's kept the Horned
Colossus Beetle alive, which is fortunate since it's Beedle's pet, and
returning it to him in some other condition would likely elicit a rather
different reaction.

=============================================================================

C h a n c e l l o r  C o l e
Secret subversive
Race: Demon
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

When Zelda covertly whispers, ‘Beware of the Chancellor,’ she isn’t kidding.
Far from merely being an outwardly suave bureaucrat who is actually rather
slimey, he turns out to be much more dangerous than the Princess anticipated.
As we soon learn, his reason for wearing two different-sized top hats is not
that he has a penchant for the outrageous but rather that he is a demon whose
fat head supports two different-sized horns; this may also account for how
incredibly short he is (I mean the demonism, not the fact that he has horns.)
He masquerades as Zelda’s loyal underling for a matter of years, gradually and
subtly extending tendrils of power throughout the land while doing everything
he can to stunt that of the sovereign. When he has something he needs done that
he can’t do himself, he employs Byrne, his power-hungry and more battle-ready
subordinate who plans to overcome him sooner or later.

All of this is done in a very grand attempt at reviving the ancient demon king,
Malladus, who reigned at the time of her grandmother’s arrival, and whose
bonds, the Spirit Tracks, are rapidly disappearing thanks to Cole’s dedicated
work. When Zelda finally manages to sneak out from under him one day thanks to
Link’s help, she forces his hand; he and Byrne ambush the party’s train,
destroy the tracks leading to the Tower of Spirits, and, in a neon coup d’etat,
rip her very spirit from her body, as he does so happening to mention (for no
real reason) that the latter is necessary for Malladus’s resurrection. He
breaks the Tower of Spirits while he’s doing all of this, removes practically
all remaining Spirit Tracks from the face of the land, and then takes off to
begin the ritual.

We don’t see him over the course of four dungeons, as we race to restore
Malladus’s shackles. When we finally catch up to him, Malladus’s resurrection
is already well underway, and we arrive just in time to see him take over
Zelda’s body. Byrne kneels before Malladus and asks him for a fraction of his
power, but both Malladus and Cole immediately reject him. Cole once again
summons his Demon Train, and once again completely disappears for another long
stretch of game.

Link and Zelda’s next encounter with Cole is their last. Pursuing him into the
Dark Realm, they find him and Malladus riding atop the Demon Train. While Zelda
rushes forward to reclaim her body, Cole tries to fend her off by shooting mice
at her. Link’s job is to keep them from hitting their mark, but if they do,
Cole will take control of Zelda by magical marionette strings and begin to not
only swing the Phantom’s sword at him, but also walk towards him and away from
Malladus, causing you to lose huge amounts of progress with each failed attempt
to sever the strings. This makes Cole by far the most aggravating final boss
character in the series if nothing else. Following Zelda’s body reclamation,
Malladus will see not much recourse and eat his loyal follower, who screams for
mercy but ends up possessed anyway. Nintendo can be uncharacteristically
frickin’ harsh sometimes. The form Malladus assumes here retains his own blue
but appears like a sort of extrapolated, more demonic version of Cole, mainly
in the horns. He claims that although he can’t correctly interface with Cole’s
body (it not being quite so special as Zelda’s) and will be forced out soon,
he’ll have destroyed the world by the time that happens. Link and Zelda aren’t
about to have any of that, so they stab Cole’s monstrous form in the head with
the Lokomo Sword, killing both him and Malladus in so doing. I’m telling you,
uncharacteristically harsh.

=============================================================================

C h a r l o
Because you can never have too many people asking you to give them money
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Twilight Princess had all kinds of characters that would have gone unnamed in
previous instalments due to their overall uselessness, but are out with
full-force monikers here. This really gums up the works with unnecessary
entries, all the more so when I feel the need to pontificate about the
situation. Charlo is the robed pastor-looking guy in West Hyrule Castle Town
who asks you for Rupees, apparently for a Hyrule restoration project in the
wake of twilit destruction or something along those lines. For the longest time
I thought Aonuma and the gang were just scamming me, but actually after you
contribute 1000 Rupees your generosity, patience and dedication will be
rewarded with a Heart Piece.

=============================================================================

C h e f  B e a r
What was that sound?
Race: Bear
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Owning what may be a small restaurant in Animal Village (the only one, if
that’s what it is), Chef Bear dons an apron and chef’s hat to tend what looks
like either pots of soup or jars of honey. Although her culinary specialties
are unknown, her preferences are not, because everyone knows that all bears
have an insatiable lust for honey. In exchange for the Honeycomb that Tarin
knocked out of a tree with a Stick, which he immediately regretted doing as the
swarm set in, Chef Bear gives Link a Pineapple. No one knows if Chef Bear is
male or female, but I’ve always assumed she’s a guy.

=============================================================================

C h r i s  H o u l i h a n
Justin Bailey
Race: ...
Appearances: A Link to the Past

Chris Houlihan is a real person. He won a contest in Nintendo Power in which
the winner would be put in the next Zelda game. And he’s there, but if you
played the game, you probably never even noticed him; he’s a little out of the
way, as you might expect. The secret is to cause a malfunction in your SNES
cart. Chris Houlihan’s room is there as crash protection. If you enter a door
or fall through a hole or otherwise do something that will take you to a new
screen, and your game glitches out, you’ll appear in Chris Houlihan’s room.
There’s a few ways to do this that I’ve looked up but won’t detail here for
reasons of concision and topicality, but I’m sure you can open a new tab and
find them for yourself without much difficulty.

You can also enter his room by means placed in the game intentionally, by
starting at either the Sanctuary or the easternmost edge of Kakariko Village
and then using the Pegasus Boots to run nonstop to the hole you fell into at
the beginning of the game (shortly before encountering your dying uncle.)
Except you won’t fall into there, you’ll fall into Chris Houlihan’s Room.

It’s just a little cave with a bunch of Rupees and a Sahasrahla tablet on the
north wall, but it’s one weird secret. If you use the tablet Chris Houlihan
announces himself and basically tells you that you’ve broken into his house.
And with those two lines of dialogue, he somehow gets a profile. Does that
REALLY count as a character? Guess so.

What I want to know is, what’s the deal with the Japanese version of the game?
Did Japan have its own winner, or does Chris appear internationally? That’d be
a little strange, to have an American appear in the Japanese version, though I
guess it wouldn’t be out of place since all the names in that game are foreign
anyway. While we’re on the subject, does Chris appear in other localizations,
such as maybe the Brazilian version? Does he have the same name, is his room
even accessible?

=============================================================================

C h r i s t i n e
Enchantress
Race: Goat
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Also known as Miss Goat (the name that is eternally branded into my own
memory), Christine is a young woman living in Animal Village who is pen pals
with a man named Mr Write who lives near Goponga Swamp. But the bond they share
runs far deeper than the fact that they’re both named after their defining
characteristics; they’re wildly in love. Link gives the insufferable narcissist
a hibiscus to win her favour, and as a reward she sends him on an errand - this
is exactly the sort of woman that I always end up going for in real life -
giving him a letter and a picture of Princess Peach to deliver to Mr Write.
This of course all works out for Link in the end, because it’s part of the
all-important Trading Game, but when Mr Write, upon seeing the photograph,
declares that the time has come for him to finally meet this beauty in person
and hastens to make travel preparations, I’m afraid I kind of have to worry for
the couple’s future.

=============================================================================

C h u d l e y
Swindler
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Eponymous owner and operator of Chudley’s Fine Goods and Fancy Trinkets
Emporium, a small shop in the eastern block of Hyrule Castle Town’s market
square, Chudley is a snivelling elitist with a very strange sense of fashion.
In order to so much as gander at his horrifically overpriced merchandise, one
must endure endure the simpering comments he showers on customers he does not
deem worthy, and that’s only after passing a careful inspection from the
doorman ensuring that the grubby don’t come in to sully the wares. That would
ruin the experience for paying customers, since the whole setup is designed to
offer the sense of partaking in a level of classiness that commoners can only
dream of. Speaking of paying customers, that’s one thing that Link can never be
while within the embrace of the Emporium, because every single item costs more
than the entire capacity of the largest wallet he can obtain. Almost every
single one is a perfectly everyday thing that can be found at any store
anywhere, but Chudley talks them up like they’re the most amazing incredible
magnificent things he’s ever seen.

He doesn’t get very far with this, however; after being donated incredibly
massive amounts of Rupees, Malo fixes the eastern Hyrule Castle Town bridge,
establishes a supply convoy route from there to Kakariko, and promptly buys out
the Emporium. Good riddance. The lot becomes a new Malo Mart location, and its
gracious new management puts on a grand opening sale that lasts until the end
of the game, with everything in stock on for half price. This means that
running down to the corner for a bundle of Arrows sets you back naught but
pocket change, though as always it’s still cheaper to just run around any
outdoor area cutting things up with your sword for a while. Of course, this
also puts the Magic Armour down to a cool 598 Rupees, well within Link’s
budget, but anyway, none of this directly relates to Chudley.

Chudley discards his old garb in favour of something more stylish and
apparently changes his name to Malver, now manager of Malver’s Marvelous
Market. Though his moustache-grooming techniques remain as questionable as
ever, his customer service skills have skyrocketed, perhaps due to some
coaching from the always-honest Malo. As if that weren’t enough of an
improvement, Malver has also learned some sweet new dance moves that he busts
out in synchronus with his fellow employees, all to the tune of the supersweet
Malo Mart melody.

=============================================================================

C i e l a
Pretty down-to-earth for a goddess
Race: Fairy
Apearances: Phantom Hourglass

In the first DS Zelda title, series director Aonuma Eiji professed a desire for
a fully stylus-driven Link. I’m not exactly sure why, but he apparently felt it
would be helpful to include an onscreen cursor. I find this sort of unnecessary
since you can obviously see your physical stylus, but it does add character to
what you’re doing, and blossomed into Ciela.

As fairies go, she doesn’t measure up to the N64 legends, but she has sort of a
mixture of Navi’s purity and Tatl’s spunk. She does admirably fulfil the role
of Link’s voice, always maintaining a level head even in dire circumstances and
trading barbs with Linebeck during intermissions. On top of that, of course,
she performs the usual mechanic-explaining and puzzle-pondering we get from all
of Link’s allies. And on top of that she makes the incredibly slick
contribution of wielding Link’s Hammer. This enables him to make punishing
blows at range all over the damn place, with just a simple tap on the touch
screen.

However, thanks to the battle with Bellum prior to PH’s opening, Ciela finds
herself reduced to the powers of an ordinary fairy with all her memories wiped.
She’s still the same rambunctious, dutiful cowgirl she always was, though, so
when she sees an opportunity to help out ‘Grandpa Oshus,’ she won’t take no for
an answer. Oshus eventually relents and Ciela sets off with Link and Linebeck,
unknowingly on a quest to rescue her brother and sister. This all goes
smoothly, but when they locate the third spirit, they find it an unresponsive
shell. Everyone is thoroughly confused by this, except for Oshus, who explains
what’s really going on and re-fuses Ciela’s conscious half and the part
containing her power and memories that had been ripped out of her. Ciela
awakens as the Spirit of Courage and the three are reunited in solidarity.

At this point Ciela doesn’t become any more useful or anything, but the second
arc of the story does kick off here. Ciela sticks it through right until the
final battle, where she proves her worth by harnessing the power of the Phantom
Sword (forged from the three Pure Metals and the Phantom Hourglass) and giving
Link the ability to temporarily stop time, allowing him to attack Bellum. In
the last stage of the battle, Bellum hijacks her, but Link manages to knock her
from his grasp. Ciela then shows one final useful ability: Since Bellum can
only be damaged when his eye is open, and his eye is on his back, she displays
it on the DS’s top screen, so that Link knows when the time is right to attack.
With her help, Link is able to slay Bellum and rid the Ocean King of his
Bellum-related ailments.

But with that done, their time together is over, and Oshus uses his newly
restored power to heal the bestoned Tetra, then teleport her and Link far away
and back onto the deck of their ship. Link and Ciela will never meet again. It
was all so sudden, wasn’t it?

=============================================================================

C o b a l
Secretive political organization (Co)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Although Cobal is technically Ledd's partner, it feels a bit strange to call
him that since Ledd is much more assertive and always the one getting things
done while Cobal hangs back and worries about him. To his credit, however,
Cobal does have a pretty cool hairstyle. We encounter the dynamic duo a few
times together, up until the Earth Temple, when they become separated, and
after which Cobal is barely seen again.

=============================================================================

C o m p o s e r  B r o t h e r s
Ghostly musicians
Race: Poes
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask

The Composer Brothers are a little confusing. Based on Ocarina of Time’s
cemetery, one would expect them to be Hylians, but Majora’s Mask shows them to
be Poes. Hmm.

Anyway, in Ocarina of Time they are only mentioned when you find the notes for
the Sun’s Song. They mention that they, the Composer Brothers, wrote it.

Anna Bare has this to say:

'I haven't played Ocarina of Time in a while, but I was almost certain that you
can "fight" the Composer Brothers, Flat and Sharp. I can't remember if you have
to be young or old Link (I think young), but if you go to the Graveyard in
Kakariko and examine each of the two gravestones on both sides of the big grave
(the one you blow up), the Brother is summoned and you can “fight” him.' Joao
Paulo Hoppe confirms, adding that when defeated they talk about their lives and
the Sun’s Song. The Platinum Knight says something similar. Well, I guess
that’s settled.

They reappear in Majora’s Mask, at the top of Ikana Canyon. We learn here that
their names are Flat and Sharp, which, if you don’t know, are two kinds of
musical notes (hitting F-sharp when the composition calls for F-flat is a major
performance blunder that will cost you much respect, or so children’s shows
would have me believe.) Sharp has tried to restore Ikana, the dead kingdom, to
its former splendour, but has inadvertently made it even worse than before. As
a result of his deal with Skull Kid, not only have the dead risen, but his
brother Flat has been imprisoned. In the process, Sharp has also been
corrupted. Flat is still fundamentally good, whereas Sharp tries to kill Link
and stands a good shot at it. However, a quick rendition of the Song of Healing
soothes his confused, battered soul. The brothers teach Link the quest-critical
Song of Storms before departing for the next world.

=============================================================================

C o r o
Shinoda Cycle supplier
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

‘Coro’ sounds like some kind of low-quality industrial manufacturer from the
mid- to late-90’s or something. I’m sure I’ve heard it.

The subject of this distorted memory most likely has no relation to Coro from
Twilight Princess, the younger brother of Iza and older brother of Hena. He
makes his home in the woods where he brews Lantern Oil. He sells not only oil,
which comes in a Bottle that you can later use for other things (love those
Bottles, yeah?), and is even kind enough to straight-up give away the Lantern
itself. Thunder Wave, Confuse Ray, Surf, Thunderbolt; that’s what I always ran
on my Parafusion Lanturn. He provides Link with the key to the Forest Temple as
well. Sadly, he is something of a black sheep in his family, as his fishing
prowess is shameful in comparison to that of his sisters and of their ancient
ancestor, the guy from Ocarina of Time’s Fishing Hole. On the other hand, he
does have an afro, which always ups coolness by a factor of 4.6, although in
this case its coolness is somewhat diminished by the fact that it is literally
a bird’s nest. There’s a picture of him in Hena’s Fishing Hole.

Ah! It wasn’t a manufacturer at all. I was thinking of CoroCoro Comics.

=============================================================================

C r a z y  T r a c y
‘Crazy’ in this game? You’ve got a long way to go, darling
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

I don’t know, guys, I think Crazy Tracy is pretty cute. I mean she’s got those
little button eyes and that long, bouncy black hair and that huge red bow on
her head. I mean it just, it suits her somehow. She also seems to keep a pet
rat, which isn’t cute, but not like there’s a problem with that or anything.
Sweetheart spends her free time brewing Secret Medicine, which, like its
counterparts in other games, fully restores Link’s hearts should he at any time
run out. As a little bonus, she’ll also restore all of Link’s hearts upon
purchase, though unlike in Zelda II, this happens on-camera, so we can’t make
childish jokes about it. Conveniently, these services are quite easy to access:
If you play Manbo’s Mambo outdoors, you’ll immediately teleport to the pond in
her backyard (such as it is), which makes me really wonder just what kind of
magical-properties schwerve is going on with that thing. Maybe she makes her
Medicine out of the water?

Given the fact that half the cast of Link’s Awakening come from other games,
it’s fitting that Crazy Tracy herself appeared in an another game. It’s funny
because she was almost LA’s only original character. Captain*Rainbow, a
Nintendo-published carnival of obscure references, features not only Crazy
Tracy, but Birdo, Little Mac, Mappo from GiFTPiA, Drake Redcrest from
Chibi-Robo, and Lip from Panel de Pon. It features protagonist Nick and his
adventures on Mimin Island as he uses his sentai-like powers of superhero
transformation to regain his lost popularity (lol, he’s a new property, when
was he ever popular in the first place?). Progressing in vaguely episodic
fashion, Nick helps the slew of referential characters he encounters fulfill
their deepest desires. Condescending and oversexed, Tracy in particular is a
mild fanservice character who wants to enslave all the men of the world and
have them come to her mansion to fawn about her throne. I don’t know, I didn’t
quite get that vibe from her in LA.

She lives in a sizeable mansion located dead centre in the middle of Mimin
Island. Portraits of Mario and Link hang over her throne, but her current
target is Takamaru, a samurai living on the island's west end who hails from
Nazo no Murasamejou, which plays like the first Zelda game if it were pure
action. Though skilled in the ways of the blade and dreaming of becoming the
best in the world, Takamaru is hopeless when it comes to women. After teaching
Nick to meditate, it transpires that one of the Mimin (little rabbit-like
creatures that inhabit and power the island) accidentally cuts the ear off
another. Since Tracy is, after all, an apothecary, they decide to take the
matter to her. Before she'll even listen to Nick, he must pass a quiz featuring
idiotically specific questions about the island, at which point Tracy will
acknowledge that, although a man, he may not be completely useless. She follows
that up by telling him that Takamaru should come to her directly, since it's he
who wants the medicine. Takamaru requires a lot of practise, and with the help
of his sword-training dummy and a bra stolen from Tracy's dresser, he is able
to begin conquering his fear of women. After a round of meditation – which
involves holding down A, B, C, Z, 1, 2, and D-pad up, one by one,
simultaneously – he is able to talk to her. He must then work up the courage to
climb up the stairs against the power of her womanly scent, and requires Nick
to give him a quick bump every time he begins to succumb. Eventually, after one
final meditation, Takamaru is able to apologize (I think? I'm not clear on this
part), and Tracy commands him to kiss her shoe. He moves to do it, and she
stops him at the last second, satisfied that he was able to throw away his
pride. Nick obtains Tracy's friendship bond, Takamaru's portrait appears above
her throne, and she lets Nick into the path to the storeroom, which requires
him to go through three hallways and pick the correct of three doors at the end
of each one, at which point he FINALLY obtains the medicine. When you send
Tracy away from the island, she admits that she may have been wrong about men
in general, even if she still intends to enslave them all, and finally says
that her experiences with Takamaru have probably made her a little more mature.
Her final appearance is in the credits, where she shows up with everybody else
whom Nick sent away, and presumably they all fly away together on the last star.

==============================================================================

C r o o
Lover of life
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Croo is a lively, kind old man who offers to buy you a drink if you'll sit and
chat with him. This is probably the single most effective way to get a young
man to sit and chat with you in the entire world. Sometimes he has useful
information or interesting musings to share, too. Croo is eminently proud of,
and responds quite well to praise for, his grandson, who is one of the Skyloft
Knights who rescue and then scold people who fall off the edge. Strange then
that Parrow didn't go to Croo's grandson when his sister disappeared, and
instead waited around for Link to show up, which might not have been for days.

=============================================================================

C u b u s  S i s t e r s
Calypsos
Race: Poes
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

After traversing several dangerous dungeons and rescuing the Spirits of Power,
Wisdom and Courage from their monstrous jailers, Link is finally able to track
down the Ghost Ship that took off with Tetra at the beginning of Phantom
Hourglass. Leaping aboard, he swiftly makes for its darkest and most
treacherous bowels, only to come across, of all the random things, a sweet
little girl. She wears a red riding hood, actually. She quickly explains that
her three sisters have gone and gotten lost elsewhere within the ship, and
she’s too afraid to go and find them herself. But look! Here’s Link, the
prophesied hero whom she somehow eerily knows all about, so won’t he please go
and retrieve them? Oh, come on. Of course he will, Link can’t refuse a request
for help from anybody.

So he trundles off into the creaking abyss, and in short order he finds the
second sister and manages to convince her to follow. As it turns out, though,
his charges are some of the most uncooperative he’s ever had. Like other people
he’s had to escort in the past, not only do they freak out when monsters are
around and become useless until he kills them – which is acceptable – but, like
Zelda in the escape sequence of Ocarina of Time, they get frightened if you
WALK TOO FAST. They have trouble keeping pace with Link, so you really have to
be careful not to let them fall behind and start cowering, or they’ll start
fussing and you’ll have to talk to them to calm them down and continue the
journey. It’s a little more of a pain than it would otherwise be, too, since
they’re not as mobile as Link either, unable to hop chasms or do much of
anything other than waddle, really. On top of that, they scream. And we all
know how Phantoms and Reaplings react when they hear loud noises. They teleport
on top of your face.

As if all that weren’t enough, they give bad advice too. They instruct Link not
to hit the Reaplings in their sternal weak points, for example, and when they
reach a set of two chests, the third sister warns Link not to open the left
chest, because it’s a trap, while the right one holds a treasure. I totally
called her on this, but figured nah I’m being paranoid and opened the
right-hand one anyways. This was a mistake. It summoned another Reapling.

She tries to apologize and be all cute, but there’s a hint of joyous malice in
her tone somehow (even without VA.) By this point, it’s likely becoming clear
what’s really going on, given how unhelpful they’ve been. When Link finally
reunites all four sisters, they end their little game and begin another one,
assuming their true forms as Poe-like creatures (fitting that Poes would be the
bosses of the GHOST Ship), not unlike the Little Women of OoT. The Diabolical
Cubus Sisters then proceed to attack in a manner usually reserved for
Ganondorf, Vaati or individuals under their control (Agahnim, Phantom Ganon,
etc), which is to say they fire balls of coloured energy at Link that he must
deflect by batting them away with his sword. As is customary, the paths of his
bunts has nothing to do with where on the sword it connects, or the angle of
his weapon, or even the direction he’s facing. Just to make things more
interesting, they shoot laser beams out of their eyes. O.O Anyway, if you keep
repelling their energy balls they’ll start to screw up and eventually miss; two
impacts is enough to down a sister. The battle intensifies when Link narrows
the field down to just the eldest, green-cloaked sister, as she starts to fire
all kinds of projectiles including energy balls that can’t be reflected in any
way, which could potentially lead to a Touhou-level Charlie Foxtrot of stuff
flying around trying to kill you. So hey yeah, after the final sister tastes
her own medicine three times – which makes me question why she would fire the
reflectable energy ball at all instead of keeping with her unpunishable attacks
– she falls to the ground, surrenders the Ghost Key that allows access to
stoned Tetra, and disintegrates as so many Zelda bosses do.

=============================================================================

C u c c o  L a d y
Perhaps Zyrtec would help
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             The Minish Cap

The residents of Kakariko Village are known for being a little...off beat. The
Cucco Lady does nothing to tarnish its reputation. (‘Sell me something with C
guy’ is also up there.) The Cucco Lady raises Cuccos even though she’s
allergic; that’s why she’s sneezing all the time. I think she does it because
her grandmother raised Cuccos or something. She can’t even keep all the Cuccos
in the pen, and enlists Link to gather them all up. His reward is an Empty
Bottle. Her avian escapees cause similar problems in The Minish Cap, and Link
is again called into action, but this time has a few differences: The Cuccos
run away (requiring the Pegasus Boots for the squirellier ones), the game is
played over several rounds, and for some reason, it’s timed.

=============================================================================

D a l t u s
One King of Hyrule
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

The Minish Cap-era King of Hyrule. He is quite tall and obese, and he wears a
long red robe, and he’s rendered in the GBA’s version of cel-shading, and thus
he bears a striking resemblance to Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule. He reportedly was a
great swordsman in his youth, and fought to a draw with Link’s uncle Smith one
year at the Picori Festival. He’s become a huge wimp since then, since the most
initiative he takes when his own daughter is kidnapped is to tell his guards to
look for her and assign Link a few special missions that will hopefully lead to
her recovery.

He apparently does a not-bad job at ruling Hyrule, however, as his subjects
seem pretty happy. Minister Potho, who looks like a flea, assists him in this
endeavour. Mayor Hagen takes care of Hyrule Castle Town itself.

=============================================================================

D a m p e
Insert lame joke about ‘digging’ graves
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             The Minish Cap

The Kakariko Village Graveyard is located just behind the village itself. This
is the final resting place of all Kakariko and Hyrule Castle Town citizens.
Those who swore fealty to the Hylian Royal Family long ago get special lots.
Towards the very back, with a headstone that’s taller than you are, is the
Royal Tomb. Link can enter the tomb and wander around in it, and for some
reason a song written by the Composer Brothers is down there. In adult form,
Link will be harassed by Poes. A little kid wanders around, because he likes it
there, but complains that nobody thinks he’s scary because he’s too cute.

Dampe is the gravekeeper.

He’s an ugly, short, hunched-over guy who looks like he was hit in the side of
the face with a sledgehammer. He always wears black robes, and he carries
around a shovel and lantern.

If Link knocks on his door during the daytime, he’ll get yelled at – Dampe is
working the graveyard shift, after all (true historical term), and he needs his
beauty sleep. At night, though, he runs the Heart-Pounding Grave-digging Tour,
where he’ll follow Link around the cemetery and dig wherever he tells him to,
for 10 Rupees each time. Good luck will yield some nice prizes, like a Heart
Piece.

Seven years later, he’s died. The little kid takes over and Dampe gets his own
tomb. If Link finds it, he can enter and meet Dampe’s ghost. Dampe had a cool
springy toy when he was alive, and he’ll give it to Link if he can keep up with
him as he speeds through the adjacent tombs, dropping fire from his lantern.
The toy is actually the Hookshot, probably the coolest item in video game
history, no exaggerations. It shoots a pointed wedge with a chain attached,
allowing Link to cross gaps, hit stuff from afar, grab hard-to-reach items and
attack enemies. It got screwed over in The Wind Waker, though. If Link keeps up
in a second, harder race, he’ll get a Piece of Heart.

He plays a similar roll in Majora’s Mask as groundskeeper of Ikana Graveyard,
but his attendance is inverted. The Stalchildren come out at night, and they
scare him, so he can be found only during the day. If Link wears the Captain’s
Hat, which makes him look like the leader of the Stalchildren, he’ll cry that
they’ve started coming out in the daytime too, and run away screaming.

He once again reprises his role in The Minish Cap, where he tends Royal Valley.
All he does is give Link a key and help him reach the end of the segment, but
at least this time he isn’t afraid of something that comes with the job.

============================================================================

D a n  a n d  J o n
Dungeon Masters
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Iroduki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

I'm not actually into D&D, myself, but Dan and Jon are certainly into making
labyrinths for players to make their way through. Tingle and his group travel
into the imposing temple behind Aomono Village, cross a lake in a rickety old
boat, and approach an ominous cave...and upon entering, find it well-lit and
fully furnished, with two guys hanging out inside. Dan sports a pompadour and
Mario-mushroom shirt, while Jon is a blonde painter. It would seem that Jon is
more creative while Dan runs the business, a sort of Donald Draper and Roger
Sterling type of relationship.

Together, their name is a pun on 'danjon,' or 'dungeon,' and that is exactly
what you can come for: A series of touch-screen powered mazes for you to run
around in, picking up coins while avoiding monsters. If you do run into a
monster, you'll be forced to play rock-paper-scissors; losing will cost you up
to 30 seconds, while winning will gain you only five. However, each time you
collect a coin you have a chance of earning a bonus, including additional
coins, a map of the current floor, or 15 more seconds. I once managed to get
through one of the expert courses, collecting 100 coins, starting with five
minutes and finishing with eight. How's THAT for luck (skill?). Each coin gets
you Rupees, and naturally the higher difficulty levels have a better payout.
You start with only two dungeons available, but can find more in your travels,
and Dan will happily add it to the collection. Some have amusing themes, such
as 'Kindergarten Wars,' cuteness, Captain Rainbow, and 'Super Dungeon Bros.,'
but they're generally pretty similar.

The aforementioned second dungeon contains a Gasoringo seed somewhere on its
third floor, which is why we come in the first place, but you'll want to return
many times, as dungeon runs are by far the fastest way to collect the thousands
upon thousands of Rupees you'll need to please all of your women. Dan sets the
dungeon by placing cartridges that look suspiciously like Famikon games into a
machine that looks suspiciously like a Famikon, and will sometimes even have to
blow into it to make it work. They also dream of collecting every dungeon ever
made, and when Tingle brings them the final one they will be overcome with
excitement. They'll then realise that they did nothing, be happy anyway, and
bust open a Secret.

============================================================================

D a r k  L i n k
Amorphous inner evil
Race: Shadows
Appearances: The Adventure of Link
             Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Four Swords Adventures
             Spirit Tracks

Any way you slice it, Dark Link (in any of his several forms) is a fascinating
character. After all, our boy Link is a paragon of courage and benevolence, and
Dark Link is basically him – on the polar opposite end of the morality
spectrum. His origins and motivations are a mystery, but it’s endless fun to
speculate.

I’ve listed all of these together in the same profile, under the name of Dark
Link because that’s probably the version most players will be most familiar
with. But that does not mean they’re the same character by any means. They
could be, I guess, but I would tend to think of them as separate.

'He' made his debut as Link’s Shadow, the last boss in The Adventure of Link.
In that game, one had to traverse the frustratingly difficult Great Palace,
square off with Thunderbird and then take on Link’s Shadow without rest. Shadow
Link was a palette swap of Link...except the new palette was entirely black.
Yup, he was just a silhouette. Except for magic, he could do everything Link
could, which meant he could both jump and use his sword. He had the two special
sword techniques (the Downward and Upward Thrusts) and, once he got going, he
attacked relentlessly. There was potential for a long and tough fight, but
players could exploit the relatively simple behaviour pattern for a very quick
and easy one. They simply had to jump, which would cause Link’s Shadow to lower
his shield. They would then slash on the way down, smacking him in the noggin.
Shadow Link would be knocked back, and the process would be repeated as
necessary. Still, he was a pretty original boss character for the time.

His first appearance as Dark Link was in Ocarina of Time as the Water Temple
mini-boss. The fight took place in a huge room that housed an ankle-deep lake.
Link’s shadow was clearly visible in the reflection of the water. When he ran
over the centre island’s pool of water, however, it mysteriously vanished. Link
then saw the locked door, turned around, and found Dark Link waiting on the
island. This fight involved a considerably better set of actions; for one
thing, Dark Link had the ability to spring up and disappear at will, and easily
evaded Link’s stabs. This battle was fairly non-linear in regards to how Dark
Link could be defeated, and I’ve seen a number of different strategies. A few
of the more popular ones are straight swordfighting, Spin Attacks, the Megaton
Hammer and Din’s Fire. When Dark Link went down, the illusion disappeared and
the room was just an ordinary, closed-in Water Temple chamber. The prize was
the Longshot (well, actually it was a Small Key unlocking the room beyond,
which contained the Longshot.)

I’m not sure this next one counts, but arguably a form of Dark Link appeared as
Fierce Deity Link (Kiishin Rinku) in Majora’s Mask. At the end of his quest,
Link was transported to the inside of the moon, where he found a tree with a
kid sitting under it and four prancing around it. They each wore the mask of
one of the game’s four dungeon bosses, except for the sitting kid who wore
Majora’s Mask. If Link had collected all 20 Happy Masks, he could trade them to
partake in each child’s mini-dungeon. If he completed them all before talking
to the Majora Child, the spirit would notice that Link had no masks and give
him the Fierce Deity’s Mask so they could play ‘good guys and bad guys.’ Link
was the bad guy. The Fierce Deity was apparently a demon whom  early Terminan
Hylians sealed in a mask. When Link dons the mask, he takes on a form much like
his adult one from Ocarina of Time, but with armour, a whitish-blue colour
scheme, eyes without pupils, and a really big, double-helixish sword that can
shoot fireballs, even after he’s taken damage. Beating Majora’s Mask was a snap
as the Fierce Deity. (By the way, the reason he’s here is because of the whole
‘dark spirit’ thing.)

The Adventure of Link had Link’s Shadow, so Four Swords Adventures turned that
around and gave us Shadow Link. An apparition created by Vaati, Shadow Link
tricked Link into drawing the Four Sword and being sundered. After that, he
caused mayhem throughout Hyrule, and produced at least three copies of himself.
Setting fires and harassing civilians, he showed up twice each stage, where
whoever smacked him could snag 100 Force Gems. He was also a boss for several
stages – these battles were usually waged on both the Light World TV screen and
the Dark World GBA screen. He would eventually take on a colour, and only the
corresponding Link could damage him in this state.

Dark Link also showed up kind of out of nowhere as the ‘secret’ boss of Spirit
Tracks, where he reigned as the final challenge of Take ‘Em All On, Level 3.
Unfortunately, he was also the most underwhelming boss of the entire game, as
his attacks did shockingly little damage, he himself went down in like ten
hits, and Link was limited to his sword only, turning the whole affair into a
tactless slashfest. That said, some of his attacks were quite cool, as he was
capable of using some of the classic Zelda arsenal, particularly Bombs, which
he would toss your way before immediately pulling out the Bow and firing,
detonating it right away. If you ran out of range of the explosion, he would
proceed to fire continuous volleys until you were able to approach again,
making the best strategy here to attack him before he could throw the Bomb in
the first place. He also had some sword tricks of his own, including a delayed
slash followed by a Jump Attack (after which he was briefly vulnerable), and
either of the two special techniques, provided Link had already acquired them
himself by that point (mine knew the Great Spin Attack but not the Sword Beam.)

Oh, and I guess it’s worth mentioning that he appears in Super Smash Bros
Melee, in Event Match 18: Link’s Adventure. Here, he’s basically a Level 9
Link, but coloured black instead of textured. You have to defeat him as genuine
Link. Taking him down isn’t much trouble, but it’s a cool idea anyway.

=============================================================================

D a r m a n i
Stalwart defender
Race: Goron
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Gorons are accustomed to living in warm, dry climates, like underground or
inside a volcano. Termina, like it’s other-dimension counterpart Hyrule, was
bathed in perpetual spring. So when Skull Kid started his takeover and froze
over Snowhead Mountain, the Gorons were in for quite a shock. The direct cause
of all this could be addressed if one were to travel to Snowhead Temple defeat
Goht. The Gorons’ only warrior, Darmani, attempted just this, and was killed in
the process.

The Gorons built a shrine to remember him, but his spirit couldn’t move on
because he knew his people were suffering. Link is able to see Darmani’s ghost
using the Lens of Truth, and follows him to the shrine. His ghost is dark grey
and has no pupils. Notably, one can see a large gash running from his
upper-left chest to lower-right belly; it’s safe to assume this is from the
killing blow dealt him by Goht. Link plays the Song of Healing for him and we
watch his first moments in the afterlife as he goes to meet his dead comrades –
he’s scared as hell, but he doesn’t shy away and instead boldly meets the next
life (though he screams.) Link gets the Goron Mask, allowing him to assume
Darmani’s form.

In this form, Link can throw his weight around, attack with a powerful
three-part fiery punching combo, roll around like the Hot Rodder Goron (and
others), and play songs on the Goron Bongos.

=============================================================================

D a r u n i a
Jovial dancer
Race: Goron
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

The Goron leader is called the Big Brother Goron. Now I’m sure Darunia is a
good administrator and all, but he has quite a cold personality. When the
Dodongos chase the Gorons out of Dodongo Cavern, their main source of food,
they begin to starve. Man, if it’s not one thing it’s another with the Gorons,
eh? Anyway, Darunia locks himself into his room and refuses to accept visitors
until Link plays Zelda’s Lullaby in front of his door, and even then he only
admits him because he thinks he’s a royal messenger. Stupid Hylians, always
abandoning the Gorons in their times of need.

He perks up when he hears Saria’s Song, though, and does quite an energetic
dance. He then gives Link the Goron’s Bracelet, an item so huge Link wears it
around his upper arm, which lets him pick Bomb Flowers safely. When Link
vanquishes King Dodongo and the Gorons are able to return and get their
much-needed, tasty rock sirloin, he gives Link the Goron’s Ruby, the Spiritual
Stone of Fire.

Later on, when Volvagia is eating the Gorons and imprisoning those he plans to
eat later, Darunia enters the Fire Temple and tries to fight Volvagia. (Darmani
has a similar encounter in Majora’s Mask, except Darunia survives.) He fails,
of course, but asks Link to give it a try in his stead. When he Link does kill
Volvagia and rids Death Mountain of its fiery ring (which temporarily replaced
the smoky one), Darunia awakens as the Sage of Fire and stays at the Fire
Temple to protect it and pray to the gods for Link’s success.

In the seven years Link spends in suspended animation, Darunia somehow produces
a son and names him after Link, in honour of the Sworn Brother bond they share.

=============================================================================

D a v i d  J r.
Absconded workhorse
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

With the introduction of David Jr, Knuckle and Ankle, Tingle became a whole lot
creepier. He enlisted the labour of not only his little brothers but also some
person from NOBODY KNOWS WHERE to work ceaselessly churning the gears of a
giant lighthouse on a tiny island in the middle of the sea modelled to look
like a giant effigy of his own head stuck atop a totemless totem poll. Not only
did he do this, but he forced the trio to wear a uniform, that is, one of the
full-body-spandex-babysuit-plus-speedo things that he wears himself, except
that David Jr’s was white and brown where Tingle garbed himself in green and
red. For some reason, despite Link being the kind of guy who would travel
across an entire country on foot in order to pick a flower for some guy to give
to the girl he likes just because he doesn’t have the courage to confess on his
own power, open slavery seems to be A-ok in his books, because he doesn’t due a
thing to help the poor guy. Maybe David Jr just complains too much and gets on
the perpetually hardworking Link’s nerves. Try asking nicely next time!

His role in The Minish Cap is a little less wretched: He sits atop a plateau
and offers to fuse Kinstone pieces. Doing so enough times with all four members
of the party opens up some super-special secret stuff.

The identity of David Sr is unknown.

=============================================================================

D a z z l e  L y p h o s
I happen to be...a hero!
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Prior to the events of the game, Dazzle Lyphos gave his life protecting Port
Town from an unspecified threat. In his honour, the citizens erected a statue
in his likeness, and built the so-called Hero's Shrine beneath it. Strangely,
you can actually find his body in this shrine, just sort of lying in a corner.
Later on, you can get his sword, which is worth a pretty penny.

=============================================================================

D e k a d i n
Decadence
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

With official artwork not remotely resembling his in-game sprite, Dekadin lives
in a lightless house in Lynna City. He’s really negative and depressed all the
time, with no motivation or even the slightest inclination to go outside or
talk to anyone. In an effort to cheer him up (and, incidentally, obtain the
Noble Sword), Link tells him the Funny Joke. The humour is lost on him, but,
moved that someone would even make the effort, Dekadin offers Link the Touching
Book in thanks.

=============================================================================

D e k u  R o y a l  F a m i l y
Wooden monarchs
Race: Deku Scrubs
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Deku Scrubs have been consistently showing up as a variant of Octoroks since
Ocarina of Time, but only a handful have had real character, and only the Deku
Royal Family is worth mentioning. Unlike most of the major characters in
Majora’s Mask, they have no Ocarina of Time counterparts.

They reside in Deku Palace, which is accessible only by ferry since the
surrounding waters are poisonous. It is guarded by a number of patrolling,
three-leaved Scrubs who will throw you out if they find you someplace you
shouldn’t be.

The Deku King rules the Scrubs of Termina, but he seems to be a little corrupt;
he spends all three days punishing a monkey accused of kidnapping his daughter,
even though the only proof he has is a single eyewitness. He has a number of
pointy leaves for hair, carries a flowery sceptre, and inexplicably has a giant
red bulb growing out of his back. Uh...

The princess has, in actuality, been kidnapped by Skull Kid. Odolwa is holding
her in in Woodfall Temple, and Link rescues her when he defeats the Mayan
warrior. Somehow, she’s able to shrink herself small enough to fit inside an
empty Bottle, by which method Link transports her safely back to the arms of
her father. She smacks him for being stupid, too. She’s a little more detailed
than an ordinary scrub, and she has a ponytail made out of a whip of leaves
accented with pink flowers. The monkey accused of kidnapping her is actually
her best friend, Kiki.

They are both attended by their uppity English butler, who has two bushes
growing out of his head and a moustache made from pointed leaves. If Link is
able to keep up with him in a race, much like with Dampe in Ocarina, he wins
the Mask of Scents. He also has a son who has been frozen into a still tree,
and he cries at his feet in the closing cutscene. Oddly, this is Link’s
Terminian counterpart – the Deku Scrub he can transform into has no name, but
is clearly the Deku Butler’s Son! In fact, after winning the race he mentions
how much Link looks like his son, pretty much proving this theory.

=============================================================================

D e m i s e
The World Warrior
Race: Demon
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The first thing that you're going to notice when you lay eyes on Demise is that
he bears an uncanny resemblance to the Street Fighter series's Akuma. Let's all
get that out of our systems. The similarities don't end there, either, as both
are physically large and powerful, both are out for revenge, and both are
marginally inspired by popular images of demons. Demise  - whose Japanese name
is completely different, leaving the pronunciation of the North American one up
for debate – is a dark spirit who grew jealous of the supreme goddess Hylia's
vast power and inimitable beauty, and eventually his rage grew so intense that
he made designs on her very position as ruler of the world. And he came within
a hairsbreadth of success, too. While we're never shown the details of their
clash, Demise very nearly defeats his nemesis; it takes all of her power just
to seal him away in a small alternate dimension that serves as his prison cell
(a trick that will later be repeated with Ganon/Ganondorf and the Golden Land,
as well as underwater), after which she's so spent she's forced to relinquish
her godliness and rebirth herself into the form of a mortal.

Their struggle is far from over, however. Not satisfied with merely sealing him
away, knowing that he will eventually collect himself and make another bid for
top spot, she sets in place a number of mechanisms that will eventually lead to
Demise's defeat at the blade of her handpicked hero. For his part, Demise
spends the next thousand years railing against his bondage, his cage slowly
weakening under the pressure. Ultimately, both their plans begin to bear fruit
concurrently, and just as Link, the chosen one, is beginning to move, Demise
breaks free for the first time. Known in this form as the Imprisoned, he takes
the shape of a faceless, bipedal dinosaur-like creature with rows of
razor-sharp teeth, four bulbous toes on each foot, and rippling scales covering
its entire body. With each step it takes, an electric shockwave pulses out to a
radius of several metres. Most of the temple at which Demise and Hylia
conducted their battle was removed from the earth and flung into the heavens,
the manner of which basically left a giant corkscrew carved out of the earth;
Demise begins to advance up this path in hopes of laying waste to the Sealed
Temple. By attacking the beast's feet, Link is eventually able to topple him,
allowing him to reach the Sealing Spike protruding from atop his head. The
Sealing Spike, a combination of key and doorway that leads to Demise's
prison-realm, also dissolves his temporary body when hammered back into his
skull, at which point a Skyward Strike is able to force him all the way back
in, if only for the time being.

Indeed, Link, Groose and the elderly Impa soon discover that you can't keep
Demise down, and upon his second resurgence the Imprisoned grows arms. He uses
these to occasionally attempt to haul himself up to another level, saving
himself time. Luckily, Link's task is made easier this round by the
Groosenator, a mobile Bomb-firing cannon that Groose invented (it rides around
on tracks he constructed circling the entire corkscrew.) A single hit from this
powerful weapon is enough to stun Demise into momentary immobility, not only
putting an end to any climbing or sliding attempts he might have been in the
middle of, but also allowing Link a chance to catch up, or get in a few hits if
he's already nearby. In the final such battle, a blackfire halo bursts from his
back; whether it's a cause or a symptom we don't know, but suddenly Demise can
fly. Cannon fire works it magic on these slow-floating attempts the first
couple of times, but a supply line mishap cuts off Groose from his Bombs. The
duo's only recourse is to have Link board the Groosenator and fling himself
onto Demise's head, allowing himself a few solid whacks at the Sealing Spike.
Crisis averted one last time.

And for a brief while, it seems that this may be the hero's final encounter
with the legendary demon. After completing the final dungeon, which rests
beneath the statue of Hylia in Skyloft, that section of the town drops right
out of the sky, just as Demise makes yet another run for the Sealed Temple. As
it turns out (and as I explained two paragraphs ago), Skyloft IS the remains of
the pre-Sealed Temple, meaning that Link just dropped a building on his head.
This finally accomplishes what nothing else could, and Demise is killed
permanently. It seems all is fine and dandy, but after one thing and then
another, the seemingly defeated Ghirahim appears at the site of celebration and
kidnaps Zelda, who has just awoken from a thousand-year self-induced slumber
meant to keep her away from Demise, who would use her (or rather Hylia's) power
to make himself King of Everything. Ghirahim's well-timed gambit outmanoeuvres
Zelda's, as he announces that while his master may be dead now, a quick jog
through the Door of Time will take him back to an era where he is merely still
asleep in his cage. Link and Groose give chase and Link ultimately defeats
Ghirahim, but not before he manages to complete the spell transferring Hylia's
power into Demise's Sealing Spike and creating the clear and present danger of
his imminent catastrophic escape. Demise slaughters his faithful servant and
transforms him back into his sword, which looks like a black and purple mockery
of the Master Sword. Groose takes custody of Zelda's body, since there's still
time to restore it to life if Link prevails, and Link heads into Demise's
mini-dimension for the final showdown.

After a thousand-year wait, Demise doesn't mind taking a few more moments to
have a few words with Link, pontificating against a backdrop of a pleasantly
cloudy, sunny sky and an endless expanse of inch-deep, crystal-clear water. He
explains his personal history with Hylia and spits all over both her and Zelda,
wondering why the stupid girl would would ever cast off her godly form in
favour of her current one, whose beauty absolutely pales in comparison to the
original; he asserts, in so many words, that Hylia was so beautiful that Link's
mortal mind literally can't even conceive of it. And then they fight. It's a
straightforward sword struggle, and the previously peaceful sky fills with
ominous black clouds and cracks with lightning. Demise deals a great deal of
damage and is himself quite robust, but nearly the entire fight is a simple
matter of dodge-and-counterattack (although he is surprisingly quick to recover
from a missed strike, so be careful not to get greedy in your responding
assault.) Eventually he starts to electrify his sword, which hurts Link if he
blocks an attack, and using Skyward Strikes, which are powerful but easy to
avoid. Lastly, he will charge Link if he strays too far away from him, but the
Hylian Shield all but negates this issue. When Demise finally does go down, the
world is saved, but he claims that he will not go gently into that good night.
He plants a seed of his rage within the world, that his spiritual successor may
inherit it. This man, Ganondorf, will in many ways exceed even Demise's
might...but that's a story for another day and a battle for other Links.

=============================================================================

D e m o n  T r a i n
Sentient steam engine
Race: Machine
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

We might be stretching the definition of ‘character’ a little far here, but
Spirit Tracks is so filled with rampant train fetishism that we might as well
indulge ourselves as well. An ancient legendary train of dark origins, the
Demon Train makes its mighty appearance almost as soon as the adventure begins,
trashing Link’s first train, which it totally outclasses, before allowing Cole
to make off with Zelda’s body. Man, I wish I had an interdimensionally
travelling train at my disposal. Or a car even, yeah that would be nice too.
It’s sort of creepy, by the way, because it has a face on the front of the
engine, which is how I figure it qualifies as a character.

The Demon Train serves as Cole’s (and, until his defection, Byrne’s) means of
transportation throughout Hyrule, though it’s really only seen again when it
appears to whisk the newly resurrected Malladus off to the Dark Realm. It then
appears in the first part of an epic four-part final battle, which is the real
reason I’m including it in the guide (so that I can detail the entire thing,
even if it is spread across way too many entries to be coherent if you haven’t
played the game.) This part, which come to think of it is somewhat reminiscent
of Jet Set Radio Future’s second-last boss, requires Link to jet down a set of
four parallel tracks at high speed in pursuit of the Demon Train, which is
firing upon him constantly. Link must fight back with his own projectiles,
changing speeds or tracks as necessary in order to maintain the optimum
position and avoid attacks. As his shots strike home, the train begins to break
down, first losing most of its weapons systems, then the same happening with
its cargo hold, and finally the whole thing just going straight to hell. A
pain, but fun, and a great set piece. It then sits patiently while Link, Zelda
and Cole scurry around on top of it.

=============================================================================

D i n,  N a y r u  a n d  F a r o r e
Creation story lynchpins
Race: Goddesses, or Hylians
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Ocarina of Time
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

Din, Nayru and Farore are, first and foremost, the legendary Three Goddesses
who figure into Hyrule’s creation story. They were briefly mentioned in the
instruction manual of A Link to the Past, but they weren’t even given names.
They were much expanded upon in several Ocarina of Time cutscenes and other
media, so I’ll summarise their contribution to the world here:

To begin with, the place Hyrule would occupy was a swirling mass of raw
nothingness until the Three Goddesses descended upon whatever this was and
sought to bring order and life to it.

Din – Goddess of Power. Created and shaped the land.

Nayru – Goddess of Wisdom. Created science, wizardry and the arts.

Farore – Goddess of Courage. Created living things.

On the spot where they flew back to their angelic perches, they left a physical
symbol of their action. This way, their creations might learn from them. It was
three golden triangles, called the Triforce. Sounding familiar? Not only did it
exist physically, each piece of it was imprinted on a particular person and his
or her infinite reincarnations throughout the years. But the Triforce has such
a complex history, it could have its OWN guide, so I won’t dig any deeper.

What’s interesting to me is that the Triforce of Power, the one Ganon has, is
often portrayed as the ‘best’ of the three. Meanwhile, Link’s, the Triforce of
Courage, tends to be positioned as subordinate to the other two. This could
have something to do with the order in which the Goddesses are mentioned –
Power, Wisdom, Courage. I don’t know. This is highly debatable, I just find it
to be an interesting interpretation.

The trio also appeared as Hylians in the Oracle saga. Din was the eponymous
Oracle of Seasons, masquerading as a dancer in a troupe of performers. She was
kidnapped by Onox and thrown into a crystal. Nayru was the Oracle of Ages, and
a talented musician, but Veran possessed her body. Farore played a much lesser
role as the Oracle of Secrets found on the first floor of either Maku Tree.
Several times, Link received a secret in one game that had to be brought to
Farore in the other game. Doing so gave him upgraded equipment.

The goddesses are once again unnamed in The Wind Waker, but I might as well
mention them here. When the seal on Ganondorf’s Golden Realm prison started to
weaken, the goddesses drowned Hyrule so that he would never escape. He still
somehow found a way out, however, so it was all for nought. The point is,
they’re the reason Hyrule is underwater and The Wind Waker takes place on the
ocean.

Their Hylian versions reappeared in The Minish Cap. They shared a room at the
inn until Link performed a two-for-one act of good citizenship: He found Ingo
two tenants, and he found houses for two of the ladies to live in. Only two,
though, and it was smartest to pick Din and Nayru (see? Farore once again gets
the shaft.) When Link talked to them in their new homes, they were so pleased
they each presented him with a special artefact that would temporarily up
either his attack power, his defensive abilities, or both (but that last one
entailed a much lower bonus.)

Din is represented by red, Nayru is represented by blue, and Farore is
represented by green.

=============================================================================

D o c  B a n d a m
Apothecary
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Doc Bandam is pretty cool. Clad in a long red jacket and protective goggles
that adorn his shaved head, he owns and operates the dimly lit and awesome Chu
Jelly Juice Shop on Windfall Island, where he spends every waking moment mixing
Chu Jelly elixirs and inventing new ones. Initially, all he has on offer is Red
Potion, but if you unload enough of your own collected Chu Jelly on him, he’ll
figure out how to mix Green and Blue Potions as well. That makes him a sort of
mixologist, doesn’t it? You can also give him some Chu Jelly out of which he’ll
make you a free Potion, too, I guess because he just loves it so much. As we
learn from a piece of incidental gossip, Doc Bandam also makes the occasional
research trip to the Chuchu-infested Pawprint Isle to gather Chu Jelly, and
probably to observe its effects. Excellent! I love a character who can stand on
their own two feet, as it were, and travelling to other islands is a level of
werwithal not many characters have in this series.

=============================================================================

D o d o h
Just shut up
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The most irritating new character by far, Dodoh is kind of a cross between a
jester and fat clown. Like a more heavily clothed and made-up Fyer, really. His
name is eminently fitting; that of the piece of rock he's taken over, less so.
He calls it Fun Fun Island, and much of your time there will be spent listening
to his horribly grating, yet oddly catchy voiced dialogue. 'Ieeeeesu!' indeed.
Before he opens for business, he spends half the game setting up, although the
place looks pretty complete right from the start so it's unclear what he has
left to do. Eventually, he loses one of his fashion accessories off the side of
the island, and even though the attraction is ready he's now too depressed to
work. He laments that he'll never be able to bring smiles to the faces of the
local children, in spite of the fact that no child owns a Loftwing and thus
none can access Fun Fun Island, and only the most disturbed among them would
actually try playing his insane game. However, we manage to find the item in
question (which you may have noticed earlier and wondered as to its purpose),
and we can finally play. The game, it turns out, consists of Dodoh launching us
really, really high into the air using a cannon, at which point it is our task
to skydive through consecutive rings while avoiding the intervening Dodoh
Balls. This determines our multiplier; which of the spaces on the spinning
island we ultimately land on determines the base. Every denomination from a
single green Rupee to a 50-Rupee jackpot is represented, as is a Rupoor, which
constitutes a loss of 10 Rupees on top of the cost of playing the game. Passing
through all ten rings without touching a Dodoh Ball and then landing on the
jackpot space gets us not only mass Rupees but also a Piece of Heart. Dodoh
owns a golden trumpet that he seems quite fond of gesturing with and blowing
into.

=============================================================================

D o k u t a a  J i i
Astrophysicist
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Though he presumably bears no relation to The House of the Dead's Agent G, Dr G
does resemble Rabu-ya. Brothers? If so, Dokutaa Jii seems significantly older,
so draw from that what you will. He gets quite a few mentions over the course
of the game, especially by the Chibi-Robos of Page 10's East Side. Everyone
seems to be in agreement that he is a scientist of high regard, who has been
responsible for an assortment of useful inventions. His biggest claim to fame,
and current project, is some kind of space platform currently in the earth's
orbit. More significantly for us, he also built Buriki, in an attempt to create
a robot capable of experiencing human emotions. We learn this from the
occasional recorded holographic messages Buriki displays whenever she
temporarily breaks down, in which he reports on her progress to whoever may be
around at the time. If you read between the lines, you can see that Dokutaa Jii
built her while aboard the space platform, then fired her pod down towards the
City in the hopes of carrying out his experiment. Well, it worked;
congratulations on perfecting artificial intelligence, bro. Also, this is a
stretch, but he also seems somewhat analogous to the man behind the curtain.

=============================================================================

D o n  G e r o
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool
Race: Goron
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

I actually have my doubts that the Goron some sources claim is Don Gero
actually is that person, but why go against the flow. The more entries this
guide has, the more credibility it earns at a glance.

So we find ‘Don Gero’ in Snowhead shivering and stranded on a high ledge;
currently taking all bets as to how he got up there. As we know, fatigue and
hunger increase the effects of cold on the body, so our mission is to bring him
some tasty Rock Sirloin, which we get by lighting the braziers in Goron City,
playing the Goron’s Lullaby to the Elder’s son, and then rolling at high speed,
hopping off a jump and bashing through the chandelier, knocking out the
starving people’s only emergency food source. When we offer it to one of that
society’s least productive members, he rewards us with his green teddy
bear-like hat/mask thing.

Don Gero’s Mask allows us to confront five frogs who will then begin to
assemble at the foot of the ledge on which Don Gero has taken residence. This
is way more of a pain than its worth if you aren’t going for full hearts,
because the amphibians are scattered on completely opposite ends of Termina,
two of them deep in dungeons, and all you get for the trouble is a Heart Piece.
Since most people will end up missing one or two others anyway it’s probably
not worth it. I mean obviously I still did it...

‘Gero’ is Japanese for ‘ribbit,’ and a don was like some kind of mediaevel
aristocrat or something.

=============================================================================

D o v o s
Layabout
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Dovos's powerful-sounding name belies the extremely domestic reality. Flabby
and soul-patched, he's a passionate lover of food and a regular at the Bazaar
restaurant. In fact, he spends literally all of his time there. He does prove
marginally useful at one point, reporting that the unsettling sound of a woman
wailing can be heard from the Knight Academy washroom when the sun goes down,
and, later, that it has stopped.

=============================================================================

D r  B e a n
Crawled in a bottle and never came out
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

This diminutive mad scientist is so obsessed with the subject of his research,
which he terms 'Empty Jars,' that he's actually made his home inside of one.
This is where Tingle encounters him, dug into the ground in the southwest
corner of Steamy Marsh, where he carries on his life's ambition. How one
'researches' bottles I'm not entirely sure, but he claims not only to have done
so for many years, but to have created 23 prototypes and distributed them
across the world. However, in doing so he made a mistake, accidentally
attaching some stickers to some of them, and now he wants them back. I guess he
collects them or something, or else he feels the bottles they're attached to
are thus flawed and need to be recalled. By complete coincidence, of course,
the last bottle that Tingle happens to acquire will have the final sticker
attached to it. The two-star sticker mainly nets you a few thousand Rupees, but
the three-star one will see Tingle rewarded with, on top of Dr Bean's
everlasting joy, the Crown Bottle Cap, a Rupee Good that no doubt came from the
bottle he lives in.

=============================================================================

E a g u s
Rui's grandfather and enemy of the evil Cipher Corporation
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Graduation from the Knight Academy requires not only theoretical knowledge but
also martial skill. This is where the teachings of Eagus, the local
swordmaster, enter the ring. Playing Professor Sprout to the Sparring Hall's
greenhouse, he instructs the institution's students in the basic techniques of
swordfighting, from simple horizontal and vertical slashes right on up to the
impressive Jump Attack and Spin Attack (stupid Stamina Gauge...). He'll remind
Link of these moves, then chastise him for trying to take a practise sword out
of the doujo; Link, however, explains why he needs it, and Eagus relents,
saying he can take it just this once. It later turns out that Eagus is a
connoisseur of piping-hot Pumpkin Soup. Link's first task on the road to paying
off the debt he incurs to Pumm after destroying his chandelier is to send a
delivery his way within five minutes (it takes about two), that is, before it
cools. Aonuma personally wrote all of Eagus's Japanese dialogue, as the
character's occupation and personality reminded him of his swordmaster
grandfather.

=============================================================================

E d e r u w a i s u
Hound dog
Race: *grimace* Dog
Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Baruun Torippu

A red bulldog who lives at the Aomono Village flower shop, Edelweiss may be the
property of the owner. That seems likely. Appropriately, an edelweiss is a type
of flower. The dumb animal is also extraordinarily bad-tempered lately, because
the green otentou hasn't been able to take it (yes, it) for a walk since she's
running the shop alone. Tingle helps out by doing it for her; since five's a
crowd, his companions stay behind. Edelweiss is the key to getting the
fisherman's false teeth back, as it will tussle with Masaru the monkey until he
spits them out and runs. The flower shop and the rental field where Masaru is
hanging out are right next to one another, but if you take the time to cover a
little more ground Edelweiss's wanderlust will be sated and you'll receive a
decent Rupee reward.

=============================================================================

E e n i e  a n d  M e e n i e
Vegetable farmers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Minish Cap

With quite possibly the two worst names in the entire Zelda franchise, Eenie
and Meenie are some of those characters who would have been better off not
having been named, and not just because it would mean I wouldn’t have to think
up things to say about them. They own a nice vegetable farm in the Eastern
Hills, hence their profession, and have a close business relationship with
Brocco, who buys, processes and then sells all of their finest produce. I’m not
sure how this works since Brocco can’t be found anywhere in Hyrule after the
Picori Festival ends, but there you have it. Like 95% of the otherwise useless
characters in this game, Eenie is willing to fuse Kinstones with you.

=============================================================================

E m e r a
Love at fifth sight
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Despite having been sheltered her entire young life, Princess Emera is
surprisingly down-to-earth and worldly. When she was a small child she met the
farmer Jiichan and his wife Baachan, and dreamed of living a peaceful life like
them. Instead, she was constantly hounded by Prince Segaare of a neighbouring
kingdom, who to this day believes them to be perfect for each other. As a
result, she grew up to be tempered and introspective, but somewhat melancholy
as well.

Shortly after Tingle's arrival in Emerald City, Emera's stalker Shigumasento
goads him into checking her out on her balcony via the telescope he has set up
at a nearby inn. No sooner has he peeked, however, than he witnesses her take a
swig of some mysterious liquid and immediately fall over, to his sincere alarm.
The next day, it transpires that she has fallen ill and that her dance party
may be cancelled, meaning that the party will not be able to meet the king, and
hence will not be able to have their wishes granted. Fortunately, they are soon
introduced to a disguised Majiyo, who provides them with a recipe for medicine
that will bring the Princess around. In reality, the whole thing was a setup
designed to buy her time to prepare for Tingle's arrival, but his
time-travelling abilities effectively allow him to gather the necessary
ingredients 'instantly.' Tingle is led to Princess Emera's chamber and heals
her, but, like the other four main love interests, she immediately recoils in
horror upon seeing him. At the insistence of her father, she grudgingly lets
slip a few words of thanks, then spends much of Page 11's post-script being
wooed by Tingle and thinking of ways to avoid him, such as sending him to the
inn to collect a dish that they don't even make there. Since she has five
hearts (compared to most girls' one and the other love interests' three), this
ends up requiring a number of trips back and forth between pages, until
finally, after her fourth heart is filled, she leads Tingle and the group
outside to talk about Segaare and the legendary four magicians who long ago
defeated...Baron maybe. Travelling back one more time and filling her final
heart, Tingle is invited into her room. On the advice of a nearby bird, Raion
and the others leave, and she confesses the gigantic crush she's had on Tingle
ever since he started foisting thousands upon thousands of Rupees' worth of
useless trinkets on her.

At the dance party, Buruu-fujin advises Tingle that he will need to have an
impressive dance with at least four other girls in order to secure Emera's
attention, which he manages to do. She then addresses the crowd, calls Tingle
up to the stage and announces that she's thinking of marrying him! At that
moment, however, the seemingly vanquished Buriki arrives in Morph Ball form, to
the tune of Samus Appears. She calls a halt to the proceedings, advising Tingle
that the girl is really Majiyo in disguise. Raion and Kakashi follow up to
confirm her assertions, followed by the genuine article herself. Majiyo moves
to capture Tingle but his companions interpose themselves between him and her;
she merely chuckles and, in a flash, seizes Emera, then drags her through a
portal and into a closed space. Tingle's companions warn him that it would be
dangerous to pursue, but he does anyway, and arrives to find Emera bound and
Majiyo transforming into a giant monster. After they defeat her with the power
of an upgraded Pachinko, Raion frees the Princess and the group takes off.
Emera and her father deal with Segaare and Majiyo, and the trio of Kakashi,
Buriki and Raion ask to have their wishes granted. The king explains that there
is no truth to the rumour that he is capable of granting wishes, but points out
that through the course of their journey they have all acquired what they had
sought anyway.

In the game's final sequence, Tingle is about to return to his own world, but
Emera complains that she never got a chance to dance with him as she had
wanted. Tingle then has to choose his final dance party from among the five
girls who have gathered with his friends to see him off, and although there's
no true indication either way the canon ending almost certainly involves him
choosing Emera. Actually it barely changes the story at all. Either way, Emera
is seen continuing to rule over the kingdom alongside her father, none of her
psychological issues resolved and with extra heartbreak now on top of them.
Unless she and Tingle really do get married? I don't know. The ending could
have been done a lot better.

=============================================================================

E n g i n e e r
The smart one
Race: Stalfos
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Never seen without his spectacles and a conspicuous book – because smart people
have those things on their person at all times – the Engineer is responsible
for all of the pirates' mechanical maintenance, technological R&D, and so
forth. Tingle first encounters him in the Pirates' Hideout, where he offers up
the Recipe for the Tingle Bomb, a versatile item that is also necessary for
Tingle's immediate progress. He shows up more later, but doesn't do much.

=============================================================================

E p o n a
Link’s trusty steed
Race: Purebred horse
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish
             Twilight Princess

Link first met Epona as a child in Ocarina of Time, where he saw her at Lon Lon
Ranch. She would run away from him whenever he approached, afraid of him.
Malon, however, sung her a lullaby every night, which Link quickly learned to
play on the Ocarina. After he played Epona’s Song, the pony trusted him a
little more.

When he became an adult and learned that Ingo had taken over Lon Lon Ranch, he
found that he was horribly mistreating the animals. He had people pay to ride
the horses around their enclosure, which looked a little like an equestrian
course. Ingo recognized some natural horsemanship abilities in Link and had him
a race around the outside of the enclosure with 50 Rupees on the line. When
Link won, he had a second race with Epona’s ownership as the prize. (Winning
either of the races with one of the stock mares is impossible; Ingo’s ride is
just too fast.) He then tried to lock Link in, but Epona’s amazing jumping
abilities allowed her to clear the ranch walls with ease. Ingo realised at the
last moment that Link had been riding Epona, the best of the bunch. He was
quite jealous, because she threw HIM every time he climbed into the saddle.
After this, Link was able to summon her whenever he was on Hyrule Field by
playing Epona’s Song.

At the beginning of Majora’s Mask, Link is riding through Kokiri Forest looking
for Navi when Skull Kid ambushes him. He steals Epona and rides off into a
portal. Link finds she’s been taken to Romani Ranch, and he can’t rescue her
until almost halfway through the game. Skull Kid has blocked off Milk Road with
a rock, and the assigned worker takes two days to clear it; Link must blow it
up with a Powder Keg to clear it on the first day, from which point he can take
steps to liberate Epona. Oddly, he wasn’t able to ride her in child form in
Ocarina, but in Majora’s Mask this was the only form he could ride her in. Of
course, in the latter game she’s still a pony, which is kind of interesting.

Epona cameos briefly at the beginning of Oracle of Seasons, where Link is seen
riding her towards the not-yet-sunken Temple of Seasons. No, wait – come to
think of it, maybe it was Hyrule Castle...?

She appeared in Four Swords Adventures as well, where players could briefly
ride her by collecting a carrot item, extending their time by collecting
further carrots (which were usually arranged in a path for this purpose.) The
Links could trample each other and collect the Force Gems that the stomped ones
dropped. Epona was also the focus of Bucking Bronco, part of the Tingle’s Tower
collection of minigames. This was a flat-out race that raged on both screens.

Epona is basically a beast of burden in The Minish Cap. Her main purpose is to
haul shipments of Lon Lon Milk between the ranch and Hyrule Castle Town.

Her role was greatly expanded in Twilight Princess, though she was still
basically playing a bit part. She worked with Link at Ordon ranch, herding
goats, before being abducted by Bokoblins. Link later rescues her in Kakariko
Village. His childhood friend Ilia seems to be very fond of Epona, but the
noble beast still prefers her master. Late in the game, Ilia gives Link the
horse call; this allows him to summon Epona from just about anywhere, whereas
before he could only do this at specific places. In Twilight, Link’s mounted
combat options were greatly expanded; no longer limited to the bow, he could
attack with his sword and various dungeon items, plus ram into enemies and
trample them under Epona’s hooves.

When Link takes on his wolf form in Twilight, he can speak to animals. I didn’t
expect it to work, but it turns out Epona has this to say: ‘Even though you
change shape, I still understand you. Link...Hurry up and return to your true
self...’

On top of the obvious advantage of being a lot faster than walking, in all her
appearances except Twilight Princess, riding Epona grants Link invincibility.

She is named after Epona, the goddess of horses, donkeys and mules in Celtic
polytheism.

=============================================================================

E r r o r
HTTP 404: File Not Found
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Adventure of Link

A blacksmith from Ruto Town who when first spoken to merely announces ‘I am
Error.’ A little later, another character references him, at which point his
dialogue changes to ‘South of the Palace is a tunnel.’ He has a great name.

