OOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMM AAAAAAAAAAA H H O O M M M A A H H O O M M M A A H H O O M M M A A H H O O M M M AAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHH O O M M A A H H O O M M A A H H O O M M A A H H O O M M A A H H OOOOOOOOOOO M M A A H H ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *******************************[SPOILER WARNING]******************************* This script obviously gives away the storyline, but nothing else (how to play or complete the game etc.). So if you haven't completed the game and don't want to find out what happens, I'd advise not reading the script. ******************************[/SPOILER WARNING]******************************* This Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas game script was written by Graeme Murphy, A.K.A. Omah. I did the missions whilst recording them on my VCR. Then, after I’d finished a section of missions, I stopped, then wrote the script with the help of the subtitles. None of this was copied, every single letter was written by me. Do not use this on your site unless you have my permission, although the dialogue belongs to Rockstar Games, Inc., I wrote it. If you are interested in putting this on your site then please send me an email at email@example.com. No small free sites though. If you spot any mistakes, or have any suggestions, or just want to make a comment then please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sites who currently have permission to use this are: --- gamefaqs.com --- neoseeker.com --- gamepro.com --- supercheats.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thanks to the following people for their input: --- Pmorris18 --- Crips --- Deimos37 --- DOMiNiONxP --- MorbidAnimation --- MakotoShugo --- 100 Acre Wood ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This script has very strong language throughout and some sexual language, so don't read it if you are offended by language of that ilk. The language is in the game, therefore, it wouldn't be right to edit it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Version history: Version 1.00: Original finished product. Version 1.01: Permission section added. Version 1.02: Mistake corrected. Version 1.03: Permission section updated. Version 1.04: Permission section updated. Version 1.14: The script changed to a movie style layout and some typos and mistakes corrected. Some wording also slightly adjusted. Version 1.15: Three mistakes corrected. Version 1.17: Some mistakes corrected. Some script added. Version 1.18: Mistake corrected. Version 1.19: Spoiler warning added. A few tweaks to description. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Game Script Los Santos Missions (AREA) Opening Movie (On screen) Francis INTL. Airport, Liberty City, 1992. CJ is at the airport. CJ (voice-over) After five years on the East Coast, it was time to go home. (On screen) Los Santos International Airport. A previous phone call is heard. Phone rings. CJ 'Sup? SWEET Carl, it's Sweet. CJ Whassup, Sweet, what you want? SWEET It's Moms... She's dead bro. CJ gets into a taxi. Police pull over the taxi. Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez get out. TENPENNY (into megaphone) Passenger. Show us your hands. Stop. Get down on your knees. Now down on your stomach. There you go. Hernandez cuffs CJ and takes his money TENPENNY I'll take that Hernandez. CJ Hey, that's my paper man. That's money. TENPENNY This is drug money. CJ My money, man... PULASKI Hey don't worry about it, I'll fill it out later. TENPENNY Welcome home, Carl. Glad to be back? You haven't forgotten about us, have you boy? CJ Hell no, Officer Tenpenny. I was just wondering what took y'all so long. TENPENNY Get in the car. CJ Ease up, man. Damn. TENPENNY Watch your head. Tenpenny bangs CJ's head on the car as he's putting him in. TENPENNY Oh! My bad. PULASKI (to taxi driver) Get outta here, you grease-ball bastard! (To himself) Stupid Mexican... (To Hernandez) Oh, hey, sorry. CJ My bag. Hey, man, my bag! View on police car driving. TENPENNY How you been, Carl? How's your wonderful family? CJ I'm here to bury my Moms. You know that. TENPENNY Yeah, I guess I do. So what else you got shakin' Carl? CJ Nothing. I live in Liberty City now. I'm clean. Legit. TENPENNY No, you ain't never been clean, Carl. PULASKI Well what've we got here? TENPENNY This is a weapon, Officer Pulaski, that was used to gun down a police officer not ten minutes ago. Officer Pendelbury. A fine man, I might add. You work fast, nigga. CJ You know I just got off the plane! PULASKI It's a good thing we found you and retrieved the murder weapon. CJ That ain't my gun. TENPENNY Don't bullshit me, Carl PULASKI Yeah, don't bullshit him, Carl. CJ What the fuck you want from me this time? TENPENNY When we want you, we'll find you. In the meantime, try not to gun down any more officers of the law. CJ You can't leave me here - it's BALLAS country. TENPENNY I thought you said you was innocent, Carl? That you don't bang? PULASKI (into his radio) This is car 58... WHAT?! TENPENNY See you around like a doughnut, Carl... PULASKI Officer Pendelbury's down? We'll be right over. CJ Ah shit, here we go again. Worst place in the world. Rollin Heights Balla Country. I ain't represented Grove Street in five years, but the Ballas won't give a shit. Carl Johnson (BOSS) Big Smoke (MISSION) CJ is in his house. He hears voices from when he was younger. KENDL Stop it! What are you doing? Carl, Brian, stop it! CJ Quit it! Moms will hear! KENDL Mom! They're up to something! Big Smoke enters the room holding a baseball bat. BIG SMOKE You picked the wrong house, fool! CJ Big Smoke! It's me, Carl! Chill, chill! BIG SMOKE CJ, my dog! Whassup? Hey baby, you OK, man? CJ No, man, it's my Moms, homie... BIG SMOKE Hey, I don't know why this had to happen, but I promise you, I'm going to find out who killed your Moms! The streets is cold, dog. Like it says in the book, we are blessed and cursed. CJ What fucking book? BIG SMOKE Same things make us laugh, make us cry. But right now, we gotta take care our business. Go see your brother at the cemetery. C'mon, let's bounce. CJ and Big Smoke get into Big Smoke's car. BIG SMOKE You want to drive? CJ Yeah, that's cool. Nice car, Smoke. BIG SMOKE You know me. It's not cut. Keep the value in it. Keep it real. Carl Johnson (BOSS) Sweet & Kendl (MISSION) CJ and Big Smoke enter the cemetery, where Sweet, Ryder and Kendl are already waiting for Big Smoke. BIG SMOKE I've missed you these five years, man - they gonna be real happy to see you. (To Sweet, Ryder and Kendl) Hey, what's up, y'all? Look who I found hanging around. KENDL Carl, hey, good to see you. CJ I can't believe she's gone, man. SWEET That's another funeral you ran away from, fool. Just like Brian's. CJ Hey, she was my Momma too. SWEET Not for the past 5 years she wasn't, nigga. Kendl starts walking away. SWEET And were the fuck you think you're going? KENDL What? get out of my face. I'm going to see Cesar. SWEET The hell you are, girl! You ain't messing with them eses, you know we beefing - KENDL Look, I love him! And what the fuck are you? SWEET At least I got principles. KENDL Oh, and I guess that makes you an upstanding American. Carl, tell him! SWEET Carl, don't tell me shit, bitch. CJ As long as he treats her right. Disrespect you, and he's dead. SWEET (to CJ) How the hell you gonna say that? Like it's any business of yours. KENDL Fuck you, Sweet. CJ Oh, shit - here we go again. SWEET This shit's real fucked up. Everything! CJ What you mean? SWEET What, apart from your Mother being dead? Things are going real bad. Here, let me show you, running man. Tony's buried over there. Little Devil over there, Big Devil over there. Man, it's just crazy - everybody blasts on fools first then asks questions second. The four homies are walking to Big Smoke's car. RYDER Ballas! Drive by! Incoming! Big Smoke's car gets blown up in the shooting. BIG SMOKE Awww, mother-fucker, my car! SWEET We gotta get back to the 'hood, man, it's too crazy round here! Grab a bike and pedal. Even you ain't forgotten that. ///MISSION\\\ SWEET Shit! A Ballas car is onto us! Split up! Sweet splits and CJ and Big Smoke have to follow Ryder. RYDER Keep up, mother-fucker! ///MISSION\\\ The four homies meet at Grove Street. RYDER I got with them mother-fuckers though - showed them niggaz who's gangsta. Ryder, nigga! SWEET So when you leaving, Carl? CJ I ain't sure. Thought I might stay. Things is fucked up. SWEET Well, the last thing we need is your help. CJ Aw man, I won't let you down, I swear. SWEET Hey, we're gonna call up some 'hood rats and chill the hell out. You want some? CJ I gotta whole lot going on, and I'm tired. I'll catch ya'll later. BIG SMOKE Hey yo' just drop in. We all hangin' out. RYDER Yeah, and get yourself some colours, fool. And a haircut - it's embarrassing to be seen with you! Ryder (BOSS) Ryder (MISSION) Ryder is in his house. CJ enters. RYDER Hey, man, what you want? CJ Seeing my homie. What's up with you? RYDER Yeah, homie, yeah yeah. It's good to see you back. CJ No homie love? No hug? RYDER Oh, for sure, for sure my nigga, my bad. What's crackin' with you? CJ Hey, man, what you strapped for? RYDER Man, some pizza place keeps painting over our hit up, man! That shit is beautiful. Teach the owner a lesson. He's fucking with Grove Street. You down? CJ I'm always down. RYDER Ahhh, yeah... Let's go, bitch. ///MISSION\\\ CJ has just walked out of the barbers, Ryder is outside. RYDER (one phrase) Shit! I told you he was crazy! Man, you jacked up! (another phrase) RYDER You know something? I take it back. Old Reece still got it cracking. (always the same phrase) Man, what's this? Shit looks ridiculous. No respect for the 'hood, all clean and shit. You're looking too skinny, CJ. Go and get us something to eat. I'm gonna finish this. Then I'm going to take care of business. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is ordering some food, Ryder walks up to the counter holding a gun. RYDER Give up the money! This a raid! PIZZA CO. EMPLOYEE Ryder! Not this again! RYDER It ain't me, fool. PIZZA CO. EMPLOYEE No one else is that small! I feel sorry for your dad! CJ Shit, you crazy! Let's get up outta here! RYDER Same old CJ! Busta! Straight busta! Pizza Co. employee fires a gun towards CJ. RYDER Oh, shit! RUN! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder are outside Ryder's house. RYDER Better drop by and see Sweet. He's been yapping on about that graffiti, too. Later, homie. Sweet (BOSS) Tagging Up Turf (MISSION) Sweet and Big Smoke are playing basketball in Sweet's yard. SWEET C'mon fat boy. C'mon fat boy. Fat boy - look at you, look at... BIG SMOKE Yeah, yeah, watch out. Fool... Watch this, watch this... Ah ha ha ha! Bam! CJ walks into the yard. SWEET Look who's here, it's running man. What, you think you back on the set? CJ I told you that, bro. SWEET Your word don't mean shit around here. CJ C'mon, man, gimme a break. SWEET We gotta go hit up the 'hood. BIG SMOKE Hey, CJ. SWEET Let them know you're back on the set. The Johnson brothers are rolling again. Take this paint and go hit shit up. Start with our own set first. BIG SMOKE Later on, we'll spread out and take the whole 'hood back. SWEET You already spreading out, fat man. Now let's play. Let's see what you got, pork chop! CJ walks out of the yard, Sweet follows him. SWEET Hey wait up. CJ Thought you'd hang with your brother, huh? SWEET Aw, ease up, little man, c'mon, it's been difficult. You wanna drive? CJ Yeah, for sure. ///MISSION\\\ CJ parks the car, CJ and Sweet get out and head towards a tag under the bridge. SWEET Watch for those rollers as I tag this up. Sweet sprays over a Ballas tag. SWEET There's another two Balla tags in the 'hood. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls up and gets out of the car. SWEET You hit this up here, and I'll go up and do another 'hood. ///MISSION\\\ Sweet pulls up in the car. SWEET CARL, QUICK, GET IN! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are in Grove Street. SWEET Like riding a bike, ain't it, boy? CJ Yeah, it all comes back. SWEET How you doin' on the feddy? CJ I'm kinda short, you know. C.R.A.S.H. took all my paper, man, left me with nothing but small change... SWEET Here, get yourself a beer or something. I'll catch up with you. Sweet (BOSS) Cleaning The Hood (MISSION) Big Smoke, Sweet and Ryder are in Sweet's house. BIG SMOKE (to Sweet) Hey, you gotta keep it real, man. SWEET Man, nobody give a shit about the 'hood. BIG SMOKE I do! SWEET All they do is sell yay and ruin the place. No crack ever made a gang tight. BIG SMOKE I don't know, man. CJ enters. CJ Whassup, ya'll? SWEET Whassup, CJ? RYDER What's cracking? SWEET Man, all they care about is smoking and money. BIG SMOKE You can't knock a homie's hustle, Sweet. SWEET Them marks ain't soldiers. They're idiots trying to be business men. BIG SMOKE Yeah, but they're down with us, man. SWEET All they down with is money. CJ - go down there and show these fools you mean business. these chumps from the Ballas are sweating the homies. Go put pressure on them. Just do it. CJ We been putting time in the 'hood, but we gotta get the homies back together, like the old days. SWEET Yeah, you right! So you and Ryder go handle your business! (to Big Smoke) Man, they'd slang to their own Momma. They don't care about nothing. BIG SMOKE You're naïve, my friend. We gotta keep our focus. CJ and Ryder are walking out of Sweet's house. CJ We need some back up. You seen B Dup? RYDER Nah, but him and the homeboy Bear, they'd be good to have on our side. CJ Oh! Big Bear? Yeah, them base slangers going to be sorry now. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder are in B Dup's hall. RYDER Hey, slow down, fool. You don't even know which door it is. CJ Whatever, man. This it? RYDER Yeah, this is it right here. CJ knocks on door. CJ Open up! You sure he still live here? RYDER Fool, I told you this it. CJ bangs again. CJ Open up! B DUP (from behind the door) Who the fuck is it? (opens door) CJ? What the fuck you want? Get the fuck outta here. CJ Wait, hold up, man. What happened to 4 life, nigga? B DUP The only thing that matters is the 'hood, homie, but you'll never understand what getting this money is like. You know what, man? Get the fuck outta here before you be laying on your back. Big Bear, come check this fool. CJ Hey, Bear? Big Bear, that's you? Hey, you still from the 'hood, homie, or what? B DUP Nah, the only thing Bear give a fuck about is smoking and keeping my house clean. Ain't that right, Big Bear? BIG BEAR Hell yeah. B DUP Hell yeah, what? BIG BEAR Hell, yeah, sir! B DUP Now go make that mother-fucking toilet sparkle. CJ Oh - no, man... Bear! Come on! BIG BEAR Everyone likes to party sometimes, CJ. I'll see you around. B DUP Stay the fuck from around here - punk! CJ Hey, nigga, fuck you! CJ and Ryder walk out of B Dup's front door. RYDER Damn - this shit's fucked up. CJ I see what you mean now, man. If crack can do that to Big Bear, turn him into a base slave, the average mother-fucker ain't got a chance. RYDER Damn dope fiends and drug addicts everywhere in this city. Piss me off. CJ Looks like it's up to us then. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls the car up near a crack dealer. RYDER Hey, check it out! Somebody's selling to one of the homies! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder are looking down on the crack dealer. RYDER Hey, I know this cat! He a punk, used to run with a Front Yard Balla OG from Idlewood. I know his place, it's just across the tracks there. Let's check it out! CJ Eh, ain't that Front Yard turf? RYDER Man, are you a busta? CJ No, I'm down, homie! ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls up outside of the Crack Den. RYDER Ooo-eee! Man, you can smell a crack den a mile away! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder enter the Crack Den. RYDER Good afternoon, Balla dope pushers! Grove Street OG's come to do damage! Balla Fuck them Grove Street fools! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder are in Grove Street. RYDER Now that the base ain't getting pushed up in their faces... Maybe these fools should be up for some real bangin'! CJ Yeah, Grove gonna get back on its feet now for sure though. RYDER Later, homie. Sweet (BOSS) Drive-Thru (MISSION) CJ, Ryder, Big Smoke and Sweet are leaving Sweet's house. CJ What's happening with you, Ryder? BIG SMOKE Respect has to be earned, Sweet - just like money. SWEET So what you saying? You don't respect me? BIG SMOKE What I'm saying is... SWEET Speak up, nigga! BIG SMOKE I'm hungry! CJ Oh, man! Shit... Hey, what's going on? BIG SMOKE Man cannot live on bread alone. I know. I've tried that shit. Carl, you look a little thin, man. You gotta be hungry, man. CJ Yeah, I could eat. RYDER Man, what you fools trying to eat? What about some tacos? BIG SMOKE Tacos? Again? Hell no. Chicken, man. No discussion. RYDER Man, I don't want no chicken... ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Sweet, Big Smoke and Ryder enter the drive-thru at Cluckin' Bell. CLUCKIN' BELL EMPLOYEE Can I take your order, please? BIG SMOKE Carl, what do you want? You gotta eat to keep your strength up, man. CJ Hey, I'll take a number 9 - fat boy. RYDER Gimme a number 9, just like his. SWEET Let me get a number 6 with extra dip. BIG SMOKE I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda. CJ Hey, sorry, Bro, you know I gotta know about Moms. SWEET I know CJ, I know. I mean I'm just trying not to think about it, is all. I mean, I didn't even know she was hit until it was all over... BIG SMOKE Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. Let's eat. RYDER Hey, don't we got beef around here? We been getting into it with these fools. BIG SMOKE I can't stand cold food. unlike you, I ain't never ate from a trash can. RYDER Oh, shit - trash can bitch! BIG SMOKE Pass me my food. RYDER Hey, hey look - Kilo Trays scoping us out! SWEET Damn, Ryder, you're a jinx! CJ Shit, them mother-fuckers headed to the 'hood! SWEET DRIVE-BY! ///MISSION\\\ The car pulls up outside Sweet's house, all four homies are in it. BIG SMOKE That's one up for the Grove! RYDER Say what, Smoke? All you managed to do was eat my damn food up! BIG SMOKE Yeah, it was gettin' cold! SWEET Y'all comin' in for a beer? BIG SMOKE Nah baby, I need to get back to the crib. CJ, gimme a ride? CJ Alright Smoke, let's go. See y'all later. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke pull up outside Big Smoke's house. BIG SMOKE Hey thanks, Carl. Hey, I've missed having you around, baby. CJ Thanks, man. I wish Sweet thought like that. BIG SMOKE He don't mean it, CJ. He's still real tor' up about your Moms, man. Here, get yourself a little smokey smoke on Smoke, and relax, homie. Sweet (BOSS) Nines And AK's (MISSION) Big Smoke, Ryder and Sweet are in Sweet's house playing a dice game. BIG SMOKE Gimme 15, mother-fucker. RYDER I'll right it down in a second. I ain't going to pencil whip you, fat sucker. Let me play first. CJ enters. CJ A'ight, whassup? BIG SMOKE Whassup, man? SWEET What's cracking. CJ Who's winning? BIG SMOKE Who do you think, huh? Me! RYDER That does it. That's game null and void, mother-fuckers! CJ So, what kind of guns we working with now? RYDER One-times came through, raided the spot. We ain't got shit now. CJ Well what you going to do if Ballas roll through, throw shoes at them? Say, what happened to Emmet? SWEET Emmet? Shit, gangstas these days got Mac's, AK's and all kind of stuff. Emmet, on the other hand, ain't got shit. CJ Well, until we get that plug, we gotta deal with a cat that always been there for us. BIG SMOKE Emmet's Seville Boulevard Families, we ain't too close these days, but nonetheless, I'll take you to see him. Get ourselves strapped up. Come on, man. ///MISSION\\\ Emmet is in his yard. CJ and Big Smoke enter. BIG SMOKE That's my man right there, you know what I'm saying? Emmet accidentally fires his gun. EMMET Hey! Who shot at me? What you kids want? CJ Hey, hey, pops, hey, what's happenin'? EMMET Aren't you Beverly Johnson's boy? CJ That's right. EMMET Brian! Say, ain't you dead? CJ No, Emmet - the other one. Carl. EMMET I'm sorry about Beverly. BIG SMOKE That's why we're here, sir. We want to get the people who did it. EMMET Well, you've come to the right place. Try anything you like, boy. Big Smoke and CJ look inside a bin. BIG SMOKE Man, look at this old shit. Big Smoke is preparing to shoot a glass bottle. BIG SMOKE Die, little glass Balla fool! Big Smoke shoots the glass bottle. ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke shoots three glass bottles. BIG SMOKE Shit, I'm the best there ever was! ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke rolls and shoots a glass bottle. BIG SMOKE Cap your ass! Big Smoke shoots another glass bottle. BIG SMOKE And your ass! Big Smoke shoots another glass bottle. BIG SMOKE You want some too? Big Smoke shoots another glass bottle. BIG SMOKE Ice cold, baby! Big Smoke shoots another glass bottle. BIG SMOKE I knew I was the chosen one! CJ Oh, man, check out 'Special Agent Big Smoke'! ///MISSION\\\ All three are still in Emmet's yard. BIG SMOKE Damn, you a killer baby, ice cold! But remember something, real strength comes from within, my brother. EMMET Listen to the boy. BIG SMOKE Yeah, I guess Liberty didn't soften you none, huh? Hey look, let's split. Hey, I'll see you around Emmet. EMMET I'm 100% behind you boys. But remember this, you didn't get 'em from me. And remember this. Emmet is the place for guns! I've always got high quality merchandise. And I've been proudly serving the community for over 30 years! BIG SMOKE Crazy old fool. Hey look, you drive, man. CJ I seen newer cannons than this strap in a museum. Where we goin'? BIG SMOKE Man, I'm real tired, dude, drop me off at my crib, baby. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke are outside Big Smoke's house. BIG SMOKE Thanks, CJ, I'll see you around. CJ Later, Smoke. CJ's phone rings. CJ Speak. Sweet (BOSS) Drive-By (MISSION) Ryder and Sweet are outside Sweet's house. RYDER I can drive as well as CJ, man, I'm telling you. CJ comes along. RYDER Hey, homie, whassup? CJ Hey, what you saying about me, fool? SWEET Whassup, man? RYDER I'm saying that the East Coast made you drive like a idiot, fool! Man, you always crashing cars and shit. And for some reason, now you back, all it is, is 'CJ drive here, CJ drive there'. Bullshit! SWEET Man, why don't you take it easy. RYDER No disrespect, man, but you can't drive for shit! CJ Thanks, man. No, no, no, say what you really mean. SWEET You such a good gunman, homie, you gotta ride shotgun. Show CJ what's cracking. RYDER Hey, you know something - you're right. Yeah, CJ, you can drive, homie. SWEET He's trippin'. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls the car up near some Ballas. Sweet, Ryder and Big Smoke are also in the car. SWEET Yeah - Ballas turf. You dogs ready? CJ Yeah, for sure, I'm ready. SWEET Carl, just concentrate on the driving and we'll take care of the shooting. RYDER Listen to the man, fool! And try not to park us up a tree or something. SWEET Yeah if the car stops, we're dead meat. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls the car up outside Sweet's house, the other three homies are also are in it. SWEET You're down with the Grove and the Ballas know it, so watch yourself from now on, CJ. CJ Yeah, yeah, for sure, you know that. I'll see y'all later. BIG SMOKE Here, take this, go get yourself some beers. Sweet (BOSS) Sweet's Girl (MISSION) CJ enters Sweet's house. CJ Sweet, Smoke? Shit, where are all the homies at? ...Fuck they at? Damn! Fuck it! CJ walks outside Sweet's house. CJ's phone rings. CJ Eh. CUT TO Sweet and his girl crouching behind a house. SWEET Carl! No time to chit-chat! Been seeing a Seville Families bia. Word got out on the street and the boys don't like it. I'm pinned down in the Seville 'hood, and we need a ride out of here, pronto. CJ Oh for sure, man. Hang in there! SWEET Drive by Emmet's and get heated. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls up in a car, Sweet and his girl get in. SWEET Seville Families on our case, nigga! ///MISSION\\\ CJ pulls the car up outside Sweet's house. CJ, Sweet and his girl get out. SWEET (to his girl) I'll see you inside, baby. (to CJ) Man, this set tripping is killing the Families. You did good back there! CJ Hey, I'm a Johnson boy! SWEET Hey, I got unfinished business. Big love. Sweet (BOSS) Cesar Vialpando (MISSION) Sweet and Kendl are in Sweet's house. SWEET I'm tired of you not listening to me, girl. KENDL And I'm tired of you acting like you own me. I can see who I want to see. SWEET It just ain't right you seeing some cholo mother-fucker. KENDL Ohhh, what - a no good narrow minded hypocrite gang banger telling me what is right and what is wrong. Let me guess, Sweet - senseless killing right, but a boyfriend from the Southside, wrong? SWEET Some things ain't just meant to happen. I mean what if ya'll have kids. Leroy Hernandez? That don't sound good, girl. KENDL His name ain't Hernandez. SWEET Well, Leroy Lopez then. KENDL Or Lopez, either, you racist fuck! That ain't how Moms raised us. SWEET I ain't racist. I just know how they feel about you. And look at you, you're dressed like a hooker! CJ enters. KENDL Oh and I guess you two would know what a hooker look like, huh. CJ You say it like it's a bad thing! SWEET and KENDL Shut up, Carl. SWEET I'm just trying to protect you. KENDL For what, so I can date one of your mindless friends? I don't think so. SWEET Don't say a word, Carl. just follow your sister, before you see another dead sibling. Then you'll know exactly what my problem is. She's meeting him at some cholo car club. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside the mod garage in Willowfield. A mechanic is in a low-rider. MECHANIC So, you must be Sweet's bro', huh? He phoned ahead, said you might be looking for a car that bounces. Well I owe him big from way back, so here, this should do the trick. Custom springs should see you hopping all the way home! Try her out. Very popular with the eses - they compete in these things. You can usually find them over by Unity Station. If you ever want to mod your ride, come back any time, man. ///MISSION\\\ CJ parks his low-rider at Unity Station, an ese comes along. ESE You up for a bounce, homie? ///MISSION\\\ After CJ wins the contest the ese comes over. ESE I've seen worse, but you did alright. Kendl comes over and hugs CJ. KENDL That shit was alright! Eee! So since when has my brother been a low-rider? CJ Since Sweet told me to keep an eye on you, make sure that whatever you're dating don't get you in no trouble. Cesar comes over. CESAR Que honda? Nice hopping, holmes. KENDL Well you just shook that whatever's hand. Cesar hugs Kendl. CJ Hey, get your dirty hands off my sister! KENDL Carl! What is wrong with you? CESAR Holmes, you acting like she's your woman, eh? She's with me, cabron. So chill the fuck out. I treat her good. KENDL (to Cesar) Look, baby, don't start no shit. Don't make it worse, OK? Two eses come over. ESE 1 Horale vato. Who's this pendejo? KENDL What? Dickhead? This dickhead is my brother! CESAR East, holmes. He ain't from nowhere. He's cool. ESE 1 Well I say he ain't cool, holmes. I say he thinks he's gangster, man, and I don't like it. So you know what you can do for me, man? You can fuck off, pendejo, and then maybe we cool. CJ No, you fuck off, I'm talking to my sister. KENDL Carl! CESAR Jose, c'mon, holmes, I can handle this. This is important to me. ESE 1 Horale pendejo you lucky. That's right, you lucky Cesar's spoken for you. Vamanos muchachos. (to ese 2) Let's get some fucking beer, huh. I'm thirsty. The two eses go. KENDL Carl! What the hell were you thinking? CESAR (to Kendl) Look, baby, go get in the car, OK, I'm gonna speak to Carl. Kendl goes. CESAR Look, holmes, I love your sister, I honour her, she's my girl for life. This is why I stop you from being skinned just then. You got a problem with me, fine, we don't have to be friends. But Kendl, she's happy with me, carnal. CJ Yeah, OK, I guess we're cool. For now. CESAR Cesar Vialpando. CJ Carl Johnson - CJ. CESAR Cabron! You got a nice ride there, holmes. Maybe we'll get to kick it again soon, eh? CJ Yeah. Maybe. Big Smoke (BOSS) OG Loc (MISSION) CJ knocks on Big Smoke's door. Big Smoke and Sweet come from around the back of Big Smoke's house talking between themselves. SWEET Yeah, you know Jeffrey's been somebody's bitch for the past three weeks, right? BIG SMOKE I know! CJ notices Sweet and Big Smoke and vice versa. CJ Hey. BIG SMOKE Hey, CJ! SWEET Hey, what's up, CJ? CJ Whassup? BIG SMOKE Whassup, man? Wanna go to prison? CJ What? SWEET Nah... To pick up Jeffrey. He's touching down today. You wanna roll? CJ Yeah, for sure. What's Jeffrey doing locked up, anyway? SWEET We'll talk about that later, man. Let's roll, we're late. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Sweet and Big Smoke pull up outside the prison. OG Loc is waiting for them. BIG SMOKE Hey, there that fool go. SWEET Look at this fool, man... Perpetrating like he bangin'... BIG SMOKE ...Think he hard... I know that fool can't be serious. CJ Hey, what's happening with you, Jeffrey? OG LOC Hey, man, it's OG Loc, homie - OG Loc! CJ My bad. How was it, though, homie? OG LOC Man, what you think? How was it... BIG SMOKE (to OG Loc) Hey, chill out, dude. So what you want to do now? OG LOC Man, I gotta kill some cholo mother-fucker. He was dissin' me, man! BIG SMOKE Hey Jeffrey, I thought you was going to, uh, college. OG LOC Man, fuck you! Mother-fucker done stole my rhymes. He's in East Flores. Hey, gimme a strap. SWEET Man, why don't you stall us out with that shit and get in the car. Fool. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, OG Loc, Big Smoke and Sweet pull up outside Freddy's house. OG LOC Man, this is the spot! CJ Ain't this a Vagos' 'hood? OG LOC Man, I don't give a shit, I'm gangsta! BIG SMOKE C'mon, let's leave Loc to deal with Casanova. CJ Hey, I'll stick with Jeff - I mean, Loc! SWEET OK, cool. I'll see you guys back on the set. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and OG Loc go up to Freddy's door. OG LOC Freddy! I've come for you, you mother-fucker! CJ Hey, Loc, hold up! FREDDY Jeffrey, you got the wrong idea, man - that was just a prison thing! I got plenty of muchachas on the outside, I don't need your scrawny ass! OG LOC Man, ignore him, CJ, I don't know what he talking about. Hey, yo', gimme back my rhymes you thief, I'm gangsta! FREDDY You dropped the soap, sugar, I don't know nothing about any rhymes! Freddy comes out of the back door, hops onto a motorbike and rides away. OG LOC Hey, hey! Mother-fucker's making a run for it! CJ Hey Loc, get back here, nigga you crazy! OG LOC Eh yo', back off me CJ, I gotta protect my rep'! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and OG Loc are standing over Freddy's dead body. OG LOC Don't you say a damn thing, CJ. CJ Was you lonely, Loc? Hey, I like a nice moustache myself! OG LOC I keep it real, unlike you fake ass mother-fuckers. CJ C'mon, gangsta. Let's get back to the Grove. OG LOC Nah, I can't, I gotta go and sign in for this damn job! CJ Whatever you want. You want a ride anyway? OG LOC Sure thing. Let's roll. ///MISSSION\\\ CJ and OG Loc pull up outside the Burger Shot. OG LOC Thanks for the ride, CJ. Don't be a stranger, fool. CJ Yeah, for sure, I'll see you around. OG LOC Like a quarter pound! Later. Big Smoke (BOSS) Running Dog (MISSION) CJ walks up to Big Smoke's door. Tenpenny and Pulaski are just leaving Big Smoke's house. TENPENNY (to CJ) BOO! CJ Asshole. TENPENNY Yo Carl, see you around... CJ (to himself) Fuck they doing over here, anyway? Punk-ass police. Big Smoke emerges from his house. BIG SMOKE Those nosey mother-fuckers won't leave me alone! Think I'm Mr. Big, or something. But I don't tell them shit. For me, it's all about my homeboy, Carl. CJ Yeah, whatever you say. BIG SMOKE Yo, the gang's real important, CJ, you know that! You down to represent, baby? CJ Yeah. BIG SMOKE Look, my cousin is coming into town from Mexico, I gots to go scoop her up. CJ Alright then, c'mon. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke pull up alongside two eses. BIG SMOKE OK, my cousin Mary's in there, sweet sticky bud fresh off the plantation. Here, pull up here, let me do the talking. CJ Man, I shoulda known. BIG SMOKE (to the eses) Hey - excuse me, Jose, yo soy El Grando Smokio, and I want that grass? Comprende? ESE 1 Eh, fuck you cabron. CJ What? BIG SMOKE Now that ain't nice. Coughio up el weedo, before I blow your brains out all over the patio. ESE 1 Chinga a tu madre, pendejo. CJ Man, let me get the heater on this... Big Smoke sneaks out of the car with a baseball bat. CJ Get him, Smoke. Yeah, yeah, you go get that shit, nigga... Big Smoke hits ese 1 over the head with the baseball bat. ESE 1 Damn! BIG SMOKE Yeah, mother-fucker, Big Smoke! Remember that name! CJ and Big Smoke run after ese 2. BIG SMOKE We gotta stick with him! Big Smoke stops. BIG SMOKE I ain't built for this shit! ///MISSION\\\ Wrong Side Of The Tracks (MISSION) CJ is outside Big Smoke's house. Tenpenny and Pulaski come out of Big Smoke's garage with Big Smoke still inside it. TENPENNY Hey, Carl, keeping busy, I hope. CJ You know me, Officer Tenpenny. TENPENNY Yeah, I know you, Carl. I know everything about you. CJ Don't touch me. Get you pig hands off me... TENPENNY That's right, Carl, I got my eye on you. CJ And? Like I give a fuck. PULASKI We're watching you, Carl! Pulaski throws his cigarette at CJ. CJ Mother-fucker! Tenpenny and Pulaski leave. Big Smoke comes out of his garage. BIG SMOKE What was that all about, baby? CJ You tell me. BIG SMOKE Aw hell, man, they got their nose in everything. Can't shit without Tenpenny taking an interest. The hell with him. CJ Yeah, I guess. What's really up? BIG SMOKE Hey, thinking of taking a little ride. Three deep mentioned a little something that might put us deeper in the game. CJ A'ight, I'm down. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke pull up at Unity Station. CJ What we looking for, Smoke? BIG SMOKE Some Vagos cats meeting some San Fierro Rifa, cutting some kind of deal. CJ San Fierro? I thought Northern Mexicans don't mix with Los Santos eses. BIG SMOKE Shit, you got me. CJ That look like them! BIG SMOKE Mother-fuckers clocked us! Four eses jump on top of a train leaving the station. BIG SMOKE We got to get these fools! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke are outside Big Smoke's house. BIG SMOKE Hey, you better clear out, CJ. I don't want those C.R.A.S.H. fools trying to pull you into some shit! CJ Alright, homie. You be careful with those cats. I'm gonna see you later. Big Smoke (BOSS) Just Business (MISSION) CJ walks up to Big Smoke's garage but doesn't see him in there so he knocks on his back door. Big Smoke pops up from behind his car in the garage. BIG SMOKE Hey, CJ, baby, whassup man? CJ What's happening, Smoke? BIG SMOKE Chillin'. Wanna go for a ride? CJ Yeah. BIG SMOKE You drive. CJ A'ight. BIG SMOKE We're going downtown. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke are walking up to the building in Downtown. BIG SMOKE Look Carl, before I walk in there I just need to know you down with this shit, man. CJ Look, Smoke, we go way back. We Groves, man! BIG SMOKE That's what I'm talking about, that's my dog! Hey look, if you hear shit start to pop off, come in there blasting, a'ight? CJ I'm down, dog. (to a woman sat at a table) Hey, baby, want company? BIG SMOKE (from inside the building) Mother-fuckers! CJ runs into the building. BIG SMOKE CJ, get in here - oh there you are! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Big Smoke jump on a motorbike. BIG SMOKE Time to return the favour baby, get on! ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke is driving the motorbike with CJ on the back. A truck bursts through the barriers on a bridge and lands just behind them. ///MISSION\\\ With Big Smoke still driving and CJ still on the back of the motorbike, Big Smoke drives onto the ramp of the truck and goes over it just before it explodes. ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke brings the motorbike to a halt in a car park. CJ We lost 'em, Smoke! Man, we better split up. BIG SMOKE I'll take it --- (the motorbike) --- another block and dump it. Man, that was some crazy shit back there! CJ Yeah, for sure. Listen, we can't hang around here - I'll see you later, homie. BIG SMOKE Much love, baby! Ryder (BOSS) Home Invasion (MISSION) Ryder is digging in his garden. CJ enters. RYDER (to himself) Damn! Where the fuck...? CJ Man, what you doing? Digging graves? RYDER Damn, where the fuck did I put it, man? CJ Put what, nigga? RYDER Man, the fucking water. I need a little something before I go deal with things. CJ What things, fool? RYDER My homie, LB - he told me about this army mother-fucker who's got all the guns we need. Not that old school Emmet bullshit neither! CJ I'm down. Let's roll. RYDER Yeah, you always down, homie. Apart from when you ain't around here. CJ Nigga, fuck you. RYDER Damn! Man, you want some of this? (his joint) CJ No, man - I'm cool on that. Where we going? RYDER This till overlooking East Beach. Better yet, we better wait until it's dark, catch the mother-fucker while he in bed! CJ Yeah - I'm feeling that. RYDER Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's it... C'mon, nigga, what you waiting for? Look! Ryder points to the ground. CJ Let it go. CUT TO CJ and Ryder getting in a Boxville van. RYDER Get in fool! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder pull up outside the house in East Beach. RYDER Let's storm the place. CJ Hold up. Let's creep in, grab the guns, and bounce out. RYDER Yeah, yeah, I got it - ninja style! Right... (to the man in the house) Come out you old bastard! CJ Shut up! RYDER He can't stop me, you busta, Carl! OK, fool, in you go - I'll keep watch. ///MISSION\\\ CJ gets back into the Boxville van. CJ Let's get up out of here. Ryder gets into the Boxville van. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder are just coming out of the lockup garage. RYDER You see, I told you! Simple! CJ Yeah that was a real breeze. RYDER Say, CJ - you gotta get it in your head that this is everyday shit, homie. CJ OK, look, I'm tired, I'll see you later. RYDER A'ight, holmes. Just think about what I said. Ryder (BOSS) Catalyst (MISSION) CJ walks into Ryder's house, Ryder is cooking up some drugs. CJ Hey, Ryder? What the hell you doing? RYDER Nigga, I couldn't find that wet I buried, so I'm making my own. It's easy, fool. CJ Oooh! That's strong. Man, don't do that! You'll sauté the both of us. Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez enter. TENPENNY Morning, boys. RYDER Man, who you calling a boy, fool? TENPENNY What should I call you? Midget? PULASKI How about prick? TENPENNY Prick... PULASKI Yeah, prick works. RYDER Man, fuck you. TENPENNY Bitch, get outta here. Tenpenny takes a smell of what Ryder has been cooking. TENPENNY Mmm... Smells good. What's cooking? Where's mine? RYDER Man, just chill out, a'ight. Move. Ryder hands Tenpenny a bottle of his brew. RYDER Here. Don't be sweating me, mother-fucker. TENPENNY Mmm, my wife loves this stuff, man. Anyway, there's a train gonna make an unscheduled stop just down the way. It's got a, how you say, 'little something something' on board for you boys. Square business, man. PULASKI Catch you later, homeboys. RYDER Asshole. TENPENNY Oh Carl, try not to kill any more respected police officers. Please? PULASKI Crime has certainly gone up since you got back, kid. CJ Just doing my part for the community. TENPENNY Your train's gonna be there in five. ///MISSION\\\ Some Ballas drive up to the train where CJ and Ryder are. ///MISSION\\\ CJ climbs onto the back of the train. The train sets off. CJ Damn, what is that? RYDER Chill out, fool, we're gonna be right behind you! ///MISSION\\\ CJ gets back in Ryder's car, along with another GSF homie. RYDER Hop in the car and stamp out, fool! ///MISSION\\\ CJ drives the car into Grove Street and backs it up into Ryder's Driveway, still with Ryder in the car. RYDER Damn, homie, your stuff was tight! CJ You too, homie! RYDER LB's coming over to stash the shit. CJ OK, later then. RYDER For life CJ, for life - you heard? Ryder (BOSS) Robbing Uncle Sam (MISSION) Ryder is smoking a joint in his garden. CJ enters. CJ Hey, Ryder! This nigga's loaded... Ryder! RYDER Yeeaahh, CJ... Hey, CJ, tell me why I didn't finish high school. CJ Because you been dealing drugs, man, since the age of ten! RYDER No, that ain't it. CJ Because you went and put hands on that teacher for wearing Ballas colours! RYDER No, that ain't it either. It's 'cause I'm too intelligent for this shit, man. I am the real deal, fool. Oh yeah. A genius. CJ Oh, oh yeah... RYDER Who has more straps than anybody? Who has all the straps, huh? CJ A man with a lot of guns? Shit, I give up! RYDER The army, my nigga, the army! Let's go. CJ Yeah... Yeah! Ryder pushes the joint towards CJ's face. RYDER Go hit the wet, nigga. Go hit the wet! CJ Get that outta my face, man, you know I don't fuck with that, man. C'mon! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder pull up outside the National Guard Depot. RYDER This is the spot - National Guard Depot. CJ Man, this shit look real serious. Are we up for this? RYDER It's National Guard, fool! Weekend soldiers! Ain't no match for Grove Street OG's! ///MISSION\\\ CJ puts the sixth and last crate into the van. RYDER C'mon, CJ, we got enough! CJ, get up front and drive us outta here! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Ryder park the van down an alleyway. RYDER That shit was tight! CJ Tight? Man, that shit was shit. RYDER Man, you say you down for the homies, but all you do is complain. OG Loc (BOSS) Life's A Beach (MISSION) CJ is outside the Burger Shot with OG Loc, who is pulling a mop and bucket. CJ Looking real technical, gangsta! OG LOC Carl? You ain't run off again yet? CJ No, gangsta, I'm here for good. OG LOC Yeah? Well, fuck this gig, man. I'm putting together a listening party for my album, but first I need a sound system... CJ Hey, I'm down, as long as I don't have to go to the party. OG LOC What you talking about, fool? Guaranteed I start playing, everyone'll come through. CJ Being real, OG, I really ain't into rap no more. I'm more into that hardcore gangsta shit. OG LOC Well that's me, homie, that's me! OG Loc, baby! CJ Yeah, yeah, for sure. But I only like them if they rhyme real well... Y'know, well... Anyway, what you want me to steal? OG LOC That's what I'm talking about, love for your homies... Now check it, I caught me a real fly sound system cruising through the drive- thru. I think they headed down to the beach for a beach party. Now check this out, I'll roll with you, and on the way I'll kick a couple of freestyles... (rapping) It's OG Loc in the place, y'all want to stop me with a gun in your face, OG! OG! CJ Yeah yeah yeah yeah, man, look, shut the fuck up. Maybe I need to do this on my own. I believe in you. Gangsta 4 life, homie. 4 life! OG LOC Yeah - for life, homie... ///MISSION\\\ CJ drives the van into a garage. Madd Dogg's Rhymes (MISSION) OG Loc is in the Burger Shot bathroom with a mop and bucket. OG LOC (rapping) Hey hey hey, it's OG Loc, homie, and I'm gonna kick it a little something like this... Hey yo', when I came through up in the place, You don't want me to call with a gun in your face... I feel it harder, Than anybody in the world could do, Just like a... A man comes out of the toilet cubicle. MAN Yo'! That shit sucks! Damn! The man goes. OG LOC Damn - my shit was whack! CJ enters. CJ Hey, what's happening, Loc? OG LOC Hey, Carl - what up, man? CJ Hey, dude - you ever thought about getting a writer to help you out with this shit? OG LOC Yeah, I did. But who, homie, who? CJ Shit, I ain't in the rap game, you know, that ain't my thing. But we'll have to think about something. Man. OG LOC How about if I get somebody to write something for me, only they didn't know about it? CJ What? OG LOC I think I just might have found a ghost writer. I'll become the reciter, all nighter, all righter! Madd Dogg's rhyme book! From his home in the hills! CJ Madd Dogg's rhyme book? OG LOC Man, you said you'd help, Carl. C'mon, man. (rapping) I'm hot, Like fire, All nighter, All righter, When I kick it, I feel I hit it... CJ Hey hey hey'ey'ey'ey. I'll do anything, homie. I swear that. OK? ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The rhyme book is in Madd Dogg's recording studio. (On screen) Madd Dogg's personal security are patrolling the mansion. Do not use any guns on your way to the rhyme book - you will alert them. Use stealth to steal the rhyme book. (On screen) The first guard cannot see you. This means you can sneak up behind him with a melee weapon and perform a stealth kill. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) A guard is patrolling the swimming pool area. Observing his route will allow you to work out how to get passed him undetected. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) A guard is coming. (On screen) Find a suitable place to hide before he spots you. Look for an area with shadows. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) If you walk straight past the guard here he will see you. Try crouching and walking past the bar to remain out of his line of sight. A man is playing a computer game. MAN This sucks. I mean, how could Refractions mess up so bad? Tanner, you suck ass! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is walking up to the Burger Shot. OG Loc is standing outside it. CJ Hey Loc, I got what you wanted. OG LOC Holmes, you ice cold, dude! CJ Hey, I'll catch you later. OG LOC Peace, homie! OG Loc (BOSS) Management Issues (MISSION) CJ is in the Burger Shot. CJ Hey, 'scuse me. Loc around here? BURGER SHOT EMPLOYEE Whuh? Who? You want fries with that? CJ Loc, is he available for coh-myoo- nee-kay-shun? (communication) BURGER SHOT EMPLOYEE Who? Loc? Oh you mean Jeffrey! Yeah, our Appliance Technician called in sick so Jeff- LOC, he got promoted. CJ So... BURGER SHOT EMPLOYEE So, he's out back cleaning the fryer. CJ goes out back, were OG Loc is cleaning the fryer. CJ Hey, what up, Loc? OG LOC CJ. What's up, homie? Hey - my shit is so tight right now, it's about to bust! CJ So you happy now, homie? OG LOC Happy? Man, hell, no. I can't take this shit much longer. Man, I'm an artiste! I'd rather be inside! Man, I can't get a deal for nothing. Mother-fuckers always wanna keep a nigga down. And that Scipio, Madd Dogg's manager, is putting it on me real heavy, man. He crampin' my style for real. CJ Heavy? Man, he's five foot three. OG LOC But that fool strong. Man, we gotta take him out. He done blackballed me, man. I can't get in the game no way. I told you I'm an artist, a communicator and nobody can even hear my message. He's going around, telling everybody I'm whack. CJ Well, he obviously ain't heard your new shit. That shit is outrageous. OG LOC That's what I'm talking about, man. Down, with a frown, on the town, a sad clown. CJ Alright, so what you want me to do? OG LOC I want you to take that mother- fucker out! CJ Kill him? OG LOC Well, I didn't mean date him. Listen, he's gonna be attending some awards ceremony, and that's the only time he leaves Dogg's side. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in one of three parked cars. MAN (via radio) Hey, what kept you? Come on we need to go and pick up the boss! CUT TO the Awards Show. REPORTER Congratulations on your award, you must be thrilled! SCIPIO Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd like to thank my fans, my Momma and my dealer. Cut back to the three cars. MAN (via radio) Hold position in the middle of the motorcade until we get to the Awards Show. Stick close and let's roll! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is waiting in the car while people are leaving the Awards Show, Scipio gets in the car, along with a woman. SCIPIO Hey, man. Take me back to Dogg's mansion. CJ Not today, asshole. Today we're taking the scenic route, via the bottom of the ocean! ///MISSION\\\ The car flies over the edge of the pier, minus CJ. SCIPIO (slow-motion voice) Holy FUUUUUUUUUUCK! Between missions. CJ is walking up to the Burger Shot, OG Loc is coming out. OG LOC (to somebody in Burger Shot) Hey, fuck you, man! And I don't care what you heard, I ain't nobody's Ass Technician, bitch! CJ Hey, hey, whassup, Loc? OG LOC 'Technician' ain't gangsta, that's whassup! CJ I heard that! OG LOC Listen, Carl. If I'm going back to a cell, I wanna have a big party first. This may be my last chance to get heard. CJ OK, so what's the plan? OG LOC Well I'm gonna slide back over to Grove Street and get those sounds bombastic-fantastic. CJ Alright, so what do you want me to do? OG LOC I want you to get ready for the party! Then get some girls, man! CJ OK... OG LOC Get some real fly girls, you know what I'm saying? The ones in bikinis and shit, in the videos? I told you, brother, I am the chronicler of our struggle, the voice of the Families, like Moses, only keeping it real. You know what I'm saying? OG Loc (BOSS) House Party (MISSION) OG Loc is rapping at a party in his house. OG LOC Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is me, OG Loc, in the house, baby... And I'm gonna... drop it down for all my real gangsta niggaz... All of my gangsta bitches... CJ enters. OG LOC (still rapping) Speaking about gangsta, look at my man CJ right there - what up, nigga? What UUUUUUUUPPPP... CJ (to Ryder) ...Thought the mother-fucking mic was broke... RYDER Hey, what's up, homie! CJ What's up, Ryder. RYDER All the homies in the back, man, away from this whack music. CJ Man, I'm furious. RYDER C'mon. OG LOC (still rapping) I'm the man in the place, Punch you in the face, A gun in my waist... It's Loc, baby! Yo' it's Loc Loc - it's Loc Loc... Ryder and CJ go outside into Grove street, where Sweet and three GSF homies are. RYDER Damn, man, his lyrics is horrible! CJ That dude need some work, man. RYDER Hell, yeah. SWEET What up, fellas. CJ Hey, what's up with you, baby! SWEET So you back on the block, huh? CJ Hell, yeah! SWEET You a real killer, huh? RYDER What he done that I ain't - huh? SWEET What you talkin' about, nigga? CJ Yeah, relax, man! A GSF homie pulls up on a bicycle. HOMIE Hey, a Ballas posse is about to run up! They headed up here right now! SWEET Looks like we backed them Ballas against the wall, huh? RYDER Hey, CJ, strap up! It's Grove Street! Sweet, Ryder and the three GSF homies run out of OG Loc's house. RYDER I'll go get Smoke and some Grove boys! SWEET OK, get some cars, block the road. The rest of y'all get heated. Sweet and a GSF homie block the road with two cars. Two Ballas cars pull up. ///MISSION\\\ Four more Ballas appear on the bridge. SWEET Hey hey, look up, more of them on the bridge! ///MISSION\\\ More Ballas appear from down the alleyway. SWEET Carl! Cover the alleyway! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are heading back to OG Loc's party. SWEET GROVE IS KING! CJ Man, I ain't never seen the Ballas roll that deep before. SWEET Yeah, they heard Carl Johnson was running with his brother again! CJ Yeah, fo' sure. SWEET C'mon, let's get back to the party. CJ Shit man, once Loc got off the mic', then the party got started. Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) High Stakes, Low-Rider (MISSION) CJ walks into Cesar's driveway. Kendl and Cesar are in a low- rider. CESAR Heeeyyy, CJ, you made it! CJ What's the bi'ness? KENDL Hey CARL! CJ Hey, baby. CESAR Nice ride, man. That's no carrucha! You sure you want to risk that baby? CJ Yeah, I'm sure. How much they talking about? CESAR It's hard cash or your pink slip in the pot. Con Safos, eh. Then you pull up and race. First past the post wins, con chota, sin chota. CJ OK, for sure, I'm down. CESAR Watch out, CJ, these boys don't like to lose, eh... CJ Yeah, well me either. CESAR Follow me to the race, dude! ///MISSION\\\ Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) Burning Desire (MISSION) CJ enters the doughnut shop. Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez are sat at a table. TENPENNY HEY! CARL JOHNSON! CJ! CJ (to himself) Oh, shit... TENPENNY Come on over here, son! TENPENNY (to Hernandez) Move over, let him sit down, asshole! (to CJ) So you finally found time to drop by. CJ Man, I've been busy. I've been burying my Moms, man. PULASKI Sounds like a fucking excuse to me. TENPENNY Officer Pulaski thinks you're trying to screw with us, Carl. Now you get this straight. We own you. You're ours. We can shit on you from such a height you'll think God himself has crapped on you. You understand? PULASKI He better fucking understand. TENPENNY Yeah, he better had. Time to go to work, CJ, and earn your freedom. There's a guy holed up across town. You got that address, Pulaski? Another gangbanging, drug-pushing, cop-killing bitch, just like you. We don't like him and he don't like us. Now you make sure he never leaves the neighbourhood - not even in a box. Now get the fuck outta here! ///MISSION\\\ CJ sets a house sets on fire. A Vagos homie comes running out, burning. (On screen) You've trapped a girl inside the burning building. You'll have to save her. ///MISSION\\\ CJ walks into the bedroom with Denise inside it. DENISE Oh God, I'm so scared! The ceiling collapses on the landing. DENISE OH-MY-GOD, what was that? CJ Hey, the building's starting to collapse, we gotta get out of here, fast! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Denise exit the burning house. DENISE Hey, man, I owe you my life... ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Denise pull up outside Denise's house. CJ Hey, what's your name? DENISE Denise, Denise Robinson. Give me a call sometime, we should go out, or something. CJ Yeah, I'd like that. DENISE OK, I'll catch you later, CJ. Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) Gray Imports (MISSION) CJ is walking into the doughnut shop just as Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez are coming out. PULASKI Carl! CJ Damn! PULASKI Where you off to? CJ Shit! TENPENNY Where you running off to, Carl, I thought we were friends?! CJ Yeah, whatever. TENPENNY As an officer in charge of putting an end to gang violence, I find myself in a difficult moral position, Carl. CJ Yeah right. TENPENNY Carl, I'm hurt, I truly am. And just as I was about to help those poor Grove Street boys. CJ Oh yeah? How? TENPENNY I like the status quo, Carl. I like having all you bastards doing my job for me - blowing each other's guts all over the sidewalk. CJ Dumb bastards? TENPENNY Now, if it's brought to my attention that one tribe gets an unfair advantage over another, that truly troubles me, Carl. CJ So what you saying, man? TENPENNY I'm saying the Ballas have brains, Carl, they watch the news. I'm saying they're making friends, cutting deals, and tooling up for more than half-assed drive-bys. Lots of cheap guns coming into America since the fall of the wall, Carl. CJ Man, cut that bullshit, Tenpenny - just say what you mean, man. TENPENNY Go check out a bust freight warehouse down the docklands and you'll see what I mean, Carl. CJ Yeah, OK. PULASKI Y'all take care, now! CJ For sure. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The Russians and the Ballas are having a meeting inside the warehouse. (On screen) You will have to find some way inside. ///MISSION\\\ Sweet (BOSS) Doberman (MISSION) (On screen) This is Ammu-Nation, you can buy weapons and ammunition here. (On screen) This is Glen Park, which is Ballas territory. (On screen) You must take out the enemy gang to gain this territory as your own. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The territory is now owned by the Grove Street Families and is marked green on the radar. (On screen) Your gang members can now be found in this territory. (On screen) Your territory will come under constant attack from enemy gangs and you must defend it. (On screen) When an attack takes place the territory will flash red and an icon will be placed on the radar. (On screen) You will gain respect and money for taking over territory, the money will appear in Grove Street. A Balla comes running out of a house. BALLA Tenpenny set me up! ///MISSION\\\ Los Sepulcros (MISSION) CJ and Sweet are in Grove Street. SWEET Carl, whassup, baby brother? CJ What's happening. SWEET Peep this - Tenpenny just came by. Said that one of them Ballas that you and Smoke laid out, Little Weasel, is getting buried. And all the OGs gonna be there. CJ At a funeral? SWEET Yeah, we just catch all those ball-sack-ass-niggaz at one time! CJ At a funeral. SWEET Just like Momma's. Let's go pop these mother-fuckers out. Hey, look, we gotta go do something real big. Put Grove Street on the map for good. 4 life! CJ A'ight, nigga. Let's roll. ///MISSION\\\ Sweet's car pulls up at the back of the cemetery, CJ, Sweet and two GSF homies get out. SWEET This is it. Sweet and the two homies jump over the wall. SWEET OK, CJ, come on over! ///MISSION\\\ Sweet, CJ and the two homies are at the back of the graveyard. SWEET Y'all take up positions, and wait for Kane. Here he comes... Looks like that busta's wearing armour. Might take a round or two to drop his ass. ///MISSION\\\ Sweet and CJ pull up in Grove Street. SWEET Man, we was a force back there. Everybody go home, stay low, we ain't seen each other all day, copy? I'll catch you later, Carl. Sweet (BOSS) Reuniting The Families (MISSION) Sweet, Ryder and Big Smoke are watching a porno in Sweet's house. BIG SMOKE Damn, that bitch is bad! Oh, yeah! CJ enters. CJ Whassup, y'all! BIG SMOKE Whassup, playa! SWEET Whassup CJ! Turn that TV off right quick. Listen up, fellas, like we were saying. No more base in the streets. CJ Finally. SWEET Peep this - we're gonna unite the families once more. Because the Ballas have been pumping our guys full of base for too long, while we argue amongst ourselves. So all the Families sets are gonna meet down at the Jefferson Motel. I say it's time we went down there and made it official. Keep that shit off our streets! I vote I'm our representative on this one. CJ That's right. BIG SMOKE Hey, it's all good. If Sweet thinks he can handle it, I'm down with him, man. SWEET A'ight - let's roll, homies. CJ Let's do this. BIG SMOKE Yeah, let's go, man. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Sweet, Ryder and Big Smoke pull up outside the Jefferson Motel. SWEET OK, it's strictly one rep' per set - you guys are gonna have to wait here. CJ We'll be there just in case, bro. SWEET Thanks, homie, but I'm down with these boys. Sweet gets out of the car and goes into the Jefferson Motel. RYDER I don't like this, man. Look at all them other family 'hoods! They used to be Grove Streets. CJ Relax. We straight, they straight. How about you, Smoke? BIG SMOKE Hey, I'm feelin' a little exposed, but I'm good. A police chopper flies above them. POLICEMAN (on a megaphone in the chopper) This is the Los Santos Police Department; everybody stay where you are! CJ gets out of the car. CJ Oh shit! POLICEMAN (on megaphone) All units Rock 'n' roll! Police start to drop from the chopper on ropes. RYDER (to CJ) Man, what you doin'? BIG SMOKE Carl, get back in, man we outta here baby! CJ I ain't leavin' my brother, I ain't no busta! Big Smoke and Ryder start to drive off. RYDER Man, it's every mother-fucker for himself! ///MISSION\\\ CJ enters a bedroom in the Jefferson Motel, where Sweet is. SWEET What took you? Where's Smoke and Ryder? CJ They shook on us! SWEET Fuck it, let's get out of here! CJ and Sweet are on the roof of the Jefferson Motel. The police chopper is still hovering above them. POLICEMAN (on megaphone) This is the Los Santos Police Department. SWEET CJ, that chopper's all over us! Hit it! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet run out onto the pavement. SWEET Ah shit, what now? CJ It's Smoke and Ryder! Big Smoke and Ryder pull up in the car. RYDER Get in! CJ and Sweet get into the car. CJ Hit the gas! Eh man, I'm running low. (on ammunition) RYDER I got a 'K here! ///MISSION\\\ Two policemen are on motorbikes. They drop their doughnuts. POLICEMAN 1 Waste of good doughnuts. POLICEMAN 2 Let's roll. ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke is driving high speed down an alleyway. All four homies are still in the car. SWEET Slow down, Smoke, SLOW DOWN! BIG SMOKE Oh shit, the brakes is out! The car slams through an advertising board and onto the motorway. It crashes into a truck and blows up. CJ, Sweet, Big Smoke and Ryder had jumped out just before the car went through the board and over the edge. BIG SMOKE Shit! That's gonna be a hell of a story to tell when we passin' the blunt! SWEET Man, that was some serious shit! Woo! RYDER Fuck this! We gotta get outta here! SWEET Ryder's right, everybody split up, and we'll meet up later. Sweet (BOSS) The Green Sabre (MISSION) Sweet and four GSF homies are in Sweet's house. SWEET So this is it - this is when we show the Ballas what bangin' is all about. Grove Street is king! Say it with me niggaz, Grove Street is KING! Yeah! HOMIES GROVE STREET IS KING! CJ enters. SWEET Whassup, CJ. Where you been? CJ Hey sorry, bro, I got caught up. SWEET Yeah, you probably was hittin' one o' them Ballas rats. Yeah I know what you was up to, nigga! (to the four homies) Listen up - y'all down with CJ, right? He's been through a lot, I mean we all been through a lot. But CJ's helping us clean up the 'hood. He's taken the fight to the enemy - CJ Yeah. SWEET Showing all of us how we used to bang, what it used to mean to be a Grove Street Family. CJ, you're my brother, my running dog. I should have never doubted you. CJ It's nothing. SWEET But you're home now, partner - home. CJ For sure. SWEET Listen up! I want all y'all to go get heated, and meet me Downtown under the Mulholland Intersection. We're gonna roll on these Balla mother-fuckers! HOMIE 1 A'ight, a'ight! SWEET I'll see y'all in traffic. HOMIE 2 Yeah, let's roll! Throughout Sweet's speech the homies were constantly agreeing. SWEET (to CJ) You in? CJ Hell yeah, I'm in, I'm your running dog, Sweet. SWEET Yeah, my nigga... Alright, you go get heated up, and I'll meet you at the crossroads. CJ is outside Sweet's house, his phone rings. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar are in a car down an alleyway. CJ So you dragged me way across town to see... what? CESAR Just in time, ese, take a good hard look over there. CJ So, some Ballas hanging around a dope spot, so what? CESAR Just watch, homie. Ryder and Big Smoke come out of the door that the Ballas have just walked out of. CJ What the fuck? Oh, no! Shit, Smoke, what you into? CESAR Ssshhh, ese, look at that ride... Big Smoke and Ryder pull open a garage door, Tenpenny is inside the garage along with a green Sabre. (car) CJ That's the mother-fucking green Sabre! (to himself) Shit, Smoke... C.R.A.S.H. makin' you sell us out! Moms! CESAR Sorry ese, I heard a rumour and poked around. I didn't believe it myself but... CJ No, no, you did the right thing. I owe you, Ces. I gotta go tell Sweet about - Oh, fuck! Sweet! Look, go get Kendl and take her to a safe place! CESAR What you thinking? CJ It's Sweet, I think him and the homies is walking into a trap! Just go, GO! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at the Mulholland Intersection. There is a battle going on between the GSF homies, (including Sweet) and the Ballas. Sweet has been shot and is stumbling to the floor. CJ Eh, Sweet man, you alright? You been hit! SWEET CJ... Where you been? CJ Cesar called, showed me some shit. It's Smoke, and he in deep with Tenpenny and some Ballas! He sold us out! SWEET It doesn't matter, man - you gotta get out of here. The cops gonna arrive any second. CJ Nah man, I ain't runnin' out on my brother! Yo', Ballas! I'm taking you mother-fuckers, you hear me? I'M TAKING YOU ALL DOWN! ///MISSION\\\ Police close in on the battle. CJ holds his hands up in the air whilst Sweet is clutching his stomach on the floor. CUT TO CJ, Tenpenny and Pulaski in a police car in the middle- of-nowhere. CJ has a bag over his head. Hernandez is outside the car having a piss. TENPENNY You got a bag over you head, boy. How you feel about that? CJ Man, take it off. Please, man, I can't breathe! Please! TENPENNY Oh, alright. But only because you said please. Tenpenny takes the bag off CJ's head. CJ You fucking sick mother-fucker! TENPENNY Intimidate those who intimidate others, Carl. It's my job. Right, Ed? CJ Hey, man, where we at? TENPENNY The middle-of-fucking-nowhere. Nice, clean air. CJ Fucking Smoke! Oh, Sweet! TENPENNY Sweet is alive. Alive and inside. He's in a prison hospital being treated for gunshot wounds, awaiting trial. PULASKI Yeah, somehow, nobody's caught you yet. TENPENNY Oh yeah, you should be glad, Carl. Your moron brother's alive. Your street trash, soon to be turned out sister's alive. And, she's only sucking one grease-ball's dick. Things are going pretty well for you, Carl. So behave, nigga. PULASKI We want you to do a little favour for us, Carl. CJ, Tenpenny and Pulaski are now outside of the police car. Hernandez is still pissing on the side of the road. CJ I can't believe that nigga Smoke turned on me. PULASKI Smoke? Smoke does exactly what he's told. He learned that lesson a long time ago. TENPENNY Homies for life? Street loyalty? That's all bullshit, Carl. Didn't you learn that when they ran you out of town, just 'cause you let Brian die? Huh? Eddie, I can't deal with this guy. He's an idiot! PULASKI Let me air this fucker out, I... Pulaski shoves a gun in CJ's face. TENPENNY No no no no no no no, Officer... For once, let's let the kid do something good with his useless life. He's gonna help us with the fight against crime. Right, Carl? PULASKI Yeah. By any means necessary. TENPENNY Now you stay the fuck away from Smoke, and stay the fuck away from us. Otherwise Sweet is going to find himself on a Ballas block getting in touch with his feminine side. Hey Hernandez, you going to piss all day? CJ (to Pulaski) Get your hands off me, man. PULASKI For some reason, we've got a little problem with a former friend of ours, he seems to disagree with some of our methods. CJ Now who could do that? TENPENNY Yeah, you'll never find anybody as fork-tongued as this snake ass bastard. Soon as he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he'll whistle any tune Internal Affairs want him to. PULASKI See, they've got him hiding up Mount Chiliad someplace, so they can manipulate his testimony any way they want to. TENPENNY I want you to pay him a little visit, Carl. And destroy all his evidence before he testifies. PULASKI Sort this out, Carl, so Officer Tenpenny can sleep easy at night. We want evidence he ain't gonna talk. Countryside Missions (AREA) Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) Badlands (MISSION) ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in between the trees half-way up Mount Chiliad. There is a cabin near him. (On screen) He's inside, (the snitch) smoke him out! Watch out for the feds! (On screen) Remember, you need a photo of him in one piece! ///MISSION\\\ A car is driving away from the cabin. (On screen) The snitch is getting away! ///MISSION\\\ Catalina (BOSS) First Date (MISSION) Catalina is in a bar threatening two men with a knife. CJ enters. CATALINA (to man 1) You want some, fatso? (to man 2) You big streak of Yankee piss. (to man 1) I seen fucking eunuchs with more balls than you. Catalina slashes man 2 with the knife and then holds it to man 1's neck. CATALINA (to CJ) What the fuck did you want? CJ Nothing, I'm looking for a friend of mine's cousin. Mexican guy. He ain't here... CATALINA You? But Cesar said you was a real man. CJ Lady, I'm a God fearing, peace loving, man of the people. CATALINA Whatever, asshole, let's go. CJ Damn, relax, baby. Catalina (BOSS) Tanker Commander (MISSION) Catalina is holding a gun to the window at the gas station. CJ is with her. Two men are inside. CATALINA Hand over the takings, or I blow your fucking balls off! MAN This here's bullet-proof glass! So you can just fuck off, bitch, before I call the sheriff! DEREK (man 2) What are you doing, son, just give her the cash! CATALINA Suit yourself, maricon. Change of plan, Carl, we're taking the tanker! MAN Hey! What you doing? ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina are in the tanker, the two men come out of the shop in a car. MAN I ain't losing another crappy job because of some crazy bitch! C'mon, Derek, we're going to stop those bastards! DEREK Do I have to? ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina pull up the tanker in a truck yard. Whittaker is there. CATALINA Hello, Mr. Whittaker! WHITTAKER Catalina! What have you brought me today? CATALINA A rig and tanker, full to the brim with premium gas! WHITTAKER Never seen it, never saw you, never gave you this wad of cash! CATALINA Nice not doing business! WHITTAKER Likewise. Now get out of here, before the cops come snooping. You ever want to run some freight for me just drop in. I've always got shit to move. CJ and Catalina are just outside the truck yard. Catalina gets on a motorbike. CATALINA Goodbye! The Truth (BOSS) Body Harvest (MISSION) CJ goes into a Motel. Tenpenny is sat on a chair, stoned and still doing drugs. CJ (hasn't seen Tenpenny yet) Hello? Hello, somebody in there? TENPENNY In here. CJ Check this shit out. What do we have here? TENPENNY Yo', Carl! What up, kid? CJ Hey, what's happening? Oh, is this undercover training? Oh no, you must be off duty. TENPENNY Yeah, yeah, whatever, hush up man. Mr. Truth here is going to be supplying you with some of the finest... weed, and you are going to deliver it for us. CJ Hey, man, you losing it, you hallucinating and shit. TENPENNY Whuh? Oh - Yo', Truth, come here, man. The Truth enters. THE TRUTH Welcome friend. CJ Whassup? TENPENNY Carl here is going to be paying you your money. CJ What you talking about? TENPENNY Now, Carl, I got a real do gooder fucking with me, and I want you to take this evil green poison, and drop it on him. It's going to ruin that asshole's career. CJ Oh bullshit. THE TRUTH Dudes, you want mushrooms? Ludes? How about some DMT? TENPENNY No, not for me, man. I gotta jet. Oh, shit... I'm fucked up. Yo', Carl, pay the man. Tenpenny exits. THE TRUTH Whoa man! I never thought I'd see that. A fed out-smoking me. What are you, dude? FBI? DEA? CJ No, I'm more like a private investigator. THE TRUTH Friend, you give off a positive energy. How about some Vietnamese opium? CJ Nah, I don't get down with that. THE TRUTH But how do I know I can trust you then? CJ What, I'm working for you now? THE TRUTH I'm a man of peace but some squares across that ridge are not respecting my peace. I mean survivalist maniacs. Right wingers. Fascists! They have a harvester and I need one. Get it, and then you can pay me. Amaste, Carl. CJ The fuck that mean? Later, freak. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The combine harvester is located at the field towards the back of the farm. (On screen) There are several groups of survivalists working, they will not take kindly to any strangers. (On screen) Get into the farm and steal the combine harvester. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and The Truth are at The Truth's farm THE TRUTH Man, you've brought peace back to my valley, thank you, friend. I'll call you when the whoop-de-doo is ready, just make sure you get that cash. ///MISSION\\\ Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) King In Exile (MISSION) Kendl and Cesar are in a trailer. CJ enters. KENDL Hey Carl. CJ How you doin' sis? CESAR This ain't over, man. I did this to take care of my woman. But now I'm gonna head straight back home, and I'm gonna cap me some fucking dope dealers! CJ Hey look, you go into the barrio with that big willy bullshit, and you gonna get shredded. KENDL And I ain't losing you over no macho bullshit! CJ Hey, relax, man. I'm gonna get handled when it's time. CESAR We already know who the fucking bad guys are, man, your stinking Grove Street brother Smoke, and those chota pigs Tenpenny and Pulaski! Smoke, he's a pusher, man! CJ No, no, not Smoke, he might mess with C.R.A.S.H., but he don't mess with no yay. KENDL Come on, CJ! How you think he got that new house, huh? Just let that Grove-for-life bullshit go and take a look around you. CESAR Word on the street is twice a week, Smoke sends a car out to San Fierro, and the trunk comes back full of white. CJ Shit. I gotta keep my eye on the highway to San Fierro. Maybe I'll see something. Just... Just lay low and I'll be back. Catalina (BOSS) First Base (MISSION) CJ is knocking on the front door of Catalina's house. CJ Hey Catalina, baby. It's me, Carl Johnson. Hey baby, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I've had a rough time, baby. You know, maybe I was a little harsh. Please forgive me. C'mon, baby! Open up the door - shit. Is she here? I don't see nothing. C'mon, baby, don't be mad, baby please! Baby, without you, there is no Carl Johnson. Damn, man, shit. Now where is this stupid bitch? Catalina knocks CJ to the floor and holds a gun to his head. CATALINA Here, cabron. Who's the bitch now, eh? CJ Oh baby, baby. I'm so sorry, baby. CATALINA What was that? CJ You so right! Please forgive me, baby. Just don't fucking shoot me! Please! CATALINA You think you sorry, huh? How you going to prove you're sorry? CJ C'mon now, baby, c'mon. I am going to play with you SO rough, baby. CATALINA Keep talking! CJ And I'll take you to rob banks and shit. CATALINA Ohhh? CJ I'll let you kill anyone you want to kill. CATALINA Hm-hmm? CJ I am going to treat you right, baby. Just... c'mon... just please don't shoot me. CATALINA Carl, I think I love you. Catalina moves the gun away from CJ. CJ Err, shit that's great. Cool. Yeah, fantastic. All that. You wanna go rob some shit, baby? CATALINA Hm-hmm, ha ha! Hm-mmm. Catalina (BOSS) Local Liquor Store (MISSION) CJ and Catalina are outside a liquor store. CATALINA This place will be a walk in the park! CJ You mean like the last place? Four men pull up on quad-bikes. CATALINA Who are these cowboy assholes? CJ Hang back a while, see what's what. The four men hold-up the liquor store and steal the cash. MAN 1 We got the cash, let's get outta here! CATALINA Those maricon bastards have our money! The men ride away on their quad-bikes. CATALINA THAT'S MY MONEY! Catalina shoots one of the men off their quad-bike. CATALINA Bleed, stupid mother-fucker! Carl, you drive, I'll shoot! CJ and Catalina hop onto the quad-bike. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina are outside Catalina's house. CATALINA See you soon, handsome. Next time, we play REALLY rough. CJ Yeah, that's cool. But we can also play for some real money. I got some money to... well, it's a long story, but I need some serious paper, fast. CATALINA You come and see me again soon. We rob a real bank. Catalina (BOSS) Gone Courting (MISSION) CJ walks up to Catalina's house. Catalina is in her house. CJ Hey, Catalina, it's Carl! C'mon, let's go, we got banks to rob, baby. Come on, let's go. CATALINA In here, mi amor. CJ A'ight, come on. Let's go. CATALINA You get your sorry ass in here right now, Carl Johnson, or I shove a fucking hand grenade up it. CJ A'ight, I'm coming. CJ enters Catalina's house. The camera view stays on the outside of Catalina's house. CJ Look baby, I really need that paper! Oh, my God. What in hell's name is that? CATALINA This, you fucking prick? This is a rack! I'm gonna torture your sorry ass! You never write to me! You don't call! You treat me like a fucking whore! Like one of YOUR whores! CJ No, baby, please, I ain't into that shit! CATALINA I'm gonna fuck you up! CJ Oh, baby, please no. Please, baby, no! Whipping noises can be heard. CJ Ow! Eh! Ooh! Aw! Ouch! Damn! Oh shit! CATALINA Yes! Faster! Harder! Deeper! Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! (sighs) CJ Maybe we can go out and rob now? Catalina (BOSS) Against All Odds (MISSION) CJ and Catalina are outside a betting shop. CJ You wanna rob a betting shop? CATALINA Yeah. You not man enough? Here, Carl. CJ Satchel charges?! Where the hell'd you get them? ///MISSION\\\ Catalina and CJ are inside the betting shop. Catalina runs up to the counter holding a gun, she points it at the workers. CATALINA Open the backroom door or I blow your fucking face off! Leave the panic button or I'll kill your children too! The worker hits the panic button and the alarm goes off. CATALINA I warned you, you stupid bitch! Stupid fucking bitch! Catalina shoots at the worker but bullet-proof glass is in the way so she kills a customer instead. ///MISSION\\\ Satchel charges that CJ planted blow up the safe that is in the backroom. CJ goes into the backroom to collect the money. CJ OK, I got it! CATALINA About fucking time, you're a fucking sloth! CJ Whatever. Let's roll! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina are outside Catalina's house. CATALINA You impress me, Carl Johnson! Here's your cut, big man. Catalina (BOSS) Made In Heaven (MISSION) CJ is walking up to Catalina's house when Catalina comes storming out of the door. CATALINA Asshole! CJ Damn, what'd I do now? CATALINA You all the fucking same, eh. I see it on television. I read it in books. I hear it in music. You all the same. Fuck this, fuck that. Well, fuck you! CJ Baby, I'm sorry... CATALINA I gave to you, as a woman. No! No more! From now on, we just business partners. OK? CJ Eh, if that's how you want it. But I mean you're breakin' my heart... CATALINA I'm warning you. I'm in a really bad fucking mood. Today I kill everybody who fucks with me! Especially you! Move! Catalina (BOSS) Small Town Bank (MISSION) CJ and Catalina are walking into the bank. CATALINA You're on crowd control so don't take any shit! CJ Yes'm, Miss Catalina, Miss. CJ and Catalina are now inside the bank. CJ (to a security guard) Don't even think about doin' anything, mother-fucker! CATALINA (to an employee) Hand over every last dollar, NOW, BITCH! (to CJ) I'm going to empty the safe. Keep these idiots (four employees) covered! CJ A'ight, you heard the lady, no heroic shit! ///MISSION\\\ Two policemen are sat in a diner. POLICEMAN (on radio) Attention all units - some psychos are robbing the bank at Palomino Creek! POLICEMAN 1 (to policeman 2) Shit, I just bought another doughnut! Don't criminals have any consideration? POLICEMAN 2 We can collect that bribe later. Might as well go and take a look. The two policemen get in a car and drive to the bank along with two policemen on motorbikes. POLICEMAN (outside the bank) We know you're in there! The game's up! Come on out! Come out real peaceable, like! ///MISSION\\\ Two policemen pull up on motorbikes down an alleyway near CJ and Catalina. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina are getting onto a police motorbike each. CATALINA Grab a bike and follow me! You think you can keep up with a real woman? ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Catalina are outside Catalina's house. CATALINA There you go. CJ Thanks. CATALINA One day, Carl Johnson, you will realize. She, she truly loved me, and your heart will break in two. But you are more like the spiny lizard than a man. Goodbye! Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Wu Zi Mu (MISSION) CJ is at a farm. CJ Man, where is this guy? Cesar turns up. CJ Hey, I've been waiting forever, man. Where the hell you been? CESAR Sorry, holmes, I had no idea when the race would be. CJ Riiight - you just happened to show up five minutes after everybody else, huh? CESAR When the gasoline runs through your veins like the burning passion, you know when it's time to race! CJ I think you're getting high on that country air, man! Woozie and three other people show up. CESAR Hey, CJ, look... WOOZIE (to CJ) You haven't been to one of our meets before, where you from, friend? CJ I'm from Grove Street Families, Los Santos. What's happening? WOOZIE Relax. This isn't a parade, pal. But, you know, we gotta be careful. Wu Zi Mu, but my friends call me 'Woozie'. How you doing? CJ Wha...? CJ. Carl Johnson. WOOZIE Listen, out here we like to race for cash or pink slips - racer's choice. Get your car started, we're about to go. Good luck, Carl Johnson. Woozie and the other three people go. CJ (to Cesar) There's something real strange about that dude, man. CESAR Be careful CJ! CJ For sure, man. ///MISSION\\\ CJ pats a car. CJ Oooh, yeah! Woozie and a woman come over to CJ. WOOZIE You drive with style, Carl Johnson - and I never mind losing to a guy who's willing to push himself right to the edge. As for me, I'm a man who honours his bet. CJ Well, you learn pretty fast with the police on your ass. WOOZIE Listen, it's best if we clear the hell out of here as soon as possible because, for some reason, the local police don't appreciate our noble sport. CJ Yeah. Thanks for the advice. WOOZIE OK, I gotta go. Uh, you know what? If you ever find yourself in San Fierro, give me a call, maybe we can do a little business together. Woozie hands his card to CJ. CJ Yeah, I might just do that. Police sirens can be heard. WOOZIE I guess that's our wake up call. Nice meeting you. Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Farewell, My Love... (MISSION) CJ is at the farm with his car. Catalina gets out of her car with a crowbar and kisses a man. Catalina walks over to CJ. CJ Damn, man, now what? CATALINA PIG! CJ What? What'd I do now? CATALINA Oh, so THIS is where you have been, eh? THIS is how you repay my tenderness! You prefer the curves of some car to those of a real woman? CJ Look, Catalina, you called it off, remember, 'just business'. CATALINA What kind of a man are you? When I say 'just business', I mean that I love you! Catalina hits CJ's car with the crowbar. CATALINA When I say, I no interested no more, I mean that I long for you! Catalina hits CJ's car with the crowbar again. CATALINA And when I say that I missed you...! CJ Wait, Catalina, wait! Leave my car alone, I did this for us, for me and you! CATALINA It's too late. I don't love you no more. I love another, OK? CJ What? Then what the fuck was this about? CATALINA I cannot keep my passions holed up, they need a release. That was a good release, like hitting a man with a frying pan while he sleeps. This, CARL, THIS is my new man. (the man that she kissed earlier) Are you jealous? Are you going to fight for me? CJ No, no, I can take rejection. CATALINA You are jealous and a coward! Now let's race! CJ Crazy bitch. ///MISSION\\\ Catalina, her man and CJ get out of their cars. CATALINA (to CJ) You had the unfair advantage! CJ Being a better driver ain't no unfair advantage. CATALINA You think you're clever, but it is you who is missing the point! Not only was he racing, but he was satisfying me, fully! What are you gonna say about that? CJ The advantage of a stick shift, I guess. Yeah whatever, anyway, man, what is it, cash or pink slip? CATALINA There you go! Catalina hands CJ a slip of paper. CATALINA Goodbye Mr. Johnson, I will NOT be missing you! CJ Hey, wait a minute, bitch! What is this shit? CATALINA The deed to a garage in San Fierro. My lover needs his car so we can go to Liberty City. CJ Liberty City? Yeah, whatever, have a good time. CATALINA I will. CJ Fine. CATALINA OK. CJ Go, I ain't gonna miss you. CATALINA GOODBYE! The Truth (BOSS) Are You Going To San Fierro? (MISSION) CJ enters The Truth's farm with a briefcase. The Truth is exercising. THE TRUTH Peace. I've got everything you need, lone traveller. It's in the Mothership back there. CJ Thanks, man. Look, here go your paper. THE TRUTH The karmic circle closes. All is as it should be. Back to the egg. Oooommmmmm. CJ Damn, man, there must be two tons of that stuff back there! THE TRUTH Threeeee. Ramayanaaaaa... What the fuck's that noise? CJ Hey, that sounds like a chopper. THE TRUTH Oh man, narcs! You fucking rat! CJ Dude, don't put that on me! You're the one that deals with Tenpenny! The Truth throws CJ a flamethrower. CJ What's all this? THE TRUTH Calm, brother; panic paves the way to bad karma. CJ Man... THE TRUTH We gotta torch those fields. I only hope Gaia can forgive us! ///MISSION\\\ The Truth is in the Mothership. CJ goes to him. CJ We got a chopper on our tail, we'll never shake 'em now. THE TRUTH Hold on, I got a little something back here I was saving for a rainy day. CJ Holy mother-fucker! Where'd you get that? CJ appears with a rocket launcher. THE TRUTH Found it in a bail of Thai Sticks. Shame really, I was going to make it into a lamp. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and The Truth are outside CJ's garage in San Fierro. THE TRUTH This is the place. Whoa, Jesus dude, looks like you've been fed a bummer. San Fierro Missions (AREA) Carl Johnson (BOSS) Wear Flowers In Your Hair (MISSION) CJ, Cesar, The Truth and Kendl are entering CJ's garage in San Fierro. CJ Mother-fucker! That mute asshole! (Catalina's boyfriend) That fucking snake without a tongue! Gave me this shit-hole instead of a pink slip? I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the whole fucking world! CESAR Holmes, take it easy. At least we're alive. THE TRUTH Carl, friend, fellow traveller, relax, man. You're really killing my fucking vibe here! CJ Well, I'm sorry I'm fucking up your vibe, old man, but I can't wait to get my hands on that mute (to Cesar) and your bitch ass cousin. CESAR My cousin? You're gonna dis' my familia? CJ My bad, man. I'm just pissed for all of us. I mean look, we in a strange place, we got shit to our name, and for once I try to make something work, this garage, and it ain't even a garage. KENDL Then make it into a garage. CJ Oh, that's a great idea, sis! Why don't you shut up? KENDL You know what, Carl, you are a fucking idiot. Your whole life you've wanted something for nothing. Now you've got something, and you don't know what to do with it. Well, make it good enough. We'll help, right? CESAR We got your back, CJ. KENDL C'mon stop tripping, man. (to CJ and Cesar) Both of you. THE TRUTH Woah man, the energy here - it's fantastic. Ommmmm... CJ Yeah, alright, but how am I gonna find some good mechanics to work up in here, man? THE TRUTH I know a few guys. Come with me, friend. They're good people, I swear it. CJ Oh, man - I'm about to ride with this fool again? CJ and The Truth are outside CJ's garage. THE TRUTH C'mon, man, there's these two guys I know - used to work on marine engines, 'til the mob bought their business over in Vice. Now they try and make ends meet by taking any old job. They're a little bit dulled by their habit, but the smoke don't get in the way of their skills with an engine. We'll pick up Jethro first. Last I heard, he was working at a garage over Easter Basin way. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and The Truth pull up at a gas station. Jethro is working under a car. THE TRUTH Hey, Jethro! Hop in, man. I've landed you a real job. JETHRO Hey there Truth dude! Oh man, do I owe you? Coz I swear I paid for that weed, dude! THE TRUTH No, man, we're good, I think. Jethro, Carl. Carl, Jethro. CJ Whassup, man. THE TRUTH Can we swing by the hospital, it's over in Santa Flora district, west of here. CJ Yeah, you sick? THE TRUTH No. The government is, but that's a long story. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, The Truth and Jethro pull up outside the hospital. CJ What we here for, anyway? THE TRUTH Nothin'. Ooh, don't look. Cover your faces. Think about a yellow rubber duck. A van pulls out from the hospital. CJ You tripping again. THE TRUTH Sshhh! The van drives past them and goes. THE TRUTH OK, I've seen enough. Let's go see if we can find Dwaine. He's working a hotdog van at the tram terminal in King's. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, The Truth and Jethro pull up outside a hotdog van where Dwaine is. THE TRUTH Dude, Dwaine, man, how's the hotdog business? DWAINE It's totally shit. Why, what's happenin'? THE TRUTH Uh, my friend Carl here is opening a chop shop. Jethro's in, how about you? DWAINE Ah yeah, cool man. Uh I've got like some shit to take care of first though. So uh, you tell me where you guys are going to be at and I'll meet you dudes there. CJ The garage is on the waste grounds in Doherty. I'll see y'all later. THE TRUTH OK, next stop the cop station downtown. CJ What? You out your mind! Why? THE TRUTH If I told you, the likelihood is you'd get a probe up your ass within a month. JETHRO Like, listen to the man, dude, he's real serious about that shit. CJ Wuh? OK, but you're starting to freak me out with all that space shit, man. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, The Truth and Jethro are outside the police station. THE TRUTH OK, you know the drill. Don't look interested in anything. The same van that came out of the hospital pulls around the corner. THE TRUTH Picture a pink golf ball in your mind. The van goes down the street and away from them. THE TRUTH OK, we're good to go. CJ Where to next, Spacehead? THE TRUTH There's an electronics guy I've had dealings with, goes by the name of ZERO. He could fix a supercomputer with a paperclip. He's got his own shop, but he's always ready to help fellow travellers along the path. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, The Truth and Jethro pull up outside Zero's shop. Zero is sat on a bench outside his shop. ZERO Leave me alone Berkley! This is stalking! Oh, hey, Truth. THE TRUTH Get in, I'll fill you in as we drive. Home, James! ///MISSION\\\ CJ, The Truth, Jethro and Zero pull into CJ's garage. CJ OK, we here. All five men walk into CJ's garage, now including Dwaine. Cesar and Kendl are already in there. CJ A week of hard work and we'll transform this place. Hey, Cesar! Come over here. CESAR Whassup, B? CJ Cesar, this is Jethro, Dwaine and Zero. DWAINE Hey man. JETHRO Dude. ZERO Salutations, my sibling! CESAR Horale, let's get to work. KENDL Hey Carl, look - I think I found a way for us to get paid. CJ I ain't going to no college to study no accounting! KENDL No, idiot, property! CJ Decorating ain't exactly my thing, either. KENDL No, property development! Look, you buy a dump like this, fix it up and sell it. Or better yet, you turn the property into a business. The snowball gets bigger... CJ I dunno, sis, this all sounds big time to me. KENDL Look, Carl, this place is gonna get on its feet, and when it does, we are gonna have money. If you want to make something of yourself, you gotta let your money work for you. CJ Look, I wouldn't even know where to start. KENDL Look, you two (CJ and Cesar) concentrate on the garage, and let me work the property thing, OK? CESAR Yeah, that's my baby girl right there, holmes! CJ Man, you chose her, I'm stuck with her! Carl Johnson (BOSS) 555 We Tip (MISSION) CJ walks into his garage. CJ's phone rings. TENPENNY Carl, how's San Fierro? CJ It's fucked up. I can honestly say I wish you was here. TENPENNY Great. Now, you got the present for that friend of mine, right, you know, the one trying to get me and old Officer Pulaski into trouble? CJ Yeah. TENPENNY Why don't you put that up in his car and give We Tip a call. CJ Hey, mother-fucker, the code of the streets is that I don't snitch. I don't give a fuck if it kills you, me, my brother. Street cats don't call no cops. TENPENNY Carl, he's a D.A. CJ Oh yeah? Well where I go find him? TENPENNY He's at the Vank Hoff Hotel in the Financial. CJ Oh for sure. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The hotel operates a valet service. The D.A. will be dropping his car off here shortly. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The D.A. is driving a blue Merit. remember it, you'll need to identify it correctly when it arrives. Make sure none of the other valets service his car first. ///MISSION\\\ CJ drives the D.A.'s car into CJ's garage. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is on the phone outside Vank Hoff Hotel. CJ Hello? This WE TIP? I seen something highly suspicious you should come check out... Two police cars pull up outside the Vank Hoff Hotel where the D.A. is in his car. POLICE Police! Don't move! Get outta the car with your hands in the air! D.A. Do you know who you're fucking with here? I'll have your badge you moron! POLICEMAN 1 Shut up! You found anything back there? Policeman 2 is checking out the boot of the D.A.'s car. POLICEMAN 2 Found anything? He's got half of Mexico in here! Must be two tons of Mary here! D.A. What? But... but I've never seen... how could it have...? POLICEMAN 1 Eloquent defence you got there, buddy. Carl Johnson (BOSS) Deconstruction (MISSION) CJ enters his garage. Jethro, Dwaine and Cesar are working on a car. CJ Hey, homies! CESAR What up, Carl? Kendl walks over. KENDL What the fuck is going on? Do I look like a hooker to you? CJ What? KENDL Those assholes keep saying shit to me! CESAR Who said this to you? KENDL The construction workers up that hill. CESAR I'm gonna fuck them up... CJ No, hold up, I got this. I need to go and teach them a little respect, huh? CESAR That's right. CJ I been thinking about getting me some new land anyway. (On screen) Scare off the construction firm. (On screen) Destroy all the portables and kill the foreman. (On screen) Construction machinery will help destroy portables. ///MISSION\\\ The foreman comes out of a mobile toilet. FOREMAN What's all that damned clatter? The foreman notices all of the destroyed portables and runs back into the mobile toilet. FOREMAN Holy crap! I didn't see nothing! (On screen) Push the mobile toilet into the ditch. (On screen) Then bury him under concrete. ///MISSION\\\ A cement truck that CJ is in tips cement into a hole in the ground which contains the mobile toilet with the foreman in it. Zero (BOSS) Air Raid (MISSION) Zero is in his shop. CJ enters. CJ Hey, whattup, Zee? ZERO Nothing is up, Carl, apart from my blood pressure, and the imminent collapse of my hopes and dreams. CJ Why? ZERO As usual, the forces of darkness have triumphed over good. Life is nothing but misery, briefly interspersed with agony. CJ Homie, what you on? Whatever it is, you need to reduce the dosage. ZERO Excuse me, but I never take drugs. We all know drugs are for losers, and/or sex maniacs. And right now, sex is the last thing on my mind. CJ Thank God for that! ZERO Berkley is back! CJ Ooohhh. Berkley. ZERO Yes. CJ Who the fuck is Berkley? ZERO Just a man I once beat in fair competition. A man literally obsessed with revenge. CJ Oh, you put hands on him? ZERO No, please. I never initiate violence. CJ Oh, I know - you knocked his bitch! ZERO No. I won the prize in the science fair. First prize, that is. CJ And now he wanna pop you? (laughs) And they say gang bangers is petty and small minded! Hey, what's that bleeping sound? ZERO That's him! We shall fight to the end! CUT TO CJ and Zero on Zero's shop roof. ZERO Berkley's launched a full-scale attack! CJ This is insanity! ZERO All batteries commence fire! He's going for my transmitters! If he takes them out, I'll never be able to launch a counter attack! CJ No problem man, but they only toys. ZERO They're not toys! They're just smaller! (On screen) Use the minigun to eliminate the enemy threat. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Zero are still on the roof. ZERO Ha ha ha ha Berkley! As long as we have opposable thumbs, WE WILL FIGHT YOU! ...Well done, Carl. Now leave, I must prepare for the battles ahead! Never have so few owed so many... too little, three... no that's not it, what is it? We will fight him on the beaches, well, rooftops... Zero (BOSS) Supply Lines... (MISSION) CJ enters Zero's shop. CJ Hey, Zee, where you at? ZERO (from another room) Go away, Carl. I'm very, very, busy back here. Top secret stuff. Not for your eyes. Too sensitive... CJ enters the backroom. CJ Come on, homie, where are you? ZERO (from inside a cupboard) I said go away, Carl. I don't need any friends today, thank you. CJ opens the cupboard. Zero is hanging on a hook by his underwear. CJ (laughs) Man, them some pretty strong drawers! CJ helps Zero down. ZERO Yes, my hero. Carl, he came back and humiliated me! I shall probably turn to prostitution now, where I will be found dead, and broken. I am a 28 year old man, whose landlord just helped him down from a hook, from which I had been hanging from my underwear, contemplating my inadequacy, for nearly two hours. Ow! Ooh, my crack... CJ Look, you gotta get even, homie. What kind of weapons you got? ZERO Uhh... I've got a prototype of a miniature plane. CJ Well with that plane, we gonna go humiliate Berkley. ZERO OK, cool! CJ Man, this is ridiculous. There is a van on screen. ZERO Berkley has his sycophantic lackeys do all his deliveries. Well, we shall hit him where it hurts the most! Bring his mail order model business to its knees! ///MISSION\\\ Zero (BOSS) New Model Army (MISSION) Zero is in his shop. CJ enters. CJ What's happening, Zero? ZERO I'm off to engage with destiny, good or bad. CJ What the hell are you talking about now? ZERO The hour of judgement is upon me and I must ask myself if I am a sheep or a goat. Carl, will you be my second? Here are some letters. I have left everything to you in case I don't make it. Please. CJ I already own it. What's wrong with you, man? ZERO We are crossing the Rubicon. I am to engage in battle with Berkley. At stake, honour and our very lives. It's funny... I've never noticed before how beautiful this time of year can be... I may never again see Rome in the springtime. A butterfly... CJ C'mon with all the talking, man - is you going to battle Berkley or what? ZERO It's a fight to the death! Come hither! There is a miniature battlefield on screen, complete with bases. ZERO Behold, No Man's Land! CJ Man, y'all take this shit seriously. ZERO Berkley's HQ is across No Man's Land. I'll drive the Bandit, you fly the Goblin and help any way you can! If I get the Bandit into Berkley's base, he must leave San Fierro for good! LET BATTLE COMMENCE! ///MISSION\\\ The Triads (BOSS) Photo Opportunity (MISSION) CJ is outside his garage. He is on the phone to Cesar. CESAR CJ. CJ You got it. CESAR Hey, my cousin just called me. He gave me a tip about a Balla car going San Fierro to score yay. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar drive into a gas station. CJ That was some heavy shit! CESAR We better split up and get outta here. I'll meet you back at the garage! CJ Coolio. We got what we came for anyway. The Triads (BOSS) Jizzy (MISSION) Cesar, Woozie and Suzie are in CJ's garage. CJ enters. WOOZIE That's crazy, man. What are we looking at exactly? CJ Hey man, you get them flicks developed? W'sup, Woozie! WOOZIE Hey Carl. I was just explaining to your... brother in law that we were friends. CJ Oh yeah? Well look, Woozie, I need to get some info from you, man. WOOZIE What exactly do you boys want to know? CESAR Who are these putas, holmes? WOOZIE (to Suzie) Why don't you go take a look? Suzie goes and has a look at the photos. SUZIE These guys? CESAR Yeah. SUZIE They're the Loco Syndicate. They're pretty big time, I think. Don't have any dealings with them - we don't touch blow. Suzie points to a photo. SUZIE Now this guy runs things. I don't know his name. Suzie points to another photo. SUZIE This guy is T-Bone Mendez. He's the muscle. Cesar points to a photo. CESAR And who's that guy? SUZIE That's Jizzy B. He's the biggest pimp in town. He helps set up the deals... You know, a concierge of sorts. CJ Hey, then he's my way in. How I get to him? WOOZIE Oh, Jizzy? Jizzy runs the Pleasure Domes Club in that old fortress under the Gant Bridge. CJ Hey, good looking out, Woozie. WOOZIE No problem. Don't be a stranger! Jizzy (BOSS) Jizzy (MISSION) Jizzy is in his club with two girls. JIZZY See, baby, I got everything... Mink sheets... Mink coats... Mink curtains in the window. When I walk down the stairs I'm walking down on... Mink carpet. CJ enters. JIZZY Now who's this trick? I don't need no more friends, baby. All they try to do is peel me from my hos. CJ No, no, it ain't about them. It's all about you, playa. I heard you was the man with the hook up, and you was the man I needed to see. I'm offering my services. JIZZY Say what? CJ Yes, sir. See, I'm new in town. Anything you want, I can do. For a guy like me, to work with, to work FOR, a guy like Jizzy B, well... JIZZY Now that you mention it, I do have a slight problem. Something a little dumb muscle like yourself might be able to fix. 'Cause you see me, I'm an intellectual. Bitches, y'all walk on down to the bar and fix a pimp a drink. See I only got two eyes, and on these streets you got to have more than that. You got to be like a fly on shit, you know? A hundred eyes, everywhere. Now some lunatic been fucking with my bitches. Mother- fucker killed two last week. I want you... Go find out. CJ No prob. I'm a playa partner now, Jizzy. CJ is walking away from Jizzy's club. Jizzy goes after him. JIZZY Wait up, Mr. C-to-the-J! See that pretty young thang in my car? Drop her off at the hotel Downtown. Use my car-phone to gimme a ring-a- ding when you're done. And watch the rims, playa! Treat that baby like the Pope Mobile! ///MISSION\\\ Jizzy's ho gets out of the pimp-mobile Downtown. CJ stays in the car. HO Later, ese. CJ (on the car-phone) Hey Jizzy, it's Carl, I just dropped off your girl. JIZZY Church! Got a little errand for you to run before you deal with that problem I was just talking about. Some young buck thinks he's a playa, been trying to peel my hos over in Hashbury. Now one of my girls over there just eyeballed the punk, I want you to get your ass over there and ice that pretender! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the pimp-mobile. CJ (on the car-phone) Hey, it's CJ. Just to let you know you don't have to worry about no competition in Hashbury. JIZZY Worry? Did I say I was worried? No I did not. Now to the real deal. Some of my girls in the Foster Valley been getting knuckled over. I want you to get your ass up there and nose around - find out what's going on. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the pimp-mobile. CJ (on the car-phone) Mr. Jizzy, It's CJ. JIZZY You is a bad luck charm, clucky! That girl you dropped off Downtown wants out of the game! Her sugar daddy wants to take her off the streets! Nobody turns my hos! Now you get your ass back to the hotel, and you make an example out of all of 'em! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is parked near the hotel. The ho and a preacher get into a limousine that is parked in front of the hotel. PREACHER The Lord sent me to save your thread-bear soul, harlot! Get in the car and remove your filthy vestments, so I my better gaze upon thine corruption! Driver, get us out of here before the devil's right hand snatches this po' girl from salvation! DRIVER Right away, your evangelical holiness! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the pimp-mobile. CJ (on the car-phone) Everything's been taken care of, Mr. Jizzy! JIZZY Oh, CJ, you's a playa's right hand, baby. Oh, and by the way - that car's just come up over on an APB. Dump it, keep it, whatever. Just keep it away from me, my hos, and my club! CJ Oh, for sure, you got that, man. Jizzy (BOSS) T-Bone Mendez (MISSION) Jizzy and T-Bone are in Jizzy's club. JIZZY Now just listen to me, OK? Now it's very important that you listen to me. I ain't no retard, amigo. What you think? What, what, what you and Mike think - I'm just a pretty face to y'all? Is that y'all game? CJ enters. JIZZY Now this here is the dumb muscle that I was talking about. Carl - T-Bone, and in reverse. CJ Whassup? T-BONE Horale, ese. JIZZY Don't mind him, we go way back. T-BONE Hey holmes, don't be such a pinche liability. JIZZY Liability? Liability for what? Now, there's 3 of us and I'm getting 20%. What type of math is that? That's fool's math, playa! You and Mike. I'd sell my soul to you guys, and that's what it's going to come down to, huh? Screwing me out of my 13%! T-BONE You knew the deal. You agreed. Besides, we could have said 5%, and what would you...? JIZZY And what what what?! Cat got your tongue? You as bad at talking as you is at mathematics? T-BONE Hey, you want to make this shit personal, ese? T-Bone's phone rings. T-BONE Hello... Yeah... What? Man... Damn! Hey, man, I gotta bounce. JIZZY Oh no you don't! I invented that trick, baby. Carl, come with me. We gonna have to bust us a couple of melons up in here. (to T-Bone) What do you mean the shipments have been ambushed? We can't just go out there T-Bone, it could be a DEA trap! ///MISSION\\\ Four men drive away from a van on motorbikes, carrying packages. (On screen) Chase down the bikers and collect all the packages. ///MISSION\\\ Jizzy (BOSS) Mike Toreno (MISSION) Jizzy and T-Bone are in Jizzy's club. JIZZY T-Bone! Pump your brakes, baby. Take a chill pill, and just lay back and let the red mist fall, brother! T-BONE Hey, holmes, open your eyes, dog. Can't you see we're getting messed with here, holmes? CJ enters. JIZZY Hey, partner! T-Bone, look, it's Carl! Now he's a real hero out there. See? We still good. T-BONE What, are you vatos stupid? Someone's onto us. We need to go back and rethink. CJ I think they was just trying their luck. T-Bone's phone rings. T-BONE Mike? Mike! I been trying to contact you. What? Oh man. Where are you? OK, just keep talking! (to CJ and Jizzy) Hey, holmes, Mike's in trouble. Let's bounce. CJ What trouble? And who's Mike? T-BONE Man, they've taken the yay shipment, and the van and Mike's still in the back! JIZZY Well, what we going to do? How the fuck we gonna know where he is? T-BONE He's got his phone, he's gonna talk to us until his battery runs out. Come on, we gotta bounce! JIZZY A'ight, let's jet! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and T-Bone are walking towards the van. CJ Hey, man, c'mon, hurry up. T-Bone opens the van's back door. T-BONE Apurate, apurate! TORENO About time, T-Bone... Who the fuck is this? T-BONE Hey, that's one of Jizzy's clowns, relax, güero. TORENO You hear that? (police sirens) We gotta torch this van with the coke in it. T-BONE Hey, Charlie, güero, we ain't torching nada! TORENO This is a set back, but doing twenty to life is a little more than that, comprende amigo? CJ Hey he's right, man, let's do it and get the hell out of here. T-BONE Hey, who the fuck asked you, payaso? This ain't a committee! TORENO Exactly. I call the shots here. Now shut up and let's go. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, T-Bone and Toreno pull up outside Jizzy's club. TORENO OK, Carl Johnson, you did good today. T-BONE Man, now shake the spot, we got shit to talk about. The Triads (BOSS) Outrider (MISSION) CJ is outside his garage. His phone rings. JIZZY Partner. CJ Jizzy. What's going on? ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside of a gas station. CJ Man, where the hell everybody anyway? CJ gets into a car. T-Bone is hiding on the back seat, he comes up behind CJ and holds a gun to CJ's head whilst getting him in a headlock. T-BONE Hey, you a pinche jura or what? CJ What the hell? T-BONE You think you can mess with me? I will blow your head off, and rape and kill your family, you snake. You think you can fucking bullshit me, and fuck me over? I know your fucking game, ese. CJ I don't know what you're talking about, man! My throat! T-BONE Who you working for? CJ Nobody! T-Bone releases CJ's head. T-BONE Turn around and look at me. CJ Man, I'm just trying to make some money, and keep my mouth shut. I swear, man! T-BONE I almost had you, man. I almost fucking had you. Guacha! You gotta be careful in this business, man, you know that. Toreno comes up to the car. TORENO Are you boys done playing around? T-BONE Yeah, we're straight, vato. TORENO Oh good, that's great. Now we gotta go meet this shipment. We're late as it is. Let's go! T-BONE You heard what jefe said. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Toreno and T-Bone pull up near a van. TORENO (to CJ) Get out and grab a bike. This shipment has to get to the factory. You make sure it does, we make it worth your while. We're watching you, kid. T-BONE Si mon, ese. We're watching. