Review by Psycho Penguin
"Deadly in name only? I think naught."
Deadly Towers. You know, I know for a fact that there are some bad NES games out there. Heroes of the Lance. Hydlide. Incredible Crash Test Dummies. Castlecrap...er, Castlequest. But Deadly Towers is also a bad game. it is just not as bad as the aforementioned games. But that does not mean that Deadly Towers even resembles anything close to a fun game, because it doesn't. In fact, Deadly Towers is a pretty terrible game that lacks every ingredient needed for a fun and successful game. First off, there seems to be absolutely no point to this game. All I have seen so far is going around in some graphically challenged dungeons, killing enemies that resemble a trip to the Pillow Factory then a trip on an epic quest. Deadly Towers, however, was actually fun for me for the 1st 10 minutes... and the music is decent. There, my friends, is how to get a game to 2/10. At least Deadly Towers has some sort of fun resemblance in the game. The same cannot be said for other NES games, but oh well. Anyways, on with the slightly deformed and mutilated review to a slighty... well, you get the point.
First off, Prince What's his name looks like, well, the artist formerly known as Prince. Well, let's not disrespect ''The Artist'' like that. This game really does look like absolute filth. The backgrounds are crap and look like they were designed by a 20 year old kindergardner. (Yay, another blue background with brown floor! Oh what fun!). The enemy designs resemble Jello pudding more than actual scary enemies (I mean, come on, you fight JELLYBEANS for crying out loud! well, they're not quite jellybeans, they're actually blue bouncing blobie things.) Overall, these graphics are sad and pathetic.
MY GOD! The Dolphins win the Superbowl! Heroes of the Lance wins Game of the Millenium! Triple H bows down to the power of the Blue Meanie! All of these things can be considered equal to the thing that I am about to say: Deadly Towers has a good point to it. Well, it's not really a good point, but after playing the rest of this pile of cow dung, anything seems good! I have actually dug deep and found a good point to an otherwise terrible game: Deadly Towers has... gasp.... g...g....good music! Yes I know this is terrible, and yes I know it sounds like I am taking drugs or something, but Deadly Towers has a good point, and your Master Reviewer has found it!
Well, that went downhill quick. Pretend that you are on an epic quest. Actually, a trip to the local supermarket would suffice. Along the way, you meet up with strange enemies! No matter how much times you seem to hit them, they won't die. And that's because they have a secret potion added called: ''Guess What I am?'' Classic stuff follows, as you soon enter a new room. Apparently you seem to have a HP meter, but it really doesn't matter because you should worry more about your blood pressure meter after playing this pile of monkey dung. Along the way, you seem to go in circles, as there are no signs to post you in the correct direction. So you're basically stuck the whole game. At least you can actually hit your enemies, hence the ''high score''. Overall, this is fun.. er, not.
My Favorite Part of Deadly Towers
Comparing it to Heroes of the Lance.
Replay Value: Low
(insert evil, sarcastic grin here)
Because you will never, everrrrrrrr beat this game!
Well, its not in my worst 5 NES games list, but it's pretty terrible.
Reviewer's Rating: 1.0 - Terrible
Originally Posted: 04/18/00, Updated 07/16/01
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