=============================================================================

E x p l o r e r s
Toad Brigade sister unit
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

In spite of being on expedition to a place called Steamy frickin' Marsh, this
rather sizeable team shows up looking like Howard Carter. Everybody seems to be
researching something entirely different, as well, with many of them doing
nothing at all. One is studying the local giant bees, while another is
attempting to determine the source of the choking smog that blankets Steamy
Marsh; when it disperses following Tingle's destruction of the local geysers
that had until that point been spewing choking smog, he declares that they must
have been what he was looking for. Another guy seems to be friends with Dr
Bean, and yet another is looking into the unique variety of local flowers. A
couple have made camp and are eating. Still others have made for Gooey Swamp,
where they do nothing very important at all, and most of the remainder just
stand around. Their main mission, however, seems to revolve around capturing
three differently coloured butterflies, as the chief explorer (who, for those
keeping score, is flanked by two assistants) is extremely interested in
them...completely for his own purposes, it seems, as he just wants to look at
them. This does work out in our favour, however, as he rewards Tingle
handsomely for completing the collection. One guy, incidentally, has actually
found the blue butterfly, and goes as far as to point it out to him, but makes
no effort to catch it and walk the thirty steps over to his boss to collect the
reward.

=============================================================================

E z l o
Larger than life
Race: Minish
Appearances: The Minish Cap

The Minish are a race of inch-high people who live amongst the Hylia without
them ever knowing. There are several Minish settlements throughout Hyrule, but
they are by far most concentrated at Minish Village in the Minish Woods. Ezlo
was originally a great Minish wizard. One day, his apprentice, Vaati, lusting
for power, turned on him and transformed him into a hat.

In his normal form, he wears a blue robe, carries a staff and wears the red hat
typical of the Forest Minish. Transfigured, Ezlo is the spitting image of
Link’s famous green cap, except that instead of a point it has his head and
birdlike beak. Uh...right. In this state, Ezlo can barely crawl, and is easily
attacked by local Octoroks. Link rescues him and he affixes to Link’s head,
then directs him to Minish Village. Ezlo still retains some of his magical
ability in this form, enough to change size at will. Ezlo is the lynchpin on
which sits the focal gimmick of his game: Switching between the tiny Minish
size and the customary Hylian size.

Ezlo has two other functions, which are providing general advice and billowing
out to allow Link to glide on the wind. He kind of serves a similar purpose to
Tatl, in that he speaks at times you would expect Link to. His dialogue is the
best in the game, if that means anything.

At the end of the game, when he, Link and Zelda defeat Vaati, the Minish Door
closes. From his choice of words, it sounds like he is only able to go between
sizes when the Door is open. That would make sense, considering the Minish Door
being open is supposedly what allows the Hylians and Minish to briefly mingle.
Even if that’s not the case, it’s unlikely that we’ll be seeing Ezlo again, so
give him a round of applause as he bids us adieu.

=============================================================================

F a c a d e
Face of Evil
Race: Demon
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Oracle of Seasons

Although next to nothing is known about Facade, he’s kind of an intriguing
character due to his knowledge of the actual situation surrounding Koholint. As
far as I can remember he’s the only character on the entire island who has any
idea that everything around them is more (or rather, less) than it seems.

Facade guards the Coral Triangle, the holy prize of Level 6, Face Shrine. The
battle is a little different; it sees you dodging fireballs, slaying mites, and
running from a hole in the floor that tracks your every move. Viewed from a
real-life perspective, that last one is more than a little creepy. Anyway, the
secret to damaging him is to detonate a Bomb right on top of his smug mug, at
which point the pain will make him snap and he’ll go berserk for a bit, after
which point you’ll repeat the process. Upon his defeat he’ll utter these
chilling words:

‘Okay, listen up! If the Wind Fish wakes up, everything on this island will be
gone forever! And I do mean...EVERYTHING!’

The tableaus at the Dream Shrine and Southern Face Shrine said as much, but
Facade explicitly spells it out for you. Over the course of the game, we’ve
gone from ‘Off we go to wake the Wind Fish!’ to ‘You sure you really want to?
Maybe here isn’t so bad, you know?’ to ‘If you do, you’re going to kill
hundreds of innocent people.’ Facade’s death provided just enough of an answer
to prompt a slew of further questions, and left you with lingering doubts
tugging at the back of your mind even as you forged ever onward on your
journey. Anybody who feels nostalgia for the days when a game didn’t need
million-dollar FMVs to garner emotional involvement has a point.

However, using his immense powers of awesomeness Facade transcended not only
his own death, but also that of the entire plane of existence that had
originally given him life, reappearing in Oracle of Seasons against all odds,
probably because he was a unique fight and they figured they might as well make
use of some of the sprites and programming already at their disposal. I prefer
to take it as evidence of Facade’s badassery, though, even if he was demoted to
mini-boss. Oh, and although he doesn’t say anything very important or
interesting he still talks here, which I forgot to mention is an incredible
rarity among Zelda bosses or any Nintendo bosses, really, and which
singlehandedly makes Facade a medal-winner right from the start.

When I called him a demon I wasn’t BS’ing, even if I do it at other places in
the guide. This one I’m pretty sure I read somewhere, although that may be a
product of my imagination.

So yeah, if you were not born in a country where basic knowledge of French is
assumed, Facade just means face. Nowadays it has a connotation of falsehood,
and is also commonly used in architecture to describe the ‘front’ part of a
building. Flying balistrodes or something, I think I read that in The
Fountainhead.

Cedillas not mixing with GameFAQs's ASCII-only documentation makes this more of
a pain to write than it would otherwise be.

=============================================================================

F a d o
Androgynous sage
Race: Kokiri
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             The Wind Waker
             Twilight Princess

Damn, is Fado ever irritating.

Fado first appeared in Kokiri Forest. I remember seeing her as child Link. As I
recall, she was a girl with two bulbous blonde knobs of hair. Her fairy, I
believe, was blue. Actually, her very existence is fancruft: Only the most
dedicated fan of Ocarina of Time, who scoured every last resource delving far
deeper into the game than was necessary, would ever come across the evidence
stating her name. When spoken to, even later on in the game, she said something
inconsequential.

She was absent for some time, then reappeared in The Wind Waker. As a guy.

I don’t know who screwed this one up. My money is on Nintendo of America’s
localization department. But when I heard (?) Fado’s name in Waker, I was
delighted, until I found out that somebody had horribly mangled the character.

Not only is Fado a dude now, he’s also a ghost because Ganondorf somehow killed
him while still inside the Golden Realm. His apparel has changed as well,
obviously, as he’s donned pants and a short cap in place of boyshorts (O_o
she’s ten) and a bare head. This Fado is also the Sage of Winds, and Makar’s
ancient ancestor. I’m not sure how a creature originally associated with the
Forest became associated with the Winds, but it is notable that Link in The
Wind Waker is the Hero of Winds, and Link in Ocarina of Time grew up among the
Kokiri.

Hold on a moment - Brie Fusaro tells me that The Wind Waker Official Player’s
Guide, Fado is actually referred to as a guy in one instance, and as a girl in
another. Ugh.

Anyway, Fado is also associated with the Wind God’s Aria, the second half of
The Wind Waker’s theme, and after being awakened at the Wind Temple he helps
power up the Master Sword so that it is strong enough to defeat Ganondorf.

It gets weirder. All ambiguity is thrown to the winds as Twilight Princess’s
Fado is most definitely a guy. And a big, burly, goat-herding country bumpkin
of a guy at that. Supposedly, he helps Link run Ordon Ranch and takes over when
Link leaves on his quest to save Hyrule. Unfortunately, Fado is terrible at
farming and can’t even control his own livestock. They have a tendency to
ignore him when he tries to bring them in for the night and sometimes they
escape when he’s not looking, forcing Link to wrestle them to the ground before
they get away. All in all, not a whole lot of help, and an individual who makes
the whole Fado character even more hermaphroditic than before.

=============================================================================

F a n a d i
Best fortune-teller in this series
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Twilight Princess’s Hyrule Castle Town is one heck of a busy place; in fact,
it’s probably the most sprawling, populous, active conurbation in the entire
series. It’s also quite dense, not just with bodies but with points of interest
as well. One of those is Fanadi the fortune-teller, who, for a nominal fee of
10 Rupees, will give you insight on either your ‘career’ (your next quest
destination...questination) or ‘love’ life (undiscovered Pieces of Heart).
Unlike certain others, such as Astrid, she fails to suck at life, and her
predictions are much clearer than those of her compatriots. And in an
especially cool touch that really puts her over the top, rather than just
telling you with words, she shows you a sort of vision - a little panning shot
of the area you’re to head off to. She has a pretty atypical fashion sense,
too, as compared to what we’re used to seeing with Nintendo. Guess that sort of
goes along with TP’s aesthetic.

The first thing I notice with Fanadi’s name is that (at least with my [possibly
incorrect] pronunciation) is that it rhymes with vanity, which suits her sort
of not really, but others have pointed out that the syllables are derived from
FArore, NAyru, and DIn, possibly revealing a connection to them or to the
Spirits of Ordona, Lanayru, Faron, and Eldin. Perhaps that’s where she draws
her foresight from?

=============================================================================

F e r r u s
Densha Otoko
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Ferrus is to trains what Winry Rockbell is to automail, which is to say he’s
about as passionate an enthusiast as one could find. He lives in a trailer at
Wellspring Station, but he’s almost never there, constantly riding the rails in
search of trains to photograph on a seemingly perpetual day off. Link
encounters Ferrus quite a number of times, and he is only too happy to help him
out with information, maps and anything else he can provide. Later on, he even
gets to ride in the Spirit Train as a passenger, which pretty much makes his
lifetime. This is also where his tendency to use txt msg shorthand and other
‘nerdy’ phrases really shows itself, as he yells ‘Woot!’ (not even ‘w00t’...)
whenever Link does something correctly. At other times, he usually confines
himself to ‘OMG,’ though sometimes in a very large font size. These
Ferrus-carrying missions entail receiving a letter from him with an extremely
nondescript photo attached; by examining it, Link is to determine where Ferrus
is hanging out these days and head there to pick him up. He’ll then toss out a
destination and we’re off to the races.

The first one is a quick jaunt to Aboda Village so that Ferrus can meet
Alfonzo, whom he idolizes deeply as a Master Engineer. Alfonzo was once known
as a legendary swordsman, but Ferrus insists his reputation was actually for
being a legendary train conductor. He’s obsessed; love it. In another one, he
wants to go see the Ocean Temple for himself, which was certainly
anger-inducing, because getting there requires you to drive around underwater
for like an hour, and if you do everything in the game you’ll have to do it
about seven times, making it all the more aggravating. But he’s a good kid, and
one of the most likeable (and identifiable ^^;) Zelda characters in recent
memory, so I forgive him.

=============================================================================

F i
Attractive travel companion
Race: Construct
Appearances: Skyward Sword

When the first portrait of Fi was released a year or so before the release of
Skyward Sword, everybody was fascinated. Here was one of the coolest and most
intriguing designs in the entire Nintendo oeuvre, all blue, caped, wearing sexy
leggings, strategically framed, and quite clearly bearing some kind of
relationship to the Master Sword. What was the connection? Was this the blade's
projected personality? Does this fine lady transform INTO it? The press release
did its job beautifully, generating a hell of a lot of anticipation for the
product. As it turns out, the answer is that Fi is bound within the Goddess
Sword – and has been waiting there a thousand years for the Goddess's chosen
hero, as she has been given the assignment of guiding him in his journey.

And never has the Big N squandered a design with so much potential on such a
boring character.

Fi (pronounced 'fye') is somewhat comparable to an AI construct in many science
fiction settings: Sentient, but unable to comprehend human emotions or
transcend the bounds of her 'programming,' as it were. Consequently, she ends
up very flat and dry. Although Link's almost complete lack of dialogue would
certainly make witty repartee an impossibility, she could at least inject a
little personality into her observations. Instead, she expresses almost
everything imaginable in terms of percentage probability, as in 'I project an
85% chance that something important lies beyond that door. I recommend that you
try to find a way through it.' Well, you know what, Fi? I project a 100% chance
that I'm going to punch you in the head if you don't shut up. Like really, what
the hell else did you think I was going to do about the giant embossed door
with a lock the size of my entire body, igfreakingnore it? Just dismiss it out
of hand, right? Strangely, these interjections also give the game a Metroid
Prime 3 vibe, as Samus's shipboard computer, which notably wasn't an AI, had
much the same delivery. Even worse, however, is her tendency to bring to your
attention incredibly obvious information with a persistence that borders on
physically unbearable. Half the time she comments on the importance of THE
THING YOU JUST DID. This is just about unforgivable. On the other hand, she
does significantly improve on past partners by not interrupting you if you
decide to pursue something unrelated to the main quest, and yet at the same
time is always available to provide analysis, plot summary, a report on your
overall and session playtime, and even banter if you want it.

Her presence is also a very effective story decision that, perhaps
paradoxically, makes the plot flow much more naturally than in other Zelda
games. In other titles, partway through the neverending train of near misses
and chance encounters, you can't help but feel like somebody's gone ahead and
stacked the deck for you; in Skyward Sword, you're explicitly TOLD that
somebody has, so it ends up feeling like all is just as it should be. You're
travelling to certain locations and doing things in a certain order not just
because the game requires it, but because the Goddess herself wants you to, and
that's a lot easier to swallow from a narrative standpoint. She makes a
memorable debut, waking you in the middle of the night and then leading you
around a large chunk of Skyloft for no discernible reason before ushering you
into the Temple of the Goddess, where you receive the Goddess Sword and start
your adventure. With Fi's intrepid presence ever at your beckon call, you're
lead to the three corners of the earth in pursuit of Zelda and the three
magical stone slabs that open the gates to them.

Eventually, the time comes to enter the Thunderhead and uncover an ancillary
temple to the Goddess built specifically for Link, her chosen hero. Put
yourself in his shoes at this particular moment and you'll find that it's a
weird feeling – that such a large structure was built hundreds of years ago for
you specifically, and you're intended to make use of it however you need to. On
top of little details like Fi always addressing you as 'Master' and obeying
your every command, it really gets across the feeling that this whole thing is
a little bigger than just you. Though an important one, you are only one player
in a drama that's unfolding on a more significant scale. Anyway, the leggy
songstress shows off her voice in possibly the creepiest musical sequence I've
ever watched, in the process teaching Link a new tune for his Goddess Harp.
They spend the next long section of quest gathering the flames of each of the
Three Goddeses, so that Link can 'enhance' his 'Skyward Sword.' The only time
she does not accompany him is when Link must enter the Silent Realms, and even
then she encourages him to keep trying again and again when he fails. And with
the end in sight, Fi urges Link forward.

Right at the end, she has two unprecedented moments of emotion. The first comes
right before Link follows Demise into the pocket reality that plays host to
their duel (the latter intending for it to also serve as the former's grave),
where she promises him that even on the other side she'll be with him. The last
is when all is finally done and the time has come to seal the Master Sword into
the Temple of the Goddess. Her purpose complete, she yields to her programming
and self-terminates, vowing to sleep inside the Master Sword for all eternity.
And since she never does reappear at any later point in the timeline, it would
seem that she does. It's a pretty sad ending for a girl who's been with us
almost since the beginning. Link tries to persuade her to resist her fate, but
her mind's made up. Before she fades completely, however, she confides that in
a strange way, she's enjoyed their adventures together, and offers Link her
undying gratitude in the most poignantly worded way possible. Then she's gone.

Also, those legs. For real.

=============================================================================

F i r s t  M a t e
Loyal to the death
Race: Stalfos
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

The pirates' second-in-command, distinguished by his blue bandana to the
rank-and-file's purple, serves as a sort of lieutenant to Captain Stalfos, and
as such the majority of the ship's day-to-day functions fall to him. He is
particularly harried when the good captain goes insane, forcing him to take
command in the meantime. He is the main pirate with whom we deal on our
adventure, and we encounter him several times throughout its course. His main
function is to explain things, command the crew, give us instructions, and help
Mr Akindo conduct business. He's also a pretty cool customer most of the time,
somehow managing to keep the operation from falling apart in spite of the
monumental incompetence of everyone around him.

=============================================================================

F l e d g e
#1 fan
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

One of Link's kouhai at the Knight Academy, Fledge is a talentless but
exceptionally hardworking young man who tirelessly endeavours towards one day
becoming a Knight of Skyloft. He's sort of like Naruto in that way, and yes I
just referenced Naruto yet again deal with it kthx. Pushed around by Groose and
his boys, harried by Henya, and with a long road ahead of him, he strides
forward with nothing but sheer guts and the support or the few people who
believe he can succeed. Eventually he comes to the decision that doing a whole
bunch of push-ups each night will not only drastically increase his upper body
strength but also magically make him better at everything else as well, which
he somehow turns out to be right about. At first he doesn't see much progress,
unable to get the 1000 reps per night he feels he needs, but thanks to Link's
advice that it's 'not about numbers' he finds the strength to push through and
eventually gains the power to hurl pumpkins with great force. This not only
nets Link five Gratitude Crystals but also opens up Pumpkin Pull, wherein Link
must use his Bow to shoot flying pumpkins out of the air (gaining a points
bonus for consecutive hits), the ultimate reward for which is a Piece of Heart
and hundreds of pounds of wasted food.

=============================================================================

F l o r e n c e
Sensei
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Out of the five main girls in Irdozuki Chinkuru, Florence is definitely my
favourite. Azusa and Raia are out for obvious reasons, and Emera is shallow and
annoying. Iona is ok, but a little unmotivated and unsure of herself, and while
Florence has weaker versions of the same problem, her extreme cuteness and
sweet heart won me over. I still picked Emera at the end because I assume it's
the canon story, but that's beside the point. Florence is a young doctor who
lives somewhere in the vicinity of Page 3, travelling around making house calls
with her briefcase of medical paraphernalia. She drops this item when Tingle
first approaches her, and when he returns it, his entire body brimming with
infatuation, she screams and leaves. After gaining the power of time travel,
however, he can come back and find her once more in front of the house, trying
to treat Piitaa, who is avoiding her. She freaks again and tries to flee up the
water tower, but reevaluates Tingle's scariness when he Love Pushes her. They
talk for a while, and she moans about not being able to do what she wants
before running away in tears. A return trip and subsequent Love Push will cause
her to open up even more, as she wonders if she's only wasting her time out
here. Tingle encourages her to travel to the City, and she has a sudden
epiphany like, yes, let's not sit around talking about it any more, let's DO
it, and she heads off immediately. She then stops off at the port of Page 10,
staring morosely out at the ocean. One final Love Push will fill her last
heart, and as a crowd of onlookers eavesdrop, she promises to look for him at
the dance party. She is the final dance partner Tingle must steal from
Nimidanshaku, but there's probably no significance to that. Given her own
feelings, she is surprisingly supportive of Tingle's and Emera's relationship.

=============================================================================

F l u t e  B o y
Talent show favourite
Race: Hylian
Appearances: A Link to the Past

A Kakariko Village native, the fanon-flaunting Flute Boy had gained a sturdy
reputation even in his youth, fascinating onlookers with the apparent ability
to communicate with animals using a small blue flute. He even had a pet bird
that flew with him everywhere. In time, however, he heard the rumours of the
Golden Power and set off to get his commoner’s hands on it. His motivations
aren’t exactly clear, but since nobody in Kakariko is mad at him or anything,
he must have either been merely misguided or had some community-oriented
altruistic purpose in mind; I like to believe he was questing for his
terminally ill girlfriend. He set off for Death Mountain, made his way into
what was once the Golden Land, and promptly found himself in dangerous
territory and unable to travel back. As happens to everyone who wanders in
without satisfying certain conditions (either consummate knowledge, a balance
of all three Triforce influences, or possession or use of a Moon Pearl), his
body also took on the form of his true heart, in his case a robed goblin-like
creature. Under constant attack from Ganon’s minions and other malcontents that
had sprung up in the no-longer-sacred realm, he managed to take refuge in the
Haunted Grove.

When Link stumbles upon him in the midst of his Hyrulean explorations, it is in
the form of what have to be more or less taken as psychic emanations; Flute
Boy, jubilantly dancing atop a stump, seems to be holding regular concerts for
his fuzzy compatriots, using the Flute to broadcast a pirate signal across
worlds. This is an ability Link certainly never displays (though it’s possible
he chooses not to or we just don’t witness the effects, but we can’t be sure),
suggesting Flute Boy has a much greater mastery over the item than Link ever
attains, which is logical enough considering it belongs to him. Flute Boy’s
tunic and hat are nicely representative of what we would imagine as Hyrulean
youth fashion, although his hairstyle is a little ‘can I see your other eye.’
Everybody seems to be having a grand time, but as soon as Link draws near,
everybody freaks out, the animals skitter off, and Flute Boy himself
mysteriously fades into nothingness.

Correctly guessing that, as seems to have become a pattern in his life lately,
the answer to this phenomenon lies in the Dark World, Link moves to investigate
and does indeed find Flute Boy standing on precisely the same spot in the
parallel dimension. Flute Boy has become quite depressed by his condition, and
asks if Link can help him fulfill his one and only wish: To be reunited with
his beloved instrument, which is actually still somewhere in the Light World
(which might, come to think of it, explain why he was able to transcend
boundaries and why he ended up in Haunted Grove in particular.) After agreeing
to help him, Link gets the Shovel, which right there is a pretty sweet deal.
After warping to the Light World grove, destroying the idyllic field, and
recovering the Flute, Link eagerly heads back through his portal only to find
that what was a stump in the Light World is a creepy sapling in the Dark World.
Also, it’s Flute Boy. Somehow his transformation went several steps further
while our backs were turned. Grateful, Flute Boy asks for one more refrain, and
then, if I remember this correctly, stiffens into a braindead shell.

His last request was for Link to return the Flute to his father in Kakariko,
but the old-timer promptly pays it forward to Flute Boy’s old pigeon, who got
real sad when he could not follow his master into the unknown, and as a result
landed on his hometown weathervane and turned to stone. Hearing the call to
attention, the fowl breaks free of its self-sentenced imprisonment and promptly
becomes quite upset with Link for making him think that Flute Boy had returned,
but, as a number of unsettlingly intelligent animals do in this series,
realises that he can do something to help in the fight against evil. Link not
only retains the Flute and comes into an easy way to obliterate Pols Voices,
but immediately gains the ability to summon the bird at any time to fly him to
any of eight locations across the map, including an area he couldn’t access
before. (So you can see that first we get the Whistle, now the Flute - called
the Ocarina in the original Japanese - and later on, the Ocarina and then a
slew of others; it’s kind of an interesting progression.)

Happily, as a result of Link’s wish to the Triforce to undo all the damage
caused by Ganon’s ambition, Flute Boy is seen in the credits reunited with his
father, and all is well.

=============================================================================

F o u r  S i s t e r s  a n d  t h e i r  O t e n t o u
Legendary magicians
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

In the distant past, perhaps hundreds of years ago, these four magical girls
became renowned as saviours for vanquishing some dangerous beast. Perhaps it
was Baron. More recently, they have mostly gone their separate ways, though the
three eldest occasionally meet for special occasions. The three oldest are all
large, buxom and fond of flowing dresses, and attended by a different number of
cap-wearing ladybug-like creatures of varying colours. The youngest, Majiyo, is
the black sheep of the family, and has become evil.

Buruu-fujin – The eldest sister and seemingly the most skilled magician. We
don't encounter her until Page 14, right before the dance party, at which point
she must be Love Pushed so that she will have the bartender make us a...glass
of juice, as it turns out. And it's blue. And it's necessary because you're not
allowed onto the dance floor without a drink in your hand, since the King's
about to call for a toast, which is kind of a bad idea since people tend to
throw their empty glasses onto the floor at dance parties. Everyone else has a
stone cup, but Tingle and Buruu-fujin get glass glasses. Right before Tingle
follows Majiyo and his own companions through the portal, she upgrades
Pachinko, so that it is now in the form of a muscly and sculpted Tingle, with
the sling itself suspended between his outstretched hands. It is now also more
powerful, although we only ever fight one enemy with it so we have no basis for
comparison. After the battle, she scolds Majiyo and imprisons her in a cage,
which is apparently made of cardboard because she escapes immediately
afterward. Buruu-fujin has distinct glasses, similar to those of Majiyo but
blue, and is attended by a single bespectacled blue otentou.

Hana-ya no obasan – The second-eldest sister owns the flower shop in Aomono
Village. Her continual absenteeism is a great source of weariness for the green
otentou who is made to run the place while she's away. She ends up asking
Tingle to take the shop's dog, Edelweiss, for a walk, since she can't do it
herself, and will pay him a modest fee for his services. When she somehow
realises that Tingle is the man her boss has been keeping an eye out for, she
immediately calls her up, and within seconds she's arrived. And then she gives
him a magical balloon that can travel through time. (Is this how Tingle is able
to appear in multiple eras within the Zelda series? Although I guess a lot of
other characters do it without any explanation.) Oh, and she has a balloon of
her own, but whereas Tingle's signature red device expands out of his backpack,
hers is seemingly just a child's toy. At the end of the game, she gathers the
otentou to bid Tingle farewell. The orange otentou travels with her.

Uranai obasan – The second-youngest sister, she looks like a fat Princess
Peach. She lives in a tiny house in a glade, though it's bigger on the inside
than it is on the outside. Using her arcane television set, she explains
various concepts to Tingle, such as the details of travelling between pages
using his new balloon. On that note, she's the first person he encounters on
his first trip back in time, as he gets the item on Page 7 and uranai obasan
resides on Page 3. She is delegated the remaining otentou: Red, green, blue,
yellow and purple. (Yes, there are two blue ones...I think.) The red otentou
gets into a fight with his younger brother, the purple one, causing the latter
to flee in tears. But it was really just a stupid argument, and now the red
otentou is extremely worried, and asks for any information Tingle might have as
to purple's whereabouts. As it turns out, after clearing Page 7 purple can be
found at Aomono Village Station, where he asks for a number of ingredients to
make the Arumagedonburi (that's a portmanteau of Armageddon + donburi, lol.
Also, this is a Secret.) He then continues his journey, and they happen to meet
up again on Page 12, where he has completed his masterpiece and wants to share
it with the world, but due to the fact that he walks around in a purple cowl
all the time everyone is suspicious of him. Tingle, however, brings the dish to
Nimidanshaku, who waffles for a bit before deciding that he will deign to try
it. He is amazed, and demands to see the chef, whom he then gives a job. It's
all a little strange. Purple leaves behind the sack containing his possessions,
which can be brought back to Page 3, reassuring red and unlocking a Secret.
Which is interesting, since the reassurance chronologically occurs before the
items were collected at all.

Majiyo – The youngest sister and most definitely its outcast. Segaare calls her
on his cellular telephone at the end of Page 9 (at which point she instructs
him to derail the liner), but she first appears physically in Page 12's opening
scenes as she observes Tingle's entrance from afar. Her most notable feature is
her pointed red glasses, and the fact that she bears no resemblance whatsoever
to her sisters. She longs to return to the days when she was young and popular
with the boys, and engineers an overly complicated plan whose principal
ingredient is a man who has been unpopular with the ladies his entire life but
becomes quite popular in a very short time. As such, much of the game's events,
even those that bring the party closer to the City, is a result of her stacking
the deck, which is probably a lot more than you gave her credit for isn't it?
Using her son Segaare as her field agent, she succeeds in choosing Tingle as
the subject, having him become popular, and guiding him to Emerald City. The
timing is still slightly off, however, so to delay things slightly she poisons
Princess Emera. In the guise of Mrs M, she compels Tingle to concoct a medicine
to heal her. Thanks to his time-travelling powers, however, he accomplishes the
task instantly, but she pretty much says, whatever good enough, and brings him
to her. Tingle successfully heals and then Love Pushes her, much to Majiyo's
delight. As it turns out, however, her plan worked too well, and now Tingle has
grown so strong that she is unable to capture and use him. She substitutes in
Emera's stalker, Shigumasento, acknowledging that the effect will not be nearly
as great but claiming that it will still suffice. As Tingle is filled with the
power of the affection he has garnered from his girls, she transforms into a
hundred-foot tall woman in a long black dress, and proceeds to assault him with
images of her own face, gigantic worms with her face on the front, and dozens
of man-sized wrestler types that have her face. Her weak point is her face.
Eventually she is seemingly defeated, reduced to only her face, surrounded by
six hands that rotate around, intermittently blocking the weak point on her
forehead. When she reappears and it shows her new name, for some reason the
final character is written in hangeul. Don't know what that's about. In this
form she attacks by forming images of herself, principally her face, which
attack if left alone for too long, but also of the Princess, which injure
Tingle if he hits them on accident. Eventually she falls and everyone
admonishes her, imprisoning her in a cage for her impudence. Segaare has been
captured as well and is thrown in with her. The two are left to their own
devices, which ends up being a mistake, as they soon escape. The credits show
them being pursued by the gang of squirrels that live in the forest of Page 4,
however, so it seems unlikely they'll be causing anymore trouble.

=============================================================================

F r e e d l e
Hippy
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Oh wow. This guy, I mean, he’s a little bit scary, and I think I’d O_o a bit if
I saw him on the street, but he’s a pretty cool cat all in all. He’s got some
sweet round shades that are indeed straight out of the 70’s, a totally awesome
hibiscus-laden hat, a striped turtleneck, a dorky haircut, and a massive
tubular canister affixed to his back, all decked out in psychadelic colours of
the gnarliest order. Just like an environmental activist from an overhyped
television show, he carries his acoustic guitar with him everywhere. Or maybe
it’s a banjo, but whatever the case he spends all his time strumming it in a
secluded little spot on northeast Mercay Island. If you speak to him and can
sift through his radical verbiage, he’ll help you enter Tag Mode to trade Ship
Parts and other treasures over Nintendo WFC. Some people have speculated that
he is related to Beedle, but aside from his similar name and nose there’s
nothing whatsoever to suggest that he is, and Nintendo is usually good about
making obvious allusions when this stuff happens so that those of who pay close
attention can work it out :) So nah, I’m saying no relation, he’s just another
soul trying to make it in this crazy, mixed-up world we call capitalist society.

=============================================================================

F u z o
Floorsweeper
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Master Eddo’s apprentice, Fuzo is presumably learning the art of the mechanic
and how to manufacture, fine-tune and repair all manner of delicate yet
powerful contraptions. When we meet him, though, he doesn’t seem to be doing
any of those things. Instead, he’s watching the shop while Eddo sits in the
back room hard at work on his latest project. Although he never does much of
anything useful, he does open up a side-door so that Link can access pretty
much the entirety of Cannon Island, eventually coming up to Master Eddo’s door
so that he can place an order. Now listen, I’ve held back up to now, but
Phantom Hourglass’s islands have some pretty lame names. CANNON Island? And
they make cannon there? That’s a bit much of a coincidence. And the Isle of
Ember? Sounds like something I’d make up when I was 8 and obsessed with
Charmander’s Ember attack. ‘Hey guys, what do we call this snowy island? Snow
Island?’ ‘No way man, call it the Isle of FROST! It backwards AND uses
awesomely awesome word!’ ‘D00d no wai u too original bro! :D’

=============================================================================

F y e r  a n d  F a l b i
Entrepreneurs
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Fyer and Falbi’s Watertop Land of Fantastication is a very sly business venture
located at Lake Hylia. Both men are quite jolly, and Fyer appears to have a
wen. Both dress like carnies, or maybe clowns, which is sort of the point.
Fyer, a cannon enthusiast, fires Link out of his giant cannon for a mere 10
Rupees, which rockets him up to Falbi’s high position near the Great Hylia
Bridge. From here, the participant can then pay Falbi 20 Rupees to grab a Cucco
and float slowly down to the water, hopefully to the Isle of Riches, a man-made
island on which they have placed a number of Rupee-filled treasure chests. Only
one chest gets refilled on future attempts; the rest are oneshots. From this
platform, one can return to Fyer’s portion of the game by a log bridge from the
Isle to his shack. If you do well, you can earn 70 Rupees each run. Quite an
original mini-game, if you ask me.

Fyer twice helps advance your quest. Auru, one of Telma’s boys, once saved his
life, and Auru calls him on that debt. Fyer agrees to help Link enter the
Desert Province, which in Twilight era is adjacent to the Lake, again by firing
him out of the cannon. Later on, Link finds an even bigger cannon that can fire
him up to the City in the Sky, which Fyer repairs at a cost of 300 Rupees.

This is a stretch, but Fyer may be a play on ‘fly’ (or ‘flyer,’ as in, one who
flies, not an annoying ad you get in the mail) and Falbi may be a play on
‘fall.’

=============================================================================

G a b o r a  a n d  Z u b o r a
Awesome dudes
Race: Hylian and...um.
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Gabora and Zubora run the Mountain Smithy in Snowhead, which is a strange name
for a place, considering it was in perpetual spring before Skull Kid and Goht
made it snowy. Unless Termina and Hyrule and such all have full seasonal
systems and we just don’t see them, which would make sense come to think of it.
Plus we actually see this in action in Holodrum. So ANYWAY, they work in a hut
near Goron City, which mainly consists of a front desk, a table, and a forge.
The pair are members of a fairly elite and utterly essential club in the Zelda
universe, being makers of swords.

Zubora, who seems to manage the business while Gabora does the labour, would be
a true blue-collar type of guy if he had a collar, which he doesn’t. He does,
however, have blue overalls, which prominently display his nipples, as well as
a white sort of cap thing that rounds the top of his head in a nice contrast to
his Hylian ears and impressive goatee. He also seems to drink a lot of what
would ostensibly be coffee, except that it’s a sort of bluish-yellow, and has
really sallow skin as well as a small, pointed moustache.

Gabora is slightly more interesting, looking like Frankenstein’s monster if he
were into S&M. Twice the height of a normal man, he makes good use of his
monstrous strength to swing a suitably huge hammer, the one that will shape
your blade. You can feel confident entrusting it to him; it’s in good hands.

The process of upgrading your sword in Majora’s Mask is a touch complex, but
only because the steps you go through all have to be done within a single
three-day period. First, you have to give up your Kokiri Sword for
‘sharpening,’ which, after you leave it overnight, turns it into the Razor
Sword, which is considerably more powerful and appears in much of the game’s
official artwork, but lasts for only 100 uses before dulling back to the Kokiri
Sword. We’re measuring things by number of uses now? What is this, Fire Emblem?
Anyway, you can either just wait or, if you feel confident enough to take a
two-minute walk while braving the horrors that are White Wolfos, you can head
straight for the Goron Racetrack, where you must assume Goron form, talk to the
Elder’s son (I guess this means you have to play the lullaby for him first,
too) and then win the race. So we have Beaver Brothers, the Deku Butler and the
Goron Racetrack - did anybody else ever notice this game’s fascination with
racing? This is the most fun one, since bombing a hill while covered in spikes
and destroying everything in your path is rather cathartic, although it is
irksome that the other competitors can knock you around so easily when you’re
in the body of supposedly the strongest Goron warrior who ever lived. When you
win the race you get some Gold Dust in a Bottle, a sweet prize indeed; take the
powdery stuff back to the Mountain Smithy, receive your Razor Sword, and then
pass it back along with the Gold Dust. Zubora will be pretty startled by this
turn of events but quite pleasantly surprised because you’ll be investing more
money in them. After one more night, Gabora will have transformed your weapon
into the Golden Sword, something we haven’t seen since A Link to the Past, the
second-most powerful sword in the game (the most powerful being that of the
Fierce Deity’s Mask). This one is permanent, too, with unlimited uses (Prf),
and will even stay when you begin the three-day cycle anew.

=============================================================================

G a e p o r a
Knight Academy Headmaster
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Zelda's father and general Skyloft boss, Gaepora is an energetic old guy with a
pretty cool design. Very red, very bearded. He's also extremely understanding,
forgiving Link his inability to share the details of his progress, only caring
that his beloved daughter eventually winds up safe, and providing him with the
time and resources he needs to work. Although he recognizes that his day has
basically passed, he still helps where he can, occasionally providing direction
or advice and always willing to share from his vast knowledge of Skyloft lore.
This helps Link to advance his quest in several instances, not only
precipitating his initial venture to the surface but also, for example,
indirectly helping him to enter the Thunderhead. This shows pretty clearly that
while he doesn't do much for the plot, he is a strong leader. He takes
extremely long baths, which you can witness if you Clawshot into the chimney at
nighttime, and has a small pet named Mia, one of those vaguely catlike animals
that are your best friends during the day and then ****ing attack you when they
see you at night. Seriously, why do Skylofters keep those animals, seriously
why. Naturally, you will notice that his name bears a striking resemblance to
that of Kaepora Gaebora, but this is never elaborated upon; Aonuma stated in an
interview that this was merely due to some shared visual traits and both having
a role as a guide.

=============================================================================

G a n o n
The physical manifestation of evil
Race: Gerudo
Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
             The Adventure of Link
             A Link to the Past
             Link’s Awakening
             Ocarina of Time
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             The Wind Waker
             Four Swords Adventures
             Twilight Princess

Hoo boy. Ganon(dorf) is one awesome villain. The fiend has risen again and
again to attempt to conquer Hyrule, whose inherent magical qualities are so
strong he would effectively rule all existence if he were to succeed.
Fortunately, it is his destiny to be perpetually thwarted. Ganon is the one
character whom we KNOW is the same guy again and again, even when he shows up
in games that take place hundreds of years apart. His longevity, apparently, is
part of the effects of the Triforce of Power.

This is also the cause of his appearance later in life; Triforce lore dictates
that if one possesses the Triforce of Power without the Triforce of Wisdom, one
will begin to morph and take on a pig-like form. Nintendo seems to
differentiate between these two by referring to him in ‘human’ form as
Ganondorf, and ‘giant pig’ form as Ganon. I list him as Ganon because he makes
way more appearances in giant pig form than human one. He’s alternately been
called Mandrag Ganon (in A Link to the Past’s manual; it supposedly means Ganon
of the Enchanted Thieves) and Ganondorf Dragmire (in Ocarina of Time, which I
assume is an invention of Nintendo of America as a variant on Mandrag.)

He makes his debut in pig form, of course, and as a pretty lame final boss. He
had a sort of bluish hue, and would move invisibly around the boss chamber,
pausing periodically to become briefly visible and toss fireballs at Link.
After four hits from the Magical Sword, he turned brown, at which point a
single shot from the Bow and Silver Arrow would reduce him to a pile of dust.
On second thought, that was pretty sophisticated for 8-bit. I can imagine how
frustrating it was to program. Story-wise, he was trying to get that
all-important Triforce of Wisdom from Zelda, who broke it and hid the pieces.

Being that he was dead, during Zelda II his minions tried to resurrect him with
the blood of the one who vanquished him. If Link lost all his lives, a
victorious chuckle sounded and Ganon’s silhouette appeared on the Game Over
screen, because they had succeeded. That was the full extent of his
contributions. However, he made quite a resurgence for A Link to the Past,
wherein he brilliantly possessed Agahnim and used him as his pawn as he schemed
to escape the Dark World. Oddly, he didn’t actually himself appear in Ganon’s
Tower; instead, there was a second battle with Ganon assuming Agahnim form.
Defeated, Ganon transformed into a bat, crashed through the roof of the Pyramid
of Power, and showed his true form, which was basically an enhanced version of
his original appearance. He added a few new attacks to his repertoire this time
around, including collapsing parts of the floor, sending off volleys of Fire
Keese and, notably, throwing around a trident. That trident also appeared when
the Nightmares mimicked Ganon at the end of Link’s Awakening.

In the prequel adventure Ocarina of Time, he is actually seen several times.
Link glimpses him in his dream from the opening cinema, from the Hyrule Castle
courtyard when the Gerudo monarch sweet-talks Zelda’s daddy, when the dream
plays itself out and he conquers Hyrule Castle Town, and in the final battle.
Ganon devises another brilliant scheme, as he desires the four keys that will
unlock the Door of Time which leads to the Triforce. Gathering them by force
proves to be impossible, but he leads Link on and allows him to gather them for
him. When Link opens the Door, Ganondorf jumps in and lays hands on the
Triforce. The Triforce, being an inanimate object, does not know good from evil
and only grants his wish of taking over Hyrule. There is just enough resistance
to stop him there for the time being, and Link spends the rest of the game
gaining enough power to fight back. Most other games depict him as a
power-hungry villain, but this time he’s shown to be a genius scholar who
simply took it too far. Nice humanization.

Interestingly, his main attack in this incarnation was similar to Agahnim’s: He
threw magical orbs which had to be deflected to shock him, at which point he
could be stunned with Light Arrows and finally damaged with the Master Sword.
When this form was over, there was a brief escape sequence, after which he used
the Triforce of Power to transform into the monstrous Ganon. His tail was his
only weak point, but he could be stunned by shooting him in the head with Light
Arrows. After taking a particularly heavy hit Link temporarily lost the Master
Sword, the only weapon that could do anything more than superficial damage to
Ganon, but Zelda retrieved it and was able to return it to him halfway through
the fight. When defeated, he reverted to Ganondorf form and promised vengeance.
He looked pissed, too. Oh, and ‘Phantom Ganon’ was the boss of the Forest
Temple, which involved him flying out of portraits on horseback and the same
game of tennis Link played with Agahnim.

He also appeared in the Oracle saga, but I doubt very many people reached him.
To fight him, one had to beat either game, beat a password-linked game, and
defeat the ensuing Twinrova battle. No mean feat. Here, Ganon revealed that he
was orchestrating the actions of Onox and Veran from behind the scenes.
Defeating him was the same old song (but it’s a different meaning...), except
that he was now able to transport players to a strange blue room in which the
controls were reversed. He was quite thick-skinned here, too, as only the
Master Sword or Biggoron’s Sword even scratched him unless he was dealt a Spin
Attack.

His next incarnation, in The Wind Waker, is my favourite. He is shown three
times. Once, his face isn’t even shown, once, he tries to attack the good guys
from the top of Forsaken Fortress but is ambushed, and then he gets a long
cutscene before Link fights him. Here, it seems he has mellowed over the
hundreds of years since his Ocarina defeat, and he is portrayed in a much more
sympathetic light. He’s grown a wicked beard, and he’s quite a philosophical
fellow. When he extracts Link’s and Zelda’s pieces of the Triforce, he is very
careful not to hurt them, whereas before he would probably have just killed
them.

He is also the coolest final boss in any video game, ever. Link and Zelda
tag-team as he attacks with dual swords. First, Link must parry Ganondorf’s
attacks, rolling behind him to slash at his back. Zelda jumps in at the same
time Ganondorf figures out how to block the parry attacks, and she takes up
Link’s Hero’s Bow and fires Light Arrows at Ganondorf, damaging him. After a
bit, Ganondorf gets annoyed and knocks her out, and Link is on his own until
she wakes. When she does, well, being a genius, Ganondorf’s been working on how
he’ll block her Light Arrows even as he fought. Zelda is no idiot either
though, and formulates a desperate gambit and starts to fire AT LINK! Link uses
the Mirror Shield to deflect her shots at Ganondorf, finishing him off. So cool.

This game poses a few interesting things to look at. For one thing, Forsaken
Fortress is clearly Gerudo Fortress taken over by Moblins, so it’s fitting that
Ganondorf would return to his old base of operations and retrofit it with
new-age contrivances. Next, the Three Goddesses first allowed him to be sealed
inside the Golden Land. This didn’t work, so when the seal weakened they
flooded Hyrule in torrential rains to keep him locked in. Somehow, he still
escaped! Think about this - they drowned an entire country just to contain him
and he STILL couldn’t be stopped! How badass is that!? Lastly, in the ending
cutscene, Link stabs him in the head and loses the Master Sword in the process
as Ganondorf’s body turns to stone. And yet he appears in later games. Dude.

The Wind Waker also had a Puppet Ganon as one of three bosses leading up to
Ganondorf himself. This one required Link to sever its marionette strings with
the Boomerang and then attack its weak tail. It was a more interesting fight
than it sounds.

His inclusion in Four Swords Adventures is a little cheap, in my opinion. He
shows up in the end with almost zero foreshadowing, in the Palace of Winds no
less, a place where he shouldn’t even be. The only thing noteworthy about that
battle is the Four Swords twist on it, and the fact that Zelda is mildly
involved in it. It’s pathetically easy, too. Furthermore, I’m not entirely
comfortable with the retcons this game introduces. It states that Ganondorf was
born and raised in a town of the Zuna in the Desert of Doubt. The who in the
where? Yeah. The Desert of Doubt includes a colossal Pyramid that originally
housed a giant trident, until Ganon pilfered it and made it his signature
weapon. So there’s your new origin story. I’m not even sure whether or not to
trust it, considering the game was made by Capcom.

I’m not actually sure he was originally intended to be in Twilight Princess,
but if not he was integrated very well, so I’m glad he did. It’s a little
confusing, though. We see four nameless Sages ready to execute Ganondorf, who
has a crazy new hairstyle, in front of the Mirror of Twilight at the Arbiter’s
Grounds prison. He is wounded badly, but using the Triforce of Power he escapes
his bonds, kills one of the Sages and escapes. This is cool, but when exactly
did it take place? Oh well. He goes into hiding for a while and starts to feed
off the Twili’s hatred for the Hylians, regaining strength from this.
Eventually he manipulates their self-proclaimed king into helping him achieve
his goals.

And I raved about Waker’s final boss battle. Well, Twilight’s is pretty cool
too, so it deserves a close look. It begins with Ganondorf possessing Zelda’s
currently soulless body and attacking Link with it. This is quite cool because
he uses the sword we’ve seen Zelda holding in all the concept art. We play the
usual hit-the-ball-of-energy-back-at-Ganondorf thing, and he fights back with
sword lunges and magical assaults, and then he transforms into Ganon. Our
customary pig form, that is. This is a unique version in that he’s on all fours
and doesn’t carry a weapon. After stunning him with an arrow and attacking the
place where the Sages wounded him (his weak spot), Link takes on his wolf form
and uses Midna’s giant orange hand to wrestle him into submission, then attack
with his fangs. Looks like the mighty beast has fallen for good, but this is
Ganondorf we’re talking about. We’re transported outside and Ganondorf takes to
horse as Link and Zelda fight him from atop Epona. Zelda fires Light Arrows to
stun him and Link rides up and delivers a follow-up slash. After a few rounds
of this, Ganondorf draws the sword that wounded him so long ago – it’s made of
pure light - and he and Link go toe-to-toe in a no-holds-barred sword battle.
He’s almost as skilled here as in Waker, but has more of an emphasis on raw
physical power over Waker incarnation’s finesse. Eventually, Link drives the
Master Sword into his vulnerable wound, ending this epic four-stage struggle.

He’s also a playable character in Super Smash Bros Melee and Brawl, but there’s
not much to say about that. He’s one of the clone characters, meaning he shares
most of the moves of another character (in this case, Captain Falcon) but has
some different traits. He’s pretty heavy and slow, but powerful. Last I
checked, he was Mid-Tier in Melee, and very nearly the absolute worst-rated
character in Brawl.

=============================================================================

G e n e r a l  O n o x
Bombad general
Race: Uh...Iron Knuckle?
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons

Strangely, even though he is the ultimate boss your first time through Oracle
of Seasons, he really only plays a bit part. On the other hand, he does set a
great game in motion. Although Ganon, a supremely powerful magician, sets his
sights on Hyrule, Onox’s goals are not so lofty. Instead, he’s willing to start
with the smaller and relatively inconsequential Holodrum. Of course, we later
learn that Ganon is manipulating him from behind the scenes to further his own
ends.

Onox starts by capturing Din, the Oracle of Seasons, and setting her in a giant
crystal (much like Ganondorf did to Zelda in Ocarina of Time.) He then sinks
the Temple of Seasons into Subrosia, the subterranean land beneath Holodrum,
and disables its four towers. Without either of those two forces to govern
them, Holodrum’s seasons spin wildly out of control, threatening to rip the
realm apart.

Luckily, Link recovers the Rod of Seasons and retrieves eight elements of Gaia,
then faces Onox head-on. To begin, Onox is covered in a heavy suit of armour,
greatly resembling an Iron Knuckle. He swings around a giant ball and chain,
much like a Ball and Chain Soldier. After being damaged a little, he has Din’s
crystal rotate around him as yet another layer of armour, but Link bats it out
of the way with the Rod of Seasons. Finally, he transforms into an immense
Chinese-ish dragon that spits fireballs and slaps Link around. Link must jump
onto his hands and then glide over to his head to hit the jewel there with his
sword. After a few hits to this jewel, Onox goes away for good.

=============================================================================

G e n t a r i
All-knowing elder
Race: Minish
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Gentari is the elder of Minish Village and by extension the effective leader of
all Minish in Hyrule. After Link masters the Minish language by scarfing down
the Jabber Nut, he, Gentari and Ezlo have a nice conversation about the
impending destruction of everything they know and love, as well as possible
countermeasures. Combining their respective knowledge of ancient lore, Gentari
and Ezlo determine that the best course of action is to obtain the four
elements, of whose locations Gentari is luckily well aware and able to pass
onto the heroes. The first happens to be out back behind his house. The others
are not quite so easily obtained. Moustachioed, Gentari wears the red hat of
the Forest Minish but dons the tan robes of an elder rather than the forest
green jerkin of his comrades. His brother, Librari, lives in the Hyrule Town
Library.

=============================================================================

G h i r a h i m
Cosplay material
Race: Demon
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Well, Ghirahim is one of the slimier Zelda bosses, that's for sure. A creepy
albino with too much makeup and a Beroringa's tongue, he wears skintight
bodysuits and squirms like a Dancing Queen. He's also prideful to a fault, not
only believing that he has a birthright to practically everything he sees, but
that he's pretty much the second-most impressive being in the universe. On
multiple occasions he even lets Link go in spite of his supposed ability to
wipe him out, just to prove that his opponent really is as insignificant as he
claims he is. All of his actions, however, are directed in service to an even
more powerful demon: Demise, the ancient being who almost killed Hylia, the
supposedly supreme Goddess who was then forced to hide in mortal form. Skyward
Sword tries an interesting new tactic that has worked quite well for RPGs
(note: Zelda is not an RPG), which is revealing the big bad early on and
allowing us to really get a feel for him well in advance of the final
encounter, thus adding weight to it. It uses the same trick with the
Imprisoned, as well.

We first see only his ankle as he follows Link into the Forest Temple, but he
shows up for a little boss battle right at the end. This skirmish shows off his
ability to catch Link's sword in midstrike should you attack from the wrong
angle; if you fail the resulting quicktime event he can even snatch it away
from you, leaving you temporarily weaponless, before eventually throwing it at
you like a spear, after which it skids across the floor to a halt and can be
retrieved, the battle resumed. He'll occasionally summon a ring of daggers and
fire them at you, but once you've figured out the correct way to attack him
(without accidentally triggering an attack while trying to reposition your
sword – damn MotionPlus), he'll take off. You'll run into him again at the end
of the Fire Temple, where he further mocks Link in spite of his continuing
progress, and sics Scaldera on him. He pulls something similar in the Ancient
Cistern, reanimating an ancient robot and making what would otherwise be a
quite walk through a mostly empty room into one of the longer and more
dangerous boss battles. They also have a brief scrap at the Temple of Time, as
Ghirahim finally catches up with Zelda and Impa (the latter of whom seems to
cause him profound annoyance for some reason) and is about to take them out
when Link appears to buy them the precious seconds they need to escape.
Frustrated, he confronts Link again at Death Mountain Crater, determined to
take him out himself, and for good. However, although Ghirahim has gained some
new threads and a little vitality, most of his patterns are the same and he
again takes off with a scoff.

Link has spent the intervening time trying to repair the second Gate of Time,
since Impa destroyed the other one in order to prevent Ghirahim from following
them through it, but all their efforts ends up for nought. Link drops a
building on Demise's head, killing him, and revives Zelda, but Ghirahim speeds
onto the scene, kidnapping the non-Princess. He announces that Demise, although
Imprisoned, is still alive in the distant past, and quickly whisks her off to a
thousand years earlier via the Gate. When Link gives chase, he summons about a
hundred Bokoblins to stall his heroly efforts. He explicitly tells them he
doesn't care if they all get slaughtered in the process, as long as they
sufficiently harry him, and that they should be more afraid of the consequences
of failure than of Link (which is bad logic, considering what would happen if
they helped Link defeat Ghirahim). In spite of this, Link fights his way down
the slope and still arrives in time, further enraging the already overworked
demon. He decides that the time has finally come for him to show his true form,
essentially that of Demise's sword, and a three-part battle ensues as Link
attempts to get at the jewel embedded in Ghirahim's chest. At first, Ghirahim
teleports them high above the bottom level and onto a floating platform made of
magic. He's now encased in flexible black metal, and Link quickly finds he
can't injure him, but by attacking relentlessly he can knock him off the
platform and down to a lower one, stunning him. Their return to the bottom of
the Sealed Temple spiral signals the beginning of the dodge-and-counterattack
section of the battle, until finally Ghirahim materialises a chainsaw-like
sword. Though reasonably powerful, the weapon is insubstantial and thus less
than durable. With a sustained sword assault, Link can shatter it into thin
air, making Ghirahim temporarily vulnerable to a thrust attack to his weak
point. Link ultimately delivers the winning blow, but it's still too late. The
ritual has continued as they fought, Zelda's soul has been sucked out, and
Demise appears.

And then the very first thing he does is murder the loyal servant who has
toiled tirelessly to return him to full strength.

I guess it's a worthy end for him, actually, considering the kind of demon he
was. Ultimately, Ghirahim is a little bit of a lost opportunity, as although he
definitely had the potential to be cool and memorable, his ineffectiveness and
lack of quotability mean he'll likely end up regarded as a curiosity rather
than a truly great and memorable foe.

=============================================================================

G h o s t  R i n g l e a d e r
Lovelorn spectre
Race: Hylian ghost
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

I can't remember how I arrived at this name, whether it's in the game or I read
it somewhere or I made it up myself, but here we are. I mean it to refer to a
heartbroken young woman who died and was then interred at Icy Plain. Like
seemingly 90% of ghosts in the Zelda universe, however, she decides to stick
around for a while, in this case to see if she can ultimately ever find
requited love. The man she sets her sights on, however, is the Port Town Guard,
who is already happily married. Sickeningly jealous, the girl exacts her
revenge by siccing some of her most powerful spirit underlings on the poor
lady, striking her with debilitating illness and leaving her husband at a loss.
In time, however, Tingle comes to understand the cause of her affliction, and
upon hearing this information the Guard takes up his trusty spear and sets out
with him to exorcise ghosts and not afraid of anything. They travel to the
Ghost Ringleader's grave, roust her, defeat her bodyguards and then smack her
around a bit. Eventually she concedes defeat and apologizes for her
wrongdoings, saying she only ever wanted to be loved, which is really just sad.
It gets much less tragic if you read her headstone, which says she was only
eight years old when she died, promptly killing the romance angle.

=============================================================================

G o l d e n  C h i e f  C y l o s
Frogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Race: Lesser Deity
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Cylos is a giant, moustachioed, golden frog who resides on the Uncharted Island
in the fourth quadrant of the Ocean King’s waters. To access his cave, Link
must first map out the island, walking around its entire perimeter and
sketching its general shape down onto his Sea Chart (using the DS’s touch
screen), along with a few other features of interest. Following this, the
Uncharted Island reveals itself to be in the shape of a whale, after which the
cryptic clues offered make a lot more sense and Link is able to determine the
correct order in which to hit the island’s four switches. Upon dong so, the
mysterious cave at the centre of the island opens up and Link enters, and
promptly finds himself greeted by Golden Chief Cylos.

As a fellow light-aligned deity, Cylos is good friends with the Ocean King and
wants to see him do well. To that end, he offers Link the only real assistance
he has to offer, the Cyclone Slate. Much like the operations of the similarly
named Zephos and Cyclos from The Wind Waker (who were also lesser deities who
took the form of giant frogs), this little piece of gnarliness allows Link to
instantaneously warp across the map from anywhere at any time, provided certain
conditions have been met. In Hourglass, this means encountering one of the Six
Golden Frogs spread unevenly across the oceanic quadrants, shooting it with the
cannon in order to get its attention and befriend it, and learning its
particular symbol. Once he has it down, he can call up the slate at any time
when aboard the S.S. Linebeck, scratch out a quick pattern, and be lifted into
the skies on the wings of a whirlwind, only to come down seconds later at his
chosen warp point. Like in Waker, these hotspots aren’t always located as
conveniently as they could be, but, given the alternative, none of us is about
to complain.

Cylos has an outie belly button.

=============================================================================

G o l o
Assistant archaeologist
Race: Goron
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The only other Goron, and for that matter just about the only other sentient
being, seen beneath the clouds, Golo is Gorko's assistant. You can find him in
a small cave network that connects the starting area of Lanayru Mines with more
far-flung locations like that raised quicksand area with the door that can only
be reached by Clawshot. Of the four tunnels in the hub area of the caves, one
is blocked, and our tall-haired friend is excavating it. If you stop to chat
with him he'll ask for a 10-Rupee donation to the cause; if you contribute,
he'll eventually strike Timestone ore as he works through the rock, and will
pay out 100 Rupees in dividends, a 1000% return on your principal investment,
as we say in the biz. More importantly, although most of the rock is too hard
to penetrate, he will have opened a narrow passage level with the ground, and
your Bomb-bowling and belly-crawling skills will allow you to access Lanayru
Gorge.

=============================================================================

G o n d o
Tinkerer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Perpetually wearing a welding mask, the grandson of the finest machinist in the
entirety of Skyloft history is no slouch himself. For a fee, he will happily
upgrade some of your items. He might increase the capacity of your Bomb Bags or
Quivers, strengthen your shield's durability, enlarge your Bug-Catching Net, or
strengthen your projectiles, but his most intriguing improvements are made to
your Beetle, lengthening the time it can spend in flight and adding a dash
feature. Given the right collection of Treasures and a few Rupees for his
labour, he'll move over to his workbench, whip some tools out of his belt and
bang away for a while until he's ready to present you with your new toy.
Because men are all about technology.

His aforementioned grandfather was also fond of telling tales that most passed
off as outlandish, but, as it turns out, were actually quite true. He left
behind an ancient robot that he'd been attempting to fix, but never with any
success, as the only lubricant capable of restoring it to working condition
comes from a certain flower that died out hundreds of years ago. But given his
Timestone-related adventures, Link has one ready to go! In a matter of seconds,
Gondo's dream is fulfilled, and Link can begin hauling things up from beneath
the clouds.

In a strange way, Gondo also looks somewhat like how I envision the Tom Clancy
character Max Moor, mainly because of the black ponytail.

=============================================================================

G o n g o r o n
Prissy annoying little kid
Race: Goron
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Complaints about his snivelling personality aside, I actually really like
Gongoron. First of all, he has a strange name, and that has to count for
something. But more than that, he’s one of only six playable characters in the
entire Zelda franchise, which is pretty cool in and of itself - the others
being Kafei, Medli, Makar, Tingle, and Link himself, and you could even argue
that Medli and Makar don’t even count cause they were maybe just being
possessed by Link. However you look at it, Gongoron has amazing cachet as a
playable character on par with Kafei, and we maintain control of him for some
of the longest lengths of time (third only to Link and Tingle), so there.

So now we have that out of the way. Gongoron is the son of Biggoron, leader of
Goron Island. Yes, Goron Island. Once Link is finished running around the
village memorizing useless facts about its features and populace, he passes
Biggoron’s knowledge test and is initiated as an honourary member of the tribe,
and access to the Goron Temple comes as part of the package. Biggoron, however,
is concerned about Link’s ability to deal with the temple’s traps and layout on
his own, so he commands Gongoron to accompany him. Which, isn't that a little
backwards? He should be worrying about Gongoron way ahead of Link.

Upon our introduction to this poor-tempered, worrying crybaby, he immediately
makes clear his disdain for Link and then runs off to the temple without him.
This is going great so far. So, Link must make his way to the temple solo,
which he accomplishes with a modicum of difficulty, and enters only to find
that Gongoron has run off inside and almost immediately found himself
surrounded by Dodongos, with no means of escape. All right, it happens. So, as
Link we must come to his rescue – only to find that Gongoron is going to help
us accomplish it.

We take control of the little guy and find that in some ways, he actually
controls more smoothly than Link. Like all Gorons, Gongoron curls into a ball
when he feels the need for speed, and after walking around for a few moments he
gets his momentum up and does this automatically; after a bit he’s practically
invincible if you can keep him moving. But he’s not limited to this unwieldy
attack. He has a sort of homing attack activated by simply tapping his enemies.
Utilising these skills, Gongoron is able to defeat the creatures and reunite
with Link, at which point he becomes slightly more accepting of the task he’s
been assigned and becomes progressively more helpful as the dungeon-busting
tandem attack wears on.

Eventually, after advancing past a number of puzzles (quite a few of them a
step up from the standard ‘instruct helper character to stand on one switch
while Link runs over to the other switch,’ although there’s some of that too),
the pair enters the boss chamber, ready to take on the monster within. All of
Phantom Hourglass’s bosses are inspired and creative, but this one has to be
top three (after Bellum and Eox). It opens normally, but as the pair comes
under attack they quickly become separated, Link at the door, Gongoron across a
stretch of lava and pinned in with the boss.

From here the object is to direct Bombchu across the floe and into the giant
Dodongo’s mouth, as the species’ weakness to explosives has been
well-documented since the original game. In order to stun the beast and allow
Link an open shot, Gongoron must bait it into a charge and then attack its
vulnerable sides while it collects itself. After three successful Bombchu
strikes, a bridge forms allowing Link to cross and continue on when the
behemoth stands once more. The fun part of the fight, though, is keeping the
two alive; while knocking Gongoron around up top, he sends a legion of little
guys to go after Link, requiring a constant juggling act to maintain both
characters’ health bars as you manically switch back and forth, attacking with
one character only to snap back to the other just in time to sidestep a
potentially fatal assault. This becomes slightly easier when the two are nearer
to each other, at which point Link functions more or less without Gongoron’s
help, though you can try to be clever and still use one to keep attention off
the other if you get cornered or something. Eventually, Link and Gongoron down
their foe and recover the temple’s Pure Metal.

Later on, he can be found working at tourist attraction Dee Ess Island with a
few other Gorons. Post-Ice Temple, it turns out it’s the mighty Goron Races!
...Nostalgia... ...unchanged from Majora’s Mask... Except not as much fun,
since it’s just time trials, but stylus controls might not have been able to
handle the jostling anyway. You take control of Gongoron himself in his bid to
take home the pennant.

=============================================================================

G o o d  B e e
Sweet little bumblebee
Race: Bee
Appearances: A Link to the Past

Honestly speaking, the Good Bee is in no way a character, but she’s just so
cool I can’t help but give her a quick blurb. You can find her by dashing into
the fountain in the cave where you find the Ice Rod, after which you can snag
her with your Bug-Catching Net and store her in a Bottle. (It’s also possible
to kill her with your sword, or kill yourself by walking into her repeatedly.)
At this point, you can sell her in the Kakariko Village market, but why would
you want to? Instead, you can unleash her on the forces of evil! Protect the
hive from enemies! The Good Bee’s attack is noticeably stronger than that of
regular Bees, and unlike regular Bees, after she’s finished working on all the
enemies in an area, she’ll return to Link so as to flit back into her Bottle!
She wants to be with you until the end; she gives her heart and her soul to you
to make you see it through. The first time I read about that, I thought it was
the coolest thing I’d ever heard.

=============================================================================

G o r k o  t h e  G o r o n
^Self-introduction
Race: Goron
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Gorko, or, as I like to call him, Dorko, is a Goron studying archaeology on the
surface of the world of Skyward Sword. First encountered just outside the
Sealed Temple, he shows up a number of times throughout the game to share his
love of ancient writings and to unknowingly provide Link with useful
information. He is particularly interested in the stories that speak of a
utopia above the clouds, and since no one in Zelda gives a straight answer
ever, Link dickishly poker faces right through it. He's amazed by the way
statues react to Link when he saves, and the fact that Link sometimes stands in
front of them and then rockets into the sky. A little later, he explains the
facts of Goddess Walls and their ability to provide the chosen hero with
certain items he might need in his quest, like Arrows or Fairies. Eventually
he'll stand in front of one Goddess Wall and indirectly request a specific
item; if you acquiesce he'll happily reward you with a Heart Piece.

=============================================================================

G o r o n  E l d e r
Geriatrock
Race: Goron
Appearances: Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages
             Twilight Princess
             Spirit Tracks

When Link climbs to Snowhead Mountain, he finds that Skull Kid has frozen it
over. The snowbound Gorons are unable to search for food, but the Goron Elder
bravely crawls into the blizzard and tries to find some healthful rock sirloin.
He’s unsuccessful, and moreover, his son pines for his father and cries
constantly. When the Elder finds out, he tries to teach Link the Goron’s
Lullaby, but it’s so cold he forgets half of it. His son teaches Link the rest
and promptly falls asleep, much to the relief of his roomies.

The Elder is notable for a couple of reasons, mainly that he teaches us a few
things about Goron biology. He’s a hunchback: A huge mound of rock has doubled
his height. It weighs heavily on him, and he sometimes walks on all fours due
to the burden. He also has huge lips, and he’s one of a handful of Gorons to
sport visible hair. Secondly, he carries a pair of Goron Bongos, one of only
two Gorons seen to do so (though it’s possible that they’re a very common item,
just rarely used.)

He’s a little zestier in Oracle of Ages, with a beard resembling Darunia’s and
a lot of muscles. Not enough muscles, unfortunately, to break through a cave-in
that has cut him off from the rest of the tribe. Link travels to the past,
defeats the Great Moblin, and wins a Bomb Flower for his troubles. (Strangely,
unlike those in the 3D games it does not explode immediately after picking.) He
hands it off to the foreman who explodes it and frees the Goron Elder, who is
able to help Link enter the Crown Dungeon.

Twilight Princess’s Gorons are presided over by Darbus, their leader, who
utilises the four Elders as his agents to help him get things done. When the
five entered the Goron Mines to try and destroy the evil that was seeping out
of them, Darbus was overpowered and the Elders were forced to flee, sealing him
in with the Fused Shadow and being forced to abandon him there. Link eventually
confronts the Elders, respectively called Gor Coron, Gor Amoto, Gor Ebizo, and
Gor Liggs. By tracking them all down, he assembles what passes for the
dungeon’s Boss Key, then proceeds to defeat the transformed Darbus and liberate
him from evil’s clutches. Gor Coron is quite skilled at sumo wrestling (didn’t
see that one coming), and just generally seems to look and act very Japanese.
Gor Liggs is covered in purplish body paint, or maybe even IS purple. The other
two are just old. After Link completes the Goron Mines, Gor Liggs and Gor Ebizo
take to hanging out at the Kakariko Village Malo Mart, and later play a part in
opening the Castle Town branch.

As Goron Elders have done since time immemorial, the Goron Elder of Spirit
Tracks sees to the administration of Goron Village, the main settlement found
in the Fire Realm. He is cut off from most of the rest of the place’s
inhabitants by a sudden eruption, and Link is unable to meet with him until he
brings a half-load of Mega Ice to cool it. Though nominally suspicious of the
outsider that is Link, the Elder changes his tune when his grandson rushes in
and tells him it was Link who saved the village, and he shows him how to access
the Fire Sanctuary (since the secret is passed down from Elder to future
Elder.) Later on, the grandson leaves to experience city life, but the Elder
knows he’ll be back, because, he says, all Gorons eventually realise that Goron
Village is paradise. This probably has less to do with the conditions of the
place itself and more to do with the kinship of being among one’s fellow Gorons.

=============================================================================

G o r t r a m
DKC level designer
Race: Goron
Appearances: Skyward Sword

In the Lanayru Shipyards, Link encounters a brief sequence where he must
transport himself from one section of the operation to another by careening
around on mine carts. After the compulsory portion, you can return to try
again, aiming for a course record on three different tracks. Gortram, a
longtime cart fan, runs this whole outfit. Getting under 60 seconds on the
'heart-stopping' course wins you a quick and easy Piece of Heart.

=============================================================================

G o s s a c k
Anti-Bolshevik militant monarchist
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Like many explorers of the bounding main, Gossack can often be found at the
Windfall Island Cafe when he puts into port for a little R&R. Cowardly and a
little ugly, Gossack ‘jumps at even the slightest of surprises.’ Lenzo,
claiming he wishes to help Gossack overcome his fear through exposure therapy,
has Link take a pictograph of the poor soul in abject terror, which isn’t hard
to do; simply rolling into the wall near him will startle him into outright
shivers of fright. Snapping a quick pic will put Link one step closer to the
Deluxe Picto Box.

I also seem to remember intimations of him having a crush on Gillian or some
such thing.

=============================================================================

G r a n d  F a i r y
Fairies in the Outfield
Race: Fairy
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Before Uncle Rupee started pulling all those fun shenanigans he's so well-known
for, the Fairy Garden (known in Japan by the much more interesting name of the
Garden of Consequences) was a verdant, idyllic haven filled with flowing water
and magic power. It even sported a baseball diamond, which somewhat suggests
that the rest of the area formed the rather obstacle-laden outfield, with the
punctuated by the Fairy Temple sitting in the exact middle of the play area.
Not so much anymore, though, as by the time Tingle literally drops in,
responding to a psychic distress signal from the Grand Fairy, Uncle Rupee has
taken the colour-coded Herbs, Cubes and Orbs that power the local magic and
scattered them to the four winds. As a result, the Metal Fairy, Aqua Fairy,
Magma Fairy, Leaf Fairy, and Earth Fairy – each one having a corresponding
giant Rupee that Tingle collected earlier in his quest – have fallen into a
deep sleep. For some reason this has sapped the Grand Fairy of her own power,
including the ability to even assume physical form. Fortunately, Tingle, ever
eager to blindly follow the instructions of complete strangers, journeys across
the length and breadth of Fairy Garden in search of the items in question. He
quickly restores them to their rightful spots, setting the land on the road to
repair. This entails one of the most complaint-inducing but legitimately fun
parts of the game, as a lengthy treasure hunt ensues.

