Arcade Games

Air TrixSilly rabbit, Air Trix are for kids.08/12/018/10
Arctic ThunderAm I wrong for liking the vibrating seat a little too much?10/16/017/10
Area 51The best light gun game since my dream about Jurassic Park. They invaded my freakin' house!05/15/018/10
AsteroidsKiss my......ASTEROIDS!05/22/018/10
Bubble BobbleDinosaurs can shoot bubbles out of their mouths. I learn something new every day!06/04/014/10
Bust-A-MoveThe joys of the puzzle genre05/26/0110/10
Capcom vs. SNK: Millennium Fight 2000The two fighting titans create an average fighter05/26/017/10
Crazy TaxiWatch out, you nearly killed me. Can you take me to the Heliport?08/02/018/10
Cruis'n ExoticaThis game should go10/17/015/10
Final FightIt's not really a fight unless Rocky becomes a kickboxer and kicks some major ass05/14/019/10
GalagaAliens won't give you bonus rounds, trust me. Don't ask me how I know this.09/27/018/10
Gradius IIIWait...this isn't based off of Spartacus? What a cheap selling tactic, Konami.01/06/017/10
Hydro ThunderThis isn't as 'exciting' as Arctic Thunder, if you know what I mean10/18/017/10
Marvel vs. Capcom 2If you like pulling off 113-hit combos, this game's for you05/26/017/10
MillipedeMilli-1000 Pede-Foot Doodle-Heimer07/22/015/10
Mocap BoxingHey, as long as Mike Tyson doesn't eat anyone's ear.09/23/019/10
Ms. Pac-ManAm I the only one who spends five bucks in this machine05/22/018/10
Pac-ManWhen will Namco learn Political Correctness?08/01/017/10
RampageThe original demolishing game07/31/017/10
Ridge RacerAren't ridges those things on Ruffles?08/12/017/10
Sky TargetA flight sim? Why can't Sega beat the Sonic franchise into the ground like usual?09/24/015/10
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in TimeIf turtles can fight, then I can fly. *jumps out of second-story window* Damn, proven wrong again!08/05/016/10
Top SkaterA skateboard race, with Pennywise music and great tricks. I'm in heaven.....wait, this game somehow sucks. DAMN YOU, SEGA! You killed my fantasy!05/14/015/10
Virtua CopDon't most cops just file paperwork all day?08/12/015/10
Zero GunnerI ate my headphones, and they were yummy! Also, never watch Wheel of Fortune without a raincoat.10/14/016/10

NES

720 DegreesThank God Tony Hawk wasn't in this game. He looked really dorky in the 80s.10/28/017/10
Air FortressYou'll never find my air fortress! AHAHAHAHAHA!01/01/016/10
ArkanoidAt least Arkanoid doesn't give you Hemmheroids.07/24/036/10
Blaster MasterThe things people will do for frogs. It's not like the frog was a box of Triscuits.10/28/018/10
Captain SkyhawkI wonder how bad Officer Skyhawk must've been.10/30/016/10
Defender III am the defender of a tape roll! FEAR ME!09/30/017/10
Dr. MarioWhat Mario's medicine for everything should be? BEER08/06/017/10
Duck HuntWhat are you supposed to do? Use your light gun to blind them to death?09/19/017/10
G.I. Joe: A Real American HeroI've run out of stupid things to say12/19/008/10
Galaga: Demons of DeathA true classic05/22/019/10
GradiusAnd as I said to the butler, 'I wanted Gradius, not Spartacus!'10/29/018/10
Hogan's AlleyIf you like shooters, then this game should be right up your alley.10/28/017/10
JoustFrom The Book of Doodleheimer - When you joust a bird, it lays an egg.09/23/017/10
Life ForceThis game was so overrated, I got a little too happy10/31/017/10
Mega ManThe start of over twenty US Mega Mans05/22/0110/10
Mega Man 2Hippofatamus!12/20/009/10
Mega Man 3A Game Worthy of Mega Man.12/21/008/10
Mega Man 4Despite game play additions, the MegaMan franchise begins to wear out06/22/017/10
MillipedeShooting insects. One of America's pastimes.08/05/016/10
Operation WolfI wanted to join the Army of One, but they had no more spaces available.10/30/016/10
Pac-ManA half-eaten yellow pizza. Good eatin'08/05/017/10
PaperboyWhen I was a paperboy, I fell into the sewer. That job stank!10/28/018/10
Punch-Out!!Mr. Dream? Harrison Ford's not in this game!10/28/017/10
R.C. Pro-AmAnd you know how tough these Radio-Controlled car competitions are on the street, right?10/29/016/10
Rad RacerSquare hasn't done it again!10/29/015/10
RollerballNow my cats are getting along with BIlly Idol.01/06/017/10
Super Mario Bros. / Duck HuntLesson 1. - Never buy used tennis shoes on EBay.09/29/018/10
Super Mario Bros. 2When I threw vegetables at my brother, it didn't hurt him. I did have to have a time-out in the corner, though.10/01/018/10
Super Mario Bros. 3I want a pony, mommy!07/28/019/10
TetrisClick on the link!10/28/018/10
Vegas DreamWhy wasn't Strip Poker included?10/30/018/10
XeviousREVIEW #150! Finally, an excuse to drink!10/28/016/10

