Kingdom of Loathing FAQ by GValko v0.1 - Started v0.5 -Completed all but Misc/Req quests for now first live version v0.6 -Completed required quests, FAQ is now a complete walkthrough. v0.7 -Hey I updated all the new mainline quests & Nemesis quest. ============== Introduction ============= Since the advent of NS13 (June 2007), many older unupdated sources no longer accurately reflect the game. This guide is an attempt for a basic reference of what is needed to complete the game, and basic descriptions for newer players. If more in-depth knowledge is needed, please consult the The KoLWiki at Coldfront. http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Main_Page The Wiki is much-more in-depth and contains links to just about everything one needs. 1. Mechanics a. Stats b. Monster Level c. Elements d. Damage Mitigation 2. Classes a. Muscle Classes i. Seal Clubber ii. Turtle Tamer b. Mysticality Classes i. Sauceror ii. Pastamancer c. Moxie Classes i. Disco Bandit ii. Accordion Thief 3. Quests a1. Level 1 quest a2. Level 1 quest (alternate) b. Level 2 quest - c. Level 3 quest d. Level 4 quest e. Level 5 quest f. Level 6 quest g. Level 7 quest h. Level 8 quest i. Level 9 quest j. Level 10 quest k. Level 11 quest l. Level 12 quest m. Level 13 quest 4. Side-Quests a. Guild Quests b. Basement c. Hobopolis d. Required Quests e. Misc. Quests ======================= 1. Mechanics ======================= a. Stats There are 3 stats in Kingdom of Loathing, Muscle, Mysticality, and Moxie. Muscle - The typical strength/dexterity stat. It determines: 1. HP 2. Which melee weapons you can equip. (Non-chef staves) 3. Which shields you can equip. 3. Hit rate of melee weapons 4. Damage reduction with a shield (only with Hero of the Half Shell) 5. Physical damage calculation Mysticality - The typical magic/wisdom stat. It determines: 1. MP 2. Which chef-staves you may equip. 3. Which accessories you may equip. 4. Bonus spell damage Moxie - The typical agility stat. It determines: 1. Dodge rate 2. Which ranged weapons you may equip 3. What armor (hats/pants/shirts) you may equip 4. Damage reduction with a shield Typically, in terms of all the stats, Moxie is the most important, Muscle and Mysticality are split, as it really depends on how damage is calculated. All stats have 2 statuses. Base and buffed. Base is the actual stat, while buffed refers to the number in parenthesis next to it. Base stats are used to determine what equipment is equippable, while buffed stats are used to determine combat. As for which locations are accesible, it is a mix. b. Monster Level (ML) Monster level is an important concept to understand. It is essentially the combined muscle/moxie of a monster. In order to hit a monster, you must be within 20 points of the ML, or else you will miss without a critical hit. In the case that you exceed the ML, the extra muscle will be converted to bonus damage. This is only true of physical damage, as spells will automatically hit an opponent. The converse is true, monster must be within 20 points of your moxie, in order to hit you. Any extra points that monsters have on you will also be converted into extra damage against you. In both cases, a critical hit will automatically bypass the checks, and is an automatic hit. Monster Level also determines the amount of stat given to you after a sucessful battle. The total substat gain is approximately ML/4. c. Elements There are 5 base elements in KoL. There are several other types, however they are only special cases. (shadow, bad spelling). Each element will deal double damage to 2 others, and take double damage from 2 others. Any damage from the same source to an elemental monster will reduce all damage done to 1. In addition to this, some monsters are physically resistant. Any normal damage will be reduced to 1, however spell and elemental damage is applied normally. These enemies are rare, and will appear about 4 times in normal play. However, 3 must be killed in order to beat the game. Normally, attacks will separate elements and attack as a split sum. In order to become totally aligned with a specific element, one must use a phial potion of that specific element. This will also bypass the physical resistance of an enemey. Hot: Deals double to: Cold, Spooky Takes double from: Stench, Sleaze Typical locations: The only real location where heat shows up is the level 6 quest, and the resulting Friar's Gate. Cold Deals double to: Sleaze, Stench Takes double from: Hot, Spooky Typical locations: The only real enemies that deal cold damage are the locations on Mt. McLargeHuge, which will open as part of the level 8 quest. Stench: Deals double to: Hot, Spooky Takes double from: Cold, Sleaze Typical locations: Stench is fairly rare, however between hippies and non-Hobopolis hobos, it shows up in spades. In addition filthworms, will deal stench damage. Spooky: Deals double to: Cold, Sleaze Takes double from: Hot, Stench Typical locations: The most common element in the game. Any enemies in the Cemetary, Cyrpt, Spookyraven Manor, and the Buried Pyramid are almost guaranteed to deal spooky damage. Sleaze: Deals double to: Stench, Hot Takes double from: Cold, Spooky Typical locations: Probably the rarest element in the game. There are only 2 sources in the game. The first is frat boys, and the enemies in the Hole in the Sky. c. Damage Mitigation Typically there are 4 ways to deal with reducing the damage a character will take when hit. Moxie buffing - Obviously, if a monster can't hit you, he won't deal damage. Damage Reduction - This is a straight removal of damage. Receieved from shields, though some other sources exist. Damage Absorption - This removes a % of all net damage (up to 90%) from a successful enemy attack. The total absorption is determined from the total power of your armor, as well as any bonus effects or enchantments. Elemental Resistance - Finally, a % of all elemental damage is reduced, that depends on the overall level of your resistance to that elemental source. The curve goes from a level of 1 (10%) to 47. (90%). In addition, resistance may be needed to pass certain tests in order to progress. 