You have the option of renting a talking 'car' (really a square platform)
called the X-Fairy to make travel easier. I considered giving it a profile of
its own, and then did not.

When the Grand Fairy ultimately shows herself before Tingle, she is revealed to
have the body of a modern Great Fairy but the face of Pinkle. It's very
disturbing. It also turns out not to be coincidence, as we learn later that
she's the girl's mother. For now, she lets us in on a truth of equal intrigue:
Uncle Rupee's been playing us all along, which, to be honest, you should really
have worked out for yourself by now. She goes on to explain that the
'Rupeeland' of Uncle Rupee's desires is not actually the utopia he would have
us imagine, but rather a hellscape where everyone on earth is transformed into
a Tingle and forced to labour endlessly to feed Uncle Rupe's insatiable lust
for Rupees. This triggers the single best moment of the game, which I'll now
spoil for you, as Tingle envisions 'Bad Uncle Rupee's Ashen Rupeeland,' set up
as a corrupt version of the game's title screen, complete with copyright
notice. Tingle howls in horror, declares that he no longer wishes to go to
Rupeeland, and vows to defeat Uncle Rupee.

If Tingle goes into the final battle having collected all of the Rupee Goods
and freed Pinkle, the Grand Fairy takes over her role, contacting him by Tingle
Tuner and explaining his new ability to fire streams of Rupees. When he finally
overcomes Uncle Rupee, she praises him for having not fallen into the trap that
his enemy did, and implores him to use the positive energy of the Rupees he has
amassed to make the world a better place. Instead, Tingle decides that he'd
rather live the easy life, lounging around all day, filling his face and going
out every night with his girlfriends. She's not amused.

=============================================================================

G r e a t  D e k u  T r e e
Tree of the Ancients
Race: Deku
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             The Wind Waker

             Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

The Great Deku Tree is known as the guardian of the Kokiri. Even as the other
six races warred among themselves, the Deku Tree shrouded them in the forest.
It is supposedly its (his?) power that keeps them from ever aging past ten. It
also guards the Kokiri’s Emerald, the Spiritual Stone of Forest. Ganondorf
tried to steal it from him but was unable to take it by force. Instead, he sent
Queen Gohma, a giant armoured arachnid, to invade the tree, set herself in its
roots and kill it from within. She spawns many foul beasts and starts to poison
the tree. At the tree’s behest, Link arms himself, enters the root structure
and slays Queen Gohma, but it’s too late. The Great Deku Tree realises that his
suspicion was correct: Link is destined to save Hyrule. He gives him the
Spiritual Stone to help him on his quest, then dies.

As his last act, however, he plants a seed. This new Deku Tree grows just in
front of the previous one, and takes seven years to sprout; it does so just as
Link defeats Phantom Ganon in the Forest Temple. It then gives Link a brief
explanation of what has happened in his absence and further instructions.

This same tree reappears hundreds of years later in The Wind Waker, and he
looks much different than his father. The original looked like...like Merlin.
This one looks like Bob the plumber. His face is way closer to the ground, and
he’s grown more upward rather than outward – possibly because of limited
horizontal space, due to him being inside a larger tree. That tree is quite
possibly the first Deku Tree, though that would have required transplantation.

The new Deku Tree guards the Forest Haven, which is a combination of the Kokiri
Forest, Lost Woods and Great Deku Tree areas from Ocarina of Time, split up
into four tiny islands. The new tree protects the Koroks as its predecessor(s)
protected the Kokiri. Despite its appearance, it is quite as wise as the
original (well, almost.) The Great Deku Tree is one of the few creatures old
enough to remember how to speak Ancient Hylian; when he sees Link in his heroic
outfit, he is reminded of the Hero of Time and spits out a few text boxes of
Hylian script before apologetically switching to Link’s language.

The Great Deku Tree serves to help Link keep up with Makar, an important part
of the story. He also figures into a side-quest: Worried that the forests are
dwindling, he sends eight Koroks out to some small islands to plant trees that
will eventually give birth (so to speak) to new woods, but they aren’t doing so
well. Link must quickly transport mystical water from Forest Haven to each of
the trees, allowing them to begin to grow.

His Tingle RPG incarnation follows much the same route as the Ocarina one,
while taking on the appearance of the Waker one. As usual, he protects a
collection of trees, in this case the Deku Forest. This time, however, he has
produced an heir well prior to dying, but this sapling is itself in mortal
danger, suffering at the hands of human development in the forest. Coupled with
the game's overall anti-consumerist message, I'm beginning to wonder if I could
write an essay positioning Tingle RPG as a critique of modern society in the
developed world. Anyway, the only thing that can save Deku Jr from his fate is
some Pure Dew, which, conveniently, grows a few hundred metres beneath the
Great Deku Tree, in the dungeon called the Deku Temple. Inconveniently, the
Deku Tree is a plant, so he can't just grab it himself; moreover, like always,
he's been infested by monsters. It turns out Tingle is up to the task, however,
and he is able to retrieve the Dew and save the younger tree's life. This
business taken care of, the older one is able to die, entrusting the future of
the forest in his child's hands. So to speak.

=============================================================================

G r e a t  F a i r i e s
Demented sprites
Race: Fairies
Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
             A Link to the Past
             Link’s Awakening
             Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             Four Swords
             The Wind Waker
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish Cap
             Twilight Princess
             Phantom Hourglass

In other words, all main games except the second and seventeenth.

Even though not one of them technically has a name, they serve a great enough
role in Link’s quests that I saw fit to briefly detail them here.

Okay, rapid-fire. In the NES and Gameboy games, a Great Fairy would completely
restore Link’s health. In A Link to the Past, Link would throw various items
into specific Fairy Fountains to have them upgraded. Ocarina of Time’s Great
Fairies offered upgrades and magical attacks. In Majora’s Mask, collecting all
20 Stray Fairies in a dungeon would allow them to reform and give him a special
upgrade, one of which was a very special sword. The N64 ones are famous for
screaming insanely when they appeared. In Four Swords, they offered keys that
allowed the party’s quest to move forward. In The Wind Waker, they mainly
offered capacity upgrades (Rupees, Bombs etc.) and also offered special items
like the Fire and Ice Arrows. In Four Swords Adventures, they sometimes had to
be rescued and escorted, and each of the maidens had the ability to transform
into a fairy, including Zelda. In The Minish Cap they once again offered
capacity upgrades. In Twilight Princess they were found in the Cave of Ordeals,
and if Link completed the entire thing he could visit their springs to fill a
Bottle with Great Fairy Tears, which was essentially Grandma’s Homemade Soup
with only one serving. Lastly, in Phantom Hourglass they provided Link with
certain abilities depending on the number of Power, Wisdom or Courage Gems he
had collected.

Whew.

=============================================================================

G r o g
Get mediaevel
Race: Hylian, for a while
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask

With a name like Grog, you’d think he’d be right at home sailing the bounding
main with Tetra’s pirates, but on the contrary, he spends most of his time
moping in the Lost Woods. A parody that any individual dark or misanthropist in
nature would find insulting, Grog claims that ‘everyone’s disgusting’ and bars
himself off from society. He has a similar attitude in the sequel, when he
proves himself not particularly affected by the impending end of the world,
regretting only that he could not see his precious baby Cuccos become
full-grown cluckers (Link solves this by ordering a march that causes the
Cuccos’ rapid maturation, earning himself the Bunny Hood.) Later on in Ocarina,
he moves to the Woods and becomes a Skull Kid, despite his sister’s best
efforts to save him. That sister, if I recall correctly, is the Cucco Lady, and
I think his mother is Grandma from Grandma’s Potion Shop. His father is Mutoh,
the foreman who’s always yelling at the other carpenters (I know that last one
for sure; his father is definitely Mutoh.)

=============================================================================

G r o o s e
High school jock
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Sort of the Kururin of Skyward Sword, Groose begins the game shaping up to be
an antagonist but turns into one of Link's staunchest allies and closest
friends. With a monumental crush on Zelda, Groose is intensely jealous of the
childhood friendship she shares with Link, and ends up bullying and teasing him
relentlessly because of it. Flanked by his two lackeys, Cawlin and Strich, his
very first act of the game is to push back his swoop of red hair, point
aggressively yet flamboyantly, and declare that Link is a huge dork who will
absolutely lose in the Wing Ceremony in which they are all about to partake.
It's a pretty unmistakeable first impression. It then transpires that the trio
has captured and caged Link's (rare, crimson-coloured) Loftwing in an attempt
to keep him from participating at all. What a guy. Of course, Link finds his
bird, undoes the damage, and wins the competition, causing Groose to grouse
about dumb luck, favouritism and the like. When Zelda disappears from Skyloft
shortly thereafter, he's not so cocky, slipping into depression for quite a
while.

Eventually, he catches on to the fact that Link keeps appearing, rushing around
town, and then flying off again without explanation, and realises that this
must all somehow relate to Zelda. He therefore decides that it would be a good
idea to drop to the surface without a Sailcloth (a magical piece of fabric sewn
by Zelda that can be spread above you to break your fall, allowing you to
safely drop to the ground from any height), latching onto Link in midair and
nearly killing them both. He explains, in so many words,  that his plan is
basically to jump in at the last minute and steal Link's glory, and then they
go talk to Impa at the Sealed Temple. Their conversation is cut short, however,
as Link's charging a Skyward Strike wakes the Imprisoned, to whom he must
quickly rush down and defeat in order to re-seal the beast in its (his) Sealing
Slab. Groose, awed by the battle he has just witnessed, realises the whole
affair is out of his depth, and thinks it best that he simply bow out. Impa,
however, tells him that he still has a role to play, and after some time for
reflection he decides everyone is best off if he provides support from the
sidelines.

In preparation for the Imprisoned's inevitable next breakout, he manages to
jury-rig a mobile catapult that fires oversized Bombs, naming it the
Groosenator and constructing a huge raised railway around the lip of the Sealed
Temple spiral for it to ride around. It's not quite ready when the encounter
does happen, but Link is able to delay the monster until Groose has made the
necessary adjustments. The Bombs stun the Imprisoned for quite a while, and are
able to halt its quick slithering or knock it off a wall if it tries to use its
newfound arms to scale one, making it invaluable, especially since the
Imprisoned is now slightly faster and thus more difficult to attack.

Groose, it seems, has reevaluated his entire life. He's no longer concerned
with the childishness that occupied him before, now striving only to learn all
he can, be the best he can be and make the most of his time on earth (in more
ways than one.) He takes up horticulture. He makes peace with himself. And
then, when the Imprisoned makes its third run for Temple destruction, he
overcomes a technical hiccough with on-the-spot creativity, proposing to launch
Link onto the beast's head to land the final blow. The plan works.

That's his last major stand, but he has one final moment of action when
Ghirahim is pulling his Demise-reviving shenanigans: Impressively, he actually
follows Ghirahim, Link and the unconscious Zelda into the ancient past, taking
custody of Zelda' soulless body so that Link can go after Demise without
worrying about her. In the end, he cracks a joke about 'The Legend of Groose,'
before offering Link one final wave as he returns to Skyloft with his two
buddies. From snobbery and feelings of inferiority, to lethargy and self-pity,
and finally to self-actualization and kindness, Groose is quite likely the most
developed character in the Zelda universe; we can actually empathize with his
personal journey much more than we can that of Link, whose fundamental
perfection is thematically a little farther removed from our own lives. We all
have doubts and insecurities, and we all have to find a way to overcome them.
For that reason, Groose has cemented himself as a fan favourite.

=============================================================================

G u l l y
Strich-in-training
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A little boy living in Skyloft, son of Piper the Bazaar chef, Gully spends his
time running around looking for bugs to collect. He also teaches you how to
roll. And you can rationalise all you want, but having a Stamina Gauge makes
the game less fun.

=============================================================================

G u l d
Mogma Master
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

With his long hair and beard, Guld resembles kind of a wise old hippy. He leads
the Mogma of Eldin Mountain, but due to his advanced years, he is looking to
groom a successor and retire. He shows up in the Fire Sanctuary to help Link
through a few trouble spots, warning him about various dangers and alerting him
to a secret long-lost treasure in the area. Later on he can be found in the
Mogmas' home, complaining about how he wishes he could live among the clouds.
As luck would have it, Kina of Pumpkin Landing is recruiting a row-hoer, and
Link apprises Guld of a job offering in Skyloft while being vague about the
specifics. After Scrapper drops Guld into his new home, he is furious at being
roped into such a menial job, but quickly softens up when he casts his old eyes
on the lovely Kina. He lives out his remaining years in paradise and the Mogma
clan, leaderless, probably withers and dies.

=============================================================================

G u r e e t o
Great?
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Though he looks dressed for a jungle safari, Gureeto offers to be the party's
guide through the desert. When they tell him they don't want to go to the
desert, he chuckles and tells them they'll be back. They scoff, but Segaare
ends up kidnapping Kakashi and and running off with him into the sands, forcing
them to solicit Gureeto's help to pursue. Before he agrees, he first tests
their ability to make the journey. He releases a stag beetle that he bids them
to find and bring back, which, really, I don't know what that's supposed to
prove. Once he's satisfied, he introduces them to the concept of the canteen,
which holds water. If they run out of water, they pass out. It depletes
slightly with each step they take, and Raion requires 100 units (out of a
maximum capacity of 1000) in order to open certain large gates. Finally, it
also serves as the party's hit points for the remainder of the SaGa, since as
long as they're in the desert they're subject to random encounters with
monsters who engage them in turn-based battles in the vein of a typical RPG.
It's very low-pressure, and one of the funniest and most enjoyable parts of a
very funny and enjoyable game. Anyway, the brighterside is that they can refill
their canteen, not only at the occasional pay-per-use oasis, but also
underneath giant bay leafs scattered here and there. These all have Seebuta
stations near them, but just as significantly serve as an opportunity to summon
Gureeto and establish a base camp. He'll appear the instant he's called, and
will happily dispense free water as needed. It would seem that his only desire
in life is to be amongst the desert, because as soon as you're through he takes
off, not even asking anything for his services.

=============================================================================

G u r u - G u r u
Copy Gramophonian
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons

In Ocarina of Time, Guru-Guru - whose name may not have been Guru-Guru at the
time, and whom most referred to on some variation of ‘crazy windmill guy’ - was
a crazy guy who owned the windmill of Kakariko Village. His name is most likely
derived from the handheld gramophone from which he is never seen apart;
‘kuru-kuru’ is the Japanese onomatopoeia for something spinning, as in ‘Nyaasu
no paati, kuru-kuru, mawaru!’ (Meowth’s party, round and round, revolve.’)
Gangly, bald, and bearded, he is almost always seen with an expression of pure,
deep-seated happiness, and this is how Link finds him when he visits the
windmill as a child; there he is, just blissing out in his humble home and
laying down phat beats...no, wait, that’s a different kind of spin-related
music-making. But like the Happy Mask Salesman and Scarfies, he also has a dark
side. When we reunite with him seven years down the line he adopts an utterly
fearful countenance and starts screaming at us. He starts to work his
gramophone faster and faster as the unforgettably significant Song of Storms
starts to grind out. Link, he shrieks, is the one responsible for the sudden
and catastrophic draining of the village well, without whose waters Kakariko
can barely subsist, and it’s all because of Link, the Ocarina of Time, and the
most accursed Song of Storms!

So to recap, Ganondorf was responsible for the sacking of Hyrule Castle,
Ganondorf was responsible for Death Mountain’s optically threatening corona,
Ganondorf was responsible for Zora’s Domain freezing over, Link was responsible
for the well draining, and all of this happened around the same time. Nice
logic? Actually, as learn when we investigate further, it turns out it WAS Link
who destroyed Kakariko - what a dick! In a case of what can be called
retroactive history or self-fulfilling prophecy, upon hearing this Link then
takes us back to the past to enact (re-enact?) the crime for which he has been
accused. Upon standing in the middle of town and playing the Song of Storms
(which Guru-Guru hears and remembers, seven years later teaching it to Link,
who then goes back in time to teach it to Guru-Guru) he finds that the
windmill, in much the same way as the gramophone that we have discussed above,
begins to spin faster and faster, drawing all available water until there’s
nothing left. Torrential downpours now DRAIN wells, didn’t you know? The
advantage here is that this leaves Link free to explore the Bottom of the Well
and acquire the quest-critical Lens of Truth, but obliterating the welfare of
an entire village is sort of harsh. Nice one, Mill.

In his second appearance (which is where we get the name from), Guru-Guru is no
longer mad at us, but still a little bit of a creep. He hangs out by the
laundry pool, cranking out one of my favourite tunes in any Zelda, and that’s
saying something. But man, come to think of it - Guru-Guru, the Stray Fairy,
Kafei, the Curiosity Shop Owner (presumably), the Postman, and Link himself;
the laundry pool sure does see a lot of traffic for one small alcove, doesn’t
it? Anyway, in this universe Guru-Guru formerly put his musical skills to use
as part of a group of travelling entertainers, but he soon left out of jealousy
for the troupe’s leader, because he just couldn’t reconcile with taking orders
from a dog. He lifted the mutt’s Bremen Mask on his way out the door, stealing
masks being in vogue in Termina, only to find that rather than slaking his
spite, the act left him consumed by guilt. When Link comes along, he realises
he’s found the perfect solution: He’ll bequeath the item to him! That
definitely makes it ok! Well, it works out at least, with Link gaining a useful
new tool and Guru-Guru somehow now able to live with himself where he couldn’t
before.

With the Oracle Saga taking gameplay elements from the GameBoy and setpieces
from the N64, Guru-Guru played a minor role in Seasons as well, tending the
Windmill that sits on top of the hill in the Eastern Suburbs of Horon Village.
In stark opposition to previous events, here Guru-Guru WANTS the contraption to
gyrate as fast as possible, and even enlists that good-for-nothing Link for a
little help. If Link can provide him with some Engine Grease to loosen up the
joints and gears (what sort of Engine it was originally intended for never
being explained), Guru-Guru will give up his iconic Gramophone. I guess you
never really know someone. The Windmill will begin to spin at exciting
highspeed star, and Link can then take the Gramophone to Holodrum’s Lost Woods,
root out a lone music-loving Deku Scrub in an obscure cave, and receive a copy
of Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars. No, wait, he receives a Broken Sword,
which he can then have repaired to the L-2 Noble Sword, twice as powerful as
the one he had before, so sweet deal.

=============================================================================

G u s t a f,  R o y a l  S p i r i t
Dead and kicking
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Gustaf reigned as King of Hyrule hundreds of years ago, but of course, he died.
He still wishes to maintain peace in his kingdom even from beyond the grave,
however, so he still does what he can to ensure its future. Link first meets
him after claiming the Water Element, then goes to meet him in the Royal Crypt.
Much like similar tombs, his was so complex it’s its own mini-dungeon. In life,
he was very fond of the people of the Wind Tribe. The Kinstone piece he gives
Link allows him to enter Veil Falls and, consequently, the Palace of Winds.

=============================================================================

H a n c h
Mulleted coward
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

What the hell kind of name is Hanch?

An inhabitant of Ordon Village, Hanch first strides onto the scene, as it were,
by throwing small rocks at a beehive in an effort to get its larvae to use as
fishing bait. (This caused a lot of confusion in Spirit Tracks, where Bee
Larvae also appear, as do beehives, but the two are unrelated; the items are
found randomly in pots and the like, and knocking down one of the game’s
aggravatingly plentiful beehives will win you nothing but pain. You can’t even
catch ‘em.) There are two ways to grab this bad boy for him: You can either
bean it with the Slingshot, which you won’t get until later, or assault it with
a hawk, which you can do immediately. The former will turn a stinging reprisal
on yourself, but the latter will see the sortie directed against Hanch.
Mistaken blame and all; it’s like a sitcom. Hanch will flee into the water to
get them off his tail, which doesn’t work in real life by the way. Bees will
actually watch you move beneath the surface and follow, and resume their attack
when you reemerge. Try it if you don’t believe me. Go ahead.

Shortly thereafter, we learn that he is Sera’s husband and Beth’s father, and
following that, he proves himself to be one of the most snivelling and
dislikeable characters ever seen in a Zelda game, brimming with malcontent and
in dire need of an attitude adjustment. He makes up for it later, when Bo
assigns him to security detail. Hanch takes up a position on the earthy-stoney
pillar between Sera’s Sundries and Rusl’s house, from which vantage he shoots
the village hawk at trespassers; guess those things are common property and
whoever makes use of them gets to have them, thanks Locke. Maybe Hanch learned
the technique from Link’s beehive-bashing. Anyhow, during the period in which
Link is forced to briefly return to the settlement in wolf form, he’ll feel
Hanch’s full wrath if he gets too close, with the latter understandably
believing him to be a monster. It’s actually kind of neat, I mean that attack
took me totally off-guard. And it all contrasts very nicely with his unceasing
cries of terror that carry on throughout the process. I just avoided him after
being attacked once, but apparently you can sneak up behind him and startle him
into the water, which, I have to admit, sounds hilarious.

Hanch appears in the ending credits for roughly three quarters of a
microsecond, happy to return to a life without fear.

=============================================================================

H a p p y  M a s k  S a l e s m a n
Amazingly accurate timekeeper
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages

Going only by the titular moniker of the Happy Mask Salesman, we have here one
of the weirder residents of the Zelda universe. From an early age, he was
fascinated with masks, especially those with magical properties. His collection
grew to be quite extensive, and he opened up a small shop from which he sold
his wares.

He was having trouble getting business, so he recruited Link as a trader. Link
borrowed masks for his own personal use and, when he encountered individuals
interested in buying, he sold them off on behalf of the shop, keeping a modest
finder’s fee. He sold several masks like this, all of which reappeared in the
next instalment of the series. These actions also fed Link’s altruistic nature
as they helped out their recipients with their personal lives. The ultimate
reward for this mini trading game was the Mask of Truth, which had about three
uses (two of which were pretty trivial.)

He got an interesting makeover for Majora’s Mask, where he spent the entire
game waiting in the Clock Tower for Link to bring him Majora’s Mask, which
Skull Kid had stolen from him. His poly was fundamentally the same, but he
added a giant pedlar’s backpack festooned with odds, ends, cooking pans, and
masks. I expect most of you know this by now, but if you look closely you can
see a Mario mask pinned near his head. Close to it is an Elvis Presley one.
There’s also one that some say is a Darth Maul mask, but if that was the
intent, it’s a far cry from the original. The rest are random generica, though
one looks like it could easily have become the Stone Mask.

The Happy Mask Salesman is best known for his bizarre (I won’t say psychotic,
because he clearly does not have psychosis per se) behaviour. He stands alone
in dank locations. He is obsessed with masks (identity confusion?) and develops
dangerous emotional attachments to some of them. He also slingshots between
emotions more quickly than a Vibe Island denizen, screaming at Link one moment
then smiling pleasantly the next. Also, he rarely opens his eyes. On a possibly
related note, he recognizes Link no matter what form he approaches him in.

He also has a shop in Lynna City, where he figures into Oracle of Ages’ Trading
Game and then serves no further purpose.

=============================================================================

H e l m a r o c  K i n g
Winged monstrosity
Race: Helmaroc
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             Four Swords Adventures

In Arabian mythology, rocs are enormous birds who live on mountaintops. As I
recall, Sinbad the Sailor encountered one and stole an egg from its nest. I’m
not sure what happened after that, but I don’t think it ended well for him.

This was how the Roc’s Feather dungeon item came into being, but the Kargaroc
enemies first appeared in The Wind Waker. Though they could be somewhat
irritating to take out, they dropped golden feathers that were eventually
traded for a Heart Piece. Like the Helmasaurs, the Kargarocs have a figurehead
who is much larger and more powerful than themselves. (Helmasaur King doesn’t
get a bio because he’s a plain boss without any character.)

When Ganondorf emerges from the Golden Land and sets up shop atop the Forsaken
Fortress, he employs the Helmaroc King to do his bidding. Mainly, he tasks it
with locating and capturing Princess Zelda. He knows she’s out there somewhere,
even if she doesn’t. The Helmaroc King captures several girls who *might* be
Zelda, but as it turns out, none of them are. It eventually finds Tetra, who
really is Zelda, as captain of a merry band of pirates. The scurvy knaves fight
it off and are taken, in the course of the battle, to Outset Island, where Link
sees trouble and comes to Tetra’s rescue. The Helmaroc King swoops in once
again and hauls off Aryll by accident, setting TWW in motion.

They track the Helmaroc King back to Forsaken Fortress, but are thwarted there.
The Helmaroc King hurls Link into the ocean and leaves him for dead, after
which point he doesn’t do anything for quite some time. He and Link finally
square off near the top of the Fortress, where he mostly swoops at Link and
tries to crush him. When he pecks, he gets his face stuck in the stone, at
which point he is vulnerable to strikes from the Skull Hammer.

He is also the boss of Death Mountain Trail in Four Swords Adventures.

=============================================================================

H e n a
Master fisherman
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

When Ocarina of Time was being developed, one of the lead programmers, Morita
Kazuaki, had a sort of ‘secret project’ – a fishing mini-game, the one we found
at Lake Hylia. This was a pretty cool place, so it made it into the game! It
was so popular, in fact, that Morita was assigned to create Hena’s Fishing Hole
for Twilight Princess, which I actually like less, but whatever; lure fishing
from a canoe is neat. Anyway, Hena runs the inexpensive fishing hole, which can
be quite an interesting diversion, though a frustrating one (I only ever caught
one fish :( ).

She may be descended from Hyrule’s most famous fisherman, the bald guy who ran
Ocarina’s place (and the Curiosity Shop in Majora’s Mask.) I find it kind of
funny that the photo is in black-and-white, because the Deluxe Pictograph
hadn’t been invented yet. Jackie Smith adds, 'if you examine his picture, you
can look over at Hena and she'll be scratching her back the same way the
fishing guy would! If you talk to her about it, she'll just brush it off as
something that just happens every now and then. It's pretty funny.' She also
has a picture of herself with a lunker (how vain of her). There’s also one of
her sister Iza, who runs the nearby boat rental place, and her brother Coro,
who sucks at fishing but is pro at making lamp oil.

Like the fisherman from Ocarina, Hena gets mad if Link uses the Sinking Lure,
because it’s unsporting. Unlike the fisherman from Ocarina, however, she will
let him use a different (but still inferior) lure called the Frog Lure if he
can beat eight courses on the Rollgoal game. The Frog Lure requires skilled
hands to use, and so does Rollgoal, so I guess that’s the connection there.

=============================================================================

H e n y a
Fake-tatooed 90s musician
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Henya serves as the mostly well-mannered but sometimes impatient Knight Academy
cook, a position she has held for over 25 years. At the beginning of the game,
she has ordered Fledge to store some barrels, but the poor weakling just can't
do it and needs Link's help. Henya is fond of both pots and her husband Rusta.
No word on whether or not she has a crush on Instructor Horwell or has enlisted
Groose's help to drug him.

=============================================================================

H e r o ’ s  S p i r i t
Lycanthropic swordmaster
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

This ancient vestige of Hyrule’s bygone golden age never introduces himself,
and there are few official resources to corroborate his name (except Nintendo
Power, a sometimes dubious source of information), but most people know him as
the Hero’s Spirit, so we’ll just call him that.

And what he does say about himself is allusory at best, but that just enhances
the mystical nature of the character. Ever since Majora’s Mask’s Swordsman
School, there have been a number of individuals willing to instruct the player
in the ways of Hylian combat. Hero’s Spirit, the latest implementation, is
uniquely qualified in that he was actually around in ancient times, when many
actually studied the Way of the Hylian Blade with great dedication. From the
way he talks, he has truly mastered the sword and has surely seen a fair few
battles before he was transformed.

In fact, chew on this: He actually refers to Link as his successor. He most
likely just meant that it was now Link’s responsibility to proliferate the
ancient sword arts, but in context, it almost sounds like Hero’s
Spirit...HERO’S Spirit...is actually Link from Ocarina! Pretty out there, you’d
think, but is it really?

Anyway, he teaches seven techniques over the course of the game – paltry
compared to the Blade Brothers, but he’s just one guy, plus every one of his is
cool and/or useful, which is more than they can say. They’re also progressive,
meaning they grow in strength and animation quality as you go on, and sometimes
require mastery of a previous technique to perform (most commonly the Shield
Attack.) My favourite technique is the Mortal Draw, where Link stands still
without L-Targeting, sword sheathed. Then, at the last second, before the
opponent sees through his ruse, in one smooth motion he draws it and fells them
in a single stroke. If you like, he also spins it around all fancy-like when he
sheathes it.

To learn a technique, Link must locate one of the Howl Stones scattered across
Hyrule. In wolf form, Link must then howl out a specific tune, many of which
are from Ocarina of Time. When he does this, he will be transported
to...‘another dimension,’ I guess, which looks a lot like Hyrule in its heyday.
He and the Hero’s Spirit, in the form of a glowing golden wolf, then join
together in a howling concerto. After that, a spot gets marked on his map and
Link must head over to that location, where he finds the wolf in the flesh. The
wolf then again transports them to another dimension, this one very white with
Hyrule Castle in the background. He assumes the form of a skeletal, armoured
soldier. After testing him on the previous technique, he proceeds to drill Link
on a new one. He tries to introduce them with as much gravity as possible, but
really, Link is in no danger >_<.

The final technique, the Great Spin Attack, is learned right outside the castle
barrier, so it may well be that Link learns it right before the final showdown.
When he has imparted all he knows, the Hero’s Spirit departs this world with no
more than a fierce hope that Link will prevail.

=============================================================================

H i g e m o n b a n
Whisker Monster Group?
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

So named for his magnificent giant moustache, Higemonban personally guards the
gate to the castle of Emerald City. Though clad in the same green, tin
soldier-type uniform of the rank-and-file, he clearly has some authority
amongst them, as he is seen relaying orders to some of the people around him.
Though at first he refuses entry to Tingle and his dudes, he is happy to let
them in when they are specially summoned to deliver medicine to the ailing
Princess Emera. He is later found incapacitated by an unknown force, but
follows that up by capturing the four impostors who attempted to enter the
castle disguised as the heroes.

=============================================================================

H o  H o  T r i b e
There’s more of him?
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

I always kind of liked Old Man Ho Ho from The Wind Waker, travelling the seas
apparently, always showing up in unexpected places, looking out to the ocean
and explaining what he was looking at with an exclamation of wonder.
Naturally enough I always assumed he was just himself, but Phantom Hourglass
shows us that he’s actually part of a whole organization. Wearing identical
white coats, top hats, and monocles while sailing about in a tub-shaped boat
similar to those used by the Moblins of Waker, the Ho Ho Tribe spends their
days looking for random ‘things,’ for which they will happily part with useful
items if Link can slake their desires. They have a particular and constant
interest in the Regal Ring, which is an extremely rare find but entails a
massive reward. The chapter leader, Hoiger Howgendoogen, also participates in
the Trading Game by coughing up the Guard Notebook in exchange for his lost
Kaleidoscope. I question the practicality of a kaleidoscope in the Ho Ho
Tribe’s line of work, but whatever makes you happy.

=============================================================================

H o t  R o d d e r  G o r o n
Would-be bandana-bearer
Race: Goron
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

A Goron who spends literally all of his time rolling down Death Mountain Trail
at high speed, apparently because it’s the only way he can relax. Some people
calm down when they get an adrenaline rush, this is an actual thing. The only
way to get his attention is by attempting to murder him, either with a Bomb
Flower or a bona fide Bomb (neither of which you have access to the first time
you read his sign and/or encounter him.) If you actually carry out his
instructions in most places, he’ll tell you to take off, but if you invade his
home and attack him there, he’ll reward you with the Big Bomb Bag. Perhaps
you’ve noticed before that many video games don’t make any good logical sense
much of the time.

=============================================================================

H o n c h o
Cult of personality
Race: Anouki
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Much like Mike Haggar, Honcho is really just a terrible mayor. Rather than
cause his city crippling economic problems resulting in gang warfare whose only
solution he determines to be punching an old man in the face, however, Honcho’s
failings are at least somewhat less incredible, ranging from being unable to
adequately secure its residents from monster attack to being unable to persuade
its residents to cooperate with each other. To both ends, he enlists Link’s
help, first to arrange each Anouki into a patrol cell of two, with some Spirit
Track additions as his reward; the catch is that half the Anouki in Anouki
Village Kai hate most of the others, meaning they’ll refuse to work with each
other. Link must therefore speak with each of them, put all the pieces together
and figure out an acceptable arrangement for him. (At least Honcho himself is
magnanimous enough to work with anybody.) This is only a temporary measure,
however, as later on, with Link’s transportation provisions regarding body and
supplies, Honcho will contract the Bridge Worker to build a fence to keep out
the wild beasts. He’s incompetent, but well-intentioned and strangely likeable.
I mean, he does his best. He also bears a striking resemblance to his
ostensible ancestor, the Anouki Chieftain of Phantom Hourglass.

Even Honcho points out the fact that his name doubles as his occupation. I
guess I should be relieved that at least I’m not the only one who’s been
noticing this stuff going on.

=============================================================================

H o n e y  a n d  D a r l i n g
Bakappuru
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask

I’m not sure if they ever addressed each other by pet-name in Ocarina of Time,
but if they did then I’m sure they were Honey and Darling just as in its
sequel. Here, they do nothing but embrace in an endless waltz and coo at each
other. Every once in a while they say something borderline noteworthy, usually
having to do with recent events, but it’s sort of hard to discern through the
deluge of mutual entrancement. At least, that’s how it is during the day; after
hours, they just want to spend some quiet time alone, making their decision to
hang out in a market square one of the worst ideas anyone has ever had. After
Hyrule Castle Town is overrun, they relocate to Kakariko Village with the other
survivors.

Their love-love lives on in Majora’s Mask, where they run Honey & Darling’s
Shop in East Clock Town. It’s not actually a shop but a minigame hut whose
offerings change daily; over the course of Link’s stay, they showcase Bombchu
Bowling (much the same as the Bombchu Bowling Alley from Ocarina), Target
Practise (with your Hero’s Bow and all, similar to a whole plethora of things),
and Bomb Basket (akin to lighting the eyes of the giant Dodongo skull in
Dodongo’s Cavern). Though all three games have a time limit, you can
momentarily stop the clock by shooting the couple (...). If Link succeeds at
all three games in a single 72-hour period, he wins a Heart Piece, which is
oddly fitting. Actually, their dialogue at the end of this ‘side-quest’
suggests that their may be trouble in paradise: ‘I wonder...are we truly
happy?’ Still, though, I like to think it all works out for them in the end ^_^.

Honey and Darling are named after a Japanese modern tradition where girls will
call their lovers ‘darling’ (daarin) and guys will come back with ‘honey’
(hanii). From this, we know that the N64-hot redhead is Honey, and the
surrealist painting she goes with is Darling (this type of pairing being
another Japanese tradition of sorts, hence we get stuff like 'Daarin wa
Gaikokujin' and 'Shanhai Hanii.') Armed with this knowledge you can figure out
who’s speaking when when they talk, since lines beginning with ‘Honey’ must be
uttered by Darling and vice versa. At least, it sort of works. It’s basically
incoherent viewed from ANY angle.

=============================================================================

H y l i a
Genesis
Race: Goddess
Appearances: Skyward Sword

This is it, boys and girls: the ultimate deity of the Zelda universe. With a
name like Hylia, I doubt we'll ever encounter a higher power. Her relationship
to Din, Nayru and Farore is uncertain, but she may have created even them; she
is the progenitor of the Hylian race, the previous incarnation of Zelda, the
alpha and omega.

She is, however, not invincible. For whatever reason, a thousand years ago the
dark spirit Demise found himself less than satisfied, and resolved to topple
her from her figurative throne and take over the world she governed as his own.
Unlike most rebellions against the supreme creator, this one actually got
pretty far, and it took every last inch of Hylia's strength to defeat Demise.
Even then, she was unable to kill him; instead, she imprisoned him in an
alternate dimension accessible only through a piece of rock called a Sealing
Spike, which she set in the remains of a temple to her, which had been the site
of their battle. She flung most of the structure into the skies, along with
other bits and pieces, where they were permanently suspended among the clouds.
(Incidentally, I thoroughly recommend the Baten Kaitos games.)

Thus her mortal heirs and servants were sheltered from the chaos that consumed
the earth in the wake of her sudden absence, and when the time was right a
chosen hero would take up a special sword in her name in order to defeat Demise
and finally guarantee the fledgling nation's security. With what power was left
to her she created a number of lesser deities to watch over the land and guide
the hero when he appeared. In addition, she left behind a number of monuments
and other markers to provide the necessary background information. She then
left behind three mission-critical treasures (secured by means of being the
rewards for challenges she felt only the hero would be able to complete), and
inside the sword she placed a living guide to instruct and advise him over the
course of his quest. Finally, her last bits of life dwindling, she took on the
form of a cyclically reincarnating Hylian, whose each iteration would be named
Zelda. With all her dominoes lined up, she could only hope that the hero would
appear to tip them.

=============================================================================

I g o s  d u  I k a n a
The king is dead
Race: Stalchild (Stalfos, maybe?)
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Long ago, Ikana was a flourishing kingdom in the east of Termina. But trouble
soon came to the utopia as war broke out between the natives of Ikana and the
Garo ninja, both of whom lived in Ikana Canyon. A bloody power struggle ensued.
Apparently, neither side was ever able to actually win. Its history has turned
Ikana into a residence of death and sorrowful memories. The only living beings
Link encounters there are Sakon, Pam, her father, and the modern Garo, whose
clan is still intact. Everyone else is a troubled spirit, a Poe, or something
of the like.

Remember the Composer Brothers, Sharp and Flat? When Sharp attempted to restore
Ikana, he inadvertently raised many of its dead former occupants. Igos du Ikana
returned to rule the Stalfos from the Ancient Castle of Ikana (we can assume
that it did not always have the ‘Ancient’ prefix.) Link is forced to enter the
castle and head for the Throne Room.  Here, he must do battle with the king’s
royal bodyguards before fighting Igos du Ikana himself. He attacks with a large
sword, and sometimes detaches his head to spit fireballs at Link. He is
weakened after a few sword strikes, then finally defeated when Link exploits
the king’s new vulnerability to sunlight (new since he died, I mean.) Upon his
victory, Link learns the Elegy of Emptiness, a quest-critical Ocarina melody.

In life, he was good friends with Captain Keeta, who leads the Stalchildren of
Termina. You can wear the Captain’s Hat to fool the king briefly, but he knew
the man well enough to not be fooled by an imposter for more than a
split-second.

=============================================================================

Iiguru
Eagle
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

With his thuggish basketball jersey and green afro, Iiguru bears a passing
resemblance to the legendary Teddy Todo. He is, at first, a fairly dour young
man living in the port of Page 10, unable to find work that suits him. Though
he had previously been an agent of a secret organization within the town, he
didn't like it, and quit, to his mother's constant concern. For her part, she
works at the passport office and regretfully informs Tingle that she cannot
send his application to the next stage of the process without a work
certificate for each applicant. She really wants to help, however, and advises
him to talk to her son, and to address him as Shiishii-chan. They then track
down her son in the West Side, and though he's initially unwilling to engage
them, as soon as he hears his mother's term of endearment he starts grinning
sheepishly and assuring Tingle he'll do anything he needs.

Tingle explains the situation and Iiguru explains that his former organization
will probably have some work for him, but that they must first test his
intellectual worthiness. He gives Tingle the first Agent Memo, which offers a
cryptic clue about how to find the first Agent (who looks exactly like the
Agent class from the first game.) Thus ensues a section of running back and
forth across town in search of Agents who will give him brief challenges. This
culminates in Tingle learning that the clown selling ice cream outside Umineko
Kouen is actually their leader, and the two go to a warehouse swarming with his
mortal enemies: rats adorned with various hairstyles and fashion accessories.
Using Pachinko, Tingle must nail the correct targets while avoiding the decoys,
eventually sending them running off. The grateful head gives him a work
certificate for services rendered, and since Kakashi hasn't been able to find
anything useful to do up to this point he gives him one too, stating that
merely staying out of the way is plenty (Kakashi is, after all, a child).

Later, Iiguru is still searching for work, and his mother is growing ever more
worried about him. Iiguru suggests that Tingle help out by canvassing potential
employers around town, promising to go check it out if something sounds
interesting. One possibility catches his eye, and he rushes off to Umineko
Kouen to learn the art of professional gardening. The gardener tells him to
shove off, and Iiguru runs away in tears. Tingle finds him on the landing over
the tracks, but he's inconsolable. Not having any of that, Tingle whips out
Dekushichi, a young Deku seed, and Iiguru, reinvigorated, rushes back to the
park to try again. This time, the gardener is impressed with his enthusiasm,
but requires him to demonstrate at least a basic knowledge of gardening if he's
going to take him on as an employee. With Tingle whispering the correct answers
in his ear, Iiguru is able to answer all of the gardener's question about
growing Deku trees, and together they begin to cultivate the seedling. This
unlocks a Secret.

Iiguru's mother makes one final unexpected appearance on Page 13, disguising
herself as a guard to free the captured party from their castle prison cell.

=============================================================================

I i j i m a
Foot soldier
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irdozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

A freshfaced member of the palace guard entrusted with keeping watch over the
prison during the dance party. His youth and inexperience work against him, as
he is easily duped into abandoning his post when Iiguru's mother arrives,
claiming to have orders to relieve him.

=============================================================================

I l i a
Malon wannabe
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Link’s kinda tomboyish childhood friend and daughter of Mayor Bo, Ilia harbours
great fondness for both of them, as well as for Epona. But no matter how hard
she tries, Epona just plain likes Link better. She doesn’t like it, but she
does recognize the bond that Link and Epona share, and as a parting gift for
his journey to Hyrule Castle, she makes him a charm that symbolises the love
between man and beast. However, she is quick to anger when Link injures Epona
slightly by recklessly jumping fences. She seizes the charger and takes her to
Ordon Spring, refusing to give her back. After some coaxing, Link convinces
Ilia to let go of the reins (pun!!) and let Epona take some risks once in a
while.

No sooner has he done this, however, than a portal opens above Ordon Spring and
a gang of Bokoblins storms the village, knocking out Link and abducting Ilia
and the village kids. Somehow, Ilia winds up pretty far away from where they
did – in her case, she finds refuge in the Hidden Village. Impaz, wanting to
leave because of the danger but unable to because of the relic she must guard,
is in a huge dilemma and is very, very worried, especially what with the
Twilight having descended on Lanayru Province. Ilia, ever the good girl, gives
her the charm she made for Link, and tells her how Link will come and save
them. Well, she’s half-right, but not in quite the way she thought.

The next part of her story is a little foggy, but somehow she ends up miles
away in Hyrule Castle Town, all of her memories wiped by severe trauma – she
doesn’t even know her own name. Telma the barmaid takes her under her wing,
letting her live at the bar for a while. When Link finds her there, Ilia
doesn’t even recognize him, but Telma can see it in his eyes. As it turns out,
Prince Ralis could benefit from the healing hand of Renado in Kakariko Village,
and Ilia would be safer there, so they assemble in Telma’s wagon and Link must
guard them from Bokoblin assaults as they cross two plains (going the long
route, because the town’s east bridge is out). Thanks to Link, the trio makes
it to Kakariko safely.

Ilia spends the rest of the game here, but her amnesia (a really, really
overdone cliché; I was disappointed by this development) remains. Towards the
third-last dungeon, Link retraces Ilia’s footsteps and gets the charm she gave
to Impaz, which causes a synapse to fire and restore Ilia’s memories all at
once. The charm, by the way, is a nifty item that lets Link call Epona from
anywhere, instead of just from preset points.

Her father, Mayor Bo, is one of only two humans to have ever sumo wrestled a
Goron and come out on top. Both he and Link cheated, though: They used Bo’s
Iron Boots. By the way, does anybody else think Bo’s moustache makes him look a
little like a boar?

=============================================================================

I m p a
Royal handmaiden
Race: Sheikah
Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
             The Adventure of Link
             Ocarina of Time
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             Skyward Sword

Impa is supposed to be Zelda’s nursemaid, handmaiden, teacher, bodyguard and
all-around loyal companion, but if you ask me, she doesn’t do an especially
good job of it. She spends most of her time being injured and allowing Zelda’s
capture. And she doesn’t even bother to show up for her first two appearances:
She just phones it in, briefly summarizing the backstory. In this capacity, she
seems to be something of a chronicler of Hylian lore. She’s one of the few
people who seem to be mildly aware of the Triforce, and she knows all the
secrets of the Hylian Royal Family.

She actually appears in Ocarina of Time, in the flesh. While other games have
her old and frail, practically crippled from her violent adventures, and
wearing a long red robe, Ocarina sees her youthful, energetic and garbed in
battle gear. This is interesting because it offers us our only chance to
observe a real live Sheikah. The Sheikah placed the Gossip Stones and were
responsible for many of the temples in Hyrule, but except for Impa they’re a
no-show. They were the venerable stewards of the Royal Family in ancient times
(mostly during the period when all of Hyrule was at war with itself), but since
then their numbers have dwindled to just Impa. She’s the last surviving one.
Maybe the Sheikah had seen through their intended purpose and were no longer
needed? Killing off an entire race because they have outlived their usefulness
seems a little harsh, but then again, the Three Goddesses did drown an entire
country to stop a single would-be dictator.

Anyway, Impa teaches Link Zelda’s Lullaby early in the game – this is in fact
the tune that she used to play for Zelda to put her to sleep. When Ganondorf
assaults Hyrule Castle, Impa acts quickly and flees with Zelda on horseback.
For the next seven years, Hyrule is plunged into darkness. But Zelda doesn’t go
down so easily. In hiding, she formulates a plan and tries to do it mostly
through manipulation, but she also acts directly. To that end, Impa teaches her
some of the Sheikah’s secret arts and she takes on the guise of Sheik. Everyone
in Hyrule Castle takes cover in Kakariko Village. I don’t think Impa had a
Ganondorf takeover in mind when she drew up the blueprints. When Link beats the
Shadow Temple, it turns out the last surviving Sheikah happens to be the Sage
of Shadow. Whew! What if it had been a different Sheikah...?

Oh, and in the Oracle games she is either possessed by Veran and used to create
catastrophe, or grievously wounded by a group of one-hit enemies, depending on
which game you’re playing. Either way, she takes up residence in a house just
outside of town and helps Link recover that game’s main item. In a main-linked
game, she also opens the way to the side-quest that ends in Zelda’s rescue.

A little old woman named Impaz appeared in Twilight Princess’s Hidden Village.
They both have white hair, her name is clearly a derivative of Impa, and the
Hidden Village is the abandoned but ancestral home of the Sheikah, so perhaps
she is Impa’s distant descendant. Her only purpose is to give Link a book
written in Sky Writing that will let him reach the City in the Sky, but
reaching her entails one of the best sequences in the game, a tense Old West
shootout with a slew of Bulblins set to some of the best musical pieces in the
series. It was so good, in fact, it was even revisited in Link’s Crossbow
Training. So thanks for that, Impaz.

It's safe to say that, like with Fado, the Impa of Skyward Sword is a totally
different character who merely has the same name. Or maybe I'm wrong. That
said, she is still a Sheikah tasked with protecting Zelda, so in any event it's
not like she's a total reinvention or anything. Her look is quite different, at
least, as she seems to be quite young, has a much leaner body type, has gone
blonde, and doesn't carry a weapon, seeming to prefer empty-handed fighting. A
warrior from the ancient past, she sends herself forward in time in order to
protect a pilgrimmaging Zelda, catching up with her just in time to rescue her
from a band of Bokoblins outside the Earth Temple. Zelda has already made it to
one sacred spring on her own, but Impa takes it upon herself to guide her to
the next one; when Link appears seconds later, she gives him lip, basically
telling him he's useless to Zelda as well as tardy. She then takes her to the
Temple of Time, planning on hiding her in the past, where Ghirahim can't get to
her. Ghirahim arrives to try and halt their exodus, but Link once again rushes
in. He buys them a few seconds while Impa takes Zelda through the Gate of Time
(one of two, as it turns out) and destroys it from the other side, preventing
Ghirahim from pursuing. The pair then experiences a great deal of downtime,
until Link finally manages to travel into the past himself. For her part, Impa
simply keeps watch over the Sealed Temple (and the sealed Zelda) – at one point
suggesting to Link that he plant a nice tree for her to wake up to, which he
does, although he has another motive – until Ghirahim eventually barges in,
incapacitating her. She remains out of commission until after Link has defeated
Demise, at which point Zelda and Groose beg her to come back to their time with
them, but she declines, saying she is of her own era. They leave her behind,
but then of course it turns out that the old woman who has been guiding Link
and Groose throughout the game was Impa the whole time. There's sort of a
contrived keepsake hook shoehorned in there, just in case the clothing,
gangliness, braid, teardrop tattoo and plot somehow hadn't tipped you off yet.
In modern times, Link first encounters Impa after arriving at the Sealed
Temple, where she gives him advice on how to proceed and makes cryptic hints
about things that are going to happen later. When Groose begins living at the
temple, she takes him under her wing, nurturing him into the game-changer (so
to speak) that he ends up becoming. She basically spends all her time trying to
guide and manipulate Link into performing the actions who culmination she
already witnessed a thousand years ago, so in a way she is the chessmaster who
ultimately defeats Demise, and Link is merely her Queen, although it's a little
less impressive when you have foreknowledge. Interestingly, without knowing
they're the same person, Groose seems to make friends with her in both eras.

=============================================================================

I n d i g o – G o s
Producers of slammin’ tunes
Race: Zoras
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

The Indigo-Gos are Zora Cape’s five-man music sensation. Though musical
instruments and music themes have always played a huge role in Zelda, the
Indigo-Gos are its first and only band. Unfortunately, like the rest of
Termina’s residents Skull Kid has been causing them huge problems, some of them
lethal. For one thing, they were booked to play at the Carnival of Time in
Clock Town, where locals celebrate the passing of another year with festivities
and prayer to the Four Giants. But the impending apocalypse has seen their show
cancelled.

Moreover, the evil that has invaded Great Bay Temple has turned their usually
pristine waters barely liveable. Naturally, everybody is a bit down. Once Link
rousts Gyoakku from the temple, however, they spend the rest of the three-day
time period playing in front of Zora Cape’s giant shell. It’s pretty neat to
see them all playing together.

Lulu (vocals) – Her mother was in the original Indigo-Gos, and Lulu’s voice may
be even more beautiful. However, Lulu’s eggs were stolen just before the game
began, sending her spiralling into worry and depression that has robbed her of
the ability to speak. What the Gerudo thieves planned to do with the eggs, I do
not know. As for the father, from a few casual references we can infer that
it’s probably Mikau. Then again, would Nintendo allow such content as
premarital childbirth into one of their marquee titles? Anyway, when Lulu hears
the New Wave Bossa Nova, she sings it for a giant turtle disguised as an
island, who braves the storm surrounding Great Bay Temple in order to deliver
Link to its doorstep. As the wearer of a long, slinky blue dress, she is one of
only a handful of Zora to wear clothes. This is a little odd, considering her
alternate-world counterpart is Princess Ruto, who embraces the customary Zora
nakedness.

Evan (keyboard) – As the band’s moody frontman, he assumes most of the
responsibility for writing their songs. He gets quite offended when the other
members write songs without his input. But their best stuff comes from Lulu and
the guitar-playing duo, anyway. Almost uniquely, he has a number of golden
scales among the typical white and blue ones.

Mikau (guitar) – Mikau is so awesome, he gets his very own profile.

Japas (bass guitar) – Mikau’s good friend, Japas backs him with a guitar
fashioned from a crustacean. The two frequently hold very successful jam
sessions in Japas’s room. They later use these riffs in their songs, much to
Evan’s consternation. Japas styles his fins in a punk-rock style.

Tijo (drums) – Substantially larger than the average Zora, Tijo plays a set of
puffer-fish drums. He seems to be the only band member with all the pieces of
the puzzle regarding their relationships with each other – he knows about Mikau
and Lulu’s secret relationship, for instance. His body is of a different
phenotype than most Zora. My Grade 10 Science teacher enjoyed the Genetics unit
very much.

Toto – I might as well talk about him too while I’m at it. Toto is the group’s
manager. He handles their bookings and appearances. He seems to be relatively
affluent and has made a lot of money from their success, meaning he’s made them
a lot of money.

The Indigo-Gos are best known for their hit single ‘The Ballad of the Wind
Fish.’ That song is originally from Link’s Awakening: Marin taught it to Link
so he could wake the Wind Fish and return home. Lulu wrote the New Wave Bossa
Nova, which, incidentally, revives her near-death (?) eggs and causes them to
hatch when they’re all gathered together. Also, Japas, Evan and Tijo all have
solos on the guitar, organ and drums, respectively.

Indigo-gos is a portmanteau of indigo and go-go. Indigo is a shade of purple. A
go-go is a trend, as in ‘Henshin a go-go, baby!’

=============================================================================

I n g o
Surly farmhand
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             The Minish Cap

Ingo’s appearance is modelled on Luigi from the Mario series of games, and like
Luigi to Talon’s Mario, he is always playing second best. He spends his days
tending the horses and livestock at Lon Lon Ranch. Since Talon does nothing but
sit in his house all day long and play trivial mini-games with visitors, Ingo
is forced to do pretty much all the work there is to do. He proves himself to
be quite an excellent farmhand and a capable rider to boot, but Talon doesn’t
give him nearly the respect he deserves, keeping him downtrodden with barely
enough of a wage to live on. This has left him frustrated and bitter.

When Ganondorf takes over Hyrule, he kicks Talon out and gives Ingo control of
the ranch. He forces Malon to stay and work for him, under the threat that
he’ll mistreat the horses if she tries to leave. He continues this for seven
years, whoring out the steeds to tourists for brief rides. When Link liberated
Epona, Talon stormed back and wrested control from Ingo. After a time, the two
actually became grudging friends.

In Ocarina, Ingo wore overalls and a green shirt (like Luigi), but he traded it
in for a fancy tunic and ruffled collar for his reappearance as Gorman in
Majora’s Mask. This time he was the leader of a group of performers called the
Gorman Troupe, which chiefly included two sets of twins: Twin brother jugglers,
and twin sister dancers. They were scheduled to perform at the Carnival of
Time, but were cancelled due to the impending apocalypse. Oh, and adding to the
twin theme, Gorman had twin brothers, the Gorman Brothers. (...) If Link saved
Romani Ranch from the aliens on the first night, Cremia would try to deliver
Romani Milk on the second night. But the Gorman Brothers, like they had the
past few times, tried to steal the cargo, so Link volunteered to fend them off
as Cremia drove the milk wagon to town.

Ingo returned with his dignified appearance in a manner not at all having to do
with farming, this time as a money-grubbing landlord in The Minish Cap. Link
was the middleman between him and three sisters, two of whom became tenants.
The last one was out of luck for purposes of game balance.

A character greatly resembling Ingo also appears in Tingle RPG's Lon Lon
Meadow. He's never named as such, but there's not much reason to think it's not
him. He does, like, stuff. Gives you paper or something.

=============================================================================

I n s t r u c t o r  O r w e l l
The tolerable one
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Seemingly the younger of the Knight Academy's two teachers, Horwell is known
for his extensive knowledge of animals but never does anything at all.

=============================================================================

I n s t r u c t o r  O w l a n
The competent one
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Though he is rather similar in appearance to Horwell, Owlan has white hair
instead of brown, making me think that he's older. Also, he studies plants
rather than animals. This figures into a late-game sidequest in which he
bemoans the fact that he's already finished studying every species of plant in
Skyloft, and longs for a new intellectual pursuit. Link offers to find him
something new to observe, and Fi provides him with a dowsing target...which
ends up being a Kikwi. This particular one, Oolo, is by far the most cowardly,
and wishes he could leave the Faron Woods for someplace a little safer. Seeing
the opportunity to solve two problems in one stroke, Link summons Scrapper and
hauls the hapless creature in the sky, turning him over to Owlan's care. The
old man is delighted and hacks up a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals for the
trouble. He also helps out when Link is attempting to make contact with Levias,
suggesting he bring an offering of Pumpkin Soup and teaching him the Spiral
Charge to fight off the enemy that has possessed him.

=============================================================================

I o n a  N a t t s u b a i y a a
Jungirl
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

With their vehicle's power supply running low on Page 6, Tingle and the group
make a stopover in Aomono Village to procure a new one. A short ways down the
path from the station, they encounter Iona. Like most women, she runs at the
sight of him, and thus ensues an entire Page of trying to convince all the
women in the village that he's not a pervert. As with everything else when it
comes to Irodzuki women, this requires no more than a Love Push, and as he goes
around convincing everyone of his benign intentions they slowly start to open
up and help him. Iona's mother, in particular, has nothing but disdain for him
at first but will chat with him about all manner of things after; she even
gives him a chance to work the fields, and believe me you'll need the Rupees
just to finish the chapter. Exhausting her dialogue tree and then retrieving
five smiling mandrakes in the minigame gets you a Secret, too. The game also
notes that she would without doubt be quite good-looking if she were a little
younger, which is kind of terrible. Eventually, Tingle convinces everyone that
he's all right, and one lady makes a call to Iona, who is hiding behind the
security door of her family's shop. The woman will suggest Iona talk with
Tingle, and after he Love Pushes her as well she'll finally come out of hiding.

A slim 19-year-old girl in a loincloth-bra combo with a three-pronged pink
ponytail, Iona is expert in the lore of the area. Even so, the Gasoringo, the
item that the group requires, is a little more rare, and she needs some time to
research it. In the meantime, her father, a stunted little lump of age and
foulness, has Tingle take the shop's monkey, Masaru, in search of coconuts.
He'll pay for every coconut retrieved, but the main motivator is the ability to
grab Torimushi's lost hat from the top of a tree. Eventually, Iona will find
what she's looking for and announce the necessary items: A Gasoringo seed, a
Zekkou Chou, and...I'm sorry, I forgot what else. Somebody please remind me.
Long story short, Tingle gathers all the stuff but Nimidanshaku rents the
rental field before they can, to grow some sweet flowers to give to Iona. This
elicits the opposite of the desired reaction, as Iona becomes inconsolable at
their inability to create a Gasoringo, because by the time the rental field is
usable again Tingle will have missed the dance party he's on his way to. At
this point, however, he receives the ability to go back in time while holding
onto certain items, so he is able to go back to a point earlier in the Page and
rent the field before Nimidanshaku. All is well and, a little later, they are
able to continue on their journey. Iona wipes away her tears as she sees him
off.

...so, naturally, Tingle startles the living daylights out of her when he
appears behind her, ready for another round of Love Pushing. Iona is definitely
the girl most resistant to his attempts (although Emera gives her a run for her
money). First he must wait until he's unlocked Level 2 gifts, and once he's
filled her second heart she says, thanks, but I'm not interested in going to
the dance party. Tingle then has to go talk to her father, who just wants her
to go to the dance party and meet a nice man, and has made her a beautiful
green dress. When Tingle shows it to her, she changes her mind, but then gets
angry when she realises he's been conspiring with her father. A final Love Push
changes her mind one last time, and she brings Tingle to her favourite place in
the village, a clear secluded pond a little ways into the jungle. They talk,
she snuggles up to Tingle, her father and Masaru secretly watch, and she
decides to go to the dance party. Like the other four girls, she appears for
the dance battle and the 'should I stay or should I go' sequence.

=============================================================================

I r i s
The extent of my floral knowledge
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Four Swords Adventures

Originally I thought that Iris was actually Maple, but an alert reader and the
Internets informed me of my mistake. I think it was a fair one to make, though,
considering are both are young apprentice witches who dress in blue and have a
penchant for magical mishaps caused by arcane inexperience. In Iris's case,
she's managed to levitate a house and transport it to the Dark World, much to
the consternation of its occupant. Fortunately our heroic quadrio manages to
right the situation, returning the young man to the arms of his lover.

=============================================================================

I s h i d e e s u
Heart of stone
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Ishideesu is the fountain on Page 2, a statue of a woman pouring a vase fall of
water into the pool surrounding her. Tingle grabs some water from her for
cooking, and later gains the ability to Love Push her. She's quite rigid,
requiring at least Level 2 gifts for a positive response. Beforehand, she'll
turn away when Tingle nears; after, she'll greet him with a dazzling smile. Oh,
she also has a switch on her bum.

=============================================================================

I z a
Altrustic Charon
Race: Hyrule
Appearances: Twilight Princess

The spunky, fearless, afro-toting girl and her younger sister Hena may love
each other, but that doesn’t stop them from being malicious wenches. Nah, it’s
actually just sibling rivalry, really, and the two do seem to stick together in
crisis and help each other out when the time comes, venomous barbs or no. Funny
enough, they both also have an affinity for the water, and ended up opening
water-related businesses in the same stretch of Zora’s River. For her part, Iza
runs a boat rental shop, but finds herself in trouble when a cave-in blocks the
route downwards and occasional Twilight patrols pull through to kill things.
Luckily for her, Link comes to her aid with a handy Spin Attack, and upon
hearing her plight agrees to get her establishment back in operational order. A
few well-placed Bomb-arrows are all it takes to clear out the rubble and open
the way, from whence she begins to offer him the privilege of giving her money.
Just kidding, sort of; she also gives him the Bomb Bag she lent him for the
purposes of helping her, with a capacity upgrade in the offing if he can get a
high score in her mini-game. This is an interesting pastime which patrons play
as they paddle, in order to ‘pass the time’ on their way downriver (>_>).
Keeping close to Iza’s Zora assistant - who’s kind of cute and cool, but
doesn’t have a name - Link pulls out his Hero’s Bow and tries to shoot a number
of coloured pots on his way down the rapids. This was such a fun mini-game, it
was reborn in Link’s Crossbow Training, though he flew solo in that (non-canon)
iteration. At the end of the course, his guide affixes a rope to the boat,
and...drags it and its passenger straight back upriver. O_o

=============================================================================

J a b u – J a b u
Aquatic deity
Race: Giant turtle
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages
             The Wind Waker

Jabu-Jabu is a giant green fish-turtle thing with a big blue gem stuck in his
forehead. The Goddesses appointed him as the lesser deity charged with the
overall safety and well being of the Zora race. So much for that. He never says
anything and the influence he chooses to exert is pretty limited. When
Ganondorf attacks, with warlock magic and a third of the Triforce at his
disposal, he easily overpowers Jabu-Jabu, who is never seen while Link is an
adult. The Zora are then unilaterally put on ice, and Zora’s Domain becomes one
big icebox. Their other sanctuary, Lake Hylia, becomes festering with Tektites
and is almost drained by Morpha, who has taken over the Water Temple. Nice
going, double-J.

Like the Great Deku Tree and Darunia, however, he also plays a key role in
helping Ganondorf take over Hyrule: The third dungeon is Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, a
surreal cavern filled with organic contraptions, walls that bleed when struck
with the sword and an infestation of Bari and Biri (electrically charged
enemies that float through the air and look a little like jellyfish.) Link must
allow himself to be swallowed so he can venture into Jabu-Jabu’s digestive
system and make contact with Princess Ruto, who eventually gives him the final
Spiritual Stone.

Like 90% of the polys from Ocarina, Jabu-Jabu’s is reused for Majora’s Mask.
Well, his face is. This time, he’s not a deity, but he’s still a giant turtle –
he’s sleeping in the middle of Termina Bay next to Zora Cape, disguised as an
island. He even has palm trees growing out of his back. When Lulu recovers her
voice, she sings to wake the turtle, who then carries Link through a terrible
storm surrounding Great Bay Temple, the third dungeon.

Jabu-Jabu’s Belly was a pretty creative dungeon, so he reprised that role in
Oracle of Ages. Once again, the Zora worship him and he protects them. The
quest to enter Jabu-Jabu’s Belly and vanquish the evil inside spans both the
Past and Present.

Now, in The Wind Waker, there’s a character called Jabun. I’m not quite sure
what to make of him, but it is generally believed that Jabu-Jabu altered his
body and changed his name, becoming Jabun. A few things in that game are made
pretty clear, like the Zora having become the Rito, but Jabu-Jabu becoming
Jabun is sketchy. Okay, the names are similar, and they’re both water deities,
and they both offer a blue quest item, AND Jabun is one of only a handful of
people to speak the ancient Hylian language (in other words, the language
spoken by the inhabitants of Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule). Hmm, maybe I am sure,
after all.

=============================================================================

J a k a m a r
Hammerer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Possessing a strange name, a laidback attitude, a stylin' 'stache, and an
awesome costume the likes of which might be found at a Japanese festival,
Jakamar is one of the cooler characters in Skyloft. A carpenter by trade, when
we first meet him he is attempting to repair the gate leading to the Bazaar
area of the island, which will turn into something of a theme as Gaepora seems
to have tasked him with all manner of projects throughout the island. A little
later, Link discovers that one of the island's twin windmills, necessary to
continue his quest, has lost a crucial component, the pinwheel that controls
its direction. It's fallen through the clouds and into Lanayru Desert, but
Jakamar offers to put it back into place if Link can find it, and makes good on
his word when he does. In stark contrast to his worrying wife Wyrna, Jakamar is
never too concerned when their tiny daughter Kukiel tries to go on
mini-adventures or disappears for hours. There is, however, no doubt that his
family is more important to him than anything else in the world, and his love
for them is frequently what provides him with the creative inspiration for
innovative solutions to complex repair problems. That said, he's afraid of
heights, which you would think would be pretty debilitating when you live
hundreds of kilometres above the ground.

=============================================================================

J a l h a l l a,  P r o t e c t o r  o f  t h e  S e a l
Obese ectoplasmic entity
Race: Poe
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             Four Swords Adventures

Jalhalla guarded the Earth Temple’s inner sanctuary, where Link needed to
deliver Medli in order to begin restoring power to the Master Sword. He was
very large, very fat, purple and masked. He is the compliment to the Wind
Temple’s Molgera, Protector of the Seal, but he’s also known as the Master Poe.
In fact, his very body is composed of two-dozen Poes of various colours, though
Jalhalla himself is a single entity.

In either of his incarnations, Jalhalla is susceptible to light being directed
at his mask. The FSA battle is barely worth mentioning, but the Waker one is
pretty interesting. Using the Mirror Shield to direct light onto his mask stuns
him. When Link lifts him with the Power Bracelet and bowls him into the arena’s
spiked perimeter, he breaks into his component parts, which must be quickly
destroyed. He soon reforms and the process must be repeated; he dies when the
final Poe is destroyed.

Jalhalla reminds me a lot of Boolossus from Luigi’s Mansion. Boolossus was a
big boss formed of 15 Boos. When Luigi lured him into one of the place’s
unicorn statues, he would break into the Boos, who then had to be individually
vacuumed up with the Poltergust 3000. Both are ghosts comprised of smaller
ghosts, so I wonder if Jalhalla wasn’t inspired by Boolossus.

I don’t know if there’s a connection, but _V_alhalla is the final resting place
of warriors in Norse mythology.

=============================================================================

J i i c h a n  a n d  B a a c h a n
Adoptive parents
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

When Tingle awakens after having been sucked into the magic book in which his
adventure takes place, he finds that not only does he still live at home in
spite of being 35 years old, but he also lives on a farm in the middle of
nowhere. This couple, apparently his mother and father in this world, are quite
content in their old age, with the modest living they've built for themselves.
Jiichan looks every bit the farmer, with his tall straw hat, overalls, and a
piece of buckwheat sticking out of his mouth. He's also quite handy, and gets
Tingle to help with one of their giant machines that has broken, and which
subsequently fires him across the pasture. Tingle holds onto Jiichan's
screwdriver, which ends up being the key to several boss fights much later on.

If Tingle pays them a visit afterward, he finds them both flat on their backs
near the house, their skin a sickly green. If Tingle brings back some of the
medicine he prepared to heal Emera, he'll be able to revive them. If he
neglected to grab the note that was near them beforehand, Jiichan will eat it;
if he grabs it before reviving the pair, he can then show it to them, at which
point he will learn that they received a strange package in the mail whose
contents they recently consumed, having hidden it from Tingle until he left, I
think because there wasn't enough to share. They apologize profusely and Tingle
forgives them, unlocking a Secret. As it turns out, Emera met them when she was
a little girl, explaining why Tingle's room contains an Emera clock, poster and
doll.

=============================================================================

J i j i i
Gramps
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

If you're like me, you went around collecting dynamite without really
contemplating Zonmi and her crew's reason for wanting to open the tunnel at
all. It turns out that they're trying to reach Jijii, a bald old man with a
wicker basket strapped to his back. For some time now, he's been stranded on a
small plateau overlooking the port found on the next page, and he's overjoyed
to finally be freed. He gives Tingle some background information before going
and standing in the tunnel for the rest of the game. A skilled herbalist, he
later provides one of the ingredients for Princess Emera's medicine.