PlayStation

Breath of Fire IIIThis game is better than BOFII.12/21/007/10
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night[This tagline has been replaced with an infomercial about laxatives]07/29/0110/10
Cool Boarders 2And snow is supposed to be hot? I thought so.12/19/007/10
Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX: Maximum RemixAcclaim HAS done worse games in the past, I don't need to remind you of those Olsen Twins games.01/15/035/10
ESPN Extreme GamesIt was good...for its time01/06/017/10
Final Fantasy AnthologyThe best game ever! (Hello, taglines making their 666th appearance)12/20/0010/10
Final Fantasy VIIThis is a good game, and that's final! (PUN ALERT!)07/21/0110/10
Grind SessionGrind Session, huh? I need Lunchables04/29/017/10
Mat Hoffman's Pro BMXWhat does BMX stand for?06/11/017/10
Mega Man 8 Anniversary EditionWhat's really scary is that this is the best Playstation Mega Man Game!01/20/017/10
Mega Man X4X, Y, Z, A. This should be called Mega Man A!12/27/007/10
Ridge RacerAnother generic racer and another agitated Doodleheimer never makes any good times.01/14/034/10
Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage!This game is so addicting.12/27/0010/10
Spyro the DragonA stunning game.12/27/009/10
Strider 2The Hiryu is back06/21/015/10
Tony Hawk's Pro SkaterIf you never liked skating, you'll like it now!07/11/0110/10
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2Tony can't break any of his bones, so I will. AHAHAHA! I'm insane!12/30/009/10
Wild ArmsI once knew some hyperactive kid with wild arms.12/21/009/10
Zero DivideWait, people can fight? Why didn't you tell me this? *everyone stares at Doodle* You're all in on this, aren't you? *everyone still stares* AAAHH!10/13/015/10

Super Nintendo

ArcanaA 3-D RPG?06/17/019/10
Arkanoid: Doh It AgainThou must place two of each block on Noah's Arkanoid09/22/017/10
Breath of FireFire can breathe?12/21/008/10
Bust-A-MoveBubble Poppin' Time12/20/007/10
Darius TwinFor the purposes of getting people to read this, PORNO!12/18/009/10
Donkey Kong CountryHow come Donkey Kong's not a donkey?08/31/038/10
F-ZeroThe magnetic barriers kinda look like candy. *eats barriers* Uh-oh.12/21/007/10
Final Fantasy III'm going as Awesome Man for Halloween.12/20/009/10
Final Fantasy IIISquare has proven that they're not. Square, that is. I'm using Square as both the company and a description. You don't get it, do you?12/31/0010/10
Final Fantasy: Mystic QuestMy first review, and the game is bad.12/17/004/10
Final Fight"WARNING: Unable to make witty synopsis"12/17/007/10
Gradius IIIThe best of the Gradius series, although that isn't saying much.12/30/007/10
HyperZoneHyper Zone - Not a place where parents send their hyperactive 8 year-old children11/01/018/10
Killer InstinctKiller Instinct - Also a disease that may develop after playing the game11/02/016/10
Kirby's AvalancheHouston, we have a Tetris rip-off.12/28/006/10
Mega Man 7Finally, Mega Man gets an update.12/27/008/10
Mega Man XThe best SNES Mega Man12/21/008/10
Mortal Kombat IIThis is a tagline11/01/016/10
NBA Jam: Tournament EditionThrowing a flaming ball into a hoop and badly hyperextending all your muscles and somehow not paralyzing yourself has never been so much fun!11/01/018/10
Revolution XOH DEAR GOD NO!05/29/011/10
RockMan & ForteIf you like platformers, then this game is your forte.08/16/017/10
Street Fighter III found this game for two bucks...................05/22/019/10
Super Mario All-StarsAre you my mommy?06/17/0110/10
Super Mario WorldDo you like stamps?07/28/019/10
Super MetroidIt's super, thanks for asking!09/08/0310/10
Super R-TypeThese are R-Type of game. (PUN ALERT!)12/30/007/10
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in TimeWhen they stop being teenagers, they're gonna have to face the real world.08/31/036/10
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament FightersLive from New York, it's Saturday Night!10/14/017/10
Tetris & Dr. MarioTwo Great Games In One12/19/0010/10
Tetris AttackSecret Agent05/22/015/10
The 7th SagaThis game could've been much better.12/27/005/10
U.N. SquadronAnother good SNES shooter06/16/018/10
Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3The best SNES fighter07/29/017/10