2. Classes There are 6 classes in Kingdom of Loathing. Each of the 3 stats has 2 classes associated with them. For all of the classes, this stat will determine the stat gains. All gains are weighted such that the main stat will gain approx. 2:1:1 substat in comparison to the other stats. For example, if a monster gives 20 substat total is defeated by a muscle class, they would gain 10 muscle substat, 5 mysticality substat, and 5 moxie substat. With the exceptions of Accordion Thieves, all classes have some crafting skill and an associated element. Muscle and Myst classes also get a bonus +50% to HP and MP respectively. a. Muscle Classes Muscle classes are based out of the Brotherhood of the Smackdown. Players who have learned Pulverize may use the Malus of Forethought, which allows the pounding of powders into nuggets, and nuggets into wads (5 powders/nuggets yield 1 nugget/wad). Wads are important, as they are the most common spleen consumption item. Muscle classes are also needed to craft advanced equipment, though most dropped equipment is superior. i. Seal Clubber Features: Bonus melee damage and Pulverize. Crafting: Weapons (allows use of ore), Element: Cold ii. Turtle Tamer Features: Bonus familiar weight, and damage absorption. Crafting: Armor (allows use of skins) Element: Spooky b. Mysticality Classes Mysticality classes are based out of The League of the Chef-Magi. Players who have learned Transcendental Noodlecraft are allowed to use the Wok of the Ages, which allows for meins, dumplings, and lasagnas to be created. These are the best makeable dishes, and give everything but rarer dishes the largest adventure and substat gain. Both mysticality classes are needed in order to make any good food, which can easilly cut the time needed to complete an ascension in half. In addition, Saucerors may yield 3 potions per 1 reagent, and have an inherent bonus 5 turns to the potions effects. i. Sauceror Features: Spell Damage, Potions Crafting: Potions and Sauces (allows use of reagents) Element: Stench ii. Pastamancer Features: Combat familiars, Chef-Staves Crafting: Food (allows use of noodles) Element: Hot c. Moxie Classes Moxie classes are based out of The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts . Players who have learned Superhuman Cocktailcrafting have access to Nash Crosby's Still, which allows drinks and fruits to be distilled into more potent forms. In addition, both classes are allowed to pick-pocket items enemies are carrying if they get the jump on them. In addition, Accordion Thieves are able to sneak into the stores of the other guilds, and may purchase things. This is especially important, as the best MP restorer (Magical Mystery Juice) may only be bought from the Chef-Magi store. The most common attack strategy of moxie classes is called "plinking", where one delevels an opponent into attack range, and takes advantage of the high hit % and dodge % to kill enemies. i. Disco Bandit Features: Deleveling, Plinking Crafting: Cocktails (allows use of mixers) Element: Sleaze ii. Accordion Thief Features: Buffs, Buffs, Buffs. (Maximum of 3/4 active) Crafting: None Element: None Locations: Objectives: Rewards: 3. Quests a1. Level 1 quest Locations: Mt. Noob Objectives: Complete Training with the Toot Oriole Rewards: Certificate of Participation This is the tutorial. Complete the tutorial. This is only for the first ascension, all other times see the alternate version of this quest. a2. Level 1 quest (alternate) Locations: Mt. Noob Objectives: Visit the Toot Oriole Rewards: letter from King Ralph XI All you have to do is visit him twice, once after opening the letter. b. Level 2 quest Locations: Spooky Forest Objectives: mosquito larva Rewards: mosquito larva (first time), 500 meat This quest unlocks the woods. It's fairly simple, and all you really need to do is fetch and return. You should also buy a terrarium if you've never done so before. In order to get the mosquito larva, when you find yourself in "Arboreal Respite" choose to explore the stream and march to the marsh. c. Level 3 quest Locations: The Typical Tavern Objectives: Stop the rat menace Rewards: 3 Typical Tavern swill, shiny ring Won't open without level 2 quest complete. This is a fairly simple quest. You'll probably want something to map it out, as the 24 squares are semi-random. A x x x S A x x x x A x x x x B B x x x B B C C C S is the stairs leading back to the Tavern itself. A,B,C all mark possible special encounter regions. Each region can contain one of 3 possible encounters, and may only contain one of each of the following: The first encounter will give you a shiny ring and a potion that buffs your main stat. (You can buy these from the Market). The second encounter will be the rat faucet. Turning off the faucet will end the quest, though you may come down here later and use it to fight more rats. The third encounter will be the boss Baron Von Ratsworth. He is optional, but may be fought for special items. Now note that A doesn't have to be the first special encounter, nor does B have to be the second, or C the third. The fastest way to complete this quest however is to find a ring in the A or C regions and then search B for the faucet. Encounter wise, you will find rats, mobs of drunken rats, or drunken rat-kings. They appear proportionally to bonus monster level. Drunken ratkings drop a tangle of rat tails which is an item of some use. d. Level 4 quest Locations: Bat Hole Objectives: Kill Boss Bat Rewards: batskin belt, 1 dense meat stack The first thing you need is to obtain stench resistance. If you don't have a buff or other resistance, you can get get a Pine- Fresh air freshener from the pine bats in the Entryway. (Another popular source is the Knob Goblin Harem Veil which may be obtained to complete the Level 5 quest) Once you get stench resistance, you can adventure in the Guano Junction. In order to open the blocked chambers, you will have to get a sonar-in-the-biscuit or fight a screambat. Screambats will show up every 8 turns spent in the junction (or 2 chambers off to the side.) (It would be suggestible to get an enchanted bean from the Beanbat chamber now, but not required) You