=============================================================================

J i n m e n j u u
Tender plant
Race: Tree
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

By now, I think all Zelda fans should be pretty much familiar with the concept
of sentient trees. Jinmenjuu appears in the forest of Page 4, warning Tingle of
the gang of squirrels that basically owns the place, and incidentally
introducing him to his six children, who are all nuts. Literally. They're all
little acorn-like creatures with various facial features and other such little
touches to distinguish them from one another. Nothing much happens on the first
visit to Page 4, but a return trip will yield a side-quest: The squirrels have
stolen all of his children! Tingle must go about the area recollecting them.

Itsuki – The first visit required Tingle to interact with a large hedge that
contained three abnormalities that then moved around, and he had to keep an eye
on the one that visibly had a squirrel beneath it, then tag it with Pachinko
when they all stopped moving. Repeating this same bit will yield Itsuki.

Kiichi – Somehow got dropped into the pond. Tingle must fish her out.

Konomi – Tingle finds her in the big green snake's tree, about to be eaten by a
squirrel. However, the snake appears at just that moment, and attempts to eat
the squirrel. To his sadness, the rodent escapes, and now he won't give up
Konomi until Tingle finds an acceptable substitute. To free her, Tingle must
offer a golden frog in exchange; there's one at the pond. In probably his
cruelest moment, Tingle releases it in front of the snake. It then hops off,
and the snake pursues, but we don't see how it ends.

Mokugi – My note says 'device.' I have no idea what I meant by that.

Mokushirou – Remember when Raion hid under a bell? Then he threw it aside? And
now a squirrel lives in it? The captured Mokushirou lies within as well.

Udoroku – This time, recall the purple bottle of juice that rolled across the
floor when Raion fled the log cabin. If Tingle tried drinking it the Super
Mario theme played and he ran outside, causing Kakashi to cutely warn him that
he shouldn't drink stuff he finds lying on the ground. If you grab it now, you
can give it to the squirrel choking on Udoroku, who will then eject him.

As you might gather by looking at that list, they all have names that are puns
on wood and trees. As you bring each one back, Jinmenjuu comments on the
adventure that particular one has had and implores you to gather the rest. Once
you have all of them, he summons a pelican to deliver them to faraway lands, to
continue propagating the species. He then begins to complain of how lonely he
is, when one final child pops into existence. He names this one Dekushichi and
asks Tingle to find a spot for him to set down roots. The answer lies on Page
10: Tingle must attempt to get Iiguru a job at Umineko Kouen, where a master
gardener is looking to start a new project. Though initially rejected, Iiguru
gathers his courage and motivation once more after being shown Dekushichi.
After convincing the master gardener to take him on, the two begin to cultivate
the seedling, and soon he has grown into a tall, smiling palm tree (in contrast
to his father's more coniferous persuasion.) He then forms a seed of his own,
which he names Kokochan.

Since Jinmenjuu has been lonely, Tingle brings him Kokochan to keep him company
a while longer. Though his need for company is sated, he's still sad about
never being able to see Dekushichi again. Once trees start to grow, he notes
philosophically, they are stuck to that spot for the rest of their lives, so
when they part it's goodbye forever. He's so overwhelmed with sadness he starts
to cry; Tingle comforts him by...no, wait, he harvests some of his tears for
use in Emera's medicine. It turns out that that's exactly what Jinmenjuu
wanted, however, so until it's time for his new granddaughter to inevitably
leave the nest, all is well. I guess.

=============================================================================

J o a n n e
Mermaid
Race: H...Hylian? Gerudo?? Or...or mermaid.
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

The sister of Jolene, whom you’ll read about in just a moment, Joanne is much
less important. She’s ok too though. I could have just missed something really
obvious, but I’m a little unclear as to whether she’s actually a mermaid or
just pretending. Either way, she provides a great deal of amusement to the Old
Wayfarer on Bannan Island, who muses that Link might be able to catch a mermaid
with a fishing rod. Not having a fishing rod, Link instead hits her in the face
with his Boomerang. When he reports back to the Old Wayfarer, he says she’s
probably run off for another man, and when he goes to see Linebeck, the dog
says that yes, he did talk to her, but she swam away. Finally returning to the
Old Wayfarer, he finds that Joanne has settled into the pool of water in the
dude’s house. In thanks for bringing such a beautiful creature into his home,
the Old Wayfarer offers Link a Fishing Rod. Later on, when Link heads off the
coast of Bannan to rendezvous with the Old Wayfarer on the S.S. Wayfarer, he
notes that the mermaid eats too much, and he’s running out of money because he
has to spend it all on food.

=============================================================================

J o l e n e
Strong woman
Race: Looks like Gerudo
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Ok, first thing’s first. By all accounts, she appears to be a Gerudo. What what
what!? I thought they all died in the Great Flood! Meaning either some of them
somehow survived, or these are Gerudo from a land other than Hyrule – how can
either of those things be?? Or they could be the spiritual successors to the
Gerudo or something, or are just weirdly similar to the Gerudo, or it’s just
Jolene’s personal style or something. Whatever the case we’ll probably never
get an answer, and this paragraph may well be the deepest anyone will ever
delve into the mystery, because it’s not exactly a discussion of broad interest.

Anyways, moving on to more important things, Jolene has some kind of history
with Linebeck that isn’t fully elaborated upon, but it’s quite clear Jolene
believes she got a raw deal. She roams the extremely small seas of Phantom
Hourglass in her pirate ship, ostensibly doing piratey things, only to drop
everything the instant she spots the S.S. Linebeck on the horizon. With a
bloodthirsty war cry, she takes off after it, firing torpedoes. Should she
manage to board, she’ll immediately scramble belowdecks, only to find it
Linebeck-lacking but boasting a battle-ready Link. She fights with the Gerudo
traditional curved blade, but her skills definitely don’t match up to those of
the N64 girls. After being bested, she takes off, and Linebeck emerges from the
barrel he was hiding in and offers increasing Rupee rewards based on the number
of times you’ve fought her off, levelling out at I believe 100 Rupees.

She’s a very angry woman. She wears her makeup so it looks like she’s always
glaring hatefully, and I think her teeth become pointed from time to time, but
that may be my imagination. And come to think of it, her hair is brown, rather
than the Gerudo red, so that pokes some more holes in my ‘Jolene is Gerudo’
theory.

Late in the game, Ciela implies that she can clearly tell Jolene is in love
with Linebeck, and it’s just that his shortsightedness and self-hate are
preventing him from realising it.

=============================================================================

J o v a n i
Stealing Midas’ ideas
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

A short, fat little man who sold his soul for infinite wealth. This backfired,
however, because he himself was transformed into riches, and his cat was turned
into a gold figure that sat on top of his head. Since this wasn’t quite what he
was hoping for, and he badly wants to see his girlfriend, Jovani requests that
Link track down the 20 scattered pieces of his soul and return them to him.
When he does, the curse only half-breaks; Jovani can move around and his cat is
returned to normal, but he is still made of gold and his eyes are still rubies.
He gives Link an empty bottle as a reward and asks for all 60 pieces of his
soul, and after receiving such he finally returns to normal and reunites with
his sweetheart.

=============================================================================

J u n g l o
Tarzan wannabe
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

A loincloth-wearing old man living in Deku Forest, which is apparently a jungle
now. A number of years ago, he encountered a dying woman in the forest who
entrusted her baby daughter to him; he raised the girl as his own, teaching her
how to fight and survive. It's clear that he was once buff and handsome, but
has grown a little past his prime. He seems not to realise this, vainly posting
his erstwhile image all throughout the Forest, and boasting about the potion he
imbibes regularly in order to maintain his (rather unimpressive) physique. He
still has his uses, however, and Tingle can summon him to various points in the
area to help with tasks he couldn't accomplish on his own. For example, Junglo
has a pet baboon whom he commands to stretch itself across the span of a
collapsed bridge. The monkey stays there for the rest of the game, squawking
angrily whenever somebody walks across it.

After a few things are out of the way, Junglo confides the truth about Aba, his
adopted daughter, not realising that she is eavesdropping on the two. Shocked
at the revelation and angry with him for concealing the truth, she takes off,
and eventually winds up living with her birth father, the Armourer, in Port
Town. Junglo never sees her again, and nobody ever remarks on this, not even
him.

=============================================================================

K a e p o r a  G a e b o r a
Avian manipulator
Race: Owl
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Four Swords Adventures

Kaepora Gaebora is a human-sized owl who periodically swoops in to offer Link
cryptic advice. There is an Owl character in Link’s Awakening who hasn’t been
confirmed to be Kaepora Gaebora specifically, but most fans treat the two as
one and the same (at the very least, KG was inspired by the Owl.) The first
time we saw him was when Link returned to the site of his shipwreck to recover
his sword, at which point the good owl laid out the general idea of his quest.
Throughout the game, he functioned as a plot device who arrived on the scene at
critical moments to explain what was going on and reveal a little more of the
mystery of Koholint Island. He may have been an agent of the Wind Fish, and the
manual mentions he might not have had pure intentions. He performed a similar
function in his three reprisals, letting Link in on what’s been going on while
he’s been at other locations. It is notable that in Ocarina of Time, he did not
even believe in the legend of the Hero of Time, but by the time they met at the
Spirit Temple (the last time), he’d been convinced. He only appears when Link
is a child, since Sheik takes over after that, so his fate under Ganondorf’s
rule is a little ambiguous. Many fans (I’m not really one of them, sorry guys)
find his extended rambling irritating and unnecessary, so he has gained great
notoriety for being annoying.

=============================================================================

K a g o r o n
We Didn’t Start the Fire
Race: Goron
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Bearing a slightly larger beard than an average Goron, Kagoron is also coloured
a lustrous muted beige as opposed to most Gorons’ dull orange-brown. As the
spiritual and political leader of Goron Village in the Fire Realm, he serves a
function similar to the Big Brother role seen in earlier titles. When Link
first visits the community, it is besieged by falling firey rocks and the
resultant blazes. Kagoron has travelled to the top of the mountain in order to
pray for protection from their patron deity at the Altar of the Mountain
Goddess. Link follows him up and hears him out; the Goron prelate implores him
to find something to douse the fires, even giving him a free freight cart for
his train so that he can fetch something, anything, that might help. This turns
out to be Anouki-style Mega Ice, which saves everybody’s lives and wins
Kagoron’s cooperation, as he moves out of the way of the cave he was standing
in front of, thus granting access to the next Force Gem. Later on, he sends
Link a map pointing out treasure in Dark Ore Mine.

=============================================================================

K a k a s h i
Sharingan!
Race: Wara-ningyou
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Kakashi is Tingle's most blindly loyal companion in Irodzuki Chinkuru and the
one that leaves the group the least frequently. He is the first to be
encountered, as well, as he oversees the small crop behind the fortune-teller's
house on Page 2. Though at first he appears to be a full scarecrow (as befits
his name), it turns out that he is actually a knee-high straw doll, and a darn
cute 4-year-old child as well. Tingle convinces him to join his journey to the
City, and is able to make use of his abilities. The first, 'tanomu' (request or
entrust) allows him to command Kakashi to enter small spaces - including those
of boss machines, which comes into play in a couple of fights – which is mostly
used to circumvent obstacles or investigate mysterious cavities. His other main
command, 'wara' (straw) causes him to pull out a piece of his head and prod at
the target, causing them to laugh, or grab on, or what have you. His dialogue
and animations when he does this are quite humorous, especially when he's
instructed to perform the action on an object on which it has no effect.

On Page 3, he manages to beat a crow in a fistfight, although his components
are amusingly scattered everywhere. Moments later, Tingle looks away for a
second only to have another crow grab him and fly off, necessitating an
annoying Pachinko-facilitated rescue mission. In the boss fight on Page 8,
Kakashi does his part by crawling up the Gasoringo plant's base and up its
stem, then hanging from its head, dragging it within easy range of Pachinko. He
gains his third and final ability at the end of Page 10, when the guard outside
Service Hyrule asks to see the medal that he's been showing off the last few
chapters, after which it is immediately stolen by a local boy. They pursue him
to Umineko Kouen, where they persuade him to not drop it into the ocean in
exchange for an action figure they got from a sailor, who in turn received it
as a reward for eating extreme amounts of ice cream; the boy was promised
1,000,000 Rupees from Segaare if he turned over the medal, but he says he
doesn't actually care about Rupees and only wants the toy, proving he doesn't
understand what money is. The medal, as it turns out, is actually quite the
item, as anyone who casts eyes on it is duly impressed. The party tries to make
use of it on Page 11, but is thwarted by Segaare, disguised as a street
performer, who kidnaps the kid, leading to a trek across the desert and into
the bowels of Usotami Village in order to get him back.

He frequently annoys Raion with his ignorance and childishness, leading to a
growing friendship and many comedic exchanges between the two. His most
crippling flaw is his lack of brains, which is made clear quite often by his
complete inability to understand half of what's going on around him at any
given time. In his finest hour, however, he manages to come up with his
first-ever plan, telling Tingle to tie him to a rope and throw him across an
absent bridge so that they may cross. Tingle is able to progress, but a guard
gives chase and both he and Kakashi end up falling into the courtyard.
Fortunately, he returns for the final battle, where he follows up his sudden
presence of insight by providing information on the enemy and ideas for how to
deal with her. After their big adventure, Kakashi returns to the field he had
formerly tended, where he instructs other scarecrows in the art of scaring
crows.

=============================================================================

K a m a r o
Let’s jam!
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

A master of all forms of dance, Kamaro died before he could present his
personal perfected form to the world. The work which becomes a new genre itself
will revolutionize the world of dance, but alas, in his present condition
Kamaro is in no state to be spreading the word. Luckily, Link is a shrewd lad
who finds himself wandering Termina field one night between midnight and 6:00
AM, when suddenly he spots the wisps of blue fire that point out Kamaro’s
distant ghost (little blue fires seem to represent ghosts quite often in
Japanese fiction. It has to be a folklore thing.) Hopping over the dry levee
(or is it just a harsh, long winding river where those flowers float?) to the
tall, mushroom-shaped rock in the middle of the river, Link encounters one of
the creepier characters in the Zelda universe: a long, lanky, emaciated,
shirtless, deathly white old man with an elongated head, overpronounced
cheekbones, green-coiffed topknot and no pupils. He’s stuck perpetually
practising the dance he dreamed up, unwilling to let it slip away but unable to
do anything to the opposite effect. All of this is done to some utterly sweet
Persian flutes.

Recognizing a troubled soul when he sees one, Link whips out his trusty Ocarina
of Time and plays a pivotal little ditty we like to call the Song of Healing,
which is supposed to soothe the confused and allow them to let go of any
attachment they still feel towards the world of the living. Unfortunately for
Kamaro, in his case it’s not so simple. His creation, he explains, simply
cannot go unlearned, but leaf-like medium that he is, Link is prepared and more
than willing to take on the burden of learning it. Startled and pleased at the
sudden appearance of a student, Kamaro eagerly imparts the meticulously
designed routine he’s worked out, which Link is then able to duplicate with
flawless fidelity upon donning Kamaro’s Mask, which materialises in his hands
shortly after. True to his promise that the fruits of Kamaro’s labour will make
their way to the ends of the earth, Link teaches the dance to the Rosa Sisters,
who even end up performing it for half of Termina at the Carnival of Time.
Secure in the knowledge that his moves will be passed on, Kamaro does the same,
finally able to play freely without fear of risky things.

Shout-outs to the similarly named Great Kamroh from the Baten Kaitos duplex,
one of my very favourite experiences of the entire sixth hardware generation.

=============================================================================

K a m o
Mooner
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Kamo is the bowl cut-sporting guy on the steps leading up to Windfall Island’s
market. He’s sort of like a lot of us when we were teenagers: He doesn’t talk
to anyone unless they’re outgoing enough to talk to him, writes depressing
poetry, and claims that nobody understands him. The only way he’ll believe that
you do is if you bring him a picture of the full moon (his allusion to which is
vague yet painfully obvious), which requires you to first wait for one since
it’s not worth it to cycle through days and nights over and over just for him,
then snap a quick pictograph, head back to the island and shove it in his face.
He’ll give you a Treasure Chart leading to a Heart Piece to express his
gratitude, though for what I’m not exactly sure. The source of Kamo’s pain is
his probably unrequited love for Linda that he just can’t bring himself to
confess, hence his fascination with the moon, an equivocally beautiful object
that fills his nights where Linda doesn’t.

=============================================================================

K a r a n e
Cheerleader
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Though the Knights who rescue Link when he falls off Skyloft are sometimes
female, Karane is the only girl at the Academy with whom we actually interact.
So that makes her the most popular girl in school. She has a mutual crush on
Pipit, and you can get them together if you want to, but before you do you have
to deliver a Love Letter to her from Cawlin. To her credit, Karane is impressed
with the gesture and legitimately considers dating him, but ends up following
her gut and confessing to Pipit, who commiserates. Then they become the popular
steadies and the king and queen of the prom! If it's not clear by now, I've
been trying to paint the Knight Academy as the setting of a high school drama.
Also she complains that someone is always hogging the bath in the evenings.

=============================================================================

K e a t o n
Ninetales’ distant cousin
Race: Keaton
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask

In Japanese folklore, foxes are creatures with magical ability. They are also
very long-lived, and they grow more powerful as they age. Every hundred years
they grow another tail, until they reach their maximum strength of nine tales.
This legend has appeared in quite a few video game forms, and the Keaton is one
of ‘em. Keaton is a golden-furred fox who appears to those wearing a Keaton’s
Mask, which serves three roles in the N64 games. In Majora’s Mask, once
summoned the Keaton will have Link answer trivia questions, the reward for
which is a Piece of Heart or Rupees. Keatons are said to be mischievous but
incredibly wise animal spirits.

=============================================================================

K e e t
Probably related to Dovos
Race: Hylian
Appearanes: Skyward Sword

The fact that Keet never seems to do anything but loiter around the Lumpy
Pumpkin pretty much says it all. Seriously man, go to school or get a job. He
has a crush on Kina but keeps it to himself, which is really for the best
because she deserves better. He observes her and Link's duet, helping to keep
the player on time; between him and Rusta, I personally find Keet easier to
follow.

=============================================================================

K i d  T o a d s t o o l
Fun guy
Race: Toad
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

A Rupee Good, Kid Toadstool apparently went to Hollywood in the hopes of making
it big in pictures, but has yet to have a studio offer him a contract.
Something like that. I'm guessing it's a Hylian folk tale. And he's not
actually a Toad. That was a joke. If anything, he'd be a Puffstool, or one of
those enemies from Kirby.

=============================================================================

K i k i
Bipedal warm-blooded mammal
Race: Monkey
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Link’s Awakening
             Twilight Princess

Kiki is a monkey who opened up new areas for Link, but only if he thought he
was going to get something out of it. Players were startled to find Kiki
tailing them when they emerged from the hedge maze. For a large sum of Rupees,
Kiki opened up the gates of the Dark Palace, being one of only a few monkeys
who knew the trick to it. Similarly, he opened the gates to Kanalet Castle on
Kohlint Island in exchange for a bundle of bananas. There are also monkeys in
Twilight Princess. None of them is specifically named, but if one of them did
have a name, it’s a good bet it’d be Kiki, and it’d probably be the pink
bow-wearing one. These monkeys are struggling to wrest their domain, Faron
Woods, from the grip of Twilight, and they enlist Link to help. After Link
rescues each of them, they return the favour by propelling him to the boss
chamber.

============================================================================

K i k w i s
Friendly mandrakes
Race: Kikwis
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Both plant and animal, the Kikwis are a small tribe of mostly diminutive
pacifists who make their home in the Faron Woods. Their disposition and general
lack of practical skills make them quite helpless during the crises that
frequently wash through the region, and as a result badly hiding is their only
recourse. They are, however, well-intentioned and more often helpful than
burdensome.

Bucha – Though most Kikwis come up only to Link's knees, Bucha is roughly twice
as tall as he is. Perhaps this is because, as the Elder, he is the oldest and
has thus had the most time to grow. Though not much more useful than any of his
subjects, he is always willing to offer a spot of advice and a contemplative
'kyu-kyuuuuu.' When the Faron Woods flood and Link is forced to search the
water for Taptones, Bucha even shouts down instructions and warnings from his
vantage point on a floating lily pad. He also mobilizes his people from a
command centre when monsters first invade the forest.

Machi – In some ways the 'main' Kikwi, Machi is the first one you encounter and
also the one who sets you the task of finding and gathering the scattered Kikwi
forces, prompting Fi to add Kikwis as a dowsing target. Screw dowsing,
seriously. Of course, before you can talk to him you have to chase him down and
convince him you're a friend, which sort of ends up being a pattern.

Oolo – The most cowardly of the Kikwis, Oolo is consequently the best at
hiding, and still very bad. He's terrified of basically everything and wishes
he could live someplace safer. Link obliges and takes him above the clouds to
live with Owlan, where he's able to live an even quieter lifestyle than before.
Bucha may sometimes ask how he's enjoying it.

Lopsa – Actually, Lopsa is the most cowardly Kikwi, he just doesn't do anything
about it.

Erla – The Kikwi with the coolest mask and the greatest carelessness.

Yerbal – Unlike the other Kikwis, who live on the forest floor, Yerbal has made
his home at the top of the Great Tree, where he sleeps constantly and refuses
to participate in Kikwi society, hence his title of Kikwi Hermit. He must be
awoken with the Slingshot (because somehow sharp Arrows fail to rouse him)
before you can chat, at which point he explains how to enter Lake Floria. In
spite of his assurance that he'll always be there if you ever need some sage
wisdom, he never has anything to say.

============================================================================

K i l i,  H a n n a,  a n d  M i s h a
Fangirls
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Twilight Princess

I have to confess, I never even realised that the trio had names until I read
about them elsewhere on the Internet, which sort of backs up my assertion that
Twilight Princess named a whole bunch of stuff that had no business being
named, for no rational reason. If these are the girls I remember from when I
played the game, then I always took them to be in their early 20s, but then I
read in yet another source (since I had to research them) that they’re probably
more around 10. Bleh. Either way, the girls, clad in the colours of the Three
Goddesses, hang around the STAR Game in order to catch a glimpse of Purlo and a
snatch of his soothing manly voice. After Link wins the thing, they fall in
love with him too, but they’re too shy to throw themselves at him so they run
away instead, dropping Recovery Hearts in their wake.

============================================================================

K i l l e r  B e e s
Windfall Elementary School Hide-and-Go-Seek Club
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Clearly inspired by the Bombers Gang, a similar group of youngsters from
Majora’s Mask, the Killer Bees are a group of truant troublemakers who pull
pranks and raise hell for everyone around them, particularly their teacher,
Miss Marie. Doesn’t seem they particularly have a problem with her, more like
it’s just something interesting to do.

Their well-intentioned overlord enlists Link, as a sort of super-cool big
brother figure they’ll try to look up to and imitate, in an attempt to curb
their yankii tendencies and bring them back into her folds. Her plan backfires
mildly, and instead they challenge Link to a straight-up, no-holds-barred game
of hide and seek. This played out in almost exactly the same manner as the
Bombers’ cat-and-mouse challenge, except without any kind of time limit (not
that it ever really made a difference in the first place.) The kid who makes
his way to the beach area and cleverly hides in the middle of an open field is
the most difficult, partly because he has so many careers of flight, and partly
because Maggie’s father will sometimes run at you and spring open an
unavoidable dialogue sequence that takes a hundred years no matter how zestily
you mash the A button, giving your quarry time to make good his escape. Shut
up, old man. I was two frickin’ feet away from the kid and then you interrupted
me. I already listened to your spiel. I’ll save Maggie when I get to it.
Please, please leave me alone now.

After being thoroughly defeated in the sport of kings, the Killer Bees not only
submit to Link’s will but acknowledge him as their one true role model, which
is great really, because a young boy could do much worse for a role model than
someone who constantly puts his own life on the line for the sake of protecting
not only those dear to him but total strangers as well. The only downside to
this is that from that point on, whenever Link enters the Windfall Island town
square the squad immediately detects him, homes in, and swarms his location,
refusing to piss off until he puts some space between himself and the square or
goes somewhere they can’t follow, such as up a ladder and onto a ledge; even
then, they’ll huddle at the bottom of the wall, ready to resume their assault
as soon as he lands. Guys yeah, please go play or something. They must have
been taking lessons from Maggie’s father.

As part of their reformation, the kids look for a way to apologize to Miss
Marie, and since they’ve heard she quite likes Joy Pendants, they decide that
one of those will do nicely. Somehow they find one, way up a tree, but to their
disappointment, they have no means of getting to it. After a while they elect
to sleep on it, but since they’ve been kind enough to point it out, Link just
goes and grabs it so he can earn kudos with the teacher himself. What a dick.

The Killer Bees are as follows:

Ivan, the lord – leads the Killer Bees as their lord in their various
endeavours after deciding what they are. Ivan does the most talking and as a
result he’s also the rudest, at least pre-subjugation. He probably has a good
balance of talents. Renaissance Man?

Jin, the shadow king – it may be that Jin’s position of ‘advisor’ means that
he’s the one actually directing the actions of the group as a sort of shadow
king; we may never know for sure. Even if he isn’t, we can probably surmise
that he’s the most intelligent of the group.

Jan, the enforcer – sadly, this is where my vague anime reference starts to
fall apart. Well, Jan is clearly the biggest of the quartet and therefore the
one relegated with more muscular tasks. Since this is a Nintendo game and
nobody can be both strong AND smart, he’s probably stupid.

Jun-Roberto, the Aldaris – treachery! Jun-Roberto plots and schemes night and
day to wrest control of the Killer Bees from Ivan and slash open a new era in
its history. Yeah, ok buddy, you know what? Even if you somehow achieved your
sorry ends, the others would never follow you because you’re useless. That’s
why you joined the group in the first place, because if you were strong you’d
either be an independent Mugen or you’d have gathered subordinates of your own
and formed a competitor or at least contemporary. So, no.

The group dynamic seems to be getting along pretty well as it is.

============================================================================

K i n a
Pumpkin princess
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Young, cute, colourfully dressed, elaborately coiffed, and possessing a
beautiful singing voice, Kina is surely a heartbreaker about town. She spends
her time working as a waitress at the Lumpy Pumpkin, a small restaurant owned
and operated by her father, shaped like a pumpkin, and set on a small island a
ways away from Skyloft. At first she's a little sharp with Link, especially
after he breaks the chandelier, but she comes around to him after a while. In
the second labour he must perform to recover the cost, it's Kina who instructs
him in harvesting pumpkins, and she who issues the bizarre challenge of doing
it in stacks of five at a time. She does, at least, pay out Rupees for
repeatedly completing the task without smashing any. For his third and final
task, Link provides a harp accompaniment to Kina's nightly singing performance.
It's a fairly finicky and unclear minigame that's frankly more annoying than
fun, but it's a cute concept. Finally, Kina's father wants her to plough the
fields, but she complains that a tiny girl like herself just isn't up to it. In
response, Link delivers her the Mogma chieftain, who's initially chapped at
being handed such mundane work just because he's a mole, but is convinced to go
the distance for her after one glance at Kina. She forms a bunch of five
Gratitude Crystals as a result.

============================================================================

K i n g  B u l b l i n
Silent antagonist
Race: Bulblin
Appearance: Twilight Princess

This guy is actually pretty cool. Bulblins, the main field enemies in this
game, are much greener and more orcish than their contemporaries, and this guy
is the biggest, strongest, fattest one of all. He’s a skilled Bullbo-rider
(having domesticated the mighty Lord Bullbo), he carries a giant axe, his eyes
glow orange, and he has two wickedly curved horns on his helmet. Link first
encounters him in Kakariko Village, when he taunts Link by hoisting Colin onto
a pole and riding around with him waving high in the air. Link quickly mounts
Epona and gives chase, hacking past his cronies and eventually forcing the
nameless boss into combat. This essentially amounts to a jousting match set on
Eldin Bridge. When Link wins, the boss seemingly falls to his death and Colin
is rescued. But wait! Part of guarding Telma’s wagon on its path from Castle
Town to Kakariko involves jousting against the guy again, though this time it’s
slightly harder – and he’s missing a horn, because it broke off when he fell.

He’s once again sent plummeting to his apparent doom, but reappears when Link
storms their base camp in the Gerudo Desert. This time, they skirmish on foot,
with the big man swinging around a bigger axe that causes all kinds of
collateral damage as they fight. They have one final showdown in Hyrule Castle.
He introduces himself with the first words he’s spoken all game, ‘I have come
to play.’ When Link bests him one final time, he sees the light and switches
sides. He’s always fought for whichever side seems to be the strongest – he has
nothing against Link, as war and pillaging are just a way of life for him. He
concedes a Small Key that Link needs to progress. Now why would Ganondorf
entrust such an important item to an agent whose loyalties are so shaky?

We see him one last time in the end credits, riding merrily across Hyrule Field
with his buddies.

=============================================================================

K i n g  M o b l i n
Big bully
Race: Moblin
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages

King Moblin is another one of those ‘ordinary enemies with extraordinary
superpowers, not to mention greater mass,’ if we do not deem such a label too
unwieldy. He appeared only in the Game Boy games, mainly as someone who
terrorized the nearby population. He first swarmed over Mabe Village on
Koholint, instilling fear in the inhabitants and kidnapping Madame MeowMeow’s
doggie, a Chain Chomp named BowWow. Link had to liberate BowWow from King
Moblin, who mostly had a charging attack, in order to enter the Bottle Grotto.
In the Oracle saga, where he was known as Great Moblin, he was less lean,
greener, and chucked oversized Bombs, which had to be tossed back to damage
him. In Seasons, he harassed and tolled people from Sunken City, while in Ages
he oppressed the Gorons and was responsible for their Elder being buried in a
rockslide.

=============================================================================

K i n g  M u t o h  a n d  h i s  K n i g h t s
Ancient stalwarts
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

King Mutoh was the ancient sovereign of the defunct Cobble Kingdom, which ruled
the waters thousands of years before Phantom Hourglass. As a high-profile
person of interest, he was guarded by a retinue of four loyal knights:

Brant, the 4th Knight – garbed in blue
Bremeur, the 3rd Knight – clothed in green
Doylan, the 2nd Knight – clad in yellow
Max, the 1st Knight – dressed in red

Brant, as it would follow, is the weakest Knight with the least standing, while
Max is the most powerful and mighty. All four are massively tall and
barrel-chested, as is King Mutoh himself, which may suggest that the Cobblers
were a very large people, or maybe it’s just their thoroughbred upbringing.
More telling is their pseudo-Egyptian clothing, which consists of those
Pharaoh-style hats and striped beard-cappers, which goes along with the general
Egyptian theme of this part of the game.

In his quest for the third and final Pure Metal, Aquanine, Link gets a tip from
Astrid that he should head to the Isle of the Dead and investigate. Here he
encounters Brant, who was entombed along with Mutoh and his three
contemporaries in order to keep the king safe even in death. The guardsman
instructs Link to visit the Isle of Ruins, where the Cobble Kingdom once sat,
and gives him the Regal Necklace, necessary for entrance. Upon reaching the
island, Link quickly locates Bremeur, whose tomb controls the island’s drainage
system, but which has a failsafe in the form of the key being elsewhere.
Crossing the island and braving the dangers of Doylan’s temple, Link meets the
Second Knight and gains the King’s Key, with which he lowers the island’s water
level, revealing the complex network of walkways, stairs and footpaths that
winds its way throughout the entire island, eventually leading him to Max’s
Temple. Max, however, is unable to allow himself to just let a stranger go
stomping around in his liege’s tomb, so he tasks the Hero of Winds with a
puzzle he sets that requires him to figure out the ancient kingdom’s
once-famous iconography. After passing this test, Link is finally able to enter
Mutoh’s Temple.

Much like the smaller tombs of the knights, Mutoh’s Temple is built in the
shape of a giant golden pyramid, with all manner of traps to thwart would-be
graverobbers and a slew of long-dead Stalfos and other dangerous monsters.
After braving the temple’s dangers and defeating Eox, a massive stone soldier
that was basically holding Mutoh’s soul hostage, Link meets the ghostly king,
who expresses his thanks for restoring peace to the temple and his slumber, and
his wonder at the ability Link has on display. In addition to a huge birdlike
belt buckle, cascading shoulder plates, and round metal hat, Mutoh wears a
sweeping regal red cape not dissimilar to those of the various Kings of Hyrule.
Also, no shirt; he’s king of a very warm kingdom. Upon seeing the three Spirits
that Link has accumulated, Mutoh realises that the boy is an ally of the Ocean
King, and though unable to do anything to personally help in his present state,
he’s only too happy to hand over the Pure Metal so that Link may continue on
his quest. After that, he returns to his deathly rest, perhaps never to
reawaken again.

=============================================================================

K i n g  o f  R e d  L i o n s
Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

When the Three Goddesses drowned Hyrule, a sea formed over it and it was frozen
in time. All the occupants were either dead or suspended. But its king, Daphnes
Nohansen Hyrule, remained, awaiting the opportunity to rebirth his homeland.

To facilitate his efforts, he took physical form above the waves, where he
would be able to exert just enough influence when the time came. Curiously, he
chose to do this in the wooden body of a red boat with a regal, bestial,
talking figurehead. When the Helmaroc King threw Link into the sea, King of Red
Lions rescued him and then drifted to Windfall Island. From here, he directed
Link as he sought to gather the Goddesses’ Pearls.

The boat was quite modular, able to zip along by sail, fire a cannon, and haul
up treasure with the Grappling Hook. King of Red Lions was Link’s only way to
cross the endless stretches of blue ocean between islands. He was also this
game’s Navi, periodically offering gameplay hints via Tetra’s pendant (taking
over from Tetra after Link’s first visit to the Forsaken Fortress.)

He revealed his identity a little more than halfway through the game, when Link
and Tetra headed down to Hyrule so Daphnes could point out the fact that she
was Zelda without even knowing it. He is shown in the game’s final sequence,
when the three combat Ganondorf (though he himself does not actually partake in
battle.) At the end, the water ceiling collapses on Hyrule, sealing it forever.
The game’s a little coy about the king’s fate, but it seems he drowned.
Regardless, there is some poetry in his brave sacrifice of self and kingdom in
hopes for the future.

=============================================================================

K i n g  Z o r a
Whole wheat, whole wheat
Race: Zora (betcha didn’t see that one coming)
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Oracle of Ages

Most members of his species are lean and athletic, but King Zora is frankly
immense. He’s three times Link’s girth. How can those scrawny little legs
possibly support that much weight? I guess they can’t, because he spends all
his time sitting on his proportionately massive throne, from which he governs
the Zora people. King Zora XVI seems to be relatively well liked by his
subjects, though without the blind adoration afforded Darunia by the Gorons.

His main purpose is to block off the way to Jabu-Jabu until Link finds Ruto’s
letter-in-a-bottle, at which point he scooches over to let him pass. (He again
bars the way to Jabu-Jabu in Oracle of Ages, but in a political rather than
physical sense.) When Ganondorf takes over, he encases all of Zora’s Domain in
ice, and many of its inhabitants in red ice. When Link thaws King Zora using a
bottle of Blue Fire, he explains the situation, directs Link to the Water
Temple, and gives him the Zora Tunic if he hasn’t already bought it.

King Zora isn’t the first Zora sovereign in the Zelda series, though. In A Link
to the Past, a creature called Zora lived at the fountainhead of Zora’s River,
selling the occasional pair of Zora’s Flippers. Lots of Zora look really
different than the stock models, but Zora was just a really big Zola – I guess
he was to the Zora people what the Helmaroc King was to Helmarocs.

=============================================================================

K n o w – i t – A l l  B r o t h e r s
Insufferable
Race: Kokiri
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

The Know-it-All Brothers have a very rare talent: Though very intelligent, they
all have the ability to explain things clearly and without patronizing the
listener. They hang out in their house near the Forest Training Ground, waiting
to explain some of the all-new mechanics to beginners.

=============================================================================

K n u c k l e
Possessed fiend
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

In spite of being an utter sycophant to his older brother to the point of
emulating his style of dress - though with blue in place of of green - Knuckle
is a complete handful to the point that Tingle cowers before him, warning Link
that he can’t control him when he gets angry. Like David Jr and Ankle, Knuckle
spends most of his time walking around and around in circles pushing on handles
attached to a pole, so that the giant effigy of Tingle’s head at the top of
Tingle Tower on Tingle Island can be made to spin. He leaves the others
straddled with the entirety of the task much of the time, though, as evidenced
by the fact that he completely just wanders off to Outset Island for no real
reason. This entails a short sidequest that involves you allowing Knuckle to
boss you around for a while; basically, he gives a series of vague instructions
about where to go, and after deciphering what the hell he means by certain
things you travel to that location, play around with the Control Stick until
the game recognizes you’ve reached your destination, and then listen to the
next clue. After five or six rounds of this, Knuckle gives the unwelcome news
that you’ll be seeing him around a whole lot more, because he’s hijacked one of
the functions of the Tingle Tuner and replaced it with an inferior one. Nah,
it’s actually situationally useful, but as I recall the one it replaced was
actually one I wanted. Don’t remember what that one was, but Knuckle’s function
served as a shop you could access from anywhere via the Tingle Tuner. Now you
have to admit that IS pretty cool, and often more convenient than running
through bushes for ten minutes looking to gather the supplies you need, and
also allows for otherwise unprecedented records at the Flight Control
Platform’s Bird-Man Contest, since you can buy a Green Ting halfway thr--no
wait never mind, that’s a function of the regular Tingle Tuner. Yeah, I guess
Knuckle is useless.

In The Minish Cap, he merely sits atop a plateau and offers to fuse Kinstone
pieces. So doing at a sufficient number of chronological junctions with the
entirety of the tetran squadron will result in the unlocking of a variety of
hitherto extremely well-hidden articles.

=============================================================================

K o k k o s a n
Mah Jong piece
Race: Cucco
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

A hen owned by Ojiisan and Obaasan; Tingle requires her unborn children, and so
must distract her with chicken feed so that he can steal them for later murder.

=============================================================================

K o m a l i
Snivelling bird prince
Race: Rito
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Komali offers the single greatest example of character development in the
entire Zelda series, at least until we get to Groose. All right, Zelda is not
generally known for its intense, character-driven plots (but rather for its
epic storytelling), and Ganondorf’s a pretty good one too, but Komali
definitely evolves as the story goes on. When we first meet him, the Prince of
the Rito is so agoraphobic he never leaves his room unless he absolutely has
to. He clings (figuratively and literally) to his Din’s Pearl, an object from
his early childhood that comforts him. He’s dependent on it and unwilling to
part with it. He’s also rather infatuated with Medli, the Great Valoo’s
attendant, but can’t work up the courage to tell her. Worst of all, though he
could long ago have confronted Valoo and earned a scale that would start his
wings growing, he has been too afraid to do so.

Seeing Link stride boldly into the volcano and defeat Gohma stirs something
inside him, however. He not only leaves his room, he gives up Din’s Pearl so
Link can continue his quest. He then immediately gains his dragon scale and
learns to fly. When Link returns to Dragon Roost Island, he’s looking for Medli
so he can give her a flower he picked, though it seems he never does get to
tell her his feelings. He seems a touch arrogant at this point, which annoyed
me. At the end of the game, he is part of the rescue party that hauls up Link
and Tetra when they appear on the surface of the Great Sea. He’s gone from
being a snivelling wuss to an active ally – good job, Big N.

=============================================================================

K o r t z
Objection! (SiO2)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Like his compatriot Nackle, Kortz has a small beard. Also, he teaches us that
Bombs explode, and that, as you will already know if you have played any other
3D entry in the series, we require a Bomb Bag if we are to transport and handle
them safely. When we return to Skyview Temple on our second run, this time to
retrieve some Sacred Water, we find that, frustratingly, Kortz has appeared in
search of treasure, arbitrarily moved a bunch of stuff around, and then
forgotten what he did with it all, artificially lengthening this portion of our
quest by quite a bit. Following the defeat of the Eldin Bokoblins, he takes up
residence in one of the houses they left in the Mogma base, apparently all so
that he could see what it feels like to say 'welcome to my place!' It's pretty
funny. But, yeah, it seems like he lives there now.

=============================================================================

K o u m e  a n d  K o t a k e
Senile surrogates
Race: Gerudo maybe
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages

Without the experimental magician twins, Hyrule would have been saved an awful
lot of trouble. When Ganondorf was born, they raised him as his surrogate
mothers, indoctrinating him with warped ideologies that would shape his
ambitions and, thus, the fate of Hyrule itself. The two are fairly magically
adept, but their power is limited in scope: They are skilled in elemental magic
– Koume (red) wields fire, while Kotake (blue) controls ice – but to achieve
great effects they tend to rely on sacrifices and elaborate rituals. Perhaps to
compensate for this limit, they are able to combine their powers and become
Twinrova, wherein they share a slightly less ugly body with the powers of both
fire and ice. The secret to defeating the duo is using the Mirror Shield to
reflect their magic, sending their own attacks right back at them.

They might not have Ganondorf’s genius, but they too do their fair share of
scheming. One of their smartest acts was to magically brainwash Nabooru, the
Sage of Spirit and leader of the resistance against Ganondorf, and imprison her
in Iron Knuckle armour. This essentially cut off the resistance movement until
Link was able to free her. What’s more, they are behind all the trouble caused
in the Oracle saga. By unleashing General Onox and Sorceress Veran, their
intent was to light three mystical flames: The Flame of Sorrow, the Flame of
Destruction, and the Flame of Despair. They succeeded in lighting two of the
three but required Zelda to light the third. After much struggle they
eventually did, freeing (or perhaps resurrecting) Ganon, which unfortunately
for them didn’t last long.

Though the real-world versions are fundamentally evil, their alternate-universe
counterparts in Termina are really just sweet old ladies. They run a joint
Potion shop in Southern Swamp, near the Woods of Mystery. Skull Kid beats up
Koume, but she returns to fighting form when Link brings her a Red Potion.
After that, she offers tours of the swamp in her boat.

=============================================================================

K o u n  B o u y a
Corn Boy
Race: Doll
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Would you believe, a talking doll that lives in Piitaa's house and teaches
Tingle how to use Pachinko? Because that is what we have here. He looks like an
opened ear of corn with arms, legs and googly eyes. He's a very nice young man.
His name is the answer to one of Chekeo's quiz questions.

=============================================================================

K u k i e l
Adventurous child
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Looking like a feminized, less creepy Malo, Kukiel is a spirited little toddler
with a youngster's yukata and a taste for exploration. This causes no shortage
of panic for her mother, while her father just kind of shrugs it off and
assumes everything is fine. Kind of the Fujiwara Bunta school of parenting. At
one point she disappears completely, causing everyone on the entire island to
worry, but she's merely below it, hanging out with her friend Batreaux. At
first her screams make it seem she's in trouble, but it turns out that the two
are merely playing the Scream as Loud as You Can Game. Later, Kukiel asks if
the Temple of the Goddess fell out of the sky because she was disobedient,
which is adorable.

=============================================================================

L a r u t o
Because you can never have too many Sages
Race: Zora
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Like Fado, this wise, motherly character was murdered by Ganondorf so that she
could no longer pray at the Earth Temple, which weakened the Master Sword. As
such, she teaches Link the Earth God’s Lyric, the first half of The Wind
Waker’s theme. When he conducts it for Medli, she awakens as a Sage and
realises her destiny. I quite like Laruto for some reason, maybe because Zora
are cool. Just in case you’re dense, I’ll take this opportunity to point out
how similar her name is to that of Ruto, Princess of the Zora people and Sage
of Water in Ocarina of Time. Also, off the top of my head I can think of only
three Zora who wear clothes, and Laruto is one of them.

=============================================================================

L e d d
Graphite (Pb)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A Mogma whom Link encounters several times throughout the game, and
consequently the one with whom we deal the most. We first see him near the foot
of Eldin Volcano, where he appears with his adventuring partner Cobal, warns us
of monsters, hints that Ghirahim has been seen in the area, and then gives us
some sass, though he eventually changes his tune once we've saved him a few
times. We don't see him again until we've penetrated the Earth Temple, at which
point he's become separated from his buddy and is surprised to learn that his
counterpart is worried about him. After we help him out of a scrape, he's so
grateful and eager to help that he not only honours our request to borrow his
Bomb Bag, but outright gives it to us. As one of the more skilled and
accomplished Mogmas, Ledd is something of a minor leader among them, so perhaps
he takes over when Guld leaves. His greatest distinguishing feature is his mop
of red hair.

=============================================================================

L e n z o
Legendary pictographer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Majora’s Mask introduced us to the Picto Box, but The Wind Waker takes it to
new levels. To facilitate this, we have Lenzo, who lives on Windfall Island and
has dedicated his whole life to taking quality pictographs. He gives Link his
first pictograph machine, which can only take black-and-white pictographs. A
little later, Link can take on a somewhat lengthy side-quest that ends with
Lenzo shoving a fairy into his machine, creating the Deluxe Picto Box, which is
capable of taking colour exposures. Carlov will only be inspired by a
pictograph if it is in colour.

=============================================================================

L e v i a s
Levitating leviathan
Race: Lesser Deity
Appearances: Skyward Sword

One of the spirits Hylia left behind to guide her chosen hero. After filling
out most of his checklist in the world beneath the clouds, Link finds that he
must learn one more song on his Goddess Harp, and, after investigating some of
the records and personal knowledge to be had at the Knight Academy, he
determines that Levias is a giant flying Wailord who lives inside the
Thunderhead. When Link arrives, however, he finds that Levias has unfortunately
also been possessed by a strange parasite that is flying around evilly and
trying to kill him. After giving chase on his Loftwing and cutting down many of
its appendages, Link is able to land atop the hard shell covering Levias's
head, where the offending monster has taken up residence in his blowhole. With
careful aim and his new Master Sword, Link is able to defeat the winged worm by
deflecting its fiery projectiles back at its weak points. Afterwards, Levias is
thoroughly apologetic for his prior conduct, and immediately acknowledges him
as the prophesied hero. He agrees to teach Link the melody he needs, but
unfortunately he only has one piece; Link must visit the three dragons who
reign over their respective sections of the land below. After meeting with the
three (and, in two cases, performing some tasks for them, one justifiable, one
not), he returns to Levias, summons them and, in Skyward Sword's best FMV, the
five join in a musical collaboration. Link learns the final song and is able to
enter the last Silent Realm.

=============================================================================

L i b r a r i
Chapters
Race: Minish
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Book ‘im, Dan-o: Librari quite possibly takes the Zelda cake for idiotically
(criminally!) uncreative names. He resides in the Hyrule Town Library
performing the bookkeeping with a stylish white quill bigger than he is. He is
the focal point of a side quest that sees Link running all over town collecting
people’s overdue library books and returning them on their behalf. In the
aftergame, Librari tires of city life and relocates to a little cave in Lake
Hylia, where Link receives the Heart Container with the most complex conditions
of his career, requiring him to visit half the Minish in Hyrule. Librari wears
blue from hat to shoes, the customary clothes of a Town Minish. He has a
brother living in Minish Village, Gentari.

=============================================================================

L i g h t  S p i r i t s
Baron Protectors
Race: Lesser Deities
Appearances: Twilight Princess

The patron deities of Twilight-era Hyrule, three of the spirits looked after
the main provinces, while the fourth watched over a prefecture just outside of
it. Each resides at a Spirit Spring, which restores Link’s health when he walks
through it. They are Ordona, Faron, Eldin, and Lanayru, after which each of
those provinces is named.

Notice each name is a derivative from the Three Goddesses – ORdona, FARon,
ElDIN, and LaNAYRU. Ordon is a goat, Faron is a monkey, Eldin is a boar, and
Lanayru is a snake. Zant reduced the latter three to mere shells when he
engulfed their respective regions in Twilight, but Link recovered their light
from the insects that were running around with it and in so doing restored the
spirits, allowing them to return light to their particular province.

=============================================================================

L i n d a
Desirable bachelorette
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

This Windfall Island native is apparently quite popular with the boys, as not
one but two young men fall madly in infatuation with her. The first is Kamo,
the local brooding persona non grata and her childhood friend who now wants to
be more than a friend, but isn’t man enough to do anything about it, leaving
her oblivious to his feelings. Meanwhile, Linda is taken with someone else:
Anton, Windfall’s studly power-walker. This somewhat slow fellow mumbles to
himself about needing a girlfriend, but finds himself unable to think of any
good candidates. If Link shows him a colour pictograph of Linda, however, he’ll
be struck with inspiration and resolve to ask her out, which he subsequently
does a few days later. You can find the lovebirds in Windfall Cafe, where Linda
will happily announce that the two are now Facebook official and offer a
less-than-subtle symbol of their affection, a Heart Piece, as thanks for
setting them up.

Her iconic orange dress was a gift from her best friend Sue-Belle, Sturgeon’s
daughter, who lived on Windfall before returning to Outset Island to care for
her ailing progenitor.

=============================================================================

L i n e b e c k
One-man crew
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Aonuma is really on a roll. Actually, I should give that credit to his
character designers, but I don’t know any of their names, so I’ll just let him
soak it up, because in any case he’s been responsible for back-to-back Zelda
games that have introduced an incredibly cool character. Linebeck is 150 pounds
of pure unadulterated awesome. (Contrast that to Midna’s 19 or so pounds of
pure unadulterated awesome.)

Linebeck adds some much-needed variety to the Zelda universe. Up to this point
we’ve largely been presented with romantic archetypes like the heroic Link, or
thoughtful townsperson, or unbearably evil Ganon. Only recently have more
rounded characters begun to show up, and Linebeck is our latest proof of
concept.

The rogue is dripping with more flavour than New York sirloin. Sarcastic,
narcissistic, and self-serving, he’s probably the most realistic character in
the entire series. He may not be as ruthless and vindictive as Midna or the
Three Goddesses, but he’s not exactly a great guy. It’s quite clear he has a
past, too, another rarity (I’m talking about Jolene specifically.) His entire
motivation for helping Link and Ciela, the fact that his actions may prevent
the ushering-in of an age of darkness notwithstanding, is that he views it as
an opportunity to get rich quick.

Yet at the same time, he also experiences some development. Initially, he sees
his travel companions as tools, many of their detours as irritants, and the
whole save-the-world thing as being quite taxing on his time. But by the end,
it’s clear they’ve grown close. He’s broadened his horizons, and come to find
worth in things he’d never before considered valuable. In the finale, he even
displays a bit of unprecedented heroism. And he does it all without sacrificing
what made him cool in the first place, or at least not entirely.

He’s visually different from basically every other character in the series, as
well. His disproportionate body, admiral’s coat, and deep bags under his eyes
give him a unique look. He’s also the only main character so far who’s
middle-aged – we see our young (usually very young) heroes, and our wise old
men and women, and our however-old villains, and Linebeck adds variety, like I
said earlier. On top of that, he’s always playing with some gadget or another,
a sea chart or his telescope or whatever.

He makes another first by being the only non-evil character besides Link to
venture into a dungeon alone. Of course, he almost immediately becomes stuck
and requires Link to rescue him, but I still thought it was cool.

Most of the time, though, he just stays with the boat. It could have to do with
the fact that he’s a bit of a coward (or, in my view, prefers to go around
problems instead of through them), but more likely it’s because he’s a
character who began life as a game mechanic. TWW solved some boat-related
design conundrums by making the boat alive; PH does it with Linebeck, whose
main purpose throughout the story (in addition to trading witty banter with
Ciela) is to operate his ship, the S.S. Linebeck, which he does from below as
Link stands on deck, manning its contraptions, watching the horizons and
charting a course. In fact, it’s a pretty sweet ride; Link should be glad to
have it at his disposal. Notably, there’s no sailing in PH, rather the S.S.
Linebeck is of course a S.teamS.hip, which is pretty interesting.

In fact, interesting sums up Linebeck himself quite well. Another good job,
Kyouto boys and girls!

=============================================================================

L i n e b e c k  I I I
Manipulative merchant
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Linebeck III’s introduction is so well done. We complete a dungeon and a new
spot opens up on the map; we go to investigate, not expecting anything more
special than a hint as to our new destination; and then BAM! Out of nowhere, we
have Linebeck, except with a really cool new hat. Basically a carbon copy of
the now dearly departed Linebeck from Phantom Hourglass, but somewhat less sly
and definitely less resourceful, Linebeck III (and presumably Linebeck II?) is
every bit as money-obsessed as his grandfather (come to think of it, what fine
lass did Linebeck settle down with, now?). Inanity aside, we quickly find out
that Linebeck knows a guy who can fix the bridge leading to the Ocean Realm,
but he owes a huge debt to him. It’s a problem, but Linebeck I had the presence
of mind to leave his grandson a Regal Ring if he were ever in serious trouble;
I’m guessing he had a more desperate situation in mind, but Link braves the
monsters and traps, recovers the ring, and offers it to the Bridge Worker in
place of Linebeck’s debt, which is really an awfully good deal, because the
Ring’s market value is almost twice as much as he owed. That actually really
annoyed me, it just seemed like such a waste.

Either way, after this, Linebeck’s Trading Post becomes available for business.
At what are, all things considered, very reasonable deals, Linebeck will trade
Rupees or Train Parts for Treasures. If you want to get the golden set and thus
have the maximum possible number of hearts, you’re going to have to be either
very dedicated or rather lucky, because although most people have a majority of
the Treasures they need, some are just really hard to come by, requiring
countless runs through the shooting gallery or what have you in order to obtain
the necessary items. This is also a great way to make money, as you can easily
make a run through Whittleton with your sword and Whirlwind and find a whole
ton of common Treasures that you can haul back for a super-quick 50 Rupees each.

Late in the game, Link can undertake a sidequest that involves hauling Goron
special-crop Dark Ore from the eastern Fire Realm all the way to the Trading
Post. If he can manage to bring Linebeck a turn of 5 or more Dark Ore, which he
badly wants for research purposes, he’ll be rewarded with another batch of
Spirit Tracks.

=============================================================================

L i n k
Saviour of Hyrule
Race: Hylian
Appearances: All main-series Zelda games

             Link’s Crossbow Training

Here he is: The main man of the Zelda series. Link, in his numerous
incarnations, has continually wielded items and weapons of great power and
ingenuity, vanquished evil, played countless mini-games and, above all, guarded
Hyrule from whatever danger it might face. He’s had various companions and
allies over the years, but operates largely alone, as a single brave warrior
standing against vastly greater odds. He’s a very romantic hero in that sense.

Let’s talk about his signature garb. From day one, Link has worn his highly
identifiable green tunic. It has been a few colours; in Ocarina of Time,
differently coloured tunics had different magical properties, and in the Four
Swords series each player takes on a Link of varying tunic colours (including a
purple one for P4.) But most important is his headgear, a long green cap that
falls behind his head and ends in a point. That cap is like his calling card.
In The Minish Cap, Ezlo just so happened to take that form when he was
transformed into a hat. Link is typically seen with a sword and shield slung
over his shoulders, as those are his preferred weapons in combat. The Wind
Waker marked the first time we saw Link without the trappings of the green garb
– he wore typical islander clothing for about two minutes until he got the
Hero’s Clothes, or for the whole game in the Second Quest. In Twilight
Princess, he begins with a cool ranch-hand costume, but quickly moves on. The
situation is somewhat similar in Spirit Tracks, where he begins with the
Engineer’s Uniform but is in his customary attire by the time the adventure is
underway (though he has the option of returning to the new outfit much later.)
Skyward Sword begins to turn it into a tradition, as the first ten minutes or
so have him in typical Skylofter apparel, the most notable feature of which is
one of those really cool giant belts sometimes seen in more traditional
Japanese clothing.

Link is altruistic by nature. Many times, he has faced seemingly insurmountable
challenges that taxed him in every way, simply because he knew it was the right
thing to do. Furthermore, he takes time out of his imperative quests so that he
may stop and assist people in their personal lives. He has repaired
relationships, elevated struggling businesses, turned people away from lives of
crime, delivered medicine to the ill and injured, restored old glories’
confidence, comforted people in times of need, befriended total strangers
because they needed him to, saved quite a number of people from being mugged by
thieves or assaulted by monsters, and united a fair few couples. And that only
scratches the surface. He does all this without expecting any reward, and he
often doesn’t get one – and that’s just fine with him, because that’s how he is.

His destiny is irrevocably intertwined with that of Ganondorf, Zelda, the
Triforce, and the Three Goddesses. Again and again he has been reincarnated to
combat evil, wielding the Triforce of Courage. Nearly every time Ganondorf has
tried to conquer Hyrule, which would give him near-infinite power, Link has
stopped him at the last minute. Zelda has sought him out time and again,
understanding what must be done. His work will never be done until all evil has
been purged from the land.

Link is a smart little dude, and quite good with his hands. He seems able to
instantly master any tool or item he finds, even if he’s never seen one before
– the rhythms of Hookshots, Boomerangs, Bows, the reins of a horse, Mole Mitts,
BASE jumping, and even musical instruments are all second nature to him. Though
he has, admittedly, had a few tutors, he seems almost supernaturally adept with
a sword, able to best exceptionally skilled practitioners while having had
almost no formal training. He easily masters the Spin Attack, the hidden move
of the ancient Hylia, when only a handful of others have. This is a clear
indication of his intelligence – through careful observation and deductive
critical thinking, he is able to solve dungeon puzzles that would confound the
most logical mathematician.

Yet despite this intelligence, Link never seems to speak. Or if he does, his
dialogue is assumed, as many characters seem to respond to his ‘words,’ and he
is able to pass along information without banter. Obviously, this is a holdover
from early on in the video games industry when voice-overs weren’t yet
standard. In one interview, Miyamoto mentioned that one of the main reasons
Link didn’t have any dialogue in The Wind Waker despite the available
technology was that many people have imagined in their heads what his voice
would sound like, and he didn’t want to spoil it for them. I think it has more
to do with one of the stated key concepts behind Zelda: When you play a Zelda
game, you don’t play as Link, you actually _become_ Link, and giving him overly
much character would take away from that. (I think the developers succeed at
this goal.) Regardless, in more recent games Link has had a collection of
yells, squawks, grunts, and cries of pain to punctuate whatever he’s doing.

Another quirk is his laterality. In a world filled with right-handed
characters, Link is a lefty. Did you know that, on average, right-handers live
eight years longer than left-handers? Or something like that. Actually, there’s
some evidence that he’s ambidextrous, though I prefer left-handed to ambi. Fun
fact: In the first and second Zelda games, Link held his sword in his right
hand when facing to the right. Why swap? Official answer: Death Mountain is to
the north, so he keeps his shield toward it to fend off its evil energies.
Real-world answer: Lazy designers have less work to do when they simply flip
the sprite rather than drawing a whole new one. With the release of Skyward
Sword, we also have a canon right-handed Link, so I just don't know anymore.
It's an abomination, frankly.

Link appears as one of the initial eight characters in Super Smash Bros, and
both he and Young Link (from Ocarina; YL is unlockable) come on out for Melee.
Both Link and Toon Link show up in Brawl. Link is a sub-par character in all
three, unfortunately, and Young Link is even worse. The fact is, Link is just
way too slow and laggy, and Young Link is too weak and light. Toon Link
is...halfway decent, actually, but still fairly lacking. They barely ever see
competitive play, but seem to show up an awful lot in casual games. When they
do take to the field, Link relies on his mildly powerful Smash attacks and the
good mid-range game that comes with his Bombs, Bow and Boomerang. Three of
Melee’s Event Matches are focussed on Link: One has Young Link pitted against
the superior Link, and another has Link against a black-coated Level 9 Link
CPU. Triforce Gathering, maybe my favourite Event Match, has Link (player) and
an idiotic Zelda on a team against Ganondorf.

That’s not his only fighting game appearance, however. Link was the
GameCube-exclusive character on Namco’s Soul Calibre 2. His story here is
non-canon to both Zelda and Soul Calibre, and is boring and uncreative anyway.
Opinions on his power are mixed: I’ve heard both that he’s the most broken
character in the game, and that he’s the weakest. I know nothing about
competitive SC so I can’t speak to that, but I will vouch that I do all right
with him and that he looks pretty damn cool when the SC aesthetic is applied to
him. Every character in SC has buyable weapons that horrendously unbalance the
game, and Link gets a little trip down memory lane with everything from the
Magic Sword to the Megaton Hammer to the Mirror Shield. At least the boys and
girls at Namco took the time to do their research. I must also say that the
movies associated with Link are pretty neat, especially his Weapon
Demonstration – that is some seriously sweet stuff imho! It’s fun to see the
sword techniques that wouldn’t make sense in an adventure game.

Link is so legendary, many have seen fit to give him a cameo in their games –
which is only fair, really, considering stuff like the Mario paintings in
houses and Yoshi portrait in Hyrule Castle. Thinking back, in the original
Final Fantasy there was a cemetery in Elfland, where Link’s name appeared on a
headstone, but only in the Japanese version – due to licensing restrictions,
the text was changed to ‘Here lies Erdrick,’ as in the hero of the Dragon
Warrior series, for the NTSC version. I’m pretty sure he also appeared as one
of the characters playing an instrument in the credits of the NES Tetris. He
might also be in F-1 Race, but somehow I’m thinking he isn’t (a little help,
anyone?) I’m not a big fan of World of WarCraft, but one quest in that game
involves a green tunic-clad gnome named Linken, who is trying to recover his
Golden Flame or something – an obvious reference to the Triforce. At the inn in
Super Mario RPG, Link is seen resting up – after a while, he checks out and
Samus from Metroid takes his place. In Donkey Kong Country, Cranky Kong rates
DK at the end of the game based on his percentage of completion; he is rated
against three other heroes, and Rank C (C?? What kind of Zelda-bashing bs is
that!? ^_-) is Link. There’s yet more! In the Kirby series, in every title
after Kirby’s Adventure, when Kirby gained the Sword ability he donned Link’s
hat (with a yellow bobble on the end) and wielded a caricaturized version of
the Master Sword, Sword Beams and all. And incidentally, the boss Paint Roller
will sometimes sketch an image of the Triforce.

=============================================================================

L i n k ’ s  r e l a t i v e s
It’s all about family
Race: Hylians
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Ocarina of Time
             The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

Link is generally portrayed as a free-rollicking dude without any family to tie
him down. That doesn’t cheapen his intense loyalty, of course, since he clearly
values people like Saria. Anyway, a lot of fans assume that he and Zelda get
married, maybe in multiple incarnations, but this unlikely scenario
notwithstanding he actually has more rets than you might think.

Link’s uncle – He was so irrelevant, the devs never even bothered to give him a
name. That’s just as well. The moustachioed, blue-haired thug receives Zelda’s
telepathic cry for help in the night. Taking up the family sword, he strides
forth and is promptly killed by Moblins. Link, who also got the message, comes
upon his uncle as he dies and receives the sword from him. Uncster’s famous
last words were ‘Zelda is your...’ which a lot of people took to be ‘Zelda is
your sister,’ or any number of things, really. The Japanese version tells us
that it was actually supposed to be the somewhat nonsensically phrased ‘Zelda
is your destiny,’ but the last word got cut off due to the size of the text
box. He is revived at the end of the game as part of Link’s wish to the
Triforce.

Link’s mommy – Ocarina of Time’s manual explains that Link’s mom was attacked
and mortally wounded when he was only a few days old, but she managed to
stagger to the Great Deku Tree before dying. She pleaded with him to raise Link
among the Kokiri, which he did, knowing Link’s destiny.

Aryll – As one of two relative characters in The Wind Waker, Aryll really
pisses a lot of people off. They ask, Why does Link suddenly have a sister? OMG
IT MAKES NO CENSE!!!1 Well, she’s there, deal with it. She’s also quite a sweet
little girl who looks a lot like Zelda, and gets kidnapped in the beginning of
the game because of it. This sets the story in motion. On Link’s first journey
up the Forsaken Fortress, he almost rescues her but is captured before he can.
In the redux, Tetra’s pirates appear and whisk her off to safety, along with
Mila and Maggie. The latter two return home to Windfall Island but Aryll stays
with the pirates for the duration of the game. They even pay her for the work
she does on the ship, which she mails to her brother in a genuinely sweet show
of support. At the end of the game, she watches sadly as Link sails away from
Outset Island forever.

Grandma – For some reason, Grandma creates less waves than Aryll. Whatever. She
is responsible for giving Link the Hero’s Clothes, the family Hero’s Shield,
and batch after batch of hearty soup that is not only free, but the most
powerful potion in any Zelda game: It completely replenishes Link’s health and
magic, AND doubles his attack power until he’s struck. That’s pretty awesome
stuff. There’s a very emotional scene when she looks sadly out to sea at the
retreating stern of the pirate ship as Link heads off for the Forsaken
Fortress. She becomes despondent and depressed when Link leaves, but a fairy
cheers her up. Her figurine says she enjoys playing the occasional prank on
Link.

Smith – Link gets another uncle for The Minish Cap, who looks nothing like the
previous one. This guy is kinda cool because he was an accomplished swordsman
in his youth, fighting to a draw with King Daltus at the Picori Festival. He
spends most of his time in his and Link’s house, shaping steel in the workshop.

=============================================================================

L i n k – g o r o
Mysterious doppelganger?
Race: Goron
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

No, YOU don’t know how to alphabetize.

Ocarina of Time featured a Goron named Link (or whatever you named yourself)
who was the apparently seven-year-old progeny of Big Brother Darmani, who named
him such in honour of his brotherly relationship with hero of the Gorons and
honourary Goron Link, who would later take the mantle of Hero of Time and
encounter his namesake, who explained that the race was again in danger of
extinction as the recently resurrected firedragon Volvagia had burninated half
their home and kidnapped most of its inhabitants, presumably for the purposes
of storage and later consumption. To assist Link in his quest to save everyone
he’s ever loved, Link the Goron helpfully provides the heat-resisting Goron
Tunic, which is a lot more than other characters do for Link when he’s trying
to accomplish something similar. Link-goro, however, is obviously quite
different from this character (whom I don’t feel like giving an entry and thus
avoided doing so by halfheartedly describing him in this one): Much older and
worse-educated, some have actually theorized that he is Link’s alt-world
analogue. We’ve also done the same for the Deku Butler’s son and Skull Kid,
though, so the idea holds like zero weight.

Link-goro’s main purpose is to have a name similar enough to Link’s that
scatterbrained hotel manager Anju mistakes the two and thinks that Link has a
reservation, which was made by Link-goro in advance of his arrival in Clock
Town. You can actually observe him and Anju having one of two conversations,
depending on whether or not you snagged the poor guy’s reservation already; one
simply has him happily take his room key and disappear into his room, never to
return. In the other, he and Anju try to figure out what happened, but nothing
can be done because the rooms are all filled (all three of them), and it ends
with Link-goro leaving sadly. And that’s about all he ever does.

Due to his tendency to wear clothing, Link-goro’s design is about a hundred
times more interesting than that of any other Goron. He has what TVtropes would
call a ‘badass hat,’ a stitched blue vest, and a whole ton of traveller’s
luggage riding around on his back, with the typical, you know, like gigantic
wooden garbage can type thing, on top of which is lashed a rolled sleeping bag
that he never actually uses, preferring to simply sit on the ground. It rains
on the 2nd Day, so he takes shelter under a canopy just outside the inn. He
also finishes every single sentence with ‘-goro.’ ‘Really-goro?’ Also, I think
he’s the single and only person in the world who came to Clock Town as a
tourist, which is odd since it’s supposed to be a huge event. Ok fine, maybe
the apocalypse resulted in a slightly lower turnout than projected.

=============================================================================

L o k o m o s
Brand new dance
Race: Lokomos
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

As Link journeys around Hyrule, he must meet with the master of the Sanctuary
within each Realm in order to learn a new song for his Spirit Flute, which
restores the Spirit Tracks leading to the next Temple and thus grants access
his next destination. Locating and then satisfying the needs of each successive
guardian often entails a small quest in and of itself. Each Lokomo including
Anjean, he finds, rides around in a little bulbous putt-putting hoverchair.
They also all have names that are puns on elements of a train, which is an
extraordinary coincidence, really.

Gage - Guardian of the Forest Sanctuary, Gage proudly displays an afro, a
goatee and a cello. Appearing to be around 30 or so, he is by far the youngest
of the Lokomo we meet.

Steem – Snow Sanctuary Sage Steem sports a shamisen. The vainest of the Lokomo,
he is the only one who cares about his cave’s interior design, and will later
ask Link to deliver a Papuchia Village pot to liven the place up a bit.

Carben – Flute-wielder Carben is the steward of the Ocean Realm and the Lokomo
with the most involved storyline quest. When Link and Zelda arrive at his
Sanctuary, they find a hastily written note explaining that he has departed for
Papuchia Village; backtracking, they find him flying in the sky on the wings of
some of the giant black birds who carry trapezes in their talons. Learning the
Song of Birds from a nearby Song Stone, Link uses it in the vicinity to attract
Carben’s attention and bring him down. After a short chat, he agrees to return
with them to Ocean Sanctuary, but on the way there they are assuaged by
Bokoblin pirates. Link leaps to the passenger car to defend Carben from the
would-be kidnappers, eventually taking down a huge, club-wielding,
hitstun-impervious Big Blin. With this defeat the pirates withdraw and the trio
continues to the Sanctuary.

