Review by MartinIIIa

Reviewed: 07/30/13 | Updated: 08/05/13

If you like watching other people have fun, maybe this is for you. Maybe.

I'd better provide some explanation for why I decided to even check Bodyconscious out. It starts with my enthusiasm for FMV puzzle games, an obscure genre I haven't been able to find an example of on the 3DO. For some reason, all four FMV puzzle games on the Saturn (that I'm aware of) feature a live action cast of attractive women and lots of cheesecake shots. So when I noticed that GameFAQs lists Bodyconscious as a puzzle game, and that the cover is a cheesecake shot of some bare legs, I figured there was a decent chance that I'd found an FMV puzzle game on the 3DO.

Well, not only is Bodyconscious not an FMV puzzle game, it's not a game at all. What you get in this package is a long video of women in various states of dress/undress dancing in a nightclub. (Some men are in there, too, but they're few and far between.) There are lots of modern options - scene skip, scene select, frame skip, rewind, etc. - but ultimately it's a non-interactive video.

Hardly an entertaining one, either. The women are not unattractive, but many of the scenes depicted have a lewdness which is disturbing rather than sexy: a slow zoom-in on the inner side of a thigh, a close-up of a bare shoulder blade, and a sequence in which one woman crouches on the floor while another makes pelvic thrusts at her buttocks at a rhythm with no apparent connection to the music. It's hard to put the unpleasantness of this film into words, so if by chance my descriptions sound appealing, I'd better bring up that the game runs at under 15 frames per second. Remember, these ladies are all dancing, so a poor frame rate means it's sometimes hard to even tell what you're looking at, much less enjoy it.

A key point behind my giving Bodyconscious a low grade is wondering who it could have been intended for. Perverts is the obvious answer, but I think even the most shameless pervert would find it pitiful to be watching videos of women dancing, all the while knowing that if only he weren't so scared of real live women he could easily be flirting with one at a real nightclub right now. Also, while I've mainly commented on the lewder shots, most of the video is of women in modest dress, or even business attire. There's very little here that would appeal to anyone's libido.

The other possibility that comes to mind is that having a video of nightclub scenes playing in the background might help add life to a party. But then we hit the opposite problem: It's hard to imagine a group of people who wouldn't be uncomfortable at a party with the occasional flashing female flesh seen in Bodyconscious.

So really, who can this release be recommended to, even tentatively, or even in a so-bad-it's-good sense? Nobody.

Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Product Release: Bodyconscious Digital Rave! Part 1: Shinjuku & Takashi (JP, 12/23/94)

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