Review by Yoshorz
".......Mini turbos are useless."
Let me start off by saying that Mario Kart Wii will shock long-time Mario kart fans of SMK or MK64, because what has happened is ridiculous. When I first heard that the New Mario Kart is back to racing with one person, I cheered. Only to find out that they have.....MADE MINI-TURBOS COMPLETELY USELESS. What is a mini-turbo? You noobs may ask, well, a mini turbo is a type of turning technique that lets you cut the corners and charge up little boosts. Let me tell you in Kart Wii, you have two control options, Manual and Automatic. DO NOT PICK MANUAL. I'm warning you, the mini-turbos are no longer controlled via control stick....they're automated. It basically takes 3 seconds of turning for them to turn blue, and then 2 more for them to turn yellow. Wait a second...What the hell? In Mario Kart 64, I ALWAYS MINI-TURBOED...now they have been rendered completely useless. I tried to use them, but it's just way too slow to even manage to attempt. Do not choose Manual.
Hmm...Next up is Online Mode. LOL. Let me describe to you what online mode is like. First, you pick a mode, either Battle or Race, then choose a character. Your next choices are "Friends" (who you maually have to add) "Regional" or "Worldwide". So, you connect. Connection is sometimes so slow, you could take a quick nap on your couch. After you're finally connected, you are treated to watching the race you are being connected to. That's right. You just got connected, and now you MUST watch a race as it's going on. After viewing the race, it "prepares the track" for another 10 seconds, and you finally get to choose a course. Now, some noob will always pick Rainbow road, and will wait out the 15 seconds they give you to choose the course. Now, if you are EXTREMELY lucky, you'll actually get to start racing. However, if you happen to choose a 'bad server', you will get disconnected after all that loading time, AND you will lose 200 VR points from your online record. Trust me when I say that there is nothing that can tick you off more to wait about 5 minutes to get connected to race, only to get disconnected and lose 200 Points.
Assuming that you can actually race online, you will take quick note that many people use their Mii's as players. This is probably the most annoying thing in the world. You don't understand. These Mii's are the most annoying things ever. Their voices are....just.....Anyway, during the race, you will also take note that some people may wait in the back purposely to get good items. What type of items? STARS, BULLET BILLS, MEGA MUSHROOMS AND THUNDER.
Nothing more ticking off than being in first place, then hit with a Spiny Shell, Trampled by a Mega Mushroom, Knocked off the course by a Bullet Bill, and THEN being hit with Thunder. You have absolutely no idea of how much the items ruin the competition. Oh, and if you thought you were guaranteed a full race, think again. Nintendo's awesome Mario Kart Wii servers not only load slow, but they may disconnect you. That's right. You could be in first place, get disconnected, and lose 200 points. Happened to me once.
Anyway, after accepting the fact that Mini-turbos are gone (I still haven't), you have new ways to race. Karts or Bikes. Bikes are actually fun to use, in Automatic mode of course. No complaints there. But you'll notice that the characters have been completely messed up. Diddy Kong and Bowser Jr. (yes, smaller than toad) are now Middle-Weights. Dry Bones has been thrown into the Lightweights, and Baby Daisy also gets thrown in their. Let me say that Baby Daisy is the most useless and most utter waste of a character ever. I'd rather have Petey Pirhana in it's (yes, it's) place. Also, you'll notice in the heavy weights, is Funky Kong!! Woo!! Let's throw Mickey Mouse in the Lightweights and we got ourselves a party! Seriously, Funky Kong? At least Lanky Kong, but Funky? Mama Mia.
If you can't connect to the internet on your Wii, I feel bad for you. You have to race EXTREMELY easy cpu players. I sware it's fool-poof. You can come in 1st all the time without ever trying. This is good practice for Wi-Fi, facing off against 3 Miles Per Hour Donkey Kong in 1st place, only to get paralyzed by a Baby Mario with a star during rainbow road in 11th place.
In Conclusion, do not use the wii wheel, get ready to get mad when you connect to wi-fi, there are more useless characters, never ever pick manual mode, and you got yourself a decent game.
Reviewer's Score: 7/10 | Originally Posted: 07/17/08
Game Release: Mario Kart Wii (US, 04/27/08)
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