Review by BimmyandJimmy
"Not the Goldeneye I know and love. Far from it."
Hell ya, 10,000 views for this one review alone, that's what I'm talking about!
Why did I bother to play this game? Even when the game was announced, I remember saying to myself that it wasn't going to be as good as the original and I probably should just ignore it, but like a sheep and being total fanboy for the original, I just had to play it. Keep in mind, I actually was positive going into it and actually tried to just enjoy it for what it was; both a remake and a tribute to my favorite game. How badly could the possibly screw it up?
Good god was that a challenge.
This game also marks the first time in YEARS that I have ever rented a NEW game. I'm dead serious, and it is just goes to show how distant new video games are to me nowadays ever since it seems the business became more fascinated with money than developing creative, original and just plain kick ass games.
Just like many of you, I pretty sure you too found out about this game from the E3 convention this year when they showed a promotion video for this game on Youtube. You know, the one were they gathered a bunch of Goldeneye fans inside a conference room and gush about how great the game was (which I'm not going to lie actually is), only to wet their pants in excitement when they found that Activision, the makers of the Call of Duty and Pitfall series, would be creating a NEW Goldeneye game. Great, at first, it looked like we FINALLY got the new remake Goldeneye we always wanted. I couldn't wait to get back and do everything that I could have done in the original... BUT, unfortunately, it wasn't the true remake of the game like we so desperately wanted. Worse of all, ITS ON THE WII, they last console you would EVER expect a First Person Shooter game to ever be on. Really, go ahead, name one great, or even good FPS game on the Wii. It just isn't possible since the controllers themselves aren't FPS compatible...at ALL.
Like I said, some remake this game was. It's just insulting how little this game was with the original. In fact, it seems like this Goldeneye was trying to model itself after the 1995 movie, and even that is pretty scarce. Sure, at the beginning, they tried to replicate a few of the scenes that you would have found in the original game such as the first part of the Dam level or shooting the guy in the Facially in the air duck, which I'll admit I found clever, but either than that, the level design in this game is completely different, rather confusing and simplistically insulting. In the original game, to ensure a fun and challenging game, each level was design to ensure the use of stealth as well as to showcase the many of items, CPU characters and their attributes and ability's, perfect in every way imaginable.
This game, on the other hand, decided to break that perfection, implementing that tiresome, simplistic Point A to point B approach. Sure, don't get me wrong when done right, the point A to point B, kill everyone in a gigantic area, run and gun style of First Person Shooting or gaming in general can be great, as shown in games like the Doom series, where blood and dismemberment was the key factor in creating a great atmosphere. Without it, it just feels unsatisfying, uninteresting and sleep inducing, especially in this game where each level felt completely empty. For most of the game, all I did was shoot mindless and uninteresting enemies, occasionally broken by performing some lame action move. There was hardly any fast, intense action or objectives to complete. Worse, there was hardly any interesting details or Easter eggs to be found anywhere. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Everything just felt concrete and hardly a joy to experience.
The enemies are just pathetic and nonsensical. Gone are the realistic AI and complex decision making. To compare, the programmers who coded the original game had both guards paroling the level or standing in one stop and keeping an eye out on the hallways, kind of like a deadly game of cat and mouse. This game, however, felt that cheapening out and having enemies spawn out no were and running in to a new room that you haven't explored would have been a great idea. Is it?
OF COURSE IT ISN'T!
Not only does it feel rather insulting, it just isn't fair that enemies can just come out of nowhere and ambush you without reacting fast enough to kill them in time before you loose a truckload of health.
Still, don't panic to much though, because the game designers gave you some mercy by allowing you to fill your life bar just as long as you don't get hit for a period of time, you know, the same tiresome, old feature just about every single other FPS game made to date seems has. By the way if you can't tell from my tone, this is absolute bulls***. You know you've got a poorly created level design and game play when the only way you can survive is by having you life refill for you. Its garbage like this that just make FPS games these days the numbingly dull and easy to beat crap it is today, and me begging the question why a lot of people prefer FPS games these days over the ones made in the 90's. God damn, at least back then when producers of FPS game gave a crap, they made games not only challenging, but kick ass at the same time.
Artistically, there isn't much that can be said. Everything is, to put it in like terms, pretty much the same shade of color through the whole game, making for a rather boring, and in some way, nauseating color pallet. Seriously, after sometimes playing this game for a couple hours upon end, it actually gave me numerous headaches and pains in my body. Trust me; I'm not an unhealthy person who sits in front of his TV screen all day, oh by the way, before you start labeling me, NO, I'm not at all one to bash on the Wii's technical limitations, because there really are game on this console that actually look wonderful.
I will say this however; I bet the game could have been far more colorful if it weren't for the lighting in this game. Why? Most of the levels have the same, inky black, dark as hell lighting which covers the levels at least 90% of the time. Hell, thanks in part of this nonexistent lighting, figure out what I was suppose to do or which way I was suppose to go an agonizingly painful process, especially when it came to fighting against a massive enemy unit in a gigantic, cluttered room. I cant count how many times I spent just blindly shoot everywhere without hitting anyone, while they, on the other hand, could take easy pop shots at you without error. To reference an old saying that I've used before: THAT IS JUST LAZY PROGRAMING.
Hell, even musically, there is absolutely no chance that this games soundtrack will ever be as good as any song from the original. None of these emotionless orchestrated scores really added any atmosphere or any feeling of danger at all. Instead, it just seems to drone on in the background and drains your energy. Compare that to the original. Each song, while I'll admit each baseline was pretty much the same; almost all of them added something to the overall experience for that game. You might just lower the music in this game to zero and plug some Slayer on your I-pod and play away. At least it might actually have a chance at that point.
Either way, after playing the game all the way through, I doubt you'll ever want to touch the single player again.
As for the Multiplayer, seeing as how I didn't find anyone to play with (since I don't have on-line for my Wii and were to lazy to invite people to play it), I guess I can't really complain about this, nor can I give any credit BUT I know I disappointed SOME users that I didn't include a full multiplayer section in this so called awful review, so I'll try to elaborate a bit more. Upon further research, the game does have a traditional four player split screen mode and online mode, complete with an assortment of scenarios and characters. Typical stuff here really so it still doesn't improve much. Besides, even if you do or don't have anyone to play with, don't you think they would at least give us some bots to play with? Every single James Bond game from 2000 onward had this feature, so why not this one?
This concludes with me asking one question. When, oh when, are they ever going to release Goldeneye on the X-box live arcade as a true remake? I've seen both the screen shots and the leaked videos on Youtube and it looks a whole lot better than this game will ever dream of, so what's taking so long to make it? If you are new to the whole Goldeneye experience, please, whatever you do, just play the original over this game; you'll be happy you did.
Reviewer's Score: 3/10 | Originally Posted: 12/07/10, Updated 10/08/12
Game Release: GoldenEye 007 (US, 11/02/10)
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