must defeat several Beefy Bodyguard Bats before you have a shot at fighting the Boss Bat. It really won't take more than 1 or 2 adventures afterwards to kill him. Boss Bat may drop several items depending MCD settings. e. Level 5 quest Locations: The Cobb's Knob Objectives: Kill the Knob Goblin King Rewards: Crown of the Goblin King*, 2 dense meat stacks In order to gain full access to the Knob, you need to obtain the decryption key from the Outskirts of the Knob. You will find the key after spending 10 turns on the outskirts...this is scheduled to occur. Once inside, there are two approached to gaining access to the king. Harem - Obtain a Harem Girl outfit. While the drop rate is kind of low, you will obtain an outfit automatically in 11 turns. You then need to use some Knob Goblin perfume which is dropped by the madams. Alternatively, attempting to revisit the Harem in full outfit will give you the effect. Guard - Obtain a Knob Goblin Elite Guard outfit by picking up the pieces in the Barracks. Once in full uniform, harass the cooks in the kitchens for some cake ingredients. Bake the cake (This will require a Dramatic Range) and frost it. Regardless of the route, you will fight the King there after. He has no special abilities, so you should be able to take him down with no real problem. *-The reward may vary due to MCD settings, but ignore this on the first run. f. Level 6 quest Locations: The Friar's Gate Objectives: Banish the demons Rewards: Special Buffs, Friar's Gate opens This quest is fairly simple. you need to adventure in the Heart, Elbow, and Neck of the woods, and obtain: eldritch butterknife dodecagram bof of birthday candles To speed up acquisition, you should try to lower the combat frequency. After obtaining all 3, visit the ritual location to finish it. g. Level 7 quest Location: The Cyrpt Objectives: Undefile the Crypt Rewards: Chest of the Bonerdagon, dragonskull beltbuckle This is a fairly simple quest. There are 4 subbosses that must be defeated before you fight the Bonerdagon. Each of these 4 also has a weakness to a certain item that can be found by making the right choice. This is a small chart of what you can expect: Alcove - Zmobies -Look in the wet one Niche - Lihcs -Second urn Nook - Skeelton -Third one Cranny - Ghouls -Dig through rubble on the ground* How the quest works is that you start off with Evilosity of 200, evenly split among the subsections of the Cyrpt. Fighting a monster in a zone will normally take one beep off the evil rating. Getting a zone to 25 or below will cause the subboss to emerge. Defeating it will clear the zone of evil completely. There are ways to clear off more than 1 blip at a time: Alcove - Modern zmobies will take off 5 beeps. They will occur more frequently the higher your combat iniative is. Niche - Dirty old lihcs will take off 3 beeps. Nook - Skeeltons here drop evil eyes. These drop the evil by 3 per eye destroyed so you should boost your item drops. Cranny - During the choice adventure, investigating the rattling drawer will cause you to fight a large group of ghuols. The size varies by bonus monster level you're running, and the larger the group, the more beeps it takes off. (Also lowering combat rates will work well) Clearing all the evil from the Cyrpt will cause it to spike up as the Haert of the Cyrpt is revealed. The Bonerdagon is a tough fight. He can block items and skills, and generally is overpowered. If you don't know, combining the beltbuckle and the batskin belt will give a badass belt, an accessory that gives +5 to all stat. h. Level 8 quest Location: Mt. McLargeHuge Objectives: Help the Trapz0r. Rewards: 5,000 meat, 5 yeti skins, Icy Peak The first thing you'll need to do is obtain 3 pieces of ore. You'll need to get a Mining Outfit in order to mine, and once you get it, you can mine and collect the ore (typically found in the last 2 rows, so dig back at first). After giving the Trapz0r the ore, keep your mining outfit on one more time, and dig out the avlanche blocking the Goatlet. In the Goatlet, we need to get 6 goat cheese. Only the dairy goat will drop these. It'll take some time, but isn't too bad. After this we'll need to obtain some cold resistance. If you're not naturally cold resistance or have a buff, you'll need to get the effect from 2 possible sources. If you have a hot katana blade and hot running pants from Demonninja, you can adventure in the Ninja Snowmen Lair, and get an icy hilt and a cold ninja mask, and after combining hilt and blade, you'll have the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit. If not, collect the pieces of gear from the eXtreme Slope, to get the eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear After getting cold resistance, one more trip to the Trapz0r will open the Peak, and complete the quest. i. Level 9 quest Location: Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm Objectives: Rescue the Baron Rewards: fascimile dictionary (21,337 meat) and a drywall axe. First, in order to get here, you need to untinker the abridged dictionary. You can buy this from Barrrney's Bookstorrre while traveling in the Pirate's Cove disguised (or with fledges) for 1,000 meat. This will unlock the valley. All monsters here are weak to use of the dictionary, and will normally kill them in only a few hits, if you're having trouble dealing damage. In order to complete this quest, you need to obtain these items: 2 334 scrolls 1 30669 scroll 1 33398 scroll After this, continue adventuring. When the rampant adding machine shows up, use 2 334 scrolls, to create a 668 scroll. Use a 30669 scroll and a 33398 scroll to make a 64067 scroll. Finally use the 668 scroll and the 64067 scroll to create a 65735 ("GATES") scroll, and use it to end the quest. 