Write the worst patch notes imaginable.

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  1. Boards
  2. Dark Souls III
  3. Write the worst patch notes imaginable.

User Info: MooreCoffee

MooreCoffee
3 months ago#1
Go!
PSN Ranger_Shuffle Please add me for Soulsborne/Nioh/For Honor activities!

User Info: coolfire1357

coolfire1357
3 months ago#2
"We fixed some stuff"
"Dammit coolfire"-- hemp
PSN: iamsiameseifupls; GT: iamsiamesifuplz

User Info: Brownstone

Brownstone
3 months ago#3
Washing pole running attack now goes through shields

User Info: AdamskiOcelot

AdamskiOcelot
3 months ago#4
'Lowered frequency of ganks and spanks by removing online play functionality'

'To ease time spent farming (build profits) all items are now only purchaseable through PSN'

'R2/L2 attacks removed to streamline play'
Every female I've been attracted to for the last 5 years is into girls. At least that's what they tell me.

User Info: GuerrillaGunz

GuerrillaGunz
3 months ago#5
Poise no longer allows players to trade. It now allows you to chug faster, but rolls are 15% shorter for ever 10 poise...

Weapon durability damage is now quadrupled. Stack those repair powders...

Armor absorption is now halved for all armor...

Bosses now can use estus to heal. Base of 5 chugs, with an additional 2 per NG cycle...

Millwood Greatbow now tracks it's targets with homing greatarrows, and the weapon art explosion radius is magnified tenfold...

All straightswords cause bleeding, poison, toxic, and frostbite. Scaling for strength and dexterity both reach S upon upgrading to +1...

User Info: Xethuminra

Xethuminra
3 months ago#6
coolfire1357 posted...
"We fixed some stuff"

User Info: ReignOfDestiny

ReignOfDestiny
3 months ago#7
Brownstone posted...
Washing pole running attack now goes through shields


Attached .50 cal to washing pole
The Official Prosecutor Blackquill of All Boards. All of them.

User Info: Trismag

Trismag
3 months ago#8
"We have hired moderators to police areas during invasions. They will take the form of green phantoms. They will be invincible and kill your character by touching them, and they will intervene and kill the invader or host if either are deemed to act unsportsmanlike. They like fun even less than the moderators of GameFAQs, so be on your best behavior."

User Info: Kompis_Kanin

Kompis_Kanin
3 months ago#9
-"Fixed an issue that caused some weapons to not be adjusted for Quality Builds."

-"Reduced the damage of elemental infusions... Again."

-"Not picking the class "Deprived" now automatically puts three permanent friendly phantoms in your world."

-"Fixed a bug that caused Curse-rotten Greatwood to take damage when breaking its sacks.

-"Yhorm the Giant is now immune to all damage except for the Storm Rulers weapon art. To compensate, we buffed the damage of the Storm Rulers weapon art.

-"Added a Soul Store to PSN. 1.000.000 souls for $19.99."

-"Added a Lvl120 boost to PSN. 59.99$ lets you skip the main story scenarios and start at SL120."

-"Restored the Dark Sword to it's former glory."

-"Added a random name generator to the character screen that picks a name for you. For example "Artorias", "Guts", "Solaire", "Sephiroth" and other fan favourites."

-"To make things easier for newcomers, we've adjusted invasions to prioritize worlds with two or more phantoms"
Oh wait
Deep down inside, we all know that Dark Souls 2 is the best one.

User Info: Jacabben

Jacabben
3 months ago#10
"Due to new player demand, difficulty now reduced. Original difficulty now available for only $19.99."
Xbox one gt: Murmaider358
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