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the factory yard with an ese. CJ OK, we made it, but the cops gonna be all over the spot real soon. Get the van out of sight, I'm gonna get out of here! Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) Snail Trail (MISSION) CJ enters his garage. Jethro is working under a car. JETHRO Hey, CJ, whassup? CJ Hey whassup, Jethro? JETHRO Some cops are lookin' for you in the office, man. Tenpenny and Pulaski are in the office. CJ Tenpenny. Alright, man, I got it. CJ enters the office. CJ Nice to see y'all kicking back. PULASKI Hmmm? I wonder how your brother's sleeping, curled up next to his shower daddy while you live comfortably on the outside? CJ Man, what you all want this time? TENPENNY Well, what we want is to get on with our jobs in peace, without some damn bleeding heart liberal poking his nose into affairs he won't even understand. CJ The press onto y'all? PULASKI What the hell would you know about it, boy? TENPENNY Woah, easy there, Eddie, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Some young journalist out there is trying to get a name for himself. PULASKI He doesn't know how the streets work - that he's supposed to report what he's supposed to report. TENPENNY Yeah, anyway, we need you to shut him up for us. PULASKI And that stoolie - shut him up too! TENPENNY Yeah, there's some reporter who's digging up dirt on Pulaski, we don't know who's talking, but we know that the reporter's meeting him today. PULASKI Take care of him. TENPENNY Oh - this is nice place... Carl. ///MISSION\\\ The Triads (BOSS) Ice Cold Killa (MISSION) CJ runs into his garage and starts rummaging in the bonnet of a car. CJ Damn, where'd I put it? Where the hell did I put it? Shit! Cesar walks over. CESAR Hey holmes, you OK? CJ Yeah. Woozie left a message, say I gotta go get Jizzy's phone after he made the call. Then I can ambush the meet and take down those Balla pushers from Los Santos. CESAR Hey, homie, you want me to roll with you? CJ No, this is a one-man job. I gotta stay real low key, I was thinking about welding some shit together, and making me a silencer! CESAR You're fucking crazy, holmes! You gotta get out of this ghetto mentality! CJ So what you thinking? CESAR Let me show you. Check this out, holmes. Cesar pulls a silenced pistol out of a bag. CESAR Here, take mine. CJ Where'd you get that? CESAR Same place I buy my pants, holmes. This is America! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at the front of Jizzy's club, there are two bouncers guarding the doors} BOUNCER 1 Jizzy doesn't want to be disturbed. (On screen) Use the Skylight to get into the club! ///MISSION\\\ Jizzy is in his club with two hos and two men. JIZZY Gimme some room. Gimme some room, bitch! It's that time of the week again - your provider is about to make that special call. If I think for a moment that one of you hos is hustling me... Jizzy makes a cutthroat gesture. HO 1 You better make a bigger cut this week Jiz. We're running low, honey! JIZZY Shut up bitch, I'm handling business! HO 1 Don't you even raise your voice at me, asshole! JIZZY Now shut up, bitch! Jizzy pushes the ho onto one of the men. MAN 1 Your funky ass... Ho 1 murmurs and walks away. CJ enters. CJ Hey, Jizzy, I need to holler at you. JIZZY Well talk, then, friend. I mean, that's all we ever do. A kind word here, a wise saying there. Shit, I'm a walking book of proverbs. CJ pulls out his silenced pistol and holds it in Jizzy's face. CJ No, you fucked up. JIZZY C... C'mon, man. Hey, I get it wrong, you know? I'm imperfect - you know, like... hey. Not a kind man. Not a wise man, you know. Not a smart man, but Dear Lord, I tried! CJ No. You fucked up when you trusted me, playa. JIZZY C'mon, baby... I... I... But... But... CJ You an ass-selling, yay pushing, piece of shit trash. JIZZY Oh, Lord! Whatchoo all waiting on, huh? Somebody cap this nigga, man! (On screen) Jizzy's escaping. Hunt him down! ///MISSION\\\ Jizzy and a man run out of Jizzy's club and get into a car. ///MISSION\\\ The Triads (BOSS) Pier 69 (MISSION) CJ is on the street in front of a building. Cesar is on the roof of the building. CESAR Hey, holmes, I'm up here. Go around the back! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is on the roof with Cesar. CJ Hey man. CESAR Nice job getting that phone message. Cesar passes CJ a sniper rifle. CESAR So, what's up with Jizzy? CJ Dead. So, what's the plan? CESAR T-Bone's security got here real early. They've got men on the roofs watching over the pier. Cesar's phone rings. CESAR Eh. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see you. That was Woozie's boys, they're in place. Look, down by the side entrance. CJ Shit, they headin' up to the roof! CESAR Shit! Mira, we're gonna have to take out T-Bone's men on the rooftops before this whole gig blows wide open! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar are still on the roof of the building. CJ Man, my busting was tight! CESAR Here comes T-Bone... CJ And here's that snake Ryder. Look at that fool, hanging out with the Ballas like they was life long pals. Something ain't right. Where's Toreno? CESAR Chopper inbound! CJ That's gotta be Toreno. Oh shit, he'll see the bodies on the rooftops! CESAR Too late, man, he's tripping out! CJ Smoke grenades! So much for a surprise, c'mon, we gotta take these fools right now! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar are at the end of the pier, T-Bone is staggering along, bleeding. CESAR Mendez, I see you, Rifa mother- fucker! CJ and Cesar both shoot T-Bone and he falls over the edge of the pier and into the water. Ryder is trying to escape. CJ Hey Ryder, sherm-head asshole, where do you think you're going? RYDER C... Can't stop me... CESAR He's headed for those boats! CJ Don't worry about it, I got this. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in a boat. CJ's phone rings. CJ 'Sup Cesar. CESAR You OK, holmes, we been watching from the pier with binoculars! CJ Yeah, I'm good, I think. Listen, you better clear out. The cops gonna be all over the spot in a minute. CESAR Sure thing, see you back at the garage! The Triads (BOSS) Toreno's Last Flight (MISSION) CJ is outside his garage. His phone rings. WOOZIE Carl, it's Woozie, I've got some information for ya. ///MISSION\\\ A helicopter takes off from the helipad where CJ is stood. ///MISSION\\\ Wu Zi Mu (BOSS) Mountain Cloud Boys (MISSION) CJ enters Woozie's betting shop. Some punters are shouting at the TV screens. CJ walks up to the counter. EMPLOYEE We're closed! Pokgai! CJ Easy, man, I'm here to see Woozie. EMPLOYEE Oh. Upstairs. CJ Stupid ass mother-fucker... CJ is at the bottom of the stairs. Suzie steps in front of him. CJ I'm Johnson. I'm here to see Woozie, I work with him. SUZIE Yes, right this way. You know of the boss's curse? CJ Curse? Nah. SUZIE He's blind. CJ Blind? But we was just racing cars last week! SUZIE Yes, I know. He is blessed with unbelievable good fortune. And the Triad that would do anything for him. We call him our Lucky Mole. CJ A'ight. I'll keep that in mind. SUZIE Good. CJ enters Woozie's upstairs room. Two girls that were with Woozie leave. CJ Woozie! WOOZIE Hello, Carl. CJ Hey, what's happening Woozie - y'know, how you doin'? WOOZIE Straight to the facts; I can't use your help unless I'm open with you about who I am and what I do. Let me re-introduce myself... I am the boss of the Mountain Cloud Boys. CJ Nice to meet you. WOOZIE Likewise. Why don't you sit down. As Dai Dai Lo of the Triad, it is my responsibility to see that disputes are settled without... damaging important business. CJ Where I come in at? WOOZIE We shall see. I'm about to drop in on a local Triad that failed to show face at the last Tong meeting. Come with me, and you'll see how we Triads settle things without recourse to... unnecessary violence. CJ A'ight, I'll ride with you. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Woozie are walking down an alleyway towards a gate. WOOZIE Ah, we're here! This way! Strange, this gate is usually locked. Stick close! There are dead people laying around. Some cars are on fire. CJ Oh man, Woozie... WOOZIE What's got you spooked? Woozie stumbles into a dying man. WOOZIE Oh, oh sorry, didn't see you lying down there. CJ He's dead. They all are. WOOZIE The Blood Feathers, wiped out? A man opens a garage door which he is behind. MAN Dai Dai Lo! Forgive me, I was too scared to fight, so I hid. WOOZIE Enough! What happened here? MAN Vietnamese surprised us, cut us all down. Shit, here they come again! Four Vietnamese men pull up in a car. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Woozie get in a car. More Vietnamese men turn up. CJ We got more company! ///MISSION\\\ Wu Zi Mu (BOSS) Ran Fa Li (MISSION) Woozie, Farlie and Guppy are upstairs in Woozie's betting shop. CJ enters. CJ Hey, Woozie, my man, what's going down? WOOZIE Hey CJ. Let me introduce you to Shuk Foo Ran Fa Li. he heads the Red Gecko Tong on the West Coast. CJ How you doin'? FARLIE (grunts) WOOZIE Ah Ah Kung has sent word from Kowloon; a Vietnamese crime family, the Da Nang Boys, are preparing to move to the United States. This may explain the cowardly attack on the Blood Feather Triad. FARLIE (grunts) WOOZIE There may be some trouble ahead. FARLIE (grunts) GUPPY The Shuk Foo would like a package retrieved. A courier has left it in a drop at the airport. It is most important to the matter at hand. CJ Oh, I can do that. FARLIE (grunts) GUPPY (to Woozie) He is Triad? A Mountain Boy? WOOZIE No - a personal friend of mine. And less likely to draw the attention of the Da Nang Boys. FARLIE (grunts questioningly) GUPPY OK. CJ Thanks for your support. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in a car in the airport car park. (On screen) It's an ambush, the Da Nang Boys are covering the exits! ///MISSION\\\ Wu Zi Mu (BOSS) Lure (MISSION) Woozie, Farlie and Guppy are upstairs in Woozie's betting shop. WOOZIE As honoured as I am to share my home with you, CJ enters. WOOZIE we should lure these lizards out into the baking sun! GUPPY We were followed here. The Da Nang Boys are watching this apartment. As soon we leave, they will attempt an assassination. CJ Hey, what's the big deal? Why don't you cruise on out of here, lead them to a place quiet and cap their flat asses - no offence. WOOZIE None taken. GUPPY We (including Farlie) find you funny. CJ Look, as long as they think Mr. Farlie here is in the back, they'll follow me wherever. After a while, you can come out safely - simple. WOOZIE Heh-heh. Amazing. GUPPY Your success will be rewarded, Mr. Johnson. ///MISSION\\\ Two motorbikes pull up alongside CJ, who is in a car. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is still in the car and is now outside a gas station in the countryside. His phone rings. CJ Hey! GUPPY Mr. Johnson, it's Guppy, are you OK? CJ Yeah, it's nothing, they took the bait like morons! Mr. Ran Fa Li get out alright? GUPPY Yes, Woozie has taken him to safety, thank you. CJ Cool. I'll see you later, man. A biker pulls up alongside CJ. BIKER It's decoy, back to Chinatown! Wu Zi Mu (BOSS) Amphibious Assault (MISSION) CJ and Woozie are upstairs in Woozie's betting shop. CJ Hold on. You tryin' to tell me you can't swim? WOOZIE Seriously, when I'm in the deep water, it panics me, plus, I'm terrified of eels, and squid, and seaweed, and... CJ OK dude, see - I know you just trying to make excuses now! WOOZIE Look, CJ, I need someone from outside the Triad who I can trust. CJ A'ight, so let me get this straight. You want me to swim around in dirty dock water, dodging little brown jelly beans and Vietnamese gangsters, to put a bug on a boat in the harbour? WOOZIE You're so negative! CJ Listen, man - when I was a kid, swimming off the Santa Maria, I once got a condom stuck to my face. WOOZIE (laughs) CJ Horror like that stays with you for life, believe that. WOOZIE (laughs) I have a confession to make... I... I'm blind. CJ No shit! WOOZIE Yes, although I've trained my other senses to a point where you wouldn't notice my handicap, in the water they'd be quite useless. CJ Alright, Woozie, relax. Don't beat yourself up about it. Look, I'll do it. Uh, one last thing. you do know that I'm black, right? And not Chinese. WOOZIE I'm blind, Carl, not stupid. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at the docks. (On screen) The boat that you have to planet the bug on is anchored out at sea. (On screen) You will have to swim to it, however there are Da Nang Boys patrolling the route. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the water. (On screen) The route ahead is blocked but there is an underwater tunnel! You will have to dive and swim through it to proceed. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is still in the water. (On screen) The main route across the water is guarded by two patrol boats. If they spot you, dive underwater to lose their attention. (On screen) Don't swim on the surface of the water or you will be spotted. ///MISSION\\\ Wu Zi Mu (BOSS) The Da Nang Thang (MISSION) CJ is just entering the upstairs of Woozie's betting shop. Woozie and Suzie are on their way out. CJ Woozie, my man! WOOZIE CJ, you caught me on my way out. CJ Business? WOOZIE This is the big one, this is the one that is going to seal my place in the Red Gecko Tong. But something's come up, and I've got to sort things out myself. Woozie's phone rings. WOOZIE Excuse me. Little Lion, what's the news? Damn. Why today of all days? OK, shit. Take Guppy and go check it out. CJ Trouble? WOOZIE The Da Nang Boys are arriving today on a container ship. Little Lion's gone to check it out - I really gotta go too. CJ Hey man, look. Don't even trip. I'm gonna handle this for you, alright? WOOZIE Thanks, my friend. Your help and friendship has been invaluable to me. CJ Thanks man. Where the other guys? WOOZIE Oh, they're getting a helicopter to do a couple of fly-bys of the ship. Look - If everything goes well, I'll call you in a week or so and invite you to my new spot. Guppy is in a helicopter. CJ gets in. GUPPY Hey CJ, what are you doing here? CJ Just bumped into Woozie on his way out. He filled me in. I thought I'd roll with you. GUPPY We ain't rollin', we're whirling! Strap in and strap up! ///MISSION\\\ The helicopter is falling towards the water. GUPPY We're hit! We're going down! Brace for impact! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the water near the ship. Two Da Nang Boys are on the ship. DA NANG BOY 1 Can you see any survivors? DA NANG BOY 2 No. Nobody's getting out of that alive! CJ jumps onto the ship. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at a lower deck in the ship. There are three Da Nang Boys and a container with refugees in it. DA NANG BOY 1 (at the container) Keep it down, do you want to bring the Snakehead down here? DA NANG BOY 2 Not long until we're drinking cola in the free West, eh! (to CJ) Hey, who the fuck are you? ///MISSION\\\ CJ releases four refugees from the container. REFUGEE 1 Please, the Snakehead tricked us, we are prisoners. Please help us escape! The Snakehead is on screen. REFUGEE 1 The Snakehead is up on the bridge... ///MISSION\\\ CJ is on the bridge with the Snakehead. The Snakehead throws CJ a sword. Snakehead Enough! We settle this here! ///MISSION\\\ The four refugees are in two dinghies, CJ is also in one. REFUGEE 1 Thank you for everything! The Triads (BOSS) Yay Ka-Boom-Boom (MISSION) CJ is sat in his garage office. Cesar enters. CESAR Carl! You're a fucking hero down in LS, I just spoke to my cousin. CJ Not wit' my people I ain't. Shit's still fucked up. Man, I got homies I used to run with that turn their back on me, over this. (drugs) CESAR Yeah, well, what are you going to do, huh? CJ Fucking Ryder man! That was my homie. And I've killed him! CESAR Fucking midget deserved it, eh. Little asshole tried to bang your sister, you know that? CJ ...No... For real...? Shit. Maybe you're right, then, man. But... CESAR Cheer the fuck up. You're going soft on me, man. You did something good, eh? Woozie and Suzie enter. WOOZIE Yes you did. But this isn't over yet. CJ What you mean? WOOZIE Well, your former friends have a factory. And the way I see it, if you take that out you will have put them out of business for good. CJ is outside his garage. His phone rings. CJ Yeah? ///MISSION\\\ CJ is inside a garage. A mechanic is under a car. CJ Hey man, is it ready? MECHANIC She's all set. Get in. The mechanic comes out from under the car. MECHANIC She's packing enough to take out that crack lab. I've wired in a delay timer, to give you time to get out. CJ Cool. Good lookin'. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside the grounds of the crack lab. Three men are inside the grounds. They are separated by a security gate and a giant wall. MAN 1 It's a hit! MAN 2 Blast the moron, open the gate! ///MISSION\\\ Three men are running towards CJ. (On screen) Get out of the warehouse before the timer runs out. ///MISSION\\\ The rigged car blows up inside the crack lab. ///MISSION\\\ CJ jumps out of the crack building grounds in a car. ///MISSION\\\ Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Zeroing In (MISSION) CJ, Cesar, Jethro and Dwaine are playing cards in CJ's garage. Zero is at the back of the garage. CESAR Read 'em and weep, cabron. CJ Oh, shit! Kendl enters. KENDL So this is it, huh, the great new business venture that's supposed to save all of our worthless lives? CJ Wanna get in? KENDL Look, I thought this was supposed to be our foot on the ladder. I thought we were going to make this place work? CJ Hey, it might look like we're playing cards, but we actually planning. CESAR Don't worry sweet baby, we're about to go get our first project! ZERO At last, it works! KENDL What works? ZERO Oh, just a simple bit of electronic wizardry and intellectual bombast that hacks into the state of the art satellite immobilization technology on board our target vehicle! Ahhh, me... CJ I don't know what he just said, but it's on! ZERO Yes, it's on! Wait... what's on? CJ and Zero are outside CJ's garage. CJ is in a car. ZERO Here, this gadget is set up to pick up on cell phone signals. Each time she makes a call it will give you the new location. You'll have to stay close if you're going to get an updated position though. A woman is getting into a car. ZERO OK? CJ For sure. Good Lookin' Z. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) You can now modify street racing cars at this mod shop in Ocean Flats. The cars you steal for the garage business can be found in Wang Cars' showroom. Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Test Drive (MISSION) Jethro, Dwaine and Cesar are in CJ's garage. CJ enters. CESAR Hey Carl, there's two cars on the list, ese, and they're in the showroom across town, let's go get 'em! CJ I've always admired your direct approach, hombre. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar are outside the car showroom. CESAR Here we go, holmes. The cars are on the second floor. CJ What? How we gonna get 'em down? CJ and Cesar are on the second floor of the car showroom. SALESMAN Can I help you two, eerr, gentlemen? CJ Yeah, you can help us by going to help some other mother-fucker. CJ and Cesar take a car each. SALESMAN Y- yeah, that sounds like a good idea! The salesman runs downstairs. CESAR Alright, CJ, it's time to roll! It's follow the leader, you better keep up! Cesar drives the car through the second floor window and onto the road. CJ Aw, you a maniac, ese! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar park the cars in CJ's garage. Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Customs Fast Track (MISSION) Cesar is sat in a car in CJ's garage. CJ has got the hood up checking something out. CJ Yeah I got it, it's in the manifold. CESAR Shit, I just changed that seal! Must have got a crimp in it, damn! Kendl comes along. KENDL Hey Ces, your boy is here. He ain't my boy. Cesar goes to check out who it is. KENDL (to CJ) Hey, we're almost living a normal life, huh. This is far from Grove Street, right? CJ Yeah, I know, but I just can't get it out of the back of my mind. Moms, Sweet, Smoke - I just can't let that go. KENDL I know. So what we going to do about Sweet? CJ It's a shitty situation but I've got to let it play out a little longer, OK? KENDL OK, but be careful. We ain't trying to lose you again. CJ That's right, sis - good looking out. Cesar finishes talking to the man and comes over to Carl. CESAR Hey, Carl, I gotta rap to you, holmes. I know a guy who knows a guy who handles freight containers down on the docks. He saw one of the containers was loading up cars and one was a match for a car on a customer's wish list. So, he marked the container with a spray can, but it might be too late, the ship's loading and it moves out tomorrow. CJ OK, let's go peep it out - see what we can see. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in a crane. Cesar is on the ground. CJ Cesar! None of these (containers) is marked with spray paint! CESAR We'll just have to try one at a time, eh! ///MISSION\\\ Cesar is next to an open container. CJ is still in the crane. CESAR Not this one, CJ! ///MISSION\\\ Cesar in next to another open container. CJ is still in the crane. CESAR No luck, CJ, try another! ///MISSION\\\ Cesar drives out of a container in a car. CJ is still in the crane. CESAR OK, CJ, this is the one, good work, holmes! A car comes round the corner with three men in it. MAN 1 Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing? ///MISSION\\\ Two men come running along to CJ and Cesar. MAN 1 Stay right there, you thieving bastard! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Cesar drive into CJ's garage with the stolen car. CESAR Hey, holmes, that was fun, we should do that again! (On screen) Car exports and imports have been unlocked. Check the wanted board at the Easter Basin Docks for vehicles wanted for exporting. (On screen) Deliver wanted vehicles to the ship. Vehicles are also imported on certain days. Cesar Vialpando (BOSS) Puncture Wounds (MISSION) Jethro and Dwaine are in CJ's garage. CJ is in his garage office. Cesar pulls into the garage in his car. CJ Hey man, where you been? CESAR I tracked one of the cars on our shopping list, but the crazy bitch, she drives like the devil! I've been following her for hours, but she stops for nothing! You'd have to ram her off the road in order to get a chance to get her car and you know a wrecked car is no good to us! I swear she is playing with me! CJ Dude, calm down! If she's playing with you, then she probably won't get one-time involved until it turns ugly. We gotta find a way to stop her, or slow her down. CESAR Too bad we can't involve the police, 'cuz then they could pop her crazy bitch tyres and bang her crazy bitch ass in jail for being a danger to my sanity! CJ You know what, I think I've got an idea... ///MISSION\\\ Desert Missions (AREA) Mike Toreno (BOSS) Monster (MISSION) CJ is outside Toreno's house. Toreno is nowhere to be seen. TORENO (disguised voice) Carl, darling, welcome. CJ Some fucking welcome, man. What you know about my family. TORENO Now first we need to see what you're made of. CJ What do I look like I'm made of? Pudding? TORENO No - anger, and hate. And that's what I like about you. There's a truck in the garage. Whadd'ya say we take it for a spin. CJ and a man are stood next to a monster truck. MAN Here's the deal, this is all about speed and commitment. you got a GPS in the cab. Get to each set of map coordinates as quick as you can. Make it to all the coordinates then get the truck back here. Lose the truck and you fail. CJ First, what's a GPS? Second, fail what? And third, who the fuck are you? MAN Sorry, need-to-know basis only! Oh, one more thing, this baby's got four-wheel steering instead of a handbrake. Good luck! You need to get a time better than 6:30. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) 5:12 (in this case) - Let's see how your time compares... There is a table on screen with a heading of Monster. Under that are the columns RANK, NAME and TIME. CJ's position is; RANK: 3. NAME: CJ. TIME: 5:12. (in this case) MAN (from earlier) Not bad at all, I'm semi-hard. The boss will be in touch. Mike Toreno (BOSS) Highjack (MISSION) CJ is walking towards Toreno's house. Toreno taps CJ on the shoulder. TORENO Hey, Carl. CJ Hey, what the fuck, man! Hey, Toreno, I told you my bad, man. What the hell can I say? I screwed you over. TORENO Calm down, kid. CJ Just go ahead and kill me then. TORENO Calm down! CJ Man, you ain't nothin' but a fucking yayo dealer anyway, Toreno. TORENO Shut up and sit down! What, you think I'm a drug dealer? You think you're a crusader for good? Do you have any idea what's going on? Any idea whatsoever? Do you? DO YOU? CJ No. I pay as little attention to things as possible. TORENO Do not be a fucking smart-ass with me. I work for a government agency. It is not important which one. I will try not to confuse you. Yes, when we last met, I was involved in battling threats in Latin America, BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY. That does not make me a drug dealer. Now, the money that we raised, the friends that we won over, have helped us immeasurably in our overseas interests. CJ Government agency? TORENO Kids like you. You expect heroes. We're fighting a war out there. I'll be a hero and I'll lose, and what'll we have? Communism in Ohio. People sharing. Nobody buying stuff. That kind of bullshit. So relax, and listen. CJ Alright, alright, I'm listening. TORENO I know what kind of a guy you are. I need a guy like you. To do things I can't get caught doing. CJ Like what? TORENO I need you to commandeer a trucker. A rival agency, with a confused social agenda. They got things that we need. Now this is a two-man job. You'll need a friend. Use your sister's boyfriend, but don't tell him a thing. Remember. I'll be watching you. Toreno leaves. CUT TO Cesar running towards Toreno's house with CJ waiting. CESAR I got here as fast as I could, CJ. CJ Yeah, you sure did. How you know I needed help? CESAR Man, you losing it, holmes. You phoned me a half an hour ago, man! CJ I did? I mean, oh yeah, I did. Sorry man, I got a whole lot on my mind. ///MISSION\\\ CJ ushers the stolen truck into his garage. Mike Toreno (BOSS) Interdiction (MISSION) Toreno is in his house on a radio. TORENO Roger that, Big Monkey, I got a 13-6 fat vulture. Need to acquire a drowning baby. Over. CJ enters. TORENO In 15 by the fat moon. Break your heart. Over and out. (to CJ) Carl. I need you to do me a favour... CJ Yeah, I'll do you a proper injury, man. What you knowin' about my brother? TORENO Relax. He's in prison up state, D Wing. Cell 13. To the left I got a child killer, who wants to rip his throat out. To the right of him I got a white supremacist, who wants to eat his heart, to be precise. Now don't worry. Tenpenny and Pulaski are really relatively benign. Unless of course you're a family member of Officer Pendelbury whom they shot when he threatened to expose them. But you do know all about that, right? CJ Damn. Hey, man, how you know all this stuff, man, and why don't you stop it? TORENO You just don't understand, do you, kid. It's all white knights and heroes. We have to make decisions, kid. You know, I try to set bad people on other bad people. And sometimes, I let good guys die. He's your brother, but to me, he's just collateral. It's a very delicate decision. Over here, you got all the scumbags inside the country, and over here, you got all the scumbags outside the country. And me and my colleagues. We're the fucking pivot. Keep the government in work. Which reminds me... I need you to head over HERE in the buggy outside. Toreno points to a map. TORENO OK, OK, let off a flare. We got some precious cargo needs collecting. CJ Hey, hold up. What about my brother? And all that shit you was talking about? TORENO Don't worry, Sweet's just fine. He gets touched, a prison guard goes home and finds that his wife and kids have been murdered. Everything's under control. We'll talk later. Now, come on, get outta here. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside a house in the desert. TORENO (through a speaker) Jesus, what took you? CJ Toreno! Where you at?! TORENO Miles away. No time for niceties, kid. Choose a vehicle, grab the equipment I've provided, get to that drop zone, and wait for that package. ///MISSION\\\ CJ lights a flare at the drop zone. TORENO (through a speaker) That's our cargo arriving now! CJ Jesus! Will you stop doing that? A helicopter is flying towards the drop zone. TORENO Hold up. Shit, pilot says he's got trouble, two agency choppers coming in on an intercept. Can you see them? CJ Yeah. TORENO Shoot 'em down. Protect the cargo at all costs! ///MISSION\\\ The helicopter drops the cargo. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside a hut. TORENO (through a speaker) OK, get the package back to Las Brujas. CJ Where are you? You givin' me the heebie jeebies, man! TORENO Carl, I will ALWAYS be watching... or listening... or both. ///MISSION\\\ Mike Toreno (BOSS) Verdant Meadows (MISSION) Toreno is sat in his house reading a book. CJ enters. TORENO It's amazing! CJ What's up now, Toreno? TORENO This history. It's all lies. It says Hitler killed himself and that we nuked Japan. And people believe this shit. Jesus. Well, if it makes them sleep better at night, I guess. CJ Hey man, what did you want? Is you gonna free my brother? TORENO No. Not now. And here's a little newsflash - I said that to get you to do something for me. CJ Man, you real fucked up. TORENO But the shocker is, we are gonna look after him. Because I need him alive as much as you do. CJ Oh, thanks. TORENO You know, after what you've done for me, it's like you're a pro now. I got double agents in Panama who want to put a price on your head. A Russian spy - a little, fat, Boris looking guy - he's asking for clearance to interrogate you, Russian style. Callipers on the genitals. Feels good, you'd like it. CJ That ain't nothing cool, man! Just leave me alone. You're bad news! TORENO Don't worry about it. The Russians got bigger things to worry about than your genitals, believe me. The whole country went to shit. We tried hard to put a lid on it, but that idiot Gorbachev, with the little strawberry on his forehead, he gave away the crown jewels. Still, they got their, you know, boy in the White House. That was nice... CJ So? What you want me to do? TORENO Listen, I need you to buy some property, OK. Shouldn't cost that much. You offer them a dollar. If they give you a hard time, kill them. I'm going to need you to start doing some real wet work here for me soon, OK? Enough of this little girl bullshit. Now get out of here. Between missions. CJ is at the airfield. His phone rings. TORENO Hey, Carl! So what do you think of our new base of operations? CJ It's missing something. Maybe a tennis court and a pool would help motivate me better. TORENO Very nice, Carl, very cute. Now listen, you're going to have to learn how to fly. CJ No I ain't. TORENO Yes, actually, you are. I've set out a series of tests for you. You can access them on that TV. You're going to have to prove to me you can fly if you're going to continue working towards your brother's freedom. CJ Shit. Whatever, man... TORENO Very nice. Mike Toreno (BOSS) Learning To Fly (MISSION) No cut-scenes. Mike Toreno (BOSS) N.O.E. (MISSION) CJ is at the airfield. Toreno sneaks up behind CJ and grabs him. TORENO Got you again, Carl. You're half asleep. I could have killed you in 9 different ways. Wake up and smell the coffee. CJ You need to lay off the coffee. TORENO We got a problem. I got some guys out in the field need some equipment. If they don't get it, they'll be dead by nightfall. CJ Then take it to them. TORENO Me take it to them? CJ Yeah, why not? TORENO I got five guys watching me all the time. Two in that hill. One over there and two by satellite. If I go my guys and I will be dead. I don't have a death wish. I'm a man of peace, son. CJ Yeah, clearly. TORENO Take the plane. You're not ready yet so stay low under the radar. Questions? CJ Yeah, just one thing... TORENO Get to it. CJ Wait. Hey. Listen! Listen to me for once. Why won't these guys come after me? TORENO Oh, they can't because they're all posted on me. One DEA. One FBI. A Russian, a Cuban double agent and my paymasters. Cheques and balances. Nobody is watching anybody watching nobody. You know what I mean? Go. CJ Whatever, man. ///MISSION\\\ Mike Toreno (BOSS) Stowaway (MISSION) CJ is at the airfield. Three cars and a plane come onto the airstrip. CJ Ah, what's Toreno up to? I'm feeling a little exposed here! CJ hides behind some crates. The agents are patrolling the airstrip. Toreno sneaks up behind CJ, also hiding behind the crates. TORENO What's your take on this? CJ (startled at the sudden appearance of Toreno) Damn! (normal) I thought they was your people. TORENO Listen, Carl. We've got a problem. Some traitors from another department think they can help the 'overseas situation' by financing militaristic dictators in exchange for arms contacts. CJ Hey, ain't that exactly what you do? TORENO Well, kind of, but we get to pick our dictators. Degenerates that we can control. We try to stay the hell away from these guys with principles, because that just - muddies the waters. CJ Yeah, OK. TORENO OK, so, of course these idiots have stolen a consignment of land mines and they plan to offload them in the Middle East, and cause a little ruckus... (rambling) And everybody goes crazy and has a lot of problems... (normal) Carl, do you like maiming people? Just curious... CJ Maiming? Some people, shit... TORENO Anyway, the point is - you and me, Carl, we're the same. Now yeah, it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. But if you screw this up, it cause a tinder box situation all over Latin America and the Middle East. Now look, I spoke to the big man. You've got clearance to eliminate these fuckers. How's that? CJ Huh, man, kill Government agents? TORENO Kill, schmill. Come on... don't look at it that way, will you? Think of it as pest control. It works for me. All right, come on, I can't stay here now. I'm too hip, I gotta go. OK? I'm outta here. (On screen) Toreno needs you to plant a bomb in the plane. Stealth is out of the question so you'll need to move fast. (On screen) Use this bike to get up the plane's ramp and plant the bomb inside. (On screen) Drive the bike up the plane's ramp before it takes off. ///MISSION\\\ The plane takes off. (On screen) You're trapped on the plane. ///MISSION\\\ CJ jumps off the plane as it explodes. The Truth (BOSS) Black Project (MISSION) CJ is at the airfield. The Truth is on top of an old piece of plane. THE TRUTH Hail fellow, well met. Amaste. Peace. Carl, brother. CJ Hey, Truth, where you at? THE TRUTH Just checking that you were no longer on 'government business'. Where is he? CJ How the fuck would I know, man? He's like the devil. Hey, man, you OK? THE TRUTH Everything is transient. The Truth jumps down from the old piece of plane. THE TRUTH Oof. Oh, man. Uh. I'm passing through life, same as every man. CJ OK. THE TRUTH Do you have any idea what you're doing for Toreno? CJ No. I seem to be on a need-to-know basis. THE TRUTH Oh, no, man. Two lies don't cancel each other out. You know that. We pay them to lie to us. Is that what our founding fathers wanted? No more, friend. No more. We're not alone. CJ Get off me, man, what's going on? THE TRUTH Everything is going on! Don't you get it? There's a place. Not even on the map. A train is about to leave. It can explain better than I ever can. Boy, this is going to blow your fucking mind! We got work to do. You better drive. I'll explain. Elegance does not even touch it. CJ and The Truth are in the Mothership outside Area 69. CJ Do we have a plan here? THE TRUTH Go, go, go! CJ gets out of the Mothership. CJ HEY! Hold up, dude! The Truth drives away. (On screen) The Truth wants you to gain entry to the Area 69 research lab and bring back to him the Black Project that is being developed inside. (On screen) The easiest way into the Area 69 bunker complex is through the blast doors. To open these go to the control tower. (On screen) There are searchlights sweeping the area. Observe their routine and plan your route around them. If you stay in a searchlight for too long or shoot more than 2 out you will be spotted. The blast doors will go on lockdown, and an alternative route inside will then have to be found. (On screen) There are also several military personnel patrolling the area. Use the thermal goggles that The Truth gave you to help you see them in the dark. (On screen) You can use stealth to avoid patrols or climb to the top of a control tower and use your sniper rifle to take them out. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Make your way through Area 69 to the research lab which will give you access to the black project. (On screen) There are several military personnel on patrol throughout the installation. (On screen) The control room will allow you to deactivate some of area 69's exterior defences, which will aid your escape. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is wearing a jet pack. (On screen) You've found what The Truth wanted. You must escape by using the Jet pack to fly out of the launch bay directly above you. ///MISSION\\\ The Truth is in the Mothership on top of a canyon. CJ is stood near the Mothership. THE TRUTH Carl, dude, man! CJ Here you go, better stash it someplace fast! THE TRUTH Far out, have a nice trip, dude! The Truth drives away. CJ Hey, wait a... Was it too much to get a lift into town? The Truth (BOSS) Green Goo (MISSION) CJ is at the airfield. CJ Damn. Where is this fool? The Truth enters on the jet pack narrowly missing CJ who had to get out of the way. THE TRUTH Woooah! Shit. Oh! Damn! Ow! CJ Hey, man, look out! THE TRUTH THE NEW AGE BEGINS HERE! CJ Say what? THE TRUTH Not all fantastic things are lies, Carl! Today, we'll know EVERYTHING. CJ Oh, I can hardly wait. I hear knowledge is truly sacred in this part of the world. THE TRUTH Man, I've tried, but I can't fly for shit. You better do it. Land on the train, kill the guards, get in and steal the stuff. CJ Oh, yeah. What stuff? THE TRUTH I don't know yet! CJ Oh. You don't know yet! I was starting to think you was a lunatic. What do you mean, you don't know yet? THE TRUTH You'll be stealing the answer! Look, fly the jet pack. Land on the train. And steal whatever they least want us to get. Shhh. Listen. They're coming. We better go. Peace on earth, dude. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is walking towards The Truth at the airfield, carrying the green goo. THE TRUTH You got it, man? CJ I got something. THE TRUTH Let me see! Oooh... Everything is different now. CJ What is it? THE TRUTH Everything. They will call this 'year zero'. I'll be in touch! CJ Wait! What is... Yeah, see you around. Las Venturas Missions (AREA) The Triads (BOSS) Fender Ketchup (MISSION) Woozie is in the casino talking on the phone. A worker is fixing a slot machine. WOOZIE (on the phone) Idiot! Do you realize how much those machines cost? We're supposed to be opening in - (to the worker) What the fuck was that? (on the phone) Hello? HELLO? (to the worker} What the fuck is wrong with you people? Suzie and CJ enter. SUZIE Boss, CJ's here. WOOZIE Carl, glad you could make it. CJ So this is what you've been doing. WOOZIE Yeah, it's been a complete nightmare. You want a stomach ulcer, try opening a Triad casino in a Mafia-run town! CJ The mob trying to squeeze you? WOOZIE Yeah - the corporations are moving in and everybody's feeling the squeeze. I've had slot machines busted up, workmen being scared off... CJ So who's behind this? WOOZIE Well, there are these three mob families operating here, and each of them has a stake in Caligula's Casino and some whacked-out lawyer's running it for them. It could be any one of them, or all of 'em. CJ Can't you just give them a little something? WOOZIE No. In addition to the usual authorities that need bribing, each one would want a slice and I'm not about to hand over all our profits to some wiseguy Italians! CJ Our profit? WOOZIE That's right, you heard me. I want to offer you a share in our casino, in exchange for some help setting it up. How does that sound, partner? CJ Sounds like we got a deal then! One of Woozie's assistants enter. ASSISTANT Boss! The boys found some thugs trying to smash one of the deliveries. We caught one of them! WOOZIE Get rid of him. CJ (to Woozie's assistant) Hey, wait - hold up, hold up, come here. Whoever's behind this - we need to let them know that they're dealing with fully-fledged psychos. Tie him to the front of the car, let him sweat it out a little and I'll be out there in a little while. (to Woozie) See if we can make this guy squeal. WOOZIE That's my Carl! CJ enters the casino's garage. Johnny is tied to the front of a car. JOHNNY Hey, hey, who the fuck - who are you? Untie me, huh? CJ You know what? I think we're gonna take a little drive. JOHNNY What are you, fucking stupid? I'm not joking here - untie me, mother-fucker. CJ gets in the car. CJ No, I think I'm gonna leave you right where you are. ///MISSION\\\ The Triads (BOSS) Explosive Situation (MISSION) Woozie is in the casino playing golf. Suzie is holding the cup that Woozie is aiming for. Woozie misses the cup but Suzie moves the cup to where the golf ball is going. CJ is also in the casino. WOOZIE Ha ha ha! The glorious sound of a hole in one! SUZIE Great shot, boss! WOOZIE Thanks. CJ Not bad, Woozie. WOOZIE So the Sindacco Family was behind the attempts to sabotage our venture. I wonder why it's only them and not the others? CJ Probably ain't just them. Rule of the streets; don't snitch. What we need... is to hit the Mafia casino. Yeah, go jack the place. WOOZIE Hey, hitting a casino isn't like gangbanging - it's a whole different league! CJ Yeah, you're right, it'll take some planning, but I'm down. Shit, I always wanted to pull a heist. CJ takes a shot with the golf club. The ball is heading towards the cup but Suzie rolls the cup out of the way. CJ What the -? WOOZIE Bad luck. Listen, you're gonna need a crew and some special equipment. CJ Yeah, it'll take some explosives. Always got to blow up shit to pull a heist. WOOZIE You know what? There's an open cast mine South West of the city limits. They must have explosives. CJ I'll go peep it out. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Enter the Quarry and steal the dynamite. (On screen) The dynamite is rigged to blow! (On screen) Get it before the workers destroy it. (On screen) You'll need something heavy to smash those crates. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Security is blocking the exit. (On screen) Use the dirt bike and find another way out! ///MISSION\\\ CJ hands over the dynamite to one of Woozie's assistants. CJ Delivery for Woozie. Hey, you be careful with that... Heist Missions (BOSS) Architectural Espionage (MISSION) Woozie is in a room in the casino. CJ enters. CJ Woozie? WOOZIE Oh, Carl. CJ You could at least turn the lights on. WOOZIE Oh, I thought I had. This window here must let some light in. CJ Yeah, this is perfect right here. This is where we're going to plan the heist at. WOOZIE Anyone else coming? CJ No. WOOZIE Couldn't we have done this in my office? CJ You gotta have a secret place to plan shit like this, that's just how it's done! WOOZIE OK, OK, I see where you're coming from. So, what do we do? CJ I guess we got to make a plan. WOOZIE Speaking of plans, do you have the layout to Caligula's Casino? CJ Shit. No. I guess I gotta go get one. WOOZIE Meeting adjourned? CJ Meeting adjourned. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) You can't photo the casino blueprints with the guard around! You need to divert his attention. ///MISSION\\\ The fire alarm in the Planning Department is going off. GUARD Everybody out, this is not a drill! ///MISSION\\\ A man is in the Planning Department with two policemen. MAN Where are those damn firemen? ///MISSION\\\ One of Woozie's assistants is driving out of the casino's garage. CJ hands the assistant the camera's film. CJ Get this film developed for Woozie. ASSISTANT You got it, CJ! Good work! Heist Missions (BOSS) Key To Her Heart (MISSION) CJ and Woozie are in the planning room in the casino. CJ has the layout for Caligula's Casino on a board. CJ Now I know you're blind, man - but you gotta see this. WOOZIE Very clever. So what's the prognosis? Is this just going to be extremely difficult, or next- to-impossible? CJ Hear me out on this, homie. Alright, the cash room is on the bottom level. There's a bunch of rooms and a tunnel under the whole building with access to the casino floors at either end of the complex. Alright? Now, security consists of CCTV, a key code access and, in places, a swipe card. WOOZIE Hey, are you pointing (at the layout for Caligula's Casino) again? CJ Oh, my bad - habit. WOOZIE Ah, don't worry; it's good practice for when we finally get a crew in on this. CJ Yeah, I know. Suzie enters carrying a box. SUZIE Hey boss, this arrived for CJ. CJ Hey, hey hey hey! Damn, man - now he's seen the plans! WOOZIE Well, then we've got our first recruit. Come on in and shut the door. CJ opens the box that arrived for him. CJ Alright, cool. This is a security card reader that Zero's sent over. Now all we need to do is get one of those cards... CUT TO CJ outside the casino. CJ Luckily, there's always one guaranteed weak link in any security set up. The human heart. ///MISSION\\\ Millie exits Caligula's Casino. There is a man outside. (On screen) The croupier has a keycard and knows the code, follow her. MILLIE Another shift over! See you tomorrow! (On screen) If you get too close you'll spook her, but if she gets too far ahead you'll lose her. ///MISSION\\\ Millie enters a sex shop. ///MISSION\\\ Millie is getting changed inside a cubicle in the sex shop. An assistant is waiting outside. MILLIE Wow, it's nice and tight! ASSISTANT I'm sure you'll squeeze in just fine! Let's have a look. Millie comes out dressed in bondage gear. MILLIE Perfect! Millie's phone rings. MILLIE Oh hi, Benny... Yes, master, I'm just trying it on. You got yours? Cool, I'll see you at my house in a short while. ///MISSION\\\ CJ comes out of the sex shop's cubicle dressed in a gimp suit. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) The Croupier has left the shop. Follow her but remember not to get too close. ///MISSION\\\ Millie enters her house. ///MISSION\\\ Millie is inside her house. CJ is outside of it. MILLIE The door's open, Master! CJ has now joined Millie inside her house. Millie thinks CJ is Benny. MILLIE Come on in, I'm ready for you! CJ You've been a naughty girl! MILLIE Oh I know! I know! CJ Spit it out, filthy worm! MILLIE You'll never break me! CJ Hey, if you good, I'll punish you more. MILLIE Oh Benny, you minx! The camera is focused on the outside of Millie's house. CJ and Millie are having sex inside. Millie is moaning with pleasure while CJ is complaining about how sickening her sex acts are. Heist Missions (BOSS) Dam And Blast (MISSION) CJ, Woozie, Suzie, Zero, one of Woozie's assistants, the occupant of the room and two other men are in the planning room. CJ It seems impossible to keep a secret around here! I would have thought the size of the room would keep the numbers down. MAN 1 Hey, speak up, we can't hear you back here! CJ I appreciate your input, but please, fuck off. MAN 1 What did he say? MAN 2 He said fuck off. (murmurs) Man 1 and man 2 leave. CJ (to the occupant) Hey, what are you still doing here? OCCUPANT I live here. CJ Oh, OK, you can stay. OCCUPANT Great. SUZIE Hey, where's the coffee and doughnuts? CJ purposely ignores Suzie. CJ OK, look, I'm going to go shut off the city's power source. Woozie, look after these fools for me. WOOZIE OK, now, the important thing to remember with a plan like this, is that... nothing can go wrong. ///MISSION\\\ CJ parachutes out of a plane. The plane crashes after CJ has jumped out. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Make your way to the end of the dam quay. (On screen) Avoid getting spotted by the guards patrolling in the area (On screen) There's a knife stashed near one of the containers which you may find useful. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) This is all about stealth, if you get spotted or make too much noise the whole building will be alerted. (On screen) When close to a generator press triangle to plant the charges. You need one on each generator. GUARD 1 (on a phone) Any sign of him yet? GUARD 2 (on the other end of the phone) Not yet, but we've locked the quay entrance and the cops are on the way. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is on top of one of the dam's towers. CJ Shit, they must have took a wrong turn someplace! What the f... - aw shit, somebody done locked the hatch! GUARD (from under the hatch) We've got him trapped, there's no way off that ledge! Police surround the dam. CJ dives off the dam tower and into the water. Heist Missions (BOSS) Cop Wheels (MISSION) CJ, Woozie, Suzie, one of Woozie's assistants, Zero and the occupant of the room are in the planning room in the casino. CJ is standing in front of the layout of Caligula's Casino. CJ Alright, here's the plan. It's all about the art of deception. While I get as much heat on me as possible, y'all get away with the green. ZERO Question: how does the Mafia normally move cash out of Caligula's? CJ Bingo! Stripes for Mr. Zero here. OCCUPANT Ha hey! Good job, you little ass kisser! The occupant pats Zero on the back. ZERO (moans in pain) CJ So, we're going to steal ourselves an armoured car and re-spray it so it looks like one of their regular trucks. SUZIE What about the police escorts? Whenever they move cash around they use police motorcycles as outriders. CJ Exactly what I was thinking. C'mon, come with me, and we're gonna go get some cop wheels... CUT TO CJ and Suzie outside the casino. CJ You get the Packer, hit the Julius Thruway and keep moving. ///MISSION\\\ CJ jumps off the Packer which has four police motorbikes on it. Suzie and an assistant are in the front of the Packer. CJ OK, that should do us. Take care of those bikes. Now get out of here! Heist Missions (BOSS) Up, Up And Away! (MISSION) The usual six men that are planning the heist are in the planning room in the casino. CJ is at the front giving out instructions. CJ OK, we got the bikes. And Woozie's taken care of the uniforms. Now, we just gotta get an armoured van and re-spray it with the Caligula's Casino logo. WOOZIE Why don't we steal one while it's on its rounds? That way we can make some money too. CJ No, I don't want to get the crew caught up in some street level jacking - it could get ugly. ZERO I... I have an idea? Um... Have you ever seen those helicopters they use to lift heavy loads? SUZIE Yeah, they call 'em 'sky cranes'. We could lift the whole truck and take them to someplace safe. WOOZIE Then we need to steal a sky crane. Unfortunately I'm not a pilot. ZERO No, me neither. SUZIE Hey, don't look at me. ASSISTANT Or me. CJ Shit. I'll fly it, then. We can re-spray it at the airstrip. ZERO Yeah, Carl. It'll be just like fighting Berkley, only bigger! CJ Yeah, thanks for that. ///MISSION\\\ CJ gets out of the sky crane at the airfield. Suzie comes along. SUZIE Heeey, CJ, you never cease to amaze me! CJ Heh heh, good lookin', where's Woozie? SUZIE I don't know. He insisted on driving here himself. He could be anywhere. CJ Ha ha, yeah I guess. Alright, dude, I'm outta here. I'll see y'all later. The Triads (BOSS) You've Had Your Chips (MISSION) CJ and Woozie are playing cards in the casino. WOOZIE Hit me! CJ Are you sure, man? WOOZIE Yeah, I'm going for a five card hand! Come on... CJ OK, here. I'm gonna stick. What you got? WOOZIE How would I know? You tell me. CJ Not good, man. You got, eerr, forty-seven. WOOZIE Damn. You're bad luck for me. You know, when I play the other guys I always win! One of Woozie's assistants enter. ASSISTANT Boss, take a look at these two chips! WOOZIE One's a fake. CJ That's amazing. You didn't even touch them. WOOZIE No. I just took a guess. Why else would he come in with two chips and sound so worried? You take a look. CJ Oh yeah. The dragon on this got the sunglasses and a white stick. WOOZIE Insolent bastards! ASSISTANT I'll make sure the cashiers are extra vigilant. WOOZIE It's obvious where these chips are coming from! The Sindacco Family owns a plastic factory across town. I'm gonna blow it to shit! CJ Man, look, don't trip. I got you on this. ///MISSION\\\ Two men are in the plastic factory. CJ enters. MAN 1 Hey, who's this prick? MAN 2 Somebody take care of this joker! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is outside the casino's garage. Two of Woozie's assistants drive out of it. ASSISTANT 1 Hey, Carl, how'd it go? CJ Tell Woozie, we'll be getting no more trouble with counterfeit chips. The Truth (BOSS) Don Peyote (MISSION) CJ is outside the casino. His phone rings. CJ Hello. THE TRUTH Who am I speaking to? CJ It's CJ. Hey, Truth, is that you? THE TRUTH Might be. Might be a government algorithm trying to pick your brains, so don't admit anything! CJ Whatever, man. Whassup? THE TRUTH I need a favour, Carl, thought I could cash in some karma chips. CJ Your credit good. THE TRUTH I took some fellow travellers deep into the desert on a peyote safari a few nights back. We faced the inner light and communed with the lizard king. CJ Sounds fun. How did it go? THE TRUTH That's the problem, I don't know. I'm in Los Santos. I woke up in a Japanese bathhouse about an hour ago. I have no idea how I got here or where the others are. CJ They're probably fine. THE TRUTH I don't think so. They were Brits - a band and their managers. They have no experience about the desert. CJ OK, where'd you make camp? I can go have a look. THE TRUTH I took 'em up Arco del Oeste - fantastic sunsets. Best start looking for them up there. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in the desert. Maccer and Paul are laid out on the ground somewhere. CJ Hello? Hey, anybody out here? Truth sent me! MACCER EH! Over 'ere! CJ Hey, man, you all right? MACCER 'Kin' 'ell, I'm fucking hanging. PAUL Stone me bloody crows. Where am I? MACCER I dunno, mate. I was having a dream; I was wanking over some fat bird's tits when this twat turned up. PAUL Maccer, you fucking psycho! You did it again, didn't you! MACCER That peyote was shite, you were lucky I brought some tabs along! PAUL I've told you a million times not to put stuff in my fucking drink! MACCER Oh, piss off, kidder! PAUL Who are you again? CJ Oh, I'm a friend of The Truth's. He said you guys might need a ride into town or something. MACCER But I'm a fucking raspberry! PAUL You're not a fucking raspberry! MACCER I can't feel me legs, our P. I've wanked the use out of them! PAUL Just stand up, you soppy cunt. We go through this every weekend. Maccer tries to stand up. MACCER Ah! Ooh! CJ Man, what the hell was y'all doing last night? MACCER Anybody got a rag? Paul hands Maccer a rag. CJ turns away and sighs disgustedly. CJ So, where am I taking y'all? PAUL I've got a pal, Rosie. He's got some casino gig going down in Venturas. Sweet. CJ Alright. Maccer goes to hand Paul the rag back. PAUL Fuck off, string. MACCER Oh, charming. CJ Alright, ladies, let's go. PAUL Come on. Fucking Northerners... MACCER Well it felt like I couldn't feel them, honest! ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards the Snake Farm. There are two hillbillies standing outside the Snake Farm. CJ Here we are, look familiar? MACCER Looks just like Salford to me... PAUL What are you talking about? HILLBILLY 1 Take a gander at 'em fellas, is that 'em? HILLBILLY 2 That there city boy has gone and been with my prize hog! Now I don't even get no sugar from her! Two more hillbillies come around the corner. A man and a woman. HILLBILLY 3 And that one done screwed my sis! I've had a terr'ble aching in my grinds ever since! HILLBILLY WOMAN I'm gonna slap you silly for giving me and my fella the red bumpies! HILLBILLY 1 What'n tarnation? I'm a fixing to give ya a whoopin' for what you gone and done to my young 'uns! ///MISSION\\\ If the hillbillies follow CJ, Maccer and Paul to Caligula's Casino, then CJ, Maccer and Paul, along with the hillbillies in their vehicle, pull up outside Caligula's casino. CJ Shit, here comes them snake farmers! Alright, I've had enough! Let's finish this! The hillbillies aproach CJ, Maccer and Paul. MACCER Oh, I'm gonna grab some big tits, man! PAUL Oh, bollocks. In for a penny, in for a pound. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards Caligula's Casino. PAUL Come on then, let's go in and see Rosie. Rosie is in his room inside Caligula's Casino. There is a knock at the door. Rosie's assistant opens the door to CJ, Maccer and Paul. PAUL Kent Paul, here to see Rosie. ASSISTANT Hey boss, there's somebody here to see you. ROSIE Oh, go away, I have a migraine. PAUL Oi, Rosie, son, it's me, Paulo! ROSIE Oh, God. My despair is complete. OK, let him in. PAUL Rosiiieee! How are you, me old son? ROSIE I pray that one day I can escape my perpetual torment and retire in peace and comfort a million miles away from anyone I've ever fucking known, instead, I get this. PAUL Come on, it's me, Kent Paul! ROSIE Well, hello, Paul, what a pleasant surprise. Who the hell are these guys? PAUL These are my boys - Maccer and Carl. CJ Whassup? MACCER You want any Speckled Doves, boss? I'm peaking on one right now. Top- of-the-range, man. ROSIE Well it's fitting. As I sit here up to my neck in a river of shit, with every Mafia gorilla from Liberty City to Los Santos pissing in my face, that you, Kent Paul, should witness it. PAUL What's the matter, son? ROSIE Too numerous, oppressively insurmountable and depressingly fucking typical even to mention. PAUL It's alright, bruv, Paulo can help. Give us some space would you, son. I'll give you a tinkle later. CJ Alright, for sure. PAUL Not you, Maccer. MACCER Oh, you twat. PAUL Unbelievable. CJ is outside Caligula's Casino. He phones Woozie. CJ Hey Woozie. I think I found a way to scope Caligula's without causing too much suspicion. We can talk later. The Mafia (BOSS) Intensive Care (MISSION) Maccer, Paul and Rosie are in Rosie's room in Caligula's Casino. Rosie's assistant is at the door. CJ enters. PAUL Oi, Rosie, liven yourself up, Carl's here. ROSIE Hello. CJ What's happenin'? MACCER Eh, there's some top fanny down at that pool, Pabsy. PAUL Leave it out, dimlo, what's wrong with you? (to Rosie, regarding CJ) Well are you going to tell him, or shall I? ROSIE I'm really screwed. PAUL Crack on, Rosie - spit it out. ROSIE I threw it all away. OK, I had the power, the money, the ladies... But I couldn't lay off the blow, so I went into rehab. And everything went to shit, but so what? So when I came out I started representing the Liberty City mob, again and that's how I ended up here. But, no one family would trust another family to run the casino, so I was put forth as a neutral party. So now I spend my days waiting for one family to cap me and blame the other one. My only friend is a bird named Tony. TONY (the parrot) I never fucked anyone over in my life who didn't have it coming to 'em. CJ Shit - let me think about this. You're gonna have to break it down for me real quick. ROSIE OK, OK - the Sindaccos are on the warpath. OK? I mean, something terrible has happened to Johnny. I mean, he's in a shock-induced coma at the hospital across town. Now the Forellis - they will take this opportunity to rub him out. Now if any hit between the families succeeds on my turf, I will get the axe, bullet, machete, whatever... CJ OK, OK, relax. I'm gonna shoot over to the hospital, and move the body or something. PAUL There you go, my love, things ain't so bad, are they? TONY Badabing. ///MISSION\\\ CJ enters the hospital. RECEPTIONIST Hello, Sir, can I help? CJ Yeah, I'm here to pick up Mr. Sindacco. RECEPTIONIST Mr. Sindacco? There must be some mistake. An ambulance just picked him up. CJ Oh, OK. Thank you for your help. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in an ambulance outside the meat factory. Johnny is in the back. Two men come to collect Johnny. MAN 1 Hey, Johnny, how you feelin'? MAN 2 I didn't think he was going to be discharged 'til tomorrow! The Meat Business (MISSION) Rosie, Maccer and Paul are in Rosie's room in Caligula's Casino. Rosie is snorting drugs. CJ is also in Caligula's Casino. ROSIE Oh, ha ha ha ha! Baby, I'm back, I AM BACK! Let's get this show on the road! PAUL The good Doctor has revived the patient! Sweet as, my son, sweet as! CJ So everything's straight now? ROSIE No! Absolutely not! I'm still screwed! Absolutely screwed, but at least now I'm in the right frame of mind. What the fuck are we going to do? Any minute now, some Mafia bullet is going to splatter my brains all over the wall! My wall, my beautiful wall... MACCER Ooh, you missed a bit. (of the drugs) I'll have that. TONY Forgeddaboudit. ROSIE Oh, that's a great idea, Tony, but you know what? It ain't going to work, OK? Not this time... (mumbles) CJ Look, man, relax, get a grip... ROSIE Yeah, you're right, I need to get a grip! CJ Take control... ROSIE Yes, grab the bull by the horns! CJ And show everybody who's boss... ROSIE I'm the boss! I-am-the-boss! CJ Alright then! ROSIE All right! Let's tear this town up! CJ That's what I'm sayin'! So, where we going? ROSIE Details, details! Let's just get there! PAUL Rack them up, Maccer. What's the matter with you? ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Rosie enter the Meat Factory. ROSIE What's going on? You forget something? CJ No - look, you go on in, I'm gonna wait. ROSIE Look, you gotta come with me this once. If I pull this off, I can carry on, I know I can, but please, you gotta come with me - I'm gonna squirt my ass all over the floor! Just this once please- please-please-please... CJ OK, OK - chill! Shit, this can't look good. Listen, everything's gonna be OK. Just remember; you're the boss! ROSIE I'm the boss? I'm the boss. I'm the boss. I'm the boss! I am the boss! CJ and Rosie go further into the Meat Factory. Two doormen are guarding the door to Johnny's room. ROSIE Hey, boys. Tell your boss that Ken Rosenberg is here to see him. Doorman 1 Ken who? ROSIE K-Ken Rosenberg... Ken Rosenberg! The guy that runs this town! Doorman 1 goes into Johnny's room. ROSIE (to doorman 2) So, uh, how's Johnny? Doorman 2 He's doing much better, yeah. He ate something this morning. Johnny comes out of his room in a wheelchair. JOHNNY Heeyyy, Ken... Ah, Christ, this fucking thing... Ken... Como esta e, eh, how you doing? ROSIE Pretty good. And you? JOHNNY Ah, still got a little bit of the night terrors, touch of diarrhoea, but I'll get through it. ROSIE Huh, diarrhoea, cool! Yeah... JOHNNY And who's this...? CJ steps forward. CJ How you doing, Johnny? JOHNNY It's fucking him... It's him! Oh my God... Oh God... It's him... Aaargghh! My heart! Euchh... my heart... Johnny falls to the floor, wheezing and clutching his chest. CJ Damn, that nigga's fucked up! One of Johnny's men from inside the factory throws a petrol bomb and the resulting fire blocks the doorway. Another one of Johnny's men jumps over the fire holding a chainsaw and runs towards CJ and Rosie. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Rosie are outside Caligula's Casino. CJ Get in there, and be cool. Like you been out for a relaxing drive or something. ROSIE Calm, yeah, calm. I'm calm. REAL FUCKING calm! I'm calm, Mr. Calm, Mr. Calm, that's me, Mr. Calm. Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) Misappropriation (MISSION) Tenpenny and Pulaski are having a barbecue outside a house. CJ turns up. TENPENNY Hello, Carl. Been a long time, huh? CJ Yeah, I was starting to miss you guys. TENPENNY Now why don't I believe you? Get over here! Now things have developed since the last time we met. Despite our best efforts the gig's nearly up. CJ I'm sure you'll find some way to keep your badge, your kind always do. TENPENNY You still don't get it, do you, Carl? This ain't about keeping some fucking badge! PULASKI Hey, listen to the man. TENPENNY We're all the same, Carl - you, me. We're all trying to pull ourselves out of the hole. Somebody steps on me, I gotta step on you. PULASKI Where's Hernandez with that fucking meat? He's been gone too long, Tenpenny. CJ Getting a little edgy, fellas? Tenpenny punches CJ in the stomach. CJ falls to the ground. TENPENNY How d'you like that, you piece of shit? That give you any idea how edgy I am? The barbecue's flame blasts out. PULASKI Woah! What the fuck? TENPENNY (to CJ) Get up, bitch! You paying attention? Now there's a ruined town out west of here, Aldea Malvada. And there's some piece of shit DEA officer meeting with an FBI agent with a dossier. Now you get the dossier and you make both of them disappear. ///MISSION\\\ The Triads (BOSS) Fish In A Barrel (MISSION) Woozie and Suzie are in a room in the casino. CJ and Farlie enter. WOOZIE Mr. Ran Fa Li. Gentlemen, can I have your marks please? CJ and Farlie sign the partnership contract. Woozie raises his glass. WOOZIE Gentlemen, or shall I say, partners! CJ Oh, I'll drink to that! The Mafia (BOSS) Freefall (MISSION) Maccer and Paul are tied to the wall, upside-down, by their legs, in Rosie's room in Caligula's Casino. Salvatore is sat on a chair, with one of his men stood next to him. Ken is on his couch. MACCER Top fuckin' buzz this. I'm peaking on the blood pressure alone. PAUL Yeah, t'riffic. Maria enters. SALVATORE Well, well, well... What have we got here? MARIA Here's your sandwich. SALVATORE Who's this pretty thing? MARIA I don't usually do this kind of shit you know. SALVATORE Heh, heh, heh. I like this girl. What's your name, kid? MARIA Maria. And the service is not included. TONY Pay the woman, you fat fuck! SALVATORE (to his man) You heard the bird! MARIA Come on. Salvatore's man hands over a few notes. MARIA Are you kidding me? See you later, guys. Maria exits. CJ enters. SALVATORE And who's this asshole? CJ The name's Carl Johnson, sir. Before working with Mr. Rosenberg here, I had the pleasure of doing business with your son, Joey, back in Liberty City. SALVATORE You know my Joey? I like that. So, kid, what can I do for you? CJ Well, Ken'll vouch for me, I'm a straight killer. ROSIE Oh, oh he, eerr, one man fucking army! Real dependable. Total fucking maniac, too. SALVATORE You know, the Forelli's are sending over a crew to hit me. Their flight gets in soon - travelling as a string quartet. I was going to send some of the boys over as a little welcoming committee, but, uh, maybe you can take care of it. CJ Thank you, sir. I guarantee you, you won't regret this. ROSIE Maybe I should go along- When Rosie moves, the couch moves, so do Maccer and Paul who are still hung upside-down. MACCER and PAUL Waaarrrggghhh! ROSIE That's OK, I'm comfortable, I'm fine. SALVATORE You stay where you are, Rosenberg. I don't want you getting yourself lost. ///MISSION\\\ CJ jumps out of a plane, and lands on another plane. ///MISSION\\\ Frank Tenpenny (BOSS) High Noon (MISSION) CJ is standing outside a house in the desert. Tenpenny, Pulaski and Hernandez pull up. PULASKI Carl! Hope we didn't keep you waiting, holmes! CJ Nah, I was just chillin'. PULASKI Ha, I bet you were. That the dossier? Hand it over. CJ Hey, everything cool now? TENPENNY I don't know, Carl. Eddie? PULASKI Our boy's done good! Tenpenny hits Hernandez over the head with a spade. TENPENNY YOU SNITCH PIECE OF SHIT! YOU VATO ASSHOLE! YOU SOLD US OUT! Time to dig, Carl. Tenpenny hands CJ the spade. TENPENNY (to Pulaski) You take care of things. PULASKI Whuh - where you going? TENPENNY To get drunk and get laid - you got a problem with that? PULASKI No, Frank, relax. TENPENNY Good. I'll see you back at the precinct. And I'll see YOU in the next life, Carl. Tenpenny drives away. CUT TO CJ digging a ditch, Pulaski is pointing a gun at CJ. PULASKI Awright, that's good - that's deep enough for two. CJ Eddie, Tenpenny's just using you, he's using all of us. You're the next one he's gonna silence, man. PULASKI Shut the fuck up, scum! And it's Officer Pulaski to you! Hernandez wakes up and runs up behind Pulaski, Pulaski shoots him and Hernandez falls into the ditch. PULASKI Fucking die!!! Pulaski runs away. ///MISSION\\\ Pulaski is leant against his car, bleeding. CJ Not feeling so fucking full of yourself now, huh? PULASKI Yeah, well them's the breaks... Fuck... CJ Any last requests? PULASKI Yeah... can I fuck your sister? CJ You an asshole to the end. Punk mother-fucker! CJ stamps on Pulaski to finish him off. Madd Dogg (BOSS) Madd Dogg (MISSION) Madd Dogg is on the ledge of a roof. Two men are on the ground. MAN 1 JUMP! Go on, jump! Oh, shit - Jesus... MAN 2 Jump! Come on, man, jump! You got it. CJ comes along. CJ Hey, what's happening? Who's the idiot? MAN 1 Some washed up rapper. MAN 2 It's Madd Dogg! Used to be a real chart-topping cat. Real playa! CJ Madd Dogg? Aw, man. MAN 2 Jump! Come on! MAN 1 He lost all his money in the casino and went batso! CJ Hey, MADD DOGG! Whatchoo doing up there, fool? The two men are still cheering Madd Dogg on to jump. MADD DOGG Do I know you? I don't think so, so shut the fuck up! This is the end! It's over! Wuh - woah! Ohhh... MAN 1 and MAN 2 Oh shit oh shit sh shit he's gonna go over he's gonna go over! CJ No, Dogg, get a grip, dude, get a grip - you still got it! You still gangsta! MADD DOGG I don't give a fuck no more! My manager got killed, some asshole stole my rhyme book. Shit is rough. All the kids like this "Loc OG" or whatever the fuck his name is. Some fake ass gangsta rapper bullshit. Liquor's my only friend. Waah oh! Shit... CJ Come on, Dogg! You just need a new manager, baby, you're looking at him! MADD DOGG I hate y'all. CJ Just come in off that ledge, man! MAN 1 Hey, don't talk him out of jumping, we got good money on this! MAN 2 Yeah, good odds, too! CJ Damn, this town is cold... MAN 1 Man, jump! Two women come out of windows and onto the ledge to try and stop Madd Dogg from jumping. MADD DOGG Stay the fuck away - stay the fuck away!!! I'm the best rapper in the universe! I'll jump! I'll jump! Woah! Wa-ah-ah! CJ Oh, hell no! I gotta catch this fool. (On screen) Find a way to save Madd Dogg before he jumps! ///MISSION\\\ Madd Dogg is still on the ledge of the building. MADD DOGG (one phrase) Brandy, God-damn it, get the brandy! (another phrase) I warn, y'all, I'll jump! (another phrase) Stay back! (On screen) Catch Madd Dogg when he jumps. ///MISSION\\\ Madd Dogg lands on the cardboard boxes in the back of the truck. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Madd Dogg are outside the hospital. CJ Hey, get yourself straightened out, then we can get you back in the studio. MADD DOGG Carl. CJ What? MADD DOGG When I get clean I'm gonna need a new manager. Thought I might look you up. CJ You do that, homie. The Mafia (BOSS) Saint Mark's Bistro (MISSION) Maria, Salvatore, Maccer, Paul and Rosie are in Rosie's room in Caligula's Casino. Maria has a knife in her hand, Salvatore is helping her hold it. Maccer is tied to a board which Maria is aiming the knife at. SALVATORE Just feel the weight of the weapon, sweetheart. MARIA I can feel the weight of someone's weapon! SALVATORE Hey, you're the one to blame on that front! MACCER Can I fucking go now, or fucking what? Salvatore throws the knife at the board. MACCER Ooh, you fuckin' twat! Right in the fucking happy sack! PAUL Perhaps you'll be cured of your little antisocial condition, mate. CJ enters. SALVATORE Carl, my man! CJ Mr. Leone. SALVATORE Looks like this piece of shit (Rosie) was right. You did a real number on those Forelli losers. Now, it's time the Forelli's found out what it means to screw with Salvatore Leone! How would you like to hit the St. Mark's Bistro? CJ A hit in Liberty City? Cool, but I'm gonna need some backup. SALVATORE Take who you want. CJ Well I usually use these two. (Maccer and Paul) ROSIE Heh-hey! Remember all those jobs we did together, huh? Huh? You and me, Carl, remember, huh? You know you used to call me 'Killer' Ken? Ken the Killer? Killer? Ice Cold Ken, that's me... CJ And him too, I guess... CUT TO CJ, Rosie, Maccer and Paul outside Caligula's Casino. CJ Alright, you guys better get out of Las Venturas, fast! I'll be in touch. MACCER What about your backup, man, will you be a'right without us? ROSIE Of course he will, you fucking moron, come on! ///MISSION\\\ CJ enters Saint Mark's Bistro. Forelli's bodyguards are all over. BODYGUARD Private function, invitation only! CJ Oh yeah? Well Mr. Leone says otherwise! ///MISSION\\\ Heist Missions (BOSS) Breaking The Bank At Caligula's (MISSION) The heist van is outside the casino. The occupant of the planning room and Woozie's assistant get in the back. Woozie and Zero shut the doors behind them. CJ comes along. CJ We all good? WOOZIE Yeah we're good. CJ Alright, I'll see you at the backdoor. Let's roll! ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at the staff door in Caligula's Casino. There is an employee there. EMPLOYEE Ain't seen you 'round here before. You new? CJ Yeah, I'm, eerr standing in for Jerry, he's ill. ZERO (through CJ's earpiece) Who's Jerry? CJ Shut up. EMPLOYEE What? CJ I... I think I got Jerry's cough. ///MISSION\\\ Gas fills up in the room with the safe in it. Two guards fall over. CJ We won't know if that worked until we get down there! ZERO (through CJ's earpiece) Yeah, well, don't worry about it. Right now we got a schedule to stick to! Head to the security door and use Millie's swipe card! ///MISSION\\\ The heist van backs up into a downstairs room. Woozie, Suzie, Woozie's assistant and the occupant of the planning room get out. WOOZIE Well done, Carl. Now it's time for us to do our part! Try to stay close! OK, team, I've gone over the layout to this place so I know it back to front. Everybody follow me! Woozie walks into a wall. WOOZIE Damn! the devious bastards have changed the layout! SUZIE Don't worry, I'll take the lead, boss. WOOZIE Good idea, everybody follow him! ///MISSION\\\ The backup generators explode. ///MISSION\\\ The heist team, excluding Zero, are in the room that contains the safe. Woozie's assistant and Suzie plant some bombs on the safe door. ASSISTANT Everybody take cover! Oh shit! Where do I go? Where do I go? OCCUPANT Fire in the hole! The door to the safe explodes. WOOZIE OK people, load up the cash! ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Kill the Mafia whilst the team gets the cash. ///MISSION\\\ Zero is waiting in the downstairs room where the heist van entered. There is the heist van and two police motorbikes. ZERO I've unloaded the police bikes. Everybody in! You two, change into your police uniforms! Two of the men get onto the police motorbikes in police uniforms. The other two get into the heist van and they all drive away. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Follow the rooftops and collect the parachute. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Press circle when falling to open the parachute. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is at the airfield, as are the heist van and the two police motorbikes. The rest of the heist team are also at the airfield. CJ Zero, where you hiding? Zero comes out from behind the back of the heist van. ZERO I didn't mean to tell Berkley, it just kinda came out... is all. CJ punches Zero to the floor. ZERO Will you watch it, you idiot! WOOZIE Hey, CJ, calm down! You better take me home, CJ! The Triads (BOSS) A Home In The Hills (MISSION) CJ, Woozie and Kendl are in the casino giving auditions to people for shows. There is currently a midget auditioning. MIDGET (singing) Don't hate the little man, because he's packing a 6 shooter! KENDL Next. CJ Thank you. MIDGET Thank you? Thank you?! Do you know how much balls it takes to stand down here and sing a song like that? It takes guts! WOOZIE I'm sorry. We're just looking for something with a little more mass appeal. MIDGET What could have more mass appeal than a song like "Small But Perfectly Formed"? Women want me. Men want to be like me! Assholes! The midget exits. KENDL You gotta be kidding me, right? CJ Damn! This casino game is hard work. I thought it was just a case of opening the doors and letting suckers give you their money. WOOZIE If only. KENDL You know what? I'm getting bored here. I'm trying to do business, not audition midgets. WOOZIE People of reduced stature, you mean. KENDL Yeah, yeah, I said that. All I know is, when are we gonna get some real talent in here? CJ I heard that. Madd Dogg enters. CJ Madd Dogg! MADD DOGG CJ! I'm clean, dude! CJ That's good news, man. Hey, what's cracking? You ready to take it to the stage again? MADD DOGG Easy, CJ, c'mon, man. One step at a time, you know? I'm almost ready, but, but... CJ But what? MADD DOGG I want to go home now, CJ. CJ That's cool, man, I'll take you. Where's home? MADD DOGG My mansion, baby. KENDL Yeah, I heard about that place. Drugs, sex, all that shit. MADD DOGG Yeah, you know it - but... CJ Yeah, yeah I been there... I mean, I seen it on TV. MADD DOGG Yeah. CJ Nice crib. MADD DOGG Thanks, playa. CJ We could do with a place like that to set up in LS again, wait for Sweet. Get things moving. Get out dis midget game. MADD DOGG But, CJ... Come on, man... CJ What? I saved your life, man! MADD DOGG My mansion ain't big enough. Only got 19 bedrooms, you hear? A'ight, man, my mansion's been seized. WOOZIE IRS? MADD DOGG Nah, not exactly. CJ Who? MADD DOGG Nobody. CJ Who, Madd Dogg? MADD DOGG A'ight, Big Poppa. CJ Big Poppa! The drug dealer? Man... you gave your multi million-dollar mansion to a mother-fucking pusher? MADD DOGG You know, CJ, these things happen. I was powerless! CJ You fucking degenerate! Oh - man! How much blow can one guy snort? MADD DOGG It's not my fault, CJ! CJ Man, I should have let you jump! Come with me. All of you! We're ALL going home. CJ is flying over Los Santos on a plane with four Triads. CJ's phone rings. CJ Hello. KENDL Hey, what's up, Carl? CJ Hey, Kendl, whassup? KENDL Nothing - just thought I'd wish you luck. We're gonna drive back to, uh, San Fierro first. Wanna check things out there before we hook up with you guys in Los Santos. CJ Alright cool, you be careful. KENDL I'll be fine, I got Cesar and Madd Dogg to keep me safe. You be careful. CJ I will. I'll see you in Los Santos. CJ finishes the phone call and puts his phone away. CJ (to Triad 1) Me and you gonna go in to clear the place out. TRIAD 1 Element of surprise. CJ So the rest of the crew can move in in peace. Two Triads parachute onto the helipad on top of Madd Dogg's Crib and light flares. CUT BACK TO the four Triads and CJ about to jump out of the plane. TRIAD 2 (to Triad 1) You ever jumped before? TRIAD 1 Nah. You? TRIAD 2 Nah. TRIAD 1 When we land, we're going to feel invincible! TRIAD 2 I AM INVINCIBLE! Triad 2 jumps out of the plane. TRIAD 1 Hey, wait up! Triad 1 jumps out of the plane. TRIAD 3 WhaaaHOOOOO! Triad 3 jumps out of the plane. TRIAD 4 WhaaaHEEEEE! Triad 4 jumps out of the plane. CJ jumps out of the plane next. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and some Triads are inside Madd Dogg's Crib. TRIAD We're heavily outnumbered, but if we all keep our heads, we should kick ass! The Triad's head gets blown off. ///MISSION\\\ Big Poppa gets into a car outside Madd Dogg's Crib. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) You have taken back Madd Dogg's mansion. Final Missions (AREA) Carl Johnson (BOSS) Vertical Bird (MISSION) CJ, Maccer, Paul and Madd Dogg are in the recording studio in Madd Dogg's Crib. Madd Dogg is rapping, Paul is flicking the switches, CJ is stood around and Maccer is wanking. MACCER Go on... Go on... Come on... Come on... Go on... PAUL Will you please leave yourself alone! Maccer carries on wanking. MACCER Oh, fuck! PAUL Oh, you manky mongrel! MACCER Ooh, sorry geez. PAUL You shouldn't be choking the gecko in the first place! Remember what happened at that gig in Hamburg?! MACCER That groupie loved it! PAUL That wasn't a groupie, that was a roadie! MACCER But she had great tits. PAUL MAN tits! They were MAN TITS! The recording equipment stops working. CJ Hey, what happened? Hey, where the sounds at? PAUL I dunno, bruv, it all just went! MACCER You're fucking shite you are, P. PAUL I can't be held responsible for dodgy gear, alright? CJ C'mon, keep it together, man - we can't fuck with his flow. A voice comes from a speaker from somewhere in the recording equipment. TORENO Finally! I thought I'd never get through to you. CJ What the... Toreno? Is that you? PAUL What's happenin' here? CJ Toreno? TORENO Listen; you gotta pull one last string for me, OK? Communists at the gate, Carl. CJ I'm tired of this, Toreno. TORENO I'm outside. Let's take a ride. MACCER Now I'm hearing things - fuck me! CJ (to Paul) Hey, I gotta get out of here. You got this? (to Madd Dogg) Hey, Dogg, I gotta go hit a marketing meeting, I'm gonna catch you later! PAUL Right, mind how you go, sunshine. Madd Dogg carries on rapping. PAUL Yeah, sweet as... Come on. You having that, Maccer, you having that? CJ and Toreno are outside Madd Dogg's Crib, walking towards a car. TORENO Well, no invite to the housewarming, huh, kid? CJ I knew you'd come anyway. TORENO Yeah, well, that's not important right now. I'll bring you up to speed on the way, get in. CUT TO CJ and Toreno driving down a country lane near a river. CJ How long's this going to take? I got my own shit to worry about. TORENO Would you like to see your brother this week? CJ Yeah, what can I do? TORENO You just gotta steal a military jet off an amphibious assault ship and use it to destroy a flotilla of spy ships, nothing big. CJ Oh man, you shittin' me. TORENO Would I shit you, Carl? There's a boat. All the gear you'll need is on board. I'll keep you briefed as you go. CJ I ain't coming back from this one, am I? TORENO Yes you are, don't be ridic- here take this earpiece. Trust me, do as I say, you'll be home for a blow job and a bologna sandwich. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is near the amphibious assault ship. TORENO (via the earpiece) Sneak in the back without being seen. Once you're on the inside, I cannot help you. CJ Well, can you help me now? TORENO Oh, well, no. Actually, no. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Find the control room to switch off the SAM sites. (On screen) Steal one of the military jets. (On screen) Try not alert the guards. ///MISSION\\\ CJ is in a military jet. Three more military jets are coming towards him. PILOT Stolen aircraft; prepare to be vaporized! ///MISSION\\\ Carl Johnson (BOSS) Home Coming (MISSION) CJ is in the recording studio at Madd Dogg's Crib. He is on the phone. CJ I don't care 'how', I care 'when'. Toreno walks up behind CJ. CJ As in 'now'. You hear me? Toreno takes CJ's phone out of his hand. CJ Hey, man, what the - ? TORENO Hello, boss man. Taking care of business I see. CJ Toreno, fuck you. I almost lost my life out there for you. TORENO I've just got one tiny little thing for you to do, then I'm out of your life forever. CJ pulls out a gun and points it at Toreno. CJ You know what? I'm tired of your fucking little jobs. TORENO Oh, will you stop? This is pathetic, come on. You're embarrassing yourself. Come on, put it down. Don't be ridiculous, OK? Toreno pushes the gun down. TORENO Hey, I got a little surprise for you here. You ready for this? Huh? CJ's phone rings. TORENO Answer it. CJ answers the phone. CJ Hello? SWEET Carl, it's me, Sweet. CJ Aw, Sweet! SWEET I don't know what happened, they just released me. No idea what's going on, but I'm in the square outside the precinct in Commerce. CJ Alright you hold tight, I'll be right there. CJ puts the phone down. CJ So what was that little job you was talking about, Toreno? TORENO I just want you to go pick up your brother. Get out of here. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are outside the precinct. SWEET What's up, bro? CJ Hey, what's up, man? SWEET How you doin', bro? CJ I'm alright, man. Hey, man - we off to our new spot! We got a mansion, Sweet! We been putting in work, and shit is going well. We got a stake in a casino, we got some insane shit in Fierro, we're getting into the rap game! Hey man, let me get you some new clothes, c'mon! SWEET New clothes? Nigga, what the fuck is this bullshit? CJ What you mean, man? What's mine is yours, and you know that. SWEET You never did get it, did you, Carl? I need to check on things in the 'hood. Man, that's the problem. You always a perpetrator, running from what's real. CJ Hey, man, shit's fucked up there. You don't want to be in the 'hood. SWEET No. That's exactly were I want to be. What you done for our 'hood? CJ Man, what the 'hood done for me? Always dragging me down. Ever since I got out of the 'hood shit been cracking! That's everybody's dream, to get out of the 'hood... SWEET Man, you sound just like Smoke right now. CJ Alright, man, you hard. I'm gonna show you what's going on in the 'hood. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are in Grove Street. A man comes running up to them carrying a blender. MAN Yo', man, y'all want to buy a blender? It's really good. It sort of works. SWEET Man, what the fuck? That's Mom's blender! The man runs away. CJ Looks like baseheads have took over the spot. Let's go home. SWEET This is home, man. Get these fuckers out of Mom's house! You was born in there. Damn! (On screen) Kill any crack dealers in your hood to keep your gang healthy. (On screen) If a gang member is high on crack you won't be able to use him. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are outside Sweet's house. CJ Alright, let's get out of here. Go see Kendl. SWEET Kendl can come see me right here, at her home. CJ But it ain't nothing here no more. SWEET Rome wasn't built in a day, nigga! CJ My brother can be a real pain in the ass! Carl Johnson (BOSS) Cut Throat Business (MISSION) CJ, Maccer, Paul and Madd Dogg are in the recording studio in Madd Dogg's Crib. Madd Dogg is watching TV. Paul is flicking the switches on the recording equipment and Maccer is wanking. CJ Hey, what's up, Dogg? MADD DOGG CJ, what's up, baby? Word. PAUL (to Maccer) Resist, sunshine, you can do it! For me, eh? Fucking Northerners... No, Maccer! Fight the urge! Think of... Thatcher! MADD DOGG (to CJ) You know it's my time again... CJ I know, dude. So what's holding you back? MADD DOGG Woah, hold up, this his video? I gotta see this fool... CJ Hey, man, you clean now. You got nothing to worry about. MADD DOGG Man, that fake-ass LOC! CJ Loc? But he's terrible! MADD DOGG Mother-fucker... I knew there was something familiar about those rhymes he was kicking. They're from my rhyme book! That's my money! And those are my hos! And that's my video he's shooting today. CJ OK, I say we make a cameo appearance. just drop in, unannounced. MADD DOGG Yeah, that's gangsta. C'mon. MACCER I love you, Maggie! I love you, Maggie! PAUL Oh, Maccer! CJ Oh, man! PAUL You ain't right in the head, mate. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Madd Dogg pull up to the location of OG Loc's video shoot. OG Loc is there, with a reporter. MADD DOGG You fucking phonies! Sum' bitch! Gimme my rhyme book! Gimme back my chain! Gimme back my hos! OG Loc gets into a hovercraft. CJ He bustin' out! Come on, Dogg, let's get him! CJ and Madd Dogg get into a hovercraft each. ///MISSION\\\ OG Loc gets out of the hovercraft and onto a go-cart. CJ and Madd Dogg do the same. ///MISSION\\\ OG Loc, CJ and Madd Dogg are in OG Loc's house. MADD DOGG You phoney! OG LOC Man, you can't prove nothing! CJ Hey, Jeffrey, you a buster, straight bitch. You stabbed me and my brother in the back. OG LOC Man, I'm an artiste! We all make mistakes, (to Madd Dogg) ain't that right, alkie? MADD DOGG You ain't no artist! You's a buster! You's a fake! OG LOC Man, I was going to give you credit on the next album! OG Loc holds some money out to Madd Dogg. OG LOC Here, royalties! Take that! I got more, too! MADD DOGG Little bitch, I should just smack dog-shit out your ass, break your face right here, mother-fucker! Jimmy appears in the room. JIMMY Yeah, you phoney! Heh heh heh heh! Mr. Dogg, Jimmy Silverman, Blastin' Fools Records. CJ Hold up, I'm the manager. You want to talk, talk to me. JIMMY Oh, OK. Pleasure, gentlemen. Let's talk, all right? I need hits. I mean, hits! Now what about this guy... this phoney... I've got a good mind to sue his ass into next year. Madd Dogg pushes OG Loc. OG LOC Man, get off me, you drunk! CJ Hey, Loc - go get us some lunch. OG LOC You get lunch! OG Loc bends down to pick up Madd Dogg's rhyme book, which he dropped when Madd Dogg pushed him. MADD DOGG Excuse me, gangsta - I don't think so! OG LOC Man - get outta here. Madd Dogg pushes OG Loc. OG LOC Don't let him be pushing me! Don't be pushing me... Sweet (BOSS) Beat Down On B Dup (MISSION) Sweet is in his house with a girl. GIRL Just a little bit of party. I heard you was down. So I gotta gift from B Dup. SWEET Come on now, I can't do that. GIRL C'mon, Sweet, come on - make sure you enjoy this. This is a rich man's high. All the players are doin' it. I know you're gonna enjoy this. It takes the pain away... SWEET Oh, yeah? Sweet is just about to light a drug pipe when CJ enters. CJ Oh, what the hell you doin'?! SWEET Shit. Man, everything is 'caine, 'caine, 'caine. Man, I just wanna see what's so good. CJ What's wrong with you, man? SWEET Man, this shit already destroyed the whole 'hood. I... I might as well let it destroy me, too. CJ Man, you don't need that shit, Sweet. SWEET What do you know about this? THIS is what it boils down to now. GIRL Come on, Sweet. Toke the smoke. CJ Hey, man, that shit'll steal your heart. You can't see that? This bitch talks nice to you and this is what you do? SWEET Aw, fuck this! GIRL (to CJ) You're going to have to deal with B Dup. CJ What? B DUP? We can handle that shit right now, man. Get your ass outta here. Bitch! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet enter B Dup's old house. There is a GSF homie on the floor. CJ bangs on B Dup's front door. CJ Hey, B Dup! Open up! SWEET B Dup! CJ Hey, open the door, punk! HOMIE Yo', Dup ain't here. Moved out a while back. Sweet picks up the homie and shakes him. SWEET Where'd he go, dickhead? HOMIE Yo' yo' yo', you're messing up a cat's colours, dude! SWEET Speak up, fool! HOMIE Yo', I got something, a little something, just what you need... SWEET I don't want none of that shit! I oughta split your wig right now! CJ Sweet, no, you trippin', you trippin', man - c'mon, put the gun down! He a basehead, man! SWEET Shit. He wearing Family colours, that's supposed to make him somebody. CJ Look, fool, tell us where B Dup is, and we outta here. HOMIE He lives over Glen Park way - his boy always there, give a cat what he needs. SWEET You're lucky. ///MISSION\\\ On screen there are five Ballas guarding a house. SWEET OK, the neighbourhood's sewed up now. CJ No sign of B Dup though, dog. SWEET Check that place (the house on screen) over there. ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Sweet and B Dup are in B Dup's house. SWEET Say something! B DUP Hey, hey, no! I had no choice. I was threatened! Shit came from the boss, homie! CJ Pop this mother-fucker, man. I'm tired of hearing his bullshit. B DUP No, man! I'm sorry, dog - Smoke's fuckin' crazy. He's paranoid - just sits in the house, thinking other fools want his business! SWEET Where's Smoke? B DUP I can't tell you that. SWEET Then I'll snatch your fucking tongue out! B DUP Man, I ain't saying nothing, homie, 'cause I don't know! Only his lieutenants know where he's at! SWEET I oughta wet your shirt anyway! Sweet throws B Dup to the floor and pulls his gun out. B DUP Bear! Hey, Bear! Get the fuck out here! Big Bear enters. BIG BEAR What's up, your lordship? B DUP Kill these mother-fuckers and I'll give you a whole quarter sack. Now handle that. Shoot them! What the fuck is wrong with you? You ain't hear what the fuck I said? Big Bear turns on B Dup. BIG BEAR I'm tired of smoking, I'm tired of crack and I'm tired of doing your fucking housework. Big Bear punches B Dup to the floor. B DUP Oh, shit! Man, what the fuck you do that for, man? BIG BEAR CJ, man, c'mon, put me back on the team. Gimme twenty bucks, and I'm all yours, man. Blast from the past. CJ Hey, let's take a ride, homie - I'm gonna shoot you somewhere you're gonna enjoy. CJ, Sweet and Big Bear are outside B Dup's house. Big Bear is in the car. SWEET I got Bear's back, man. CJ A'ight. I'll see you in a minute, Bear! BIG BEAR Where we going, Sweet? SWEET Someplace where we can get old Bear back! BIG BEAR A'ight. I'm down for that... Sweet (BOSS) Grove 4 Life (MISSION) Sweet is in his house with four GSF homies. SWEET You gotta love your 'hood like you love your homies. It's always been that way, and ain't nothing ever gonna change, I done seen it all. CJ enters. SWEET Whattup, CJ? CJ Whassup? Yeah... I'm glad to see things back the way they used to be. SWEET Nah, it ain't like it was, but it's gonna be. We still gotta get everybody in the 'hood back together. I was just telling these cats what's important. We gotta let everybody know: Grove is back on the map. CJ Hold up - don't you think we ought to take it easy? SWEET What? CJ You know, I got other things in mind - commitments I made. SWEET Can y'all step outside for a minute? I need to talk to him. The four homies exit. SWEET If you don't get this shit together, what you think this place is going to look like? You always did real good leaving jobs half finished. CJ That's cold, Sweet. SWEET Man, we can't take care of this from no bitch-ass rapper's mansion. CJ Look, the world is bigger than this 'hood. SWEET This is where our lives began and where it's probably gonna end. And don't forget where you came from, mister uppity ass nigga. CJ Now that ain't fair. SWEET Oh - somebody just crossed out all the writing on the wall. Disrespected your 'hood. And you act like you don't give a fuck. THAT ain't fair. CJ OK. Have it your way. C'mon. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are outside Sweet's house. SWEET You helped Grove Street Families hammer them Ballas. CJ Johnson boys rolled right over them! SWEET OK, dog, I'm going to get some sleep, I'm beat. Here, I took this from one of those Ballas fools. Probably drug money - here's your half. Carl Johnson (BOSS) Riot (MISSION) CJ, Maccer, The Truth, Madd Dogg, Kendl, Cesar and Sweet are all gathered around a TV in Madd Dogg's Crib. MACCER C'mon you bunch of wankers, this is unbearable! REPORTER (on TV) Officers Eddie Pulaski and Frank Tenpenny, both hard working members of a community policing unit, have been charged with racketeering, corruption, narcotics and sexual assault. KENDL They brought it on themselves. THE TRUTH That bastard cost me my farm. And he hogged the bong. REPORTER ...conspired to kill fellow officer Ralph Pendelbury who threatened to turn state's evidence and who was then found shot dead in a supposedly unrelated gang incident... SWEET I'd say 20 years. CESAR Try 5 years. Cops always get off easy. KENDL Yeah, I heard that. REPORTER ...retracted witness statements and now the disappearance of fellow officer Jimmy Hernandez, and Officer Pulaski himself, believed to be on the run. CUT TO later that day. REPORTER Oh, wait, they're exiting the courtroom now! KENDL That bastard Pulaski will probably turn up dead, just like the rest of them. Tenpenny's lawyer is talking on TV. Lawyer ...of the lack of evidence against my client, the district attorney's office has seen fit to drop all charges... SWEET What?! KENDL That's bullshit. THE TRUTH You see? You can't trust the system, man! REPORTER ...surprise decision is wholly unprecedented... MADD DOGG Oh man, there just ain't no JUSTICE! MACCER I know, I've been arrested numerous times for totally natural behaviour! REPORTER ...Los Santos will burn tonight! SWEET Ain't nobody gonna be rioting in my 'hood! CESAR I don't know about that, holmes. Look. The whole city is going up. People are fucking pissed off about this. CJ People don't know what they want. We're all being used. THE TRUTH You see, man? It's always the same, friend. Power systems corrupt everyone. SWEET Look, I say we go secure the 'hood, we ain't getting shit together so some idiot can burn it down. CJ and Sweet are outside Madd Dogg's Crib. CJ Shit's real fucked up, man. SWEET Yeah, but we gonna handle this ourselves. ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are in Grove Street. SWEET I'm gonna gather up some homies, and get the 'hood locked down. CJ You need anything, give me a call. I'm gonna check out the city and see what I can see. SWEET You be careful out there, CJ. Sweet (BOSS) Los Desperados (MISSION) Sweet is in his house on the phone. SWEET Yeah, so get the place locked down. No one's gonna ruin the 'hood. You hear me? No one! Alright, see you. CJ enters. CJ Whattup? SWEET We almost got the 'hood under control, man. CJ, this is some serious shit, man. CJ Hey, man, I know, man. I went through a lot of shit for this family since you been gone, so I know... SWEET What? For yourself. Not for the family. Don't get shit confused, nigga. CJ Man, when you gonna give me a break? SWEET When you stop acting like you the man. You keep yapping on what you done did, let me tell you what I done did. When Kendl needed shoes. I went out and got the money. When Moms needed an operation, I robbed people for the bread. While you were off in Liberty City thinking about your own shit. For five years, come on man. Now you do something, you want a fucking parade? Nigga, please. CJ That ain't fair, man. Cesar enters. CESAR Carl, man, I need your help. CJ Man, I'm kinda busy right now. Family shit. CESAR I helped you guys, hombre. It's time you helped me and my homies. My 'hood's screwed up too. We got this shitty neighbourhood on lockdown now. CJ Alright, what you need? CESAR It's time to get my old gang back together, push out those yay- slanging punks, eh? CJ I know, but I got a lot going on right here in my own 'hood, man. And I made my brother a promise. SWEET All your brother wants you to do is pay back your debts, CJ. CJ Alright, I hear you. I got your back - c'mon, let's roll. CESAR Orale! The Varrio's coming back! CJ and Cesar are outside Sweet's house. CJ OK, so what's the plan? CESAR We're going to meet three of my veterano's over at Unity Station. CJ Three, is that all? A'ight, I'm a get a couple of Family boys to come through too. ///MISSION\\\ Three of Cesar's homies are at Unity Station. HOMIE 1 Those Vagos, man, I'm gonna cut those cacos. HOMIE 2 Raspalo hasta el hueso! CJ and Cesar appear. CESAR Hey, carnales, what's cracking, holmes? HOMIE 3 Cesar! And you must be CJ. Cesar says your cool, so we cool, holmes. CJ, Cesar, and Cesar's three homies are walking towards Cesar's neighbourhood. CESAR OK. We will have to work our way through this neighbourhood to get to my house. If we stick together those Vagos pendejos won't stand a chance! Watch each others' backs, amigos. Hasta la muerte! Three HOMIES HASTA LA MUERTE! ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Cesar and Cesar's three homies are walking down an alleyway. CESAR that was the easy bit, eh. Now we go into the viper's nest. This is where it gets tough. Luckily we have a little surprise up our sleeves, eh, Sunny! CJ That's a rocket launcher man! We'll bring the National Guard down on us! CESAR Look around you, CJ, the whole city is a war zone! C'mon, I want to take my house back! ///MISSION\\\ The group carry on down the alleyway. One of Cesar's homies is on the floor, another homie is squatting near him. CESAR Shit, Hazer... HOMIE He is pretty bad, Cesar... CESAR More Vagos! They're coming over the walls! ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Cesar and one of Cesar's homies are walking down the alleyway. CESAR Let's fucking finish this! CJ I'm with you man, let's take these punks! More Vagos are surrounding Cesar's house. VAGOS 1 Vagos rule this varrio now - Aztecas are no more! Vagos 1 sends a flame out of his flamethrower. VAGOS 1 Burn, Aztecas, burn! ///MISSION\\\ CJ, Cesar and one of Cesar's homies are walking towards Cesar's house. CJ Alright, that's the last of 'em. CESAR How is Hazer? HOMIE We need to get him to a hospital. CJ Hey, I'll take him. CESAR CJ, you have done more than enough. You should get back to Grove. CJ Alright ese, I'll see you after all this is settled down. CESAR Thank you, CJ and good luck, my friend. Sweet (BOSS) End Of The Line (MISSION) Sweet is in his house. CJ enters. CJ Hey, Sweet! SWEET Whassup? CJ It's time for Smoke. SWEET Alright let's roll. CJ Johnson brothers fittin' to take that fat fool down! ///MISSION\\\ CJ and Sweet are in a car outside Big Smoke's crack house. CJ Look, I know you down for this, but I gotta go in there alone. SWEET What? CJ Smoke played me. Tenpenny played me. SWEET They played us all. CJ Yeah, but you're right - I was a busta when my family need me the most. Hey, I let Brian die, man. This one's for him, for Moms... and for you, bro. SWEET For Grove Street, baby. CJ Yeah, for the Grove, baby. SWEET Hey - if you need me, you know where I'll be. CJ For sure. You've always been there for me, man. (On screen) Security is tight in the Crack Fortress. There is only one way in but the door is locked down because of the riots. The only way past that reinforced entrance is to knock it down. (On screen) A heavy vehicle like the SWAT Tank will be able to smash down the entrance easily. ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Floor 1: Security Area ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Floor 2: Drug Lab ///MISSION\\\ (On screen) Floor 3: Ballas Lounge ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke is in his room on floor 4 of his crack house, playing on his computer console. CJ walks up behind him. CJ Hey, Smoke! BIG SMOKE Hey, CJ, I was wondering when you'd show up. CJ How'd you know it was me? BIG SMOKE Knew it was my old dog CJ. Knew you was coming and I don't give a shit. CJ I'm here to take care of your fat ass, then I'm gonna take care of your friends in the police department. Where they at? BIG SMOKE Man, fuck this shit. Big Smoke puts down the computer pad and proceeds to inhale some drugs. BIG SMOKE Man, that's some good shit... CJ starts to talk about Tenpenny. BIG SMOKE Fuck Tenpenny and fuck his Polish lap dog, and fuck the police, man. All that's old shit. Look at you, you got the whole world. I ain't got no regrets, man. CJ begins to talk again but is cut short by Big Smoke. BIG SMOKE I made it, CJ! I'm a success. I can't be touched! I don't give a fuck. Fuck the whole world. CJ What happened to you, man? BIG SMOKE Man, what the fuck do you care? Guess we better do this shit then... Big Smoke pulls out a gun. ///MISSION\\\ Big Smoke is sat against a wall, coughing and bleeding. CJ is crouched down next to him. CJ Hey, Smoke, what made you flip out like that, man? Was it the drugs, or what? BIG SMOKE I got caught up in the money, the power... I don't give a shit. Oh fuck, man... CJ Why you just didn't quit, man? We was like family, homie. BIG SMOKE I had no choice... I had to do it... I just see the opportunity. When I'm gone, everyone gonna remember my name... Big Smoke! Big Smoke dies. CJ Oh, damn, man... What a waste. Tenpenny enters, holding a gun. TENPENNY Carl Johnson. My man. I need you to do me another favour. You killed Pulaski, and now this fat fuck - there's no stopping you! Drop the gun. CJ drops his gun. CJ You ain't leaving here alive, man. TENPENNY Where's your brother at, huh? CJ Why you just didn't shoot me in the back? Feeling exposed, huh? TENPENNY Shut your dumb ass up and load the bag. C'mon, let's go, I ain't got time to fuck with you! CJ So what it's like, Tenpenny, huh? All alone, nobody got your back? Suck, huh? CJ starts loading Big Smoke's money into Tenpenny's bag. TENPENNY Why you think I'm alone? I got a couple of rookies outside. But I gotta open their eyes slowly, you know - a little truth here, a little truth there... A'ight, fuck it, that's enough. Chuck it over, I've got a firetruck to catch. CJ You're crazy man, you've lost it... you're gone. TENPENNY Half the city is looking for cops to kill, Carl, and I ain't about to get dragged out of a patrol car and get beaten to death by some angry mob. Not tonight. CJ What you catching, a plane? TENPENNY Ding ding ding ding ding! Good answer, Carl! You know, you're gonna thank me one day, for opening your fucking eyes. Oh! I almost forgot, Carl! Time to die! CJ Uh, Sweet! Tenpenny turns around, Sweet isn't there, CJ dives behind a chair. TENPENNY What? Mother-f- Tenpenny fires his gun to where CJ was but misses CJ. TENPENNY It ain't over, Carl! It ain't over! Tenpenny runs out of the room with his bag full of money. CUT TO Tenpenny on a downstairs floor. He fires a bullet into a piece of machinery. TENPENNY Carl, you mother-fucking piece of shit gang-banging cock-sucker! (On screen) Tenpenny has caused an explosion, the lighting in the building is off and the whole place is beginning to burn down. You need to get out of here quick! ///MISSION\\\ CJ dives out of Big Smoke's crack house as it is exploding behind him. Sweet is outside. Tenpenny gets into a fire engine. SWEET Tenpenny, you mother-fucking piece of shit! Sweet jumps onto the ladder on the back of the fire engine and hangs on as Tenpenny is driving away. SWEET I ain't letting you get away with all you've done! CJ Sweet, no! ///MISSION\\\ The fire engine with Tenpenny still in it goes over the edge of a bridge and lands on the road in Grove Street. Tenpenny stumbles out of the fire engine. TENPENNY Come on, assholes. I'll take you all. You're mine! Mine! I run this town! Hey, over here! Hey! Officer down! Come on! HEY! Assholes! You never understood what I did! Fifty of me and this town would be OK. I took the trash out! I DID! And I'd do it all again... Tenpenny is coughing on the floor. CJ, Sweet, Cesar and Kendl appear. CJ is pointing a gun at Tenpenny. SWEET Don't... don't do it man, he's gone. CJ I just wanna be sure it's over, man. That's all. SWEET It's cool, don't need to put a bullet in him. He killed his self in a traffic accident. No one to blame. Let's roll. The Truth appears. THE TRUTH I mean, far out, man. You know, I mean, you beat the system! I tried for thirty years to cross over but you've managed it, man. I mean, man, you're an icon, man! CJ Oh - thanks, man. KENDL I'm just glad it's finally over. SWEET What's up with Smoke? CJ You know what's up with Smoke. He always saw things a little different than us. KENDL Smoke? Smoke was always on his own, always out for self. THE TRUTH That is the surest path to hell, man. Well - that or fifteen microdots and an ounce of mescaline. CESAR Let's go get something to eat. SWEET Sounds good to me. Sweet, Cesar, Kendl and The Truth walk away. CJ stays and goes over to Tenpenny who is laying dead on the floor. CJ See you around. Officer. CJ, Cesar, Kendl, Sweet and The Truth are in CJ's house. CJ Now that everything is cool, we gotta stay on top of our game. Keep everything in check, but subtle. KENDL We got problems in Venturas, problems in San Fierro. Shit's never ending. SWEET For sure. I mean, the Families is back on their feet. But we gotta keep shit tight cuz a lot of people have got their eyes on us. CJ's front door opens. CJ, Sweet and Cesar pull out their guns. Rosie, Maccer, Paul and Madd Dogg enter} ROSIE I come in peace with Mr Dogg here who has an announcement. MADD DOGG My, I mean OUR first gold record. Everybody cheers. MACCER And I've decided to get breast implants. PAUL Shut up, will ya? CJ Anyway, what's next? KENDL We should hit the casinos, roll some dice with Woozie. SWEET Nah, we gotta take care of shit here first. MADD DOGG We're going on tour, fan! ROSIE Has anyone got a tissue? My nose is... it just won't stop running - anybody? MACCER Yeah, I have, over here... ROSIE Uh, I'll pass. KENDL Carl, where are you off to now? CJ Fittin' to hit the block, see what's happening. Rockstar credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Written by Graeme Murphy, A.K.A. Omah.
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