668 scrolls and 30669 scrolls may be created to make 31337 scrolls, however they are not required and are only a bonus. j. Level 10 quest Locations: Sky Objectives: Stop the garbage Rewards: Piece of Glad Bag Rags outfit The sky is really falling. Time to stop it. If you never obtained one, get an enchanted bean from the Beanbat chamber. Use it from inventory to create a beanstalk in the Nearby Plains. Atop the beanstalk, you need to adventure in the Penultimate Fantasy Airship until you collect all 4 pieces of Immateria, and collect the S.O.C.K. . This will open the Giant Castle in the Sky. In the Castle, you simply need to adventure until you hid the adventure where you can turn the wheel. Turn in any direction, and visit the council. The quest will clear as long as the Procrastination Giant is not on garbage duty. k. Level 11 quest Locations: Too many Objectives: Obtain the Holy MacGffin Rewards: handful of confetti This is really 6 or so subquests tied altogether. It's long and very involved. I'll break this up into it's usual order. Getting Your Father's Diary: You'll need to adventure in the Black Forest until you get sunken eyes, broken wings, and a black market map. Combine the former two, collect your familiar, take it out, and use the map. Documents cost 10,000 meat. You'll also want to pick up at least one can of black paint (1,000 meat). Take a trip at the Shore, and you'll get the diary. Read it all. Obtaining the Staff: Hidden City: In order to gain access to the Hidden City, you must have unlocked the Hidden Temple (see Required Quests), and make the following choices: Raise your hands, spell BANANAS, and do nothing. You'll unlock the Hidden City, which is very close to the Tavern There are 25 squares, and here's the breakdown: 14 ruins 5 ancient guardian spirits 4 altars 1 dead archeologist 1 temple The ancient guardian spirits will drop 4 spheres and a dagger. All of them are physically resistant, or can be killed by using a scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil in one hit. Each of the 4 spheres will correspond to an element when used in battle, and stick them in the appropriate altars. (For those unaware, the 4 gods are all Pokemon: Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Charlizard, and Squirtle. Place the spheres in the correct spots and you'll be able to open the temple. In the temple, there's one more guardian spirit, but he can be taken down by a scroll of A.F.U.E. just as easilly as the others . Spookyraven Manor: In order to complete this queswt, you'll need to have opened and unlocked Spookyraven Manor to the fullest extent. (Req. Quests) To start with, make sure you have at least Lord Spookyraven's spectacles. If not, obtain them from the Bedroom. Adventure in the Ballroom, until you get "They'll All Be Flat". This unlocks the Wine Cellar, so now adventure there until you get two or three of the dusty bottles. Wearing the spectacles will allow you to identify the glyphs (open the item description ), and collect the 3 types needed to open the summoning chamber. Pour the wine down in this order: top, left, right. Lord Spookyraven can be fairly challenging, however, aside from a massive elemental damage for his first attack, he'll weaken. Use some base elemental resistance to survive. (Can of black paint works well, but you'll need another) Palindome: You'll need to obtain your Prate Fledges to start this quest. (Required Quests, again) Adventure in the Poop Deck until you get "It's Always Swordfish" and then start going Belowdecks. You'll need to get 2 snakehead charrrms from Gaudy Pirates. Paste them together will make the Talisman O'Nam. Equipping it opens the Palindome in the Plains. Adventure there until you get the following items, and stunt nuts. When the appropriate choice adventure comes up, place the items as such: Shelf #1: photograph of God Shelf #2: hard rock candy Shelf #3: ketchup hound Shelf #4: hard-boiled ostrich egg Read the result, and head for the Knob Labratory. Meet Mr Alarm. Adventure in Whitey's Grove until you get bird rib and lion oil. Bake those two, then the nuts to make wet stunt nut stew. Give it to Mr. Alarm. Equip the Mega Gem, and go back to the Palindome. Any choice and you'll fight Dr. Awkward. It isn't too hard. After obtaining the 3 items (staff, headpiece, amulet) combine them to get the Staff of Ed. Unlocking the Pyramid: Adventure in the Desert until you get the option to buy a carburetor or haggle. Haggle, and the Oasis will open. One turn in the Oasis will allow 5 in the Desert without bad effects. Keep adventuring in the desert, visiting Oasis as needed, until you need to get the Stone Rose from the Oasis. Get it and a drum machine as well. Continue to adventure in the Desert, give him the Stone Rose, and then the black paint, and finally the drum machine. After this, you need to pick up the manual pages from the Oasis, get all 15 pages (It's really only 1,2, then 3-15 in adventures) . Get the worm-riding hooks. Equip them, use a drum machine, and with Staff of Ed, open pyramid proper. Ed The Undying: Alright, this will work out fairly quickly. You'll need to get: an ancient token -> an ancient bomb -> rubble to fight Ed. You'll need to spin the lower chamber 3 times, then 4, then 3. To spin, you either need a tomb ratchet, or a carved wooden wheel. Both are found in the Upper Chambers, though ratchets only drop after getting the wheel. The wheel must be placed in the Middle Chambers. Ed requires 7 turns to kill, so be careful. After this, enjoy your parade. l. Level 12 quest Locations: Mysterious Island Objectives: Nuke the Hippies and/or Orcs. Rewards: War Medal (varies on #'s of sub-quest completed) In order to trigger this quest, you must have at least visited the Palindome once. Alright to begin with, you need to choose a side. Hippy or Frat. Make sure you have that outfit, and start visiting the right area until you collect the war version of your outfit. Once this is done, equip it, visit it, and start the war. In the Fratacombs head to the roof to start it as a Hippie. In Blokckin out the Scenery, head to the Lookout Tower, to start it as a Frat. Alright, there are now 1000 enemies you must kill in order to breach the opposing side and kill their boss. There are 6 sub- quests available, and the amount of completion determines the amount killed in an encounter by this: Enemies Killed = 2^N where N is # of quests completed for a side. 3 are available right off the bat for each side, but to get the other side's 3, you need to do fighting. Most items you get during