Embrose – Doubtlessly the most passionate and hot-headed Lokomo in Hyrule,
Embrose bears a thin moustache, mountainous red hair, and a set of drums
recalling the Goron Bongos of Majora’s Mask.

Rael – Befitting his station as Sage of the Sand Sanctuary, Rael’s hair
resembles a Pharoahic headdress. Hidden deep in the desert, Rael may be the
most mysterious Lokomo of all; his desire for solitude and self-sufficiency
goes so far that he will later ask Link to bring him some Cuccos, that he may
start a farm or something. His oboe opens the way to the pyramidal Sand Temple.

All six Lokomos make one final appearance midway through the final battle with
Malladus, joining in Link and Zelda’s would-be duet to lend a hand in revealing
the demon king’s weak spot. In the ending, they transform into pure light and
depart with Anjean and Byrne, their energy exhausted and their purpose served.

=============================================================================

M a d a m e  A r o m a
Dior
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Kafei’s mother and Mayor Dotour’s wife, Clock Town’s First Lady takes a large
role in Termina’s day-to-day administration. She is almost only ever seen in
the day, in a side room at the Mayor’s Residence in East Clock Town, seeing to
appointments that are apparently backed up quite far. The situation is only
compounded by the upcoming Carnival of Time, which requires an insane amount of
organization what with all its various acts and activities and makes her
virtually unreachable; Toto waits for like three days straight before being
told he can’t get an audience with her, I believe.

She has no problem having a quick convo with Link, however, whom she asks, as
one might, if he has seen her missing son. If he has at this point, I seriously
doubt he recognized him, since he’d never met him before and because the
man-boy was dressed up as a magical fox. Well, she says sadly, maybe you’ll
keep an eye out for him, and also interrogate every single person you meet as
to whether or not they know what’s up. Sure thing. She gives him the Keaton’s
Mask in order to do this, apparently because Kafei is indistinguishable in most
Terminians minds from that beast. Well I mean like I said, he WAS wearing a
Keaton’s Mask of his own when in hiding so - hey wait a second that’s the worst
disguise ever. But isn’t it kind of cool to see how they handle verbal
communication with a character who never speaks? Especially in this game, which
also has Tatl. I also wouldn’t mind reading a Majora’s Mask text dump at some
point, some people have interesting things to say about his disappearance.
Later on in your quest to reunite Kafei and Anju, you can find Madame Aroma in
the Milk Bar waiting for everything to be destroyed. She, uh, gives you an
Empty Bottle.

Madame Aroma appears to be a very supportive mother and wife and seems to
heartily approve of her future daughter-in-law. And man, I never realised until
I wrote this entry what a subtly strong character she really is, wow. That’s
one reason I love writing this guide; I learn so much stuff about my favourite
series that I never knew before, just by thinking about it.

The woman is fairly plain-looking so even though I try to include at least a
cursory explanation of most characters’ physical appearance, there’s not much
to say here even though I sort of feel like I should. She, uh, wears a dress?
And has purple hair, like Kafei.

=============================================================================

M a d a m e  M e o w M e o w
Catlike dog-lover
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Madame MeowMeow is a resident of Mabe Village who keeps two small Chain Chomps
and one larger one in her backyard. The larger one is called BowWow, and King
Moblin kidnaps him when he raids Mabe while Link is in the Tail Cave. Link
rescues BowWow and returns him to Madame MeowMeow, who asks for him to walk him
– which works out nicely since the only way to enter Bottle Grotto is to have
BowWow eat the Goponga Flowers blocking its entrance.

=============================================================================

M a d a m u  Y o k u r i i b a
Creepy middle-aged lady
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

She owns the rental hatake in Aomono Village. For a price, you can use it to
grow anything you like. She has a plant growing out of her head, claims that
Masaru is the only one who understands her, and is rather unresponsive to the
appearance of customers. This changes quite drastically when Tingle Love Pushes
her, at which point she falls madly in love with him and starts to call him
'darling,' despite being extremely ugly and 17 years his senior. It's really,
yeah. This affection turns out to be so strong that, when Tingle goes back in
time to stop Nimidanshaku from renting the hatake before he can, she rents it
to Tingle because he needs it even though Nimidanshaku offers her literally a
billion Rupees on the spot. Later, a journalist comes through town to write a
story on the Gasoringo adventure they've all recently experienced, and she has
more creepily kind words to say of Tingle. She even describes him in exquisite
detail so that he can pen a picture, but then Tingle appears behind him. He
thus asks a few more questions before snapping a photograph instead; it takes a
few tries, and Tingle strikes a cool (?) pose for the first two, but falls on
his face for the third, successful, shot, and is so immortalized in the 34th
edition of the Emerald City newspaper. One of the questions the journalist asks
is if Tingle and Madame Yokuriiba are dating. You actually have the option of
answering yes to this.

=============================================================================

M a d  B a t t e r
Saotome Ranma
Race: Batter
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Link’s Awakening

A clear reference to Alice in Wonderland’s Mad Hatter, the Mad Batter is a
nominally bat-like entity who hangs out in caves and the bottoms of wells.
After bashing your way into his home/prison with the Magic Hammer and
reanimating him with a shot of Magic Powder - which I realise is just a lazy
catch-all for use when it would be pointlessly complex to create a unique
gameplay solution, but seriously, that stuff is hardcore - the Mad Batter
springs to life, condemns you for waking him, and thanks for you waking him.
The whole thing is sort of like what happens when you wake a djinn up before
it’s been 1000 years. What, you never read that book? After a little internal
debate, he decides to unleash a horrific curse on you that effectively doubles
your Magic Metre (by making all spells cost half as much as they did before, a
state called 1/2 Magic.) He is nice about it, though, at least having the good
manners to ask your permission first. Indecision Incarnate then calls for your
eternal suffering before bidding you good day and taking off to who knows where.

In Link’s Awakening his grip on reality isn’t much stronger. Once summoned to
one of three caves in Mysterious Woods, Martha’s Bay, and Tal Tal Heights by
means of tossing Magic Powder into a flame-maker, he will appear to accost you
with the ability to carry more of either Arrows, Bombs, or the Powder itself.
‘Look at all that junk you have to carry!’

Hopefully the helpful malcontent will show his face again sometime.

=============================================================================

M a j o r a ’ s  M a s k
Sealed demon lying in wait
Race: Demon
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

In ancient Termina, there was a monstrously evil entity known as Majora. Majora
was so powerful, it threatened to destroy the entire world. The most powerful
magicians of the time were able to contain it in a horned mask that soon fell
into legend. Majora’s Mask was enshrined so that it would never again endanger
the land, but one day a travelling mask salesman found it and added it to his
collection. He knew its power but thought he could handle it. Unfortunately,
one day a frustrated Skull Kid stole it and put it on. Majora promptly
possessed Skull Kid and used him as its puppet. Though still not at full power,
Majora wrought havoc on the Terminians and, working with the Skull Kid’s ill
intentions and granting his desire to cause everyone misery, set the moon on a
collision course with Clock Town that would wipe out the whole land, not to
mention its spawner, Hyrule.

Link eventually confronted it and expelled Majora’s Mask from Skull Kid, who
was proven to be just a puppet. Majora fled to the moon and created five
mask-wearing children. After Link had played with the Odoruwa Child, the Goht
Child, the Gyorg Child, and the Twinmold Child, he finally spoke with the
Majora Child, who was wearing Majora’s Mask. The Majora Child wanted to play,
too, but instead of hide-and-seek, like the rest of them, he wanted to play
good guys and bad guys. He gave Link the Fierce Deity’s Mask so he could be the
Bad Guy. In Kishin Link form, the Hero of Hyrule did battle with the
three-formed Majora’s Mask and defeated it with little trouble. Link returned
Majora’s Mask to the Happy Mask Salesman, as he had promised, but the salesman
mentioned that all power had been drained from the mask and it had become just
a piece of wood, though one with an exceptional history. What happened to
Majora...?

That’s how I understand Majora’s backstory, anyway. I had to piece some things
together without a lot of in-game clarity, but that’s about as accurate as it
gets, I think.

=============================================================================

M a k a r
Rebellious runaway
Race: Korok
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Of all the Great Deku Tree’s Koroks, Makar was always the most adventurous. He
was constantly running off and getting in trouble, leaving the other Koroks to
bail him out. Makar was a talented violinist (like his ancestor, Fado) and was
to be the centrepiece of the most important Korok festival, but, while flying
over the Forbidden Woods, was attacked by Helmarocs and knocked into the lair
of Kalle Demos. When Link reached the Forest Haven, he was tasked with rescuing
Makar. Later on, Makar is found practising for next year’s festival, already
working on a new song. When Link plays the Wind God’s Aria for him, he awakens
as the new Sage of Winds and accompanies Link to the Wind Temple. Here, Link
can use the Command Melody to control Makar for a while, using his ability to
fly on petal props to hit switches and whatnot. When Link defeats Molgera,
Makar stays in the Wind Temple’s inner sanctum to pray to the gods, finally
restoring the Master Sword to full power.

=============================================================================

M a k u  T r e e s
Obvious tributes
Race: Maku
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages

The Maku Trees figure into the Oracle saga pretty heavily. After all, the
Japanese games are called ‘Nut of the Mysterious Tree,’ and said nut appears in
the logo. The purpose of this nut is to dispel the barrier blocking access to
the final boss; it grows larger and larger as Link recovers the Essences of
either Nature or Time, and falls to the ground when he gathers all eight.

Both of them open up paths as Link collects Essences, which lead to minor
rewards like Gasha Seeds. They are also both home to Farore, the Oracle of
Secrets. The Maku Trees are pretty obvious tributes to the Deku Tree from fan
favourite Ocarina of Time, in that both are wise, giant trees. All three have
fallen under a curse, too, and are near death when Link finds them. They’re far
from carbon copies, however.

Oracle of Seasons’ male Maku Tree mostly just sleeps, waking only when Link
pops his snot bubble. At this point he gives him a clue on where the next
dungeon is located before drifting off again. Ages’ much livelier Maku Tree is
female and is seen in two forms: Her full-size present day one, and as a mere
sprout 400 years in the past. Link saves her from marauding Moblins in the
past, when she makes him promise to come back someday and marry her. Okay, Link
has been the object of infatuation for fish-girls, ectoplasmic entities and
enormous old women, but a tree is pretty out there. Ages’ Maku Tree is
significantly younger and smaller, and even girlish at times.

=============================================================================

M a l l a d u s
Malcontentious
Race: Demon
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

The Link and Zelda of The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass can’t have been too
pleased when they reached their new home. First Hyrule is drowned by the gods
because they couldn’t think of a better way to keep Ganondorf in check – to say
nothing of the fact that _it didn’t even work_ - but they are then tasked with
leaving everything behind and going to search for a new one, because the king
said it would probably be a good idea if they would do that. Then they finally
reach the new Hyrule, and what do they find? It’s in the grip of a Demon King,
and they’re going to have to rid the land of his influence. Like, ugh, didn’t
we just do this?

Twice?

Fortunately, this time they have at their disposal Anjean, who helps them with
her miraculous magic. Together, they seal Malladus beneath the surface of
Hyrule, binding him with...train tracks, which are built to run across the
entire country. And their users regulate themselves, meaning that accidents
must be incredibly frequent. Anyway, Malladus continues on like this for about
a century (which must be incredibly aggravating, just sitting there doing
nothing, ever, for decades, but maybe time has a bit of a different meaning
when you’re immortal), at which point a lesser demon, Cole, and his follower,
Byrne, manage to cut the ties that bind and release Malladus from his prison.
Byrne leaps in front of Cole, eager to offer his allegiance in exchange for a
slice of Malladus’s power, but he is apparently much more choosy than that. In
spite of his already immense power, Byrne was once Lokomo, so he can screw
right off. Ouch. Cole and Malladus take off for the Dark Realm aboard the Demon
Train, with a view to gathering their strength, and the opposing crew scrambles
to mount a counteroffensive.

Eventually, they pursue them into the ephemeral otherworld, and after first
tangling with the Demon Train and then fighting Cole atop it, Link and Zelda
brace themselves for a battle with the giant bull. Zelda, fortunately, has an
idea for how to deal with the threat, but the move takes like five minutes to
charge up. Link’s task, therefore, is to ward off the fireballs that home in on
her as she prepares her spell. If she’s struck at all, Link will take some
damage in her stead and she’ll be forced to start over. When the spell does go
off, Malladus is momentarily addled, and the princess prompts Link to whip out
his Spirit Flute and play a tune with her. THIS spell summons Anjean and the
other Lokomo, who in turn highlight Malladus’s only weak spot. Link charges in
and barrages it with sword strikes, following which Malladus gets angrier and
eats Cole, granting him even greater power, wicked horns, and a moustache.
Later on, he does the same thing to Byrne; what a glutton. At any rate, this is
the fun part. Once again directing the actions of both Link and Zelda in
concert, the object here is, either by walking Zelda to an advantageous spot or
distracting Malladus with Link’s sword, to position Zelda behind Malladus so
that she can shoot him in his vulnerable spine with the Bow of Light. Missed
shots will cost some time as she readies another magically infused arrow. When
she gets a hit, Link can once more rush in and go to town on the glowing
cranial ulcer. Ultimately, Malladus can only take so much of this and is
reduced to a snivelling wisp before being banished from the world forever.
Truly another great battle from Spirit Tracks; counting the business with the
Demon Train and Cole, it more or less combines every major gameplay element
from the entire rest of the adventure, and has quite possibly the widest
variety of activities I’ve ever seen in one battle. The killing blow is quite
satisfying, as well, being a nice big super-stabby light show that has the
added bonus of requiring player input. Very nice.

=============================================================================

M a l o n  a n d  T a l o n
Just farmers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish Cap

These two characters get listed by name even though they find their origins in
two others. That’s not really fair, is it? Then again, neither is Nintendo’s
treatment of Marin and Tarin, though they technically never existed.

Now here’s an interesting paradox: All the things in Koholint Island are
references to something else, mostly to the first three Zelda games and the
Mario series. Yet Marin and Tarin’s ‘real-world’ counterparts weren’t invented
until the following game in the series. A little backwards. Now that we’ve
gotten severely off-track, let me further remind you that Marin is actually a
reference to Zelda. Weird.

Metaphysical conundrums aside, Marin is the one who finds Link unconscious on
Toronbo Shores and drags him off to her house in Mabe Village. Her father,
Tarin, finds Link’s shield and gives it to him as he leaves – Tarin is
referential to Mario, given the red shirt and blue overalls, moustache, and
love of mushrooms. Marin is musically inclined and makes friends easily, even
having some among monsters. Neither Marin nor Tarin is static – both are
constantly travelling around the island, and both of them help Link out several
times. Notably, there is a period where Link finds Marin in Animal Village and
she follows him around for a while, ending in a beachfront ‘date’ of sorts.
Here, Marin tells Link that despite how much she loves Koholint, she would love
to see life beyond it – she dreams of becoming a seagull and flying away
forever. When you beat the game, the ‘The End’ screen shows a seagull flapping
around, implying that she may really have gotten her wish – or if you beat it
with zero deaths, you’ll see Marin with wings. Hmm.

They reappear right away, as owners and operators of Lon Lon Ranch, where they
raise Lon Lons, Cuccos, and horses. Child Link learns Epona’s Song from her,
which he uses to good effect later on. Talon is quite lazy and does almost no
work, leading an increasingly disgruntled Ingo to eventually take over the
ranch with Ganondorf’s help. He forces Malon to work there against her will,
threatening to mistreat the horses if she doesn’t. When Link wins Epona from
Ingo, Talon is inspired to take back the ranch, but it’s not all conflict:
Talon and Ingo become best friends and drinking buddies. At this point, Malon
also opens an obstacle course that Link and Epona can try. If you look at Malon
in first-person view at this time, you’ll notice she’s blushing, leading me to
believe she has quite a crush on him.

By the way, Talon and Ingo are allusions to Mario and Luigi from the Mario Bros
series of games. Both look a little like their counterparts in regards to body
type, shirt colour and moustache style, and both they and Malon wear gold
brooches that resemble the face of Bowser, the Mario Bros’ arch-nemesis.

Since Malon appeared as both a child and an adult in Ocarina, she had two
polys, both of which were reused for Majora’s Mask. When Skull Kid kidnaps
Epona at the beginning of the game, she ends up at Romani Ranch. Romani is
young Malon, while Cremia is the older one. Cremia tends the cows that produce
Milk for the members-exclusive Milk Bar, owned by Mr Barten – that is,
Termina’s version of Talon. Romani spends all of the First Day training with
her bow for that night’s alien invasion, which she knows is coming tonight
since it comes on the same day every year. With Link’s help, she might fend off
the aliens; otherwise, they accidentally abduct her along with the cows, then
spit her out, and she spends the duration of the next two days acting really,
really strung out. If you repel the intruders, you can offer to protect
Cremia's Milk shipment on the following night, sitting in the back of her
waggon and firing arrows at the disguised Gorman Brothers as they try to damage
the cargo. Complete the task once and you'll win Romani's Mask; do it twice and
Cremia will give you a huge hug!

Malon usually seems to be pretty good at what she does, but not so much in
Oracle of Seasons, where Link gives her a book about tending Cuccos so she can
learn. In return, she gives him the only thing she can think of, which is a
beauty product called a Lon Lon Egg. This is part of the trading game, which
Talon also figures into; late in the game Link finds him in a mountain cave. He
gives him, surprise, a Mushroom.

In the Hyrule Field level of Four Swords Adventures, the Links find Malon under
siege by Hyrule Castle soldiers and desperately trying to get back to her
house. They escort her through hostile territory to a grateful Talon. Both of
them also have minor roles in The Minish Cap, but they are so forgettable I can
hardly remember what they’re there for. A reader tells me Malon sells Lon Lon
Milk for 10 Rupees, and that you need to give Talon the Spare Key in order to
enter the Ranch at Hylian size (because, as I recall, Talon managed to lock
himself out.) Later, they open up a shortcut to Lake Hylia.

=============================================================================

M a m a
World Kitchen
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Sit down, take a load off. Mama’s Cafe is the best place in town to grab a
mocchachino latte espresso, or just take in the latest news from local
streetears while waxing philosophic. The eponymous Mama, master chef, gardener
and Economical Shopper, presides over the place with warmth, love and a
willingness to fuse Kinstones whenever the mood so strikes you.

=============================================================================

M a m a m u  Y a n
Perfumed proprietor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening
             Majora’s Mask

I assume she was also in Ocarina of Time, but if she was she strikes me as a
one-glance sideswipe Hyrule Castle Town market-dweller that nobody cared about,
so screw that noise.

The one we’re talking about runs the Dog Races at the far end of the field
within Romani Ranch. Ugh, dogs. Plump and passionate, she will let you wager a
few Rupees on the outcome of the sprint; if the runt you selected comes in
first, you’ll snag a Heart Piece, with subsequent placings offering Rupee
rewards. Although it might seem like your success or failure is pure luck, in
actuality there is a trick, very well-known by now, that sees you wearing the
Mask of Truth and noting the dog’s reaction when you pick it up. If I recall
correctly, ‘Ruff’ means it will place well, ‘Rr-ruff’ means it has a chance of
doing sort of well, and ‘Whimper’ means it will perform poorly.

By the way, ‘Is that doggy fine?’ is the single most awkward translation in the
entire series. Going by the English I can only assume the original was ‘sono
wan-chan de iin desu ka?’ in which case they’d have done better to just plain
switch it around to ‘Is that the doggy you want?’ Translation fidelity is a
little less important in a purely text-based format than in, say, a live-action
drama, where the original dialogue is audible and inaccurate translations are
liable to irk speakers of the language in question.

=============================================================================

M a m b a  a n d  t h e  Y a m a t a n i  K i n g
Misguided monarch and his dainty daughter
Race: Yamatanis
Appearances: Tingle's Freshly Picked Rosy Rupeeland

Sovereign of the Yamatani Tribe, a group of primitives living near the summit
of Mount Desma, the Yamatani King falls under Uncle Rupee's fey sway prior to
main action. Like Tingle, he's manipulated into throwing away thousands upon
thousands of Rupees, except it's the opening Mount Desma's volcano instead of
the fountain atop Tingle Tower, and a sort of hypnosis instead of promises of
fame and women. To accrue the desired funds, the Yamatani King levies an
unprecedentedly high tax on his people, causing them to hate and resent him.
His daughter Mamba, however (apparently his only living relative), sees through
his strange behaviour and more or less recognizes what's happened.

She puts her feminine wiles to use on the incredibly suggestible Tingle, who is
only too glad to risk his life for her (and a sizable fortune), delving into
the mountain's depths and staring down the dragon that has infested it. With
the power of his elastic arms and the raw courage in his gut, Tingle bravely
uses himself as bait, flinging himself up and out of the volcano opening and
thus luring the monster into the daylight, causing it to promptly turn to dust
that is swept away by the breezes that tend to run at such high altitudes.
(Though it involves no combat per se, this is probably the most enjoyable
dungeon boss battle in the game.) Tingle then skydives back to earth,
collecting all the Rupees that the Yamatani King had donated as he falls. The
beast, as it turns out, was the source of the psychic signal that caused him to
embark on his unholy collectathon in the first place. The spell broken,
everybody can go back to their former happy lives. Hurrah!

Mamba gives Tingle her gratitude and nothing else. The Yamatani King, however,
builds a giant statue in his likeness right in front of their shrine. Examining
it yields a substantial Rupee reward, and it serves as the area's final
landmark, which I for one had earlier wasted a lot of time looking for.

I've read that the Yamatani King's actual name is 'King Desma,' but that sounds
kind of stupid, so I'm suspicious as to its authenticity. Also, Yamatanis are
pretty much just tribal Hylians whose men have a penchant for wearing masks, so
they don't get an entry in the Race Compendium.

=============================================================================

M a n b o
Ride with Frogmaster Fl...no?
Race: Frog or something
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Man, I first played Link’s Awakening when I was a little kid and brand-new to
video games, so I didn’t get any of the references. I can only appreciate them
now, looking back on the game and doing research for this guide. I’m referring
to the fact, of course, that Manbo is the LA incarnation of Wart (or Mamu), the
big bad guy from Super Mario Bros. 2 of all the random things. He’s sort of
this big cross-eyed frog monster who wears a fur-lined cape and a crown,
because he’s the king of Subcon. On Kohlint Island, he’s king of the Signpost
Maze. He challenges Link to navigate it, which is the easiest thing ever,
because all it requires him to do is follow the directions on a succession of
signposts without accidentally reading any of the wrong ones. When he makes it
through, Manbo teaches him Manbo’s Mambo, probably the most useless song in the
game, although I guess it comes in handy from time to time: It allows instant
teleportation to the pond next to Crazy Tracy’s house. After teaching Link the
song, Manbo and his frog retainers celebrate with an exhilarating dance.

=============================================================================

M a n  o f  S m i l e s
Prospective Joy Luck Club chairman
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Here we have an unsettlingly happy man who floats aimlessly in his boat in the
northeastern quadrant of the sea, apparently sending out postcards to all those
in need of a little cheer. When Link encounters him, his vessel has been
overrun by the forces of evil, and he implores Link to rid him of their danger.
Thus liberated, he introduces himself as the Man of Smiles, probably not his
real name, and offers Link either a normal prize or a mysterious prize; if he
chooses the mysterious prize, he’ll just say what the heck and hand over both.
One item is a simple Treasure Map, but one is the Hero’s New Clothes, which
kicks off the Trading Game. Every time Link re-enters the boat, the Man of
Smiles is once again up to his suspenders in monsters, and he can clear the
place out over and over again in order to earn Prize Postcards. In spite of the
suspicious nature of his whole deal, it seems that all the Man of Smiles really
wants is to bring happiness to people everywhere.

=============================================================================

M a p  K i d
Generic made-up names ftw
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
             Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

This little urchin has the gall to beat you to every single area you visit,
find its map, and sell it to you. Or maybe he's doing you a service; you might
not have found it on your own, and completing it does yield a high return on
your investment. He squeezes into a variety of amusing get-ups, too. Still
though. Could have saved myself a few thousand Rupees, easily, if I'd gotten
there first. Little punk.

He reappears in the sequel to serve much the same purpose, except this time you
don't get any money back, and the areas are so small that having a map is only
occasionally helpful. His hiding spots are much more clever this time, though,
and on at least one occasion he appears to be naked, so perhaps that makes up
for it.

=============================================================================

M a p l e  a n d  S y r u p
Always two there are: A master, and an apprentice
Race: Hylians
Appearances: A Link to the Past
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish Cap

Syrup is a wizened old hag who knows her magical art well and wastes most of it
making Potions. Maple is her teenage granddaughter who is supposedly learning
that art. Both wear the trappings of their trade (a pointy hat and blue robes),
but only Syrup ever does any work. Maple would much rather spend her free time
on something interesting; specifically, in the Oracle saga she zooms around the
countryside on her broom, colliding with innocent bystanders. Each of the pair
helps Link gain items, however, be it a life-restoring Potion or rarities like
Rings. After their first few races, Maple gains a vacuum to help her gather
more loot faster. In a linked game, she upgrades to a flying saucer. (...)
Maple makes a resurgence in Four Swords Adventures, having once again screwed
up: She’s accidentally shrunk some poor guy’s house, and needs Link to fetch
the Spell Book to reverse it (the reward being a Heart Container from its
occupant.) In The Minish Cap, Syrup’s Wake-Up Mushroom allows Link to get the
Pegasus Shoes from the sleepy shoemaker.

cornishpete has this to add: ‘just one little correction about Syrup the witch.
She also appears in the minnish cap, her home is tucked away in the northern
end of minnish woods. (you have to go in via the route to the mayors cabin and
take a slight detou) she plays a similar role as she has before in dealing with
potions. you can buy either a red potion, or, after the correct kinstone
fusion, a blue potion. maple, for some reason, is nowhere to be found.’

=============================================================================

M a s a r u
Monkey Magic
Race: Monkey
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Disgustingly, Masaru (his name a pun on 'saru,' monkey) has stolen the Aomono
Village fisherman's false teeth, and is wearing them. We need the fishing rod
to advance the story and the false teeth to get the fishing rod, and Masaru
mostly just sits in a tree taunting us. We can lure him down with a banana but
can't catch him. If Raion speaks with him, he'll boast that he's confident he
can beat any of them in a fight, just don't bring the guy that makes those
weird noises. What we need is Edelweiss, the bulldog that lives at the flower
shop. Sending him into battle will cause Masaru to give up the false teeth and
flee. It turns out that he's good friends with Madame Yokuriiba, often skipping
work to go see her. Later, he enters our party in much the same way that
Edelweiss did, joining Tingle's side while the other three wait back at base.
It turns out that he belongs to Iona's father, who keeps him as a coconut
collector. We can gather coconuts for Rupees, but mostly we need Torimushi's
hat, which Masaru can claim from a tall tree. Following that, he Charons the
party across the lake inside the village temple, pushing their craft like a
Venetian boater.

=============================================================================

M a s t e r  E d d o
Bomb-builder
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Master Eddo hangs out in his garage on Cannon Island, from where he
meticulously constructs the finest of hand-made Bomb-firing cannon. He excels
in creating other ship accessories as well, namely his pet project the Salvage
Arm, which allows seagoers to drag up treasure boxes from the ocean floor. It
pays for itself in no time. Master Eddo occasionally engages in the odd
practice of pricing his merchandise based on how loudly and clearly his
customer can yell, although his apprentice claims that snapping one’s fingers
works just as well. I suggest clapping. Now let me shout and wake you up, let
me wake you up! But I have to wonder how he gets any work done when he needs to
use a cane and one of his arms is a mountain of bandages. And by the way, how
the heck did he sustain those injuries??

=============================================================================

M a s t e r  S t a l f o s
Bag of bones
Race: Stalfos
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Master Stalfos is the mini-boss of Catfish’s Maw, really noteworthy only
because he does for Stalfos what the Helmasaur King did for Helmasaurs.
Furthermore, there have only been a few genuine sword-versus-sword duels in the
whole Zelda series, which is surprising, really, but Master Stalfos claims one
of them. Quite simply, all Link had to do was avoid his potent sword strikes,
hit him a few times with the sword, which would cause him to temporarily
crumble into a pile of bones, and then lay a Bomb on him. Link battled him on
four separate occasions in four separate rooms. After their fourth showdown,
Master Stalfos blew up for good and spat out the Hookshot.

=============================================================================

M a y o r  B o
The Strongarm Mayor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Mayor Bo takes care of many of the day-to-day happenings of Ordon Village,
overseeing work details, solving minor disputes, and lending his own raw
physical power wherever it’s needed. We meet the horn-moustachioed mayor almost
immediately, stopping to chat with him as we go to rendezvous with Fado in the
fields, but our conversation is interrupted by the charge of an escaped pow,
who, unless we’re expecting it, knocks us flat on our backs and runs off for
parts unknown, necessitating a search party named Bo. Not long after, when his
daughter Ilia is kidnapped and his home besieged by twilight, the devastated
man maintains enough constitution to organize the town defence. This ended up
largely consisting of an incapacitated swordsman and a scrawny old guy standing
on top of a post holding a bow, but he worked with what he had.

Bo’s past is surprisingly fleshed-out. With the death of his wife some years
ago, presumably of illness, he has been left to care for his daughter by
himself, raising her to be a strong and independent young woman. He also has
some kind of history with the Gorons, having once been a prize sumo wrestler
with the help of his magnificent muscles and a pair of Iron Boots he somehow
acquired. In the act of defeating their Big Brother and yokozuna, Bo gained the
respect of the Gorons and, if Ocarina of Time is any indication, probably
became an honourary Goron himself. I mean technically he cheated, but who
cares. He passes the package onto Link when the hero himself is tenaciously
trying to win Goron enclave-entrance.

=============================================================================

M a y o r  D o t o u r
The Freezing Mayor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Given the fact that a huge celestial object will soon crash into his town and
destroy the entire country in which it sits, one would imagine Mayor Dotour has
more pressing concerns than wading through bureaucracy. And yet there he is,
24/3 for as long as you let it go on, sitting in a pointless meeting with the
Captain of the Guard and the Chief Carpenter, the former of whom advocates
evacuation, the latter, stalwartness in the face of a little apocalypse. The
entire discussion is moot, of course, because neither plan is going to work.
Dotour contributes by mumbling something noncommittal every now and then. Oh,
and by the way, this entire time, he’s distracted by the fact that his only son
has mysteriously disappeared just days before his own wedding (and yet he
somehow knows exactly where he’s hiding out, and hasn’t done anything about it
whatsoever...yeah.) Ugh, think there might be better ways for old Dotour to be
spending his time? Well, if you walk into chambers and whip out the Couple’s
Mask, which has the power to calm arguments, the offending parties will realise
that their argument completely misses the point, and they will decide that the
decision of whether or not to flee should be up to everyone to make for him or
herself. Dotour will give you a Heart Piece in gratitude. And...that’s about
all he ever does. Oh no wait! He also has an odd moustache. A purple one, no
less.

Common convention as far as this guide is concerned would usually dictate that
I put Mayor Dotour and Madame Aroma in the same entry. I didn’t. Mindgames.

=============================================================================

M a y o r  H a g e n
The Crystal Mayor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Even though Daltus himself happens to live right in the very heart of Hyrule
Castle Town, he has another official entirely to take on civic responsibilities
while he handles the national ones. Smart guy; knows how to delegate, and
doesn’t take on too much by himself. This decision does, however, provide some
evidence against the democratic model, because the guy who makes it into office
is not only paranoid but somewhat incompetent. Mayor Hagen, whose name always
makes me think of Hagen-Daazs ice cream, is notable for doing little or nothing
to address the settlement’s housing crisis while maintaining a residence right
in the centre of town complete with not only a basement (multi-story homes
being a rarity in the Zeldaverse) but a series of secret passages as well, for
use as escape routes in the case of an attack. That’s pretty smart, I guess;
embassies might do well to imitate him. And his constituents do seem relatively
satisfied, except for Din, Nayru and Farore, who end up having to look to Link
for help. The bespectacled vest-wearer has a deep interest in masks, both
collecting them and even making a few himself. His house is infested with
Minish, but whose isn’t in that game. He also owns a waterfront cabin at Lake
Hylia. Remind me where our taxes go again?

=============================================================================

M a y o r  P l e n
The Silver Mayor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

Lynna City’s mayor is also an ardent fan of its history, going as far as to
mention to new visitors that it was once called Lynna Village, even though that
pretty much goes without saying, and is a completely useless piece of
information regardless. Like most mayors presented here, he served Link only by
giving him something, in this case the gift of not getting angry when the hero
steals his Seed Ring. Supposedly, Mayor Plen looks like Luigi. What, Ingo
wasn’t enough?

Know what, I picked the ‘Silver’ title because I wanted to work in a reference
to Bishoujo Sailor Moon’s Silver Millennium, but it stopped working when I
remembered that the Silver Millennium is in the future, not the past, and His
Worship Plen holds court in the present.

=============================================================================

M a y o r  R u u l
The Sewing-Life Mayor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons

Horon Village’s mayor is also an ardent fan of Gasha Seeds, going as far as to
keep a square of soft earth in his home specifically for the purpose of sowing
them. Like most mayors presented here, he served Link only by giving him
something, in this case the first Gasha Seed in the game and, ipso facto and by
proxy, the Gasha Ring. See what I did with these entries? You know, because the
Oracle titles are sister games. Doesn’t have a thing to do with me being lazy
and uninspired, definitely not. Hey! Spring of Trivia, at least the blurb under
Ruul’s name makes sense without brutally stretching the limits of
believability, which is more than can be said for most of the other mayors here.

If I recall correctly, Ruul Villa was a place in Link’s Awakening. Supposedly,
Mayor Ruul looks like Mario. What, Talon wasn’t enough?

This ends our series on Hylian government.

=============================================================================

M e d l i
Fine feathered friend
Race: Rito
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Young Medli is just coming into her own as attendant to Valoo, the deity of the
Rito. Link encounters her early in the game; she is the key to the first
dungeon, in fact. At the beginning of the game, her wings aren’t entirely
developed yet, so she needs Link to throw her up to a high ledge. (It took me
almost ten minutes to do this.) She becomes a much more accomplished flier
later on, able to flap around on her own for surprisingly long periods of time,
and even carry Link for short distances. When Link learns the Earth God’s Lyric
from Laruto and plays it for Medli, she awakens as the Sage of Earth. She and
Link work together to conquer the Earth Temple. After Link defeats Jalhalla,
Medli stays in the inner sanctum to pray to the gods, the act of which restores
the Master Sword to half-strength. Medli is a motherly figure to Komali,
comforting him now that his actual mother is gone. Despite her role as a mother
figure, he is in love with her, though it seems he never has the courage to say
it. Medli, in turn, appears to have a crush on Link, but never says it.

=============================================================================

M e l a r i
Whistle while you work
Race: Minish
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Melari and his seven apprentices collectively form the Mountain Minish.
Smithing is their entire lives; they are wholly devoted to their trade. Link
and Ezlo visit Melari’s Mines, which is basically a depression in the ground
near the top of Mt Crenel, shortly before entering the Cave of Flames. They
make their home there in order to be closer, both physically and spiritually,
to the ore they mine and shape. Just prior to scaling Mt Crenel, the duo
recovered the mythical Picori Blade. Melari and two of his apprentices work
hard and re-forge the shattered blade into one piece. Unfortunately, though
Melari can repair the steel he is unable to fix its magical deficiencies, so
Link must look elsewhere. Melari and his apprentices constantly sing the ‘Ting
Tong Song’ as they work.

=============================================================================

M e r c o
Hired gun (Hg)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A handful of the Mogma do nothing but occasionally provide a little dialogue to
add flavour to your surroundings, and Merco is one of them. His swash of blonde
hair, dark circles around his eyes, and throat-clenching smile make him appear
quite hapless.

=============================================================================

M e r m a n
ANOTHER talking fish
Race: Fish
Appearances: The Wind Waker

I don’t believe this little guy’s name is ever actually given, but one source
calls him Merman, so that’s good enough for our profiling purposes. If you have
no idea what I’m talking about, Merman is the bluish little talking fish who
sort of resembles a flat-faced Aboriginal drawing of a salmon. Link and King of
Red Lions first encounter him at Dragon Roost Island. From here on out, anytime
Link gets his attention with some All-Purpose Bait he will fill in another
square of Link’s Sea Chart and give him a little information about the
appropriate island.

There are a few interesting things of note about Merman. Most obviously, when
King of Red Lions first speaks with him he claims that he has ‘paid off his
debt.’ That tells us the two knew each other, and that Merman knows the truth
about Hyrule and whatnot. Whatever Daphnes did for Merman, it must have been
pretty small if he considers drawing in one square on some stranger’s Sea Chart
having paid it off – or else Merman is cheap that way. He also says that he
‘can’t go fighting evil on an empty stomach,’ implying that he is active in his
opposition of Ganondorf. Quite what influence he might exert is beyond me.
Finally, his comment at Rock Spire Island implies a past relationship with
Gillian, the barmaid at Windfall Island’s tavern – moreover, Gillian’s figurine
states that she used to have a boyfriend, but that info is TOP SECRET!! So
either Merman used to be a human, or Gillian is into fish. You be the judge, I
guess.

=============================================================================

M i a
Myrmidon
Race: Dragon
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Though adorable and affectionate during the day, Gaepora's terrifying pet and
all of her ilk become crazed at night, attacking you for no reason at all as
you pass by. A few quick sword strikes will put them in their place, and you
can bet I took every opportunity to do so, sometimes yelling angrily as I did
so because they jumped on me out of nowhere. It got so bad that I started doing
it in the daytime too, just to make sure. I mean, these things are so ugly, and
so dangerous, how have they ever survived as domestic animals? Owlan has the
unenviable duty of taking care of this one in particular, and even mentions how
she often scratches the hell out of him come sundown. Early in the game you
have to rescue her from being stuck on a roof; at this point you don't yet know
of her true nature, because obviously if you did you'd have ignored Owlan's
pleas for help and just left her up there.

=============================================================================

M i d n a
Eponymous awesomeness
Race: Twili
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Midna is the deposed leader of the Twili and one of the coolest characters to
come around in a long while. When the game’s title was first announced, many of
us followed this logic: Hyrule - Twilight Realm - Zelda, Princess of
Hyrule...Zelda must be the Twilight Princess! (It’s the first game since the
original that’s actually referenced Zelda herself!) Others looked at the logo
and inferred that its similarity to Midna’s hat must mean SHE was the Twilight
Princess. The latter group was correct.

Since the basic controls and concepts of the game are created before anything
else, it’s my guess that Midna was a mechanic long before she became a
character. After all, there are certain things wolf-form Link simply can’t do
on his own, like open doors or scope out narrow ledges. Plus, we need an ally
for this game.

Midna fits all these roles like a glove that’s the right size. She has a little
stub of cel-shaded hair protruding from under her helmet, which she can form
into a giant hand that manipulates objects and tracks targets. Midna is also
this game’s Navi, though she doesn’t offer help with enemies; instead, she
mostly instructs Link on where to go next, although she does reprise Navi’s
function of helping the player with puzzles that would take them time to figure
out on their own.

And of course, she plays a vital part in the story. Much as the natural races
of Hyrule have their own individuals destined to affect its historical
landscape, so too do the Twili have a single rightful ruler. The Twili lost
their previous king due to his own greed. As it turns out, Midna is the one
destined to take over the reigns and continue with her people on their road to
prosperity, but she kind of fails to pick up the slack. Zant declares himself
the Twili’s new ruler and tries to gain her endorsement. Failing at that, he
transfigures her and kicks her out.

In her natural form, Midna is a grey-skinned, long-haired, beautiful woman.
When Zant transforms her, she becomes a grey-skinned, long-haired, ‘decrepit
little imp,’ to use her words.

Crippled but hardly out of commission, Midna goes into hiding and searches for
a way to reclaim her throne. She finds it when Link is hauled into the Twilight
Realm and is transformed into a wolf by its power. The light world may know him
as the Hero of Hyrule, but the Twilight Realm has a similar legend, one which
states a sacred beast will rescue their world from the brink of destruction.
She follows the shadow beast who captures Link and then springs him from his
cell. After they have a brief meeting with Zelda, Midna is able to convince
Link that he needs her help to save his world.

They forge an alliance and set to work. Midna’s primary goal is to seek out the
ancient Fused Shadows. She wields the most powerful magics of her people, but
these relics will increase her power exponentially. This conveniently allows
the pair to work towards their individual goals simultaneously, because
recovering the Fused Shadows requires restoring light to the three provinces of
Hyrule that have so far fallen under Twilight.

When they finally gather all three, their victorious partying proves premature.
Zant immediately swoops in on them and tosses them aside, wondering how they
could possibly have hoped to defeat him with such pitiful, withered magic. He
returns twilight to Lanayru province and taunts the duo for a while, then
dispels it, exposing Midna’s physical body to direct light. Before, she had
only taken immaterial shape in the light world by commandeering Link’s shadow
for brief periods, but now she was actually being struck by sunbeams. Her
condition deteriorates quickly and Link, stuck as a wolf, struggles to restore
her.

He finds Zelda who, despite Midna’s protests, seemingly sacrifices her own life
to save Midna’s by transferring her life force to her. And because Zelda is
from the light world, this allows Midna to now take form in the light unharmed.
With newfound control over his wolf form and a new goal, Link tracks down the
four shards of the Mirror of Twilight under Midna’s instruction.

Midna explains that the Mirror of Twilight is the single link the Goddesses
left between the light world and their realm of exile, the Twilight.
Furthermore, only the rightful ruler of the Twili can destroy it; since Zant
was only able to break it into pieces, he is indisputably NOT the true king.
Anyway, they use this portal to disappear into the nether, where they storm the
Palace of Twilight. Paradoxically, Link is able to use the palace’s own power
to infuse the Master Sword with pure light, which easily vanquishes Twilight
denizens. After a skirmish with Zant, Midna reclaims the Fused Shadows and
kills him, though he is quickly reborn thanks to Ganondorf’s powers.

So, I guess it’s time to go after Ganondorf then. After the Twilight dropped
from Lanayru Province, a huge magical pyramid was erected around Hyrule Castle.
With her new powers, Midna transforms into a giant spider-thing and shatters
it. They climb to the top and square off with Ganondorf, who possesses Zelda’s
body. After Link forces him out of it, Zelda’s soul exits Midna and returns to
its rightful body. Following this, Midna helps Link figure out how to beat
Ganon transformed, and then teleports the two Hylians out of the Castle as it
crumbles. She then attempts to kill Ganondorf once and for all, but is
overcome. Even against the incredible Fused Shadows, Ganondorf comes out on top.

But after Link finishes him off, he finds Midna still alive, and returned to
the body she was born in. Their quest was long and they’ve grown close, but
it’s time for her to return to the Twilight Realm to guide her people. They say
they’ll see each other again, but Midna is crying...and at the last minute,
Midna takes one of her own shed tears and propels it at the Mirror, shattering
it instantly and wiping it off the face of the earth. Light and darkness will
never meet again. This move caught me totally off-guard and so I found it
rather striking and emotionally charged. We’ll miss you, Midna.

Midna’s voice is pretty damn awesome. She has TONS AND TONS of dialogue. It’s
sort of random in that she says different things when the same text appears,
and of course there is no rhyme or rhythm to it – it’s just a bunch of funny
sounds her VA, Kawamoto Akiko, probably made up on the spot, or else it was run
through a synthesizer. It’s still quite awesome though, and manages to convey a
definite sense of foreignness.

Another one of the coolest things about Midna is her drive. Not only is she
sassy as she single-mindedly strives to strike down Zant, but she is one of the
only egotistical, self-serving characters to receive a prominent role. She’s
quite honest about it too: She explains on numerous occasions that she doesn’t
care about the light world and is only looking after the interests of her own.
Yet still there is some character development, as she slowly grows fond of the
Hyruleans and comes to realise that the darkness and the light unknowingly
depend on each other. Also, in the beginning she has a decidedly negative
opinion of Zelda ruling a nation, but in time she grows to understand that
Zelda is really doing the best she can, and is deserving of her respect.

Whoever came up with Midna certainly has mine.

=============================================================================

M i d o
Boss of the Kokiri
Race: Kokiri
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Mido would have us believe that he is much more important than he actually is.
Mido calls himself the Boss of the Kokiri, and he really is one of the most
competent, but nobody really recognizes him by that title. Link spent much of
his early years being bullied by Mido, mostly because the latter was jealous of
his friendship with Saria, whom Mido apparently has a crush on. Mido is one of
the largest Kokiri and has no scruples about throwing his weight around;
despite orders from the Great Deku Tree himself, Mido won’t even let Link meet
with the deity at first. Later, when Link returns to Kokiri Forest in adult
form, Mido doesn’t even recognize him until he plays Saria’s Song. In the
ending credits, when the Kokiri leave the forest, Mido is the first who dares
to venture beyond that boundary into the unknown. Pretty courageous,
considering it's always been assumed that this would result in instant death
for the undertaker.

=============================================================================

M i k a u
Avid partier
Race: Zora
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

In addition to being one of the Zora’s most proficient warriors, Mikau is a
rocking guitar player and plays lead gat on the Indigo-Gos. Apparently, he is
romantically and physically involved with Lulu. Despite being a skilled
swimmer, even for a Zora, Mikau was never able to beat the Beaver Brothers at
their game, though Link later beat them in Mikau’s form. Lean and athletic,
Mikau sports numerous tattoos on his body, perhaps uniquely among the Zora.

Mikau stupidly tries to swim in the murky waters of Zora Cape, and ends up
dying because of it. A flock of seagulls (I walk along the avenue) flaps over
him, and since seagulls are seen as fundamental in The Wind Waker, they’re
probably seeing him off to the afterlife, or maybe trying to convince him to
cling to life. Either way, they point Link to him, and he pushes Mikau ashore.
Mikau then explains the plight of the Zora with a rousing and humorous guitar
solo. Link plays the Song of Healing and gets the Zora’s Mask from him. After
that, Mikau’s grave can be seen on the beach – his guitar is sticking out of
the sand, marking the spot where he drew his last breath.

Of the five forms Link can assume in Majora’s Mask, Mikau’s is by far the most
fun – Kijin Link can bite me. As Mikau, I spent a great deal of time rocketing
around watery areas at what seemed like super-speed. Swimming as a Zora is
simply awesome. Mikau can also stand and walk along the bottom of a watery
area, like a built-in combination Iron Boots and Zora Tunic. Twilight
Princess’s Zora Armour uses a similar swimming concept, but it’s just not the
same. In battle, Mikau can slash with the fins on his forearms or throw them
like boomerangs. Lastly, his most potent attack is a bioelectric vortex that
kills any waterlogged enemy it comes into contact with. Very cool.

I leave you with this thought: Do you have any idea how cool it would be to
combine Mikau’s form with The Wind Waker’s world?

=============================================================================

M i l a  a n d  M a g g i e
The rich get poorer
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Mila and Maggie are two of the three girls that the Helmaroc King kidnaps in
its search for Princess Zelda. Apparently, giant birds make horrible
detectives, because none of the candidates he brings home remotely resembles
Zelda. Mila is probably the one nearer the mark, being blonde-haired and
regally clothed. Maggie, by contrast, has hair of deep red and is literally
dresses in rags – not even close.

Link first encounters them when he climbs the Forsaken Fortress, but before he
can free them and Aryll he is captured by the Helmaroc King and thrown into the
sea. King of Red Lions rescues him and takes him to Windfall Island, where he
meets the girls’ fathers. Maggie’s father fretted constantly about her and
harassed Link about saving her every time he stepped within two thousand metres
of him. Mila’s father, by contrast, worries mostly about his vase collection.

Here’s the difference between them, though. Mila’s father promises Tetra’s
pirates all his wealth, every last bit of it, if they can rescue Mila. They
follow up, and the two families switch roles. (Maggie’s dad sells the Skull
Necklaces she got from the Fortress, which go for big bucks.) Maggie and her
dad dress elaborately, while Mila and her father are now the ones in rags.
Mila’s dad has no regrets, because his little girl is back. But Maggie’s dad
doesn’t even care about her anymore, only wealth and all the trappings thereof.
Power tends to corrupt, and money corrupts absolutely.

During her detainment, Maggie started up a relationship with one of the Moblins
in the Forsaken Fortress. His name was Moe, but he didn’t share her feelings;
he wanted to eat her, which she took as a metaphor for their love. She also
becomes quite introspective, even writing poetry. Mila, on the other hand, had
to work to support the family, so she became Zunari’s assistant. Tragically,
desperation also turned her to a life of crime – she started picking the lock
on Zunari’s safe and looting the contents every night. Link set her away from
this path and instead she found a second job, on another island. Geez – the
poor girl is basically pulling 24-hour shifts seven days a week.

=============================================================================

M i n i s t e r  P o t h o
Neurotic bureaucrat
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Because running an entire country is a tricky task, King Daltus has a number of
people who assist him with the job. Chief among them is the diminutive
old-timer Minister Potho, whose title suggests that Hyrule may have somehow
transitioned to a constitutional monarchy while keeping the power of the
monarchy intact, which has never happened in real life. In addition to taking
on slightly lower-level administrative duties, Minister Potho is Zelda’s
personal teacher - likely part of grooming her for her coming role as the next
sovereign - and HATES it when she skips, hence his distress when Vaati appears
on the scene and turns her to stone. After coming to his senses (not that there
was much there to begin with), he offers Link the Smith’s Sword so that he can
embark on his softening journey without being killed two seconds in. He appears
in the endgame rocky as a Goron like everybody else; no, rockier, because
Gorons are at least still organic and capable of movement. Anyway, this only
lasts a short while as Link duly destroys Vaati and saves the land, and
Minister Potho joins the thank you retinue.

=============================================================================

M i s s  M a r i e
Hot for Teacher
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Miss Marie is an ample, purple-haired, loudly dressed schoolteacher on Windfall
Island, which basically means she teaches the Killer Bees and not much else.
When we first encounter her they’re a band of truants and problem students who
have been giving her a ton of trouble, but after Link bests them in a game of
hide-and-seek (much as he did the Bombers) and becomes their living idol they
soften and start to warm up to her. By day she can be found in the classroom,
but by night she runs out to the bar or the auction house. Guess she likes to
let loose after a long day moulding young minds. Miss Marie is the founder of
the Joy Luck Club, which basically means she craves Joy Pendants (the
butterfly-shaped Spoils carried by Bokoblins) and wants to be delivered as many
as humanly possible. Because of this, the Killer Bees think that they can get
in her good books if they bring her a Joy Pendant, and invest all kinds of time
and energy into finding one, but the only one they can ever locate is at the
top of a tree and far beyond their reach, though Link snags it after they
dejectedly leave.

When Link reaches certain milestones of having given stuff to her, Miss Marie
rewards him with trinkets, the most exciting of which is the deed to her
seaside cabana and the Private Oasis on which it sits. This place treats its
occupants to comfortable decor and the relaxation of having every need taken
care of by their personal butler, allowing them to luxuriate in the atmosphere
of their secluded hideaway. This butler not only stands guard at the door,
refusing entry to anyone but the owner, but also capably performs the tasks of
both caretaker and entertainer. One of the features to which he will direct his
master’s attention is the sliding puzzles on either side of the room, which
depict various characters from across the Great Sea; this is like that Orca
whale puzzle you can get at the Vancouver Aquarium, except less frustrating.
Anyway, more important than any of this, if you dive beneath the floorboards
you’ll find a small series of ReDead-infested caves, which might lead you to
question just what exactly is going on with Miss Marie, and if you wander
around for a little while you’ll find a Triforce Chart. Yeah, that’s really
suspicious.

If you keep on showering her with Joy Pendants, you’ll be rewarded with the
Hero’s Charm and then just Rupees. The Hero’s Charm is a little item accessed
from the sub-screen that can be turned on or off at will; when turned on, it
displays the remaining health of enemies as a bar floating above their heads.
It’s a pretty cool item but unnecessary and in the end I just found it
distracting, so I turned it off, myself.

=============================================================================

M o n p e
Field worker
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

As with basically everybody who ever casts eyes on Tingle, Monpe is seemingly
scarred for life when she first meets him. The other girls working the field
hide and she cowers, refusing to even speak with him. Luckily, a little Love
Push later, she loosens up. It doesn't really benefit you in any way, except
that you have to in order to fill every heart, and maybe to get certain people
in Aomono Village to talk to and trust you. Her thick dialect makes her sound
like a seriously smalltown country girl.

=============================================================================

M o o n l i g h t  M e r c h a n t
Wheeler-dealer
Race: Gossip Stone
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Due to the rarity of certain Treasures, you could easily spend hours running
around searching for the exact stuff you need for whatever refurb you want to
perform on your equipment. Thankfully, late in the game the Moonlight Merchant
becomes available to solve all your troubles. A Gossip Stone located in the
small cave near the Skyloft pool, he'll sell you any of the game's six or so
hard-to-find spoils. They're appropriately expensive, but maybe worth it.
However, Clean Cut is a much cheaper alternative.

=============================================================================

M r  A k i n d o
Pirate's Life of a Salesman
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Though he has no official name in the English translation, most fans seem to
refer to him as Mr Akindo, so let's run with it. A travelling salesman who
rides around with the Pirate on their sometimes airborne pirate ship, Mr Akindo
seems to be an Indian stereotype, what with the clothing and the turban. In
other appearance-related trivia, his head is the size of the entire rest of his
body, his eyes are tiny, his mouth is just a giant hole and he possesses a fine
moustache. You can summon him at any time by heading to an appropriate dock and
playing the Pirate Flute, at which point you can sell him the end products of
Recipes you have found. In return, he'll provide prizes such as Bottles and -
when you've completed the entire collection - the Merchant Fan, a Rupee Good.
It may be that the Pirates allow him to do business from their craft in
exchange for putting his charisma and barter abilities to use when they put in
for supplies, or some such arrangement like that. Or maybe they just like the
company; they certainly take kindly enough to Tingle.

=============================================================================

M r.  W r i t e
Pun!!
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Mr. Write is one of Koholint Island’s more insane inhabitants, in that he has
only a loose grasp on reality. He lives alone in the woods between Mabe Village
and Goponga Swamp, and spends every spare second sitting at his desk penning
letters. He thinks he’s writing to Princess Peach, but he’s actually
communicating with a goat-woman in the next town over. I seem to recall
something about him getting disillusioned and throwing a tantrum for a while,
then getting over it and coming to realise that his friendship with Miss Goat
still stands regardless of what he’d originally thought it was. Might have been
my imagination though. I swear I can’t shut that thing up.

As I mention elsewhere in this guide, Link’s Awakening manages to shove in
about 27 obscure references per microsecond of gameplay, but Mr. Write takes
the cake. Not only is he wrapped in the delusion that he’s pen-pals with a
beautiful foreign dignitary FROM ANOTHER NINTENDO SERIES, but the man himself
is based on master of ceremonies Will Wright as he appears in the SimCity
games: The two share homophonous names, hairstyles, and scholarly attention to
detail in their work (literature and city planning, respectively.)

Now, obviously we can excuse Mr. Write for some of his weirdness because he’s
not even real, given that he’s part of the Koholint Island dream. I’m gonna go
ahead and say that he comes from the Wind Fish rather than Link, because he
sure doesn’t resemble anyone you’ll EVER see in Hyrule, man.

...having said that, his sprite ended up getting reused in Oracle of Seasons. I
refuse to add the game to the 'Appearances' part because I want to emphasize
how off the whole business is, but for anyone just itching to know, all he does
is give you a book on raising Cuccos in exchange for lighting his reading lamp
so that he can get some work done; this kicks off Seasons’s Trading Game, which
ends in you acquiring the Biggoron’s Sword.

=============================================================================

N a b o o r u
Scantily clad desert woman
Race: Gerudo
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Although Ganondorf is the first Gerudo male born in a hundred years and
therefore has a birthright to the sovereignty of the Gerudo race, Nabooru does
not recognize him as King. She sees past the façade he puts on for others and
knows that he is actually evil, and she covertly opposes him at every turn.
When Link enters the Spirit Temple as a child, he finds her looking for the
Silver Gauntlets in her latest endeavour against the King of Evil. But as Link
noticed when he visited as an adult, only a child can fit through the small
space that leads to them, so she promises him a reward if he can find them.
When he does, however, Nabooru is captured by Koume and Kotake. That about puts
an end to the resistance movement for the time being.

She doesn’t reappear until the end of the adult portion of the Spirit Temple,
which culminates in a confrontation between Link and the twins. The two have
imprisoned Nabooru in a suit of Iron Knuckle armour and force her to battle
Link. She is released from the brainwashing spell when Link wins. After Link
beats Twinrova, Koume and Kotake’s combined form, Nabooru awakens as the Sage
of Spirit and adds her power to Link’s.

=============================================================================

N a c k l e
Bait & (Ni)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

One of the only Mogma with facial hair, and also he has a mohawk, Nackle
teaches Link about junk he might dig up if he claws at the ground with his new
Digging Mitts.

=============================================================================

N a k e d  S a l o n a
Barrel-bearer
Race: Salona
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingles Rosy Rupeeland

In Gooey Swamp, you'll find a Salona whose clothes have somehow gone astray.
He'd like it very much if you would find them for him, and has taken to wearing
a barrel in the meantime (making his early fanslated name something of a
misnomer). When you do recover his cloak, you'll find it tattered and
unwearable, but Chiko's Mum is willing to mend it for a fee. Once you deliver
the repaired article of clothing to him, the Naked Salona will, like everyone
in this game, show his gratitude through Rupees.

=============================================================================

N a v i
Pixellated pixie
Race: Fairy
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Navi is not so much a character as she is a brilliantly executed mechanic, but
she has just enough spunk for me to include her here. Link was the only Kokiri
without a guardian fairy – until the opening movie, when the Great Deku Tree
finally sends Navi to be his. It’s implied there’s something special about
Navi, that she is held in high regard among fairies, or something. Not only
does she have a subtle but definite personality, she’s also really smart,
helping Link out with all manner of contraptions he finds in dungeons and
occasionally speaking with other characters. She also points out significant
interactive objects by flying to them and glowing green, and Z-targeting would
be impossible without her (as demonstrated in the final battle with Ganondorf.)

At the end of the game, Navi flies away through the stained-glass window of the
Temple of Time. We have still never learned why – it’s quite possible that with
evil gone from the land for the time being, she was no longer needed. It’s a
little sad that she left without saying goodbye, but think what would have
happened if she hadn’t. Link would never have ventured into the Lost Woods to
look for her. Skull Kid would never have run off with Epona. Link wouldn’t have
followed him through the portal into Termina, and there would have been no one
to stop the moon from falling. Hyrule would have been wiped out, and by
extension, probably a lot more as well. So really, abandoning Link after all
they’d been through was the best decision she could have made.

=============================================================================

N e t a b a r e
Spoilers
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Tingle and Kakashi first encounter Netabare drowning in the creek on Page 3.
Using Kakashi's wara, they are able to rescue him, and from then on he will
start appearing whenever a certain amount of time has passed without the player
making progress. Astride Seebuta, he provides very specific and clear hints on
what to do next, thus averting a lot of the potential frustration inherent in
the genre; for a non-native speaker of Japanese, for whom much of the subtle
indicators offered through dialogue and such may be incomprehensible, this is
pretty much a game-saver. The service comes at the cost of him mocking you
afterwards, and he only comments on the main storyline (Secrets and the like
are up to you to figure out), but that's ok. The final Secret requires you to
visit him on Page 13 and answer a series of questions on topics spanning the
entire game, which all require idiotically specific answers. They're not even
multiple-choice, instead being input through a character board. The last
question is kind of funny, as he asks which of the two dancing squirrel-girls
flanking him is his type; the answer is 'both.' He then bids you to return to
the present to complete your quest, suggesting that he is capable of either
travelling in time or sensing someone who has. He is a gangly, severely
underweight old man who wears only a loincloth.

=============================================================================

N i g h t m a r e s
In your dreams
Race: Nightmares
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

The Nightmares were eight entities who plagued the Wind Fish’s sleep, causing
all kinds of destruction on Koholint Island. They also each guarded one of the
Instruments of the Sirens, which Link had to collect to wake the Wind Fish,
meaning each one was the boss of a dungeon. A few of them were based on bosses
from previous games. They are, in order:

Moldorm
Genie
Slime Eyes
Angler Fish
Slime Eel
Façade
Evil Eagle
Hot Head

When Link collected all the instruments by defeating the Nightmares, he entered
the egg atop Mt Tamaranch and did battle with their leader, Dethl. Dethl had a
similarly referential nature in his forms:

Giant Gel
Agahnim’s Shadow
Moldorm
Ganon’s Shadow
Lanmola
Dethl

After Dethl fell, the game was over. Why do the Nightmares get a profile when
all it really amounts to is a list? Well, they’re an essential part of the plot.

=============================================================================

N i m i m a m u  N i m i s u t o p p u
Travelling troublemaker
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Though he first appears in Aomono Village, it's impossible to say where he
originally comes from. Nimidanshaku, as he likes to be known, is short of
stature, with blonde hair, an incredibly square head, and a jacket that might
be either a happi or a school blazer. He approaches Tingle immediately after
the latter fills Iona's first heart, claiming that he's going to take her to
the dance party in Emerald City. He then buys out the rental field to grow some
roses with which to woo her, offering Madame Yokuriiba 1,000,000,000 Rupees for
the pleasure, making him either extremely rich or an inveterate liar. He's also
unwittingly foiled Tingle and Iona's plan to grow a Gasoringo in the field, but
Tingle now has the necessary items. Using his new power of travelling back in
time, Tingle takes them a few steps back into the past, beating Nimidanshaku by
seconds and renting the field before he can.

He pops up again on Page 11, but doesn't do much beyond taunting us about the
dance party and how he's going to steal our popularity out from under us. In
the aftermath of Page 12, Tingle can bring him the Arumagedonburi from the
purple otentou, which he'll grudgingly deign to try, only to immediately start
raving about its extreme deliciousness and demanding to meet the chef. Tingle
brings the two together and Nimidanshaku somehow convinces the otentou to enter
his employ. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of curious about how that
turned out.

His last and best moment comes when Tingle finally reaches the dance party, now
alone. The king makes his toast, the dancing starts, and Nimidanshaku tries to
steal each one of Tingle's ladies in turn. Tingle must locate the couple in the
crowd and interrupt, at which point Nimidanshaku will hurl abuse before
challenging him to a dance battle. First, Nimidanshaku will bust out a quick
sequence, his moves corresponding to the cardinal directions. In a bit of
hilarious awesomeness, as he watches, Tingle makes a cocky hip-hop style pose,
head thrust out, arms bent, palms upward. He must then replicate Nimidanshaku's
routine, and if he's successful, his opponent will concede defeat, only to warn
that the real test lies in how the girl feels about Tingle. Depending on how
many of her hearts he's managed to fill, her reaction will either be cold,
lukewarm, reasonably good, or ecstatic, which results in a 'Rabu-Rabu Dansu.'
Then the partners change and Tingle must repeat the challenge, until he's done
all four (in order, Iona, Azusa, Raia, and Florence, since Emera is only
watching and he's trying to get her attention by showing her how much ladies
love cool Tingle.) Though easy, this is one of the most fun parts of the game,
and if Tingle is able to match the final, six-step long, sequence, Nimidanshaku
will vanish forever and he will win their exciting showdown.

=============================================================================

N y a v e  a n d  N y e v e
Identity thieves
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

These bearded brothers sail the high seas in hopes of accruing fame and status,
each day honing their sword arts and readying themselves for that eventual day
of reckoning when they sally forth to do battle with all those of fell
intention who would threaten the foundations of our daily lives and the stuff
of our very future. Nyave happens to suck at this way more than does Nyeve, as
his primary approach to fighting evil is to cower in his boat and play dead if
anything dangerous gets too close. He doesn’t quite dress the part, either,
garbing himself in a yellow helmet and front-and-back plate. He does, however,
serve at least one useful function: In exchange for his precious Guard Notebook
that he lost, he’ll give up his Wood Heart, which is part of the Trading Game.
Once he has it back, he fesses up that he never actually wanted to be a hero in
the first place; his dream was to become a cook, like one of his other
brothers. Thus unburdened, he sets out towards a new goal.

Nyeve, on the other hand, is not to be dissuaded, a possible reference to the
word ‘naiive.’ Naiive in that he believes himself to be a hero, and uh,
actually he kind of fits it, in an imitative sort of way that flies off-centre
and avoids most of what actually made Link a hero in The Wind Waker. Nyeve, you
see, clothes himself in a green tunic and floppy pointed hat, wields a
legendary weapon, and voyages in a red boat with a lion-shaped figurehead
called the Prince of Red Lions. Unfortunately, these items are a nightcap, a
spear, and a relaxation platform, respectively, so he doesn’t quite get full
marks. On top of that, he never seems to DO much of anything, besides declare
his mighty heroism, which is a serious obstacle to his aspirations. On the
other hand, in a manner quite similar to that of Orca from Waker, Nyeve does
offer Link a chance to spar with him, challenging him to connect with 100 sword
strikes before Nyeve can land three spear bashes. The top reward for this game
is a Heart Container. Nyeve never ends up affording Link quite the same level
of respect that Orca did upon his defeat, but does take it as motivation to
become stronger as he continues his preparations for saving the world.

=============================================================================

O b l i  a n d  W i l l i
Heavier-than-air travellers
Race: Hylians, to their regret
Appearances: The Wind Waker

In much the same way as Tingle became obsessed with fairies and tried to become
one, Obli and Willi became obsessed with the Rito and tried to become them.
Although their getups are indeed much more true to their subjects than
Tingle’s, they don’t seem to have achieved proportionally greater success. They
have, however, set up the awesomely named Flight Control Platform and equally
well-monikered Bird-Man Contest, which means that they built a floating
platform in the middle of the ocean and started challenging all comers to jump
off one end of it and fly, glide and drift as far as they possibly can.
Needless to say, if any actual Rito ever took part in the competition, they
would shatter the current record and obliterate the chances of any earthbound
denizen from ever even approaching it ever again. If I recall correctly, the
platform also has one or two spectators lounging around it, which would suggest
it has gained a nice measure of popularity. Anyway, what this means for Link is
that he is more than welcome to dock his boat, run past Willi - the sturdier of
the brothers and the outfit’s designated greeter - and head on up to accept the
challenge of Obli, the moustache-bearer, at a cost of 10 Rupees per attempt,
practically nothing.

From here proceeds an exhilarating sequence that requires you to first set the
wind in your favour with the Wind’s Requiem, then pitch yourself off the
platform and unfurl your Deku Leaf. If you get some good speed at the beginning
you can definitely go amazingly far, but to make it past the flag-arch that
marks the climax of the current record-holder’s journey and win the Heart
Piece, you’ll have to make use of the various cyclones littering the course,
which toss you up to their peaks. They drift across the surface of the water
somewhat unpredictably, which can sometimes screw you over as you futilely
circle around at them only to have them whiff out of reach and fall into the
drink. All the while, you’re also battling your constantly depleting Magic
Metre, although you can easily just cheat (half-cheat) and use Ting. Your
journey ends when, one way or another, you fall into the sea
(‘SPLOOOOOOOOOOSH!’), which sounds a bullhorn and puts your feet back on the
ground, such as it is. Hopefully you’ll have passed the ribbon when this
happens, which will move it out that much further, make you the new
record-holder, and award you your Piece of Heart. Nintendo Power magazine held
an Arena contest challenging players to get as far as they can; the winning
score was 573 yards. You only need like 200 to get the Heart Piece.

For some reason, I’ve always had this idea that Obli is wearing an American
fighter jacket from the 40s. Logical, right? They also wear goggles, which is
just plain cool.

=============================================================================

O c e a n  K i n g  (O s h u s)
Kind of like Poseidon. Or Moby Dick
Race: Patron deity
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

The Ocean King is ostensibly the lord protector of whatever random section of
the sea Link and the pirates manage to find themselves in at the outset of
Phantom Hourglass. It’s actually possibly he’s responsible for a wider area
than that, but I certainly hope not, because he’s sucking pretty badly at
keeping watch on just the people who worship him. They constructed the Temple
of the Ocean King on Mercay Island, one of the largest temples ever built, and
he presided from its inner sanctum 15 floors deep. This worked very well until
the dark god Bellum stormed in, overpowered him and his three assistant
fairies, and kicked him out, stripping him of nearly all his power in the
process.

The most loyal of his fairies, Ciela, tried to stand and fight alongside him,
but ended up bereft of her powers and her memory. Defeated and desperately
needing to regroup, the Ocean King assumed human form and the name Oshus (or
maybe that was just his name: Oshus, the Ocean King...I’m not sure) (confirm
first name: Not), then built himself a house outside of town on Mercay. In the
guise of an old man garbed in blue robes, carrying around a huge pink stick,
and sporting a gnarly head of hair and beard, he kept Ciela happy and healthy
as he tried to gather his strength once again, but the fact was, there was
serious trouble on the horizon.

