Review by Psycho Penguin

Reviewed: 10/30/00 | Updated: 07/16/01

May god have mercy on the souls that bought this game for more than nine cents

I had heard many bad things about this sorry pathetic attempt at a game from a magazine, who caled this the worst piece of monkey dung they have ever played, and quite frankly I would have agreed had it not been for a game known as Heroes of the Lance (*shiver*). There is absolutley no point to playing this game unless you need a good laugh. This is without a shadow of doubt the worst movie to game translation ever (which has some pretty tough contenders, like that vile Spawn game for PSX) and is defiently the worst Atari 2600 game I have ever played.

It's a shame too, since the movie was so friggin cool! The creators of the game (I think it was Atari, if it was, god help thier souls) should be ashamed of themselves for making such a terrible game! I was hoping that the game would end up being better than it was, but sadly it did not turn out as such. Well, at least I can now make fun of the game completely, and it always will make a good punishment for those people you just never really liked. I would turn this review into a ''100 ways to bash this game with a steel hammer'' guide, but I'd rather not.

Storyline: In a public service for you, trhe loyral reader, I am not going to attempt to make up a storyline for this game. Since the game never really mentions a plot, I will just assume theat the game has the same plot as the movie. Of course, it could end up being about having to save your Grandma's pet pig from the evil sporks or something. WHO KNOWS???

Graphics: In this wonderfully designed game (insert sarcasm in line before here), ET looks more like a bug after getting whacked by a sledge hammer than an alien. The wonderfully designed backgrounds are imaganitive as they make you imagine what the developers were smoking or drinking when they made this vile pitiful attempt at a game. Even the vile game known as Heroes of the Lance looks better than this piece of monkey crap. I swear, I could probably design better graphics then the graphics featured in this game! Now, to be fair, this is an Atari 2600 game, but even for an Atari 2600 game, these graphics are still pretty terrible!

I swear, I could probably design better graphics then the graphics featured in this game! Now, to be fair, this is an Atari 2600 game, but even for an Atari 2600 game, these graphics are still pretty terrible! I mean, I have seen some Atari 2600 games that actually look kind of decent. But not so in this game. In fact, calling this the worst looking game of all time would not be a far-off statement. That is truly a testament as to how bad the graphics in this game really are.

Music and Sound Effects: There is hardly any music featured in this game at all. The only music that can be heard is music that you would probably not want to listen to, to begin with. Ricky Martin has tons more talent then whoever did this music. And to whoever knows what I feel about Ricky Martin as a singer, you will know that I am making a VERY strong statement when I say that.

Beep bloop beep. I have described the sounds in this game for you. Have a nice day. Seriously, the game features very little music, and the sound effects are just terrible. If you have some kind of brain spasm and suddenly decide to play this ''game'', make sure to have a CD player with some big ass speakers blared full volume, so you do not have to hear this game's music and sound effects!

Gameplay and Control: This game makes Hydlide look like a Game of the Millenium canidate. There is no apparently no worthwile control to this game whatsoever. All you do is try to move your character around in hopes that it will actually do what you want it to do. The chances of that happening are equivalent to the chances of the 49ers winning the super bowl this year, which pretty much sums it up right there.

The game itself is just another crappy adventure wannabe, and I have no clue what to do. And I have no plans on figuring out what to do. The worst part of the game is that the dang thing will not open. My friend is whacking it with a screwdriver and has already poked out ET's eye, but unfortuantely the game has yet to open. Sad. I could have bought something more useful with the 25 cents that I spent for this game, like a pack of gum or a baseball card. Overall, this game just plain old absolutely 100 percent sucks!

Replay Value: What? Replay value? In this game? (starts laughing at anyone that thinks this game resembles anything close to replay value). I mean, come on now, I never ever want to play this game ever again. It truly is one of the worst games ever released, if not the worst. I am truly apalled by the lack of quality in the game, and therefore I will definitely not play this game again. And after you experience how crappy this game is, you will not want to play it again either.

Challenge: The biggest challenge is figuring out why the heck you played the heck to play this game. But it is also quite a challenge to open the cartridge itself. My friend and I spent many hours trying to open up the cartidge, to little success. We have had better success watching a Dolphins/Chargers game without falling asleep than we have had trying to open this game.

Overall: It got a 0! It has gone where only one other game has ever gone before! Sad, and the second worst game I have ever played/ I think Hydlide is worst, but Hydlide is just a special, special game.

Good Points
-I guess the cover looks okay, because it has ET on it.
-That's it. Go away now.

*pulls out a huge list*

No So Good Points
-The graphics in the game are horrible.
-The music and sound effects are horrible.
-Let me just save time and say EVERY DAMN THING in this game is horrible.

I Run Down the Ratings.... DaLadiesMan style!
Storyline - Not Available
Graphics - 0.3/10
Music - 0.1/10
Sound Effects - 0.0/10
Control - 0.0/10
Gameplay - 0.2/10
Replay Value - Arctic Freeze low
Challenge - Almost as High as the developers who made this game
Buy it or not? - Ummm let me thik about this for a second.. NO! DO NOT BUY IT!
Overall - 0.1/10

The Last Line: This is the second worst game I have ever played, and I have played some bad ones, so make sure to stay away from it at all costs. I'd rather buy a tootsie roll for the money needed to purchase this game.

Rating:   0.5 - Unplayable

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