fights can be traded in your camp's shop for gear and other items. Once you've defeated the opposing side's boss, you'll obtain an item sellable for 5,000 meat, and a war medal from the council. The medal varies depending on quests done and side. To obtain the Order of the Silver Wossname, the secret medal, you must kill 999 opponents as each side, and then use a flarrregun in the resulting conflict. (The easiest way is to fight a single battle while doing no quests, then another with one quest down, another with two done, and then 124 with all 3 done) Subquests: Junkyard - You have to obtain 4 tools from gremlins. Each type of gremlin will only carry one type of tool, though AMCs carry none. For more info, see: http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php /Retrieve_Yossarian%27s_Tools As the mechanics are a bit complex. Rewards: Random piece of equipment Mysterious Island Arena: This is actually fairly simple. You need to slap flyers on enough enemies, so the total ML exceeds 10000. Some suggest using the Guy Made of Bees, but if you start the Level 11 quest late, this will cost almost 0 extra turns Reward: Ability to choose 1 of 3 buffs Sonofa Beach: This one is an absolute pain without something to increase combat. The combat rate is low, and you must kill 5 lobsterfrogmen in order to get the barrels needed. Reward: Allows you to purchase bonus explosives from your camp store. Organic Orchard: You need to obtain a gland from one area, use it, progress, and repeat until you obtain the Heart of the Queen. Reward: Unlocks the Hippy Stand again, gives ~4,000 meat daily, unlocks 3 more items depending on side. MacGillicudddy's Farm: You need to kill ducks. This goes fairly quickly if you do the following: Fight ducks in the barn, using a chaos butterfly against one, and choose to unlock Cold, Hot, and Sleaze. This will trigger a tornado and halve the remaining ducks. If not, refer to this: Corner 1: Pitchfork - Granary - Fat (More meat) Cowbell - Bog - Stench Fence - Pond - Cold Corner 2: Lantern - Back 40 - Hot Corner 3: - Plot - Spooky Shotgun - Shady Thicket - Booze Drum - Other Back 40 - Sleaze Rewards: You'll get 3 items daily, and after the war, more daily duck fights. ThemThar Hills: You need to obtain 100,000 total meat from killing bandits. Boost your meat drops, and it'll go somewhat quickly. There is a bit of a glitch with this quest. You may get credit for completing it as a Frat Boy without actually reaching the Nuns by retrieving the last of the meat by defeating a copied bandit in the Frat gear. (Copying is a mechanic you will only see if you have access to Spooky Putty, can of Rain-Doh, or other Mr. Store items) Rewards: 1000 HP restored 3 times daily, and 1000 MP as well if done as a Frat Boy. m. Level 13 quest Locations: Lair of the Naughty Sorceress Objectives: Defeat her Naughtiness Rewards: Winning the game. This is a severely multi-faceted quest that requires some prep and back-farming if you're not ready. Entryway: Don't even think of starting this until you have one of each of these: The 6 keys: Boris's Key, Sneaky Pete's Key, Jarlsberg's Key digital key (30 white pixel), Richard's Star Key (8 lines, 7 stars), and a skeleton key Entry Potions: Bang potions: You'll need one of each bang potion to succeed. These are found in the boxes of the Dungeons of Doom. They are randomized every ascension, and should be used in combat to figure out effects. South of the Border: All chewing gum, handsomeness potion, Melagra pills, and marzipan skulls Wand of Nagamar (ruby w, metallic a, lowercase n, heavy d) Instruments: Tambourine or bone rattle Some accordion acoustic guitarrr, heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr, any of the Disco Bandit legendary weapons, massive sitar, or Zim Merman's guitar Familiars: Mosquito, Angry Goat, Barrrnacle, Levitating Potato, Sabre-Toothed Lime, and a Star Starfish Star Hat, and one of the following Star items: Staff, Sword, or Crossbow Alright, lets get this started: To pass the first obstacles, you need 3 effects, refer to the following: Three Gates: Gate One: Obtained from: Gate of Hilarity gremlin juice Gate of Humility wussiness potion Gate of Morose Morbidity and Moping thin black candle Gate of Slack Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub Gate of Spirit pygmy pygment Gate of the Porcupine super-spikey hair gel Gates of The Suc Rose Any candy Gate of The Viper adder bladder Locked Gate Black No. 2 Gate Two: Gate of Flame jabañero-flavored chewing gum Gate of Intrigue handsomeness potion Gate of Machismo Meleegra™ pills Gate of Mystery pickle-flavored chewing gum Gate of the Dead marzipan skull Gate of Torment tamarind-flavored chewing gum Gate of Zest lime-and-chile-flavored chewing gum Gate Three: Effect Needed: Gate of Light Izchak's Blessing Gate Of That Which is Hidden Object Detection Gate of the Mind Strange Mental Acuity Gate of the Ogre Strength of Ten Ettins Gate that is Not a Gate Teleportitis These 5 are obtained from bang potions. Giant Mirror: equip your birthday suit Mariachis: Keys: Boris: fish Jarslberg: phish Sneaky Pete: fsh skeleton key: keep trying, or use a ten-leaf clover to win star key: equip star hat & weapon, and use the star starfish digital key: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A Combine the fish stuff into a hosed tank, equip it, and visit the Strange Odor to press a switch. Visit the mariachis and if you have the right instruments, you're in the clear. Hedge Maze: This seciton isn't too hard. Kill golems, get puzzles. First rotate the puzzles to obtain the hedge key, and then to the door. You need to adventure in the hedgemaze after both cases to get the key and to unlock the door to the Tower. Tower: This can get annoying. Pick up a can of hair spray from the Market Demon, and make a NG if you can. Time to brave the tower. Each level of the tower has a guardian (randomly chosen), which is weak to one combat item. Levels 1-5: Beer Batter baseball best-selling novelist plot hole Big Meat Golem meat vortex Bowling Cricket sonar-in-a-biscuit Bronze Chef leftovers of indeterminate origin concert pianist Knob Goblin firecracker