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Ah, listen not to what is said of a man when he is dead and unable to defend himself. Who knows whether she is not hysterical, or misinformed, or a liar? Who knows whether he did what he did with reason or without? Who knows what was in the man's heart save God?
All you can do if you are of the faithful is pray for his soul's repose. Otherwise, there is nothing more to do, and it is no time to listen overmuch to tales told about a dead man.
Indeed the first sign of warning should be this: that anyone who would dare to speak such evils of a man who is dead shows such a lack of scruple or concern for propriety, that whatever is said should be regarded with the utmost suspicion and even despised. To win pity for oneself by decrying a man who has already paid with his life, is shameful, and one ought not be troubled over such shameful words.
If Harriet is lying and just trying to "win pity for herself", then of course that's contemptible, but it makes no sense to despise her merely for accusing Gary, without consideration of whether the accusation is true. If what she says is true, she's right to cast light on a person who was deeply dishonest. He might be dead now, but his deeds echo into the present and the future. Justice demands that the truth be told, even when there's nobody left to be held to account.
Honestly, I don't know what to believe. We can at least say that Gary was a positive influence in our lives and on this board, even if he was more than he seemed, or less than he seemed.
--- Have you ever stopped to think and forgotten to start again?
Looking at the various messages posted on facebook, I don't see her as trying to muddy his name. I see her as having a natural reaction to being in a situation where she recently learned that her husband did some things that are going to have long-reaching negative impacts on her life and on her son's life, while at the same time, the people around her are talking seemingly endlessly about what a great guy he was. That's got to make a situation that's already extremely painful much worse.
Of course, we don't get to hear the other side of the story. It's possible things aren't as they seem, though my gut feeling is that they are. Perhaps I'm being optimistic, but I would like to think that he was going through a rough patch in his life that he regretted, and if given time, would have tried to make right. But we'll never really know.
Not to despise Harriet, but to despise any such words attributed to Harriet. How shall it be useful in any real way, to anyone here, to listen to the faults of our friends being exposed?
There is no wisdom in that. Nor is it right to expose the faults of others when they are alive let alone dead, unless those faults specifically concern others and need to be addressed in order to prevent evil from befalling others. But I do not see any way in which evil shall befall anyone due to his faults, which can be averted by publically displaying them for the world to see.
I do not hold that just because a man did wrong, it needs to be exposed to the world, least of all by the mouths of sinful men who have their own shame they cover up. If it should be argued that exposing his supposed misdeeds can win pity for her and get her money she was deprived of by those same misdeeds, fine and well, if she needs it, but even then she ought to have considered the better path.
Have not checked PMS or Facebook in some time, and was really thrown to read this when checking both today. Can't say I ever knew Gary well, but I have clear memories of him talking about his family. Kids, marriage, and all that. As hard as it was to conceptualize being a husband or father when I would read his posts as a kid, it's harder today to process losing someone from this group.
Not sure what to say, other than that this is deeply saddening. I'll go back to the shadows for a while now.