Then Link came along, having fallen into the ocean after trying to rescue Tetra
from the absconding Ghost Ship. It’s even possible Oshus directed the waves to
guide him there, though even that small feat may have been beyond him at that
point. In any case, Ciela finds him washed up on shore and the game begins.
Oshus is uneasy about dragging Link into the battle and about letting the
vulnerable Ciela venture out where he can’t protect her, but the spunky sprite
will hear nothing of his protestations and he eventually gives in, providing a
sword lesson and his blessing. After the duo teams up with Linebeck in the
Temple, they venture back in to look for clues on where to go next. Oshus, who
has apparently been observing all this remotely, then appears out of nowhere
and reveals one of the Temple’s most important treasures, the Phantom
Hourglass. With it, he says, one can counteract the place’s evil influence, at
least until the artefact runs out of sand, at which point it will once again
begin sucking the life out of the adventurer. The precise truth is that the
Hourglass’s magic directly opposes Bellum’s power, but he doesn’t go into this
much detail.

After they collect a Sea Chart from the Temple, Oshus instructs them to head
for the Isle of Ember, where they conquer the Temple of Fire and liberate Leaf,
Spirit of Power, and then go on to add Neri, Spirit of Wisdom, to the party.
Finally, they rescue one last fairy...but it doesn’t speak or react to them at
all. Oshus informs them that what they rescued was the embodiment of the other
half of Ciela’s power, and fuses the two together, restoring Ciela to her
previous might.

Fact is though, he’s still screwed, because for some reason even with the three
spirits fired up and ready to go, Oshus is still being somehow restrained.
Looks like there’s nothing for it but to have Link take the fight to the enemy.
But the whole thing would be impossible and pointless without a weapon powerful
enough to take him down, so Oshus sends him to see Zauz, an old friend. Zauz in
turn dispatches Link to collect three Pure Metals, out of which he forges a
blade upon delivery, but that’s the best he can do. Oshus, however, summons his
strength and combines it with the Phantom Hourglass, forming the Phantom Sword,
which looks suspiciously similar to the Master Sword and is the only weapon
capable of defeating Bellum (or at least it’s the only weapon tailor-made for
the purpose of defeating Bellum. I kind of suspect that if Link was still in
possession of the Master Sword, it would have done the trick. I mean come on,
it’s the Master Sword.)

Link delves into the deepest depths of the dungeon to dethrone the dastard, and
glory day, he emerges the victor. Oshus finds himself slightly more empowered
and just as Link is about to be crushed at the bottom of the collapsing temple,
he manages to teleport him safely onto the deck of the S.S. Linebeck. However,
it’s not over – not only is he still magically frail at best, but Bellum isn’t
quite done yet. The Ghost Ship appears out of nowhere and starts to assault the
group, but they fight it off and board. In an epic sword battle, Link finally
vanquishes Bellum.

Fully reinstated, Oshus returns the stoned Zelda to human form, and with that,
their time together is up...so, in an impressive feat of magic, he reassumes
his true form as an immense white whale and returns Link and Tetra to their own
vessel, as though they’d never even encountered the Ghost Ship. It was all a
dream! Only not really.

=============================================================================

O i n k e r  C o u p l e
Squick
Race: Oinkers
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Though the Oinker army spends most of the game antagonizing Tingle, the Oinker
Couple (my name for them) are a pair of friendly, polite hippies with an
onomatopoeic speech tic who want nothing more than to get married and live
happily together, proving that love can bloom even on the battlefield. But for
them to realise their dreams, they'll need an oversized Oinker snout as a sort
of engagement ring. The Auros Ruins are overcome with the Oinkers' more common
militant variety, but Tingle clears them out and manages to get the pair what
they need. A nearby Salona is happy to marry them, but admonishes us for
thinking that the story ends here; now they have to have their honeymoon, and
we OBVIOUSLY can't leave them to it without any kind of special sendoff, now
can we? The correct solution, as the part-time pastor not so subtly hints, is
to throw a Tingle Fireworks in their faces, scaring the hell out of them and I
guess making for a memorable wedding if nothing else. Then they trundle off and
live for a while in a very nice style, but it's always the same in the end.

=============================================================================

O i n k e r  K i n g
Breakfast Baron
Race: Oinker
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Again, barely a character, but he has occupied the Auros Ruins and lords over
all the Oinkers in the entire world, so that has to be worth at least a little
respect. When Tingle finally confronts him, he summons two melee Oinkers and
two magic-firing Oinkers to his side, and the fight is on. The boss himself
uses both a sword and magic, which, again, is fairly impressive. As befits its
late stage, it's probably the most difficult battle in the game, particularly
given that the knights must be baited into charging before they're vulnerable
and that the volleys of magic must constantly be manoeuvred around. The Oinker
King is also a formidable opponent, his most powerful attacks sapping around
5000 Rupees in a single hit. When the Oinker King does go down, Tingle gains
access to the Rupee Shrine and the Master Rupee it houses.

=============================================================================

O l d  M a n  a n d  O l d  W o m a n
Old people
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Legend of Zelda

The first Zelda only had a handful of characters. Link was one, obviously, as
were Ganon and Zelda, who didn’t show up until the end. Impa only appeared in
the instruction manual. So what else is there? One Moblin who hides out in a
cave, and these two old people.

Their relationship to each other is unclear, but it is obvious that they know
each other since Old Man gives Link a Letter for Old Woman to read. This Letter
allows Link to buy Red and Blue Potions from Old Woman (they work a little
differently from their modern-day counterparts.) Old Man, for his part, appears
in caves and dungeons to offer advice. Here are a few pearls of wisdom:

Dodongo dislikes smoke
10th enemy has the Bomb
Did you visit Old Man at top of waterfall yet?

If you attacked the Old Man with your sword, the torches beside him would start
shooting at you. There was a similar Old Man character in Oracle of Seasons,
which took a lot of its inspiration and characters from the original game, but
he just wasn’t the same as our good friend.

=============================================================================

O l d  M a n  H o  H o
Voyeur
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

I always kind of liked Old Man Ho Ho, travelling the seas apparently, always
showing up in unexpected places, looking out to the ocean and explaining what
he was looking at with an exclamation of wonder. A lot of the time he’s
checking out a Bigocto or a Moblin submarine, leading Link to booty and
opportunity. Strangely enough, he even seems to be very well-versed in Hyrulean
lore, aware of the Triforce Charts and their significance, and seemingly even
their locations, though he just barely manages to maintain his veil of
ignorance. I wonder if he’s just a scholar, or if he has some other source of
information?

In Phantom Hourglass, it turns out he’s actually one member of a whole tribe of
identically dressed searchers, the Ho Ho Tribe. Or possibly they just adopted
his style?

=============================================================================

O l d  M a n  U l r i r a  a n d  G r a n d m a  U l r i r a
Charming smalltown citizens
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Old Man Ulrira and his wife Grandma Ulrira live in Mabe Village and probably
have their whole lives. I bet they were even high school sweethearts, or the
relative term since they probably didn’t go to high school, and on top of that
they’ve probably only actually been alive as long as Link and the Wind Fish
have been dreaming about them, which I guess means that all of the island’s
inhabitants had a net lifespan of like six hours. In any case, Old Man Ulrira
is a sharp dude who dispenses advice over the telephone, since he’s very shy in
person. This is actually an advantage because you can contact him from any
tree-entrenched phone booth on the island, of which there are a handful; upon
picking up the receiver he delivers some commentary on recent events and an
always-accurate suggestion on Link’s next destination. Grandma Ulrira figures
into the trading game by offering up a Fish Hook in exchange for a Broom. From
that point on, she spends her days cheerily sweeping the steps in front of
their house, unless you use the Select Glitch, in which case she attacks you
with a sword.

=============================================================================

O l d  W a y f a r e r
The name says it all, really
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

Many years before Phantom Hourglass opens, the Old Wayfarer left his wife and
son on Molida Island to go adventuring. Specifically, it seems he was looking
for a way through the infernal mist that all but totally prevents passage to
the northwestern quadrant of the sea. When you first hear of him, it seems like
he’s passed into legend, and that that’ll be about the extent of your
relationship with him; as it turns out, though, the man is alive and well and
living on Bannan Island. Using the clues that he left behind on Molida Island
to gain access to his (correct) theory on the way through the mist, Link is
able to travel through the eerie barrier and eventually dispel it altogether.
From here, he can immediately go and meet the old man if that’s what he feels
he wants to do.

The Old Wayfarer is basically in retirement, relaxing in a cabana, growing a
massive beard, and wearing an old-guy hat and Hawaiian shirt. It seems that
over the years he’s developed an obsession with mermaids, and has devised a
number of ways that he might meet one; the one he mentions to Link is pulling
one up with a Fishing Rod. (Though wouldn’t that require hooking her? Ouch!
Poor darling!) Though he lacks a Fishing Rod, Link goes forth and encounters
Joanne, a young woman who dresses up as a mermaid and floats around Bannan in
an inner tube for the Old Wayfarer’s amusement. He hits her in the face with
his Boomerang, triggering her immediate flight. Returning to the Old Wayfarer,
Link explains the situation and is told that she probably ran off to see
another man...how sad. Link goes to see Linebeck, who reports that he did
indeed talk with the mermaid for a bit, but that she swam away. With this new
information, Link once again runs back to the Old Wayfarer, only to find that
Joanne has taken up residence in the pool in his house. The overjoyed Old
Wayfarer, having been cut off from the southwestern quadrant and starved for
company all this time, thanks Link profusely for bringing such a beautiful
creature into his home and gifts him with his Fishing Rod as a sign of his
gratitude.

A while later in the game, Link can head a ways out to sea to rendezvous with
the S.S. Wayfarer (presumably the ship the Old Wayfarer originally used to
traverse the confounding mist), where the two reflect for a while and the Old
Wayfarer says that the mermaid Link brought him eats too much, and he’s running
out of money because he has to spend it all on food. He doesn’t seem especially
distraught over it, though, and even rewards Link with ship parts and a Heart
Container for having caught a number of special fish, such as the legendarily
massive and massively legendary Neptoona. In any case, in exchange for the Wood
Heart, the Old Wayfarer tells Link to open the chest he will find back in his
house, which turns out to hold the Swordsman’s Scroll with which one can learn
the Great Spin Attack. Does this hint at an even more storied past? Is he not
only a Wayfarer but a master swordsman? Didn’t Link already learn the Great
Spin Attack in TWW? Pretty interesting guy.

=============================================================================

O o c c o o
C-Button item
Race: Oocca
Appearances: Twilight Princess

This unfortunately named, funny little creature has the interesting distinction
of being both a character and an item. I still think of them as C-Button items,
a holdover from the N64 games, even though they’re now set to X or Y. Link
encounters her in dungeons one through seven. In the first five, she’s
searching for a way to return to her hometown, the City in the Sky. Since she
and Link are both on the side of good, she decides to travel with him and lend
him the reasonably useful ability of instantly returning to a dungeon’s
entrance. After the first dungeon, she even sends him a letter to let him know
that she’ll be out and about.

As it turns out, the key to returning to the City is the Dominion Rod, which
Link finds in the Temple of Time. Ooccoo and her son Jr are there to witness
the Dominion Rod’s total loss of power upon being removed from the Temple.
Complaining that all that work was for nothing, Ooccoo runs off. However, Link
restores the Rod and prepares a giant cannon to fire himself skywards to the
final shard of the Mirror of Twilight, and at the last minute Ooccoo and Jr
appear from out of nowhere and jump in too. Having finally returned to her
home, Ooccoo isn’t about to leave, so Link is on his own for the last two
dungeons. Thanks for nothing, Ooccoo, but at least this story had a happy
ending.

=============================================================================

O o k
Damn dirty ape
Race: Monkey
Appearances: Twilight Princess

With a simian ferocity matched only by an Okorizaru (Primape), Ook isn't about
to make acquiring the Gale Boomerang easy for Link. Appearing to make trouble
and menacingly shake the aforementioned piece of wood in Link's direction, Ook
is under the control of his hat, a Twili relic that makes its wearer aggressive
and violent. Link defeats him by knocking him off his perch, then attacking the
garment with his sword. Eventually, the hat can't take it anymore, dissolving
into thin air. Ook takes off, and Kiki and one of her friends appear for a
debrief. But the cool part is that Ook comes back for the dungeon's boss
battle, swinging through the air and carrying Bombs that Link can send upside
the boss's head using his new tool. And then he takes off, not even sticking
around for the victory celebration.

=============================================================================

O o u s o t s u k i s a m a
Big Liar
Race: Lesser Deity
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Like the Usotami in whose sanctum he lives, Oousotsukisama bears a purple
stripe motif, but unlike them, he is several hundred times the size of the
average human being. Perhaps the single weakest god in the entire Zelda
universe, he nonetheless does an admirable job of keeping evil from encroaching
on their enclave. He does, however, have a tendency to attempt to eat anything
that enters his personal space, making any visit to his lair a dangerous
proposition. Unfortunately, this is where Segaare has hidden the kidnapped
Kakashi, requiring Tingle and company to make a gift of the correct type of
milk in order to recover him. Segaare shortly appears, however, and, after
taunting the group, cuts the rope bridge leading to the post to which Kakashi
had been bound. His gloating doesn't last long, however, as Oousotsukisama
looms from the darkness, chews and gnashes him, spits him out the Usotami
Village roof, and then turns on Tingle. He then tests the would-be fairy's
knowledge of Usotami etiquette, which basically requires that a speaker lie at
all times. He thus asks a series of increasingly difficult questions, to each
of which the player must intentionally answer incorrectly. You only have a few
seconds to read and respond to each question, and get an immediate Game Over
(and have to restart from the first question) if you get one 'wrong' answer. If
you can't read Japanese, I guess it's just going to be trial and error mixed
with memorization. After Tingle passes, an approving Oousotsukisama allows him
to continue on his journey.

=============================================================================

O r d o n  V i l l a g e  K i d s
Caught in the crossfire
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Twilight Princess

All four of these kids are present at Ordon Village when the game begins, but
are abducted when the Bulblins come to town. We catch up with them later at
Kakariko Village, where they are in serious trouble. Even after we liberate
Eldin Province, they remain in Kakariko, though the credits show their caravan
heading home.

Colin – Like Komali before him, Colin goes from being a snivelling wuss to a
brave and ambitious hero-in-the-making. But despite an intense desire to fulfil
the instructions of his father, Rusl, to be strong, he was nothing more than a
weakling coward. As a result, the other village kids picked on him constantly.
But after witnessing Link save Talo from the Faron Woods, Colin begins to
understand what his old man meant. He’s abducted along with the other kids and
taken to Kakariko Village. A little later, when the Bokoblins rush down the
narrow road, we see him demonstrate his newfound will to act. As Beth is frozen
in fear and about to be trampled under the hooves of the boss’s boar, Colin
runs out and shoves her out of danger. He is captured instead, but Link manages
to rescue him. He becomes steadily bolder from that point on, and in the end
credits we even see him with a wooden sword and shield on his back!

Beth – Apparently one of the richer kids in town, as she was the only one of
them with enough cash to buy a Slingshot. She is mean-spirited to start, but
mellows out after Colin saves her life. It seems she actually likes him, you
know, THAT way. She also idolizes Link throughout his quest, wowed even by
extremely simple demonstrations of his swordplay.

Talo – Talo asks Link if he can borrow his Wooden Sword to show Beth and Malo
what he can really do, but this turns out to not be such a great plan. He runs
off into the forest to fight monkeys and is quickly abducted by them. Link
pursues and rescues him. The only other thing he does is drop his sword when
the kids are taken to Kakariko Gorge, allowing Link to track them in wolf form
by the scent he leaves on it.

Malo – Though baby-faced and weird-lookin’, Malo is possibly the most important
and most mature of the kids. He is surprisingly worldly for his age, and when
Kakariko Village begins to rebuild, he takes over an unmanned shop and opens
Malo Mart. He isn’t the best businessman in the world, however; for one thing,
he tells you his products are a waste of money. Eventually, Malo is able to
orchestrate the repair of Hyrule Castle Town’s east bridge, opening a second
branch there, which has smokin’ discounts that are awesome. Both locations also
begin playing some really cool music that the employees dance to.

============================================================================

O r i e l l e  ( a n d  P a r r o w )
Parisian cosmetics company
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Orielle is indubitably one of the cuter Skyloft girls, with long black hair and
a fashionable red-and-white outfit. From time to time you'll see her wandering
around town, not doing much of anything. Early on in the game she'll go out for
a quick flight only to disappear for hours, worrying her brother Parrow, who
asks for Link to go out and search for her even though he presumably has a
Loftwing himself. As it turns out, Orielle's steed suddenly got cramps or
something, necessitating an emergency landing on a bit of flat grassy rock near
Fun Fun Island. Bird and rider are now stranded, and Link conveys the
information to Parrow, who quickly comes up with exactly the medicine Orielle's
Loftwing needs. Link runs it back to her, and, like all medicine in Zelda, it
takes effect instantly, allowing Orielle to fly home. Link gets to keep the
Empty Bottle the medicine came in, and Orielle and Parrow each form a bunch of
five Gratitude Crystals.

=============================================================================

P a m e l a
Survival-horror expert
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Pamela lives in Ikana Canyon. Know what that means? It means she makes her home
in a valley of dust and death surrounded by frickin’ reanimated corpses at all
hours of the day. Know what else? Instead of barricading herself inside her
house like a sane person, she walks out onto her veranda once every hour. You
know, just to see what’s shakin’. This is one tough little girl. She’s frickin’
Suika from Touhou, only without a bottomless gourd of alcohol, and not the
daughter of an evil demon king.

Her father could conceivably be MISTAKEN for an evil demon king, though. Skull
Kid, being a complete dick like always, tried to turn him into a Gibdo except
sucked badly at it. The result was a sort of half-Gibdo misshapen mutant thing,
mostly covered in bandages but with limbs sticking out at odd angles and a
rather disturbing visage. This is what Link discovers if he can enter their
house, called the Music Box House because that’s what it basically is: a giant
music box powered by the river on which it sits, whose song wards off any
undead who hear it (which suddenly makes Pamela seem less resourceful but even
still...would you take that chance?) Unfortunately, any time he tries the door
Pamela will tell him to go away, not wanting anybody to mistake her father for
a monster and try to stab him or something. Silly girl, we’re trying to help
you; and since you won’t let us we’re just going to have to try a home
invasion. Detonating dangerous explosives on her front doorstep will cause
Pamela to come out to investigate, allowing Link to duck around her (easier
with the Stone Mask) and rush down the stairs, where her father will groan
creepily at him. If Pamela comes back before we can literally work our magic,
she’ll kick us out, so we have to immediately whip out our trusty Ocarina of
Time and play our equally trusty Song of Healing. And just like that, Pamela’s
father is healed of his debilitation, and we get the Gibdo’s Mask out of the
deal. I’m sure their subsistence will be easier from that point on as well,
with both of them once again able-bodied.

The scene that plays out afterward is somewhat heartwarming, with the two
embracing. If you try to talk to them while this is going on Tatl will bitch at
you.

=============================================================================

P a p a h l
2.5 kids
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Link can encounter Papahl shortly after awakening in Mabe Village, immediately
if he wants to. Papahl lives with his family in the house on the raised plateau
at the north end of town. Parents of four young Quadruplets, their household is
an extremely noisy and active little place, and both he and, especially, his
wife long for a few moments of blissful peace. Speaking to Papahl’s progeny,
Link learns that their deepest desire is a trendy toy called a Yoshi Doll.
Sinking a few Rupees into the Trendy Game, a UFO crane-based grasping
challenge, he gifts the family with his spoils and manages to focus the
toddlers long enough to stop their screaming. Ahhh. Papahl himself exhibits
seer-like qualities, as he informs Link that the hero will find him lost in the
mountains later on. His strange reasoning here - using the information to have
Link rescue him rather than to avoid getting lost in the first place - is an
early hint that things on Koholint are not all as they should be. Possibly
owing partly to a tip from his wife, they do indeed encounter each other later
on, Link stumbling across an exhausted Papahl in Tal Tal Heights near Mt
Tamaranch. He gives the poor man a refreshing Pineapple to send him on his way,
in return receiving the pretty and fragrant Hibiscus he happened to have on
him. Rejuvenated, Papahl then proceeds to merrily run off in a random
direction, which is by all rights a bad idea since he’s still lost. Somehow,
though, he’s able to use his native’s knowledge of local geography to crawl
back into town, so the family’s story has a happy ending. At least until Link
wakes the Wind Fish and destroys them all.

=============================================================================

P a r t s
Metal gears
Race: Machinery
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

As luck would have it, after arriving on Page 5 Tingle and company find that
the road they've been following turns to train tracks. This is good in that
train travel is much faster than the ambulation in which they've been engaged
up to this point, but bad in that they don't have a train. Eventually, they
discover an engine resting in the garage behind the station they've come
across, and are all ready to go. Unfortunately, the various components that
make up its most important section are all alive, and very much in need of some
fresh air after having been stuck inside for decades. They all take off and the
group must gather them up again before they can proceed. Once found, most parts
will agree to head straight home, but others have additional requirements that
must be met first.

Ganeyan – The foreman and leader, Ganeyan occupies a special slot in the engine
array. He's also the most mature, the one who speaks for the group, and the
only one who doesn't run off. The -yan may be a dialect-specific honorific used
to be disrespectfully respectful.

Battan – A series of objects resembling metal pylons have been set on the
scrapyard fence, and once this leg of the Page begins, one will sparkle from
time to time. Peg it with Pachinko and it'll fall, and another one will briefly
shine. Hit all of them in turn and Battan will appear. He wears a scarf, which
is pretty cool. His name sounds like someone getting hit in the head.

Chekeo – Found in a drawer in the desk in the scrapyard, Chekeo will refuse to
do anything until you've found every other part. Once you do, he will challenge
you to a quiz full of inane, asinine questions that you couldn't possibly know
the answers to until you take the quiz, inevitably fail, and then move about
the Page researching what you missed. It's not even like it's multiple-choice
or anything; you have to actually type it in, which also opens up the door for
making an input mistake or not knowing whether a vowel needs to be long or not.
Luckily, Netabare will tell you the answers to the questions you missed if you
ask him. Naturally, completing the quiz will convince Chekeo to head back.
During the quiz session, he is flanked by two female squirrels wearing pink
ballet uniforms.

Daisaku – Found inside a battery case.

Gasu – Has been living under a rock for the last few minutes. His name, I would
guess, has to do with gasoline.

Gikkon – Hides in the station's decaying ceiling and must be shot with Pachinko
a few times. Most parts look like pistons or whistles of various shapes and
colours, but Gikkon is one of a handful who looks like a flying saucer with a
lever switch on his head. Name might be the sound that Pachinko bullets make
when they strike metal.

Mochimochi – Earlier in the Page, Tingle can find a rotary-dial telephone in
the scrapyard that the game says is inoperable. If you return in search for
parts, however, there will seem to be somebody on the other end, as though
you've just dialled them up on accident. They'll ask for you to reply; neither
snapping nor clapping works, but blowing into the mic does. The receiver then
opens up, revealing Mochimochi. His (?) name, of course, is a pun on 'moshi
moshi,' the set phrase for answering the phone.

Midzue – Fell into a grate and started drowning. You can save her with
Kakashi's wara skill. Her name is likely a pun on mizu, for the water in which
she's struggling to stay afloat.

Ochime – Making a strong case for the argument that the parts don't really want
to see the outside and are in fact just trying to irritate you, Ochime's hiding
spot is actually inside the frickin' train. You have to open a hatch with the
screwdriver and then shine the light inside.

Pinko – Runs off with the steering wheel. Tingle has to follow her around for a
while and hit her with Pachinko a couple of times before she'll give up. Iirc
the name refers to her pink colour.

Retsu and Gou – Both are among the most stubborn parts to convince, as they're
very competitive and neither is willing to go back until the other has been
found. Once you've located them, they then decide that they want to race.
Tingle is called upon to officiate, and so must climb the observation tower
just beyond the station, ring the marker in the distance to signal the start of
the race, then return to the thing that stops trains from going too far so that
he can judge the finish. You'll be shown a snapshot for a split second and must
then declare the winner; guess incorrectly and they'll sense something's off
and decide to have a rematch, get it right and they'll return to the train. I
really shouldn't have to explain the pun in the names.

Once you've assembled every part, you'll have to arrange them within the engine
array. They all have preferences regarding who they must and must not be
adjacent to, so you have to make sure everyone's appeased before the journey
can begin. This may take some fiddling and re-reading to make everyone happy.
When it's time to set out, the shabby old engine will suddenly transform into a
sleekly magnificent liner, and allaya'll'll bust outta there.

=============================================================================

P a t c h
Top-notch repairman
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons

Patch is an oldish guy who lives at the top of Restoration Hill to the west of
Symmetry City in the Past. Link brings him Symmetry City’s broken Tuni Nut,
because the city will collapse on itself without it. Patch’s method involves
something called the Restoration Ceremony, better known as the Crazy Cart game.
As Patch chants the words, the Tuni Nut is placed on a mine cart that goes
rollicking around the place. When it reaches a certain point, it will crash if
Link isn’t standing on the switch that diverts the tracks. While this is going
on, Link must also smack four Helmet Beetles into a pit. Um...if someone can
please explain the science behind this ritual to me, I’d be much obliged.
Later, Patch also repairs the Broken Sword.

=============================================================================

P e a t r i c e  a n d  P e a t e r
One Simple Rule (for Not Dating my Teenage Daughter)
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A former teen idol, Peater was once a strapping young stud, the former Mr
Skyloft – so, male beauty pageant winner – and holder of the Clean Cut record
at 43 strokes, or so he claims. He's clearly let himself go since then, though,
with his hairline slowly receding, his paunch doing the opposite, and his voice
becoming really cool. Interestingly, his Knight uniform is green, the same
colour as Link's and Karane's, raising the question of precisely how many
different ones they have in circulation (not that there are a lot to choose
from.) He also wears pink armwarmers and fishnets. He now runs Clean Cut,
challenging Link to slice a piece of bamboo as many times as possible before it
falls over. It's easier the longer your sword is. My personal record was 55
cuts with the short Goddess Sword (ie, the first one you get), see if you can
beat it. If you get 'a real humding-alinger of a score,' that is, 27 or higher,
you win a Rare Treasure. It only costs 20 Rupees per try and the various Rare
Treasures can be sold to Rupin for 100 Rupees each, making this game quite
lucrative; I managed to buy out Beedle before the third dungeon.

At some point in his career, Peater met and married some fine girl who is now
gone, but together they had a daughter named Peatrice. Initially dour and
uninterested in her work, she runs the Item Swap at the Bazaar, where you can
move items between your Adventure Pouch and the large repository she keeps for
you. The more you talk to her the warmer her feelings for you grow. Eventually
she starts to full-on crush on you. Well, she's certainly not BAD-looking,
exactly. You have the option of either encouraging her of trying to brush her
off.

This eventually culminates in the pair's Gratitude Crystal sidequest. If you
talk to Peater in their home at nighttime, he will ask for your help. It seems
his darling daughter has fallen hard for some neighbourhood lout! We can't have
that, so he asks you to put a stop to it, whoever it is. So like Bob Arctor,
you've essentially been assigned with keeping tabs on yourself. What do? A
conversation with Peatrice the following night (inside their house, well within
earshot of Peater) holds the answer: She finally confesses her love for you
once and for all. You can then either reciprocate or try to let her down easy.
If you decline, Peater will find out that the guy is out of the picture but
fail to realise that it was you. He'll give up five Gratitude Crystals,
oblivious to the fact that his little girl is now heartbroken, and Peatrice
spends the rest of the game depressed. If you return her feelings, however,
she's overjoyed! And then she states that although she's happy, she understands
your situation 'more than you know,' and it turns out she's right: She's fully
aware that you're in the middle of an epic quest to rescue Zelda, and she
assures you that she's fully willing to stand aside until your business is
complete. What an understanding girlfriend you've found yourself there! There's
no sweeter love in Zelda. Although I guess I say that about almost every
romance in the series. Anyway, in this case Peatrice is so happy with you for
opening up to her that she forms a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals. The ending
of Skyward Sword puts the couple's fate in question, as it seems to suggest
that Link and Zelda remain on the surface while Skyloft stays where it is, but
who knows?

=============================================================================

P e r g i e  a n d  J a g g l e
Village people
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Pergie and Jaggle go into one profile because neither one does anything
interesting. Their children, Malo and Talo, have a lot more going for them (the
latter less so than the former). Jaggle, who by the looks of his physique must
be like a carpenter or something, has an incredibly massive forehead, and is
somewhat lazy. He does helpfully teach Link how to make an improvised flute out
of grass with which to summon a hawk, an important skill at least in the early
game and critical in the tutorial, so that’s all right. Though not quite as
motivated as some of the others in the village, he at least musters the will to
seriously talk to Mayor Bo about retrieving everyone’s kidnapped children,
whereas Pergie just sits at home and bawls grossly. Speaking of their home, it
has a waterwheel attached, so it’s, what, a granary? Something along those
lines.

=============================================================================

P h a n t o m  G u i d e
His real name has been lost to time, I guess
Race: Poe
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

From what I understand, the Phantom Guide used to be a hardworking member of
Poe society, but somehow shamed himself and in so doing was doomed to helping
travellers cross the Gerudo Desert for all eternity. After skimming the River
of Sand (Link uses the Hover Boots, though there may be other methods),
travellers are met with a small, unassuming structure just on the verge of
falling apart. Here begins the Phantom Guide test of the desert, which for one
thing requires the participant to even VIEW the guide; Link accomplishes this
with the Lens of Truth (though again there may be other methods, especially for
an accomplished magician.) The Phantom Guide, awoken by his sudden approach,
then declares, ‘I’ll be your guide on your way, but coming back, I won’t play!
I’ll show you the only way to go, so follow me and don’t be slow!’ Following
this, he’ll fly off into the desert, and Link must give chase, following the
exact path the Phantom Guide lays out. Any misstep will result in a one-way
trip back to the Haunted Wasteland, but if Link can follow his bobbing lantern,
he’ll eventually emerge from the sandstorm in front of the Desert Colossus.

=============================================================================

P h o t o g r a p h e r
Huh, him too
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening (technically, Link’s Awakening DX)

The Photographer appeared in the updated version of Link’s Awakening that was
released with three main additions: Colour, the Colour Dungeon, and a
side-quest of sorts that had you obtaining commemorative photographs to mark a
number of meaningless milestones passed throughout the course of the game. He
gets his own studio not found in the original edition, and this is where Link
first encounters him (and unlocks the ability to obtain photographs) and to
which he can return if he wants to view an album of all the pictures the
Photographer has taken of him so far. It's even possible to print them off
using the GameBoy Printer.

In spite of being a mouse, the Photographer is a fairly robust little guy,
willing to literally climb the highest mountains and swim the deepest seas (or
rather bays) to get that perfect shot. And considering he always seems to be
around at just the exact right moment, he’s either hella lucky or a paparazzo.
Besides Link, he variously shoots Marin, BowWow, Richard, Grandpa Ulrira, Tarin
(at Tarin’s insistence), the fisherman in Martha’s Bay, the ghost you have to
take back to its house for the Angler Key, and the Zora of Animal Village. Some
of his notable feats include starting Link on his visual kei quest whether he
wants to or not, being hooked and reeled on the fisherman’s line, and shooting
while falling off a bridge. Other famous photographers include Lenzo and Todd,
the guy from Pokemon Snap.

The Photographer also has the dubious distinction of creating one of the only
things in Zelda history that you can screw yourself out of; once you pass
certain points, some photographs can no no longer be obtained.

=============================================================================

P i e r r e  a n d  B o n o o r u
Singing scarecrows
Race: Scarecrows
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask

Link finds Bonooru at Lake Hylia as a child. Bonooru, a great lover of song and
dance, asks Link to perform something he’s written himself. Whatever Link plays
becomes the Scarecrow’s Song.

As an adult, Link will occasionally see Pierre’s pointed hat poking out of the
ground, and if he doesn’t, Navi will likely point it out with her glowing green
effects. If Link plays the Scarecrow’s Song at such times, Pierre will
recognize the tune, pop out of the ground and erect a Hookshot target, opening
up secret areas. This is essential to completing certain side-quests.

They both play minor roles in Majora’s Mask, teaching Link the Inverted Song of
Time and the Song of Double Time.

=============================================================================

P i i t a a
Corn farmer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Piitaa (Peter) was driving his tractor through his cornfield one day when a
spacecraft hurtled out of the sky and smashed it into the ground, trapping it.
Unable to work, he's in quite a bind, and thus solicits Tingle's help when he
happens upon the man's small house while following the yellow brick road. It
turns out that Piitaa stole much of the nearby brick in order to build his
house, but he's willing to drive Tingle and Kakashi to the spot where the path
picks up again if they can free his machine. After they (sort of) befriend
Buriki, she boards her pod once more and attempts to resume her journey to the
City by air. It moves off the tractor, but then immediately crashes again,
forcing her to go along with Tingle and Kakashi on their tractor ride. Piitaa
is casual friends with the local doctor, Florence, but regularly refuses
treatment.

=============================================================================

P i n k l e
Pink Tingle
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Another Mogitate Tingle character, the mannish Pinkle dresses even more oddly
than Tingle: She wears a similar hat, a bikini top, and fishnet pants. She also
has a rose tattoo on her left upper arm, which fits with the game’s title. She
helps him save his game whenever they touch base by way of Tingle's computer,
and also contacts him over the Tingle Tuner from time to time to offer
commentary on bosses and new areas.

You'd probably end up thinking that that'd be about the extent of her
participation in the story, but it turns out that not only is she the daughter
of the Grand Fairy, but Uncle Rupee has imprisoned her in the Auros Ruins and
forced her to help Tingle in order to ensure that he supplies him with a
constant stream of Rupee offerings. If you collect every Rupee Good, you can
discover her squared away in her cell/control room, where she'll be overjoyed
with her newfound freedom and offer Tingle a reward. Goading him ever closer,
she then proceeds to...give him a kiss, let's call it a kiss. It's just the way
it's framed that makes it possible to interpret it as something else, and this
one scene is likely the reason the game carries a sexual content warning in
Europe. Given the participants, it's frankly one of those 'horrific car crash'
moments. She also puts a holographic duplicate of herself at the controls of
her workstation, so that Tingle can still function. As a bonus, she puts
another hologram of herself in his house, so that he'll always have
'companionship' if he gets lonely. This maybe evokes more inappropriate images
than she intends. The joke's on us, as the next time you return home you'll
find that her automaton does nothing but gaze blankly into space and wave
stiffly, causing her boobs to swap creepily with each jerk. It's...quite a
memento to bequeath to us.

As the final battle opens, Pinkle strikes Tingle with a magical bolt that
changes his boring green clothes to a heroic pink. Uncle Rupee scoffs, but this
turns out to be just the edge that Tingle needs to take him out. In the bad
ending, she instead laments never having been able to meet him in person before
leaving, whereas in the good ending she...doesn't appear at all. Awesome. And
that's it. Probably forever, unless another Tingle game brings her back.

=============================================================================

P i p e r
Cooking Mama
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The Bazaar chef, Piper is the mother of Gully and debilitatingly perfectionist.
Her standards are so high that she continues to pinch and fuss at the food long
after it's ready to be served, and so no customer at the Bazaar restaurant has
ever been seen eating.

=============================================================================

P i p i t
Local coolguy
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Good-natured and likeable, Pipit is one of Link and Karane's senpai at the
Knight Academy. Though all three wear the same outfit, Pipit's is yellow, which
he indirectly explains is a way of indicating what year someone graduated, as
the issued colour changes annually. We never learn whether or not he's actually
a particularly skilled Knight, but he does seem to be respected, and his
positive attitude is great in spite of his slight obliviousness. He has a
mutual crush on Karane, and if you play it right you can get them together.

=============================================================================

P l a t s
Professional treasure hunter (Pt)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Of the various members of Guld's treasure-hunting group, Plats is by far the
most cowardly, but also the most loyal and by far the most zealous. When Link
descends into his underground base camp deep within the Fire Sanctuary, Plats
somehow mistakes him for a monster and figures it's all over, but rather than
go gently into that good night, he decides to play a little game on him. Thus
Link is forced to crawl around a simple four-square on his belly until he can
manoeuvre around the little guy and snag him. When Plats realises he's being
gripped by his older brother Silva's Mogma Mitts, he calms down and offers his
assistance in the form of a Piece of Heart. He further proves his usefulness
when Link is captured by Bokoblins on Eldin Mountain and loses all his
equipment. Plats somehow gets possession of those same Mogma Mitts and returns
them to Link, allowing him to escape his cell and begin sneaking around and
recovering his stuff.

=============================================================================

P l u m m
Pirate Edition
Race: Parrot
Appearances: Twilight Princess

After Link clears the Twilight from Lake Hylia, Plumm can be found in the same
spot where Link initially wrangled a ride to Zora’s Domain. Here, Plumm is
running a minigame, which unfolds with striking similarity to his original
adventure upriver, except this time he’s riding an enormous bird instead of a
twilit monster, and his objective is to fly into a series of enormous fruits
that Plumm has placed throughout the course. There are three types of fruit,
and the object is to fly into a succession of the same type throughout the
whole course, fuelling a combo counter that multiplies his score to levels
exponentially higher than they would otherwise be. After Link easily beats the
high score Plumm sets for him, the intrigued parrot rewards him with a Heart
Piece. I also seem to remember Plumm doing a little eye-clawing on some enemy
or another, but maybe it was my imagination. It makes him a little cooler, if
he did it. It also never really comes into anything, but Plumm is Iza’s bird.

=============================================================================

P o r t  T o w n  A d u l t s
Economical Shoppers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

In spite of living about twenty yards from its front gate, Tingle has never
entered Port Town, a bustling trade hamlet, until compelled to do so by his
newfound quest. For the most part, he finds the residents, in what will
discover to be a recurring theme throughout his journey, unwelcoming,
distrustful, and frothing at the mouth for Rupees. On the bright side, at least
they're always interesting.

Guard (Monbam) – Dressed like a tin soldier, the Guard stands guard at the
guard tower, where he also lives. His and Tingle's relationship gets off to a
rocky start when he charges Tingle just to enter the town, then goes on to
explain that that's just how things work around here and he'd better not go
expecting a free ride. However, he grows to respect him over time as Tingle
works to help him overcome his wife's crippling health issues. Not long after
their first meeting, the Guard's wife seems to have contracted the last bout of
an illness that will finally take her out for good, but Tingle's Bogart-level
investigative skills turn up a curative that brings her back from the brink.
Then, a little over two-thirds of the way through the game, she becomes haunted
by ghosts! In stark contrast to what 90% of people in the Zelda series do when
they have a problem, the Guard takes up his spear and sets out to deal with it,
actually accompanying Tingle as a temporary Bodyguard. Tingle leads him through
the Icy Plain cemetery to the largest, most auspicious-looking headstone in it,
which one would naturally think might be a good place to start searching.
Indeed, the Ghost Ringleader appears, and easily knocks the Guard for a loop!
Luckily, the crafty Tingle is able to not only bring the Guard to his senses,
but command him in the ensuing rematch, in which the two overcome the
Ringleader and sooth the troubled spirit's injured soul. This ends the Guard's
problems once and for all; the progression of this storyline is reflected both
in the level of politeness with which the Guard addresses you and the energy
his wife displays when you walk past the tower, first being absent, then
sitting in the window waving as you pass, and ultimately standing atop it doing
rapid-fire pirouettes.

Bella – A good-looking blonde who opens a modest cafe a few stages in. She'll
occasionally sell Tingle a new Recipe, which he can make and then use to revive
(and later sell to) the Journalist.

Journalist – It's unclear whether he spends time with magicians or disbarred
lawyers, but this journalist does have a verbal tic: In this case, everything
he says comes out like written documentation. It's less annoying than it
sounds. He's also a very adventurous fellow: Large brown moustache in hand, he
sets off for the wilder parts of the world, most likely with the intent of
photographing and reporting on his experiences, only to invariably succumb to
the elements and pass out in the wilderness. When Tingle comes across him, he
can revive him with a particular beverage, at which point he will happily
unload large amounts of Rupees on him. Between excursions, the Journalist is
Bella's best customer.

Fairy – A guardian fairy resides in Port Town's fountain, and will appear to
Tingle after he throws in around 20,000 Rupees. Chiko sees the pixie appear,
and, thrilled to have seen a real fairy, gives Tingle her Fairy Doll, a Rupee
Good, since she doesn't need it anymore. It turns out that the fairy actually
came from the Auros Ruins, and took a leave of absence to travel to Port Town
to study humans. The findings gleaned thus far seem to be less than pleasing,
as the fairy notes that all the adults in town are obsessed with Rupees.

Madame Scratchcard – Named for the lotto cards she deals out, Madame Scratchard
doesn't appear until a ways into the game, after Tingle has acquired the
Shovel. This item allows him to dig up the various Chips that she's willing to
exchange for a chance at big Rupees. Yellow Chips allow for a normal game,
while the rarer orange Super Chips allow for a 'Super Try' game, which has a
much higher payout. The nature of these chips is unclear, but they're 'made of
a substance you've never seen before,' and their triangular shape suggests a
Triforce connection. Now what would such an unassuming old woman want with such
things?

Jeweller – With the typical jeweller visor and a discerning eye, the Jeweller
will buy up any spare gems you happen to pick up in your adventures. His
relationship with Madame Scratchcard is unclear, but it's not a stretch to
think that they might be married.

Chef (Horace) – Wielding a frying pan, wearing a goofily tall chef's hat, and
possessing next to no cooking ability, the Chef, a regular Peter Keating, more
desires to have knowledge of all the world's Recipes than to be able to follow
them. In fact, if Tingle collects them all and is willing to share them with
him, he'll get a Rupee Good out of it. While most of the Port Town residents
either eventually warm up to Tingle or are just indifferent, the Chef remains
rude throughout.

Waitress – The Waitress seems to work at the Chef's restaurant, making it
something of a mom-and-pop operation. Frustrated with her husband's
incompetence, she sells Tingle increasingly large pots in the hopes that he
will be able to succeed in his place.

Armourer (Yorozuya) – Years ago, the Armourer's wife became fed up with his
obsession over weapons and fighting, grabbed their young daughter, and took
off, only to die in the escape. When Tingle brings him Aba's unqiue dagger that
he found on the ground, the Armourer demands to know where it came from,
rushing off to Deku Forest upon hearing the response. After what must surely be
an arduous search, he tracks her down by the Cherry Tree Family, where he
reveals all. Understandably perturbed by this turn of events, Aba gets upset
and begins to spar with her father. Impressed by each other's strength, they
decide to reunite, and Aba just sort of casually moves back to Port Town. On a
normal day, the Armourer can be seen at his shop, thoroughly polishing a knife.
He will also happily buy any weapons you make or find, including those wielded
by Oinkers, which go for a decent price. The simple fact that he looks and acts
like a bit of a scrapper nets him a few extra Cool Points.

Chiko's Mum – A bizarre entity that can really only be described as a limbed
purple egg with a bowl-cut, Chiko's Mum is the local seamstress. As such, she
agrees to mend the Naked Salona's outfit, for which she of course charges a
fee, but it's worth it. Later on, she all but begs Tingle to help her daughter
see a real fairy. When he does, she pours Rupees down his throat. Incidentally,
you can also find her mother, Chiko's Grandma, haunting her own grave in Icy
Plain. It's a little creepy, but she helps you figure out the cause of the
Guard's wife's ailment, and suggests the solution.

Old Gent – As the star butler of a wealthy family, the Old Gent most definitely
looks the part, tuxedo, monocle and all. As bocchama Paul's personal retainer,
he goes with him on a balloon voyage, only to encounter engine trouble over Icy
Plain. Parts scatter everywhere and they crash-land atop a mountain, stranded.
Luckily, Tingle stumbles across them, and the Old Gent convinces him to search
for the absentee engine components, of which there are three. He helps out by
drawing the path they flew on Tingle's map, depicting a comically twisted and
unrealistic career. Once Tingle collects the necessary parts, the Old Gent
proves that his talents extend beyond carrying drinks and knowing which fork to
use, as he quickly repairs their damaged vehicle. Paul elects to check out this
Port Town he's heard so much about, and off they go, deciding to stay awhile.
Though he doesn't seem to have any prior relationship with the widow, he does
take up residence next to her, maybe just because strangers in a group tend to
naturally gravitate towards those others of the most similar age. He also has a
great name, and does literally nothing for the rest of the game.

Master Mapper's Widow – Tingle first encounters this extraordinarily old woman
out on Hometown Prairie, trying to recreate a map that her husband had drawn up
decades ago. Apparently he was a cartographer of considerable talent, but she
seems to have lost his stash, and at this late stage in her life, she's just
not up to undoing the damage – narcoleptic and frail, she seems to have one
foot out the door already. In her place, she enlists Tingle, offering to pay
him cash Rupees for penning in any omissions he happens to notice in his
travels. After buying a map (from Map Kid) and completing it, Tingle will find
the old lady willing to buy it back; he can then buy it back from HER, and
although it costs a little more than she paid him for it, the Rupees earned
from each individual feature will more than make up for it. Now, the Legendary
Mapper and his wife always dreamed of selling maps of all the countries of the
world, so when Tingle finally buys completed versions of every map, her
long-held dream is finally realised. She showers him with Rupees and a Rupee
Good. And then...SHE DIES. Right in front of him. What the HELL, Vanpool?! Her
ghost does seem to go to heaven, but the abruptness all but destroyed my
eyebrows. Her stall remains eerily empty for the rest of the game.

In the bad ending, Rupees rain down from the sky following Uncle Rupee's
apparent defeat at Tingle's hands. The eastside adults are engulfed in Rupee
mania, as their kids look on in disgust and vow never to become like them.

=============================================================================

P o r t  T o w n  K i d s
Uncorrupted
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Unlike their various parents, the children of Port Town care nothing for
Rupees. All they really want is to spend time with their friends, showing, of
course, that they understand what's really important in life, while the adults
have grown to value only material possessions. They hang out by a big tree in
the burg's far eastern corner.

Paul Moneybags – A spoiled rich kid who leaves home with his butler, Old Gent,
only to end up crashed on a peak in Icy Plain. With Tingle's help, the two are
able to take off once again, and continue on to Port Town, where they decide to
settle in for a bit. At first, Pual tries to impress the other kids with his
vast amounts of Rupees, but quickly finds that they just plain don't care.
Slowly, he comes to realise not only what they value most, but that they might
just have a point. He remains a bit of a snob, but seems to be moving in the
right direction.

Chiko – A bizarre-looking, purple, bug-eyed child, Chiko's deepest desire is to
see a real fairy. Tingle obliges (no, he doesn't present himself; he finds her
an actual fairy), and in thanks she gives up the Fairy Doll her mother made for
her, since she doesn't need it anymore. It looks next to nothing like a fairy,
but is valuable by virtue of being a Rupee Good. Afterwards, she resolves to be
better-behaved and grow into an admirable adult.

Missy – If the kids were in a school-days drama, Missy would be the class
representative, at least if she could find the time to do so in between
conducting her complex science experiments. Smart, studious and 'spectacled,
Missy is always seen reading books and writing in her notebook, ever
endeavouring to broaden her mind.

Aba – Probably my favourite character in the game, Aba is one of the most
robust and adventurous individuals in any Zelda title. She has a very cool
design, first of all, with a green cloak and auburn hair in a style similar to
that of Kat from WarioWare. Tingle first encounters her on Hometown Prairie,
where she teaches him the basics of combat; the fact that she even has the
expertise to do this is interesting in itself. I fully expected her to drop off
the face of the earth after that brief encounter, or maybe show up again to
explain some new, more complicated combat mechanic in the vein of Toadette from
Paper Mario 2, but the reality is much better. Once Tingle works his way to
Deku Forest, he finds her living there with the jungle-man Junglo! She thinks
that Junglo is her birth father, but he's keeping the truth from her. In
reality, she is the spawn of Port Town's Armourer, whose wife ran away with her
after becoming fed up with his obsession over fighting and weapons. She made it
to the forest before dying, entrusting Aba's care to Junglo, much like how
Link's mother entrusted him to the Great Deku Tree in the backstory to Ocarina
of Time. Junglo shares what he knows of the story with Tingle, not realising
that Aba is eavesdropping; furious with him for concealing the truth, she takes
off, in her haste dropping her one-of-a-kind dagger, a kind of accidental
parting gift from the Armour back in the day. Tingle picks it up and happens to
carry it past the Armourer, who recognizes it on sight, demands to know where
he found it, and takes off, ultimately catching up with Aba, where he reveals
the rest of the story. Understandably perturbed by this turn of events, Aba is
hesitant at first, and the disobedient child and overbearing father begin to
scrap; after an energetic skirmish, tired out and impressed by each other's
strength, they decide to move back to Port Town together and start their new
life together. From this point on, Aba can be found perched in the
aforementioned tree; climbing the ladder and talking to her will cause birds to
take flight and knock Rupees out of it, the denominations increasing as the
game wears on. Aba is the most mature of the kids by far, which fits with her
extensive travels and fuller life experience. A realist, she's also shown to be
quite introspective and thoughtful.

Dave – The Chef's hefty younger son, he has a great love of all things edible
and is burdened with the realisation that his father is no good at what he
does. He still encourages Tingle to gather and submit all the world's Recipes,
however, understanding that what he lacks in practical skills, his father makes
up in knowledge.

Big Bro – The Chef's emo older son, he has a great love of all things
depressing and is burdened with the realisation that life is meaningless and
we're all going to die. Tingle spots him from time to time in the middle of
nowhere, follows at a distance, and retrieves junk that he throws in the water,
most of it letters. Big Bro writes dark poetry and seems to have inherited his
parents' lack of a real name.

=============================================================================

P o s t m a n
A very serious civil servant
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time
             Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Ages
             The Minish Cap
             Twilight Princess
             Phantom Hourglass
             Spirit Tracks

The Postman has had two incarnations. The first, strangely, is less noteworthy
than the second. He first appeared on the scene as the Running Man, a guy who
waddled around Hyrule Castle Town and, later, Gerudo Valley, and even later,
Hyrule Field. Always running, the Running Man was. Link sold him the Bunny
Hood, which made him even faster, as part of the Happy Mask Shop mini-trading
game. You could also challenge him to a race from wherever you were to Sacred
Forest Meadow; Bunny Hood or not, this race was unwinnable, as even teleporting
straight there would result in him outpacing you by exactly one second. The
only point was to race against your own time, which you could then view in
Link’s house.

His running animation was put to good use when it was recycled for Majora’s
Mask. This time, he ran around Clock Town delivering mail on a route and
schedule he had timed to the second, and he got very aggravated when
interruptions threw off his flawless timing. He was also one of three people
(the other two being Link and the Curiosity Shop owner) who knew the
whereabouts of Kafei, and played a part in reuniting him with Anju, as well as
handed over the Postman’s Hat.

Oracle of Ages witnessed his participation in the Trading Game; the perpetually
late public officer offered up some Stationery in exchange for a Poe Clock.

The Wind Waker featured the appropriately named Quill, who is a distinct
character. Johnny Xtreme adds: 'There is a Rito that looks exactly like the
Postman in Dragon Roost Island behind the Mail Stall near the top. Interesting
that a human eventually evolved into a bird creature huh?' Except that the Rito
evolved from the Zora, which is actually much weirder. Doesn't explain the
type-cameo, though.

In his other three appearances, the Postman delivers mail. This is useful, but
there’s not much to say about it, although the Japanese-style flag he wears in
TP is kind of interesting, as is the fact that this incarnation marks the start
of a delineation in the physical appearance of the various Postmen; this one is
awkward and skinny, like myself. In PH he takes on a decidedly avian
appearance, sort of a mix between his previous iterations, Quill, and a cherub.
And his ST form is pretty much what that one would look like if he lacked wings
and dressed more normally, though he laments the new world order in which
letter-carriers no longer read mail aloud to their recipients, a duty his
predecessor enjoyed, and without wings, he presumably has to travel by
passenger train.

Yes, an inconsequential character, indeed.

=============================================================================

P r o f e s s o r  S h i k a s h i
(conj.) but; however
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

If Majora’s Mask were a short adventure novel for young boys (it isn’t,
remember), Professor Shikashi would be like the old guy who offers vague advice
to the hero at the beginning, and which turns out to be instrumental in his
success at the climax. He just has that kind of vibe going for him. Dressed in
Merlin-blue robes and a hat and sporting a cropped white beard, Professor
Shikashi devotes his days to observing the cosmos with the gigantic telescope
in his Astral Observatory, which he lets the Bombers use as their hideout. He
lets one of the scarecrows make his home in there as well. When Link approaches
him as either himself or his Deku self, he stresses the importance of
developing one’s interests while one is young, which no doubt spoke deeply to
the young people who were playing a video game when they read that. Professor
Shikashi is, technically, essential in allowing Link to obtain the
quest-critical Moon’s Tear (which also figures into a Deed-swapping side
quest), but he seems rather clueless about the whole affair, and indeed his own
impending destruction. Anyone have any idea what he says in the final few hours
of the 72-hour cycle? I guess that’d be my job to find out, not gonna.

Professor Shikashi’s alt-world counterpart in Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule was just
some short-tempered old guy who hung out in the eastern corner of the village;
you could easily go the whole game and never even notice him there.

=============================================================================

P u m m
Pumpkin proprietor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Tragically few people have the opportunity or the talent to live out their
dreams, but Pumm beat the odds. An extraordinarily hard worker, he is the
owner, chef, and bartender of the Lumpy Pumpkin, a pumpkin-shaped bar and grill
at Pumpkin Landing that specialises in pumpkin products. He is a large man with
a large nose, a large topknot and a large moustache. He is deeply loving and
affectionate of his supercute daughter Kina, whom he employs as a waitress and
sometime labourer. While she is initially his only employee, he quickly takes
on Link as well, because he openly defies both Kina and a posted sign by
rolling into an upstairs railing and sending the chandelier crashing into the
only table. This gains him a Heart Piece but destroys the decoration. The bar
man impresses him into service, and the Ballad of Pumm consists of Link
performing various tasks to work off the incurred debt. The first is to deliver
a load of hot soup down the throat of Eagus, the Skyloft swordmaster. Later, he
is required to help with transferring pumpkins from their rows to the storage
shed, which Kina challenges him to do by stacking five on top of each other.
His last job is to accomplish Kina, an accomplished singer, on harp. It's
challenging in its imprecision, but when he's done, Pumm thanks him heartily,
promises that he's always welcome to come by for a bowl of Pumpkin Soup, and
gives up another Heart Piece. And since the old chandelier made the place look
so much nicer, he buys another, this one much harder to break. It also turns
out that Pumm makes an annual offering of Pumpkin Soup to Levias, and gives one
to Link so that he can attempt to heal the deity of his affliction.

=============================================================================

P u r d y
Hedgehog
Race: Parrot
Appearances: Twilight Princess

I call these guys parrots, I realise they aren’t, shut up, nobody really cares.
Purdy, Hena’s winged companion with whom she lives at the Fishing Hole,
actually resembles a parrot the least out of any of them, this is a bird you
might see in a tree in like the East Side or something, except it’s blue.
What’s more, its single and only claim to fame is its unbelievable audacity and
rudeness, and that, from what I read on an old GameSpot thread I dug up because
I didn’t know anything about it (her?) since nobody cares about her, if you
attack it or something Hena will get protective and kick you out of her
establishment. That’s her entire thing, I mean profiles like this are the exact
reason I try to lump characters together when I can, but Plumm and Coro are
cool enough to deserve their own, so rhetorical trailing-off and abrupt finish.

=============================================================================

P u r l o
Would-be scam artist
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Purlo is the dislikeable guy who owns the STAR Game in Hyrule Castle Town. He
starts out with high hopes for what should be a profitable enterprise, but he
doesn’t count on his only customer, Link, being unnaturally good at everything
ever. The object of the timed game is to collect a bunch of coloured orbs
arranged throughout a brass cage, which would be completely impossible if not
for Link’s trusty Clawshot. When he wins, Purlo grudgingly hands over the Big
Quiver, pretending to be nice and all but actually cursing Link under his
breath and swearing it won’t be so easy next time. And in fact, it isn’t, with
a greater number of coloured balls in even more awkward locations than before,
and would be completely impossible if not for Link’s trusty Dual Clawshots.
Purlo coughs up the Giant Quiver and is very sad.

I can’t help but notice the similarity in name between Purlo and Charlo,
another moneygrubber who hangs around Hyrule Castle Town (known as ‘the Town’
or ‘the HCT’ to locals, not really.) He’s also one of a few people not to take
any flak from Link in his wolf form, instead telling him to take off since he’s
aggravating his allergies.

=============================================================================

Q u e e n  A m b i
Ancient tyrant
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

Ambi is the ancient Queen of Labrynna, seen only in the Past. Though she was
originally kind and warm, she has turned ruthless and cold in more recent
times. She’s not really to blame, though, considering Veran has taken control
of her body and is using her influence to further her scheme. Ambi has recently
commissioned Ambi’s Tower, a giant stone monolith which Lynna City residents
have started calling the Black Tower due to its obviously evil undertones.
Ambi’s body plays a part in a couple of boss battles, but Veran soon moves on
to possess Nayru instead. In the end, Ambi returns to her old self and rules
Labrynna with a kind and guiding hand for many years. As it turns out, Ralph is
her direct descendant, many generations removed.

=============================================================================

Q u e e n  B e e
Honey hive head honcho
Race: Bee
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

The choking smog that blankets Steamy Marsh has put the Queen Bee out of
commission! Why it doesn't affect any of the other bees, or indeed anything
else at all, is unclear, but it's in Tingle's best interests to disperse it:
Once he does, she'll give him a ride to the next area. A solid three times as
large as any of her helmeted brethren (children?), she resides within the
Insect Hive, of whose space she occupies most.

=============================================================================

Q u i l l
Winged postman of the sea
Race: Rito
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Courageous and compassionate, Quill helps Link out several times on his quest.
He not only convinces the pirates to take Link with them, he also vouches for
his good character to the Rito chieftain. The chieftain believes Quill on
principle, because he holds him in high regard. Quill is quite wise for his
age, but is completely baffled by watercraft, as his winged form has never been
aboard one. He is also part of the rescue party consisting of himself, Komali
and Valoo that whisks Link and Tetra away from the Forsaken Fortress when they
confront Ganondorf at its wooden summit.

=============================================================================

R a b b i t  R e s c u e r
Bosom buddies with bunnies
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

According to Nintendo Power, the owner and operator of Rabbitland Rescue was
inspired by a desire to include collectible overworld items and one staff
member’s love of bunnies. It is doubtful, however, that that guy’s obsession
runs quite as deeply as does the Rabbit Rescuer’s, as the latter quit his day
job, left his wife, donned a bunny costume, and built a huge park, a sort of
Outer Haven for multicoloured rabbits, their only refuge from the loneliness
and cruelty of a world that requires Pokemon to seek out human companionship if
they have any real desire for self-improvement. The Rabbit Rescuer (my name for
him) claims that bunnies actually enjoy being pursued, and so he sends Link out
into the Hyrulean countryside to search for them and bring them into the fold
in return for various prizes, mainly Treasure but also a Heart Piece. Each
Realm has its own type of bunny, of which there are 10 each; the refuge becomes
quite lively by the time we’re done. This also prompts a sort of epilogue that
involves going to Hyrule Castle Town and fetching his estranged wife; the two
are able to reconcile and begin living together at Rabbitland Rescue. Both are
fond of using the word ‘frolic.’ This is probably the longest-running and most
time-consuming of any sidequest in the game.

=============================================================================

R a b u – y a
Date doctor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Once upon a time, Rabu-ya was just an ordinary salaryman living in Emerald
City. It was a good life, but he craved more. Finally he figured out the
answer: He donned a toga, took up a bow, distributed flyers and newspaper ads,
and began travelling the land, teaching the unlucky in love how to impress the
ladies. The secret, of course, is to give them tons of useless stuff they don't
need, and because they're emotion-addled mental incompetents, not only will
their moods swing wildly in their before and after impressions of you, but
their tastes will change every time you fill one of their hearts. It's hard to
say whether or not Tingle's his first customer, but he's almost always around,
ready to sell you more gifts with which to woo the women in your way. As the
story wears on, he begins selling more expensive items, which are more
effective, because the price you paid for something is directly proportional to
how much your partner is going to appreciate it. He makes one final appearance
at the dance party, but waits just off the floor, prepared to sell you any
last-minute items you might need. It's a trick, though, as all the things
Buruu-fujin likes are sold on other Pages. Incidentally, Rabu-ya was furthering
Majiyo's plan by helping Tingle to become popular, so do you think the two are
in league? Personally, I really doubt it.

=============================================================================

R a f t o n
Fashioner of rafts
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

Rafton has spent much time and effort trying to create a raft able to brave the
seas to the southeast of Labrynna, but he needs a rope that won’t decay in
water. In the Past, an old man named Cheval is working on just such a thing,
and the rope is located in his Present-day tomb. Link brings it to Rafton in
the Present, and as a reward he gets to be the first one to ride the new Raft,
which takes him to Crescent Island and Moonlit Grotto.

=============================================================================

R a i a
Liar
Race: Usotami
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

In Usotami Village, the underground town at the far end of Page 11's desert,
Tingle and company find a society of squat, strange-looking purple creatures
whose every word is the opposite of what they actually mean. They worship a
giant monster whose audience can only be obtained with the help of his
caretaker, Raia, granddaughter of the village elder and perhaps the most
deformed out of any of them. Her grandfather, the only person in the village
capable of speaking normally, has lately become quite concerned by her
behaviour, as her increasing rebelliousness suggests a yearning for something
the bounds of the village are no longer able to provide her. He believes that
Tingle and his crew, minus the kidnapped Kakashi, may be able to help out, and
so entreats her to help them find what they seek. She instructs them in the
ways of gathering milk from the correct member of the flock of llama-like
animals the tribe tends, and they successfully rescue the BB serial murderer's
namesake.

However, it is some time before Tingle is able to buy sufficiently high-level
gifts to Love Push her beyond her second heart, so he must return later using
the power of his time-travelling red balloon in order to finish the job ('What
the hell, Tingle! I hate this! You don't understand me at all!' she shouts, her
eyes sparkling with joy). By now, night has fallen, requiring the use of heated
water where formerly crossing the desert required cold stuff; a small oasis, a
kind of pond, lies at the southern end of the Usotami's section of sand, and is
Raia's venue of choice for engaging in deep thought. She explains how badly she
wants to see the rest of the world, and resolves to attend the coming dance
party in Emerald City. She then reveals that her grandfather has given her a
dictionary with which to learn the language of people outside Usotami Village,
and, straining against instinct, sincerely thanks Tingle and says a few words
in the positive. By the time they meet up again at the party, Raia has fully
mastered standard speech, the second of only two Usotami to ever pick up the
skill. Like the other girls, you can choose her as the love of your life in the
game's final sequence, and if you want to do that, that is your choice.

=============================================================================

R a i o n
Gentle giant
Race: Lion
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Though a physically large and powerful anthropomorphic lion, Raion is cursed
with near-constant cowardice, perhaps given away by the tiny bunny backpack he
wears. As a result, he has to be continually pushed and prodded into
performing, such as when Buriki must literally kick him into gear in one
battle, or when he needs Tingle to promise him that he's just imagining things
before he'll fight mummies. This trait is immediately clear upon his first
meeting with Tingle, Kakashi, and Buriki, as he appears out of nowhere, demands
Rupees, claims not to be afraid of them despite of his shaking knees, turns
increasingly violent unnatural colours as Tingle reads scary stories from a
book, and then runs for his life. After chasing him to a log cabin, where he
tries to disguise himself as a stuffed deer head before crashing through the
wall as he flees, they eventually catch up to him on the main path, where he's
finally convinced to lend them his exceptional strength. This comes in the form
of his 'kairiki' (great strength), which gets quite a workout – no pun intended
– over the course of the game, as it is applied to large rocks and gates,
trapped human beings and robots, damaged mechanisms, and, at one point, the
party themselves, as the rest ride on his back. His first ability, however,
matches those of the others, being 'tanomu' (request or entrust). However,
while Kakashi and Buriki's tanomus have physical effects, Raion's instead busts
out his ability to speak to animals. It's unclear whether he has such skill
because he is an animal himself or is just a polyglot, but it frequently comes
in handy for chatting with animals About the City.

On Page 9, Raion continues to prove his worth by hoisting boulders of clay onto
the car the party has attached to their liner, allowing them to be transported
elsewhere, namely to one of several switches that can only be operated by
throwing something large and heavy down a hole (how that works, I don't know).
And in the late-game puzzle that has by far the most obvious solution, Raion
gains his work certificate by helping a couple of sailors unload their cargo
into a warehouse.

Raion spends the entire game grappling with his courage issues, and finally
confronts them straight on following the last battle with Segaare and his
machine. Defeated, the foreign prince fires an RPG at the party, only to hit
the giant stone model of the king's face that (appropriately) serves as the
castle's facade. It seems due to crush the group, until suddenly Raion receives
a huge adrenaline burst and time seems to stop. He recalls a time in his
childhood when he came home crying because he'd been bullied and was unable to
fight back, and his father assured him that it was ok not to. When he asked
when WAS the time to fight, his father replied that he'd know when the time
came, and that when it did he'd find the strength within himself to do it.
Summoning more power than ever before, Raion catches the head before it kills
them all, and manages to hold it up long enough to give the remaining three
time to enter the castle. Somehow he escapes this lethal jeopardy, reappearing
for the final battle along with the other two, and in the credits, he seems to
have become captain of the royal guard.

=============================================================================

R a l i s
Zora sovereign
Race: Zora
Appearances: Twilight Princess

By the time Twilight-era Hyrule rolls around, the King of the Zoras has died.
When Zant stormed Lanayru Province, he executed the queen, Rutela, as an
example to her people. Ralis was the next in line to be ruler, but he found
himself passed out in Castle Town, far away from home. Telma did her best to
care for him, but the town’s no-account doctor knew little of Zora biology and
so refused to help. They needed an expert. They needed...Renado, in Kakariko
Village! At the behest of Rutela’s spirit, Link travelled to the bar and, once
apprised of the situation, agreed to escort Telma, Ralis and Ilia to the
village, and after a harrowing adventure against a horde of Bokoblin
boar-riders, they arrived. Ralis spent some time recovering and then gave Link
the Zora Armour (once known as the Zora Tunic) so he could enter Lakebed
Temple. He spent the rest of the game recovering, then returned to Zora’s
Domain as the new ruler of his people.

=============================================================================

R a l p h
Nayru’s childhood friend
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

Ralph is known for his quick temper and headstrong nature. One of those present
at the jamboree when Veran possessed Nayru, he put his life on the line to try
and rescue her. He spends most of the game living in the Past, working to
restore Labrynna to its correct state of affairs. When Ralph saw that Nayru was
in danger, he immediately whipped out a sword, and in so doing, earned my
respect. You just don’t see enough Zelda characters who can handle themselves
around weapons.

=============================================================================

R a u r u
Sage of Light
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Rauru was the man who originally built the Temple of Time to house the Master
Sword, and also the one who devised the locking mechanism to the Sacred Realm:
The Door of Time would only open when the three Spiritual Stones and the
Ocarina of Time were gathered together. Beyond the Door was the Master Sword,
which could only be drawn and wielded by someone of a pure heart. In this way,
Rauru thought he had sealed off the Triforce from evildoers, though Ganondorf
found a workaround. When Link awoke from his seven-year sleep Rauru was the
first to greet him, and was the first of the Sages to provide Link with the
appropriate medallion. Though not the strongest of the Sages or their destined
leader (that’s Zelda), he helped coordinate the actions of the other five.

============================================================================

R e m
Rapid Eye Movement
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

A narcoleptic shoemaker who eats nothing but apples, Rem runs a modest trade in
Hyrule Castle Town. Some of his best products include Zelda’s very own shoes,
which I don’t believe have ever been seen ever, and the legendary Pegasus
Boots, which are like the Speed Booster or Dash Engine or, uh, Running Shoes.
However, as it turns out, contrary to Rem’s belief that he makes shoes in his
sleep, the horrendous results of his conscious attempts belying the fine
craftsmanship of his unintentional accomplishments, the ones actually
responsible for his products are the ever-helpful Minish, who fabricate
footbags whenever he goes down. This is a direct take on the German folkloric
tale of the Shoemaker and the Elves, where a down-on-his-luck Rothenburger
gains wealth by presenting ‘his’ creations to the Chancellor. Link learns of
this (the Minish, not the German folkloric tale) when he assumes Minish stature
and clambers up onto his workbench. The Pegasus Boots, as it turns out, are
prepped and ready to go, so all Link has to do is awaken Rem so that the duo
can be touched up and sold. One of Syrup’s Wake-Up Mushrooms does the trick.