the darkness inkwell El Diablo mariachi G-string Electron Submarine photoprotoneutron torpedo endangered inflatable white tiger pygmy blowgun fancy bath slug fancy bath salts Fickle Finger of F8 razor-sharp can lid Flaming Samurai frigid ninja stars giant fried egg black pepper Giant Desktop Globe NG Ice Cube can of hair spray malevolent crop circle bronzed locust possessed pipe-organ powdered organs Pretty Fly spider web Tyrannosaurus Tex chaos butterfly Vicious Easel disease Level 6: collapsed mineshaft golem stick of dynamite (Muscle) Enraged Cow barbed-wire fence (Moxie) giant bee tropical orchid (Mysticality) these last 3 only show up as results of shore trips. However, if you lay fallow from the shore for 25 turns, you're guaranteed to gain the item from that zone. Chamber: Heavy & Light Doors: see: http://jick-nerfed.us/cgi-bin/door.cgi Electrical Attack: Equip mirror shard Shadow: Classic heal to kill boss. If you can funksling, you can get away with garters/poultice. Everyone else needs 4 red pixel potions. Familiars: She'll send 2 familiars after you next. Each will require a 20 lb familiar of the right type to beat the other one. To beat the: Use a 20 lb: Angry Goat Mosquito Barrrnacle Angry Goat Levitating Potato Barrrnacle Mosquito Sabre-Toothed Lime Sabre-Toothed Lime Levitating Potato After this, all you'll need to do is kill her Naughtiness. Be warned, she can block like the Bonerdagon, and will remove all status effects. You Came all this way, so good luck :) 4. Side-Quests a. Guild Quests There are 3 sets of Guild Quests, two given by an alternating member of your guild. The guild member of your class will give you a quest to defeat your nemesis, while the other member will give you a class to dig up information on Fernswathy. Olaf/Blaine/Izzy will also give you quests, though they while optional, let you get to Whitey's Grove earlier. Nemesis Quest: In order to complete your Legendary Weapon, you will need to obtain a big rock and a class item from the hermit. The big rock is found as the special clover adventure in the Lemon Party Slots in the casino. These two ingredients will need to be meatsmithed together, and then with your basic class weapon. Seal Clubbers - seal tooth Turtle Tamer - chisel Pastamancer - petrified noodles Sauceror - jabañero pepper Disco Bandit - banjo strings Accordion Thief - hot-buttered roll This will unlock the Fun House and Barrel Full of Barrels for adventuring. In order for you to obtain your Legendary Epic Weapon, you need to obtain a special piece of equipment from Beelzebozo from the Fun House. In order to fight him, a total of 4 "clownosity" must be worn. Each point must be distinct, no duplicates are allowed. All equipment drops except for the acid-squirting flower, clown hammer, and polka-dot bow tie are considered 1 clownosity. The bow tie is considered 2, and the others are 0. Any items smithed with clown skin are 2. Once you defeat Beelzebozo, you need to smith the resulting item with your epic weapon to receive your LEW. After obtaining your LEW, getting your main stat to 23 will unlock the next part of this quest. Within the Dark and Dank cave, you must pass through 3 Doors to reach the main chamber. Each door is unlocked by inserting an item into it. The items required vary by class. Door 1 - equipment dropped in level 1 aligned zone Muscle - viking helmet from the Outskirts of the Knob Mysticality - chef's hat (from the Haunted Pantry) Moxie - dirty hobo gloves (from the Sleazy Back Alleyway) Door 2 - final tier of burrito cooking Muscle - insanely spicy bean burrito (Knob Goblin Treasury) Mysticality - insanely spicy enchanted bean burrito (Beanbats) Moxie - insanely spicy jumping bean burrito (jumping beans) Door 3 - Item crafted by the class's Level 5 skills* Seal Clubbers - clown whip Turtle Tamer - clownskin buckler Pastamancer - boring spaghetti Sauceror - tomato juice of powerful power Disco Bandit - any fruity girl drink Accordion Thief - Polka of Plenty Clearing the 3 doors unlocks the main chamber. Inside you must fight various underlings for scraps of paper to learn the password to your nemesis's inner sanctum. Connect the edges of the scraps to learn the order of the password. Something must be said first, however. STRAIGHT EDGES ARE NOT THE LEFT/RIGHT BOUNDARIES This really trips up many players the first time. Killing your nemesis will give you 2 things. First, it will give you your class's epic hat. Secondly you now have a price on your head and are going to be dealing with henchmen for a while. Henchmen will show up in increasing toughness. The final one will show up after reaching 90 main stat. Killing him will stop the attacks, give you a familiar, a memento, and a map to your nemesis's lair. Take the map to the navigator on the Poop Deck, and he'll take you out to the secret volcano lair. From here, there are technically 6 quests, one per class. Each quest follows the same general pattern and will also have a special trophy to unlock. First a player must gain access to the inner lair. Usually this is done by getting in disguise, or scaling the wall, or finding keys. Secondly, a player will fight their way past a hoard of goons to reach their nemesis. Upon defeat, the nemesis will retreat and descend into the lair further while dropping the class's epic pants. Finally after a player chases them across a lava field, they fight for a 3rd time. Once this is accomlpished, the nemesis will make a pact with a demon and transform into their final form. In order to deal with this, a player's LEW will transform into their class's Ultimate Legendary Weapon. (For help with the lava field please see RoyalTonberry's maps) http://www.ben.bloomroad.com/kol/nemesis/volcano/index.html Upon defeat, the player will keep their ULEW, and recieve the last bit of their class's legendary outfit, their epic accessory Here's the more in-depth look. Seal Clubber: You must disguise yourself in a seal outfit. In order to do so, you must collect hellseal parts from mother hellseals. They will show up the more you defeat the pups and they get really mad. Gorgolok, the Demonic Hellseal has 6 boneshields that must