The Depression Topic 4 - We've got each other

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User Info: Waluigi1

1 month ago#311
Sorry to hear that :/ Mine's been about part for the course, which is meh. I'm pretty unhappy with basically everything right now.
3DS FC: 4983 4925 5121
NNID, PSN, and GT: Waluigi1
(edited 1 month ago)

User Info: NioraptH

1 month ago#312
Fever. Ugh. Asked for a day off.

..... cat heals.
"Got any paper? Then we can draw our swords!" - random Dynasty Warriors 8 Hulao Gate grunt

User Info: GTM

1 month ago#313
I guess this tweet is worth sharing

You are not alone. People can relate to your struggles if you speak up and speak out. You matter. #suicidepreventionday
BK_Sheikah00 beated me in some contest
Boko United - survivor and dillos and nintendo and caelus and wrestling and uca

User Info: v_charon

1 month ago#314
It sort of matters where you speak it though. These are great topics I feel can be helpful, the this board in general could be a pretty toxic place to spend your time. Manage how much and where you spend your time here too.
Truly smilin'

User Info: HainoRocks

1 month ago#315
Dark Young Link posted...
Haino, don't think I've seen you around before. What's up? What's your story?

I'm 32 and still live with family. I don't have a job, I don't drive (though hopefully that will soon change), and I have no real friends. I nearly died after a botched surgery last year and spent 2 month in hospitals and a nursing home. I got a little too close to my married Occupational Therapist, but never expressed my feelings while I was seeing her. (Which is good, don't get me wrong.) I've come close to suicide many times in the months since then. I've tried getting involved in a church, but just can't connect with people. Kind of having a crisis of faith.

Honestly, I just want to find work, save up money, and move some place where I don't know anyone. I know I'll have problems wherever I am, but I'm just sick of this place.

User Info: GTM

1 month ago#316
BK_Sheikah00 beated me in some contest
Boko United - survivor and dillos and nintendo and caelus and wrestling and uca
I legitimately had one of the best days of my life yesterday (saw Lady Gaga live again), and fell into a massive crippling depression the second I got home. I can't even figure out why. There's songs on Joanne I can't listen to because they make me so sad, and I had to listen to a few at the concert. Maybe that did it.
Winner of the Spring 2004 "Best Game Ever" Contest ;

User Info: Zachnorn

1 month ago#318
I can't say I've been that depressed for the past month because I've been too angry to be depressed.

Except for my two trips. That was fun. Aside from that, I'm stressed and pissed off half the time.

Today I started to have chest pain, probably from stress and being pissed off. And I'm starting to stress eat again, despite having prediabetes, so I guess I'm already killing myself, though slowly by means of food and drink.

Oh, here's some depression: I think that, ultimately, I'm still in an easy situation. I don't yet have a mortgage I can't afford, I don't have a wife or kids, I don't even have a girlfriend to worry about. I have a unionized job where I get 3 months off during the year, which actually is good in terms of work/life balance. I live at home and though I contribute to the bills, I can still save money. In other words, I can't seem to handle life while I still have things relatively easy. That's not to say I've had an easy life, because I've had a lot of things happen to me and people I love, which I don't want to get into right now. But I just feel like things are only going to get worse as I get older. And people wonder why I often have so little regard and instinct for self-preservation these days and often tempt fate.

User Info: Zachnorn

1 month ago#319
All that, and I didn't even say why I'm pissed off.

My job isn't working. My life isn't working which also pisses me off, but that's way more complicated than my job. Anyway, I come back after 2 months that I took off because I was burning out and I come back to a new boss and senior tech. I work for a school district and so I have schools to visit - too many of them, about 15 of them. I also have regular visits, special assignments, and tickets with deadlines. I'm being stretched too thin. Almost every day, I'm being reminded that I'm being too slow with responding to certain tickets, my team is slow, my tickets are old, my schools are messed up because of staffing changes and replacements took forever to come in (how the f*** that's my fault, I don't know), on and on. I get pissed off customers, that want to know why it's been more than a day or two yet I haven't dropped what I'm doing to fix their problem. It's at the point now where I'm forced to skip breaks or eat lunch as late as 7 hours into my workday. Though, of course, I only have 30 minutes to do that and I can't bring food to the schools since I'm not stationed at any particular one, so I gotta rush to some fast food place to give myself diabetes and scarf that down in about 5-10 minutes. In neighborhoods that I get so annoyed with in general, too.

All that (and that's not even everything), and to go to this job I'm pissed and stressed out with, I have to go and sit in LA traffic with LA people that also hate the s*** they put up with and take it out on everyone on the road. People drive like crazy, cut people off, slam horns, road rage everywhere, and we all sit around in the same f***ing traffic daily getting more pissed off.

Basically, I dread going to work starting at 6 am when I wake up, get pissed off at 7 as I hit the imfamous LA roads, get stressed out and pissed off when I get to work, get more pissed off at 4:30 when I'm off and by the time it's 5 or 5:30, now it's time for me to try to calm down so I can go to bed and repeat it again the next day. Repeat this 5 days a week for the entire school year but I can't do this being off for 2 months at a time thing forever because I eventually won't be able to afford it, so repeat this for the rest of my entire adulthood.

I remember a time, after a time where anger and depression was severe enough for me to consider taking my own life, that I started to have optimism. Things would get better, I need to work hard in school, look at me I'm doing better than I ever thought I would, etc. I loved that time, it was so nice, I was happy because even though I knew things were f***ed up, I thought they would get better. Well, that optimist was a kid that didn't know anything that grew up to know that the world sucks. I can't get a job I like because it either doesn't exist or the requirements are so ridiculous that I can't meet them. I don't have "the look" for a job that I would like, and I already know that since I'm short and lack certain features of celebrities that I can't get certain jobs. People generally don't seem to like me much, except for a few true friends and a bunch of fake friends that only pretend to like me because they want something.

User Info: Zachnorn

1 month ago#320
My jobs before didn't work out. Now I have to rely on this job, which is now becoming too much for me because they want too much from too many. I'm not the only one pissed off, most of my coworkers are also overstressed and pissed off. For me, I worked so hard in college to get a good job, and this requires no degree at all. I just suck that much that my hard-earned degree and the debt I have doesn't matter. It's not even me that says this. A few years ago, when I used to be proud of my accomplishments, someone told me that none of it really matters in the business world. That person was right, though I was in denial at the time. I used to practically kill myself to get things done. I'm sure I shortened my life trying to avoid being in a job situation like I am now, where I know I can't earn enough money long-term but I am so trapped now. But it doesn't really matter. People are superficial. Good jobs are scarce. Most employers only want to squeeze their workers as much as they can and pay them as little as possible so they're forever in a cycle of being stuck working for them and not being able to afford to go do something else. That's a situation I'm getting closer and closer to.

This realization of how much I hate this situation I'm in and how much life sucks in general is why I'm pissed off all the time.
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