=============================================================================

R e n a d o
Community leader
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

As shaman of Kakariko Village, Renado is basically its mayor. He leads the
community in its day-to-day activities, acts as spiritual advisor and is the
local doctor. He has some history with Telma the barmaid, and even though he
says he can’t stand her, they’re really in love. He was also good buddies with
Mayor Bo back in the day. Renado, do-gooder that he is, heals Prince Ralis and
helps Ilia recover her memory.

=============================================================================

R i c h a r d
Imported hero
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Richard was not originally a Zelda character. He hails from a game called Kaeru
no Tame ni Kane wa Naru (‘For Frogs the Bell Tolls’), which was the starting
point for the Link’s Awakening game engine. The game centred around a peculiar
battle system and the ability to transform into a frog or snake as the Prince
of Sable raced against his childhood rival Richard to see who would be the
first to rescue Princess Chiramisu.

Considering the highly referential nature of Link’s Awakening, it’s not
especially surprising that Richard shows up on Koholint. He once lived in
Kanalet Castle, which was supposedly the home of the kings of Koholint long
ago, but his rebellious servants became aggravated and kicked him out. Richard
moved a little ways off and built a small house. Richard’s Villa was filled
with frogs and played a remixed version of the Kane wa Naru title theme. He is
not particularly upset about being kicked out, but he does yearn for his five
precious Golden Leaves. Link enters the castle and returns them to Richard,
receiving the Slime Key for his troubles.

=============================================================================

R i c k y,  M o o s h  a n d  D i m i t r i
Animal friends
Race: Animals
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages

Link’s Awakening featured a village inhabited by a plethora of talking animals,
and I guess Link’s so-called ‘animal partners’ are an extension of that idea.
All three are friendly talking animals with a unique attack, a unique method of
travel, mild importance to the story, and the ability to reach areas Link can’t
get to on his own. Any time before the third dungeon in either game, Link has a
few opportunities to collect a Strange Flute. He can only ever find one, and
the method by which he finds it determines which animal partner he will have
for the duration of the game. Link can play the Strange Flute at any time in
the overworld to summon his buddy, hop on and take advantage of their talents.

Ricky – A kangaroo who has lost his boxing gloves. Despite pronoun use that
suggests he is male, he has a pouch. Ricky can play Punch-Out!! or charge up a
long-distance whirlwind attack. He can also hop up high ledges.

Moosh – A huge blue bear with tiny angel wings that are somehow strong enough
to carry him long distances. Moosh is terribly afraid of water, however, so he
flatly refuses to fly over it. He’s also perpetually hungry, and afraid of
ghosts. His attack is a ground-pound.

Dimitri – This Dodongo defies convention by not only being friendly, but by
loving swimming. He’s the coolest of the three, and his ability to travel
quickly over water is the most generally useful, but his close-range biting
attack leaves something to be desired.

=============================================================================

R i v e r  D e v i l
Folkloric foe
Race: Devil
Appearances: The Adventure of Link

Not a boss, or an enemy, or admittedly even much of a character, but rather an
overworld obstacle of not much higher grade than a bombable boulder, the River
Devil spends his days standing there. He is a hideous midnight-black
multi-armed monstrosity who terrorizes the people of the nearby town of
Nabooru, probably by dragging off small children or something, and certainly by
attacking anyone who gets too close to his river. However, he shares the Pols
Voices’ weakness for loud noises, and is highly susceptible to the tones of the
Whistle. Until Link obtains that little bit of ivory, southeastern Hyrule is
off-limits, which is a problem because the region is home to some of the more
important areas in the whole game. If I recall correctly, unlike the huge
boulder that has to be hit with the Hammer every single time you want to barge
through, the River Devil can only handle one good zap and then he’s gone for
good.

=============================================================================

R i v e r  M a n
Flop Man, Turn Man...
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Adventure of Link

In the middle of the night, Link goes walking in his sleep, from the Mountain
of Death, to the river so deep. He must be looking for something, a Trophy
somebody lost, but the river is wide, and it's too hard to cross. Blue collar
working man devises master plan. Going to see the River Man, going to tell him
all he can, about the Note Bagu gave him. Away, he's bound away, across the
wide Mido.

=============================================================================

R o m a n o s
Would-be wayfarer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

The grown son of the Old Wayfarer, Romanos lives on Molida Island with his
mother. Forced to grow up without a father due to the Old Wayfarer’s successful
but one-way voyage, Romanos harbours a deep grudge against the Old Wayfarer
that stems from his failure to understand why he had to leave him. Eventually,
Romanos comes to see why his father took the actions he did, and resolves to
become more like him and go on an adventure of his own someday, even opening an
archery mini-game in hopes of raising the necessary funds.

I found more to say about River Devil than I did about Romanos? Really?

=============================================================================

R o n n y
Tantric battler
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Teddy Todo's idol, Ronny is a legendary bodyguard who hides away in the lagoon
of Gooey Swamp; it takes quite a phenomenal accident to find him. When you do,
he'll immediately challenge you to test your wallet. Nobody at this point has
ever actually bothered to find out the exact number you need to offer (I just
threw 100,000 at him), because if you meet it, the man who has supposedly
thrown away the evils of material goods will be momentarily enraptured by the
thought of how much money you're trying to give him. But he quickly snaps out
of it, thrusts them back at you, and quietly acknowledges the strength of your
Rupees. Next time you meet, he promises, it will be as bodyguard and employer;
from here on he becomes a Drifter Bodyguard. The most expensive bodyguard of
all at a hire cost of 20,000 Rupees, he is also by far the strongest in combat,
sporting max stats in all categories.

=============================================================================

R o s a
The only female of her race
Race: Subrosian
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons

Rosa is easily identifiable by her red robes (most Subrosians wear green) and
the big pink bow she wears on her head. Link enters Subrosia for the first time
by furtively following her into a portal. Later, she loses her bow, but like
the do-gooder he is, Link finds it and returns it. They go on a brief date,
which advances the game a little and indirectly leads to the Rod of Seasons
regaining another function (Summer, if I remember correctly).

=============================================================================

R o s a  S i s t e r s
Dancing queens
Race: Hylians
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Bearing no relation to the subject of the previous profile, the Rosa Sisters
are dancers with Gorman’s troupe. The girl in red is called Judo, and her
blue-clothed counterpart is named Marillo. The current focal point of their
lives is the development of a new dance they’re determined to choreograph in
preparation for their performance at the Carnival of Time, but sadly they just
can’t seem to find the ‘spark.’ They can’t focus, they can’t create, and they
can’t agree, and everything they come up with just turns out to be a retread of
their existing work. They want something new, something unlike anything they’ve
ever done before. Ironically, their inspiration comes from something ancient,
or at least old: Deceased dance master Kamaro, who gives up his mask when Link
plays the Song of Healing for him. When he dons Kamaro’s Mask, Link is able to
perform the old man’s soon-to-be-world-famous dance, funky music and all. When
he does so in front of the twins, they freak out and realise it’s exactly the
sort of thing they’ve been looking for this entire time (and give him a Heart
Piece in gratitude). Every night, the Rosa Sisters practise their dance in the
square in West Clock Town; after Link teaches them his moves, they’ll be found
practising that particular dance in place of their own tired ones. Having said
that, might as well also mention that by day, they lounge in their room at the
Stock Pot Inn with the rest of the troupe.

=============================================================================

R u p i n
Fez fetishist
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Toting a strange combination of strong customer service and off-putting sales
technique, Rupin owns the Bazaar item shop, dealing in shields that break,
capacity upgrades that you get naturally by simply progressing through the
game, and common items that can be found by cutting grass. Amusingly, if you
approach and then leave without buying anything, he'll get extremely excited
and then pout. He also follows you around the shop area, which in real life
would probably cause me to stare the person down, and if you try to buy
something when your Adventure Pouch is full you'll be forced to walk over to
the Item Swap and and manually rearrange your stuff instead of it just being
magically transported there and stored for you, like what happens with stuff
you find in the overworld. On the bright side, if you visit him in his home at
night he'll buy stuff off you, which can be extremely profitable.

=============================================================================

R u s s e l l
Big blonde-bearded bruiser
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Link meets Russell shortly after obtaining the Recruit’s Uniform, a disguise
that allows him to run freely about the castle, including restricted areas, in
spite of all the guards having clearly seen him in his Engineer’s Clothes only
minutes before. In desperate need of a weapon, he runs to the Castle training
centre to be issued a sword. Russell, clad in the more practical cap of 19th
Century soldiery that indicates an officer, has Link train with his new
Recruit’s Sword to show that he can handle himself with it, teaching him the
basic moves in the process. Some time later, Link will learn that he has an
opportunity for further training, which, for a 20-Rupee fee, takes the form of
the same exercise found in The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass: Hit the
opponent 999 times before being hit 3 times. The difference here is that this
time it’s three-on-one, and not only do the spear-wielding soldiers become more
aggressive as your score climbs, but they start working together and acquire
new techniques as the battle wears on. This dynamic makes this version of the
contest the hardest by far, but there are a few rewards, including random
treasures and, if you complete it, the rank of Captain and having all guards
bow in your presence, which is a little bit funny.

============================================================================

R u s t a
Rumourmonger
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A pancho-wearing old man with a pretty nice beard, Rusta lives in Skyloft but
spends the overwhelming majority of his time at the Lumpy Pumpkin. It's said
that he's sweet on Kina (and who can blame him), although he's happily married
to Knight Academy cook Henya. While nobody believes him, he's quick to tell
anyone who will listen of the demon he saw enter a secret passage in Skyloft's
suspiciously small cemetery; it turns out to be Batreaux. Rusta enjoys the
establishment's beverages as well as its live music, and will thus dance along
if Link and Kina perform.

=============================================================================

R u s l
Strapping village stalwart
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Rusl’s face is the first thing you see when you start up your Twilight Princess
file, so he effectively kick-starts the game, by pontificating about the
mysteries of that elusive space between the dark and the light. Rusl is a big
fan of swords, and he not only gives Link the Wooden Sword to practise with,
but later offers up the ceremonial Ordon Sword that was intended as an offering
to Princess Zelda, which he forged himself. When Ordon Village is attacked by a
Bulblin raiding party shortly after the beginning of the game, Rusl
courageously attempts to fight them off, but is defeated at the hands of King
Bulblin. The injuries he sustains in this fight put him out of commission for a
long while; combined with Link’s departure, this leaves the village all but
defenceless, and to make matters worse, the children are all kidnapped,
including Rusl’s son Colin. And know what, his wife, Uli, spends the first few
minutes of the game looking for their daughter, who has been kidnapped by a
monkey, so these two have really bad luck. Later, we encounter him as part of
the Resistance movement being run out of Telma’s Bar, in which he somehow comes
up with a Golden Cucco to help us enter the Temple of Time (the man has serious
skills), and appears with the other three operatives to get in a nice violent
brawl during Link’s final assault on Hyrule Castle. Here he demonstrates his
hawk-commanding skills, which is really making it seem like a pretty common
ability in Ordon Village. I assume that when he’s in the village and in good
health, Rusl is a farmer as well as a swordsman, because a place with so few
people needs every labourer possible, and it’s not like he has something better
to do when they’re not being attacked anyhow.

Yes, there are two people in the Zelda series who have this name, and yes, they
are both skilled with swords and give Link his first one.

=============================================================================

R u t o
Pluckiness defined
Race: Zora
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Princess Ruto’s main job is attendant to Jabu-Jabu, the Zora deity. She would
often enter Jabu-Jabu’s belly and wander around inside him, knowing that it was
not particularly dangerous for her. She was imperilled, however, when the
monster known as Barinade and his various underlings invaded Jabu-Jabu’s body
on Ganondorf’s orders. Searching for her Spiritual Stone of Water, which
Jabu-Jabu had incidentally swallowed while being fed, Ruto accidentally fell
through a permeable membrane and became hopelessly lost. Luckily, Link was
seeking her out, as he knew she had the Spiritual Stone and was trying to
collect them.

After he found Ruto, she followed him around and let him carry her on his
shoulders. They worked together to escape Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, with Ruto
performing such roles as keeping switches depressed so that Link could proceed.
(She has other uses, too, which exploit her invincibility – namely you can
throw her at Biri to pop them. She is not particularly impressed with such
behaviour.) Eventually, Link is able to defeat Barinade.

Ruto lets him choose his reward, and he picks the Zora’s Sapphire. This is an
item of special significance to Ruto because it was given to her by her dead
mother. She received it with instructions to give it to the man she intended to
marry – and Link is pretty cute, so she happily hands over the Zora’s
Engagement Ring.

After Ganondorf’s takeover, all of Zora’s Domain is covered under ice, and its
inhabitants with it. Sheik finds Ruto under the ice and frees her, but is
unable to do the same for her people. Ruto is regretful on this point but
starts to work against Ganondorf, and ends up encountering Link in the Water
Temple. Ruto is pretty angry that Link has been out of touch, but she sets
their differences aside so they can conquer the Water Temple together.
Actually, Ruto doesn’t do a whole lot, but she does help somewhat. After Link
beats Morpha, Ruto awakens as the Sage of Water.

She reluctantly points out that Sages can never marry, and so she must break
the vows she and Link made so long ago. Harsh. Then again, Link probably isn’t
too bummed.

=============================================================================

S a h a s r a h l a
Old Man’s successor
Race: Hylian
Appearances: A Link to the Past

Sahrashla is every bit the wise elder, sporting a long white beard and spouting
nonsense no one can understand. He originally lived in Kakariko Village but
smartly skipped town when the Hyrule Castle Guards set up shop. Link finds him
living as a recluse near the Eastern Palace. He explains the ancient history of
the Master Sword, the story of the Seven Wise Men (that is, the Seven Sages
from Ocarina of Time, only two of whom were actually men) and Link’s new quest:
To find the Pendants of Courage, Wisdom and Power. He provides the Pegasus
Boots after Link acquires the first of the three. Skilled in telepathy,
Sahasrahla psychically contacts Link several times throughout the game. He also
provides a little advice when Link touches a Triforce tile. After Ganon is
ousted, Sahasrahla returns home and everybody parties.

Sahasrahla’s name comes from Nintendo of America’s ever-terrible Romanization.
His Japanese name, Sahasurara, refers to Sahasrara, the highest chakra in the
Hindu Tantric tradition.

=============================================================================

S a l e
Sells things
Race: Alligator
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Sale’s House of Bananas can be found at Toronbo Shores on the southern coast of
Koholint Island. His potassium emporium doesn’t seem to have anything up for
purchase, but the fellow is willing to strike up a deal if you can come up with
something to his liking. Fortunately, Sale helpfully lets us know that his
life’s passion lies with the curation of canned goods, and so armed with this
knowledge we can figure out that the Dog Food from Madame MeowMeow is exactly
the ticket. This is part of the Trading Game, which is pretty much where Sale’s
usefulness ends. Although we were expecting Sale to add the can to his
collection, he actually ends up tossing it straight down the hatch and
swallowing it in one gulp, which...kind of makes you wonder, but as long as
he’s happy.

Sale has a brother in Animal Village named Schule Donavitch.

=============================================================================

S a l v a g e  C o r p.
Undersea scavengers
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Salvage Corp. is cool because they’re one of a number of groups that actually
travel around the sea, like Link, Beedle, or Fishman. Their craft seems to be a
submarine, but is apparently not submersible. The three men spend their days
trolling the ocean floor for treasure, using what appears to be about 1920s-era
diving equipment, searching for that one big haul that will set them on the
free and easy for the rest of their lives. When Link talks to them, they give
him various Sea Charts that they think they don’t need, but if they’re strapped
for cash maybe they should be holding onto them. Towards the end of the game,
they start searching for the golden Triumph Forks, but without the Triforce
Charts it’s safe to say they never had a hope of finding them.

=============================================================================

S a l v a t o r e
Bored employee
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             Phantom Hourglass

Most of us can identify with Salvatore because we’ve been there. We’ve been
stuck working demeaning, pointless jobs that we can’t leave because being poor
isn’t very fun, and so we grind through them, shift after shift. Salvatore’s
arbeit is particularly boring because most of the time all he ever does ever is
sit behind his dais with his chin in his hand, on the off-chance someone might
wander at random into the Windfall Island windmill and suddenly have the urge
to play the game he’s running. Pretty dull stuff, but eventually, he does get a
customer. Actually, I wonder if Link was in fact the only one he ever got.

Regardless, Salvatore springs into action. Donning a cardboard cutout that
gives him a salty backdrop and a pirate captain’s hat, he launches into a
desperate tale of an attack on the island. The children are in danger! You, the
player, are tasked with protecting them, apparently by shooting Bombs at them.
He really gets into it, even adding voices and sound effects. Then the game
starts, and you find out it’s a lot like Battleship. Link has a limited number
of shots to fire at any location of his choice on a large grid; if the one he
chooses is empty, Salvatore will go ‘SmiiIIIiish!” and a red x will appear;
otherwise, he’ll blow into a trumpet and a hit marker will materialise. The
goal is to pick a pattern that makes optimal use of your shots, then hope
you’re lucky enough to detect and destroy all four attacking ships before you
run out of ammunition. It’s kind of fun. It may take a couple of tries to win
due to the random ship layout that may screw you over due to simple bad luck,
but the prizes are very worthy of your time.

You can meet Salvatore again on another island, so small that his dais is just
about all it can accommodate, where he runs a different mini-game, this one
seeing Link firing a cannon at a number of targets. This one’s pretty ok too.
Mila eventually takes over his night shift.

The first time I saw Salvatore – tall, blonde, and moustachioed – I imagined he
was about 18. I’m no longer sure if that’s possible.

Salvatore reappears in Phantom Hourglass, this time running a cannon game on
Bannan Island. This time he illustrates the rules with a puppet show. But I
have to wonder, how did yet ANOTHER Waker character manage to venture so far
afield from their home base? If not for the S.S. Linebeck riding the horizon at
the end of Hourglass, I’d be tempted to call the entire game Koholint Island
Redux.

=============================================================================

S a r i a
Link’s childhood friend
Race: Kokiri
Appearances: Ocarina of Time

Link was always disliked and picked on for not having a fairy of his own. Saria
was the one Kokiri who never teased him. Like Medli to Komali, she was both a
love interest and an older sister figure to him. She was also quite brave,
brazenly entering the dangerous Lost Woods and exploring them thoroughly. Her
favourite place is the Sacred Forest Meadow, right outside the Forest Temple.

Saria has what is said to be the most touching moment in any Zelda game: The
time when Link must leave the forest behind, and that means Saria, too. She
wordlessly gives him her favourite Fairy Ocarina, then runs off, crying. I
wasn’t that affected by it, but perhaps I am just cold and heartless.

She teaches him Saria’s Song, which sounds suspiciously like the Lost Woods
theme, so that he can play it for Darunia and cheer him up. When Link takes his
seven-year hiatus, Saria is captured and imprisoned in the Forest Temple by
Phantom Ganon and the ‘Little Women’ Poe Sisters. When Link rescues her, she
awakens as the Sage of Forest and gives him the Forest Medallion.

=============================================================================

S c e r v o
Yah-yo yah-yo
Race: Robot
Appearances: Skyward Sword

There once was a robot named Skipper, who was king of the pirates. He had fame,
wealth and power beyond your wildest dreams. Before Link took him up on his
offer, these were the final words he said: 'My ship is mine for the re-taking,
but we'll have to find it first. I left everything I own lying around here
somewhere.' Immediately, the hero from Skyloft set sail for Lanayru Ocean,
searching for Lanayru's Flame, the treasure that would make his sword complete.

After finally locating the rogue vessel and dungeon-busting his way through it
for a while, he catches up to Scervo, the rival pirate who commandeered the
ship and apparently installed his crew of Bokoblins on it. He's found standing
atop the forecastle, gazing contemplatively out at the desert; like the ship
itself, he's become dusty and worn over the centuries, and it's probably safe
to assume he hasn't moved an inch for years. As soon as Link appears, though,
he immediately pulls his epee and initiates a sumo-style desperate struggle.
Scervo tries to push Link back into an electrified fence, while the latter
attempts to force the former off the bow. As the fight goes on Scervo loses his
right arm and begins attacking with the hook on his left, his moves becoming
more exaggerated and violent. Eventually, Link gives him the final shove off,
and he can finally rest in peace. Fi even expresses her admiration for his
perseverance in surviving this long.

Later, in the second forest chamber of the Sky Keep, we meet an extremely
similar enemy called Dreadfuse. The fight plays out basically the same.

=============================================================================

S c h u l e  D o n a v i t ch
Morita-daisensei...!
Race: Alligator
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

Bearing the single best name anyone has ever had, Schule Donavitch is a
successful sculptor living in Animal Village. In fact, it was Donavitch who
sculpted the Mermaid Statue at the lookout point of Martha’s Bay. When combined
with his brother, Sale, a connoisseur of fine canned goods, the duo forms a
cleverly subtle reference to Andy Warhol, a celebrated mid-20th Century
American artist who painted a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup in 1968, which
became really famous for challenging ideas of what could and could not be
considered art. He (Donavitch, not Warhol) is also listed in one instance as
‘Art Alligator’, but let’s be serious.

=============================================================================

S c r a p p e r
Living grappling hook
Race: Robot
Appearances: Skyward Sword

In spite of the fact that no Skylofter before Link has ever left the floating
archipelago, Gondo's grandfather somehow excavated this tiny little robot and,
lacking the Ancient Flower juice necessary to restore him, turned him into a
kind of heirloom. For his part, Gondo spends every night tinkering with the
bolt-bucket in an effort to repair him, but never makes any progress. Instead,
like many Zelda secrets, Scrapper merely taunts you, as you just know you're
going to come across the right item sooner or later, you just don't know what
it is or when you'll find it...and then, in Lanayru Desert, you encounter
others just like him, and there's a very palpable aha moment that goes with
that.

When you return to the Bazaar with an Ancient Flower, Gondo jumps at the chance
to finally bring Scrapper back to operational condition, which he somehow
accomplishes in seconds, and then assures you that you will now be able to haul
objects up from the world below. Scrapper is less than impressed, however,
flatly refusing to help Link. The ungrateful twit also takes to calling him
'Mr. Shortpants,' which is strange considering that his pants are full-length.
However, when Fi appears to offer her analysis of the situation, Scrapper is
instantly taken with her, and declares that he'll do anything this vision of
loveliness asks. Fi looks at him for a beat, then declares in complete deadpan
that they will now be able to use him to haul objects from the surface. It's
hilarious, I promise. From then on, Fi will telepathically summon 'the robot'
anytime you require his hauling services, and he will immediately float down,
apologize to her for taking so long, give you some attitude, extend his
extendable arms and depart with the desired load. When you return to the sky
he'll follow along behind you, for some reason refusing to fly through those
speed-boosting asteroids, yet still keeping pace.

By the way, if no Skylofter before Link has ever left the floating archipelago,
what must their gene pool look like a thousand years in? Because there's what,
maybe twenty people hanging around – forget marrying your cousin, every man in
town is practically his own brother. And while I'm at it, since the events of
the game seem to suggest that they drop things beneath the clouds with alarming
frequency, where do they keep getting the materials to build things? I mean,
there's not much to start with, and once it's gone, it's gone.

=============================================================================

S e g a a r e
Momma's boy
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

On the orders of his mother, Majiyo, Segaare does everything he can to make
Tingle's journey to the City s troublesome as possible. He first appears near
the end of Page 4, clad in a mask and red riding hood. Just as the party is
about to cross the gorge, he pulls out his sword and slices the ropes holding
the bridge up, temporarily blocking their path. He then grins devilishly, jumps
atop his white steed, and rides off backwards. Buriki scans him before he
leaves, but doesn't uncover much more information than that he's 25 years old.
Thus he becomes a recurring antagonist throughout the game, always lurking just
beneath the surface; his next appearance is at the end of Page 8, observing
through binoculars as Tingle and crew finally succeed in obtaining a Gasoringo
and continuing their journey. He pulls out a cell phone and calls his mother,
who tells him to slow their progress again, and then throws off his cloak,
revealing himself to be a prince. He then realises that he's sitting atop a
mule, as his horse looks on in disgust. When he places a jump on the train
tracks, the Liner veers off course and into a rickety set of service rails. He
makes one final bid at harassment on Page 11, disguising himself and his steed
as street performers, which enrapture Kakashi. Segaare uses this opportunity to
steal the young doll when nobody's looking. They finally catch up to him in the
bowels of Usotami Village, where he prevents their easy return by again cutting
a rope bridge. Perhaps it's his signature technique. Unfortunately for him,
however, all the activity draws the attention of the Usotami's patron deity,
Oousotsukisama, who promptly grabs him, shoves him in his mouth, mashes him
around with his tongue a little, and then spits him through a hole in the roof.

As it turns out, quite apart from wanting to help his beloved mother regain her
youth, Segaare may have his own reasons for wanting to interfere with Tingle's
quest: He and Princess Emera actually go all the way back to their childhood,
and he believes them to be perfect for each other. Emera, of course, wants
nothing to do with that, but he seems not to notice. He, Tingle, Kakashi,
Buriki and Raion have one final encounter at the beginning of Page 13, shortly
after they escape the castle prison. After taunting them, Segaare enters a
secret door in the back of the statue that he had built in the king's likeness
and sent to him as a gift; as it turns out, this was a trick, as it hides a
large steam-powered mech. Segaare's horse sets up a laser-wire fence at the
gate and Segaare begins pulling out one weapon after another, including a giant
hammer and a giant trumpet. The rules to this fight are simple: Figure out how
to destroy each weapon as it appears. The answer lies somewhere within the
collective abilities of your three partners, except for one which requires
Tingle. Every time you act successfully, Segaare's machine gets pushed back a
few steps; likewise, if you select an incorrect action, he'll push the party
back a ways. The difference is that Tingle and his dudes will get a game over
if Segaare forces them into the laser-wire fence. Once all of his weapons have
been dismantled, Segaare's Gundam is destroyed and he is seemingly defeated.
They move to enter the castle doors, but, a sore loser, Segaare shoulders an
RPG and fires it at them. The projectile flies wildly off the mark and instead
strikes the giant model of the king's head that adorns the structure's facade
(see what I did there?), and it plummets toward them. Raion is able to catch
and hold it long enough for the others to push forward, and Segaare is finally
done.

He reappears after his mother's defeat, trying to act as apologist for all the
trouble she's caused. Nobody buys it, obviously. Then they're all transported
back to the normal dimension and Buruu-fujin imprisons the two in a cramped
cage, which is apparently made of cardboard because they seem to escape
instantly. Both make one final appearance in the forest from Page 4, pursued by
the gang of squirrels that rules it, including the big one.

=============================================================================

S e i b u u
Save point
Race: Pig
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Seibuu is a pig who allows you to save your game, as his name is a pun on
'save' (seebu) and 'pig' (buta), hence his alternate and slightly better name
Seebuta. He is fully capable of human speech and, after explaining the
mechanics to you, announces each time you see him that he is a pig. It would
seem that he travels across the land as you search far and wide, rather than
being a series of similar creatures.

=============================================================================

S e r a
Demo doll
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Although her appearance was only fleeting, Sera instantaneously became one of
the ‘faces’ of Twilight Princess by showing herself in the E3 2005 demo vid.
Hanch’s wife and Beth’s mother, she owns and operates Sera’s Sundries, the tool
and supply shop from which Link purchases the Slingshot, one of his first
acquisitions and an item with which he can wow all the local boys and girls.
She also gives him a bottle of Milk, which, more importantly than the 6 hearts
it restores, becomes one of those always-useful Empty Bottles, good for storing
everything from Fairies to Potions to, in this game for the first time, Lantern
Oil.

She’s also the owner of a cat named after Link, who runs way when Sera fails to
give him fish for dinner, and is initially found trying to grab some straight
out of the river and roundly failing. After Hylian Link catches one for him, he
snatches it and runs back to the shop, returning Sera to good spirits. This
cat, incidentally, turns out to be surprisingly articulate and well-informed
when you speak to him in wolf form.

=============================================================================

S h i g u m a s e n t o
Creeper
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

In real life, all kinds of repulsive middle-aged men stalk young female idols.
Shigumasento is sort of the Zelda version of that, having set up a telescope in
a hotel landing and trained it on the balcony off Princess Emera's room. He
seemingly never leaves the building and has committed her daily routine to
memory, so that he may always leer at her when she comes out to greet the
morning or evening air. He unwittingly saves her life by forcing Tingle to look
at her too, which ends up alerting him to the fact that she's been poisoned and
precipitating his quest to concoct the cure. When Tingle proves too powerful
for Majiyo to enslave and drain of power, she uses Shigumasento in his place,
though he proves a poor substitute indeed.

=============================================================================

S h i r o
Invisible Man
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

A dedicated soldier in the ranks of civilized Termina’s corps of Hylian
soldiers, Shiro was ambushed by Garo in the Road to Ikana. I imagine he put up
a terrific struggle, but was ultimately overwhelmed by the numbers and battle
prowess of the ninja (who were in no way his brethren.) Or maybe he just fell
down and hurt himself, but either way his injuries have prevented him from
moving from his spot for a number of years. He sits invisibly in a ring of
rocks at the junction between the road to Romani Ranch and the actual road to
Ikana, yelling and calling for help and waving his arms to try and get
somebody’s attention, all uselessly, although a nearby Gossip Stone does point
him out. Eventually, Link pulls through with the Lens of Truth, notices him
there, and moseys over for a chat. Startled that someone was kind enough to pay
attention to him, Shiro then asks a further favour: If he’s ever gonna get out
of this mess, he needs to revitalize his body and mind. He needs a Red Potion.
When Link graciously offers him a swig, he receives the Stone Mask in return.
Rocks on the ground, Shiro, and the Stone Mask are all equally interesting, so
in such a disguise Link can wander around anywhere he pleases and no one even
cares. It’s no Bunny Hood, but it certainly makes Gerudo’s Fortress less
stressful. Sam Fisher, Solid Snake, Konohamaru and Ayame would be proud.

=============================================================================

S i l v a
Up in the Air (Ag)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

A Mogma who has been captured and suspended over lava. Link drains the
dangerous substance and brings him back down to his beloved earth, earning
himself the Mogma Mitts. Silva takes pride in his devilish hairstyle. He is
Bronzi and Plats's older brother.

=============================================================================

S i m o n
& Schuster
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

The precociously enterprising proprietor of Simon’s Simulations, this youngster
will urge you to test your mettle against an array of enemies he’s prepared for
all comers. If Link does as Simon says, he’ll have him take a nap in a snug cot
inside the site, and, in a sequence of events straight out of Koholint Island’s
Dream Shrine, he’ll seemingly awaken a moment later only to find himself under
attack. This is the ‘simulations’ part of it. Even so Simon warns that he can’t
guarantee the participant’s safety, and that they’d better stay sharp if they
don’t want to actually die. Strangely, injuries sustained in the simulation
will manifest themselves in the real world, while real-world scars and
deformations keep their distance from the simulation, which is one piece of
evidence some fans use to suggest that the real world is in fact just a second
simulation stacked on top of the original to make its prisoners THINK they’ve
escaped. Defeating the enemy onslaught will trigger a rude awakening and the
appearance of a Heart Piece.

=============================================================================

S k i p p e r
Hopscotch player
Race: Robot
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Democracy be damned. A thousands years ago when the robots of Lanayru lived out
their heyday, leaders weren't elected; they were manufactured. And I don't mean
that in some kind of conspiracy theory way, I mean literally. Some units had
additional programming that gave them superior decision-making and other
relevant abilities, and their subordinates obeyed as a matter of course. It was
like the Ottoman Empire or pre-Mao China. Skipper was one such 'leadership'
model, and, in an application most likely not intended by his creators, he put
those skills to use as a pirate captain.

For many years he sailed the Lanayru Ocean, which is roughly ten metres deep at
its deepest point and can be travelled end to end in about seven minutes, with
his predispositionally loyal crew, using the surprisingly well-equipped
Skipper's Outpost as their home base. We can probably assume that they mostly
scoured the same stretch over and over again in search of any treasure resting
on the bottom that they had somehow missed up to this point, but by the sounds
of things a great deal of their time was also occupied with fighting off other
pirates, who had a massive base of their own, which looked like a giant pirate
ship being eaten by a slightly larger shark jutting out of the water. Nothing
lasts in this world, however, and in spite of their fellow-thwarting efforts
their ship was eventually commandeered by the dread pirate Scervo, apparently a
rival of theirs. They were all left to rust, and that seemed to be the end of
their glory days on the bounding main.

And yet hundreds of years later, it's Link to the rescue! He comes across
Skipper's scarred and pitted remains next to the hulk of a motorboat-looking
thing whose Timestone not only powers its movement, but also transports the
immediate area (to a radius of maybe fifteen feet) back to the ancient past.
Interestingly, Skipper seems to recognize that he's in trouble if he strays
beyond its influence, so perhaps he's aware that he's a man out of time. He
explains his history and Link agrees to seek out the captured ship. In one of
the game's cooler touches, as the boat moves forward water springs back into
existence in front of it (receding behind it), so it can travel however far out
it needs to. After pursuing several false leads in a waste of time that takes
them to the shipyards, the aforementioned base, and Skipper's Landing, all of
which are interesting in their own way, they finally find the sandship roaming
around, and are able to catch up to and board it by slowing it with cannon fire.

After many squabbles with Bokoblins and finally taking down Scervo himself,
Link finally gets the Bow and uses the ship's giant crow's nest-mounted
Timestone to restore the entire vessel to its glory days. He then goes to the
brig and frees some captured crewmen before finally approaching the treasure
room, at which point a giant monster appears and destroys much of the ship.
After Link finally defeats it, in by far the longest boss battle of the entire
game, Skipper and the gang are able to easily restore the ship thanks to the
power of Nayru's Flame, for which the vessel served as a vessel. Link absorbs
the flame and is on his way, and everybody dies happy.

=============================================================================

S k u l l  K i d  a n d  F r i e n d s
Forest imp and his fairy companions
Race: Skull Kid and fairies
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Skull Kid – Skull Kids were minor enemies from the Lost Woods in Ocarina of
Time. Actually, enemies is a bad word, since they were only a nuisance as an
adult and outright helpful as a child. Legend dictates that Hylian children or
Kokiri who get lost in the Lost Woods turn into Skull Kids. There is one
particular Skull Kid in the Lost Woods who befriends Link when he gives him the
Skull Mask as part of the mask-trading game; possibly, this is the same Skull
Kid from Majora’s Mask.

At any rate, Skull Kid lived in Clock Town and Termina Field long before Link
got there. No one liked him because he was always playing pranks on everyone
and making mischief. He became very sad because he badly wanted friends, but no
one even wanted to be seen talking to him. One day, however, he met Tatl and
Tael, and they all got on quite well. He also soon met and befriended the Four
Giants, the patron deities of Termina who resided in its cardinal directions
and protected it from harm. However, he was still angry with society, and in an
act of rebellion he stole Majora’s Mask from the Happy Mask Salesman. The mask
quickly took over, transforming his mischievous nature into patent malevolence.
He causes a great deal of pain for everyone in the land, imprisons the Four
Giants, and, worst of all, sets the moon on a collision course that would
destroy everything. Now we’re all wishing we’d never shunned him.

We spy Skull Kid a couple of times around Clock Town, but we mostly see him in
Termina’s final moments as he waits for all to be obliterated. Link eventually
learns and plays the Oath to Order, halting the moon’s descent and forcing
Majora’s Mask off Skull Kid. In the closing credits, we see that everyone has
come around and realised Skull Kid is an okay guy after all.

Tatl – Tatl serves as this game’s version of Navi, pointing things out,
providing information and facilitating Z-Targeting. There are a few key
differences, however. First and foremost, Tatl has way more dialogue and a lot
more character. Whereas I described Navi as spunky, Tatl is sassy. She also
serves as Link’s voice many times throughout the game, even having full
conversations with certain individuals.

She is also significantly younger than Navi and not quite as smart. She has a
lot of good ideas, but her knowledge of enemies is sub-par, to say the least.
‘Just...hit it with your sword or something!’ indeed. Her means of getting your
attention is also more subdued, and, some would say, less annoying – she merely
dings instead of yelling ‘Hey!’ ‘Listen!’ ‘He-LOOOoo!’ ‘Watch out!’ or ‘Ploom!’
As Navi is a pun on the word navigation, Tatl and Tael form the word
tattle-tale. Plus, Tatl herself ‘tattles’ on enemies, in the same way that
Goombella uses her Tattle move in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year-Door.

Tael – Tael is a dark purple character to his older sister’s blinding white.
While Tatl agrees to work with Link to restore the proper state of affairs,
Tael sticks with Skull Kid, sycophantically following him around everywhere he
goes, despite the abuse he takes. I’ll let you guess which one of the fairies
made the better choice.

There was also a Skull Kid in Twilight Princess that you had to chase around
the woods as part of acquiring the Master Sword. OH MY GOD, was that ever
annoying. At one point I lost sight of it and ended up running around aimlessly
for like ten minutes trying to figure out which way it went, with stupid
puppet-things falling on my head the entire time. They were frickin’
relentless; they got on my nerves so much I actually started yelling at them.
Then when you corner the Skull Kid, you have to play a stupid game of
hide-and-snipe, which would have been fine if I hadn’t already been aggravated
from the first half of the job. I hated that part of the game.

=============================================================================

S n o w p e o p l e
Very happy souls
Race: Snowpeople
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

When Tingle ventures out into the snowstorm he eventually encounters, he finds
a family of snowmen, -women and -children arrayed about the area. Quite
sentient, they are happy to spare a line of dialogue, and a few even have items
of their person that have blown away and which they wish him to retrieve. That
said, they are rooted to the spot too far away from each other to possibly
communicate ever.

=============================================================================

S o a l
Shoeshiner
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

A sort of Dickensian kid who hangs around the Hyrule Castle Town market square
trying to scrape together enough to get by, Soal will shine Link’s boots for 10
Rupees, allowing him to enter Chudley’s Fine Goods and Fancy Trinkets Emporium,
from which the doorman will turn him away if his shoes run unshined and in
front of which Soal coincidentally sits.

=============================================================================

S o k r a
K K Slider’s blood brother
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons

A wandering minstrel, Sokra appears every so often to wax poetic on Holodrum’s
current state of affairs. In that sense, he’s one of the few people who’s
‘plugged in’ to the real story (that is, Onox) behind the rapidly shifting
seasons. He shows up a few times in the early going to keep Link in the know,
but after that he just hangs out in Horon Village and prepares an elegy for
Holodrum. Something about the guitar, the robes, the sunglasses, and the shaved
head makes me think he’s something referential, like the Blues Brothers or
something, but I can’t place it.

=============================================================================

S o r c e r e s s  V e r a n
Barely ever casts any spells
Race: Hylian? Possibly demon... I’ve also heard Gerudo but I doubt it
Appearances: Oracle of Ages

Ganondorf has always coveted Hyrule, because if he ever got it fully under his
control, he would effectively have the whole universe in his grasp. Veran had
similar dreams of domination but, being a much less powerful magician, confined
herself to the comparatively inconsequential Labrynna, a land well known for
its long and storied history. In particular, it is remembered for a critical
turning point 400 years ago, when it really began to prosper and grow.

As Din was the steward of Holodrum, Nayru, the Oracle of Ages, assumed a
similar role in Labrynna. Veran planned out exactly how to use Nayru’s
time-travelling abilities to wreak havoc on the land, and used her own powers
of possession to do it. After first possessing Impa and using this form to
trick Link into allowing her access to Nayru, she quickly took control of Nayru
and used this position to travel 400 years into the past, to that time of
looming prosperity. Acting quickly, Veran began making alterations to that
time, and, now in the body of Ambi, Queen of Labrynna, forced the people to
fortify her newfound position and stands poised to take over.

Unfortunately for Veran, she has the likes of Nayru (now released; Veran can
possess only one individual at a time), Ralph, Impa, and Link working against
her, not to mention every ally of theirs, such as the monkeys, the Great
Fairies, etc. With such odds against her, only her trickery could save her,
which she employed to great effect...but not enough. She encountered Link
several times as she strove to take over completely, and was defeated each
time. In the end, even as True Veran, her ultimate form, she was unable to
overcome the Hero of Hyrule, and the timeline was set right.

Link found out later on that she was really working as an agent of Koume and
Kotake, the Gerudo sisters hellbent on reviving their surrogate son, but
luckily he was able to overcome that difficulty as well, so it’s all good.

=============================================================================

S p a r r o t
Farseer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Somebody yanked Sparrot right out of the 70s and installed him into Skyward
Sword's fortune-telling booth. For the extremely reasonable fee of 10 Rupees,
Sparrot will gaze into his crystal ball and give you advice on either your next
destination or where to locate treasures you might need. Apparently, his
ability to do so comes from his deep, unnerving, overly blue eyes. Eventually
he somehow drops his crystal ball off the side of Skyloft, but Link gathers
another one from the ornamental Earth Temple entrance and everything is great,
Sparrot goes back to work and Link gets a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.

=============================================================================

S p i r i t s  o f  G o o d
Nobody really knows
Race: Lesser deities
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Sort of the counterparts to the Spirits of Power, Wisdom and Courage from
Phantom Hourglass (who are up next) and the patron deities of Hyrule Nouveau,
the Spirits of Good are described in only the vaguest terms possible.
Apparently they were responsible for originally locking Malladus away, and
maybe their influence can be felt during the events of Spirit Tracks or
something. That’s about all we get. By the way, in my opinion all ‘spirits’ are
good, if you catch my drift.

=============================================================================

S p i r i t s  o f  P o w e r,  W i s d o m,  a n d  C o u r a g e
Trifecta
Race: Fairies...and perhaps lesser deities
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

This trio apparently serves to assist the Ocean King in his day-to-day
functions, which I imagine involves repelling evil, regulating the sea
currents, answering the occasional prayer, and that sort of thing. To that end,
although insignificant in the grand scheme of things their powers are quite
substantial unto themselves, so they really have a lot to work with. Even so,
they were powerless when Bellum roared onto the scene seemingly out of nowhere,
knocked the Ocean King into next week, and then moved on to them.

Ciela, the Spirit of Courage and strongest or at least most intelligent of the
three, managed not to get captured but had her powers and memories rent from
her very body. Although kind of useless as a deity now, she was still an
extremely useful agent to the broken shell that the Ocean King had become, and
partly for that reason (but mainly because of his compassion) he kept her safe
by his side. Anyway, that’s not important, you can read about all the cool
stuff Ciela does in her profile. While she was hanging with Uncle Oshus, Leaf,
Spirit of Power (coloured red because of the Power affiliation in spite of
being named Leaf), and Neri, Spirit of Wisdom (blue, of course...Ciela, perhaps
signifying the loss of her power, is white instead of green) both got thrown
into dungeons, to be guarded by vicious boss monsters.

In grave danger himself and seeing his realm falling farther and farther into
darkness every day, the Ocean King realises he needs allies, and, on a chance
encounter, manages to rope Link into saving the world again, though all he was
planning on doing was rescuing Zelda. The Ocean King figures that a good place
to start is to gather his allies around him once more, and so he sends Link on
a quest to collect the three Spirits. After a little bit, Link collects the
first two (whom he keeps in his bag, like everything else) and then restores
Ciela. Leaf and Neri, and Ciela, are all capable of opening a specific door in
the Temple of the Ocean King, a reasonable security measure on his part. After
that, Leaf and Neri don’t do much, but can power up Link’s attack or defence,
respectively, with the help of Spirit Gems he collects. All three, of course,
stay with the Ocean King when Link leaves at the end of the game.

=============================================================================

S t o c k w e l l
Constitutional reformer
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Minish Cap

Owner of Hyrule Castle Town’s supply depot, Stockwell sells various expendable
items as well as more interesting ones, like Wallet upgrades. He is always seen
working feverishly on some damn thing or another, apparently like paperwork or
an abacus or something. As a result, his dog Fifi (grhghrrr
must...not...wretch) says that he never has time to feed it, so, in a fit of
temporary insanity, Link decides to help it, requiring him to run to Mama’s
Cafe, shrink himself down, walk the plank between the two buildngs’ chimneys,
and slip behind Stockwell’s counter, where he has set down a Bottle of its food
and forgotten about it. Link grabs the food and gives it to the rank beast,
after which a grateful Stockwell lets him keep the Empty Bottle for his own
use, and in response, Link immediately scours it for 24 hours straight.

Stockwell’s design is sort of interesting, as he sports an undersized hat, a
prehensile moustache, onion-like nose, inquisitive glasses, and what appears to
be some kind of take-off on traditional Chinese dress, maybe. He’s also quite
kindly and always cordial and respectful, especially when customers are around.
Although he works in Hyrule Castle Town, he lives in a small house near Lake
Hylia. Townspeople call him Stockwell the well-stocked, how clever.

Stockwell either bears an incredible resemblance to the shopkeeper from the
Oracle saga, or is the same person. In these games he owns the town tool shop
where he sells both common and rare items, and sells the series’s first form of
membership card. Later, he runs a treasure chest mini-game in the basement,
where you are made to choose one of two treasure chests, one of which is empty;
if you choose correctly three times in a row, you win a rare something, usually
a ring. Following this, you can either keep what you won (without really
knowing what it is, since it hasn’t been appraised yet) or wager it
double-or-nothing style for a shot at a better prize.

=============================================================================

S t u r g e o n  a n d  O r c a
Super Sword Bros
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

You might not think it by looking at them, but in their younger days brothers
Sturgeon and Orca sailed the bounding main together on a quest to gather
Knight’s Crests. Their goal of gathering ten such items took them many years of
hard work and long hours of careful sword practise. They honed their skills
against each other and then tested them against increasingly stronger monsters.

In the end, Orca was injured so badly that he was no longer able to fight
properly with a sword. They had accomplished their dream, though, so the two
returned to their home of Outset Island and built a house together. Sturgeon
took the top floor while Orca stayed on the bottom. It is of questionable
wisdom that the less-fit brother is required to climb a ladder to enter his
home, but there you have it.

After coming home, Sturgeon married and had a daughter named Sue-Belle. He soon
became a widower, however. His daughter had moved to Windfall Island but
eventually returns to live with her father, worried about his ailing health.
Sturgeon has an abnormally high IQ and a very large head. He has words of
wisdom posted on his walls, and he is quite happy to impart a little knowledge
to Link if he asks. Sturgeon greatly enjoys standing on his balcony and looking
out to sea, which calms his addled nerves. Alas, he is frequently interrupted
by Orca’s body slamming the wall downstairs, which often ends up shattering
priceless vases.

Orca can no longer fight with a sword, but he still maintains his daily
training with a spear. He once wielded a giant sword (that he now keeps on his
wall), so you know he must have been good – and he is quite willing to take
Link on as his pupil. Every sword technique Link can learn comes from Orca.
When he sees that Link has come so far as to have collected ten Knight’s Crests
of his own, Orca cries tears of unbridled joy. Late in the game, Link can
challenge Orca to a sparring match in which he must hit Orca 999 times before
Orca hits him 3 times. If he wins, Orca will say that Link has surpassed him
and will call him Master from then on.

When you win, he has this to say: ‘My arms are sore! Is your left index finger
not sore?’ After twenty minutes of L-Targeting, you bet it was. I laughed out
loud when that happened.

Sturgeon was a librarian in The Minish Cap, I guess because of his love of all
things related to study and the acquisition of knowledge. He balances books on
his head. I probably don't need to tell you this, but sturgeon is a type of
fish and orca is a type of whale, fitting Waker's seagoing theme.

=============================================================================

S u e  -  B e l l e
Filial obligation and all
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Sue-Belle is the pinkclad, purple-haired girl on Outset Island who walks around
with the vase on her head. I’ve heard both that she is Sturgeon’s granddaughter
and her daughter; the former is more likely, the latter more interesting.
Either way, she formerly lived on Windfall Island - which is where she met her
best friend, Linda, to whom she gave the girl her signature orange dress,
perhaps as a parting gift – before moving in with Sturgeon to see to his
declining health. As such, she spends every second of her spare time carrying
fresh water from the trough to the house, a task she supposedly gets a great
deal of satisfaction from, which is more than a little weird of her. If you
manage to break her vase, by, say, shooting it, she’ll scream at you and force
you to compensate her for the cost, which is not at all weird of her.

=============================================================================

S w e e t i e
Aww
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Four Swords Adventures

As the Links enter the Village of the Blue Maiden, they find it in crisis:
Among other things, a political power vacuum has left the people leaderless, a
Manhandla lurks just beyond its gates, and the lineups are too long. Worse, its
cutest couple is fighting, and the young man in the relationship has been
trapped in the Dark World! In a floating house, no less. All is not lost for
the power couple, however, as both the wayward boy and his lover Sweetie have
had some time to cool off, and of course now they just want to see each other
again. Sweetie's boyfriend scrawls out an apology, which one of the Links
delivers before reuniting the pair. :)

=============================================================================

T e a c h e r
Tiichaa
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Spirit Tracks

Princess Zelda’s elderly personal tutor and a minor administrator, Teacher’s
main role is as ceremonial figurehead and go-to guy for any miscellaneous
official duties that need attending to. Despite the nonexistent glamour of his
work, however, he actually manages to show a little initiative. After having
gotten over his paralysing shock following Zelda’s apparent disappearance and
subsequently refusing to believe Link’s possession explanation, he contemplates
deploying the Royal Guard to search for her (but decides against it due to the
panic it would cause), proving that he has both authority and enterprise. A
little later on, he goes as far as to disguise himself - badly, as his large
nose and oversized spectacles give him away at once - and attempt to look for
the Princess himself. Despite Zelda’s protests, Link gives him a lift to
whatever random place Teacher decides she might inexplicably be, and receives a
small reward for his help, the highest one being 300 Rupees for a flawlessly
smooth ride. His assurance that he has some money he can give you in exchange
for your services implies that he’s actually looking for Zelda on his own
paycheque or has access to an expense account, further evidence that he’s an
all-around good, reliable guy. Sometime after your delivery, you can actually
find him somewhere else, showing that he managed to catch a lift with someone
else as well, yet more proof of his resourcefulness. Although a little inept
and somewhat absentminded, it’s clear that Teacher does a little more than draw
pictures of flowers on his notepad all day.

=============================================================================

T e d d y  T o d o
Hip Drop-tastic!
Race: Unknown
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Tingle first encounters Teddy Todo early in the Hero's Shrine, the game's first
dungeon. Possibly based in American hip-hop, he goes shirtless, but does wear a
gold medallion and a toque pulled over his eyes; he's quite hefty, bears a club
and shield, and has rather large lips. He's searching for something, and hey,
so is Tingle, so he suggests they join forces, teaching Tingle the principles
of forging bodyguard contracts in the process. They reach an agreement and the
two head off. The green giant quickly demonstrates his worth, not only proving
quite reliable in a fight but also finding himself necessary for solving a
number of puzzles. (Hilariously, he breaks out a boom box, pushes a button and
plays the Zelda 'found secret' tune when they solve one.) His knowledge of
dungeon-busting and the world in general comes in handy as well, and before
long the two have made it through the labyrinth. Teddy failed to find what he
was looking for, but it was worth a shot. He gets stuck on the way out,
requiring a little Rupee-powered strength augmentation to fuel his freedom. He
then takes off to continue his search.

He is not seen again until halfway through the next continent, when Tingle
happens to meet him in another dungeon, the Insect Cave this time. They forge a
new contract (annoyingly dispelling any you may have already had in progress
with another bodyguard) and proceed to relive old times. Soon enough, he
locates what he's been searching for all this time: The Mini Death Bug
Chrysalis, which he immediately eats. At once, his skin changes from green to a
dark yellow, and his stats almost triple, making him a force to be reckoned
with for the remainder of the dungeon. Afterwards, he heads out again, and from
this point on becomes a Drifter Bodyguard, encountered randomly and with a
hefty fee to match his exceptional stats.

There's one more thing you can do complete his storyline. Near the top of Mt
Desma resides a powerful demon-god called Baron, who will taunt you to try and
beat him within a single dust cloud. This task is impossible for Tingle alone,
or even with most bodyguards; contrary to popular belief, Yamori and Ronny can
do it too, but it's best to go in with Teddy Todo, who will subsequently reveal
that Baron killed his father, and that revenge motivated all his actions up to
this point. As he exits Baron's lair, he leaves a flower in memoriam.

=============================================================================

T e l m a
Busty barmaid
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

This kind, middle-aged lady runs Telma’s Bar in South Castle Town. Link doesn’t
go there for the food or even the alcohol, though. In reality, the bar is
really just a front for a secret resistance movement opposing the evil
influence that has spread across Hyrule. There’s even a secret underground
passage between the bar and the Hyrule Castle sewers. The number of active
members is quite small, but they do their best.

Telma – Telma runs the movement; I guess you could say she acts as controller
for the operatives. She takes in Ilia when she finds her stumbling around in an
amnesiac state. She also briefly cares for Prince Ralis when he collapses in
front of her bar. When Link escorts Ralis and Ilia to Kakariko, Telma drives
the waggon, keeping her cool even under pressure.

Auru – Auru studies the desert from the safe distance of Lake Hylia. When Link
confronts him, we find out he’s an old friend of Fyer, who agrees to fire Link
into the desert from his special cannon. This allows him to enter the ancient
prison, the Arbiter’s Grounds.

Ashei – A young woman who is a good friend to the Zora people, Ashei
investigates when a yeti starts rampaging through their territory. She helps
Link figure out that he needs to learn the Reekfish scent, allowing him access
to Snowpeak Ruins.

Rusl – Link’s sword instructor from Ordon Village, husband of Uli and father of
Colin. He takes a beating when the Bokoblin gang raids the village, but begins
scouring Hyrule for the children as soon as he’s recovered. We don’t see him
again until much later, when he summons a Golden Cucco to help us reach the
Temple of Time.

Shad - A seriously devoted scholar who studies the ancient Sky People (or as we
know them, the Oocca.) He is responsible for us restoring power to the Dominion
Rod and thus finding the giant cannon necessary to get us to the City in the
Sky.

These four finally show up all in the same place – Telma’s Bar, at their usual
spot – towards the end, and halfway through the Hyrule Castle dungeon they save
us the trouble of what would have been a moderately difficult fight.

Unbeknownst to Telma, her cat Louise is also a member of the movement.

=============================================================================

T e t r a ’ s  C r e w
Scurvy sea dogs
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             Phantom Hourglass
             Spirit Tracks

Tetra and her pirates sail all across the Great Sea in search of treasure,
romance, and adventure. Every crewmember is assigned a specific task and
perfects it. Together, the crew works like a somewhat well oiled machine.

Tetra – Technically the captain, the pirates address her as Miss. Their last
Miss, Tetra’s mother, died young, which is how Tetra became Miss at only
twelve. Though not aware of her true identity until later, Tetra still knows
much of the lore of Hyrule, and she searches constantly for the shards of the
Triforce. Her mother left her a magical gem that she gives Link to communicate
with him, temporarily functioning as that game’s Navi; King of Red Lions took
over after the Forsaken Fortress mission, able to use it since he too is of the
Hylian Royal Family.

Hylian Royal Family? Yeah, she’s actually Princess Zelda. Read more about her
in that profile if you so fancy. (Her PH info is located there, too. Lazy
though it may be, I try to cut down on redundancy where I can.)

Gonzo – A big burly guy who says his favourite thing is Miss Tetra, Gonzo is
her second-in-command and takes over for her when she’s not around. He’s the
one with the green shirt and tattoo. He is responsible for keeping the crew
coordinated.

Senza – Or maybe that’s Senza’s job, in addition to negotiating. He’s the one
with the beard and copious chest hair. His persuasive skills are said to be
unmatched, and he is the crew’s mild-mannered, de facto diplomat.

Nudge – The guy wearing the purple shirt, Nudge is the strongest of the pirates
and the one who understands Tetra the best. He operates the ship’s cannon
(cannon, in the plural.)

Zuko – The telescope-toting lookout spends most of his time in the Crow’s Nest,
shouting out what he sees to whoever’s on bridge. Unfortunately, they have a
hard time understanding him, to their occasional detriment.

Mako – Resembling Professor Ouyama from the Mario series, Mako is a walking
encyclopaedia. He always carries around a thick Book of Stuff, in which he
actually hides a knife. He’s quite deceptive, unstoppable when mad and has
sharp eyesight due to his glasses.

Niko – As the youngest and newest member of the crew, Niko gets stuck with all
the jobs nobody else wants to do, much to his chagrin. Still, he shows pirate
potential if he can curb his reckless nature. He runs a rope-swinging game
below decks.

Oddly, only Niko is seen in Phantom Hourglass, and only in the intro, when he
recaps TWW for us. Weirdly enough, he is then further seen in Spirit Tracks,
where he recaps events that nobody ever witnessed because they’re backstory
rather than merely another game, and which took place sometime after PH’s end -
100 years prior to the beginning of ST! As the only surviving character from
the TWW-PH era besides Beedle (...), Niko subsequently becomes a fairly
important minor character herein, almost to the point of deserving his own
profile. Almost. He also hands out one of the game’s cooler side-quests, which
has you travelling the lands collecting stamps for him (a possible throwback to
Tetra’s Trackers, funny enough). After you’ve collected a few, he’ll reward you
with TWW Link’s shield, your own Engineer’s Clothes that you had at the start
of the game, and, finally, the Great Spin Attack.

=============================================================================

T h r e e  D r a g o n s
Synectoce serpents
Race: Lesser Deities
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The Goddess left all kinds of junk lying around when she departed the world of
Skyward Sword, and 90% of it was specifically for Link's use. She bequeathed
unto him weapons, tools, instructions, secret songs with magical melodies, an
entire building, statues with the power to propel him back into the sky, wall
carvings that he may engage to make items appear from out of nowhere, and a
spirit guide to accompany him on every step of his journey. Not willing to
leave anything to chance, she also left behind three powerful creatures to act
as overwatch and ensure that nothing too catastrophic transpired in the
intervening centuries. Each is several stories tall, has a stream of colour
flowing down their front in accordance with the element they represent, wears
clothes whose colours accord to same, and has vaguely human facial features.
Gorko mentions them partway through, but it doesn't pay off for quite some
time. Late in his adventure, Link is required to visit all three and order them
to the heavens to meet with Levias, where each of the four was to accompany
Link on his Goddess Harp so that he might learn the tune needed to open the
final Silent Realm.

Faron – When Link conquers the first of the Silent Realms the Goddess left
behind to test him, he wins the first of her sacred treasures, a scale from
Faron, the Water Dragon. He uses this, and the help of one of her subjects, to
enter Faron's throne room in Lake Floria, for which she scolds him. He then
asks for permission to enter the Ancient Cistern, and she says she'll help if
he can heal the injuries she sustained at the hands of Ghirahim. This
necessitates an irritating trip back through the entire Forest Temple, with
extra stuff added at parts to mix things up, in order to get some sacred water
found at the spring within its depths. Thus healed, Faron shows him the way
into the next dungeon. Later, Link requires a ton of water to douse the flames
blocking the entrance to the Fire Sanctuary, and, with Scrapper's help, borrows
the basin in which she had recuperated. She specifically asks him to return it
when he's done, and he never does, which kind of serves her right for all the
attitude she's been giving us. Her final act in the story comes when she
decides she's 'tired' of all the monsters who have overrun Faron Woods and, in
an incredible act of hubris, drowns the entire area, stranding the Kikwis on
lily pads and leaving people everywhere extremely confused. When confronted
inside the Deku Tree, she agrees that her actions might have been a little
extreme, but then goes on to refuse to teach Link the song component he needs
until he undergoes a completely arbitrary challenge. She releases squads of
little creatures called Taptones into the water, in groups ranging from one to
about ten. Each individual makes a tone when collected, and each group
represents one section (beat? riff? I can't read music) of the part. And as an
aside, they apparently oxidize water within their bodies. This part is pretty
fun so maybe we can forgive Faron of her haughtiness just this once, but on the
whole, she's kind of snide and prissy, not only spitting in Link's face in
spite of all the hard work he's done, but spitting in the face of Hylia herself
by contravening her clear instructions to help the chosen hero.

Eldin – Out of the three, Eldin is by far the one we see the least of. Bright
red, wearing a sort of Asian coat and bearing a hearty moustache, he resides in
a part of Eldin Volcano that remains inaccessible until the exact moment we
need to see him. The polar opposite of Faron, he's quite friendly, sympathizes
with our plight and immediately teaches us his part of the song when we ask.

Lanayru – When we find Lanayru he's dead, which is a problem. Actually he's a
pile of bones lying in the desert, which is unnerving and cool at the same
time. But thanks to the miracles of technology, we can revive him! Or at least
send the area around him a thousand years into the past, where he is still in
the process of dying but hasn't quite finished up just yet. He's ready to give
up, but the robots living around him, distraught, have been trying to grow a
fruit that will cure him if he eats it. Unfortunately, it takes forever, so
shifting the area back to its lush green days won't work, and it doesn't grow
well in the desert, so even though it was planned forever ago it still hasn't
matured in the present day. The somewhat convoluted solution to this convoluted
problem is to send the area back to the ancient past, take the sapling, take it
to the ancient past of the Sealed Temple and plant it there (or should I say
then), and finally return to the present to harvest the now-ready fruit. With
one bite, Lanayru is back to full strength, and ready to do his part for the
hero! However, if you deactivate the nearby Timestone again, he disappears –
what, he went somehow between then and now or something? After the quintet
performance, he opens up a Boss Rush and a Silent Realm time attack. Boss Rush
will get you a Piece of Heart and the unbreakable Hylian Shield, which is good,
because shield durability was a stupid idea in the first place.

And yes, they do share their names with some lesser gods of Twilight Princess,
and yes, that is a little problematic for the purposes of this guide.

=============================================================================

T i n g l e
General annoyance
Race: Hylian, despite his best efforts
Appearances: Majora’s Mask
             Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages
             The Wind Waker
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish Cap

             Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
             Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
             Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

To be honest, I’m having trouble figuring out what to say about Tingle. I
probably shouldn’t spend any more time on him than I have to, considering that
so many people hate him on principle. Ok, let’s try: He’s a 35-year-old man who
is obsessed with collecting Rupees and lives under the belief that he is a
fairy. He wears an odd green suit and is tiny. His father, the guy who runs the
Pictograph Contest in Southern Swamp, really wishes he would act his age. You
will also note that though he originated in a parallel universe, he has hopped
the gap to ‘real’ Hyrule, and has transcended time by appearing in games that
are hundreds of years apart from one another (though neither of these last two
traits are unique to Tingle, because all Zelda stories are more or less
self-contained, except the direct sequels.)

In Majora’s Mask, he is often found drawing maps from a high vantage point – by
which I mean he inflates a big red balloon, affixes it to his back, and floats
high into the air, waiting for someone to knock him down so he can sell his
wares. This was where he introduced his magic words: ‘Tingle! Tingle!
Kooloo-limpah!’ If you're still reading after that, I'm guessing there's
nothing that'll turn you away.

In the Oracle saga, he again waited for people to knock him down, at which
point he would offer up a Quest Item or a map of some sort. He played a more
active role in The Wind Waker, when Link, after rescuing him from the Windfall
Island Prison, could use the Tingle Tuner to summon him. A second player (or,
if you’re like me, the first one) could then control Tingle via a GBA and
GCN-GBA Link Cable. This had a few interesting uses - all of which cost Rupees
- such as dropping Tingle Bombs with tactical precision, hovering with the
Tingle Balloon, buying Potions at a buy-anywhere store or offering vague hints.
The Tingle Tuner was the only way to collect the five statues of Tingle in
various poses, which served no real purpose. Located near the centre of the
Great Sea was Tingle Island, a small island with a tall totem-pole tower, with
Tingle’s head as the top totem. Here, he forced Ankle and David Jr to do slave
labour for him, keeping Tingle Tower in its constant spinning motion. Tingle’s
most important task was to decipher the Triforce Charts in exchange for
outrageous amounts of Rupees.

He is much less helpful in Four Swords Adventures. Since Force Gems replaced
Rupees from the original FS, he’s now collecting those, too. The Links
encounter Tingle trapped under a rock under a bridge. After that, any time they
spend too long in one area, a horde of Tingles will swoop in, scoop up all the
unclaimed Force Gems, and even steal a bunch from those unlucky enough not to
find cover.

Lastly, in The Minish Cap he and his three partners in crime wait at the tops
of ledges to fuse Kinstones with Link. Fusing enough Kinstones with all of them
enough times will open up the way to excellent prizes, like the Magic Boomerang.

Tingle also appeared in his own RPG (of sorts), Mogitate Chinkuru no Bairairo
Rupiirando – that is, Freshly Picked Tingle’s Rose-Coloured Rupee Land by most
translations. Tingle is a fairly popular character in Japan, which is how he
landed this gig. It’s basically his origin story; rather than trying to make
sense of a bundle of bizarreness that amounts to a joke character anyway, the
game doesn’t even bother trying to make much sense. The entire quest revolves
around Tingle’s search for Rupees; while Link could hold an impressive 10,000
in The Wind Waker, Tingle’s wallet was even bigger. Rupees are his lifeblood in
more ways than one; not only does Tingle die if he runs out, but everything,
everything revolves around managing his fundage. Tingle is apparently still
operating under the belief that if he collects enough Rupees, Rupiiji will let
him into a fairy realm, which explains his obsessive behaviour in other games.

He also takes the title role in Chinkuru no Baruun Faito or Tinkle’s Balloon
Fight, but I don’t even know if we can count that as being anything at all.

Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu (Ripening Tingle’s Balloon Trip of
Romantic Love by my translation) sees him as a regular, real-world type guy who
gets sucked into a storybook. It's filled with Wizard of Oz references and
tracks his journey down a road paved with yellow bricks. He acquires three
companions named Kakashi, Buriki, and Raion, each of whom contributes interest
and unique abilities. A secondary goal is to make various girls fall in love
with him.

By the way, Tingle was intentionally made a little bit in the image of Kondo
Koji, who heads Nintendo’s Sound Division and is responsible for composing some
of the best music in gaming, including Zelda’s.

==============================================================================

T i n g l e ' s  U n c l e
Presumably on his mother's side
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

As if the game didn't have enough people breathing their demands for money down
your neck, Tingle's Uncle shows up out of absolutely freaking nowhere hoping to
cash in on a slice of your success. His deal is never explained ever, but he
shows up at the foot of Tingle's Tower once you've recovered the Master Rupee,
suggesting that maybe you're meant to encounter him just before you face the
final boss (though in my case, I still had a lot left to do when this happened,
so the impact was kind of reduced). Moustachioed and clad in a white Tingle
suit, Tingle's Uncle is, like many in Rosy Rupeeland, refreshingly transparent
about his intentions, although it is a little bit worse considering that this
is probably one of Tingle's relatives who never showed any interest in him
until he came into a bit of money, and now here he is assuming he's entitled to
some. On the bright side, instead of merely soliciting he at least offers to
sell you the stupidly expensive Staff Roll, which I was only too happy to buy
in pursuit of doing everything but never did discover the purpose of. Probably
lets you view the credits.

==============================================================================

T o m a t o  S c a r e c r o w
Vigilant vegetable vanguard
Race: Old clothes filled with stuffing and other materials off the floor
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Not really a character in any way at all except for the fact that he kind of
wiggles when you tap him with the stylus, Tomato Scarecrow serves double duty
as a Lon Lon Meadow landmark and the defender of a crop of tomatoes.

=============================================================================

T o r i m u s h i
Bug Catcher
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

I'm not repeating a joke, that's the literal translation of his name. Torimushi
is a very old man living in Aomono Village, and he's been all but incapacitated
by the heat. What he needs is his large floppy straw hat, which rode a breeze
right out the front of the village and into the high boughs of a tree.
Fortunately, Masaru is able to retrieve it, which gives us the opportunity to
later help Torimushi to catch a big butterfly. In spite of his hobby giving him
his very name, he's pretty terrible at it, so actually he pretty much just gets
us to do it for him. He then lets us keep our prey when he realises it's not
what he was looking for. In a stroke of luck, it turns out to be the
Zekkouchou, which we need to grow the Gasoringo. If you come back at night you
can help him catch another bug he doesn't want.

=============================================================================

T o t t
Tricky Disco
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

Definitely one of the more stylish characters in the Zeldaverse, Tott dresses
in a white Elvisesque jumpsuit to whose arms he has affixed a number of
trailing tassles, the purpose of which is to increase the visual appeal and
sense of motion when he goes all Saturday Night Fever, something at which he is
going all-out at every hour of the day or night. He can be found on a nice
little extruding stretch of Windfall Island that overlooks the sea, following
the instructions written on a headstone in a desperate attempt to perform the
Song of Passing. What he doesn’t realise is that what he actually needs is the
Wind Waker, not enthusiasm. Bummer. He is only further inspired by Link’s
demonstration of batonmanship, and never does give up trying to give the world
the time of day.

=============================================================================

T r i l l
Homeru ka? Ren wo homeru ka? =^_^=
Race: Parrot
Appearances: Twilight Princess

The final member of the trio of all-in-the-family parrots, Trill is apparently
the beloved pet of (last one left) Coro, with whom he shares a hairstyle. The
Zeldaverse contains a surprising amount of afros, really.