be broken before you can deal damage to him. A shield will break when it takes 100+ damage. Shields will not be regenerated. Trophy: Obtain and wear every bit of piece of seal gear that Phineas can make. You will need to know Torso Awaregness in order to get them all. Turtle Tamer: You must tame 6 beret-wearing tortoises. Just equip the fouet de tortue-dressage and use Apprivoisez la tortue 5 times in battle Stella, the Demonic Turtle Poacher has an extremely high soft damage cap. In order to defeat her, you must deal damage from as many separate sources as you can muster in a single round. Or in simpler terms, learn shieldbutt, headbutt, and kneebutt and use their triple combo in combat. Trophy: After beating Stella, tame 30 guard tortoises and recieve their blessing. Pastamancer: You must get a evil cultist robe to get in. To do so requires acquiring 5 encoded cult documents from the middle-managers and using them to create a link to a new pastamancer summon. Getting the summon to level 3 (use him in 9 combats) will allow him to steal a robe Spaghetti Demon is a bit of a challenge. In order to defeat him, you must continually rebind him with entangling noodles. Take a shot at damaging him in the meanwhile. Trophy: After defeating the Demon, adventure in the temple ruins to obtain a special skillbook. The skill will give you a bonus 3 adventures to the next noodle dish you eat, and the bonus will stack with multiple day's castings. Starve yourself of pasta for while casting this skill for at least 10 days. If you can get a bonus of 30+ turns in a single eating, you will earn the trophy. Sauceror: You must discover the potion that grants you slimeform. See the wiki for a better explanation of this: http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Slime_Potions Lumpy, the Demonic Sauceblob requires you to buff yourself with all 4 of the Suaceror saucespheres. He'll peel one of them off each turn, so you must take him down with Saucemageddon quickly. Trophy: Learn all the possible recipes for slime potions Disco Bandit: In order to gain access to the club, you need to dress yourself up as a raver. In order to do so, you need to first teach yourself some new dance skills. Each of the dancers in line for the club will give a special message, after which you must use Gothy Handwave to start learning their moves. breakdancing raver: "spinning his legs wildly" pop-and-lock raver: "spastic and jerky" running man: "run away" After a while, you will learn their move. You must then discover the combo order which lets you steal items from enemies. Use the combo to steal various paraphenalia and eventually you'll have enough to get into the club. The Demon of New Wave will periodically increase his attack strength by turning dials on his mixing board. To drop him back down to normal you need to use the skill Funk Bluegrass Fusion. Trophy: Create the following combat macro: skill Disco Eye-Poke skill Disco Dance of Doom skill Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo skill Disco Dance of Doom skill Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo skill Disco Eye-Poke skill Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo skill Disco Dance of Doom skill Disco Face Stab skill Disco Dance of Doom skill Disco Eye-Poke skill Break It On Down skill Pop and Lock It skill Run Like the Wind skill Break It On Down skill Run Like the Wind skill Pop and Lock It skill Pop and Lock It skill Break It On Down skill Run Like the Wind skill Pop and Lock It skill Run Like the Wind skill Break It On Down skill Run Like the Wind skill Break It On Down skill Pop and Lock It skill Run Like the Wind skill Pop and Lock It skill Break It On Down Use this in battle after beating the Spirit of New Wave. If it fully executes, you get the trophy. Best used against something that has 100% physical resistance. Accordion Thief: You must get 5 hacienda keys. 4 keys will be hidden away in the barracks. There are 6 rooms, and 3 options in each room: Left Hallway 1. Kitchen 2. Dining Room 3. Storeroom Right Hallway 4. Bedroom 5. Library 6. Parlour Start by searching the Parlour and Library and working your way in reverse numerical order. A room can have a key or a clue to a key but not both. Clues are given to the 2 lowest rooms that have keys...you will not see a clue pointing you to the Library or Parlour as a result. The fifth key must be pickpocketed from a sleeping or surprised mariachi. Somerset Lopez, Demon Mariachi will periodically give you earworms. To get rid of these and deal damage to him, use Sing. Trophy: After defeating Lopez, the fireplace in the Barracks Parlour wll now lead down to a phonograph. In order to get the trophy, you must record at least each of the following songs once in a single day: The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder Benetton's Medley of Diversity Elron's Explosive Etude Chale of Companionship Prelude of Precision Donho's Bubbly Ballad Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration Fernswathy Quest: This quest is fairly simple, but is split into two legs. Accepting this quest will unlock the Misspelled Cematary for adventure. In order to obtian the key, you must obtain a grave-robbing shovel (rusty or otherwise), and have it in your inventory until you dig up his grave. You'll gain 500 meat, and with enough stat will get the key later. If this portion is completed during level 4 or 5, you may be able to step through a temporal rift, which will close once you reach level 6. Unlocking his tower will allow you to adventure in the ruins. You'll then need to adventure until you discover the book. Once you return it, you'll get your manual. This can be used once daily over 5 days. It will give stat gains of 20,40,100,40,20 before it becomes useless. (Though reading for 30 days in an ascension qualifies for a trophy). In addition, this will also unlock Fernswathy's Basement for adventuring. Meatcar Quest: If unavailable, this will unlock the Degrassi Knoll. You must adventure (or buy if a muscle sign) these items: Cog, Spring, Sprocket Cog-Sprocket Assembly Empty Meat Tank, Meat Stack Full Meat Tank Tires, Sweet Rims Dope Wheels Paste the items together from left to right to obtain the result Combined the tank and assembly to form an engine, and then the wheels to recieve your meat car. White Citadel Quest: This one is fairly simple, and just requires pure turn burning. First adventure in Whitey's Grove until the Path to White Citadel is unlocked. Adventure there until the Citadel is found. You will recieve a lucky rabbit's foot for completing the quest. Dwarven Factory quest: After reaching 100 in your main stat, Olaf/Izzy/Blaine will give you a quest to retrieve an item from Itznotyeritz Mine. Strap on your mining gear, head into the new branch, and spend a turn searching the office to find your target and get your reward. Easy, right? For what the Dwarven Factroy Complex can actually yield, please see this: http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Dwarvish_puzzle b. Basement Not really going to cover this. It's basically a way to power level. Completing 500 levels of the basement will give you a telescope certificate. This will let you see what monsters you will fight during the tower and tell you what the first gate is. Telescopes are pretty much a key to figuring out what you'll need well ahead of time. c. Clan Dungeons Really too much detail to go into properly for this FAQ. Participate with clannies and get cool loot. . d. Required Quests In addition to the regular Council quests, several quests are required to complete the game. These primarilly open up areas. To begin with, the pieces needed for the level 11 quest. Hidden Temple Quest: In order to open the hidden temple, you must adventure in the Spooky Forest until you obtain: Spooky Temple Map Spooky-Gro Fertilizer Spooky sapling Using the Spooky Temple Map with all 3 will open the Hidden Temple for adventuring. Unlocking Spookyraven Manor: Spookyraven Manor is a large zone with 11 adventure zones. It begins hidden, as one must adventure in the Haunted Pantry until the rest of the house is discovered. (It will occur after you spend 10 turns). Once inside, only 3 zones are available. To open the rest of the house, one needs to start adventuring in the Billiards Room until you obtain: Handful of handchalk Pool cue Equip the cue, and then use the chalk. Eventually (and if you don't get the adventure, reuse the chalk) you get the adventure Minnapolis Incorporealis. You will need to let the ghost break, go for solids, and try for the 8-ball in order to recieve the library key. Inside the library, you can unlock the remaining 1st floor room, the Haunted Gallery, by (when it appears) to read the Fall of Spookyraven, and then choose to read the 5th chapter. This will trigger a special adventure in the haunted gallery, and after no more than 10 turns, the gallery key will drop. When prompted to read again (or if the book is the Rise instead) click on the white book, 3rd from the left on the top row. This will drop the metal stairs, and allow 2nd floor access. Upstairs, the next stop is the bedroom. When the option presents itself, choose to "Look behind the nighstand" to receive Lord Spookyraven's specatacles. Equipping these will allow you to find a special item when you "look under the nightstand". In order to unlock the ballroom, when one finds the ornate dresser, you must first look at the top drawer (this will give a boost of moxie substat), and then in the bottom drawer. If you obtain the special item, follow these rules: Muscles classes must present the standards to the knights in the Haunted Gallery. Mysticality classes must translate the book of A.F.U.E.. in the library. Moxie classes must take the sheet paper to the Haunted Ballroom and approach the organ. The remaining zones in Spookyraven will be unlocked after you begin the level 11 quest. Pirate's Quest After unlocking the Mysterious Island, you can adventure in the Pirate's Cove. Adventure there until you obtain the Swashbuckling Outfit, equip it, and you will go in disguise. Obtain the abridged dictionary, and Big Book of Pirate Insults. After this, adventure in the barrr, learning insults as you do so. Recieve the treasure map, use it, and defeat a crab (flip it over for MASSIVE DAMAGE), to receieve the booty. Return. Continue adventuring and insults (until you learn at least 6), and get the Frat House Blueprints. Use them, and make a choice. 1st option: Need Frat Boy outfit 2nd option: Equip a mullet wig and have a briefcase 3rd option: Wear a frilly skirt and have 3 hot wings All options when successful will give dentures. Return them. One more time in the barrr, and when you have enough insults, choose to heckle. Most responses to Rickets' insults will make sense, and in the grand tradition of Monkey Island, I won't tell you the exact pairs :P After completing this, burn turns in the F'c'l'e, until you get: mizzenmast mop rigging shampoo ball polish Use all 3, and one more adventure there will net you 5,000 meat, and the pirate fledges. Giant Castle Quest: In order to unlock the Hole in the Sky, you need to complete a quest in Castle. You will need to obtain the following items: furry fur awful poetry journal giant needle You will also need to place the Procrastination Giant on guard duty. Using the giant castle map, will result in a quantum egg. Combine this with a S.O.C.K. to unlock the Hole in the Sky. Dungeons of Doom: In order to open the Dungeons of Doom, you need to first start adventuring in the Giant Greater-Than Sign, and obtain a plus sign. Continue until you get Teleportitis. When the Oracle adventure shows up, pay 1,000 meat, and read the plus sign to unlock the Dungeons. e. Miscellaneous Quests Covered at a later date ========================== Contact & Acknowledgments Thanks to Ceej & Bacon for this site Thanks to our <S>CNET</S> CBS overlords Thanks to the KoL Dev Team. Except for Skully, who doesn't even know the quest triggers. Istari is an asshole. Never listen to him. Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have a suggestion for this FAQ. If you have a question that can't be addressed by looking at the wiki, e-mail me. If it can be, and there's no adequate reason, expect mocking. Flames and spam to /dev/null please.