A colourful and streetwise salesman, Trill sets up shop in Ordon Woods just
outside the first dungeon, where he sells Potions and Lantern Oil. The setup is
kind of interesting, as he has you deposit Rupees into a basket at the far end
of his stall, which act gives you credit with which to buy the liquids on
offer. This system naturally makes it very simple to steal from Plumm, since
you can easily swipe some fluid without paying first, but, like the shopkeeper
from Link’s Awakening, Trill will you attack you upon your next meeting if you
try it. Unlike the Mabe Village shopkeeper, however, Trill offers you an
opportunity to redeem yourself: Simply paying up later with a sincere apology
will smooth any ruffled feathers.

Trill also very definitely attacks Bokoblins that near his stall, which is just
plain cool, although mainly he asks Link to take care of the mob, and is
suitably impressed when he does. However, he also harbours a secret pain,
believing that he didn’t get enough praise growing up, and that it still
affects him to this day.

And, it has to be said, Trill and Plumm share the
consonant-consonant-vowel-doubleconsonsant schwerve. Mhmm, schwerve! I had to
make that sentence less inane SOMEHOW.

=============================================================================

T u b e r t
Tu*bert
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

While most Mogma make their fortunes by setting out into the great unknown and
laying claim to whatever treasure they may be lucky and savvy enough to
uncover, Tubert has determined that he would be much better off serving other
treasure hunters instead. Somehow, this has led him to open Thrill Drigger, a
Minesweeperesque minigame in which a stretch of earth is separated into a
number of squares, each of which conceals either a Rupee of varying colour, a
Rupoor, or a Bomb.

Picking a square with a Rupee or Rupoor will gain or lose you the corresponding
number of Rupees, but uncovering a Bomb will end the game immediately. Bombs
and Rupoors gather in greater numbers near more valuable Rupees, so there is
some strategy involved. You also get an additional reward if you manage to get
to the point of having only Rupoors and Bombs remaining, because that requires
monumental luck – although really the whole game does. There are three
difficulty levels, and the Expert course does sometimes include up to three
Gold Rupees in a single game (and I once got all three), and frequently
features Silvers, but much more often goes no higher than a single Red Rupee
with the rest being Blue. On the whole, Thrill Digger's payout is not that high.

Stupidly, hitting a Bomb will actually cause you to take a heart of damage,
forcing you to waste time sitting on a stool while your health regenerates. As
you do so, Tubert will take the time to talk about himself, mainly how he's a
Mogma who gave up treasure-hunting in favour of Thrill Digger, and how he
always sits on his tail rather than his feet because, like Galina Argounova,
his claws are his best feature and he likes to show them off. Unlike the other
Mogma, who are named after metals, he seems to be named after potatoes, I guess
because of the whole digging thing.

=============================================================================

T y t o
Radio-controlled car (Ti)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

Tyto must be an expert in clothing, as not only does he wear a fashionable knit
cap like you see atop the heads of skaters and the like, but he also foists the
Digging Mitts upon you as thanks for saving him from a band of Bokoblins.

=============================================================================

U l i
4chan’s darling
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

An Ordon Village belle, Uli is an extremely loving and supportive young wife
and mother. I realise that anybody whose husband was injured in battle would
doubtlessly tend to his wounds with all the dedication they had in them, but
that doesn’t make her tender bedside care any less sweet following Rusl’s
valiant attempt to chase off King Bulblin and his lackeys. In fact, it may well
have been that her fatal kindness caused her to coddle Colin, resulting in his
present introversion and lack of self-confidence. She has another child as
well, a baby girl, who is kidnapped by a monkey a few minutes prior to the
game, with many animals in Hyrule and its surrounding areas being upset by the
sudden twilight-fuelled imbalance and Zant’s dark doings; Link manages to
recover the cradle and return her charge to her. She spends the entire game
preggo, ultimately giving birth to her third child in the end credits (which is
not to say that there were ever opening credits.)

=============================================================================

U n c l e  R u p e e
Some old guy
Race: I think Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland

Uncle Rupee kick-starts Rosy Rupeeland by offering Tingle the chance to enter a
paradisial realm of happiness and sunshine. If he can merely accrue hundreds of
thousands of Rupees, his dreams will come true! Tingle, bored by his
middle-aged life, is more than happy to take on this exciting new challenge. To
help him accomplish what would be an otherwise impossible quest, Uncle Rupee
gives Tingle a magical suit, specifically the one for which he is so
well-known. At once menacing and amusing, he turns out to be a great villain.

After you've made a decent donation, the spring in which Uncle Rupee appears to
you begins to grow into the massive Tingle Tower. Each time you reach a certain
threshold, it grows further and you'll have another audience with the big man.
The first time we meet him, Uncle Rupee is little more than a polite old guy
wearing stylin' old guy clothes, although he's very tall, has an exquisite
moustache, and has a head the size of the entire rest of his body and which is
shaped like a Rupee. In subsequent encounters, however, we witness a clear but
gradual transformation, as his clothes grow more fashionable and his
surroundings more comfortable. These are among the funniest scenes in the game,
but you may begin to wonder where he's getting the Rupees for all of this. And
speaking of Rupees, where are all your contributions going, exactly? Yes, if
you haven't figured out after a couple rounds of this that Uncle Rupee is
pulling a Sylvia Christel, you're a less distrustful person than I. It only
grows more painfully obvious – and sinister – as time goes on, culminating with
a shot of Uncle Rupee hulking around in the shadows with his eyes glowing red.

Tingle quickly traverses Auros Ruins, acquires the Master Rupee and makes for
the final confrontation. Tingle Tower transforms into a rocketship and fires
into the moon. Tingle dons a space helmet, inflates his balloon, and girds
himself for the battle ahead. For some strange reason, Uncle Rupee returns all
the Rupees he's scammed Tingle out of up to this point. He then taunts him
arrogantly, assured of his victory, but Tingle has gained both Pinkle's love
and the ability to fire Rupees in streams. Uncle Rupee has his own
Rupee-cannon, however, as well as innumerable dinner plates and their contents,
to say nothing of his loyal bodyguards (who resemble the recruitable Agent
class), and the match is on. Braving the maelstrom of attacks that Uncle Rupee
throws at him, Tingle deals crushing blows to his almost naked body. Amusingly,
Uncle Rupee's skin takes on the colour of varying denominations of Rupees as he
sustains damage. Tingle seemingly depletes his foe's life bar, sending him
careening into the background, only to have him come flying back, now in Super
form and impervious to all conventional attacks! The only thing that can damage
him, in fact, is his own giant ball of electricity, which he throws only
occasionally, but which Tingle can direct back at him with a sustained Rupee
fusillade, damaging him heavily each time it connects. Once again, Uncle Rupee
seems down for the count but comes back moments later. He's been reduced to
only his head, but has become massive. In a last-ditch effort, he repeatedly
tries to crush Tingle under sheer weight, but Tingle smartly sidesteps again
and again, finally delivering the finishing blow. The entire battle has gained
a bit of a reputation among people who played the game as requiring a measure
of foreknowledge (or a lot of Rupees) to overcome, as many of Uncle Rupee's
attacks drain tens of thousands of Rupees per hit, but it's also regarded as
the best boss battle in a game full of great boss battles.

Uncle Rupee has succumbed...to his own greed. Well! What a lesson to teach to
children, and what a way in which to do it! When I booted up this game, about
the LAST thing I was expecting was a character arc...and I got pretty much just
what I had anticipated in that regard, as Tingle immediately reverts to his
previous self the second Uncle Rupee is defeated. With his biggest threat out
of the way, Tingle decides that, after all, he really would prefer to just
spend all day lazing around, going out with his girlfriends, and coasting on
his fortune, which is, you'll recall, his original reason for embarking on the
quest, so...mission accomplished, I guess. As you might guess, the Grand Fairy
is not favourably impressed.

In earlier versions of this guide, released prior to the game's English
localization, I suggested 'Uncle Rupee' as a possible translation for
'Rupiiji.' But I was joking. It was supposed to be funny because I thought
they'd never, ever use something so silly.

=============================================================================

W a n n a p p u c h a n
Torturer
Race: Waste of oxygen
Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

A representative of my least favourite mammal, its owner is as unsightly as it
is. It does, however, have the ability to distinguish her from impostors by
smell, which comes in handy when Yamori attempts to disguise himself in this
fashion. Possessed of a horrible temperament, the dumb animal will all but
attack Tingle if he tries to engage it, and will treat Raion with outright
disdain should he go looking for a civil conversation. Supposedly, Wannappuchan
is female, because some people believe that dogs can be gendered. Its name
might more correctly, or at least less pedantically, be written as 1Up-chan,
alluding to its hat, which resembles a green 1-Up Mushroom from the Mario
series. Oddly, Wannappuchan can be Love Pushed.

=============================================================================

W y r n a
Worried mother
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Skyward Sword

She wears a pretty pink yukata. Her daughter Kukiel's adventures are a constant
source of worry for her. She gives you a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals if
you locate Kukiel when she goes missing. And she's really boring.

=============================================================================

V a a t i
Sorcerer of Winds
Race: Minish
Appearances: Four Swords
             Four Swords Adventures
             The Minish Cap

Next to music and time, winds is the most commonly used theme of the Zelda
series. There’s even an entire major enemy thereof. That’s Vaati, and he’s a
pretty interesting character.

He started out, so long ago, as one of the Minish, tiny creatures who migrated
to Hyrule from elsewhere and now assist the Hylians in their daily lives. One
of the Minish’s greatest sages was called Ezlo, and Vaati was his apprentice. A
quick study, Vaati soon learned almost everything Ezlo knew, and soon started
research of his own. Over time, he learned some of the lore of the Light Force,
and the infinite power it offered to anyone who could find it. He turned on his
master, transforming him into a hat, and took Hylian form.

The prize for winning the sword-fighting competition at the Picori Festival was
to touch an ancient treasure from Hyrule’s past, a great honour. It was a
treasure chest sealed with a blade, but instead of just laying hands on it,
Vaati opened it. This unleashed all manner of lesser monsters on Hyrule, but
Vaati didn’t find what he was looking for. He turned Princess Zelda to stone,
rightly fearing her lineage, and proceeded to incapacitate most of those who
could oppose him.

He later turned Zelda back to normal, realising that he needed to sacrifice her
to gain the Light Force that had been stored in her body. He had made several
other critical miscalculations, however, the greatest of which was to let Link
live. The two did battle, and though Vaati used what Light Force he had been
able to extract to transform himself, Link and the power of the Four Sword
vanquished him.

Vaati later appeared in the two multiplayer Zelda games, FS and FSA. In both
instances, the players were required to work together to defeat him, attacking
in tandem and with colour-appropriate responses. And in both instances, he once
again stressed out Zelda, but by kidnapping in these cases (just to keep life
fresh, I guess.) It’s uncertain if Vaati will return in the future, but it’s a
good bet, especially if more Four Swords ever materialise.

=============================================================================

V a l o o
Sky Spirit
Race: Dragon
Appearances: The Wind Waker

The patron deity of the Rito tribe, Valoo is a giant red dragon who protects
Dragon Roost Island from atop its peak. He speaks only in Hylian, one of a
handful of characters who know the language, so only his attendant Medli has
any clue what he’s saying. When Link first comes to the island, Valoo is acting
violently due to Gohma torturing his tail. He becomes much more lighthearted
after that. When Link and Tetra travel to the top of Forsaken Fortress and
confront Ganondorf, it’s Valoo, Komali and Quill who whisk them to safety.

It’s possible that Valoo is actually Volvagia, the boss from Ocarina of Time’s
Fire Temple. I really, really doubt that, but there is some evidence to support
it, such as that they both have names that start with V (and Jabu-Jabu changed
his name to the somewhat dissimilar Jabun), both are big red dragons, both live
on Death Mountain, and Valoo’s ability to speak Hylian suggests he comes from
the Ocarina era. On the other hand, Volvagia died. Plus, he was evil, while
Valoo is benevolent. I guess resurrection and character development are
possible, but it’s a stretch. Now, distant predecessor I’d be a little more
willing to believe.

=============================================================================

V a s u
Ringmaster
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
             Oracle of Ages

The Oracle saga features magical rings that Link can wear for various effects,
like slowly restoring his hearts automatically, decreasing the damage taken
from spikes or giving him a powerful punching attack. However, he can only
carry a limited number, and they all have to be appraised before they can be
used, so Vasu steps into this role. The Indian stereotype facilitates all the
services associated with rings, and his two pet snakes can even transfer rings
from one game to another.

=============================================================================

V i s c e n
Easily distracted
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Majora’s Mask

Clock Town’s Captain of the Guard, Viscen commands the troop of soldiers
(identical to the Hylian Royal Guard of Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule) who
ostensibly defend the town, but mainly function to keep youngsters from
leaving. He spends literally all his time in the Mayor’s office, arguing with
the foreman about what to do about the impending colony drop event. No wait, I
mean lunar planetfall. Viscen advocates evacuation to Romani Ranch while the
foreman believes that the Carnival of Time must go on and that the so-called
Captain of the Guard is a sissy for wanting to run and hide. The sane guy does
manage to organize an evacuation, not that it’s going to help any since the
moon is set to destroy the entire country.

=============================================================================

W h e a t o n  a n d  P i t a
Bread-baking breadwinners
Race: Hylians
Appearances: The Minish Cap

A married couple living in Hyrule Castle Town, Wheaton and Pita own the local
bakery. As their punny names would suggest, the store specialises in an
assortment of breads. Wheaton Keaton, a man of genius sonority when it comes to
the art of baking, notices that Hyrule is one of the only countries in the
world without its own unique type of bread, and, seeing no choice but to make
it, embarks on an epic journey of food science and self-discovery. Along the
way, he meets like-minded enthusiasts who join him in championship-style baking
tournaments and other zany antics, has encounters with legends of the industry
who either nurture him or will one day be forced to acknowledge him, and
perfects his craft by making both new breads and incredibly witty puns, all
while fending off the machinations of a rival company that wishes to bury him.
Pita is the frontwoman for the store who manages the business and hypes its
products, which is an equally important function. I suspect that some kind of
internal power struggle went on while she was in high school or thereabouts,
with one of her family’s patriarchs vetting her for the position of new owner
while another threw his support behind her evil older sister, but she
eventually won out. Either way, she surely has a strong love for bread and a
great deal of talent of her own, making Wheaton and Pita a real power couple.

=============================================================================

W i n d  F i s h
Space whale
Race: Wind Fish
Appearances: Link’s Awakening

The Wind Fish is in name only, for it is neither.

Both official and in-game art depict the Wind Fish as a gigantic whale with
swan wings. Its physical appearance isn’t very important, though, because Link
doesn’t actually encounter it until the end of the game. In fact, his entire
quest revolves around collecting the eight Instruments of the Sirens so he can
climb Mt Tamaranch and play the Ballad of the Wind Fish, cracking open the
spotted egg in which the creature supposedly slumbers.

Around the sixth dungeon, it becomes clear that Koholint Island is not real.
It’s only a dream, but I don’t believe it’s the Wind Fish’s dream so much as
it’s a dream that it and Link are dreaming together. Either way, waking the
Wind Fish wakes them both, ending the illusion. Link, floating on his raft in
the middle of the ocean, looks skywards and sees the Wind Fish soaring off into
the distance. And that’s all we ever learn about it.

=============================================================================

Y a m o r i
Unstealthy shinobi
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
             Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Yamori is the second most powerful Drifter Bodyguard and the most aggravating
to try and hire. As you travel throughout the continents you may periodically
find him terribly disguised as a wall, which may remind you of Konohamaru from
Naruto. Investigating him will cause him to applaud your detection skills and
speed off. Unfortunately, although he appears in only a handful of specific
locations he doesn't show up every time you visit, so sussing him out can turn
into quite an investment of time. After you've discovered him on five separate
occasions (he never repeats a hiding spot), he will offer to become your vassal
for 13,000 Rupees, which is quite something, but so are his skills. He wields a
sword and flash-steps around, because that's his thing. It seems that he and
Ronny go way back. Not completely by coindence, he closely resembles the main
character of Sega's Shinobi series.

Unexpectedly, he makes his return in Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun
Torippu, this time practising a variety of stock fictional ninja techniques.
He's first seen in the pond in the woods of Page 4, hidden beneath the ripples
and breathing through a shaft of bamboo. Tingle sticks a frog and then a grub
into the hole, angering Yamori and causing him to run off. Next he's seen in
Aomono Village, disguised as one of the girls working the fields with Monpe. A
quick hit with Pachinko reveals reality, and then he's not seen again until the
afterworld of Page 12, hiding like old times, now up against Tingle's hotel
room door. Once found, he hides by clinging to the back of a guard, who notices
the extra weight but doesn't investigate. However, Wannappuchan quickly sniffs
him out, leading to a quick flight back to her owner, whom he impersonates.
Another hit with Pachinko and he takes to the skies, hanging in the air by
suspending himself beneath a ninja kite; one final stone knocks him to the
ground, and, having grown increasingly aggravated by Tingle's constant
interruptions and impressed with his accuracy at such long range, decides to
call it quits, forking over a Cartridge.

=============================================================================

Y e t o  a n d  Y e t a
Abominable
Race: Yeti, and, I think, Hylian
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Yeto is definitely a yeti. A sentient, mild-mannered yeti, but a yeti
nonetheless. Yeta is a little more of a puzzler. She appears human, although
her arms are strapped to her sides because of her sweater, and the Zoras call
her a ‘girl,’ and there is some talk like maybe their love would be frowned
upon in some circles. All of this suggests to me that she is actually a Hylian,
despite her being married to a yeti and propensity for poor grammar.

Either way, the couple make their home in the ancient ruins of the Snowpeak
Province mansion. It’s no more than stomping grounds to them, but to Link, it’s
the tricky-to-traverse fifth dungeon. When he arrives on the scene, Yeta is
sick, which is why Yeto has been raiding Zora’s River for soup ingredients; he
means no harm. When Link tracks him down and explains that he’s looking for a
mirror shard, Yeto says to follow him to his house, which he does – by
snowboarding down the hill on a frozen leaf. Quite original.

When they arrive, Yeta says the mirror is locked behind a door that requires a
key. She tries to remember where it is, but at first can only remember the
locations of stored-away soup ingredients. Eventually she remembers the
location of the key, and Link grabs it just in time to see her freshly
revitalized after a dose of Yeto’s soup. She leads him to the tower where the
mirror shard is kept, but as she’s about to hand it over, the evil power of the
Mirror of Twilight overcomes her and she becomes Blizzetta, showcasing just how
dangerous the thing’s sway really is. The windows crash open, a blizzard begins
to rage inside the room, and she starts to assault our hero with icy spikes of
DEATH. Luckily, Link is able to defeat her using his new Ball and Chain. Yeto
enters and the two share a romantic moment as Link takes the shard and gets
outta there. He can return later for further snowboarding runs, one of which is
somewhat frustrating but yields a Heart Piece.

=============================================================================

Z a n c
White snow (Zn)
Race: Mogma
Appearances: Skyward Sword

The Mogma with the dorkiest haircut, Zanc hangs out in the Thrill Digger area,
offering to reiterate information on a nearby sign for a 20-Rupee fee.

=============================================================================

Z a n t
Augustus Caesar
Race: Twili
Appearances: Twilight Princess

Zant is a bit of an odd duck, to say the least. He writhes and twists
uncontrollably when he speaks on an issue he’s passionate about, he wears a
weird-looking metal helmet with bulbous eyes and tendrils where his mouth
should be, and he is prone to making an incredibly irritating noise that
somehow still manages to be creepy. And when he takes his helmet off, he looks
a little like an insect. You will also note that he wears clothes, unlike most
Twili, and in fact they somewhat resemble Gerudo apparel. Coincidence?

Unlikely. In fact, the ‘too-long sleeves with tassles’ motif seems to have been
borrowed directly from Ganondorf. Zant studied up on his race’s ancient history
and as he saw it, his people were unjustly imprisoned in the grim Twilight
Realm, and he wanted to take over. With this ancestral right stuck in his mind,
he genuinely believed himself to be the true ruler of the Twili; only he had
the drive and talent to lead them towards the future. Unfortunately for him,
they recognized his greed and rejected him as king, tossing him out. He
desperately looked to the heavens for divine intervention, but what he got was
Ganondorf, which is almost as good but not good enough. But not knowing this,
he saw the effigy of Dorfy’s floating head and immediately deitified him.

Recognizing in Zant an opportunity to reclaim his previous status, Ganondorf
lent him some of his power. Zant eschewed his race’s old magic in favour of
this much more powerful one, and he set it to good use, transforming Midna, the
actual destined ruler of the Twili, into a twisted, near-powerless imp.
Transforming (robots in disguise) many Twili into his own mindless soldiers, he
marched on Hyrule Castle and overran their outnumbered, overpowered defences.
He confronted Princess Zelda and gave her a choice: Surrender or die. Since it
wasn’t just her own life at stake, but that of her people as well, Zelda let
her sword fall and Zant engulfed about 60% of Hyrule in Twlight. He also tried
to destroy the Mirror of Twilight, the only link the Goddesses left between
Hyrule and the Twilight Realm, but as a false king, he could not – only Midna
could. The best Zant could do was break it into pieces and fling them to the
far corners of the land.

Realising he needed Midna on his side, he tried to lure her over, but she
refused. In fact, she was working with Link to reclaim her proverbial crown.
Ganondorf’s magic easily overpowered the Fused Shadows she’d intended to use
against him, but thanks to Link and Midna’s guerrilla efforts, Zant quickly
found himself backed into a corner. They finally confronted him in the Palace
of Twilight.

A quick note here – the nature of this fight makes me wonder if Zant was
supposed to be the final boss. Ganondorf’s appearance feels just slightly
tacked-on. The length of the Palace suggests a final dungeon setting (notice
Hyrule Castle is very short, too), and furthermore, Zant revisits a number of
boss and mini-boss rooms from earlier in the game. It would be not a bad recap.
Plus, there’s no dungeon item. So possibly the team was getting short on time
and was going to do a 7 + 1 dungeon format instead of the traditional 8 + 1,
but added Ganondorf in when they found out they’d have another year to perfect
the game. This is an interesting choice, since that would mean they ultimately
chose cachet over the originality they were originally going for.

Once they defeat Zant, Midna seizes the three Fused Shadows he stole from her
and then uses them against him. Ancient, withered magic? The hand that comes
out of Midna’s hat (which is apparently her hair) plunges into Zant’s chest and
he swells up and pops like an overinflated balloon. He is instantly
reincarnated, though, citing Ganondorf’s protection as his source of
immortality – as long as Ganondorf lives, he will reincarnate Zant again and
again! ...So much for that. Link defeats Ganondorf almost immediately
afterward, and with his last breath, the arch-villain remotely snaps Zant’s
neck.

=============================================================================

Z a u z
Transcendental blacksmith
Race: Hylian
Appearances: Phantom Hourglass

I’m not exactly sure if I can call Zauz a Hylian. I mean first of all, his
ancestors actually hail from the ancient Cobble Kingdom, and second, some
sources say that in The Wind Waker/Phantom Hourglass era Hylians have all but
disappeared and been replace by round-eared humans. So I might be dead wrong in
calling him a Hylian, in which case, bummer.

Irrespective of his racial designation, Zauz’s heritage gives him a formidable
pedigree in regards to the workings of magical artefacts, backed up by his
impressive skills with a hammer and anvil unmatched by almost anybody but
Biggoron, I think. A good friend of the Ocean King and a little more tapped
into current events than are most people in the Zelda universe, when confronted
Zauz is only too happy to contribute his smithing skills to the cause. He
happens to have memorized the schematics for the Phantom Sword, an ancient
design taken from Cobble lore, but he discards the idea almost immediately as
the weapon can only be forged with the three legendary Pure Metals, and that’s
obviously not in the cards. Link, however, is not dissuaded, and he and Ciela
decide on the spot that their only logical course of action from here is to
track the things down.

After a very long difficult time, the group is able to recover the treasures
and deliver them to the startled Zauz, who immediately sets to work. Labouring
tirelessly for several days, Zauz melts down the assembled heirlooms and forges
an indestructible alloy into which he shapes a mighty blade that would
ironically be more of a dagger for any actual warrior of the Cobble Kingdom,
but which suits Link perfectly. He sets the Phantom Hourglass into its
crosspiece, imbuing the blade with all the time-manipulating, world-altering
magic therein. It’s never explained what the hilt is made from, so we can
probably assume it’s just manufactured from mundane material, or maybe the
housing of the Hourglass itself, converted through fey techniques. All in all,
his creation looks suspiciously similar to the Master Sword, displaying an
almost Kirbyesque level of imagination thereof (as in Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s
the name you should know, not Jack Kirby.) After he completes this task, Zauz’s
completely minor, literarily unnecessary role in the story ends, and he goes
back to doing whatever he was doing before Link appeared.

Bearded and shirtless, Zauz looks like a red-headed Irish stereotype if Irish
stereotypes were large instead of average-sized. He wears armbands, which is a
rarity. He also has some interesting purple tattoos of the spiky, swirling
designs commonly seen in Celda skin-art. Oh, and as an anecdote to the first
paragraph, Zauz has pointed Hylian-style ears, as do Link and a number of other
characters, so eat it, naysayers!

=============================================================================

Z e l d a
Princess of Hyrule
Race: Hylian
Appearances: All main-series Zelda games

You may not believe me when I tell you that Zelda appears in all games whose
titles contain her name. Some even say she hardly ever appears in the series.
If you think so, think harder. Due to sheer fatigue, instead of actually
describing the character, I am going to systematically demonstrate that she
has, in fact, appeared in every Zelda game. Empirical thinking has its
advantages.

In the first two games, her appearances were admittedly brief, but there. In
the first game she appeared, sleeping, after Link had defeated Ganon. Link woke
her and all was well. She can be seen every time you boot up the game in Zelda
II, in an eternal slumber. She finally wakes at the end, and she presumably
gives Link a kiss (the curtain falls, so we don’t know for sure.)

If you missed her in A Link to the Past, you have never played that game. It is
her telepathic plea that wakes Link in the night and sets the game in motion.
He eventually rescues her and brings her to the Sanctuary, from where she is
later captured. He finally liberates her, permanently, by defeating Ganon.

Link’s Awakening had Marin, Link’s dream-world interpretation of Zelda.

She had an extensive role in Ocarina of Time, appearing in the opening movie,
the second stage of Link’s quest and then, later, as Sheik. She does a whole
lot more as Sheik than she’s ever done as Zelda, exerting what little influence
she can in her opposition of Ganondorf. Sheik’s act of revealing herself to be
Zelda in disguise is one of the series’ most critical plot moments, so I hope I
didn’t spoil it for you just now. She even plays a role in the final boss
battle, by first leading Link out of the crumbling tower and then returning the
Master Sword to him when it’s knocked out of his hands. She also holds Ganon
down so Link can deal the final blow. Like Link, she bears several titles
throughout the series; she’s the Sage of Time in this game.

She had nothing but a cameo in Majora’s Mask, but it counts. Link remembers how
Zelda taught him the Song of Time. That song is integral to MM.

In the Oracle saga, players would only get to see her if they completed one
game and started a password-linked game. In the linked game, Impa sent Link on
a necessary but very brief quest to rescue Zelda, essentially by playing Donkey
Kong.

Her role was pretty lame in Four Swords. In a nod to Princess Peach, she gets
kidnapped at the beginning of the game and is rescued in its finale.

Ah, but The Wind Waker! Now that game had her as the sassiest, most badass
character in the entire franchise. She led a merry band of pirates who looted,
pillaged, and were all-around good guys, all this at the age of twelve. She was
awesome, even filling Navi’s role for a short time. A little more than halfway
through the game, she learned her true identity as Princess Zelda, bearer of
the Triforce of Wisdom, and had to be hidden beneath the waves to keep her from
Ganondorf. Despite that, she did end up doing some heavy lifting in the final
boss battle, which I describe in great detail in Ganondorf’s profile.

In Four Swords Adventures, she doesn’t do a whole lot other than get captured
by Vaati (again) and get rescued later on. Admittedly, she is the leader of a
bunch of maidens, and she also demonstrates the rather interesting ability to
turn into a fairy (as do all the maidens in that game.)

Incidentally, Tetra was going to be part of an FSA multiplayer mode called
Tetra’s Trackers. Western press mistakenly referred to it as a separate game
headed to our shores, but it was cut from the NTSC version, likely because the
glut of Japanese dialogue (!) would have to have been re-recorded, which is
expensive. The mini-game featured the four Links in a race around smallish
arenas trying to collect stamps. Actually, it was one Link and three coloured
Shadow Links, all four of whom were player-controlled. That was the game’s
explanation for having them compete (to prove which one is the genuine Link).

Next up is The Minish Cap. Instead of being kidnapped, she gets turned into
stone, and remains that way until Vaati revives her so he can steal the Light
Force from her. Now that’s interesting – the entire Triforce, the Light Force
in this game, originally resided within Zelda. Once Ganondorf fractured it, she
got only the Triforce of Wisdom. He, naturally, got the Triforce of Power, and
then Link...I guess because he was the legendary hero, that’s why he got
Courage. Kind of interesting, eh?

Then we come to Twilight Princess. Zelda reveals herself within the first hour
or so of play, wearing black robes of mourning (side note – these robes have
the symbol of the Sheikah on them. Now why is that?) You see, she’s mourning
Hyrule – it has all been turned to Twilight under Zant’s wretched influence,
and it’s basically her fault, because she chose surrender over death. This was
the best decision in the long run. When Midna is near death, Zelda appears to
actually sacrifice her own life to keep the Twilight Princess from slipping
beyond the mortal coil. Though her body disappears, Ganondorf somehow recovers
it and possesses it in the final battle. Upon her (well, Ganondorf’s) defeat,
her soul leaves Midna’s body and returns to her own. That’s the first stage of
the battle - Zelda takes a nap in the second, exhausted after her possession.
BUT THEN! I guess the idea of Zelda fighting was as popular with the developers
as it was with me, because in the third stage of the fight, Link and Zelda both
mount Epona; Zelda shoots Light Arrows to stun Ganondorf so Link can attack
with the Master Sword. She is separated from him for the last round,
unfortunately, so she sits that one out, but it was still really cool to see
her strut her stuff again!

In Phantom Hourglass Zelda returns to being fairly useless. She shows herself
in the opening, having resumed Tetra form, only to be kidnapped six seconds in,
due to an act of incredible sheer stupidity on her part, when the Ghost Ship
appears on the scene. Then she spends most of the game turned to stone, waiting
for Link to rescue her. (He does.) Come on, darling, I thought you’d evolved
beyond that.

She’s also kind of impossible to miss in Spirit Tracks. After all, she’s right
by your side from very near the beginning to right up to the end of the game!
At first appearing to you in fleshy form, she soon has her spirit ripped from
her body as the latter is spirited away, which puts her in quite low spirits
for the next little while. However, all it takes is the revelation that her
body has been stolen for use by an evil demon king and a subsequent (and very
humorous) shout of ‘IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ to reenergize her. But in spite of her
proclamation that she’ll wait while Link goes off to fight (‘I understand it’s
a sort of tradition in my family’), the local sage Anjean says the trials he’ll
face will be too difficult to face alone, and Zelda, though initially startled,
gathers her courage and accompanies Link into the inner sanctum of the Tower of
Spirits. Shortly thereafter, the two quite accidentally learn of her new
ability to possess the bodies of Phantoms once they have been stunned; this
turns out to be the critical skill in recovering the dungeon’s treasures, and
she assists him thusly on all following forays, variously providing herself as
powerful warrior, invincible switch-flipper, double agent, carriage and mobile
cover. She once again takes to the field for the final confrontation as well,
first half-strangling her own body as it contains aforementioned demon king
Malladus, and then returning to it after so much time spent away. Following
this, she implores Link to protect her from harm while she gathers her magical
power, eventually unleashing a huge attack that temporarily stuns everybody in
the immediate area. Reviving the unconscious Link, she has him play a special
melody on the Spirit Flute, which summons the six Lokomo guardians for a rising
harmony that causes a weak point to appear on the back of the hideously
transformed fiend. Then, in what is becoming a trend, she takes up the Bow of
Light while Link distracts Malladus, firing whenever she sees an opening. After
a few rounds of this, he goes down, and Link moves in to attack his weak point,
the Rupee-shaped gem on his head. On the third repetition of this process, he
jams the Lokomo Sword into his brain, and seeing him struggle, Zelda rushes in
to help him slaughter Malladus, a level of brutality I never thought she had in
her. The ending is somewhat melancholy, as it pans out of a photo of her and
Link she has sitting on her desk, but then all of a sudden she hears either the
sound of Link’s train whistle or of him outside battling. Either way she rushes
to the window and waves, and in the latter case, she distracts him just long
enough to have him get kicked to the floor; hilarious. This role was definitely
what a lot of fans have been waiting for with the Princess, and it’s her most
popular appearance to date for good reason.

Finally, in Skyward Sword she plays a huge role, not only providing the game
with a sense of purpose but also at times advancing the plot in her own right.
She opens by sending her Loftwing to rouse an oversleeping Link, calling him
out to the Goddess Statue where she's waiting to wish him luck. Resplendent in
her new duds, her smile bright as the sun shining behind her, she accidentally
almost murders him before helping him to find his kidnapped Loftwing. Shortly
thereafter she disappears, and Link spends another few hours giving chase
before briefly catching sight of her. She all but pats him on the head before
disappearing again; the credits reveal that she is almost done in outside the
Earth Temple at this point, but is saved by the sudden intervention of Impa,
who takes her under her wing. After again being briefly united with him, she
takes off for the Temple of Time with her new retainer. Girl does what she
wants! Their next reunion is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Ghirahim,
who is trying to suck out her soul and use it revive his master Demise. Link
holds him off and the two escape through the Gate of Time, which Impa
immediately blows up to prevent Ghirahim from pursuing. They then spend an
extremely long time pretty much just waiting in the Sealed Temple, a thousand
years in the past, and when Link finally manages to get himself back to them,
Zelda reveals that she's been doing a lot of reflection, come to the
realisation that she's the reincarnation of the supreme goddess Hylia, and
changed her clothes. She's also decided that the world will be safest if her
soul isn't around to be absorbed, so she nobly seals herself in crystal and
waits a thousand years in slumber until Link drops a building on Demise,
killing him, and awakens her. This backfires badly when Ghirahim shows up,
kidnaps her, announces that he's gonna take her back to the past, and makes the
whole time that she waited totally pointless. Link runs after him but takes
slightly too long, thus allowing the resurrection of Demise...whom Link shortly
defeats, restoring Zelda. She then decides that she would much rather live with
both feet on the ground than with her head in the clouds, and Link just smiles,
and then credits. So that there was basically the plot of Skyward Sword for
you. Unfortunately, she's kind of hideous in this game, but I guess her
personality makes up for it? By the way, this is the first time that Zelda has
not specifically been a princess.

So there you have it. Zelda is in every Zelda.

=============================================================================

Z e p h o s  a n d  C y c l o s
Good-natured squabblers
Race: Lesser deities
Appearances: The Wind Waker

According to my interpretation of Zelda mythology, the hierarchy of great
beings works a little like this:

-Hylia – The number-one supreme Goddess
-The Three Goddesses – Din, Nayru and Farore, the creators of Hyrule and its
satellites and the ultimate answer of the Zelda universe. I was always pretty
much positive there were no greater beings above them; I guess I thought wrong
-Light Bringers – Slightly less powerful than the Three Goddesses
-Lesser Gods (kamigami) – The gods referred to in A Link to the Past and The
Wind Waker
-Patron deities – Those who look after a particular group, e.g. the Great Deku
Tree or Jabun
-Great Fairies – They even have their own profile, you figure it out
-Lesser deities – Barely even deities, but still a hundred times more powerful
than mortals

Zephos and Cyclos fit into that last category. (Ganondorf, by the way, is
neither a mortal nor a god.) Now, with that unnecessarily lengthy introduction,
I shall go on to say merely that the two are Wind Deities, and some of the only
deities that you can actually meet, physically, in person. Zephos, whose name
is derived from the word zephyr, meets Link directly after the Dragon Roost
Cavern. Cyclos, whose name is derived from the word cyclone, meets Link shortly
after the Tower of the Gods, on the way to the Forsaken Fortress, and teaches
Link the quick-warp Ballad of Gales.

=============================================================================

Z i l l
Disgusting little kid
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker
             The Minish Cap

Zill’s ok I guess. He’s the little kid on Outset Island with the mutant,
bouncing ball of snot hanging out of his nose. He’s mildly helpful when it
comes to giving information on the inhabitants and features of Outset Island, a
service aided by his tendency to talk like an overenergetic kindergartner. I’m
pretty sure it was Zill who named the pig you bring to their house at the
beginning of the game (the one they don’t eat.) Inexplicably, Zill also appears
as a student at the schoolhouse in The Minish Cap, where he does jack all for
the storyline but does offer you some sweet Kinstone Fusion.

=============================================================================

Z o n m i
Is female, has pulse
Race: Indeterminable
Appearance: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu

Zonmi is one of a group of...things working in the mines of the train service
area located on Page 9. They've long ago abandoned their main office, having
made a fairly permanent camp outside the tunnel they're trying to dig. Lately,
however, they've lost all strength, and have been having trouble making
progress. Their boss sends Tingle out to collect some dynamite, which requires
attaching a cargo section to his train; for that, he'll need the help of their
communications director, Zonmi, but, of course, she screams and shies away the
second she lays eyes on him. What can you do but Love Push her? After that,
Tingle can contact her by means of an English phone booth a little ways away
from the camp, and she'll happily send out a cargo car or operate a certain
track switch at his instruction. Once he's collected 50 sticks of dynamite, the
foreman sets it up, Tingle sets it off (because the workers are all too
scared), and a huge explosions rocks the cave, revealing that the blast has
blown a quarter-sized hole through the wall. Everybody is shocked and dismayed,
but suddenly the rest crumbles away and a blast of sunlight streams in. The
workers are delighted, their work finally complete, AND THEN THEY ALL
DISINTEGRATE.

=============================================================================

Z o r a
Trendsetter
Race: ...Zora
Appearances: A Link to the Past

The eponymous inhabitant of Zora’s Domain in the northeast, a secluded watery
sanctuary in the northeast corner of non-Death Mountain Hyrule, Zora’s
romanization set the trend for the Zora-Zola differentiation. More
significantly, after braving the gauntlet of narrow pathways and
fireball-spitting Zolas, Link was able to buy the Flippers from Zora for 500
Rupees. Not only does this allow Link to swim, but Zora kindly throws in the
right to use his warp whirlpools as well. Unfortunately, he either doesn’t have
dominion over the Zolas or doesn’t care enough to worry about the situation,
because they continue to fire on Link even after he stimulates the Zora
economy. Well, I guess they’re supposed to be rebellious high school girls, so
maybe it makes sense that they would defy their patriarchical authority figure,
with a youthful zeal and total misunderstanding of the word anarchy and its
implications of egalitarianism and cooperation.

There’s also a ‘character’ named Zora in Link’s Awakening who lives in the
northeasternmost house in Animal Village and is so small he or she is visible
only with the Magnifying Class. When Link accomplishes this, the Photographer
appears to take the ‘I Found Zora’ picture.

=============================================================================

Z u n a r i
Politically incorrect
Race: Hylian
Appearances: The Wind Waker

For some reason, Zunari wears an Inuit parka despite the Great Sea’s temperate
climate. Supposedly, he came from somewhere cold, but then wouldn’t he SHED the
parka, since by comparison Windfall Island would seem even hotter? Either way,
Zunari is crucial since he sells ‘that’ to Link. ‘That’ turns out to be a sail
for King of Red Lions, without which the boat scarcely crawls across the water.
Zunari dreams of making it big in business, and with Link’s help he
accomplishes his goal. He not only holds nightly auctions in Maggie’s house,
which garner him huge amounts of money, but also runs a highly successful stall
filled with all kinds of touristy knick-knacks.

This is probably me being weird again, but I wonder if Zunari is an Anouki.
(Then again, I also wonder if Yeto is a Yook, and that makes even less sense,
so let’s carry on.) Both he and the Anouki wear blue parkas, and it is said
that the man comes from a cold, faraway land. Can’t get much farther away than
the World of the Ocean King. The only thing is that Zunari has fingers and no
antlers. I’m calling coincidence on this one.


=~=Races Compendium=~=

[RAC]

Unless your powers of observation need serious work, you probably noticed that
every character has a line denoting its race. This is because the Zelda
universe is filled with all manner of fantastic races, with distinct morphology
and culture. If you spent much of the guide wondering why Hylians aren’t just
called humans or what exactly a Deku is, this section will explain it all for
you.

=============================================================================

Hylians

We kick-start the section with the most important and prolific race, the
Hylians. They have appeared in every single Zelda title to date, as you can
imagine. The Hylians are generally considered the ‘master race’ of Hyrule,
those destined to carry out the will of the Goddesses and preside over the
other races.

Not only do they prove this by being vested with responsibilities the other
races would be unable to shoulder, but the Hylians are mainly distinguished
from real-world humans by their pointed, elfin ears, which allow them to hear
telepathic communiques from the gods. Hylians are apparently the only people
other than Twili able to directly perform magic. Otherwise, they are basically
humanoid, ranging from the effete to the hardy.

Hylians are basically divided between blue-collar, life-sustaining work and
administration. More or less all farming is performed by Hylians, and they are
quite cosmopolitan in their trade agreements (they are on especially good terms
with the Gorons), making theirs some of the richest people. They are also
responsible for having standardised the Rupee, the basic unit of currency
across all games.

Hylian settlements are among the largest going. Most live in large,
concentrated townships like Kakariko Village and Hyrule Castle Town. Often
encircled by high stone walls to defend the inhabitants from bandits and wild
animals, these settlements are teeming nuclei of commerce and government. Local
business includes hotels, cafes, bakeries, restaurants and utility and
equipment shops, but the bulk of small business owners focus on entertainment.

Hylian society is hierarchical in nature; everyone knows where he or she
stands. Hyrule’s Royal Family rules the entire race with a just but iron hand.
Sages, religious leaders who maintain and operate Hylian places of worship, are
also well respected. Civic government figures, namely the mayor, are directly
below them, followed by community leaders such as schoolteachers. Significant
landowners are next sequentially, followed by merchants, scholars and farmers.
Peddlers, salesmen, marketers and drifters are at the bottom of the list and
generally looked down upon.

In addition to being their administrators, the Hylia are also the nation’s
peacekeeping force, operating mainly through the Royal Guard, a corps of
pike-armed infantrymen who stand guard at critical junctures like crossroads
and city gates. Their main task, however, is to protect the Royal Family. The
Guard also employs several smaller units, including an archery division.
Hylians are the only troops capable of performing the Spin Attack (alternately
called the Whirling Blade Attack or Spinning Sword Technique), a devastating
series of blows that can give them the edge in combat; however, without
exceptional natural ability this technique takes years of dedication to learn,
so it is not especially common.

Hylians are often considered the most cultured of the six Cradle Races, and
indeed any who appear on the Hylian Sea.

In addition to proper Hylians, we occasionally see round-eared humans who have
no special attributes, though they are more or less culturally and functionally
the same. They tend to appear in the more ‘modern’ games (The Wind Waker,
Twilight Princess), suggesting the Hylian race slowly dwindled over the years.

=============================================================================

Sheikah

If Hylians are the master race of Hyrule, Sheikah are the servant race. Ocarina
of Time explicitly states that their only raison d’etre was to be the
bodyguards and agents of the Royal Family. In their heyday, they were the main
link between the surface-dwellers and the Oocca, and lived in a place called
the Hidden Village. Sometime before Ocarina begins, the Sheikah were all but
wiped out, as they dwindled to just one member: Impa. The fact that Impa
appears in a number of games and is evidently the same person suggests that
they are extraordinarily long-lived, suiting their roles as durable labourers.

They are biologically identical to Hylians, though despite their pointed ears
they seem unable to hear the messages of the gods (with the exception of sages,
an exception shared by all races.) In fact, a Sheikah could probably pass
himself off as a Hylian and live among Hylians, and perhaps there are some who
did (or do...and we’ve even seen them in-game, we just don’t know about them.)
For their livelihood and shelter, and indeed most other things, they are wholly
dependant on their masters. It is a mutualistic relationship, though, as they
more than pay them back in obedience and service.

Though it sounds like they’re slaves, it seems most Sheikah accept and even
enjoy their work. They are in the unique position of knowing for sure that they
were living the destiny assigned them by the Goddesses.

=============================================================================

Gorons

Without a doubt, with the demise of the Sheikah race the Gorons are the
Hylians’ greatest allies. Not only are they fierce and brutal warriors, they
also provide many of the goods that are essential to Hylian life: With their
smithing skills they shape steel and other metals into essential items
(including Hylian swords), and they are the only people capable of tending the
Goron Special Crop (Bomb Flowers, which can be cultured into less volatile and
greatly needed Bombs). But their greatest contribution is in mining ore and
other materials. Their physiology allows Gorons to mine deeper, faster, and
more efficiently than Hylians can, not to mention much more safely.

Compared to Hylians, Gorons are huge in terms of both height and girth, and
they are immensely strong and hardy. Their bodies seem to be composed of solid
rock, the same rock in which they make their homes. This rock continues to grow
through a Goron’s life; it seems there is no limit to the size a Goron can
grow, and when they die they often become mountains themselves. One of the
defining features of the Goron race is the ability to curl into a ball and
roll, achieving exceptional speeds.

Gorons typically carve their cities out of the bellies of mountains; Ocarina
even saw them living in the bowels of an active volcano. The N64 games seem to
suggest a tendency towards the cylindrical when designing their settlements.

Gorons are usually ruled by either a Big Brother or a Goron Elder. These
leaders are treated with near-reverential respect, and their wisdom is trusted
unquestioningly. Though one might think that a headstrong people who think with
their stomachs would naturally be quite uncouth in their dealings with
outsiders, they usually welcome newcomers with open arms, and they spend much
effort on diplomacy. The symbol of Goron sovereignty is a three-pronged design
that resembles a pawprint; this is a tattoo-like engraving that all Gorons
naturally have imprinted on their right upper arm.

=============================================================================

Zora

The fishlike, aquatic Zora are comparatively highbrowed and uppity compared to
the other races, though they still recognize their subordination to the Hylian
Royal Family. They are not generally credited as warriors, though their fins
can clearly be used for combat, and their ability when submerged to generate a
bioelectric shield of DEATH around their bodies gives them unmatched mastery of
their domain (their inimitable strength as swimmers helps too, of course.) They
are also good fishermen. One interesting trait is that Zora women produce seven
eggs at a time, which must be kept together in order to hatch. Early on in
life, Zora greatly resemble tadpoles.

Zora towns typically have a lot of water in them, as one might expect;
sometimes they are evenly divided between aquatic and earthbound sections.
Generally their settlements are composed of walled, roofed structures that
contain a number of sub-structures. The Zora people are ruled by the King Zora,
but their patron deity (in most games) and ultimate liege is Jabu-Jabu.

Female Zora also have the fascinating ability to launch fireballs from their
gullets. This assault is considered vulgar and distasteful, however, and is
never used by respectable ladies. That said, a sufficiently rebellious (and
likely teenage, ha ha) female Zora may leave mainstream society to dwell in
rivers and take pot shots at passers-by. Fish-girls who do this are known as
Zolas (with an L.)

The distinction of the R/L thing, by the way, was Nintendo of America’s way of
taking care of a translation inconsistency. The other way to do it was to call
friendly Zoras, Sea Zoras, and hostile Zolas, River Zoras. (This nomenclature
comes from Oracle of Ages, incidentally the only game so far to feature both
Sea and River Zoras.)

=============================================================================

Gerudo

The Gerudo are a race of desert-dwelling thieves and plunderers who keep to
themselves but are a fearsome force individually or en masse. They are also
entirely female, with just one male member born every hundred years.
Reproductive conundrums aside, Gerudo are almost indistinguishable from
Hylians; only their dark skin, unilaterally bright red hair, and parachute
pants set them apart.

Actually, their style of clothing is indicative of status. The majority of
Gerudo – those employed as stock thieves and guards – are purple-clad with long
hair. The elite soldiers, those who fight with twin scimitars rather than
spears, have red outfits complete with veils. Civilians wear white and have
short hair. And the leaders of a particular cell, well they’re dressed like the
elites, but they too have veils. Their awesomeness is almost unparalleled in
the Zelda universe. However, they are not the ultimate authority; that would
lie with Ganondorf, the sole male. He employs various captains and
seconds-in-command, and they too wield some power.

The Gerudo live in near-complete isolation from the rest of the world. Almost
the only time they have contact with other races is to steal things from them.
Other than that, they stay in the desert – we’ve seen a few variations on that.
My least favourite is a handful of nomadic tents – of course, obviously there
are a few of these in Ocarina as well, we just don’t see them - though moving
them to the waterfront doesn’t make a lot of sense. Nah, I think we’ll always
think of Gerudo Fortress as their home. Maybe it’s best they stay there anyway,
considering their taciturn and deceitful natures could prove detrimental to
greater society. (Do I maybe sound like a politician? I so am.)

=============================================================================

Kokiri

Rounding out the six Cradle Races of Hyrule are the most boring of all, the
Kokiri. Cradle Races is a name I made up, by the way, so nobody call them that
unless you want people to laugh at you. :) Anyway, the forest folk are
physically incapable of maturation; they’ll stay children forever. As a result,
they are susceptible to outside assailants. This is why the Great Deku Tree
protects them, though this only ends up working for so long.

Considering they only ever had contact with outsiders twice, they do not have
much outside commerce coming to their treehouse village. It is said, however,
that Kokiri who lose their way in the Lost Woods become Stalchildren, and we
see Stalchildren elsewhere, so that’s a possibility. On the other hand, we’ve
also heard that Stalchildren are just adolescent Stalfos, and that Kokiri will
die if they leave the forest (the first kind of conflicts with the other
theories, and the second is proven untrue in Ocarina’s ending.) The most
interesting thing about the Kokiri is that each is assigned a guardian fairy to
follow them around everywhere, acting as their teachers and protectors. That’s
actually kind of neat.

=============================================================================

Rito

First of all, in order to understand the Rito you have to understand that the
Great Sea – the setting of Waker – sits on top of a waterlogged Hyrule, because
the gods drowned it to seal away an increasingly powerful Ganondorf. This
caused a cataclysm for most of the races, causing several to die out and others
to become shadows of their former selves. Others adapted to their new
conditions.

This is what happened to the Zora. Though the Big N doesn’t explicitly say the
Zora became the Rito, believing anything else is kind of foolish. But stepping
back for a minute, the Zora are fish-people, whereas the Rito are bird-people.
Wouldn’t the Zora be ideally suited for a mainly aquatic environment? You might
think so, but there are a couple of theories explaining the change which we
won’t get into. Instead, please just accept that they can turn their arms into
bird’s wings at will. Beyond that, they’re pretty much beaked, snazzily dressed
Hylians.

But while they may have evolved from the Zora, they’ve taken a cue from the now
near-extinct Gorons and live in Death Mountain – that is, Dragon Roost Island.
(Their dwelling is pretty cylindrical, too, mimicking the N64 Goron cities.)
Here they make their living mainly as the Great Sea postal service, and are
ruled by a Chieftain. They also have a lesser deity to look after them: Valoo
the dragon takes over from Jabu-Jabu. Like their ancient ancestors, the Rito
tend to keep away from the ‘lesser’ races; elitism never fully disappears.

=============================================================================

Koroks

In much the same way as the Rito are derived from the Zora, the Koroks are
derived from the Kokiri. The Kokiri have morphed drastically from the forest
sprites prior, becoming almost Deku-like in their appearance, though with
leaves for faces. They still have a Deku Tree to look after them. Like the
Rito, they too have adapted to life on the high seas by developing powers of
flight, though the Koroks accomplish this with mechanical rotors that grow out
of their heads.

Most of the Kokiri Woods and Lost Woods have been flooded, forming the Forest
Haven, complete with Forbidden Woods. The Kokiri proved that the Lost Woods
were a perfectly fine hangout for those familiar with them, and the Koroks once
followed that sentiment as well; this is evident by a smattering of
infrastructure, including gondolas, leaf-boats and giant fans, all of which the
Koroks used to get around. But then dangerous creatures invaded and forced them
out, so now it is far too dangerous for a Korok to venture in.

In what is becoming a theme, the Koroks cut themselves off from other races,
preferring to stay with the Deku Tree and hide when strangers come. However,
late in the game they do head out to try and cultivate small trees to begin
rebuilding the dwindling forests.

=============================================================================

Twili

The Twili descended from a race who wielded a powerful but evil magic for dark
ends. As they had done before with Ganondorf, the Three Goddesses sealed away
the increasingly dangerous people by banishing them to a realm of shadows and
unhappiness. The so-called Twilight Realm was really quite serene, but they
were jealous of those they had tried to overthrow, and over time, they became
demonic, vicious monsters, a condition spurred on by their self-proclaimed
king. After Zant’s and Ganondorf’s downfall, those Twili who were inherently
good return to humanoid form. Midna returned to rule them, probably for the
majority of eternity.

=============================================================================

Deku

The Deku, individuals of whom are known as Deku Scrubs, are a race of beings
who bear a strong resemblance to sentient plants, especially trees and flowers.
They have tiny orange eyes, wooden yet supple bodies, leafy appendages, and
some features that resemble clothing. There are a number of Deku castes:
Regular Deku Scrubs, Mad Scrubs, small guard Scrubs, Business Scrubs, fat
Scrubs, female Scrubs, and the largest and strongest of Scrubs.

Rather than accepting the Rupee, most Deku societies prefer a simple bartering
system. Business Scrubs sometimes do trade with Hylian merchants, offering
items found only in the forest: Deku Sticks, Seeds and Nuts. Deku usually have
no clear leader, and act without any uniform society, but in Majora’s Mask they
actually have a king complete with Palace. This was a terribly inefficient form
of government.

=============================================================================

Subrosians

The actual appearance of a Subrosian is impossible to know since they always
wear full-body robes that obscure their entire bodies, including the face. All
that we can tell is that they are short and composed of two basic sections,
those being head and body, and that both sections are somewhat round.
Subrosians live in an eponymous subterranean environment directly below Oracle
of Seasons’ Holodrum. The Tower of Seasons fell into it one day and remained a
permanent fixture for some time. It is also dotted with many lava pools,
dangerous for most but soothing for Subrosians. Subrosians prefer not to deal
with other races, even eschewing the Rupee for their own currency, Ore Chunks.
Subrosians are fairly good dancers.

Tingle RPG also features a race of people called the Salona who bear an uncanny
resemblance to Subrosians; they may be relatives or even the same species by
another name. These guys – all of them – run the Bodyguard Salons that litter
the world of Tingle RPG. There are several varieties, differentiated by the
colour of their cloaks.

=============================================================================

Tokays

Tokays are short, green reptilian creatures. They have angular heads, gangly
limbs, catlike eyes, and spirals instead of belly buttons. The clawed,
orange-crested creatures are very strong swimmers, though probably not as much
so as the Zora. Tokays live in the caves of Crescent Island, a small isle off
the coast of Oracle of Ages’ Labrynna, and as such have no contact with other
races. Instead, they have developed a simple barter economy.

=============================================================================

Zuna

The second race of dune-dwellers in the Zelda series, the Zuna are a bunch of
green-skinned, turban-wearing dudes who have a small village in a Desert of
Doubt oasis. In their heyday, their civilization was almost Egyptian in that
they built massive pyramids and other such structures. They were probably
responsible for creating the trident that Ganondorf is often seen to wield, and
it’s sometimes said he grew up among the Zuna (seriously, guys...) Again,
whereas the Gerudo style of dress seems more in the bent of India or Pakistan
(I think), the Zuna garb is made in a much more Egyptian fashion, with
ankle-length robes. And unlike the Gerudo, the Zuna do not feel the need to
constantly carry around swords (unless they keep them hidden under all those
robes, of course.) Hmm...for a race that only appeared in one game and which
annoys me a great deal, I certainly found a lot to say about them.

=============================================================================

Minish

The Minish are extremely tiny beings, on average less than two centimetres
tall. This tiny size has allowed them to go unnoticed among the Hylians, and
they often live among them or help them out in small ways. The Minish give us
an explanation for why valuable currency can be easily found in patches of
grass and under rocks: The Minish put it there, because they love to see the
delighted expressions on the faces of Hylians who find them. The hat and pants
of a Minish indicate whether it is a Town Minish (blue hat and clothing),
Forest Minish (red hat, green clothing) or Mountain Minish (blue hat, red
clothing.) The Minish, appearing only in The Minish Cap, are concentrated in
Hyrule Castle Town, the Minish Woods (the Lost Woods of other games), and Mt
Crenel. They are quite skilled in trade. The leader of each settlement is a
wise old Minish Sage. Sadly, because they are generally undetectable and the
Minish Door that allows pure-hearted Hylian children to see them opens but once
every hundred years, by the time the game begins they have faded into mere
legends as the Picori (or Piccoli, if Bill Trinen and co. hadn’t screwed up yet
another one.) Fortunately, Link’s exploits put an end to that, eh?

=============================================================================

Oocca

Since A Link to the Past, it has been understood that the Hylians are the
chosen race of the gods. Well, as it turns out, long ago there was a race even
closer to the gods, and they’re still very much alive! The Oocca, as they are
called, may even have been responsible for the creation of the Hylians, though
that’s a little hard to believe because they seem to be an inferior race: They
greatly resemble Cuccos. In fact, they have really strange, bare heads, oblong
bodies, and stunted wings, all of which lead me to conclude that accounts of
their power are greatly exaggerated, they know something I don’t, or they have
degenerated over the centuries. They live in the City in the Sky, which is a
dungeon for our purposes. Other than the fact that it remains hanging in the
air by a bunch of propellers (is it mobile, I wonder?) and can only be reached
by being fired out of a giant cannon, it’s kind of unimpressive. Still, the
very idea that these little birds with their stick legs and their funny symbols
are actually superior to our pointy-eared message-receivers, well, that right
there is a significant and thought-provoking contribution unto itself.

=============================================================================

Anouki

I adore Nintendo Power’s description of the Anouki people, so I’ll just quote
them directly: ‘Penguins, reindeer, and Eskimos - now in one convenient
species!’ That should give you a pretty good picture of the little guys, one of
two sentient races inhabiting the Isle of Frost and later the Snow Realm. You
can’t help but like them when you see them, but they are by far some of the
laziest and most unintelligent people in the Zelda universe. The original
Anouki Village is roughly divided into two sections: Anouki Estates to the
north, which comprises their regularly arranged huts, and some shops and other
specialised buildings to the south, including the Village Chief’s hut. When
Link arrives, the Anouki are at war with the Yook from the far side of the
island, having been subjected to vandalism and kidnappings for quite some time.
Fortunately, Link is able to enter their temple and purge the evil within it,
which is what had been driving the Yook’s actions, ending the conflict and
allowing the two races to live among each other happily. Apparently, they later
migrate to the Great Hyrulean Novel, because they appear in a reborn Anouki
Village, still stupid and still being harassed by monsters.

=============================================================================

Yook

Greatly resembling yetis (specifically abominable snowmen), the Yook are
creatures with huge physical power who are nonetheless relatively peaceful by
nature. The influence of the evil within the Temple of the Isle of Frost drives
them insane, however, transforming every one of them into a slavering beast
bent on the suffering of whatever enters their field of vision. To this end,
they try to cause the neighbouring Anouki as much inconvenience and displeasure
as they possibly can, causing their counterparts a great deal of trouble. The
story has a happy ending, though, as Link banishes the evil infesting their
temple and frees them from its influence, allowing the Yook and Anouki to live
among each other happily. Unlike the advanced races, Yook use more primitive
weapons like clubs and axes. They can also attack with an interesting inhale
ability, and of course are resistant to extreme cold. Yook also have the
dubious honour of being the first sentient non-boss enemies to have Link kill
them.

=============================================================================

Lokomos

In many ways, the Lokomos are the spiritual successors to the Sheikah, as both
serve the Hylian Royal Family in an effort to protect their Hyrule. Unlike the
Sheikah, the Lokomo pun on the word ‘locomotion,’ but like the Sheikah, they
seem to go extinct, as the ending of Spirit Tracks depicts them departing for
the heavens. They serve the Spirits of Good and combat the evil Malladus (you
have to love how black-and-white Zelda is.) All Lokomos are wielders of
powerful magic, some extremely so, and all ride around in strange contraptions
that further emphasize just how far technology has advanced by the time of ST.

============================================================================

Demons

Almost nothing is said about demons except that they are evil, and in any case
only Malladus, Cole and, to an extent, Byrne give us examples of them. Malladus
is their evil Demon King who wields exceptional evil magic, but they can all
use lesser evil magic, especially Byrne, who turned his back on the light in
order to become more evil. They appear to have some kind of relationship with
the evil Dark Realm, but whether they come from there, or created it, or what,
as well as whether or not it has any relationship to the Dark World of the
original Hyrule, is unclear. In fact, as it stands the lack of information
provided about demons is downright evil on Nintendo’s part.

=============================================================================

Kikwis

In many ways the Kikwi are the spiritual successors of the Kokiri and,
especially, the Koroks, as they are a tiny tribe of mostly diminutive living
plants. Their bodies are pliant wood and their faces formed by leaves with
markings on them, but although they have distinctions in shape and colour they
are mostly difficult to tell apart from one another. The exception to this rule
is their boss, who is roughly twice Link's height while the others come up to
his knees, and the elder, who is found at the top of the Great Tree. As you
would probably guess, the Kikwis are forest spirits, but borderline useless.

=============================================================================

Bulblins

Although Bulblins seem incapable of speaking human languages, limiting our
insight into their culture, we do get to visit their settlements a few times in
Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword. Tribal and frequently nomadic, Bulblins
seems quick to bow to whoever is the strongest, as both Ganondorf and Ghirahim
easily recruited them to their respective causes. It is not difficult to
believe that their primary source of survival would be hunting, as they are not
seen to do much else; of course, we have only ever seen them as warriors, so
perhaps more goes on at the main camps, if they exist. Their technology is
quite limited, as they depend on extremely crude weapons like cleavers and
clubs, yet they have also developed missile weapons and domestication, and are
able to use tactics such as utilising horns for communication. Bulblins vary
widely in physical appearance, but are consistently portrayed as horned,
roughly man-sized goblinesque creatures whose eyes are typically yellow and
whose skin may be red, blue or green.

=============================================================================

Mogmas

Perhaps the most interesting of the races introduced in Skyward Sword, Mogmas
are creatures resembling large humanoid moles who spend their days and nights
prowling around underground. They differ in the colour of their fur and the
hats they wear, but nearly all of them are employed in searching for treasure.
As such, their main contribution to the world is a set of mitts that aid in
digging. They have a leader, but his authority seems to stem from respect more
than obligation. They live in a system of caves at the foot of the volcano in
Eldin Province.

=============================================================================

Lanayru

The Lanayru, if that is what they are really called (I pretty much just made
the name up, whoo!), are a race of ancient robots bound together by electricity
and magic. They've all but disappeared from the world of today, but their
remnants can still be found in the mines and oceans of Lanayru Province. Though
originally created as servants, they were the masters of the world in their own
heyday, even going so far as to create the Timestones, gems of immense power
capable of propelling all things within their sphere of influence back into the
ancient past. Through this effect, they are able to momentarily resume the
tasks in which they were embroiled when their world ended. They seem to enjoy a
surprising variety of lifestyles.


=~=Ladies’ Man=~=

[LAD]

Some guys have all the luck. Link is just insanely attractive, I guess. Welcome
to a section with no practical purpose whatsoever, a list of all the girls who
have had a crush on Link, or been in love with him.

-Zelda
-Medli (The Wind Waker)
-Ruto (Ocarna of Time)
-Nabooru (Ocarina of Time)
-Deku Princess (Majora’s Mask)
-Mrs Marie (The Wind Waker)
-Clock Town’s Treasure Chest Game front desk girl (Majora’s Mask)
-The Maku Tree (Oracle of Ages)
-Lulu (Majora’s Mask)
-Saria (Ocarina of Time)
-Malon (Ocarina of Time)
-Navi (Ocarina of Time)
-Ilia (Twilight Princess)
-Midna (Twilight Princess)
-Rosa (Oracle of Seasons)
-Beth – the little girl, not the Poe (Twilight Princess)
-Marin (Link’s Awakening)
-Ciela (Phantom Hourglass)
-Kili, Hanna, and Misha (Twilight Princess)
-The girl standing near the platform at Papuchia Village (Spirit Tracks)
-Peatrice (Skyward Sword)

And that’s if we preclude the ones who only MIGHT like him like that. And even
if we do that, the list is still incomplete (because I made it in five
seconds)! Life’s not fair, you know?


=~=Thanks=~=

[THA]

No one person could ever compile a guide without missing a few things. Besides,
it’s really the readers who count, isn’t it? What follows, in order of my
receiving the message, gives proper credit to all the individuals who
contributed to this guide in some way, be it with corrections, suggestions or
bits and piece of information.

Anna Bare – pointed out the Composer Brothers’ actual appearance in Ocarina

brelen brelen – a few small things here and there

Joao Paulo Hoppe – more on the Composer Brothers, corrected Dampe’s fee

The Platinum Knight – more on the Composer Brothers

Brie Fusaro – a note on Fado’s official gender (nothing official >_<)

Jamie Fox-Canning – an assload of corrections (even if I disagreed with more
than half of them ^_^)

I forgot your name – somebody informed me that Bokoblins do not appear in TP,
they are in fact called Bulblins, and that their leader is called King Bulblin,
not Boss Bokoblin, a name I pulled out of my ass. I apologize for the omission
of your name; contact me again if you would like to receive your due credit.

cornishpete – information on Syrup

Johnny Xtreme – informed me of the Postman's apparent descendant in TWW

Jackie Smith – Hena sometimes scratches her back just like her ancient ancestor


=~=Legal Garbage=~=

[LEG]

I’ll get the important stuff out of the way first. The Legend of Zelda, all
associated games and all affiliated characters, places, et cetera are copyright
Nintendo of Japan, and Nintendo of America. They belong to it and are its
exclusive intellectual property. This document does not constitute a challenge
to that right; it is merely the expression of a fan.

That said, all original content is mine – copyright Jacob Rothenburger. It may
not be reproduced or distributed by any mode, except for personal, private use.
Except for brief quotes, I will not kindly suffer plagiarism of this guide.
Said quotes are acceptable only if they are relatively unmodified (‘...’ and ‘[
]’ for clarification is fine) and full credit is given to me. Not trying to be
threatening, but seriously.

Currently, only GameFAQs has the right to display this guide in any medium. No
other publication, online, printed, or in any other form, may display it. If
you see it on any other website, in whole or in part, please contact me (see
below.)

If you are found to be in violation of the above regarding GameFAQs’
exclusivity or plagiarism of my work, you will be asked at minimum to remove my
guide from your publication, and may be required to pay some sum of money,
including any royalties earned. People almost never actually steal FAQs, so I’m
pretty sure even most FAQ writers don’t exactly know what the penalties are.

While I’m at it, the mildly cool graphic at the top of the guide is (c) Adam
Marx. You’re welcome to use it for your own guide, though why you would want to
I have no idea. It took me like five minutes to make. Even so, if you decide to
copypasta a little blurb in the acknowledgements or something would be boss.


=~=Contact Information=~=

[CON]

I’ll wrap up with the Contact Information. Questions, comments, praise,
criticisms, suggestions, spontaneous dancing, and especially corrections and
more are all welcomed. If I get a lot of questions, perhaps I’ll even start an
FAQs section. Actually, anything having to do with this guide or Zelda in
general is fun to get.

Here's my e-mail:

spongebathbill (at) gmail (dot) com

This, too, has been horribly disfigured, though not to the nigh-unrecognizable
level at which it once soared. This is just to stop bots and stuff from
latching onto my address and sending me pointless things. The (at) and (dot)
are just for show. Type @ where it says (at) and . where it says (dot). This is
just a method of crowd control, you have my apologies.

Try to be clear in your subject or you may be blocked. I need ‘Zelda character
guide’ or something similar to ensure I even open it, ‘cause I really don’t
want to have to deal with stuff I don’t want to have to deal with.


=~=In Closing=~=

[INC]

Well, I hope you enjoyed my Zelda Series Character Guide. This guide did get
rushed so I could get it out before Twilight Princess hit and a deluge of
guides overwhelmed this one, so it was pretty fatiguing. As an added side
effect, the hurried nature of the work may have taken you on a roller coaster
ride in terms of writing quality, but I hope I at least kept it up to a
moderately decent standard. Yes, moderately decent, something we can all aspire
to.

Well, there’s always new content I could add; I’m always kicking around ideas
for expanding my work, and there’s certainly a lot of profiles I could have
done and a few more possible sections that show potential.

Whatever happens, you can rest assured I will try to keep up with the new
releases and endeavour to chronicle the new generations of amazing characters
that the Big N comes up with.

~Jacob

End of Document